December 13, 2025 • 25 mins
Elizabeth, known as "The Green Reaper," shares her journey as the first woman in Oregon to independently own a funeral home and discusses how she's transforming funeral services with eco-friendly options. She reveals how the pandemic changed death care by empowering families with knowledge about their rights and choices beyond traditional cremation or burial.
Elizabeth Fournier
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-fournier-32211b5/
- Website: http://www.cornerstonefuneral.com/
- Email: elizabeth@cornerstonefuneral.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elizabethgreenreaper/
• Families have more rights in funeral arrangements than most realize, including keeping loved ones at home longer after death
• Consumers can purchase caskets from retailers like Walmart and Costco
• Elizabeth became interested in funeral service after experiencing multiple family deaths as a child
• She conducted neighborhood pet funerals and processed her grief by creating funeral processions with toys
• Being both funeral director and daughter when her father died was especially challenging
• Despite stereotypes, many funeral directors are motivated by a desire to serve rather than profit
• Elizabeth wrote three books, including "All Men Are Cremated Equal: My 77 Blind Dates" and "The Green Burial Guidebook"
• She met her husband (the cremator at her funeral home) after completing her 77 blind dates
• Her guidebook provides practical information on alternative burial options and home funerals
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Voiceover (00:03):
Tales from the wild, stories from the heart.
A journey into the mind andsoul of fired up business
professionals, where they sharetheir vision for the future and
hear from a different non-profitorganisation every month as
they create awareness of theirgoals and their needs.
Dive into a world of untamedpassion.
(00:26):
As we join our host, ShireenBotha, for this month's episode
of Friends from Wild Places.
Tanya Scotece (00:36):
That's amazing.
That's amazing.
And serving your community as afemale-owned funeral home
offering both traditional andnon-traditional options.
How has your journey in funeralservice been?
For example, do you see anytrends?
Do you see any interestingthings that you could share with
our listeners, because most ofour listeners are not in the
(00:56):
funeral profession, so this isnew for many of them.
Elizabeth Fournier (01:00):
Sure, absolutely so.
I think.
When someone dies, peoplepresume the options are well, I
can cremate my person or I canbury my person.
So it's eye opening for peopleto realize there's many other
choices.
When people learn things suchas they can get their casket
from one of our larger boxstores Walmart, costco, things
like that people get reallyexcited about that.
(01:21):
Walmart, costco, things likethat People get really excited
about that.
You can build a casket Mostplaces in the United States.
You can transport your ownperson to the funeral home, to
the cemetery.
You can actually bathe thembefore the funeral home comes.
(01:41):
There's all these options.
So it's interesting how that'sbecoming discovered.
When the pandemic came alongabout five years ago, that was a
really hard and challengingtime in funeral service.
But I found so much beauty inthat because people started
watching YouTube videos andreading and educating themselves
(02:01):
and checking out workshopsonline and all of a sudden they
became armed with all thisknowledge that when you have a
loved one die, that's yourperson, you have rights, the
family has so many more rightsthan they knew Before that
people always felt well, I'vegot to turn the body over to the
funeral home.
But people are so empowered torealize.
(02:22):
No, I can make some choices.
I can tell hospice I'm notquite ready for you to call the
parlor.
I want to have another mealhere.
I want to just keep my dad home, or I want to maybe have a
visitation of the house firstbefore people come, or maybe
I'll have the funeral home come,but then I want to maybe bring
(02:43):
my person back someplace Again.
It's really whatever you'recomfortable with.
And that's lovely, that'sbeautiful, beautiful.
Tanya Scotece (02:50):
Thank you, elizabeth.
Shireen Botha (02:51):
I really appreciate you sharing.
I do have a question next, butI just want to add quickly a
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about helping you succeed.
So, with that said, you know,back to you, el.
Elizabeth, I'd really like toknow.
I'm not sure if you mentionedthis already, but you've become
a business owner, but your lineof work being an undertaker and
running a funeral home, I mean,how did we get there, like, out
(04:43):
of all the different careers onecan choose from?
I mean, tanya can also probablytalk in this as well, because
this is her line of work as well.
It's not an easy career that'sjust going to come across your
path.
There has to be some kind ofexperience of it initially for
you to be made aware of being,you know, being a undertaker, as
(05:08):
you put it.
So, elizabeth, if you couldjust share with us listeners and
that's just how did you get?
Like what?
How did you come to thedecision of running your own
funeral home and being anundertaker running your own?
Elizabeth Fournier (05:24):
funeral home and being an undertaker, my
path is somewhat like a lot ofus in the business, whereas
somebody significant died in ourlife, and I think that happens
where people will have a deathand it changes how they look at
life and then maybe they have agood experience at a funeral
home and they'll say, oh, youknow, I think I want to do this.
It's not so common anymore forpeople to say, well, this is
(05:48):
what mom and dad did, so yeah, Iguess I'll go do it, just
because there was just so manychoices and it's very specific
and it's definitely a veryunique career.
So when I was little, I had avery ill mother.
Even though we moved toPortland, the illness still
continued.
She was very sick.
My father's parents live withus.
They were elderly and her andthem they all passed away within
(06:09):
a very short period of time.
So, being the kid in the housewhere there's a lot of deaths
and I was going to the Catholicschool at that time in the
Catholic church and in a smallercommunity and you know the
priest is always givingblessings at the school for the
family or in the church settingor coming to the house, and
(06:31):
there's always going to be arosary or a vigil or a mass, and
so you know it was.
Just we had a deathly householdthere, a lot of funerals,
burials, all that.
So that changed my path andshaped things, because then kids
would seek me out if maybetheir hamster died or grandma
was sick or maybe they thoughtsomething was happening.
So you kind of become thatgo-to person for death and dying
(06:54):
and grief, because most kidswhen they're 8, 10, 12, don't
really have that, and wecertainly didn't have YouTube or
all these other Instagramplaces you could go.
You just kind of, you know,find the person in the classroom
who you think you can talk to,or on the playground.
So my walk became different.
That way I would be presidingover the cat funerals in the
(07:17):
neighborhood and then to getthrough my own grief, I would do
things.
My brother had a bunch of HotWheels cars and so I found
myself lining them up and makinga funeral procession, or I
would have my Barbies dressed upand they were going to a
funeral and I was definitely ablonde, sparkly, fun girl, so I
never got really dark andmacabre, but I had to work
(07:38):
through and process my own grieftoo.
I also would go visit thecemetery down the street where
all my family members wereburied and I would spend time
and ride my bike and hang outthere and it was very comforting
to me and I would stand andtalk to my mom's headstone and I
did that really for many yearsuntil probably I was about gosh
40.
I would find myself doing thatall the time and going and
(08:00):
having those conversations andthat's just that's how I had a
relationship with a mom.
So it started from there.
I was going to go to mortuarycollege.
My dad said, honey, you knowthis is a phase.
Well, here we are all theseyears later and I worked for
corporate funeral homes and forthe Catholic church and had many
funeral jobs throughout andloved working at different
(08:22):
cemeteries and it was great.
But something was missing for me.
And when I had the blessing andthe opportunity of this little
parlor in the middle of nowherethat needed someone to run it
because it was going to close, Ijust jumped at the opportunity,
and I'm so glad I did, becauseit wasn't one of those ta-da
(08:46):
moments.
It was a barn with a leakingroof that only had one person
die a month.
The person who owned it reallycouldn't pay me.
I mean, it wasn't, I wasn'tstepping into something
glamorous or turn key, as youwould say.
Everyone in my life said you arecrazy, this is not a choice,
(09:09):
what are you doing?
But I thought to myself well, Iam, in my late thirties, a
female.
The chance of owning my ownfuneral home is probably not
going to happen, and so when Itook this funeral home over, I
was the very first woman inOregon who owned a funeral home
(09:30):
on her own without her husband,dad, something like that and we
just kept going and going andgoing.
And now here we are and I'm theGreen Reaper, the undertaker of
Boring Oregon, and it's been ajust, joyous, lovely unfolding.
I've met wonderful people likeDr T, that I can speak to her
class and teach more Troystudents and talk to them and
(09:51):
answer questions and hopefullybe very unassuming and hopefully
be very realistic about itBecause, again, the funeral
world is whatever it is andultimately our goal isn't to be
comfortable.
Our goal is to help people andto be there and be that light.
(10:11):
And you know, silence is golden.
Tanya Scotece (10:16):
Wow, elizabeth, amazing that you I never knew
that about the pets that youwere the pet funeral director
even in as a youngster rightWith the hamsters and the cats
and things.
Do you ever offer pet servicesfor families who want pet
funerals at your funeral home or?
Elizabeth Fournier (10:32):
not so in.
As you know, in the UnitedStates, pet funeral home, people
funeral home two separatethings.
We don't use the same crematorybut I do have a chapel and if
somebody wants to have theirlittle puppy wrapped in a
blanket or a casket or something, sure I can definitely offer to
have people in to do that.
I can't process the animal inthe sense where I don't embalm
(10:56):
it, I don't cremate it.
People are welcome to use thespace.
I also have a lot of smallerurns and people will stop by and
they will want something fortheir cat and people will come
in and buy um little urns forfor what have you?
I've had somebody once whowanted to have little containers
for their goldfish.
I mean, it really just dependson whatever somebody wants to do
(11:17):
, so happy to assist, and thenpeople will call because they'll
have like their horse die.
But you know, we can't reallyrender a horse, we really can't
bury a horse.
Um, you can bury that onprivate property.
I can give you the number ofsomebody who has a backhoe.
But you're right, I'm not stepby step involved in that because
again I've got to keep myburial and my cremation and my
(11:40):
um water cremation and mycomposting, all with humans.
Shireen Botha (11:45):
Wow, that is.
That is so cool.
It's actually very interesting.
I think this whole line of ofwork is quite interesting, and
I'm always so when Tanya talksabout it.
I'm always so glued andlistening in, because I do.
I think it's so interesting.
You know, Elizabeth, on thisjourney that you've been on for
(12:10):
so long, what would you saywould have been one of the
biggest struggles you've facedduring this time, and could you
share what that was and how youwere able to get past it, and
also a lesson that you'vepossibly learned from it?
Elizabeth Fournier (12:28):
interesting.
Okay, I can give that to youtwo ways.
One is um with families.
I think the hardest part andthe struggle is of the
preconceived expectations A lotof families feel.
If mom dies, then you're coming, you're cremating them, they
(12:52):
can pop into the funeral home inthree hours and they're ready
to pick up mom.
And then you have to say, ohgosh, I'm sorry, we still need
to type a death certificate.
There's a cremationauthorization to sign and
there's some steps that go intothis and where that can register
for a family.
Oh, okay, I guess, yeah, youhave to do a couple of things.
They're also authorization tosign and there's some steps that
go into this and where that canregister for a family.
Oh, okay, I guess, yeah, youhave to do a couple of things.
They're also very heartbrokenbecause they thought, well, wait
a second.
(13:12):
I thought that I called thefuneral home and that was it.
Everything was taken care ofand then mom's ready.
So things like that thathappened, that, I think, are
just.
It's a hardship for families andhad to have to kind of undo
what they were telling everybodywas going to happen for
themselves.
That's a tricky one For mepersonally.
One hard piece I had was whenmy father died.
(13:36):
We were very, very close and Iwas his funeral director.
You know, sitting and typinghis death certificate was just a
really painful thing andfinding you know, I really
couldn't take bereavement leaveand a few people had called
during his funeral and I hadanswered the phone and they
(13:58):
wanted to come in and justletting them know I'm actually
at my father's funeral today andI won't be able to serve you
till tomorrow and those familiesnot having any compassion or
understanding for the fact thatthis is actually my time to
grieve.
And that was hard because I feellike I give my life to this job
(14:19):
and I give 110%.
So, personally, those were somehard times where I wasn't given
the grace just to say, hey, thisgirl's daddy died, let's just
give her a moment here, she'sstill answering the phone, she's
still doing the work, she'sstill making appointments, but
let's just give her some grace.
So that was, I think,personally, probably the hardest
(14:40):
time for me in this job.
But funeral industry isinteresting.
I think a lot of funeraldirectors get a bad rap.
I think the funeral directorsare sometimes seen as people who
are just here to capitalize onyour grief and your loss and
sell you expensive things, andI've met a lot of really fine,
wonderful humans in funeralservice who have had a loss, or
(15:04):
they are doing this job becausethey want to have a ministry or
they feel that they want to give, they want to be a servant,
they have a servant's heart andthey want to be able to help,
but it makes them feel good.
So it's a very, veryinteresting profession you can
say that again.
Shireen Botha (15:22):
Wow, elizabeth, you've written a book.
Would you like to share withthe listeners a little bit more
about your book and how itimpacted your life and those
around you?
Elizabeth Fournier (15:35):
Yeah, absolutely.
So I have written three.
There's two that I don't talkas much about.
They're memoirs.
When I was 35, I had anengagement and it broke off and
I was then 36 and thought well,I'm marriage minded, I want to
have a child Chop chop, betterget going here.
(15:57):
Child chop, chop, better getgoing here.
So I put together a list ofwhat I wanted and I gave it to
friends and said I would loveblind dates.
I would love them to fit intothis.
I don't want just another date,I just don't want another
boyfriend.
I've got to find the one.
So I would tell my father aboutevery first date and talk about
you know the book the guy wasreading you know whatever I do.
(16:18):
And after 10, 10 dates, myhoney, you should write this
down.
This is pretty fascinating.
And then, as time went on, hesaid honey, you should really
write a book.
This is great.
So my first memoir is calledall men are cremated equal my 77
blind dates.
I did in fact have 77 blinddates in one year and I actually
did get married and I'm stillmarried.
(16:39):
So I'm glad that worked out,glad that worked.
Tanya Scotece (16:47):
Then I wrote hold on hold, on hold on.
We got a question, we got aquestion.
77 blind days.
I'm caught 77.
Elizabeth Fournier (16:56):
I have a list of 10 points of criteria.
Tanya Scotece (16:59):
Yeah, so can you just summarize for all the
single folks out there listening, like what was your experience
with 77 blind dates?
I mean, was it good, was itnegative, was what's?
Can you summarize that for us?
Elizabeth Fournier (17:14):
Yeah, yeah, thanks for asking.
I'm going to say people arefascinating.
I met nice people.
They weren't for me but theywere fine.
You know, in the beginning itwas really exciting.
I would get excited, I would,you know, spend time on the hair
.
I'd be really into it.
I'd share with friends andprobably about blind date 15, I
started wearing the same outfit.
(17:34):
I started meeting peopledirectly after work.
A lot of guys I have found werenot very creative.
Starbucks seemed like a goodplace.
That's a you know kind of acoffee thing we go to in America
and I really had a hard timemeeting somebody at a Starbucks
because I'm a romantic and Ithought what if it worked out?
But I'm always going to have tosay our first date was at a
(17:55):
Starbucks and something aboutthat just didn't feel good to me
.
I wanted something a little bitmore like we met at the pyramid
, at the Egyptian museum, and wewere, you know, talking about
the Pleiades, but something likethat would be a little more
fascinating.
A lot of these people I passedon to other friends.
I would just think this guyisn't for me.
(18:16):
What I liked about having a listof criteria is we had the
ethics, the morals, the values.
A lot of that was hammered outbecause I didn't want to go
through the whole getting toknow you and then take several
dates.
I really didn't have time.
It was chop chop.
I really wanted to not go outwith everybody's uncle, cousin,
plumber, neighbor.
I want to really have them andpeople did a really lovely job
(18:38):
finding people.
But you also have to havechemistry, you also have to have
interest.
There's got to be a spark.
So I'm going to say it waspositive.
I would not go through thatslog again If I was a single
person.
I don't even know if I woulddate again and nothing against
those 77 people.
Glad I did it.
But I also was 36 years old andhad a lot more energy and
(19:01):
gumption and it just soundsexhausting thinking about it now
.
Tanya Scotece (19:05):
Wow, all right so .
So let me ask you two questionson that.
A, what number was your husband?
Was he?
Was he 77 or was he?
Was he higher up on the ladder?
Where was he in the in the mix?
Elizabeth Fournier (19:19):
So that's a great question.
He was actually the cremator inthe funeral home where I worked
.
I referred to him as CreepyMcCreeperson.
I didn't like him.
He was from New Jersey, he worea leather jacket, he chewed
tobacco, he was younger than meand he'd always kind of skulk
around and ask about my blinddates and I thought, kid, you
know, you're annoying, get outof here.
Well, little did I know.
(19:41):
After my 77th blind date I wentto go celebrate with a beer and
a taco and as I was walking outof this wonderful place on a
Friday night in Portland it wascalled the Hungry Skeleton, by
the way, l a like a comalina.
As I was walking out of there,a little female voice in my head
(20:02):
said call Michael Potts.
And I looked around because Ifigured it was somebody I worked
with, somebody was messing withme.
It was my mother's voice sayingcall this guy.
I called him on the phone andhe said I can't believe you're
calling me.
And I said, yeah, me either.
(20:24):
And we ended up meeting down thestreet and when I saw him I
thought, wow, you're taller andcuter than I remember.
And we ended up talking eighthours that night and then we had
a date the next night and thenabout, I don't know.
A year later we got engaged andthere you go.
So you know, life is funny likethat, isn't it?
This guy who I saw as this justnuisance?
(20:44):
I just realized he had all thepoints on the criteria list
except the age.
He didn't meet the age Ithought, eh, nine out of 10, not
too shabby.
And yeah, 19 years later, allgood.
So so he was, I guess, I don'tknow 77 plus maybe it was 78.
I don't know.
Tanya Scotece (21:04):
So so the actual official date was do you
consider it that a hungryskeleton?
Or that was when you heard thevoice from your mom that you
called him.
So where do you consider yourfirst date with your husband,
even though you knew him manyyears prior?
Elizabeth Fournier (21:17):
I'm going to say that night, cause I drove
over and met him at a bar, whichis, you know, not necessarily
what I would randomly do if someguy says hey, I'm down the
street, come meet me.
You know, I'm not, that's notquite my style, but at that
point I was already out.
I got this, my mom's talking tome.
I'm like I got to go check thisout, and so there you go, wow,
wow.
Tanya Scotece (21:38):
All right and share with us about your other
books.
That was one.
Elizabeth Fournier (21:47):
That's the one.
So a little while later I wrotethe Green Reaper and it's
basically my life of being aneco mortician in Borough of
Oregon and it talks about whatit's like helping families in a
green way and how I came to be apart of the community here and
be a part of the funeral homeand the struggles with you know
when you have a funeral and youhave garbage cans in the aisles
(22:08):
because the roof is leaking.
That's embarrassing.
Also, got married, had a babyand then I brought the baby to
work with me for the first twoyears.
So I'm having the breastfeedwhile I'm answering the phone
and we don't have family aroundhere.
It was a lot of trying tofigure it out and then every
time we went to the medicalexaminer, you know princess and
(22:28):
go, you know dance around andjust like all how life looks
when you are a mom and poptrying to run this small
business and make it happen.
And then you know there's achild in the mix.
And then you know all thethings and it was interesting at
that point too, because that'swhen people were needing a lot
of burials in their yards.
And what does it look like whenyou're holding a workshop where
(22:49):
somebody is building a casketor having bereavement yoga in
your chapel.
So I thought, wow, this is some.
Again, my father said so, thisis some good stuff.
You got to get it out there.
So because of him, I wroteanother book about my life.
I thought at one point okay,this is really ostentatious.
I have two memoirs and I'm inmy early 40s.
This is ridiculous, so anyway.
(23:10):
So the Green Burial Guidebookis the one that probably I'm
most known for, and that is aguidebook where it says this is
how you dig a grave, this is howyou have a green burial, this
is the anthropology of it, thehistory, the culture.
This is how you do it, this iswhere things are going, this is
(23:31):
where you can do it, this is whypeople do it, this is what it
feels like, this is what itlooks like and it's a guidebook
in many libraries and all overthe place.
And this it's a good.
Checklists are in there and itreally teaches people.
If you want to have a homefuneral, how do you do it?
If you want to find cemeteriesin your area, where do you look?
(23:51):
And it's all there.
Tanya Scotece (23:53):
Well, are your books on Amazon?
Can they get them on Amazon?
Elizabeth Fournier (24:02):
Yeah, lovely .
Oh, you heard.
I suggest suggest to people getit from your local library or
get it used.
You don't have to cut down atree to read the material oh
well, oh there, you have it.
Shireen Botha (24:08):
Okay, listeners, you heard it.
Uh, let me just say go out, getit, do it and read it.
Uh, the green burial guidebook.
I think it's quite aninteresting book, I mean, even
if you you know nothing aboutthe line of work, I think it'll
just be interesting read anyway.
Um, those are the kind of realthings that we don't deal with
(24:31):
every day, but we we actuallydeal with it when family members
pass away and, um, if you'veexperienced that, you understand
all the pressure and the stressthat goes in it, especially if
it's a parent and there's othersiblings involved, if there's a
(24:52):
will left behind.
If there's no will left behind,what goes into preparing who
does what?
Where does you know?
Where?
The whole thing.
I think it'd be quiteinteresting to read Elizabeth's
book, the Green Burial Guidebook.
Go Get it Now.
Thank you, elizabeth, I thinkthat's really interesting.
(25:16):
Tune in next week for partthree of Friends from Wild
Places.
Voiceover (25:22):
You've been listening to Friends from Wild Places
with Shireen Botha.
Be sure to subscribe to thepodcast from the links to catch
every episode and unleash yourpassion.
Tales from the wild, stories from the heart.
A journey into the mind andsoul of fired up business
professionals, where they sharetheir vision for the future and
hear from a different non-profitorganisation every month as
they create awareness of theirgoals and their needs.
Dive into a world of untamedpassion.
(00:26):
As we join our host, ShireenBotha, for this month's episode
of Friends from Wild Places.
Tanya Scotece (00:36):
That's amazing.
That's amazing.
And serving your community as afemale-owned funeral home
offering both traditional andnon-traditional options.
How has your journey in funeralservice been?
For example, do you see anytrends?
Do you see any interestingthings that you could share with
our listeners, because most ofour listeners are not in the
(00:56):
funeral profession, so this isnew for many of them.
Elizabeth Fournier (01:00):
Sure, absolutely so.
I think.
When someone dies, peoplepresume the options are well, I
can cremate my person or I canbury my person.
So it's eye opening for peopleto realize there's many other
choices.
When people learn things suchas they can get their casket
from one of our larger boxstores Walmart, costco, things
like that people get reallyexcited about that.
(01:21):
Walmart, costco, things likethat People get really excited
about that.
You can build a casket Mostplaces in the United States.
You can transport your ownperson to the funeral home, to
the cemetery.
You can actually bathe thembefore the funeral home comes.
(01:41):
There's all these options.
So it's interesting how that'sbecoming discovered.
When the pandemic came alongabout five years ago, that was a
really hard and challengingtime in funeral service.
But I found so much beauty inthat because people started
watching YouTube videos andreading and educating themselves
(02:01):
and checking out workshopsonline and all of a sudden they
became armed with all thisknowledge that when you have a
loved one die, that's yourperson, you have rights, the
family has so many more rightsthan they knew Before that
people always felt well, I'vegot to turn the body over to the
funeral home.
But people are so empowered torealize.
(02:22):
No, I can make some choices.
I can tell hospice I'm notquite ready for you to call the
parlor.
I want to have another mealhere.
I want to just keep my dad home, or I want to maybe have a
visitation of the house firstbefore people come, or maybe
I'll have the funeral home come,but then I want to maybe bring
(02:43):
my person back someplace Again.
It's really whatever you'recomfortable with.
And that's lovely, that'sbeautiful, beautiful.
Tanya Scotece (02:50):
Thank you, elizabeth.
Shireen Botha (02:51):
I really appreciate you sharing.
I do have a question next, butI just want to add quickly a
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about helping you succeed.
So, with that said, you know,back to you, el.
Elizabeth, I'd really like toknow.
I'm not sure if you mentionedthis already, but you've become
a business owner, but your lineof work being an undertaker and
running a funeral home, I mean,how did we get there, like, out
(04:43):
of all the different careers onecan choose from?
I mean, tanya can also probablytalk in this as well, because
this is her line of work as well.
It's not an easy career that'sjust going to come across your
path.
There has to be some kind ofexperience of it initially for
you to be made aware of being,you know, being a undertaker, as
(05:08):
you put it.
So, elizabeth, if you couldjust share with us listeners and
that's just how did you get?
Like what?
How did you come to thedecision of running your own
funeral home and being anundertaker running your own?
Elizabeth Fournier (05:24):
funeral home and being an undertaker, my
path is somewhat like a lot ofus in the business, whereas
somebody significant died in ourlife, and I think that happens
where people will have a deathand it changes how they look at
life and then maybe they have agood experience at a funeral
home and they'll say, oh, youknow, I think I want to do this.
It's not so common anymore forpeople to say, well, this is
(05:48):
what mom and dad did, so yeah, Iguess I'll go do it, just
because there was just so manychoices and it's very specific
and it's definitely a veryunique career.
So when I was little, I had avery ill mother.
Even though we moved toPortland, the illness still
continued.
She was very sick.
My father's parents live withus.
They were elderly and her andthem they all passed away within
(06:09):
a very short period of time.
So, being the kid in the housewhere there's a lot of deaths
and I was going to the Catholicschool at that time in the
Catholic church and in a smallercommunity and you know the
priest is always givingblessings at the school for the
family or in the church settingor coming to the house, and
(06:31):
there's always going to be arosary or a vigil or a mass, and
so you know it was.
Just we had a deathly householdthere, a lot of funerals,
burials, all that.
So that changed my path andshaped things, because then kids
would seek me out if maybetheir hamster died or grandma
was sick or maybe they thoughtsomething was happening.
So you kind of become thatgo-to person for death and dying
(06:54):
and grief, because most kidswhen they're 8, 10, 12, don't
really have that, and wecertainly didn't have YouTube or
all these other Instagramplaces you could go.
You just kind of, you know,find the person in the classroom
who you think you can talk to,or on the playground.
So my walk became different.
That way I would be presidingover the cat funerals in the
(07:17):
neighborhood and then to getthrough my own grief, I would do
things.
My brother had a bunch of HotWheels cars and so I found
myself lining them up and makinga funeral procession, or I
would have my Barbies dressed upand they were going to a
funeral and I was definitely ablonde, sparkly, fun girl, so I
never got really dark andmacabre, but I had to work
(07:38):
through and process my own grieftoo.
I also would go visit thecemetery down the street where
all my family members wereburied and I would spend time
and ride my bike and hang outthere and it was very comforting
to me and I would stand andtalk to my mom's headstone and I
did that really for many yearsuntil probably I was about gosh
40.
I would find myself doing thatall the time and going and
(08:00):
having those conversations andthat's just that's how I had a
relationship with a mom.
So it started from there.
I was going to go to mortuarycollege.
My dad said, honey, you knowthis is a phase.
Well, here we are all theseyears later and I worked for
corporate funeral homes and forthe Catholic church and had many
funeral jobs throughout andloved working at different
(08:22):
cemeteries and it was great.
But something was missing for me.
And when I had the blessing andthe opportunity of this little
parlor in the middle of nowherethat needed someone to run it
because it was going to close, Ijust jumped at the opportunity,
and I'm so glad I did, becauseit wasn't one of those ta-da
(08:46):
moments.
It was a barn with a leakingroof that only had one person
die a month.
The person who owned it reallycouldn't pay me.
I mean, it wasn't, I wasn'tstepping into something
glamorous or turn key, as youwould say.
Everyone in my life said you arecrazy, this is not a choice,
(09:09):
what are you doing?
But I thought to myself well, Iam, in my late thirties, a
female.
The chance of owning my ownfuneral home is probably not
going to happen, and so when Itook this funeral home over, I
was the very first woman inOregon who owned a funeral home
(09:30):
on her own without her husband,dad, something like that and we
just kept going and going andgoing.
And now here we are and I'm theGreen Reaper, the undertaker of
Boring Oregon, and it's been ajust, joyous, lovely unfolding.
I've met wonderful people likeDr T, that I can speak to her
class and teach more Troystudents and talk to them and
(09:51):
answer questions and hopefullybe very unassuming and hopefully
be very realistic about itBecause, again, the funeral
world is whatever it is andultimately our goal isn't to be
comfortable.
Our goal is to help people andto be there and be that light.
(10:11):
And you know, silence is golden.
Tanya Scotece (10:16):
Wow, elizabeth, amazing that you I never knew
that about the pets that youwere the pet funeral director
even in as a youngster rightWith the hamsters and the cats
and things.
Do you ever offer pet servicesfor families who want pet
funerals at your funeral home or?
Elizabeth Fournier (10:32):
not so in.
As you know, in the UnitedStates, pet funeral home, people
funeral home two separatethings.
We don't use the same crematorybut I do have a chapel and if
somebody wants to have theirlittle puppy wrapped in a
blanket or a casket or something, sure I can definitely offer to
have people in to do that.
I can't process the animal inthe sense where I don't embalm
(10:56):
it, I don't cremate it.
People are welcome to use thespace.
I also have a lot of smallerurns and people will stop by and
they will want something fortheir cat and people will come
in and buy um little urns forfor what have you?
I've had somebody once whowanted to have little containers
for their goldfish.
I mean, it really just dependson whatever somebody wants to do
(11:17):
, so happy to assist, and thenpeople will call because they'll
have like their horse die.
But you know, we can't reallyrender a horse, we really can't
bury a horse.
Um, you can bury that onprivate property.
I can give you the number ofsomebody who has a backhoe.
But you're right, I'm not stepby step involved in that because
again I've got to keep myburial and my cremation and my
(11:40):
um water cremation and mycomposting, all with humans.
Shireen Botha (11:45):
Wow, that is.
That is so cool.
It's actually very interesting.
I think this whole line of ofwork is quite interesting, and
I'm always so when Tanya talksabout it.
I'm always so glued andlistening in, because I do.
I think it's so interesting.
You know, Elizabeth, on thisjourney that you've been on for
(12:10):
so long, what would you saywould have been one of the
biggest struggles you've facedduring this time, and could you
share what that was and how youwere able to get past it, and
also a lesson that you'vepossibly learned from it?
Elizabeth Fournier (12:28):
interesting.
Okay, I can give that to youtwo ways.
One is um with families.
I think the hardest part andthe struggle is of the
preconceived expectations A lotof families feel.
If mom dies, then you're coming, you're cremating them, they
(12:52):
can pop into the funeral home inthree hours and they're ready
to pick up mom.
And then you have to say, ohgosh, I'm sorry, we still need
to type a death certificate.
There's a cremationauthorization to sign and
there's some steps that go intothis and where that can register
for a family.
Oh, okay, I guess, yeah, youhave to do a couple of things.
They're also authorization tosign and there's some steps that
go into this and where that canregister for a family.
Oh, okay, I guess, yeah, youhave to do a couple of things.
They're also very heartbrokenbecause they thought, well, wait
a second.
(13:12):
I thought that I called thefuneral home and that was it.
Everything was taken care ofand then mom's ready.
So things like that thathappened, that, I think, are
just.
It's a hardship for families andhad to have to kind of undo
what they were telling everybodywas going to happen for
themselves.
That's a tricky one For mepersonally.
One hard piece I had was whenmy father died.
(13:36):
We were very, very close and Iwas his funeral director.
You know, sitting and typinghis death certificate was just a
really painful thing andfinding you know, I really
couldn't take bereavement leaveand a few people had called
during his funeral and I hadanswered the phone and they
(13:58):
wanted to come in and justletting them know I'm actually
at my father's funeral today andI won't be able to serve you
till tomorrow and those familiesnot having any compassion or
understanding for the fact thatthis is actually my time to
grieve.
And that was hard because I feellike I give my life to this job
(14:19):
and I give 110%.
So, personally, those were somehard times where I wasn't given
the grace just to say, hey, thisgirl's daddy died, let's just
give her a moment here, she'sstill answering the phone, she's
still doing the work, she'sstill making appointments, but
let's just give her some grace.
So that was, I think,personally, probably the hardest
(14:40):
time for me in this job.
But funeral industry isinteresting.
I think a lot of funeraldirectors get a bad rap.
I think the funeral directorsare sometimes seen as people who
are just here to capitalize onyour grief and your loss and
sell you expensive things, andI've met a lot of really fine,
wonderful humans in funeralservice who have had a loss, or
(15:04):
they are doing this job becausethey want to have a ministry or
they feel that they want to give, they want to be a servant,
they have a servant's heart andthey want to be able to help,
but it makes them feel good.
So it's a very, veryinteresting profession you can
say that again.
Shireen Botha (15:22):
Wow, elizabeth, you've written a book.
Would you like to share withthe listeners a little bit more
about your book and how itimpacted your life and those
around you?
Elizabeth Fournier (15:35):
Yeah, absolutely.
So I have written three.
There's two that I don't talkas much about.
They're memoirs.
When I was 35, I had anengagement and it broke off and
I was then 36 and thought well,I'm marriage minded, I want to
have a child Chop chop, betterget going here.
(15:57):
Child chop, chop, better getgoing here.
So I put together a list ofwhat I wanted and I gave it to
friends and said I would loveblind dates.
I would love them to fit intothis.
I don't want just another date,I just don't want another
boyfriend.
I've got to find the one.
So I would tell my father aboutevery first date and talk about
you know the book the guy wasreading you know whatever I do.
(16:18):
And after 10, 10 dates, myhoney, you should write this
down.
This is pretty fascinating.
And then, as time went on, hesaid honey, you should really
write a book.
This is great.
So my first memoir is calledall men are cremated equal my 77
blind dates.
I did in fact have 77 blinddates in one year and I actually
did get married and I'm stillmarried.
(16:39):
So I'm glad that worked out,glad that worked.
Tanya Scotece (16:47):
Then I wrote hold on hold, on hold on.
We got a question, we got aquestion.
77 blind days.
I'm caught 77.
Elizabeth Fournier (16:56):
I have a list of 10 points of criteria.
Tanya Scotece (16:59):
Yeah, so can you just summarize for all the
single folks out there listening, like what was your experience
with 77 blind dates?
I mean, was it good, was itnegative, was what's?
Can you summarize that for us?
Elizabeth Fournier (17:14):
Yeah, yeah, thanks for asking.
I'm going to say people arefascinating.
I met nice people.
They weren't for me but theywere fine.
You know, in the beginning itwas really exciting.
I would get excited, I would,you know, spend time on the hair
.
I'd be really into it.
I'd share with friends andprobably about blind date 15, I
started wearing the same outfit.
(17:34):
I started meeting peopledirectly after work.
A lot of guys I have found werenot very creative.
Starbucks seemed like a goodplace.
That's a you know kind of acoffee thing we go to in America
and I really had a hard timemeeting somebody at a Starbucks
because I'm a romantic and Ithought what if it worked out?
But I'm always going to have tosay our first date was at a
(17:55):
Starbucks and something aboutthat just didn't feel good to me
.
I wanted something a little bitmore like we met at the pyramid
, at the Egyptian museum, and wewere, you know, talking about
the Pleiades, but something likethat would be a little more
fascinating.
A lot of these people I passedon to other friends.
I would just think this guyisn't for me.
(18:16):
What I liked about having a listof criteria is we had the
ethics, the morals, the values.
A lot of that was hammered outbecause I didn't want to go
through the whole getting toknow you and then take several
dates.
I really didn't have time.
It was chop chop.
I really wanted to not go outwith everybody's uncle, cousin,
plumber, neighbor.
I want to really have them andpeople did a really lovely job
(18:38):
finding people.
But you also have to havechemistry, you also have to have
interest.
There's got to be a spark.
So I'm going to say it waspositive.
I would not go through thatslog again If I was a single
person.
I don't even know if I woulddate again and nothing against
those 77 people.
Glad I did it.
But I also was 36 years old andhad a lot more energy and
(19:01):
gumption and it just soundsexhausting thinking about it now
.
Tanya Scotece (19:05):
Wow, all right so .
So let me ask you two questionson that.
A, what number was your husband?
Was he?
Was he 77 or was he?
Was he higher up on the ladder?
Where was he in the in the mix?
Elizabeth Fournier (19:19):
So that's a great question.
He was actually the cremator inthe funeral home where I worked
.
I referred to him as CreepyMcCreeperson.
I didn't like him.
He was from New Jersey, he worea leather jacket, he chewed
tobacco, he was younger than meand he'd always kind of skulk
around and ask about my blinddates and I thought, kid, you
know, you're annoying, get outof here.
Well, little did I know.
(19:41):
After my 77th blind date I wentto go celebrate with a beer and
a taco and as I was walking outof this wonderful place on a
Friday night in Portland it wascalled the Hungry Skeleton, by
the way, l a like a comalina.
As I was walking out of there,a little female voice in my head
(20:02):
said call Michael Potts.
And I looked around because Ifigured it was somebody I worked
with, somebody was messing withme.
It was my mother's voice sayingcall this guy.
I called him on the phone andhe said I can't believe you're
calling me.
And I said, yeah, me either.
(20:24):
And we ended up meeting down thestreet and when I saw him I
thought, wow, you're taller andcuter than I remember.
And we ended up talking eighthours that night and then we had
a date the next night and thenabout, I don't know.
A year later we got engaged andthere you go.
So you know, life is funny likethat, isn't it?
This guy who I saw as this justnuisance?
(20:44):
I just realized he had all thepoints on the criteria list
except the age.
He didn't meet the age Ithought, eh, nine out of 10, not
too shabby.
And yeah, 19 years later, allgood.
So so he was, I guess, I don'tknow 77 plus maybe it was 78.
I don't know.
Tanya Scotece (21:04):
So so the actual official date was do you
consider it that a hungryskeleton?
Or that was when you heard thevoice from your mom that you
called him.
So where do you consider yourfirst date with your husband,
even though you knew him manyyears prior?
Elizabeth Fournier (21:17):
I'm going to say that night, cause I drove
over and met him at a bar, whichis, you know, not necessarily
what I would randomly do if someguy says hey, I'm down the
street, come meet me.
You know, I'm not, that's notquite my style, but at that
point I was already out.
I got this, my mom's talking tome.
I'm like I got to go check thisout, and so there you go, wow,
wow.
Tanya Scotece (21:38):
All right and share with us about your other
books.
That was one.
Elizabeth Fournier (21:47):
That's the one.
So a little while later I wrotethe Green Reaper and it's
basically my life of being aneco mortician in Borough of
Oregon and it talks about whatit's like helping families in a
green way and how I came to be apart of the community here and
be a part of the funeral homeand the struggles with you know
when you have a funeral and youhave garbage cans in the aisles
(22:08):
because the roof is leaking.
That's embarrassing.
Also, got married, had a babyand then I brought the baby to
work with me for the first twoyears.
So I'm having the breastfeedwhile I'm answering the phone
and we don't have family aroundhere.
It was a lot of trying tofigure it out and then every
time we went to the medicalexaminer, you know princess and
(22:28):
go, you know dance around andjust like all how life looks
when you are a mom and poptrying to run this small
business and make it happen.
And then you know there's achild in the mix.
And then you know all thethings and it was interesting at
that point too, because that'swhen people were needing a lot
of burials in their yards.
And what does it look like whenyou're holding a workshop where
(22:49):
somebody is building a casketor having bereavement yoga in
your chapel.
So I thought, wow, this is some.
Again, my father said so, thisis some good stuff.
You got to get it out there.
So because of him, I wroteanother book about my life.
I thought at one point okay,this is really ostentatious.
I have two memoirs and I'm inmy early 40s.
This is ridiculous, so anyway.
(23:10):
So the Green Burial Guidebookis the one that probably I'm
most known for, and that is aguidebook where it says this is
how you dig a grave, this is howyou have a green burial, this
is the anthropology of it, thehistory, the culture.
This is how you do it, this iswhere things are going, this is
(23:31):
where you can do it, this is whypeople do it, this is what it
feels like, this is what itlooks like and it's a guidebook
in many libraries and all overthe place.
And this it's a good.
Checklists are in there and itreally teaches people.
If you want to have a homefuneral, how do you do it?
If you want to find cemeteriesin your area, where do you look?
(23:51):
And it's all there.
Tanya Scotece (23:53):
Well, are your books on Amazon?
Can they get them on Amazon?
Elizabeth Fournier (24:02):
Yeah, lovely .
Oh, you heard.
I suggest suggest to people getit from your local library or
get it used.
You don't have to cut down atree to read the material oh
well, oh there, you have it.
Shireen Botha (24:08):
Okay, listeners, you heard it.
Uh, let me just say go out, getit, do it and read it.
Uh, the green burial guidebook.
I think it's quite aninteresting book, I mean, even
if you you know nothing aboutthe line of work, I think it'll
just be interesting read anyway.
Um, those are the kind of realthings that we don't deal with
(24:31):
every day, but we we actuallydeal with it when family members
pass away and, um, if you'veexperienced that, you understand
all the pressure and the stressthat goes in it, especially if
it's a parent and there's othersiblings involved, if there's a
(24:52):
will left behind.
If there's no will left behind,what goes into preparing who
does what?
Where does you know?
Where?
The whole thing.
I think it'd be quiteinteresting to read Elizabeth's
book, the Green Burial Guidebook.
Go Get it Now.
Thank you, elizabeth, I thinkthat's really interesting.
(25:16):
Tune in next week for partthree of Friends from Wild
Places.
Voiceover (25:22):
You've been listening to Friends from Wild Places
with Shireen Botha.
Be sure to subscribe to thepodcast from the links to catch
every episode and unleash yourpassion.
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