April 12, 2025 • 25 mins
Lisa bravely shares her intimate story about trauma, healing, and the power of vulnerability. Her journey emphasizes the importance of breaking silence and confronting painful memories.
• Exploring Lisa's childhood experience and its lasting impacts
• The role of therapy in her healing journey
• Discussing the struggles with family after sharing her truth
• Understanding the nuances of forgiveness and empathy
• Insights into generational trauma and mental health
• Inspiration to listeners for sharing their own stories
Don’t forget to visit Lisa's website for more information and resources!
Lisa Zarcone
- Instagram: lisaunspokentruth
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-zarcone-0ba19135/
- Website: http://www.lisazarcone.net/
- Email: lzarcone@comcast.net
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Voiceover (00:03):
Tales from the wild, stories from the heart.
A journey into the mind andsoul of fired up business
professionals, where they sharetheir vision for the future and
hear from a different non-profitorganization every month as
they create awareness of theirgoals and their needs.
Dive into a world of untamedpassion as we join our host,
(00:27):
Shireen Botha, for this month'sepisode of Friends from Wild
Places.
Shireen Botha (00:37):
You know, Lisa, it's so amazing because a lot of
people that have been sexuallyabused grow up into their adult
and literally die with thosesecrets and live life throughout
, you know, do whatever theyneed to, um, and just never
(01:01):
speak a word of it to anyone.
And so I guess what my questionand I'm trying to get at is at
what point did you decide tomake the decision to write a
book about it?
Because, I mean, that's, that'sreally going and putting it out
(01:22):
to the world, you know it is,and it was very hard to do so.
Lisa Zarcone (01:26):
But my, my defining moment was I married.
I have three young children.
I found out that I becamepregnant with a fourth.
That was not a plannedpregnancy.
It was a big surprise andunfortunately I lost that child.
That was probably about 14 weekspregnant and the heartbeat
stopped and I had to go in for aprocedure to have this baby
(01:50):
removed, because I did becomepregnant at the age of 14 by my
sexual abuser, and my sexualabuser was pretty torturistic
and sadistic in the abuse thathe bestowed upon me and that
(02:13):
damage was so intensely deepthat it did put me into such
silence.
But this moment of having to gothrough this procedure and this
part of my life brought meright back to the exact moment
when I did go and have anabortion, because there was no
way I can have a child afterbeing through the abuse that I
had gone through.
(02:33):
I was too young, I was toodamaged, there was no way that I
can care for a child, and I was.
I was smart enough and wiseenough to know that and we did
make that decision.
But in that moment I did youknow, it all came back to me and
after that procedure, I washaving horrendous flashbacks and
nightmares of you know, all thethings that I had been through.
(02:54):
And I had to make that choice,to face it once and for all.
And I decided, okay, now it'stime to go to therapy.
Now it's time to break thatsilence.
And I have to tell you it was sodifficult for me to say those
words out loud.
I didn't want to hear it.
I didn't want to hear my ownvoice say what happened to me.
(03:16):
But once I did, the floodgateswere open.
It was all on the table andbefore you knew it, I was
sharing it all and it waspowerful.
It was obviously on the tableand before you knew it, I was
sharing it all and it waspowerful.
It was obviously emotional andall of these things.
But that's when I realized that,taking what happened to me,
that I needed to put it outthere, not just for my therapist
(03:39):
and myself.
I had to share these thingswith my husband, who didn't know
all these things which blew himaway.
(04:00):
But I realized that I needed toshare this with the pain that
I've been through and make itinto something purposeful, make
it into a positive, because bybreaking my silence and sharing
my story.
I'm always hoping that that'sgoing to give someone else the
courage to share their story,and I have to tell you many
people have told me afterhearing me speak or reading my
(04:21):
book and following me online andsocial media media, that they
have come to a point in theirlife where they've decided that
it's time for them to do thesame and they're on their
healing journeys, and that, tome, is such a beautiful gift to
give to other people and it justvalidates everything that I'm
doing is is what I'm supposed tobe doing.
Tanya Scotece (04:52):
And when it, when you first came public with your
book which, again, I have readquite a few years ago, how did
you I'm going to say like managethe?
You know?
I'm sure there's people likethat you know are supporting of
you, like family and friends,and then I'm sure that there's
people that you probably nevereven heard of or don't even know
, that are like the haters outthere, right, I mean, I can't
imagine that you've gone throughthis journey without
experiencing that.
So can you shed some light asfar as when you went public,
(05:14):
what was actually the like?
You know, what was the realityat that time, you know, with
family, friends and people thatyou didn't even know?
Lisa Zarcone (05:25):
Yes, so much happened when my story came out
because, first of all, I wrotemy story very differently.
I wrote my story through theeyes of a child, sharing the
child's perspective of abuse.
So my story is not an adultreflecting.
Looking back on what happened.
Mine is like bamming in yourface right in the moment very
raw, profound, choppy.
At times.
(05:45):
It's like a clouded view whenyou read it sometimes because
that just speaks to the damagedmind of the child.
That is the route I wanted togo.
So at that time, when I cameout, I had a lot of haters in
regards to the way I publishedmy book.
You know, I had people say tome oh, your story is not
(06:05):
eloquent, it's not pretty, it'snot put together appropriately.
And my advice and my thoughtson all of that is always like
well, is abuse eloquent?
Is abuse pretty?
Is it perfect?
No, it's ugly, it's choppy,it's clouded, it's disgusting.
I wanted my story and my voiceto be heard in such a powerful
(06:27):
way that people would stop andtake notice and they did.
And you know, as far as family,oh my goodness, that was like a
proverbial bomb because myfamily, a lot of them, disowned
me after my story came out,which was very painful to go
through on top of everythingelse.
But I stood strong in my virtue.
(06:48):
I stood strong in my story.
It's 100% real.
And then it's how it happenedand I own every bit of it.
But I did lose family membersbecause of it and I had other
ones that were angry with me.
That kind of came to terms withthings as time went on.
But I also have far more peoplewho have embraced my story, who
(07:08):
have embraced my inner child,the damaged child, and relate to
it because it's just soauthentic, it's so real when you
read it and I talk about it.
This is reality, this is life,this is what truly does happen
behind those closed doors.
So I've had both.
(07:29):
You know the positive, thenegative.
I had, honestly, onepresentation.
I had a woman stood up andstarted yelling at me because I
chose to forgive my mother andstand by her.
This woman was so angry with me, so so angry she couldn't
contain herself.
And this is a room of over 100people that I'm speaking, and it
was a social workers conferenceand this woman was just really
(07:51):
angry.
But when what I said to her wasI am sorry for whatever you
went through in your life thatthis is so triggering for you
and I hope that you can findhealing and peace.
And she was not even happy withthat that she just continued to
banter and left.
Then came back, bought my book,left and then wrote the worst
(08:16):
book review in the world.
I'm like it was just what shewrote.
But when I read her book reviewas upset as I was that she wrote
it in such a negative way allthe points that she hit and the
things that she talked aboutreally showed me that this woman
has been through some seriousdamage that she has just not
been able to address and workthrough.
(08:37):
And that really made me feelbad for her, because my goal is
never to hurt anybody If my goalis always to help people.
So I've seen that aspect andI've also seen.
You know, people will come upto me after an author talk.
I had a woman who came up to me.
She was in her late seventiesand she held my hands and she
cried and she disclosed herabuse from childhood that nobody
(09:00):
has ever heard.
She's standing there with herdaughter.
They're crying.
Her daughter never heard thisstory before and we talked about
it and she just said to me that, by me standing up there and
sharing my story finally afterall these years, gave her
courage and strength to do thesame.
It was just such a powerfulmoment that to think about this
woman in her late 70s held ittight all those years and I gave
(09:26):
her a safe space to speak, andthat always just touches my
heart and humbles me.
Yeah.
Tanya Scotece (09:33):
Wow, what a heartfelt, heartfelt.
What was the time frame, lisa,as far as if you can just walk
our listeners through thetimeframe, as far as?
So, when you were facing likethis crisis situation in the
hospital with the flashbacks youknow what year was that and
then you started, you know, kindof processing your own emotions
and then decided to write yourbook.
Can you just walk us through,just like some dates, just for
(09:55):
reference points for us?
Lisa Zarcone (09:57):
Yes, and I'm thinking back because my book
came out in 2016.
So six years prior to that.
So that brings you back to, youknow, 2000s.
Like you know, that's reallywhen I really started going
through those things.
My kids were young.
I was, you know, workingthrough those all of that stuff.
(10:18):
And when I when I talk abouttherapy, I've been to therapy a
couple of different times and Ihad a couple of different
therapists and I have to say thefirst therapist and the last
therapist really were so hugelyhelpful.
My first therapist gave me thissafe space to really share and
talk about what happened to me.
My last therapist is the onewho encouraged me to continue to
(10:39):
write, to write all my thingsdown.
So you're talking, you know,2000, like 2010,.
2000 is when I first went, 2010, when I really was digging deep
into the writing aspect andpushing forward to putting my
book together.
I remember going to therapy andI would bring him short stories
and he would look at them andhe would keep them all saved and
(11:01):
day he pulled them all out andhe handed them to me and he goes
.
You realize, you just wrote abook.
And I'm like, wow, I guess Idid, I guess I wrote a book so
and from that point I took allof that information and and
worked to put it into story formand it was a huge process.
It was a massive healing process, you know, to go through it and
(11:22):
break through all these piecesand really you know, put my life
into perspective of all, how itall happened and you know what
I went through the good, the bad, the ugly and how I came out on
the other side, sane and doingthe things that I do.
I've had people say that to me.
I can't believe that you are sogrounded and insane after all
(11:45):
of these things that havehappened to you and I chalk a
lot of that up to faith and Ichalk a lot of that that up to
hope and God and all thosethings.
I'm a very spiritual person andI know in my dark times I
really dug deep into somespirituality to get me through.
So, and you know that thatstrong inner inner strength and
inner will to, to, to go on tofight, no matter what happens,
(12:08):
you're going to continue tofight.
I had that inner spirit of, ofthat fighting nature always.
Yeah.
Tanya Scotece (12:15):
Right and your second book now is is kind of in
in tribute and memory of yourmother.
Is that correct with the bookcurrently?
Lisa Zarcone (12:24):
Well, it is, yeah.
So my mom, you know, struggledobviously profusely with mental
illness.
So what I did was I wrote mymother's story from birth to
death, everything in between andour complex relationship as
mother and daughter.
And my mother's story is verypowerful and it shows you
generational abuse.
It shows you generationalmental illness.
(12:45):
My mother asked me to write herstory.
She said promise me that oneday you will share my story so
people can understand whatpeople with mental illness
really do go through and how itaffects everyone around them.
And I promised my mother thatmy mother shared all the stories
of the know, wrote so manythings down and then I was able
(13:05):
to fill in those blanks and walkin her steps, which was such an
amazing experience, I have totell you from writing my story
was one thing.
Writing my mother's story wassuch a whole other world to step
into.
You know her childhood, her andhow it affected my family, you
know, throughout our lives.
But the one thing I can tellyou is that I really found
(13:30):
different pieces of my motherthat I didn't tap into because I
was always riding on that fightor flight mode, the anger mode,
with her and it was so hard,but really going through her
life, I really tapped into whoJoanne was, the person, my
mother, this intelligent,beautiful woman who wanted
nothing more to be a wife, amother.
She had a beautiful career as ahairdresser, she was very
(13:52):
talented and one by one, allthose things were stripped away
from her.
And the loss of my brother mybrother passed away at the age
of nine.
She lost her only son.
All those things were allstripped from her and she
battled mental illness sofiercely.
So her story is a very powerfuland important story to tell and
you know, it's amazing to thinkthat I was able to do that for
(14:14):
my mother and I use my story andher story to abdicate and to
bring awareness.
Shireen Botha (14:24):
Well, yeah, and I just think it's definitely
meant to be, because everythingseemed to have worked out the
way it should the fact that youwrote your story, you sent it
out into the world, you hadfamily members disown you, as
you said, your actual abuseruser, one of them being your very
own mother, who actually turnedaround and said, you know,
(14:49):
wasn't even angry, but I meansaid, would you mind writing my
story?
You know, and, and I can, Imean, I can only imagine how
many emotions you must have gonethrough having to write that
point and perspective being yourabuser's perspective, because
(15:12):
there's not a lot of people thatknow or want to know their
abuser's perspective, know theirabuser's perspective.
Quite frankly, I think a lot ofpeople want to make sure that
their abusers stay on the otherside of the world and never see
them ever again.
You know so this is quite aunique situation and beautiful,
inspiring story of healing foryou and your mom.
(15:37):
You know so that was veryimportant, that you shared that.
But before we continue, lisa,tanya, let me just jump in here
with a little bit of abuzzsprout ad.
So Friends from Wild Places isa place to share stories from
other business owners andprofessionals, such as Lisa, a
(15:59):
safe space to show support forother business owners and
entrepreneurs all over the world.
We feature non-profits everymonth to try and make a
difference and give a helplineto someone in need.
Do you have a message you wantto share with the world?
Or maybe you just think it'llbe fun to have your own talk
show?
Podcasting is an easy,inexpensive and fun way to
(16:21):
expand your reach online.
To start your own podcast,follow the link in the show
notes.
This lets Buzzsprout know thatwe sent you and your inspiring
(16:43):
story.
You know if I?
I don't know if we've asked.
I don't think we have askedthis question, but what is the
name of your books and where canwe go and purchase these books?
Lisa Zarcone (16:57):
Yes, so my story is the unspoken truth, a memoir,
and when I wrote this story,that term the unspoken is really
what gravitated to me.
You know, to put a name to myown personal story.
So the unspoken truth a memoir,and my mom's story is the book
of Joanne on Amazon, barnes andNoble.
(17:18):
I always encourage people to goto my website, lisasarconenet.
I have all the informationthere as well, and if people
come to my website they can seemore about my story.
I do a lot of blogging andpoetry and different things like
that, and also it just showsyou like events and when I'm
speaking different speakingengagements.
They can see what I'm doing.
But definitely Amazon andBarnes and Noble are the two big
(17:40):
places Everybody goes topurchase my books.
Tanya Scotece (17:45):
And Lisa, and when you wrote your first book,
your your mom was living at thattime.
Is that correct?
Lisa Zarcone (17:51):
My mom was living at that time and she actually
passed away before it becamepublished, but she knew I was
writing my own story and sheencouraged me to write my own
story and she encouraged me towrite my own story.
The interesting thing about mymom was that, again severely
mentally ill, and most of thetime we rode what I call the
crazy train and not to bedisrespectful, but we did ride
(18:12):
that train, that roller coasterof everything, because she
cycled so, so quickly all thetime.
But then she would have thesemoments of clarity and in these
moments of clarity we would havethe most amazing conversations.
And, honestly, when I would govisit my mother because my mom
was in a nursing home and Iwould go visit her, I would
always say a little prayerplease give me a day of clarity,
(18:34):
just give me a little piece ofmy mom.
And when those things happenedand they weren't all the time,
believe me, they were far andfew between most of the time it
was chaos and a lot happening.
But when I had those momentswith her and we really just
talked about things, she wasjust so spot on about life
wisdom.
You know what she reallyunderstood about herself and her
(18:57):
illness and how, she knows,knew how it affected me and the
damage you, you know that wasthat happened to me.
So we would have these momentsof clarity that were just
amazing.
But you know she did not.
You know she did not see thebook come to you know, to life.
But I know she traveled thatpath with me and I can also tell
you when my mom's book came out.
(19:19):
You, when my mom's book came outmy mom's book was supposed to
come out in September of 2023.
And we had all of these, youknow, roadblocks and things were
happening and I was frustrated.
I'm like I just want to get herstory out there.
And finally, when the book cameout, my publisher writes me and
says here's your date and itwas January 28th 2024.
(19:42):
My mom passed away on January28th 2014.
I was blown away by the date andthe connection.
And my mom's birthday is June24th, so you have January 28th
2024.
And to me, that's fate.
To me.
I'm a firm believer in thosethings and I felt like that was
(20:04):
just a massive sign from mymother clapping from the heavens
saying Lisa, you did it, youdid it, you got your story out.
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Yeah, it was amazing and it wasjust so shocking.
You know of all dates.
How did that happen?
It was supposed to be fall of2023.
Now here we are in 2024, on thedate of my mother's passing.
(20:27):
To me, that was just a massivesign to say again you're in the
right direction, you're doingwhat you were always meant to do
and keep on going.
Tanya Scotece (20:36):
Yeah, and I'm still, I'm still like I don't
know if that word is happy, butI guess I'm just hearing in what
you're sharing.
You know about yourrelationship with your mother,
that she was alive when youwrote your story and she
actually encouraged you to dothat, which is which is really
that's.
That's quite profound.
If you know, like, as Shireensaid, you know, most of the time
(20:57):
it's like the abusers, you wantthem literally across the world
, or not on the world, or not inthe world.
And to hear you say that youknow, because you kind of I'm
going to use the word not camefull circle, but kind of put
those pieces back in a very,maybe indirect way, that it's,
it's really profound in hearing,in hearing it.
Lisa Zarcone (21:23):
Yes, and I and I know, like a lot of people, you
know, when you go through abuseand it's hard to look at your
abuser and say I'm going to giveforgiveness or I'm going to
give empathy and all of thosethings, and I'm really careful
when I speak about forgivenessbecause that is just its own
entity.
You know, when you go on yourhealing journey, that's one
piece of it.
The forgiveness is a wholenother.
But that's just a very personalthing that you have to decide,
that you want to look into andwant to tap into.
(21:44):
So for me, I wanted to findforgiveness to my parents.
So I took the initiative tolook through their eyes and look
at their perspective of whattheir lives were like, why it
all fell apart and why did theabuse happen to me.
That was such extremely hardwork to do.
I did one parent at a time walktheir life path and it really
(22:09):
put into perspective and it gaveme answers to the why and how
it fell apart, the why and howthe abuse was bestowed upon me.
It doesn't make it right.
It doesn't mean that they madethe right decisions.
The abuse is what the abuse isand and that they can never
change.
But by walking in theirfootsteps I was able to find
(22:30):
compassion and empathy andforgiveness because I know their
roads that they traveled wereso, so difficult and it's just
unfortunate that thatgenerational abuse piece
continued on into my life.
But I was able to findforgiveness to both of my
parents and I even extended.
(22:51):
This, which is going to soundmaybe wild to both of you, is
that I walked the footsteps ofmy sexual abuser in part of my
own healing process to findunderstanding to the why and how
it came to such horrific sexualabuse and what I found in his
(23:12):
childhood that he was an abusedchild.
He was horrifically abused.
His parents were alcoholic anddrug addicts.
He was sexually abused by hisown mother.
He had mental illness as welland unfortunately he fell
through the cracks and he wastreated horrendous and that came
forward and dropped into my lapthe innocent victim.
(23:34):
So I found empathy for hissmall child, his empathy for his
inner child that was so damaged.
Did I find forgiveness?
I'm going to be very, veryhonest no, I did not find
forgiveness because he went onto abuse so many other people
(23:55):
after me.
He abused his wife, hischildren, and I know that
because I had one of hisdaughters came forward and
questioned me about my book, theUnspoken Truth, and asked me
about her father and shedisclosed information to me
about his past and and all thethings that he did and I could
(24:16):
not find forgiveness becausethat abuse just went on so
horrifically and so horrendously.
But I did find empathy for himbecause he didn't deserve to be
treated that way as a child.
No child deserves to be abused.
Shireen Botha (24:30):
That's awesome.
That's amazing, Lisa Sure, If Icould be more like you.
You know, just amazing.
That's amazing you are.
You really are a greatinspiration and an example um
that it's possible.
You know.
Tune in next week for part threeof friends from wild places
Voiceover (24:52):
you've been listening to friends from wild places
with Shireen Botha.
Be sure to subscribe to thepodcast from the links to catch
every episode and unleash yourpassion.
Tales from the wild, stories from the heart.
A journey into the mind andsoul of fired up business
professionals, where they sharetheir vision for the future and
hear from a different non-profitorganization every month as
they create awareness of theirgoals and their needs.
Dive into a world of untamedpassion as we join our host,
(00:27):
Shireen Botha, for this month'sepisode of Friends from Wild
Places.
Shireen Botha (00:37):
You know, Lisa, it's so amazing because a lot of
people that have been sexuallyabused grow up into their adult
and literally die with thosesecrets and live life throughout
, you know, do whatever theyneed to, um, and just never
(01:01):
speak a word of it to anyone.
And so I guess what my questionand I'm trying to get at is at
what point did you decide tomake the decision to write a
book about it?
Because, I mean, that's, that'sreally going and putting it out
(01:22):
to the world, you know it is,and it was very hard to do so.
Lisa Zarcone (01:26):
But my, my defining moment was I married.
I have three young children.
I found out that I becamepregnant with a fourth.
That was not a plannedpregnancy.
It was a big surprise andunfortunately I lost that child.
That was probably about 14 weekspregnant and the heartbeat
stopped and I had to go in for aprocedure to have this baby
(01:50):
removed, because I did becomepregnant at the age of 14 by my
sexual abuser, and my sexualabuser was pretty torturistic
and sadistic in the abuse thathe bestowed upon me and that
(02:13):
damage was so intensely deepthat it did put me into such
silence.
But this moment of having to gothrough this procedure and this
part of my life brought meright back to the exact moment
when I did go and have anabortion, because there was no
way I can have a child afterbeing through the abuse that I
had gone through.
(02:33):
I was too young, I was toodamaged, there was no way that I
can care for a child, and I was.
I was smart enough and wiseenough to know that and we did
make that decision.
But in that moment I did youknow, it all came back to me and
after that procedure, I washaving horrendous flashbacks and
nightmares of you know, all thethings that I had been through.
(02:54):
And I had to make that choice,to face it once and for all.
And I decided, okay, now it'stime to go to therapy.
Now it's time to break thatsilence.
And I have to tell you it was sodifficult for me to say those
words out loud.
I didn't want to hear it.
I didn't want to hear my ownvoice say what happened to me.
(03:16):
But once I did, the floodgateswere open.
It was all on the table andbefore you knew it, I was
sharing it all and it waspowerful.
It was obviously on the tableand before you knew it, I was
sharing it all and it waspowerful.
It was obviously emotional andall of these things.
But that's when I realized that,taking what happened to me,
that I needed to put it outthere, not just for my therapist
(03:39):
and myself.
I had to share these thingswith my husband, who didn't know
all these things which blew himaway.
(04:00):
But I realized that I needed toshare this with the pain that
I've been through and make itinto something purposeful, make
it into a positive, because bybreaking my silence and sharing
my story.
I'm always hoping that that'sgoing to give someone else the
courage to share their story,and I have to tell you many
people have told me afterhearing me speak or reading my
(04:21):
book and following me online andsocial media media, that they
have come to a point in theirlife where they've decided that
it's time for them to do thesame and they're on their
healing journeys, and that, tome, is such a beautiful gift to
give to other people and it justvalidates everything that I'm
doing is is what I'm supposed tobe doing.
Tanya Scotece (04:52):
And when it, when you first came public with your
book which, again, I have readquite a few years ago, how did
you I'm going to say like managethe?
You know?
I'm sure there's people likethat you know are supporting of
you, like family and friends,and then I'm sure that there's
people that you probably nevereven heard of or don't even know
, that are like the haters outthere, right, I mean, I can't
imagine that you've gone throughthis journey without
experiencing that.
So can you shed some light asfar as when you went public,
(05:14):
what was actually the like?
You know, what was the realityat that time, you know, with
family, friends and people thatyou didn't even know?
Lisa Zarcone (05:25):
Yes, so much happened when my story came out
because, first of all, I wrotemy story very differently.
I wrote my story through theeyes of a child, sharing the
child's perspective of abuse.
So my story is not an adultreflecting.
Looking back on what happened.
Mine is like bamming in yourface right in the moment very
raw, profound, choppy.
At times.
(05:45):
It's like a clouded view whenyou read it sometimes because
that just speaks to the damagedmind of the child.
That is the route I wanted togo.
So at that time, when I cameout, I had a lot of haters in
regards to the way I publishedmy book.
You know, I had people say tome oh, your story is not
(06:05):
eloquent, it's not pretty, it'snot put together appropriately.
And my advice and my thoughtson all of that is always like
well, is abuse eloquent?
Is abuse pretty?
Is it perfect?
No, it's ugly, it's choppy,it's clouded, it's disgusting.
I wanted my story and my voiceto be heard in such a powerful
(06:27):
way that people would stop andtake notice and they did.
And you know, as far as family,oh my goodness, that was like a
proverbial bomb because myfamily, a lot of them, disowned
me after my story came out,which was very painful to go
through on top of everythingelse.
But I stood strong in my virtue.
(06:48):
I stood strong in my story.
It's 100% real.
And then it's how it happenedand I own every bit of it.
But I did lose family membersbecause of it and I had other
ones that were angry with me.
That kind of came to terms withthings as time went on.
But I also have far more peoplewho have embraced my story, who
(07:08):
have embraced my inner child,the damaged child, and relate to
it because it's just soauthentic, it's so real when you
read it and I talk about it.
This is reality, this is life,this is what truly does happen
behind those closed doors.
So I've had both.
(07:29):
You know the positive, thenegative.
I had, honestly, onepresentation.
I had a woman stood up andstarted yelling at me because I
chose to forgive my mother andstand by her.
This woman was so angry with me, so so angry she couldn't
contain herself.
And this is a room of over 100people that I'm speaking, and it
was a social workers conferenceand this woman was just really
(07:51):
angry.
But when what I said to her wasI am sorry for whatever you
went through in your life thatthis is so triggering for you
and I hope that you can findhealing and peace.
And she was not even happy withthat that she just continued to
banter and left.
Then came back, bought my book,left and then wrote the worst
(08:16):
book review in the world.
I'm like it was just what shewrote.
But when I read her book reviewas upset as I was that she wrote
it in such a negative way allthe points that she hit and the
things that she talked aboutreally showed me that this woman
has been through some seriousdamage that she has just not
been able to address and workthrough.
(08:37):
And that really made me feelbad for her, because my goal is
never to hurt anybody If my goalis always to help people.
So I've seen that aspect andI've also seen.
You know, people will come upto me after an author talk.
I had a woman who came up to me.
She was in her late seventiesand she held my hands and she
cried and she disclosed herabuse from childhood that nobody
(09:00):
has ever heard.
She's standing there with herdaughter.
They're crying.
Her daughter never heard thisstory before and we talked about
it and she just said to me that, by me standing up there and
sharing my story finally afterall these years, gave her
courage and strength to do thesame.
It was just such a powerfulmoment that to think about this
woman in her late 70s held ittight all those years and I gave
(09:26):
her a safe space to speak, andthat always just touches my
heart and humbles me.
Yeah.
Tanya Scotece (09:33):
Wow, what a heartfelt, heartfelt.
What was the time frame, lisa,as far as if you can just walk
our listeners through thetimeframe, as far as?
So, when you were facing likethis crisis situation in the
hospital with the flashbacks youknow what year was that and
then you started, you know, kindof processing your own emotions
and then decided to write yourbook.
Can you just walk us through,just like some dates, just for
(09:55):
reference points for us?
Lisa Zarcone (09:57):
Yes, and I'm thinking back because my book
came out in 2016.
So six years prior to that.
So that brings you back to, youknow, 2000s.
Like you know, that's reallywhen I really started going
through those things.
My kids were young.
I was, you know, workingthrough those all of that stuff.
(10:18):
And when I when I talk abouttherapy, I've been to therapy a
couple of different times and Ihad a couple of different
therapists and I have to say thefirst therapist and the last
therapist really were so hugelyhelpful.
My first therapist gave me thissafe space to really share and
talk about what happened to me.
My last therapist is the onewho encouraged me to continue to
(10:39):
write, to write all my thingsdown.
So you're talking, you know,2000, like 2010,.
2000 is when I first went, 2010, when I really was digging deep
into the writing aspect andpushing forward to putting my
book together.
I remember going to therapy andI would bring him short stories
and he would look at them andhe would keep them all saved and
(11:01):
day he pulled them all out andhe handed them to me and he goes
.
You realize, you just wrote abook.
And I'm like, wow, I guess Idid, I guess I wrote a book so
and from that point I took allof that information and and
worked to put it into story formand it was a huge process.
It was a massive healing process, you know, to go through it and
(11:22):
break through all these piecesand really you know, put my life
into perspective of all, how itall happened and you know what
I went through the good, the bad, the ugly and how I came out on
the other side, sane and doingthe things that I do.
I've had people say that to me.
I can't believe that you are sogrounded and insane after all
(11:45):
of these things that havehappened to you and I chalk a
lot of that up to faith and Ichalk a lot of that that up to
hope and God and all thosethings.
I'm a very spiritual person andI know in my dark times I
really dug deep into somespirituality to get me through.
So, and you know that thatstrong inner inner strength and
inner will to, to, to go on tofight, no matter what happens,
(12:08):
you're going to continue tofight.
I had that inner spirit of, ofthat fighting nature always.
Yeah.
Tanya Scotece (12:15):
Right and your second book now is is kind of in
in tribute and memory of yourmother.
Is that correct with the bookcurrently?
Lisa Zarcone (12:24):
Well, it is, yeah.
So my mom, you know, struggledobviously profusely with mental
illness.
So what I did was I wrote mymother's story from birth to
death, everything in between andour complex relationship as
mother and daughter.
And my mother's story is verypowerful and it shows you
generational abuse.
It shows you generationalmental illness.
(12:45):
My mother asked me to write herstory.
She said promise me that oneday you will share my story so
people can understand whatpeople with mental illness
really do go through and how itaffects everyone around them.
And I promised my mother thatmy mother shared all the stories
of the know, wrote so manythings down and then I was able
(13:05):
to fill in those blanks and walkin her steps, which was such an
amazing experience, I have totell you from writing my story
was one thing.
Writing my mother's story wassuch a whole other world to step
into.
You know her childhood, her andhow it affected my family, you
know, throughout our lives.
But the one thing I can tellyou is that I really found
(13:30):
different pieces of my motherthat I didn't tap into because I
was always riding on that fightor flight mode, the anger mode,
with her and it was so hard,but really going through her
life, I really tapped into whoJoanne was, the person, my
mother, this intelligent,beautiful woman who wanted
nothing more to be a wife, amother.
She had a beautiful career as ahairdresser, she was very
(13:52):
talented and one by one, allthose things were stripped away
from her.
And the loss of my brother mybrother passed away at the age
of nine.
She lost her only son.
All those things were allstripped from her and she
battled mental illness sofiercely.
So her story is a very powerfuland important story to tell and
you know, it's amazing to thinkthat I was able to do that for
(14:14):
my mother and I use my story andher story to abdicate and to
bring awareness.
Shireen Botha (14:24):
Well, yeah, and I just think it's definitely
meant to be, because everythingseemed to have worked out the
way it should the fact that youwrote your story, you sent it
out into the world, you hadfamily members disown you, as
you said, your actual abuseruser, one of them being your very
own mother, who actually turnedaround and said, you know,
(14:49):
wasn't even angry, but I meansaid, would you mind writing my
story?
You know, and, and I can, Imean, I can only imagine how
many emotions you must have gonethrough having to write that
point and perspective being yourabuser's perspective, because
(15:12):
there's not a lot of people thatknow or want to know their
abuser's perspective, know theirabuser's perspective.
Quite frankly, I think a lot ofpeople want to make sure that
their abusers stay on the otherside of the world and never see
them ever again.
You know so this is quite aunique situation and beautiful,
inspiring story of healing foryou and your mom.
(15:37):
You know so that was veryimportant, that you shared that.
But before we continue, lisa,tanya, let me just jump in here
with a little bit of abuzzsprout ad.
So Friends from Wild Places isa place to share stories from
other business owners andprofessionals, such as Lisa, a
(15:59):
safe space to show support forother business owners and
entrepreneurs all over the world.
We feature non-profits everymonth to try and make a
difference and give a helplineto someone in need.
Do you have a message you wantto share with the world?
Or maybe you just think it'llbe fun to have your own talk
show?
Podcasting is an easy,inexpensive and fun way to
(16:21):
expand your reach online.
To start your own podcast,follow the link in the show
notes.
This lets Buzzsprout know thatwe sent you and your inspiring
(16:43):
story.
You know if I?
I don't know if we've asked.
I don't think we have askedthis question, but what is the
name of your books and where canwe go and purchase these books?
Lisa Zarcone (16:57):
Yes, so my story is the unspoken truth, a memoir,
and when I wrote this story,that term the unspoken is really
what gravitated to me.
You know, to put a name to myown personal story.
So the unspoken truth a memoir,and my mom's story is the book
of Joanne on Amazon, barnes andNoble.
(17:18):
I always encourage people to goto my website, lisasarconenet.
I have all the informationthere as well, and if people
come to my website they can seemore about my story.
I do a lot of blogging andpoetry and different things like
that, and also it just showsyou like events and when I'm
speaking different speakingengagements.
They can see what I'm doing.
But definitely Amazon andBarnes and Noble are the two big
(17:40):
places Everybody goes topurchase my books.
Tanya Scotece (17:45):
And Lisa, and when you wrote your first book,
your your mom was living at thattime.
Is that correct?
Lisa Zarcone (17:51):
My mom was living at that time and she actually
passed away before it becamepublished, but she knew I was
writing my own story and sheencouraged me to write my own
story and she encouraged me towrite my own story.
The interesting thing about mymom was that, again severely
mentally ill, and most of thetime we rode what I call the
crazy train and not to bedisrespectful, but we did ride
(18:12):
that train, that roller coasterof everything, because she
cycled so, so quickly all thetime.
But then she would have thesemoments of clarity and in these
moments of clarity we would havethe most amazing conversations.
And, honestly, when I would govisit my mother because my mom
was in a nursing home and Iwould go visit her, I would
always say a little prayerplease give me a day of clarity,
(18:34):
just give me a little piece ofmy mom.
And when those things happenedand they weren't all the time,
believe me, they were far andfew between most of the time it
was chaos and a lot happening.
But when I had those momentswith her and we really just
talked about things, she wasjust so spot on about life
wisdom.
You know what she reallyunderstood about herself and her
(18:57):
illness and how, she knows,knew how it affected me and the
damage you, you know that wasthat happened to me.
So we would have these momentsof clarity that were just
amazing.
But you know she did not.
You know she did not see thebook come to you know, to life.
But I know she traveled thatpath with me and I can also tell
you when my mom's book came out.
(19:19):
You, when my mom's book came outmy mom's book was supposed to
come out in September of 2023.
And we had all of these, youknow, roadblocks and things were
happening and I was frustrated.
I'm like I just want to get herstory out there.
And finally, when the book cameout, my publisher writes me and
says here's your date and itwas January 28th 2024.
(19:42):
My mom passed away on January28th 2014.
I was blown away by the date andthe connection.
And my mom's birthday is June24th, so you have January 28th
2024.
And to me, that's fate.
To me.
I'm a firm believer in thosethings and I felt like that was
(20:04):
just a massive sign from mymother clapping from the heavens
saying Lisa, you did it, youdid it, you got your story out.
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Yeah, it was amazing and it wasjust so shocking.
You know of all dates.
How did that happen?
It was supposed to be fall of2023.
Now here we are in 2024, on thedate of my mother's passing.
(20:27):
To me, that was just a massivesign to say again you're in the
right direction, you're doingwhat you were always meant to do
and keep on going.
Tanya Scotece (20:36):
Yeah, and I'm still, I'm still like I don't
know if that word is happy, butI guess I'm just hearing in what
you're sharing.
You know about yourrelationship with your mother,
that she was alive when youwrote your story and she
actually encouraged you to dothat, which is which is really
that's.
That's quite profound.
If you know, like, as Shireensaid, you know, most of the time
(20:57):
it's like the abusers, you wantthem literally across the world
, or not on the world, or not inthe world.
And to hear you say that youknow, because you kind of I'm
going to use the word not camefull circle, but kind of put
those pieces back in a very,maybe indirect way, that it's,
it's really profound in hearing,in hearing it.
Lisa Zarcone (21:23):
Yes, and I and I know, like a lot of people, you
know, when you go through abuseand it's hard to look at your
abuser and say I'm going to giveforgiveness or I'm going to
give empathy and all of thosethings, and I'm really careful
when I speak about forgivenessbecause that is just its own
entity.
You know, when you go on yourhealing journey, that's one
piece of it.
The forgiveness is a wholenother.
But that's just a very personalthing that you have to decide,
that you want to look into andwant to tap into.
(21:44):
So for me, I wanted to findforgiveness to my parents.
So I took the initiative tolook through their eyes and look
at their perspective of whattheir lives were like, why it
all fell apart and why did theabuse happen to me.
That was such extremely hardwork to do.
I did one parent at a time walktheir life path and it really
(22:09):
put into perspective and it gaveme answers to the why and how
it fell apart, the why and howthe abuse was bestowed upon me.
It doesn't make it right.
It doesn't mean that they madethe right decisions.
The abuse is what the abuse isand and that they can never
change.
But by walking in theirfootsteps I was able to find
(22:30):
compassion and empathy andforgiveness because I know their
roads that they traveled wereso, so difficult and it's just
unfortunate that thatgenerational abuse piece
continued on into my life.
But I was able to findforgiveness to both of my
parents and I even extended.
(22:51):
This, which is going to soundmaybe wild to both of you, is
that I walked the footsteps ofmy sexual abuser in part of my
own healing process to findunderstanding to the why and how
it came to such horrific sexualabuse and what I found in his
(23:12):
childhood that he was an abusedchild.
He was horrifically abused.
His parents were alcoholic anddrug addicts.
He was sexually abused by hisown mother.
He had mental illness as welland unfortunately he fell
through the cracks and he wastreated horrendous and that came
forward and dropped into my lapthe innocent victim.
(23:34):
So I found empathy for hissmall child, his empathy for his
inner child that was so damaged.
Did I find forgiveness?
I'm going to be very, veryhonest no, I did not find
forgiveness because he went onto abuse so many other people
(23:55):
after me.
He abused his wife, hischildren, and I know that
because I had one of hisdaughters came forward and
questioned me about my book, theUnspoken Truth, and asked me
about her father and shedisclosed information to me
about his past and and all thethings that he did and I could
(24:16):
not find forgiveness becausethat abuse just went on so
horrifically and so horrendously.
But I did find empathy for himbecause he didn't deserve to be
treated that way as a child.
No child deserves to be abused.
Shireen Botha (24:30):
That's awesome.
That's amazing, Lisa Sure, If Icould be more like you.
You know, just amazing.
That's amazing you are.
You really are a greatinspiration and an example um
that it's possible.
You know.
Tune in next week for part threeof friends from wild places
Voiceover (24:52):
you've been listening to friends from wild places
with Shireen Botha.
Be sure to subscribe to thepodcast from the links to catch
every episode and unleash yourpassion.
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