The Friendship Guilt Spiral

Recently, I left a text message from a friend unanswered for ten days.

It’s not something I’m proud of. All I needed to do was respond to this friend, but the more time that passed, the more it felt like a bigger response was needed.

For ten days, I woke up, knowing I needed to respond to this text message, feeling worse and worse. Then, yesterday, I told myself, if there is one thing I do today, it is respond to this text message, because I can’t carry this guilt on my shoulders anymore.

Today’s episode is about the phenomenon of the friendship guilt spiral. It happens when we don’t act in the way we think we should act, and it turns into an enormous weight we carry. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I do have some tips for dealing with it.

Most important is to remember that we are all human, and friendship guilt spirals happen! Give yourself some grace. Your friend will probably understand.

In this episode you’ll hear about:

• The friendship guilt spiral: when we don’t act the way we think we should to a friend which results in escalating feelings of guilt 
• Special occasion fails – for example, when I tried to make up for missing my friend’s wedding by planning a celebration, which never materialized
• Pressure to be the "perfect friend" and the guilt that comes with not meeting those expectations
• How acknowledging and addressing the guilt (and also starting small!) can keep it from escalating out of control

Resources & Links

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Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!