June 21, 2025 • 36 mins
The long-awaited return of Full Cow kicks off Season 4 by diving into the most popular topic from previous seasons—chastity—but with a revolutionary twist. Host Edge challenges the widespread misconception that chastity belongs exclusively to submissives, arguing instead that it's a powerful tool available to everyone, regardless of where they fall on the dominance spectrum.
Drawing from his extensive personal experience, Edge shares his journey through various chastity devices, from early struggles finding the "perfect" cage to his current appreciation of an exquisitely crafted Steelworks Extreme device. Rather than focusing solely on the mechanics, he reveals how his relationship with chastity shifted when he began viewing the device as a symbol of commitment rather than just a physical restraint.
The heart of the episode explores specific ways dominants can incorporate chastity into their practice: to better understand submissives' experiences, build anticipation before scenes, create higher stakes within encounters, and foster deeper connections beyond genital pleasure. "If I'm taking my cock off the table," Edge explains, "I am necessarily more focused on the intimacy." This perspective transforms chastity from a limitation into an enhancement of dominance—a way to sharpen focus, intensify desire, and amplify control.
A fascinating new "Makers" segment introduces us to Christopher from Steelworks Extreme, whose journey from jeweler to chastity device craftsman highlights how these objects transcend mere functionality to become wearable art. The episode concludes with thoughtful relationship advice for a listener navigating complicated feelings for a close friend.
Ready to challenge your assumptions about power dynamics? Listen now and discover how restraint can actually amplify your dominance. Subscribe to catch future episodes, which will be released organically rather than on a fixed schedule as Edge embraces a more sustainable approach to podcasting.
Ask Edge! Go to https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHREDGE to leave ask a question or leave feedback. Find Edge's other content on Instagram and Twitter. Also visit his archive of educational videos, Tchick-Tchick.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Let's talk about dominant chastity, that you are
an adult.
Welcome to Full Cow, a podcastabout leather kink and BDSM.
My name is Edge, my pronounsare he, him, and I'm your host.
Welcome, at last, to Season 4.
(00:50):
I know it's been a long timecoming and I appreciate the
patience of so many of youwho've been making inquiries
about the future of this podcast.
Everyone who reached out to mereally inspired me to keep going
.
And here we are In season four.
We will be covering some newtopics, but one of the things I
(01:16):
want to do is go back to themost popular episodes of the
first three seasons and revisitthose topics, diving in a little
more deeply.
And by far above every otherthing I have ever done on this
podcast, chastity is the mostpopular episode.
In fact, any of the Chastityepisodes not only the main
Chastity episode, but theChastity interludes, are
(01:38):
similarly extremely popular.
So this seems like a good placeto start for season four, and
we're not just going to talkabout chastity again.
I want to focus in on theintersection of dominance and
chastity.
I'll do that by continuing toshare my own personal journey
with chastity, talking aboutsome of the ways I think a
dominant person can use chastityas a tool for themselves.
(02:01):
And then in the rest of theepisode I'm going to introduce a
new segment called Makers,which really focuses in on the
sometimes very winding andcurious and intriguing stories
of craftspeople who make itemsof leather, gear, kink stuff,
right.
And then I have some leftoverAsk Edges, and they've been very
(02:21):
patiently waiting for monthsand months and months.
So we're going to answer themand that's how we're starting
the season.
I am eternally grateful to allof you who take the time to give
me an audience, to lend me yourear, to give me a place where
my voice isn't just speakinginto a void well, technically,
into the sad, lonely office ofmy house.
(02:44):
Thank you all, and I think it'sgoing to be a good episode.
Let's find out, let's find out,let's start season four right
now.
For those of you who follow thepodcast, you may know that I
have a long journey withchastity podcast.
(03:07):
You may know that I have a longjourney with Chastity and I
thought I'd give everyone anupdate.
So, for those of you who arenew to the podcast or have not
listened to every single episode, chastity has been a really
long-term interest for me, goingback really almost as far as
well.
It goes back pretty deep maybenot as far as my kink interests
in general, but it goes backvery far and I had a really
(03:29):
challenging journey withchastity, in part because I was
stuck on the fact of I had tofind the perfect device, the
device that would prevent mefrom having an orgasm, even
though I am able to orgasmreally fairly easily.
I eventually learned that thedevice is more of a token of the
(03:52):
commitment I'm making thecommitment not to orgasm, and
that really was a turning point,and at that point I made a
successful run, I think, 60 daysstraight in a Cobra and then
really decided to get moreserious.
I went through a number of otherdevices, eventually landing on
(04:14):
a custom 3D printed device fromEvotion.
I really still love the designof that device, especially it
uses I have a frenum piercingright and it uses a really
brilliant capture for the frenumas an anti-pullout device,
which I really still think isthe best one I've seen, because
(04:36):
it was very comfortable.
That part was very comfortableand it was very effective.
Overall, though, it is a devicewith little tolerances, which
means, if your measurementsaren't just exactly right, in my
experience it wasn'tcomfortable for me long-term and
I even ordered a couple newparts to try to kind of fix that
and I never really achievedtrue comfort in the Evotion and
(05:00):
that is not to knock Evotion.
I think they make a greatproduct.
I think many people will behappy with it.
I think I have very unusualanatomy in some ways.
Not going into details, thankyou, but it was not the device
for me, fortunately.
I kind of found my way into aSteelworks Extreme cage.
Now, steelworks Extreme isreally kind of the Rolls Royce
(05:24):
of ball capture devices.
These are handcrafted in eitherstainless steel or titanium.
They are extremely well made.
They have extremely uniquesecurity screws instead of
padlocks, which means you know,the thing with a Cobra is like
everyone's got a key to theCobra cage because they're all
keyed the same or more or lessthe same, but the screws on
(05:48):
Steelworks.
You're not going to find thatscrewdriver at Home Depot.
It's extremely unique becauseit is custom made along with the
screw or the screwdrivereverything custom made.
And obviously you pay for thisright Like, this is the top of
the line ball capture chastitydevice and you pay for that.
(06:09):
Fine, I was able to move my wayinto it through some beautiful
coincidences and I was able toget a really good deal.
That's what I will say.
And it's a little big on me andyou know it's a little big on
me, but it is totally secure.
It is the most comfortabledevice I've worn.
(06:31):
It is extremely complicated toget into because these screws
are really, I would say, reallyexacting, like you really have
to get the screw in right, getthe screwdriver in right, but
once it's screwed on it is notcoming off.
It is the most comfortabledevice I've ever worn.
(06:52):
It is the most secure deviceI've ever worn.
I am not getting out of mySteelworks cage.
The only thing is theparticular cage I got is really
prominent under clothing, andthat again is in part because of
my anatomy and is in no way acritique of Steelworks Extreme,
(07:14):
because I do love the device.
And so I found that I reallycouldn't reasonably wear it to
work without drawing someattention to my crotch area.
I even went shopping for newwork pants and several sizes up,
like I just didn't find Inshorts.
I can wear it in shorts, it'sfine, but there's something
(07:35):
about pants with long legs thatjust made things prominent.
So at the same time I've slowlybeen developing a small stable
of local boys who have beenservicing me with utter
irregularity, and so my chastityjourney in some ways is on a
(07:57):
pause, because I do eventuallywant to get another steelworks
cage.
I want it in titanium.
I have an older ring design, Iwant the new ring design.
I want a new frenum capture tobe the anti-pullout.
I want these things.
I'm not in a place where I canafford those things and the cage
(08:20):
I have is perfectly functional,literally functional, right
Like I will not be getting outof it.
I don't even think I'd be ableto orgasm in it.
So in the meantime I'm just.
My interest in chastity islower on the totem pole because
(08:41):
I've been getting because I'vebeen getting a lot of good sex
and you're not really motivatedto do a lot of chastity if
you're getting really good sexon a weekly basis, I will return
to chastity.
I will get a new steelworkscage.
But this is where we are in myjourney.
Today I finally have a cage.
It is very obvious at work, alittle less obvious in other
places.
It is extremely secure, it isextremely comfortable and it is
(09:05):
not.
It is not the end of mychastity journey, because I know
for a fact I'm going to getanother one.
I actually got from themanufacturer this beautiful
piece of cock jewelry.
He calls it a glands ring, Icall it a frenum cuff.
It's a beautiful little metalband that attaches, that sits
right behind my glands, rightbehind the head of my penis, and
(09:28):
secures to my frenum piercingwith one of the security screws.
So it's like a little metalcuff around my penis that can't
come off without the screwdriver.
It is stunning.
I just think it's gorgeous.
I love wearing it, I love thekind of weight of it at the head
of my cock and it's also thebase of a more advanced
(09:50):
frenum-based anti-pullout systemmy pennies.
And one day we'll get,hopefully, a sleeker, lighter,
smaller steelworks cage, but fornow I'm going to enjoy the good
(10:19):
sex and that's where we are inmy chastity journey.
Let's think next specificallyabout how we can find that
intersection of dominance andchastity, of Dominance and
Chastity.
The main Chastity episode isseason two, episode three.
It is the number one episode ofthis entire podcast.
When you look at the statistics, and in case you haven't dug
(10:39):
through the back catalog, I'llgive you the gist of it.
My primary message when it comesto chastity is this it has been
wrongly encoded as submissive,and there's nothing
automatically submissive aboutbeing in chastity.
And I encourage people insteadto think of chastity as a tool,
(11:03):
a tool for gathering and storingsexual energy and therefore as
a tool it is available toeveryone Because chastity feels
good.
Chastity feels pretty effingamazing and as a dominant person
, I am not going to deny myselfany pleasure.
(11:23):
If something feels good, I wantto have the right to feel it,
and I would.
You know, that's not even aboutbeing dominant.
I think that is a fundamentalright as a human being the
pursuit of pleasure in, you know, consensual, all that.
But fortunately I consent tobeing locked.
Beyond simply this notion thatchastity feels good, I think
(11:45):
there are specific ways it canintersect dominant practices and
those are the ones I wanted tofocus on in this segment,
because I think mentally becausewe've been wrongly and
repeatedly encoding chastity assubmissive, mentally it's hard
for dominant peoples to thinkabout why they would ever want
(12:05):
to lock up their cock.
Now.
First of all, in a verypractical way, I like keeping
boys in chastity.
If I'm going to keep a boy inchastity, I need to know what it
feels like, and you know I caneboys and I have been caned.
I flog boys and I have beenflogged.
I feed boys, smoke and I havebeen fed smoke.
I flog boys and I have beenflogged.
I feed boys, smoke and I havebeen fed smoke.
(12:26):
I tie boys up and I have beentied up.
So a lot of my practice as adominant person involves
experiences and sensations thatI've experienced as well, so
that I know what they're feeling.
I know the range of physicalsensations possible, I know
where the pressure points aregoing to be.
(12:46):
That's important knowledge tome.
So if I am going to have a voidlocked in chastity, for me
personally it's important toknow what that feels like so
that I can support them and if Isupport them, they can be in
chastity longer, they can bemore successful reaching
chastity goals that we settogether.
And so the first reason I wouldencourage dominant people to be
locked is so that you can be abetter keyholder, essentially so
(13:10):
you can be better at keepingyour submissive peoples locked
as well.
Now, one of my good friendslocally I think I really was
inspired by him for thispractice.
So when he had a scene comingup with a boy he was really
excited about, he would lock fora few days to kind of build up,
(13:32):
not be tempted to shoot a load,to really instead really get
himself going so that he couldunleash that on the boy who was
coming.
And I think that's a reallybeautiful practice and that's
something I've done as well.
In fact, my DC boy and I willsometimes both lock for a week
or two before we're seeing eachother, and it is a way of
(13:56):
getting ourselves mentally ready, because chastity is a constant
reminder of something you feelthe cage all the time, and so in
that case it's a constantreminder that my boy is coming,
I'm going to get to have my boysoon, but it's also the buildup
of that sexual energy gettinghornier, building up a load that
I'm going to deposit in him, onhim somehow.
(14:18):
So one besides the simple knowwhat your submissive is going
through.
So lock yourself.
There's also the lock yourself.
There's also the lock yourselfin preparation for a scene.
More importantly, I thinkchastity has a role to play in
scenes as well, and I did avideo about this.
It's naughty, so it's not on myInstagram, it is on my ex, it
(14:43):
is on my blue sky and it'scalled dominant chastity and the
basic motivating idea here isthat submissive.
And you know, let me make anote.
Obviously this episode is verygender specific because I'm most
familiar with male chastity.
So it's not gender-specificbecause I think my experiences
(15:04):
can apply broadly.
This one is gender-specific.
The submissive people, the boysI play with, really like seed.
They like my seed.
That is a motivating thing forthem to get my load.
I think it makes them feelaccomplished.
I think it adds to the intimacy.
It's a way of bringing daddyslash sir home with them.
(15:24):
It's all those things right.
So chastity is a way of uppingthe stakes in some way.
And in the video on dominantchastity I'm in full leather and
I pull out my beautifulsteelworks, locked, shining
metal cage and the script isbasically you will not see it,
(15:48):
you will not touch it, you willnot taste it, you will not have
it in any hole of your bodyuntil you show me that you're
worthy.
That creates a very powerfulmindset.
If I enter into a scene and I'mlocked and I say boy, if you
want my cock, you have to earnit.
(16:10):
It is not a given.
It is not a given because mycock is special, because it's
mine.
It's my cock is special and youhave to earn it.
Obviously that requires acertain dynamic, a certain
mindset.
It does play at a kind ofextreme of dominant submission,
I think, but I think it's verymotivating and I think it's
(16:30):
super hot and I think the boys Iplay with would really really
respond to that as well.
The other place I think chesswould be really fun is when
you're fucking someone,ironically enough.
So I have a Mr Henke strap-onharness and some Mr Henke dildos
that right or strap-ons.
I have strap-on dildos and Ilove this notion of walking into
(16:53):
the scene and my cock is locked.
But here's this hugestrapped-on dildo and I simply
say don't worry, boy, I don'thave to stop because I came.
And it's the notion that I canfuck you endlessly because it's
not my cock doing the fucking.
I can fuck you until you arecrying and your eyes rolling
back into your head and you areorgasming in your butthole again
(17:15):
and again, and again, and Idon't have to stop.
I don't have to stop becauseI'm not going to come.
I think that's also reallypowerful, really motivating,
with a particular dynamic, witha particular kind of boy.
So it's another way we canintersect dominance and chastity
.
In general, what chastity doesis means that my cock is off the
(17:36):
table.
As a dominant person, that doesa number of things.
It means, for example, I'mgoing to be more focused on
extracting pleasure from otherparts of my body and from other
parts of your body.
So I'm probably going to caneyou longer, I'm probably going
to keep you tied up longer, I'mprobably going to be working
(17:58):
your tits longer because I don'thave that instant off of
shooting a load, because for meif I shoot a load we're done
Time for cuddles and aftercareand then you go.
So taking my cock off the tablefirst of all keeps me oriented
more deeply into the kink andkeeps me going in the kink even
(18:18):
longer than I would normally.
And then the other thing itdoes is it really well?
First of all, it fosters adifferent kind of intimacy, one
that's not genital based, and assomeone who's demisexual and
kind of gray sexual, that's kindof where I'm wired anyway.
So both of us are extractingpleasure, receiving pleasure,
and it's not about genitals, noteven necessarily about
(18:39):
buttholes.
It's really about differentpoints of the body and it's
about intimacy.
Ironically, if I'm taking mycock off the table, I can foster
greater intimacy because I amnot being driven by this selfish
need to experience an orgasm.
I'm calling it selfish.
(18:59):
That's a little bit of anoverstatement.
Of course, right Again, we'redealing with various flavors of
the DS dynamic that don't alwaysapply.
But if I'm taking my cock offthe table, I am necessarily more
focused on the intimacy.
That's how it works for me atleast.
I'm focused on the intimacybecause I'm not thinking about
(19:22):
getting off because I can't.
So beyond that, there is thatnotion of what will it take for
me to unlock for this boy?
What hoops does this boy haveto jump through to get me to
unlock?
And I mean honestly, I'm goingto unlock for the boy anyway,
(19:46):
but the boy doesn't know thatright.
So those are the different waysin which you can begin to play
with being locked as a dominantperson inside the scene.
There are just as many ways toplay locked as a dominant person
(20:09):
outside the scene, experiencingthe sheer pleasure of chastity,
preparing for the scene.
I also had a friend who reallywanted to train himself to only
orgasm while fucking andtherefore kept himself locked so
that he wouldn't jack off,right.
So there's another way as adominant person, you can use
chastity as a tool In the scene.
You can use chastity to kind oflock away the reward.
You can use it to focus on theother pleasures and the other
(20:30):
intimacies that become availablewhen cucks are not on the table
.
I hope that's given you somesense in how we can resolve this
fake dichotomy betweendominance and submission, this
sense that somehow they're inconflict.
They're not.
They're not.
They're only in conflict if welive in a world where chastity
(20:52):
is only for submissive peoples,and that's not my world.
That is not where I live and Ihave lots of friends who don't
live there either.
That's not my world.
That is not where I live, and Ihave lots of friends who don't
live there either.
So I really want to encourage acultural shift, a paradigm
shift, a perspective changearound what chastity is, what it
does and who it's available for.
(21:13):
It's available for everyone,everyone.
It began with the desire toadorn the body.
Christopher, the man behindSteelworks Extreme, the first of
our makers, grew up in Toronto,canada, and he was never very
(21:39):
much into school because he knewfrom a young age that he wanted
to do something else.
What he wanted to do was makebodies more beautiful by
adorning them.
So he explored fashion and thatdidn't really work out.
But then he looked into anapprenticeship with a jeweler
and that's where he found hiscalling, and so he started
making jewelry as a way ofadorning the human body.
(22:04):
Now, the other thing aboutChristopher is that he's always
loved various kinds ofsubcultures and subcommunities,
and at this time in the latemillennium, there was an
explosion of interest in bodymodification, including
scarification and piercing, aswell as tattoos all of these
things and at that time, becauseit was really starting to
(22:27):
explode, there was a muchgreater demand than supply,
meaning a lot of people wantedto get pierced.
But it's not like China wasmass producing stainless steel
circular barbells, yet At thattime, if you wanted a piercing,
a jeweler was making the jewelry, and that jeweler was
(22:47):
Christopher.
Steelworks Extreme was foundedas a piercing jewelry company,
much like Anatometal or BodyCircle Designs, and for a while
that's what he did.
He made piercing jewelry.
Now, another one of thesubcultures he was really
interested in was extreme bodymodification, and at that time,
(23:07):
there was actually a websitecalled BME Body Modification
E-zine, and it was for peoplewho were really into some heavy
modifications, includingtranscrotal piercings and dermal
implants, things like that, andfor things like that.
It's not like you can go toyour local store and find these
(23:27):
sorts of piercings, and soChristopher was able to meet
their needs by creating jewelryfor more unusual piercings, and
that's how he grew into thatcommunity as well.
So one day one of his clientsfrom the body modification world
came to him with this sad,ragged little ad of a ball
(23:50):
capture device that was reallypoorly made and said can you
make one of these?
And he did, and that was thestart of Steelworks Extreme's
evolution into a chastity devicecompany.
For a long time he would go tothe Steelworks Extreme website
(24:11):
and it was all piercing jewelryand there'd be like one little
side tab over to the side aboutball capture chastity devices.
But we can see that today ithas become the primary product
they offer.
I'm pretty sure Christopher isan artist and he'll probably
make anything you want,including I know they make
stainless steel titaniumpadlocks that are very unique,
(24:33):
but their main business hasbecome these chassis devices,
and that's what we knowSteelworks Extreme for.
But what's interesting is thatit starts not with someone
saying I want to lock every cockin the world.
It starts with someone saying Ireally have this desire to
adorn the body, and you see thatreflected in the products that
(24:56):
Christopher makes.
If you've not seen a Steelworkscage in the products that
Christopher makes.
If you've not seen a steelworkscage, they are really quite
stunning and sometimes unusualand elaborate and inspired by
monsters or by steampunk.
But what's amazing is that eachone is so beautifully crafted,
starting as like a giant hunk ofstainless steel or titanium
(25:17):
that gets milled and then getshand finished.
Every one of those leaves witha human touch.
Every one of those leaves notas simply a chastity device
that's going to be verycomfortable and very effective,
but as a piece of art, as apiece of jewelry for the body,
(25:40):
as a piece of jewelry for thebody.
And so it's not simply aboutkeeping someone chaste, it's
also about making that chastebody look really, really
beautiful.
And so Christopher's had acomplicated journey, from
fashion to jewelry making, tomaking body piercing jewelry, to
making the chastity cages thatso many people around the world
(26:03):
absolutely love.
And that's the story of thefirst of our makers.
And now it's time for Ask Edge,the segment where I ask
questions from all of you.
If you have a question, you caneither leave me a voicemail at
speakpipecom slash leatheredgeL-T-H-R-E-G-G-E, or you can
(26:29):
email me at ask atleatheredgecom.
Both of those are available inthe show notes, and I encourage
you to send in your questions,since really you're the people
who keep this segment alive Now.
I had received a voicemail fromAmber, who identifies as
Leather Girl.
Amber, I hope you are listening.
I tried emailing you.
(26:50):
I did not get a response.
Your voicemail cut out about 30seconds in and you know it
looked like it was playing butthere was no sound, so I never
heard your question.
So please, please, considersubmitting it again.
I especially love for a littlebit of gender diversity and I
(27:12):
would love to haverepresentation of a leather girl
and trying to work with you onaddressing your question.
So please send it in and I willanswer it in the next episode.
I do have one question that wasemailed in and I'm going to.
I'm just going to say this isfrom Cub F.
He writes my question is alittle complicated.
(27:34):
Being a demisexual with tons offriends, I have a best friend
who I adore and love.
Being an introvert, it's hardto find someone I can be very
open and vulnerable with.
The problem I'm having is thisromantic attachment I have for
him.
At times I want to be bestfriends instead of lovers
because of how well ourrelationship is, but part of me
(27:55):
is hoping that door can open oneday.
Initially we had a crush oneach other, but we decided to be
best friends because we wereboth needing someone to lean on.
So for the first time in a longtime, I started looking on
Scruff for potential dates todistract my mind and to make
myself realize that he may notbe the only one to pursue a
romantic relationship with Notinto polyamory or an open
(28:18):
relationship, because that iswho I am.
Do you have any insights of whatelse I can do?
Any piece of advice can help.
Wow.
Let me tell you first of allthat I identify with a lot of
the things you're talking abouthere.
I am also demisexual.
I don't have a ton of friends,but I am also demisexual.
I am also an introvert and so Iunderstand some of the
(28:39):
complications you're facing here.
And matters of the heart are sodamn tricky and complicated
because we don't want to hurt,and that both means we don't
want to get hurt and we don'twant to hurt others.
And especially if you have thisbeautiful, functioning best
(29:01):
friend relationship with thisperson, putting that at risk
must feel kind of terrifying.
I don't know that I have anyextraordinary advice.
I will say that you're right inthat if this person exists,
other people like this personexist and you could find love
with one of them.
So certainly there is aromantic possibility for you out
(29:24):
there.
But I also personally like tobelieve that some things are a
little inevitable and I like tobelieve that if this best friend
who you have feelings for issupposed to be the person you're
with, that there will come apoint when you both reveal that
(29:47):
to each other and begin toexplore that space.
Now you can certainly, if thisis your best friend, you can
certainly have a conversationand say, hey, I don't want to
threaten our friendship, but Ijust want you to know that
sometimes I think about aromantic future with you and it
would just help me to know ifthat's at all a possibility,
because if it's not, then I canturn that off.
But if it is, it doesn't haveto happen today, but at least I
(30:09):
can kind of hold that trajectoryopen and that might be one
strategy.
I have had conversations likethat kind of similar to that.
There are people who have beenin my life, people who are in my
life, who I've had realfeelings for and who have
expressed those feelings andthey were not returned.
(30:30):
And that doesn't mean they haveto leave my life.
Most of those people are stillin my life, but now I have
clarity and with clarity andwith clear understanding of what
the boundaries are, then I canfind a kind of contentment.
There is a part of me thatstill wishes I could have had
more with this person or thatperson, but I much more value
(30:54):
what I do have with them thanwhat I might have had with them.
So if you feel you have the kindof friendship and if you feel
that it is secure and steady anddeep enough to really have what
could be an awkwardconversation and, critically, if
you are ready to hear theanswer of no, there is no
(31:15):
romantic future here, then youmight consider opening it up in
an honest conversation in a waythat feels safe, right, and I
think the way you do that isjust to say hey, you know,
you're so important to me.
I just wanted to share with youthat sometimes I have thoughts
of a romantic future with youand I just wanted to know if you
think that's possible.
(31:36):
If it's not, that's cool.
But if it is right, like reallyjust sort of open the door just
to find out if there's any dooron his side.
This is only advisable if youare ready for him to say no I
don't see that kind of futureand for you to still have the
(31:57):
kind of friendship.
I'm not going to say it waseasy for me, but I can say that
I've done it.
I know it's possible.
Now, part of what allows that tobe possible for me is that I am
polyamorous, and so I'velearned that I can love someone,
(32:18):
and they don't have to be myhusband.
I can love someone deeply, andmaybe they're just my boy.
I can love someone deeply,maybe they're just a friend.
So part of what allows me tohave those conversations with
others that, unlike you, theperson who I am is polyamorous,
and so if I hear no, it's notdevastating.
(32:38):
It's disappointing, but it'snot devastating.
So keep that in mind too.
You really need to do someself-reflection and think about
are you ready to hear thatperson say no?
If you're not ready to hear himsay no, then keep being the
best friend you can with thatperson and then see if,
naturally, you both evolvetowards a romantic connection.
(33:01):
In all that always do remember Ikeep, in fact, with every one
of these people that I had tohave the hard conversation and
they're like no, and then I likeI still love you and I want you
in my life and they're likegreat For every one of them.
I have also said to myselfthey're not the only one right
Like if they exist, then peoplelike them exist and that means
(33:25):
that even if I don't fall inlove with them, there's hope for
me, and I've always found thatkind of super duper affirming
this notion that there's hopefor me.
I hope that helps and I hopethat you.
I hope you find your way.
I hope you find your way whereI hope you find your way to a
future where you have that bestfriend and you have the love of
(33:47):
your life.
And maybe they're the sameperson, maybe they're not, but I
really want people to findfutures where they're happy.
So I'm wishing that for you.
And that's all we have for AskEdge this time.
Please do think about sending ina question of any sort.
I think a lot of people thinkI'm just here to answer profound
(34:10):
questions.
I'm also more than happy toanswer silly questions about my
life, like what are the things Ilike to do, what I watch on TV.
What's my favorite ice cream?
Whatever, whatever, whatever.
This is an open door, so don'tfeel like you need something
profound.
I'm not really an advice show.
I'm just some guy sitting inhis office talking to the world,
sharing my experience, strengthand hope with all of you and
(34:31):
grateful for that.
And that's it for this episodeof Full Cow.
Thank you all for joining me,and I am thrilled to have
finally started season four.
My approach to this season isgoing to be a little more
organic, and that means episodesare coming out not every first
(34:54):
Friday of the month, not everysecond Friday for an interlude,
but instead when I am able.
So it will be a littleirregular, but it will be.
I have several episodes plannedfor this season already and I'm
excited for many of them.
So I can tell you that Fulcow isback, but I can tell you it's
(35:17):
back in a way that issustainable for me, my time and
my energy, and I am happy to bedoing this again.
It feels good to be behind themicrophone again, but it also
feels good to know that I'm notgoing to sacrifice.
I'm not going to sacrifice forthis podcast.
(35:38):
I'm going to learn to live withit in a way that enhances my
joy and that's possible becauseof you Knowing there are people
who are listening, and knowingpeople that value.
What I have to say is the onlyreason I am doing this, because
otherwise I would probably betaking a nap right now.
So thank you for listening,thank you for subscribing, thank
(36:02):
you for being a part of myworld, thank you for supporting
this podcast and I hope well,let's see.
I imagine I would have the nextepisode out within a month.
Let's see.
It'll be interesting.
What an adventure, what anadventure we're on.
All right, all of you.
I hope that you are making yourway through what is now a very
difficult, challenging world andI hope especially your kink and
(36:25):
leather journey is truly,deeply blessed.
And that's it for this episode.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
Please consider subscribing oryou can send feedback to edge at
fullcowshow, as always.
May your leather journey beblessed.
Let's talk about dominant chastity, that you are
an adult.
Welcome to Full Cow, a podcastabout leather kink and BDSM.
My name is Edge, my pronounsare he, him, and I'm your host.
Welcome, at last, to Season 4.
(00:50):
I know it's been a long timecoming and I appreciate the
patience of so many of youwho've been making inquiries
about the future of this podcast.
Everyone who reached out to mereally inspired me to keep going
.
And here we are In season four.
We will be covering some newtopics, but one of the things I
(01:16):
want to do is go back to themost popular episodes of the
first three seasons and revisitthose topics, diving in a little
more deeply.
And by far above every otherthing I have ever done on this
podcast, chastity is the mostpopular episode.
In fact, any of the Chastityepisodes not only the main
Chastity episode, but theChastity interludes, are
(01:38):
similarly extremely popular.
So this seems like a good placeto start for season four, and
we're not just going to talkabout chastity again.
I want to focus in on theintersection of dominance and
chastity.
I'll do that by continuing toshare my own personal journey
with chastity, talking aboutsome of the ways I think a
dominant person can use chastityas a tool for themselves.
(02:01):
And then in the rest of theepisode I'm going to introduce a
new segment called Makers,which really focuses in on the
sometimes very winding andcurious and intriguing stories
of craftspeople who make itemsof leather, gear, kink stuff,
right.
And then I have some leftoverAsk Edges, and they've been very
(02:21):
patiently waiting for monthsand months and months.
So we're going to answer themand that's how we're starting
the season.
I am eternally grateful to allof you who take the time to give
me an audience, to lend me yourear, to give me a place where
my voice isn't just speakinginto a void well, technically,
into the sad, lonely office ofmy house.
(02:44):
Thank you all, and I think it'sgoing to be a good episode.
Let's find out, let's find out,let's start season four right
now.
For those of you who follow thepodcast, you may know that I
have a long journey withchastity podcast.
(03:07):
You may know that I have a longjourney with Chastity and I
thought I'd give everyone anupdate.
So, for those of you who arenew to the podcast or have not
listened to every single episode, chastity has been a really
long-term interest for me, goingback really almost as far as
well.
It goes back pretty deep maybenot as far as my kink interests
in general, but it goes backvery far and I had a really
(03:29):
challenging journey withchastity, in part because I was
stuck on the fact of I had tofind the perfect device, the
device that would prevent mefrom having an orgasm, even
though I am able to orgasmreally fairly easily.
I eventually learned that thedevice is more of a token of the
(03:52):
commitment I'm making thecommitment not to orgasm, and
that really was a turning point,and at that point I made a
successful run, I think, 60 daysstraight in a Cobra and then
really decided to get moreserious.
I went through a number of otherdevices, eventually landing on
(04:14):
a custom 3D printed device fromEvotion.
I really still love the designof that device, especially it
uses I have a frenum piercingright and it uses a really
brilliant capture for the frenumas an anti-pullout device,
which I really still think isthe best one I've seen, because
(04:36):
it was very comfortable.
That part was very comfortableand it was very effective.
Overall, though, it is a devicewith little tolerances, which
means, if your measurementsaren't just exactly right, in my
experience it wasn'tcomfortable for me long-term and
I even ordered a couple newparts to try to kind of fix that
and I never really achievedtrue comfort in the Evotion and
(05:00):
that is not to knock Evotion.
I think they make a greatproduct.
I think many people will behappy with it.
I think I have very unusualanatomy in some ways.
Not going into details, thankyou, but it was not the device
for me, fortunately.
I kind of found my way into aSteelworks Extreme cage.
Now, steelworks Extreme isreally kind of the Rolls Royce
(05:24):
of ball capture devices.
These are handcrafted in eitherstainless steel or titanium.
They are extremely well made.
They have extremely uniquesecurity screws instead of
padlocks, which means you know,the thing with a Cobra is like
everyone's got a key to theCobra cage because they're all
keyed the same or more or lessthe same, but the screws on
(05:48):
Steelworks.
You're not going to find thatscrewdriver at Home Depot.
It's extremely unique becauseit is custom made along with the
screw or the screwdrivereverything custom made.
And obviously you pay for thisright Like, this is the top of
the line ball capture chastitydevice and you pay for that.
(06:09):
Fine, I was able to move my wayinto it through some beautiful
coincidences and I was able toget a really good deal.
That's what I will say.
And it's a little big on me andyou know it's a little big on
me, but it is totally secure.
It is the most comfortabledevice I've worn.
(06:31):
It is extremely complicated toget into because these screws
are really, I would say, reallyexacting, like you really have
to get the screw in right, getthe screwdriver in right, but
once it's screwed on it is notcoming off.
It is the most comfortabledevice I've ever worn.
(06:52):
It is the most secure deviceI've ever worn.
I am not getting out of mySteelworks cage.
The only thing is theparticular cage I got is really
prominent under clothing, andthat again is in part because of
my anatomy and is in no way acritique of Steelworks Extreme,
(07:14):
because I do love the device.
And so I found that I reallycouldn't reasonably wear it to
work without drawing someattention to my crotch area.
I even went shopping for newwork pants and several sizes up,
like I just didn't find Inshorts.
I can wear it in shorts, it'sfine, but there's something
(07:35):
about pants with long legs thatjust made things prominent.
So at the same time I've slowlybeen developing a small stable
of local boys who have beenservicing me with utter
irregularity, and so my chastityjourney in some ways is on a
(07:57):
pause, because I do eventuallywant to get another steelworks
cage.
I want it in titanium.
I have an older ring design, Iwant the new ring design.
I want a new frenum capture tobe the anti-pullout.
I want these things.
I'm not in a place where I canafford those things and the cage
(08:20):
I have is perfectly functional,literally functional, right
Like I will not be getting outof it.
I don't even think I'd be ableto orgasm in it.
So in the meantime I'm just.
My interest in chastity islower on the totem pole because
(08:41):
I've been getting because I'vebeen getting a lot of good sex
and you're not really motivatedto do a lot of chastity if
you're getting really good sexon a weekly basis, I will return
to chastity.
I will get a new steelworkscage.
But this is where we are in myjourney.
Today I finally have a cage.
It is very obvious at work, alittle less obvious in other
places.
It is extremely secure, it isextremely comfortable and it is
(09:05):
not.
It is not the end of mychastity journey, because I know
for a fact I'm going to getanother one.
I actually got from themanufacturer this beautiful
piece of cock jewelry.
He calls it a glands ring, Icall it a frenum cuff.
It's a beautiful little metalband that attaches, that sits
right behind my glands, rightbehind the head of my penis, and
(09:28):
secures to my frenum piercingwith one of the security screws.
So it's like a little metalcuff around my penis that can't
come off without the screwdriver.
It is stunning.
I just think it's gorgeous.
I love wearing it, I love thekind of weight of it at the head
of my cock and it's also thebase of a more advanced
(09:50):
frenum-based anti-pullout systemmy pennies.
And one day we'll get,hopefully, a sleeker, lighter,
smaller steelworks cage, but fornow I'm going to enjoy the good
(10:19):
sex and that's where we are inmy chastity journey.
Let's think next specificallyabout how we can find that
intersection of dominance andchastity, of Dominance and
Chastity.
The main Chastity episode isseason two, episode three.
It is the number one episode ofthis entire podcast.
When you look at the statistics, and in case you haven't dug
(10:39):
through the back catalog, I'llgive you the gist of it.
My primary message when it comesto chastity is this it has been
wrongly encoded as submissive,and there's nothing
automatically submissive aboutbeing in chastity.
And I encourage people insteadto think of chastity as a tool,
(11:03):
a tool for gathering and storingsexual energy and therefore as
a tool it is available toeveryone Because chastity feels
good.
Chastity feels pretty effingamazing and as a dominant person
, I am not going to deny myselfany pleasure.
(11:23):
If something feels good, I wantto have the right to feel it,
and I would.
You know, that's not even aboutbeing dominant.
I think that is a fundamentalright as a human being the
pursuit of pleasure in, you know, consensual, all that.
But fortunately I consent tobeing locked.
Beyond simply this notion thatchastity feels good, I think
(11:45):
there are specific ways it canintersect dominant practices and
those are the ones I wanted tofocus on in this segment,
because I think mentally becausewe've been wrongly and
repeatedly encoding chastity assubmissive, mentally it's hard
for dominant peoples to thinkabout why they would ever want
(12:05):
to lock up their cock.
Now.
First of all, in a verypractical way, I like keeping
boys in chastity.
If I'm going to keep a boy inchastity, I need to know what it
feels like, and you know I caneboys and I have been caned.
I flog boys and I have beenflogged.
I feed boys, smoke and I havebeen fed smoke.
I flog boys and I have beenflogged.
I feed boys, smoke and I havebeen fed smoke.
(12:26):
I tie boys up and I have beentied up.
So a lot of my practice as adominant person involves
experiences and sensations thatI've experienced as well, so
that I know what they're feeling.
I know the range of physicalsensations possible, I know
where the pressure points aregoing to be.
(12:46):
That's important knowledge tome.
So if I am going to have a voidlocked in chastity, for me
personally it's important toknow what that feels like so
that I can support them and if Isupport them, they can be in
chastity longer, they can bemore successful reaching
chastity goals that we settogether.
And so the first reason I wouldencourage dominant people to be
locked is so that you can be abetter keyholder, essentially so
(13:10):
you can be better at keepingyour submissive peoples locked
as well.
Now, one of my good friendslocally I think I really was
inspired by him for thispractice.
So when he had a scene comingup with a boy he was really
excited about, he would lock fora few days to kind of build up,
(13:32):
not be tempted to shoot a load,to really instead really get
himself going so that he couldunleash that on the boy who was
coming.
And I think that's a reallybeautiful practice and that's
something I've done as well.
In fact, my DC boy and I willsometimes both lock for a week
or two before we're seeing eachother, and it is a way of
(13:56):
getting ourselves mentally ready, because chastity is a constant
reminder of something you feelthe cage all the time, and so in
that case it's a constantreminder that my boy is coming,
I'm going to get to have my boysoon, but it's also the buildup
of that sexual energy gettinghornier, building up a load that
I'm going to deposit in him, onhim somehow.
(14:18):
So one besides the simple knowwhat your submissive is going
through.
So lock yourself.
There's also the lock yourself.
There's also the lock yourselfin preparation for a scene.
More importantly, I thinkchastity has a role to play in
scenes as well, and I did avideo about this.
It's naughty, so it's not on myInstagram, it is on my ex, it
(14:43):
is on my blue sky and it'scalled dominant chastity and the
basic motivating idea here isthat submissive.
And you know, let me make anote.
Obviously this episode is verygender specific because I'm most
familiar with male chastity.
So it's not gender-specificbecause I think my experiences
(15:04):
can apply broadly.
This one is gender-specific.
The submissive people, the boysI play with, really like seed.
They like my seed.
That is a motivating thing forthem to get my load.
I think it makes them feelaccomplished.
I think it adds to the intimacy.
It's a way of bringing daddyslash sir home with them.
(15:24):
It's all those things right.
So chastity is a way of uppingthe stakes in some way.
And in the video on dominantchastity I'm in full leather and
I pull out my beautifulsteelworks, locked, shining
metal cage and the script isbasically you will not see it,
(15:48):
you will not touch it, you willnot taste it, you will not have
it in any hole of your bodyuntil you show me that you're
worthy.
That creates a very powerfulmindset.
If I enter into a scene and I'mlocked and I say boy, if you
want my cock, you have to earnit.
(16:10):
It is not a given.
It is not a given because mycock is special, because it's
mine.
It's my cock is special and youhave to earn it.
Obviously that requires acertain dynamic, a certain
mindset.
It does play at a kind ofextreme of dominant submission,
I think, but I think it's verymotivating and I think it's
(16:30):
super hot and I think the boys Iplay with would really really
respond to that as well.
The other place I think chesswould be really fun is when
you're fucking someone,ironically enough.
So I have a Mr Henke strap-onharness and some Mr Henke dildos
that right or strap-ons.
I have strap-on dildos and Ilove this notion of walking into
(16:53):
the scene and my cock is locked.
But here's this hugestrapped-on dildo and I simply
say don't worry, boy, I don'thave to stop because I came.
And it's the notion that I canfuck you endlessly because it's
not my cock doing the fucking.
I can fuck you until you arecrying and your eyes rolling
back into your head and you areorgasming in your butthole again
(17:15):
and again, and again, and Idon't have to stop.
I don't have to stop becauseI'm not going to come.
I think that's also reallypowerful, really motivating,
with a particular dynamic, witha particular kind of boy.
So it's another way we canintersect dominance and chastity
.
In general, what chastity doesis means that my cock is off the
(17:36):
table.
As a dominant person, that doesa number of things.
It means, for example, I'mgoing to be more focused on
extracting pleasure from otherparts of my body and from other
parts of your body.
So I'm probably going to caneyou longer, I'm probably going
to keep you tied up longer, I'mprobably going to be working
(17:58):
your tits longer because I don'thave that instant off of
shooting a load, because for meif I shoot a load we're done
Time for cuddles and aftercareand then you go.
So taking my cock off the tablefirst of all keeps me oriented
more deeply into the kink andkeeps me going in the kink even
(18:18):
longer than I would normally.
And then the other thing itdoes is it really well?
First of all, it fosters adifferent kind of intimacy, one
that's not genital based, and assomeone who's demisexual and
kind of gray sexual, that's kindof where I'm wired anyway.
So both of us are extractingpleasure, receiving pleasure,
and it's not about genitals, noteven necessarily about
(18:39):
buttholes.
It's really about differentpoints of the body and it's
about intimacy.
Ironically, if I'm taking mycock off the table, I can foster
greater intimacy because I amnot being driven by this selfish
need to experience an orgasm.
I'm calling it selfish.
(18:59):
That's a little bit of anoverstatement.
Of course, right Again, we'redealing with various flavors of
the DS dynamic that don't alwaysapply.
But if I'm taking my cock offthe table, I am necessarily more
focused on the intimacy.
That's how it works for me atleast.
I'm focused on the intimacybecause I'm not thinking about
(19:22):
getting off because I can't.
So beyond that, there is thatnotion of what will it take for
me to unlock for this boy?
What hoops does this boy haveto jump through to get me to
unlock?
And I mean honestly, I'm goingto unlock for the boy anyway,
(19:46):
but the boy doesn't know thatright.
So those are the different waysin which you can begin to play
with being locked as a dominantperson inside the scene.
There are just as many ways toplay locked as a dominant person
(20:09):
outside the scene, experiencingthe sheer pleasure of chastity,
preparing for the scene.
I also had a friend who reallywanted to train himself to only
orgasm while fucking andtherefore kept himself locked so
that he wouldn't jack off,right.
So there's another way as adominant person, you can use
chastity as a tool In the scene.
You can use chastity to kind oflock away the reward.
You can use it to focus on theother pleasures and the other
(20:30):
intimacies that become availablewhen cucks are not on the table
.
I hope that's given you somesense in how we can resolve this
fake dichotomy betweendominance and submission, this
sense that somehow they're inconflict.
They're not.
They're not.
They're only in conflict if welive in a world where chastity
(20:52):
is only for submissive peoples,and that's not my world.
That is not where I live and Ihave lots of friends who don't
live there either.
That's not my world.
That is not where I live, and Ihave lots of friends who don't
live there either.
So I really want to encourage acultural shift, a paradigm
shift, a perspective changearound what chastity is, what it
does and who it's available for.
(21:13):
It's available for everyone,everyone.
It began with the desire toadorn the body.
Christopher, the man behindSteelworks Extreme, the first of
our makers, grew up in Toronto,canada, and he was never very
(21:39):
much into school because he knewfrom a young age that he wanted
to do something else.
What he wanted to do was makebodies more beautiful by
adorning them.
So he explored fashion and thatdidn't really work out.
But then he looked into anapprenticeship with a jeweler
and that's where he found hiscalling, and so he started
making jewelry as a way ofadorning the human body.
(22:04):
Now, the other thing aboutChristopher is that he's always
loved various kinds ofsubcultures and subcommunities,
and at this time in the latemillennium, there was an
explosion of interest in bodymodification, including
scarification and piercing, aswell as tattoos all of these
things and at that time, becauseit was really starting to
(22:27):
explode, there was a muchgreater demand than supply,
meaning a lot of people wantedto get pierced.
But it's not like China wasmass producing stainless steel
circular barbells, yet At thattime, if you wanted a piercing,
a jeweler was making the jewelry, and that jeweler was
(22:47):
Christopher.
Steelworks Extreme was foundedas a piercing jewelry company,
much like Anatometal or BodyCircle Designs, and for a while
that's what he did.
He made piercing jewelry.
Now, another one of thesubcultures he was really
interested in was extreme bodymodification, and at that time,
(23:07):
there was actually a websitecalled BME Body Modification
E-zine, and it was for peoplewho were really into some heavy
modifications, includingtranscrotal piercings and dermal
implants, things like that, andfor things like that.
It's not like you can go toyour local store and find these
(23:27):
sorts of piercings, and soChristopher was able to meet
their needs by creating jewelryfor more unusual piercings, and
that's how he grew into thatcommunity as well.
So one day one of his clientsfrom the body modification world
came to him with this sad,ragged little ad of a ball
(23:50):
capture device that was reallypoorly made and said can you
make one of these?
And he did, and that was thestart of Steelworks Extreme's
evolution into a chastity devicecompany.
For a long time he would go tothe Steelworks Extreme website
(24:11):
and it was all piercing jewelryand there'd be like one little
side tab over to the side aboutball capture chastity devices.
But we can see that today ithas become the primary product
they offer.
I'm pretty sure Christopher isan artist and he'll probably
make anything you want,including I know they make
stainless steel titaniumpadlocks that are very unique,
(24:33):
but their main business hasbecome these chassis devices,
and that's what we knowSteelworks Extreme for.
But what's interesting is thatit starts not with someone
saying I want to lock every cockin the world.
It starts with someone saying Ireally have this desire to
adorn the body, and you see thatreflected in the products that
(24:56):
Christopher makes.
If you've not seen a Steelworkscage in the products that
Christopher makes.
If you've not seen a steelworkscage, they are really quite
stunning and sometimes unusualand elaborate and inspired by
monsters or by steampunk.
But what's amazing is that eachone is so beautifully crafted,
starting as like a giant hunk ofstainless steel or titanium
(25:17):
that gets milled and then getshand finished.
Every one of those leaves witha human touch.
Every one of those leaves notas simply a chastity device
that's going to be verycomfortable and very effective,
but as a piece of art, as apiece of jewelry for the body,
(25:40):
as a piece of jewelry for thebody.
And so it's not simply aboutkeeping someone chaste, it's
also about making that chastebody look really, really
beautiful.
And so Christopher's had acomplicated journey, from
fashion to jewelry making, tomaking body piercing jewelry, to
making the chastity cages thatso many people around the world
(26:03):
absolutely love.
And that's the story of thefirst of our makers.
And now it's time for Ask Edge,the segment where I ask
questions from all of you.
If you have a question, you caneither leave me a voicemail at
speakpipecom slash leatheredgeL-T-H-R-E-G-G-E, or you can
(26:29):
email me at ask atleatheredgecom.
Both of those are available inthe show notes, and I encourage
you to send in your questions,since really you're the people
who keep this segment alive Now.
I had received a voicemail fromAmber, who identifies as
Leather Girl.
Amber, I hope you are listening.
I tried emailing you.
(26:50):
I did not get a response.
Your voicemail cut out about 30seconds in and you know it
looked like it was playing butthere was no sound, so I never
heard your question.
So please, please, considersubmitting it again.
I especially love for a littlebit of gender diversity and I
(27:12):
would love to haverepresentation of a leather girl
and trying to work with you onaddressing your question.
So please send it in and I willanswer it in the next episode.
I do have one question that wasemailed in and I'm going to.
I'm just going to say this isfrom Cub F.
He writes my question is alittle complicated.
(27:34):
Being a demisexual with tons offriends, I have a best friend
who I adore and love.
Being an introvert, it's hardto find someone I can be very
open and vulnerable with.
The problem I'm having is thisromantic attachment I have for
him.
At times I want to be bestfriends instead of lovers
because of how well ourrelationship is, but part of me
(27:55):
is hoping that door can open oneday.
Initially we had a crush oneach other, but we decided to be
best friends because we wereboth needing someone to lean on.
So for the first time in a longtime, I started looking on
Scruff for potential dates todistract my mind and to make
myself realize that he may notbe the only one to pursue a
romantic relationship with Notinto polyamory or an open
(28:18):
relationship, because that iswho I am.
Do you have any insights of whatelse I can do?
Any piece of advice can help.
Wow.
Let me tell you first of allthat I identify with a lot of
the things you're talking abouthere.
I am also demisexual.
I don't have a ton of friends,but I am also demisexual.
I am also an introvert and so Iunderstand some of the
(28:39):
complications you're facing here.
And matters of the heart are sodamn tricky and complicated
because we don't want to hurt,and that both means we don't
want to get hurt and we don'twant to hurt others.
And especially if you have thisbeautiful, functioning best
(29:01):
friend relationship with thisperson, putting that at risk
must feel kind of terrifying.
I don't know that I have anyextraordinary advice.
I will say that you're right inthat if this person exists,
other people like this personexist and you could find love
with one of them.
So certainly there is aromantic possibility for you out
(29:24):
there.
But I also personally like tobelieve that some things are a
little inevitable and I like tobelieve that if this best friend
who you have feelings for issupposed to be the person you're
with, that there will come apoint when you both reveal that
(29:47):
to each other and begin toexplore that space.
Now you can certainly, if thisis your best friend, you can
certainly have a conversationand say, hey, I don't want to
threaten our friendship, but Ijust want you to know that
sometimes I think about aromantic future with you and it
would just help me to know ifthat's at all a possibility,
because if it's not, then I canturn that off.
But if it is, it doesn't haveto happen today, but at least I
(30:09):
can kind of hold that trajectoryopen and that might be one
strategy.
I have had conversations likethat kind of similar to that.
There are people who have beenin my life, people who are in my
life, who I've had realfeelings for and who have
expressed those feelings andthey were not returned.
(30:30):
And that doesn't mean they haveto leave my life.
Most of those people are stillin my life, but now I have
clarity and with clarity andwith clear understanding of what
the boundaries are, then I canfind a kind of contentment.
There is a part of me thatstill wishes I could have had
more with this person or thatperson, but I much more value
(30:54):
what I do have with them thanwhat I might have had with them.
So if you feel you have the kindof friendship and if you feel
that it is secure and steady anddeep enough to really have what
could be an awkwardconversation and, critically, if
you are ready to hear theanswer of no, there is no
(31:15):
romantic future here, then youmight consider opening it up in
an honest conversation in a waythat feels safe, right, and I
think the way you do that isjust to say hey, you know,
you're so important to me.
I just wanted to share with youthat sometimes I have thoughts
of a romantic future with youand I just wanted to know if you
think that's possible.
(31:36):
If it's not, that's cool.
But if it is right, like reallyjust sort of open the door just
to find out if there's any dooron his side.
This is only advisable if youare ready for him to say no I
don't see that kind of futureand for you to still have the
(31:57):
kind of friendship.
I'm not going to say it waseasy for me, but I can say that
I've done it.
I know it's possible.
Now, part of what allows that tobe possible for me is that I am
polyamorous, and so I'velearned that I can love someone,
(32:18):
and they don't have to be myhusband.
I can love someone deeply, andmaybe they're just my boy.
I can love someone deeply,maybe they're just a friend.
So part of what allows me tohave those conversations with
others that, unlike you, theperson who I am is polyamorous,
and so if I hear no, it's notdevastating.
(32:38):
It's disappointing, but it'snot devastating.
So keep that in mind too.
You really need to do someself-reflection and think about
are you ready to hear thatperson say no?
If you're not ready to hear himsay no, then keep being the
best friend you can with thatperson and then see if,
naturally, you both evolvetowards a romantic connection.
(33:01):
In all that always do remember Ikeep, in fact, with every one
of these people that I had tohave the hard conversation and
they're like no, and then I likeI still love you and I want you
in my life and they're likegreat For every one of them.
I have also said to myselfthey're not the only one right
Like if they exist, then peoplelike them exist and that means
(33:25):
that even if I don't fall inlove with them, there's hope for
me, and I've always found thatkind of super duper affirming
this notion that there's hopefor me.
I hope that helps and I hopethat you.
I hope you find your way.
I hope you find your way whereI hope you find your way to a
future where you have that bestfriend and you have the love of
(33:47):
your life.
And maybe they're the sameperson, maybe they're not, but I
really want people to findfutures where they're happy.
So I'm wishing that for you.
And that's all we have for AskEdge this time.
Please do think about sending ina question of any sort.
I think a lot of people thinkI'm just here to answer profound
(34:10):
questions.
I'm also more than happy toanswer silly questions about my
life, like what are the things Ilike to do, what I watch on TV.
What's my favorite ice cream?
Whatever, whatever, whatever.
This is an open door, so don'tfeel like you need something
profound.
I'm not really an advice show.
I'm just some guy sitting inhis office talking to the world,
sharing my experience, strengthand hope with all of you and
(34:31):
grateful for that.
And that's it for this episodeof Full Cow.
Thank you all for joining me,and I am thrilled to have
finally started season four.
My approach to this season isgoing to be a little more
organic, and that means episodesare coming out not every first
(34:54):
Friday of the month, not everysecond Friday for an interlude,
but instead when I am able.
So it will be a littleirregular, but it will be.
I have several episodes plannedfor this season already and I'm
excited for many of them.
So I can tell you that Fulcow isback, but I can tell you it's
(35:17):
back in a way that issustainable for me, my time and
my energy, and I am happy to bedoing this again.
It feels good to be behind themicrophone again, but it also
feels good to know that I'm notgoing to sacrifice.
I'm not going to sacrifice forthis podcast.
(35:38):
I'm going to learn to live withit in a way that enhances my
joy and that's possible becauseof you Knowing there are people
who are listening, and knowingpeople that value.
What I have to say is the onlyreason I am doing this, because
otherwise I would probably betaking a nap right now.
So thank you for listening,thank you for subscribing, thank
(36:02):
you for being a part of myworld, thank you for supporting
this podcast and I hope well,let's see.
I imagine I would have the nextepisode out within a month.
Let's see.
It'll be interesting.
What an adventure, what anadventure we're on.
All right, all of you.
I hope that you are making yourway through what is now a very
difficult, challenging world andI hope especially your kink and
(36:25):
leather journey is truly,deeply blessed.
And that's it for this episode.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
Please consider subscribing oryou can send feedback to edge at
fullcowshow, as always.
May your leather journey beblessed.
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