April 19, 2024 • 18 mins
Here's how Buzzsprout AI described this episode LOL:
Battling the tides of depression is an experience akin to navigating a relentless ocean; it's a voyage I've charted through the ebb and flow of medication adjustments, 12-step programs, and the unexpected oasis of dance lessons. My narrative in this episode is not just about the storms faced, but also the triumph in self-care and the pursuit of love amidst my professional endeavors. Wrestling with the decision to reveal the intricacies of my personal life, I've chosen the path of privacy in my dating journey, a reflection of the intricate dance between public persona and the quest for genuine connection.
The silent chorus of loneliness, especially poignant during weekends, strikes a chord with many, and I'm no stranger to its melody. Over the past 15 years, therapy sessions have been my steadfast companions, providing solace and stability. Listen as I delve into the importance of demystifying mental health support, the invaluable role of therapy, and how, despite a lackluster Saturday, there's always the hope of a brighter Sunday. I invite you to join the conversation, one that promises not only a mirror to my own experiences but also extends a helping hand to those navigating similar waters.
Ask Edge! Go to https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHREDGE to leave ask a question or leave feedback. Find Edge's other content on Instagram and Twitter. Also visit his archive of educational videos, Tchick-Tchick.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Full Cow, a podcast about other kink and
BDSM.
My name is Edge, my pronounsare he, him, and I'm your host.
And this is another interludethe episode between episodes,
offered raw and unedited butwith Langlitz creaking.
And this time I wanted to onceagain normalize discussions
(00:21):
about mental health by talkingabout my ongoing struggle
Struggle is a hard word myongoing coping I'll use coping
with depression.
You know, I did an interludeback in October 22, talking
about my depression, and at thatpoint I just started medication
(00:42):
and that medication has beenworking really well for a long
time.
But recently I've noticed someof the same symptoms returning,
a kind of apathy, anhedonia, nottaking pleasure at the gym, not
wanting to reach out to people,feeling really unmotivated at
(01:03):
work.
And so just this past FridayI'm recording this on Saturday
April 6th I met with my primarycare doctor and we talked about
increasing the dosage of mymedication.
So hopefully let's see well,this is coming out in a couple
weeks Hopefully, by the timeyou're listening to this, I will
(01:24):
be better.
I hope I'm better Now.
I'm not in some sort of blackhole of darkness, right Like.
I'm able to get out of bed, I'mable to still go to the gym,
I'm able to have plans withpeople, but it's as though I'm
at the top of a very steep slopeand I recognize it, and so I'm
able to do something about it.
(01:44):
I'm able to do something aboutit.
I'm not only relying onmedication.
I also am doing a lot of myself-care practices.
That includes working my12-step program of recovery.
That includes exercising,eating food that aligns with my
body goals, trying to connectwith the people closest in my
life and having some newadventures and finding new ways
(02:08):
to make joy.
One of those is I'm takingdance lessons.
I'm currently learning thehustle.
I'm really good, and next Iwill learn the tango.
So I don't know where you are inyour mental health journey, but
I'm sharing mine, which isalways a little weird for me,
right Like, on the one hand,I've found that people find it
(02:32):
quite powerful when I sharehonestly about my experiences
and I'm able to talk aboutthings from my place of
privilege that a lot of peopledon't hear or don't get
articulated, and thereforethat's the normalizingizing rate
.
On the other hand, this is myhealth.
This is sharing my healthdetails.
I don't necessarily talk aboutmy GERD or my hypertension, but,
(02:53):
if you're curious, I have bothof those and they're both fairly
under control.
So I'm always walking this linebetween really sharing where
I'm at and being mindful thatsome information is not to be
shared.
That's especially true with thisissue, I think, because a lot
of my depression is related tothe fact that I'm still looking
(03:15):
for a boyfriend and dating ishorrible.
Dating is horrible.
I have boxes to tick, and oneof the most important ones is
that I'm really really focusedon finding someone locally.
I just don't know that I cankeep putting the man I love on
an airplane and that becomesextra challenging.
(03:37):
And I am talking to peoplearound the country and I don't
know right.
Like theoretically, someone canmove here.
Right now I'm really geo lockedby my career, but that might
change.
In fact, I'm also doing somecareer explanation exploration
to think about what else I mightdo that would allow more
(03:58):
opportunities for me to maybemove somewhere else, maybe fall
in love with someone on theother side of the country and
move there, instead of havingthem have to move to Florida.
This is something I also don'ttalk about a lot my dating life,
my relationship status Althoughyou know in my more desperate
(04:20):
times you might find a randomtweet or random Instagram note
that's like, oh, I'm single.
Desperate times you might finda random tweet or a random
Instagram note that's like, ohI'm single, looking for
boyfriend application.
It's just sort of.
There comes times where I crossthat line.
But I try to keep a littleseparation between Edge, the
social media persona with the Xand the Instagram and the
podcast, and who I am as aperson podcast and who I am as a
(04:46):
person.
There are a few reasons forthat.
First of all, dating me can bea lot because I come with edge.
I was dating this guy from LAof course, no one local a little
over a year ago we went to alocal leather event together and
at the end of it he said youknow, you cast a really long
(05:07):
shadow and I knew what he meant.
That it's a lot to be aroundEdge because I have some level
of people who know me.
I have some level of people whoare fans.
I get a lot of peopleapproaching me because of that
and that can be a lot.
And so already before me evencrossing this line between my
(05:32):
social media presence and mydating life, I was like, okay,
that's complicated, and then tosort of let my dating life bleed
into my social media just feelsreally dangerous because I
don't need to drag anyone intothe spotlight of edge.
So I do my best to keep them alittle separate.
And and that's the other reasonwhy this interlude feels a
(05:58):
little strange, because thedepression is very much related
to the fact that I still don'thave a boyfriend, and this is
something I talked about with mytherapist.
Okay well, am I depressed againbecause I'm still single, or am
I focused more on being singlebecause I'm depressed?
And that's why I talk to myprimary care?
That's why I up the my primarycare, that's why I up the dosage
(06:19):
of my medication.
I also feel that right now Ijust must be giving out gloomy
energy because I feel a littlegloomy and that's no way to meet
people.
People must be able to pick upon that.
So I'm not going to talk aboutmy dating life a lot, but I do
want to talk about mental healthand being able to make sure
everyone feels comfortabletalking about mental health and,
(06:44):
most importantly, making sureeveryone feels comfortable
seeking help when they need it.
You know, I grew up my mom was adoctor person.
Like if anything was wrong, youwent straight to the doctor.
So from a very young age I wasprogrammed to seek health care
help.
It was the moment I needed it.
So there was no stigma for mewhen I first decided to go to
(07:06):
therapy.
There was no stigma for me thefirst time I went on a course of
antidepressants.
This was very natural to me andmy impression is for younger
generations this is alreadypretty normalized.
I think it's probably men andpeople of my age or older where
mental health issues might stillbe, I don't know, a little
(07:27):
squeaky, I don't know.
It bears repeating often thatif you need help, get it.
There's no stigma around it.
I'm a firm believer thatdepression is a biological issue
having to do with whichchemicals are swirling around in
my brain, and that sometimesI'm going to need a little
(07:47):
support.
It doesn't mean I won't get sad, but it means I won't fall into
the pit of darkness.
And there's nothing wrong perse with the pit of darkness.
That sounds awful but it's sortof true.
There's nothing wrong per sewith the pit of darkness, but my
experience is that when I fallin it takes a long time to get
out.
It takes a long struggling,struggling time to climb out of
(08:11):
that pit.
So now I do whatever I can tonot fall into the pit.
That includes all the toolsI've talked about to not fall
into the pit.
That includes all the toolsI've talked about.
I also think that if you areexperiencing mental health
issues, a great place to startis with a therapist.
I'm a big believer in therapy.
If I need to pay someone tolisten to my problems for an
(08:31):
hour, that's a pretty good deal,because my friends're not
professionally equipped to copewith my problems and I mean I
have stuff I need to dump and Ican't keep dumping it onto the
doorstep of my friends.
I think that might really burnthe friendship in some ways.
That's my approach.
That's how I feel about it.
(08:52):
I don't expect everyone to feelthat way.
Right, like, friends are animportant part of my support
network, but I also realizedthat I need a paid professional
who can listen to my problemsfor an hour as often as I need.
Right now I see my therapistonce a month.
I kind of consider itmaintenance.
He knows oh my God, let's seealmost 15 years of my life at
(09:16):
this point and so I see him oncea month to kind of catch him up
on what's going on andgenerally I'm fantastic.
The truth is today, april 6th,saturday, days before the
eclipse.
The truth is today, I am okay,I just don't feel okay.
I just don't feel okay, andthat's kind of profound, isn't
(09:43):
it?
I am okay, I just don't feelokay.
What's critical is that I knowI will feel okay.
I know that I am walkingthrough the hallway.
I hate hallways.
Right, one door closes, anotherone opens, but the one that's
open is way, way, way far downthe hallway.
Oh, and that walk is long andit's hard.
(10:05):
I I'm really trying to lean intojoy as a way of really becoming
happy with being single, andI've been fairly successful with
that.
Let me pause, right, I've neverbeen single for this long in my
life and it's only been twoyears and a few months.
Right, it's not like I've beensingle a crazy long time.
(10:29):
I know a lot of people who'vebeen single much longer than I
have, but this is the longestI've been single a crazy long
time.
I know a lot of people who'vebeen single much longer than I
have, but this is the longestI've been single, and a part of
this journey has been learningto be happy single and I've done
pretty damn good work aroundthat and I'm very happy with it.
I've had a lot of adventures.
I've done travel, I've doneleather events, I'm learning how
(10:49):
to ballroom dance.
I'm really leaning into my joyand centering gratitude.
So I've done a lot of good work.
But particularly on the weekends, I get what I tell people.
I'm feeling the singles.
There's a kind of heavinessright, and I feel it on the
(11:11):
weekends.
It weighs on me.
In part is because I don't haveanyone to do anything with on
the weekend, but also it's sortof I have to haul all the
groceries in myself.
That's okay.
By and large I am happy beingsingle, but there is the weight
of the weekends and lately itfeels like I'm more cognizant of
(11:33):
the weight of being singlepractically every day.
It's as though there's alow-level pain that I cope with
every single day and I don'twant to overstress that because
there are people who actuallydeal with chronic pain, both
psychological and physical, andI'm in really good shape right.
(11:55):
I am not complaining at all.
However, I acknowledge thatpain is there and that it's
become more prominent, andthat's why I went to go get help
.
That's why I talked to mytherapist about what was going
on.
I saw my primary care physician, because it's one thing for me
(12:15):
to get down every now and thenor oh, I'm really down this
weekend but it was starting tobecome persistent and a little
more daily, and so part of thelesson there is know who you are
, know yourself, know yourpatterns, be self-aware, live a
self-examined life.
And when you see your mentalstate shifting in a way that
(12:39):
lasts longer than usual, that isdeeper than usual, darker than
usual, maybe more manic thanusual, these are the times where
it's beneficial to at leasthave someone to talk to, a
professional who can evaluateyou.
My therapist asked me a lot ofquestions about how's my sleep,
how's my eating, how's theseother qualities of my life, and
(13:03):
was really helping me to putsome things in perspective but
also make a recommendation abouttalking to my primary.
When I talked to my primary,she had a set of questions for
me as well.
I knew to go see them because Iwas recognizing a shift in my
mental state that was unusualfor me, that was lasting longer
than usual for me, and because Iwent and saw them.
(13:26):
I'm getting help and that meansI know I'm going to be better.
I'm probably not going to bebetter today.
Today's been a really tough dayfor me.
You know it's smoke out in LasVegas, so anytime I open up
social media, there's the FOMO.
There's someone very importantto me who's there having a
fantastic time.
(13:47):
I'm so happy for him and yet Ialso want him to be with me and
I want to be at Smokeout withhim and I want to be at Smokeout
and not have him there.
This is a hard day.
Saturday April 6th is a hard day.
There's a lot of FOMO on top ofthe usual being single, feeling
the singles kind of thing.
(14:08):
And today I've really struggledto text people, to connect with
people, to do much of anything.
I don't even know how I managedto record a whole interlude.
That's a miracle.
That's a beautiful miracle.
The key difference is I knowthis will change, and it's not
because I've been.
(14:29):
It's going to change becauseI've taken action.
It's going to change because Igot help, because I talked to my
therapist, because I talked tomy doctor, because my meds have
been upped.
This will change, notimmediately, but there's
(14:49):
suddenly that long hallway.
I can see more light.
It's not the doorway I'm goingto walk through.
I don't know where the F, thatdoorway is, but I see more light
in the hallway that allows meto keep trudging.
I'm a big believer in trudgingand trudging is just.
I'm going to get up.
I'm going to push my waythrough this day.
(15:10):
I'm going to practice goodself-care.
I'm going to get up.
I'm going to push my waythrough this day.
I'm going to practice goodself-care.
I'm going to take care ofmyself.
There are going to be some dayswhere pushing through the day
means staying in bed a littleextra longer, but I am going to
move through this day with theunderstanding that a better day
is coming, and a better day iscoming because I got help.
So let me summarize sometakeaways for you.
(15:32):
It is totally okay to talkabout mental health with an
understanding that it is part ofyour health record.
It's part of your privatehealth information and therefore
you also get to make decisionsabout who you talk to about your
health.
You can share it with the wholeworld, as I am doing now, or
you can keep that informationfairly private, perhaps with
family members, some trustedadvisors or health professionals
(15:55):
.
So that's the first thing wenormalize talking about mental
health.
As part of that.
Number two, we normalize askingfor help.
That, if you have noticed achange in your mental state that
seems to be lasting longer thanyour usual ups and downs.
Do not feel afraid, ashamed,intimidated to ask for help.
(16:16):
Number three I'm going to do mybest to separate out my
large-ish social media presencefrom my personal dating life,
because combining those thingsis complicated for everyone.
That being said, there aretimes when I choose to share
some of the struggles I'm goingthrough because I believe my
(16:38):
experience can benefit othersand finally, I'm able to hold on
.
I have hope today that my moodwill change, not because I think
depression is just going toturn itself off, but because I
have gotten help.
So those are the takeaways frommy weirdly confessional.
(17:03):
I feel weird about thisinterlude because it's a little
more sharing my privateinformation than usual, oh my
God.
Side note so, yeah, I am goingon dates, right, and I'm talking
to people in a romanticcapacity and more than once I'm
talking to people and they knowstuff about me and I'm like how
(17:25):
the hell do you know that?
And then I remember that Ishare a lot about my life in
this podcast and if someone haslistened to all the podcasts,
all these little openingsegments in every episode and
all the interludes.
They are going to know a lotabout me.
That was funny.
I forgot how I got there.
Anyway, I'm going to separateout my dating life from my
(17:49):
social media life and you makeyour own choices about that.
But if you are not feelingcomfortable in your mental state
, please do think about talkingto someone and getting some help
.
I made that choice.
I'm happy I made that choice.
It gives me hope.
(18:10):
It allows me to make it throughthis fairly blah Saturday April
6th to what I know will be atleast a slightly brighter Sunday
April 7th.
So with that, I wish you all anincredible mental health
journey.
Welcome to Full Cow, a podcast about other kink and
BDSM.
My name is Edge, my pronounsare he, him, and I'm your host.
And this is another interludethe episode between episodes,
offered raw and unedited butwith Langlitz creaking.
And this time I wanted to onceagain normalize discussions
(00:21):
about mental health by talkingabout my ongoing struggle
Struggle is a hard word myongoing coping I'll use coping
with depression.
You know, I did an interludeback in October 22, talking
about my depression, and at thatpoint I just started medication
(00:42):
and that medication has beenworking really well for a long
time.
But recently I've noticed someof the same symptoms returning,
a kind of apathy, anhedonia, nottaking pleasure at the gym, not
wanting to reach out to people,feeling really unmotivated at
(01:03):
work.
And so just this past FridayI'm recording this on Saturday
April 6th I met with my primarycare doctor and we talked about
increasing the dosage of mymedication.
So hopefully let's see well,this is coming out in a couple
weeks Hopefully, by the timeyou're listening to this, I will
(01:24):
be better.
I hope I'm better Now.
I'm not in some sort of blackhole of darkness, right Like.
I'm able to get out of bed, I'mable to still go to the gym,
I'm able to have plans withpeople, but it's as though I'm
at the top of a very steep slopeand I recognize it, and so I'm
able to do something about it.
(01:44):
I'm able to do something aboutit.
I'm not only relying onmedication.
I also am doing a lot of myself-care practices.
That includes working my12-step program of recovery.
That includes exercising,eating food that aligns with my
body goals, trying to connectwith the people closest in my
life and having some newadventures and finding new ways
(02:08):
to make joy.
One of those is I'm takingdance lessons.
I'm currently learning thehustle.
I'm really good, and next Iwill learn the tango.
So I don't know where you are inyour mental health journey, but
I'm sharing mine, which isalways a little weird for me,
right Like, on the one hand,I've found that people find it
(02:32):
quite powerful when I sharehonestly about my experiences
and I'm able to talk aboutthings from my place of
privilege that a lot of peopledon't hear or don't get
articulated, and thereforethat's the normalizingizing rate
.
On the other hand, this is myhealth.
This is sharing my healthdetails.
I don't necessarily talk aboutmy GERD or my hypertension, but,
(02:53):
if you're curious, I have bothof those and they're both fairly
under control.
So I'm always walking this linebetween really sharing where
I'm at and being mindful thatsome information is not to be
shared.
That's especially true with thisissue, I think, because a lot
of my depression is related tothe fact that I'm still looking
(03:15):
for a boyfriend and dating ishorrible.
Dating is horrible.
I have boxes to tick, and oneof the most important ones is
that I'm really really focusedon finding someone locally.
I just don't know that I cankeep putting the man I love on
an airplane and that becomesextra challenging.
(03:37):
And I am talking to peoplearound the country and I don't
know right.
Like theoretically, someone canmove here.
Right now I'm really geo lockedby my career, but that might
change.
In fact, I'm also doing somecareer explanation exploration
to think about what else I mightdo that would allow more
(03:58):
opportunities for me to maybemove somewhere else, maybe fall
in love with someone on theother side of the country and
move there, instead of havingthem have to move to Florida.
This is something I also don'ttalk about a lot my dating life,
my relationship status Althoughyou know in my more desperate
(04:20):
times you might find a randomtweet or random Instagram note
that's like, oh, I'm single.
Desperate times you might finda random tweet or a random
Instagram note that's like, ohI'm single, looking for
boyfriend application.
It's just sort of.
There comes times where I crossthat line.
But I try to keep a littleseparation between Edge, the
social media persona with the Xand the Instagram and the
podcast, and who I am as aperson podcast and who I am as a
(04:46):
person.
There are a few reasons forthat.
First of all, dating me can bea lot because I come with edge.
I was dating this guy from LAof course, no one local a little
over a year ago we went to alocal leather event together and
at the end of it he said youknow, you cast a really long
(05:07):
shadow and I knew what he meant.
That it's a lot to be aroundEdge because I have some level
of people who know me.
I have some level of people whoare fans.
I get a lot of peopleapproaching me because of that
and that can be a lot.
And so already before me evencrossing this line between my
(05:32):
social media presence and mydating life, I was like, okay,
that's complicated, and then tosort of let my dating life bleed
into my social media just feelsreally dangerous because I
don't need to drag anyone intothe spotlight of edge.
So I do my best to keep them alittle separate.
And and that's the other reasonwhy this interlude feels a
(05:58):
little strange, because thedepression is very much related
to the fact that I still don'thave a boyfriend, and this is
something I talked about with mytherapist.
Okay well, am I depressed againbecause I'm still single, or am
I focused more on being singlebecause I'm depressed?
And that's why I talk to myprimary care?
That's why I up the my primarycare, that's why I up the dosage
(06:19):
of my medication.
I also feel that right now Ijust must be giving out gloomy
energy because I feel a littlegloomy and that's no way to meet
people.
People must be able to pick upon that.
So I'm not going to talk aboutmy dating life a lot, but I do
want to talk about mental healthand being able to make sure
everyone feels comfortabletalking about mental health and,
(06:44):
most importantly, making sureeveryone feels comfortable
seeking help when they need it.
You know, I grew up my mom was adoctor person.
Like if anything was wrong, youwent straight to the doctor.
So from a very young age I wasprogrammed to seek health care
help.
It was the moment I needed it.
So there was no stigma for mewhen I first decided to go to
(07:06):
therapy.
There was no stigma for me thefirst time I went on a course of
antidepressants.
This was very natural to me andmy impression is for younger
generations this is alreadypretty normalized.
I think it's probably men andpeople of my age or older where
mental health issues might stillbe, I don't know, a little
(07:27):
squeaky, I don't know.
It bears repeating often thatif you need help, get it.
There's no stigma around it.
I'm a firm believer thatdepression is a biological issue
having to do with whichchemicals are swirling around in
my brain, and that sometimesI'm going to need a little
(07:47):
support.
It doesn't mean I won't get sad, but it means I won't fall into
the pit of darkness.
And there's nothing wrong perse with the pit of darkness.
That sounds awful but it's sortof true.
There's nothing wrong per sewith the pit of darkness, but my
experience is that when I fallin it takes a long time to get
out.
It takes a long struggling,struggling time to climb out of
(08:11):
that pit.
So now I do whatever I can tonot fall into the pit.
That includes all the toolsI've talked about to not fall
into the pit.
That includes all the toolsI've talked about.
I also think that if you areexperiencing mental health
issues, a great place to startis with a therapist.
I'm a big believer in therapy.
If I need to pay someone tolisten to my problems for an
(08:31):
hour, that's a pretty good deal,because my friends're not
professionally equipped to copewith my problems and I mean I
have stuff I need to dump and Ican't keep dumping it onto the
doorstep of my friends.
I think that might really burnthe friendship in some ways.
That's my approach.
That's how I feel about it.
(08:52):
I don't expect everyone to feelthat way.
Right, like, friends are animportant part of my support
network, but I also realizedthat I need a paid professional
who can listen to my problemsfor an hour as often as I need.
Right now I see my therapistonce a month.
I kind of consider itmaintenance.
He knows oh my God, let's seealmost 15 years of my life at
(09:16):
this point and so I see him oncea month to kind of catch him up
on what's going on andgenerally I'm fantastic.
The truth is today, april 6th,saturday, days before the
eclipse.
The truth is today, I am okay,I just don't feel okay.
I just don't feel okay, andthat's kind of profound, isn't
(09:43):
it?
I am okay, I just don't feelokay.
What's critical is that I knowI will feel okay.
I know that I am walkingthrough the hallway.
I hate hallways.
Right, one door closes, anotherone opens, but the one that's
open is way, way, way far downthe hallway.
Oh, and that walk is long andit's hard.
(10:05):
I I'm really trying to lean intojoy as a way of really becoming
happy with being single, andI've been fairly successful with
that.
Let me pause, right, I've neverbeen single for this long in my
life and it's only been twoyears and a few months.
Right, it's not like I've beensingle a crazy long time.
(10:29):
I know a lot of people who'vebeen single much longer than I
have, but this is the longestI've been single a crazy long
time.
I know a lot of people who'vebeen single much longer than I
have, but this is the longestI've been single, and a part of
this journey has been learningto be happy single and I've done
pretty damn good work aroundthat and I'm very happy with it.
I've had a lot of adventures.
I've done travel, I've doneleather events, I'm learning how
(10:49):
to ballroom dance.
I'm really leaning into my joyand centering gratitude.
So I've done a lot of good work.
But particularly on the weekends, I get what I tell people.
I'm feeling the singles.
There's a kind of heavinessright, and I feel it on the
(11:11):
weekends.
It weighs on me.
In part is because I don't haveanyone to do anything with on
the weekend, but also it's sortof I have to haul all the
groceries in myself.
That's okay.
By and large I am happy beingsingle, but there is the weight
of the weekends and lately itfeels like I'm more cognizant of
(11:33):
the weight of being singlepractically every day.
It's as though there's alow-level pain that I cope with
every single day and I don'twant to overstress that because
there are people who actuallydeal with chronic pain, both
psychological and physical, andI'm in really good shape right.
(11:55):
I am not complaining at all.
However, I acknowledge thatpain is there and that it's
become more prominent, andthat's why I went to go get help
.
That's why I talked to mytherapist about what was going
on.
I saw my primary care physician, because it's one thing for me
(12:15):
to get down every now and thenor oh, I'm really down this
weekend but it was starting tobecome persistent and a little
more daily, and so part of thelesson there is know who you are
, know yourself, know yourpatterns, be self-aware, live a
self-examined life.
And when you see your mentalstate shifting in a way that
(12:39):
lasts longer than usual, that isdeeper than usual, darker than
usual, maybe more manic thanusual, these are the times where
it's beneficial to at leasthave someone to talk to, a
professional who can evaluateyou.
My therapist asked me a lot ofquestions about how's my sleep,
how's my eating, how's theseother qualities of my life, and
(13:03):
was really helping me to putsome things in perspective but
also make a recommendation abouttalking to my primary.
When I talked to my primary,she had a set of questions for
me as well.
I knew to go see them because Iwas recognizing a shift in my
mental state that was unusualfor me, that was lasting longer
than usual for me, and because Iwent and saw them.
(13:26):
I'm getting help and that meansI know I'm going to be better.
I'm probably not going to bebetter today.
Today's been a really tough dayfor me.
You know it's smoke out in LasVegas, so anytime I open up
social media, there's the FOMO.
There's someone very importantto me who's there having a
fantastic time.
(13:47):
I'm so happy for him and yet Ialso want him to be with me and
I want to be at Smokeout withhim and I want to be at Smokeout
and not have him there.
This is a hard day.
Saturday April 6th is a hard day.
There's a lot of FOMO on top ofthe usual being single, feeling
the singles kind of thing.
(14:08):
And today I've really struggledto text people, to connect with
people, to do much of anything.
I don't even know how I managedto record a whole interlude.
That's a miracle.
That's a beautiful miracle.
The key difference is I knowthis will change, and it's not
because I've been.
(14:29):
It's going to change becauseI've taken action.
It's going to change because Igot help, because I talked to my
therapist, because I talked tomy doctor, because my meds have
been upped.
This will change, notimmediately, but there's
(14:49):
suddenly that long hallway.
I can see more light.
It's not the doorway I'm goingto walk through.
I don't know where the F, thatdoorway is, but I see more light
in the hallway that allows meto keep trudging.
I'm a big believer in trudgingand trudging is just.
I'm going to get up.
I'm going to push my waythrough this day.
(15:10):
I'm going to practice goodself-care.
I'm going to get up.
I'm going to push my waythrough this day.
I'm going to practice goodself-care.
I'm going to take care ofmyself.
There are going to be some dayswhere pushing through the day
means staying in bed a littleextra longer, but I am going to
move through this day with theunderstanding that a better day
is coming, and a better day iscoming because I got help.
So let me summarize sometakeaways for you.
(15:32):
It is totally okay to talkabout mental health with an
understanding that it is part ofyour health record.
It's part of your privatehealth information and therefore
you also get to make decisionsabout who you talk to about your
health.
You can share it with the wholeworld, as I am doing now, or
you can keep that informationfairly private, perhaps with
family members, some trustedadvisors or health professionals
(15:55):
.
So that's the first thing wenormalize talking about mental
health.
As part of that.
Number two, we normalize askingfor help.
That, if you have noticed achange in your mental state that
seems to be lasting longer thanyour usual ups and downs.
Do not feel afraid, ashamed,intimidated to ask for help.
(16:16):
Number three I'm going to do mybest to separate out my
large-ish social media presencefrom my personal dating life,
because combining those thingsis complicated for everyone.
That being said, there aretimes when I choose to share
some of the struggles I'm goingthrough because I believe my
(16:38):
experience can benefit othersand finally, I'm able to hold on
.
I have hope today that my moodwill change, not because I think
depression is just going toturn itself off, but because I
have gotten help.
So those are the takeaways frommy weirdly confessional.
(17:03):
I feel weird about thisinterlude because it's a little
more sharing my privateinformation than usual, oh my
God.
Side note so, yeah, I am goingon dates, right, and I'm talking
to people in a romanticcapacity and more than once I'm
talking to people and they knowstuff about me and I'm like how
(17:25):
the hell do you know that?
And then I remember that Ishare a lot about my life in
this podcast and if someone haslistened to all the podcasts,
all these little openingsegments in every episode and
all the interludes.
They are going to know a lotabout me.
That was funny.
I forgot how I got there.
Anyway, I'm going to separateout my dating life from my
(17:49):
social media life and you makeyour own choices about that.
But if you are not feelingcomfortable in your mental state
, please do think about talkingto someone and getting some help
.
I made that choice.
I'm happy I made that choice.
It gives me hope.
(18:10):
It allows me to make it throughthis fairly blah Saturday April
6th to what I know will be atleast a slightly brighter Sunday
April 7th.
So with that, I wish you all anincredible mental health
journey.
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