October 18, 2024 • 14 mins
Interludes are short segments between regular episodes with no editing but WITH leather creaking. It's a chance to hear a little more about what's going on in my life. Here's what my host's AI has to say about this episode:
Feeling overwhelmed by the constant cycle of swiping and messaging on dating apps, I decided it was time for a "man fast" or "mancation." Join me on this episode of Full Cow as I share my personal journey of stepping back from the dating scene to focus on self-care and emotional well-being. I'll walk you through my approach, from removing dating apps and turning off notifications to redirecting my energy towards nurturing friendships. This isn't about bitterness or giving up; it's about reclaiming my time and mental space to reflect on what I truly want out of my romantic life.
In the latter part of the episode, I extend my heartfelt gratitude to all of you—whether you're tuning in solo, with a partner, or in any unique relationship configuration. The leather journey is a path of self-discovery and fulfillment, and I emphasize the importance of finding joy in your current situation, whatever it may be. Let's celebrate our individual paths and continue to explore and cherish our unique experiences. Thank you for being part of this journey with me—your support means the world.
Ask Edge! Go to https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHREDGE to leave ask a question or leave feedback. Find Edge's other content on Instagram and Twitter. Also visit his archive of educational videos, Tchick-Tchick.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Full Cow, a podcast about leather kink and
BDSM.
My name is Edge, my pronounsare he, him, and I am your host.
And this is another interludethe episode between episodes
offered raw and unedited, butwith Langlitz, leather creaking.
And this time I wanted to sharewith everyone a practice that
(00:22):
I'm trying right now, that I amcalling a man fast although I
had a friend who also called ita mancation and it's very much
connected to my search for aboyfriend.
I have some really wonderfulmen in my life who mean a lot to
me and who fulfill me indifferent sorts of relationships
, but I've been missing thatprimary person, that person I
(00:43):
can make a home with and build afuture with.
And I'm not going to get intoall the challenges of dating.
If you're single, you know howreally challenging dating can be
.
But what was happening?
As I was finding myself in thissort of desperation and
therefore a rapid accelerationof my search.
(01:06):
So here's how it went.
I'm always on recon and, okay,I'll try recon.
And I wasn't really findinganything on recon.
So then let me get on scruff.
I always know, historically,when I get on scruff, I'm headed
in the wrong direction, becausescruff is probably not where
I'm going to find what I'mlooking for.
But okay, now I'm on Scruff andI wasn't finding anything on
(01:27):
Scruff.
So then I'm like, oh, let meget on Hinge.
So then I got on Hinge and I'mlike, oh, let me get back on
FetLife.
So I got back on FetLife.
And then, oh, let me get onsome other weird fetish dating
app that I'd never heard of.
And then, oh, let me get onGrindr.
For the first time ever, I hadreally expanded.
I was looking in every nook andcranny of the social media
(01:50):
slash dating app universe that Icould Granted, I didn't try
Tinder, but that was probablynext.
And one of the dearest peoplein my life said you know, you
seem really down about menlately.
Maybe you should take a break.
And that resonated for me and Ithought God should take a break
.
And that resonated for me and Ithought, god, he's absolutely
(02:14):
right.
It's time for me to take abreak.
Now.
There are two ways to take abreak, and having made the
decision doesn't mean you won'tvacillate between these two, but
for me, there is taking a breakout of this sort of resentful,
embittered, childish tempertantrum state where it's like,
well, if I can't play first base, I'm taking my ball and going
home and none of you can play.
(02:35):
So take that Like if I can'tget my way, then I'm taking all
of my goodies and I'm going homeand none of you get anything.
I don't want to enter my manfast that way, because the other
way of approaching the break isby saying, hmm, you know, it's
really not working right now, soI need to stop putting energy
(02:56):
in this, because I only end upfrustrated.
Let me retreat, focus on someself-care and then move forward.
That's ideally where I am at,but there's a constant movement
between those two poles and Ihave to make sure I don't go to
that embittered temper tantrumplace.
(03:17):
I have to make sure I stay in awell, it's okay, it's not
working right now, but it's okay, let's take a retreat.
So what does my man fast looklike?
This is going to sound ironicsince it's on my podcast, but
I'm not really sharing the factthat I'm single with people.
If they press me I might revealit, but for now it's not
(03:38):
information people need to knowand previously I was advertising
it widely because I was hopinga friend of a friend would have
someone I could date.
But no, I'm not reallyadvertising or announcing or
sharing broadly the fact thatI'm single.
I'm not talking about beingsingle with my friends.
That might be winding down alittle bit because they've heard
(03:58):
quite a bit, but I'm reallytrying to shift away from that
conversation.
To shift away from thatconversation, I have deleted
Grindr and Scruff and Hinge andI'm not on FetLife and I have
actually turned off my Facebooknotifications and hidden
Facebook and Scruff.
I mean, all the apps are goneexcept for Recon, because Re
(04:21):
recon I actually have friends onas well and because there's
still this thin lifeline back topossibility that I think I also
need.
But otherwise I'm for allintents and purposes acting as
though I have someone in my lifeand to do that I'm centering my
friendships and I'm centeringmy other relationships and
(04:42):
really thinking of this networkof people in my life as
collectively my partner and theycollectively give me love and
emotional support and joy andmake me laugh collectively, and
so I'm really imagining that I'mno longer single because they
have this network of people andtheir love to support me.
(05:02):
This is a very imperfectpractice because the need to be
loved is so fundamentally humanthat of course I'm still always
sort of looking and always sortof hoping, but I'm reminding
myself there will come a daywhen I go back, when I go back
to actively looking, but for now, it's time to do a little bit
of self-care as part of that.
But for now, it's time to do alittle bit of self-care as part
(05:23):
of that.
I have blocked out a wholeweekend in October, and October
is a crazy busy month for me.
I have a boy coming to visit me.
The first weekend, I am inHouston for glue judging and
giving a keynote.
The second weekend, the thirdweekend, I'm in LA for a party.
The fourth weekend is mine, andwhat I'm going to do on that
(05:46):
weekend, special weekend that Iplucked out, is I'm going to
really reflect on the narrativesI carry around dating that may
be impeding me from dating andthat maybe were once based in
some fact but which have takenon a life of their own.
For example, one of the thingsthat pops into my head quite a
(06:06):
bit is I'm never going to findanyone.
Now, that's not a statement Ineed to be telling myself, it's
not an energy I need to beputting into the universe, and I
need to pick apart what that'sabout and where it comes from,
and I have to dissect that.
I also often say it's socomplicated to date me and yeah,
(06:30):
in some ways it might be, butit's not really.
It's not really complicated todate me and yeah, in some ways
it might be, but it's not really.
It's not really complicated todate me.
So I need to really go back andthink about where did these
narratives begin?
What were the actual thingsthat happened in my life that
taught me this lesson?
But at what point did it growand take on a life of its own?
I'm really about this retreat,that is, about pulling apart the
(06:55):
narratives around dating that Ihave built and that have become
self-sustaining in ways that nolonger serve me Now.
The truth is, I suspect thatonce I get back to dating, a lot
of these narratives are goingto come right back, because I do
think they are based in real,actual experiences that I've had
, and so I will have thoseexperiences again, and when I do
(07:16):
, I will have the return of thatnarrative, which perhaps I
might be able to temper slightly, but I feel like I need a fresh
start.
It's fall.
Even in Florida it's kind offall.
Remarkably, here in lateSeptember, we have just started
to cool off, which for me feelsreally early.
(07:38):
I'm used to us cooling offusually in November, so I've
actually worn leather out acouple of times comfortably, and
so it's like this is a time forcooling off.
Let me do some cooling off.
But it is a time of changebecause for me this season is
changing and, importantly, it ischanging towards leather
(08:00):
weather.
I've been really in hibernationover the summer because Florida
is miserably hot and the coupleof times I've tried to warn
leather, I have deeply regrettedit.
I've tried to warn leather.
I have deeply regretted it.
So instead, as I move into thisseason where I can really live
my leather self and go out in mygear, it's time for me to do
this inner work.
(08:22):
I love that I've been castingthis as a fast, because fasting
is originally primarily aspiritual practice and I think
it's about purifying and it'sabout denying, but in a way that
has a spiritual lesson and thathelps us to really sharpen our
(08:43):
appreciation of our desires.
Like when I am fasting anddenying my body food, I'm
purifying it.
I'm purifying it from Oreos andcake and cookies and all the
things right, but I'm alsoreally thinking about how much I
desire food and that makes asharper appreciation, a greater
(09:05):
gratitude for food and abundanceand celebration.
So in this time of fasting, itnot only is a time to take apart
all these narratives I havearound dating that no longer
serve me, it's also time for meto refine my taste, to really
think about what I'm hungeringfor in a man, in a partner, in
(09:26):
someone I can build life with.
Now I very much believe thatthere are certain paths set for
us that are, I don't want toquite say, destiny or fate, but
I do think there's a plan for me.
That's part of my 12-steprecovery.
There is a plan for me, and Iacknowledge that there's no
guarantee.
(09:47):
That plan doesn't necessarilyinclude a boyfriend, a primary
partner, but if it doesn'tinclude that, it includes a way
for me to find happiness, single, and so, even as I move into
this man fest, I'm also doingcontinuing work on finding joy
in being single.
(10:07):
There are parts of being singlewhich I probably take for
granted.
I'm sure if you have a partner,you in some days would probably
long for the life I have tolive alone with a cat, to go to
bed when I want to eat what Iwant to go where I want on
vacation to do what I want.
On vacation I have I live bywill, like I'm able to do what I
want at any point in time and Ithink I probably take that for
(10:32):
granted.
And there are other parts ofbeing single that I find really
challenging, but I think I cantransform into joy and that's
really part of the work.
So during my mancation, duringmy man fast, I'm stepping away
from dating from men, fromlooking for men for looking for
dates, from the apps, fromsocial media in general.
(10:53):
I'm stepping away from all thatin order to purify my narratives
around my relationship needs,to really throw out stuff that's
no longer healthy for me, formy spiritual soul, for my
romantic soul.
Throw that stuff out Really.
Let my desire sharpen to apoint that I truly understand
(11:17):
what it is and what I'm lookingfor and then in that also really
come to appreciate what I dohave, both in the men I have in
my life and in the pleasuresthat are afforded me, the
affordances I have as a singleperson, so that I'm prepared If
I'm supposed to go through therest of my life as solo poly.
(11:39):
It's not my choice, it's nothow I identify, but I know that
because there is a plan for me.
That plan is about my highest,greatest good and that I can
find contentment and evenhappiness along the way, no
matter what's happening to me.
So if I keep focusing on not ohmy God, I'm single, but oh I'm
(12:01):
single, where do I find joy now?
And I'm going to be movingforward.
Oh, that's a very long way oftalking about my bizarre
practices around dating, but Ihope some of you may have gotten
something out of it and maybejust the idea of a fast.
Maybe you need a kink fast tostep away from kink and really
(12:23):
figure out what you're stillinto, what you're not into, what
desires emerge that are reallysharp, that you're going to want
to experience, what joys youhave behind and beyond kink.
Maybe, if you are single, likeme, you want to explore a man
fast, or a woman fast, ornon-binary fast, or whatever
your object of affection is,fast.
(12:45):
I would rather not be doingthis, I gotta say Right now.
I would rather be on the sofacuddling with my guy and
watching some TV and some anime,maybe catching up on Agatha all
along.
That's not my life today.
That is not my life today.
So I'm going to do what I cantoday to find joy, and if that
(13:07):
means taking a step from apractice that was most
definitely just causingfrustration in my life, then
yeah, I'm going to do that.
I can only hit my head againstthe dating wall so many times.
I can only get so bloodied andbruised before I realize that
I'm trying to make somethinghappen that's not supposed to
(13:28):
happen.
In this moment, that's reallywhat it comes down to.
I was trying to make somethinghappen that was not supposed to
happen, and the more it didn'thappen, the more desperately I
tried to make it happen.
Maybe in another interlude I'llreflect on why, because I
certainly have some reasons orideas why I was doing that, but
(13:49):
for now, I'm just grateful tohave all of you who lend me your
ear, literally for a fewminutes out of your day, and it
makes me feel quite honoredbecause you could be listening
to anything right now andthere's no reason at all for you
to listen to me.
And it feels very special tohave an audience, no matter how
large or small it is, thatpeople who have an investment in
(14:11):
what I say.
It makes me feel incrediblyspecial and I'm grateful to all
of you for that.
That being said, I hope yourleather journey whether it's
with a partner, multiplepartners, no partners, all the
partners, whatever relationshipconfiguration surrounds your
leather journey, I hope you findwhat you need, I hope you find
(14:32):
happiness in what you have and Ihope that the journey continues
to bring you joy Until nexttime.
Welcome to Full Cow, a podcast about leather kink and
BDSM.
My name is Edge, my pronounsare he, him, and I am your host.
And this is another interludethe episode between episodes
offered raw and unedited, butwith Langlitz, leather creaking.
And this time I wanted to sharewith everyone a practice that
(00:22):
I'm trying right now, that I amcalling a man fast although I
had a friend who also called ita mancation and it's very much
connected to my search for aboyfriend.
I have some really wonderfulmen in my life who mean a lot to
me and who fulfill me indifferent sorts of relationships
, but I've been missing thatprimary person, that person I
(00:43):
can make a home with and build afuture with.
And I'm not going to get intoall the challenges of dating.
If you're single, you know howreally challenging dating can be
.
But what was happening?
As I was finding myself in thissort of desperation and
therefore a rapid accelerationof my search.
(01:06):
So here's how it went.
I'm always on recon and, okay,I'll try recon.
And I wasn't really findinganything on recon.
So then let me get on scruff.
I always know, historically,when I get on scruff, I'm headed
in the wrong direction, becausescruff is probably not where
I'm going to find what I'mlooking for.
But okay, now I'm on Scruff andI wasn't finding anything on
(01:27):
Scruff.
So then I'm like, oh, let meget on Hinge.
So then I got on Hinge and I'mlike, oh, let me get back on
FetLife.
So I got back on FetLife.
And then, oh, let me get onsome other weird fetish dating
app that I'd never heard of.
And then, oh, let me get onGrindr.
For the first time ever, I hadreally expanded.
I was looking in every nook andcranny of the social media
(01:50):
slash dating app universe that Icould Granted, I didn't try
Tinder, but that was probablynext.
And one of the dearest peoplein my life said you know, you
seem really down about menlately.
Maybe you should take a break.
And that resonated for me and Ithought God should take a break
.
And that resonated for me and Ithought, god, he's absolutely
(02:14):
right.
It's time for me to take abreak.
Now.
There are two ways to take abreak, and having made the
decision doesn't mean you won'tvacillate between these two, but
for me, there is taking a breakout of this sort of resentful,
embittered, childish tempertantrum state where it's like,
well, if I can't play first base, I'm taking my ball and going
home and none of you can play.
(02:35):
So take that Like if I can'tget my way, then I'm taking all
of my goodies and I'm going homeand none of you get anything.
I don't want to enter my manfast that way, because the other
way of approaching the break isby saying, hmm, you know, it's
really not working right now, soI need to stop putting energy
(02:56):
in this, because I only end upfrustrated.
Let me retreat, focus on someself-care and then move forward.
That's ideally where I am at,but there's a constant movement
between those two poles and Ihave to make sure I don't go to
that embittered temper tantrumplace.
(03:17):
I have to make sure I stay in awell, it's okay, it's not
working right now, but it's okay, let's take a retreat.
So what does my man fast looklike?
This is going to sound ironicsince it's on my podcast, but
I'm not really sharing the factthat I'm single with people.
If they press me I might revealit, but for now it's not
(03:38):
information people need to knowand previously I was advertising
it widely because I was hopinga friend of a friend would have
someone I could date.
But no, I'm not reallyadvertising or announcing or
sharing broadly the fact thatI'm single.
I'm not talking about beingsingle with my friends.
That might be winding down alittle bit because they've heard
(03:58):
quite a bit, but I'm reallytrying to shift away from that
conversation.
To shift away from thatconversation, I have deleted
Grindr and Scruff and Hinge andI'm not on FetLife and I have
actually turned off my Facebooknotifications and hidden
Facebook and Scruff.
I mean, all the apps are goneexcept for Recon, because Re
(04:21):
recon I actually have friends onas well and because there's
still this thin lifeline back topossibility that I think I also
need.
But otherwise I'm for allintents and purposes acting as
though I have someone in my lifeand to do that I'm centering my
friendships and I'm centeringmy other relationships and
(04:42):
really thinking of this networkof people in my life as
collectively my partner and theycollectively give me love and
emotional support and joy andmake me laugh collectively, and
so I'm really imagining that I'mno longer single because they
have this network of people andtheir love to support me.
(05:02):
This is a very imperfectpractice because the need to be
loved is so fundamentally humanthat of course I'm still always
sort of looking and always sortof hoping, but I'm reminding
myself there will come a daywhen I go back, when I go back
to actively looking, but for now, it's time to do a little bit
of self-care as part of that.
But for now, it's time to do alittle bit of self-care as part
(05:23):
of that.
I have blocked out a wholeweekend in October, and October
is a crazy busy month for me.
I have a boy coming to visit me.
The first weekend, I am inHouston for glue judging and
giving a keynote.
The second weekend, the thirdweekend, I'm in LA for a party.
The fourth weekend is mine, andwhat I'm going to do on that
(05:46):
weekend, special weekend that Iplucked out, is I'm going to
really reflect on the narrativesI carry around dating that may
be impeding me from dating andthat maybe were once based in
some fact but which have takenon a life of their own.
For example, one of the thingsthat pops into my head quite a
(06:06):
bit is I'm never going to findanyone.
Now, that's not a statement Ineed to be telling myself, it's
not an energy I need to beputting into the universe, and I
need to pick apart what that'sabout and where it comes from,
and I have to dissect that.
I also often say it's socomplicated to date me and yeah,
(06:30):
in some ways it might be, butit's not really.
It's not really complicated todate me and yeah, in some ways
it might be, but it's not really.
It's not really complicated todate me.
So I need to really go back andthink about where did these
narratives begin?
What were the actual thingsthat happened in my life that
taught me this lesson?
But at what point did it growand take on a life of its own?
I'm really about this retreat,that is, about pulling apart the
(06:55):
narratives around dating that Ihave built and that have become
self-sustaining in ways that nolonger serve me Now.
The truth is, I suspect thatonce I get back to dating, a lot
of these narratives are goingto come right back, because I do
think they are based in real,actual experiences that I've had
, and so I will have thoseexperiences again, and when I do
(07:16):
, I will have the return of thatnarrative, which perhaps I
might be able to temper slightly, but I feel like I need a fresh
start.
It's fall.
Even in Florida it's kind offall.
Remarkably, here in lateSeptember, we have just started
to cool off, which for me feelsreally early.
(07:38):
I'm used to us cooling offusually in November, so I've
actually worn leather out acouple of times comfortably, and
so it's like this is a time forcooling off.
Let me do some cooling off.
But it is a time of changebecause for me this season is
changing and, importantly, it ischanging towards leather
(08:00):
weather.
I've been really in hibernationover the summer because Florida
is miserably hot and the coupleof times I've tried to warn
leather, I have deeply regrettedit.
I've tried to warn leather.
I have deeply regretted it.
So instead, as I move into thisseason where I can really live
my leather self and go out in mygear, it's time for me to do
this inner work.
(08:22):
I love that I've been castingthis as a fast, because fasting
is originally primarily aspiritual practice and I think
it's about purifying and it'sabout denying, but in a way that
has a spiritual lesson and thathelps us to really sharpen our
(08:43):
appreciation of our desires.
Like when I am fasting anddenying my body food, I'm
purifying it.
I'm purifying it from Oreos andcake and cookies and all the
things right, but I'm alsoreally thinking about how much I
desire food and that makes asharper appreciation, a greater
(09:05):
gratitude for food and abundanceand celebration.
So in this time of fasting, itnot only is a time to take apart
all these narratives I havearound dating that no longer
serve me, it's also time for meto refine my taste, to really
think about what I'm hungeringfor in a man, in a partner, in
(09:26):
someone I can build life with.
Now I very much believe thatthere are certain paths set for
us that are, I don't want toquite say, destiny or fate, but
I do think there's a plan for me.
That's part of my 12-steprecovery.
There is a plan for me, and Iacknowledge that there's no
guarantee.
(09:47):
That plan doesn't necessarilyinclude a boyfriend, a primary
partner, but if it doesn'tinclude that, it includes a way
for me to find happiness, single, and so, even as I move into
this man fest, I'm also doingcontinuing work on finding joy
in being single.
(10:07):
There are parts of being singlewhich I probably take for
granted.
I'm sure if you have a partner,you in some days would probably
long for the life I have tolive alone with a cat, to go to
bed when I want to eat what Iwant to go where I want on
vacation to do what I want.
On vacation I have I live bywill, like I'm able to do what I
want at any point in time and Ithink I probably take that for
(10:32):
granted.
And there are other parts ofbeing single that I find really
challenging, but I think I cantransform into joy and that's
really part of the work.
So during my mancation, duringmy man fast, I'm stepping away
from dating from men, fromlooking for men for looking for
dates, from the apps, fromsocial media in general.
(10:53):
I'm stepping away from all thatin order to purify my narratives
around my relationship needs,to really throw out stuff that's
no longer healthy for me, formy spiritual soul, for my
romantic soul.
Throw that stuff out Really.
Let my desire sharpen to apoint that I truly understand
(11:17):
what it is and what I'm lookingfor and then in that also really
come to appreciate what I dohave, both in the men I have in
my life and in the pleasuresthat are afforded me, the
affordances I have as a singleperson, so that I'm prepared If
I'm supposed to go through therest of my life as solo poly.
(11:39):
It's not my choice, it's nothow I identify, but I know that
because there is a plan for me.
That plan is about my highest,greatest good and that I can
find contentment and evenhappiness along the way, no
matter what's happening to me.
So if I keep focusing on not ohmy God, I'm single, but oh I'm
(12:01):
single, where do I find joy now?
And I'm going to be movingforward.
Oh, that's a very long way oftalking about my bizarre
practices around dating, but Ihope some of you may have gotten
something out of it and maybejust the idea of a fast.
Maybe you need a kink fast tostep away from kink and really
(12:23):
figure out what you're stillinto, what you're not into, what
desires emerge that are reallysharp, that you're going to want
to experience, what joys youhave behind and beyond kink.
Maybe, if you are single, likeme, you want to explore a man
fast, or a woman fast, ornon-binary fast, or whatever
your object of affection is,fast.
(12:45):
I would rather not be doingthis, I gotta say Right now.
I would rather be on the sofacuddling with my guy and
watching some TV and some anime,maybe catching up on Agatha all
along.
That's not my life today.
That is not my life today.
So I'm going to do what I cantoday to find joy, and if that
(13:07):
means taking a step from apractice that was most
definitely just causingfrustration in my life, then
yeah, I'm going to do that.
I can only hit my head againstthe dating wall so many times.
I can only get so bloodied andbruised before I realize that
I'm trying to make somethinghappen that's not supposed to
(13:28):
happen.
In this moment, that's reallywhat it comes down to.
I was trying to make somethinghappen that was not supposed to
happen, and the more it didn'thappen, the more desperately I
tried to make it happen.
Maybe in another interlude I'llreflect on why, because I
certainly have some reasons orideas why I was doing that, but
(13:49):
for now, I'm just grateful tohave all of you who lend me your
ear, literally for a fewminutes out of your day, and it
makes me feel quite honoredbecause you could be listening
to anything right now andthere's no reason at all for you
to listen to me.
And it feels very special tohave an audience, no matter how
large or small it is, thatpeople who have an investment in
(14:11):
what I say.
It makes me feel incrediblyspecial and I'm grateful to all
of you for that.
That being said, I hope yourleather journey whether it's
with a partner, multiplepartners, no partners, all the
partners, whatever relationshipconfiguration surrounds your
leather journey, I hope you findwhat you need, I hope you find
(14:32):
happiness in what you have and Ihope that the journey continues
to bring you joy Until nexttime.
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