February 11, 2025 • 16 mins
I’ve recorded a short but powerful reflection on love—especially those moments when what we feel and what we truly need don’t always align. I also explore how we often link things together that don’t really belong, both in our relationships and in everyday life. I won’t give away too much, but if you’ve been second-guessing your relationships or wondering whether you’re making the right choices, this one’s for you. Join me for a quick conversation that might just spark a whole new perspective.
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Intro + Outro: Express by The Crystal Clover
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jordana (00:00):
Hello, hello, hello.
(00:00):
Welcome to another episode ofFully Alive.
I'm your host Jordana Meazza.
So let's go straight into thisweek's episode.
probably this is going to belike super, super quick episode,
but I want to talk about loveand love not only as a couple,
but love, just love and how manytimes we As humans, we tend to
(00:29):
link up things that don'tnecessarily go together.
It's not like they don't gotogether.
It's that like they don'tactually go together.
So they don't function together.
They don't move together.
So when one thing doessomething, then the other thing
then has to do something thesame.
Right.
(00:50):
And what I'm talking aboutspecifically is that in
relationships, and I mean, any,any type of relationship, We
tend to think that if we lovesomebody, that there is always a
way of making it work.
And yes, that could be true, andwe could definitely take that
and, try our best and do what wecan to make it work.
(01:14):
But what I'm talking about isthat sometimes in any type of
relationship, we think thatagain, I'll say the exact same
thing, and it's going to soundlike, Jordana, you're repeating
yourself, and yes, I know, butwhat I want to say is that There
are two separate things.
(01:36):
One thing is love and many manymany moons ago, I did an episode
about how love was unconditionaland relationships are
Conditional instead ofunconditional love doesn't exist
So this is kind of a follow upto that so if you want to hear
that one.
(01:56):
If you didn't, then just go tothe list and it is there.
You'll find it.
I have no idea which episode itis, but it is there.
You won't miss it.
The thing is that we think thatwe have to make it work.
Let's talk about something morepractical.
So let's say that we are in arelationship that from one to 10
is a six and then we think, ohwait, I love this person.
(02:21):
I really, really do love thisperson.
And I'm talking about a partner,could be a family member, could
be a parent, a daughter, abrother, a friend, it could be
anything.
So let's talk about couples justto make a more graphic example.
Many times people stay withtheir partners or in any type of
(02:42):
relationship, really, but it'sapplicable to every
relationship, so you'll know.
So many people stay with theirpartners just because they feel
love towards the other person.
At the same time, they know theydon't work together, like, maybe
they fight a lot, or maybe theydon't see eye to eye to things,
or maybe they don't have thesame values, or maybe one lie
(03:05):
and the other one doesn't, and,it's just inconceivable, or
maybe their life project isdifferent, like, one person
wants to go nomad, backpackingthrough the entire world, and
don't have kids, and the otherone wants, a farm and five kids,
like they, they just don't gotogether.
So, so many times, and there aretons of examples in society
(03:29):
where people kind of feel forcedto stay together just because
they love each other.
They feel love for each otherand because they have many happy
memories together.
And I'm not saying like, look,if you are in a relationship,
six, then just break up, or justdon't see that person ever
again.
(03:49):
That's it.
That's not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is.
Just this element of there aretwo things that we as society
link up together as they are onething But they are not.
They are two separate things Soone is love and when you create
(04:11):
a bond with someone then thatlove stays and then something
happens And the relationshipdoesn't work out or something or
even when somebody dies andyou're grieving that is still
love And when love hurts, it'spain, because the opposite of
love is indifference.
(04:32):
So if there is indifference,then there's nothing, you can
detach of a person without aproblem, right?
But pain is there is somethingthere that kind of connects you
with that other person.
We're talking about just loveand relationships, okay?
We're not talking about, toxicsand things like that.
That's for another episode.
Today, just this simple thing.
(04:55):
One thing is love and lovingsomeone and the other thing, the
other part of the equation, ifyou will, is Is this the person
that I want for me, for thevision I have for me, for the
desire I have for me, for mylife, for my project in life,
(05:17):
for my future, for me now andfor me tomorrow.
So when we think everythingtogether, then it's kind of
harder to do.
And also the mind gets in theway because the situation is
uncomfortable.
So the mind is trying to solvethings.
It's what the brain does it'sjust trying to solve things.
(05:39):
So it gives us, a thousandthoughts and flashes and
memories and things just to tryand see how it can make us feel
better and just solve thissituation however way and then
just move on and stop feelingthis way.
But the brain has nothing to doin this situation because there
is nothing that the brain cando.
(06:01):
except asking the rightquestions.
And that yes, because the brainis really good at that.
So.
If we know the separationbetween these two things and
then we say, okay, let's get thelove out of the way.
So of course the love is thefoundation, right?
Like the structure.
If there is no love, thenthere's nothing else to talk
about, right?
(06:21):
But if you have that, then okay,let's just get that out of the
way just for a second.
I know that if I'm not with thisperson, then I'll probably feel
pain.
So it's okay.
It's okay.
Let's talk about the other part.
So about this, the second part.
Do we go together?
(06:43):
Is this person what I want forme?
Do we go well together?
Are we a good team?
Do we work well together?
And again, this is foreverything.
Could be for a business partner,could be for, relationship,
mother, daughter, brother,sister.
Son, friend, whatever.
Do I see myself walking withthis person?
(07:06):
Do I get along with this person?
You know, all these questionsthat the mind can do, that the
brain can do.
And yeah, mind and brain are notexactly the same.
But let's just go with it fortoday.
If we see these two thingsseparate, and we kind of analyze
it, analyze them separate, thenit's easier to know, look, I
(07:27):
really love this person.
But I really don't think that wego well together.
And, it would be so much easierif this other person was this
100 percent villain, maybe didsomething really awful.
So it's, black or white, youknow, that's it.
Like it's, it's gotten done outof my life forever, but usually
(07:49):
that's not the case.
Usually from, let's say one to10, maybe your relationship is a
six or a 5.
5 or a seven or a 7.
5, you know, it's like almost,but it's not.
So that is harder.
That is harder.
And then again, because thebrain just keeps sending us
thoughts and things and, youknow, spiralizing what we're
(08:09):
thinking is just so confusing,so confusing and we can't sleep
just because, the brain neverstops and we keep on thinking
and thinking and flashes andeverything and we keep saying, I
don't know, I don't know what todo, I don't know what to do.
And really if we pause for asecond and we, Let the brain out
(08:32):
of the way, just, you know,thoughts are okay.
I don't need you right now.
I'm okay.
I'm okay with the information Ihave.
I already have plenty ofinformation.
It's fine.
Let's get the love out of theway.
If that is a yes, if that is ano, then please kick that, that
soul out of your life.
But, If you do love the person,then get that part also out of
(08:55):
the way and then just askyourself from 1 to 10, or from 0
to 100%, being 0, not at all,and 100, completely aligned with
me, like how aligned this personis with you, how much, do you
think you're compatible andDon't overthink it, just trust
(09:18):
whatever number or whatever, Ialways use numbers because it's
a very graphic thing.
So trust whatever thing comes toyou, and then compare that with
the vision you have for you.
And it's not like, oh no, butyou know, those kind of sweet
and perfect relationships onlyhappen in movies, things like
that.
That is completely irrelevant.
(09:38):
What do you want for you?
What do you want for you?
And just ask, ask your heart isthe only one that could answer
this question.
Ask your soul, it's justimpossible answering any other
way.
The brain cannot answer it, andthe loved part cannot answer it.
(10:04):
And of course the heart isresponsible for the love as
well, but we, we establishedthat that is, is something that
we leave out of the way just,just for this kind of meaty part
that we need to get to and thenjust ask yourself, is this good
enough?
And I have kind of an issue withthe, with the good enough,
(10:25):
because if I would ask you, doyou want to breathe enough?
Do you want to eat enough?
Do you want to see enough, justenough to survive, just enough
to not hit.
Your head with a wall.
(10:47):
Just enough air to, to not getdizzy and fall.
Or do you want plenty?
Do you want freedom?
Do you want expansion?
Do you want all the air that youwould need or want to breathe in
that moment and take a deepbreath and just not feel limited
(11:09):
or restricted?
Do you want just enough?
Because if it was enough, itwould be good already.
So the good enough just doesn'texist.
If it would be enough, it wouldbe good.
I think that the good enough isthat kind of just enough, like
(11:31):
kind of by the millimeter, youknow, like, like just enough,
like, like, it's like almost,but not, but it just, it's okay.
Maybe we'll round it up, likenumbers and it's just good
enough.
So anyway, this is for thisweek.
So maybe if this episode foundyou, maybe there's something,
(11:57):
there's something that you'rethinking or going through that
sometimes makes you wonder.
Is this good enough?
And my question to you is, is itenough?
Or do you want something else?
Do you want something more?
(12:18):
And there's nothing wrong withwanting something different.
Again, if love was there, andnothing major really bad
happened, most probably is thatlove is still there.
May look different, just becausewe adorn it we kind of put the
decor all over it, right?
(12:40):
So again, love is like thestructure, and then the
relationship itself is like thedecoration, and the rooms, and
the Paint and the sofa and thelamps and everything.
So of course the love at thebeginning looks one way and then
love after 10 years or afterhowever long is going to look
different.
Like, an apartment just themoment they open the doors the
(13:03):
first time is going to look oneway and after 10 years going to
look different.
After 50 years going to lookdifferent, right?
But the structure is there.
So once you know that love isthere and will still be there
and probably will stay forever.
There are so many people in mylife that I still love, that I
(13:24):
still feel love towards them.
Even though in the moment Ichose, I, I thought and I chose
that they were not for me.
And that's okay.
We choose, we just all the time,don't, don't think for a second
that we don't choose, because wechoose with every step, we
(13:45):
choose with everything we do, wechoose with every breath, we
choose with our money, we choosewith our actions, we choose with
our thoughts, we choose withwhat we see on TV, we choose
with the relationships that webuild, and we choose with the
relationships that we get outof, we choose every step of the
(14:08):
way, so I'm asking you, What doyou choose today?
What would your heart say?
Not your love heart, which isthe same.
Poor heart.
So it has a lot of, a lot ofwork to do.
What would you choose?
(14:31):
Because we tend to, to go backand say, oh, but I actually love
this person and this hurts somuch and don't know, maybe if I
would have, would have worked abit harder, or maybe if I would
have done this but if in thatmoment, You say, look, I'm
thinking all this and it hurtsjust because I still love this
person.
I still care about this personbecause this person wasn't a
villain.
I don't know if you heard that.
(14:52):
That was my dog.
It's been really hard to record.
but I'm trying to not overthinkthis.
and, just when I feel that Iwant to record something, then
I'll just, I'll just do it.
So anyway, I hope this episodewas helpful And that with this
(15:13):
thing, this extra thing, thisextra knowing of, maybe I am
linking many things up together.
But they are not really onething.
They are different things.
Again, what would you choose?
(15:37):
Because even if you look back tothat time when you did this, or
you chose this, and you nowthink that's different, First go
to the episode where I talkabout guilt, because that's a
different subject in itself andit's going to help you a lot if
that's the case.
But I bet that if you sit todayand separate these two things
(16:02):
and ask yourself the question,you'll probably choose the exact
same thing.
Because once you know, youalways know.
Have a lovely, lovely rest ofthe week and speak to you next
time.
I love you.
Hello, hello, hello.
(00:00):
Welcome to another episode ofFully Alive.
I'm your host Jordana Meazza.
So let's go straight into thisweek's episode.
probably this is going to belike super, super quick episode,
but I want to talk about loveand love not only as a couple,
but love, just love and how manytimes we As humans, we tend to
(00:29):
link up things that don'tnecessarily go together.
It's not like they don't gotogether.
It's that like they don'tactually go together.
So they don't function together.
They don't move together.
So when one thing doessomething, then the other thing
then has to do something thesame.
Right.
(00:50):
And what I'm talking aboutspecifically is that in
relationships, and I mean, any,any type of relationship, We
tend to think that if we lovesomebody, that there is always a
way of making it work.
And yes, that could be true, andwe could definitely take that
and, try our best and do what wecan to make it work.
(01:14):
But what I'm talking about isthat sometimes in any type of
relationship, we think thatagain, I'll say the exact same
thing, and it's going to soundlike, Jordana, you're repeating
yourself, and yes, I know, butwhat I want to say is that There
are two separate things.
(01:36):
One thing is love and many manymany moons ago, I did an episode
about how love was unconditionaland relationships are
Conditional instead ofunconditional love doesn't exist
So this is kind of a follow upto that so if you want to hear
that one.
(01:56):
If you didn't, then just go tothe list and it is there.
You'll find it.
I have no idea which episode itis, but it is there.
You won't miss it.
The thing is that we think thatwe have to make it work.
Let's talk about something morepractical.
So let's say that we are in arelationship that from one to 10
is a six and then we think, ohwait, I love this person.
(02:21):
I really, really do love thisperson.
And I'm talking about a partner,could be a family member, could
be a parent, a daughter, abrother, a friend, it could be
anything.
So let's talk about couples justto make a more graphic example.
Many times people stay withtheir partners or in any type of
(02:42):
relationship, really, but it'sapplicable to every
relationship, so you'll know.
So many people stay with theirpartners just because they feel
love towards the other person.
At the same time, they know theydon't work together, like, maybe
they fight a lot, or maybe theydon't see eye to eye to things,
or maybe they don't have thesame values, or maybe one lie
(03:05):
and the other one doesn't, and,it's just inconceivable, or
maybe their life project isdifferent, like, one person
wants to go nomad, backpackingthrough the entire world, and
don't have kids, and the otherone wants, a farm and five kids,
like they, they just don't gotogether.
So, so many times, and there aretons of examples in society
(03:29):
where people kind of feel forcedto stay together just because
they love each other.
They feel love for each otherand because they have many happy
memories together.
And I'm not saying like, look,if you are in a relationship,
six, then just break up, or justdon't see that person ever
again.
(03:49):
That's it.
That's not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is.
Just this element of there aretwo things that we as society
link up together as they are onething But they are not.
They are two separate things Soone is love and when you create
(04:11):
a bond with someone then thatlove stays and then something
happens And the relationshipdoesn't work out or something or
even when somebody dies andyou're grieving that is still
love And when love hurts, it'spain, because the opposite of
love is indifference.
(04:32):
So if there is indifference,then there's nothing, you can
detach of a person without aproblem, right?
But pain is there is somethingthere that kind of connects you
with that other person.
We're talking about just loveand relationships, okay?
We're not talking about, toxicsand things like that.
That's for another episode.
Today, just this simple thing.
(04:55):
One thing is love and lovingsomeone and the other thing, the
other part of the equation, ifyou will, is Is this the person
that I want for me, for thevision I have for me, for the
desire I have for me, for mylife, for my project in life,
(05:17):
for my future, for me now andfor me tomorrow.
So when we think everythingtogether, then it's kind of
harder to do.
And also the mind gets in theway because the situation is
uncomfortable.
So the mind is trying to solvethings.
It's what the brain does it'sjust trying to solve things.
(05:39):
So it gives us, a thousandthoughts and flashes and
memories and things just to tryand see how it can make us feel
better and just solve thissituation however way and then
just move on and stop feelingthis way.
But the brain has nothing to doin this situation because there
is nothing that the brain cando.
(06:01):
except asking the rightquestions.
And that yes, because the brainis really good at that.
So.
If we know the separationbetween these two things and
then we say, okay, let's get thelove out of the way.
So of course the love is thefoundation, right?
Like the structure.
If there is no love, thenthere's nothing else to talk
about, right?
(06:21):
But if you have that, then okay,let's just get that out of the
way just for a second.
I know that if I'm not with thisperson, then I'll probably feel
pain.
So it's okay.
It's okay.
Let's talk about the other part.
So about this, the second part.
Do we go together?
(06:43):
Is this person what I want forme?
Do we go well together?
Are we a good team?
Do we work well together?
And again, this is foreverything.
Could be for a business partner,could be for, relationship,
mother, daughter, brother,sister.
Son, friend, whatever.
Do I see myself walking withthis person?
(07:06):
Do I get along with this person?
You know, all these questionsthat the mind can do, that the
brain can do.
And yeah, mind and brain are notexactly the same.
But let's just go with it fortoday.
If we see these two thingsseparate, and we kind of analyze
it, analyze them separate, thenit's easier to know, look, I
(07:27):
really love this person.
But I really don't think that wego well together.
And, it would be so much easierif this other person was this
100 percent villain, maybe didsomething really awful.
So it's, black or white, youknow, that's it.
Like it's, it's gotten done outof my life forever, but usually
(07:49):
that's not the case.
Usually from, let's say one to10, maybe your relationship is a
six or a 5.
5 or a seven or a 7.
5, you know, it's like almost,but it's not.
So that is harder.
That is harder.
And then again, because thebrain just keeps sending us
thoughts and things and, youknow, spiralizing what we're
(08:09):
thinking is just so confusing,so confusing and we can't sleep
just because, the brain neverstops and we keep on thinking
and thinking and flashes andeverything and we keep saying, I
don't know, I don't know what todo, I don't know what to do.
And really if we pause for asecond and we, Let the brain out
(08:32):
of the way, just, you know,thoughts are okay.
I don't need you right now.
I'm okay.
I'm okay with the information Ihave.
I already have plenty ofinformation.
It's fine.
Let's get the love out of theway.
If that is a yes, if that is ano, then please kick that, that
soul out of your life.
But, If you do love the person,then get that part also out of
(08:55):
the way and then just askyourself from 1 to 10, or from 0
to 100%, being 0, not at all,and 100, completely aligned with
me, like how aligned this personis with you, how much, do you
think you're compatible andDon't overthink it, just trust
(09:18):
whatever number or whatever, Ialways use numbers because it's
a very graphic thing.
So trust whatever thing comes toyou, and then compare that with
the vision you have for you.
And it's not like, oh no, butyou know, those kind of sweet
and perfect relationships onlyhappen in movies, things like
that.
That is completely irrelevant.
(09:38):
What do you want for you?
What do you want for you?
And just ask, ask your heart isthe only one that could answer
this question.
Ask your soul, it's justimpossible answering any other
way.
The brain cannot answer it, andthe loved part cannot answer it.
(10:04):
And of course the heart isresponsible for the love as
well, but we, we establishedthat that is, is something that
we leave out of the way just,just for this kind of meaty part
that we need to get to and thenjust ask yourself, is this good
enough?
And I have kind of an issue withthe, with the good enough,
(10:25):
because if I would ask you, doyou want to breathe enough?
Do you want to eat enough?
Do you want to see enough, justenough to survive, just enough
to not hit.
Your head with a wall.
(10:47):
Just enough air to, to not getdizzy and fall.
Or do you want plenty?
Do you want freedom?
Do you want expansion?
Do you want all the air that youwould need or want to breathe in
that moment and take a deepbreath and just not feel limited
(11:09):
or restricted?
Do you want just enough?
Because if it was enough, itwould be good already.
So the good enough just doesn'texist.
If it would be enough, it wouldbe good.
I think that the good enough isthat kind of just enough, like
(11:31):
kind of by the millimeter, youknow, like, like just enough,
like, like, it's like almost,but not, but it just, it's okay.
Maybe we'll round it up, likenumbers and it's just good
enough.
So anyway, this is for thisweek.
So maybe if this episode foundyou, maybe there's something,
(11:57):
there's something that you'rethinking or going through that
sometimes makes you wonder.
Is this good enough?
And my question to you is, is itenough?
Or do you want something else?
Do you want something more?
(12:18):
And there's nothing wrong withwanting something different.
Again, if love was there, andnothing major really bad
happened, most probably is thatlove is still there.
May look different, just becausewe adorn it we kind of put the
decor all over it, right?
(12:40):
So again, love is like thestructure, and then the
relationship itself is like thedecoration, and the rooms, and
the Paint and the sofa and thelamps and everything.
So of course the love at thebeginning looks one way and then
love after 10 years or afterhowever long is going to look
different.
Like, an apartment just themoment they open the doors the
(13:03):
first time is going to look oneway and after 10 years going to
look different.
After 50 years going to lookdifferent, right?
But the structure is there.
So once you know that love isthere and will still be there
and probably will stay forever.
There are so many people in mylife that I still love, that I
(13:24):
still feel love towards them.
Even though in the moment Ichose, I, I thought and I chose
that they were not for me.
And that's okay.
We choose, we just all the time,don't, don't think for a second
that we don't choose, because wechoose with every step, we
(13:45):
choose with everything we do, wechoose with every breath, we
choose with our money, we choosewith our actions, we choose with
our thoughts, we choose withwhat we see on TV, we choose
with the relationships that webuild, and we choose with the
relationships that we get outof, we choose every step of the
(14:08):
way, so I'm asking you, What doyou choose today?
What would your heart say?
Not your love heart, which isthe same.
Poor heart.
So it has a lot of, a lot ofwork to do.
What would you choose?
(14:31):
Because we tend to, to go backand say, oh, but I actually love
this person and this hurts somuch and don't know, maybe if I
would have, would have worked abit harder, or maybe if I would
have done this but if in thatmoment, You say, look, I'm
thinking all this and it hurtsjust because I still love this
person.
I still care about this personbecause this person wasn't a
villain.
I don't know if you heard that.
(14:52):
That was my dog.
It's been really hard to record.
but I'm trying to not overthinkthis.
and, just when I feel that Iwant to record something, then
I'll just, I'll just do it.
So anyway, I hope this episodewas helpful And that with this
(15:13):
thing, this extra thing, thisextra knowing of, maybe I am
linking many things up together.
But they are not really onething.
They are different things.
Again, what would you choose?
(15:37):
Because even if you look back tothat time when you did this, or
you chose this, and you nowthink that's different, First go
to the episode where I talkabout guilt, because that's a
different subject in itself andit's going to help you a lot if
that's the case.
But I bet that if you sit todayand separate these two things
(16:02):
and ask yourself the question,you'll probably choose the exact
same thing.
Because once you know, youalways know.
Have a lovely, lovely rest ofthe week and speak to you next
time.
I love you.
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Boysober
Have you ever wondered what life might be like if you stopped worrying about being wanted, and focused on understanding what you actually want? That was the question Hope Woodard asked herself after a string of situationships inspired her to take a break from sex and dating. She went "boysober," a personal concept that sparked a global movement among women looking to prioritize themselves over men. Now, Hope is looking to expand the ways we explore our relationship to relationships. Taking a bold, unfiltered look into modern love, romance, and self-discovery, Boysober will dive into messy stories about dating, sex, love, friendship, and breaking generational patterns—all with humor, vulnerability, and a fresh perspective.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com