1983: Cujo, Moose Murders, and Jaws 3D

This week we're looking at all the culture that popped from: 1983. From National Lampoon's Vacation to Inspector Gadget, from Yuri Andropov and Samantha Smith, from Cujo to Jaws 3 to Moose Murders, we've got it all. Plus, our unmitigated gall from the week and so much more.

Fuzzy Memories is the podcast that celebrates the good, the rad and the fugly of the 80s and 90s. Three latchkey kids who made it out alive break down everything from Madonna and Masters of the Universe to Twin Peaks and Titanic. Join us to celebrate the hits, the misses and the misfits of the weirdest decades.

Sign up at www.fuzzymemoriespodcast.com for bonuses, news, and more! And don't forget to follow us on Instagram @fuzzymemoriespod for visual aids from each episode.

Episode Transcript

(00:13):
Hi, guys. Hey.
Hello. Welcome to ourrecording. We haven't seen each other
in what, three weeks?
It's been way too long.
Yeah.
Withdrawals, Honestly.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, that's nice. Where your drug?
Yeah.
Okay, I'll take it.
I mean, that says somethingabout how often I get out of the
house, but it just. I waslike, I am ready.

(00:34):
It's true. It's true. We'regoing to talk about 1983 today. Just
confirming.
Oh, my God, you creeped me out.
Don't do that.
I was like, oh, no, I've doneit. I finally done it.
Finally done it. If we everaccidentally do that, I say we just
go ahead with the episode. Twoof us will be talking about 1983,
you'll be talking about 1996.
It'll be great. Yes. Becausethe assumption is correct. If that

(00:57):
happened, it will be me thathas done the wrong year. It will
be. I'll be like, what?
What?
Yeah.
Heath, do you want to start usoff with some gull?
Sure.
I mean, I've complained aboutpeople on the Internet before. Oh,
but let's do so much to complain.
It's a wise verse.
Yeah.
Have you. You've heard of a TVshow called and Just like that, Correct?

(01:19):
Yes, yes.
It is the continuation of theSex and the City saga, which you
watch.
And you've update us on theplot before. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's. It's kind of aludicrous show. You know, I think,
as I said before, I think Sexand the City was ludicrous when it
was on the air. I just thinkour paradigm has shifted. I think.
I think that show has kind ofremained consistently ludicrous.

(01:43):
I just think we're, as a.People have different expectations
for HBO these days than we didback in the day.
We do. You're right.
And you know, yeah, it'ssilly, you know, whatever. I mean,
it's kind of funny. But Istill watch it anyway. I'm a little
bit the Internet and I don'twant this. This is not a Britney

(02:03):
Spears moment for me. This isnot a leave Britney alone moment
for me.
Okay. Okay. I mean, we canmake it one if you want.
Just leave and just like that, alone.
Okay.
If you don't want to watch it,don't watch it. If you don't like
it, don't like it. That's yourGod given right. But when these people,
these quote unquoteinfluencers, like kind of make content

(02:25):
bitching about it, it's like,well, if you don't like it, don't
try to make content about it.Just don't talk about it. Like, I
don't like what it. Like.
Yeah.
What are they not liking?
A TV show is not a personality.
True. Some people have made itthat way.
Oh, man, that's so true. Butthere's so many. That is, yeah, a
thing.

(02:45):
There was a woman who was justone on this. She thought she was
being funny. She wanted hbo,Max, to take it out the air. Just,
you know, just stop showingit. And it was like, come on. Sarah
Jessica Parker's really givenus a lot, you guys, like, over the
time. You know, she was Annieat one point. She's married to Ferris
Bueller.
Leave her alone.
Leave her alone.
Yeah, let her and Ferris livein peace. Are they just saying overall

(03:07):
that it's just bad or they. Iknow there's lots of picking things
about, like, queerrepresentation and stuff like that.
Right. And they just, youknow, they pick things that, you
know, people. Carrie makes baddecisions and, you know, and just
all that kind of stuff. Yeah,that's. What.
Don't we all. I mean, look around.
Open your. Open your blinds.Look outside. You'll see someone
making a bad decision. It'sall over the place.

(03:29):
Yeah, true.
And also in the original show,she notoriously made bad decisions.
And I hate to break it to you,but people are watching it or they
wouldn't have come back with asecond season. I mean, HBO is, after
all, a business, so I'm surethey did that. Roi.
This is like the third or fourth.
This is the third one.
Oh, my gosh. It's the thirdone. See, I'm so far behind. So,
like, taking it off is.That's. We're done. That's over.

(03:51):
And. Yeah, I mean, when youopen up the app on Apple tv, like,
it's consistently the toprated show on the app that day. Like,
it's the most popular show.They have, like, the top 10 for the
day, and it's consistentlythe. The most popular one. And I
don't, you know, I mean, I wasin New York recently. The New York
she lives in is not the one Ivisited. And I was in Midtown. I
was around. I saw some things,like, you know, anyway, just, you

(04:15):
know, if you don't like it,just like that. Don't, don't.
Yeah.
I think my goal is people whohave to be the star of any gathering
or any situation. I had alunch this week, four people, one
of whom I met once and theother is not. And this was a work

(04:38):
situation, and I met one ladyand Immediately clocked her as, oh,
she's got to be the expert on.On everything. Every single topic
that came up, she had to givesome. She knew something and knew
something about this and knewsomeone. And, oh, when I did this
and when I did this, and whenI did this. And as she kept talking,

(04:59):
I realized, you don't knowwhat the. You're talking about. Because
then every once in a while,she would say something. Well, in
my experience. And I'd belike, well, I was in, you know, advertising,
too. And she'd be like, oh,really? And then it would shut her
up. So it's like, so you'rejust expounding on things that you
just don't even.
She was trying. She was takingadvantage of her thinking nobody

(05:19):
knew what she was talkingabout, so she could just make up
whatever.
Exactly.
And then as the lunch went onand increasing, you could tell she
was getting more and moredesperate. So some of the ideas that
came out of her mouth was justlike, what the fuck are you talking
about? Like, so I think I'msick of people who just in any gathering

(05:40):
have to establish themselvesas the focal point and as the expert
upon everything. This happensa lot in the workplace, as you know,
but sometimes in socialgatherings, sometimes you get blindsided.
I got blindsided by this, thisweek. And as soon as I realized,
oh, there's two more hours ofthis lunch left, it was. It was.

(06:02):
I had to go home and take ashower, both because I was very sweaty
and also because I had to washit off of me. Wash off that filth.
Well, it's especiallyshocking, I think, because sometimes
we expect. I think I at leastfall back into where I expect people
to follow the same protocol Ido. Like, I. Even though I know that
people don't do that andpeople are insane, every once in
a while, you forget that whenyou go out and you get completely

(06:25):
shocked by an interactionbecause you're like, whoa. Oh, that
is how you move. Like, that'san crazy thing to do.
So, yeah, they can all suck it.
I agree.
Yeah.
Aaron, my goal this week is.Listen. Okay?
She's working up to it.
Yeah, I know. Like, there'sprobably people that are going to

(06:47):
be like, we'll just do thething all right here. So listen,
I have good intentions on alot of things, all right? And I've
been learning about myselfover the last couple years, and sometimes
the execution just isn'tthere. One of those things is fucking
reusable grocery bags. Everytime I get into the store, I'm like,
I left them in the car and.No, no, I know what you're thinking.

(07:08):
I don't walk back out to thecar because I'm already have a cart
half full. And I hate groceryshopping. So, no, I don't. So this
week I go. The person bags mygroceries. The grocery store that
we have where I live, they arerequired to walk you out to your
car, which is also a thingthat I hate, which.
Is why I don't go to thatgrocery store. Yes, I like the store,

(07:32):
but I.
Don'T like only one inNorwalk. Yeah.
Why?
I don't know. They bag andthen they take it. Yeah. And they
don't take no for an answer.
They're not open on Sundays.And the teenager who's bagging her
groceries walks it, pushesyour cart out to the car and loads
them for you.
Dear God.
We also have an elderlypopulation that works there that

(07:52):
takes your. And there's acouple of them that are very sweet.
Like, there's a couple thatare like, I always have a conversation
with, great. But I got thisguy this week. We get to my car and
I open up the back and he'slike, oh, so you do have reusable
bags. Whoa, sir, when I tellyou, you know when you have like

(08:14):
that one moment where you'relike. That just hit me really fucking
wrong. Like, of all the thingstoday, that's what I need to hear.
I said, sure do. And I'm nowtaking the bags and putting them
in. And he's like, yeah,they're right there in your trunk.
You're gonna be right there inmy trunk too, buddy. Shut the fuck
up.
I thought, are you fuckingkidding me? And I. When I tell you

(08:35):
that I turned my entire bodyand I very rarely use a mom look,
and I turned my entire bodyand just made direct eye contact
and stared at him and saidnothing, but mentally was sending
like, mind bullets of. Are youfucking doing this right now? Do
you know how close I am tolosing it?
Was this a teen or a senior citizen?

(08:56):
Senior citizen.
Oh, even worse.
And I was like. I just lookedat him and kept putting the groceries
in. So we were just making eyecontact while I was angrily putting
the bags in. And he take getsthe cart and says, have a good day.
And I just went and got in mycar because I thought, you know what?
I just don't need it. I get it.
Have a terrible day.
Don't you fucking tell me whatto do. I'll have a day I feel like

(09:19):
having.
Yes. Oh, my God. I was sofrustrated. I got home, I was still
flustered. I'm trying toexplain to Mike, and he's like. He
said what I was like. Hepointed out that I had reusable.
Like, I need that in my life.It was a whole thing. So, listen,
I get it, but I just don'tthink that's something we need to
comment on.
No, I would think, basically,when you're bringing the groceries

(09:42):
to the car, you don't commenton anything in the car.
Yeah.
You just drop those groceriesoff and you say, boop, I'm out.
Unless there's a person tiedup in that trunk.
Exactly.
You keep your mouth shut, and even.
Then, maybe think about whatyou're gonna say, you know? Cause
she had a bad day, so. Yeah.
Also, listen, I'm not tryingto bring it out.
Maybe that person's tied up intheir trunk for a good reason.

(10:02):
A good reason.
Maybe it's sex play. Allright? Just leave them alone.
Let it. I was like, you don'tknow me. Yeah.
You don't know my life.
And I thought, you know what?Where's Walt when you need him? He's
my favorite guy. He alwaysbrings everything out. We have pleasant
conversations. He's so sweet.He always asks about my grandkids,
and I always ask about his.And we just load it up together.

(10:24):
We make the quick work out of it.
Well, who the was this guy then?
Not Walt. And he didn't getthe same training, clearly.
No, no.
So the gall of you not to beWalt also. Come on.
Come on. So, anyway, sorry. Iknow. I know. I should be better
about the reusable grocerybags. I get it.
That's not the point here. Heinvaded your space and commented

(10:47):
on it. I don't like it. Idon't like it at all.
Very frustrating.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry thathappened. Hey, how's your armpits?
Oh, my gosh. Update. Oh, sothat's a good point.
That's a question you don'task very often. No, your armpits.
No. You know, I mean, thatmight be a HIPAA viol, but whatever.
It's true. Yeah. You know,only if you feel comfortable sharing.
I very. I mean, I already saidwhat was wrong with them, so I might

(11:10):
as well tell you that we'reworking magically towards the solution.
So I got this stuff that Iordered online, and it came as. You
could get it as a stick and asa lotion. I do not like their stick
at all. It's very, like,scratchy or something. But the lotion
you put like a little amounton your finger and you rub it in
to your armpit. I know thatsounds weird, but number one, great
doesn't get on your clothes.Number two, best sweat control I've

(11:32):
ever had.
Really?
It is working like a charm. I.I have tried it now. I think I'm
on my second or third week andI. I mean, I've been in some situations.
I had to take Evan toorientation and it was very hot that
day. We walked around campus. Beautiful.
What's the name of it?
Lume L U M E. And it's likethey have full body ones too. Like

(11:53):
you can technically use thatlotion like, you know, anywhere you
want. Under boobs, back andknees, that type of stuff. Yeah,
Yeah, I appreciate that.
They're monetizing a whoresbath. I appreciate that.
Because, you know, a horsebath is.
Yeah, it's worth it.
When your skin is dry.Sometimes you need to take some time
off.
You do, you really do. Yeah, Iknow, that's.

(12:15):
Well, I'm glad we updated everything.
Yeah, I meant to start that asan update. I also have another update
that I'd like to reserve forthe end just in case.
Okay.
Oh, it comes up during.Because if it does, I don't want
to steal anyone's thunder, butokay. If not. If it doesn't, I'll
let you know at the end.Great, we can have an update.
We're looking forward to that.Well, 1983 is our topic for today.

(12:37):
So let's first recap whatwe've already talked about. Previously
on Fuzzy Memories. I talkedabout Return of the Jedi, probably
at length. That was upsettingto non Star wars fans.
I'm still upset.
I talked about Sally Ride andI talked about the spelling bee and
we had our own little spellingbee. And you really were not a fan

(12:59):
of that. You.
You really. I felt very put on.
Yeah. Sorry about that.
For someone who doesn't likegames, it felt a little.
Yeah, it was maybe my 4th and5th grade self coming out and be
like, look at the wicked eye.
No, I get it. I mean, it waskind of fun. Yeah.
Aaron, you talked aboutFraggle Rock.
Great show.
You talked about Wacky Wall Walkers.

(13:20):
Love those.
And you talked about Mr.Rogers nuclear war episode, which
was something.
Where's Mr. Rogers when youneed him Now? Can you imagine some
of the episodes?
Oh, good.
Heath, you talked about heman. You talked about Risky Business.
And then I just have on ourlist notable TV events. I don't remember

(13:42):
what that was.
Me neither.
Okay. All right. So you talkedabout some TV stuff. Yeah, some stuff.
Probably some very special episodes.
I think that's what it was.Yeah. Because I remember putting
that together.
Wait, was it also the onewhere, like, there was a sex offender?
It was a different stroke.
I think it was different strokes.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(14:03):
Which, you know, interesting.
Arnold and Dudley and. Yeah,they ended up in some dude's apartment.
Yeah. So that's fun.
Okay.
Anyway. 1983. All right, so,Heath, you want to start us off?
I do, yeah. In 1983, there wasa movie that came out and it was
called National Lampoon's Vacation.
Oh, yes, the original.

(14:23):
Yep. The one that started itall. And I didn't realize I went
through it. I mean, everyoneknows about the original one and
the European vacation andChristmas vacation and then the less
well received Vegas vacation.
The one that you talked about.Yeah, yeah.
And then. But there wasapparently Christmas vacation 2 that
just had Cousin Eddie in it.
Oh, no, I do remember that. Yeah.

(14:46):
Does anyone want to see that?
Oh, but then they did a remakea few years ago with Ed Helms. He
played an adult. Rusty.
Yes.
And Christina Applegate was init. And the commercials. The trailer
was really funny. And I wentand saw the movie, and it was all
the funny stuff in the trailer.
Yeah, we saw it, too. Yeah.And wasn't Chevy Chase his dad in
the movie?
Yeah, him and Chevy Chase andBeverly d' Angelo showed up at the

(15:09):
end.
Yeah.
Oh, okay. Okay.
Anywho.
Anywho.
The original one.
Yeah.
1983. And we know theGriswolds are driving cross country
from Chicago to California tovisit Wally World. Ellen suggests
they fly, but Clark doesn'twant to do that because he wants
to spend time in the car. Hethinks it'll, you know, be fun to
get to spend time together.Kids are grown up.

(15:31):
What an idiot.
What an idiot.
Yeah.
Absolutely stupid.
Yeah.
Clark even bought a new carfor the trip, but when he shows up
at the dealership to pick itup, he finds out that it won't be
ready for another six weeks.So the car salesman sells him something
called a Wagon Queen Family Truckster.
Wagon Queen Family Truckster.
Which is apparently anothername for an extremely ugly station
wagon.

(15:51):
Yeah, yeah.
With the wood paneling and allthat jazz on it.
Rough.
And so the rest of the tripgoes about as well as Clark's visit
to the car dealership. Thefamily takes a wrong turn in St.
Louis, setting up a prettyproblematic scene where Clark is
asking for directions. Yes,we're not going to get into the details
yet. Something that in DodgeCity, Kansas. Clark interacts with

(16:14):
a bartender who does not go tothe trouble of hiding the fact that
he doesn't like Clark. AndChristie Brinkley keeps showing up
and making eyes at Clark whilehe's driving down the road. And it's,
I mean, the whole ChristieBrinkley thing was just sort of,
I think so the dads of Americawould feel like.
Cause she was like, this waspeak Christie Brinkley time.

(16:34):
Yeah. Next stop for theGrizzly Waltz, it's Cousin Eddie's
farm in rural Kansas. Andwhere we find out Eddie's secret
for a hamburger helper is tonot make it with hamburger. That's
a secret recipe for that.
Uh huh. Uh huh.
That whole Cousin Eddie visitis tough.
Yeah, yeah. And then they makehim into this comic character, but

(16:55):
they like, they kind of allude to.
Well, yeah, his daughter bragsthat, you know, she's the best at
French kissing because her dadconfirmed it that she is.
Yep. So cool.
This is also when we meet AuntEdna and her mean dog, Dinky. Edna
has been staying with Eddieand he's convinced Clark and Ellen
to give her a ride to Phoenix,Arizona where her son lives on their

(17:17):
way to California. So afterleaving Eddie's farm, the girls are
called to drive throughColorado. They spend the night at
a campground. And when packedup to leave the campground, Clark
ties a dinky leash to the backbumper of the car and forgets about
the dog before driving away. So.
So he did a Mitt Romney,right? Wasn't it Mitt Romney that
did that?
I think Mitt Romney put thecar that put the dog in a cage on

(17:37):
the top of the car.
Right. There was a whole thingabout him killing the family dog
because he like did it onpurpose or forgot he.
Didn'T want the dog in the car.
What?
Yeah, it was probably one ofthe many news blips that occurred
and you know, the fire hose ofterrible information.
Pre Christy Gnome, we hadanother dog killer.

(17:58):
Yeah. Wow.
Okay. You blew my mind. Sorry.
Yeah.
Later that same day, thefamily makes a stop and Ellen leaves
her purse on the roof of thecar, losing her ID and all of her
credit cards. So now they'rejust, you know, out in the Southwest
with, with some issues. Clarkmistakenly drives into some road
construction and launches. Thefamily trucks are 50ft in the air
in the middle of the desert.So it takes all of the money they

(18:19):
have left on them to pay forthe repairs. And it's around now
that he realizes that when hereported Ellen's credit cards have
been lost, the bank Shut hisoff, too. So he does what any of
us would do. He robs a hotelat the Grand Canyon because they
wouldn't cash his personal check.
Yep.
In his defense, he did leave apersonal check when he emptied the
cash register.
Yes.
Which also kind of seems like.I mean, I'm not a big, like, bank

(18:42):
robber person. I don't think Iwould leave a check with all my personal
information on it.
Interesting. I want to followup on that at some point and wonder
what you would do as a bankrobber, but.
Yeah, yeah, you know, I thinkthat's a good point.
We can bypass that now, but.
After leaving the GrandCanyon, Aunt Edna dies while taking
a nap in the backseat of thefamily truckster. Not knowing what

(19:04):
to do with the body, they wrapher in a tarp and tie her to the
roof of the car like MittRomney's dog. So when they get to
Phoenix, where it's somehow.It's raining.
Yeah.
Which at the time, you know,when I was a kid, didn't seem weird.
But now knowing it, I mean,it's odd for it to rain in Phoenix.

(19:24):
It's odd for it to rain ashard as it was raining in Phoenix,
but I suppose it's happened.They find out Edna's son is not at
home like he said he would be,so they leave Edna in the backyard
with a note. So at this point,that's why I.
Like my bodies delivered. It'sjust, you know, in the backyard with
a note.

(19:44):
Oh, my God. Can you imagine?They are never coming to the family
reunion again.
You just go in the backyard.
Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Oh.
I'm used to seeing raccoonsand cats, not dead bodies.
If someone left a dead body inyour backyard, you wouldn't know,
but the cats and raccoonswould take them before you ever found
it.
Did I tell you I saw a beaverwalking by my window?

(20:07):
And then we had two walkingdown our street.
Geez.
So the beaver would have donesomething with it too.
For sure.
Yeah.
At this point, everyone exceptfor Clark has vacationed out and
wants to go home. So Clarkgives an impassioned speech where
he basically threatenseveryone with a good time.
Yeah.
And then the family continueson to Wally World after a rough encounter

(20:28):
with a vibrating bed and someskinny dipping, first with Christie
Brinkley, and then later hiswife. Clark and family finally arrive
at Wally World. And when theyarrive, they find that Wally World
has closed for repairs, whichseems like a real broad reason.
All of it. All of it at once.
And as one does, Clark buys aBB gun and threatens a security guard
with it to get him to let thefamily into the park.

(20:51):
That's John Candy.
Yep.
Yeah.
And after enjoying severalrides, the police show up ready to
arrest the Griswolds. But thepark owner, Roy Wally, also shows
up. And after Clark explainseverything that's happened and why
he did what he did, Roy Wallylets him stay and enjoy the park.
Which is how that would go, I think.
Totally how that would go.
The original ending of thefilm had the Griswolds taking Roy

(21:12):
Wally hostage, but testaudience didn't like that. So the
ending was reshot and JohnCandy's security guard character
was added. He was not evenpart of the original.
Really?
Yeah. And since the new endingwas shot several months after filming
had arrived, apparently, ifyou watch closely, you'll notice
that Rusty is noticeablytaller than he was in the rest of

(21:32):
the movie. Cause he was ateenager. He just had grown up.
It was Anthony Michael hall,wasn't it? Yeah.
Oh, my God.
So, yeah, there's lots of, youknow, well known actors who were
kind of sprinkled throughoutthe movie. Eugene Levy was the car
salesman at the beginning ofit. You mentioned John Candy was
the security guard. AndAnthony Michael hall, who was Farmer

(21:53):
Ted and Sixteen Candles.
Sorry I stole your thunderwith all the guest stars. Yeah.
Jane Krakowski from 30 Rockand Unbreakable. Kimmy Schmidt. She
was Cousin Eddie's daughter.
That's right. Okay, okay.
The movie was directed byHarold Ramis and He. Who is Egon
in the first two Ghostbustersmovies. Lots of famous people in
it, but it's still, you know,I mean, outside there's a couple,

(22:15):
obviously, scenes that didn'tage well, but it's still a funny
movie.
It's still funny.
I love that. Test audiencesdidn't like the part about getting
taken hostage. And on therefine, we're good with that.
And there's a whole prolongedthing where he has to explain to
a cop about how the dog died.
Right.
And that wasn't cut. That wasfun. Okay.
At the part where they'reeating sandwiches. I mean, this was

(22:36):
legitimately funny to me,especially as a kid when they. When
they can't figure out why thepicnic basket's all wet and they're
all eating sandwiches that thedog is pissed at.
Yes. Just eat your sandwich,Clark. I remember that part because
he's complaining about whatwas on it. And then.
Yeah, yeah. Then they say thateveryone else is grossed out at night.
I just shrugged and takesanother bite.

(22:59):
I don't Know if it was, like,watching that. But I have as a kid,
but I have never had a desireto drive cross country.
I mean, I was gonna say that'sthe most relatable part, is when
he does that whole, like,threatening speech about we're gonna
have fun. Because if you'veever taken, you know, children on
vacation, there becomes thatpoint where you're like, oh, my God,
we are doing this for you. Ifyou don't ship, shape up, I swear

(23:20):
to God, I will kill Mickey infront of you. Like, what are we doing?
And we've had that. Like,we've driven a couple times. Like,
we drove the kids to Florida.Most recently, we drove to Tennessee
on spring break. And there issomething, I don't know that we enjoy,
like, the nostalgia of it orsomething of them. But it has to
be the right people, rightsituation. Yeah.
Well, it's in 2020. Towardsthe end of 2020, Michael and I drove

(23:43):
to Palm Springs and back.
In a. Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
That was more fun on the wayout than it was on the way back.
But that was because I wasgiven some questionable directions.
Sure, sure. That sounds right.Guess what? I have a sort of tie
in, because this is about amoose, in a way. On February 22nd

(24:04):
of 1983, Moose Murders openedand closed on the same night. Whoa.
In Broadway.
Oh. For some reason, when youstarted saying, I thought it was
a restaurant or something, Iwas like.
I thought it was, like a purgesituation, that they were, like,
letting people kill moose for,like, one night. I was like, what?
It's a Broadway.

(24:25):
That story. Better. That's waybetter. Because this is. This was
proclaimed by the New YorkTimes to be the standard of awfulness
against which all Broadwayflops are judged. Oh. So this was
the biggest flop of all time, Apparently.
Wow.
So Arthur Arthur Bicknell, hehad previously written two off Broadway

(24:45):
productions. He wrote MooseMurders, and he said it was intended
to be a farcical, melodramaticmurder mystery. So apparently the
convoluted plot revolvedaround a wealthy family vacationing
in an Adirondack lodge. Therewas a man eating moose, a wheelchair
bound quadriplegic personbandaged like a mummy.

(25:08):
Wait.
And a caretaker wearing Indianwar paint, but speaking with an Irish
accent. Ultimately, like aproblem. But ultimately, when you
think about it, like, manyTony Award winners have had real
weird plots when you thinkabout it. But apparently the behind

(25:29):
the scenes made this so muchmore chaotic and so bad. So the director,
John Roach, cast his wife,Lily Robertson, in one of the leading
roles. As you do.
Yeah, you do. Y.
She was not an actor, but shemade up for it in cash. She was an
heiress to a Texas oilfortune. Fortune. So she bankrolled
the production.
That's like one of thosethings you hear, but you never think

(25:50):
is real. I'm the heiress toTexas oil fortune.
So Eve Arden, who was an agingstar from Hollywood, was cast as
the other leading lady. Andapparently she was struggling. Struggling
hard to memorize her lines andfollow stage directions during previews.
So she left the production andwas replaced with Holland Taylor.

(26:10):
Oh, well known now.
Yeah.
Sarah Paulson's beloved.
Yeah.
So previews for mouse murders.Mouse murders. Moose murders. Mouse
might as well.
Yeah, that one did well.
That one was fine. Yeah. Theywere so chaotic and sparsely attended
that producers had to pullpeople off the streets to get in

(26:33):
for the audience, includingone man who critics said was covered
in vomit.
Oh, I'm sorry, What now? Hewas covered in vomit when they went
in, or he vomited on himself.
Because it was so bad. Greatquestion. I don't know the answer.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know the.
Timeline of the vomit.
If I was in the show, I thinkI'd rather perform to an empty chair

(26:53):
than someone covered in vomit.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
I really need to know if hevomited on himself during the play.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was probably during theplay that we're just like, no, we
actually need you in here.We're not going to ask you to leave.
We're not going to stay peoplein the seats.
So at the close of theperformance, the curtain failed to
fall on the final scene, andthe characters were just stranded

(27:17):
on stage. These were. This wasall during. All during previews.
Okay, so this is a hot messduring previews. So on opening night,
everything went as it wassupposed to go, but at the end, there
was no applause.
Oh, that's right. Right.
One member. One member of thecast said later, I don't think there

(27:39):
was ever a show in the historyof Broadway where you took a bow
to silence. So apparently,they suffered through the silence.
And they were like, yeah,we're. We get this isn't gonna work.
Because then the reviews cameout, and they were not good. The
New Yorker said that it wouldinsult the intelligence of an audience
consisting entirely of amoebas.

(28:03):
To which the amoeba said,yeah, the.
Amoebas were like, I don'twant that.
Yeah, leave us alone. What didwe do?
Why are you bringing us into this?
Yeah, we obviously wouldn't goto Moose Murders.
And we definitely wouldn'tvomit while we were there. The New
York Post described it as soindescribably bad that I do not intend

(28:23):
to waste anyone's time bydescribing it.
That was the whole review?
Yeah.
Wow.
That's a toughie.
Yeah.
So the. The writer of thispoor young Arthur Bicknell, he never
staged another play?
I would guess not.
But he did write a memoirpublished in 2013, called Moose Murdered
How I Learned to Stop Worryingand Love My Broadway Bomb.

(28:46):
That feels like an inside thought.
What I love is that, like,Holland Taylor apparently survived.
So I don't know if she justdistanced herself from it or, like,
I knew about this.
I bet it helps that it wasjust one night.
Yes.
Yeah.

(29:07):
If they would have been stuckdoing this for. For a long time,
I feel like people would have.It would have been.
And maybe that was part of it.Maybe at the end, they were just
like, let's cut our losses.Let's just pretend like this never
happened.
I mean, if it's opening nightand nobody. I mean, those are people
that wanted to be there.
Right?
Right.
I mean, family or someone thatknows the people that maybe would

(29:30):
have tried to start a clap. Soif your own family was like, we can't
even clap for this.
Yeah, That's. Or maybe goingin, like, the actors and everyone
knew it was such a train wreckthat they told their family, don't.
That could be too.
Yeah.
Don't come.
Yeah.
Don't even watch this.
Or maybe they. It was all thepeople they hauled in off the streets.
They were too busy like. Like,you know, trying not to get sick.

(29:50):
And so they didn't want toclap. It happened because if I clap,
I'm gonna jostle myself, and Imight get sick.
I'm gonna jostle the gentlemannext to me who's covered in vomit.
Yeah. So I had never heard ofMoose Murders, but apparently that
in the Broadway world is the.The lore of the worst bomb ever to
bomb. And it's given Moose abad name, you know?
Yeah. And amoebas.

(30:10):
And amoebas.
Anamoebas. That is something.
Yeah.
Well, 1983, really.
Just building up to it.
Yeah. I don't know why,because my mind was still on the
vomit guy, just thinkingabout. Yeah. There were so many questions
I had there about why. Howthat happened. Anyway, 1983 saw the

(30:31):
start of a cartoon that Istill use phrases from whether I
should or not called Inspector Gadget.
Oh, yeah.
I often refer to my arm as aGo Go Gadget Go.
Go Gadget Arm.
Yeah, absolutely. So thiscartoon ran from 1983 to 1985, and
when I was.
That's it.
Yeah.
Wow.
I would have thought it was onfor a lot longer.
Me too. It ran. That was.Yeah, yeah. It was in syndication

(30:53):
forever. Like, they keptreshowing it, but it reminded me,
when I was doing the researchof it, a lot of what you said about
Mr. Wrong in the last episodeof like, hey, women, just in case
you wanted to know, we stillhate you.
Hey, gals.
What Inspector Gadget wasdoing. Because the whole premise
is that he's a world famouscyborg police inspector who works

(31:16):
for a secret policeorganization that combats crime across
the globe. And each of hismissions is focused on the criminal
schemes of mad, which standsfor Mean and Dirty, a criminal organization
led by nefarious Dr. Claude. Yeah.
That'S two D's.
That's double D's.
And mean and Dirty doesn'tsound. Yeah, that's that bad. No,

(31:40):
like Mean and Dirty.
You need a more menacing name.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean,yeah, exactly. So missions that he
would go on, they oftenoccurred in foreign locales or within
the fictional city of MetroCity, which we did a really good
job with the writing in the show.
Metro City.
Metro City, yeah.
He.
So despite the fact thatInspector Gadget is equipped with

(32:01):
numerous gadgets, including apersonal vehicle that can morph between
a family minivan to a combatcompact police car that's handy,
he's ultimately incompetentand clueless and comes up with crazy
theories, mistakes the MADagents for friendly locals. He's
always getting in trouble. Heoften uses a gadget that's not called

(32:23):
for. He causes troubleinadvertently for those around him.
There's a. There was a runninggag about that, like a self destruct
message. He would get themessage from his boss, Chief Quimbley,
who would hand it to him whilehe was in disguise, only to accidentally
have him return it to ChiefQuimbley before it detonated. Like
he was lucky enough to hand itoff, but he didn't really understand

(32:45):
it was a message. Soultimately, who was behind Inspector
Gadget was his niece, Penny,who is a gifted sleuthing mind despite
her young age, and wouldactually thwart the plots behind
the scenes and ensure that heruncle remained out of harm's way.
She would often be. Yeah, so Ikept thinking of what he said because

(33:05):
I was like, oh, okay. So theidiot gets the show and gets all
the gadgets and his poor niecehas to work behind the scenes.
With no gadgets and Meanwhile,she's a parentified kid. She's doing
way more than. She's dealingwith trauma these days.
So much trauma. She kinda hadto save her uncle from getting killed
and thwart huge plots to takedown Metro City.
It's too much for a little girl.

(33:26):
It is too much. He also had afamily dog named Brain, who Penny
could use sometimes to help,but. And usually shadowed Inspector
Gadget in a disguise. But thenInspector Gadget would often mistake
him for an agent and chase him and.
God, I don't remember himbeing such a dumbass.

(33:49):
Did he write Moose Murders?
He might have. InspectorGadget might have been the main character.
Yeah.
And like you just mentioned,poor Penny, she usually remains in
contact with Brain during herown investigations, but she's also
often placed in danger byInspector Gadget because he doesn't
follow along what's going on.So Brain has to help her, or she

(34:10):
uses her own technology thatshe's developed because they give
all the gadgets to the guy whodoesn't know how to use them.
So the girl and the dog doingall the gadgets. God damn work.
And to top it all off,Inspector Gadget always gets the
credit at the end. ChiefQuimbley's always like, you did it
again, Gadget. You stopped it.And Penny's just in the background
like, yeah, yeah, that's whathappened. Also, I didn't really remember

(34:32):
this part from watching it,but they said that most of the episodes
ended with a public serviceannouncement advising how to handle
a situation such as, like, nottalking to strangers or something
like that. Even thoughbasically the whole show was the
opposite of whatever they weresaying. You know, he was dealing
with MAD agents and that. Ialso found a list of some of the

(34:53):
gadgets. Oh, and this is whereI had some questions for some of
the writers. Okay, we knowabout Gadget arms. Go go Gadget arms.
His arm would shoot out and itwas long. He had a gadget hand. Go
go Gadget hand. He had agadget hat, which included a spring
in case he fell.
Okay.
Yep. He had gadget legs, whichwere giant springs. He had a gadget

(35:15):
Brella, which is what itsounds like. It pops out of a hat.
Basically an umbrella hat. Hehad a gadget copter, which just meant
that a blade popped out of hishat. So I don't know why that wasn't
just part of the hat. That'swhy we didn't just have a gadget
hat. Gadget roller skates, which.
Oh, are those just roller skates?
Yeah.
And I cannot think Of a time.I think they popped out of his shoes.

(35:37):
Oh, I think the wheels. Sowheelies like those became popular
later. And I can't think of asituation where I would be in a precarious
situation and think what Ineed to add is roller skate.
I'm a roller skate my way outof this. Yeah, I, I, yeah, I'm gonna
channel Xanadu and, yeah, actlike I'm listening to some hot, hot
clarinet and get on out of here.

(36:02):
Now I want him to have agadget clarinet and he just takes
off. He had a gadget coat thatjust inflated. Yeah, I remember that.
And then he had other thingswhich were just to me, like, they
weren't special. Like they'rejust tools, like a gadget laser flashlight,
lasso, screwdriver, dome lightskis, ice skates, a mallet, a phone,
a pen, whistle, binoculars.

(36:22):
So he basically just had abunch of stuff. Yeah.
Light magnet, scissors and a swatter.
Good. You're MacGyver, but yousuck at it.
But you're terrible. You haveso many gadgets and you can't use
a single one. Literally. Yourniece has to save you. Retire. We
are done. Inspector Gadget. Soall that to say. Yeah. I still use
the phrase Go Go Gadget arm.
I do.
And I remember, really, I,like, watched that show. I enjoyed

(36:45):
it, but I had no recollection.
Inspector Gadget.
Yeah. It was not well written,but a terrific entertaining time.
But now as adults, lookingback, like, damn. Okay, so it showed
us what we were going to be asgirls. Yeah, just the behind the
scenes.

(37:05):
Let's have a woman or a, youknow, young child be behind him that's
actually really smart, can dothis stuff, but he'll get all the
credit.
It's a good lesson for kids.
Yeah, it's a good, good reminder.
Yeah.
They made that into a moviewith Matthew Broderick speaking.
I mentioned Ferris Buellerearlier, but they made a live action.
That's true. I forgot about that.
I don't think it was a big hit.
I don't.
Yeah, no, man, I don't know if.

(37:25):
I ever saw that. I imaginelooking at that thinking like, no,
thanks.
I remember seeing the previewsfor it, but I don't know that I ever
saw it either. If I did, Iblocked it.
If he was such a dummy in themovie as he was in the show.
Oh, I'm sure.
Yeah. To bring Penny in andhave her be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You
should reboot the show withjust Penny and have him be, you know,
just the uncle she gave A jobto like nepotism. But she runs the

(37:49):
whole thing.
It's like Nancy Drew.
Yeah.
Without. Yeah. With a shitty uncle.
Yeah.
All right, what's up next foryou, Heath?
I want to talk about Cujo.
Oh, shit.
The film version of Cujo cameout in the summer of 1983, and it

(38:10):
was based on the Stephen Kingbook that had come out a couple years
earlier. In the film, Cujo isa Saint Bernard whose only interest
is chasing rabbits and havinga nice.
Having a nice time.
While chasing one of thoserabbits, Cujo puts his nose into
a hole and gets bitten on thenose by a bat that turns out has

(38:33):
rabies, which leads to somedefinitely not nice times for Cujo.
Wait, that was the whole thingis that he had rabies?
Yeah.
That was so much moreterrifying in my head when I. I don't
know.
What I was tant.
Yeah. Yeah.
Cujo's owner is Joe C. A M BR. Camber is. I guess I use. I don't

(38:53):
remember how it is.
She was the woman from E.T. right?
No, that's not the owner. Thisis. She was a different character.
Okay.
All right, so kudos. Owner isJoe Camber. He's an auto mechanic
who is also an asshole, butapparently not a big enough asshole
for the Trenton family, Vic,Donna, and their son Tad to go find
another auto mechanic.
Oh, okay. All right.

(39:14):
Joe Kammer's shop is at hishome, and the Trenton family meet
Kudos and they bring theirFord Pinto in for repairs.
So Cujo lives at the shop.
Right.
Okay.
And at this point, Cujo hasn'tlost his shit from rabies yet, so
everyone's fine.
Okay.
Vic isn't fine when he findsout that Donna is having an affair
with her high schoolboyfriend. And to be clear, he was

(39:34):
her boyfriend when they wereboth in high school. He is not currently
in high school.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah, that makes more sense.Yeah. Yeah.
And really, I guess I don'tknow what that has to do with the
rest the of the movie likethat, doesn't it? I don't know if,
like we're supposed to thinkshe deserves what happens with her
and Cujo later.

(39:55):
She's such a slut. So shedeserves to get rabies.
She deserves to be bitten by arabid dog.
So by now Cujo has gone fullmaniac and has killed both the asshole
mechanic and his alcoholicneighbor. Oh, so this dog is just
fucking murdering people leftand right.
Go, go. Rabies.
Yeah. Yeah. Vic leaves townfor a business trip and his wife

(40:17):
takes a break from sleepingwith her old boyfriend to take their
son and their Ford Pinto backto the mechanics place for more repairs.
When they arrive, Cujo triesto attack them, but they take shelter
in their Ford Pinto. And theidea of a Ford Pinto being the only
thing keeping you alive issome really legitimately scary shit.
It is. And also what's wrongwith the car that it keeps needing

(40:39):
repairs.
The Ford Pinto was a deeplyshitty car. Very, very shitty.
Yeah.
The car was prone to explodingand rear end collisions and led to
lots of lawsuits and questionsabout product safety for Ford.
So good job, Ford.
Yep.
They also named it a Pinto.
Yeah. After a bean. What areyou doing?
Yeah.

(40:59):
I remember my dad's stepdaddrove a Ford Pinto.
Yeah.
And I remember my old. I thinkit was. I don't know, it was either
me or my older brother. Idon't know which one of us did it.
Broke the antenna off of thecar. It was parked in our driveway
and it wasn't hard to do.Like, just like a child just snapped
it off the car. He wasn't veryhappy about it.

(41:21):
Oh, well.
So. So, yeah. Back to Donnaand Tad. They were stuck in this
Ford Pinto. She tries to drivehome, but the car won't start because
of its deep shittiness. Youknow, that we just talked about.
Yeah.
So they're just stuck in thisFord Pinto on a hot day, not knowing
what's going to get a himfirst, the heat or the rabid dog.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
This is. I mean, that's a nowin situation.

(41:42):
Nope.
Because I one time as a childspent an hour on top of a slide in
a park after being chased by a dog.
Oh.
And it was one of thoseslides, you know, that was meant
to burn children when it went down.
Yeah.
It was like silver and just the.
Sun was 10,000 degrees.
Yeah. And my only saving graceis that my best friend at the time
was up there with me as well.But the dog sat at the day end, the
of. Of the slide and justwaited until finally the owner realized

(42:04):
that it wasn't out there. I.That's probably still, to this day.
Why I'm not a huge. Like, Idon't have a dog. I'm always a little
afraid of big dogs.
That makes total sense.
I mean, we literally got downoff the slide, ran, and just stayed
under her bed until her momgot home. We were so traumatized.
It was terrifying.
That makes sense.
So inside, a Pinto car isdefinitely worse than on top of a

(42:25):
slide. And that was horrendous.
Did that dog get bitten by a.
Bat too, I'm assuming.
Yeah. Had to happen. Yeah.
My dog at least. Soundssexist. It was just chasing girls.
At the very least, it was sexist.
And it was one of those, like,we're both running and she was far
more athletic than I was andshe's trying to be nice and I was

(42:45):
like, save yourself. So shewas running so much faster, and I
was like, oh, it's fine. We'reracing up the back of the slide.
Oh, my God, it was bad.
Donna tries to escape to gether son some water because again,
it's real hot. But Cujo bitesher and she ends up back in the car.

(43:08):
So by this point, Vic getshome from his business trip and finds
that Donna and Tad aren't homeand that their house has been vandalized
by the boyfriend she'ssleeping with. Oh, I guess. I don't
know. I guess he was mad. Imean, Donna's having a shitty day.
I would say, what the fuck areyou doing?
Adding to her problems. Highschool boyfriend, right?
Wait, did she miss a date? Andhe's like, oh, that's not gonna stand.

(43:30):
Like, calm down.
Vic calls the sheriff and theycorrectly assume that Donna and Tad
are at the mechanic's place.So the sheriff goes there, where
he is promptly mauled to deathby Cujo.
Oh, that tracks.
Okay.
Yep. Feeling like she has nochoice but to try again to get to
the house, Donna leaves theFort Pinto and fights Cujo with a

(43:51):
baseball bat that she found.
Oh, okay.
Cujo breaks the bat in halfbecause apparently rabies makes you
a fucking killing machine. Andit's just the strongest thing in
the world. Right? Donna usesthat bat to impale Cujo and she was
gonna use the sheriff's gun toshoot the dog because the dead sheriff
still laying there, butdecides it's more important to get

(44:11):
her some water. This is, ofcourse, when Kujo wakes up and attacks
her again before she doesfinally shoot him.
So this is like super poweredrabies. Like, this has made him a
super soldier level.
Yes.
Okay. All right.
Feels like more than rabies.That's why we were all surprised
there was rabies. Yeah, yeah,it feels a little more.
I think Cujo had some anger issues.

(44:31):
The rabies really fullythought it was a possession.
Me too.
Yeah. I don't remember everunderstanding the rabies part.
Yeah.
Okay. All right.
Well, kujo was released twoweeks after Jaws 3, so it was a real
summer of animals killingpeople. Stephen King has never said
as much, but I kind of feellike the idea of Cujo sort Of came

(44:53):
from Jaws. Like, the idea oflike, you know, animals going after
people and people being in peril.
And also, this feels like areal flimsy story for Stephen King.
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
Like, he got. Like his otherstories are way more.
Yeah. It just doesn't feellike it has that same excuse, the
pun, but enough tea.

(45:13):
Look at you. The word play, asHeath says, is on point. Yeah.
The easiest metaphor for arabid dog. I use teeth.
Reviews for the movie weren'tgreat. Siskel, Niebert, who we all
know hates to see a good time coming.
They sure do.

(45:35):
I hate to see a good time.
They called it, quote, one ofthe dumbest flimsiest excuses for
a movie that I've ever seen.And also called it dreadful.
Okay. I mean, I don't disagree.
Yeah.
Tad, who's the son of themovie, was played by Danny Pintoro,
who would later go on to staras Angela's son, who's the boss.
And there's currently a remakeof Cujo in the works. Works at Netflix,

(45:58):
but there are no writers ordirectors attached to it.
Okay.
So I'm not sure is it.
It's gonna be AI. They're justgonna put that through chat GPT and
see what comes out. It's gonnabe great.
Okay. All right. All right.
But, yeah, I mean, apparentlyI had a real thing for dogs this
week because Dinky mean dogand national entrance. Cujo mean
dog.
Yeah, you.
Dog that chased you up. Asexist dog that chased you up a lot.

(46:20):
Damn misogynist dog.
I know. Scarred me for life. Life.
Well, my next one iscontinuing my constant Soviet beat.
I love it. This was the yearthat Soviet leader Yuri Andropov
struck up a friendship with afifth grade American girl.

(46:43):
Oh, that's problematic.
Yep. Was it you? It's supposedto be an uncreepy story. Getting
to that. So in December of1982, so before this, Samantha Smith
from Maine wrote Andrew. Yeah.Sammy asked if the Soviets were planning
to start a nuclear war, whichif I had known I could do this, I

(47:06):
would have done this.
Okay. All right. There it is.
Yeah. I would have written andasked, what the are you doing with
nuclear war? Yeah. Okay.
So I don't. Okay. Yeah.
Samantha Smith got to itfirst. So In April of 1983, the Soviet
Union released a letter thatAndrew Pove wrote back to Samantha.

(47:28):
So context wise, this isaround the time Reagan is calling
the USSR the evil empire.Like, things are heating up. And
the hardliner Brezhnev hadleft in 1982. And this new guy was
going for a more like folksy,grandfathery kind of approach. Right?
So Samantha's original notesays this. Dear Mr. Andropov, my

(47:50):
name is Samantha Smith. I am10 years old. First off, this is
a stupid letter. You're notwriting it. Well, congratulations.
Grow the up, Samantha.
Yeah. Geez, Samantha,congratulations on your new job.
I have been worrying aboutRussia and the United States getting
into a nuclear war. Are yougoing to vote to have a war or not?

(48:11):
If you aren't, please tell mehow you are going to help to not
have a war. This question youdo not have to answer. But I would
like to know why you want to.Why you want to conquer the world,
or at least our country. Godmade the world for us to live together
in peace and not to fight.Come on, Samantha.
Jesus Christ, do better.
First off, leave God out of it.

(48:32):
This is some real white girl savior.
It is. And also get more. Andget into radiation, get into nuclear
winter. Do the work. What theare you doing?
No research before?
No research.
I don't even know why webrought God into it.
Jesus. It's not. It's likeyou're not even scouring your elementary
school library for all things,you know, nuclear war. What the are
you doing?
Well, then she also says, whyare you gonna vote to have this?

(48:54):
Like, I don't think there was voting.
There's no voting going on.You don't even know how.
You don't even know how it works.
Jesus.
Also, where'd she send this?USSR and just put a stamp on it?
Like, how did she get an address?
Yeah, yeah, it's a greatquestion. Does she look that up in
the phone book?
Like, Soviet Union, NorthPole, ussr Got my letters done. Mom

(49:15):
send them off?
Yep. So Andrew Pove wroteback, and it's a very long note,
but summarized he in a fewpoints. He says, yes, Samantha, we
in the Soviet Union are tryingto do everything so there will not
be war on earth. And in agreat passive aggressive move, he
says, in America and in ourcountry, there are nuclear weapons,
terrible weapons that can killmillions of people in an instant.

(49:37):
So getting in that America'snot doing so great. But then Andrew
Post says, I invite you, ifyour parents will let you, to come
to our country.
Read that as a parent. Theyou're going there.
You will find out about ourcountry, meet with your contemporaries,
visit an internationalchildren's camp and where you will
live forever.
International children's camp.

(49:59):
And see for yourself that inthe Soviet Union everyone is for
peace and friendship.
Oh, well, that's not true.
So that's just not true. Nomatter what you want. This isn't
Care Bear. No one's on. Noteveryone's for peace and friends.
The USSR is not in the forestof feelings.
No.
So the USSR releases thisletter to the world, and Samantha
and her family accept.

(50:19):
Oh, my God.
Also didn't know this could happen.
Like a horror movie andeveryone's dumb.
So Samantha and her family goand they spend two weeks in Russia.
Real quick, though.
Yeah.
The. The United Statesgovernment had nothing. Didn't weigh
in on this at all.
It's a great question,actually. In all the research I did,
I didn't say anything aboutwhat the Americans, they must have
like tailed them or something.
Yes.

(50:40):
And when they were there, theymust have had like KGB people following
them everywhere. So Samanthaand her family spend two weeks there.
They're treated as VIPs.They're giving a carefully arranged
tour.
Of course.
Is a VIP in Russia at thetime, like, you get a new potato
every day. Is that more.
It's like you actually getfood when you go to the grocery store.
Yeah, yeah. She got to go to akids camp and she was treated like

(51:04):
a superstar because none ofthe kids had ever seen or met an
American. There's a greatquote from Lena Nelson, who grew
up in the Soviet Union andshe's a journalist, and she remembers
being there when she was akid. And she says, for my generation
of the Soviet children growingup in the early 1980s, the word American
meant only one thing, anenemy. Me. Seeing Samantha and her

(51:28):
parents on my TV that summerand realizing that they looked and
acted just like us was an eyeopening experience. So for her part,
Samantha charmed everybody.Everybody thought she was just this
sweet little girl and shebecame a famous figure overnight.
So they come back to the U.S.and she, you know, like total white

(51:48):
savior. She's like, theSoviets don't want any harm to the
world. Just like us. They'rejust like us. When asked whether
she would like to live inRussia, which who the are these journalists
saying?
Like, would you like to live there?
You want to go over there now?She says, no, I'd rather live in
my own country. She became aninternational celebrity and peace

(52:09):
ambassador. She was on JohnnyCarson, wrote a book with her dad,
and guest starred on Charlesin Charge. Oh, God, again, you could
do this. Not a great endingbecause in 1985, she and her dad
died in a plane crash at age13. And around the same time, Yuri
Andropov died from kidneyfailure. Were they Cursed, I don't

(52:31):
know. But I brought somevisual aids.
Oh, no. That's very sad thatshe died.
I know.
With her dad. That's terrible.
Okay, so there's the letter onone side, both her letter and then
their letter back. And then onthe other side, there's pictures
of Samantha and her family andher at the camp.
Was she on a Russian stamp?
Yeah, put her on a Russianstamp in 1985. So she became sort

(52:54):
of a Russian hero as well.
Are these her parents?
Yeah, those are her parents.And those are probably some KGB entourage
behind them, I would guess.
Yeah. This guy back in theright corner with the trench coat
is particularly.
Yep.
He seems to be carrying athermos, but I don't trust.
I don't trust it at all. Andthere were a ton of pictures of her
at that camp where she'swearing the cult clothes, and she,

(53:17):
like. Yeah, every. All thekids are, like, so excited around
her. I'm sure there waslanguage barrier, but it was. Yeah.
I think that this was set upby the US Government.
Yeah.
Yeah. I think that's why youdidn't find any research about why
they weighed in. I think theyorchestrated it because I just can't
get over how she got a letterto him.
How. Yeah.
How's that go? How's thathappen? He's that hard up for letters,

(53:40):
and he was like, oh, look atthis. I got a 10. I got a letter
from.
You think, yeah, somebody likea. No, an admin or something would
have read it ahead of time.They're like, yeah, whatever, Sammy.
Yeah, just toss that in the garbage.
That's what.
And maybe it was a situationwhere, like, you know, obviously
they get mail at the Kremlinor whatever, and maybe they were
looking for an opportunity.
Yeah, that could be. They.

(54:01):
They were looking for anopportunity, and they saw, like,
oh, this is a greatopportunity to again, passively,
aggressively show Reagan we'renot an evil empire kind of thing.
Yeah.
And. And I loved in the letterthat they were just like, in America,
there's weapons, too.
Yeah. Yeah. It was prettygreat, by the way. You're doing the
same thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So. But again, I didn't knowyou could do this.

(54:22):
She knew too much. She sawsome stuff.
Yeah. Speaking of thegovernment involvement was what?
I mean, I don't want to put onmy tinfoil hat, but, I mean.
She was super charming. Sheprobably charmed her way into the
Kremlin and into the Politburoand all the. All the things.
I'm really sorry. In a way foryou, because I do feel like this
had to feel really. You had tobe very annoyed when you found this

(54:43):
story.
Like, listen, I was obsessed, okay?
And you had the knowledge toback it up.
And my obsession was notawarded with a trip to Russia.
You could have been on aRussian stamp.
I could have been on a Russian stamp.
I also love the idea of 10year old Amy going to Russia, then
saying, here's the clothes youhave to wear at the camp. And her

(55:05):
saying, no, no, no, no, I justwon't. This is where it ends. I will
not be wearing the cultclothes. Thank you.
I think it would have stoppedat like me saying to mom and dad,
hey, can I get aninternational stamp? And they'd be
like, no, what?
And then they don't makethose. Yeah, you make that up.
And me trying to mail off my20 page missive, you know.

(55:28):
Yours would have taken adifferent turn. They would have shown
up at your house and beenlike, here's how I've.
Tracked the radiation cloudsthat will come if you hit Omaha.
So here's what I'm saying.
Yeah. Could you aim itsomewhere else?
Yeah.
Well, you know, as we'veprogressed, I think I'm just going
to use my update.
Oh, great.
As my last. Okay. Okay. Soover the last few weeks, for whatever

(55:52):
reason, we had some houseguests and we watched all four Jaws
movies. Movies out of order.Out of order. I don't even know how
this happened, but we. Wewatched one. And now, to be clear,
I had never seen a Jaws movieprior to this.
Yeah.
So we watched one. I'm gonna.The reason I'm bringing this up is

(56:12):
because three, as Heathmentioned, came out in 1983. So I'm
gonna give you my first. I'mgonna tell you how I rank them and
then we can talk about number three.
And he famously talked aboutjaws, the return from 1987.
Yes. That's why we watched.Because I was like, oh, wait, he
talked about number thishappened. You are the reason we watched
them out over there. Because Idon't think we had understood that

(56:34):
we were gonna fully commit towatching all of them. So we watched
one. I gotta say, once youwatch the whole series, not so bad.
Jaws 1 isn't terrible. Likeyou can get on board with it as a
movie.
It's like the 50th anniversary.
It is.
Yeah. They're doing a wholebunch of behind the scenes stuff.
There's some interestingthings in.
That started the whole summerblockbuster thing.
The shoot was plagued withproblems with the mechanical shark

(56:56):
and stuff. Somehow StevenSpielberg put it all together.
That's why you don't see ituntil an hour and, like, 21 minutes
into the movie. Because theyhad so many problems with the mechanical.
Yeah. So they were like, well,if we can just limit how we use it.
And that builds tension, though.
That's what they said. It kindof indirectly made it more suspenseful.
So if you know Jaws 1, thenyou know that there's Brody, the

(57:19):
police chief that, you know,is trying to convince the mayor,
and he has Richard Dreyfuss,who's the scientist, and they're
trying to, you know, explainthat this is happening. So after
we see that one, I said, well,we talked about Jaws 4, and I remember
he's saying the plot, and Ineed to see it. So we jumped from
one to four.
Oh, boy.
And as Heath mentioned, fouris Brody's. Now widow is traveling

(57:45):
to where her other son Michaellives because her younger son Sean,
has just been eaten by ashark. The shark travels, follows
her to the Bahamas. And thiswhole thing, she goes out. A lot
of questionable decisions inthat movie. Flies out on a. The whole
thing. Right. So we're dyingbecause we're like, this is the most
ridiculous movie that we haveever seen. Right. So then we're like,
well, now we got to go backand watch 2 and 3, because I need

(58:07):
to know how it progressed tothis. So we go back and watch two,
and in two, they are. Now I'mgonna forget, because three stands
out so much to me. In two, wego back to the same area, and everybody
thinks Brody's crazy becausehe said, this is gonna happen again.
It's the next summer after.
Josh stars, though.

(58:27):
He's the same stars. His sonsare a little bit older. Michael's
a teenager. He's like, youcan't hold me down. I'm going sailing
with the girls, whatever. Andthere's the shark, and he ends up
taking the younger son withhim at one point. And that's when
the shark attacks, and they'restranded, and Brody has to save him,
but he crashes a police boatinto rocks. And it's a whole dramatic
thing.
Okay.
So objectively, it's not terrible.

(58:50):
Yeah. It has not fallen offthe edge yet.
Okay.
Seriously, it's okay. It's notgreat. It's really center.
Definitely a money grab. Like,it wasn't necessary.
There is an interesting, to mekind of writing angle in that one
that they kind of reallyfocused on Brody's mental health,
like, people being like.Because there's at one point where
he thinks it's happening. Heruns to the beach and fires his gun

(59:10):
into the water, and he getssuspended, basically, as sheriff.
Like, they're like, you're nolonger. Because you can't do that.
He scares all these people offthe beach. And I thought that was
kind of an interesting. Likethat would affect you that way.
Right. And I think the. Was itin the second one when the mayor
was just like, don't tellanybody about the shark, because
we want tourism. We wantpeople here for the summer. Like,

(59:31):
it is just. There's a lot ofpeople in charge that are just willfully,
intentionally making terrible.
Because a big whale comes upon the shore, and they bring in a
scientist, and she's like,this is a shark attack. And they're
like, whoa, what would attack?And then Brody's like, oh, the shark.
We got another shark. It'sback. Okay, this is a problem. And
the mayor's like, is it the.
Same shark from the.

(59:51):
No, because they explode.
Yeah.
Okay.
I think this is, like, theshark's brother or cousin. Yeah.
We're assuming that it's afamilial line through all of them
somehow. Yeah. So that's two.We go from two to three.
Okay. Which was in 3D.
Oh, yeah. Have you seen three?
I. I haven't seen it for along time, but it is dumb as hell.

(01:00:14):
It is the. I can say this withfull confidence. The dumbest movie
I have ever watched in mylife. What in the actual. I can't
even believe they got a fourafter three because this is my ranking.
I go, one is my top. And thenI say two just because it's not terrible.

(01:00:35):
There's some interesting partfour and then three.
Wow.
And I would even move fourabove two just because it's funny.
Right. It's entertaining towatch it. So ludicrous.
It's so ridiculous. But threeis ridiculous a whole new way. It
has Dennis Quaid as the mainguy, and it takes who I believe.
Was very high on cocainethroughout the entire shooting of

(01:00:55):
the movie.
It sounds accurate. I don'tknow how you couldn't be. This literally
takes takes place at SeaWorld.This is the 1983 movie. I had to
look it up immediately becauseI was like, SeaWorld okayed this.
And they sure. As did. Theysaid sure.
Was Dennis Quaid's charactersomehow related to everyone that
we.
I think, isn't he one of the sons?
He's Michael. He's Michaelbefore he goes to the Bahamas somehow,

(01:01:16):
Even though he looks way olderthan the Michael in the Bahamas.
It took me a long time tofigure out who was who because we'd
already watched four, and I'mlike, wait, so he's with a. A lady
in this one who is a marinebiologist. Doctor who is brought.
Has been brought in by the guythat's starting SeaWorld to train
the dolphins and create thiswhole environment. And he is basically

(01:01:38):
the engineer slashconstruction guy. Like, he's making.
And this whole SeaWorld setupis that they are making underground
underwater tunnels that thefish can go through and people can
see. So it's supposed to bethis super interactive, immersive
experience. Blows my mind thatSeaWorld was willing to put their
mind, like, their name onthis, because basically what happens
is, guess what? A ginormous,angry shark gets caught inside the

(01:02:01):
tunnels and then just shitbreaks loose. There is so little
shown of the shark attacks.It's just a lot of weird blood seeping
into the water. It wassupposed to be in 3D, but if you
watch it, I don't know thatthe 3D glasses would help. But there's
one point where they just showa severed arm, and it comes at you
really slowly with, like, aweird background. And it is. I have

(01:02:24):
seen better severed arms onHalloween cakes. I mean, it is. It
is unbelievably bad. Thegraphics are so, so, so, so bad.
The part where that guy's headis just floating in the water and,
like, one of his eyes isbugging out somehow, and I'm like,
explain how this shark bitsomeone's shoulder and head off.
Yeah, yeah, but it's still.You see what it is? And it's just

(01:02:46):
floating around in the water.
It's just floating. And we. Wefind out that the first guy is basically
killed by a shark because his,like, jilted girlfriend shows up
at the park next day. And he'slike, you can tell him I'm done.
He didn't come home lastnight. And they're like, oh, you
know how he is. He justsometimes gets too drunk. He'll show
up like, this is Dennis Quaidmaking excuses for him. And she's
like, I hate him. And then,like, the next scene is her being

(01:03:09):
like, I didn't want anythingbad to happen to him. And you're
like, yeah, he got absolutelydeath decimated by a shark in the
tunnel. Like, it is sostrange. You have a guy that's the
director of Sea World thatkeeps like. So at one point, the
scientist girlfriend, themarine biologist doctor girlfriend,
wants to help the shark. She'slike, if we can get the Shark into

(01:03:29):
captivity, we can figure outwhy it's doing this. This isn't normal
behavior.
And is this the same sharkfrom two or another relative?
It's another relative.
Okay.
Yeah.
And then is the shark.
I think the sharks. The sharksdie at the end in every.
In every season. Yeah, orevery season.
How? Ben is the fourth one. Sopissed he's related to number one

(01:03:51):
somehow.
We assumed that that was okay.So what they say in three is that
it's a mother protecting her children.
Oh, okay.
In number three they say it'sa mother protecting her children
and that's why she's so crazy.
Well, that must be crazy.
Hollywood hates women.
Hollywood hates. Said she went nuts.

(01:04:16):
This is why women can't be president.
Yeah, that reason right there.Sharks. So I assumed it was one of
her children in four justgetting a vendetta on her, you know,
going back and being like, oh,you killed my mom. I'm coming after
your mom.
I'm gonna break into thetravel agent's office and follow
you down.
To be clear, that's my owninterpretation. I don't know if that's

(01:04:37):
what they intended. That'snever included. I'm just assuming
because it was mom.
To mom war, but got it. Okay.
Yeah. So the whole thing, theyhave to rush. They end up getting
a whole bunch of visitorstrapped in an, like, underground
tunnel that the water's risingcuz they have to close it off because
the sharks in the tunnels andcould get the people. I mean, just
a PR disaster. And at the endof it, you're like, how the hell

(01:05:00):
did SeaWorld think this was agood idea before it opened to put
this out there? And I'massuming it wasn't open yet. No,
it was like right around thetime it was opening. They thought
it was gonna be good pr.
Yeah, I think they thought itwas. This is gonna be a bunch of
free advertising. And it'slike, no. Like people are dying.
Yeah, because at one pointshe. They do get the shark inside

(01:05:20):
and they tranquilize it andall of a sudden the shark comes alive
and they have to try and getpeople out of the park. It's a whole
thing. And the whole timethese other guys want to shoot, there's
some people that are doing adocumentary that show up. And he's
a real arrogant asshole andhe's arguing with the doctor all
the time. Like, she's like,no, I want to treat the shark. And
he's like, no, we need to killthe shark. And she stops them from

(01:05:41):
killing it. And then finally,after it kills people, she's like,
okay, we have to kill theshark. And then he gets eaten because
he's an idiot. And I'm tellingyou, I don't even know how to explain
how bad the graphics are. AndI. It is still shocking to me how
absolutely terrible the whole.And Sean is in this movie, his younger

(01:06:04):
brother, he comes and they. Hewon't swim. And so that's how I found.
I figured out that they werethe same kids. Because Michael's
like, well, when we were kids,he went through a really traumatic
experience because of me on aboat. Like, I took him out, and we
got attacked by a shark, andhe was too young. And I'm like.
You're like, oh, okay.
That's what's so wild to meabout these. It's like, what would

(01:06:26):
have happened in the firstone? That would have been. I would
have been off water forever.
Exactly. What are they doingin store?
I wouldn't have stopped withshowers. I would have just done the
horse baths.
That's what.
Like, there's no. There's noway I'd get back in the ocean. I
wouldn't work at Sea World. Iwouldn't do. Yeah. No way.
And all these. All thesepeople in this town have these boats
that these kids are justallowed to take out during the day,
like, these sailboats, andthey go to these little coves and

(01:06:48):
party and hang out. And ittakes halfway through the movie,
even for Sheriff Brody to belike, no, you can't take the boat
out anymore. You need to. Tostay in. Something's happening. And
Michael disobeys him and takeshis younger brother with him, who's
like 11 at the time orsomething, and they get stranded
on top. He watches, like, hisbabysitter get eaten or something.
Like, it is two was rough,too, but.

(01:07:08):
Because in the second one,yeah, like, they're on a sailboat,
but the boat somehow getsturned upside down, so they're on
the top of it, but they can't.So the pole that has a sail on it
is hitting the bottom of theocean. So that's why they can't get.
They had, like, four sailboatstogether, and they all get eaten.
Eaten by the shark. So theytie all the remnants together, and
the one Sean's on, they can'tget to pull closer because it's stuck

(01:07:30):
on the bottom. So he's justout there on top of this thing, just
waiting. And Brody's like, Igot it. And then just immediately
crashes the police boat, like,their only option.
Oh, and it was a second one.The shark eats a helicopter, too.
Oh, yeah. The helicopter landsand it's got the inflatable, like.
I don't know, that's right.
Pieces on it. So it's supposedto be able to land on the water.
And the shark comes up andbites it in a nice.

(01:07:52):
Pulls it into the ocean so itfeels like one. You're right. Stephen
King did take Cujo from this.
Yes.
2. We were real scared ofsuper powered animals in the 70s
and 80s.
Yeah. And all this to saythat. I don't know if anyone else
knew. And this might just be,like a PR tool. I haven't fully decided

(01:08:12):
yet, but within the lastcouple weeks, they've been like,
tracking a huge great whiteshark off North Carolina, very close
to, like, tourist beaches.
This is a big ploy for the50th anniversary of Jaws. Yep.
Yeah. Yeah. So I'm tellingyou, I don't know if you got enough
time, but if you just wantsome real weird entertainment.

(01:08:37):
I thought you were gonna say,I don't know if you have enough time
before the shark attacks, buthide your.
Kids, hide your wife.
We're done up your business.
Yeah. Get your affairs inorder because it's coming. It's coming,
it's coming. I know that welive in an area right now that has
a water ban. I got questions.I think it's a shark infestation.
I mean, so.
Just saying.

(01:08:57):
They have made their way endless.
But I. I mean, thanks toHeath, I discovered a whole library
of Jaws movies I had neverwatched. And three is by far the
worst movie I've ever seen inmy entire life. And it's from 1983,
so that's saying.
Something, considering you'reincluding jaws four.
Yeah. Yeah.
How did.
Better.

(01:09:18):
Well, that's a nice, you know,closing the loop kind of thing here.
Yeah.
And I'm glad that Heath wasable to bring joy to your family.
I did. We watched one and thenI said, you know what we got to do?
We gotta watch more. BecauseI. We've talked about it extensively.
And then it just started. Howdo you watch 1 and 4 and not go back
and watch 2 and 3?
I mean, Heath, you're bringingjoy to the masses.
Well, that's what I do. I makedreams come true.

(01:09:40):
You do? Yeah. Which is why wesigned that billionaire contract.
We are using that as much aswe can.
I haven't seen three in a longtime. I might. I might go watch it.
It's worth it. Because it's sobad. You're gonna Die.
Fuzzy Memories is a Broads andbooks production. It's hosted by

(01:10:03):
Heath Smith, Aaron Johnston,and Amy Lee Lillard. Sign up at our
Patreon for bonuses and newstuff, and be sure to follow us @fuzzymemories
pod on Instagram for clips andhighlights. See you next time.

(01:10:26):
Come on. And Walt and I had awhole conversation one time about
why he works at Fairway. Andhe started five years ago because
he retired, but he felt likehe wasn't being very active. He gets
in 10,000 steps a day. All ofhis numbers are great at the Doctor.
Since he started working atFairway, there's.
A lot of info.
Walt. Yeah.
Okay.
Walt drinks Diet Mountain Dew.Mike used to drink Diet Mountain
Dew. So we always used to talkabout when it was on sale and how

(01:10:47):
much he loves it.
Okay.
Yeah. And then when I stoppedbuying it, he said, did he quit Diet
Mountain Dew? I said, he did.And he goes, well, good for him.
These are the kinds ofconversations I have with Walt. And
that's why I like it. Him, theother guy?
No, thanks.
No, thanks.
Did you catch the other guy's name?
No. I was, too. You didn'tneed a name. I know exact. I can.
I could describe him in enoughdetail that a police could draw a

(01:11:08):
sketch.
You hold on to that. You mayneed it. I may need it?
I may need it? I. Mike said,next time I go in there, if he's
the one begging out, I shouldjust say, no, I don't want him.
Yeah. I demand.
Walt, I will let you take mygroceries out, but he will not touch
them.