1986: Highlander, Hands Across America, and An American Tail

This week we're looking at all the culture that popped from: 1986. From Back to School to My Little Pony, Dan Rather to Highlander, and Hands Across America to An American Tail, we've got it all. Plus, our unmitigated gall from the week and so much more.

Fuzzy Memories is the podcast that celebrates the good, the rad and the fugly of the 80s and 90s. Three latchkey kids who made it out alive break down everything from Madonna and Masters of the Universe to Twin Peaks and Titanic. Join us to celebrate the hits, the misses and the misfits of the weirdest decades.

Sign up at www.fuzzymemoriespodcast.com for bonuses, news, and more! And don't forget to follow us on Instagram @fuzzymemoriespod for visual aids from each episode.

Episode Transcript

(00:42):
Well, hello, hello, hello.We're gonna talk about a number of
things today, including 1986and our gall. But first we need a
special report because youwent to. Oh, you went to, like, your
spiritual home, right? Sowhere did you go? And tell us about
it.
Okay, so for spring break, myfamily and I drove to Tennessee,
specifically the Pigeon Forgearea, specifically Dollywood. So

(01:06):
we rented a cabin, and thatwas nice. And we went to Dollywood
for two days. And I'm notashamed to tell you that when I walked
in to the first place, I cried.
I mean, that's the rightreaction when you meet God. Pretty
much, right? Yeah.
I mean, the boys are a littlethrown off, like a little weirded
out, but I was like, just gowith it. It's probably not the last

(01:28):
time today because everythingthere was amazing. Like, it's a.
It's an interesting placebecause it's a blend of like an amusement
park and like a museum typething. And so they were very gracious
on the first day. They said,we'll just do all the shows you want
to see and all the, like,exhibits you want to see. So you,
like, we could take.
Your family said this too. Oh,that's nice.

(01:48):
And then day two, we weregoing to do all the rides that they
wanted to do. Okay. So workedout great. I got to spend all the
time, do all the things. Theyhave her tour bus there that she
used up to like 2009. Theyhave a whole separate building that's
full of, like, costumes anddifferent things she's worn and,
like, how they come up with itand, like, information from her costume
designers. They had like, onethat was just all about her career.

(02:11):
Like, you walked room to room,and it was a different part of her
career they had. And thenthroughout the park itself, they
had like a full replica of thehouse she grew up in in Tennessee,
which is just like a two roomlittle shack. Like, if you were worried
about going there because youfelt like Dolly was going to be in
your face all the time, Idon't. Didn't get that feeling, really.
Like, when you're in the restof the park and doing the rides,

(02:32):
like, you're aware that you'rethere, but it's not.
So her face isn't like the.The head of the roller coaster. No.
Really, the rest.
Picturing.
Yeah, I know, me too. Kind of.I mean, to the point almost that
I think they could do more.Like, I think they could push it
a little more. Yeah, I mean,they do some cute things, like their,
their soft pretzels in thepark are like butterflies, which
this is a fact I learnedabout. She apparently loves two things,

(02:57):
bald eagles and butterflies.And when she was first starting out,
her costumer said really hardto work bald eagles into costumes.
So let's go with butterflies.But she runs a bald eagle sanctuary
on the park for what birdsthey find that are random as. Isn't
that random? It's so random.

(03:17):
Do the bald eagles and thebutterflies coexist? The sanctuary?
They had this beautiful areaand you could go and kind of see
like they had open areas andthen you could see like the trainers
working with them. Like, someof them, they were, you know, something
had happened and they werelearning to re fly or whatever. And
the goal of it is ultimatelyto. For them to be rereleased. But
she's had a few that she'skept because they can't be like,

(03:39):
they just can't function ontheir own in the wild anymore. So.
So you did not see Dollyherself, though. Bummer.
No, she was there the Fridaybefore. What? Because the park actually
opened the weekend. Friday waslike, open for the season. It opened
for the season, yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
So for the shareholders orwhatever, like memberships, there's

(04:00):
a special day on Friday to gopreview all the new stuff for the
season. And she was there.
Could you smell her or feel her?
Yeah, you could feel it.
Okay.
Because it's the 40thanniversary, so everyone was talking
about how, like, yeah, she'sgonna make more visits this year.
And so you're feeling like,fulfilled by this.
I was very much. Yeah.
Yeah. It made me think about,like, obviously, who else, you know,

(04:23):
should have a theme park.
Oh, yeah.
Do we think Mariah should atsome point or, like, is that not
her thing?
I don't think she would showup at it.
True, true.
She ran for years. She ran acamp in upstate New York for, like,
kids that lived in the citythat, like, where, you know, underprivileged
or whatever. And I would bustthem up to the camp, so it's called

(04:45):
Camp Mariah. And just spend afew weeks out of this camp out in
the middle of the woods.
Wow.
I will say the one thing I wassuper worried about and I even talked
to the kids going up there, Iwas like, look, we're going south
and you're probably going tosee some MAGA slash drum stuff. And
I didn't know what it would belike at the park. And I did not see
one single political T shirt,hat, anything really. I mean, I saw

(05:09):
some like, Christiany ones,but not like, nothing oovertly TRUMP,
nothing MAGA. I was shocked.And I will say, too, I don't know
how. It is the cleanest themepark I've ever been to. Like, that
place is immaculate. Like,everything is beautiful.
Do you think the bald eaglesclean it, like, at night? Like, they.
They know they've got a good gig.

(05:30):
So they're like, we'll helptake care of this. Yeah, I think
so. And everyone is sofriendly. Normally, I kind of hate
those kinds of things becausepeople in lines get weird, and then
it all feels, like, tense, andeverybody's like, you know, none
of that. Even we were therespring break, so there was some longer
lines, and, like, people wereso friendly and kind and just, like.
I mean, I was impressed.

(05:50):
I feel like if you can go toDollywood and be an asshole, like,
that's. You're a special kindof awful.
Yeah.
Like, I just feel like thevibe at Dollywood is probably just
like, it's very good.
Yeah.
Yeah. Do the MAGA people stilllike Dolly? I mean, because she's,
you know, she.
I know she has, like, a veryChristian base. She always has. Because
she started out kind of in,like, the gospel type space.

(06:13):
Yeah.
So I wasn't sure she likes thegays. She does. And so I don't know
exactly where they fall out,but I was just figuring Southern.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
That's fair.
Yeah. And I'm not a hugeroller coaster fan. They did get
me on two, but they have justa ton of roller coasters at that
place, and they're all rankedin the top 10 roller coasters in
the United States. And Mikeand Evan can tell you more about

(06:36):
that. But I'll tell you thatthey got their clocks rocked, and
they love roller coastersbecause they came off one and they
both sat down and just said,we're going to need a minute if you
guys want to walk around.Yeah. Mike said, I've never. There's
one that they lock your legsin. Like, he's like, I had a bar
locking my legs in, and I. Hesaid it wasn't as tight. Like, it
was clicked, but it didn'tclick all the way. And the worker

(06:57):
put his foot on the bar andshoved it down on. Mike had to make
things and goes, you're goingto want it that way.
Jesus Christ.
And they took off. And Mikesaid, my ass wasn't on the seat the
whole time. That's why yourlegs are locked down, because you're
up, and it's the only thingkeeping you in the chair that.
Is not a draw for me.
No, not either. Mason and I.Why they did that roller coaster?

(07:18):
Because they had to wait alittle bit. We went back and went
through the childhood exhibitagain where we listened to stories.
Good job, Mason. Yeah.
Mason was like, I'm not doingthat. I'm like, neither am I in local
connection.
Oh.
The company, the parentcompany that helps her run Dollywood
just bought Adventureland. Oh.So get excited.

(07:39):
Do you think Dolly will stopby Adventureland?
I don't know. But let's keepthe hope alive.
She's got better stuff to do.
Me too. I really do. Yeah. Ihope she has better things.
I hope that also doesn't meanthat you're going to go to Adventureland
a lot this summer.
No, I don't. No. You don'thave any Dolly exhibits. That's really
what I was interested in. Therides I could have taken earlier.
For those not in Iowa. Howwould we describe Adventureland?

(08:01):
Just a minor amusement park,perhaps. When we were kids, it was.
It seemed like a big deal then.
Yeah.
It's like a click above acarpet. Carnival.
Yeah.
You know, where it comes inwhere I feel like carnival. You always
question a little bit of theride, but like, oh, yeah, he and
it eventually. And I thinkthat's healthy to do as well.
Yep.
Because it doesn't ever reallyseem. And maybe this company will

(08:23):
help with that. But the upkeepalways seemed a little bit on the.
Yeah.
Well, just like any goodamusement park, it was staffed by
teenagers.
Yeah.
So teenagers and old people.
And old people.
Everyone was under the age of20 or over the age of 80.
Yeah.
That's the only people whowork there.
Which is historically thepeople you want on machinery.
And you know, I almost died atthe Adventureland Inn when I was

(08:44):
a kid. I almost drowned in thepool. Yeah. Like, I have a very strong
memory of it. Like, I waslike, you know, kind of edging along
the side and going to the deepend and I lost my grip on the side
and I was just like. I waslike drowning the pool. How old were
you? Seven, maybe. Parentswere sitting there talking to their

(09:06):
friends on the deck and theirfriends. He's the one that found
that saw me bobbing up anddown and they pulled me out. But
yeah, I was a.
There's a world where we wouldhave never met Keith.
We would have known him as thekid that died eventually.
Yeah.
Remember when that kid diedbecause his.
Parents were too busy chitchatting to notice that he was drowning?
Yeah, exactly. That's aboutright. I think I'm sorry. Yeah. That's

(09:31):
traumatic.
Do you swim now? Do you knowhow to swim?
Yeah, I know.
Okay.
I don't. I don't get in waterwhere I can't see my feet.
Good call. So, yeah.
Yeah, I'll do a pool.
That's not a bad rule.
Yeah, that's. That's a. That'sa good rule.
That's a good rule.
All right. Should we move onto our gall for the. For the. Whatever
it's been for the week? Mygall is the doctor pre check in process.

(09:55):
What is that?
I don't know if this is justan Iowa clinic thing. I don't think
it is. I think this is, youknow, across the land, and I really
don't like it because. Well,many reasons. One, I don't like going
to the doctor, so you starttexting me right away, and you give
me anxiety about the wholething. Don't like that. I also don't
like that there's a bunch ofredundant questions. Like, it sends

(10:17):
you to this link, and thenit's asking, what's your date of
birth? What's your SocialSecurity number? Which leads me to
believe that I'm falling for a scam.
Right.
From some scam factory thatthe Iowa Clinic is in cahoots with.
And I don't like that. Also,you know the 15 forms that you make
me sign? At the start, I'manxious enough. I'm not reading them,
so I'm just signing them. Idon't know what I agreed to.
Yeah.

(10:37):
I don't really care at thatpoint, but now I start to wonder.
Yeah.
Like, I don't. I don't know,did I give my body up for, you know,
just whatever they want.
Yeah.
Also all of that, then to justsit in the office and get told what
I'm doing wrong or what I needto do more of? And it's. And also
told to not worry so much. Soit's just a wonderful, like, chef's

(10:59):
kiss combination of, you know,don't worry, don't worry about it.
But also, as if anyone that'sever helped anyone ever.
Oh, I hadn't thought aboutjust stopping worrying.
Cool.
Cool.
Thank you.
Awesome.
I thought this debilitatinganxiety was just something I had
to live with. Who knew I could just.
Meanwhile, you're telling mepretty soon I'm going to need this
vaccine and this vaccine andthis vaccine, and also, I need a

(11:21):
colonoscopy and a mammogramand. But don't worry. Calm down.
Calm down.
It's Fine.
It's fine.
It's got some unmitigated gall.
It does.
It does not mitigated.
Also, quit acting like youdon't have all this information.
Exactly. That's the whole thing.
I'm like, why ask? Hasanything changed since the last time.
You filled out this form?
Oh, no. Okay, well, there's 10minutes back. You don't have to fill

(11:41):
out these seven pages of things.
And then when you go there andactually check in, it takes just
as long for them to, like,find the insurance and find my file
and everything. I'm like, whydid I do all of that again? Did I
just give my info to a scam factory?
It does feel that way.
All right, who wants to gonext with their call?
I can go.
Okay.
My unmitigated gall is peoplewho think that putting a fake owl

(12:07):
somewhere on your houseprevents birds. What? Wait, wait,
wait.
This is a thing?
It's a thing. I saw one todayas I was leaving my neighborhood
on a front porch chair. Anowl. And I said, what possible problem
could you be having with birdson your front porch chair that requires
an owl? I see them on the backof people's houses all the time.

(12:29):
Like, they don't. In the areathat I live in, there's fields around
there, because guess what? Itwas nature. It was natural before
we built these homes. And soall these birds come, and I'm guessing
what they don't like is birdspooping on their patio or whatever.
But we do live in a worldwhere there are birds. Yeah.
I also have come to realizethat I might be pissing some people

(12:50):
off because I take a differentapproach, which is that I allow the
birds to nest in my backpatio. And there are some that come
back year over year. It'slike, whether it's their families
or whatever, they. I've readabout them. They come back. So I
leave their nest up becausethey use the same nest they make
it out of mud, structure, whatever.
And all the birds are talking,and they're like, that lady, she
gets it.
Yeah. So they come. I usuallygo through a period every spring

(13:14):
where they run into the glassrepeatedly for, like, two days. And
then they figure it out. It'sfine. But it's never occurred to
me, like, hey, let me get afake owl and just keep these birds
away from my house. Like, whatpossible. How could that be such
a big problem? That you tookyour sorry ass to an Ace Hardware
and said, give me that big assfake owl. I'm gonna attach it, because

(13:36):
somehow that's Better. I'mgonna attach. Attach it to the back
of my house. And I'm tellingyou that if the birds aren't nesting,
you're not getting the levelof bird poop that you think you are.
Because I'm not getting thatmuch. And they're nesting now. I'm
not saying I'm not gettingany. I have to wash off the patio
sometimes. I get it. But,like, I'm not drowning in it. I'm
not like, I need a fake owl,because this is. I can't keep up

(13:58):
with this. Like.
So the idea is that the birdssee this fake owl, and they're like,
no. And then just fly away. Yeah.
And they're like, I didn'tknow birds.
Were scared of owls.
I don't fuck with owls. Oh,apparently, that's what eat that
bird.
Well, owls are pretty gnarly.
I mean, their heads turnedaround. So that's change. Birds are
like, that's. No, thank you.But my. When I saw it on the front

(14:20):
porch, I thought, you come outsome morning and a bird is having
a cup of coffee in your frontporch chair. And you thought, I won't
have this. I won't have thiskind of trespassing.
Yeah.
Why? Why is it there?
I don't like it either. Ididn't know this existed before 10
minutes ago, and I don't like it.
I just feel like it'ssomething we should question more.
I think it's just gotten underthe radar. And I think if you see
your neighbor and they have anowl in their front. On their front

(14:42):
porch, you should be allowedto go up and be like, why, though?
Also, it's great fun havingbirds nest, especially when you have
cats. Because I have a birdsthat come over to this spot right
here. I'm looking out thewindow, and it is an annual rite
of passage for the cats to belike, yes, I wish I could murder
that.
And sometimes, like last year,we got, like, a island bird that

(15:05):
made it like a tiki hut. Hepeople ornamental grass all the way
down the front every day. Iwent out there, there was some other
hanging from his nest. And Iwas like, the other birds wouldn't
go in it. He was solely his.Because everybody else is like, that's
a disaster. And he was justliving his best. He's probably the
type of bird that leaves hisChristmas lights up all year. And
I.

(15:25):
For some reason, I'm picturinghim as Nathan Lane, and he's just.
You know, he's decorating, andhe was.
It was just. And that Wasprobably the most mess we've ever
had to clean up because itwould get windy and little things
of grass would fall. Like,there was always a pile of debris
under his nest. But then thenext day you'd come back and one
whole side had feathers. Likehe just found feathers and put them
in.
Oh, he really, he was reallydigging the decor situation.

(15:48):
He was. And why you want tomiss that? So you can look at a big
fake plastic owl when you're outside.
I will offer a counterpoint tothe bird thing.
Oh, let's hear it.
Because we have a tree rightoutside of our bedroom window and
birds sometimes will nestthere. That's fine with me. But shut
the fuck up, birds, until Iwake up.
That's fair.
When I wake up, you can wakeup. We were actually just having

(16:11):
a conversation, Michael and Iyesterday, about it. About. I was
trying to think of ways tolike, I don't want to harm the birds.
Right. But I'm like, you thinkI could like make a lasso and put
it around the tree so there'sa rope in through the window that
I can hold onto from bed andjust yank the tree when they start
making noise?
I like that.
Yeah, I like that.
You're just observing quiethours. That's perfectly acceptable
in a shared living space.

(16:32):
Absolutely.
Yes.
I did wonder, like, can. Canyou buy bald eagle urine online?
Because I thought maybe Icould like splash that on the tree.
Oh, maybe that was.
Are they anti bald?
I would think. I would thinkthe same. I would think bald eagles
would, you know, murder a birdlike a bird.
I think you can probably getthat at your local Ace or Earl May.
All right.
Also, there's got to be lotsof uses for bald eagle urine. I mean,

(16:55):
it would be a multi purposecleaning solution of some sort and.
Yeah.
You know, disinfectant.
Wow. Your wood's so shiny.Bald eagle.
Put in your lemonade.
Yeah.
You can get a Tang. You loveit. I'm an influencer. And your whole
niche is bald eagle urine andthe uses for it.
Okay. I mean, there's, there'sa, there's an opera, there's a market

(17:15):
for that. I think no one isfilling that need that people have.
Wow. I mean, I would havepreferred that to a bigfoot fake
owl, so. Yeah.
But I also feel like, I mean,you know, birds are. I don't know
how smart birds are, butwouldn't a bird figure that out at
some point? That owl hasn'tmoved in three months.
Yeah, I would think you'd beable to still yeah. So that's what
kind of also bothers me islike, you did that. You are so annoyed

(17:38):
by this. You did this reallyminimal effort thing, and then, like,
you're amping up yourannoyance that now you're putting
one on your front porch too.And I'm like, it's interesting to
take a strategy that hasn'tworked and double down on it.
Also, if I was a bird and Isaw that this guy thought that I
was dumb enough to follow fora fake owl, I'd be like, I'm dive
bombing that house. I am.

(17:59):
I'm over every time he comes out.
Yes.
Yes. Anyway, that's good.
Yeah, that's a good one. Whatabout you, Heath?
My gall is a T shirt I sawlast night out in the wild.
Out in the wild?
Yeah. Yeah. We went to dinnerand then went to the new mini golf
place downtown. Fat putter iswhat it's called. Oh, it was fine.

(18:19):
It's an activity. That sounds terrible.
Yeah. I mean, as far as minigolf courses go, I was just, like.
Doing some advertising of theirs.
It was fine.
It was fine. Okay.
But. Well, there's two thingsthat I saw last night that there's

(18:39):
a T shirt and something else.The restrooms at this place, instead
of just putting an M and a Won them. Oh, no, it is on the women's.
It was, you know, the figureof a woman from, like, you know,
the stomach to the thighs witha martini glass in the middle. You
know, where her business is.And then the same for the guy, except

(19:03):
for in the middle, there wasan outline of a beer bottle. And
it was just so stupid andneedlessly gross.
And also, we're still adheringto the fact that we need separate
fucking bathrooms. All right,anyway, so there was that.
But the part that really. Thething that I saw last night that
really kind of caught my eyewas this man, and he was wearing
a T shirt, and it said gunpowon it in big letters. And underneath

(19:27):
it, it said, like a regulargrandpa with. But with a lot more
guns.
No.
And it was. It was such a lamefucking brag.
And also, I. Wow.
His daughter in law is like,we need to talk about your dad because
he can't be around the kids anymore.
Exactly. Like, I'm not lettingmy kids go over to that house. Not
to Gunpow's house also.
Gunpow.
I mean, bad.

(19:47):
Wow.
Yeah, I just. And I wondered,like, you're like, who hurt you?
Like, why are you like this?What happened? What happened that
you think this is this is theflex that you think it is. Because
it's not a flex.
I would want to know if hemade that shirt or if he bought it.
That was my question is, issomeone producing this on a mass
scale?
Yeah.
Are there enough gunpows outthere to sustain this?

(20:07):
Yeah.
And it's. Yeah, it's just.It's a lame.
I'm sure there are.
It's a lame thing to like.Like, this is my. This is what I
want you to think of when youthink of me, you know.
You know how, like,grandparents have established a name
for themselves, like Nana orwhatever? Do you think this guy is
like, call me gunpow?
Probably gross.
A hundred thousand percent.
He is gross.
Yeah. Because probably theother parents are like, liberal parents,

(20:31):
and that Dad's like. Or thatGrandpa's like an art. Retired art
teacher, and he's like, I'mgonna be gunpow because you got a
puss cake over there for agrandpa. Like, what?
Also puss cake. I like that. Yeah.
Thanks. I was getting into character.
I like it.
Yeah. Yeah. Method acting.
You were excellent at methodacting, especially when it comes

(20:52):
to marketing meetings and gunpows.
Yeah.
Real good.
I will say separate. We cancut this out. But in Tennessee. Not
at Dollywood, but threeseparate stores we saw that were
fully dedicated to Trump. Justa Trump store. And I was like, where
else in history have we everseen something like this?
But what I kind of like aboutthat is I feel like he's not getting
any of that money. I feel likehe doesn't know about it, so. I mean,

(21:15):
fuck those people. But atleast they're ripping them off.
Yeah, that's kind of true. Andit's all made in China, too.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Which is evenfunnier. But Mike said he was gonna
go into one and be like,where's the JD Vance section anyway?
Wow, that's excellent. Yes. Also.
Amy's so good at drilling.

(21:37):
I am. Also, can we get anupdate on the ymca?
Oh, my God. Oh, yeah.
It's been. It's been nothingbut peace and quiet.
Really?
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the personwho was at the desk that day is not.
I've not seen him since then,so I don't know if he.
Maybe they got rescheduled or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But in the.In the morning. Yeah. It's just.
Everyone's back to just makingreal dumb small talk.

(22:00):
Is there any members that havepermanently left?
Not that I've seen, no. Thetwo people that got. That I know
got told, you know, I'd behappy to help you cancel your membership.
They're still showing up, so.
Okay.
Also, but, like, now, youcan't unsee that. Like, you can't
look at Tony and be like. Orthe dude that was banging on the
windows and just look at them.
Probably gunpow.

(22:20):
And look at them with anormal. Like you. They reveal themselves
in a way, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah, they did. It isinteresting because you kind of.
When you see somebodyregularly and you don't talk to them
every day, you kind of.Whether you do it intentionally or
not, you kind of build aPersona in your mind of, like, who
that person is, like, just byobserving them. And then when they

(22:41):
are totally different fromthat, it is.
That's very hard becausethat's like, my favorite pastime
is to make up stories for people.
Yeah.
And so, like, when it is thatshocking and different, then it really
hurts you to your core becauseyou think, what did I miss? There
were signs there that this wasin this person this whole time.
I'm gonna be the person on thenews that's like, I don't know. He

(23:01):
seemed like a really nice guy,Realized he had all those kids locked
in his basement.
There was that moment where hepounded on the YMCA at 4:59 in the
morning.
But it was 4:59. Yeah, yeah,yeah. Wow.
Okay. Well, you know, keep usupdated if there's any more violence
at the YMCA at five in themorning. It doesn't make the look.

(23:25):
Local newsletter.
Should have made the localnews. Yeah, it should have compared
to some of the other stuff Isee on there.
All right, so should we.Before we check in on 1986 again,
a recap.
A recap.
Recap.
Recap.
Previously on Fuzzy Memories.I. I talked about Labyrinth.
You did.

(23:45):
And I maybe traced back mylove of villains to David Bowie as
Jareth. Yeah. I talked aboutthe Challenger Explosion. So, you
know, cheery, good times. Ialso talked about a few different
weird news items, butincluding that Prince Andrew married
Sarah Ferguson in 1986.
Fergief.
And went on to blissfulunending happiness for both of them.

(24:06):
Yeah. Super successful marriage.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Really?
Aaron, you talked about popples.
Yeah.
You also told us the story ofthe jury that was stuck in the Otis
elevator. The jury for theOtis elevator case stuck in the Otis
elevator. And what you foundon the homepage, which was wonderful.
Yeah.
You also talked about thedebacle that was the Cleveland Balloon

(24:28):
Fest.
Remember that? Oh, my gosh.
Just letting a bunch ofballoons up in the air.
I love that. No one ever Gotto the end of that.
No.
Never thought through that one time.
Heath, you talked about Three Amigos.
Classic.
You also talked aboutDesigning Women and gave us a monologue.

(24:51):
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that was so good.
And you also talked aboutMadonna's Papa Don't Preach.
He does not to this day.
To this day, I declare.
So to start us off for 1996,I'll go and I will talk about a movie
called the Highlander.
Oh.

(25:12):
Or just Highlander. I don'tthink there's a. The, actually, which
is a movie I loved, but isobjectively a total mess and just
not great. But it's therenonetheless, and it was a touchstone
of my childhood. It starsChristopher Lambert as Connor McLeod,
a Scottish Highlander from the1500s who's one of a few immortals

(25:33):
in the world. First problemis, Christopher is French, barely
spoke English, and hisresulting accent is an absolute travesty
that makes no sense. I.
Sometimes when you say a moviethat was like a touchdown for you,
I think, wow, I never heard ofthat. Or I didn't see it. And then
you read the first part of thedescription. I'm like, oh, that's

(25:54):
why. Okay.
Yep.
I would have been outimmediately on.
On the accent? No, on thewhole. On the story.
Scottish fighter. I'd be like, no.
Whereas me. This was like,yes. This is exactly what I wanted.
So we're in 1985 New York, andConnor meets an old enemy in a parking
garage, as you do. And insteadof saying hi, they have a sword fight.

(26:17):
And Connor beheads the guy.
He had a sword on him.
Yeah.
I mean, he walks around withhis sword.
Okay. Yes.
Okay. I mean, that's probablysmart if you're Highlander.
He is. Well, he is pretendingto be an art dealer, so it is a little
weird that he's just carryinga sword around. But he's got it.
He's got a sword. So Connorbeheads the guy, then he sort of
sucks his energy up and in theprocess destroys the garage. And

(26:41):
we learned this process iscalled the Quickening.
Oh, I don't like the name. Ireally don't.
Did he leave a note, like, forall the cars that got rushed?
Just.
Just for. Like. Just as. Justto point this out. Like, there's
a process during thechildbirth process called the Quickening.
Oh, no. Well, the guys thatwrote this had no idea of that, I'm

(27:03):
sure. No, no. So he'sarrested, but he's relieved he's
released because there's noproof, because he hid the sword before
the cops came Clever. Our boyis clever.
I clearly couldn't have doneit because I don't even have a sword.
Meanwhile, Brenda Wyatt, whois a metallurgy expert who's working
for the police.
Oh, yeah.

(27:23):
Because that happens a lot. Yeah.
A what expert?
Metallurgy, Some metals.Working for the police.
What? Yeah, she's an expert in metals.
Yep.
This is so specific.
She finds shards of Connor'ssword at the garage and discovers

(27:44):
they come from a Japanesesword dated around 600 BC, but it's
made with medieval eramethods. So she's like, I don't get
this. So she ends up followingConnor around like a perv.
So only case she had in herwhole time at the police department.
She'S like, finally, yeah.Something to do with metal.
The chief stood up that dayassigning cases, and he's like, brenda,

(28:08):
you're up. We got some medals.
It's time.
Yeah. And everyone's like, oh.
So meanwhile, we learned aboutConnor's history through flashback.
He was a warrior, and he wasdealt a killing blow by a guy named
the Kurgan in battle.
Like, his first name is the.

(28:29):
I hope so.
Yes.
Yep. Hey. Realizing how stupidthis movie is.
Yes. But it's a memory thatyou have from 1986, and that's important.

(28:52):
And you know that other peopleout there loved this movie.
Yes. The Kirkham was played byClancy Brown, who went on to be in,
like, Carnival. He plays,like, a bad guy at a lot of things.
Okay. Got himself typecast.
But Connor recovers, and soeveryone thinks he's a witch and
they drive him out of the village.
Oh, this is in his previous life.
Yes.
Okay.
So the 1500s. Yeah.

(29:14):
Back in New York. I was like,the East Village.
Yeah, Greenwich Village.
I was like, what did he have.
To move to Queens?
So in Scotland, he lives inisolation, but somehow he finds a
woman named Heather and theyshack up and all is quiet until.

(29:39):
What did Heather do?
Oh, no. Yeah.
Until one Sanchez via. Your virgin.
Should we leave it at Juan Sanchez?
No, because there's more. JuanSanchez. Villalobos Ramirez arrives.
Oh.
Despite.
So they gave one guy thecregan, and then they put all the

(30:00):
names on Juan.
But despite this name and whoyou might think plays it, it's Sean
Connery.
He was never. Not. He wasnever out of the running. I don't.
Was playing a swordsman fromSpain who actually has a Scottish
accent.
I was gonna say. Is it. Is itSean Connery actually Scottish.
He's actually Scottish. And he.
But they cast him in the Spanish.

(30:22):
Him as a Spaniard.
Okay.
And they try to get him to doa Spanish accent, and it's atrocious.
So it's. We got accents flyingleft and right in this movie.
This reminds me a little bitof in. In Wonder Woman, where Gal
Gadot couldn't change heraccent, so they made everybody else
change their accent to soundlike Gal Gadot. Like, that was just.
Just on Themyscira.
That was just the way.

(30:42):
Yeah, that's. That was theaccent from there.
That's tough.
Yeah. Okay.
So Juan has come looking forConnor to tell him what's up. Because
he's immortal like him. Andimmortals are destined to battle
each other and suck up theirenergy for sure. Because in the end,
there can be only one. Andthat one will win a prize. We don't
know what that prize is.
Okay.

(31:03):
More evidence that games are terrible.
I bet it's another sword, though.
Maybe it's a metallurgy expert.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, maybe you get one. Idon't know.
Maybe it's that lady's heart.
Yeah.
What is it? Betsy?
Brenda.
Brenda.
I was like, betsy, did I missanother character?

(31:23):
Brenda. So Juan trains Connor,and the two become friends. But one
night while Connor is away,the Kurgan finds his home. No. Duels
Ramirez. And decapitates himand leaves.
Sean Connery got decapitated.
Decapitated.
Whoa.
They were like, that accent isso bad.
It's so bad.
Cut your head off.
Meanwhile, the Kurgan doesn'treally talk much. So he's fine.

(31:44):
Okay. Yeah.
We don't expect him from a guynamed the.
Yeah. Years later, Heatherdies of old age. Swearing never to
love again, Connor wanders theEarth. So now we're back in 1985.
Oh, okay.
And the Kurgan has arrived inNew York. Brenda's investigating
Connor, who eventuallyexplains his true identity. And as
you do in 1980s movies, theyhave the sex after that.

(32:07):
And Brenda just under. She wasjust like, okay, I believe you. You're
immortal.
Again, she's a metal expert.
So after the sex, the Kurgankidnaps Brenda to draw Connor out.
There's a final showdown whereConnor decapitates the Kurgan, absorbs
his massive power, whichsounds very sexual. And wins the

(32:29):
ultimate prize.
Brenda?
No, just her metal testing kit.
And what it is, actually, isConnor gets to return to Scotland
with Brenda. And he's now amortal man. He can age, he has. He
can have children. And he'snow able to read the thoughts and
feelings of people around theworld. And that all, you know, lasts

(32:50):
a few years until the sequelwhen it was released in the US it,
it didn't do very well, butit's gained wide popularity in the
year since. It's become sortof a cult movie.
There's two or three of themnow, right?
Yeah. There's four sequels.There was a television series. There
were lots of other spin offsas well. And one thing that was really

(33:11):
good about it, though, isQueen did the soundtrack.
Okay.
And the song who Wants to LiveForever is just fantastic. And a
final bit of news that youmight like, Mr. Heath Smith.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Which is they're going toreboot the movie.
Okay.
And Henry Cavill is confirmed.
Okay.
It's like, there's nothing.You're going to bring me in. And

(33:32):
then he's like, oh, yeah,okay, you got me.
And they're, they're rumoringthat Michael Fassbender is going
to be the villain. Oh, wedon't know who the villain is, but.
And they're going to use musicfrom Queen in the reboot film, as
they should. So theHighlander, that was, that was something
I watched a lot. I was like,give me the Frenchman who can't speak
English and his bad, bad accent.

(33:53):
Done. All right. Well, I don'tknow if you're aware.
Oh.
That in 1986, on October 5th,beloved news anchor Dan Rather was
assaulted on Park Avenue.
Isn't that the Richie Rich?
Yeah. Just beaten.
Oh.
On Park Avenue. A doorman hadto come to his aid, apparently. What

(34:16):
happened, according to DanRather, is that a man approached
him and asked, kenneth, what'sthe frequency? Rather said, I think
you might have the wrong guy.The man then struck Rather in the
face and Rather retreated intothe lobby where the man and an accomplice,
which were both well dressed,followed him and said, again, what's
the frequency? And beganstriking and kicking him again and

(34:38):
again.
Jeez.
Until the doorman came to hisdefense. I'm not sure. Like, you're
in a lobby. So I do have somequestions about the.
How long did the doorman watchbefore he did anything? Yeah, they're
gonna take care of this.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't want to get involved.
And if you read just like theoverview of them, like there's a
few news reports. That wasjust like a brief overview. It just
says the doorman helped, butwhen you dig into it and they brought

(35:00):
it into the lobby hotel, I'mlike, well, did the doorman help
or was he just forced into thesituation? Because if it was outside,
was he going outside? I don'tthink we can give Him. Him that credit
yet. But what's extra weird isthat that was actually the third
attack on Rather that summer.There was an intruder in his Long
island rental home. And in1980, he was in a New York taxi,

(35:25):
and he went on some sort ofwild chase. The cabbie just went
all the way through New York.Dan Rather felt like he could not
get out. Like he thought hewas being kidnapped. And at the end
of it, the cabbie claimed thatDan Rather was just trying to get
out of paying his fare. So hejust drove him all around a bunch
of places. Yeah. So it seems alittle odd that Dan Rather's at the

(35:47):
center of some weird.
I'm wondering what he was. Imean, this was on Iran Contra time.
Was he reporting on stuff thatwas making people mad?
I'm guessing. I mean, I. And,you know, REM Famously wrote a song,
what's the Frequency, Kenneth?You know that. But you have to sort
of wonder. But there had.There has been nothing. There's like,
no reports anywhere of sayingthat they were connected. They never

(36:07):
really were able to fullyidentify these people. It's not like
anyone was brought to justicefor it. Like, it's just sort of this
thing that happened. Saidthese weird things. And then. Yeah.
And he was, like, beat. Like,there's not. I mean, black and blue,
like, stuff all over. I mean.So, yeah, that was where I went to
is like, he must have beenreporting on stuff that was upsetting

(36:28):
people. But then this seemsvery specific. But there was also
sort of. When you read betweenthe lines of the news articles, there
was also kind of this weirdthing that made me feel like Dan
Rather wasn't supercooperative. So then I was like,
was there some sort of.
Maybe there's some shady.
Yeah, yeah.
That he was doing.
Didn't he say. Didn't he say,what's the fragrance in Kenneth?
Like, during a newscast?

(36:49):
He did, yes.
Oh. Before he got beat up. Sothat's what they were referring to.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It makes you. I wonderwhatever story he said that on was
controversial or pissed them off.
It feels kind of like stuffthat could happen now that, like,
people get pissed about what'son the media, you.
Know, and that's beensomething interesting as we've done

(37:10):
this. Like, you go back andread different things, and you're
like, oh, okay, there's kindof a history of this or this kind
of thing happened before. Notthat that. I don't know if that should
make you feel better, but itis a little bit of a balm to be like,
okay, well, this isn'tcompletely unprecedented.
I know. For me, it's because,you know, we were kids in the 80s,
so we didn't really understandwhat was happening in Reagan America,
but it was fucked up. And like.

(37:32):
Yes. Yeah, yeah, very much so.And that, I think that's what reminded
me of it, too, is that Mikeand I listened to the. That Reagan
book audiobook on the way toand from Tennessee, and it talks
a lot about kind of how hepaved the way for what we have now.
And there's so manysimilarities to things that happened
after he was elected andthings that he tried to do. And it

(37:53):
was interesting in that sense.And kind of like, okay, well, we.
We have sort of been throughthis before on some smaller level,
but any. Yeah. So Dan Rather assaulted.
Wow. I wonder how long it tookbefore you went back on camera again.
I want to say that in thearticle, they said it was a very
quick.
Really?
Yeah.
So they just pounded the.Yeah, they just piled on the foundation.
Piled on the foundation. Like,I mean, they were kind of attributing

(38:17):
it to, like, what a greatnewsman. Like, it got right back
out there. And I'm like, okay,okay. Also, probably with like, if
you think of Anchorman withWill Ferrell, just makes me think,
no woman's going to take myjob, put the makeup on and get me
out there. Like, okay, Dan,that's probably. Maybe you should
pay your gambling debts sothat you're not getting beat up.
That's my thought was loanshark. Like, you know, he. Yeah,

(38:40):
he owed some money.
Especially with the break inover the summer. It feels like monetary
to some degree.
All right, what do you got? He.
I have a movie called Back to School.
Oh, yes. I watch this a lot, too.
This movie came out in June of1986, which is curious timing for
a film called Back to Schoolbecause that's when everyone's getting

(39:00):
out of school for the summer.It stars the one and only Rodney
Dangerfield. Oh, boy. Hischaracter's name is Thornton Mellon.
He's a very Rodney Dangerfieldlike man who has become very financially
successful in life despite notreally getting a formal education
of any kind. Thornton's sonJason, who he used to be close with,

(39:22):
is currently enrolled at GrandLakes University. And he's thinking
of dropping out because he'snot getting the grades he wants.
He's not getting the girl hewants. He didn't make the swim team,
and he's getting bullied bythe quintessential 80s bully, William
Zabka.
Oh, Johnny.
Yeah, he Played Johnny thebully and the Karate Kid. And he
was the bully in Just One ofthe Guys. Just One of the Guys in

(39:45):
this movie. His character'sname is Chaz, because obviously.
Of course it was. That's his name.
Man, that's a tough name,isn't it?
That's rough.
You hear that today, andyou're like, what? People are still
doing that.
You name your kid Chaz. Youwant him to be a bully. That's what
you're. You're raising a bully.
Yes.
After Thornton discovers thathis wife, who's Jason's stepmother,

(40:05):
not his biological mother, ishaving an affair, he leaves her and
goes to see his son incollege, going so far as to enroll
as a student to keep his sonfrom dropping out. It turns out that
Thornton doesn't have, like,academic credentials needed to get
into college, so he just makesa big donation, and the dean lets
him in.
Okay, sure. Yeah.
It's kind of. I feel likemaybe that's where Felicity Huffman

(40:29):
got the idea for the Stanford admissions.
Oh, you're right. Yeah. Thiswas, like, on tbs, and she's like,
I've got it.
Got it, Aunt Becky.
Yeah.
This is what we do. SoThornton clashes with the dean of
the business school becauseThornton's practical business experience
kind of at odds with thedean's theories on the business world.

(40:51):
Sure.
It also doesn't help thatThornton flirts with the Dean's girlfriend,
who's Dr. Diane Turner, whohappens to also be his literature,
While Thornton's winning overthe whole campus by throwing parties.
Jason kind of earns a spot onthe diving. He doesn't kind of. Jason
earns a spot on the divingteam and starts getting close with
fellow student Valerie. Andthis pisses Chaz off because of his

(41:12):
own personal issues, I assume,but they're manifesting as anger
towards Jason because he justdoesn't like other people succeeding.
Who hurt him, as you said before.
So, yeah, things are startingto look out for Jason, but even though
they are, he still feels likehe's living in his dad's shadow because
his dad is, you know, thislarger than life, Rodney Dangerfield
type person. So, yeah,Thornton continues to be a terrible

(41:33):
student and hires people to dohis homework. He even goes so far
as to hire Kurt Vonnegut towrite a paper about Kurt Vonnegut.
Yes.
Which he gets an F on becauseDiane is his professor in that class.
And very obvious to her thatThornton did not write that paper.
So the dean of the businessschool publicly accuses Thornton

(41:55):
of being an academic fraud.
Fraud.
And suggests that he take anoral exam conducted by all of his
professors to prove that he'sactually studying for his classes.
Oral.
That was the most Beavis andButton moment that has ever happened

(42:17):
on this podcast. Oral. Wellplayed. Well played, Amy.
Thank you.
And obviously, Thornton ispretty sure he's gonna fail. I mean,
I think anybody that wasactually attending the classes would
probably be a little nervousabout sitting in front.
Of all their professors.

(42:39):
So the exam begins with a 27part question from the Dean of the
Business School.
27 part.
What in the world?
Yeah. So with a lot ofencouragement from Dan, who is still
his teacher and is probablycrossing some lines here, Thornton
does finish the oral exam. Hesure does.
Sure does.
Right across that finish line.

(43:02):
Later that day at a divingmeet, Chaz fakes a cramp so the team
will lose because Valeriechose Jason over Chaz.
Poor Chaz.
So they're down a person. Withthe help of a very questionable understanding
of the NCAA's eligibilityrules, Gordon, a former diver himself,
is recruited to fill in forChaz and performs the legendary Triple

(43:25):
Lindy, a dive so dangerousthat anyone not in top physical condition,
such as Rodney Dangerfield.
Yeah.
Surely would perish.
I was gonna say I don't thinkhe has the physique for diving, but.
You know, he doesn't.
Whatever. Yeah.
So obviously Thornton pullsoff the dive without a hitch and
finds out that he passed theexam with all Ds except for the one
A from Diane, which again, issort of suspect. Yep. Yep. He's then

(43:48):
invited to the. To be thecommencement speaker.
All Ds. You get right up there.
That's right.
You did it.
Yes.
Makes you wonder if GrandLakes University takes education
all that seriously.
I mean, so.
Yeah. And I remember as. Asyou mentioned, I remember saying
this a lot when I was 10 yearsold, and I think maybe it was because

(44:09):
of the diving team.
That could be. It wasn't thekid. It was. It was the same guy
in Legend of Billie Jean. The.The, like senator's son. So that
guy was in a few different things.
He was in Christine too.
Yeah, yeah. So I remember Iliked him in this movie.
Yeah.

(44:29):
I found Rodney Dangerfieldannoying, as one does.
I think that's the point.Right. Of him. Yeah, I think.
Yeah. I think Ronnie dangerousmajor appeal was like 10 to 12 year
old boys. Like that was thekind of.
Yeah, yeah. Or gun paws.
Yes.
Gunpows. Loved it. Loved it.
Also, like, I know we'resaying grandpa and it's gunpow, but

(44:50):
also when you say Gunpow. Itjust makes me think of a big bear
paw for some reason. It's likea bear paw around a bear.
What?
Oh, all right.
So my next one is maybe alittle similar to like the Cleveland
Balloon Fest. Oh, we got a. Wegot a real weird event that happened

(45:12):
in 1986 and it was calledHands Across America.
Oh. Yep.
So in the mid-80s, there was abunch of celebrity driven fundraising
things. Right. Like We Are theWorld, Live Aid, Farm Aid, Comic
Relief. And maybe by 1986people were getting tired of big
stunts, maybe questioning thevalidity of them. I sure would. But.

(45:39):
But Ken Cragan, who is not tobe confused with the Kurgan.
Oh, okay.
Ken Cragan.
His first name's not. Eventhough it's not. I couldn't confuse
him if I tried.
He was a co founder of USA forAfrica, the charity organization
that produced We Are theWorld. And Ken came up with this
idea. He wanted to create anevent across the country where people

(46:01):
linked hands in order to fighthunger. Because that's what's going
to do. It is holding hands.
Yeah, I was going to say likeholding. We could hold hands. Now
it's not going to put any food on.
It's not. It's sure not. AndKen called it Hands Across America.
And from the start, it was aclusterfuck shocker. The. The task
of planning for thistranscontinental chain of people

(46:24):
fell mostly to local political organizers.
Okay.
And it was a mess becausethere were a lot of people in urban
areas that were willing to dothis. But rural areas, there were
going to be big, huge swathswhere just nobody's there.
Yeah.
So bus rides were organized totransport large groups of people
to like, distant rural spots.And some like local organizers and

(46:47):
communities that the chain wassupposed to pass through. Many of
them had never hosted thousandthousands of out of town visitors
before. And they wereresponsible. Providing food and toilets
for visitors. Like just total mess.
You could imagine. Rag rye.
So participants wereencouraged to donate $10 to sign.

(47:08):
I was gonna say where's the money?
Exactly. That was my first question.
I was just thinking like, whatdoes a bus ride. How much does that
equal in reels?
Yes. And the proceeds weregoing to be donated to local charities
to fight hunger andhomelessness and help those in poverty.
Participants were alsoencouraged to bring boom boxes.
Oh, yeah.

(47:28):
And portable radios so theycould listen to a nationwide simulcast
of the event. And so on May25, 1986.
Okay.
An estimated 6 million peopleheld hands across the US in a human
chain for 15 minutes. Hundredsof radio stations across the US simultaneously
played a song, a new songcalled Hands across America, at 3pm

(47:53):
who sang that? I don't know,but Ken, good old Ken. He was speaking
from New York and he wasleading a sing along to We Are the
World, America the Beautiful,and Hands Across America, the lyrics
to which had been published inpapers about the country the day
before.
Sure, sure, sure. Yes. You hadplenty of time to memorize it. Yep.
Okay, so as you can imagine,there were lots of participants on

(48:14):
the east coast, right? NewYork, Philly, New Jersey, in D.C.
reagan had said he wouldpreviously not join the chain, but
in the days leading up to theevent, he had made a controversial
remark that where there ishunger, you have to determine that.
That's probably because of alack of knowledge on the part of
people as to what things are available.

(48:35):
Oh, no.
That'S bold.
They just don't know what foodis. That's why they're hungry.
So, so shortly, you thoughtabout buying food. Did that ever
occur to you, Joyce?
Well, here's the lovely thingjust as happening right now. Reagan
had decimated public, youknow, welfare systems, public food

(48:59):
systems, things like that.
So which side note, Famously,his parents were on.
Really?
He was raised in pretty muchpoverty, and his parents relied on
state assistance later on, whydidn't they pull themselves.
Up by the boots?
I mean, what his dad couldhave, but gosh darn it, he was such
an alcoholic, he couldn't getto work on time. No, that's how his
dad lost his job and theyended up on state assistance, so.

(49:21):
Well, but everyone else shouldpull their bootstraps.
Everyone else should do just. Yep.
So shortly after thosecomments, the press was. Was very
critical of that. So Reaganannounced, oh, no, we are going to
join the event. We're gonna.We're gonna do it.
Okay.
The press secretary deniedthere was any connection between
these two things. You know,him deciding to do that, of course.

(49:43):
But many activists were like,you should not be part of this because
you've just dramatically cutall these social programs.
Who had to hold his hand, bythe way, like, great question.
Not a blowjob Queen of Hollywood.
I think it was.
I think it was Nancy.
Yeah, I think poor Nancy gotstuck with that. Yeah. The route
itself, they skipped Iowaentirely. And they went south. They

(50:06):
went south through Texas andArizona, which by May is already
hot as fuck. So you just gotpeople standing out there in the
desert waiting to hold handsfor 15 minutes.
Oh, no.
And that's it. The eventconcluded after 15 minutes. And so
Organizers had hoped that theywould raise between 50, 100 million.

(50:28):
Okay.
Oh no. What? Oh no.
But the total amount wasestimated at 36 million.
Oh, okay.
But then they had to pay for.
Like buses and toilets rightafter covering operating costs. That
left only 15 million todistribute it to charities. And not
only that, the process ofpaying the bills and then choosing

(50:49):
recipient charities tookmonths. So by the end of the year,
there's still been no moneydispersed. The first batch of grants
was given out in January of87. And in seeking chair or selecting
charities, they preferred toseek those producing long term changes
rather than aiming to provideimmediate relief. So no food banks?
No, like things that areactually going to help.

(51:09):
Jesus.
It's probably like some thinktanks or, you know.
Oh my gosh.
So what a mess. So my takeawayfrom this was what the. Yeah, I mean,
besides holding hands to solvehunger. That's some performative
bullshit.
Yeah.
This felt like 1986's versionof social media posts that are so
tone deaf that they hurt.

(51:30):
Yes.
And it's nice to see that 40years later, Trump is like, Reagan,
hold my beer. Because I'mgonna be gutting all the programs.
Not even holding hands isgonna help. No, no, it's nice too
that other people saw thebullshittery because there's a in.
In the movie US by JordanPeele, they kind of mimic this Hands

(51:51):
Across America thing. There'sa whole like the tethered are holding
their hands and it's supposedto sort of evoke that, you know,
creepy ass thing. BecauseJordan Peele said like I would see
pictures and be like, that iscreepy as. And so he used it in a
horror film, which is great.
It is kind of creepy. Likeyou're gonna bust me to some place,
I'm just gonna hold hands withsomeone and this is somehow gonna

(52:12):
translate.
It's gonna, it's gonna solveeverything. Gonna solve it.
And obviously they didn't tapinto like our mindset of people because
I'd have been like, I'll giveyou the 10 bucks, but I'm not going.
I'll give you 15 if you leaveme alone.
Yeah, you know, and I'll 20 ifI never have to hear about this again.
I'll give you 25 if you giveit directly to a food bank.

(52:33):
Yeah, scratch that, give meback my 20, I'll drive it to the
food bank and we'll talk later.
Anyway, Hands Across America.So you know, obviously that's what
we need to do to solve the.That's happening right now.
Absolutely.
Hold some Hands.
Just hold some hands.
Maybe hand jobs across America.
Oh, that would be better. Thatwould solve a lot more issues.

(52:53):
Yeah, just don't bust people together.
Don't.
We don't need to get in groupsfor that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Circle jerk for the Constitution.
Yeah, I like that. Yeah, yeah,yeah, I like that.
I like it.
Well, I'm gonna go to adifferent magical place besides holding
hands across America. And I'magain gonna take foray into talking

(53:14):
about a movie which is scaryfor this member of fuzzy memories.
But this one I feel prettyconfident about. It's called My Little
Pony the Movie.
Oh.
And much like your Highlander,it was a disaster.
Oh, great.
Just a disaster.
Somebody last night just askedme if I know what a Brony is, and
I was like, yeah, it's a. It'sa guy. It's an adult man. A bro who

(53:36):
likes My Little Ponies.
Yeah, yeah, that's. That's oldnews. Yeah, yeah, that's been around
a while.
Yeah, that's common knowledge,Right? So My Little Pony was. Seen
some success on tv. Their toyswere taken off. And naturally, what
do you do if you're a, youknow, company that has this kind
of hot commodity you put. Makeit a movie.
Damn right.
Now, some companies might taketheir time and really make this movie

(53:59):
work.
That's silly.
But that. That's not gonna getthe money in your pocket. So they
went ahead and they came upwith a plan, and the plot was simple.
Ponyland.
Nope.
Comes under attack from the Schmooze.
The Schmooze?
The Schmooze.
Is that the same as the oozefrom Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Oh, I think it's play on it.

(54:19):
Because it's a massive purpleooze created by an evil witch who
plans to destroy the pony'sannual spring festival.
Wow, this is. This is reallyphoning it in.
This is phoning it in.
This.
This feels like. Yeah. I mean,there's so many things wrong with
this. Clearly. First, therewas no writer's room. No, clearly,

(54:40):
it was just a guy.
That Phil in a marketingmeeting, just.
You know, what about. Oh, God,that one guy, Slimer's really cool.
Schmooze. What if we justcalled it Schmooze? I think we could
avoid any kind of suingsituation. And it's just purple goo
that's easy to draw.
What is that supposed to do toponies? Like, how are ponies gonna

(55:01):
be defeated by, like, goo?
Right? I don't know.
Ponies can ride right through that.
Ponies can Gallop on.
Jump on over it.
I mean, I guess it might getin their illustrious pony hair. Yeah,
yeah. What's. What's moreshocking is that right out of the
gate, they thought, let's getsome actors assigned to this. They
got Danny DeVito.
Oh, oh.

(55:21):
Madeline Kahn and ClorisLeachman all signed on and I'm assuming
before they read the screen todo this. So the movie immediately
became a critical andfinancial bomb during its theatrical
run, grossing only anestimated 6 million worldwide, and
their budget was 5.5 million.
Oh, that's some Hands AcrossAmerica math is what that is.

(55:45):
It is. And this came on theheels of the Transformers, the movie
being a huge bomb. So thestudio said, you know what? We're
not going to do the animatedgem and the holograms movie and the
GI Joe movie. We were gonnapush direct to video because we're
not doing well in theaters.
The art isn't that great either.
No, it's bad.
Yeah, it's looking real, like,sketchbook type stuff.

(56:07):
Sketchy. Yeah. Mm. Soaccording to creative consultant,
this is the type of thing. I'mgonna give you an antidote here,
because this is the type ofthing that was going on behind the
scenes with this movie. Soit's really quick to understand why
this was so rough.
Okay.
According to creativeconsultant Buzz Dixon, when a group
of ponies.
Buzz Dixon.
Buzz Dixon was the creativeCons consultant.

(56:27):
From My Little Pony.
When a group of ponies go intothe human world to get help, he pitched
a scene featuring the poniesapproaching Optimus prime from the
Transformers and Shipwreckfrom GI Joe to help thinking, like,
cross promotion.
Okay.
While the specifics of OptimusPrime's cameo are unknown, shipwreck

(56:47):
scene would have apparentlyfeatured him outside a bar drinking
amber liquid from a bottle.And as the pony spoke to him, Shipwreck
would just stare at her in bugdyed disbelief, and then she'd just
fly away. Shipwreck wouldsmash the bottle, take his cap off
his head, put his left handover his heart, raise his right hand

(57:08):
in an oath to quit drinking.Hasbro execs thought the idea was
hilarious. They really likedit, but then ultimately decided that
might not work in a My LittlePony movie meant for basically young
girls.
What they imagined the Venndiagram of My Little Pony versus
GI Joe fans and Optimus Prime.
Optimus Prime.

(57:28):
Yeah. I'm not saying because,like I'm gonna.
Say, at 5 years old, I was thetarget for this movie. Like, I was
the target I had in My LittlePony. Like, this was Right up my
alley.
Yeah.
I don't have a specific memoryof seeing it. I remember seeing it
later on tv. I don't have aspecific memory of seeing it in the
theater, but I remember theshow. And I remember collectively,
like, everyone kind of agreedthe movie was bad. Like, even five

(57:50):
year olds were like, the TVshow. Like, so I don't know if you're
looking at that demographic,how you're like, we'll put in Optimus
prime and Shipwreck and thiswill be great.
This is gonna be it.
This is gonna be the crosspromotion we need. And they just
push the shit out. And thenthey were shocked when everyone was
like, you can keep it. It'sactually not that great.
I wonder if Buzz Dixon went onto great fame and fortune after this.

(58:13):
I love that he's a creativeconsultant too, because, you know,
his paycheck was so muchbigger than, like, the actual people
working. Creative consultants.And what's your resume, Buzz Dixon?
Yeah.
Like, what other creativethings have you done? Because that
was your best idea for MyLittle Pony. Buzz was Shipwreck was
going to be an alcoholic andturn his life around in the middle
of the movie. Not help theponies, though. They're just screwed.

(58:33):
Yeah.
Yeah. No, that's it, really.Oh, wow. They gave up after that
and said, we'll just stick toTV shows. Sorry. Oh, sorry. We did
that, everyone. We're good.We're good.
Sorry, everybody.
But for to be so bad that theypulled two other movies that they
had in production tells youthat that's. There was some tough
conversations. And I'massuming maybe Buzz Dixon didn't

(58:56):
need a W9 the next yearbecause he was no longer a consultant.
Poor Buzz.
I will say I remember seeingthe Transformers movie.
Yeah.
When it came out. And I mean,I don't remember thinking it was
bad. I do remember beingdisappointed because all of the characters,
you know, like, die in thefirst 20 minutes and then it's just
new characters for the rest ofit. It was like, I don't think that's

(59:16):
really the way to. To get kidsto like this. It's all people they
don't know.
It seemed like this was aroundthe time of the golden era in the
80s of, like, it's just a cashgrab. Like, we're trying to get as
much money as we can from namerecognition, and then we'll try and
do something weird likeintroduce all these new characters
so we can continue this linefor years and years.
More toys.
Yeah, yeah. They wanted tosell more toys, so they Kill off

(59:39):
all these characters and haveall these new ones, and now you got
to go buy all these new toys.
Yep.
Wow. Well, I'm not gonna watch that.
You shouldn't.
Okay.
I had a different reaction. Iwas like, maybe I want to watch that.
I mean, there's a part of methat kind of does. Like, in the right
frame of mind.
I think I just need to go backand watch Highlander now, because.
Yeah.
Yeah. I need to see.

(01:00:00):
Maybe that's. Maybe we justfound the best trilogy ever, which
is Highlander Back to school.
Damn. Now that. That's a drivein movie night. That is. Yeah.
That's a really feel in your80s. 80s.
That's right.
Movie night.
Yeah. Well, we want to make itfour movies. Really, really want
to go. I offer you An American Tale.

(01:00:23):
Oh, my God.
I love this movie. I love thismovie so much. I won a coloring contest
for this movie. I get to seeit for free.
Wow. When you said. When youstarted talking about the cartoon
just now, I was like, oh,she's gonna tell about an American
tail.
No, I couldn't.
Wow. I don't think I've everseen that much excitement from anyone

(01:00:45):
ever.
First of all, to win acoloring contest was, like, my dream
when I was little.
Yeah.
And I got to take four friendswith me. I got to start the movie
in the movie theater. We gotfree popcorn, and we were the only
people there. I got my ownprivate screening of An American
Tale.
Wow.
At age five or six.
Yeah.
Like, you got to turn theswitch on the projector.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.

(01:01:06):
How did you get from theprojector room back down to your
seat without missing anything?
No way. It was the sequelFievel Goes West. That's what the
coloring contest was for.Yeah. But I did love this movie,
which is why the minute thatthey put out coloring. Well, yeah.
Because I was like, I wasn'tfive. I was a couple years older.
Yeah, that sounds right.
Because I spent some time onthat sucker, as evidenced by my win.

(01:01:29):
Or no one else entered. Wedon't know. But anyway, sorry. American
Tale was phenomenal, though.
Okay.
I love the idea, though, thata bunch of the people that work at
the movie theater are like.Like, have all these coloring pages
spread out over a table.Right. And they're, like, picking
whose is best.
That's true. When you thinkabout it now, you're like, they're
probably just like, this girlwent way too far. We should probably

(01:01:49):
just give her a win.
She's gonna need this.
She has shading. How did sheEven do that with a marker. So, yeah,
I have a deep love for allthings Fievel.
All right, well, I hope I. Ihope I can honor your deep love.
No, All I can remember issomewhere. Yeah, that's all.

(01:02:11):
So. Yes, Feivel Moskowitz, ourhero of the story which begins in
the late 1800s in Russia,where the Mouskowitz family is celebrating
Hanukkah or Chinooka, ifyou're smoking Robinson.
And she's fallen to the floor until.

(01:02:37):
I take a drink. And he lookedright at me like, I know I got her
with this one. Okay.
So during the celebration,Feivel's father is telling him about
the United States, a countryhe claims doesn't have any cats establishing.
Oh, yeah.
So we are establishingFievel's father as a known liar.

(01:03:02):
Yeah, yeah. Right from thejump, he's dead.
Okay. The celebration isinterrupted when a group of Cossacks
and their cats ride throughtown and destroy the village in an
anti Semitic attack.
Jesus Christ.
I don't remember any of these,which seems like a lot for the first
act of an animated movie for kids.
That's a lot. Yeah, it's intense.
So we're taking on pogroms inthe 1800s.

(01:03:24):
Okay.
All right.
So the Moskowitz family.Moskowitz home is destroyed, and
they flee to Germany, wherethey get on a boat bound for New
York City. And I don't. Ispent more time than I should have.
Like, where'd the boat leavefrom? Germany. I mean, like, I guess
it went up a river, and thenthat went out to the ocean. Like,
I would have thought theywould have gone to Germany's France.
Yeah. Okay. Anyway.
Yeah, so, yeah, a couple ofthings at this point, it's while

(01:03:46):
they're just suggesting thatall cats are Nazis. Like, I feel
like you're right.
Well, I need to have aconversation with cats, make sure
they're not right.
Yeah, Double check. Yeah. Andthen again with the Nazi thing. Like,
I mean, would you go toGermany? I guess this was said before
World War II.
Yeah. Yeah. Not your safest bet.
Yeah.
So on the boat to New York,Feivel's dad keeps pushing this fake

(01:04:07):
news about no cats in America.This bullshit story.
So he's Qanon.
Yep. The ship encounters astorm, and Fievel is washed overboard
because he is a mouse.
Oh, poor Fievel.
He gets into a bottle, though,and floats the rest of the way to
New York, which I wouldimagine would just take months.
Long time.
His family just assumes he'sdrowned, and they pick up the pieces

(01:04:29):
relatively quickly and kind ofmove on with their lives.
Yeah, they do. It's shocking.Maybe that's what I related to.
Moving on.
Oops, we lost her.
Well, that took care of that.

(01:04:49):
I knew the ship rad was goodfor some.
Yep.
So when Fievel finally arrivesin New York, he's bummed out that
he's lost his family. But hegets a pretty solid pep talk from
a French pigeon named Henryand decides to look for his family.
Does Henry have a French accent?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Henry's actually Scottishdoing a French accent so it sounds

(01:05:10):
more Scottish.
Perfect.
Fievel is quickly sold intoindentured servitude and starts working
a sweatshop because.
Yep.
Because again, this Frenchpigeon was not bleak enough.
Yeah. No, no, no, no. Andalso, you know, as a person in watching
the movie, there are catshere. This is gonna come to fruition.

(01:05:33):
Yeah, yeah.
Since it's New York City inthe late 1800s, there's immigrant
mice from all over the place.You've got Italian mice, you've got
Irish mice. You've got analcoholic mouse. There's a politician
who would love to help findhis family, but they're not registered
to vote yet. Voterregistration files are the only way

(01:05:54):
this mouse politician knowshow to find somebody.
Who the fuck wrote this, Eric?
Okay, so they're at a rally totry and figure out what to do about
the cats, which is something Ifeel like, you know, mice still do
today. What do we do withthese fucking cats? The mice all
figure out that the guy whosold Fievel to the sweatshop is bad

(01:06:14):
news. Yeah, no shit.
Okay. Yeah.
Turns out they're rightbecause the guy was a cat in disguise
as a mouse, which seems like adifficult thing to pull off just
size wise. Right.
That's absurd.
Yeah.
Yeah, I forgot about that part.
Yeah. I feel like a cat oldenough to stay in character as the
smouse would be too big to be,you know.

(01:06:34):
Yeah.
People would be like, you're a giant.
Actually, the whole premisetoo. Like, I think that cats are
bothered by mice when theyenter their space, but I just don't
think they care enough to goout and about hunting them down.
So after Fievel figures outthat this mouse is really a cat,
Fievel gets locked up by thecats. But he lucks out because his
guard is a vegetarian cat andFievel talks him into letting him

(01:06:56):
go. This cat doesn't want toeat Fievel because he's just into,
like, carrots. And broccoli.
I have never met a goddamnvegetarian cat in my life. No.
And everyone knows that catvegetarians are easily manipulated.
Very. Yes, because they'rejust hungry.
They're just hungry. So hungry.
So Feivel races down to thepiers and gets there just in time

(01:07:17):
to see the mice unleash theirsecret weapon, which was a giant
mechanical mouse that chasesall of the cats into the water. You
know how cats don't likewater? So a boat bound for Hong Kong
picks them all up. And I don'tknow if that was racist somehow.
I don't know if this was sortof a weird, off color, not great
joke.
Oh, no, you're right. Itprobably was.

(01:07:39):
It had to be, now that I thinkof it.
Oh, Jesus. Okay, still love it.
Moving on.
Nothing's gonna change it. Yeah.
So at this point, Fievel nowhas been reunited with his family,
but they get separated againafter a fire on the pier. And I think
maybe it's time for theMuskowitz family to just sort of
like, we're gonna meet by thistree every day at 3. Like, we're

(01:08:01):
gonna figure out a way.
To, like, we need to establisha safe spot.
Yeah.
Regroup space.
I like that.
So Fievel ends up in anorphanage now after he's been separated
from his family. Right.
The movie was over by the Hong.
Kong part, but, okay, soFievel then gets mocked by the other
orphans because he's lookingfor his family instead of his family

(01:08:23):
looking for him. And I feellike these orphans are assholes.
Yeah, way to probe at a, youknow, herded area. Yeah, a painful
area.
Right?
Yeah.
So Feivel now is finallyreunited with his family. And who's
laughing now? Orphans. Ha ha ha.
Fuck you, orphans in yourmouse orphanage.

(01:08:43):
You're never gonna get yourfamily back.
And then the movie ends withthat French pigeon claiming that
he built the Statue of Liberty.
Okay, I do wanna point out inmy quest to find the writer of this
weird ass thing, the Googlesays, in a nutshell, this is uplifting,
cheerful, and optimistic. I'mnot getting that from what Heath

(01:09:03):
just described.
I don't remember feelingoptimistic after it. I remember feeling
like it was a dark movie.
I mean, I think. I mean, thewhole premise of the movie is like,
a child is, like, you know,ripped from his family and, like,
it's just sort of out in theworld alone. I mean, that was the
song.
Somewhere out there.
Somewhere out there. Althoughit does. I mean, I guess there were

(01:09:24):
a lot of stories of orphansaround this time. And, like, the
Secrets of NIMH was aroundthis time, which was devastating.
The. The song, though, wasnominated for an Academy Award for
best song. It did lose to TakeMy Breath Away from Top Gun.
Was it Linda Ronstadt andAaron Neville?
Yes.
James Ingram.
James Ingram.

(01:09:44):
But it does. But yeah, shesaid that song with. She sings with
Aaron Neville. It reminded meof that too.
Yeah.
Side note about that song,when I. My senior promotion.
Oh, no.
A girl in my class and herboyfriend sang that to each other.
That was part of the prom entertainment.
No, no, no.
I don't know much but I know Ilove you.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God. You can't do Aaron Neville.

(01:10:06):
But what's great is herboyfriend, who is a year younger
than us, was not very bright.And imagine as a teacher sitting
there and having to watch thiskind of.
Oh, no.
Dumb punk sing this song.That's. I don't know much, but I
know I love you. I'm sure theteacher's like, you're right. You
don't much. Also, you don'tlove her because you're like 17 years

(01:10:29):
old and you're just like,yeah, you're just touching butts
or whatever you two do fortouching butts.
And what was your reaction tothis performance at your senior prom?
I remember not being surprisedby it. I didn't know it was going
to happen. And just kind ofsitting there being like. Because
neither one of them were invocal, like, they weren't particularly

(01:10:50):
good singers. And I don't. Istill to this day don't know how.
I think you need to go back tothe source there and say, what teacher
approved this promentertainment and where were they
at in the school year andeverything? Because, like, was it
5 o'clock and you caughtsomeone walking out and you're like,
we want to do this thing atprom. And they're like, sure, that's
a good. Okay.
So the Land Before Time. Notthe Land Before Time. An American

(01:11:11):
Tale was the highest.
Don't confuse two dark movies.
That's the point I was goingto make. It was the highest grossing
non Disney crowd cartoon untilthe Land Before Time came out, which
is another bleak look at aparentless existence for a child.
No wonder we have the mindsetsthat we do.
And what's weird is that Iremember having such a deep love

(01:11:32):
for American Tale and LandBefore Time just wrecked me.
Yeah.
I never recovered from LandBefore Time. I was like, keep your
fucking hand puppets away fromme. That movie is not to be recreated
with your tiny children play things.
And that was. And they're bothfrom Don Bluth. He's. He the same
guy came up with both of them.
Yeah, I had that reaction tothe Secrets of Nim. That was where

(01:11:52):
I was like, no, no. Can't dealwith any of this. And I'm never mowing
the grass ever again. Sothat's, you know, that's what's happening.
Oh, my God.
Wow. What a year. And what aquartet of films. You're right.
Yeah. What a journey.
You want to feel all the emotions.

(01:12:13):
Yep.
We got you covered.
We got you covered.
Maybe that's like, we shouldstart packaging. The movies we talk
about in one episode is like,this is what you should. If you like
this, you should watch thisand this. Like, but they're just
these four random moviestogether that someone's like, I don't
get why they put these together.
Because it works. Okay?
Because it was 1996.
Yeah.
People were holding hands tostop hunger.

(01:12:35):
Stop hunger.
We don't know what was up andwhat was down. Ronnie Dangerfield
gone to college and never evengraduated high school. We don't know.
It also made me think, youknow, Evan's going to college this
fall. How likely is it thatyou will join him there?
I'm gonna go negative 2%.
Okay.
Yeah. I mean, just based oneverything. Everything. One, I don't.

(01:12:57):
He doesn't want that. No, Imean, that's the obvious reason.
Two, I don't want that. Three,I mean, I spent a little time now
with the college visit andthen when he had his audition and
stuff. And I can tell you thatthat's a young, young man's game.
Yeah, like, no, thank you.
Sounds terrible.
No, I do have. I sort of dofeel bad for. I don't know if you
guys had like non traditionalstudents in your classes ever. Like,

(01:13:19):
at uni, there was always a fewand they were always asked like all
the questions. And I rememberbeing like a 20 year old punk that
was like, shut the up so wecan get out of this class. Like,
why are you asking follow upquestions? And now I realize you
could be that student. Irealized that would be how I would
be. I'd be like, wait, becauseat that stage you are ready. More
ready to like, learn andunderstand things. And also I didn't

(01:13:39):
give them enough credit forhow much energy and time it takes
to like get to a class, youknow, and you can go.
There and just make a bunch of.
Teenage enemies pissed off.
Yeah.
Like, who wants to be in mygroup for group project? Good. Cause
I'm doing it by Myself.
I got this.
I got this. All right, good.
Good talk, everyone. Good job.

(01:14:00):
Yep.
Fuzzy Memories is a broads andbooks production. It's hosted by
Heath Smith, Aaron Johnston,and Amy Lee Lillard. Big thanks to

(01:14:20):
our supporters on Patreon,especially those at the make me famous
level, including HaleyScarpino, Nick Thornton, Daniela
Barzallo, Matthew Serbek, andlast name Greatest. Sign up at our
Patreon for bonuses and newstuff, and be sure to follow us at
Fuzzy Memories pod onInstagram for clips and highlights.

(01:14:41):
See you next time. Whatever.
Yeah, go for it.
I mean, they didn't need to doany entertaining. Like, we just.
We could have just eaten arice peel off or whatever it is gave
us.
Yeah, ours was that way too.It was like a dinner and then the

(01:15:04):
dance. At the same place.
Yeah, ours was in the gym. Oh,yeah. Half the gym was where we had
dinner and then. Then you wentto the other side and that's.
We got fancy and ours was in ahotel. It was dinner and then they
moved the tables out. Some ofthe tables out. And then it was a
dance.
Ours was at the HistoricalSociety. Oh, just downtown.
Okay.
Yeah, that's fun. We didn'tget no food.

(01:15:24):
Yeah, like he did the eatingbefore. That's how Evans is, too.
I always feel like when it'sprom season, like downtown, you see,
you can tell it's prom seasonbecause lots on Saturday, late afternoon,
you just. There's all the kidsdressed up and they go out and I
always feel so bad for thewait staff.
Me too.
You know, they have to workjust as hard as normal. And those
18 year olds, they are notgiving tips.

(01:15:46):
No, no, I know. And they'reall ordering weird things because
they go to places that theydon't know what they should order.
So they're like, oh, just geta side of onion rings, a side of
french fries, and threechicken fingers on the side.
Yeah.