How bacteria is stopping you from getting over your ex...

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm going to blow your mind on why breakups are
so hard, and it's because of your bacteria.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Are you ready for this research? Okay?

Speaker 1 (00:10):
So, when you're breaking up with someone and you feel
really awful, even if you broke up with somebody for
a reason like you broke up with them, your body
still goes through a withdrawal process because of your bacteria. Now,
there's three main reasons why breakups feel so hard. So
before I get to the bacteria, I will go through
the reasons why breakups can feel so hard and why

(00:32):
it can feel like an addiction and a withdrawal for
the other person. So, when you're in love deeply, your
brain releases a cocktail of feel good chemicals, so dopamine, oxytocin,
and serotonin and endorphins.

Speaker 3 (00:45):
Great cocktail, yes.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
And your brain it's the best cocktail.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
But your brain associates that person with those chemical hits.
So when they're gone, your brain craves them. They're actually
craving the chemicals, but it thinks that you're craving.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
This because that person has given you that here, that's right.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
So that's why when you first break up you can
feel sort of a bit obsessive you know, you start
doing all the stalking and stuff like that, you know,
insta stalking, That's what I mean, because you're craving a
hit of them, and so you have to redirect where
you're getting a hit from.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
So that's the first process of trying to get a breakup.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
This isn't a defense in court, by the way, No
it's not. No.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
I'm not saying no, no, no. I'm saying you look at
their Instagram a bit too much, that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
You might look at your phone photos and you're thinking yourself,
why am I doing that? I've broken up with them,
or they've broken up with me and they've hurt me.
Why am I doing this? If you just tell yourself,
I'm doing it because my brain is craving oxytocin and
it's associating it with him or her.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
So go go for a walk that also releases oxytocin.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
And I used to say that when people ask me
for advice on breaking up, because I've obviously have been
through a few. Ah, I'm good at that. I'm like, walk,
go for big walks. Walks is a really good way
to get rid of any of those feelings and boost oxytocin. Now,
the bacteria, this is what's going to blow your mind,
and it's less talked about in a breakup. When you're
with someone long term, you actually exchange and adapt to

(02:10):
each other's microbiomes. So that's the bacteria in your gut,
in your mouth, and in your skin.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
So when you're.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Kissing, you're creating that bacteria exchange. When you're sharing food,
you're creating that bacteria exchange when you're cuddling. Right, So
couples tend to have more similar microbiomes and strangers obviously,
and your immune system and digestion learn from that bacteria.
And to put it into perspective, if you've ever had
a baby, you know how nurses say, put the baby
on you straight away. There's a couple of reasons for that. Obviously,

(02:37):
it brings you milk in, but it also starts your
bacteria exchange through your skin to your baby. And you've
got good bacteria on you and your baby needs that.
And that's why skinned to skin with all members of
the family are important. So you might be in the
room after having the baby and dad needs to have
skinned to skin, and a brother or a sister needs
to have skinned to skin. It's actually about exchanging that
good bacteria to help the baby healthy, and so then

(03:01):
your immune system digestion learns from that bacteria exchange. So
when the relationship ends, your body doesn't get that regular
dose of the other person's microbiome signature, and so that
adds a layer of withdrawal.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
Your body is literally going, I need my bacteria dose.
Where are you?

Speaker 1 (03:18):
I'm feeling ill without your bacteria supporting my bacteria.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Isn't that crazy?

Speaker 3 (03:24):
It's crazy? And does that mean that to get over
a relationship just go to the doctor and ask for antibodies.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
It's not.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
But you know, when you break up with someone and
there's no kids and there's no dog, or there's no assets,
you can get over that breakup quicker because every time
you get back into orbit with that person, exchanging the
kids or anything, the bacteria talks to each other again.

Speaker 3 (03:46):
What you back longing for? That absolutely, So to lock
withdrawal symptoms literally it's.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
A complete withdrawal symptom. And the other one that happens
when you're breaking up. The third thing is stress and cortisol.
So when your bond breaks, your body perceives it as
a loss of safety, So your cortisol levels really really
spike and then you can't sleep, you have appetite changes,
and you feel really anxious. So they are there three
things you need to think about when you're going through
a breakup. If you think you're going nutty, you're not.

(04:15):
It's actually a really normal, scientific thing. And maybe stay
away from them so you don't get a little bacteria withdrawal.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
Okay, do you like that? Well, I don't know whether
to like it or not. I just think it's fascinating.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
Yeah, have a bloody shower. If you break up

Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yourself hard