March 6, 2023 • 16 mins
Steve welcomes Maxim to share their experience, strength, and hope with you, along with advice on getting and staying sober.
Thank you for listening. Please join our Patreon family for the post-show, along with more exclusive content at www.Patreon.com/gAyApodcast
Find Maxim on Instagram @sobersoulfood and follow us while you are at it @gAyApodcast
If you are interested in sharing your story, getting involved with the show, or just saying hi, please e-mail me at gayapodcast@gmail.com
Until next time, stay sober friends!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Steve (00:04):
Hi everyone and welcome to Gay a, a podcast about
sobriety for the LGBT pluscommunity and our allies.
I'm your host, Steve Bennett.
Martin.
I am an alcoholic and I'mgrateful for all the guests I've
lined up for the coming months.
As of this recording, I am 594days sober, and today we are
welcoming a guest to share theirexperience, wisdom, and hope
with you.
Welcome Max.
Maxim (00:26):
Hey, how you doing diva?
Steve (00:28):
Good.
Good to have you on.
Why don't you introduce yourselffor, for our listeners?
Sure.
Maxim (00:33):
My name is Maxim, like the magazine.
Um, there might be agenerational gap there.
Um, uh, my pronouns are they,them.
I identify as non-binarypansexual, and I am an educator
artist and an events organizerbased in Brooklyn.
Steve (00:50):
Excellent.
And what are some of yourfavorite hobbies or things to do
that you've found in sobriety?
Uh,
Maxim (00:58):
I started doing yoga and a full body workout.
The first thing I wake up in themorning.
I've started doing it sincesobriety because, you know,
we're gonna get into it later.
It's, you know, it's made mechange a lot about my
relationship with my body and myhealth.
So, you know, yoga is my newfavorite thing.
Working out full body stretcheslike.
Steve (01:21):
Excellent.
And let's jump into it then andtell us a little bit about what
your experiences of what it waslike with your drinking and
addictions.
Maxim (01:28):
Uh, sure.
Um, I want to say bef, you know,uh, I'm what they call
California sober.
Mm-hmm.
you know, I don't, I smoke weedbecause it helps me with my
chronic vaccine and my anxiety.
Uh, but I have quit drinkingalcohol.
I used to drink a lot because Icome from, So you know, what
you, what you hear about the,you know, the stereotypes about
(01:50):
Russian being alcohol.
This is absolutely true.
Mm-hmm.
And, you know, I grew up in thatenvironment.
I came from that environment.
And then living in New York, Iam also a part of nightlife.
So, you know, when you go out,when you go clubbing, you know,
the whole, the whole thing ishappening at bars.
So, you know, drinking is likein the DNA of that.
Um, so I was, I always had avery complicated relationship
(02:13):
with alcohol because, what itdid to my dad, what it did to my
granddad, what it did to a lotof people in my life back home
in Russia.
Um, and when I enterednightlife, you know, it was such
a, like, it was such a greatthing because as a queer person,
I felt like I finally found aplace where I can belong and my
non-binary and my, all, myqueerness that goes beyond just
(02:37):
being, you know, a cisgenderwhite gay.
Um, no offense to those.
Maybe a little bit.
Maybe a little bit.
Um, so I was drinking a.
When I was in nightlife, Iwould, I spent, I realized that
I spent maybe hundreds ofdollars on alcohol when I looked
up back at my credit card billsmm-hmm.
That I'm still paying off.
(02:57):
Um, which is, you know, a sideeffect of that.
And, um, should I tell you why Idecided to go sober?
Sure.
That'd be great.
Oh, yeah.
Um, I was basically, mylifestyle cut up to me.
I would say that I.
in summer of 2020.
(03:18):
In summer of 2021, I wasdiagnosed with fatty liver.
Uh, for those who don't know,fatty liver is uh, reversible,
but.
Serious liver condition, um,that can turn into liver
cirrhosis and that can be verydangerous.
Um, and it basically happenswhen you eat a lot of fat food.
You drink a lot, and it's justyour liver is not capable of
(03:42):
like doing it all by itself.
So it starts developing theselike fat.
Pieces on top of it to kind ofhelp it work.
It's a very interesting concept,but like no doctor will ever
tell you that this is a goodthing because of long-term
implication.
So anyway, I was diagnosed withdiet.
I was told that I should changemy diet, I should start, you
know, I should quit drinking.
And I was like, yeah, fine.
You know what I mean?
(04:03):
And then fast forward manymonths later, I am drinking, I'm
partying.
Um, I am enjoying my queernessand in the night lesson and all
that comes with it.
And then I get diagnosed with,um, hepatitis.
Dunno how I caught it.
It's the most common one.
You can literally catch it frommaking out with somebody at the
club or eating raw fish.
But the weekend when I wasdiagnosed with that, I didn't
(04:25):
know I had it.
And I had my best friends intown, so we were partying, we
were drinking, it was like goingoff.
And then that's Monday morningafter my friends, you know,
after partying and likecelebrating.
I wake up in the morning, I lookat myself in the mirror and I'm.
my skin literally turned yellow.
I had jaed, uh, which is prettyterrifying.
(04:47):
I dunno if it if it had everhappened to you.
Mm-hmm.
it,
Steve (04:50):
it's in that.
But I have heard stories beforeof it happening to
Maxim (04:53):
people.
Yes.
It's definitely not a pleasantto look at yourself in the
mirror and like your eyes arelike yellow and your skin is
yellow and you smell funny.
So I go to urgent care, then Igo to a hospital, they run my
test and.
You know when they do tests andthere's like green means fine,
yellow is like weird.
Red is like getting like outtahand.
(05:15):
Mine, my liver enzymes were redwith three exclamation points.
Mm-hmm.
basically the doctor comes inand they go like, you know, if
your numbers stay up this high,you might be a candidate for
organ transplant.
And that was definitely a momentwhen I had to like had to have a
come to Jesus moment, eventhough I'm Jewish.
(05:40):
I spent three absolutelymiserable days in the er.
They didn't even transfer me tothe room because they couldn't
figure out the diagnosis, butthat's American Healthcare
system, and I had a lot of timeto think.
And then when I came out, Iobviously had to recover from
hepatitis, but then I also hadto recover of the real damage
(06:00):
that I've done to my body.
You know, it affected my skin,it affected my sleeping
patterns.
It affected my digestion.
It was, my body was, I literallyhad to, I had to spend a month
at home, you know, and mygrandma's place in Coney Island,
in South Brooklyn.
You know, I took, I took walksby the beach every day, and I
just had to like do a lot ofcontemplating.
(06:22):
you know, what are my lifechoices gonna be going forward?
Because, you know, it wasn'tjust the drinking cause and
obviously the quitting drinkingwas, that was the thing that I
had to do to recover my liver.
Like there's like, you know, thedoctors were like, you know, for
nine months you shouldn't drink.
But I kind of, I was having thisgut feeling that I should just
like quit us forever.
(06:43):
Mm-hmm.
because you, what's the point ofme going through this recovery
and then starting to drinkagain?
And then, you know, people,like, we forget the lessons that
we learn.
Mm-hmm.
So what if I just start drinkingand partying and like not paying
attention to my body and ithappens again?
You know what I mean?
So I really had to, and I, youknow, I have a lot of
(07:04):
responsibilities.
I take care of my family.
Um, I took care of mygrandmother, so I.
you know, I couldn't die.
I didn't want to die.
I, I was 24.
I was 24.
Yeah, I was 24 years old.
Um, no, 25, something like that.
Um, I had my whole life ahead ofme, but I had to really figure
(07:24):
out how I'm gonna live my lifeand how I'm gonna continue, you
know, being a part of nightlifeand I just had to like, have a.
Difficult conversations withmyself and make some decisions.
Um, but honestly, I've neverlooked back and I think that
quitting alcohol was the bestdecision that I ever made for
myself.
Steve (07:43):
Perfect.
Yeah.
What have been some of thepositive changes in your life
since getting sober?
Maxim (07:49):
Um, my skin got better.
I feel better.
My liver is now in pristinecondition.
Um, I don't spend a lot of, Idon't spend all that crazy money
on it.
Um, my libido is up, my anxietyis down.
You know, it's honestly, youknow, from a health point of
view, it's been great from afinancial point of view.
And, you know, it's also part ofmy, me, you know, solving my
(08:12):
generational trauma.
Mm-hmm.
So that's also been a veryrewarding experience.
Steve (08:16):
Excellent.
And looking back, how do youfeel your sexuality and your
gender identity played a role inyour addiction?
Maxim (08:26):
I thought a lot about this question and I think that,
you know, as I said, I was, Istarted drinking a lot because I
sound nightlife and you know,when you're in nightlife and you
become a part of that, and forthe first time as a queer person
who grew up in Russian and inSouth Brooklyn, both are very
homophobic, conservative.
(08:47):
Places, you know, discoveringnightlife and making friends in
it and seeing people who arejust fabulous and glamorous and
they accept you for who you are.
I felt like I had to go outevery night.
Otherwise I was not being trueto my queer identity.
I wasn't taking advantage of thequeer community that, you know,
I looked for for so many years.
(09:07):
So then, but then that created.
because everybody else isdrinking.
You know, you go to a drag show,people are drinking, people are
making jokes about like, youknow, who's, who's getting
fucked up?
Who's having shot?
Um, so that was, I think thatthe culture and the community at
a pressure that was reallycontributing, that was like
making, like the, being queerand an alcoholic kind of go hand
(09:29):
in hand.
Steve (09:30):
Yeah.
And what has your experiencebeen navigating the queer
community Sober.
Maxim (09:39):
I love it.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and I've been meeting andI've had some mentors and I've
met a lot of incredible peoplewho are also sober in night in
nightlife.
Um, but you know, sometimes youdo meet people at the club and
you know, they're asking like,oh, what can I get you?
And I'm like, ginger, really?
Like, you don't drink.
And then they look at you as ifit's like, as if you have like
two heads.
Mm-hmm.
um, um, So it's definitelycreated some awkward
(10:01):
conversations.
And I'm the kind of person who,like if somebody like says
something ignorant like that tome, I'm like, yeah, I'm choosing
not to like, you know, pollutemy body and destroy my liver and
actually take care of my healthbecause I almost died.
And then the person getsuncomfortable and then they walk
away because don't ask stupidquestions.
Yeah, exactly.
Steve (10:17):
And what are some practices or things you do in
your daily life that help keepyou sober?
Maxim (10:22):
I remind myself of like, what it's all worth for.
Mm-hmm.
you know, but I also, you know,when I was like laying in a
hospital and I was likethinking, am I gonna quit it
forever?
I thought to myself, no, thefirst year is not a thing called
drop.
You know what I mean?
If I ever like think about it,I'm like, is it worth it?
It's 99.9% is not worth it.
Mm-hmm.
Steve (10:43):
Yeah.
And if you could give one pieceof advice to someone who's sober
curious or newly sober, what
Maxim (10:49):
would it be?
Focus on you.
Mm-hmm.
Focus on what's important foryour health.
Focus on, you know, What's rightfor you?
Don't let societal pressure.
If you think that you're gonnalose friends over it, then those
people aren't your friends.
If that's the only thing thatunite connects to you, you know,
because your body is the mostimportant investment you can
have.
(11:09):
Yeah,
Steve (11:10):
it certainly is.
And what's been one of yourfavorite mantras or quotes to
live by?
Maxim (11:17):
I mentioned it earlier.
You know, I am, I am healinggenerational trauma.
Mm.
I am healing generationaltrauma.
You know, I lost my dad toalcoholism.
I lost my grandpa.
He's still alive, but he hassuffered a horrible stroke.
Cause he used to have a bottleof vodka every single day.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, you know, I, I thinkthat if they both were alive or
(11:39):
conscious, they would've made adecision not to drink and I'm
doing it for them.
So that's kind of been themantra.
Steve (11:46):
Yeah.
Excellent.
And what's something that you'relooking forward to in your life
and your sob.
Maxim (11:54):
I'm looking forward to more people being sober.
You know, I, I think that if youwant to drink, it's fine, but I
just know way too many peoplewho do not have a healthy
relationship of alcohol, and Ijust see how it destroys them.
So I'm just like excited thatlike, people seeing me, you
know, being myself in nightlifeand still having the most fun
(12:17):
ever without a drop of alcoholin my body.
I hope that it inspires otherpeople that they can do the same
thing.
Steve (12:23):
Yeah, and I mean, I, I wanna know more about this, the
nightlife, cuz I know thatoftentimes early in sobriety or
recovery, people struggle andit's something that they work
towards.
I mean, did you take some timeaway from it at first, or did
you jump right into it?
Maxim (12:40):
No, I, I, I.
two months off.
And then I very slowly wasworking my way into it because,
you know, my body was stillweak.
I was recovering, but I alsodidn't want to be triggered.
You know, I didn't want to seealcohol and people getting
drunk.
And, and that was something thatI, I have been experiencing when
I was first going out is, youknow, every time I would see
(13:00):
people take shots, I had tolike, apologize and walk away
mm-hmm.
because it would bring me backto like, you know, being in a
hospital.
You know, just like very, very,very, very dark moment.
Um, but I think that somethingthat I've struggled also in the
beginning is that I used todrink because it would help me
get more social.
You know, I would get in thesespaces and I would get anxiety
(13:22):
because I, I felt like, oh,everybody's so glamorous.
I would have a impostersyndrome, so I would, you know,
have 1, 2, 3, 4 glasses of wineand it would loosen me up and
make me a little, you know,funny and relaxed and a little
slutty.
So it would like help me createconnect.
but then I had to kind of learnthat, you know, you don't need
alcohol to be able to have funand form connections.
(13:45):
Um, so, you know, sometimes I'mat the club and I feel like I'm
getting tired and you know, if Iwould choose before to have
another shot of vodka to keep megoing, now I'm just like, you
know what?
If I'm getting tired, maybe Ishould just go home.
Yeah.
Steve (13:59):
That's certainly good advice.
Excellent.
And any last bits of wisdom oradvice for our listen?
Maxim (14:10):
I think that, you know, you have to in incrementally
radically change your mindset.
Mm-hmm.
you know, I think that, You knowwhen you don't, when you want to
quit drinking, but you don'thave a reason, or you don't have
this like monumental shiftwithin you, it's gonna be really
hard because there is no, it'sgonna be hard for you to find
(14:31):
the value in it.
And you know, maybe alcoholicsAnonymous, like AA meetings or
other tools, they might not getto you.
You have to do a lot of verypainful, deep self-reflection.
And really look at, get someperspective and look at your
entire life from a bird's eyeview and be like, is this the
decision that is gonna save mylife, save my family?
(14:54):
Because when you kind of realizethat it changes something within
you and it makes sobrietyeasier, and that's what it is
for me.
Yeah,
Steve (15:01):
I can agree.
I've had those experiences aswell.
Excellent.
Well, why don't we finish offthen with telling our listeners
how they can find you if theywanted to follow you or message
you or anything like that.
Maxim (15:13):
Sure.
I would love if anybody needsadvice or stuff like that.
Cause I'm trying to work rightnow on creating sober spaces and
nightlife, sober parties, youknow, that could be fun.
Um, they can find me onInstagram.
That's where I live.
It's m a x i m underscore Fab f.
Excellent.
Steve (15:29):
I'll be sure to put that in the show notes so people can
find it.
Thank you.
Uh, you in the meantime stickaround Maxim cuz we'll have our
post show, uh, listeners you canhand on over to our Paton page.
And if you're not already amember, join the family today to
get exclusive post-show contentfor each episode.
Uh, if you can go there by goingto.
(15:57):
Oh yes, and you could find ourpatreonPage@patreon.com slash
gaya podcast.
Uh, meanwhile, if you'reinterested in sharing your story
or just hitting me up, I am anemail away@gayapodcastgmail.com
or on Instagram at gay podcast.
Uh, until next time, stay soberFriends.
Hi everyone and welcome to Gay a, a podcast about
sobriety for the LGBT pluscommunity and our allies.
I'm your host, Steve Bennett.
Martin.
I am an alcoholic and I'mgrateful for all the guests I've
lined up for the coming months.
As of this recording, I am 594days sober, and today we are
welcoming a guest to share theirexperience, wisdom, and hope
with you.
Welcome Max.
Maxim (00:26):
Hey, how you doing diva?
Steve (00:28):
Good.
Good to have you on.
Why don't you introduce yourselffor, for our listeners?
Sure.
Maxim (00:33):
My name is Maxim, like the magazine.
Um, there might be agenerational gap there.
Um, uh, my pronouns are they,them.
I identify as non-binarypansexual, and I am an educator
artist and an events organizerbased in Brooklyn.
Steve (00:50):
Excellent.
And what are some of yourfavorite hobbies or things to do
that you've found in sobriety?
Uh,
Maxim (00:58):
I started doing yoga and a full body workout.
The first thing I wake up in themorning.
I've started doing it sincesobriety because, you know,
we're gonna get into it later.
It's, you know, it's made mechange a lot about my
relationship with my body and myhealth.
So, you know, yoga is my newfavorite thing.
Working out full body stretcheslike.
Steve (01:21):
Excellent.
And let's jump into it then andtell us a little bit about what
your experiences of what it waslike with your drinking and
addictions.
Maxim (01:28):
Uh, sure.
Um, I want to say bef, you know,uh, I'm what they call
California sober.
Mm-hmm.
you know, I don't, I smoke weedbecause it helps me with my
chronic vaccine and my anxiety.
Uh, but I have quit drinkingalcohol.
I used to drink a lot because Icome from, So you know, what
you, what you hear about the,you know, the stereotypes about
(01:50):
Russian being alcohol.
This is absolutely true.
Mm-hmm.
And, you know, I grew up in thatenvironment.
I came from that environment.
And then living in New York, Iam also a part of nightlife.
So, you know, when you go out,when you go clubbing, you know,
the whole, the whole thing ishappening at bars.
So, you know, drinking is likein the DNA of that.
Um, so I was, I always had avery complicated relationship
(02:13):
with alcohol because, what itdid to my dad, what it did to my
granddad, what it did to a lotof people in my life back home
in Russia.
Um, and when I enterednightlife, you know, it was such
a, like, it was such a greatthing because as a queer person,
I felt like I finally found aplace where I can belong and my
non-binary and my, all, myqueerness that goes beyond just
(02:37):
being, you know, a cisgenderwhite gay.
Um, no offense to those.
Maybe a little bit.
Maybe a little bit.
Um, so I was drinking a.
When I was in nightlife, Iwould, I spent, I realized that
I spent maybe hundreds ofdollars on alcohol when I looked
up back at my credit card billsmm-hmm.
That I'm still paying off.
(02:57):
Um, which is, you know, a sideeffect of that.
And, um, should I tell you why Idecided to go sober?
Sure.
That'd be great.
Oh, yeah.
Um, I was basically, mylifestyle cut up to me.
I would say that I.
in summer of 2020.
(03:18):
In summer of 2021, I wasdiagnosed with fatty liver.
Uh, for those who don't know,fatty liver is uh, reversible,
but.
Serious liver condition, um,that can turn into liver
cirrhosis and that can be verydangerous.
Um, and it basically happenswhen you eat a lot of fat food.
You drink a lot, and it's justyour liver is not capable of
(03:42):
like doing it all by itself.
So it starts developing theselike fat.
Pieces on top of it to kind ofhelp it work.
It's a very interesting concept,but like no doctor will ever
tell you that this is a goodthing because of long-term
implication.
So anyway, I was diagnosed withdiet.
I was told that I should changemy diet, I should start, you
know, I should quit drinking.
And I was like, yeah, fine.
You know what I mean?
(04:03):
And then fast forward manymonths later, I am drinking, I'm
partying.
Um, I am enjoying my queernessand in the night lesson and all
that comes with it.
And then I get diagnosed with,um, hepatitis.
Dunno how I caught it.
It's the most common one.
You can literally catch it frommaking out with somebody at the
club or eating raw fish.
But the weekend when I wasdiagnosed with that, I didn't
(04:25):
know I had it.
And I had my best friends intown, so we were partying, we
were drinking, it was like goingoff.
And then that's Monday morningafter my friends, you know,
after partying and likecelebrating.
I wake up in the morning, I lookat myself in the mirror and I'm.
my skin literally turned yellow.
I had jaed, uh, which is prettyterrifying.
(04:47):
I dunno if it if it had everhappened to you.
Mm-hmm.
it,
Steve (04:50):
it's in that.
But I have heard stories beforeof it happening to
Maxim (04:53):
people.
Yes.
It's definitely not a pleasantto look at yourself in the
mirror and like your eyes arelike yellow and your skin is
yellow and you smell funny.
So I go to urgent care, then Igo to a hospital, they run my
test and.
You know when they do tests andthere's like green means fine,
yellow is like weird.
Red is like getting like outtahand.
(05:15):
Mine, my liver enzymes were redwith three exclamation points.
Mm-hmm.
basically the doctor comes inand they go like, you know, if
your numbers stay up this high,you might be a candidate for
organ transplant.
And that was definitely a momentwhen I had to like had to have a
come to Jesus moment, eventhough I'm Jewish.
(05:40):
I spent three absolutelymiserable days in the er.
They didn't even transfer me tothe room because they couldn't
figure out the diagnosis, butthat's American Healthcare
system, and I had a lot of timeto think.
And then when I came out, Iobviously had to recover from
hepatitis, but then I also hadto recover of the real damage
(06:00):
that I've done to my body.
You know, it affected my skin,it affected my sleeping
patterns.
It affected my digestion.
It was, my body was, I literallyhad to, I had to spend a month
at home, you know, and mygrandma's place in Coney Island,
in South Brooklyn.
You know, I took, I took walksby the beach every day, and I
just had to like do a lot ofcontemplating.
(06:22):
you know, what are my lifechoices gonna be going forward?
Because, you know, it wasn'tjust the drinking cause and
obviously the quitting drinkingwas, that was the thing that I
had to do to recover my liver.
Like there's like, you know, thedoctors were like, you know, for
nine months you shouldn't drink.
But I kind of, I was having thisgut feeling that I should just
like quit us forever.
(06:43):
Mm-hmm.
because you, what's the point ofme going through this recovery
and then starting to drinkagain?
And then, you know, people,like, we forget the lessons that
we learn.
Mm-hmm.
So what if I just start drinkingand partying and like not paying
attention to my body and ithappens again?
You know what I mean?
So I really had to, and I, youknow, I have a lot of
(07:04):
responsibilities.
I take care of my family.
Um, I took care of mygrandmother, so I.
you know, I couldn't die.
I didn't want to die.
I, I was 24.
I was 24.
Yeah, I was 24 years old.
Um, no, 25, something like that.
Um, I had my whole life ahead ofme, but I had to really figure
(07:24):
out how I'm gonna live my lifeand how I'm gonna continue, you
know, being a part of nightlifeand I just had to like, have a.
Difficult conversations withmyself and make some decisions.
Um, but honestly, I've neverlooked back and I think that
quitting alcohol was the bestdecision that I ever made for
myself.
Steve (07:43):
Perfect.
Yeah.
What have been some of thepositive changes in your life
since getting sober?
Maxim (07:49):
Um, my skin got better.
I feel better.
My liver is now in pristinecondition.
Um, I don't spend a lot of, Idon't spend all that crazy money
on it.
Um, my libido is up, my anxietyis down.
You know, it's honestly, youknow, from a health point of
view, it's been great from afinancial point of view.
And, you know, it's also part ofmy, me, you know, solving my
(08:12):
generational trauma.
Mm-hmm.
So that's also been a veryrewarding experience.
Steve (08:16):
Excellent.
And looking back, how do youfeel your sexuality and your
gender identity played a role inyour addiction?
Maxim (08:26):
I thought a lot about this question and I think that,
you know, as I said, I was, Istarted drinking a lot because I
sound nightlife and you know,when you're in nightlife and you
become a part of that, and forthe first time as a queer person
who grew up in Russian and inSouth Brooklyn, both are very
homophobic, conservative.
(08:47):
Places, you know, discoveringnightlife and making friends in
it and seeing people who arejust fabulous and glamorous and
they accept you for who you are.
I felt like I had to go outevery night.
Otherwise I was not being trueto my queer identity.
I wasn't taking advantage of thequeer community that, you know,
I looked for for so many years.
(09:07):
So then, but then that created.
because everybody else isdrinking.
You know, you go to a drag show,people are drinking, people are
making jokes about like, youknow, who's, who's getting
fucked up?
Who's having shot?
Um, so that was, I think thatthe culture and the community at
a pressure that was reallycontributing, that was like
making, like the, being queerand an alcoholic kind of go hand
(09:29):
in hand.
Steve (09:30):
Yeah.
And what has your experiencebeen navigating the queer
community Sober.
Maxim (09:39):
I love it.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and I've been meeting andI've had some mentors and I've
met a lot of incredible peoplewho are also sober in night in
nightlife.
Um, but you know, sometimes youdo meet people at the club and
you know, they're asking like,oh, what can I get you?
And I'm like, ginger, really?
Like, you don't drink.
And then they look at you as ifit's like, as if you have like
two heads.
Mm-hmm.
um, um, So it's definitelycreated some awkward
(10:01):
conversations.
And I'm the kind of person who,like if somebody like says
something ignorant like that tome, I'm like, yeah, I'm choosing
not to like, you know, pollutemy body and destroy my liver and
actually take care of my healthbecause I almost died.
And then the person getsuncomfortable and then they walk
away because don't ask stupidquestions.
Yeah, exactly.
Steve (10:17):
And what are some practices or things you do in
your daily life that help keepyou sober?
Maxim (10:22):
I remind myself of like, what it's all worth for.
Mm-hmm.
you know, but I also, you know,when I was like laying in a
hospital and I was likethinking, am I gonna quit it
forever?
I thought to myself, no, thefirst year is not a thing called
drop.
You know what I mean?
If I ever like think about it,I'm like, is it worth it?
It's 99.9% is not worth it.
Mm-hmm.
Steve (10:43):
Yeah.
And if you could give one pieceof advice to someone who's sober
curious or newly sober, what
Maxim (10:49):
would it be?
Focus on you.
Mm-hmm.
Focus on what's important foryour health.
Focus on, you know, What's rightfor you?
Don't let societal pressure.
If you think that you're gonnalose friends over it, then those
people aren't your friends.
If that's the only thing thatunite connects to you, you know,
because your body is the mostimportant investment you can
have.
(11:09):
Yeah,
Steve (11:10):
it certainly is.
And what's been one of yourfavorite mantras or quotes to
live by?
Maxim (11:17):
I mentioned it earlier.
You know, I am, I am healinggenerational trauma.
Mm.
I am healing generationaltrauma.
You know, I lost my dad toalcoholism.
I lost my grandpa.
He's still alive, but he hassuffered a horrible stroke.
Cause he used to have a bottleof vodka every single day.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, you know, I, I thinkthat if they both were alive or
(11:39):
conscious, they would've made adecision not to drink and I'm
doing it for them.
So that's kind of been themantra.
Steve (11:46):
Yeah.
Excellent.
And what's something that you'relooking forward to in your life
and your sob.
Maxim (11:54):
I'm looking forward to more people being sober.
You know, I, I think that if youwant to drink, it's fine, but I
just know way too many peoplewho do not have a healthy
relationship of alcohol, and Ijust see how it destroys them.
So I'm just like excited thatlike, people seeing me, you
know, being myself in nightlifeand still having the most fun
(12:17):
ever without a drop of alcoholin my body.
I hope that it inspires otherpeople that they can do the same
thing.
Steve (12:23):
Yeah, and I mean, I, I wanna know more about this, the
nightlife, cuz I know thatoftentimes early in sobriety or
recovery, people struggle andit's something that they work
towards.
I mean, did you take some timeaway from it at first, or did
you jump right into it?
Maxim (12:40):
No, I, I, I.
two months off.
And then I very slowly wasworking my way into it because,
you know, my body was stillweak.
I was recovering, but I alsodidn't want to be triggered.
You know, I didn't want to seealcohol and people getting
drunk.
And, and that was something thatI, I have been experiencing when
I was first going out is, youknow, every time I would see
(13:00):
people take shots, I had tolike, apologize and walk away
mm-hmm.
because it would bring me backto like, you know, being in a
hospital.
You know, just like very, very,very, very dark moment.
Um, but I think that somethingthat I've struggled also in the
beginning is that I used todrink because it would help me
get more social.
You know, I would get in thesespaces and I would get anxiety
(13:22):
because I, I felt like, oh,everybody's so glamorous.
I would have a impostersyndrome, so I would, you know,
have 1, 2, 3, 4 glasses of wineand it would loosen me up and
make me a little, you know,funny and relaxed and a little
slutty.
So it would like help me createconnect.
but then I had to kind of learnthat, you know, you don't need
alcohol to be able to have funand form connections.
(13:45):
Um, so, you know, sometimes I'mat the club and I feel like I'm
getting tired and you know, if Iwould choose before to have
another shot of vodka to keep megoing, now I'm just like, you
know what?
If I'm getting tired, maybe Ishould just go home.
Yeah.
Steve (13:59):
That's certainly good advice.
Excellent.
And any last bits of wisdom oradvice for our listen?
Maxim (14:10):
I think that, you know, you have to in incrementally
radically change your mindset.
Mm-hmm.
you know, I think that, You knowwhen you don't, when you want to
quit drinking, but you don'thave a reason, or you don't have
this like monumental shiftwithin you, it's gonna be really
hard because there is no, it'sgonna be hard for you to find
(14:31):
the value in it.
And you know, maybe alcoholicsAnonymous, like AA meetings or
other tools, they might not getto you.
You have to do a lot of verypainful, deep self-reflection.
And really look at, get someperspective and look at your
entire life from a bird's eyeview and be like, is this the
decision that is gonna save mylife, save my family?
(14:54):
Because when you kind of realizethat it changes something within
you and it makes sobrietyeasier, and that's what it is
for me.
Yeah,
Steve (15:01):
I can agree.
I've had those experiences aswell.
Excellent.
Well, why don't we finish offthen with telling our listeners
how they can find you if theywanted to follow you or message
you or anything like that.
Maxim (15:13):
Sure.
I would love if anybody needsadvice or stuff like that.
Cause I'm trying to work rightnow on creating sober spaces and
nightlife, sober parties, youknow, that could be fun.
Um, they can find me onInstagram.
That's where I live.
It's m a x i m underscore Fab f.
Excellent.
Steve (15:29):
I'll be sure to put that in the show notes so people can
find it.
Thank you.
Uh, you in the meantime stickaround Maxim cuz we'll have our
post show, uh, listeners you canhand on over to our Paton page.
And if you're not already amember, join the family today to
get exclusive post-show contentfor each episode.
Uh, if you can go there by goingto.
(15:57):
Oh yes, and you could find ourpatreonPage@patreon.com slash
gaya podcast.
Uh, meanwhile, if you'reinterested in sharing your story
or just hitting me up, I am anemail away@gayapodcastgmail.com
or on Instagram at gay podcast.
Uh, until next time, stay soberFriends.
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