October 1, 2025 • 71 mins
In this emotional and eye-opening episode, host Louis Essig sits down with Jeremy Garber from Columbus, Ohio—a man whose story reaches from the chaos of the 1980s and 90s into the battles he still fights today.
Jeremy’s life was marked by trauma before he even understood what the word meant. Both of his parents were alcoholics, and when they divorced on Thanksgiving Day—while Jeremy was only 3 years old—the pain of that moment stuck with him forever. His mother remarried another alcoholic, and while the chaos swirled around him, Jeremy went to live with his grandmother. But even there, addiction was never far away. At just six years old, Jeremy was fetching beers for his mom and her friends—and sneaking sips for himself. By the time most kids were learning their ABCs, Jeremy was already becoming an alcoholic without even realizing it.As he grew older, the story only got darker. Weed became part of his teenage years, and soon crack cocaine entered the picture. Crack quickly took everything from him—his stability, his hope, and nearly his life. Yet Jeremy never fully gave up. He managed to put together five solid years of sobriety, proving to himself that a better life was possible.But addiction doesn’t let go easily. After those years sober, Jeremy relapsed, finding himself once again face-to-face with the demons he thought he had beaten. Today, sitting down with Louis, Jeremy is brutally honest about where he’s at—four months sober and once again climbing back on the horse, fighting every single day to win his life back.This conversation is raw, real, and a reminder that recovery isn’t always a straight line. Jeremy’s courage to share not just his victories but also his struggles makes this one of the most important and relatable episodes yet.🔥 Expect emotion. Expect truth. Expect hope.🔔 Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more powerful stories on addiction, recovery, and resilience.Get a Grip Podcast Social Media: Find our TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeart Radio links, a more on our Link Tree below!Get a Grip Social Media Links: https://linktr.ee/officialgetagrippodcast👇 Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I'm going down Morse Rd. and it's the S Curves by Lens Fruit
Farm, OK? I'm coming back from coaches in
Gahanna, tequila drunk, can't hardly stay on the road, but I
need to get to this party because there's cocaine there
and I knew it was going to soberme up.
So I'm going as fast as I can and I go 80 around these S
(00:24):
turns. OK I hit 2 trees, flipped 3
times, get ejected out of the passenger side window.
I could have died I was so drunk.
The only thing I could say was where's Ryan because I had
dropped my buddy Ryan off beforethis happened.
(00:44):
The paramedic said the only thing I could say was where's
Ryan, where's Ryan, where's Ryan?
And I had passenger side injuries, so they thought Ryan
was driving. Yeah, yeah, we are diving in.
(01:13):
OK, so we are here with a fresh episode of Get a Grip podcast.
We have Jeremy Garber with us, local from Columbus, OH I
believe. Yeah, Gahanna.
Gahanna, OK. G Town.
G Town is that. Do you actually call it G Town?
Yeah, I do. Holy shit.
It's not. It's not a ghetto at all.
(01:34):
No, not at all. Just to be clear, no thank you
for coming. Appreciate it.
No problem man. It was kind of short notice so
nice you to come out. But we always like to start with
childhood like that context, like to understand the the way
you grew up and what you were exposed to.
Yeah, family dynamic. Yeah.
(01:55):
So I grew up in, you know, the the 80s and 90s to, to alcoholic
parents. Mom and dad got a divorce.
A divorce was final on Christmas.
My mom got, I gave my dad the divorce papers on Thanksgiving
(02:15):
when I was three years old. And by Christmas Eve, it was
final. And I, I remember the fight and
the pounding and screaming and me being like, terrified,
terrified of that. Yeah, that's, that's something
(02:36):
just me and my me and my dad took me my mom, my sister took
my, my mom or vice versa, or my mom took my sister.
And like, my dad didn't want to let me go, you know?
And he cried and wailed and thenmy mom was like, listen, it's
time for us to go. You know, we went to my
(02:59):
grandma's house for and stayed there for a while.
So like they like the family dynamic was my mom got remarried
when I was probably 8 to anotheralcoholic of.
Course. And.
(03:19):
Are you like exposed to alcohol and and things?
That my mom would have card parties, euchre parties, and I
was. That's not that weird.
No, no, not at all. But I was Bubba the beer getter.
And grab me a beer. Grab me a beer and I I wasn't
strong enough to open up the cans at that point in time.
(03:41):
So my first drink was Miller Lite backwash.
Those empty cans were were beingdrunk by me.
You would kill them. Finish it all night long and.
What age was that? 06/7.
Damn. And I remember when I look back
now that I like the way I felt. And that Monday or Tuesday, I
(04:10):
would be asking my mom like, Hey, are we having another card
party this Friday? You know, like, and bugging,
bugging about it. Like, hey, mom, like listen
that, that's what this that was fun.
That was so fun. You know what I mean?
And she's like, Jeremy, chill out.
Like she. Were you even playing?
Oh. Yeah.
Did you play cards with them? Yeah.
OK, you know what I mean. Just just like a little bit.
(04:33):
But like I would I would take over if somebody had to go grab
something or or go in the garageto smoke a little.
Pot, some weed. Right.
You know what I mean? And I would, I would fill in or
if somebody had to go to the bathroom or something, you know
what I mean? But they thought it was funny
and I thought it was a great time.
(04:54):
Probably was, yeah. But when I, when I look back
now, I literally had, I wish I had brought that picture.
I have a picture when I was 11 months old where I was teething
on a Miller Lite bottle and and it was the cutest picture you
know. I need this photo.
I know I'm going to have to grabit.
Serious. You got to get this photo to us.
(05:16):
Yeah, it's it. It was crazy.
Like the violence and the yelling and screaming started
again about a year after the honeymoon stage, after my
stepfather and my mom got married about year after that.
(05:36):
Isn't a crazy house like scared you get when your parents fought
when you were young? Like the yelling, like I I'd
cover my ears. Yeah, I, I remember visibly,
like, just being like terrified just that they were yelling at
each other. Yeah, stop.
Stop Yeah, exactly like I feel apit in my stomach like the the
(05:57):
fear consumed me and and that fear followed me throughout my
childhood. Really.
I so I was part of the dare program.
Yay. I remember giving my 5th grade
paper and me winning the award and I got to read my paper in
(06:22):
front of Cabot Ray and Angela Pace.
Oh, did you challenge? Yeah, and I did it in front of
all my peers. And what Dara did was make me
more curious about what really was going on about that man in
the bushes that was going to hand me a A20A crack.
(06:43):
You know what I mean? I was.
Going to give you. Drugs.
I was just going to give it to you, you know.
And, you know, I remember marijuana had a distinct smell,
and I smelled the smell all the time.
And it would come out of my mom's bedroom.
And I have a sister that's four years older than me.
So when I was growing up there was hoods, preps and jocks and
(07:07):
my sister was a hood. Meaning what?
Big hair aquanette. Like punk like.
Almost, almost punk, but it was like rock'n'roll T-shirts, cut
off jeans, Jean jackets or leather jackets.
(07:30):
And and that was, you know, 808990 into 919092 and almost,
yeah, chain wallets, you know what I mean?
And she was hanging out with people that were four or five
years older than her. OK, so we're talking 2021 year
(07:53):
olds and my sister would be forced to babysit me because my
mom would work like 60-70 hours at Sun TV.
That's we're dating me and she was the head office manager for
three different stores. She was making really good
money, but she had and then my stepdad was a district manager
(08:18):
for The Columbus Dispatch. So he would deliver papers and
make sure people would get theirpapers, whatever.
And so by my mom was a breadwinner.
And one day I was with my sisterand her friends and these guys
come over to the house, they smoke a joint.
(08:41):
I'm, I'm 10, almost 11 years old.
And I tell them that I smell that smell all the time.
And they're like, well, why don't you get us some?
And I'm like, OK, I, I try to find you some.
I wanted to be their friend. What I was really doing was
(09:03):
becoming their Guinea pig at that at that point in time, I.
Meaning that you were you were going to be the the guy that
gets the weed and. Gets the weed and I'm going to
save the day. These guys are going to become
my new best. Friend.
Yeah, exactly. And I, I snooped through all my
(09:23):
mom's stuff. I couldn't find anything.
I snooped through my step dad's stuff and I found an over in
abundance of marijuana. What do you think it was?
About a quarter pound in his underwear drawer.
Fuck and I didn't know what sum was and I brought them back a
bud about this long and these guys became my best.
(09:46):
Friend, I bet they did. You know what I mean?
Like and, and they they molded me into somebody that I didn't
know that I could become. So I had friends, you know,
that, that were, that were my age.
And now my, my I got a paper route.
(10:08):
My grandpa's thought I was getting in trouble too much at
school because I was unruly at school.
And yeah, got me a job at the, at the dispatch.
And then he signed me up for BoyScouts.
You know what the Boy Scouts help me do?
Hide my drinking because they were all the dysfunctional kids
(10:31):
in Gahanna that went to the Boy Scouts.
So now I have my sister's friends that are wanting me to
steal weed from my stepdad everyday that my my friends that are
wanting. To be Are they paying you?
Not at first. Not at first.
Bet not, you know, and you're. Young.
Yeah, I was young and and I was very, you know, they were.
You just wanted. To be cool.
(10:53):
Yeah, I just wanted to fit in, you know, That's all I wanted to
do. So my friends were wanting to be
like me and I for for the next 8years I would steal at least 1/4
quarter oz to an ounce a day andmy stepfather thought it was my
(11:17):
sister doing this the whole time.
That would make sense. Yeah.
And Needless to say, there was some abuse in the home over
that, over that. That's rough.
Yeah, my sister was a, a, a growing woman and my, my
(11:38):
stepfather took advantage of that by like groping her and
stuff like that. I don't want to tell her story,
but that's, that's what happened.
So I, I had to really face, that's when my addiction really
(11:59):
started, you know? You're what, 10-11 years old?
11 years old, man, 11 years old,you know, and everything come to
a conclusion or like a head, youknow, when there, there was a
lot of dysfunction in my in in my childhood, like my grandma
(12:23):
had nine kids and my uncle Rory was the youngest of the of the
siblings of my mom's side. And when I was 14 years old.
Where? Where are these nine kids spread
out? No, not they're in Gahanna, a
(12:43):
big Gahanna family. You know, there's there's my
grandma is was an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Sorry. Cut that, please.
You're fine. But she, all of them were
Alcoholics, like all my aunts and uncles are Alcoholics.
(13:05):
You know, the apple doesn't fallfar from the tree.
And I my uncle Rory was the youngest and he decided to take
his own life when he was 24. Damn.
I was 14 years old. I'm I'm already.
You close with him. Oh yeah, really close.
(13:26):
He babysat me and my sister, youknow what I mean?
All of the time. He had an orange Barracuda,
would take us to National TrailsRaceway, had ACB at the time and
would the first time I cussed was with him.
You know what I mean? He's the first person I've seen
get a tattoo. I'm curious, any signs at all
(13:48):
that you saw at that age? No, nothing.
No, he no. But after, after looking back
and after the story that we got,like he planned it, you know
what I mean, he decided to pull his van into the into his garage
and close the door, run it, run it and fall asleep, wrote a note
(14:14):
to every one of us, even me and my sister.
Individual notes. Yeah, you know what I mean.
And I was 14 years old and I andI tell you, when I seen my uncle
in that in that casket, I was like, I didn't want to feel the
way I was feeling. And that's when I started going
(14:36):
really hard, you know, by the time.
Are you just drinking here? You boozing and.
Drinking on the weekends, smoking weed every day by and I
already tried hallucinogens. That was my first love of my
life was hallucinogens and this was pre 14 years.
Old acid. Acid and and and that's when I
(15:01):
when I look back and say I was 11-12 years old tripping on acid
I'm and it blows me away like. Yeah, that's.
Why? Why?
Like I know why my mom was working so often that she
wouldn't. She was trying to get me the
help that I needed through my grandpa and my grandma because
they took on the. They got sober.
(15:22):
You're right. They got sober and they, you
know, took on the role of what is Jamie and Jeremy doing?
You know what I mean? So my grandpa stepped in, tried
to do best he could, got me a job.
May had me sign up for a bowlingbowling league on Mondays too.
It's. Got to be dangerous at that age,
taking something like LSD for your brain, like it's got to,
(15:44):
it's got to really hinder your ability to learn and grow up.
Grow up. Yeah.
And I and I stuck that way for along time.
But I, you know, there was nine of us that hung heavy, you know?
And I tell you, we always, always made a pat that we
(16:06):
weren't going to do coke or we weren't going to do heroin.
We're never going to smoke crack.
And after my, my, my uncle took his own life, like, I was just
like, bring it. I don't care anymore, you know,
like he was my role model. He was the only uncle that I
(16:27):
wanted to be alike. And it was, you know, balls to
the wall from there, you know, immediately started getting in
trouble. Caught my first felony when I
was 14. Two.
Wow, what was that for? Attempted aggravated arson.
(16:48):
Attempted aggravated arson. What does that mean?
So I sprayed lighter fluid. Since I was a Boy Scout, I
thought I was smart. I knew bricks couldn't catch on
fire so I was tripping on acid with my buddies and I stole some
lighter fluid off of back porch when we were walking through the
neighborhood. I decided to spread big old
(17:13):
peace sign on on the bricks and set it on fire.
And we all watched it, watched it burn out whatever, catching
trails, tripping balls. But listen, I'm the I'm the
paper boy in this neighborhood, so somebody's seen me.
They know you. They know me.
(17:33):
I was the only one that get identified and they they said if
those bricks were to catch on fire, there was an elderly lady
that was living in the building that wouldn't have been able to
get out. So Gahanna Police Department was
stroking me really. So they came to my home on a
(17:58):
Saturday, said that they were going to write everything up and
I would be booked on Sunday and they'd hear something back by if
I didn't hear something back, they were trying to gather all
the information they needed to gather so they could indict me
or whatever. So Sunday they didn't come and I
(18:21):
thought I was Scott free and my mom grounded me to the to the
end of end of. Time, you know.
And she was like, Jeremy, I can't believe you're doing this.
You're so much better than that.You're you need to get a new set
of friends. This, that and the other, my
mom, she, she was very stern when she was there, you know, a
(18:44):
very loving mom, but she worked all the time, you know.
So Monday I go to school, I go to lunch and here comes my vice
principal and says that while while I'm in lunch, my vice
(19:04):
principal comes get, comes to get me.
And then two Gahanna police officers were right behind him.
Did you suspect that? I did at 1st and it was, you
know, I knew something was up when I seen my vice principal,
but I didn't know that they weregoing to arrest me in front of
(19:25):
all of my peers. It was at lunch.
That's what they cuffed you in front of they.
Cuffed me in front of all of my peers.
Wow. And.
Were you in middle school Still middle school, Gannon.
Middle school, South man, and itwas a brand new school and I was
the first one to get arrested inthat school and I thought my
life was over. Yeah, I bet you.
(19:47):
Did they scared the crap out of me?
I thought I was going to Tico. I thought I was going away for a
long time. It's.
Done. You know what I mean because
we're talking big time felonies attempted aggravated the
aggravated part. The aggravated part was was, you
know, was hold holding me down, you know, and Needless to say,
(20:10):
like. Through all the the court dates,
my mom didn't hire a lawyer eventhough she could have.
I had a public defender because we couldn't, she could really
couldn't afford 1. You know, I thought she could,
but she was like, no, you're going to face the music on this
(20:31):
one. So.
Not a bad strategy. No, not at all.
You know, it did. It did scare me and I got 5 so
everybody had to white write a character witness thing about me
and it was talking about teachers, my Boy Scout.
(20:56):
Oh, really? OK.
Troop guy, my manager at the dispatch.
Not the people that were with you.
Really. No, no, no, I didn't.
I didn't. You didn't bring them up, no.
I didn't, I didn't drop dime man.
I you know what I mean? Like I it just wasn't in me.
Well, I mean, it doesn't do anything for you.
Right. It doesn't because I'm the one
(21:17):
who did it. You know what I mean?
I wasn't going to bring anybody down with me, so I everybody
wrote a character, character thing for me and most of them
said Jeremy's a good kid. Just as long as he didn't do
drugs or hang out with the guys that he was hanging out with,
you know? So they all knew.
(21:39):
They all knew. They all knew that I was on
drugs, you know, and I thought for sure I was going to go to
Mary Haven Adolescent, you know,and.
It's remarkable to me that all those parents and teachers and
Cub Scout leaders all knew she had a drug problem and there was
(22:01):
no intervention of any kind. And no intervention and I didn't
see my first treatment center until I was 27 years old and I
was full blown, you know, so my freshman year at Ghana Lincoln,
I, I get caught with 1/2 ounce of weed rather and.
(22:28):
Please don't tell me you had it in school.
In the school with. You do this.
With the I had it in a jar so you couldn't smell it.
Yeah, right. You know, with Baggies, with a
pipe. Why leaving the car I.
Know man, but this I had 420 on my book bag.
I thought I was a cool guy. I thought I was a cool guy.
(22:49):
You're 1. Of those.
You know, you know, and then when I when I walked in, Misses
pal Gouda smelled it and she said you're coming with me.
I try to, you know, you know, scurry away from her wasn't
happening. They had already called the
security guards. We we go into the principal's
(23:10):
office rather than expelling allright, rather than pressing
criminal charges on me because I'm going through this court
court case for the attempted aggravated arson.
They say you're politely expelled.
My mom was already looking for aplace outside of Columbus,
outside of Gahanna. Saves you charge, right?
(23:32):
So Needless to say that everything got hurried up and I
got five years probation. I couldn't violate again.
And when and then they said thatit would drop off whatever when
I was 18. But the judge ordered me to go
(23:55):
to fire safety training. And you know, I was like, OK,
what's fire safety training? So I had to go downtown to
Engine house #1 and meet the chief.
He took me into his office. And for three hours straight, I
watched videos of babies being burned up, of whole houses being
(24:20):
burnt down that had families in them.
Video after video to scare me straight, to not play with fire.
But see, I was a Boy Scout, you know?
And I think that's the only thing that saved me was my
grandpa intervening and getting me a job, getting me, you know,
(24:44):
a bowling league to be a part ofwhere I just hung out with my
friends to smoke weed, you know what I mean?
And then having the Boy Scouts on my side, you know, I was a
chameleon. And everything that I did, I
transformed in who I needed to transform into so I could get
what I wanted to get. And this whole time I'm stealing
(25:06):
weed, blaming it on my sister, you know?
And you're giving it to her. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
God damn. And so I, you know, we moved out
to Croton, OH. Where's that at?
Out past Johnstown, between Johnstown and Sunbury.
(25:27):
But I took me with me, you know,I just start hanging out with
all the kids that did what I did.
You know what I mean? Yeah, I got my my first job in
New Albany. I Eagles Pizza, great pizza and
(25:49):
got me a little vehicle. My mom was like, you're going to
have to start having some responsibility around here.
I got the room that I wanted in the new house.
It was in the basement which wascool.
I want to back up. My mom ended up getting a
divorce from my stepdad about 8 years into it.
(26:11):
He couldn't handle it no more. They would always fight, they'd
always have what? About you.
Yeah, so me and my stepdad had aweird relationship.
I was Bud. He'd always call me Bud.
And this is, this is one story that I that I'm not proud of,
but I, I'm, I'm going to tell itto you anyways.
This was like the breaking point.
(26:33):
Like my stepdad, my stepmom weren't talking.
He would have 1/4 quarter pound in his underwear drawer and a
quarter pound in his glove box. So, and when I got up to deliver
papers, he would be gone. My mom would get ready for work.
So I'd sneak in there and get the weed that I needed for the
(26:55):
day or when he was home sleeping, I'd get in his glove
box and get, you know what I mean?
So I decided it would be a good idea to leave the back door
unlocked and have one of my buddies come in and steal all
the weed. That was a bad idea.
Did you go through with it? Yeah, I went through with it.
(27:18):
My mom, my mom got beat for that.
Why is he taking it out on the women?
Why is? He was, he was, he was 65.
You know what I mean? Like big, big, big dude, you
know, scary. My, my dad by this time is in,
(27:40):
you know, coming into our lives.My dad ended up, I'll get into
that. My dad ended up getting sober
too. 12 step program Thank God, but after he had gotten in
trouble, he decided to steal a prescription pad when he was He
(28:01):
lived in southern Ohio southern Ohio in a little town called
woodsfield and got him a script pad and wrote about.
It was. 7075 times he got a 75 felony force for writing his
sheets and they sentenced him toa 12 step program and some
probation and he was in a littletown.
(28:23):
So they didn't they didn't. He just said hey listen, he fell
off of the scaffolding in 89. So he was addicted to pain pills
and really, really bad. Scaffolding.
Yeah, 25 foot of scaffolding. Jeez.
You know, so legitimately he wasin pain.
I'm sure the judge considered that, but he would.
(28:46):
I'm just like my dad. When I put one anything in me,
that phenomenon and craving takes over.
You know, it's it's not enough. And then and then when I do get
in trouble and I do get sober and want to do right, that
little thing pops up into my head like I need to get high.
(29:10):
I have no defense against that first one.
You know, I truly so listen, I Iwas in Croton, I took me with
me. I started causing trouble.
My mom gets remarried to anotherguy that's. #3 right?
(29:32):
Yeah, this is number 3 for her. He he is drinks a lot.
I don't want to call him what right.
You know what I mean. I'll let not for you.
To decide. Not for me to decide at all.
Loved, loved him to death man. Because he, he, he made it.
(29:52):
He made it fun for a while and, and, but you know, the, the
drinking and stuff took over andhe didn't like the way that I
was treating my mom, my sister, my siblings, you know what I
mean? Because he brought 3 kids with
him and they were all from Gahanna, you know, and we
already knew, like me and my sister already knew of them.
(30:15):
We just really haven't hung out,but now we're all hanging out
and we're all having we're all having a good time.
You know, my my siblings were were awesome.
And some of the funnest times that I had were with my step
siblings, you know, in Gahanna. And it's yeah, it was it was the
(30:41):
drugs and alcohol for it was so immensely accepted, you know,
that I didn't think I had a problem as long as and I see my
mom work hard and play hard. And I thought that as long as I
kept a job and paid my bills anddid what I had to do, even
(31:04):
though I was going to be absent from my children, that I didn't
have a problem. You graduated high school.
No. Oh, expelled, never went back.
No, I went back to Northridge orwhatever and then I moved out to
Woodsfield for a year to be withmy dad so he could scare me
straight for about a year. And then I came back to
(31:26):
Northridge. I, I went to high school for
five years and still didn't graduate.
I had, I hadn't got a half a credit credit of 9th grade
English and I guess they called my name at graduation, but I
wasn't there. You know, I was too busy doing
what Jeremy needed to do. You know, at this time I'm
(31:50):
everything goes. The only thing I hadn't done was
stick a needle in my arm. I've done everything else.
So before 18 you've tried everything but sticking.
A needle in my own. Heroin.
Crack cocaine. Yeah.
Math. Yeah.
Jesus. Yeah, it was and.
That was accepted. Oh yeah, well, I kept the harder
(32:15):
drugs hidden for for a while because I didn't want to be
judged by them. But after 18, I like 19, it was
balls to the hall. You know, I, when I, when I went
to Woodsfield with my my dad my junior year of high school, I
was vice president of my junior class, wasn't drinking, wasn't
(32:37):
smoking. My dad was 64, almost 400 lbs
and he had hands as big as my head.
And I seen what those hands can do.
So when he said he didn't want me to do something, I didn't do
it. You know, when I live down
there, I tell you, I had to ask to go to the bathroom.
I had to ask to take a shower. I had to ask to be excused from
(32:59):
a room. I had to ask to get something to
eat. I could only have one five
minute phone call with one person a day.
Damn. This is my junior year in high
school bro. And I'm like, that's.
Fucking jail. Exactly.
And I and and he taught me a trade when I was down there and
(33:19):
I'll be forever grateful for that.
He was a master Carpenter and hebuilt log homes.
There's probably some value in in those lessons.
Oh yeah, absolutely. And he knew I was a loose cannon
at that point in time. And I stayed straight for a
year. I went to go see my mom and for
(33:41):
Christmas. And I remember the the
conversation my mom has me. She said you're doing great.
You're vice president of your junior class.
You're I, I was third in the state of Ohio for the 21
overhead bead. You know, I was a welder, you
know what I mean? So I won an award down there and
(34:06):
I was doing really good. Got me a little truck.
A lot of money welding. Oh, yeah.
And that was a profession my dadpicked out for me, you know, and
while he was teaching me how to do other things.
But my mom was like, Jeremy, if you keep on doing what you're
doing down at your dad's, you can graduate with your friends
(34:29):
and move back up here. I love my mom to death.
I missed her. But what I really missed was the
drugs and alcohol. So I manipulated my way back to
my mom's house and broke my dad's heart.
(34:49):
How did that conversation go with your dad?
You're of age, you can do what you want to do, but I'm telling
you, you're making the worst decision in your life right now.
Is he right? He was right.
He was right. Yep, our parents normally are
normally. Dude it was I, I remember seeing
(35:11):
my dad cry for that too, you know, crying crying mad though
like I there was MF for coming out of his mouth and everything
like you ungrateful son of a youknow what I mean?
Like it was, it was bad. So I, I tell you this guys now
(35:34):
I, I, I lost my dad. I think it was December 19th,
2013 to this disease, you know. Roadie.
No he he had been on pain pills for like 40 years.
(35:56):
God damn. And his last prescription was
240 perc 30s a month. He was prescribed 8A day.
And talking about over prescribing.
That's an incredible amount of pills.
Exactly, and his liver and his kidneys started to shut down
(36:20):
because he hadn't had his pills for a couple days.
He overshot the mark, didn't feel well, went to the hospital
when they started doing dialysis.
He had a major heart attack on the table and died.
Damn Jesus. I used that springboard once to
(36:43):
get sober. Really.
Because I didn't want to end up like my dad.
So you didn't turn straight and go hard in the paint.
You used it and said I'm not, I don't want to be.
Because the first death in my life, the big death I went, went
hard in the paint. This time I was like, Hey,
listen, I need I'm going to, I don't want to end up like that,
(37:06):
you know, so, and that's a common theme.
I don't, I don't take loss very well.
Like I can lose a car, lose my license and lose this and that
and the other and like and be OKwith it.
It's the things that I really lose from this disease because I
(37:30):
give those things up freely for this disease.
It's what I really lose is like my uncle.
Losing a parent or yeah, it's terrible.
And I would got sober and got sober for four years and, and,
and some change. And then my mom passed away in
(37:50):
2019 and Hospice got involved. She drank herself to death.
Hospice got involved. My mom wanted to come live with
me because I was sober. And that was an awesome honor.
Hospice said that she if she wasa fighter, that she was going to
(38:11):
last two weeks, two months, two years.
And my mom was a fighter. The first day that Hospice got
involved, the very next day she was unresponsive and I couldn't
talk to my mom anymore. That quick.
That quick they had to put a drain in her side to drain all
(38:32):
the fluids that were It was the next cirrhosis of the liver is
the nastiest death that I've seen and I seen it first hand
with my mom and I. It broke my heart and it was
that I had to throw her morphinepills and her antipsychotics out
(38:54):
and when I threw them in the toilet I scooped a couple out
because my brain said. Change your mind.
It's time to get high, Jeremy. And at that point in time, I
stopped doing the things that worked.
You know, I stopped going into detox to talking to guys.
(39:17):
I stopped answering my phone forthe guys that I was helping.
I stopped going to going to meetings.
All the classic. Shit, all the things that they
said that I needed to do in the 1st place to stay sober when my
mom got sick, I stopped doing. You know, I enabled my mom to
drink her last beer because that's all she wanted was one
(39:39):
last beer and I had to hide it from my wife at the time where
she would have got mad I gave mymom her last beer.
Would you brand the hospital? No, she was at my house.
Prior to. OK, when when Hospice got
involved and she wanted to die at my house.
OK, OK. I was like, mom, you want a
popsicle because she couldn't have a lot of fluids.
(40:03):
She said, Jeremy, you know what I want?
And I said mom, I can't. And she said, so I want Jeremy.
And I'm like damn. This is disease is coming,
baffing and powerful. I mean, that's, yeah, that's
deep to be on your deathbed. And that, that's what I want.
I want a beer. One last beer.
(40:25):
So I've carried that on my chestfor a long time because I
thought that I was the one to make her not coherent the next
day, to make me not be able to communicate with my mom any
longer. You know, it, it broke it, it
broke me down. You know, I so I took a couple
(40:50):
morphine pills and then I started hiding my use from my
family and my friends and my, and my place of employment.
How? Did that go?
Yeah, not very well. I when I start, I can't stop and
I can't stop from starting. So there would be intervals
where I wouldn't do anything fora week or two and then I would
(41:13):
be like, Oh well let me do some kratom or let me over eat my
gabapentin. Or better yet, let me buy 300
Suboxones off the street so I can save all my friends that are
coming into detox. What?
Yeah, dude, it was unreal. Unreal.
(41:35):
I tell you what, I I bounced on my bottom for years.
And the first bottom I have, I'll tell you about it.
And this was back before my mom and mom or dad passed away.
I was smoking crack of a 916 socket burning my lips.
(41:55):
I was drinking a beer with a cigarette butt in it.
I was in Woodcliff apartments, just went on a 5 day Bender and
I thought it was a high bottom. This was the lowest bottom I'd
ever been to. I had nowhere to go.
I was in a trap with bed bugs and I thought everything was
(42:17):
cool. I had a shirt with a collar on
it. I had fresh J's on my feet and I
thought I was the man. The J's since the J's get me.
You know what I mean? Like, I thought I had it going
on, You know, at that point in time, I knew I needed to change.
(42:38):
This was all the way back in 2008.
And then I went to the pay phone.
I'm a mama's boy. I called my mom and I said,
mommy, mommy, what do I do? She said, you need to call your
grandma. My grandma doesn't talk to me.
I'm in active addiction. Sure.
So I decided to call my grandma.And she said, Jeremy, 12 steps
(43:00):
saved my life. It could save your life too.
She said get your family back. She gave me a number to call.
I didn't call it. I called 911.
I said I was going to kill myself. 7 Whitehall cops pulled
up and where? You where you really going to or
(43:20):
was it? No, it was, it was an attention
thing, but I really didn't have anywhere to go and I had no more
money and I knew I was going to have DTS really, really fast.
So you had to get. I had to get somewhere and I had
to get somewhere fast. I knew I was wanted because I'm
a traveler. I go to every surrounding
counties and in Franklin County and I do dirt everywhere.
(43:44):
So 7 cops show up. I say my name is Jeremy Gardner
rather than Garber. I don't know my Social Security
number. And they were like, listen, if
you're not going to kill yourself, we'll take you some to
Net care access. Net Care brought me in.
They deemed me non suicidal justas long as I had somewhere to
(44:06):
go. So they take me, the Friends of
the Homeless in 2008. And then in 2008, they were
remodeling the third floors. Was Friends of the homeless.
It's a homeless shelter. Homeless shelter.
Yeah, they, it's on Carpenter and Main right there in the hood
and they were remodeling the third floor, so they stuck 160
(44:30):
guys on the second floor. God.
And I was going through it and Ihad no money.
My mom wasn't going to answer the phone because I didn't call
the number that grandma gave me.What are homeless shelters like?
Like what do they offer you resource like?
I have an advocate that they assign you to, but they go for,
(44:52):
do you have insurance? Do you have food stamps?
Get you resources like that. And then they sign you up for
housing. But it depends on how long
you've been homeless, you know? And at this point in time, I'd
only been homeless for about 3 weeks or a month because that's
how long I stayed in that trap. And my advocate was pretty cool.
(45:16):
But I'm a semi middle class suburban kid from Gahanna in a
in a homeless shelter. He was like, man, can't you call
your parents? No.
No, no, this is my, this is my last, my last chance.
So when I got there, I didn't have they were taking shots of
(45:42):
orange scented rubbing alcohol. So what did I do to Get Me Out
of me? Took shots of orange scented
rubbing alcohol. Absolutely.
Oh my God. Talk about some burn, some rock
gut. You can feel your insides turn
inside out. Yeah, it's disgusting.
(46:04):
It was, it was the worst experience I've ever had with
ever because I drink moonshine and Everclear and stuff like
that, but never rubbing alcohol.Oh, yeah, yeah, it got me.
It got me OK. It got me OK.
But I tell you, I had indigestion so bad that
(46:26):
literally it felt like the burn.It was felt like the burn was
coming, coming back up though each time, like my body needed
to get it out and it was either going to come up this way or
over the other way and it's going to burn regardless.
So what am I? It's going to kill your buzz.
Oh, exactly. And it was.
(46:47):
And listen, I, I did that for about two days straight and my
somebody came in to the Friends of the Homeless looking for me.
And my advocate comes over to meand says, hey, do you know that
guy standing over there? And I said no.
And he was like, we'll stay overhere.
(47:08):
Well, the guy left his name and his number.
I, I look at it and I said, I don't know this mic guy.
And I called my mom and I'm like, listen, this some burly
dude just showed up to friends, the homeless looking for me.
And I think it's my past coming to get me.
Please send me some money or getme a hotel because I need to get
out of here. They know where I'm at, you
(47:30):
know, because at this point in time I have done dirt, you know
what I mean? I So I went to MM, came back and
picked me up the next day from the homeless shelter and took me
to my first meeting and. Same guy from the day before.
Yeah, same guy from the day before that came and left his
(47:52):
name and his number, OK. And my mom had called around and
got got his number somehow and he was in he was an active
member, you know what I mean, doing 12 step calls.
So he came to the, you know, he went out of his way to come to a
homeless shelter to look for a man that he didn't know.
You know what I mean? Super grateful for this guy.
(48:13):
I came back, took me to my firstmeeting and I only remember, I
only remember the guys and girlsthat are being so welcome
because I knew about, you know, recovery meetings and stuff.
So, but I hadn't really put the dots together, you know, and
(48:36):
that he finally put the dots together for me.
And he was like, listen, this iswhat I do.
I'm here to help. You need to get into this
program. You'll have a interview on
Thursday. So when you go back to the
homeless shelter, I want you to go to this meeting on on Brydon
(48:57):
Ave. and then call me when you get back to the shelter and then
I'll come and pick you up for your interview.
And I said, all right, cool. So we finished the meeting.
It was a smoking meeting. Then they had ashtrays.
It was crazy, you know what I mean?
It. Was yeah, I know for real.
It was club soda. Club soda.
(49:17):
Meeting, Oh, right above, literally right over here.
Yeah. It's when they were Smoking,
Man, and everybody was welcoming.
I don't remember anything that was said, but I knew, like, I
knew that that place and then people were going to be a part
of my life, you know, I needed to change so bad, man.
(49:40):
Like I was 180 lbs six foot talldude like that, hey.
Listen man, I was a when I got checked into jail when I was at
my worst I was $1.40. I'm 6 foot 4.
Oh my God, dude, I was skeleton walking, man.
That's exactly what I was. And I and I've always been a big
(50:02):
bigger guy. So I, I go back to the go back
to the shelter, he buys me a pack of Bugler's, you know what
I mean? Like that would Bugler's were
the thing in the shelter. Then you roll your own whatever.
I bummed them all out the first half hour I was there, you know
what I mean? Definitely a giver.
(50:26):
I and then I go to, I go to thatmeeting the next day and on my
way back, cop pulls up in a Paddy wagon.
I white boy in the hood. I got to call a shirt and a
shirt and a collar. What are you doing down here?
You got here copping dope. And I'm like, no, man, I live at
(50:48):
the spot because that's what we we call it when, when you're at
the homeless shelter is the spot.
We don't call it a homeless shelter.
The shelter. We call it the spot.
I live at the spot. So I told him I live at the spot
and I'm walking back from a meeting.
What's your name? Jeremy Gardner.
And he was like, what's your social Social Security number?
(51:11):
I switched the 2 numbers. At the end he comes back as a 45
year old black man. He said quit lying to me or
you're going to get falsification.
And I said gig was up man. I, I gave him my, my Social
Security number. He told me that I wasn't slick,
(51:32):
that he, he, he runs into guys like me all the time.
And then he comes back and he says, put your hands behind your
back, Mr. Garber, you're under arrest.
He said you're, you're what you're wanted.
And I'm like me. I was wanted in four different
counties and, and in Franklin. So I do the county shuffle.
(51:58):
Yeah, You know, I, I do all the counties and then I, my last
county was Delaware County. Word, word, Franklin fall in the
mix. The first.
It was the first. It was the first what?
Was the What were your thoughts of the workhouse back in those
days? It was horrible and I never
wanted to go back. It was.
The what year? What year did you go?
Oh man, it was when I when I wasso I was 27 so and I'm 44 so
(52:26):
that was and I was going for what was it?
Because there were no cameras back then.
Oh no, I was there when they installed the cameras.
No, it was. 13 I think the. Way the way that they conducted
themselves the CE OS in there were if we who was pounding
(52:49):
harder on the door because they were fucking kicking their ass.
You know what I mean? Like that was crazy yeah, you
know, and then they walk in 10 deep who's who what's what oh,
this guy's got a black eye this one, you know what I mean?
And then they they would take them and then bring them, bring
(53:09):
them straight back. I've heard stories of them like
watching through the window until.
They cheer them on. Fights over and just like and
then they come in and like, OK. Take the aggressors out and then
bring them right back, you know,so they can fight again.
It's wild dude. Yeah, they got Friday Night
Fights in there now. Yeah.
You know, like the two new guys.Oh yeah, 2 new guys got to got
(53:33):
to fight. If not, you know, it's you're
getting your ass kicked. Bad news, man, Bad news Bears.
God damn. I, you know, I hate that place
is. It safe to say that that's the
worst county jail. You've Oh, absolutely.
Without questions. Without questions, hands down.
Not even close. Not even close, man.
You know, and I and I've been into look Athens, Athens County,
(53:56):
Monroe County. But Athens is probably totally
chill. Oh yeah, absolutely.
And you don't have to worry about nothing.
They got big dormitory that smoking wet was when I went back
there, they had smoking rooms with ATV and everything was
chill. You could buy a carton of GPCS
off the off commissary. You know what I mean?
(54:17):
Like cigarettes were a big thing.
So it was, it was cool workhouseby far, hands down the worst,
worst county jail I've ever beento.
You know, and I and I vowed never to go back to that place.
This and I, and I, this is my last recovery.
That's the only last I I don't know if I have another recovery
(54:39):
in me, you know what I mean? Like the I cannot go back there.
I'm, I'm facing three years in prison.
You know what I mean? Like I don't want, you know, no
more trouble for Jeremy. I'm not going back to that
workhouse and I'm not and I'm not going to prison.
You know what I mean? That's what I that's why I do
(55:01):
what I do today. So I stay in line with my higher
power. Dude for real, you know trust
God, clean house, help others sowhen in that order.
When you you relapsed, correct? Yeah.
How much time did you have when you relapsed?
Four years and seven months. Four years and seven months.
(55:23):
And most people would think thatat that amount of time you're
not going back out, right. You know what I mean?
Yeah, that's, that's it's good time, right?
Good time. Yeah, absolutely.
And that's, you know, to the newcomers.
Anybody new that's watching likethat's the danger of the
disease? Oh, absolutely.
You can be sober for five years and it can still get you.
(55:46):
Yeah, can pick you off, Yeah, ifyou if you don't, if you're not
guarded. If you're not, yes.
You know what I mean? Like it tells me to relax and
take it easy, but I still have to do the things I do every day
because when I wake up in the morning, I still have untreated
alcoholism, you know what I mean?
Like I have to have that morningquiet time to get out of the way
(56:08):
and say, hey, please help me, Please help me just for today
because I am sick, you know? And then it depends on what I do
throughout the day. Like I can't do scumbag shit and
stay sober. No.
You know what I mean? Like I have to be a grown up,
face my responsibilities head on.
(56:29):
Stop being so fearful and face the fear itself.
I, when I got sober, dude, I ripped up like my first five
years was just like a straight line up, like all good, all
good. And then I plateaued right and
things got kind of boring and I started doing scumbag shit.
(56:51):
And like I remember being completely off kilter.
My recovery was like, I can tellwhat was happening, right?
I was fucking around with girls.Oh yeah.
And like, and it was, I could tell it was fucking my recovery
up completely, right. And it did.
You know what I mean? I was dry.
And thank Christ I got through that.
(57:12):
Right. Absolutely.
Because I could be. I could have gone back out too.
Yeah, absolutely. What I, what I was doing was
like, like I said, after my mom had passed away, My, my, my
relapse happened before I pickedup.
But it happens way before, you know, And it was three months
prior when my mom first came outthat she was dying of cirrhosis
(57:35):
of the liver because she kept that to herself for a long time.
She didn't let the family know, listen, I'm dying.
But she tell everybody that she would be gone by the time she
was 60. She was 60 when it happened, you
know what I mean? So she kept a secret from the
family that she was dying of cirrhosis and she kept drinking
regardless because that was her thing to do.
(57:57):
So when, when my mom had passed away, like 3 months prior to
that, I, I, I thought I was going to be the glue to hold my
family together because that's what my mom was, was the glue
that kept my family together. And I was just like, yeah, you
know, everything's always at my mom's house.
I'm now everything's going to have to be at my house.
(58:17):
So let me double down on work. Let me stop doing meetings as
much. Let's stop answering the phone,
right. Yeah, I, you know, I become the
most important person in my life.
That self obsession deal. Like, out out of 8 billion
people on this planet, I'm only obsessed with one person.
Yeah, and that's me. Most people are.
(58:39):
You know what I mean? Like that selfish and self
centeredness piece, dude, It's like to the core I was, yeah.
And I can only think of me. And it's like I need to get out
of myself and think of how I could be useful to other people
around me, you know what I mean?Like that's the key of my life,
is to help other people, you know?
I have to and that says it, man.Like I, I'm a 12 step recovery
(59:04):
dude and it says it in my literature like I have to, you
know, I'll have this, this following that's around me and I
see the light and the miracles go on, you know, light bulbs
that come in on in people's eyes, you know what I mean?
Like, wow, they actually get it.You know what I mean?
From the time they come in broken and becoming like a man
(59:28):
brim brimming over, you know what I mean?
Like that's, that's what that's what I want today, you know what
I mean? Like those cliches like ate me
alive when I first got into the program and I've been listening
to it for years. You know, I've been in or around
recovery for the last 17 years. Yeah, you're family.
(59:50):
You know what I mean? And it's like, and I, and I say
in or around because when I was around, I was doing this scumbag
stuff in and out of the rooms, messing around with girls,
thinking I can, you know, do what I wanted to outside, sell
some pills or sell some Subs or sell whatever, you know what I
(01:00:13):
mean? Like, and I, I can't do that and
stay sober. I know that today, you know, but
reality smacked me in the face, you know what I mean?
And it smacked me hard enough for me to realize.
What was it like to like, scrapeyourself up and have to admit?
(01:00:33):
All of that, all of that dirt. Like just to just to admit like
I relapsed. Like I had five years, I
relapsed. And Oh well, it was, it was hard
because I was trying to hide my use from everybody, you know
what I mean? So at when I got honest with my
sponsor, he was like, Jeremy, I knew and I'm like, mother
(01:00:56):
fucker, no, you didn't. Why didn't you say something
then, right? He said, I knew.
I just was waiting for you to get honest, you know, and I'm
just like, dude, like I need accountability.
It's a big part of my recovery. Sure, you know what I mean?
I need somebody to get say Jeremy, I know.
(01:01:17):
What are you going to do about it?
You know what I mean? Go back to detox, go into rehab
center, get your get that separation from the drugs and
alcohol and get busy in these steps.
You know what I mean? And that's what I got this time,
you know what I mean? Like this is that's that's what
I need and that's and that's what I got.
So you and had to pray about it though.
(01:01:39):
You believe that the path? How long do you have now?
About 4 1/2 months. So do you truly believe now that
the path you're on is different?Yes.
Like you can feel it. Yeah.
Oh yeah, for sure, absolutely. I'm happier now that I've been
in my whole entire 17 years of being in or around recovery
because I know I ain't got that one left.
(01:02:01):
There's no bull and there you'renot doing any bullshit, no, So
there's nothing to worry about. Nothing.
Nothing at all. You know what I mean?
Like I'm like, I've done the steps before and lived them and
applied them into my life, OK. And now that I'm doing I, I'm
not redoing the steps, but I am started.
(01:02:22):
I'm starting where it takes action.
And that's in the fourth step. OK, Being brutally honest with
myself, seeing it in black and white and swallowing and
digesting big chunks of truth about myself.
You know what I mean? Like before, I would always
swallow the truth of myself. I never digested it.
(01:02:42):
OK? Without digesting your food,
it's always going to come back up.
Sure, You know what I mean? So I was swallowing it and I
wasn't digesting it. Now I'm in, I'm in real time,
real reality. I digested my food and the big
chunks of truth about myself andI tell you what, man, it's like
(01:03:03):
I'm, I'm actually happy with where I'm at, you know?
Did you get through the all 12 the first time?
Oh, yeah. Did you?
Yeah, yeah. And then and then actively.
Straight away. Oh yeah, absolutely.
I stopped doing the morning quiet time.
I do my prayers in my car and not taking a conscious, not
(01:03:23):
having a conscious contact everyday.
I. Used to do that.
Too, You know what I mean? Like I just do the prayers in
the car and be rushed. Yeah.
Yeah, The way it work, right. Thank you that.
Is exactly when I was dry what Iwould do right?
Exactly what I would do. Yeah.
And it's it's so I have that morning quiet time and then I do
that nightly review. But what I do throughout the
(01:03:44):
day, it says when I'm when I'm doubtful or irritated or
doubtful, then I ask God to remove that stuff.
It's a work in an active, an active tense step.
You know what I mean? Like that's that's what's really
say saved me this time is actively being active in my life
(01:04:05):
with being how selfish and dishonest I am throughout the
day because it's OK to be it's it's OK not to be OK.
And I would lie all of the time.Jeremy, it seems like there's
something wrong. What's wrong?
I'm OK. I'm.
Fine, I'm good. I'm good.
(01:04:28):
Well, that that first of all, ifI'm not OK, I need to tell
somebody about it. You know what I mean?
And if somebody gets on my nerves or if, if, if I'm
irritated, I need to tell on that stuff because it builds up
on inside of me and I feel it. Turns a newer resentment.
You know what I mean? And resentments keep me sick,
(01:04:49):
you know what I mean? Like that's our number one
offender and it kills more of usthan anything else.
Come on dude. Like.
Resentments can be filthy. Two hours ago my boss fucking
hated him. Like fucking hated him, right?
And every single day I would just obsess.
(01:05:11):
Over. About how I hated him, right?
Like like half my day right was spent.
Oh, I hate that motherfucker. Just nitpicking what you what
you hated about. God, what a waste of time,
right? But that's how we are.
Yeah. It's how we are.
It's how we can be. Right.
And and it keeps us sick. Really.
(01:05:31):
Yeah. So if I have a resentment, if I
don't tell somebody why I have the resentment and then ask God
to remove it and then make amends if I've harmed anybody,
you know what I mean? Like, and then resolutely turn
my thoughts to somebody that I can help that's actively working
A10 step, you know what I mean? And if I apply that in my daily
(01:05:53):
life, I'm not perfect by any means.
And there's sometimes I hold on to that dishonest piece because
I'm a habitual liar for no reason, because Jeremy's not OK
sometimes, you know? And the the biggest lie that I
tell myself is that it's OK, I'll get over it.
(01:06:15):
When it's progress, not perfection, Always right, always
and forever, we're never going to be perfect.
No, not at all, man. So you got to take it easy on
yourself a little bit, but. And it says in, in in my book
where it says relax and take it easy.
I have real big stop fighting because I've been fighting too
long, man. You know what I mean?
(01:06:36):
I'm sure you're fucking sick andtired of the back and forth.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. To tell you the truth and to
break it all down, I've been arrested 18 times, OK?
God damn, did you go to the joint?
No, never. It's the first time I'm facing
(01:06:56):
facing the joint now. I've gotten lucky.
I've gotten lucky. You are now though.
I'm I'm facing time and I and I and listen, I'm, I'm not made
for a joint. You know what I mean?
Fuck that. I'm.
With you there. Right, so 18 times.
I have four children with four different women.
I always thought a relationship would work to help cure my
(01:07:18):
alcoholism and my drug addiction, and when that didn't
work, when Jeremy wasn't OK, then I thought a baby would
help. Yeah, new car.
New. Car, everything you know.
You watch. I got whatever and I got I got
4. DU is one of my best friend's
name. You know, like I have.
(01:07:40):
Wait, you got a DUI and got it off and.
Somebody got it off in somebody else's name.
Can you tell that story? Real quick.
And then I got to. Then I got to peace out.
You're good. So it it would have been my 5th
DUI but I got 4 myself. I've been felony right.
Yes I missed out. My last DUI was in 2007.
(01:08:02):
They started cracking down 2000.85 sends you to prison.
Right five sends you to prison. I'm going down Morse Rd. and
it's S Curves by Lynn's Fruit Farm.
OK. I'm coming back from coaches in
Gahanna, tequila drunk, can't hardly stay on the road.
But I need to get to this party because there's cocaine there
(01:08:23):
and I knew it was going to soberme up.
So I'm going as fast as I can and I go 80 around these S
turns. OK.
I hit 2 trees, flipped 3 times, get ejected out of the passenger
side window. I could have died.
I was so drunk. The only thing I could say was
(01:08:45):
where's Ryan? Because I had dropped my buddy
Ryan off before this happened. The paramedic said.
The only thing I could say was where's Ryan?
Where's Ryan? Where's Ryan?
And I had passenger side injuries, so they thought Ryan
was driving. Oh.
(01:09:05):
Ryan bailed. Ryan no Ryan I dropped Ryan all.
I'm saying they thought Ryan Bale.
Exactly. So when I'm in the hospital with
a cervical sprain and just scratches on my knees, that's
all of the injuries that I had. So State Highway patrolman comes
(01:09:28):
in, first thing out of his mouthis where's Ryan?
You're like I was asking the same thing.
And you know, and I was like, and he was like, is it Ryan?
Because I had two Ryan friends. Somebody already dropped dime.
They said, listen, it's either one of the two.
Which one? Which one was it?
(01:09:51):
And I was just like, I, you know, I I couldn't tell you.
You want to go to prison? No, I don't want to go to
prison, you know. 'Cause it for real.
It's. For real going, For real going.
Yeah, you know, and listen, theyso one was in Ryan's name.
(01:10:13):
He took it. He took.
It like AG. Like AG.
Damn. And that, that's the men's that
I did make. God damn.
God rest his soul. Though he had passed away from a
heroin overdose in Florida about7 years ago, he.
Didn't make it. He didn't make it.
Wow, glad you shared that. Yeah, 'cause there's a lot
there. It's cunning, baffling, and
(01:10:34):
powerful. Dude.
You're willing to do whatever just to get over this, this hump
that you're in in front of, you know what I mean?
If I could say anything to anybody is I trust God, my
higher power. I clean house every day and I
(01:10:55):
help other people and in that order.
Because if I start picking and choosing what I'm doing in those
three things, then I'm still running the show.
And when I run the show, I run my life into the dirt.
So I have to ask God first thing.
Please help. Beat me to the question.
That's exactly what I was going to ask you to do, was leave us
(01:11:16):
with something. So I appreciate it.
Hey, no problem man. Thanks for coming out dude.
Incredible story. Congrats on the 4 1/2 months and
Congrats on fucking coming back.Right.
Thanks man. I appreciate it.
From what I understand, very difficult to do.
Yeah, it absolutely is, man. Keep doing what you're doing and
stay sober man. Yeah, I am.
(01:11:37):
Absolutely.
I'm going down Morse Rd. and it's the S Curves by Lens Fruit
Farm, OK? I'm coming back from coaches in
Gahanna, tequila drunk, can't hardly stay on the road, but I
need to get to this party because there's cocaine there
and I knew it was going to soberme up.
So I'm going as fast as I can and I go 80 around these S
(00:24):
turns. OK I hit 2 trees, flipped 3
times, get ejected out of the passenger side window.
I could have died I was so drunk.
The only thing I could say was where's Ryan because I had
dropped my buddy Ryan off beforethis happened.
(00:44):
The paramedic said the only thing I could say was where's
Ryan, where's Ryan, where's Ryan?
And I had passenger side injuries, so they thought Ryan
was driving. Yeah, yeah, we are diving in.
(01:13):
OK, so we are here with a fresh episode of Get a Grip podcast.
We have Jeremy Garber with us, local from Columbus, OH I
believe. Yeah, Gahanna.
Gahanna, OK. G Town.
G Town is that. Do you actually call it G Town?
Yeah, I do. Holy shit.
It's not. It's not a ghetto at all.
(01:34):
No, not at all. Just to be clear, no thank you
for coming. Appreciate it.
No problem man. It was kind of short notice so
nice you to come out. But we always like to start with
childhood like that context, like to understand the the way
you grew up and what you were exposed to.
Yeah, family dynamic. Yeah.
(01:55):
So I grew up in, you know, the the 80s and 90s to, to alcoholic
parents. Mom and dad got a divorce.
A divorce was final on Christmas.
My mom got, I gave my dad the divorce papers on Thanksgiving
(02:15):
when I was three years old. And by Christmas Eve, it was
final. And I, I remember the fight and
the pounding and screaming and me being like, terrified,
terrified of that. Yeah, that's, that's something
(02:36):
just me and my me and my dad took me my mom, my sister took
my, my mom or vice versa, or my mom took my sister.
And like, my dad didn't want to let me go, you know?
And he cried and wailed and thenmy mom was like, listen, it's
time for us to go. You know, we went to my
(02:59):
grandma's house for and stayed there for a while.
So like they like the family dynamic was my mom got remarried
when I was probably 8 to anotheralcoholic of.
Course. And.
(03:19):
Are you like exposed to alcohol and and things?
That my mom would have card parties, euchre parties, and I
was. That's not that weird.
No, no, not at all. But I was Bubba the beer getter.
And grab me a beer. Grab me a beer and I I wasn't
strong enough to open up the cans at that point in time.
(03:41):
So my first drink was Miller Lite backwash.
Those empty cans were were beingdrunk by me.
You would kill them. Finish it all night long and.
What age was that? 06/7.
Damn. And I remember when I look back
now that I like the way I felt. And that Monday or Tuesday, I
(04:10):
would be asking my mom like, Hey, are we having another card
party this Friday? You know, like, and bugging,
bugging about it. Like, hey, mom, like listen
that, that's what this that was fun.
That was so fun. You know what I mean?
And she's like, Jeremy, chill out.
Like she. Were you even playing?
Oh. Yeah.
Did you play cards with them? Yeah.
OK, you know what I mean. Just just like a little bit.
(04:33):
But like I would I would take over if somebody had to go grab
something or or go in the garageto smoke a little.
Pot, some weed. Right.
You know what I mean? And I would, I would fill in or
if somebody had to go to the bathroom or something, you know
what I mean? But they thought it was funny
and I thought it was a great time.
(04:54):
Probably was, yeah. But when I, when I look back
now, I literally had, I wish I had brought that picture.
I have a picture when I was 11 months old where I was teething
on a Miller Lite bottle and and it was the cutest picture you
know. I need this photo.
I know I'm going to have to grabit.
Serious. You got to get this photo to us.
(05:16):
Yeah, it's it. It was crazy.
Like the violence and the yelling and screaming started
again about a year after the honeymoon stage, after my
stepfather and my mom got married about year after that.
(05:36):
Isn't a crazy house like scared you get when your parents fought
when you were young? Like the yelling, like I I'd
cover my ears. Yeah, I, I remember visibly,
like, just being like terrified just that they were yelling at
each other. Yeah, stop.
Stop Yeah, exactly like I feel apit in my stomach like the the
(05:57):
fear consumed me and and that fear followed me throughout my
childhood. Really.
I so I was part of the dare program.
Yay. I remember giving my 5th grade
paper and me winning the award and I got to read my paper in
(06:22):
front of Cabot Ray and Angela Pace.
Oh, did you challenge? Yeah, and I did it in front of
all my peers. And what Dara did was make me
more curious about what really was going on about that man in
the bushes that was going to hand me a A20A crack.
(06:43):
You know what I mean? I was.
Going to give you. Drugs.
I was just going to give it to you, you know.
And, you know, I remember marijuana had a distinct smell,
and I smelled the smell all the time.
And it would come out of my mom's bedroom.
And I have a sister that's four years older than me.
So when I was growing up there was hoods, preps and jocks and
(07:07):
my sister was a hood. Meaning what?
Big hair aquanette. Like punk like.
Almost, almost punk, but it was like rock'n'roll T-shirts, cut
off jeans, Jean jackets or leather jackets.
(07:30):
And and that was, you know, 808990 into 919092 and almost,
yeah, chain wallets, you know what I mean?
And she was hanging out with people that were four or five
years older than her. OK, so we're talking 2021 year
(07:53):
olds and my sister would be forced to babysit me because my
mom would work like 60-70 hours at Sun TV.
That's we're dating me and she was the head office manager for
three different stores. She was making really good
money, but she had and then my stepdad was a district manager
(08:18):
for The Columbus Dispatch. So he would deliver papers and
make sure people would get theirpapers, whatever.
And so by my mom was a breadwinner.
And one day I was with my sisterand her friends and these guys
come over to the house, they smoke a joint.
(08:41):
I'm, I'm 10, almost 11 years old.
And I tell them that I smell that smell all the time.
And they're like, well, why don't you get us some?
And I'm like, OK, I, I try to find you some.
I wanted to be their friend. What I was really doing was
(09:03):
becoming their Guinea pig at that at that point in time, I.
Meaning that you were you were going to be the the guy that
gets the weed and. Gets the weed and I'm going to
save the day. These guys are going to become
my new best. Friend.
Yeah, exactly. And I, I snooped through all my
(09:23):
mom's stuff. I couldn't find anything.
I snooped through my step dad's stuff and I found an over in
abundance of marijuana. What do you think it was?
About a quarter pound in his underwear drawer.
Fuck and I didn't know what sum was and I brought them back a
bud about this long and these guys became my best.
(09:46):
Friend, I bet they did. You know what I mean?
Like and, and they they molded me into somebody that I didn't
know that I could become. So I had friends, you know,
that, that were, that were my age.
And now my, my I got a paper route.
(10:08):
My grandpa's thought I was getting in trouble too much at
school because I was unruly at school.
And yeah, got me a job at the, at the dispatch.
And then he signed me up for BoyScouts.
You know what the Boy Scouts help me do?
Hide my drinking because they were all the dysfunctional kids
(10:31):
in Gahanna that went to the Boy Scouts.
So now I have my sister's friends that are wanting me to
steal weed from my stepdad everyday that my my friends that are
wanting. To be Are they paying you?
Not at first. Not at first.
Bet not, you know, and you're. Young.
Yeah, I was young and and I was very, you know, they were.
You just wanted. To be cool.
(10:53):
Yeah, I just wanted to fit in, you know, That's all I wanted to
do. So my friends were wanting to be
like me and I for for the next 8years I would steal at least 1/4
quarter oz to an ounce a day andmy stepfather thought it was my
(11:17):
sister doing this the whole time.
That would make sense. Yeah.
And Needless to say, there was some abuse in the home over
that, over that. That's rough.
Yeah, my sister was a, a, a growing woman and my, my
(11:38):
stepfather took advantage of that by like groping her and
stuff like that. I don't want to tell her story,
but that's, that's what happened.
So I, I had to really face, that's when my addiction really
(11:59):
started, you know? You're what, 10-11 years old?
11 years old, man, 11 years old,you know, and everything come to
a conclusion or like a head, youknow, when there, there was a
lot of dysfunction in my in in my childhood, like my grandma
(12:23):
had nine kids and my uncle Rory was the youngest of the of the
siblings of my mom's side. And when I was 14 years old.
Where? Where are these nine kids spread
out? No, not they're in Gahanna, a
(12:43):
big Gahanna family. You know, there's there's my
grandma is was an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Sorry. Cut that, please.
You're fine. But she, all of them were
Alcoholics, like all my aunts and uncles are Alcoholics.
(13:05):
You know, the apple doesn't fallfar from the tree.
And I my uncle Rory was the youngest and he decided to take
his own life when he was 24. Damn.
I was 14 years old. I'm I'm already.
You close with him. Oh yeah, really close.
(13:26):
He babysat me and my sister, youknow what I mean?
All of the time. He had an orange Barracuda,
would take us to National TrailsRaceway, had ACB at the time and
would the first time I cussed was with him.
You know what I mean? He's the first person I've seen
get a tattoo. I'm curious, any signs at all
(13:48):
that you saw at that age? No, nothing.
No, he no. But after, after looking back
and after the story that we got,like he planned it, you know
what I mean, he decided to pull his van into the into his garage
and close the door, run it, run it and fall asleep, wrote a note
(14:14):
to every one of us, even me and my sister.
Individual notes. Yeah, you know what I mean.
And I was 14 years old and I andI tell you, when I seen my uncle
in that in that casket, I was like, I didn't want to feel the
way I was feeling. And that's when I started going
(14:36):
really hard, you know, by the time.
Are you just drinking here? You boozing and.
Drinking on the weekends, smoking weed every day by and I
already tried hallucinogens. That was my first love of my
life was hallucinogens and this was pre 14 years.
Old acid. Acid and and and that's when I
(15:01):
when I look back and say I was 11-12 years old tripping on acid
I'm and it blows me away like. Yeah, that's.
Why? Why?
Like I know why my mom was working so often that she
wouldn't. She was trying to get me the
help that I needed through my grandpa and my grandma because
they took on the. They got sober.
(15:22):
You're right. They got sober and they, you
know, took on the role of what is Jamie and Jeremy doing?
You know what I mean? So my grandpa stepped in, tried
to do best he could, got me a job.
May had me sign up for a bowlingbowling league on Mondays too.
It's. Got to be dangerous at that age,
taking something like LSD for your brain, like it's got to,
(15:44):
it's got to really hinder your ability to learn and grow up.
Grow up. Yeah.
And I and I stuck that way for along time.
But I, you know, there was nine of us that hung heavy, you know?
And I tell you, we always, always made a pat that we
(16:06):
weren't going to do coke or we weren't going to do heroin.
We're never going to smoke crack.
And after my, my, my uncle took his own life, like, I was just
like, bring it. I don't care anymore, you know,
like he was my role model. He was the only uncle that I
(16:27):
wanted to be alike. And it was, you know, balls to
the wall from there, you know, immediately started getting in
trouble. Caught my first felony when I
was 14. Two.
Wow, what was that for? Attempted aggravated arson.
(16:48):
Attempted aggravated arson. What does that mean?
So I sprayed lighter fluid. Since I was a Boy Scout, I
thought I was smart. I knew bricks couldn't catch on
fire so I was tripping on acid with my buddies and I stole some
lighter fluid off of back porch when we were walking through the
neighborhood. I decided to spread big old
(17:13):
peace sign on on the bricks and set it on fire.
And we all watched it, watched it burn out whatever, catching
trails, tripping balls. But listen, I'm the I'm the
paper boy in this neighborhood, so somebody's seen me.
They know you. They know me.
(17:33):
I was the only one that get identified and they they said if
those bricks were to catch on fire, there was an elderly lady
that was living in the building that wouldn't have been able to
get out. So Gahanna Police Department was
stroking me really. So they came to my home on a
(17:58):
Saturday, said that they were going to write everything up and
I would be booked on Sunday and they'd hear something back by if
I didn't hear something back, they were trying to gather all
the information they needed to gather so they could indict me
or whatever. So Sunday they didn't come and I
(18:21):
thought I was Scott free and my mom grounded me to the to the
end of end of. Time, you know.
And she was like, Jeremy, I can't believe you're doing this.
You're so much better than that.You're you need to get a new set
of friends. This, that and the other, my
mom, she, she was very stern when she was there, you know, a
(18:44):
very loving mom, but she worked all the time, you know.
So Monday I go to school, I go to lunch and here comes my vice
principal and says that while while I'm in lunch, my vice
(19:04):
principal comes get, comes to get me.
And then two Gahanna police officers were right behind him.
Did you suspect that? I did at 1st and it was, you
know, I knew something was up when I seen my vice principal,
but I didn't know that they weregoing to arrest me in front of
(19:25):
all of my peers. It was at lunch.
That's what they cuffed you in front of they.
Cuffed me in front of all of my peers.
Wow. And.
Were you in middle school Still middle school, Gannon.
Middle school, South man, and itwas a brand new school and I was
the first one to get arrested inthat school and I thought my
life was over. Yeah, I bet you.
(19:47):
Did they scared the crap out of me?
I thought I was going to Tico. I thought I was going away for a
long time. It's.
Done. You know what I mean because
we're talking big time felonies attempted aggravated the
aggravated part. The aggravated part was was, you
know, was hold holding me down, you know, and Needless to say,
(20:10):
like. Through all the the court dates,
my mom didn't hire a lawyer eventhough she could have.
I had a public defender because we couldn't, she could really
couldn't afford 1. You know, I thought she could,
but she was like, no, you're going to face the music on this
(20:31):
one. So.
Not a bad strategy. No, not at all.
You know, it did. It did scare me and I got 5 so
everybody had to white write a character witness thing about me
and it was talking about teachers, my Boy Scout.
(20:56):
Oh, really? OK.
Troop guy, my manager at the dispatch.
Not the people that were with you.
Really. No, no, no, I didn't.
I didn't. You didn't bring them up, no.
I didn't, I didn't drop dime man.
I you know what I mean? Like I it just wasn't in me.
Well, I mean, it doesn't do anything for you.
Right. It doesn't because I'm the one
(21:17):
who did it. You know what I mean?
I wasn't going to bring anybody down with me, so I everybody
wrote a character, character thing for me and most of them
said Jeremy's a good kid. Just as long as he didn't do
drugs or hang out with the guys that he was hanging out with,
you know? So they all knew.
(21:39):
They all knew. They all knew that I was on
drugs, you know, and I thought for sure I was going to go to
Mary Haven Adolescent, you know,and.
It's remarkable to me that all those parents and teachers and
Cub Scout leaders all knew she had a drug problem and there was
(22:01):
no intervention of any kind. And no intervention and I didn't
see my first treatment center until I was 27 years old and I
was full blown, you know, so my freshman year at Ghana Lincoln,
I, I get caught with 1/2 ounce of weed rather and.
(22:28):
Please don't tell me you had it in school.
In the school with. You do this.
With the I had it in a jar so you couldn't smell it.
Yeah, right. You know, with Baggies, with a
pipe. Why leaving the car I.
Know man, but this I had 420 on my book bag.
I thought I was a cool guy. I thought I was a cool guy.
(22:49):
You're 1. Of those.
You know, you know, and then when I when I walked in, Misses
pal Gouda smelled it and she said you're coming with me.
I try to, you know, you know, scurry away from her wasn't
happening. They had already called the
security guards. We we go into the principal's
(23:10):
office rather than expelling allright, rather than pressing
criminal charges on me because I'm going through this court
court case for the attempted aggravated arson.
They say you're politely expelled.
My mom was already looking for aplace outside of Columbus,
outside of Gahanna. Saves you charge, right?
(23:32):
So Needless to say that everything got hurried up and I
got five years probation. I couldn't violate again.
And when and then they said thatit would drop off whatever when
I was 18. But the judge ordered me to go
(23:55):
to fire safety training. And you know, I was like, OK,
what's fire safety training? So I had to go downtown to
Engine house #1 and meet the chief.
He took me into his office. And for three hours straight, I
watched videos of babies being burned up, of whole houses being
(24:20):
burnt down that had families in them.
Video after video to scare me straight, to not play with fire.
But see, I was a Boy Scout, you know?
And I think that's the only thing that saved me was my
grandpa intervening and getting me a job, getting me, you know,
(24:44):
a bowling league to be a part ofwhere I just hung out with my
friends to smoke weed, you know what I mean?
And then having the Boy Scouts on my side, you know, I was a
chameleon. And everything that I did, I
transformed in who I needed to transform into so I could get
what I wanted to get. And this whole time I'm stealing
(25:06):
weed, blaming it on my sister, you know?
And you're giving it to her. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
God damn. And so I, you know, we moved out
to Croton, OH. Where's that at?
Out past Johnstown, between Johnstown and Sunbury.
(25:27):
But I took me with me, you know,I just start hanging out with
all the kids that did what I did.
You know what I mean? Yeah, I got my my first job in
New Albany. I Eagles Pizza, great pizza and
(25:49):
got me a little vehicle. My mom was like, you're going to
have to start having some responsibility around here.
I got the room that I wanted in the new house.
It was in the basement which wascool.
I want to back up. My mom ended up getting a
divorce from my stepdad about 8 years into it.
(26:11):
He couldn't handle it no more. They would always fight, they'd
always have what? About you.
Yeah, so me and my stepdad had aweird relationship.
I was Bud. He'd always call me Bud.
And this is, this is one story that I that I'm not proud of,
but I, I'm, I'm going to tell itto you anyways.
This was like the breaking point.
(26:33):
Like my stepdad, my stepmom weren't talking.
He would have 1/4 quarter pound in his underwear drawer and a
quarter pound in his glove box. So, and when I got up to deliver
papers, he would be gone. My mom would get ready for work.
So I'd sneak in there and get the weed that I needed for the
(26:55):
day or when he was home sleeping, I'd get in his glove
box and get, you know what I mean?
So I decided it would be a good idea to leave the back door
unlocked and have one of my buddies come in and steal all
the weed. That was a bad idea.
Did you go through with it? Yeah, I went through with it.
(27:18):
My mom, my mom got beat for that.
Why is he taking it out on the women?
Why is? He was, he was, he was 65.
You know what I mean? Like big, big, big dude, you
know, scary. My, my dad by this time is in,
(27:40):
you know, coming into our lives.My dad ended up, I'll get into
that. My dad ended up getting sober
too. 12 step program Thank God, but after he had gotten in
trouble, he decided to steal a prescription pad when he was He
(28:01):
lived in southern Ohio southern Ohio in a little town called
woodsfield and got him a script pad and wrote about.
It was. 7075 times he got a 75 felony force for writing his
sheets and they sentenced him toa 12 step program and some
probation and he was in a littletown.
(28:23):
So they didn't they didn't. He just said hey listen, he fell
off of the scaffolding in 89. So he was addicted to pain pills
and really, really bad. Scaffolding.
Yeah, 25 foot of scaffolding. Jeez.
You know, so legitimately he wasin pain.
I'm sure the judge considered that, but he would.
(28:46):
I'm just like my dad. When I put one anything in me,
that phenomenon and craving takes over.
You know, it's it's not enough. And then and then when I do get
in trouble and I do get sober and want to do right, that
little thing pops up into my head like I need to get high.
(29:10):
I have no defense against that first one.
You know, I truly so listen, I Iwas in Croton, I took me with
me. I started causing trouble.
My mom gets remarried to anotherguy that's. #3 right?
(29:32):
Yeah, this is number 3 for her. He he is drinks a lot.
I don't want to call him what right.
You know what I mean. I'll let not for you.
To decide. Not for me to decide at all.
Loved, loved him to death man. Because he, he, he made it.
(29:52):
He made it fun for a while and, and, but you know, the, the
drinking and stuff took over andhe didn't like the way that I
was treating my mom, my sister, my siblings, you know what I
mean? Because he brought 3 kids with
him and they were all from Gahanna, you know, and we
already knew, like me and my sister already knew of them.
(30:15):
We just really haven't hung out,but now we're all hanging out
and we're all having we're all having a good time.
You know, my my siblings were were awesome.
And some of the funnest times that I had were with my step
siblings, you know, in Gahanna. And it's yeah, it was it was the
(30:41):
drugs and alcohol for it was so immensely accepted, you know,
that I didn't think I had a problem as long as and I see my
mom work hard and play hard. And I thought that as long as I
kept a job and paid my bills anddid what I had to do, even
(31:04):
though I was going to be absent from my children, that I didn't
have a problem. You graduated high school.
No. Oh, expelled, never went back.
No, I went back to Northridge orwhatever and then I moved out to
Woodsfield for a year to be withmy dad so he could scare me
straight for about a year. And then I came back to
(31:26):
Northridge. I, I went to high school for
five years and still didn't graduate.
I had, I hadn't got a half a credit credit of 9th grade
English and I guess they called my name at graduation, but I
wasn't there. You know, I was too busy doing
what Jeremy needed to do. You know, at this time I'm
(31:50):
everything goes. The only thing I hadn't done was
stick a needle in my arm. I've done everything else.
So before 18 you've tried everything but sticking.
A needle in my own. Heroin.
Crack cocaine. Yeah.
Math. Yeah.
Jesus. Yeah, it was and.
That was accepted. Oh yeah, well, I kept the harder
(32:15):
drugs hidden for for a while because I didn't want to be
judged by them. But after 18, I like 19, it was
balls to the hall. You know, I, when I, when I went
to Woodsfield with my my dad my junior year of high school, I
was vice president of my junior class, wasn't drinking, wasn't
(32:37):
smoking. My dad was 64, almost 400 lbs
and he had hands as big as my head.
And I seen what those hands can do.
So when he said he didn't want me to do something, I didn't do
it. You know, when I live down
there, I tell you, I had to ask to go to the bathroom.
I had to ask to take a shower. I had to ask to be excused from
(32:59):
a room. I had to ask to get something to
eat. I could only have one five
minute phone call with one person a day.
Damn. This is my junior year in high
school bro. And I'm like, that's.
Fucking jail. Exactly.
And I and and he taught me a trade when I was down there and
(33:19):
I'll be forever grateful for that.
He was a master Carpenter and hebuilt log homes.
There's probably some value in in those lessons.
Oh yeah, absolutely. And he knew I was a loose cannon
at that point in time. And I stayed straight for a
year. I went to go see my mom and for
(33:41):
Christmas. And I remember the the
conversation my mom has me. She said you're doing great.
You're vice president of your junior class.
You're I, I was third in the state of Ohio for the 21
overhead bead. You know, I was a welder, you
know what I mean? So I won an award down there and
(34:06):
I was doing really good. Got me a little truck.
A lot of money welding. Oh, yeah.
And that was a profession my dadpicked out for me, you know, and
while he was teaching me how to do other things.
But my mom was like, Jeremy, if you keep on doing what you're
doing down at your dad's, you can graduate with your friends
(34:29):
and move back up here. I love my mom to death.
I missed her. But what I really missed was the
drugs and alcohol. So I manipulated my way back to
my mom's house and broke my dad's heart.
(34:49):
How did that conversation go with your dad?
You're of age, you can do what you want to do, but I'm telling
you, you're making the worst decision in your life right now.
Is he right? He was right.
He was right. Yep, our parents normally are
normally. Dude it was I, I remember seeing
(35:11):
my dad cry for that too, you know, crying crying mad though
like I there was MF for coming out of his mouth and everything
like you ungrateful son of a youknow what I mean?
Like it was, it was bad. So I, I tell you this guys now
(35:34):
I, I, I lost my dad. I think it was December 19th,
2013 to this disease, you know. Roadie.
No he he had been on pain pills for like 40 years.
(35:56):
God damn. And his last prescription was
240 perc 30s a month. He was prescribed 8A day.
And talking about over prescribing.
That's an incredible amount of pills.
Exactly, and his liver and his kidneys started to shut down
(36:20):
because he hadn't had his pills for a couple days.
He overshot the mark, didn't feel well, went to the hospital
when they started doing dialysis.
He had a major heart attack on the table and died.
Damn Jesus. I used that springboard once to
(36:43):
get sober. Really.
Because I didn't want to end up like my dad.
So you didn't turn straight and go hard in the paint.
You used it and said I'm not, I don't want to be.
Because the first death in my life, the big death I went, went
hard in the paint. This time I was like, Hey,
listen, I need I'm going to, I don't want to end up like that,
(37:06):
you know, so, and that's a common theme.
I don't, I don't take loss very well.
Like I can lose a car, lose my license and lose this and that
and the other and like and be OKwith it.
It's the things that I really lose from this disease because I
(37:30):
give those things up freely for this disease.
It's what I really lose is like my uncle.
Losing a parent or yeah, it's terrible.
And I would got sober and got sober for four years and, and,
and some change. And then my mom passed away in
(37:50):
2019 and Hospice got involved. She drank herself to death.
Hospice got involved. My mom wanted to come live with
me because I was sober. And that was an awesome honor.
Hospice said that she if she wasa fighter, that she was going to
(38:11):
last two weeks, two months, two years.
And my mom was a fighter. The first day that Hospice got
involved, the very next day she was unresponsive and I couldn't
talk to my mom anymore. That quick.
That quick they had to put a drain in her side to drain all
(38:32):
the fluids that were It was the next cirrhosis of the liver is
the nastiest death that I've seen and I seen it first hand
with my mom and I. It broke my heart and it was
that I had to throw her morphinepills and her antipsychotics out
(38:54):
and when I threw them in the toilet I scooped a couple out
because my brain said. Change your mind.
It's time to get high, Jeremy. And at that point in time, I
stopped doing the things that worked.
You know, I stopped going into detox to talking to guys.
(39:17):
I stopped answering my phone forthe guys that I was helping.
I stopped going to going to meetings.
All the classic. Shit, all the things that they
said that I needed to do in the 1st place to stay sober when my
mom got sick, I stopped doing. You know, I enabled my mom to
drink her last beer because that's all she wanted was one
(39:39):
last beer and I had to hide it from my wife at the time where
she would have got mad I gave mymom her last beer.
Would you brand the hospital? No, she was at my house.
Prior to. OK, when when Hospice got
involved and she wanted to die at my house.
OK, OK. I was like, mom, you want a
popsicle because she couldn't have a lot of fluids.
(40:03):
She said, Jeremy, you know what I want?
And I said mom, I can't. And she said, so I want Jeremy.
And I'm like damn. This is disease is coming,
baffing and powerful. I mean, that's, yeah, that's
deep to be on your deathbed. And that, that's what I want.
I want a beer. One last beer.
(40:25):
So I've carried that on my chestfor a long time because I
thought that I was the one to make her not coherent the next
day, to make me not be able to communicate with my mom any
longer. You know, it, it broke it, it
broke me down. You know, I so I took a couple
(40:50):
morphine pills and then I started hiding my use from my
family and my friends and my, and my place of employment.
How? Did that go?
Yeah, not very well. I when I start, I can't stop and
I can't stop from starting. So there would be intervals
where I wouldn't do anything fora week or two and then I would
(41:13):
be like, Oh well let me do some kratom or let me over eat my
gabapentin. Or better yet, let me buy 300
Suboxones off the street so I can save all my friends that are
coming into detox. What?
Yeah, dude, it was unreal. Unreal.
(41:35):
I tell you what, I I bounced on my bottom for years.
And the first bottom I have, I'll tell you about it.
And this was back before my mom and mom or dad passed away.
I was smoking crack of a 916 socket burning my lips.
(41:55):
I was drinking a beer with a cigarette butt in it.
I was in Woodcliff apartments, just went on a 5 day Bender and
I thought it was a high bottom. This was the lowest bottom I'd
ever been to. I had nowhere to go.
I was in a trap with bed bugs and I thought everything was
(42:17):
cool. I had a shirt with a collar on
it. I had fresh J's on my feet and I
thought I was the man. The J's since the J's get me.
You know what I mean? Like, I thought I had it going
on, You know, at that point in time, I knew I needed to change.
(42:38):
This was all the way back in 2008.
And then I went to the pay phone.
I'm a mama's boy. I called my mom and I said,
mommy, mommy, what do I do? She said, you need to call your
grandma. My grandma doesn't talk to me.
I'm in active addiction. Sure.
So I decided to call my grandma.And she said, Jeremy, 12 steps
(43:00):
saved my life. It could save your life too.
She said get your family back. She gave me a number to call.
I didn't call it. I called 911.
I said I was going to kill myself. 7 Whitehall cops pulled
up and where? You where you really going to or
(43:20):
was it? No, it was, it was an attention
thing, but I really didn't have anywhere to go and I had no more
money and I knew I was going to have DTS really, really fast.
So you had to get. I had to get somewhere and I had
to get somewhere fast. I knew I was wanted because I'm
a traveler. I go to every surrounding
counties and in Franklin County and I do dirt everywhere.
(43:44):
So 7 cops show up. I say my name is Jeremy Gardner
rather than Garber. I don't know my Social Security
number. And they were like, listen, if
you're not going to kill yourself, we'll take you some to
Net care access. Net Care brought me in.
They deemed me non suicidal justas long as I had somewhere to
(44:06):
go. So they take me, the Friends of
the Homeless in 2008. And then in 2008, they were
remodeling the third floors. Was Friends of the homeless.
It's a homeless shelter. Homeless shelter.
Yeah, they, it's on Carpenter and Main right there in the hood
and they were remodeling the third floor, so they stuck 160
(44:30):
guys on the second floor. God.
And I was going through it and Ihad no money.
My mom wasn't going to answer the phone because I didn't call
the number that grandma gave me.What are homeless shelters like?
Like what do they offer you resource like?
I have an advocate that they assign you to, but they go for,
(44:52):
do you have insurance? Do you have food stamps?
Get you resources like that. And then they sign you up for
housing. But it depends on how long
you've been homeless, you know? And at this point in time, I'd
only been homeless for about 3 weeks or a month because that's
how long I stayed in that trap. And my advocate was pretty cool.
(45:16):
But I'm a semi middle class suburban kid from Gahanna in a
in a homeless shelter. He was like, man, can't you call
your parents? No.
No, no, this is my, this is my last, my last chance.
So when I got there, I didn't have they were taking shots of
(45:42):
orange scented rubbing alcohol. So what did I do to Get Me Out
of me? Took shots of orange scented
rubbing alcohol. Absolutely.
Oh my God. Talk about some burn, some rock
gut. You can feel your insides turn
inside out. Yeah, it's disgusting.
(46:04):
It was, it was the worst experience I've ever had with
ever because I drink moonshine and Everclear and stuff like
that, but never rubbing alcohol.Oh, yeah, yeah, it got me.
It got me OK. It got me OK.
But I tell you, I had indigestion so bad that
(46:26):
literally it felt like the burn.It was felt like the burn was
coming, coming back up though each time, like my body needed
to get it out and it was either going to come up this way or
over the other way and it's going to burn regardless.
So what am I? It's going to kill your buzz.
Oh, exactly. And it was.
(46:47):
And listen, I, I did that for about two days straight and my
somebody came in to the Friends of the Homeless looking for me.
And my advocate comes over to meand says, hey, do you know that
guy standing over there? And I said no.
And he was like, we'll stay overhere.
(47:08):
Well, the guy left his name and his number.
I, I look at it and I said, I don't know this mic guy.
And I called my mom and I'm like, listen, this some burly
dude just showed up to friends, the homeless looking for me.
And I think it's my past coming to get me.
Please send me some money or getme a hotel because I need to get
out of here. They know where I'm at, you
(47:30):
know, because at this point in time I have done dirt, you know
what I mean? I So I went to MM, came back and
picked me up the next day from the homeless shelter and took me
to my first meeting and. Same guy from the day before.
Yeah, same guy from the day before that came and left his
(47:52):
name and his number, OK. And my mom had called around and
got got his number somehow and he was in he was an active
member, you know what I mean, doing 12 step calls.
So he came to the, you know, he went out of his way to come to a
homeless shelter to look for a man that he didn't know.
You know what I mean? Super grateful for this guy.
(48:13):
I came back, took me to my firstmeeting and I only remember, I
only remember the guys and girlsthat are being so welcome
because I knew about, you know, recovery meetings and stuff.
So, but I hadn't really put the dots together, you know, and
(48:36):
that he finally put the dots together for me.
And he was like, listen, this iswhat I do.
I'm here to help. You need to get into this
program. You'll have a interview on
Thursday. So when you go back to the
homeless shelter, I want you to go to this meeting on on Brydon
(48:57):
Ave. and then call me when you get back to the shelter and then
I'll come and pick you up for your interview.
And I said, all right, cool. So we finished the meeting.
It was a smoking meeting. Then they had ashtrays.
It was crazy, you know what I mean?
It. Was yeah, I know for real.
It was club soda. Club soda.
(49:17):
Meeting, Oh, right above, literally right over here.
Yeah. It's when they were Smoking,
Man, and everybody was welcoming.
I don't remember anything that was said, but I knew, like, I
knew that that place and then people were going to be a part
of my life, you know, I needed to change so bad, man.
(49:40):
Like I was 180 lbs six foot talldude like that, hey.
Listen man, I was a when I got checked into jail when I was at
my worst I was $1.40. I'm 6 foot 4.
Oh my God, dude, I was skeleton walking, man.
That's exactly what I was. And I and I've always been a big
(50:02):
bigger guy. So I, I go back to the go back
to the shelter, he buys me a pack of Bugler's, you know what
I mean? Like that would Bugler's were
the thing in the shelter. Then you roll your own whatever.
I bummed them all out the first half hour I was there, you know
what I mean? Definitely a giver.
(50:26):
I and then I go to, I go to thatmeeting the next day and on my
way back, cop pulls up in a Paddy wagon.
I white boy in the hood. I got to call a shirt and a
shirt and a collar. What are you doing down here?
You got here copping dope. And I'm like, no, man, I live at
(50:48):
the spot because that's what we we call it when, when you're at
the homeless shelter is the spot.
We don't call it a homeless shelter.
The shelter. We call it the spot.
I live at the spot. So I told him I live at the spot
and I'm walking back from a meeting.
What's your name? Jeremy Gardner.
And he was like, what's your social Social Security number?
(51:11):
I switched the 2 numbers. At the end he comes back as a 45
year old black man. He said quit lying to me or
you're going to get falsification.
And I said gig was up man. I, I gave him my, my Social
Security number. He told me that I wasn't slick,
(51:32):
that he, he, he runs into guys like me all the time.
And then he comes back and he says, put your hands behind your
back, Mr. Garber, you're under arrest.
He said you're, you're what you're wanted.
And I'm like me. I was wanted in four different
counties and, and in Franklin. So I do the county shuffle.
(51:58):
Yeah, You know, I, I do all the counties and then I, my last
county was Delaware County. Word, word, Franklin fall in the
mix. The first.
It was the first. It was the first what?
Was the What were your thoughts of the workhouse back in those
days? It was horrible and I never
wanted to go back. It was.
The what year? What year did you go?
Oh man, it was when I when I wasso I was 27 so and I'm 44 so
(52:26):
that was and I was going for what was it?
Because there were no cameras back then.
Oh no, I was there when they installed the cameras.
No, it was. 13 I think the. Way the way that they conducted
themselves the CE OS in there were if we who was pounding
(52:49):
harder on the door because they were fucking kicking their ass.
You know what I mean? Like that was crazy yeah, you
know, and then they walk in 10 deep who's who what's what oh,
this guy's got a black eye this one, you know what I mean?
And then they they would take them and then bring them, bring
(53:09):
them straight back. I've heard stories of them like
watching through the window until.
They cheer them on. Fights over and just like and
then they come in and like, OK. Take the aggressors out and then
bring them right back, you know,so they can fight again.
It's wild dude. Yeah, they got Friday Night
Fights in there now. Yeah.
You know, like the two new guys.Oh yeah, 2 new guys got to got
(53:33):
to fight. If not, you know, it's you're
getting your ass kicked. Bad news, man, Bad news Bears.
God damn. I, you know, I hate that place
is. It safe to say that that's the
worst county jail. You've Oh, absolutely.
Without questions. Without questions, hands down.
Not even close. Not even close, man.
You know, and I and I've been into look Athens, Athens County,
(53:56):
Monroe County. But Athens is probably totally
chill. Oh yeah, absolutely.
And you don't have to worry about nothing.
They got big dormitory that smoking wet was when I went back
there, they had smoking rooms with ATV and everything was
chill. You could buy a carton of GPCS
off the off commissary. You know what I mean?
(54:17):
Like cigarettes were a big thing.
So it was, it was cool workhouseby far, hands down the worst,
worst county jail I've ever beento.
You know, and I and I vowed never to go back to that place.
This and I, and I, this is my last recovery.
That's the only last I I don't know if I have another recovery
(54:39):
in me, you know what I mean? Like the I cannot go back there.
I'm, I'm facing three years in prison.
You know what I mean? Like I don't want, you know, no
more trouble for Jeremy. I'm not going back to that
workhouse and I'm not and I'm not going to prison.
You know what I mean? That's what I that's why I do
(55:01):
what I do today. So I stay in line with my higher
power. Dude for real, you know trust
God, clean house, help others sowhen in that order.
When you you relapsed, correct? Yeah.
How much time did you have when you relapsed?
Four years and seven months. Four years and seven months.
(55:23):
And most people would think thatat that amount of time you're
not going back out, right. You know what I mean?
Yeah, that's, that's it's good time, right?
Good time. Yeah, absolutely.
And that's, you know, to the newcomers.
Anybody new that's watching likethat's the danger of the
disease? Oh, absolutely.
You can be sober for five years and it can still get you.
(55:46):
Yeah, can pick you off, Yeah, ifyou if you don't, if you're not
guarded. If you're not, yes.
You know what I mean? Like it tells me to relax and
take it easy, but I still have to do the things I do every day
because when I wake up in the morning, I still have untreated
alcoholism, you know what I mean?
Like I have to have that morningquiet time to get out of the way
(56:08):
and say, hey, please help me, Please help me just for today
because I am sick, you know? And then it depends on what I do
throughout the day. Like I can't do scumbag shit and
stay sober. No.
You know what I mean? Like I have to be a grown up,
face my responsibilities head on.
(56:29):
Stop being so fearful and face the fear itself.
I, when I got sober, dude, I ripped up like my first five
years was just like a straight line up, like all good, all
good. And then I plateaued right and
things got kind of boring and I started doing scumbag shit.
(56:51):
And like I remember being completely off kilter.
My recovery was like, I can tellwhat was happening, right?
I was fucking around with girls.Oh yeah.
And like, and it was, I could tell it was fucking my recovery
up completely, right. And it did.
You know what I mean? I was dry.
And thank Christ I got through that.
(57:12):
Right. Absolutely.
Because I could be. I could have gone back out too.
Yeah, absolutely. What I, what I was doing was
like, like I said, after my mom had passed away, My, my, my
relapse happened before I pickedup.
But it happens way before, you know, And it was three months
prior when my mom first came outthat she was dying of cirrhosis
(57:35):
of the liver because she kept that to herself for a long time.
She didn't let the family know, listen, I'm dying.
But she tell everybody that she would be gone by the time she
was 60. She was 60 when it happened, you
know what I mean? So she kept a secret from the
family that she was dying of cirrhosis and she kept drinking
regardless because that was her thing to do.
(57:57):
So when, when my mom had passed away, like 3 months prior to
that, I, I, I thought I was going to be the glue to hold my
family together because that's what my mom was, was the glue
that kept my family together. And I was just like, yeah, you
know, everything's always at my mom's house.
I'm now everything's going to have to be at my house.
(58:17):
So let me double down on work. Let me stop doing meetings as
much. Let's stop answering the phone,
right. Yeah, I, you know, I become the
most important person in my life.
That self obsession deal. Like, out out of 8 billion
people on this planet, I'm only obsessed with one person.
Yeah, and that's me. Most people are.
(58:39):
You know what I mean? Like that selfish and self
centeredness piece, dude, It's like to the core I was, yeah.
And I can only think of me. And it's like I need to get out
of myself and think of how I could be useful to other people
around me, you know what I mean?Like that's the key of my life,
is to help other people, you know?
I have to and that says it, man.Like I, I'm a 12 step recovery
(59:04):
dude and it says it in my literature like I have to, you
know, I'll have this, this following that's around me and I
see the light and the miracles go on, you know, light bulbs
that come in on in people's eyes, you know what I mean?
Like, wow, they actually get it.You know what I mean?
From the time they come in broken and becoming like a man
(59:28):
brim brimming over, you know what I mean?
Like that's, that's what that's what I want today, you know what
I mean? Like those cliches like ate me
alive when I first got into the program and I've been listening
to it for years. You know, I've been in or around
recovery for the last 17 years. Yeah, you're family.
(59:50):
You know what I mean? And it's like, and I, and I say
in or around because when I was around, I was doing this scumbag
stuff in and out of the rooms, messing around with girls,
thinking I can, you know, do what I wanted to outside, sell
some pills or sell some Subs or sell whatever, you know what I
(01:00:13):
mean? Like, and I, I can't do that and
stay sober. I know that today, you know, but
reality smacked me in the face, you know what I mean?
And it smacked me hard enough for me to realize.
What was it like to like, scrapeyourself up and have to admit?
(01:00:33):
All of that, all of that dirt. Like just to just to admit like
I relapsed. Like I had five years, I
relapsed. And Oh well, it was, it was hard
because I was trying to hide my use from everybody, you know
what I mean? So at when I got honest with my
sponsor, he was like, Jeremy, I knew and I'm like, mother
(01:00:56):
fucker, no, you didn't. Why didn't you say something
then, right? He said, I knew.
I just was waiting for you to get honest, you know, and I'm
just like, dude, like I need accountability.
It's a big part of my recovery. Sure, you know what I mean?
I need somebody to get say Jeremy, I know.
(01:01:17):
What are you going to do about it?
You know what I mean? Go back to detox, go into rehab
center, get your get that separation from the drugs and
alcohol and get busy in these steps.
You know what I mean? And that's what I got this time,
you know what I mean? Like this is that's that's what
I need and that's and that's what I got.
So you and had to pray about it though.
(01:01:39):
You believe that the path? How long do you have now?
About 4 1/2 months. So do you truly believe now that
the path you're on is different?Yes.
Like you can feel it. Yeah.
Oh yeah, for sure, absolutely. I'm happier now that I've been
in my whole entire 17 years of being in or around recovery
because I know I ain't got that one left.
(01:02:01):
There's no bull and there you'renot doing any bullshit, no, So
there's nothing to worry about. Nothing.
Nothing at all. You know what I mean?
Like I'm like, I've done the steps before and lived them and
applied them into my life, OK. And now that I'm doing I, I'm
not redoing the steps, but I am started.
(01:02:22):
I'm starting where it takes action.
And that's in the fourth step. OK, Being brutally honest with
myself, seeing it in black and white and swallowing and
digesting big chunks of truth about myself.
You know what I mean? Like before, I would always
swallow the truth of myself. I never digested it.
(01:02:42):
OK? Without digesting your food,
it's always going to come back up.
Sure, You know what I mean? So I was swallowing it and I
wasn't digesting it. Now I'm in, I'm in real time,
real reality. I digested my food and the big
chunks of truth about myself andI tell you what, man, it's like
(01:03:03):
I'm, I'm actually happy with where I'm at, you know?
Did you get through the all 12 the first time?
Oh, yeah. Did you?
Yeah, yeah. And then and then actively.
Straight away. Oh yeah, absolutely.
I stopped doing the morning quiet time.
I do my prayers in my car and not taking a conscious, not
(01:03:23):
having a conscious contact everyday.
I. Used to do that.
Too, You know what I mean? Like I just do the prayers in
the car and be rushed. Yeah.
Yeah, The way it work, right. Thank you that.
Is exactly when I was dry what Iwould do right?
Exactly what I would do. Yeah.
And it's it's so I have that morning quiet time and then I do
that nightly review. But what I do throughout the
(01:03:44):
day, it says when I'm when I'm doubtful or irritated or
doubtful, then I ask God to remove that stuff.
It's a work in an active, an active tense step.
You know what I mean? Like that's that's what's really
say saved me this time is actively being active in my life
(01:04:05):
with being how selfish and dishonest I am throughout the
day because it's OK to be it's it's OK not to be OK.
And I would lie all of the time.Jeremy, it seems like there's
something wrong. What's wrong?
I'm OK. I'm.
Fine, I'm good. I'm good.
(01:04:28):
Well, that that first of all, ifI'm not OK, I need to tell
somebody about it. You know what I mean?
And if somebody gets on my nerves or if, if, if I'm
irritated, I need to tell on that stuff because it builds up
on inside of me and I feel it. Turns a newer resentment.
You know what I mean? And resentments keep me sick,
(01:04:49):
you know what I mean? Like that's our number one
offender and it kills more of usthan anything else.
Come on dude. Like.
Resentments can be filthy. Two hours ago my boss fucking
hated him. Like fucking hated him, right?
And every single day I would just obsess.
(01:05:11):
Over. About how I hated him, right?
Like like half my day right was spent.
Oh, I hate that motherfucker. Just nitpicking what you what
you hated about. God, what a waste of time,
right? But that's how we are.
Yeah. It's how we are.
It's how we can be. Right.
And and it keeps us sick. Really.
(01:05:31):
Yeah. So if I have a resentment, if I
don't tell somebody why I have the resentment and then ask God
to remove it and then make amends if I've harmed anybody,
you know what I mean? Like, and then resolutely turn
my thoughts to somebody that I can help that's actively working
A10 step, you know what I mean? And if I apply that in my daily
(01:05:53):
life, I'm not perfect by any means.
And there's sometimes I hold on to that dishonest piece because
I'm a habitual liar for no reason, because Jeremy's not OK
sometimes, you know? And the the biggest lie that I
tell myself is that it's OK, I'll get over it.
(01:06:15):
When it's progress, not perfection, Always right, always
and forever, we're never going to be perfect.
No, not at all, man. So you got to take it easy on
yourself a little bit, but. And it says in, in in my book
where it says relax and take it easy.
I have real big stop fighting because I've been fighting too
long, man. You know what I mean?
(01:06:36):
I'm sure you're fucking sick andtired of the back and forth.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. To tell you the truth and to
break it all down, I've been arrested 18 times, OK?
God damn, did you go to the joint?
No, never. It's the first time I'm facing
(01:06:56):
facing the joint now. I've gotten lucky.
I've gotten lucky. You are now though.
I'm I'm facing time and I and I and listen, I'm, I'm not made
for a joint. You know what I mean?
Fuck that. I'm.
With you there. Right, so 18 times.
I have four children with four different women.
I always thought a relationship would work to help cure my
(01:07:18):
alcoholism and my drug addiction, and when that didn't
work, when Jeremy wasn't OK, then I thought a baby would
help. Yeah, new car.
New. Car, everything you know.
You watch. I got whatever and I got I got
4. DU is one of my best friend's
name. You know, like I have.
(01:07:40):
Wait, you got a DUI and got it off and.
Somebody got it off in somebody else's name.
Can you tell that story? Real quick.
And then I got to. Then I got to peace out.
You're good. So it it would have been my 5th
DUI but I got 4 myself. I've been felony right.
Yes I missed out. My last DUI was in 2007.
(01:08:02):
They started cracking down 2000.85 sends you to prison.
Right five sends you to prison. I'm going down Morse Rd. and
it's S Curves by Lynn's Fruit Farm.
OK. I'm coming back from coaches in
Gahanna, tequila drunk, can't hardly stay on the road.
But I need to get to this party because there's cocaine there
(01:08:23):
and I knew it was going to soberme up.
So I'm going as fast as I can and I go 80 around these S
turns. OK.
I hit 2 trees, flipped 3 times, get ejected out of the passenger
side window. I could have died.
I was so drunk. The only thing I could say was
(01:08:45):
where's Ryan? Because I had dropped my buddy
Ryan off before this happened. The paramedic said.
The only thing I could say was where's Ryan?
Where's Ryan? Where's Ryan?
And I had passenger side injuries, so they thought Ryan
was driving. Oh.
(01:09:05):
Ryan bailed. Ryan no Ryan I dropped Ryan all.
I'm saying they thought Ryan Bale.
Exactly. So when I'm in the hospital with
a cervical sprain and just scratches on my knees, that's
all of the injuries that I had. So State Highway patrolman comes
(01:09:28):
in, first thing out of his mouthis where's Ryan?
You're like I was asking the same thing.
And you know, and I was like, and he was like, is it Ryan?
Because I had two Ryan friends. Somebody already dropped dime.
They said, listen, it's either one of the two.
Which one? Which one was it?
(01:09:51):
And I was just like, I, you know, I I couldn't tell you.
You want to go to prison? No, I don't want to go to
prison, you know. 'Cause it for real.
It's. For real going, For real going.
Yeah, you know, and listen, theyso one was in Ryan's name.
(01:10:13):
He took it. He took.
It like AG. Like AG.
Damn. And that, that's the men's that
I did make. God damn.
God rest his soul. Though he had passed away from a
heroin overdose in Florida about7 years ago, he.
Didn't make it. He didn't make it.
Wow, glad you shared that. Yeah, 'cause there's a lot
there. It's cunning, baffling, and
(01:10:34):
powerful. Dude.
You're willing to do whatever just to get over this, this hump
that you're in in front of, you know what I mean?
If I could say anything to anybody is I trust God, my
higher power. I clean house every day and I
(01:10:55):
help other people and in that order.
Because if I start picking and choosing what I'm doing in those
three things, then I'm still running the show.
And when I run the show, I run my life into the dirt.
So I have to ask God first thing.
Please help. Beat me to the question.
That's exactly what I was going to ask you to do, was leave us
(01:11:16):
with something. So I appreciate it.
Hey, no problem man. Thanks for coming out dude.
Incredible story. Congrats on the 4 1/2 months and
Congrats on fucking coming back.Right.
Thanks man. I appreciate it.
From what I understand, very difficult to do.
Yeah, it absolutely is, man. Keep doing what you're doing and
stay sober man. Yeah, I am.
(01:11:37):
Absolutely.
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