From the Sticks to Hittin' Licks — How He Lost Everything to Oxy And H | Ep 70 - Get a Grip Podcast

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Oh shit, so we got like 10 grand.
Up to 10 grand last. I don't know.
I'm by the I'm buying thirty 30sa day like I'm doing 5 at a time
like this. I'm doing 5.
I keep my McDonald's straw in mypocket.
Yeah, and I do 5 those. Babies are big.
They are the best straws. Yeah, the big boys.
Straws, those had to been expensive back then because when
you had 2013, 2013, Oh my God, it was.

(00:25):
Like $2500 a day I think I'll spend.
Oh my God. Yeah.
We're good. OK, we are back and we both know

(00:45):
the guests this time. You love when I say we are back.
Yes, I do. Yeah, this is.
And it's weird, right? Because like, we never had
somebody. We all, we were all locked up,
all new. Yeah.
It's either you know him or I know him.
Yeah, but we never had both. And all of us were incarcerated.
In jail together. So we have Tony Newton.
What's going on guys? Zanesville, OH Born and raised,

(01:06):
yes. Unfortunately.
Just that you're just stuck there your whole life.
From now until my kids get a little older, I think.
You get out of there. Yeah.
And I want to, Yeah, I think if I maintain the right a mindset
for a while and show my loved ones what I, what I can do, you
know what I mean? We'll be able to get out of
here. But I've let them down so much.
They're like, yeah. They don't want hot.
They're a little hesitant. Yeah, they're not.

(01:27):
Yeah, they don't wanna jump on yet.
Yeah. For sure get it?
For sure. I mean it makes total sense.
What's the place out in Zanesville?
Tilake Pake. Trash.
You don't like it? Dude it's every time I go there.
Fuck is it? It's a Mexican.
Restaurant, different food like I've been in just fast food
service for a long. Time.
I love it. If I order something I feel like
they don't clean their grill enough so I I can taste whatever
was prior. To grill so I love that.

(01:48):
So I like the trash here. The tasting the food the better
for me. El Perion on the other hand,
which I don't think of Same owners, but they're delicious.
Can you help me out? We're just really quick.
While we're on Zanesville restaurants, there's a
steakhouse the name 1. The best one in Zanesville,
Texas. Roadhouse.
OK, go down a grade. Longhorn.
No, it's like a it's like a smaller mom and pop type

(02:11):
steakhouse. I.
Don't even. Know all I know is I went there
one time 'cause I saw a billboard on the highway and
these fuckers and I don't know why, why I got oysters at this
restaurant with terrible decision.
They took shells and they took canned oysters and they put the
fucking canned oysters in the shells and it was painfully

(02:32):
obvious. And I was like, you want me to
eat this shit? Like a Zanesville.
Thing. Yeah, it's, I said.
And then I at the and then it all hit me.
I was like, what the fuck were you thinking?
We're pretty bottom of the barrel.
So when you say Texas Roadhouse is at the top, I fucked up.
Yeah, and whatever restaurant a couple years.
Ago and I hate 1. Trying to get into Zanesville is

(02:53):
a bitch because there's always construction right there.
Like for as long as I've oh. It's been like that for.
Four years. Yeah. 7:00.
Years and it's time they get it to help traffic movement and
they destroyed traffic. Movement.
Yeah, it's the worst, man. It takes forever.
And it, like, narrows you into that little, like, corridor.
Yeah. Terrified.
Oh yeah. I really despise of the place,

(03:14):
man. I.
Really well, Well, in honor of Zanesville and having grown up
there, tell us about how you grew up and how things went for
you as a child. Well, I mean, pretty normal
childhood, early 90s, you know what I mean?
Every kid in neighborhood who gets together, you know what I'm
saying? You ride your bicycles, you know
what I mean? I was a Creek chub, though I
stayed in the Creek. You You were a what?

(03:35):
Creek Chub and. What does that mean?
I stayed in the Creek and the Creek would be in the wall.
I. Know.
OK, I got the Creek so crawled ads.
Crawdads, yeah. Woods nature like that was my
big ordeal. You know what I mean?
So I just enjoyed that as a kid before I elevated, I guess you
want to say when I got older into the the no nose.

(03:59):
When was that? The earliest I want to say,
well, started when I was cigarettes was, you know, I
mean, the first thing, 10 years old, hanging out with the kids
that you think are cool, You know what I'm saying?
Because they're doing things that adults do.
Yeah. So starting cigarettes at 10,
then smoking weed at 11, and then it just goes downhill from

(04:21):
there, you know what I mean? Trying to fill a void of not
being good enough from mental abuse.
You know, I'm starting to think that void exists in every human.
Yeah, yeah, probably. Like, I'm really starting to
think that I think there are people that have like, got new
place where it's filled or like at least somewhat filled.
But dude, it's like every personI meet when I bring up the void,
they're like, yeah. I really, I really do envy

(04:43):
people who are 100% comfortable in their skin at at a younger
age or mentally put together. You know what I'm?
Saying, and I doubt that. I don't know if anybody is like,
I like, if not overcompensate, like I just don't.
I don't think it's accurate. I don't think it's true.
I don't think. I think we're all insecure on
the inside like I. Think maybe you may.

(05:04):
Some people are just better actors.
Well, it's just. Fear.
It's just that, fear. And how do you handle it?
For sure. Like do you say fuck it or do
you get scared and hide? I don't know with that
confidence, this show as well. And I.
Feel pretty, I feel like I'm a pretty confident individual and
and myself, but when I sit like I just when you see, I don't

(05:25):
want to be judgmental and do that, but when you see people
that shouldn't be wearing certain things that are wearing
certain things with confidence and comfortable when that is
slightly insecurity of mine, you're just like.
We're talking about larger ladies, what we're talking
about. Not even, not even ladies, just
in general. OK, You know what I'm saying?

(05:45):
Yeah. Or the craziest haircuts.
And. The.
Blackout eyes and earrings like like how?
Cause how do you not care? You just, they don't care, they
don't give a fuck. Yeah, like I can.
Thanks. It's not that I don't really
want acceptance from others, butI do care what people think of
me. I want them to be like, oh, he's
a nice, respectable man. Like I could.

(06:06):
My kids can be around him. I could.
He's a he's a good company to keep, you know what I'm saying?
My whole spiel and fear is like so simple.
It's like when I was out there drinking and using, I did real
life scary shit. Like like scary shit.
I mean, I think all three of us can attest to that, that we've
been in positions where we should be dead, probably all
three of us, and we did real life scary shit.

(06:27):
So what? Why should I fear a job
interview? Why should I fear asking a girl
out? Why should I fear?
It's all good shit for sure, youknow what I mean?
It's like, why should I fear that shit when I fucking should
be dead? Exactly.
Like it was nothing for me to fucking try to give the drug
dealer 100 or five $100.00 gift cards that had no money on.

(06:49):
And he pulled the pistol out andsaid fuck you.
That's that shit's fucking yeah,you, you owe down.
Like, I don't know. That's just how I've always
approached fear. And yeah, but continue.
So yeah, man, I just pretty normal besides the mental, the
mental abuse, you know what I mean?
Being put down every day. So I think that is what led up

(07:11):
to everything trying to be something that I wasn't, you
know what I mean? In the drugs and the alcohol,
trying to be a part of somethingthat made me feel feel good,
made me feel like I was good enough.
You know what I'm saying? So.
Who's putting you down like yourparents are just like
neighborhood kids? Oh, my stepfather, for the most
part, you know what I mean? My, my real dad was never

(07:33):
around. He was a donor.
So he took off and went to California when I was very
young. Damn.
So he wasn't around and I guess I had, I don't know.
That's part of it as well. I had resentments towards my mom
because even though I didn't have kids at the time, I always
thought, how could you? How do you pick some over us?

(07:53):
You know what I mean? How do you allow this to
consistently happen and not say anything?
You know what I mean? Like even though she was part of
the abuse when I was young, but still, how do you how do you you
know what I'm. Saying love is the craziest drug
of them all, man it. Really is and I understand that
now. Yeah.
But it's, yeah, it's crazy. And like I said, she was part of

(08:14):
the abuse. A lot of my trauma comes from
that is having to watch my mom get beat down so much and
happened to be the one to run to, to, to the neighbors or up
and down the street to, to, to get help.
You know what I'm saying? So, and again, I can't blame
them. They was young.
My mom had me at 15. She was I have a newspaper
clipping from the 80s. My mom went to Zanesville High

(08:37):
School. I have a newspaper clipping in
the 80s. My mom's on the front page
because she was the only teen inin Zanesville High School
pregnant at the time. You're.
Lying the front page. Like what is?
What's the headline look like? Like this Just saying to.
A counselor. What the fuck?
Not a mess, been a new. Shortage why are they why are
they air why I mean I. Have.

(08:59):
No idea. Eddie's was different man.
Eddie's was different man. She's crying at the picture.
Why would they? Do that to her?
I have no idea. Only teen in Zanesville gets
pregnant at 15, so turn to page 6.
So it's a trade off there 'causeshe's got a kid at 15 now so
like she doesn't know what the fuck to do.
Nope. Actually my family wanted her to

(09:20):
abort me. Really.
She was so young. Yes.
Which? 15, She did it and she couldn't.
Yeah, yeah, I'm thankful for her.
So. And then my stepdad.
So my mom was only 50, you know what I mean?
And my stepdad is only 10 years older than me.
So when he came in my life, liketheir, their, their children,

(09:43):
you know what I'm saying? So they're at that stage of
their life when you're in your early teens, early 20s, where
you're partying heavy, you know what I'm saying?
And you're, yeah, you don't havethe right mindset for.
Kids, you're learning life. They're not even.
They don't even know life. Yet that's where all the my
trauma and and mental and and physical come into play.
That void? Yep, always fat ass.

(10:06):
You're not good enough, You knowwhat I mean?
All types of things you. Know what I used to hate?
I don't know if you can relate but I was like a chubby kid too
and whenever he went to buy clothes it always had to be like
Husky size. I would brought that word Husky
used to fucking trigger me so badly.
Everybody called me Husky and I hated it and I was like such an
insecure fact. Thank you for sharing.

(10:27):
Listen. I used to be so insecure about
my weight. When we would go swimming and
there would be cute girls aroundI would literally wait till they
turn their face. Take.
My shirt off. And then jump in.
Yeah, immediately. Like just up to but.
You didn't keep the tea on though.
Tea came off. Oh yeah, all.
Right, I'll probably. I'm not one of them guys.
I wasn't one of those guys. I don't think anybody did it
back in those days. Like I think that's like a,

(10:48):
yeah, a newer generation. Yeah, you're probably right.
Yeah, yeah, that was awkward. But so the early and then June,
like I said, junior high was more drinking and smoking.
I always lived in a country. I went to Philo so.
Yeah, what's the partying like in the country?
Like in the sticks, so to. Speak.
I really did. It's different out there, like

(11:09):
it was always when I came to town.
Like, oh really? Because we was so far apart.
Like I played video games with the friends out there, but I
really didn't party out there like that.
I didn't have the opportunity to, you know what I'm saying?
But that led to me being able todistribute out there.
I made a business move out there.
Yeah, with I actually got expelled my sophomore year for

(11:33):
marijuana, so I was. Just got caught with some weed.
I didn't get caught. I actually told him myself
because I was so afraid. But.
So the Friday before I had sold some weed to somebody and he
took it and smoked it at weekendwhile his dad had caught him
smoking and he because you panicked when you smoke weed, I

(11:57):
don't know at that time you panicked or whatever panic
attack. One of.
Those parents caught him and he said where he got it from.
So what a Dick. You show up to school Monday
morning and it's like I was. They can't prove that though.
I. Know, but I didn't know that I
was not. You're young.
I haven't been you. Don't have the legal assist all
season yet? I was still like in back of my

(12:17):
head, my dad is going to. Fucking.
Murder me? Yeah, dude, I'm Oh my God.
Like, definitely afraid, you know what I'm saying?
Like, so I was an office aide, like office aide, teacher's
aide. Like I was.
Oh yeah. Like I had it, well, like I was,
you know, I mean, I. Playing the game well.
Like I was. So I go in for my office aide

(12:38):
job and I see sheriff's there. Oh my, they brought the sheriffs
out with. A couple of them.
So I'm like, what's going on? Like, you know, something's
going on, you know what I mean? And I set my books down, sit
down. I'm talking to the office,
ladies, and the principal was like, Mr. Newton, can you come
in here for a second and race tosit down and shut the two
sheriffs at the door and they sit down beside me.

(12:59):
Oh, how old are you? Sophomore got to.
Be 15/16/16. And the principal, Mr. Dawson
was like Mr. Newton, we all makebad decisions in our.
Life racing just I just I hung my never a good start.
Yeah, like. Well, we've had another parents,
a student's parent call in and say that something about

(13:20):
marijuana, this and that. And I was just like, yeah, Yep,
I did it. You know what I'm saying?
And then I remember this was theonly time that like, I mean, I
obviously I got in trouble, but my dad said, you boy, you're an
idiot. I was fear factor.
All you had to do was. Say he told you, never said a
narc on yourself. But I mean I was 15 afraid and
he beat in my head for so long. Be honest.

(13:43):
Be honest. And you won't get in as much
trouble, you know what I'm saying?
And then he's like, why the? Fuck, why would you tell on
yourself? Yeah.
So that. Damn.
To be fair, all you had to do was say no and that was pretty
much it. Yeah, they couldn't have proved
it. Really.
They couldn't have done it? No, there was.
I mean, I guess they could have if they really wanted to.
But I don't know how do you. Know.
Like to bring in the sheriff's though to scare you into

(14:07):
admitting it is fucking ridiculous.
So that was my first time I was put on probation.
Oh, as a? Kid, you got charged.
I just just didn't give me probation.
For what? What's the what's the charge?
I don't. Even remember dude, honestly.
Didn't have weed. Petty nothing.
Complexity. Or something like.
Damn. I don't know, I can't remember.
That would be. But that's crazy.

(14:28):
It was like I went and seen the judge at juvenile court and they
put me on non reporting. You just had to hang out, Yeah.
So what's the point then? Like, you know, non reporting.
Don't get in trouble. Again, just like a Yeah, if you
get. In trouble again?
Then you're. Then we had like a big meeting
with all the board of Philo HighSchool and my mom bawled her
eyes out. My son's not going to graduate
till he's 19 blase blah. And they put me into this

(14:52):
digital Academy, and it was a blessing, honestly, like.
They the school. Did What's it like vocational
school? Had no.
It was just like, it was like a,I want to say like for IEDs, you
know what I'm saying? Yeah, for developmental, Yeah.
Yeah, You know what I'm saying? So if I hope I said that right

(15:14):
on. Yeah, no, that's right.
So, and I was at that like at that time, I like, I'm a pretty
intelligent individual. So it's.
Like I'd say, yeah, it's a come up.
It was for sure, for sure. Yeah, at.
The time like my mom was a manager at Wendy's at the time
as well. So I had this happened at 15.
I turned 16 school year starts, I go to the digital Academy for

(15:34):
every 4 hours that I worked to give me a school credit.
Oh, but I was also already passed algebra.
I was in calculus at the time I'd already did chemistry.
I was in, you know, a biology. I was in chemistry like you're.
Like the king of IED. Like no, you were doing regular
classes. Oh, when you're right, OK, and.
This was and they held this. This was when they held it at
Cornerstone Church. It was the youth, the youth

(15:57):
place in the back. So like it was sweet, but that's
that's when more behavior problems started to come.
Like I was smoking. I was smoking there in front of
the like, fuck you, you ain't you can't do nothing.
You're going to pass me like. You're going to pass me like
I'm. Not taking that test, just
average my shit together and give me Adi don't care.
I'm you can't. There's nothing you can do now

(16:18):
to that's going to hurt me. I'm going to this is it.
So I did that my sophomore year,my junior year, it was like I
just, I'll, I didn't really do much of anything like that.
Kind of, I didn't want like, I don't know what had changed, but
I wanted to be like, I just wanted to be an athletics man.

(16:38):
Like basketball had become a passion and a love so great that
that's what I wanted to do. Are you back at normal school
now? Yeah, OK, So they let me.
They let me back. That's what I thought expulsion
was. He was done.
Yeah, that's what I. Thought, but no.
So just a year. Yeah, Yeah.
And I come back my junior year. I did my junior year without a
hitch. You know what I mean?
I might have drank or party but like that's I don't really.

(17:01):
Yeah. One crazy.
Yeah, I don't really remember much about that.
My senior year, I only did a little less than 1/2 a year
because of the credits that I got from the Digital Academy.
Damn. And by that time this is like
early 2000s BMF dope boy music. It's hilarious because I'm a
little white boy from a Hick phyllo town.

(17:24):
I mean, I'm from fucking Grandview Heights.
What's? BMF.
BMF the black mafia family. You know what?
I. Heard of that big?
Meat. You know what I'm saying, Larry?
Larry Hoover. Big meat.
Well. Hallelujah I.
Know that's a song. I don't know what the hell I
was. Saying.
Like he made it was so like it'sthe biggest cocaine distributed
in the United States. Like it was just all black dudes
from all over. I started in.

(17:45):
Detroit Is this a gang or a music?
It started with the family, the Flynnary brothers, Terry and
Meech, and they started. In you just got out, you know
that, right? Yeah, they started in Detroit
and they went all over. What are they doing?
Selling, OK. No, like I thought it was like a
record. So they did start.
That's that's how it came. That's how it came.
Out. You know what I'm saying?
OK, now I'm with you. So yeah, man, my favorite rapper

(18:09):
of the time was Jeezy, you know what I mean?
I actually got in trouble in school for wearing Camp Band
snowman shirts, you know what I'm saying?
Like. Just.
Straight trap can't ban just straight trap music.
Oh, so let's album rewind a little bit.
My junior year, I was 17, I moved out of my house.
So I told my my parents fuck youlike.

(18:29):
Are you moving to? Work.
Is that what you said? Yeah, pretty much.
Like I work, I pay my own bills,I bought my car like what?
I'm 17 and they want like where I lived at.
They won't let me go a street over, you know what I'm saying?
Like they were. My parents were strict.
Where do you work at Wendy's with your mom?
No, she she worked at a different.
Different way. OK, at the time, she didn't work
at Wendy's anymore. She worked at ALDI.
She was a manager at ALDI. So.

(18:51):
But yeah, I'm like, man, why would I?
Why would I live here under thisroof?
You guys don't let me this time.And now I'm smoking weed more
averagely, you know, I mean, whyI can't smoke weed?
You're telling me what to do? Like, no, I'm cool on this.
You know, I'm saying they was going to a friend's house to
drink and I was like, I'm not going to be here when you get
back, you know what I mean? And I moved in with a girlfriend
at the time which a disaster should have never have done it.

(19:13):
Like I should have listened and.She's in high school, too.
No, she had graduated the year before.
So I was a dummy. I was one of them young dummies.
I let her take my car. She dropped me off at school,
you know what I'm saying? But she was a baddie, I'm not
going to lie. At least you got that.
And yeah, for sure, I think that's why you know what I mean?
For sure. And careful.

(19:34):
Like that was a bet. Honestly, it started as a bet in
basketball. Like I'm gonna, I, I bet you I
get with Shannon by the end of the year.
Ha ha. Yeah, right.
That ain't going to happen. You know what I mean?
And now you're just that's, you know.
I was like, I was chunky, but I like my confidence and I'm I'm
pretty funny, man, like. You can be.
So I didn't get you a long. Way, man, it really does, you
know what I'm saying? Long way.

(19:55):
Yeah, 9 Fuck 90% of the way there, 80%.
Yeah, there. Seriously.
So that's. Depended.
On how that worked out and it was she was psycho like she
would cut herself and and weird spots like I found out after the
fact you know what I mean but atthis time I'm I'm advancing into
benzos and narcotics Vicodin, Percocet, you know what I mean

(20:19):
and mixing it with alcohol you know what I mean and it when
you're that age everything's funwhen you do it you know all your
homie you're having. It's a good shit.
It's all good shit. Time of your life, you know what
I'm saying? But it's the dumbest.
Taking handfuls of Xanax and bottles of liquor, just driving
like it's so like I lost like a whole month one time.
Like legit was well gone. And I at the time I, her name

(20:43):
was Cheyenne. We we went to Taco Bell one time
and we got to an argument in front of everybody and she was
like, that was last month. You're like.
We was just here yesterday. You know what I mean?
Like 10. Plus blue Xanax every day.
Yeah, but time disappears. I was last month, motherfucker.
But at the that's what was fun about it.
You wake up and you're like, what did I What even?

(21:04):
How did I even get? Where the hell am I, you know?
What I'm saying like. Yes, yes I do.
So and I was never really spiritual and I'm there now.
So it's like definitely someone was looking out for myself
because reckless. So it's.

(21:25):
Crazy that shit we did before 18.
Like I, I, I mean I'll speak formyself, but I prison, just
prison. Everywhere I went in my car I
get pulled over it and fucked for sure I'm going to prison, no
questions I asked. So we broke up over a nothing
fight one day, man, this, this girl.

(21:46):
And by this time my sperm donor had.
So he left to leave charges fromhere to go to California and he
left California to leave chargesto come back to Ohio.
OK, so he's back in Ohio now? You know who he is.
No, I. Know his name?

(22:08):
And stuff like this. So now I have family members
reaching out like, hey, your dad's in town.
Well, my whole entire life, my mom, like, I don't know what I
don't want to say. All parents do that when they
separate, but a lot of them, they tell all the bad qualities.
Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
So, but even though, even if that's your father, as a man,

(22:30):
you want it like you all, you just want to find out yourself,
I guess, per SE. So I retched out and I slept on
his floor because I couldn't usehis address or do anything like
that because of section A and stamps and stuff.
You know how that goes. What's he like?
Everything you hoped you would be.
No man honestly like I when I first met him like he tried to

(22:54):
buy my love type stuff with a bunch of things and he he sold
weed so we smoked a lot of weed together.
You. Know what I mean?
Yeah, that common bonding. Over that.
So he yeah, man, I can't. I don't just not a good human
being, man. Really.
How like you don't treat family like that, blood like that.

(23:15):
Like he literally he wouldn't, he wouldn't get no more than a
quarter pound, but he would front it out to our family
members that like, and this is Mideast times, you know what I
mean? You can get like, you can get
1/4 for like $25, you know what I mean?
He's quartering people out for like 60 bucks, you know what I'm
saying? Yeah.
Especially your family. That's what I'm saying.
Wow. So and eventually we like he got

(23:38):
for Scott fit in all patches andPercocets.
You know what I'm saying? So.
The fucking patches. Man he blames.
Oh what bro I I stayed high for three days straight after you
went on 100 milligrams. Before they took the gel out of.
Them you could. Cut them and suck the gel out
and you'd be pain. Be gone.
You'd be gone for days, bud. It was in my dude's personal

(24:00):
stash. I never got to try it though.
And they had lollipops too. Yep, they definitely did you.
Could rub on the inside of your cheeks.
Man, I just got a boner. Sorry for this, continue on.
Yeah, I don't like to think of those days.
I'm actually sweating right now so but I just so me moving in
with him and she they got married would be my stepmom,

(24:21):
which is another weird story because she was like technically
my aunt before she was my stepmom because my stepdad.
Your mom's sister. No.
OK, so my mom's husband, yeah, brother was with this woman and
her kids. So these was my nieces and
nephews. It's like fucking Jerry Springer

(24:44):
written all over, buddy. My my step dad's brother goes to
prison for murder. For for murder.
Who do you he shot some dude in the face in South Carolina over
some drugs. Jesus.
So my dad comes back to Ohio andmeets this woman and they have a

(25:06):
relationship. And so I've already, I already
knew her and the kids. That's so weird, right?
Yeah, it's. Very weird.
It's got to be weird, yeah. And I guess that came another
resentment came in too, because he left me.
And now he's. And went to California and had
two sisters. I have two sisters in
California, Siana and Marissa. And he left them and he comes

(25:28):
here and these like I love them to death, like I really do.
You talk. You talk to him.
You. I just had a birthday party.
OK cool. Not with one to California, but.
Well, but I mean like. Nephews, sisters.
Yeah, their nieces, sisters, theCallie.
'S sisters. I've met him.
I've met yeah, that's another story.
I'll get to that. But so I'm like, how?

(25:51):
Like they, they looked at this man, his dad, they call him Dad
and they have their own father. You know what I mean?
Like he did right by these guys.You know what I'm saying?
For a long time, and that also hurt my heart.
You know what I mean? And.
Yeah, 'cause you're like, where's my fucking?
I'm not good enough for yeah, I wasn't good enough to stay
around for I. Wasn't good enough to accept the
love that you had to offer, you know what I'm saying?
So that hurt as well. We had a little, we've had a, we

(26:13):
had a couple fights and just to paint the kind of who he was.
So his wife got me a job at Constipated Chips.
All right, Well, I met someone there.
I was moving out that had everything that I needed for an
apartment, washer, dryer, bed, dressers.
You know what I'm saying? They was going to look out for
me. Well, he needed a dryer.

(26:34):
He said. You little fuck, why would you
come out? Take that from underneath my
feet. I need that like.
You're. Established.
Fucking floor, Yeah. No, it's not exact everything
you need, but you already have Idon't have like, you know what
I'm saying? And as a father now, I, yeah, I
promise you, Yeah, I will get mylast.
It doesn't matter what it is. I won't give it to them.

(26:56):
You know what I'm saying? Just so they don't have to hurt
or feel anything like. Yeah, like a child shouldn't
have to feel like that, man. They really shouldn't.
So. It's a dirt ball move.
Really is. So like I said, I'd already
experienced this with benzos andbikes and purse and all this
stuff, but cons is what actuallyI think put me over the limit.

(27:19):
I like wisdom and follow leads from older gentleman that can
teach me something. And at the time there was a
gentleman there, he who was on Vicodin, but he was like my
mentor. He was teaching me mechanical
how to run these machines, to fry the potato chips, to do all
this. And one day he was just like,

(27:42):
you know what I mean? Like he had seen had a little
pill bottle. I had excuse me, I, I don't
know. I, I did something and I had a
little script of muscle relaxersand he picked it up and seen it
and I had started the conversation on that.
Well, one day he gave me a couple.
We said here, take these. And at the time I didn't sniff
anything. Like I just orally did it

(28:03):
because I was, I was against sniffing.
And he's like, take these and sniff it.
It'll make it, you know what I mean?
It'll, it'll intensify, it'll make it better.
And I did it and it just every morning.
What was it? What was it?
Like 10s yeah, OK. And literally like I didn't even
have to buy them for a couple years because he would every
morning he would eat 5 or 10. What the?

(28:24):
Fuck and sniff them with. Some 10s.
Geez, the blue ones. That this never happened to me.
And like God, so that started that.
And then I there's another gentleman I don't want but he
was the same way and I would hang.
Out giving you shit. No, I would hang out, get them
for me and we would just hang out, drink and do.

(28:45):
Pills all day long. Like there would be so days I
don't even know how we made potato chips that would be so
days. So many days would be so like we
couldn't, you didn't leave work.You hung out in the parking lot
for a few hours or sober up 'cause you'd be so drunk and so
like, yeah, ridiculous. So yeah, that really led to
intensified the addiction of theof the the pills side.

(29:08):
Are you doing them every day with these fellows?
I mean any like withdrawals yet?I not that I know of like I
'cause I'm you. Got you?
Don't. Yeah, you got them.
Like oblivious to the fact of addiction and physical
withdrawals and dependency at that time.
I just think it's so. It's.
So. Classic as a young kid we hear
all the time. So much fun and by this time I'm

(29:31):
1920 ish and yeah I'm again all my people from Philo like I was
the plug I had, you know, I meanpounds of weed.
I'd come over. I have my pill play.
I'm I don't matter what it is, I'm crushing it up.
There's ten of us. I'm I'm the one crushing my
pills up, passing it out, you know, I mean like again, just

(29:53):
trying to be cool, just trying to better me trying to do trying
like I wanted. I wanted so bad I guess for
people to like me. Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
Instead of just being. Just being you, yeah, And taking
a chance on it. And so.
I bet they fucking loved you, yeah.
You've been my best friend, man You.
Know what I mean? Of course they did, you know

(30:13):
what I'm saying? That's what you wanted Pill
connects. I had the weed like.
This shit feels great, it reallydoes.
It's that high that you do get from that is.
Your phone blowing up the whole fucking 9 feels so.
Good. It really does.
It really does. But when you find out that once
those things are. Gone.
Shit's not real. Yeah.

(30:34):
It's not real at all. Yeah.
What it seems. Phone stops ringing.
Everything. Everything really.
You know what I mean? It's not, it's oh, you're my
best friend. You're my dude, you're my homie.
Until you can't. Front of my head zipper.
You ain't done. You know what?
I mean, or you ain't got a pill to give them, you know what I
mean? You ain't shit then.
So eventually I like I was doingpretty good on the weed side,

(30:56):
but eventually, like I said thatthat takes a back burner.
So now I'm taking all re up money to put in.
I think I graduated the 30s at the time.
So now like all my money's like now I don't even have no weed at
my house. Now I'm like when you call it
in, now I got to go get it. Yeah, and.
Then it was just like, I'm done with this, like it's now I ain't
got time to do any of this. I need, I got AI need to

(31:18):
dedicate time to locating pills.You know what I'm saying?
And that's what it went to. And then it was just slow.
And by this time I had I had my youngest son or my oldest son.
And now that it's just a gradualdecline.
And that's when I felt my first withdrawals.

(31:39):
I lived on 8th St. And what year?
What year about? 2010, maybe 2011.
Getting in that range. And I remember lying on the
bathroom floor, puking my guts up, maybe some blood in it,
covered in my blanket. I didn't know what, I didn't

(32:01):
know what it was. I called my mom crying, you know
what I mean? And my mom, she replays a story
sometimes to me. She come in and I'm like
literally the toilet. I'm curled around.
The toilet. You know what I'm saying?
Like. My knees are on this side of the
toilet, my head's on this side of the toilet.
Like I don't sweating, but I'm I'm cold but I'm hot.
Like I don't know what's going on really.
I didn't like it, didn't register yet.

(32:25):
When did it hit you? When did you figure it out that
a holy fucking shit I'm dependent on opiates?
I think my passion for basketball dropped and I
wouldn't do anything without a pill, like, because we would
play basketball like always, allthe time, you know what I mean?
And then it would be like, well,I can't go play basketball
because I need to get a pill or we're not going to do this until
we get some pills. I know someone's got some pills,
you know what I'm saying? And yeah, man, it just consumed

(32:49):
my whole, my whole life, man, I dude, it sounds so sick, but I,
my boy was a baby in his in a stroller.
And I'm walking around the fair when the, the back thing where
you put drinks, crushing up pills in the fair with hundreds
of people, thousands of people crushing pills up on my baby's

(33:10):
stroller, sniffing it down the fairway.
You know what I'm saying? Like not a care I didn't.
Care like I'm. Cool, you know what I mean?
I'm cool, you know what I'm saying?
It's what comes with it. Totally backwards.
And then sniffing pills with my toddler, my 2 year old, my 3
year old saying I got to use therestroom right on the toilet,
you know what I mean? Like.

(33:30):
I could imagine having like a full on addiction as a fucking
parent to a newborn bro. Like it's hard enough now when I
had like, I'm sober and trying to like fit drugs in there,
dude. I would.
Yeah. I don't know how I'd do.
That, and I think that feeds into it as well, because when
you are intelligent and you do know what to do and the right
moves to make and you consistently make the wrong

(33:53):
decisions and the wrong choices,Yep, that guilt and shame and
everything beats you down 10 times more.
You know what I'm saying? And especially as a parent
because and again. It's right in front of your face
every day. What to do?
Yep. I think when you're young again,
you're filling a void. You want to put you want.
If I have a kid, I'm. I'm that'll yeah, that'll give

(34:14):
me my. My purpose, I'm going to love
it. It's going to love me and.
Definitely going to be. This, it's going to do that and
then you're you're young and immature and you're unprepared
and it yeah, man, now you beat yourself up because you're not
being what you wanted to be, youknow what I'm saying?
And I did that for a long time, man.
Like I've I've been trying this recovery thing for 10 years and

(34:36):
I'm finally back on it after my last relapse but.
How long do you have now? I'm three months, you know what
I'm saying? Like my sponsor said, like and
last time when I did it, I did. I was clean for two years, but I
wasn't in recovery. What do you think it is?
What? What do you think it is?
That's that's you're not breaking through?
What do you think? Like if you had to identify one

(34:59):
thing, what do you think it is? You're not breaking through that
wall. Well, last time was.
Like going away from the places where people in recovery go.
Complacency. Think like, because like I said
again, I'm intelligent. My ego gets to me sometimes.
After a. While that was my.
Biggest my way I can I I controlthis.

(35:21):
You know, I'm saying that's where the spirituality comes in
this this time, like as I get older, my grandma and my mom are
very spiritual and was in God and I'd never really understood
it. But that last relapse man really
did me in like it. It really did, man.
Before I would, I could tell like, ah, like it's all right.

(35:42):
I know I could do it one time. I'm strong enough to do it now.
I know like without any questionor doubt, it doesn't matter what
it is. It's no good for me like.
It's crazy that we can convince ourselves that we.
Can do it once. Yeah.
I'm so fucking I will talk myself into making anything
sound like the best idea. I swear I do.
I, I, yeah, with everything in my heart and my soul.

(36:04):
The last time I drank, I was going to have two shots and then
I was going to smoke a cigarette.
No, no, God. And dude, I believed it for
sure. I believed, like I really
believed it. I got a clear head.
I'm strong enough. I like, yeah, I'm cured.
Like, and that's all. I used to say that too.
Like all I want to do is just I just wanted to be normal.
Like for instance, my fiance, you know what I'm saying?

(36:28):
She's got a masters in therapy. She can, she can go, she can go
out. She can go out and and have a
couple and and and and have a social outing.
Let's just call it that, a social outing and and pick back
up and be normal. Yeah, she didn't call the crack
dealer, No, to come down that's.What I'm saying or anything, you

(36:48):
know what I'm saying? That's I'm a top Golf.
Where you at? Where you at the?
Train for sure, for sure. So it's I don't, I don't know
what the head like. I just clicked this time, man,
something I never really got sponsors or tried to work
anything or do anything like that you're supposed to do in

(37:08):
recovery. I just was abstinent, you know
what I'm saying? I manifested my disease and.
Other beginners. And you're miserable when you're
like that too, that's the thing.You know what I'm saying?
Like so. If you have nothing but you just
take the drugs and alcohol because the drugs and the
alcohol are the solution. So if you have nothing, no
solution, yeah, you're just justa miserable fine.

(37:29):
Wallowing pity and sorrow all day long.
Yeah. Poured.
Yeah, dude, it's not worth it. It's so not worth it.
I really don't understand why ittook me so long.
I guess 'cause even on the outside looking in and you got
everybody that doesn't, has not been what we have been.
They're like, just stop, you know what I mean?

(37:50):
Just stop. Why aren't your kids?
Why aren't your family good enough?
Like like and when you're in full blown use mode like you,
you feel you want to stop but you can't.
It's like you literally. Can't.
Well, it's like survival, man. Like I need that in order to
live. That's.
What it feels like I. Mean that's what it does to your
brain. That's what it triggers your
your brain survival instincts. That's not a choice like you

(38:13):
have to do. It for sure.
Like, yeah, there's no. And I think also that I've
learned that I've never been able to outwardly.
Well, how much? Show my emotions positively.
Like. Released and positive release
emotions positively so I think. Hence and considerate.

(38:38):
County we got. To talk about that.
Yeah. We're getting there, yeah.
So. That's good.
That's good. That you've found a different
way or a different approach, I guess would be the correct yes
terminology. Forget where I left off at now.
So you're just with through the first time?
Oh yeah, so. That's right.

(39:00):
Yep. So this time now my job work is
spotty. So now I'm not so much as a
reliable, you know what I mean? Because now I have to wake up
with it, go to bed with it, dosemultiple.
Times. Yeah, go and get it during the
middle of the work day. Yeah, Oh.
God, oh, it makes me sick. This so I'm now I'm doing
dilaudids and and 30s you know I'm saying and opanas and and.

(39:26):
Those were great too. Again, like great time when you
have them. Yeah, but when you don't, it's.
The worst ever. So another person in the family
was a well respected drug dealerand I had tried heroin for the

(39:46):
first time. You know, I meanwhile I spend 20
bucks, you know I mean get a Berry 30s of the time we're
going 4045. You know what I'm saying?
Yes. OK, so you got to puddle it.
Yep, because then. Oh no.
No, no, no, I can't. Do that.
I ain't doing none of that yet. Have you had legal consequences
yet, by the way, other than the expulsion and the two sheriffs?

(40:09):
So I got pulled over and they found a hookah bong and some
marijuana but that was just. Like but really nothing up.
To a slam. Nope.
That's pretty good. It's a deep run.
Yep. And so where was that again?
You were getting a Berry. Berry yeah.
Heroin. So this is, I'm still with the

(40:31):
first mother of my child at the time.
We're both, we both get high together.
You know what I'm saying? So I get a Berry and we do the
Berry. And it was.
Fucking everything you ever wanted in life.
I'm like. Why didn't I do this sooner?
Why have I been blowing so much money on on these pills when I
could just be doing this? You know what I mean?

(40:53):
And I didn't continuously buy after that because perks are
better. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. Perks is better.
I can't. I don't want to be.
They called it dog food back then.
Yeah. So I'm still just doing perks
and when I can't afford purse, Iwould get a Berry here or there,
you know what I'm saying? And my woman worked at a gas

(41:17):
station and I would make her steal from the gas station.
You know what I'm saying? Like you, I mean, I guess I
didn't point a gun to her head. But what is that like get money
out of the drawer type thing? Yeah.
If you want to get high today oryou want to get well.
This is what we need. You're going to get it together,
you know what I'm saying? Pull 20.
Out that bitch 20. 20. Out that OK, what can you do?
How do you do that? How did you do that?

(41:38):
I don't know. I wasn't.
Whatever. Yeah.
She, I mean, I think at the timeshe raised up the manager, so
she was getting into the, the safe.
She eventually got fired. But yeah, man.
So there's more manipulation into into people's behaviors to
get what I need. You know what I'm saying?
Tornadoing through people's lives.
And we startling to fall off, meand her.

(42:02):
And that's when alcohol became abig factor.
I became more into alcohol to suppress that because I really
did love her. Like and I'm I'm I guess I'm a
lover boy man when I get with somebody.
I think that all of her, I thinkall addicts are, I think that
we're all a little bit softer than we're willing to admit.

(42:24):
I if I get with you, I want to be with you forever.
I have hopes of being with you forever.
And that's what I thought. But she was a slut.
She was a cum dumpster for real.For me and for everybody.
Damn. So.
Say less. Yeah, so after she left I was
alcohol and and heroin, man. Are you doing both?
Oh yeah, for sure. Why not?

(42:44):
Why wouldn't I? Well, maybe for me, like the
heroin, I couldn't feel the heroin completely if I was doing
booze too. Same like when I first started
drinking and smoking if you if Ismoked weed 1st and drank that
wouldn't make me dizzy and get sick.
So if I get high on what I get high 1st and then start drinking
I. Have a cold beers.
Makes sense? Give you some legs maybe?

(43:05):
Yeah, yeah. So I'm in his. 20s by now and
this is when my first so I'm I left I left her and I had found
employment at McDonald's at the time, which is again, I felt
shameful like man, dude. There's I'm working at
McDonald's. People in high school that are.
Yeah, they're coming for. Me.

(43:26):
Though I know, but you do. But you do.
I mean, yeah. And it's a small town.
I get that. It's a small town.
It's a. College.
You just got to think on to the next.
I'm just got to do this for a second.
On to the next like. Oh, hey, I'm.
You're doing great. Welcome, McDonald's you.
Know. What I'm saying like you want to
trust me? Trust me.
I get it. Yeah.
So that I can imagine. But it ended up me meeting

(43:47):
someone that was special, you know what I'm saying?
Like which is my fiance that. Look at that.
For 13 years, you know what I'm saying?
And I'm lucky because I've been a piece of shit for a long time.
And to have a woman like that stay around, I'm very blessed.
So she normal normal lady doesn't do anything.
When I first met her, she was like, even against marijuana,

(44:08):
like, you're not going to bring that shit to my house.
Damn. Like that's how she was damn
when I first got with her. I Little does she know.
The. Fucking F5 coming through I.
Mean She was a naive little girl, like a freshman in
Muskegon College, like just. Oh man.
You know what I mean? She.
Yeah, Yeah. And she didn't take the warning

(44:29):
signs from everybody. You know what I'm saying?
Leave that dude alone. Yeah, he's trying.
To mean, but at that same instance, people like, I think
people forget what they did whenthey was young and the mistakes
that they made. You know what I'm saying?
So they judge me for mistakes that I had made.
But when you sit with someone and you have like deep open
heart conversations and they can, they actually genuinely

(44:50):
feel who you are. It's hard to tell someone who
someone is. Once you feel who they are, you
know what I'm. Saying some of it's imposter
syndrome too. Like for me, I still, I still
get paranoid, like my records been expunged and I still like
because of the podcast I'm out there.
So I I still get paranoid like at my job or like job

(45:10):
interviews, like Oh my God, they're going to know I'm a
criminal. Like like it's in part of it is
imposter syndrome like you had it doesn't leave you like I'm
doing fucking drugs. Like I'm a piece of shit like.
And when you do good, people want to bring you down.
Like that's, I feel like especially in my time, when
someone sees you doing good, they want to bring things up
that you did previously, the past, you know what I'm saying,

(45:32):
which are irrelevant now, you know what I'm saying?
But it's like, oh, I got to bring you down to my level.
Yeah. Well, that's the B2 is you get
to come out here and just. And I'm at an age now where I.
Like it's just like I'll let my life show.
I don't have to prove it to you anymore.
If I didn't go through what I went through, I wouldn't be who
I am sitting. Here.
Yeah, absolutely you. Know what I'm saying and I I

(45:52):
never used to look at it like that.
I used to still be like God pityme.
Why does everything in this lifehappen to me?
Why does it gotta be me instead of thinking you idiot?
Yeah. Your decisions.
I did this to myself. I did this.
You know what I'm saying? Like when I was adolescent, I I
didn't have a say over that. But when I hit a certain stage
of my life, yeah, now I get to determine what my life can.

(46:16):
Be you have a choice in the matter.
Yeah, for sure. You get to do things like wake
up, go to work, got your fiance like you get to do those.
Things now I get a yes, I get tobe honest, I get to carry myself
with integrity. I get it, you know what I mean?
I get to be everything that I know I should have been a long
time ago, but. You're so young.
Yeah, for sure. But I, I wanted again, I wanted

(46:37):
to be something that I wasn't sopeople would think that I'm
this, you know what I'm saying? And it's they are people that
are non existent in my life really.
So it should have never really mattered.
It just was a phase. Isn't that crazy?
You know what I'm saying? Isn't that crazy?
They're all gone anyway. Yeah.
For sure there's a select few because excuse me, some people

(47:02):
get old and mature. And mature too.
Yeah, and. Then they realize and they they
go along with the same thing so.Tell us about this sweet little
Muskingum girl, your fiance and how you she doesn't want weed in
the house. But we all know that's not
happening. So how does this?
Play. Yeah.
How do you trick her out of not being a heroin?

(47:22):
You know what I mean? Like your full blown pill slash
heroin, Yeah. So tell us about it.
Tell us about it. I.
Just there's times and places for things, you know what I
mean? And that that I don't like.
It's hard to explain. I was just good at it and she
was naive, so it. How do you explain, like leaving
a random point in the day and going to get like, you know,
whatever you need? OK, I'm going to go pick up some

(47:45):
weed. Yeah, they.
Just covered up with weed. Lesser of two evils, yeah.
Always, even even after we've been together for years and she
had known that I'm loyal to the foil at this point, all of it.
You know what I'm saying? Like I could still be like, no,
you're tripping. Like even after I gave her the
signs like if I if you see me dothis, this and this.

(48:06):
That means I'm getting high. I could No.
You're tripping. You're in your brain about
things. Stop.
Gas lighting the shit out of her, yeah.
For sure up in the rafters like quarter oz, that's, that's
'cause I, I was, I worked. So, you know, I mean, I make
decent money. So it's easy to pay my bills and

(48:28):
do what I needed to. Do have your vices?
Yeah, but in the beginning, so Iactually influenced her to start
smoking weed. Oh boy.
We got food poisoning one time and both deathly sick and I'm.
I told her like I know. You're so so help your appetite.
Going to help yourself you. Fucking asshole Tony.

(48:52):
If you just hit this bowl like up, it'll take everything away
that you're feeling like, I promise you.
And she did. And.
It did, didn't it it? Definitely helped her
immediately, you know what I'm saying?
But she's not like me. Yeah.
So she has control she didn't have to do, right, You know what
I'm saying? Go search for bigger, stronger

(49:13):
things to feel that. Yeah.
So that led that. When you when you started to get
into legal trouble, what did that look like and and how did
that affect your relationship? I'm getting ready to bring that
up. So we had been together probably
a year or so, and my little brother took off and went to the

(49:39):
Navy and he was graduating submarine school in Connecticut.
Damn bud. And we obviously what went well
on the way back, me, I didn't have no narcotics.
I didn't have any pills. My dude wouldn't give me no
pills. I would even like probably 800
bucks before I went, you know what I mean?

(49:59):
Damn. So I'm like, come on, dude.
Like you know, I'll get, you know, I'll get my check when I
get back. Like let me get a few. 0800
bucks come on bro. I always pay my debts, you know
what I mean? Always.
It didn't. Matter what I know it just
sounds so funny. But so on the way back home, I'm
flying because I need to get Yeah.

(50:19):
You got to get your I need. To get back to I need to get to
Hogue Ave. as fast as I can get.You know what I mean?
And I guess from recollection from people behind me when I so
it was my mom, me or my mom, someone from New York and then
me, I went out of the fast lane,in the slow lane to pass them

(50:41):
because I know where I'm at now.I'm going home.
Well, when I did that, I guess Icut a semi off.
I don't recollect, but I remember it was a 2015 Toyota
Corolla. We rented it from Enterprise and
I'm going 100 mile an hour. You know, I mean fast lane after
I get out. And I was like, babe, like this
semi is going to hit us or he's going to hit that semi.

(51:02):
There's a semi in a slow lane and she was like, slow down.
I'm like, no, I'm going to speedup.
I'm. Going to go past.
Him, yeah, I won't be able. You know what I mean?
Well, his momentum and he had tohave been doing 100 or more like
with what he was pushing. That's my kind of guy, baby.
And so it was us. He chose us instead of the semi.
Wow, you know what I'm saying? That's a Dick move.
He he tapped us and right as soon as the car hit the we was

(51:26):
in Pennsylvania right as soon asthe car hit the grass median it
did uncontrolled, uncontrolled 90° angle.
Damn. So like 90° angle.
You remember any of that? Yeah, for all of it.
Honestly, I didn't. Have my did you roll no seat
belt on? I didn't have.
A seat belt on, she was laid back like.
In seat belt with seat belt on, right?

(51:46):
As soon as the car didn't and I knew I had no control, I just
closed my eyes and I tucked to. I just hope for the best, you
know? I mean right to the center.
You know what I'm saying and. We went underneath the back two
wheels. Luckily we didn't get stuck of
the semi of the same semi. That hit us.
Damn, so then that semi kicked us out from that semi into the

(52:08):
slow lane semi into that semi. That semi kicked us back to the
median. Wow.
Did it hit you or did it just nudge?
What did you do? Like it just you just kept like
a. Pin.
Like a pinball ball? Yeah, you just fucking back and
forth between semis. So.
And. What's crazy is is I hopped out
of the vehicle before my parentspassed.

(52:30):
Damn. So like I was already out of the
vehicle as my parents was passing like on the phone, you
know? I mean if they wasn't behind us
he would have got away and nothing would have happened.
The truck driver? Yes, my parents.
Followed him like 30. Miles down the road on the phone
was there patrolling. Damn, you know what I mean?
And there's parts of our car stuck on his tractor trailer.
He's so screwed. Oh, he's.
So screwed. CDLS bye bye he.

(52:54):
Was the owner operator as well. Oh.
Yeah, I bet he was running 100. And he's going to hit and go
like it's. Fucked up and feel this.
Come on bro, right you. Know it's crazy as a former.
Logistics broker, that's my kindof driver.
If you're busting in 100, that'smy kind of guy.
Turn and burn, baby. Turn and burn that shit there.
So nobody's hurt. So.

(53:15):
Adrenaline pumped over this and that, so we refused to go to the
hospital in Pennsylvania. You know what I mean?
By the time we get back to Zanesville, How the fuck do you
get back to Zanesville with? My parents so you just hop in
their. Car actually they take.
Us to a squad to the. Barracks.
So hang on, they you hit, you get.
Out you see your parents going by, they follow the guy and they
come back through the road. Yep, I'm picking stuff off the

(53:36):
Interstate. Like my shoes are closed because
the trunks ripped off of it. What's your girl doing all?
I. Remember waking up and is.
Yelling her name repeatedly, repetitively.
You know what I'm saying? And.
We just. We both.
Got out. You know what I mean?
Like almost shit myself. Like, like literally almost shit
myself. Yeah, believe it, I bet.

(53:58):
The adrenaline. Shit myself too.
So that was the first. Thing I did when I got to the
barracks. Actually was take a shit, take a
shit. Wow.
Refused all like help there. So then we get in the car and we
get back to to Ohio and into Zanesville and we immediately
went to the hospital. Bethesda was still there at the
time. I did wait, but what about your
dope? Oh, that's I.

(54:18):
Mean you're just going to go to the hospital and get hooked up
to AI just got. Into a car wreck.
Yeah, you. Got the altar?
Yeah, you're plugged. In Yeah, what do you mean you're
going to? Go get a lot of free stuff so.
But all I had was a Bruce Sternum from the gear shift.
So is that enough? Yeah, it got me.
I think. It's a little shot of 20, Yeah,

(54:39):
you know. What I mean sweet.
But I still went and. Got, you know, Yeah, yeah.
Dude, but she. Had a dislocated.
Hip a dislocated shoulder and itwas one of the newer cars that
the airbags deployed here. You're not crazy and she had a
seat belt. On Yeah man, I and you didn't, I
feel. Like they.
Really hurt you? More I think it's like your
body, you're so. You're.

(55:00):
Exactly. Which is why.
When people were drinking drive.Yeah, you don't.
Yeah, you're come out unscathed.You're you're going with the
fall instead. Of like, yeah, you know what I'm
saying? You're not tensing up.
Yep, exactly. So damn.
Yeah. Wow.
And she had to do a lot of. Physical therapy, so that's.
Probably good for the self esteem.
She still has issues with her hips and.

(55:20):
Shoulder like she calls it her button up in her back.
I got to I press her back to relieve pressure in her
shoulders and stuff and her hipspop.
But so so how do you how? Once you come to and everything,
I mean, there's talk about guiltand shame, Yeah.
Oh man, dude. I caused this.
Yeah, way. You know what I mean?

(55:41):
Like, yeah. Like.
Or busting at 100. To go fucking.
But at that time I'm still. Selfish so I'm not having all
the recollection of all that youknow, I'm still just so far
you're one track mind and. Oh, I feel bad.
For you, yeah, you'll. Be all right, you know shit
happens, Tar. Accidents happen, yeah.
For sure, you know. What I'm saying?
And so this starts us the process of a lawsuit to gain.

(56:08):
Funds. So we start that process, we get
an attorney that's going to do it all for free until he he gets
our settlement, you know what I mean?
And we get a settlement. I do believe she got later the
insurance. The I don't really know, but I
know. That what he was hoping was is

(56:28):
when we, because we had to driveback to Pennsylvania 8 hours to
go to court and a lot of people don't do that.
And if you didn't show up for court and I think it's just
yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying?
So, and what was a blessing? As well.
I wasn't supposed to be driving.This is another dishonest thing
that you, excuse me, shouldn't do.
I wasn't supposed to be driving.I didn't rent a car.

(56:49):
Insurance wasn't in my name. Oh, we said she was driving.
Yeah. Yeah, so.
All this could happen. Well, the people from New York
that was behind us drove all theway from New York.
You're lying on everything and testified on our behalf that she
was driving and doing all wow like even sent us.
Letters OK and. Everything like Finn turn it was
a good dude like oh I. Thought they were gonna drive.

(57:10):
From New York to like. No, he.
Was driving. Say whoa, they drove.
From New York, Yes, they did. And.
Golly, that's what that's the nail.
In the coffin, he's. A G Yeah.
What's the What's? What are they talking about?
Like all we're going to get thislike what's the like that like?
Obviously since I'm active use like I'm calling every month,

(57:34):
like what's yeah, where's that? Where's my money?
What's going? On well, it took almost two
years. You know what I mean?
At the end of two years is. When they finally sat.
Down and started throwing numbers and like the first
number was like we're going to ask for 100,000 blahs a blah
like this and that you know whatI mean?
And then once they say this is what we're going to ask for,
they say this is what we're offering this and this.
Well, it finally gets to an offer.

(57:55):
I think it I don't I want to say60 something, but after attorney
fees and stuff like that, she got like 34,000 yeah, that's
right. And some bullshit like that's
what she got because of physicaltherapy and all those and all
that stuff. And I think mine was.
Like 12 or 13 and I got 8, you know what I'm saying?
And we got mine. Lawyer fees are expensive.

(58:16):
I know those. Little bastards get you had.
To stay dude they ripped. It was like. $17,000 that I had
to pay, yeah. But it wasn't for.
Them I wouldn't have got. Anything so I didn't.
And you got and free money. Yeah, it's free.
You did nothing for it. You.
Just drove to Pennsylvania, accepted it so we got mine. 1st
and I don't even remember what Ijust know it was gone poof.

(58:38):
But I remember when hers came inand we went to Huntington Bank
on Main Street. So yours just fucking poofed.
Immediately. And you're just waiting for that
big 34K to drop. I'm ready to, yeah.
I'm, well, they tax balling, butnot tax balling.
Kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. But I remember going to the

(58:58):
Huntington Bank. With the cashier's check to try
to get the money and at this time I like I'm a young I'm I'm
a Dick like I'm controlling Dickhead like with with her yeah
with. Anything in my life that's.
You know what I'm saying, But specifically her because I knew
I could. You know what I'm saying?
And I remember the teller sayinglike if you don't leave this
gentleman, he's going to spend all your money.

(59:19):
You don't have anything. You know what I'm saying?
As we're in the bank, you know what I mean?
And I'm telling her my Peace of Mind type deal.
And we leave because we can onlyget a few $1000 because the
check has got to sit to clear. But OK.
So that's. Really sent me over the edge on
my addiction. Is that money?
So we bought a Nissan Murano for$10,000 cash and I bought my

(59:44):
first Harley for like 6 grand. You are taxed rich bro.
So that. Was I didn't want to buy?
I tried to tell her not to like get.
That's half the money, dawg, I told her.
Not to buy that kind of vehicle,you know.
What? I mean like we could find
something different, but are youabout the Harley or the Nissan?
The Nissan. Oh, I'd say fuck the Harley.
She wanted to buy a. House as well but I told her
like. I were young.
We'll buy a house later. Kept on pushing that off.

(01:00:05):
Yeah. You want to push that off?
Which we? Had a hell.
Of an opportunity from a family.Member to get like the House now
I'll be, I'll be. All right, if.
We would automate the right decisions.
Yeah, yeah, my decision making. Skills you could.
Have invested that you could have done.
And that was probably Zanesville.
Houses were probably cheap. This was like a 5 bedroom.

(01:00:26):
Finished basement, a pole, like a couple acres behind the
fairgrounds. Yeah, yeah, you'll get it.
You'll get. It back I'm not worried.
About none. Of that, yeah, you'll get it
back. But so we buy the Murano, I buy
my Harley, we buy some clothes. Oh shit.
So we got like 10 grand. Left.

(01:00:46):
I don't know. I'm by the.
I'm buying 30. 30s a day like I'm doing 5 at a time like this.
I'm doing. I keep my McDonald's straw in my
pocket. Yeah, and I do 5 at a time.
They are the best straws. Yeah, the big boys, yeah.
And. So but those had to been

(01:01:06):
expensive back then 'cause. When you had 2013, 2013, Oh my
God. It was like 20. $500 a day.
I think I'll. Spend.
Oh my God. Yeah, Money.
Lasts in no time at all, so. I got the money in August of. 15
by October before my birthday itwas all gone so I'm about to

(01:01:26):
Yeah so. Oh, and you're about to come see
us so. Yes, so.
This is what caused it and so this time too, I'm trying to
better my life because obviouslymy job, I'm trying to better my
life. My job.
OK, let's get this. Shit together now my job.
My. Job's been spotty.
I'm not really been employable like so I'm going to go to
school. Dog, you just had 40 racks.

(01:01:48):
Yeah, that's, that's irrelevant.That's.
Besides. The point that's gone, yeah.
You don't. You can't take it with you.
Right. Yeah.
No, I mean that that is true. So but.
I wasn't thinking of. I know you're not supposed to
think of the future, but when you're that young, you got to
think. You got to think a little bit
ahead. I mean, plan a little bit.
Yeah. So.
But so I'm like, Oh yeah, I'm going to get it all.

(01:02:09):
Together, I'm going to go to school, you know, I mean, I got
to get, I got to get me a tray under my belt that's going to
cure your, you know what I'm saying?
What ails? You.
You're going to be all right. Yeah, I'll make more money.
I'll be able to. Buy my drugs will be good.
Yeah, life will be bad. Sounds great.
Sounds great. So.
I'm way deep and so the money's.Like I start school, money's

(01:02:32):
gone, my bike still has 30 day tags on it.
I sell it to my teacher because my parents kicked me out of
their house. Like I lived in my parents
basement with my girl and my son, you know what I mean?
I'm a twin mattress and they kicked you out.
Because so. I had taken something from the
neighbor's house. This was my first charge.
Well, petty theft, you know whatI mean?
And I told him, call the cops. You know, I mean, like, reverse

(01:02:54):
psychology. Yeah.
Yeah. Call the cops.
I mean, call it. You ain't.
What do you take, you know? A tablet.
And. So they.
Did call the cops they. Called the bluff.
They really called your bluff? Yeah, for sure.
So I got a petty theft. And they put me on probation, so
which I'm like, cool. Did you go sit in jail at all
for that? No.
No, just probation. You know what?
I mean, well, I went and got bonded out, you know what I
mean? I know about Bondsman so

(01:03:15):
probably different there. And.
So I get out and I'm like, I'm this dude.
Probation is not smarter than me.
They can't beat me. Oh, you're you're the guy that
can beat the system. Oh my God, you're the one so
wrong. I mean so fucking Neo.
I can't. Come see you because.
I got I go to school. I got to be at school at 7:00 in
the morning and I don't get out till 5 so there's no way I can

(01:03:36):
see you. Well, I'll open up early for
you. I'll see you before you go to
school. Damn, you know what I mean?
Damn, he'll open up early for you so I would.
See you real quick, yeah. Real quick SO.
So anyway, I took the. Tablet got that charge, got put
on probation. I had a little sister at the
time. Well, she's adopted.
She's my niece as well, but my parents adopted her.

(01:03:57):
I know where this is going so. I had talked her into.
Let me pawn her TV. Oh, that's not what I was
expecting. How you talk?
Her into that I'll. Give it back to you.
I'll get the TV back out before you know what.
I mean like, 'cause my parents have been potheads and do things
and don't really. So I was like, finesse this when
I talk, you know, I mean, my girl always worked.

(01:04:18):
So it's our money, you know whatI mean?
It's our money, you know what I'm saying?
So anyway. So that was the last straw.
They found that out. And they had to kick me out.
So that's when I had to sell my Harley to my teacher with 30 day
tags on it. Still, that's.
Brutal at this. What do you sell it for?
Go ahead. So.
You bought it for what? Go ahead.

(01:04:39):
You bought it for. 6 grand. Over 6 grand tax and.
Title I sold. 1500 Oh buddy. God.
Has. Dumb dope.
Fiend deal, but I I mean I probably spent.
Most of it on pills. As well, you know, yeah and
maybe I gave her like 500 bucks to.
Try to get an. Apartment yeah, yeah, so.
But this time I've been. On probation.
For a little bit and failed somedrug tests.

(01:04:59):
So like now he's giving me ultimatum.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying? And this like I'm at the last
part of school too, so like I'm in the CDL part.
Like I have my CDL permit, I'm about to get my CDL, you know
what I'm saying? Like, and I go in and see him
until Friday and I knew I was dirty, you know what I mean?
There's no way I was going to pass.
So I got me some fake pee, you know what I mean?

(01:05:20):
And I do some real fake pee, yeah, like it's construction.
So like I'm suited and booted inCarharts and multiple layers
'cause we're outside. It's yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's November. Ish December.
Ish. You know what?
I. Mean so I'm like, I practice.
No, not, not. Keep it warm, just.
Practicing being able to pour itin the cup and dump it down my
pants so it goes into my boot. So if he does check me, you're

(01:05:42):
good. He can't.
There's no way he. Seems to fake.
Pee, You know what I mean? Like I rehearsed and everything.
Tied it to drawstrings like I did you.
Wasn't catching, had a whole fucking setup going on.
Wasn't. Catching me, so I go in.
And what caught me was is I get,I don't know, I'm sure people
can relate. It's not the easiest to pee, you
know what I'm saying? When you it's someone's watching

(01:06:04):
you. You got to.
Watch. He wasn't like.
At this time, his misdemeanor, so he wasn't like gazing, but he
was there and that's my first time.
So I would be pee shy. In the prior times it took me
longer to pee. So this time when I went, you're
like. Bam, it happened immediately.
So he was like. That oh he caught that he's like
you pee too quick damn and he's like let.

(01:06:26):
Me search you and I'm like all right so.
I dropped my first layer. He's like, huh?
I dropped my second layer. He's like.
Huh. So he made me pull all my, you
know what I mean, all the way down, and then there it.
Was hanging on my drawstring. What do you?
Have it in when it comes in. It's like that you pass.
Stuff you get the low any, you know what I'm saying?
Oh, so you didn't even? Have real urine, no fake.

(01:06:46):
Pee. You had fake pee, like literally
but it works it. Literally is.
I've never tried it. Yeah, it's.
Legit. I mean, I'm.
So I was too scared of the. F3 but.
Just be clean and you won't haveto use.
Well, we're. Correct.
Yeah, yeah, correct. So what's he do?
Puts me in cuffs immediately. So this is actually my first
time doing. How defeating is that feeling
bro? Dude, that had to been

(01:07:07):
miserable. Yeah, that's a.
That's a ego killer. Devastated.
Yeah, all you had to do. Was wait devastate?
No, all I had to do was just. Wait and piss a little and not
do it. Like all that?
Well. Right.
Yeah, it gets sober, obviously. Rationally, my brain thinks
like. If I would have just been
honest, like hey man, like I'm fucking up.
You're still getting charged though.
He's still going to. Charge you with a felon?

(01:07:28):
Yeah, better. It's still.
It's still. Missed.
This is misdemeanor. Petty theft, right?
But what you just did is a felony.
Right. I don't think so.
I don't. Yeah, I don't know about that.
I don't. Know.
Are you sure? I don't really know what
happens. Next, I don't know.
OK, so. 'Cause that'll tell us I go to
jail. But while I was kicked out from
my mom's is when I started doingmy burglaries, my breaking in

(01:07:50):
any rings, my rough stuff like during this time, so.
The world's crashing like, no, Ithink I'm away with it.
I'm going to jail for a petty theft, you know what I mean?
And I've been kicking doors and hitting insurance.
Yeah. OK, OK.
Cashing fake checks. And so wait, he.
Didn't tell you? Like that's tampering.
With evidence, no. When, when you got caught with a

(01:08:12):
pitch, which it is, 'cause it is, that's yeah.
It's a felony. No, he didn't give me none of
that. I just.
He just threw me in jail for my for APV for my petty theft.
OK, so. They gave me 30 days in jail.
Well, while I was doing this, 30days in jail, some of the dirt
that had, oh the Grim Reaper came to see you.
Yeah, so I. Got a 7 count indictment.

(01:08:37):
Damn, brother. Because I hit an insurance
company. And we mean you hit an insurance
company. So like you just bucket like.
When the building. Yeah, fraud.
Type shit so. And Zane's with a lot of.
Insurance companies own apartment complexes.
OK, OK, so. Rent is paid.

(01:08:58):
OK, certain. Things like that, you know what
I'm saying? I did not know that.
So one may or may not have been a landlord, or two may or may
not have been. So I get this indictment.
Breaking and entering, theft, forgery, safe cracking, theft by
deception, Oh shit. And I forget what else.

(01:09:19):
Are they all F fives? NO1F?
Four. Yeah.
What was that the? The safecracking safe.
Cracking which I. Didn't know this neither.
If you a desk that takes a key if you pop that, that's safe
cracking. Get out bro.
Yes, so detectives come. And they talk to.
Me and like again like I'm scared to death like you're

(01:09:41):
you're you know what I mean you're facing like 7 years in
prison you know what I'm saying which now that I know that it
can that could never happen never happen Yeah, I'm saying
but. Again, they're looking at.
Dude for PV 30 days has never been in trouble.
Got a possession of marijuana back in 2004.
Like how did they find out it's you?
So I got. Told on.

(01:10:01):
So oh geez, I got. Cash, but I.
Also got checks. And I would write the check and
sign people's name. I would just have someone cash
them for me. Well, that person.
Said that he had got. Them from me, you know what I'm
saying? You've had bad luck.
You've had bad luck. With that, yeah, instead of

(01:10:22):
telling you left and right instead of.
Taking his. Little.
Lick 5. You're accountable too.
You know what I mean? You could.
Just take your little forgery. They couldn't put anything else
on you. Yeah, but yeah, he told on me.
Damn. Sold you down the river so.
Talking to the detectives. Days like, well, you can sign a
bill of information, you know what I mean?
And that's admitting my guilt and I'll get lesser charges.

(01:10:46):
So I was like, all right, cool. Well, so I signed a bill of
information and that helped me get probation.
I did 60 days in the county jailfor all these felonies.
They gave me 60 days local and they gave me paper.
What was the 60 days in? Zanesville Jail.
Like, oh, city jail. Sweet, actually.
It's like old folks home. It's boring.
I really, I mean really, it's totally different than the

(01:11:07):
workhouse. Oh yeah, Franklin County, you
can lay in your rack and watch TV.
You got. Like FXMTV.
Damn. Alright, I'm saying, how's the
food? Shit, the food is shitty 'cause
they make it in the county so it's.
A little cold, you don't get salt and pepper and like that,
but commensary. You can get.
Ice cream you can get 20 ounce bottles of pop Mountain.
Oh damn, like it's. It's.

(01:11:28):
Not the worst, jail you. Got a what?
Do you call him and to see it like I've.
Literally been in that jail sitting and like it's so the CE
OS outside. It's like fishbowl kind of CEO
sits outside and the three pods are in it.
You know, I mean, it's glass. I've literally been sitting
there smoking weed, cigarettes, shooting dope and just be just

(01:11:49):
doing your thing, whatever, hanging.
Out I mean doing dog. Yeah, like cool, you know, I'm
saying. So you did cross that line
eventually. Of course, who doesn't you know,
I mean a? Lot of people I.
Definitely did. So I definitely did did.
Your little 60 days did. My 60 days got out on probation.
Still thinking I'm going to beatprobation?

(01:12:12):
Yeah, I'll show that you're not better.
Than me. You're not smarter.
Than me, you know what I'm saying, you can't do it.
So I go in there and feed them all kinds of bullshit like I'm,
you know what I mean, doing the right thing.
I'm not. Manager at a pizza.
Shop or sub shop so. I didn't beat him, still pissing

(01:12:34):
dirty. Yep, and can't.
Stop. No, can't.
Fucking stop. Just can't.
I don't want. To yeah, you fucking can't.
Just didn't. Want to like at the time?
Like, I didn't want to. I'm just, I was still young.
Like you didn't know how, like. Yeah, exactly.
I. Didn't know how this is.
Yeah, and so they throw me back in the county, which is a shit

(01:12:59):
hole of a place, like the most dirtiest, disgustingest place
you could be. They don't even treat you like
you're a person in there. Franklin County or Franklin?
County garbage and. I.
I don't know how long I do. 45 days close to 60 again and I
hear that I'm going to do CBCF Franklin County community case

(01:13:24):
facility which is. A minimum.
Security prison, yes, by the state of if you look it up on
Google, that's what it says. Yeah, she had.
A barbed wire fence Outback. Which it's definitely not that
though. No, not.
When we were there. No, fuck no it.
Wasn't no COVID changed it. COVID turned into a almost a
prison. Yeah, I'm glad I didn't.

(01:13:45):
I'm glad. I didn't have to, no.
We had it. Sweet, yes.
We definitely did. I mean, I was.
Still going home and getting coochie and yeah, that's where
we all and every week, yeah, this is.
How we all come under. Each I remember you running to
me as I was. Being transferred into a dorm
and being like, yo, this is Tony.
Like you meet Tony, my friend Tony.
Like I remember you introducing me to Tony.

(01:14:05):
Was we all in the same rat group?
We was. All.
No, I think I was in slip. Upstairs.
Didn't you? Me.
And you were? Definitely we was in the same.
Rat Group. Which is responsible?
Yeah, so. It's like it's you're locked in,
you can't get out, but like you're free to go to outside
meetings. You can get a job eventually.
I was I was out of county. Oh, OK.
So. You have to sit through.
Programming all day. Yeah, like a little kid, man,

(01:14:30):
you got to. It's really easy though it's not
bad. It's like the food.
'S pretty good. Food's pretty damn delicious.
You can't. I worked in the kitchen.
Smuggle. Cigarettes in Yeah, so it's.
Not it's not a terrible which blew my mind when I first got
there. Like how are you?
Smoking Newport One hundreds. Yeah, but.
Yeah, dog we talked about. That one time we talked, yeah,
we talked about those new listeners.

(01:14:50):
I swear to God we came back froma.
Meeting one. Time I forget who it was but I
literally seen him. We were at the bus stop and he
just changed it immediately. Which?
Is I had to have I? Had to have a whole like, I need
a candle lit. I needed like music in the
background, some Lube. Yeah, this time I had never.
Experienced, I would. Never.
Like I was just weird. To me, the funniest thing about

(01:15:12):
it is everyone. Be like, oh, you're so gay,
you're so gay, so gay on the unit.
They're like, yo, let me get. Let me get one.
Let me get one. And it's literally like, now you
walk in. With it up your butt, right?
And then you're in the bathroom expelling it and you got guys
coming in. Guys never way like a line want
you. To hand it over the.
Wall to them fresh out your ass.There's literally a line at the
stall of people. Waiting for the fucking

(01:15:33):
cigarettes. Talking about being people's
friends. That's that's the time when you
come in, people love you when you're so unbelievable.
Like at the. Time I never did that but.
Just to touch bases on it, I don't think it is gay and it
really just makes you feel like you got poop, you know what I
mean? Just for a little hot second.
I mean, it's like I've done way Dumber.
Things for money for sure like that was AI never did.

(01:15:54):
Newport one hundreds or. Anything like that?
Yeah, that was my first. Yeah.
I was I. Was ballsy.
I won a half pack my first time,man Yeah.
And I was like, how do they not break because you're so.
They're so compacted into. The SO let's talk about the
process again. Take rubber gloves, right?
Take one of the fingers off the glove.
Yeah, the thumb. And then you just pack them in
and they get so compacted like they they're not going anywhere.

(01:16:15):
But then you take other fingers and put it over the.
Thumb so it's like becomes this like fucking it's like a 20
layer toothpicks. Or.
Something that just won't break,Yeah.
So like, once you cover it up and wrap it up enough, it's just
like a thing. Yeah, it's just just like a
turd. You're just shove.
Them back in. Literally.
That is literally what it is. Like it's about this Prairie

(01:16:36):
dog. It's a whole process, man.
You just. Plop because I've tried like
tying it to your penis, right, But then like there's guarantee.
Nah, there's like some throw up hat down, some not so far not in
doubt enough to carry one hundreds.
Yeah, they'd be like, yeah, right, Garns?
Yeah, right. Garns, you don't got any
hundreds on you, Yeah. No choice out here, no point
even checking. Like there's 70.

(01:16:56):
Two's at best, you know 70. I fucking fucking.
This long? Yeah, the little guys.
We got a helicopter, we got an on off switch.
It's a good good. Hustle though 'cause you.
Could sell like a Newport for, yeah, 3-4 bucks, man.
It was ridiculous. So you just, yeah, essentially
just selling them the dollar balls we take our chewing.
Tobacco and throw it on the walls and shit and like try to

(01:17:16):
like paint pictures with our tobacco.
God, crazy dude. Black spots all over the.
Floor all over. That place is like a it's.
Like a different. Fucking universe.
It's like, so it's, it's like a fucked up adult summer camp.
Kind of this was RA that was on it.
She was. Marcy, Male.
Marcy, Miss. Miss T she humping?
She was humping someone, Marcy. Was not humping shit, I swear

(01:17:39):
she was. Now you're thinking.
The wrong person. No, she.
Was patted in white girl. Yeah.
With the SpongeBob. Hello.
Yeah. Morning, gentlemen.
Morning, gentlemen. Some weird.
Dude from I forget. Where he was, there's no way, I
promise. I would have to.
Almost. Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, I need to see. Like too good of a person.
She wouldn't. I don't see it, but she she was.
Hardcore. But she had the shells in her

(01:18:00):
hair. She was the.
Miss P Yes, Pi. Love, Miss P Yes.
Miss P was on Rashida, maybe. Rashida yes, Yeah.
Miss Shout out Rashida, She was my.
Boss when I. Worked there, she still works
there. She doesn't anymore, but.
She was my direct. Boss when I went and.
Worked there. Yeah.
Miss. It was crazy.
Who was our RAT group before? Demique What's it Damika?

(01:18:24):
Yeah, Mr. Martin. Right.
I remember when Trump first got.Elected.
He was like. That's not going to happen.
I remember that IN20I. Think I remember watching.
That election. Yes, it was in there.
Yeah, I remember that. Yeah.
I was wondering how the next dayit was going to.
Go like no way this is going to happen this.
Is not going to no way Trump is going to become elected, but he
was the one who signed our paperwork.

(01:18:45):
To let us go out. Oh, who was that?
Mr. Aaron. He might have done our rat group
because. He's on the other side of the
What's his name? He was the gay guy.
Heavyset gay guy. Black guy?
Oh yeah, Aaron, I forgot about that dude.
No, not. Him.
Then there was Martin. There's.
What's the lady's name? It wasn't a lady, I don't think

(01:19:05):
A. Lady has a rat group teacher.
Yeah, not. Not a rat group teacher, but he
was our. Case facilitator.
Case facilitator. Oh the guy.
Deal. Mr. Deal, he went to go teach at
his high school. Yes, he was a douche.
Yeah, he's And then D'amico came.
In yeah, cool shit good dude like.
I I talked back, I just saw him not that long ago.
I've seen. Him.
Yeah. Yeah, he saw him.

(01:19:26):
Not that. Long ago, he was cool.
He could. He related.
You know what I mean? Like.
Them, that older guy just wasn'tabout it.
Yeah, that. Yeah, The thing is with staff
members who have. Like lived experience or who
like can be consistent at the bare minimum.
Get the respect. Yes man.
Like when I went and worked. There, dude, it was.
So like, the best training I hadwas living there.
Like swear to God, like, yeah, Iwatch videos and stuff, but like

(01:19:49):
I could mimic Miss P Marcy and then take my like, fact that I'm
a felon just like you and they understood why I was being a
hard ass and I didn't get shit for it.
Like it was crazy. Like I honestly I I did learn.
A lot man, from that place, likeit really did.
It could be that place could save lives.
And I had a blast. I'm not going to it.
Was really like probably yeah, the.

(01:20:11):
Second time I was in there with you guys, Yeah, it was probably
one of the funnest times. That sounds so fucked up.
It really does. We're locked up and talking
about that was really fun. When I was a B.
T. Oh, shit's crazy, dude.
And. What?
Hold on, I forget what hall it. Is K Hall.
K Hall? Yeah, it's a little funny story.
I was on the tread because I used to run on the treadmills
daily and for some reason I thought I could run like high

(01:20:35):
speed at high level. Went for it and.
Bro all. Over the IT was terrible.
It was it was a rough it shit, yes, I did definitely, man was
that was that. Did you ever?
Go to prison. No, no, that was your last stop.
Like so. Fortunately, that wasn't like, I
mean, it wasn't like your last stop, but like.

(01:20:56):
Legally speaking, no, no, or. Using so you have what happened
so you graduate. Successfully.
You graduate successfully. Back on probation.
Yes. Complete probation, I stay
clean, you know what I mean? Yeah, we met up once you
completed it. Huh.
Yeah, I think we met. Up the day I got out.

(01:21:18):
I think what we went another. Time, I think.
I came up for a Sunday meeting, I think, I forget who else was
Sean Green maybe? Yep, definitely.
It was green. Yep.
MSN and I don't. Maybe, I don't know if you we
went. To a meeting one time or not, I
don't know. I think I remember going to.
One, yeah, up here, yeah, but I don't think he went.

(01:21:40):
I don't think I was there but. Or he was.
There so. I did good for a little while
and then I I don't. Know man, I just.
Started getting high against smoking weed and getting high
again. Didn't do anything, you just.
Got out and didn't do anything, basically.
Yeah, actually I got out and I was.

(01:22:01):
Like, I'm still going to beat it.
So I drank. That's what I did.
I drank. Oh, so you were still trying to
compete with? Alcoholism.
You were still like, I'm going to beat it.
Yeah, like substitute. Like I need something in my
system. Yeah, Yeah, You know what I
mean? Jesus, man.
So. Still drinking?
Drinking on probation? Yeah, because that's the, you
know what? I mean I could get.
That out of my system and and that's yeah that's like be all

(01:22:21):
right but other than that like the apartment that my woman
moved into while I was incarcerated we ended up moving
out of there and getting a house.
I start back employment, which was talk about the time but also
I went back to to college with the Zane State for my electrical

(01:22:44):
engineering degree. Damn, bro.
And I think at that point in time, that's another thing that
put me back out. I was doing too much, too thin,
doing the. Most.
Yeah, Doing the most. I was.
Stretched too thin and not worried about.
You my recovery, yeah. You know what I mean?
I was. So I'm at the edge.

(01:23:05):
Of getting off. Probation but now like I'm
getting high on heroin again but.
I knew my system. You.
Know what I mean? And I could get clean in two
days or a day. Like I knew what it took.
I'd have passed the gym. I would I guess I'll put a trash
bag. Psycho shit, yeah.
Like I would literally. Do that.
Did that actually work? Yes, I never.

(01:23:26):
Failed a drug test. Damn, that's crazy.
Was. And I didn't believe that I was
good, you know what I mean? And he actually let me off
papers. Early.
Damn, you know what I'm saying? And the day that he let me off
papers, I immediately went. Got to celebrate now.
Oh, for sure. Immediately went and.
Got me, I don't know, half gram or something, you know what I

(01:23:47):
mean? Did me some heroin and then I
went to my uncle's house and smoked some weed, you know what
I mean? And then it was just back to the
right. Back right back in the.
Game cycle you. Know what I'm saying?
Where does the cycle? Break.
For you, because you didn't get any more legal consequences you
got off paper. So how the fuck did you do it?
I don't know because even this is like.

(01:24:08):
I even had the worst because during this time I got pistol
whipped too, and my and staples on the back of my head and all
types of stuff like drug deal. I had a shack, yeah.
Someone. Thought that I had a shack.
That's what they are. You know what I mean?
There's a chair there, A chair and ATV and a PlayStation.
That's pretty much it. You know what I'm saying?
Shack. Yeah.
So like trap? House for.

(01:24:30):
It's just a fucking like an outhouse with a.
Fucking bando. Whatever.
OK, OK, I got. You I'm with you I'm.
With shitty ass house, I'm with you, I'm with you, I'm with you.
What happened? He was trying to.
Rob you or so someone had took. Some some perks from him.
Oh, OK. Well, previously.
I had took in perks. It was top suspect #1.
Yeah, well, when I came into. I was actually selling some

(01:24:52):
clothes, so I didn't have money at the time to get.
And this is fitting all now. Yeah.
Yeah. From heroin.
Yeah. We've evolved.
So. I walk in, you know what I mean?
I'm just checks him out. Like, yeah, I want him.
And he put some shit on the scale he's like, and put too
much and was like, don't well, Idid it all, you know what I
mean? So that made him angry as well.

(01:25:13):
Well, I remember. Like.
So I'm in the kitchen. How's that work though?
Like he just puts it on the scale and he.
Just do it immediately. Oh no, he puts it on the scale
and walks away. I.
Figured he walked away to go gethis gun because what I'm what
what played out after the fact? Yeah, yeah.
So after I did it. Like I'm.
The kitchen's like a lower, likeone step, you know what I'm
saying? Yeah.
So he's looking down on me. Yeah.
I turn around and he's got a 40 in my face, you know?

(01:25:36):
And I'm like, whoa, bro. Like that's how I, like, I'm
trying to, like, maneuver my head.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's how like, 'cause
it's right in my face, you know?I'm saying like, that's how
accidents happen, bro. Like, I'm not, I ain't trying to
lose my life over. I feel that was petty.
Like, at the point in time, I didn't understand that he was
talking about murder. Yeah, You know, Yeah.
So as I'm doing this, like, I, Idon't how it all plays out, but

(01:26:01):
I know he, you know, I mean, bowsmashes me in my head.
Well, when he smashes me in my head, I'm like, like, damn.
You know, I mean, when I, when Icover up, he uppercuts me with
the barrel. Boom, he's done that shit.
Before God. Damn, like the only thing I was
Saudi. About man, is it chipped my
tooth like you know what I'm saying?

(01:26:22):
Money makers. Come on man.
Like I did. Like everything I take care,
hygiene is like #1 you know whatI mean?
Even when I was still messed up,Like I.
Yeah, my so you are you a. Bloody pulp now.
Or are you like, Oh yeah, I'm leaking everywhere?
You know what I mean and I wanted to.
Retaliate but. I there's no, I mean his homies

(01:26:43):
and him, yeah. Oh yeah, he's got a gun.
You know what? I.
Mean so like I just lower. My head and walk out to my ball.
Yeah, that's what I would have done.
Fuck yeah. Walk out to my car.
I drive home and I'm. Just my old lady, like once.
Yeah. What do you tell her I was not?
Smoking weed. No.
Yeah. Yeah, probably.
Yeah, no. At at this time, she knew again,

(01:27:05):
like she knew, but it was like not to be discussed.
We didn't discuss it. OK, You know what I mean.
Not yet at. Least.
Yeah, so I go to the emergency room and get 6 staples, you know
what I mean? And that one in the head.
Yeah. Damn bro.
And. You think you would stop?
Yeah. When?
You get a gun pointed out, you're like, I think I still

(01:27:25):
bought. Drugs from that dude.
Really. I mean like doesn't?
Surprise me, it's a good. Dope.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
So how do you get? Around like hey.
Man, remember that one time it becomes water to understand.
That I think he found. Out that it wasn't me.
Oh yeah, that was there. That was actually.
Hold em that did. It OK but.
Yeah, it's just like. Who cares really?
Like yeah, I was misunderstanding.

(01:27:47):
You know what I mean? Like.
And you want the dope so you don't hold any.
Fucking sure, yeah. And then Carfetti.
Came. Around, you know what I mean?
And Carfetti. Yeah, like, what is that?
Supposed to be like. 1000 times.Oh carfentanil.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and like.
Now I'm avid Walmart or you knowwhat I mean. 16 TV's, Yeah.

(01:28:09):
Are you? Just walking out the front.
Door. Oh yeah, 2.
A day balls 2. A day the same.
Walmart Yeah, Kmart, even if it's got them spider.
Things on it, I got it. Don't even worry about it.
An avid Walmart, Yeah. Damn.
And then I went to Kohl's one time.
I don't know how they. Caught me because I never parked

(01:28:30):
in the parking. Lot I never like, you know what
I mean? Not another petty.
Not another petty Theft. Well, they catch you out walking
out the door, no? Then later on just yeah, catch a
petty. Theft.
How did you look? How did you look?
That's what you need to think about 'cause you got to think
when we're strung out, bro, and we walk into these stores, we
look bad. Oh yeah, I mean, we look.

(01:28:50):
Like we're about to steal. I didn't, I mean.
I yeah, sure. But I'm straight in, grabbing
straight out. That's what I did.
Maybe I got caught. Three times.
How do you know? How do you?
Well, I'm sure you're legend. Of like Zanesville.
Like it's not that big a city. So I mean, I don't know, man.
I mean, there's. I'm sure there's stories about
me, but. I don't know how they caught me.

(01:29:13):
It baffles. Me.
But anyway, I went and back again and did it again.
Petty theft got another petty theft so.
I had two, so now I. You went back to the same coals,
Yeah. Nice, I've done that before.
So now I have two warrants. Damn.
Fuck yeah. So.
Now I don't even know if you tell this.
Story It's been long enough I. Probably won't be in trouble.

(01:29:33):
So I have broken into the ColonySquare mall.
Wow. And I.
Took Verizon. Wireless for like this is when
the. XR, the iPhone.
XR came out OK so I had duffel bag full of iPhones.
Damn, I just leave them in there.
It was like round Christmas time.

(01:29:53):
Oh OK, where are they unlocked? IPhones no like.
Yeah, they're brand new. They ain't been.
Scanned so you can. This is SIM card, so you could
just put a SIM card. Out T-Mobile.
From. Verizon from.
Sprint. Damn bro, that's a.
Heck of a haul. You know what?
I. Mean that's a.
Good haul. Yeah.
So like I said, I'm, I'm, I'm getting more brazen because I'm
confident, you know what I'm saying?

(01:30:14):
Yeah, so I have these warrants for the petty theft.
I know it. I'm literally at this time
talking to a buddy about gettinga gun, 'cause now I'm I'm going
to like, I'm, I'm going to a register now.
So a real robbery. Yeah, like you're.
Going to rob some shit like I. Have to you know what I.
Mean like I can't. Keep up.
You know what I mean I need I need an abundance I I need more

(01:30:35):
than what I have now to make it.You know what I mean?
And it's, I know it's easy, fastmoney.
Like luckily that friend got puta what he got incarcerated
probably saved your ass a littlebit during the same time I had,
I don't know, I, I think I had more warrants, like I don't know

(01:30:57):
all misdemeanor warrants at the time.
But again, I'm not going back tojail after CBCF and doing all
this and being in full blown active use.
I'm not, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.
And I think I had a tax return coming from the previous year.
So I'm like, I'm out of here. You know what I mean?
I bought me a bus ticket California, you know what I
mean? I'm I'm, I'm out of here.
I'm not going to jail. I'm going, my woman is with our

(01:31:20):
first child. She's like 6 months pregnant
with my first with our first. So I'm like, I'm out of here.
I bought me a bus ticket to California and she dropped me
off and I went to California, went backpacking, 350 bucks.
Damn. I'm not going to jail.
I'm not doing this. I'm out of here, you know what I
mean? And part of that was she didn't
give me a definite no that she wasn't going to come, you know
what I'm saying? So I.

(01:31:41):
Had thought. She'll meet you later.
I'm going to go. I'm going to.
Go get away from. Drugs established, established
and I'm. Going to She's going.
To come and you're going to savethe day for sure.
That's. What I thought.
Yeah, it didn't happen. So before I got on the bus, I
bought 1/4 ounce so I wouldn't be sick for my trip, you know
what I mean? I actually ran out in Las Vegas.

(01:32:03):
So from Las Vegas you may get toCali, No?
So from Las Vegas. To San Diego.
I went to San Diego. Well, actually I was going to
San Francisco, but how did you use that much you're.
You're Rd. tripping, right? Like I'd I need to take the bus.
Yeah, think about that in the bathroom and.
Bang. Anytime you want random and on
the bus on. The bus, my tablet had a tablet

(01:32:24):
like I bro, I'm I think that is a lot of dope to go through.
I could do a lot like I could. I believe you.
So I get to Vegas. I'm like, man, dude, like it's,
I'm starting to feel like shit, you know what I mean?
And I was going to San Franciscobecause I had someone that lived
in Zanesville, took off and wentto San Francisco.

(01:32:46):
And I was like, it's easy to be.Homeless or not, have anybody?
In your hometown, you got peopleto call you feel comfortable?
Yeah, it's kind of like it's safe, you know what I'm saying?
When you get over there or different places and you don't
know anybody, you don't know anything and there's nothing at.
All Yeah, it's really scary, youknow what I'm saying?
So San. Fran, start hearing these
stories. Like don't go to San.
Francisco, if you're trying to start over, you're not going to

(01:33:06):
make it. It's way too expensive.
It's this, it's that. So I'm like.
So I rerouted. And went to.
San Diego, so I bought my bus ticket in San Bernardino, CA is
when I so I ran out of dope in Vegas, get to California in San
Bernardino. I buy my bus ticket in San
Bernardino, go to San Francisco or to San Diego.

(01:33:28):
I get to San Diego. The first thing I get off the
bus is is I see a dude in a wheelchair.
They called him lefty. That's what he said his name
was. He had the left foot rolling on
a wheelchair rolled right past me.
Ask me if I can use my phone. I'm like sure, he used my phone.
I'm like, can you get me any dope?
You know what I'm saying? Like immediately.
Good chance at the time they didn't fit and all was prevalent

(01:33:50):
over here on the East Coast, buton the West Coast it wasn't.
Really. No SO.
When I asked him. About it he was like.
You want some white and I'm like, well, that's what it is
back home. And he explained, well, white
over here is crystal meth and ifyou want some black, that's
heroin. It was tar, you know what I
mean? And I was like, well, I need
some black. Well, I was like, you know, I
mean, I'll give you 30 bucks. You give me something.
I remember it cost me like 50 bucks for a gram.

(01:34:13):
And I'm like what? Wow, You know what?
I. Mean straight from.
Was it right by the border? Oh my God.
Was it? You know what I mean And.
So yeah, I didn't get away from the drugs like I wanted to.
You've literally found that as soon as you got.
Off the bus immediately. Immediately.
I mean it literally. I got the bus.
Station in San Diego is right downtown.

(01:34:35):
The trolley station's right hereand literally across the street
and it's tent city literally like.
As many tents as. As far as you can see, there's
tents and it's parking lots everywhere, you know what I
mean? And they're like laid out like
mansions, you know? I mean, they're tarped up, 4
tents together. You walk into separate rooms
like they're legit, like they'redoing all right up there.

(01:34:56):
For that type of living I guess.And so, yeah.
A cop and. I met somebody on the bus and we
threw in on a hotel for a week. Well.
He and that was that. Took all my money but he ended
up ditching me and because he had family in California.
He was from California and went to his grandpa and I had conned

(01:35:19):
my woman into sending me some money.
I got me a rental car and I found me a job.
Wow. And that first job, it was
weird. They paid me to get acupuncture
and do like it was weird. I don't understand.
Like it was 450 bucks a week. Didn't we have a?
Guy on. That like.
Wasn't that what fucking the bipolar dude was doing now he

(01:35:42):
was selling the. The powder.
So I thought he was like gettingacupuncture.
And doing weird. Stuff.
No, you got 4 selling the power they wanted.
Me to eat healthy and so. It, it was like an interview,
but they paid you for the interview that it was $1600 or
$1800 or something like that andthey paid you every week.
Well, the dude was a quadriplegic.

(01:36:02):
He got into a car wreck and a Ford in the 90s and they had
Firestone tar tires and all thisand he made a million.
He was a millionaire, lived in like a penthouse.
Damn, buddy, thanks. You know what I'm saying?
And it. Was so, but every, I would go in
every week, do acupuncture, talkto a therapist about diet.
They would the little glass cup things, put the flame on it, do
it on my back. Like that's what they did.

(01:36:23):
Like it was like a retreat kinda, you know what I mean?
Well, they introduced me to someone who owned a business.
It was a laundry service. They needed a driver to pick up
dirty laundry, drop it off at their laundromat.
You know, I mean they clean it and just drop off clean laundry.
So I did that. I did that for a while and
Airbnb's are big now, but back at this time, Airbnb wasn't

(01:36:47):
prevalent. You know what I mean?
But I found me an Airbnb in El Cajon and up in the mountains it
was $20 a night. You know what I am writing back
for Stan? Shit, it was Rick.
Good deal, Rick and Barbara. And they had.
A like bread and breakfast set out like it was nice.
You still doing dope? Oh yeah.
Yeah. Oh, for sure.
And like, so they see, but they see my dedication.

(01:37:08):
Like I'm riding like you can rent bicy how they have like,
yeah, stuff here now in Columbusthan ever.
Like out there they had it, you know what I mean?
And I would rent like a little, I'll rent a bicycle.
And the elevation was like it was high, you know what I mean?
It was a mountain. You.
Know what I mean and I would ride the bike every day to and
from to work and so they seen that and was like they had a

(01:37:30):
Jeep on their property and was like I'll sell you this Jeep for
$1000 and you can make payments Plaza skip what the fuck Yep so.
Like I was so. Crazy how?
Literally things fell like just worked.
Out for me in a place. That I never knew, you know what
I mean? And the lady, the sister of the
dude who was a quadriplegic, we was in his penthouse.

(01:37:53):
It was like, I don't know, 12 stories up and she's like.
She's like you must have the. Best karma.
And I was like, what do you mean?
She's like, well look where you're at.
Like yeah, you know what I'm saying?
Like literally you get off the elevator and it's the most you
know what I mean? It's you can't even like
California's my favorite place. Like even on a bad day, dope

(01:38:13):
sick or anything, you, you cannot be unhappy.
Cali's nice. Like the people?
The sun, the sky, like it's different.
It's different. It's amazing, man.
Yeah. Mountains, yeah.
Yeah, back story. Why I?
Went to California, my real dad took off on me and went to
California and he was a piece. I was like if this.

(01:38:35):
Piece can make. It in California, Yeah, I got a
good shot. I can.
I was wondering. If there was any.
Correlation there. So back that's when I.
Met my sisters as well for the first time Sianna, Marissa,
which was weird Sianna like she was cool when we talked but
Marissa like I don't know if sheI don't know but she wouldn't

(01:38:55):
talk to me. She, I don't know if she felt.
I don't. I really don't know.
Until this day, I really haven'tnever talked to her.
So, yeah. So Fast forward.
I'm in California for almost four months.
So now it's time for my son to be born.
You know what I mean, my middle child.
And she gives me an ultimatum. If you're not here for the

(01:39:17):
childbirth, you won't see me or him ever.
And I just. I don't know.
I guess I'm not that guy. Man, I'm really not that guy,
you know what I mean? I like, I just, I couldn't be
that guy. He came back and.
My job paid for my plane ticket because.
I manipulated and said I was coming back, like I'm going back

(01:39:39):
for the birth of my son. I'll be back, you know what I
mean? And they bought.
My plane ticket. And I got, I got back home the
day before my son was born at like 4:00 AM.
He was born the next day at 424.Wow.
So literally 12 hours later, Yeah.
Wow, Yeah, wow. So.

(01:40:00):
Then obviously she's. Like, well, you can't like you
got, you got warrants, you can'tbe here.
You got stuff to take care of. So I was like, well, I'll, I'll
get you. I've already been a dad, like,
and when my first son was born, I, I didn't work, I quit my job
to stay at home with my son because I took pride in that.
Like, so I stayed home for, I don't know, I think it was 30

(01:40:21):
days, I do believe to help her to get situated, to get a little
comfortable. And then I turned myself in.
I did 6. Months in the city jail.
Wow. And I found out that you could
go to how I got out of I was supposed to do more time, but I,
I found that through the nurse and someone who did H and I in

(01:40:44):
the jail, you could get into a rehab facility.
And at this time, like I, I kindof want it, but I'm not all the
way there. Yeah, I'm not all the way.
In there I just definitely. Went out of jail.
You know what I mean? Oh yeah.
So it works. I get out of jail when I go to
it's it's a small, it's a small short facility, which I don't

(01:41:06):
even know why you would call it a rehab for.
Is it in Zanesville too? It's in new.
Lex. It's called evolutions and
that's why I said for someone that's been active an addiction
for years. 42 days. Don't still good though.
Better than that 3/4. Day bullshit yeah but them are
detoxes I feel like. Yeah, yeah.
But 42 days at. Least gives you some time to I

(01:41:29):
guess, but it's some time. Yeah.
But I had already did. The jail time, so that helped me
accumulate the time. So I go to rehab.
I do rehab and. Again, you can't tell me nothing
though, because. I've already heard it.
I've already done these thinkingfor changes.

(01:41:50):
I've done everything I've done, yeah.
I've done already did this. So I'm kind of combating a
little bit like it's still my way.
Like I'm, I can, I can control, I can control this.
God, you're worse than me, man. Dude, you're fucking worse than
me. I'm.
Telling you it's it. Was rough.
I had answers for years, I'm telling.
You I Sometimes I feel like I ran.
Out. You know what I mean?

(01:42:10):
Sometimes I still think I do, and I did.
Evolution came home from evolution and was on the
recovery thing pretty heavy, going to like conventions and
every out of town meet like you jump in there and relax.
New York. Cambridge.
Cause shocked. And going to any and every

(01:42:32):
meetings, but for wrong reasons.You know what I'm saying?
So. And I still think I had.
Reservations like I could do. It one time, you know what I
mean? So while going through this, I
meet somebody. That gets me in the field of.

(01:42:53):
Work that I'm in now. Asphalt and.
I started making a lot of money fast.
And I didn't know what to do with it.
And I always relapsed on marijuana first or alcohol first
always. And I remember this like I
literally cried my eyes out to my woman about because I smoked

(01:43:14):
marijuana and it made me a panicattack and I was so afraid, like
you know what I mean? But I didn't stop.
I woke up and smoked the next day, you know what I mean?
Insanity, you know what I'm saying?
But I was on the Vivitrol shot at this time as well, which is a
blocker. But I've been doing.
It been through this so long, I knew in 28 days that it wears
off. Well, in any construction field,

(01:43:35):
man, there's going to be some kind of something.
And there's Percocets and that'syour OG.
Always been my love, I. Mean.
The taste, everything. 'S been my love.
So I knew it was the end of my my Vivitrol shot and I got a
perk 15 and I, I remember doing the perk 15 and not doing

(01:43:58):
anything. So I was like, man, it must have
like Vivitrol's done my life. Yeah, I'm like, I'm gonna have
to. I'll.
Have to do them again another day.
You know what I mean? And this is like 2019 by now,
You know what I mean? And I had build up almost two
years of sobriety during this time, so.
I do the do the 15 nothing. So I'm like, I'll do it again,

(01:44:20):
you know what I mean? I'd do it again.
And next thing you know, it's anoccurrence.
It's on and popping again and I remember.
Literally being in the mindset. By this time I had bought a car
and I'm, I'm accumulating materialistic items back from
losing everything again. And I remember on my way to
because I, I worked in Newark and I would like you're

(01:44:41):
slipping, man. Like you know where this leads?
Like just stop is going to crumble eventually now.
Like I'm telling. Myself this with perks in my
pocket obviously, but just stop now.
Why before the physical when all?
This comes into play. While you still have just a
little bit to say so right now, but before the whole thought.

(01:45:02):
Gets around. My head it's I'll just do them
today. I'll just finish this off and
then I'm done once. I finish them off.
I'm Yeah. And then you wake up tomorrow
and you're like, well. I did them yesterday, Yeah.
Sounded. Yeah, sounded great yesterday.
Yeah, so I'll just do it today too.
Like fuck it. And now?
I'm then and again. You know what I mean?

(01:45:23):
So what's the final? What's the?
Moment. Where's the moment where you
finally stop? You said you have three months,
so this is fresh. So what's the moment?
What? Happens.
All right, so. Last year I was waiting on my
unemployment. I did.
I'm so I only work six months out of the year.
I do asphalt. So I'm waiting on my
unemployment. I'm even in active addiction.

(01:45:45):
I try to be a man of my word. If I owe something or do
something, I say something. That's what I try to do.
You know what I mean? So I owed my my dealer money and
I told him I was going to have it this time because my
unemployment had been accepted. I was just waiting on my card 7
to 10 days. I count like it's going to be
this sure. Oh, it didn't come.

(01:46:07):
So now I have no money to get what I to get some more and to
pay. Yeah, what?
I said I was going to pay. So now I'm in a predicament.
So what do I? What and I ain't?
Done this in a long time, you know what I mean?
So what do you fall back on? The only.
Thing that you know how? I'm going to Walmart, you know

(01:46:28):
what I'm saying? Like I'm going to Walmart at
Walmart. Or he is.
Yeah. So that's what I did.
And this was right before Thanksgiving and I went to
Walmart. He needed an iPhone.
So I was like, I got you. Like I went and got him an
iPhone 15. And when I took it to him and
and paid him money and. And I think I got a.

(01:46:49):
Ball or a little over a ball? 4G or something, you know what I
mean? So 250 and a little bit or
whatever he's like, you're an idiot.
You're going to be all over Facebook.
I'm like bro, as my exact words was like, I do this, you know
what I mean? Like I've been doing famous last
word, you know what I mean? And by this time a major reason
why I stated is to help me sleeplike my you know what I mean and

(01:47:15):
so. I go home.
And I do my dosage or whatever, smoke my weed and take a nap
because I didn't have any of thedays before.
So I've been up all night sick what not.
So I literally wake up to my phone blew up from my from my
woman all over the Facebook man,you know what I mean?
And my, like I said, my. Woman's got a master's in

(01:47:36):
therapy. She works in the community, so
yeah, yeah. That I'm.
Known like people know who I. Am, you know what I mean?
Because of her. So not only am IA disgrace to
her, it's, you know what I'm saying?
So yeah. So that happened in.
Which was weird because they knew it was.

(01:47:58):
Me and every time that's ever happened I have a warrant but
this time I never had a warrant they just subpoenaed me to court
so which was weird so I. Pushed that out.
Obviously as far as I could, youknow what I mean.
But during this time I did call Lou to ask for help because I
really wanted it to get into a, a detox or a facility where I

(01:48:18):
could get myself together. But Thanksgiving coming, my
oldest's birthday, Christmas, mymiddle child's birthday is all
actually it's my oldest, my youngest birthday in January,
and then my middle is in April. So I'm like, like, there's never

(01:48:39):
a good time. Yeah, I know.
But. If I get.
Those out of the way and I'm there for their birthday and
that's exactly what happened to we had my son's birthday in
April and I went and turned myself in and and my last.
You stay was in May, so I. Turned myself in May 5th and I

(01:49:01):
got high all day long, obviously.
You know what I mean? Of course, yeah.
Because my unemployment. Hit that day.
Oh yeah, perfect saying, yeah. Perfect.
Got. High all day long.
She ended up catching me at the end of the night getting high,
which is always the worst because she's not like she's
never been, never been for any of that.

(01:49:23):
But you're turning yourself in tomorrow anyway, so what's?
The fucking matter still. Yeah, the feelings are still
there. I don't want to be a.
Disappointment. You know what I mean?
And so I turned myself. In and this.
Was the worst I've ever had it. Like I didn't miss.
Why? Dude I didn't sleep for like 18
days. Yeah my vision was so blurry.

(01:49:45):
Like I had to close one Odyssey straight.
Like I've never shit myself. I've shit myself like I shit
myself this time. Like it was it did me bad.
And obviously the first week I'min there rationalizing when I
the first day I get out how I'm going to cop.
Yeah, yeah, you know, I mean, that's the still the stuff

(01:50:05):
coming out of my system. You're sick.
Yeah, but after. I got through that.
Something like I said, somethingjust changed and was like man,
dude, I'm I'm beat up, dude, I'mI'm over it tapped out.
I'm so cool. I'm.
I'm tired of disappointing myself and others.
Like when I I'm tired of being something that I'm not.
Like I've been fighting so long to be someone I'm really not

(01:50:27):
like. For acceptance of Of what?
For what? Yeah, literally.
Exactly. You know what I mean?
The people who accept me is all like, that's what I, you know, I
mean, it's all the matters. Yeah, for real.
Like I got what I really. Need.
Like all my kids, they look up to me.
Like my woman, I got a good woman like my mom and my stepdad

(01:50:48):
now, like all that. Like obviously I forgive all
that stuff. So.
So you guys have like a relationship now?
Yeah, getting there, it's. It's it's still spatchy because
it's soon, man. It's early.
Yeah. Three months is early, but like.
My sponsor says, man, you don't you?
Don't lose what you know the. Knowledge don't go away.
The only thing that changed was my clean date, so I just

(01:51:12):
implement tools now. Never really implemented because
I thought that I knew him. Yeah, I'm saying that that'll
kill you. Definitely.
Did you? Have a message.
That you can deliver. To anybody still using or
anybody that's early in sobriety, yeah.
And I. Like what would you say to him
if they were here? Don't give up.

(01:51:34):
Don't beat yourself up, even if you, even if you do get high,
come back, you know, come back, try it again, try it doesn't.
Matter how many you know. I mean some.
People don't get a try it again.Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
So especially with what most of us do nowadays, you know what I
mean? So yeah, it's death out there.
Yeah, it's literally. They're selling death.
Yeah, and I'm just grateful to have.

(01:51:59):
What I do have? The knowledge that I do have,
the mental capacity that I do have to understand my wrongs and
be able to correct them. Because some people go through
life and can't reflect. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. And sad it very is.
So I'm. Just glad that I can.
Do that, man. Keep doing what you're doing.
Seriously. Inconsiderate fucking Tony who

(01:52:20):
is. That considerate.
So proud. Yeah, You're no longer
inconsiderate Tony now. Considerate Tony.
He's just graduated some. People grow up, man.
Yes, you know what I mean. Proud of you.
But I'm, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm seriously proud.
Of you, brother, that's a wild ride.
It is a wild ride. I didn't.
Know how I didn't know? Fucking half that shit.
I look back and I know. You can't do this.

(01:52:40):
But I would be almost, Yeah. I mean, I'd be at nine years
too. Yeah, if you had left that.
Man oh man, isn't that crazy? I remember when about a year.
Ago you remember. Mani, he went to prison after
CBCF, he did 8. He added me on Facebook and said
he just got out and I all I can think about what I built over 8

(01:53:03):
years and he was in a fucking prison cell.
Yeah. For eight years, a good dude.
Yeah, I like money like he. Was a good He was just a kid,
yeah, he was literally a. Kid.
And it was a darker skin guy, right?
Yeah, yeah. Tall.
About as tall as Reebok. Yeah, drank out of my Reebok.
Yeah, Reebok money. Wow.
Well, thanks for coming on. Dude, we really.
Appreciate it. I appreciate you guys having me.

(01:53:25):
Yeah, man. Thank you.
Consider it. Tony, you're welcome.

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From the Sticks to Hittin' Licks — How He Lost Everything to Oxy And H | Ep 70

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}From the Sticks to Hittin' Licks — How He Lost Everything to Oxy And H | Ep 70