Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
And I freak out because because of the barbed wire, I can't get
over the barbed wire because I'mI'm dope sick you.
Didn't bring like you bring something to put like a towel or
something to throw over the barbed.
Wire. No, I do.
By the time I got up to the top,I was I was so tired.
Shaking like a weed. Yeah, I was.
Tired and I was exhausted and I was sweating and I was dope
sick. So I just came down and freaked
(00:21):
out at that point because I already know that I I already
knew that I was always over with.
Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm going back. Back with another episode.
(00:43):
I'm real excited about this one.I have William Shields with me
today. Thank you for for coming.
We really appreciate it. No problem.
We know each other from a multitude of different places
being incarcerated together. And then I worked at the
facility that you were incarcerated at.
(01:05):
Again, there's a big event that took place there and we'll get
into that. But I want to start out with
childhood. So talk to me about how your
childhood looked for you growingup.
No. Well, I mean, I guess normal,
average, hard working American family, the middle class, I
(01:28):
didn't really want for anything or need for anything.
Like I had parents that cared inthat sense.
My, my, my father was my biggestrole model.
I like if I could be if I could pick any man to be like in this
world, it would be like my, my stepdad.
But I he's my father. He raised me since I was a baby,
(01:48):
basically taught me how to be a man who dragged me around.
Every time he had to fix something more, build something
or anything in that nature, you would drag me.
Teaching you. Teaching me to be a man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, childhood was pretty great.
I mean, I didn't really start getting in trouble or anything
until probably about 1313 ish right there around there.
(02:09):
Start smoking cigarettes and it's when the lions started and
the hide and stuff and you know it.
That's yeah, that shit before you actually pick up what's
happening. You're a lot farther along not
maybe not so much as maturity wise, but the things you're
doing your, your kids are normally a lot farther along
(02:32):
than their parents believe, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah. Into into a lot more things than
what parents maybe don't want tobelieve or put it in the back of
their mind, like don't think that their kids are doing that,
but. My kid would never.
My kid would never. Yeah, age of 1314.
I already had a car parked down the street from my mom's house
(02:53):
and she didn't even know it. You know what I mean?
How did that? How?
I was selling drugs, selling drugs, working.
I didn't really. I didn't graduate high school so
I dropped out about 9th grade and really technically stopped
paying attention around 6th grade.
But back then those were the times to where like you get
(03:14):
passed because of your age, thenit's no, no student left behind
you. You know what I mean?
So. Middle school, they kind of
spoon fed you and got you through.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was the type of kid they
were like, what? We need to get him the fuck out
of here, you know what I mean? You know what I mean?
He's got to go. So yeah, I was.
I was pretty bad at schools. Class clown, you know, I mean, I
(03:37):
was always looking for the attention, just trying to make
somebody laugh, trying to make people laugh.
But it's always real self-conscious about myself that
I think there's a lot of more deeper things going on than than
just looking for people to laugh.
You know what I mean? Like people who are comedians or
people who demand attention likethat normally have seated things
(03:58):
that are that are more botheringhim.
Like take Robin Williams, for instance.
You know, I mean, yeah, You know, yeah, yeah.
You know, I mean so. Last person in the world you'd
think would do something like what he did.
Right, right, right, right. Right.
Yeah. So, yeah, Suffer.
I suffer for with a lot of mental things for a long time
(04:20):
that I don't know. Back then I don't think it was
really looked at so much that itis now like depression and and.
How old are you now, 42? OK, so, yeah, so.
Yeah, they weren't. No, it's not the same at all.
No, totally different world. No, Yeah, back then it was like,
just suck, suck it, suck it up, suck it up.
You know, when I was a baby, I had more water.
(04:42):
Yeah. When I was a baby, I was riding
on the floor of a Fiero with my cousin, you know?
Yeah, it's cigarettes and or smoking when you walk through
the mall and ashtrays on in McDonald's.
I don't remember you. Know Bob Evans my me and my
family would go and my dad and my mom smoke so the smoking
section then restaurants and shit.
Right, right, right. Yeah.
(05:04):
So no, yeah, I guess it started with me with cigarettes,
stealing my dad's cigarettes andhe would leave them in the
drawer next to the door. I would steal them before school
and smoke them, waiting for the bus to pull up.
Start out with that, then you know, it started and then I
progressed to weed and I had a friend that lived around the
corner from my mom's house and we just hang out in the
(05:27):
basement, smoke weed all day. And I think my mom knew.
I think she maybe knew, maybe itwas in denial, but I don't know.
But. Did it fill the void?
Did it make you feel better? Like like you were talking?
You said you were self-conscious.
Did that help? Also, I've, I've always been
self-conscious about the way that I look like I've always
(05:47):
felt like I've always had this, these thoughts in my head, like
people are talking about me or you know what I mean?
Like I like try like I always felt like I don't fit in, like I
don't know what crowd I fit in with, you know, you know what I
mean? So I was the person that would
try to mingle with everybody. And like you had, you always had
your groups, you had your, your,your wannabe thugs over here.
(06:09):
You had your your headbangers over here, nerds, you know what
I mean? Jocks.
Yeah, jocks. Yeah.
So like I, I was like one of theones that tried to mingle with
everybody 'cause I never really knew where I fit in.
I. I didn't either.
It was the same thing for me. But I've had no fucking clue
where I fit in or how I was going to fit in.
(06:30):
And drugs fix it for me for a little bit.
Yeah. Like when I smoked weed for the
first time, it was fucking, you know, you go back to school.
And in my case, wow, that was somuch fun.
I was like, oh, that's what I I've been doing wrong.
Just smoke some weed and drink. Yeah, now the first time I
smoked weed, but I was actually,it wasn't fun for me.
(06:51):
Like, no, no, it wasn't like thefirst time I smoked weed.
I smoked a lot. Like we, we took RIP after RIP
off of a bone within like a couple minutes.
And and he knew what he was doing.
You know what I mean? The dude that I met, he knew
what he was doing. Like he he's like, I'm gonna get
this dude. Blitz.
Yeah. I ended up like curling up in a
(07:13):
ball, like thinking I was going to die and have a heart attack
laying on the floor. It's crashes over.
Yeah. So now the first time I do it, I
didn't have a good experience with it, but booze Booth drink.
Drink. Yeah.
Drinking. I drank.
I was a heavy, heavy drinker in my 20s, extremely heavy drinker.
Like. So how do I get to this point?
(07:37):
So I don't know how to get to this to this point.
So at the age of 18, when I moveout of my mom's house, actually
like couple weeks before I turn 18, I move in with my ex named
Jennifer. She actually passed away a few
years ago. Disease.
(07:57):
No, no, she was big against drugs, never touched drugs,
hated every time I got high off weed, anytime I drank a beer,
hated everything and come circlearound.
Like I hear through the Grapevine years later that she
ended up overdosing off of heroin, was found alone upstairs
(08:18):
in the house. Really.
Yeah, I guess she had got with aguy a couple years after we
split up, and that was during the pill mill run where, you
know what I mean? That's, you know, the story
everybody's got on how they got hooked on heroin, you know what
I mean? Pills were everywhere,
plentiful, and then all of a sudden they dry out and then
(08:38):
what's left? And then heroin just appears.
Yeah, and then heroin just appears.
Everywhere, magically, you're just fucking here.
Yeah, everywhere. It's fine.
It's fucking dirt cheap back then.
Yeah. No, Yeah, she ended up doing
heroin. And like I said, they found her
dead upstairs in the house alone.
But yeah, back then when we would split up, she had three
(09:01):
kids of her own when we got together, and I wasn't ready for
that. You know what I mean?
I was still a kid and I would dothe fake fighting shit, start an
argument so I could take off fora couple days and take off.
And then I have a friend. He's still my friend to this
day. Is is Chris.
Chris Miles ran everywhere together for years.
(09:26):
We we were always together. Anywhere one of us was, the
other one was there close by. We did everything together.
Every drug we ever did, we did together.
We took it to the Max. But yeah, I would always go pick
him up. And then we'd always go get some
beer. And then we ended up blacking
out drunk. And then it would lead to go
getting some rolls or some cocaine or you know what I mean?
(09:47):
Of that nature, you know, And then and then after I would get
done on that little binge, I'd end up running back home and
then begging to come back in thehouse, that deal.
So it started out as like bingesand stuff like that.
Back when I was selling, I was still able to go on a little
binge and then get off of it. And then, you know, you still
keep my money stacking up and still be able to get my RE up,
(10:08):
still be able to make profit andall that good stuff.
But once you start getting past that point to where it's no
longer a binge, to where you're thinking about doing it the next
day and then the next day and then the next day, and then you
start losing people. You start losing contacts, you
start burning bridges, you startnot paying back the dope boys.
(10:31):
And then it just leads into a full blown addiction.
It's like it grabs you before you even know it.
I know you know. I know you.
Know, but I think I used drugs for I don't I just I can't never
get my brain to stop and I've tried to tell doctors this.
(10:52):
I try to tell people this all the time.
It's like, I don't know how to describe it, but my brain is
always going. You're high strung like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. When I got a task to do it, it
looks like, it looks like I'm oncrack.
Like when I got a task to do, myeyes get bugged out like, and I
can't. I got to my, my, yeah, my work
(11:13):
ethic is like like that. Like I go, I give 110% on
everything that I do. It's like I got to get it done
and I got to get it done now getout of my way and just let me do
it, you know? So I'm very high strung.
It's like a blessing and a curse.
It really is. It is because like she'll try to
talk to me or she'll try to giveme ideas on on how to do
(11:35):
something and I and I and I don't do it on purpose, but I
snap, you know, I mean, I snap at her.
Working. Yeah, I'm work.
I'm let. Me do this like no, but yes I
like my brain. I can't get in my brain to ever
stop. It's like I'm constantly
thinking 6 moves ahead like whatif this happens then I got an
idea to take care of this or if this happens I got to do this
(11:55):
and and since I've gotten sober it's gotten worse.
Like you know what I mean? Like I it's worse like I'm
constantly worried about. You're not self medicating
anymore. No, no I'm not.
So yeah, it got worse. I I just had the same issue.
Yeah. Mental health.
Yeah. I had to go to the doctor,
(12:15):
fucking get on meds, the whole fucking deal.
Yeah, just happened like out of nowhere.
It sucks bad. Yeah, very similar to what
you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No. And, and to, to go along with
all that, it's, it's like I've only been a responsible adult
for, for, well, I was doing the rehab thing for years.
(12:37):
So we're talking three years Maxand I'm 42.
I've only been over. So I'm still learning how as I
go like, and it's, it's making it makes it worse.
Like I, you know what I mean? I just, I don't have any
thoughts of using or anything anymore.
Like that's completely out of mymind, 'cause I got so many
thing, I got so many people counting on me now I got
(12:57):
responsibilities. It's like that switch that made
me want to go get high. Somehow got switched off.
The obsession removed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just it just one day. So how, how, how it happened and
how I finally decided to go get clean.
It was like I I lived in a car for the better part of 10 years
after my addiction picked up. And I was.
(13:19):
Yeah, with with the girl and yousaid you'd make up the fake
fights and all that at 18 or 21 ish.
Yeah. How did that end?
How did that end? Yeah, she just got tired of it.
She got tired of that back then.My I had a really bad rage
(13:39):
problem. Really.
Really. I never.
Yeah, I knew you had an anger problem.
Yeah, yeah. I never put my hands on her.
I never, I never hit women. I never do anything in that
nature. But I would do the the punch in
the walls, throwing shit, breaking shit.
I got drunk super super wasted one day and we got an argument
(14:02):
and I jumped up on my car like stone cold, smashed 2 beers
together, kicked in my front windshield in my own car.
Like what? Who does that?
I. Don't.
I don't know. I don't.
Know I'll show you I'll cause fucking yeah I'll break my own
stuff and cause more money issues for myself.
I showed you didn't I? No, I beat that.
(14:24):
That was my first car actually. That my mom drove by one day
secretly and took pictures of it.
And I've seen I've seen picturesof it later and I just, yeah, I
can't believe I did that stupid shit like I, I tore it up with a
baseball bat and I drove it likethat to work.
Yeah. With no front windshield.
I would drive it to go get drugs.
You go get to go to work, go getgross.
(14:44):
Drove it. No.
With no front windshield for months, probably, yeah.
Couple months, 222, three monthstill it finally just the car
gave up. And did you get sucked into the
pill mill thing as well eventually?
Yeah, yeah. I didn't do the pill.
I didn't do the running pill mill thing.
(15:06):
I didn't go back. I was already into addiction at
that point. So when Oxys came along, I was
doing construction out on the West side and I got introduced
to Oxys through one of the guys I was working for, actually.
And then, yeah, that's what led to that addiction, sniffing oxys
(15:28):
before work and stuff. First time I ever did that, that
that was horrible too. Like, I don't ever.
I don't, I can't recall a good feeling anytime I tried a drug
for the first time. Yeah, except for crack.
Crack. Except for crack.
Crack was the one. Except for crack, yeah.
No, but 1st for what was it again?
(15:53):
The Oxys. Yeah, OK, First time I did the
Oxys that was at work. So we split up a oxy 40 between
three of us. I did my line and it was like
immediate energy, like energy, energy, energy, go, go, go, go,
go. And then it was like 1/2 hour
later I'm throwing up everywherejust aggressively like the
(16:16):
exorcist just throwing up everywhere.
It's so that yeah, I, I can't really recall any time ever
having a good experience off thefirst time trying anything.
Dude, just alcohol though. Alcohol, man.
Always works. Yeah, I.
Mean get the same effect every time.
Yeah. Yeah.
So I take it you didn't really if you didn't love the Oxys, you
(16:39):
weren't doing them that often? Oh, no.
Yeah, I was. OK, OK, cool.
Yeah, I'm not a quitter by any means.
You know what I mean? No.
So yeah, I started doing the oxys.
After the first couple times that nauseous feeling goes away
and then it's then it's the euphoria feeling, the energy
(17:01):
feeling good. But then after so long of doing
the Oxys like any kind of opiate, it's like that builds up
that anger in me again. Opie, opie rage.
It's real, Yeah, yeah, it's real.
Yeah. Like super aggressive, super
aggressive. Like short fuse, serious short
fuse. So it did the oxys probably for,
(17:27):
I'd say. Oh no, probably, probably a good
six months, six months or so. And then actually I left opiates
for a little bit is I met AI, met a chick, I met a chick that
was doing the rave thing. And that's when my whole scene
changed from those kind of drugsover to the party drugs and
(17:51):
doing the acid and ecstasy and the shrooms and and those didn't
make my thoughts and and mental any better at all.
I can imagine that made it probably a lot worse.
Yeah. Any better at all?
Yeah, especially the shrooms. The shrooms did not help my
mentor. Look you up.
Yeah. Dude, yeah, no, first time I
ever ate shrooms. I ate shrooms with the guy and
(18:13):
his wife. I was staying with them for a
little bit. This is like right after about
about a month or so after I split up with the the chick.
The chick. Yeah.
So I was, I ended up moving in with this guy and I don't want
to say any names to any of thesestories or anything to, to put
anybody's business out there or anything like that.
(18:34):
But so about half an hour after we eat them.
And so we got music on, everybody's having fun, we're
playing video games, laughing, having fun.
And all of a sudden him and his wife go off and they're having a
discussion. They're talking by their self
and it's raining outside. And I look out the window and I
see all these separate individual raindrops in
different colours falling. And it just made me super sad.
(18:59):
I started crying for no reason really.
It's just yeah, start. Crying for So it was It was
raining in rainbow. It was fucking colored
raindrops. Fucking colored raindrops.
Yeah. And all of a sudden I just got
super sad and super lonely. Your.
Trip turned. Trip turned bad trip bad trip.
It was horrible I say and I couldn't pull out of it so I had
(19:22):
like a bad trip for like 6 hoursthat sucks.
Nothing but crying, depressed, sad like yeah I I didn't.
Shit makes you think deep. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and look at yourself. And you probably didn't want to
do that. No, no, not at all.
At all. No.
(19:46):
Or two. Now it's just so there's so much
to split. Do you any legal consequences up
to this point? Yeah, so yeah, because of my
stupidity and and drugs and wanting to leave every other
every other week and so causing them fake arguments and stuff, I
(20:06):
was in another town. I was in Cardington, OH.
Where's that at? I can't even remember.
I just remember the name of it as I think it's about an hour
away. I went there with that guy I was
telling you about, Chris, like my best friend.
We went out there to see some other girls, his girlfriend
(20:26):
lived out there some. So while we're out there she
decides to call the police and put red marks all over herself
and say that I put my hands on her.
So I come back, I'm on my way back from Cardington, OH.
Me and Chris are on in camp on the campus around like 4th, 4th
St. or something like that or downtown or somewhere around
(20:50):
there, around there and I get pulled over.
I got bongs in the car, I got weed everywhere.
I got weed roaches lined up on the dashboard because we saved
those for some reason and all different flavors and colors.
On the dashboard on a. Dashboard.
Yeah, this is a old 86 Astro van.
OK, OK with shag carpet. Inside.
(21:10):
Yeah, and every single car I have, I've always put subwoofers
in it. Twelves or fifteens was banging
and loud and rust falling off and you can hear when you turn.
It's got the power steering noise like so it just drew
attention and I didn't have a license.
I haven't had a license since six months after I turned 18.
(21:31):
Still don't have a license to this day.
It's so I get pulled over all that shit in the car.
I think everything's cool. I don't have no warrants or
whatever. Or just going to give me a
ticket for no license possibly and pound the van and let me and
be on my way. No, they arrest me.
That's my first experience goingto the workhouse.
And terrified. You know what I mean?
(21:52):
I'm just a kid. Fuck yeah.
Terrified. Just 8, just fresh, 18 years
old, going to jail for supposedly beating a woman.
And no, that was horrible. And did you?
Sit on that one. You have to sit at all.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody bonded me out.
Bonded you out? Well, I take that back.
No, I got the OR Omar Connaissance because back then
(22:15):
you were still getting Ord for that.
I got the ORI get out and I think I'm out for like a week
and and get picked back up on something else, something
stupid. I think driving or something
stupid. Something stupid.
I end up back in jail and I'm sitting for the seven to 10
days, which turns into 10 to 14 days because it's business days.
(22:35):
And then I finally get my court date after that, you know, you
go to arraignment, then you sit 10 to 14 for your next court
date and then you get and it. So I sat for probably about a
month and a half and she didn't show up for any of it.
And it ended up getting dropped to a menacing threat.
And is that? A misdemeanor.
(22:56):
It's a misdemeanor. The, the, the, the domestic
violence was a misdemeanor too. And but then it ended up getting
dropped to a menacing threat. Or actually back then I was
still young and didn't understand the court system and
wanted out of jail like immediately, no matter, like by
any means necessary. So I I did the cop out to it,
you know what I mean? Just give me the fuck out of
here. Just give me the fuck out of
(23:17):
here and now. If I know then what?
I know now I would have just sat.
But like I said, like I was my Iwas fresh into it.
Were you so were you cool with like do you have issues going in
there or like fights? Any no kept yourself.
No, I've never I've never reallyhad any issues in jail and I've
(23:39):
been in jail a lot, man. I spent probably I'd say at
least a good, I'd say at least agood 50%, maybe higher of my
adult life in jail up to now. Jesus, yeah, in and out of the
regular jail of the workhouse just.
But no, I've never really had any issues anybody trying to
(23:59):
fight me or anything. Like I said, I've always been
the one that to I I know how to talk to people.
I know, but I know how to like, I don't know.
What do you call it? You're.
Like a chameleon. Yeah, like I said, I was always
the one bouncing around from group to group to group.
So, you know, no, So no. And that's never really had any
problems in there. And then I never really gotten.
(24:20):
I got in a couple of fights in prison, but it wasn't really
wasn't really shit. Yeah, yeah.
It. Was more of like a just a
disagreement, yeah, but it wasn't really any serious.
I don't know. You mentioned crack and loving
(24:43):
it. Were you an IV user at any?
Point not in the beginning no the the IV user for crack didn't
didn't come until the hero untillater on like I didn't do I
didn't actually start putting a needle in my arm until 2627 I
(25:04):
was mud puddling yeah in a mud puddle yeah tar.
There wasn't no Fetty back then.No.
Back when I started doing heroin, I didn't, I didn't
really mess with fitting. All fitting all started coming
in towards the end of my heroin.More recently.
Yeah, yeah, Yeah. So back then I wasn't messing
with fitting all that. My last run I was.
(25:26):
But it wasn't really by choice or what?
Nothing else left. That's all there was.
That's it. Yeah.
And you're gambling anytime you you touch that.
It's you're gambling your life anytime you touch it.
Maybe. See, I got sober in 2016 and I
feel like I barely, barely missed the fentanyl fucking
epidemic. I don't think I'd be here,
(25:48):
truthfully. Yeah, if, because like you said,
it doesn't take much. No.
At all. No, man, I shouldn't, I
shouldn't be here. You know, I'm not, I've never
been big on religion. I've never, never.
I just recently started going tochurch with my wife and at first
(26:08):
I did it to make her happy, you know, and, and I still don't
know really how I feel about it,about religion and God and all
that stuff. But I go and I listen and I'm
respectful and I'm starting from, I'll go from there and see
where that goes. But I feel better when I leave
there. Can't hurt you, yeah.
Yeah, that's what that's like. That's what I told myself.
(26:30):
It can't hurt me, you know, But so I shouldn't be here, really.
The way I look at it, and I tellpeople this all the time.
I had two major overdoses. The last one was what led me
into CBCF. First one, that was in
(26:51):
Wedgewood. Oh, God, yeah.
I, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, man.
I sent somebody to go get, get us some tar and it was a couple
grams. They come back, I load up a
whole gram of it. God, yeah.
And while I was shooting half grams at the time, just to get
right, you know, and I was doingJesus, like, yeah, like anything
(27:14):
I ever did, I always took it to the Max and pushed it, like
pushed it hard. I think the most rolls I ate in
one day was like 131415. Somewhere around there.
I I lost count at 13. Holy.
Fuck. Yeah.
So isn't there a ceiling effect on MDMA?
13 rolls, you said? Yeah, there is.
(27:36):
I didn't need them all at one time.
Yeah, you just kept popping them.
Yeah, there's a cap out on it towhere you only get so hot, you
know, but I just kept eating them all night to keep that peak
going for hours and hours and hours.
But so back to that story about the the two overdoses, the one,
the very first one. And it didn't, obviously it
(27:57):
didn't scare me because I kept doing it.
As soon as I left, I got. So I remember shooting up, I, I
loaded up the gram. I remember putting a needle in
my arm. I remember pushing the plunger
down and I remember looking backup in the mirror, 'cause we're
all in the bathroom. You know, everybody always loves
to do heroin in the bathroom. You know, that's the place to
go, the dirtiest, nastiest fucking place to go.
(28:20):
And that's where everybody wantsto shoot up.
So I wake up three days later after the last thing I remember
is looking up at the the mirror,looking at myself, all right?
And then I wake up three days later in a hospital catheter and
mom and my aunt standing next tome.
So I overdosed and they drug me outside into the hallway and
(28:44):
left me to die. And then they pushed me
underneath the stairs and left me to die.
And luckily by chance one of theneighbor was getting off work
and seeing my foot hanging out from under the stairs and called
911 and I somehow made it. They said my heart stopped a
(29:05):
couple times. I mean, yeah, if you like, kind
of how do you know how long you were out like.
Three days. While under the chair, sorry,
under the stairs. For how long do you have?
No idea. I have no idea.
God did scumbag shit bro. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
And you were out for three days.Were you in a like a coma or was
(29:27):
it a medically induced coma or were you just?
I just, I, I I just remember waking up.
I just know it was three days later when I woke up in the
hospital. I don't know if it was just, I
don't know if they put me in a medically just coma or if I was
just fucking out. Yeah, sleeping, resting, I don't
know. But I know they said my heart
(29:48):
stopped. I think twice on the way to the
hospital and once when I got to the hospital, like, like I
barely survived that. Barely.
Yeah. Barely survived that.
I got lucky. I got lucky and I've had, I've
had AI, I've had a lot of luckies.
(30:11):
So the one that led me to CBCF, the second time I sent, I sent a
chick into a house to go get me some ice and she comes back,
'cause I was going to buy a large amount of it.
I needed to take some out to Logan.
You know what I mean? Allegedly.
(30:31):
Yes. Allegedly, Allegedly.
Yes, this is all allegedly. If I, if I.
Always. It's all allegedly, Yeah, if I.
Thought about doing it. This is how I would do it, yes.
So she comes back out and it looks like ice, smells like ice,
tastes like ice, must be ice. I break it up, I sniff it, I get
(30:52):
woke up to being drug out of thefucking car in the middle of
December. Week before Christmas, I'm drug
out of the car, got Narcan like four or five times.
I'm pissed off 'cause I got Narcan.
Did someone call 911? Yeah, I don't know who did.
I mean, she must have. I mean, she must have at least
had the heart to do that. I don't know if she did or if a
(31:14):
neighbor called see me or something.
I don't know. But she robbed me for like
$400.00, took us, took my cell phone, took a bunch of shit and
like, and everything I owned wasin that car.
I was living in that car. I did that so many times, like
I've had so many vehicles, so many vehicles and every time I
lost a vehicle, I would lose everything that I own and I
(31:34):
lived because I've lived in the cars.
But anyway, I guess so I got dragged out of the car in the
middle of December and I and I got thrown in an ambulance and I
tried to play the I got COVID thing or I'm sick thing.
So thinking that they weren't going to take me to the
workhouse and they're just goingto let me go.
But I don't know what the fuck Iwas thinking.
(31:57):
I was pretty stupid at parole violations.
I had warrants for escape from another halfway house.
Oh damn. Yeah, because before I got sent
to CBCF, they sent, I was out. I was actually on the run from
the other halfway house for that, for the escape when that
that's what the warrant was. Was it Alvis?
(32:18):
No it was CTC out in Lancaster. OK, so I have my buddy come park
and he parked at the dollar store and I jumped the fence and
popped in the car and we were out.
And you know, I mean off to the races from there too.
So yeah, I got drugged to the workhouse.
Then I'm in the workhouse and I called my mom.
(32:40):
You know, you always do the callyour mom thing.
You're right. And they're like, and, and at
that point, you know, my mom waslike, what the fuck did you do
now? And and but it's not it wasn't
like that with this phone call. Call my mom, my mom said your
grandma's dead. Merry Christmas and hangs up the
phone on. Holy shit.
(33:02):
Yeah, yeah. Whoa.
Yeah. That had to have hit you fucking
like a freight train. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If I was you I would wouldn't. I would want to get up to a tank
ASAP and just put my hands on something.
(33:23):
Oh, I, I, I begged the, the guards.
I was like, you got to Get Me Out of here.
I'm going to hurt. I, I told him and I was like,
I'm going to hurt somebody. You got to Get Me Out of here.
You got to Get Me Out of here. You got to Get Me Out of here.
They took me for a fucking stress walk and put me I'm.
Shocked they did that. Yeah, so am I.
They took me for a stress walk, took me a lap, put me back in
(33:44):
the tank. That's all they did.
And they had a. They take you outside.
No, OK, no. They just took me around.
Around the fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So they gave me a stress walk, threw me back in the tank, and
they just had a caseworker come talk to me and shit.
And they offered to put me on antidepressants and stuff, but I
(34:07):
would have to see the doctor 1stand have to put in a sick card
and then maybe get a response from the doctor.
That's how they said I had to doit.
So you're I, I, I figured I was going to be gone somewhere by
the time that by the time that happened, so I just declined it
until, and put me back in there in the tank.
And I was an asshole too. So, but so that that wasn't the
(34:30):
only family member that passed away when I got locked up.
I, I also learned that my grandfather passed away when I
was in prison. So my grandfather passed away
when I was in prison the second year I was in there and.
What'd you go to prison for? I went to prison for burglary,
2013. 2013 OK is it a random B&Ejust fucking hitting houses just
(34:57):
Or was this allegedly premeditated?
Or no, it wasn't premeditated. I was in full blown heroin
addiction at the time, just fullblown out.
There wasn't no binges. I was just full blown balls to
the wall shooting half grams in the morning just to get right
(35:17):
and I was scrapping at the time to make money.
Had a little S10 truck and I'm driving down the street and I
started in. I got to the point where I was
getting comfortable with this shit.
I felt like it was a job allegedly stealing stuff.
(35:40):
Yeah, allegedly. You know, So scrapping turns
into stealing stuff once you learn what all these different
kinds of things are made out of.Once you learn that this is made
out of cast aluminum or this is made out of stainless steel and.
You know what that shit's worth?You know, yeah, You know what
that shit's worth. And I never did break into
houses and steal copper out of the out of the houses.
(36:00):
I never, I never did that. But this, that's what I was
going to do. OK.
This was going to be my first copper leak.
OK. And copper pays the best,
correct? Copper pays the best.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm driving down the street.
It's not far from my mom's house.
Actually, it's not far from Woodward Park and if these
people see it like I, I've neverI, I wrote a letter to them and
(36:23):
I apologize. So if this people, if these
people see me so like just know that I I'm sorry, I apologize
100% for this. But, and these are old people.
These are retired Vietnam vet. I found out later yes.
So I'm driving, I'm driving, I'mheading towards these apartment
complexes. I'm heading towards Kings High
Highland, the back way out through where we're behind where
(36:44):
we're park and according to my eye, I see a house that it had
that it got burnt down. It's like half burnt.
It had fire damage, you know. So I stopped and I go back and I
pull up in a driveway. I and the back door is boarded
up, the garage boarded up. Got a board over it.
(37:05):
So in my mind I'm like, oh, thishouse has already been burnt.
Like I, I, I'm not going to get in trouble going in here and
taking metals and coppers and and whatever else is left in
here. The house is so I kick in the
door. I'm in there.
They still got all their shit inthere.
All their clothes, all their everything is still in there.
It's just got smoke and a littlebit of fire damage on it.
(37:28):
I kick in the garage door got thousands and thousands of
dollars worth of like lawn care equipment.
He must have been must have owned his own business or
whatever. I'm loading up.
I got this little S10 Chevy S10 loading.
That bitch up. Oh, and this S10 used to get it
bro, Like I took a fucking freeway sign to the scrap yard
(37:49):
one time, you know, and I'll tell you which one it was.
They they were replacing it Brothers over there.
If you're heading towards 161 from Morris Rd. there's that one
that goes all the way across andsays 161 coming up.
They were replacing it. So it's half one of those.
So I have my buddy, he held it up and I backed the truck up
(38:09):
under it and we just drop it on to the bed of the truck.
It's, it's hanging out like fucking like.
Airplane wings. Yeah, and I'm driving down 71
with the motherfucker dude, and I take it straight to the scrap
yard trucks like this. So yeah, but so I kick in the
(38:31):
door, I'm in there, and we're loading up the car.
I'm. I mean, I'm loading up the car,
right? I have one of those little
fucking lights on my head too, man.
I got, like I said, I thought I got to the point where I felt
like I was going to work. It's a job.
It's a job to me. It's cool.
It's normal. I'm under the sink getting ready
to take the garbage disposal out.
(38:51):
And the homeowner walks in the back door.
Now, mind you, you seen that picture I showed you?
My, my mug shot, the one I look real bad.
That's, that's this. That's when I look like that.
OK, OK. So he comes in, I'm about 147
lbs, right. And retired Special, Special
Forces Vietnam. Yeah.
(39:13):
We're tussling, fighting. He's got me by my neck pinned up
against the wall. And everything starts turning
white. And I, I reach in my, I, I reach
behind me. I feel a wrench, you know, a
monkey wrench in my back pocket.I pull it out to crack him in
the head with it. He lets me go.
(39:33):
I run out to my truck and his wife was parked in front of me,
blocking me in the driveway. So.
So my truck's here, right? They're parked here, House is
here, fence is here, and there'sa house right there.
And then behind me is the garage.
There's nowhere for me to go right?
And I can't just run and take off because the truck is in my
(39:57):
dad's name. Yeah.
Get a good name truck out of there.
Yeah, well, I couldn't. So I hear police sirens coming.
I jump in the car or the truck. I turn it on and she gets out.
She stands in front of the truckand she says don't you dare.
And I Rev the engine. She doesn't move.
She called my bluff. I didn't ram her.
(40:19):
I couldn't go nowhere. I'm not going to leave the truck
there for my dad to take the fall.
So I reach in my coat. I pull out what dope I had left,
shot it up and waited for the police to get there.
Damn. Yeah, some.
Gangster fucking shit. Holy shit Just said fuck it.
Just said fuck it, might as welluse and here we go again.
(40:41):
Yeah, I was tired, man. I think I was.
I think I was just tired. Yeah, I was tired, dude.
Like the whole scrapping thing. You can make a lot of money at
it, man. But it's it, It was like I had
to wake up at 3:00 AM and go andbeat all the other guys that are
fucking doing drugs and scrapping and stealing shit.
(41:01):
I had to go beat them to all thegood spots and all this shit.
Then you got to clean the metal,then you got to go and take it
in. It's just, it's hard.
All the labor that you put in and trying to clean up the metal
so that you get the most money for it.
It's it's just not it, it turns out not being worth it at all.
It's horrible. You're putting in like 16-18
(41:23):
hour days and and and leaving the scrap yard with like 2-3
hundred bucks. You know, fuck yeah I know, but
the 300 bucks is you need it. Yeah, you.
Fucking need it. Yeah, and I couldn't get no
other job at the time. You're I'm so you're just so
strung out. There were so many people
scrapping back then too. When I was doing it.
(41:44):
That's when it started to blow up, when all the drug addicts
were like, oh, we can get money,but by just digging in the trash
and getting metal, you know, ButI mean, a lot more to it than
that. Like, dude, I allegedly one time
with the scrap yard in the same little last time, man, I found
out that lawn chairs were made out of aluminum.
So I went to a a pool allegedly right jump the fence through
(42:09):
through them. I I went I went to scrap yard
with probably 24 of them in the back in the truck just straight
up in the air. And it's that little SM was a
trooper. Man do.
These scrap yards not fucking ask you questions ever.
So if they don't know you, yeah.But I've take, I've taken some
(42:31):
stuff that's like, OK, we know you stole that.
Like, OK, so I took them. I found out that grill lids, you
know, just, yeah, regular Weber grill, they're cast aluminum.
Oh yeah. So I took fucking like 1314 of
those and just the lids, like, so you know, I mean, obviously,
(42:54):
yeah. So.
And it was like that was on the news for a while too.
Like there was somebody stealingfucking grills all over
Columbus. Lock up your grills, everybody.
Somebody's stealing your fuckinggrills.
Jesus, so you got So for that B&E you got, where'd you get
(43:17):
sentenced to? I I got sentenced to four years
and that was after I sat in a workhouse and fought it for a
year cause originally my lawyer said they want you to do 8
years. They wanted to Max me out on it
because it was violent, because I hit him and they were showing
up to court and pressing the issue.
(43:38):
Oh. I bet they were.
Yeah, and my past record didn't look good either.
I mean, I didn't. That was I think my second
felony. My first one was like something
stupid like I had a stolen license plate on one of my cars
and I had no idea that was a felony in receiving stolen
property is what I got charged. With I didn't know that either.
Yeah, stealing the license plateis a felony.
(44:00):
It's AF5, yeah. So they were looking at all my
past charges and shit and they, they wanted to Max me out on it,
I think, which I thought was completely unfair.
I so I sat for a year. I mean, unfair to the point to
where like, I mean, there's people that did a lot worse and
got a lot less. Time, yeah.
(44:21):
And I'm sure you saw it as you're sitting for a fucking
year, you'd see guys get sentenced.
Yeah. Guys that have burglaries were
getting like 2 years here, threeyears there and or some of them
were getting programs and not really probation.
You don't get really probation for something like that 'cause
it's a it's a crime involving a victim.
(44:42):
I'm assuming it was aggravated. Yeah.
Yeah, that's where they got. You Well, it was, it was, it was
aggravated. But when it got to sentencing,
they finally agreed to drop it to a regular burglary.
If I took four years. I think they're just tired,
tired of doing it. I was going to take it to trial
'cause I thought eight years formy fucking.
I was a drug addict and it stillhad the drug addict mentality
(45:03):
back then. So I'm thinking this whole
thing's completely unfair. I don't deserve this.
This is horrible. Poor me, you know what I mean.
Fuck the fact that I just broke in.
And not to mention, I forgot to mention this.
When they came back to their house, their burnt down house
where all of their property, their personal items was all
destroyed. The insurance company had just
(45:25):
cleared them to go back to theirhouse to get their belongings
out. Yeah, so they come home after.
What a piece of shit, dude, You know what I mean.
That sucks. Yeah, So, yeah.
So yeah, I'm thinking it's all completely unfair to me.
It's horrible. Look what they're doing to me.
Like I deserve a program. I'm just sick, I'm a drug
(45:45):
addict, whatever, blah blah blah.
Whatever you got to say, whatever you think you got to
say, try and get out of it. What Where'd they send you?
They sent me to obviously CRC for a while for I was there for
about a month and when I get to I get to my parent institution,
(46:05):
which is Lancaster. And and this is my first time in
prison. I don't know what to expect.
So you know what I mean. Fuck what anybody tells you.
It's your first time going to prison.
You're going to have even if you're you want to deny it, deny
it, cool, whatever, but you're scared.
Fuck yeah. You know you're.
Pulling up on that bus, I can't imagine.
Yeah, I can't imagine the. Feeling.
(46:27):
Yeah, you seen, everybody's seenmovies where people are getting
stabbed, killed, raped, fucking whatever.
Everybody's seen movies, seen TVshows, whatever, like that, man.
So whatever anybody tells you, man, they're scared.
The biggest dude in the world isgoing to be scared.
Everybody's scared going to the first thing that they've ever
been to or everything they've done.
(46:47):
So, but so anyway, I get there and it's during the, it's during
the Trayvon Martin thing, you know what I mean?
That whole thing's going on. So a big race riot going on.
A bad time. So I walk into my dorm and they
gave me my bed and I'm heading towards my bed and you got to
carry your box. And I've heard other people on
(47:09):
here say the same thing and it is true.
You don't drop your box, Don't drop your fucking box at all.
So I didn't drop my box, but youknow, I mean, I'm walking down
the aisle. I got sent to Lancaster and I'm
in Idorm. And if anybody's ever been to
Lancaster, they know what Idorm is.
Idorm's the island. It's like it's, it's its own
(47:30):
dorm. So there in in Lancaster, you
got a building here and it's gotthree floors on it.
And then there's dorms on each floor and then another one over
here, same style. But Idorm is a pole pole barn,
essentially 300 people in it, about 300 people.
Yeah. And it's off by itself, just.
Racks. Just racks, just open as far as
(47:53):
you can see. Yep, as far as you can see, it's
just racks on racks and and there's like 5 rows, 5 rows and
it's just, it's deep, dude. Yeah, but I'm walking down my
aisle heading to my bed and all of a sudden I'm like that feel
crack. Broke my fucking jaw dude.
Very first day of prison. Someone stolen you.
(48:15):
Yeah, for what? Well, it's during that race
thing, dude. It was so just 'cause you were
white, just 'cause I was white. There was a big race thing going
on in inside Lancaster when I got there.
It started out with the the blacks hating the whites.
And then once the sentencing thing was over and that calmed
down, like, it got bad, dude. They, they made everybody stay
(48:38):
on their bed. They locked everything down,
made everybody stay at their racks.
Like you couldn't get off your bed unless you were going to
shower or going to brush your teeth and going to pee.
And that lasted about 3 weeks. And then it turned into another,
another issues like the bloods and the Mexicans, they were
(48:59):
beef. And that was my very first
experience in prison. It was like 2 months of chaos,
yeah. What?
When you say chaos, what are youseeing?
What are you witnessing? Just group fights after group
fights. Fuck is 1 dude picked up ATV
picked up a Mexican dudes TV while the dude was in the
(49:20):
bathroom, picked it up and just slammed it on the fucking
ground. And then dude comes back from
the bathroom, grabs his locker box fucking tray, walks over to
the dude and just beats his fucking face in.
Just. I've seen a lot of foul shit in
Lancaster man. I've seen a dude get baby oil
thrown on his face hot. I've seen the hot baby oil deal.
Dude went to wipe it off his face, skin just came.
(49:44):
Melting off. Screaming like I've never heard
noise out of a man's mouth ever before.
Like I've never heard anything. Then how do you get the?
Oil. Hot microwave, microwave
microwave, Microwave it till it's boiling.
You get bowls and shit on commissary.
You can get bowls. Tupperware being in prison, it's
(50:08):
not too far off from like being on the street.
You just can't leave. Yeah, you know, so you got
stores, you got Barber shops, you got a gym.
Its own world. It's yeah, it's, it's, it's it's
own world. And this, mind you, the baby oil
thing, The the, the all this shit that I'm saying, this is
all within the first couple months of me being in prison so
(50:33):
a guy comes in out of place. This was like, maybe my, this is
into my second month of being inLancaster.
Guy comes in out of place and he's got a broken piece of
mirror in his hand. He breaks it.
And this takes commitment, dude.Because this wasn't glass.
This is a piece of plastic. Plastic mirror.
(50:53):
You know, I think they sold on the CBC app they stick on your
locker box. He broke that so it had a sharp
end and he cut his own throat with it.
Yeah. And.
You just went where in the day room or just.
No, he what? He came in out of place and
walked into our bathroom and just and just sliced his own
throat with. Did he live?
(51:14):
That I can't. I don't know.
I don't know. They took him on out of there
and I don't know what happened after that.
You know what I mean? That's two months.
You're probably like Jesus. Yeah, four years of this shit,
Yeah. So two months in, I've already
had my jaw broke for no reason and I've already seen a
multitude of prison fights, gangfights, riot, not not not quite
(51:39):
riot material, but just it was it was to the point to where I
told you we had to be locked down.
So I seen that seen the baby, well, seen the guy cut his own
throat. And then towards the end of all
that all is this was like right towards the end of all all that
chaos stuff that was going on fights they were finding knives
out on the yard. They were coming in, SRTS were
(52:01):
were coming in like like every other like every other week or
something like 5. SRT is like a special unit,
right? Special, special response team.
That's right. Yeah, Yeah.
They come in about like four or five in the morning, strip you
down butt naked. You're standing there, not butt
naked, but you're in your boxersand you're standing in in front
(52:21):
of your rack and everybody and they're going through all your
shit and then then you put your clothes on and.
When they go through your shit, they don't give a fuck.
No, you'll find your shit. Somebody will find your shit.
Do. They throw it fucking wherever.
Yeah, I've heard other people onhere talk about that too.
Yeah, that's absolutely, 100% true as well.
Yeah. They go through your stuff and
(52:42):
throw your shit everywhere. And then they'll have inmates
that are, that are workers, thatare runners, porters, whatever
you want to call them. They they come in and they get
to clean up all the shit. They'll probably, they probably
end up with half your shit, but you think the guy over here is
the one that stole your shit. So then it creates a whole
another tension, you know, and then tattoo guns are getting
stolen. So there's money or not stolen,
(53:04):
but confiscated. So there's money put out in that
too. So it just, it wanted all that
shakedown shit creates more and more tension too, man, because
it fucks up everybody's money, basically stores, everybody
running stores. And it got to the point to where
it was so bad there at Lancasterat one point they 2 point
forward us, which is you can't have it by rules per prison like
(53:29):
you go to, you are not supposed to have a surplus of stuff.
You you can only have what you can fit in that box you're not
supposed to have. And that's including food,
including everything. You're not supposed to have more
than that, even though everybodydoes and everybody's got more
extra shorts. Clothes, yeah.
Shoot. Shit like that.
So that I did 2 years of that four year sentence and through
(53:55):
that two years, it was the only time in my incarceration that I
ever had anybody that had my back.
My mom was actually putting money on my books that the first
two years. So I get judicialed.
I'm out on the street for maybe a month.
I'm failing for cocaine. I'm ripping and running.
I'm doing cocaine again, which cocaine was a big part of my
(54:19):
life for a long time. Cocaine.
Cracking heroin. So it was blow, not crack.
I did crack for for a while, I smoked, yeah, I did that for a
while, but so I'm popping dirty for cocaine 'cause I'm sniffing
hella cocaine. And that's when they sent me a
CBCF and that's that's where we met.
(54:42):
Yeah, it's like a, it's like a minimum security prison, but
they make you go to class, basically.
Yeah. That's pretty much what it.
Is or or if you want to, if you want to look at like color all
day, yeah. Well, it was different back when
back then in 2016, you could fucking go out to outside
meetings and. Yeah.
(55:04):
Get cigarettes and shit. Yeah, no, for what it's worth,
and I don't want to actually, I don't want to say that that
being locked up was fun. But the the first time I was
there, like when we were all there together, we were there
with a good group of guys. I mean, I know we're all
convicted of crimes, right? But, you know, just because
(55:25):
somebody does something, commitsa crime, that doesn't
necessarily mean they're a bad person.
Not at all. Like we had a good group of guys
there. Like we had the one guy that
would play the guitar. Yeah, smoke.
No, not smoke, Gentry. Yeah, yeah, smoke too.
But I'm talking about the the other guy.
That was our rack brother and I would sing that Everlast song.
(55:50):
Fuck, Aaron would know. I know he would.
Yeah, he would play. That's the only song he knew how
to play, and I would sing it. God damn, I remember it too.
Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, 'cause he was my
bunkie. He was in the military.
Fucking yeah. Yep.
Yeah, no, we had a good group ofguys there.
We we were going to meetings andstuff and we ended up all
(56:12):
getting jobs and. Yeah, wasn't bad.
Wasn't, wasn't bad back then. No, I remember when you racked
out, so to speak, you were a fucking Dick.
Like you were a Dick head. Well, dude, I think I broke the
record there for racking out time.
I think I racked out in like. Yeah, and then you had nothing
(56:34):
to do. Yeah, no, So I, I worked, I was
working third shift at, that's right.
I was working third shift at that place.
That package is shipped for Bathand Body Works.
A whole bunch of people have worked there before.
It was out in New Albany. OK, yeah, so that's, that's what
I mean. That's why they dig that fucking
ping pong table, dude. It was right under your fucking
(56:56):
room. Yeah, yeah.
And they moved. You over to 20, right?
I was right above it. I was right.
The the people that racked out, they were all the way down at
the hallway 20. Yeah.
Yeah. So I remember getting pissed off
at that fucking ping pong table.And Miss Marcy wouldn't do
nothing about it. I mean, he really couldn't know
his middle of the day. I mean, they got their rights
too. And they.
Yeah. But I remember going down there
(57:16):
and dragging a fucking ping pongtable in the middle of the game
all the way across. I remember that, I remember
that. Yeah, I was pretty aggressive
back in, dude. Yeah, you, you were.
I wasn't going to fuck with you straight up.
I wasn't. But like you said, it was, it
wasn't bad. And you know, like you said, it
really is like an adult daycare.It was, it was like that things
(57:41):
changed a little bit because of COVID down the line, but what
happened when you got out? So my mom blames my mom blames
the place for how I acted. When I got out of there.
Somebody hooked me up. Who is the dude?
(58:03):
He stayed upstairs. He wasn't in our rat group, but
he was in the table and that crossed from us.
I can't remember his name. Anyway he ends up I end up
linking up with him when I get out and he looks he gives me a
contact to somebody that's got fired open I'm and I'm and I'm
(58:26):
telling him I don't want to do that.
I don't want to do I don't want to do that.
But I had this one bad day. All it takes is 1 bad day and I
said fuck it and I went got it. But my mom blames that place
says that I got all these new contacts and learned all these
new things when I went there andwhatever, but I ended up getting
back into dope. It was just the same thing over
(58:48):
and over again. I I got back into dope, but I
was working. I was working at a quit Crete
concrete. I was a forklift driver there.
It's actually making pretty goodmoney and I was actually holding
it all together. I was being a functioning
addict. Which still isn't much.
Fun. No it's not, but I'm still on
(59:10):
probation at the time so I'm still popping dirty.
Fuck yeah. So I popped dirty for about a
year and kept putting off going to programs, kept putting off
going to classes, kept putting all that off to my PO and
finally I just. I popped dirty one last time and
they locked me up and. They get you a probation.
(59:35):
Yeah, it was pro. The probation sent me back to
prison to finish my sentence. Yeah, because I just.
I wouldn't listen. I kept popping dirty.
I can't remember. I I know I committed.
I committed some some crime thatthat got me stopped and got me
put back in. I kept popping.
I can't remember what it was. I just know that it my PO sent
(59:57):
me back. Because dude, dropping dirty for
a year and they're letting you slide?
That's a long fucking time. That's a hell of APO.
Yep, must have believed in you. Yeah, well, I mean, I always,
I've always had that gift of gabto, to be able to talk my way
out of something or tell people what they want to hear or you
(01:00:20):
know what I mean? There was a point in my life
where I could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white
gloves on a 98° day, you know, So I, I don't know, I don't know
how or why it lasted that long, but it, it literally did.
It was about a year. They tried to ankle my.
That's what it was. OK.
So I kept popping dirty, kept popping dirty.
And this year goes by and then finally he sets up a court date,
(01:00:45):
violates me like the traditionalviolation.
We got to go to court. And then so they agreed to put
an ankle monitor on me. And of course, and you had to
pay for it back in. I think it was like
astronomically high. It was ridiculous.
Yeah, it was ridiculous. I didn't even get to make my
first payment because I went. I went to go get the ankle
(01:01:05):
monitor put on and on my way back from downtown I stop at my
plugs house 'cause it was right off 17th.
Just cut it off. No, I didn't cut it off, OK?
I just fucking did what I did what I did and like, fuck you
style like. Just left on just left wherever.
Left it on just. Always off your monitor, just
(01:01:27):
everywhere you go. God damn.
Well, I didn't. Like I said, it didn't last that
long. So the ankle monitor lasted
maybe a week, maybe 2 Max 'causeI'm still like I said, I'm doing
the fuck you stuff. Got it on.
I left there like I'm like, oh, he saw that.
I did. I did.
I got high for a year. I mean, what's a little bit
(01:01:48):
long? He's not going to violate me
again. Like I'll just say I'm still
dirty from before. Yeah, you know, so I, but I pop,
I stop, I get the coke, I do thecoke and go home.
Like I got a report like a week later, I come in, report and
this is after my color came up. I dropped that week and then
went home. Everything's fine, going to
(01:02:09):
work, still doing my thing. I go in to report and it's that
dreaded walk back through the door and camera, camera.
Everybody's watching handcuffs go on and you know.
I had that happened to me once too and it fucking sucks.
It sucks dude it's happened to me and I tell my PO now.
I'm still on probation now, but I've actually made it to
(01:02:31):
reporting every three months. It's the first time it's ever
happened. But I got a year left of that
and then I'll finally be free. I've never been off of some kind
of paper supervision, parole, some kind of form of supervision
since I was 18 years old. I've never been completely free.
And that's coming up in a year and.
You're 42. And I'm 42 I've literally I've
(01:02:56):
right-handed God never had. I've always been on some form of
paper, some for it's never been free.
It's hard to get off of, too, especially parole.
Yeah, Like, yeah, yeah, that's what I did with parole.
I turned that four year sentenceinto nine years.
God damn. Yeah, Yep.
Because they they were really what they don't tell you is they
(01:03:19):
can yeah, they can re sentence you up to half your time and
nine month increments. But when they sentence you, your
parole stops. So say say, say for instance, I
got six months of parole left. I violate, they send me back for
let's just say four months, my parole stops so that after I do
(01:03:40):
that four months I get out. Still got 6.
Still got six more to do. So that's what they kept doing
to me. Every time I got out, they would
violate me and send me back to prison or back to a program or
back to a halfway house or back to wherever the fuck.
And then I dragged that four year sentence out for nine
years. My entire 30s were spent
(01:04:02):
incarcerated. Every single like like every.
I had a year and a half on the street, probably total in my
entire 30s. In a decade.
Yeah, a decade. I gave the state of Ohio a
decade of my life that I will never get back.
God, yeah. Damn.
Jesus, at what point did you endup coming back to the facility?
(01:04:28):
When I was working there. When you were working there?
Yeah. When did that happen?
Like why you? Was it a judicial thing?
Was it a? No, we were getting there.
And then I get sidetracked a lotand it's one thing will lead
into another thing. You're doing great.
So that was that was when I toldyou about I got set up and
(01:04:49):
robbed by that chick, did the ice that had Fetty in it, and I
fell out. OK, So yeah, so and I already
have an escape on my record at that point, and I have multiple
violent charges at that point. They won't even send me to the
workhouse like they they kept mein county with an F5 escape and
(01:05:11):
a parole violation. And I stayed at at the at the
county. Damn, yeah, on the 5th floor
with I, with the murderers and the fucking yeah, high profile
drug dealers, all that shit. You see on the news.
Yeah, shit you see on the news. So the guy, the guy, they, they
brought a guy in and he jumps uptop.
He's sleeping above me. Come to find out he's the guy
(01:05:34):
that he killed his boyfriend andthe dude he was cheating on him
with had the one dude that he was cheating on him with in the
trunk hat and had the dead boyfriend sitting in the
passenger seat of the car. I remember that.
Yeah, yeah. And was driving, just driving
around him and I don't remember where he's going.
He was like trying to drive awaysome for, I don't know,
(01:05:55):
somewhere far away or something like that.
Yeah. But they end up bringing him in
and he's my bunky and he shits herself on top of me.
I always, yeah, shits herself. He was, he was mentally fucked
up. Not.
There, not there yeah, yeah. So that was a rough time in
there. I, I, I'll say that that that
was rough in. There I hated downtown.
(01:06:17):
I hate it. It's cramped as fuck, it's dark,
it's. Dirty.
It's old. It stinks.
You watch TV through bars. You watch TV through bars?
Yeah. Like.
It downtown sucks and you're in there for with your own device
with your own devices, dude. Like they don't, they don't come
around, but maybe once every, yeah, couple hours like.
(01:06:39):
Yeah, you don't see if it's likeyou never see them.
Yeah, no, I've been in a lot of jails in a lot of county, and my
wife would say I've been a lot of jails.
I have a lot of charges in a lotof counties, a lot of cities, a
lot of small towns. Workhouse is by far the county
and the workhouse is by far likethe most unsupervised.
(01:07:00):
Like it's just fuck you just have at it.
You know what I mean? Have at it.
I mean, do your time? Have at it, but.
Guys fighting in the workhouse and they're watching through the
window waiting for the fight to end.
I remember when it was like that.
Yeah. Yeah, until, till they got sued
because some kid got killed, hithis head on one of the corners
(01:07:22):
of the metal beds and got killed.
They basically killed him in there fighting and the guards
were just watching, wouldn't pull him out of there.
Yeah, they used to stand outsideof the window and watch you and
all that stuff. It it ain't really like that
now. No, it's totally different.
Totally different now, but 20 years ago, dude, like if you
(01:07:43):
didn't know somebody in there oryou weren't somebody or you
didn't know how to carry yourself properly, like it
didn't really matter what color you are, you were getting your
fucking ass beat as soon as you.Walk through the door?
Yep. Flat out Yep.
Just just to check your temperature.
Yep, 100%. Yeah.
So when you were downtown, they moved you from there to the
(01:08:07):
facility I was working at eventually.
Yeah, like. And that's that.
When did I get there? It was COVID, it was around
COVID. Yeah, it was warm.
It was getting warm outside 20. 20 One 20/20/2020 It had to have
been one of those two years. Well, I mean, not, I mean, as
far as like season wise, 'cause I know it was December when I
(01:08:29):
got locked up and I, I know it was because we were going
outside, obviously. Yeah, 'cause we're going to get
to that point. Yeah.
But I, I believe it's starting to get warm outside.
So I think it was like May or no, it was May or June or
something when I finally ended up in CBCO.
They finally transferred me to the, to my level, finally drop
(01:08:49):
'cause now they do the level system there too.
It's a workhouse like they do inprison.
Yeah, they finally after like 5 months or something like that
sent me to the workhouse and I'mthere for like maybe a week and
and I finally catch my ride justto.
(01:09:11):
Yeah, yeah, I dude, I'll never forget sitting in shift in that
office and turning and seeing you and seeing your face and
like, I was like, holy shit, he's A, he's alive.
And B, what the fuck are you doing here again?
Like I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe.
(01:09:32):
It no and I was strung out when I got there.
Really. Yeah, I was getting we were
strung out the damn near the whole pod was strung out in
county. On suboxone.
On Fetty. On Fetty.
Fetty, we're getting Fetty and Ice through through the, you
know, allegedly. I don't know if I want to say
how. Well, one would assume the male,
(01:09:55):
but. Yeah, One would assume it was on
paper. I'll just say that it was on
paper. So and we were getting enough of
it to where we were all getting strung out.
So when I got to see you and. You didn't feel good.
No, no, no, no, no. I, I did what I did because I,
I, I got dope sick and I had to go.
(01:10:20):
So I wasn't there. I, I do not believe I was there
the day it happened because I, I, I don't, I I would remember
that. Yeah, I think you would have
seen. You would have came fucking see
me. I think I spent the weekend in
in the little holding. Cell in isolation, but how did
you actually try to escape? Because the way it's set up is
(01:10:43):
it's a yard small. It's like a small prison yard
with barbed wire on the top right.
So what the fuck did you try to do?
OK so me and another guy becauseanother guy did it with me but
he got away. Oh.
Really. Yeah.
We had it in our heads that we were going to escape and he had
(01:11:06):
dope waiting and we were going to escape and go to Florida.
That was the plan, huh? That was the plan.
Didn't really have much else to it except other than we were
going to get picked up, we were going to get high and we're
going to take off to Florida. That was the plan.
That was everything that we thought of.
(01:11:27):
So they let us out for wreck andwe're pacing, we're walking
around and I, we were doing running, The Walking, the lap
thing and it doesn't matter where you go.
Every institution I've been in, every jail, every yard,
everywhere I've ever been, everybody always goes the same
direction. I don't know why everybody is
sending action. But anyway, I keep peeping it,
(01:11:49):
keep looking at it, keep checking it, keep looking at it.
And I finally said fuck it. And we both hit the fence.
I jumped on one side, he jumped on the other.
But I'm still real weak from being dope sick.
But he's not dope sick. He, he had, he'd been locked up
for some time. He wasn't getting high.
He was clean, feeling better, healthy.
(01:12:13):
He makes it over the fence. I get to the top and I freak out
'cause because of the barbed wire, I can't get over the
barbed wire, 'cause I'm, I'm dope sick you.
Didn't bring like you bring something to put like a towel or
something to throw over the barbed.
Wire. No, I do.
By the time I got up to the top,I was I was so tired.
Shaking like a weed, yeah. I was tired and I was exhausted
(01:12:33):
and I was sweating and I was dope sick.
So I just came down and freaked out at that point, 'cause I
already know that I I already knew that I fucked up.
It's always over with. Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm going back.
So I'm bleeding, 'cause I, I gotcaught by the Bob wire for blood
all over me, my arms bleeding. They're telling me to stop.
They're telling me to come here.I went to the other side, try to
(01:12:55):
get up the fence over there. Couldn't do it over there 'cause
I'm just, I was just so weak. I couldn't make it over the top.
I was just so. You just kept.
You kept trying. Kept trying.
I tried like four or five times.Damn, yeah.
I just couldn't get up over it. I was just so weak and so
exhausted and it. And then I come in, everybody's
like, I'm like walking with the like, with like I'm on a
(01:13:16):
mission. Everybody's getting out of my
way. Like I'm shoulder checking like
everybody's getting out of my way.
I come up to the door, I'm kicking the front door and I'm
telling everybody. I'm telling them to let me out,
let me out. They won't let me out.
I'm kicking the door like. And I don't remember what
finally calmed me down, but I, Ifinally, they, I finally just
agreed to go to the holding cell.
(01:13:37):
I mean, it wasn't nothing else Icould do.
No. So I mean, I was trapped.
It was over with. I'm going back.
So yeah. Yeah, I remember coming in and
talking to you or seeing you afterwards, and I remember when
parole came, I put the cuffs on you and how surreal that was for
(01:13:58):
me to because we were in there together.
Yeah, no, I know and. Like, I mean, I'm glad I was
there to do it because like you said, I mean, you told me would
have gone differently. And I believe that that was the
truth because you, you were fucking pissed.
Fortunately you didn't fuck me out, but.
(01:14:19):
No, no, I never do. That I didn't.
I think you would. No, I respected you enough.
And I think that, I mean, yeah, at the end, at the end of the
day, I would have never did that.
I respected you enough and the position that you were in and
where you were at in life. I wouldn't have did nothing like
that dude. I believe you.
I know, I know. I could tell.
(01:14:39):
I could tell. So now we've got to be getting
close to clean, clean territory,right?
Because the 2021-2022 ish maybe now.
What? After I did that, they sent me
back to the county. I sat there for a little bit, of
course, went to the workhouse, sat there.
(01:15:00):
We're all still getting high offthe paper, off of the off of the
fetty paper, ice paper, Suboxone.
Do like there's like 6 or 7 people in every tank with like
fucking 20 strips. Dude, this Suboxone was so bad
in there. So was the tune.
Tune was everywhere, dude, really.
Yeah, man, that's. And that's the shit that like
(01:15:22):
you like you're look like you'renodding out but you're not or
like. Well, it's supposed to be like
weed dude, but it's not. It's not dude.
So it's almost like a trip without without it's.
Yeah, that's what I've heard. It's, it's weird, dude.
I did it. I did it.
Of course I did it too for a while.
I did it. I did.
It went out the entire time I was in the work.
(01:15:44):
Is it like salvia? Kind of.
I never did salvia. Oh, really?
Yeah, I know. I've heard about it, but I've
never did. I don't know how to explain it
except it's just like. It's like.
Like AK hole? Kind of.
No K holes, like being paralyzed.
I've been in AK hole. I watched somebody rob me while
I was in the K hole because I thought it was cocaine.
(01:16:08):
Big ass honker line and like just big.
And I'm like, I do it like fucking yeah.
Like we can. 45 minutes later, I'm watching this dirtbag
fucking walk out of the house. I'm just sitting in the cast
like this, like watching this dude walk out of the house, all
my shit. And I'm like.
Just stuck. Yeah, yeah, Holy shit.
(01:16:33):
I end up going to the rain and somehow I end up becoming a
Porter. And and so we were the only ones
allowed out of ourselves. And this isn't like you said in
the middle of COVID. We're the ones that are cleaning
cells, delivering food, delivering the drugs back and
forth and shit. So I did 2 entire time and Subs
the entire time I was in Lorraine for free.
God, yeah, yeah. So it's just, it don't matter
(01:16:55):
where I was going. It's just I was getting high off
something. See, that was always my biggest
fear and I never was in a position to get high in jail.
And I went to jail a bunch of times, but there were never any
drugs. Or if there were drugs, it
wasn't enough to get hooked on. But I was always terrified that
if I went to prison and I got hooked on some fucking Suboxone
(01:17:15):
or Fetty, I was going to be in debt and my ass was going to get
beat to death. Because I can't.
I can't stop. Yeah, I can't fucking stop.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that scared the scared me to
death like. Yeah, yeah.
No, I mean, when I was in prisonthe first time in the first two
(01:17:36):
years, I did like Suboxone was so ridiculously expensive.
Like I didn't do any at that point.
But that last time I was in a workhouse, Suboxone, like I
said, was just so bad and all that shit.
Like people were just handing itout.
Like everybody was there every morning somebody would give you
a piece. Like if you didn't have the
money, you're not like that. Somebody just get the whole
(01:17:57):
tanks was getting high every daylike it was just every it was
everywhere. Jesus, it was everywhere.
If you looked out your window, everybody's shooting cars back
and forth with on the strings delivering shit to each other
like everybody was getting. You got to think, man, like you
get you get some legal mail sentin like a whole mail envelope
full of like a like a what do you call it with all your
(01:18:21):
evidence information on it, yourdiscovery, your discovery.
That's right. You get a whole discovery sent
in with all that shit on the paper.
You're talking about like a lot,thousands of dollars, dude, nice
and a lot of money and everybody.
That's a lot of paper. And the shit they were doing,
they were doing like pieces likethis big dude and that like they
were ripped. I think it was embalming fluid,
(01:18:41):
if you want me to be honest withyou.
I think that, yeah, one of the guys said that he thought he's
done a bombing fluid before and that's what it felt like.
The the tune. Yeah, well, it what they.
First of all, let's rewind. You said he had done embalming
fluid before. Yeah.
What the fuck does that mean? You never heard of that one?
(01:19:05):
No, I've never heard of that one.
So back in the day, like, like sixties, 70s, early 80s people,
people would dip cigarettes in embalming fluid and call it
getting wet. Or you would put it on weed or
shit like that. Like it would make you trip.
Really. Yeah.
(01:19:25):
It's called getting wet. Wow, I didn't know that.
Yeah, holy shit. Yeah.
So I mean, they were putting what you didn't really
technically know what was on thepaper.
They were just calling it tune. Everything was tune.
And when I, when I get to Lorraine, this is what I was
getting at. When I get to Lorraine, I'm
still doing tune, still doing tune.
And the tune was so bad in the rain there that the prison was
(01:19:49):
passing out Flyers and letting everybody know that you're not
doing tune. What you're doing is the purple
raid spray is what they were is what the fuck they they were
spraying on the paper and sending in that's.
Really like ants and shit. Yeah, for roaches, Roach spray
raid the purple can. Think it was real or do you
(01:20:11):
think it was a scare tactic? I don't know, I still was doing
it. Yeah, yeah, fuck it.
Whatever I mean. Yeah, so I was still doing it.
So I get, I get out of the rain,we're getting close to the
getting clean. I get out of Lorraine and I link
(01:20:31):
back up with my with my buddy that I told you, my best friend
Chris, he comes and picks me up.I was supposed to go to a
halfway house and I didn't. I, I had him.
I had the guy just dropped me off.
There's some guy from a halfway house that came and picked me up
and I told him, my buddy, I'm not going there, pull this
(01:20:51):
fucking car over and let me out,you know?
He probably thought you were kidding.
You were dead fucking. Serious.
I was dead ass serious. Yeah, he let me out in the
middle of the parking lot on 161and sweatpants and AT shirt like
I I had AI was kind of an intimidating guy back again.
I was pretty big. I was big dude.
Tall. I mean, I always.
Look, no, when you had that demeanor that like anger hit
(01:21:13):
you, that shit, I, I remember seeing it numerous times as an
inmate and as a guard, like, yeah, it yeah, it was scary.
Yeah, When people tell me my eyes turn black and and I turn
it, I look like a completely different person.
Like a Yeah, you. Yeah, Yeah.
But that side of me is gone now.It's gone.
(01:21:35):
It's completely gone. I I locked it up it's way gone.
Never want to be that person again.
So my brother picks me up. I'm supposed to go to the
halfway house, takes me to my mom's house.
My mom gives me 1000 bucks to buy a car.
Really. Yeah, after all that.
(01:21:56):
Yeah, so that happened numerous times, dude.
I've had it and and this is not exaggerated.
I'm probably under exaggerated or whatever the word might be.
I've had at least high 20s, low 30s amounts of cars and that
somewhere somewhere in that range, somewhere between 28 and
(01:22:17):
35 cars somewhere around there. I've had a lot of them.
And rather than let me stay in the house because of the person
that I was like I was, I was, I was gone.
I would, I would, I was just I was gone all the time.
I was fucked up all the time. Highs as high as I could
possibly get every single day until I would pass out.
(01:22:39):
And they didn't want me staying there.
So instead of letting me stay there, they would buy me a car.
And back then I could always find a car for like 255 hundred
piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, it barely run.
But you know, I mean, I would whip the hell out of it until I
either get pulled over or brakesand I get another one.
So but anyway, yeah, she gives me $1000 and by that time price
(01:23:04):
of everything has gone astronomically up higher and the
only car I could find for $1000 and I needed one immediately
because my brother was doing hisown thing with getting high and
like I couldn't just ride aroundwith him and his girl all the
time. Like I had to have a place to
sleep. I ended up fucking buying a
(01:23:25):
Toyota. I think it's a Celica.
It's a big car about size of a Taurus.
It's here, I know what you're talking about.
Yeah, it was wrecked on the passenger side.
Like like they like somebody sideswiped all the way down of
it. The back of the trunk was pushed
all the way up. No light.
No bought. You bought it like that.
(01:23:46):
Bought it like that. Yeah, no muffler.
So not only is it a eyesore, butit's fucking loud.
So hey, look at me, you know? And I, of course I don't have a
license and I'm already wanted because I didn't go to the
fucking halfway house like I wassupposed to for parole.
But I drove that car around for a while and this is how I caught
the drug case in Marysville 'cause we were doing a Lego
(01:24:11):
thing. I don't know if you you ever
heard about the Lego thing. I used to steal Legos.
Oh yeah, that's what I'm talkingabout.
Yeah, I used to steal a lot of Legos.
I had a guy who take them to toyconventions.
I had a guy who me and my brother were selling them to
this this one guy. We never sold them to anybody
other than the one guy, and we probably talked about the same
(01:24:31):
guy. Yeah, we're starting to think we
are. I I still got it.
We'll talk about it later, but yeah, I'm talking about two
hundred $300 Lego sets, and I would have like a car full of
them in every single day, sometimes 2-3 times a day, yeah.
Hit the fucking Target, hit the Meijer, hit the fucking Walmart.
Yeah. And I and I would have AI would
(01:24:53):
have a route, dude, I would takea route on this side of the, of
the like this side of Franklin County.
And then I would go to Lancaster, then I'd go to
Marysville, then I would go to fucking Logan.
Would he meet you in parking lots?
Yep, Yep. Yeah, it's the same guy.
Close to Sawmill. Got to be the same fucking.
Guy close to Sawmill Rd. yeah, yeah, yeah.
(01:25:15):
So yeah, we, we got to the pointto where he had he he would have
a guy come and pick him up in a semi truck because we were
bringing like every. I know, I know, a lot of people
were bringing them, but we were we.
He paid cash. Good.
Cash. Cash.
He paid half of whatever it was worth. 50.
And 50% of whatever they were worth.
(01:25:36):
But straight cash? Yeah, straight cash.
I mean, you're talking about like 2-3 hours worth of fucking
running around. And then you could have a easy
$502,000, you know, just like that.
And you could do it a couple times a day.
And then I get, like I said, I got the routes that I had.
I would like every other day I was going to a different side of
the town, different area. And and there's more Walmarts
(01:26:00):
and Targets and shit around everywhere than you than you
realize they're everywhere. They're everywhere.
Yeah, they're everywhere. So we did that for a while.
We got caught doing that. That's.
So funny you did that same shit I did.
That's so funny. I've never heard anybody else
say that. You're the only one.
It was such a good lick. Oh my God, dude.
(01:26:20):
It was the best. Yeah.
And when I tell people about it,that, that it like, I mean,
obviously you've done it before,so like, but I when I tell
people about it, they're like bullshit.
Yeah, Lego, you don't. I mean, Legos are fucking
expensive. I know.
They're they're, you're a littleboxy walking out the door, but
you know, as long as you get outthe door.
Well, I mean, I didn't do that. I had a barcode.
(01:26:44):
What do you mean? I would take a barcode for
something that was like 89 centsor or a barcode.
And go to self checkout. Yeah, I started doing that.
I would go to clearance and get a barcode for $0.50 and then
they got caught on to that. So then I would just go get the
cheapest Lego set they have, which is just a little guy on a
(01:27:05):
motorcycle. Sure it's like 7 bucks, 4 bucks,
7 bucks, something like that andI would hold it in my hand and I
would scan it instead of this the bar on the Legos and then I
and then I would throw that overthere.
But I would also call getting food sense of time for being
homeless. So I'd also buy food.
I'd also fill up the cart with food and then it was normally
(01:27:28):
like pop. I was getting pop shit ton of
pop, shit ton of like other big boxy stuff.
And I did that for a while and just I was driving around in
like a 94 Chevy Silverado, loud black, noticeable, had big rust
(01:27:49):
spots all over it. I'm sitting in a parking lot,
the parking lot of the apartmentcomplex where I was living at.
Security guards knew who I was. All the all the people that
lived there knew who I was. So nobody bothered me, you know?
I mean, I had my little corner of the parking lot on Track Rd.
where I slept and I just woke up.
(01:28:11):
My parents were on vacation. I didn't know where my best
friend was. I wasn't talking to him at the
time. I think we were arguing or
something. But I just woke up one day and I
was like, I can't do this anymore, you know, So I just
started calling numbers, just just started calling numbers and
(01:28:31):
ended up, and it's funny, the guy that ended up taking me to
rehab is actually her cousin. Really.
Yeah. We come to find out that that's
who ended up taking me to rehab and she's related to him.
So. And it was so everything's
intertwined. But so I went to, I went to
(01:28:52):
rehab, went to Fordo. They did that for about six
months, completed it and they like, they liked my, I guess
they liked my attitude and they figured that's.
That's a shocker. No, that's what I mean.
They liked my attitude enough towhere like I would be in.
Charge. Yeah.
(01:29:12):
Leadership. Yeah, leadership in.
Charge of. Watching.
Like basically an adult babysitter at night.
Yeah, You know what I mean? So I did that.
I took that job and and that waslike working 24 hours a day,
seven days a week is what that turned into.
I wasn't making bad money, but when I finally met my wife and
(01:29:40):
moved in with her and we were living together and it's like a
whole new family deal. It's like I had to find more
money. But I still kept that job for a
while and I made my way up to director of IOP, so and I'm in
charge of collecting rent money.That's wild.
No shit, right. That's wild.
No shit. I'm in.
I'm in charge of collecting rentmoney.
(01:30:01):
I'm in charge of placing people in whatever house, whatever
space is left. I'm in charge of deciding if
people go get kicked out. I'm doing drug tests.
I'm ordering drug tests like I'm.
I had a lot of responsibilities in that and.
Director in front of your name? How'd that feel?
Director in front. Pretty good.
Had to feel good. It felt great but 45,000 a year
(01:30:24):
didn't feel very. For director for.
Director Yeah, that's what I mean.
I was getting and I was working seven days a week. 24 yeah,
yeah. And when I found out everybody
got a $500 Christmas bonus and they gave me, and mind you, I'm
supposed to be getting rent collection bonuses, dude.
And rent collection was highest.It's it was it had ever been
(01:30:47):
since I took over the position. Like, I didn't play about the
money. Yeah, I'm sure.
I was like, I ain't taking no shorts.
Give me your money. What's up?
I need the money. Yeah.
I was supposed to be getting bonuses for that.
If I was, if I hit a certain percentage, I was supposed to
get a a rent collection bonus. Never got that.
I found out everybody we got a $500 Christmas bonus.
(01:31:08):
I got 250 for some reason because and I asked why when I
found out and they were like, well, because you're not a
counselor, you're not counselinganybody.
All you're doing is babysitting.Like what?
No, that's not what that job is,no.
No, no. And they're openly letting me
transport clients knowing that Idon't have a license, taking
(01:31:29):
them to places to drop them off in the middle of the night.
Yeah, if somebody. Dudes, a lot of those places are
just gummy man. Oh yeah, dude.
I learned a lot from behind the scenes working there, dude.
And it it, it's foul. Yeah.
Most of the people that are working there, they're all,
they're all either smoking weed,drinking fucking clients,
(01:31:51):
fucking Yep, you know what I mean, business.
Development people just want to put bodies in beds.
It's all they give a fuck about so they can get their little
Commission. Yeah, especially, especially the
private insurance guys when theycome in, it was like, don't,
don't, don't piss him off. Don't.
And I treated everybody the same.
I didn't give a fuck, dude. I didn't care if you had private
(01:32:13):
insurance. Now, I wasn't an asshole to the
point to where I ruled an iron fist.
Like I was actually there for the guys, like I I was on their
side when when stuff happened. But you break a rule, you break
a rule, man. Like, you know what I mean?
These are I can't just because we're cool, just because like I
fuck with you. You broke a rule, man.
Yeah, that's it. Rules are here, black and white
(01:32:34):
place for a reason. You can't you know what I mean.
So it is what it is. You you break where you got to
go. But I didn't, I see a problem
with going picking somebody up at 222 thirty, 3:00 in the
morning and they're they're highoff meth and I take them to
Merry Haven and just let them out the car at the door and be
(01:32:56):
like, good luck. You know what I mean?
That's kind of fucked up. Didn't feel right.
No, but I mean, I did it. But it's my job.
Yeah, but yeah. And but it got to the point to
where it just, I needed, I needed more, I needed better, I
needed more money. So again, I just started calling
(01:33:17):
numbers and somehow landed a contact with with the foreman
for WPI, which at the time was the third largest commercial
drywall company in the country and it's under the union on a
Local 200 carpenters union. Landed that job worked there for
(01:33:39):
about two months and the material handler quit and then I
got that position and worked my way up from there and I just
recently got laid off from there.
We worked ourselves out of the job.
They didn't they didn't want to take the next job after that
because it wasn't profitable enough for the higher ups The
(01:34:01):
the ending result wasn't enough money for everybody so anyway,
they ended up farming me out to PCI.
So that's where I'm at now. I'm working for a PCI.
I am currently a third year apprentice, but I'm like one of
the top guys there framing. That's great.
Yeah, that's. Great.
What what's changed for you as far as life?
(01:34:25):
I guess life, and I mean obviously a lot, but.
A lot, yeah. I know you said mentally you
struggle from time to time, which I think is normal.
Yeah. But I mean that, that monkey's
off your fucking back. Well, yeah, I mean, it's that's
finally off my back because I just got so much more other shit
(01:34:45):
that's on that's on my plate that I have to take care of.
Like I couldn't imagine waking up in the morning and going
getting a bag of dough. Like I I have I have a routine
that I don't deviate from. Like I get up at 3 O clock in
the morning every day. And I think that's what's
keeping me. It's like almost like a military
structure that I've created for myself.
I wake up every day at 3 AMI eatcereal with the dogs.
(01:35:11):
We got three dogs, got Rottweiler, Pitbull and a French
bulldog. Eat cereal with dogs, got a they
got to have theirs too. And then I head off to work
about 4:30. I get to work an hour early
every single day. I watch the news, scroll through
YouTube, all that stuff. I just that's how I prepare for
my day. Do same thing every single day.
(01:35:32):
Then I get home, take care of the dogs, all that stuff.
But what's changed for me just Ieverything like I got credit
cards now I have an amazing wife, I have a house, we have
two cars have a car payment you're.
Not sleeping in them. I'm not sleeping in did.
(01:35:54):
Believe it or not, when me and my wife first got together and I
first moved in there, she would catch me sleeping sitting up.
Dude. Like it took me a long time to
get used to sleeping in an actual bed again.
Yeah, yeah, I for the better part of 10, almost 15 years, I
was either sleeping in cars or sleeping in a prison bed.
(01:36:14):
God, So there for a while it wasuncomfortable for me to even
fucking sleep in a bed, man. But yeah, you.
Feel like you're institutionalized?
Were you for at all and in any way other than?
100% Man 100% Institutionalized 100%.
You see those effects fading as time passes on.
(01:36:38):
A lot of them, yeah, I still have a problem.
I still have issues trusting people.
I always think people are plotting on me or, or talking
about me or saying bad things about me or But even though it
doesn't really matter because what they teach you in in in
(01:36:58):
rehab is that you can't control what other people's thoughts are
about you or what they say aboutyou.
And ultimately, who gives a shit?
You know, who gives a shit? Yeah.
But I mean, that's just really hard for me.
So I get I get over it by if I have that.
Like I had that thought at work the other day about a guy
because he he's on our crew, butI never really talked to him.
(01:37:21):
And we usually work in partners of two.
Well, my partner was over there talking to him and here comes
that thought in my head again, creeping in my head because they
looked over at me for a split second.
And there goes that thought in my head again.
Like I think they're they're, they're plotting on me or
they're talking shit about me orsomething, man.
So I get over that by waiting a couple days and seeing how
things played out. And then I ended up dudes
(01:37:44):
actually cool as hell. There was nothing.
There's nothing. Dudes actually cool as hell.
And I ended up telling him to like, you know, I'm honest with
people about it. Like I told him, like dude, like
I thought you were fucking talking shit about me, but I
don't know man. Just life's completely
different. And I'm still this.
And even being with my wife, I got to remind her sometimes too,
(01:38:07):
that this is actually my first real attempt at a sober
relationship. You know, at 42 years old I'm
just now getting my first bank account.
Yeah, you're doing a lot of shitfor the first time.
Yeah, very fast. Yeah, very, very fast.
You're trying to play catch up. I know the game.
I mean, obviously I was 26 when I got sober, but I remember I
(01:38:28):
was like by 30 I got to be caught up, got to be caught up
like rushing, hurrying, pushing hard, fast.
Like I remember it. I remember it well.
And it's it's a grind, dude. It's a grind because you got a
job recovery too. Can't get high.
Yeah, can't get high. Yeah, no, no.
And it's, it's I never really used to care about my future.
(01:38:52):
I never, I never, I don't, I never had feelings.
I didn't really give a fuck how,how you felt like about me.
If I, you know, I, I just, I have a conscience now and I
worry about things and I just, Idon't want, I've had a taste at
a real life and I just, I want more, you know, I mean, I don't
(01:39:13):
want to lose what I got it and Iwant more.
Dude, there's so much more, I promise.
Yeah, there's so much more. I remember when I got my year
coin, I was all fucking hot shit.
Fucking got my year. My sponsor was like, you're
early. And if I look back at Louis at a
year versus Louis at 9, I'm a totally different human being.
(01:39:34):
Like it's just gotten better. It's only gotten better.
Yeah, well, no, like at first it's like it was for me.
It was like like this is what I got fucking sober for.
This fucking sucks, dude. This fucking sucks.
It does suck at first. Yeah, dude, it's you don't have.
Shit. You don't have shit.
It's fucking. You're so far in debt, so far of
(01:39:56):
a grind to get back on your feet.
You keep getting hit with real life problems and you can't get
high to deal with it. You got to tackle it.
And I mean, I at least, I mean, at least when problems hit, I'm
clear minded enough to sit down and be like, OK, this is how
we're going to deal with this. As long as you get it.
Like no matter how fucked up shit gets, no matter how much
(01:40:19):
debt you got, no matter how manypeople keep hitting, they coming
at you with all these different problems, as long as you're
sober, as long as you're workingand as long as you keep a good
head on your shoulders, like everything will fall in place.
That's what I that's what I'm trying to believe.
What would you say to somebody that was in your shoes or is
currently in your shoes watchingthis?
(01:40:40):
Because there are people that actively use that watch our
channel and and you admitted it yourself, you didn't think you
were going to make it. Nobody.
So you're you're the perfect person to ask that question to.
What would you say? To that person, yeah, no.
And I want everybody to know that like that like this is the
PG13 like version of my stories.Like there's so much more stuff
(01:41:02):
out there that like I just can'ttalk about and, or don't want to
incriminate myself or things like that.
So I mean, to anybody that's watching this, like the I, I, no
matter how fucked up it is, likethere's still hope is you're
still alive. There's still a way to fix it.
(01:41:22):
No matter how many warrants you got, no matter how much debt you
got there, you can still fix it as long as you're alive and as
long as you got some sort of fighting you in some kind of
hope. Ultimately, nobody's going to do
it for you. No, and you can't have it in
your head that I'm going to go to rehab so that this woman will
(01:41:45):
like me or I'm going to go to rehab to make my mom happy, or
I'm just doing this for my probation officer or whoever or
whatever. Because that's still an addict
mentality. You're you're, you're
manipulating. You have to want it for yourself
or it's never going to work. You have to have whatever spark
that's inside of you that finally tells you like I've had
(01:42:06):
enough. They don't matter how old you
are either. And it's just just the same as
drugs. Like drugs don't care how old
you are, who you are, or what you do for a living or how much
money you got or any of that shit doesn't.
Discriminate. No, it doesn't discriminate.
No, neither. Neither does sobriety at all.
(01:42:26):
I've never heard anybody say that, but that's a hell of a
line. I'm stealing it from you.
Trademark it patent. I'm stealing that shit.
Yeah. Dude, I, I am.
For what it's worth, I'm proud of you.
No, I appreciate that. Seriously.
I mean that I I'm very impressed.
Yeah. No, like I yeah, I'm glad you
(01:42:49):
said that too. Like the, the feeling I had when
I walked into CBCF and I'm and Imade eye contact with you and
you were working there that timeand I was not yeah, yeah, dude,
that, I mean, complete 180. I was the biggest.
I was the biggest scumbag piece of shit.
I'd come in your house, smile onyour face and act like your best
(01:43:10):
friend and steal everything you had and you wouldn't even know
it. Yep.
Yeah. Yep, me too.
Me too, my friend. No, but life.
Life is good, man. Dude, I yeah, thank you so much
for taking the time to do this. I think that people will get a
lot out of this and probably going to help a lot of people
(01:43:30):
so. I was nervous and scared to
hell. Scared as hell to do this.
No, you did great. You did great.
Not the type to talk in front ofpeople man, but.
Just a couple cameras and me, that's it.
And a thing right in your face. Yeah, and a thing right in your
face. No, yeah, I appreciate it,
buddy. Thank you man.
That's it, Easy as that.