I Lost an Arm and Became a Heroin Addict | Ep 82 - Get a Grip Podcast

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
They said it was the artery thatI severed because it's a artery
and not a vein, and I severed the whole thing.
They said it was literally like a medical phenomenon that it
clotted because they said if it wouldn't have clotted, I'd have
been dead in under a minute. It comes right out of your
heart, you know what I mean? I don't know how it clotted.
And I'll drink all about that much of 1/5 of Hennessy, you

(00:23):
know, So my blood had to be thin.
We're good. We're on shit.
Sorry, sorry. I, I was like, I thought it was

(00:43):
like a 321 moment. Oh yeah, I'm just going to turn
it over to my higher power, blahblah blah.
Just kidding. So we're, we're back, Lou.
We are. Yeah.
We're back with Travis, right? Travis Hall.
Travis Hall. Man, thanks for coming on
firstly and. Ripley, Virginia.
West Virginia. Yeah, West Virginia boy.

(01:04):
The Home of Nothing the. Home of meth.
Trees. Yeah, meth and trees and
nothing. Bathtub meth?
Yeah, yeah. Welcome, brother.
So where to begin? Well, we know each other from
when you were locked up the facility I worked at, so there's
some history there which we'll touch on later.
I can't wait. Shall we start start with

(01:27):
childhood? Yeah, What's life like in West
Virginia? Add Where do you say Addley,
West Virginia? So were you.
So I'm, I'm originally, I was born in Columbus.
I went to I grew up in Gahanna, OH man on Johnstown Rd. went to
Gahanna East and in Lincoln and then my family moved to
Johnstown the end of my junior year I think.

(01:51):
Johnstown, like Lincoln County, That's where I'm from, man.
Really. Yeah.
So they moved out there and I don't know if it, you know, to
Get Me Out of trouble because like I started going to jail and
stuff in high school and I had abunch of bunch.
Of. What were you doing in high
school That was that your first,like troubles were starting in

(02:11):
high school. Yeah, my junior year, Yeah.
I started using, you know, smoking weed when I was 15, my
junior year, end of my sophomoreyear.
But before I started, before I used for the first time, I was
like that kid that, like saw my other friends wanting to smoke

(02:32):
weed before the football game. And I would try to talk them out
of it, you know, like, oh, you don't need to do that, man.
Really. Yeah.
That was yeah. And then we were at a party one
night and someone had a bag of weed and, you know, we rolled
aluminum foil bowl and went out in the woods and smoked.
And that was it for me. I mean, I was AI was a dope

(02:54):
fiend from the very start, you know, I was riding my bicycle
all the way across town, you know, because someone said they
had, you know, a half a bowl pack to smoke.
People see me coming. I mean, they saw me coming, you
know. I mean, I was just, I was just a
thing from the start. I didn't care about shit, you
know, the consequences. Started smoking weed when I was

(03:18):
15 and maybe four or five monthslater I was doing anything, you
know, found like Adderall in thehigh school X pills.
Smoking crack. I don't know any high school
there that was like smoking crack before school.
Yeah, I don't know that we've even heard maybe a couple
couple. In high.

(03:39):
School I didn't either. What are your parents like?
Your parents, normal folks are. They so ish growing up, my
parents were Alcoholics. I hope they don't see this ever.
But let's speak the truth. They were Alcoholics and still

(04:01):
kind of are. There was a lot of domestic
violence in my childhood. You know, dad beat mom, Mom
turned, you know, suicidal and started trying to kill herself.
You know cops at the house me getting you know moved out or

(04:22):
like you know placed because shit wasn't right at home.
No shit but it was crazy. But you know I try to bring that
to my parents attention you knowyears ago like y'all don't
remember you know what I mean like what the fuck And you know

(04:45):
I don't know I guess I just don't remember something but it
was fucking crazy. It fucked me up for real.
My mom started trying to kill herself coming home from parties
or whatever and she's laid out on the fucking floor with her
wrist cut, you know? But it looked like a, it looked

(05:05):
like a, like a old school, like a Eminem album cover or
something, you know, or something weird shit, you know,
like. And you walk in and see this.
Walk in and yeah, Jesus, brother, just yeah, all the
time. Crazy shit.
And then so I graduated high school barely before I started

(05:28):
using. I was kind of, you know, I was
in the middle crowd, I guess, and then started using and
having problems and I thought that was cool, you know, like,
yeah, no, no. People started to scatter.
Yeah, I mean it. Yeah.
Instantly, like I, you know, I was outcasted.

(05:49):
I was that kid that got arrestedin the school parking lot.
Member Chief Murphy and the the two officer Blamer and Estep,
they, you know, surrounded my car, pulled me out.
I went to jail, went to juvie when I was 15 on a on a school
day. School day.
Yeah, yeah. I had court that morning for
something like a domestic some Idon't know.

(06:10):
And when we came back from court, my mom and dad came with
me. When we got home, I went to
school. I rode a blunt, drove to school
and bought some Adderalls and shit.
And I went into school, came out, got my car and left.
And I still don't know what I what the charge was to this day.

(06:30):
I couldn't tell you. But they surrounded my car,
pulled me out, cuffed me up, brought me to the Gahanna police
station, put me in a cell. But they didn't find the
Adderalls. So I took them.
I took like 5 of them and they come and get me and, you know,
put me in the car and we start, you know, we're on 670 going
downtown. And they start like
interrogating me in the cruiser.Like, well, we know about, you

(06:52):
know, Adderalls and just, you know, you know, we could
probably turn around now if you want to help us out.
And I'm like, man, like they're not really going to take me to
jail. Like they're trying to scare me.
I'm like, yeah, I don't know shit.
Like and went to, you know, got down in the booking in the
Sallyport and booked me in. Sure as shit they took you.
Yeah, I was scared of shit. Where do you go to like

(07:14):
juvenile? Like you're not going to real
jail, right? You're not.
Going to No, it's real jail, it's a.
Well, I mean, it's not like adult jail though.
Right. No, no.
So it's on S Front St. So the old downtown adult jail
across the street from the back of the downtown jail.
Yeah. But yeah, it's definitely real
jail. You know, you catch felonies.

(07:36):
You know, they send you to DYS or Buckeye Boys Ranch or when
you turn 18, they bind you over and take you to Jackson Pike,
you know, as an adult. But so I graduated high school,
barely, and was getting high. I mean, it wasn't too crazy.

(07:58):
You know, that summer I decided I was going to go into the
military, you know, I'm going toget my life together, whatever
smart, smart play. So I go and I take my ASVAB
test, I go and do my maps and all that.
My dad had a recruiter coming tothe house like every weekend.
You know, he's trying to like get me together, You know, I
mean, because it, my parents probably told him, you know, I'm

(08:20):
a fuck up. So had this recruiter coming to
the house and then my dad for graduation bought this four
Wheeler as a gift, a 660 Raptor at Yamaha.
It's brand new and I can't take anything like I don't have a
moderate, you know? I'm 37 to go all the.

(08:44):
Way I'm either not riding or I'myou know I'm crashing you know
I'm fucking up and had it for like a month and got a bottle of
Hennessy and was drinking one night and ended up hitting a
tree maybe 100 yards from my parents driveway and was life

(09:06):
flight at a grant hospital. How fast do you think you were
going so they said I must have hit the tree like square.
You can see where the front likethe frame like cut the tree and
half of the tree is dead to thisday.
But my dad said it like ripped one of the front wheels off the

(09:31):
engine was like busted almost like he said like almost busted
the engine mounts I hit so hard.He said he sold it for like $300
scrap or something. Paid like 6 grand for it.
But I had traumatic brain injury, subdural hematoma.
My brain swelled 4 centimeters in my skull, severed my

(09:56):
subclavian artery. Comes right out of your heart.
Broke my left femur, my left tibia, broke 2 ribs, my ribs
pierced my lung, collapsed my lung, my lung filled with fluid
and just laid there. And there was one of the
neighbors coming home from the Hartford Fair late at night and

(10:20):
said when he was pulling in his driveway, his headlights kind of
panned out over the field and saw that four Wheeler.
And so he went and checked it out and saw me laying there and
he said he knew where I lived and he ran down to my house and
had to like walk in my parents house because they were passed
out. You know, they were, you know,
wow and yell for them. And life flight came, took me to

(10:43):
Grant and spent like 2 months inthe hospital and then another
couple weeks at dot Hall OSU forlike physical rehab.
So of course, like the military,you can't, you know, So yeah,
it's, yeah, it's over with. I had to withdraw on.

(11:03):
That's really where my life kindof like slowly just veered off
like me, like, you know what I mean?
Like serious. Yeah.
You know, I sat on the couch andwent to doctor's appointments
for like 2 years. Were they prescribing you
narcotics? I said you got.
To be on yeah methadone. I was on methadone 10s for nerve
pain and then the wafers. Not the wafers.

(11:25):
They had just discontinued making the wafers.
Like the bar looking? Yeah, the little coffins, Yep.
So I was prescribed four of those a day and then 246, 8800
milligram Neurontins a day. So I was prescribed two 800
milligram Neurontins 4 times a day and then all the seizure

(11:45):
meds and blood clot meds and allkinds of shit.
I was on like 30 different meds when I got out the hospital.
It seems like you'd be getting more narcotics.
Right. This is before like the opioid,
this is before like the Florida thing, you know, the whole
opioid epidemic. This was like leading up to that
do. You remember the accident at?

(12:06):
All No. You don't remember hitting or
anything like that? I remember flipping burgers on
the grill on my parents back patio at like 5 or 6 in the
evening and I remember thinking I had because I put that
Hennessy in the fridge in the drawer.
You know, chill it so I can drink it faster.
And I was thinking about that when I was flipping burgers and
then I slowly woke up in the hospital.

(12:27):
I, I was there for like 2 weeks before I have any recollection
or like memory of anything at the hospital.
It is. Two weeks pass by and you wake
up, no idea what the hell just happened.
So they said when I got to the ER, the ICU, they tried to, they
had to strap me down with like the white nylon straps and I

(12:47):
flipped out and ripped it and broke it.
So they went and got one of the leather ODRC straps and tied my
arm down with that. They were giving me shots of
like Haldol and Geodon in my asscheek trying to calm me down.
And yeah, I don't remember anything for like 2 weeks.
I had outer body experiences. I could, you know when you've

(13:09):
heard of people, they can see their self from a butt that's
real shit. Like I could see down the
hallway of my hospital room likeit was it.
Was, but you could see also you could see yourself laying on the
bed. Yeah, that's real shit.
That's wild. But yeah, what does that mean?
I don't know. What do you interpret that?
As I don't know, I know I started trying to speak Spanish

(13:31):
like I was young for help because I was in pain, but
nobody was coming. It was late at night.
So I started like screaming like, because I took Spanish in
high school. So I started like ayuda, ayuda.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly what I said.
Are you to me? Are you to me?
You know it was out of my mind. Wreck fucked me up.
Man, buddy, see. Yeah, that's insane.
Brother literally could have died had this neighborhood not

(13:53):
been coming. Home.
Yeah, they said. It was the artery that I
severed. Yeah.
Because it's a artery and not a vein.
And I severed the whole thing. They said it was literally like
a medical phenomenon that it clotted, because they said if it
wouldn't have clotted, I'd have been dead in under a minute.
Yeah, fuck. It comes right out of your
heart, you know what I mean? I don't know how it caught.

(14:14):
And I'll drink all about that much of 1/5 of Hennessy, you
know, So my blood had to be thin.
What's the rehab look like on that?
Like what do you have to do for that?
I mean, it was, it was hopeless.Like I went to Ohio Health a few
times a week, occupational physical therapy.
I got cleared out of physical therapy when I was at dot Hall.

(14:35):
My physical therapist said if because I told him like I
because I broke my leg, so he was wanting me to leg press to
get my legs strong. And he's, I said, look, I'll leg
press this whole machine, you know, put the pin in the very
bottom weight. He's like, if you press the
whole stack, I'll clear you fromphysical therapy.
So yeah, got that out the way. But my occupational therapy,

(14:56):
like, continued, you know, when I went home, I had to go to the
hospital from home. And it got to the point where
she was like, look, I don't wantto bill your insurance anymore
for, yeah, you know, there's nothing that's, you know.
You're kind of you're. Yeah, there's nothing to do.
So what did the ARM use look like after that like when you

(15:17):
did? So for a while, like right after
the wreck, it looked just like my right arm, but just I
couldn't move it. Over the.
Years. Over the years it just became
skinny. It was like just bone with skin
wrapped around it. I couldn't move my arm at all.
I could kind of move my elbow. It was just there.
Just there. Yeah, do.
You get self-conscious about that, like at some points you

(15:39):
had to, right? Yeah, yeah, you know, and people
say, Oh no, I don't even, you know, girls I was with, I don't
even notice it. Like bullshit, like if your arm
was paralysed, yeah, you know, Iwould definitely notice it.
Like, you know, but yeah, fuck yeah.
I was self-conscious and I wasn't even really like a

(16:00):
fighter growing up before my wreck, after my wreck, probably,
you know, I had a chip on my shoulder.
Felt like I had something to prove, like I can still, you
know, so I'll start going to jail like right away after my
wreck. That's right, man.
The three prison numbers? Damn.

(16:21):
You had three prison numbers? Yeah.
All, all with like the dead arm.Yeah.
What's and did you get in fights, I'm assuming Yeah,
What's that like? Like.
How how does that look? It probably looks funny, you
know, from like a second point of view.
Yeah. You know, 'cause like, you know,
run up and like swing on somebody and then have like this
arm that's just like just danglein tow, you know, just like.

(16:42):
And what does it do? Just like it just flaps around
like it's asleep. Because it's kind.
Of yeah. Wow, dude.
Yeah, got in one flight, my second number, and at the very
end, dude pushed me off and there was a locker box behind me
and I tripped over the box and came down and it broke my arm.
The CE OS come running in the Bay.
So I went to my rack and laid under the blanket, you know,

(17:05):
pretended to be asleep. I didn't know I broke my arm.
I woke up in the morning and my arm was like swelled up, you
know, it was purple and blue. And I went to IHS and they said,
you know, you should probably goto the hospital.
But so yeah, I got it amputated like a week ago.
Like just like. Literally a week ago, August 20.

(17:27):
7th So a week ago you had an arm, Yeah, a full arm and you're
a weakened and not. What the fuck is that like?
Bud, I'm still trying to figure it out.
Do you ever get the can you? Does it feel like it's still
there? Yep, the same nerve pain that I
feel in my hand and my arm. Yeah, pins and needles and
burning. I still feel that, but you
couldn't use it and it was dead.So like, so the doctor said that

(17:49):
the pain isn't actually in my arm, It's in my brain, my nerves
firing because my nerves are completely uprooted in my spine,
in my neck. Because you have a nerve cord
that comes off your spine, goes under your collarbone and down
your arm. And it's a common injury with
like street bike wrecks, car wrecks.
It's called a brachial plexus evulsion and they said you can

(18:13):
either like tear a little bit ofit and slowly get your movement
back, stretch it and slowly get your movement back, or in my
case it like it the the nerves were uprooted.
Like a doctor said, if you unplug your TV from the wall and
the cord is your nerves, that's what happened and there's no
fixing it. So.
Literally a week, man, that's insane.

(18:34):
So, like, what's the hardest thing to get used to?
Because, I mean, it wasn't much use anyway, right?
Yeah, just kind of. But like what's the hard?
It's got to throw you off balance or something, right?
I mean, my balance is cool. For real.
I think the hardest thing about it is, and I didn't even expect
it is like, you would think I'd be happy, you know, improve my

(18:57):
quality of life, you know, get this dead weight off.
I mean, like, yeah, I was excited for the surgery, but
from the very first doctor's appointment, I was like, like,
going through like, grief or like, like crazy depressed,
like, and I couldn't explain it,you know what I mean?
So I looked it up on the phone and there's like, whole support

(19:23):
groups for amputees and people like war veterans or accident
victims. So I guess it's like a normal
thing, you know? Yeah, I just, you know, I had my
arm for 19 years and then the surgery was supposed to be in
October, so I had time to, like,prepare and yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got a call from OSU one day and they're like, hey, we had a
cancellation if you want to comenext week.

(19:45):
Like, we'll, you know, it was like going to get like a fucking
feeling or something that is just as easy as fuck.
Yeah. Was it not?
This is a dumb question. It's an option to keep the arm
or the bone or anything. It was bro.
It was did you and I wanted to for the whole 19 years.
I told myself if I get my arm and if you take it, I'm fucking
keeping it. I'm going to have them embalm
it. But then I'm going to fill it

(20:06):
with lead and I'm like keep it under my car seat.
Or something. That's the club.
Yeah, that's or like turn it into like a wrench or something
and. Put it up on the fucking mantle
like one of those. Dead.
Yeah. That would be awesome.
You know, Walking. Yeah.
You know the movie Walking Tall?He has that 4x4 he keeps in the
back window of the truck. Yeah, but when they get, we had

(20:28):
to sign a paper and they said inorder for you to take this arm
out of the hospital. Take your own arm.
That's fucking weird, man. They're like, we have to have a
funeral. Like a Funeral Home worker is
the only person that can take your arm out of this hospital.
And I don't know, like my surgery was in like 10 minutes.

(20:49):
So I don't, you know, I don't have a funeral worker in my
contacts, you know, so and I said fuck it, you know, just.
And then what they have to like have a proper funeral session
for the arm. I don't know.
That's that's wild. You know, you know, people call
me chicken wing. You know, that was like my
nickname for years. And I kind of try to look at it

(21:11):
like just turning the page, you know what I mean?
Growing up a. Whole new identity.
Whole new, whole new life. But yeah, that it takes getting
used to. I mean, it's weird.
Still a week. Yeah.
I've got like, nervous tics where I used to, like, grab my
arm and, like, cross my arms andit's not there.

(21:32):
Couple more weeks. Yeah, Yeah.
Get this bandage off, you know. So what's the where's the
incision at? Like up on the shoulder or how?
Like how far up does it go? So what can I?
I mean, I got the bandage. I like to take the bandage off.
We OK doing. That I don't know.
I. Don't mind, I wasn't looking.
I don't know. So they just.
Touch it I guess. Like they they left so you have

(21:55):
got your ball and socket joint. Under shoulder like your rotator
cuff. Yeah.
So they, the doctor recommended to keep the ball and just
amputate the arm, like right under the ball joint to make my
shoulder more rounded. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then after surgery, he said that he was able to take my
tricep and kind of put it over my shoulder to like give it

(22:19):
more. Like like normalized or
whatever, Yeah. Like symmetrical and then took
my bicep and put it in the frontright here because, you know, I
was like literally just bones and skin because it was so
atrophied. But.
Isn't that gnarly what they can do medically nowadays?
Yes, I mean it's still bandage. I had a tube in it and a drain
bulb but I got aggravated with it today and I just it was

(22:43):
stitched in and it went like 10 inches in my skin up in the mop
but I just cut the stitches and.Pulled it out for you doc.
Yeah, have this drain bulb full with, you know, chunky blood and
stuff. Just yeah, you know, it's.
Pretty badass as So I guess my first thought is like, were you?

(23:04):
We'll get there. I'm assuming some point.
Were you an IV drug user? So like, does the weird thought
ever come in your mind? Like if you ever wanted to do
drugs again, like you can't now.So I only hit in that arm for
maybe, I don't know, 6789 months.
And the dead arm, Yeah, and you could still on the work.
Yeah, I had. So the veins were really like,

(23:25):
really soft. Yeah.
They rolled real easy and I couldn't feel if I was missing.
Yeah. Oh shit, yeah.
Jesus bro. So I had one vein, it was on top
and I would put my arm like tuckit in like that between my knees
and then hit. But I guess Suboxone shooting

(23:47):
Suboxone is really bad, like horrible.
The worst? So I was in a halfway house in
Newark and when I got there everybody was shooting Suboxone
strips. So, you know, I jumped on the
bandwagon and blew all the veinsout.
But yeah, IV drug user started shooting doping O8.
How do you make the jump? So you go from you're like weed,

(24:08):
then you're dabbling with like Adderall.
Drinking a little bit. Drinking a little bit.
Even when I drank, you know, I went from like Travis, just like
chilled out. And then I start drinking and
I'm trying to fight the world. You know, I'm like embarrassing
myself. Like I take it to 10 so quick,

(24:28):
like everything I do. And especially after the brain
injury, the frontal cortex is what was injured in my brain.
And they say that's what controls like your decision
making, your impulse control, your anger, your moot, you know,
shit like that. And it got me into a lot of
trouble. I decided to go to College in

(24:50):
O8, enrolled, shoot dope and go to college.
Yeah, yeah, I'm still on the methadone, but OK.
I found this old lady in my class, one of my math classes.
Where'd you go calling the? State Cotc in.
Newark and I thought I was goingto study forensic science, like
I'm a Criminal Minds or whateverand ended up getting kicked out.

(25:13):
So the Virginia Tech shooting. Y'all remember that?
That was seven O 8. My psychology teacher told us at
the beginning of the semester that we were supposed to keep
all of our assignments and then at the end of the semester
average our home grade like keepa portfolio.
And I must have missed that. So it's like the last week of
class and she made the announcement like don't forget

(25:33):
to average your grades. I'm like, what the what are you
talking about? And she's, you know, said I told
the class, you know, I said, you're going to fail me.
And she kind of shrugged her shoulders.
So the next day came back to class and I was smoking a
cigarette out front before class.
And this girl that was in my class walked up and she's like,
what? We don't have class today?
And just without even thinking, I said, oh, you didn't hear?

(25:54):
I killed that bitch. And, you know, I just finished
my cigarette and went inside. And she took it real serious.
Like, she went to security. She went to campus security.
The State Highway Patrol comes in.
You know I'm in the back of the class.
You have no idea what? I've no idea, I'm like I'm
watching my Ubers. But to get.
Arrested. And they keep walking back
further and further. And I'm like, damn.

(26:15):
Like getting kind of close. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And get to my run. They're like, I'll stick out,
you know, the guy with the arm, you know?
Yeah, with the arm. And take me down and start
interrogating me. Like, were you making threats to
kill a teacher and duh, duh, duh.
And interrogate my parents, callthe house.
You know all that, you know, hasTravis had any recent mental

(26:38):
health, you know, changes, You know, the same stuff you see on
TV. And they told me, you know, I, I
can't go to school here anymore.Banned from college?
Yeah, banned from college. Yeah, I got kicked out, but that
was the type of shit that my brain injury like caused.
Yeah, the trouble because that's, that's a wild response,

(26:59):
Yeah, without even thinking, without thinking some.
Poor college girl. Just like I don't mind your.
Business we don't have class today.
I fucking. Tried to kill that.
Maybe Travis fucking killed the teacher.
Damn, so college dropout now andthen You're active.
You're just doing methadone right now.
Yeah. Well, no, I mean I was doing
whatever, but after that. So that was in the end of O8.

(27:27):
My parents found this program atthe Cleveland Clinic, this
chronic pain rehabilitation program.
And I have to live up there in Cleveland at like this guest
house, like this guest hotel thing.
So we go up there, it's the deadof winter in Cleveland, go up
there. Like my mom drives me up there.
She stays for like the first night, you know, talks to
whoever and then she leaves. So now I'm in Cleveland by

(27:48):
myself. I'm drinking Steel Reserve, you
know, like this water. I'm in this program and I'm
running around Cleveland, you know, and end up, I don't even
know how all this shit happened,but I was messing with this girl
that was standing in this guest house thing and I decided, you
know, we're going to smoke some crack.

(28:10):
And I said, she's all I've done powder before.
And I was like, all right, we'rewe're going to find it.
So we go to this gas station andget a pint of Hennessy and some
random dude pulls up, you know, probably sees her, you know,
pulls up. And he said, look, I'll get the
package. Like, come on, we'll go kick it.
And I was like, all right, fuck it, you know, I'm drunk,
whatever. And this dude lives in like some

(28:31):
boarding house or something. He's like, it's like a parole
house or something. He just got out.
So he did 15 years for a body orsomething.
And so we're in this little roomsmaller than this, drinking
Hennessy and smoking crack. And you did have the crack,
though. Yeah, he, he did go.
He did get the crack like he did, you know, he catches into
the bargain. So I'm like, yeah, you've got

(28:52):
crack. Like, you know, I'm gonna hang
out with you, you know? Yeah, Yeah.
I only smoke crack with rich people, you know?
But he starts, like, telling me to, like, do stuff to this girl
and like, trying to like, you know, like with some weird shit,
you know, And I'm like, dude, like, back the fuck off.
And we got into a beef because I'm drunk, you know, drinking
Hennessy. And he gets on the phone and

(29:14):
calls somebody, says his brother, has his brother on
speakerphone, pulls open the topdresser drawer, pulls a pistol
out, puts it in my face. He's like, look, bring a battle
about the drag this white boy out of this house and shit.
And I'm like, damn, like this iswhere it ends.
Like in this, you know, in this fucking.
Halfway house. Yeah, yeah, nobody's going to
know where I'm at. Like I don't even know where I'm

(29:34):
at, but I end up leaving. I called somebody and got told
on got kicked out of that program.
Told on for what? Like Speaking of geeking.
Yeah, so, oh, Travis, because there's every morning there was
like a process group or whatever, or all the clients are
in there. It's the doctors treatment team

(29:55):
or whatever, and they go to eachperson and like assess their
meds and whatever. And it got to this dude's turn
and when he were you in this class?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm here. Like, you know, I'm hungover and
it's dude's turn that I called like pick me up like dude, like
help me. Like I need a taxi or something,

(30:15):
like something. And he did.
He got a taxi and drove back. And when he talked in that
group, he was like, yes, I want to, you know, I'm trying to.
I don't even know what he said. Keep somebody accountable.
I'm worried about Travis. You know, I I had to pick him up
with a taxi at this house and you know, he was said to do was

(30:36):
trying to kill him all this shitand you know, put me all the
way, throw me all the way. Totally told on you.
Is this a drug treatment center?Or so it's a, it's a program run
by doctors and nurses to get people that are on narcotic pain
medication off of narcotic and like, you know, but by non
narcotic stuff, therapy, physical therapy, that kind of

(30:59):
shit. But yeah, he threw me under the
bus and that's just so annoying.Yeah, yeah.
Like dude. Keep my brother accountable
here. Yeah, Like, you don't even know
your first name, do you? Just like on this list of people
or whatever that's in this program, you know, we're all
living in this like Ronald McDonald House or whatever, like

(31:19):
at one of those charity houses across the street from the
hospital and. Yeah.
So now you're just kicked out with nowhere to go in the middle
of Cleveland. Yeah, I mean, I had to call my
my parents, you know, my mom came up there.
And at this point, it was just like, all right, let's just go
pick Travis up. You know, he got kicked out
again. Yeah.

(31:41):
What are the parent? What are your parents like?
Are they blaming on the TBI or they realize like.
I think in the beginning, yeah. But then I think everybody
started to like, people started to probably just assume, like, I
don't give a fuck, like, until Igo on my own and make my own
path, you know, and seek this out for myself without somebody

(32:08):
suggesting it, you know, taking me there, whatever.
I think if I wouldn't have been in that wreck, I probably would
have got my shit together a longtime ago.
I probably would have fucked up for a while, but I mean I
probably did use that wreck as as an excuse too.

(32:28):
That's an easy. You know, it's an easy out.
Yeah, well. I it's not me, it's my, you
know, not. My fault.
I had brain surgery, you know, 18.
I cut my fucking brain open. Yeah.
That's your first time smoking crack?
No. Hell no.
Hell no. No, but she said she wanted to.
You know, hopefully we get the panty dropping, you know, fuck
it. I was drinking in Cleveland.

(32:49):
They sell steel reserves in 12 ounce cans in like, oh, really?
6 packs? Yeah, I've never seen that in
Columbus. Yeah.
Yeah, I've seen just 16 ounces in the 20 fours, so that was
cool. So then what?
You come back here. Come back to Johnstown.
My parents moved out there. Where do you live in Johnstown?

(33:12):
I don't live there. My parents.
So, you know, if you're on 62 and you're coming up, you know,
Duncan Plains, I do. So if you're coming, if you're
going north, like in the town before, you know, Miller Church,
that brick church on the left, that's where my wreck was.
It was on that road. My parents moved into a house

(33:33):
down there. And then when I was locked up on
my second number in 2000, 14, they moved out to Liberty Church
Road off of Sportsmen's Club. Well.
So let's talk about, I guess, the prison.
Number. Yeah, you've got 3 numbers,
which I assume come with some charges, so let's start with

(33:54):
number #1 #1. So I was prescribed methadone
and started running out, you know, a week, two weeks early,
you know, basically from the very start, my mom bought this
little lock box like a Honeywellsafe, you know, with the key and
the, and the numbers or whatever.

(34:15):
And I found a coke spoon in my house and just happened to put
it in the keyhole, that lock boxand it worked like a key.
So I'll go in and steal my meds and I'll run out, you know, I'll
be dope sick right the fuck out.Just put the coke spoon right in
the keyhole and turn it and it. That is crazy.
It unlocked the box. You know, I bet you shit your
fucking pants. I was so fucking happy.

(34:37):
You had no idea, my God. So started running out, you
know, experienced dope sick for the first time.
Kind of knew what it was. So you know, I knew, you know, I
had to be taken care of. That's from methadone too.
Methadone, it was horrible, so much worse.
And before Suboxone, Subutex, like that hadn't even hit the
hit the market yet, but my doctor had prescribed me an

(35:00):
antibiotic script because I had a super bad acne when I was a
kid. So I had an antibiotic script
and this is before the pill epidemic.
So every script he was just printing out like a Xerox
machine before all the security watermark and all that shit on
the prescriptions. So I had the idea.
I took that antibiotic script and I went on the computer on

(35:21):
Microsoft Word and I made a prescript.
I copied the font, the size and everything for my normal script,
100 and 2010 milligram generic methadone, printed, printed it
off, put the my doctor's DEA number on there.
That was the only thing I wasn'tsure about.
I didn't know if every script had a different DEA number or if
every doctor was assigned one DEA number.

(35:42):
I didn't know. So I just put the same one that
was on that antibiotic script, printed it off, signed it, took
it to the pharmacy and walked inthere and they fucking filled
it. No shit.
They fucking, they filled like that.
I went to a pharmacy that I had been to before, you know, so
they, they were familiar with me.
Yeah, Yep. And it worked and it you know.

(36:04):
You're off and running now. Yep, Yep.
I was writing scripts for everything I went from the 120.
I mean down and incriminate myself but.
What do you how do you do that? You just say.
You said you just on a computer.On a computer?
How? How long ago was it?
2 So I started filling the scripts in 080.
Yeah, you're way past the statute of limitations on that

(36:26):
shit. So I'm fucking 15 years old.
But I didn't, I didn't even, I didn't even get indicted until
2000. The very beginning of 2011, I
was home and I heard a car pull on the driveway.
And I looked out the window and it was a detective.
He got out the car and pulled his badge.
You know, it was on like a chain, pulled it out, plain

(36:47):
clothes, had a Manila envelope. And I'm like, man, it's over
with. So I went in the kitchen and I
was kind of freaking out in my mind, so I didn't know what to
do. I made a bowl of cereal and I
sat there. Seems like a yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. So first thing I thought I'd to
do is make a. I'm gonna just sit here and let
my mom answer the door and I'm gonna just act clueless.
Yeah, act casual. Yeah, and he'd come and have
pictures me at the pharmacy. He had the prescription, you

(37:09):
know, my mom, and she did her react.
I'm like, man, she's going to beat the shit out of me.
And she just kind of like she was like, what, you know, at
that point it was, she was like,what the fuck, you know?
How many did you get off before that happened?
How many? Things.
I'd say. 678 but I got caught because I I went.

(37:32):
Before they were. Too much too quick, you know,
did the 122 milligram methadonesand then start with like 30
peaks Xanax, then the 60 volume 10's and then you know fill the
methadone scripts in between this because I can pay without
insurance. You know, this is before all
that shit got tightened up a loteasier time.

(37:53):
And then filled one for 90 Xanaxbars with refills and they
filled it. They filled it God.
Yeah, yeah, times were different.
Back then man, the name brand Xanax that said Xanax down the
back of the bar, are you? And you said you're paying cash
for all these? Some of them, yeah, I mean the
new ones, yeah. I could get through my insurance
because I was under 26 years old.

(38:14):
So I was under my dad's insurance through his work, you
know, so he had good insurance, but.
And it's smarter you to think about that too, because I at
whatever age that is, like so young and so drug addicted.
Yeah, I wouldn't have thought ofthat at all.
Like I can't do it through insurance because then that'll
raise a red flag. That's what they hit you with.

(38:35):
I mean I got lucky it was a justa felony 5 illegal processing of
drug documents and a felony 4 legal processing of drug
documents. Damn, so they only got me for
this 60 volume 10s and one of the methadones.
I don't know which one was the F4 and which one was F5, but
they were different felonies because one's a schedule higher.

(38:55):
Yeah, you know. Yeah.
So I only did a year. They put me on like IOC.
Where'd you go? Of did you go?
To. Newark No, I mean, did you go to
Newark jail and then go to? Not Franklin County.
Oh, you went to Franklin County?Yeah.
OK. That was still when the the
downtown jail was still open. So I went to court from the
street. My attorney got off the elevator

(39:15):
and I said, just tell me what's going to happen.
He's like, you're going to prison.
I said, how do you know? He said you're on the exit list.
And I said the exit list. He said, I checked the exit list
when I came in the courthouse and I guess people that go to
court from the street, the judgemake like they make a list in
their chambers before court starts of people that they know
they're sending to prison. So when you go through security

(39:37):
of the courthouse, the only way you get out of the courthouse is
out the back and cuss. They will stop you if you try to
go back out the front doors. So there's no jury trial.
Would you plea out then? No, I went in and my attorney
said something. I want to mitigate probable
cause. So I got it like a month
continuance. I was shooting tar at this time.

(39:57):
So when I knew I wasn't going tojail that day the first time,
you know, I was happy. But went back a month later.
That's when my attorney said like you're going to you're
going to prison. So I went downtown, was down
there for like 11 or 12 days, and then rode out to CRC.
Damn, first number. First number.
Shit in your pants when you get that news that you're going to

(40:18):
prison. I mean, not real.
I was high as fuck. I did like a four bag shot
before I walked in the courthouse.
I didn't give a fuck. Damn.
But when I got got to my cell, you know, and I was on the 3rd
floor, they put me on medical because of my arm.
So the sales, there's like 11 cells are open all day and then
at 11:00 or 12:00 at night, you have to lock down and they shut
your cell. And when they shut that cell

(40:40):
door, that's when I got like therestless legs and like it kind
of hit me, you know, kick it in.But.
See what you said you did. Go to CRC first.
Yeah, I went to CRC, I was only there for 9 days because I
wasn't on any meds or anything and went to Noble, did a year,
got out. You know, it wasn't Prison is
not, especially in Ohio is not what you imagine it.

(41:05):
It's really not. It's really not.
Especially Noble is A1 right one. 212 yeah, minimum medium.
I mean, it every, every place can be crazy.
You know, it is what people makeit.
People love to embellish storiesabout prison.
Yeah. And that's our favorite thing.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
Yeah. And.
Prison's not like prison in the 90s either.

(41:25):
Like prison in. The 90s, that's when you like,
you know, all the shit you hear about really like, yeah, none of
that is like. Because there was no cameras and
shit. Yeah.
And then now it's like everybody's like, you call
somebody a racial slur or whatever name, like you're
packing up and rolling out. Yeah.
Certain people are protected, you know, the CE OS.

(41:47):
If there's, you know, sex offenders that get transferred,
you know the CE OS, I'll check. You better check their
paperwork. But if you, if you do anything,
you know, they're right. They're ready.
Yeah, 'cause they're fucking protected.
But I mean, it's whatever. So I got out in February 2012,
and so I was getting SSI up until all through my first

(42:10):
number, they stopped it. I went to Social Security.
They started my check again. My mom gave me a car.
I got my SSI back. You know, I was clean for maybe,
I don't know, three or four days.
Damn, that's all it. Took and was right back at it
and this is when bath salt was real big when you could go to
the Dr. throughs you know and and get bath salt and that shit

(42:33):
fucked me up. That's what caused my second
number. I was only out for like 7 or 8
months and went back and did 2 1/2.
What? What happened there?
What'd you do? Possession of.
What bath salts? Bath salt, heroin and cocaine
was cracked but it wasn't even it was a cotton stuck to the
spoon dry cotton which they sentto the lab tested back as

(42:56):
heroin. That says bullshit.
Man. I pushed some chore out of a
stem, you know, changed my chore.
They found that, sent that and tested it.
Oh, come on. Possession of cocaine.
My my discovery packet. They didn't even have a it said
a unspecified amount. There's no measurable rate, but
I'm still being charged with this shit.
I. Mean are you on parole too?

(43:16):
No. No, I wasn't on pre.
No, I was. Yeah, I wasn't on no paper.
So they sent you to prison for that for two years.
In possession of bath salt? Yep.
What? I mean, so it all started.
We went to the store at 5th and Summit.
There used to be like a corner store.
Yeah. It's like a pizza place now or
something. Yeah.
And they used to sell bath salt and went in there, bought a bag,

(43:38):
came out and my dude was scratching lottery tickets and
said he hit. He's like I won.
I'm going to go cash him in. He's like don't hit in the car.
I'm like alright, alright, as soon as you.
Got first thing he. Does I mean people that I roll
with like they would always helpme out and hit my arm like
especially because I drove, you know what I mean?
So by the time he come out, I had a shot pulled up and he got

(44:00):
in the car and he's like, man, fuck it.
So we're both looking down, he'shitting me, you know, my arm and
CPD comes on 5th Ave. and looks and sees us sitting there.
We're both looking down and theydo AU turn.
So I do, you know, the shot hit me, I back out, you know I'm
choking, I'll have no breath. You know, I'm about, you know,
I'm geeked and driving down 5th Ave. and it's all construction

(44:23):
at that time. It's 25 miles an hour.
I'm trying to get to 71 and get on 71, try to take off.
You know that chase shut the freeway down, dude jumps out of
the car, runs. So you took them on a chase.
You made them work. I tried to but it didn't.
Construct on 25. Something, I mean when I got on
71, I was able to cut between two cars, you know, and get on

(44:46):
the on ramp and the the police got stuck because of traffic so
they couldn't turn. And I mean the chase only it
wasn't even a chase. It was from 5th Ave. to the the
ramp at 17th. By that time the helicopter was
already there. Dude ran.
So when he ran because it seemedlike a needle cap sticking out

(45:06):
from under his shirt sitting on his lap.
So like, can you step out? He took off the rest of me.
When they found him, they like tackled him into a fence or
something, fucked his face all the way up.
And Franklin County, if you're had a lot of medical issues,
they don't want to put you undertheir care.
So they'll take you to like the hospital or what they did in our

(45:28):
case, they brought me to Marconito like ID headquarters.
Columbus police fingerprinted me, took my mug shot, took dude
to the hospital and then broughthim there.
Fingerprint, mug shot. But they just released us from
there with a called a direct indictment.
But it's just a fancy name for afuture indictment, so.

(45:49):
See. Literally got out of jail that
same night. I wasn't even in jail.
I was. Just, well, the just like.
The the ID headquarters, you know, they just fingerprint mug
shot. Let me go.
I walked all the way back up to 161, all the way up High Street,
brother. Fuck yeah, that's.
A high how? How far is that?
Really far. I mean, it was really, really,
really far, yeah. Yeah, that's, I mean, I don't

(46:12):
even know. I mean, we had the motels up
there trapped out. My.
God, it was, it was, it was crazy, but.
What's it like doing bath salt? I don't think we ever had
anybody that had bath salts. I may or may not have done bath
salts. I'm I think I did.
I was sold to me as Molly at first, but it came from a very
reputable source. Yeah.

(46:34):
So I thought it was Molly, but then after a while dude was
like, yo, I don't think this is what we think it is.
So shooting bath salts. So I never did doing meth, like
get to day three, day 4, you know, you're that's when you
start to see, you know, shadow people, you know all that kind

(46:54):
of weird shit with bath salt. It's like that from the very
first shot. Wow, It's just meth times 100.
Yeah, damn, damn. Some of it like makes you
hallucinate, like tracers and shit, but it's just a a
stimulant. It's.
Just so. Wild, man, I get it, 'cause like
I've done, like, you know, I hada meth Bender, but like, you do
that and immediately seeing shitthat would terrify me, yeah, I

(47:18):
love me. Like I got to do that again,
yeah. I lost my mind out there.
Yeah, Bennett. But.
The director or the indictment comes back eventually.
Second number Oh yeah, the the police pull up on me walking
down 161 one day ran my information.

(47:42):
I had warrants when they found when I got charged with that
cotton in that chore, I went to jail in Lincoln County.
They sent me to that halfway house and was getting high in
the halfway house and ran from there.
And they sent you back? Yeah, on a on a new case that
sent me back to the same halfwayhouse.

(48:05):
I don't even think I talked about it.
But yeah, I went through the halfway house.
Latrobe in 2009 got kicked out. Yeah.
Then went back through it in 2013 and ran.
Damn, is that an escape charge or?
Is that, I mean, there's signs on the door that say if you run,
like you'll be charged with absconding, but they don't ever
charge anybody. OK.
But because I dropped dirty for the second time and the the

(48:28):
counselor was like, do you want to call your PO?
And I said, yeah, like I wanted to hear his tone of voice.
Like, is he going to come? Is he going to give me another
chance? So I talked to him and I told
him like, straight up, like I dropped dirty for meth.
Like I know I dropped dirty for Suboxone already and he wanted
to talk to the counselor. So I handed him, handed the
counselor the phone. After they got off the phone, I
was like, hey, can I go to my room?
And he's like, no, what do you say?

(48:49):
He said you can go wait on the front porch or sit in the
backyard or something. I thought like wait on the front
porch, wait on fuck, am I waiting on?
But no. So I went up to my room and got
my shit. You know what I could manage to
carry and ran from that. I tailed it out and eventually

(49:10):
they caught me in Columbus, had warrants and went back to jail.
Went to prison again. They gave me a year for the
cotton, a year for the chore, ran it consecutive.
What? While I was in jail in Lincoln
County, the future came back from Franklin County.

(49:32):
So they took me to Franklin County, sentenced me on that,
gave me 6 months. Damn.
For the possession of Bath salt and then went back to Lincoln
County and they rode out and went back to Noble.
Wow, so you did 2 1/2 on that? No, I had jail.
It was like 20 months because I had four months jail time credit
when I was waiting to go to. That.
Half a house, but. That's absurd.

(49:53):
Wasn't even drugs. Yeah, I mean, it was spent, you
know, it was a. Wash or a rinse, or really.
Yeah, fucking cotton in a chore.Wow.
Buddy. Is what it was.
And at any point during this journey, like when you're
sitting in prison again for the second time, about to do a two
piece, like, you know what? Maybe I'm maybe drugs aren't for
me. Maybe I should try?
Yeah, I mean that I sat there and and made all the phone

(50:18):
calls, you know, all the promises.
Yeah, although I'm Duns is different this time.
Made this plan and thought aboutthis plan for fucking two years.
Like this is what I'm going to do.
Like I'm, you know, I've got this and I'm not exaggerating.
As soon as I walked through the fucking gate, when I got
released, it was like everythingthat I'd thought about, all

(50:38):
those plans, all those goals, everything gone was like I never
even. Yeah.
It was just I'm free. It was like day one poof,
everything disappears. And then are you on parole
again? Like when?
You get out, we're not on parole.
Scathed by parole. Good for you.
I was free. My wife now she picked me up

(51:00):
from that number. I think she was trying to help
me get my shit together, just kind of friends at the time or
whatever. She said.
You know, you can come live withme, get a job, get on your feet,
get the fuck out. You know what I mean?
And turned into it on those liketen years later, you know, but

(51:24):
caught another case, I mean my third number out in Johnstown,
again living in my parents tool shed.
Worst place to do a crime? Cops.
Me and Sarah get into it, you know, she's done, I'm done said
fuck it, you know, fuck this, take everything you can go, you
know, move into my parents tool shed because I can't stand to be
under the same roof as my parents when they're drinking.

(51:45):
It's just, I don't know. So went and got me a space
heater. You know, it's fucking November,
I'm in a tool shed and smoking meth trying to take things apart
and put them together and fucking everything up.
Going out every night, you know on missions and end up finding
these two chainsaws in this horse barn. 2 still farm boss

(52:07):
chainsaws and expensive they're.Like I mean.
New they're like 6-7 hundred dollar chainsaws, I think at
least 500, but so I take them and carry him back and put him
in the shed and end up getting caught.
My dad leaves. I thought he was leaving for the
day. So I go inside and try to go to
sleep, fall asleep. He comes home.

(52:29):
He just like went down the street to the store came home,
went in the shed to like clean it out found the chainsaws
called the sheriff and asked him, you know and so the sheriff
took a a report over the phone. The guy who owned the chainsaws
saw that the sheriff, he had somebody pulled over around the
corner. So the guy who owned the

(52:51):
chainsaws asked the sheriff like, hey, have you seen anybody
walking with two chainsaws? And the sheriff was like, no,
but I know exactly where they'reat because my dad had called
them. So I'm like, damn.
It's just like, meant to be like, am I supposed to go to
prison again? You know, So go to jail, go to
prison. You went to.
Prison for the chainsaws. Yep, and he got them back.
What if I cleaned the fuck out of them?

(53:12):
All of them. Gruesome.
Cleaned them? Yeah.
Perfect running order, you know what I mean?
Yeah, it's weaker clean, yeah. Yeah, Blair.
What's the charge? Breaking and entering and theft,
brother. So they gave me 9 months.
I went to transitional control on this number, which is like a
halfway house. Yeah, TC is a joke.

(53:34):
Yeah, that's just a trap house. It is.
You go. To Jackson Pike, the.
No, I was because my forwarding address was Johnstown, so they
sent me the CTC in Lancaster. OK, But I got on my feet.
I mean, I told myself, like, I know there's going to be a hell
of a hell of meth. Like, I already know.
I've heard about it, you know, people talking about it in, you

(53:56):
know, just locked up. And that's exactly what it was.
But I get there and I don't use like I do my little blackout
period. I go to Anchor Hawking, do the
walkthrough, apply, get the job,start working.
And did really well. I got signed into the union, I

(54:17):
got a raise, promoted to a different spot that gave me a
little bit more freedom instead of having to stand right there
on the line. You know, I was proud of myself,
got my shit together and ended up getting run.
My foot got run over by a fucking forklift one night and
it broke 2 bones in my foot so Ihad to file workers comp claim

(54:41):
And sitting there laying in my rack CTC bored to death watching
hell of movies and I just googled how to find a doctor you
know that'll amputate an arm. Like you know how to find an
elective amputation surgeon or something to get my arm
amputated. And something popped up for OSU,

(55:03):
so I emailed this e-mail addressor whatever and she emailed
right back and it was like that she said send us your Medicaid
card and. Why was that your first thought?
You've been trying to get rid ofthe thing for a.
While yeah, yeah, just. Something to do?
Quality of life, When I applied to Anchor Hawking, I wore a
button up long sleeve shirt and I do most of the time when I was

(55:25):
going to interviews out there trying to hide my arm.
Because employers, they can't not say they're not hiring you
because of a disability. But there's a way.
They'll find a loophole. I know that, you know, you know
that I know, like you're not hiring me because of my arm, you
know, so fuck you. Or if it wasn't that, it was my
record. So I was, I was scared to death,

(55:47):
you know, like I wanted to be successful with CTC.
Like I'm gonna get on my feet. I'm I'm going on 40 years old.
Like, I can't keep doing this shit, you know, repaired stuff
with Sarah and it was things were going decent, you know, and
thought that that would be the like a good move, you know, like
a closure, I guess. I don't know what the fuck.

(56:10):
But it happened really quick, you know, like I was at a
doctor's appointment one week and two weeks later my arm is
cut off. You know how long between the
e-mail to when you actually get it because you're in this
facility. So how long between the e-mail
to you actually get the operation done?

(56:33):
Maybe three weeks, 3 weeks. Wild man.
It was originally supposed to bein mid-october at the very
latest. So you were out then when you
got the the surgery? Yeah.
So my release date was August 21st.
That was my, my ended definite sentence date.
So. You literally just got out.

(56:54):
Got out of CTC. Not even a month ago.
A couple weeks ago. Yeah.
Got out August 21st and then August 27th had my arm
amputated, ended it. Like I said earlier, it kind of
I don't know. That is freaking wild.
Yeah. Any regrets on the arm yet?

(57:16):
Or you think there will be? No, I think once it heals up and
I can get active again and actually move without used to
it. Yeah, I mean, I got used to
having an arm. Yeah.
Tied to me like a fucking. Weighing you down.
What are those? Like a tassel on a bicycle
handle? You know, like running around
just. Waving in the wind.
Yeah, just, I mean, I'll get used to it.

(57:38):
It's just AI, don't want to say I do regret it but I think it
happened a little bit too quick.Yeah.
Yeah, You know, I moved. I've lived in the Columbus area
my whole life, Johnstown here and there, you know, back and
forth and decide to move to WestVirginia when I get out, you

(58:02):
know, try to do the geographicalchange.
You know, she found a job down there she likes.
You know, it's peaceful, it's cool.
I think it just, you know, happened a little bit too quick
and just off of Google, you knowwhat I mean?
Like it? Yeah, it's like a random Google
search. And then a couple weeks later.
Yeah, it's a hell of a reminder not to have a drink.

(58:24):
Yeah. Are you?
And do you live in West Virginianow?
Yeah. Damn.
So you came here from West Virginia?
Yeah. Oh, thank you man.
Yeah, yeah, I, I mean, what was the schedule for like the 30th?
Yeah, we had gone back and forth.
Yeah, I was in the hospitals. Yeah.
I mean, I told my family, I said, look, I don't give a fuck.
Like I'm going to the podcast, I'm going to get this out the

(58:45):
way. And then once I woke up from the
surgery, that's when I emailed you like.
I'm gonna need a whole time. I might need another week or.
So yeah. Bro that's wild.
So what now? Like so not on drugs currently
right? Correct.
That's cool. How's that feel?
So I got diagnosed. Were you were you using in CBCF

(59:05):
at all? Yeah, I think about that, how
that happened. Because you seem like, you seem
like you have more like your heads on straight, more straight
than it was. So I was on the girl I was with
at the time, the CBCF was like, she's down for whatever, you

(59:26):
know what I mean? Like I told her, like, look
like, put these things under thestamps of the letters and send
them in to this address. You know what I mean to this
person. And she'd do it.
And remember when I was there and they did all three shake the
units shake down and got pitch tested?
Yeah. What was you?

(59:47):
You're welcome, Lil. That's.
We had to skip the story. How do we skip that part?
We met Lou and the where where was.
That well, no, I was it. I just realized just now like
you seem like your head is on way more straight than it was in
that facility. Like there's an obvious
difference. Yeah, I mean, I was working,
working out everyday and I was like my out.

(01:00:12):
I knew where I was going when I got out wasn't good.
Like I, I came from the hotels on 161.
Oh yeah, the I was when I got released, I was going back to
the hotels, you know. Like the homeless Shutter Hotel.
Right, not actually the Hawthorne.
The girl I was with worked the front desk at the Hawthorne
Suites back there on that service Rd. behind a Waffle

(01:00:34):
House on 161 and went back thereand it didn't last long.
You. Fucked up a good thing.
It wasn't a good thing. It needed to be fucked up.
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That that was a whole five
years. That should have just been one
night. And you know, I made a whole

(01:00:54):
five years out of the. Stretcher for five years.
But. What year did you go through?
Lose minimum 20. 2121 Yeah. What was I doing shift shift?
Shift. You just like came through on GI
on Sundays and went through all the cells and went back to
office. Yeah, that's pretty much.
You did your lead one time. That was cool.

(01:01:14):
Yeah. The weekends for me were just
fucking kick it. But I could still walk into a
cell or a unit and guys would belike, fuck, my pillow is out of
place. Fuck.
Because I was one of those assholes.
Yeah. Smoke pill Lou over here, which
Ironics Lou is doing that same same dirty shit.
He's up there. God damn right bathroom

(01:01:36):
together. Now I'm going to get back, get
my GET. Back and now it's I don't know
what to look out for. I was diagnosed with adult ADHD
like 2 years ago and they were going to prescribe like what's
the non stimulant 1 Vyvanse That's what I'm on.

(01:01:57):
Yeah. Vyvanse.
That's the good shit. Yeah.
Strattera. Strattera.
Yeah, but the doctor like calledanother doctor in and they were
like, you know, they did like anexam like how kind of like this,
you know, just asking questions and diagnosed me with ADHD
because I have been the only thing I had done for like 2 1/2

(01:02:18):
years was meth. Like, I wasn't doing any opiates
and was going to the Suboxone clinic.
And the doctor was like, you know, I just happened to
research undiagnosed ADHD and chronic meth users.
Yeah. It's yourself medicating.
Yeah. And read about it.
And so when I went for my Suboxone appointment, he, like,
brought it, you know, and the doctor explained it and some big

(01:02:40):
epiphany. Yeah.
And. Yeah.
And my wife was there and she was like, like, the light bulb
went off. Like this is to the T like every
fucking symptom or whatever. So they diagnosed this
medication and it changed my life.

(01:03:00):
For real. I mean.
I finally like calm the brain. Down a bit, yeah dude mental
health issues stem from ADHD, solike it could have gotten worse.
So like they said, the wreck with the the traumatic brain.
Injury could have. Made it worse?
They say overdosing in your brain, being oxygen deprived can
cause symptoms of ADHD. Yeah.

(01:03:24):
So that helped. My clean dates November 20th,
2024. I count it.
You know, the CTC was rough in the beginning.
I mean, as soon as I, you know, wheeled my box to my rack and
was like putting my sheet on my mat, I had dudes, you know,
like, hey, like if you know thisor that, I got you instantly.

(01:03:46):
Like, you don't even know my name.
I don't really. You know what I mean?
It's crazy, but I made a promise, you know, and I chose
to stick to that promise, you know, that I made.
And we'll make it through this program no matter what.
Got into a couple. Like you can do a fucking

(01:04:08):
program, stand on your head. Yeah, come on.
But but, but to do a program, not get high, not get the pack
in the program, not try to fighteverybody in the program, you
know, not just there's a lot there, fall back and and just
walk the line and do what I'm supposed to do like that.
That's big news for me. That's.
You, bud? Yeah.
That's 37 years old, you know, it's a late start, but it's not

(01:04:32):
that late. I mean, it could be worse, but
it definitely could be. Way dude mother.
We see 6788 year. Olds.
Yes, 70 years old and. You see a 7 year old fucking
sitting there where we were at, just fucking no.
I'm just going to do this my whole life.
Cool. Have fun bro enjoy.

(01:04:56):
I know I can look back to my childhood before I started using
and I can remember, I can recognize, like, my drive, like
my academics and, you know, weight lifting, everything I
did, like, I was driven, you know?
I know my life would have been decent, you know, without all

(01:05:20):
this fucking bullshit, you know,fucking 20 years of, you know,
fucking up. But what's the plan?
It's not too late to get it back.
You know, like, I'm a little fraud.
Like, I know that I've accepted that, You know what I mean?
Like yeah, it is what? It.
Is it? Is what it is.

(01:05:41):
But I've learned to be OK with, you know, just myself, you know?
Accepted you, man. Accepted me.
You know the arm like you asked earlier, just self-conscious.
Fuck yeah it won't be eventually.
I mean, just if you stay sober, it won't be, I promise.

(01:06:02):
But and I love the fact that youcome in here and you just talk
about it, right? Like I think that's anytime I'm
insecure or anything like getting it out of me, it's so
much because. It's tough.
If I say it myself, there's nothing anybody else can say
that's going to fucking get me, you know, if I'm OK with it.
And I don't give a fuck what anybody else thinks.
It's easier said than done. But like, yeah, I love that you

(01:06:22):
came in here. Like, yeah, raise you with
questions, man. The, you know, like Speaking of
new females and stuff, like after my rec, like it, I felt
like I was fucking 14 years old,you know what I mean?
Like, you know, I look, you know, yeah.

(01:06:43):
But yeah, it I don't have a choice, you know what I mean?
Like what? I'm either going to accept this
shit or kill myself, you know which that's not, you know, fuck
that. And it was my identity, you
know, chicken wing, you know, people knew me.
You know, I was known when I gotout, especially for my second

(01:07:07):
number. I couldn't go anywhere, a bus
stop, a corner store, anywhere. I was known like people like.
Oh chick away. People that I don't even
remember, that I didn't even ever have a conversation with
that remember stories, you know,I kept this like, reputation in
this, in the, you know, in the prison system that didn't really

(01:07:28):
amount to shit, you know. But, you know, I was, I rode
that way for a little bit, like,yeah, like I'm known, you know?
People know me. All the way, you know, But for
what? So kind of keeping that
reputation or that that identityup was kind of like a look at a
shield comforting a little bit like just like, you know what I

(01:07:50):
mean, like then. You got that to fall back on,
right? Right.
No matter how I feel. Like people and now, you know,
yeah, cut my arm off and I guessI got to go through that all
over again just in a just. Got to find your new, new you,
man. Yeah, yeah.
Two questions, Yeah. First one being, what would you

(01:08:13):
say to somebody struggling out there right now if they feel
they're completely hopeless likeyou did?
The reaching, making a phone call, which is usually like the

(01:08:35):
last thing we want to do, you know, when we're in that moment,
£1,000,000 yeah. But just it gets better, you
know, life is what you make it every time.

(01:08:55):
I have never not went to a meeting or made a phone call and
not felt better afterwards. I might have felt like that
hangover, like, damn, I was about to get high, but then I
didn't because I made a phone call.
There's a like hangover effect, you know what I mean?
Like you're kind of pissed off because you didn't get high.
Yeah, yeah. But you know, you're kicking it
outside of a church, you know, with some dudes or whatever at a

(01:09:17):
meeting, you know, and you didn't fucking use.
Yeah, that. Yeah.
It gets better, you know. Question 2.
What's next for you? Where do you know?
So I've kind of looked into the peer support CDCA thing in West

(01:09:40):
Virginia, but their CDCA certification is different.
Like you actually have to go to class, you can't.
Do it you? Can't just buy the course.
You can't just get the book and do it, you know, from home or
whatever. But the peer support's kind of
the same. It's like 250 bucks.
I went to this outreach center and they gave me some referrals
trying to find work. I'd like to get in the work of

(01:10:01):
treatment. I hear that it's gratifying.
You know, it's super rewarding. Yeah.
I just don't know if I'm like the office kind of like I've
never really had a job like that.
I've kept inside like an office computer.
You know whatever though your your boots on the ground.

(01:10:23):
But I'm, I'm a little bit, but like I spent time in the office
and I work with that action where I, I will never go back to
like inside and off you. Want to go back to manual labour
or anything? Never I will never I am.
I am so 9 to 5 like bait weekends off working with my
people like it probably is the most.
I love this, don't get me wrong,but like hands on every day and

(01:10:44):
like showing somebody like, listen, I was, I was much, I was
as low of a low as they could possibly come.
And then like, I can do it. We can do it.
It's fucking possible for anybody.
I was shocked. I made it through CTC.
I mean, I was, I had, you know, 4 digits in my bank account.
I bought a truck. I was surprised.

(01:11:07):
You know, I kept that promise. I just want to help people.
Yeah. I find.
I find so much. Yeah.
You got it, you know, so much gratitude, so much like a sense
of purpose, you know, on helpingpeople.

(01:11:31):
I never thought I would get my life together, honestly, I'll
say that. I mean, I really started to
accept like this is what it is. I never felt like that about
you. You didn't.
No. I always thought you'd get it
together for some reason. And then there's, you know, me.
There would be guys about how he's fucked.
Yeah, Straight the. Fuck up.

(01:11:53):
I had a weird question too. You can have your arm back for
one day. What?
What are you doing Full functioning?
Is it attached on my body? Yeah, full functioning, you can
do whatever like yeah, but your whole capable arm for one whole.
You're definitely getting laid. Yeah.
What are you doing? Yeah, I mean, I'd like yeah,
definitely that that's that's when I'm most self-conscious,

(01:12:14):
like in the sheets when I'm having sex, like yeah, like it
just fall down or whatever. Like you know what I mean?
Like if I. You know she's brother.
I love that it's. Awkward as fuck, you know what I
mean? And then she's like, oh, I don't
even care. Like you're fucking lying.
Like because I know if the roleswere reversed, I'd be like, but
when I found that is the programat OSU that said that amputate,
she was like absolutely 100%, you know?

(01:12:36):
Yeah, that makes sense. Right.
Yeah, but if I could have my armback for one day, I'd want to.
I'd want to get in the ring. Do some boxing.
Or like some yeah. Some man in there, yeah.

(01:12:57):
My second number, there was a guy that we were watching UFC
and there was a guy had his arm amputated like halfway of his
humorous. He was in the Octagon, it was
UFC and he was fighting and he was a kickboxer like a
motherfucker. Yeah.
I mean, he was, he went all, allthree rounds or whatever and
lost by judge's decision. Didn't get knocked out.
Yeah. But yeah, I like to shoot guns.

(01:13:22):
I like to, you know. Hold.
A rifle, well, you know everything.
Can you can you get a prostheticfor that?
Are you? I mean, I wouldn't even they.
Wouldn't do it. Yeah, just just another dead
arm. Maybe, maybe down the road, who
knows what they fucking might. I mean, if it's like a, if it's
like a legit machine, like they've got those arms that are
like real slow and shit, like fuck that.

(01:13:44):
Like I've, you know, I just wanted the whole thing to have
each other just gone. Yeah, I'd want to get in the
ring, you know, I'd want to, I'dwant to fight.
Want to, you know, learn different MMA fights.
You just enjoy it. Yep, it's cool.
Yep bro, it's been a good one. Man, thank.
You freaking so much dude for coming out here and.

(01:14:08):
I didn't, yeah. She was like, oh, you should
break down like bullet points, like a timeline.
So you. No.
Then you overthink it too much. Yeah, if I overthink it, yeah.
Then it's just not natural. No, you nailed it
chronologically. So thank you, man.
I appreciate the drive down. Yeah.
Safe travels back.

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I Lost an Arm and Became a Heroin Addict | Ep 82

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I Lost an Arm and Became a Heroin Addict | Ep 82