I Turned To Crack After My Son Got Killed By a Drunk Driver | Ep 78

In this explosive episode, hosts Louis and Aaron sit down with Harry Paige, whose story could easily be the script of a dark Hollywood drama. On paper, Harry had everything he needed. Growing up with two sisters in a stable, loving family, he never went without—food on the table, a roof over his head, and parents who cared. But what looked like a safe childhood quickly gave way to a world of danger and destruction.Introduced to drugs at a young age, Harry’s path started with curiosity but rapidly turned into something far darker. When Harry lost his son to a drunk driving accident, he turned to crack cocaine. It wasn’t just another drug—it was the one that consumed him. From the first hit, Harry was hooked, and his life began to spiral in ways no one could have predicted. He stole from the very people who had given him everything. Lies piled on lies, chaos followed him everywhere, and the boy who once had it all became unrecognizable.Like scenes ripped from a movie, Harry’s life unraveled—addiction dragging him deeper into desperation with each day. Every decision seemed to lead further into destruction, every moment another chapter in a story that felt destined for tragedy.But somehow, Harry rewrote the ending. Against all odds, he found the strength to stop running from himself and face the truth. His journey into recovery wasn’t easy, but it gave him something greater than he ever imagined: freedom, clarity, and the chance to give back. Today, Harry stands as proof that no matter how far someone falls, there is always a way back.This is not just another interview—it’s one of the most gripping, raw, and unfiltered conversations we’ve ever recorded. Harry’s honesty about his spiral into crack addiction and the pain it caused will shock you, move you, and inspire you all at once.🔥 Expect emotion. Expect truth. Expect hope.🔔 Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more powerful stories on addiction, recovery, and resilience.Get a Grip Podcast Social Media: Find our TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeart Radio links, a more on our Link Tree below!Get a Grip Social Media Links: https://linktr.ee/officialgetagrippodcast

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
So I cleaned the milk up and I'll just like a man, I'm just
going to wait to, you know, for the news to to to to rotate back
on and man. So I'm waiting, waiting 6 O
clock. Boom, tragic.
You know, what's it called? Not tragic news, but basically

(00:22):
like a. Tragedy A.
Tragedy. Yeah, a fatal car accident off
of Sawmill Road and West Case and my heart started pounding.
That's where you. Live because yeah 'cause
literally, man, it's probably like a half a mile where yeah,
so my heart started pounding like, alright, so I still
remember the, the, I still remember the news reporter, you

(00:43):
know what I mean yeah. Brunette here with like kind of
reddish brown lipstick and she started reporting the, the
accident and showed the car. And the main reason why I knew
it was Josh's cars because few days before that we put our
scarlet Gray racist sticker and his back window.

(01:04):
It was a scion. And I seen, I seen the car and
I, I knew he was, I knew who wasgone.
And like I said before, guys, you know, other than me
surrendering, you know, surrendering to, to, to to my
addiction, man was just waking this woman up.
I can't. I can't.
Yeah, what do you say? You had to sit there for a

(01:27):
minute do how am I going to do this?
Yeah, yeah. I, I, I, I, I didn't have the
guts to. I woke her up and I'll just
like, hey, I, I, I think that Josh been in a tragic car.
I think he's been in a bad car accident, you know, down the
road. But like, I couldn't, I seen the
car. I knew I, I, I seen the car.

(01:47):
Like, I knew he was gone. Yeah.
Wow bud. Damn man, watching the news
that's. That's how good that's yeah.
Crazy way to find. Out, yeah.

(02:10):
OK, we are back again at Get a Grip Podcast.
We have Harry Page Junior with us.
A friend of mine from House of Hope actually, is where I met
you. I'd pick guys up and yes, Sir,
you'd hop in from time to time or I'd see you at a place where
people in recovery go and we'd hang out.
So. But the one thing I did not hear

(02:31):
was your story. Oh.
God, so we are excited to hear from start to finish, definitely
how that went for you. Definitely.
Definitely. Well, well, thanks for the
introduction, man. I'm very, very excited to be
here with you guys. And before I start, Lou, Lou,
she played a huge role, like in my recovery because where we met

(02:53):
at, you know, you help me feel comfortable, like, you know,
giving comments, you know what Imean?
Because because of my accent andI was just insecure, you know
what I mean? Giving comments out loud.
But like, yeah, but every time he came in, man, he was always
dropping fire and like man, thenonce I did it, it just like

(03:17):
damn. But.
That's it. Yeah, man.
But that's, yeah, I gotta, I gotta thank you flowers for
that. You know what I mean?
Did he ever ask you for gas money?
Yeah, that'll. Be 5 bucks bro.
Do you have an accent? Well, I don't.
I don't hear, I didn't detect. It I detected like a New York
accent. Yeah, you sound like yeah, tough
broken guy. Yes, that's good.

(03:39):
Yeah. But but like, yeah, everybody
thinks that like I'm from New York, but I'm not.
You know, I was raised in raisedProvidence, RI Ah, yeah.
The smallest state in the Yeah in the nation, man.
That one guy just died from Providence.
The judge the. Yeah.
Oh yeah. I was like.
Oh, he was a He's a great guy. I didn't know he passed away.
I thought he was just like. He went off air.

(04:01):
Well he posted on Instagram and it was like white sheets and
shit and like and I thought it was like I was like, what is
going on here? But he joined the clan.
He's good, like he's wearing. He had like sheets up to his
neck. He.
Was in a hospital bed or something and I was like, this
can't be good. And I guess now he's gone.

(04:22):
So he was, he was a great. Judge, Good judge.
He's a real judge. Not.
Like an. Actor, he was a He was a great
guy. In.
Providence, definitely. Yeah, I actually found out
yesterday through through a big body.
Yeah, yeah. I'll just take.
Body brand. That's your third hand news?
Yeah. Hey man, did you hear about this

(04:43):
one? Yeah, take us to your childhood.
Oh, man, who growing up man? Guys, I grew up a very, very
jealous and envious kid, you know, and the main reason why I
grew up just, you know, I just got my.

(05:07):
I only know my mother, my father, my brother, my sister.
I'm Harry, my brother's Harold and my sister's Harriet.
Yeah, but check. Wait, there's more.
I was born April 30th, my brother's born November 30th,
and my sister's born January 30th.
Yeah, and that's. Crazy.
I was greatly jealous and envious of of both of them
because they were, they were able to get accepted to an

(05:29):
academic prep school in Hershey,PA.
And I attempted, you know, my parents and I were attempted to
get me in there three times, butI, I flunked all three times.
And. But at the time, my parents
didn't know that I didn't have alearning disability.
Yeah. So they.
Yeah. But later down the line, we was
able to find, you know, find that out.

(05:51):
What? What was it if?
You don't mind, Really. Yeah, Yeah.
Interesting. Yeah.
So yeah, man. Can I ask you how the school
tried to help you with the dyslexia?
I'm just curious. Well, you know, before we found
out, it was just like I was justfailing.
You know what I mean? Just what's?
Going on here. Yeah, what's going on here?

(06:12):
Just failing, failing, failing. And I remember like my dad was
tutoring me like, hey, if you got 4 apples and you give Lewis
2, how much you going, you know,how much you would have 8, You
know, just, yeah, I just, you know, even even now I, I, I

(06:32):
struggle with carpet handed things, you know what I mean?
But, you know, I read it slowly.Read it, you know, four or five
times, then it'll click. I just learned different, you
know what I mean? I've heard you read, yeah.
So you've learned to read since.Then that's why I learned,
learned to read. I remember I was 2223 years old
and I taught myself how to countchange.

(06:54):
Yeah, because I remember going, you know, if I go buy something
at the store, you know, I'll just tell that the cashier just
to keep the keep the change. Yeah.
So let's say something was like 137, you know what I mean?
I'm just giving just keep the whole $5.00 bill, you know?
Yeah. So it took me, it took me a
while to like, you know, 2 Dimesand a nickel weeks 1/4, you know

(07:18):
what I mean? Yeah.
But once I learned that, I was like, OK.
So how did that affect you in school?
What was that like? Yeah, the kids ever make fun of
you. Oh.
Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also two guys, you know, my
parents are from a third world country, Monrovia, like big West
Africa. If you guys familiar with the
movie Blood Diamond? Oh yeah, yeah, that's yeah, you

(07:40):
know. They came from that area.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Monrovia, Liberia.
And I got picked on. I got picked on by the kids
because I was different. You know what I mean?
Yeah, I got, I got picked on. Got bullied.
I got called names like African Booty Scratcher.
Yeah, you stink. Go back to Africa.

(08:02):
But what messed me up in the head was that, like the kids
that was, you know, telling me this had the same skin color as
me. And I couldn't understand that.
Yeah. So yeah, African Buddhist
scratch go back to. Did you ever ask them that or
just get mad one day and be likeyou have the same skin color I
do why are you saying? This after I got, after I got

(08:24):
tired of the, of the bullying, You know, I remember I was
probably like 11-12 years old and, and still to this day, I
think this is one of the greatest movie ever.
And it was called Dirty Harry. Clint Eastwood.
Yeah, and just so you know what I mean, just so happy my name is
Harry. So I watched that movie and I'll
just like, yeah, man, I'm a no more bullying because like I'm a

(08:46):
rule with timidation, fear and and and and violence.
Yeah. So after, you know, I made that
alter ego Dirty Harry, it was a wrap.
Yeah. Are you a big kid already?
Because you're big now. I wouldn't mess with you, right?
Kind of. Well, kind of, sort of, Yeah.
Well, no, I wasn't really. Yeah.
I was a big kid. But they have all this, all this

(09:09):
weight right here, man. I I gained it.
That's. That recovery weight.
Yeah, yeah. It's recovery weight.
Yeah, yeah. But the bullying, man, it was,
it was, I couldn't understand it, you know, but that was when
I was in the, what's, what I'm going to call it, man guards the
inner city school system, you know?

(09:31):
But check this out. Once my parents found out about
my learning disability, we movedto another, another city in in
Rhode Island called Cranston, RI.
So basically it's like me movingfrom the South side of South
side of Columbus to like Worthington.
Oh boy. Or you know what I mean?
It's basically to the like, you know, the suburbs, the suburbs.

(09:53):
So I move out there and it's just like, oh, man, I'm too
black, I'm too ghetto and just like, what the fuck the kid went
for losing, Yeah. You can't fit in anywhere.
Can't fit in anywhere, you know what I mean?
So like, you know, hat Dirty Harry was born and I ran with
it. So I would just a angry, a angry
kid, you know, And yeah, man, just growing up, man, it's just

(10:17):
like a lot of lot of jealousy and envy and growing up with
parents from a third world country, you know, their main
focus is that American dream, just work and save, work and
save, work and save. So when our kids decide to go to
college, we got the money to support them.
You know what I mean? Like, you know, my, my mom

(10:41):
wanted me to be a nurse to follow her footsteps.
But like man, like you know, I'mnot no that.
Wasn't dirty hair in the nurse name?
Yeah, but I ended up teaching myself how to cut hair.
Yeah, so I started when I was about like 12-12 years old, 1213
years old and practice on myselfuntil I got better, you know.

(11:02):
But yeah, you know, growing up very jealous and envious over,
you know, kids in the neighborhood because they got to
spend they, they, they got, theyhad the chance to experience,
you know, going over grandma's house, you know, aunts and
uncles. When it comes to my mother's

(11:23):
side of the family, I never seena picture of my grandmother, my
grandfather, aunt and uncle, youknow, for my knowledge, you know
what, you know, majority of thempassed away in the civil war
back in Liberia. Yeah.
And on my dad's side, I was ableto see a picture of my
grandmother and let me see probably about 3-4 months ago,

(11:51):
I've my dad actually went back to Liberia and I saw 2-2 of my
dad's sisters for the first time.
And I'm and I'm 42. Yeah, so.
And that where do you have a whole family on the other side
of the world that you've never met?
Yeah. And that bizarre.
Yeah, and I was fortunate enough.

(12:12):
You know what I mean to me, two of my two aunts, but on my mom's
side of the family, I, I never met any of them.
I, I, I, I don't know what my grandmother looked like.
My grandfather. I don't know, I don't, I don't
know what a uncle on my mom's side look, look like aunt, you
know, cousins, you know what I mean?
I I the only family I have is, you know, my that I know of that

(12:37):
was able to touch and feel, you know, was on my, my brother
Harold, my sister Harriet, my mother and father and Oh yeah, I
do got 1/2 brother named Trent. He's awesome kid.
But yeah, those are the only family.
Yeah, that I. Did did you start to take that
out on kids around you at school?
Yeah, definitely. That was, you know what I mean?
Because you're pissed. Yeah.

(12:58):
I wanted to experience that. Like I, I, I wanted to get
Christmas gifts from grandparents.
You know, I always, I always wanted to have to have
sleepovers and stuff like that, you know what I mean?
And the people that I called aunts and uncles, you know, our
cousins are, were just friends. You know what I mean?

(13:18):
That that. Yeah, my parents knew and you
know what I mean? But to say I I met a blood
cousin or a blood aunt, No, I never.
Yeah, I never experienced that. Yeah.
When did you start dabbling in alcohol and drugs?
Oh man, I started smoking marijuana in the 7th grade, you

(13:42):
know, and it was, it was normally like it wasn't a lot
from 7th grade to ball 10th grade, but my junior, junior
senior, I was, I was full, yeah,full everyday pot smoker.
And with, with drinking, I didn't like how it made me feel.

(14:05):
You know what I mean? Drinking was like, you know, but
but once I I turned about 2122, that's when I got my, my
drinking belt. That's when like, yeah, I like,
I like drinking also too. You saw that?
You liked it? Yeah, I liked it.
And also too, that's when I got introduced to cocaine.
Yeah. And.

(14:27):
What was that like that night orthat day you got introduced to
cocaine? Oh man, I have arrived man.
What was it like? It's just different.
Like I drank more. I, I, I, I, I forgot about, you
know, it's just me. I just loved it.
I mean. Is that in high school?
Somebody. No, no, no, brother, I was
probably good. Yeah. 20s, I was a adult.

(14:48):
Yeah. I was a so-called adult then.
Yeah. Loved it as soon, Yeah.
As soon as I tried it, I loved it.
But I wasn't able to, to get it a lot, you know what I mean?
So if, if I have found somebody who has it, you know, I'll get
it. But I was getting it.
But if it wasn't available, I wasn't.

(15:09):
Yeah, it was no big deal becauseI at that time and I was a heavy
weed smoker, right. Yeah.
OK. Yeah, so.
With the drinking, how much doesthat progress?
From the time you didn't like it, it was to OK.
I like drinking now and I'm 21. Oh, man, Once Upon a time, man,
he used to call me the Hennessy Bandit.

(15:29):
You know what I mean? Yeah, I, I, Yeah, I just just
Hennessy and Hennessy and Heineken.
Why bandit though? Why the bandit?
I don't know because it just got.
I didn't know if you were stealing the shit.
No, no, no, no, no. Actually, man, guys, I I was a
horrible thief. I remember I was probably like 7

(15:50):
or 8, not 7. I was probably like 12-13 years
old and it was a local bodega back home, back home in Rhode
Island. And I attempted to steal a dirty
magazine, right. But I didn't noticed like the
mirror. So the cashier seen me.

(16:10):
Yeah. So he was just watching you.
Just watching me. So I try to play it off and and
buy a dollar drink. Would you tuck it down the
shirt? No, actually, I put it in my
book bag. Yeah, yeah, he would just like
let me see your bag. So you snatched it from me, open
it up and pull the magazine out.So I just yanked my bag from

(16:32):
this, from my. I get my bag from him and I ran
out. The took off, took off.
So that just shows right there, man, I was horrible.
Yeah, horrible thief. Yeah.
You kept the magazine. Oh no, I wasn't able to keep the
magazine. Oh, you just said here, take
your shit and I'm fucking out. Yeah, OK, I got you.
I got. You so but did.
You graduate high. School.
Yes, Sir. Yeah, I graduated from Cranston

(16:53):
High School East. So you did graduate?
Yeah, I did graduate. Yeah, man, I was my mom forced
me to go back because that's when I decided I was become I
was going to become a drug dealer.
So sell weed, but I was horribleat it, you know what I mean?
Like, you know, can't get high your own supply.

(17:14):
So. Yeah.
So yeah, yeah. So I was, I was going to drop
out of high school and at the time, man, guys, I probably had
about like like four months left.
But my mom was just like, hell no, no.
Yeah, My mom was just like, hellno.
You're. Going to regret that shit.
Yeah, and I, I was able to walk,walk across the stage, which

(17:36):
which was cool. Your parents know about like
smoking weed, drinking, they know about it.
Yeah. What's the culture over there?
Because they came from a different world.
Oh, man, they, they like I with my mom because it's like my mom,
she, she, she, she was, she was,she was the one who did the
discipline. You know what I mean?

(17:57):
My dad was more like like softeror my brother and I, you know,
my parents split when I was 16. So I was able, so I moved in
with my dad. So like my dad always worked,
you know what I mean? And he just got out of a
marriage A20 like a 20 to a 25 year marriage.
So my dad wanted to go out thereand I understand he wanted to go

(18:18):
out there and do his thing. You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah. So my dad knew that a.
Long marriage, man. That's a long marriage. 25
years. Yeah, Almighty.
Yeah, so like my, my dad didn't like it, but it was like, you
know, so long I was doing it at at the apartment and stuff like
that. He didn't really.
He didn't really care. Yeah.

(18:39):
Yeah, Well, he did care, but it was just.
Like it's you're safer there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But my mom and stuff like that, you know?
Yeah. My mom didn't find out I was
smoking weed, probably. I was like 2324, you know, I
mean, but she didn't like it at all.
Yeah, she didn't like it. Even with the drinking she
didn't like, she didn't like me drinking.

(19:00):
What's just a weird question? What's their deal with the name
Harry? Why do they like so?
You have Harriet and then Harold.
Yeah. What's?
Yeah. Why they like Harry?
Something. Oh, because my dad is Harry
Senior. Oh, OK, that.
Makes sense. Geometry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. When did things start to get, I
don't want to say out of control, but to a point where

(19:21):
you're realizing they're gettingout of control.
You're not admitting it yet. You're not doing anything about
it yet, but you're realizing something's wrong here with the
alcohol and the drugs. Oh man, so I I moved out, I
moved here to Columbus in ol way, you know, and the drinking,

(19:42):
the drinking progressed and the drinking progressed and the weed
smoking progressed. So like I always had to have
weed and hand sing on me. You know what I mean?
And let me see, I'm going to Fast forward it to two thousand,
2015 and at that time, guys, I'mmarried, living in Dublin.

(20:07):
Damn, what? Are you doing for a living?
Oh, I ended up becoming a licensed Barber.
Damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was.
Successful. Yeah, man, I made a lot of
money. Really, I made a lot.
Of money. Are you at your own place or you
just rent a booth? I was ranting.
I was ranting a booth. I was a Barb.
Like a salon loft type deal. I once, Once Upon a time, I had

(20:27):
my own salon loft and that was during COVID, but that didn't
work out because my, my yeah, myaddiction was Yeah, it was, it
was. And when you get your own booth,
you're responsible for your own clients, right?
You have to get your own. Yeah.
How do you start a like you know, how do you get that going
where you can be successful at? It well, like man, what what
what I was blessed with. I ended up finding the

(20:48):
barbershop to work at in Hilliard and I was the only
black Barber out there. Yeah, black guys come to you.
Yeah, by default. Yeah, by default.
And also too. It doesn't matter what ethnic
what what, what ethnicity you are.
You sit in my chair, I can cut your hair.
It doesn't matter. Black, white, 8 doesn't matter.
I could cut hair so my chair was.

(21:09):
I always had a butt in my seat. You've got to be and.
That's how you get your clients,because though they want to come
with you wherever the hell. You go so.
That's exactly what happened with my Barber.
She left, went down and got a salon loft and I haven't left
her for eight years. Like Jab wouldn't dare.
Yeah. And at that time, man, I was
proof man, making two like I didn't have no respect for money

(21:31):
because of being like, I'll, I'll probably blow like.
Easy come, easy go. Easy come, easy go.
Like it will make no like, yeah,I used to go to, you know, to my
dope dealer and give him like $200 and I even worry about it
because I know for a fact the next day I'm a double it, you
know, I make it back. Yeah, if not, double it back.

(21:51):
You get cashed out every night. Yeah.
Oh, that's yeah. Plus tips.
Right. Yeah, plus tips.
Damn. Yeah, yeah, it was, it was, it
was crazy. It was crazy.
So with that man, guys, I Once Upon Atomic said I was married
and yeah, I was a shitty husband.
I want to point that out. Yeah, I was at that time, man,

(22:12):
Dirty Harry. Was like a hostage, yeah.
Yeah, I was, I was I was, I was a cheater manipulator, like you
know what I mean? I was I was, I was a straight
Dick, you know what I mean? Yeah.
So with my my ex-wife and. You think she loved you.
I think so I I I would. You weren't paying enough

(22:33):
attention. I was paying enough.
Attention How long were you guysactually married for?
Dude like sheesh, like like seven months.
Oh damn. Oh, wow.
Yeah, OK. Yeah.
Yeah. It.
Was quick. Yeah, yeah.
Deteriorated pretty fast. Yeah, yeah, cuz, cuz like I, I,
I got in a marriage for all the wrong attentions, man.
I got 3 beautiful, three beautiful, healthy kids.

(22:54):
You know what I mean by three different women.
And so like when my ex-wife and I was, you know, got pregnant,
like I wanted to be like, I wantto have a house, be in a
household with one of my kids. But man, because of my, but I
gave that away, man, because of my, my, my because I'm a selfish

(23:19):
asshole, you know what I mean? I was, I was very, I was abusive
all across the board, man. I was an asshole man.
Guys. Like if anything, if it wasn't
my way I I was going to get it my.
Way raging out. Is this are alcohol and drugs
tied to this or Harry's just yeah and Harry's just being

(23:39):
abusive asshole? Harry's just being.
Harry's being abusive. Did you ever come home late
drunk and you're fucking runningyour mouth or?
A few times, yeah. Yeah, a few times.
But. It's not like taking total
control. No, no, it's not taking.
It's not taking total control. When things got out of hand,
man, is when my oldest stepson got killed in a tragic car

(24:04):
accident by a drunk driver. Yeah, and one other than me
surrendering. One of the toughest things that
I had to do was I had to wake her up from a deep sleep to let
her know that her her son was killed in a tragic car accident.
How do you know you got? Did you get the call?

(24:25):
Oh, check this out man. Guys, there was the only time
that I, I wanted to be a father,so I let her sleep right.
Our son woke up from a deep sleep and he was hungry.
So I don't know if you guys are familiar.
I can relate to this. You guys can walk, walking you
in your place in the dark because you know where
everything is at. Yeah.

(24:46):
But that morning, man, somethingwasn't right because all the
lights were on. Like, you know what I mean?
All the lights were on now, justlike, man, something's not
right, you know? Yeah, Something's just,
something's just not right, you know?
I mean, so I used to have a jokewhere her old oldest son like
you know what I mean. Your grandparents are not the

(25:09):
owner. AEP man.
So shut the shut the lights off.Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean? So.
So I'm just something, some justwasn't right.
Like, and I apologize, not all the lights.
All the lights were on. All the lights were off.
I apologize, all the lights wereoff.
Something just wasn't fucking right, man, because normally all

(25:30):
the lights are on, you know? And Joshua was a big teddy bear,
man. Like just turned 21 years old.
Yeah, he was man, about like 6-1, like 25260, just a big
teddy bear, just. Starting.
Life just starting life. A big, big, big teddy bear, you
know? And I love, I love Josh a lot

(25:53):
because Josh was teaching me howto be nice, you know, and I was
teaching them how to be tough. Well, at the time when I thought
I was teaching to be tough because people just knew that he
was a big teddy bear and knew hecouldn't, he wouldn't hurt a
family. So Josh, Josh, he got a, you
know, got a took an advantage ofa few times and I didn't like

(26:13):
that. So I was just teaching them how
to just be a Dick, which I was totally wrong about man, because
that's, that's just him, you know, so, you know, so I, I
this. Is the phone when the phone
rings? Oh no, I checked.
Not the phone of the ring brother.
I found I find out by turning onthe television.

(26:34):
No way. That's how I found.
I find I find out because once Iwent, you know, I want to get
the bottle in the foot of bottleup with milk.
I go check, go see a Josh was inhis room.
Josh wasn't in his room, you know, and some man got something
just wasn't right. So, you know, turn, turn the
lights over in Josh's room. I'm going back upstairs.

(26:55):
And mind you guys, like I said before, the place is dark.
So I go back, you know, go back in my, you know, go, go back to
the room. And I didn't, I didn't tighten
my youngest son's bottle all theway.
So I tripped over something and I spilled, I spilled the milk.
So turn the TV on to give me some light and I caught a

(27:18):
glimpse of a car. I look just like Josh's.
So at that time, man, Gaza was probably like 4.
It was like not four. I bought like 5:45 in the
morning. So I cleaned the milk up and
I'll just like, hey, man, I'm just gonna wait to, you know,
for the news to, to, to, to rotate back on and man, so I'm

(27:41):
waiting, waiting 6:00 Boom. Tragic.
You know what's it called? Not tragic news, but basically
like a. Tragedy A.
Tragedy. Yeah, a fatal car accident off
of Sawmill Road and West Case and my heart started pounding.
That's where you. Live because yeah, because

(28:02):
literally, man, it's probably like a half a mile where yeah.
So my heart started pounding like, alright, so I still
remember the the. I still remember the news
reporter, you know what I mean? Yeah.
Brunette here. We're like kind of reddish brown
lipstick. And she started reporting the,
the accident and showed the car.And the main reason why I knew

(28:24):
it was Josh's cars because few days before that we put a
scarlet Gray racist sticker and his back window.
It was a scion. And I seen, I seen the car and
I, I knew he was, I knew who wasgone.
And like I said before, guys, you know, other than me
surrendering, you know, surrendering to, to, to to my

(28:48):
addiction, man was just waking this woman up.
I can't. I can't.
Yeah, what do you say? You had to sit there for a
minute do how am I going to do this?
Yeah, I, I, I, I, I didn't have the guts to.
I woke her up and I'll just like, hey, I, I think that Josh
been in a tragic car. I think he's been in a bad car
accident, you know, down the road.

(29:12):
But like, I couldn't. I seen the car.
I knew I, I, I seen the car. Like, I knew he was gone.
Yeah. Wow bud.
Yeah, man, watching the news. That's that's how, yeah, that's
yeah. Crazy way to find out.
Yeah, and I don't know if if Josh she has something to do
with it. Probably he wanted his mom to

(29:33):
find out through me or instead of, you know, the police come
and knocking on the door becausethat's.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah, so when that happened, man, instead of me, you know,
Jack, Josh, Josh passes away, you know, and instead of me
being a supportive husband, I made that whole situation about

(29:55):
me, like, hey, Josh was my son too and blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah. So I'm out there not coming
home. I'm out there being abusive,
Mom, I'm cheating, you know whatI mean?
Just just. Being you've got an excuse for
everything excuse. Everything, everything,
everything. I grew up.
That's, that's, that's yeah, that was my crutch.

(30:15):
I had an excuse for every fucking thing, like and.
This is a good one, Yeah. This is a good one, yeah.
Yeah, so I'm not man, so I neverforget.
It was a Sunday. It was a Sunday.
I go to the Barber shop to go cut some hair.
I come back and all my stuff is out.
Yeah, All my stuff is, is, is onthe lawn.

(30:37):
And. And that woman had every right
to do that. You know what I mean?
Here it is. When?
Packed or tossed? I was packed.
At least she was nice. Yeah.
One thing about my my ex-wife, man, she, she, she's all three
of my kids mothers, man, they'rethey're wonderful mothers.
You know what I mean? Wonderful, wonderful, great
mothers. You know what I mean?
And yeah, she was. She was, she was.

(31:00):
I'm happy she didn't bleach my stuff.
And Tore. Yeah, Tore.
Yeah, yeah, it could have been alot.
Worse. Yeah, yeah, it could have been a
lot worse because she had every right to destroy my shit.
Every right man. I was a Dick man.
Yeah, every right to do that. So she kicks me out and I end up

(31:21):
I'm meeting up with a few of us,some a few buddies and we get a
townhouse in Hilliard, you know,so, and it worked out perfect
because the townhouse was literally like 2 minutes away
from the barbershop while I was working out in Haley.
So it was, it was like, alright,cool, you know, whatever, you
know, she kicked me out with me.How could you do this to me and

(31:43):
blah blah and so on so forth anddestroy that broke the camel's
back was the person who hit Joshdidn't face any consequences.
And he was drunk. And he was drunk.
How? How?
Is that possible by that a good lawyer?
I man, if you guys, if you guys was was to was to read his, his,

(32:05):
his driving record. We all thought that like he was
going down. We all thought he was going
down, but he didn't. He didn't face anything.
Nothing at all. Nothing at all.
How in the blue fuck is that? Possible.
I wish I knew, brother. Yeah, like he must have Johnny
fucking. Cocker, I think so.
He had to have had a good attorney, yes, the other way.

(32:26):
And I wasn't allowed to go, I wasn't allowed to go to into the
to the case because I, I, I wanted to, I wanted to.
Beat the. Shit, I wanted to kill him.
Yeah, I never, I never forget this man.
My ex-wife had called me and shewould just like you won't
believe who's at the store. It was the IT was, yeah.

(32:50):
And at that, where we lived at at the time was the, the corner
store was probably 4 houses away.
And that's all she had to say. You won't believe who's at the
store. So I put my flip flops on and I
booked out the door. So I'm trucking it, right.

(33:13):
So as I'm walking, as I'm walking to the store, that
gentleman walks out with the guythat he was in a car with that
hit my Yeah. Same night.
Actually, this probably happenedlike a month or two later, you
know, So I walk, I walked up to to him.
I'll just like I said his name and he looked back and I'll just

(33:36):
like, do you know who I am? And he will just like, no, I
would just like man you killed my fucking son and he took off
man I. Bet he did.
Took off and honestly, man, guys, that was definitely my
higher power doing something forme that I couldn't do for myself
because when I went to go grab him, like my aunt, my, my hands

(34:01):
got weak. I couldn't get a grip on him.
You know, he got he got he got away, he got away.
But like if I if I was, if I would have caught him, it would
have been. Bad.
Yeah, yeah, it would have been. Bad.
Yeah. And he had, he had dropped his
cell phone. He had dropped his cell phone.
And I kept, I kept that cell phone for years.

(34:24):
I kept it for years because it was just every time I I just use
that as an excuse to get to get upset.
Yeah, get. Rage out, get rage out.
Yeah. So when that happened, man,
guys, that's when the drink. Yeah, that's when I said, man,
fuck this. Like they can't be.
That was my first time man guys ever ever questioning if there

(34:47):
was a higher power. It's a lot of pain, yeah.
Yeah. I mean, everything you've told
us up to this point is a lot of pain.
Yeah, like. So, so with that man brothers it
it oh man, like, oh man, growingup with no grant, not growing up
with no grandparents and no, youknow, no family other than my

(35:09):
parents and my siblings getting bullied, being different and
then that happening like I didn't, I wasn't taught how to
handle my emotions. You know what I mean?
My dad, My dad was a type of guyman.
Like drink water, water, mix everything, drink.
Some water, drink some water, drink some water, get.

(35:30):
Up shocked, man. Hey, you're African.
Drink some water. Drink some water.
Drink some water. Like man, my fingers broken.
You'd be all right. Drink some water.
Drink some water. Yeah, you know.
Stay hydrated my. Friend Yeah.
And it was so crazy, man. Guys, I personally think that
water heals everything because like, yeah, that's what I do.
If I don't feel good, I'm drinking water.
Yeah. So, so with that man, guys, I

(35:52):
was just like, man, fuck this. It can't be.
No, God can't be. Why me?
What was me? What was me?
So I started drinking heavy, just started drinking more.
And I was able to to find somebody where I could get

(36:13):
cocaine. You mean you decided to find
somebody? I did.
Thank you, brother. Thanks for correcting me.
I decided you. Decided.
Thank you brother. Thanks for the correction.
I decided to find somebody whereI can get, I can get cocaine
anytime I want it. Yeah.
So alcohol, alcohol wasn't really doing it for me anymore.

(36:34):
And then the cocaine wasn't doing it doing it for me anymore
until I got introduced to good old crack cocaine.
Crack cocaine, the fucked up uncle.
Of crack cocaine. Wow, that's a big jump.
How do you like 'cause like, crack is like, you know, dirty
people crack. You don't want to be a
crackhead, right? So how do you go from like,

(36:55):
classy coke snorter to, you know, gross crackhead?
Yeah, so. So with that man, yeah, I was
hanging out. I was hanging out with an
individual, you know what I mean?
And I was, I had my cocaine and that person had that crack and I
wanted to try it, you know what I mean?

(37:15):
But that person was just like, no.
Yeah, no, sorry, but I only got enough to last me.
No, don't. Don't you know what I mean?
So after the night was after thenight was over, you know what I
mean? Woke up the next day that
individual told me to to throw. Could he cook crack?
How could he cook crack? No.

(37:37):
OK, SO told me to throw the paraphernalia away and drop that
person off. And man, all I was thinking
about was I want to try it, you know what I mean?
So drop that person off. The individual off came back
immediately went to the trash can, you know.
So I I attempted to to to like, you know, like like like the

(38:02):
pipe, but nothing happened. Are you just trying to do like
his push or? At that time.
Don't know what it is. I was trying to hit him.
You. Didn't even know.
Yeah. I didn't even know, but, you
know, curiosity killed the cat. So excuse me, guys.
So the following weekend, you know, she came over and I was,
you know, she didn't know that Ihad my mental, my mental defect.

(38:24):
Head. My mental notepad and pen up
here. So while I'm while I'm doing my
thing, I'm just looking over just studying.
OK, all right, you do this and you put oh, OK, got it.
So you know, night was over. You know, good, good.

(38:45):
Drop that individual off and drop, drop the individual off
and I'm I'm speeding. Come back because like now.
Like now I know. Now I know.
Yeah, now I know the secret. Because that whole entire night,
man, you know, I'm just like side ironing.
Why didn't you just ask them to get you crack?
You know, why don't you just say, hey, can you get pick me

(39:07):
up? Some, yeah.
Yeah, because at that time, man,I didn't.
I didn't want, you know what I mean?
Other people. Yeah, I didn't want like, I was
sophisticated. I was sophisticated cocaine.
Yeah, cocaine. Yeah, I'm the only black Barber
in in Hilliard. You know, I'm living in Hilliard
in the town home. I got my own vehicle.
Like fuck that. Like Nah, so man.

(39:33):
So when I get back, you know, I grabbed a grab that
paraphernalia. I went inside my my inside my
room, shut the door and pushed, pushed, pushed and lighting and
you know, did the little, you know, guys know crackle?
Yeah, yeah. So you got something?
Yeah, so I'm having the crackle and stuff like that, just like

(39:54):
awesome man guys put put into mymouth.
I did exactly what what I did exactly what I what I learned
next, You know it ring. Yeah.
Yeah, I I inhaled and I exhaled ring.
Yep. And I instantly fell in love

(40:15):
with that feeling. I'm impressed because like
usually crackheads finished, youknow, I'm not leaving a push at
the end of the night. Yeah, I'm scrubbed.
Motherfuckers going to be clear again.
That's crazy that they're like just throw the fucking.
Over there, yeah. Instantly.
Instantly fell in love and was what was wild about that?
That person I called and I was all mumble mouth and that person

(40:39):
was just like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe it.
You, Oh my goodness, felt so bad, so, so bad Like Oh my gosh,
why you don't know what you got yourself into and it started off
man, like every two days now I feel comfortable now telling
that individual because. He already told her.

(41:00):
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Yeah.
That individual knows my secret,and only she knows it.
You know what I mean? So it was cool.
So now it was like, even though she didn't want to do it, I was
just like, man, I'm not a crackhead.
I'm a smoker. Look.
Look where I live. I live in Hilliard.
Yeah. I'm the only black Barber.
Look at all the money I make. Come on, man.

(41:20):
I'm not a Yeah, I. Crackhead my ass.
But check this out, brother. Like, yeah, I went from, I
remember, I remember my motto was is not what you do was how
you do it. Yeah, eventually later down the
line, man, yeah, dude, I became a full-fledged, I was, yeah,
full-fledged crackhead. Yeah.
So we're. When you say full-fledged, what

(41:40):
does that mean? Oh full-fledged man.
Like like you don't. Go back to Coke anymore.
Oh yeah, dude, I'm. Smoking crack all the time.
Like, like, like I was one of those that like, I didn't, I
didn't want to drink while I wassmoking crack.
I didn't want to, I didn't want to smoke no weed to calm me
down. That's strictly what I did.
It was it was cigarettes and crack cocaine, man.
Yeah, that's that's it. I wasn't smoking crack, I was

(42:03):
smoking a cigarette. Yep.
Yeah, Yep. That's that's that's all I
wanted. That's I didn't want.
Yeah, I didn't. Some people, you know, like the
weed to calm them down or or thebear to calm them down, The
liquor to calm them down. Not me.
You. Didn't have a come down method
other than more crack like. Yeah, some people just like.
Uppers stop. And they just like uppers I

(42:23):
never loved. Uppers or just like a process,
'cause you still, like, you still feel dirty and gross after
you get done right 'cause like, at least I did, yeah.
Like what do you do after? Like the crack runs out, then
what do you do? Dude, just just shit, just sleep
and and and repeat, you know, goto the barbershop, make money,
make your money, you make my money.
And and like, yeah, that's, that's, that's what I that's

(42:45):
what I did it just just just. When does the secret start to
leak out? Oh, the secret the secret leaked
out man at this time. Now this is the beginning of two
thousand 2023. OK, so with with that man guys.
Have you been to jail at all, bythe way, up to this point?

(43:05):
I, I I. I did my little I was a weekend
warrior and and it wasn't for any possession or anything like
that. It was for domestic violence.
Yeah. Because you know what I mean.
From the first, first, first ex-wife.
No, from the from the the personI was in my life at the time.
Yeah, OK, Yeah, I was. I was, Yeah.

(43:27):
With, with, with. I already had anger issues
because I anger was my first addiction because, you know,
once I watched Dirty Harry. Dude, it's the best emotion to
cover everything. It's the best if you just get
angry. Nothing else fucking matters.
Nothing matters. So.
So with my anger on top of the crack cocaine, it was a rap man.

(43:48):
Yeah. So yeah, yeah, I've been yeah,
all. Every time I went to good old
Hotel Jackson Pike, that was because of domestic violence.
Are you in the Barber shop smoking crack too?
Like. Taking crack?
Breaks to the bathroom. But not I was.
I was a I didn't want old body to know my secret.
Good for you. Yeah, I didn't want nobody.
It's. Tough to do.

(44:08):
Yeah, know. My secret.
But the thing about it though, my weight loss, yeah, at my when
I, when I surrendered guys, I was 100.
I was 145 lbs. Get the fuck out of here.
Damn. Bro and my excuse it checked
this out. My mom, my mom's work in the
medical field. My sister's a nurse
practitioner. She she's in the medical field.

(44:31):
And my and my excuse was I'm working a lot.
I'm the only black Barber like you.
Know what I mean? Yeah, the only black Barber.
Yeah, that's my excuse for everything.
Like I'm busy. Like, yeah.
What do you weigh right now? Oh man 2. 40, probably, yeah,
close to there, yeah, probably like 23240. 140 lbs.
That's insane. Yeah, cheesy.

(44:53):
Pete and yeah, man, guys. So the cat, the cat.
Well, OK, I'll, I'll start with February 15th, 2023.
I was having a conversation withmy mom, right?
And you got, I got one of those moms, man.

(45:16):
Like the family joke is that my mom got, she has God's like cell
phone number. You know what I mean?
Like she, like God talks to her through dreams.
Like she, she, she, like my mom has God's cell phone, cell phone
number on speed dial, you know what I mean?
So like my mom knew I'll never forget, man.

(45:36):
My mom was just like, you need to find God.
And at that time, I didn't want to hear nothing about no
organized religion, no spirituality.
I don't want to hear nothing of that shit.
I don't want to hear that. But I'm not going to tell my mom
that I'm like, aye, mom. All right, OK, mom.
So I got off the phone with my mom and it's wild, though, now

(45:58):
that I think about it, because I'm sober and got a clear, a
clear head. I like like I so rudely or just
like hey, hey God, if you real man show yourself like very
arrogant and and and asshole ish.
You know what I mean man? God, if you real man fucking
show yourself. Like he's some kind of magician.

(46:19):
Yeah, like, yeah, yeah, like David.
Bain or something? You know what I mean?
So man. So it's, it's about, oh, like
104511 o'clock I'm in, I'm in mybedroom.
And mind you guys, man, the bedroom now, the bedroom that

(46:40):
I'm in. My mom Once Upon a time, she
owned a lot of property in Columbus.
So I'm living in her last property that she owned, you
know, the the apartment in Hilliard that the town halls in
Hilliard gave it away because ofmy addiction.
My mom had had gifted me an apartment in Marble Cliff gave
that away because of. My in marble Cliff.

(47:02):
Yeah, I. Had a one bedroom apartment.
Dog, you know that's right there.
Yeah, you know that shit is niceas hell.
Yeah, brother. And I gave, I gave that.
I gave that away because of my addiction.
All because of my addiction. You know what I mean?
Even with even going back with the salon loft that my mom
gifted me because at the time itwas COVID, my mom, everything I

(47:25):
didn't I didn't come out of pocket for everything.
My mommy did it. So she.
Filled the place with all the tools, everything you.
Did tools, the cards, everythinggave that away gave all gave all
that away because of my addiction.
You know what I mean? So like, my, my, my, my mother
knew something was up with me. So so going back to that to the

(47:46):
February 15th that night, you know, gay God, if you real men
show yourself man like, yeah, who Boo.
Yeah. All right, so I'm, I'm laying
down. So the so the house that she
gave me, which it had everythingin it, Manhattan TV's in every
room. She furnished it.
She. She left it to me like dude,
when I moved in there, man, dude, I, I, I didn't need

(48:08):
anything. I just moved there with the
clothes that I had. I do everything, pots, pans,
furniture, TV's, everything. And now in February, February of
2023, man, that house was horrible.
I've done turned that beautiful 5 bedroom.

(48:28):
It was a 5 bedroom. It was a yeah five bedroom, 2
1/2 bathroom house with a furnished basement.
And just you it. Was just me God, but like like
because because of Dirty Harry is an arrogant fucker, I I
decided to allow my my my my crack dealer to move in with.
Me. Oh yeah.
So end up turning that house into a the.

(48:50):
Trap. Get to the trap was destroyed.
Where? What side of town is that?
Is that still? Hilliard It was a Windsor
terrace. On the West.
Yeah, on the. East, right.
No, it's north. North Once Upon a time and my
mom owned my mom owned that whole block.
Like yeah, she like my mom yeah,'cause my my sister came out

(49:10):
here to she got a set to the Akron University, which which
she graduated and did an undergrad at.
Usually. I don't know if I'm pronouncing
it right but the main reason whymy mom moved my parents moved to
Columbus because of I wanted to be closer to my sister and also
too in 2008 the property value. Here.
Oh bro, Yeah. My mom went ape shit out here

(49:33):
buying, buying. Yeah.
So yeah, man, guys, so I'm laying in, I'm laying in bed
watching T laying in bed at the time, you know, at that time,
man, it's, it's, it's my, my television was on 4 sneaker
boxes and I'm laying on the box spring and the mattress.

(49:55):
So I'm watching television, you know what I mean?
And it sounded like somebody threw two rocks on the side of
my side of my window. And here again, man, guys, God
doing something for me that I couldn't do for myself after I
heard those two rocks, man, 11 gunshots, somebody, I was in my

(50:18):
room, somebody shot my room up 11 times.
And still to this day, guys, I don't know who it is.
I don't, I do not know. And not one bullet touched me.
Not one bullet touched me. I'm assuming you took cover.
Yeah, yeah. Let's like just check this out.
Lou Lewis, if I had got up to gosee what was that noise?

(50:40):
Rap. It was a rap, dude.
One of the bullets literally went through the mattress where
I was laying on. I went through it.
Yeah, and, and and like and check this out.
No cops came. I'm not surprised.
In the neighborhood that we in the neighborhood that that that

(51:01):
that it was in it got those what's it called man?
Like any firearm. Going on.
Yeah, no show up, No police officers.
Nobody came. What do you do when you hear
these? You just stay still.
Like what's your? Like the yeah, the first thing,
the yeah, once, because I was upstairs, I heard the patio
door, the window shattered. Once I heard that, I just got on

(51:22):
the floor. I just got on the floor and I
crawled into it, crawled into the live, not not the living
room, the hallway, you know, from from upstairs.
And I just, I just sat there until the gunshot was over.
Scared, scared the shit out of me and not one bullet touched
me. And still, man, guys, man, that

(51:43):
wasn't good enough to scare my ass to realize I had a problem.
Do you know you're an addict at this point?
Have you realized like how low you've gotten in life?
Oh that that didn't happen untilJuly.
That didn't happen until June, June or 2000.
Anywhere between June or July 2023.
Wow. Yeah, cuz I never forget this
man, guys, man over the truck that man.

(52:07):
I'm so happy that my mom only thing she wanted me.
That man's that I had to make tomy mom was I live in the men's,
you know what I mean? Because I oldest woman, so much
fucking money. I had this woman freaking coal
sign to get me a beautiful fucking Chevy Silverado truck,
man that I gave away because of my recovery.

(52:27):
You know what I mean? And yeah, man, guys, so I'm in
the back cleaning out, cleaning out my truck.
And there was a beautiful sunny day, beautiful, beautiful sunny
day. And I just felt dark, the sun's
out, birds chirping. But dude, it was, it just felt

(52:48):
dark to me, man. And, and, and that's when I said
to myself, man, like maybe, maybe, maybe something's wrong,
you know what I mean? Like maybe something's wrong.
And but still though, man, I'll just like, man, I'm gonna fight
this man. Fucking Harry Gomeo Page Junior.
I'm a, I'm an African warrior. I can, I can, I can, I can beat

(53:10):
this shit, but no, man. So couple of weeks, couple of
weeks after that and I'm so, so grateful for this man.
My, my mom evicted me. She went downtown to evict me
out that house. And I'm so grateful for my mom,
man. So man, God, to be honest, you

(53:31):
guys, man, I'm here all because of my mother's prayers, man,
because of my mom's higher power, because of the prayers,
man, like so get up, you know, evict, evicted notice and I'll
just like, damn mom, I'm I'm your oldest son, you know, cuz
ain't African culture. You know what I mean?
The oldest son is like basicallythe oldest son is like the baby,

(53:54):
you know what I mean? So I'll just admire what can you
do this to me, you know, making excuses?
Mom, do this. I'm going to do that.
My mom was just like, no, I wantyou out that house.
I don't give a fuck where you go, what you do.
I'm done. Damn, mom was fed.
Up. Mom's fed up so, man.
So I didn't take it serious until I never forget, man.

(54:17):
I'm in. I'm in the kitchen.
I just got done, you know, I mean, going out of space on my
rocket ship, if you guys know what I mean.
I hear the key jingling. My sister walks in.
Oh. Buddy with my brother-in-law.
Oh, Buddy with his gun in hand to check the seal.
Yeah, man. So walk in the house, man, my

(54:39):
sister seen the people I was hanging out with, my sister go
ape shit. And man.
And my sister, she's she's very into, you know, fit, she's into
fitness and stuff like that. My sister whipped my fucking
ass. My sister beat the.
Shit out of me and now I'm embarrassed that I got beat beat

(55:01):
up by my sister. Baby sister.
By my baby sister. I started talking.
I started talking junk to a kidsfather and he socked me in my
mouth so I got. My ass beat.
Twice in one day. Two hours in one day.
Yeah, two hours whippers in one day.
So so that right there, man. Now, man, guys, I got to go.

(55:22):
I got to go. So I left and I ended up staying
over over a fair, a fair, a fairweather friend's house.
And he got, you know, shit didn't work out because like,
you know, we're both using each other, you know, and he didn't
want me to stay there anymore. So I sneaked back into the into.

(55:44):
The. Apartment back into the house.
Oh God, you got balls of steel. Yeah, you know, and staying
there. So the, the, the, the daily
where I was living with now staying with me, he's not there.
All the fair weather friends, they're gone.
So yeah, man, guys, so I go. I got a house call, you know,

(56:07):
because at the time now like I'mnot working up no Barber shop.
I'm supporting my habits, makinghouse calls to, to to to the
last clientele that I didn't burn the.
Bridge, Yeah. Because I was one of those type
of type of guys, man, Like, hey,can I get a cash advance?
I promise you if you send me this money, I'll cut you here
the next day. And no.
I'm not. You know what?

(56:28):
I. Mean or I was one of those guys
that come on the clients up likea man.
I got a flat tire on my truck. I probably had a flat tire on my
truck at least like 34. That was my excuse to just to
get, you know, it'll be $25 to get one more.
So I had a house call. I had a house call, you know,
cut the hair, came back, you know, had my, I had.

(56:55):
Yeah. OK, I'm going to slow it down,
guys. I apologize.
You're good. Made the house call.
That section kicked in. I'm like, cool, I'm going
straight to where I need to go get to go get what I needed.
And I was so impatient. Guys, I pull in.
I pull in the backyard. I left my Barber equipment, my

(57:18):
cell phone, Jesus, my Barber equipment, my cell phone, my
keys and ignition, my wallet, everything, because my main
focus was to just get a blast. Get more, yeah.
So I ran aside, did what I had to do, and as soon as I calm
down, I'll go outside. My truck's gone.

(57:38):
Oh my God. There were again my higher power
doing something for me while trying to do for myself.
My truck is gone. All your shit.
All my shit. So I got no, I got no cell
phone, I got no Barber equipmentto to to to support my habit, no
identification, nothing. So man, guys, that was the

(58:02):
beginning of beginning of Augustof 2023.
So now the house is trashed. All the, all the so-called
friends, they're gone, you know,So I'm in, I'm in the house by
myself and, and my disease started messing with me because
a little bit of canned goods that I had, there were no, like

(58:22):
I ate them all, you know, So I'mjust drinking water, a lot of
water, a lot of water, a lot of water, man.
And with that man, guys, man, August, August 17th, man, 2023
was the day I decided to to listen to that voice that I

(58:43):
heard. And that day, man, I was going
to commit suicide. Yeah.
Because a week, a week and a half, a week or two before
before I surrender, you know, I surrendered.
There was a neighbor that was moving across the alley.

(59:03):
And I came up with the bright idea to once they leave, I'm a
break into their house. I'll break into the house not to
steal any goods and anything like that.
I was starving, guys. Like I had no more food.
No more food bad. So as soon as that gentleman

(59:25):
closed the back of that U-Haul, I broke into that house, man.
And the first thing I ran into men was the cabinets.
And I was able to find a half a jar of peanut butter and like,
and at that time, man, guys, allthe silverware, the pots and
pots and pans plates, I didn't have any of that.
I only had these two fingers, man.

(59:46):
So I scooped. I have, I was scooping until
there was no more peanut butter.So once there was no more peanut
butter, that hunger kicked in. And my hunger and my disease,
man. Guy in cahoots with each other
and yeah, man. August 17th.
I was just like, hey, man, my disease told me, man, Harry, a

(01:00:06):
horrible father, a horrible son.Nobody want, nobody like man.
Just kill yourself and man. It's a crazy feeling, isn't it?
Yeah. Crazy feel, yeah.
It's crazy. I was yeah, yeah, Louis, I was
going to I. I just to know that in your head

(01:00:27):
like I will do it. I will, yeah.
I will do it. Because I've always, I've played
the attention game in the past, but like the second time around
when I knew I would do it. Yeah, different.
It's different. Yeah, it's different.
I was and. You ever have a plan to do it?
No, I didn't have any plan and Iwas sitting in the couch just

(01:00:50):
about what Shit, I have a couch,man.
Because like that it was truth. It was just something to sit on.
It was Once Upon a time was a beautiful culture my mom had
gifted me. But it was just something to sit
on. And there was an end table.
And for some odd reason that dayI noticed a pill.
It was it was a pill bottle withnothing in it.

(01:01:12):
And there was pills in it. Didn't know what type of pills
they were. So I was going to kill me.
Yeah, I was going to use take the pills.
So from where you're sitting, that sitting that Lewis, I had
built the confidence, you know, I would just, you know, amping
myself up, hyping myself up do to go where you're sitting,

(01:01:32):
brother, where the pills was at at the end table.
So once I was able to make it tothat side of the table, I
grabbed a pill bottle. I heard a voice saying run.
So mind you guys, man, I'm thinking I'm tripping.
I'm hallucinating because I haven't eaten.
So like, yeah, whatever, man. Yeah, I'm just tripping.

(01:01:55):
When I opened up that pill bottle, I kid you not, man, the
second run man scared the shit out of me.
It was like run. It shook the whole freaking
house. I ran out the door, The first
door, the first door. I I, I see I started banging on
that door and again my higher power doing something for me

(01:02:18):
that I couldn't do for myself because the woman that answered
the door. What's the matter?
I need help. What's the matter?
I need help. What's your name?
I need help. All I could say was I need help.
I need help. I need help.
She called the ambulance. The ambulance came.
What's your name, Sir? I need help.
Where you coming from? I need help.

(01:02:38):
I need help. I need help.
So they took me to Harden hospital, gave me something to
calm me down. And that's when I was just like,
man, I'm, I'm, I, I wasn't, I told the nurse like, hey, man,
I'm addicted to crack cocaine and I'm, and if I keep on living
the way I'm living, I'm going todie, you know, then from there,

(01:03:02):
man, you know, now, my, my, my, my, my ass got whipped so good.
I would just like man. Now at the time, man, if you had
told, if any of you guys told me, man, Harry stand on campus
with a magic with, with a Michigan Wolverine jersey on
holding the sign saying big body.

(01:03:24):
I apologize. You know how to meet this big
body, but fuck the Buckeyes to stay sober at that time, man,
dude, I was willing to do that. Ready to do it.
I was willing to do that. You know what I mean?
So what, a nurse came in and introduce me to a case manager.
So the case manager was like, you know, we're going to send

(01:03:45):
you to Mary Haven. Yeah.
So I went to Mary Haven, you know, did 28 days there.
But right before my 28 days was over, you know, I was, I was
like, man, there's not enough time.
You know what I mean? At that time, man, Guys, I'm
doing groups and stuff like that.

(01:04:06):
I'm looking at my I'm looking atthe steps that that that soon
later was saved my life. Didn't know nothing about it.
I didn't know nothing about, Yeah, nothing about the 12
steps. I'm looking at it every time we
have group. They didn't know, man.
Those were the 12 steps that would eventually save my fucking

(01:04:27):
life. They didn't know.
But I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready, man.
I I and I was honest with the case manager at, at Mary Haven,
Like man, like I, I need to go somewhere.
And there was ACA there, man. She saw something in me that I
couldn't see. I couldn't, I didn't see it
myself cuz I told her, man, I need to go to a place where the

(01:04:47):
structure and discipline, you know, cuz I don't do, I don't do
well with my Aunt Harry gonna doit this way, you know, now I do
well with shut the fuck up. You're going to do it my way or
else don't say nothing. Just just just do it my way.
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm good with directions like that.
And she was just like, I think House of Hope.

(01:05:08):
Yeah, I think it'd be great for the House of Hope because they
got what you're looking for. And man went to the House of
Hope, never looked back. Yeah, you really didn't, do you
came out of the gates hot. It's such a rare thing to when
somebody's ready to go to longerterm.
Yeah, and that would never, never look back.
And and, and dealing like man, I'm so grateful for the House of

(01:05:31):
Hope because of the House of Hope, man, they got me sober.
But also to introduce me to the 12 steps, you know, I mean
Alcoholics Anonymous and just Sky's the limit from there.
No, you you came in hot. I remember meeting you for the
first time and you were like, all about the shit.
Yeah. And I was like, who is this guy?

(01:05:52):
Like he's new. What?
And you were all about the shit.Yeah.
You meant it. Yeah.
From the second you hit Harding Hospital.
Yeah, shit from the second run. You heard run.
Yeah, yeah, that was it. And when it comes to our
beautiful program, man, I'm, I'm, I'm willing to do anything
for my program to stay sober. You know, I tell these guys,

(01:06:14):
man, I'm going to die trying to stay sober, All right?
That yeah, man, I, I, I, I man, because, because you know, the
spiritual program I choose to do, man, I, I, I get to be a
father, you know, I get to be a son.
You know, it's it's what, man, guys, just.
We watch, we also watch people. You've, I know you've seen a

(01:06:35):
bunch of people who go through House of Hope pass away.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an eye opener, yeah.
You know, actually, man, eventually, you know, one of the
guys that yeah, at my at, when Iwas at the House of Hope, there
was a total of five guys that I was in treatment with.

(01:06:56):
Five guys passed away. Yep.
Yeah, five and two of them. Two of them are Lewis.
Lewis knows both of them. And the person that Lewis and I
know, man, love the hell out that kid.
I miss him. He had over a year and a half,
Yeah, a year and a half. I miss.
Him, even though, even though hewas way younger than me, he he I

(01:07:20):
felt comfortable talking to him Obama insecurities because he
was a big boy, but Oh my goodness, he loves showing his
legs and I was insecure about mylegs.
You know what I mean? And I still to this day when he
gave me these cut off Michael, this cut off Jordan shorts that
I wear to this day proudly and and the hoochie daddy shorts,

(01:07:40):
man, Like dude, it's way above the knee and I'm doing that
dedication. He did wear a lot of shorts like
that. Dedication to, to, to, to my
brother, like, yeah, man, like the House of Hope, man, I'm, I'm
so grateful for that. Actually, I take that back.
I'm very, very grateful for Harden Hospital, Very, very
grateful for Mary Haven and verygrateful for the House of Hope

(01:08:05):
and yeah. It's just.
Congratulations and Mom. And Mom.
Mom sounds like a freaking St. but like I'm.
I'm here. I am here on Get A Grip all
because of my mom's prayers, man.
My mom's prayers, man. I'm I'm you're alive today
because. Of that isn't that like, in
itself just like kind of behind,like, you know, you're going to

(01:08:26):
wake up tomorrow, your mom's notgoing to be like, worried about
that call that you're going to be dead or yeah, yeah.
It's such a beautiful feeling, man.
Yeah, and all I ever wanted, man, was to make my mom, my my
mother proud. And there's not a day, man, that
my mom, don't tell me she, she, she, she, she's proud of me.

(01:08:49):
Every chance she gets. She tells me how proud I am, how
proud she is of me. You know what I mean?
And that's all because. Recovery Man Recovery.
Recovery. You know, my oldest son, My
oldest son, man, I went from being a inconsistent father to

(01:09:13):
now man. Anytime he needs me, I'm there
for him. And like dad, I get I I could
always. I could always depend on you.
That's man, ain't no. I'm not sure enough.
For a word. You know my daughter, my
daughter, you know, same thing. My youngest man.

(01:09:38):
I never I never forget this man moved out to sober house end up
getting an apartment with a fellow House of hope brother
that was both in both in the sober house together.
So as soon as my got everything settled, my ex-wife came and you
know, as a mom, she had a right.She cased the place and she left

(01:10:03):
and my youngest son pulled me, pulled me in my room and shut
the door, but not all the way. And he came and he hugged me.
He'll just like daddy. I know he was going to do it.
I'm so proud of you and man. Hey, we're proud of you too,
brother. Seriously.

(01:10:24):
I mean what I mean, from what I've seen, you've just dove head
1st and you haven't stopped. And don't fucking stop.
I can't stop. I don't believe you will, man.
I don't. I feel like I rarely look at it
recovering addict and like I believe him I don't like.
I don't doubt you. I can't stop because now,

(01:10:44):
because of the, because of recovery man, I could call up
Lewis and be like Lewis. I'm down Lewis, I need help.
Whereas before man, I didn't want nobody to know.
Dirty Harry's got. It Yeah, Dirty Harry got it.
He got it. And like man, because of
recovery, Recovery hooked me up with a power source that can
handle Dirty Harry for me. Unlimited power.

(01:11:05):
Limited power because Clean Harry.
Clean Harry cannot control DirtyHarry at all, and I got a
unlimited power source that can.Oh yeah, I'm gonna use and abuse
that buddy every chance I get. Because dirty dirty Harry come
pops up every chance he gets. Yeah, every chance he gets.
Character defect? Whack a mole, my friend.

(01:11:26):
Yep, that's what I call it. Yep, every chance it gets.
You'll never be perfect. Never.
I wish I could. Have you ever thanked your
sister and her husband for whooping your ass that day?
No, but I I I will one day. OK I will.
That was the greatest ass whip Inever got in my life I needed.
That sounds like it helped, yeah.
And now my sister's proud of me,man, like my whole family's

(01:11:47):
proud of me. Dude, I'm excited for this
episode. Yes, I go.
And then I was going to one thing too is like, so now your
recovery, Yes. Say you're on the way home, you
run into the guy that killed your stepson.
How do you handle that situationnow that you're in recovery?
Great. Question.
It's. So a tough one.
No, I'm a hug him and tell him Iunderstand.

(01:12:12):
I am you, You are me. Oh, you know, by the grace of
God, there goes I. There goes I.
No. Acceptance had no control over
that. He had no control over that.
You know not. If he's an alcoholic.
How can I get mad? Same.
Same as. You, yeah, for probably shit
that you've done too, you know, got in the car and drank and

(01:12:34):
drive. Yeah, you just didn't happen to
kill someone. How?
Can I? How can I fault?
How can I fault that man? I can't.
I can't. Good for you dude.
Especially yeah, man, this program.
I can't do that. This shit works, brother.
It works. I don't.
And I told her because now I'm a, I'm a peer supporter at the
House of Hope with big body, youknow, we work together and big

(01:12:57):
body shit. Yeah, Yeah.
And man, I was telling these guys yesterday, man, like, I
don't know how it works. I don't even want to know.
Yeah, I don't even want to know,but I know it works.
I don't know how, but it works. Yeah, don't need to know how it

(01:13:17):
works. Yeah.
I don't. I don't need to know and I don't
want to know. Yep.
I'm gonna continue doing what I was taught, continue using my
tools. And sky Sky's the limit, man.
Be fine. Yeah, I'll be fine.
Listen dude, thank you so much. For coming on, absolute honor,
man. Fuck, what a story.
Thank. You guys, thank you.
I meant thank you guys. You got it.