August 27, 2025 • 59 mins
In this powerful episode, hosts Louis and Aaron sit down with Bryce Sparks, a man whose life could have been the script of a tragedy—but instead turned into a story of resilience, redemption, and hope.Bryce’s upbringing was anything but easy. From a young age, he carried pain and struggles that no child should have to endure. By the time most kids were thinking about prom or graduation, Bryce was already deep in the grip of heroin addiction. What started as a way to escape his circumstances quickly grew into a monster that controlled his every move. When the heroin would run out, Bryce swore he’d never touch fentanyl—but like so many caught in the cycle of addiction, desperation pushed him further than he ever thought he’d go.Drugs, crime, and broken trust consumed his life. The odds were stacked against him, and most would have bet he wouldn’t make it out alive.But Bryce proved them wrong. Against all odds, he didn’t just survive—he found a way to change. Through grit, resilience, and the willingness to fight for something better, Bryce got sober and discovered a new purpose. Today, he uses his story to give back, helping others who are still trapped in the same nightmare he once lived.This conversation is raw, unfiltered, and deeply inspiring—and it just might be one of the best interviews we’ve ever done. Bryce’s honesty about his tough childhood, his battle with heroin and fentanyl, and ultimately his fight to rebuild his life makes this episode unforgettable.This isn’t just a story of recovery—it’s living proof that no matter how dark someone’s past may be, there is always a way forward, and there is always hope for a new beginning.🔥 Expect emotion. Expect truth. Expect hope.🔔 Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more powerful stories on addiction, recovery, and resilience.Get a Grip Podcast Social Media: Find our TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeart Radio links, a more on our Link Tree below!Get a Grip Social Media Links: https://linktr.ee/officialgetagrippodcast👇 Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And I'll never forget this man. He was like, if you go get me a
chocolate milkshake from McDonald's and bring it to me, I
will give you some dope. That's the 30th Fetty I got
caught with. And this shit had no business
being in Circleville. It was way too strong.
And I had been doing Fetty for quite some time now, a couple
years, and I was used to it. I was shooting Fetty every day
(00:24):
and the next morning I I was notsick, I wasn't trying to get
high. I was just trying to get ready
for work. So I go to the bathroom, lock
the door, I do a shot. Last thing I remember is pushing
at my arm. I did like like that much.
And I woke up to the cops that kicked in the bathroom door and
they're dragging me out and they're asking me what day it
(00:45):
is, if I'm OK. My great grandmother, she almost
had a heart attack, dude, because she can't kick open that
door. No, she was.
She told me she was beating on the walls, yelling for the
neighbors. And she she said she heard me go
to the bathroom, lock the door and heard her crash and she
already knew what happened. OK, we are back with another
(01:20):
episode of Gitty Grip Podcast. We have another another one from
the Buckeye State down in Circleville.
Thanks for coming out. We have Bryce Sparks with us
today. Thanks for having me.
Harry, who we interviewed yesterday.
You're his roommate now. So you guys are doing the whole
sober thing together. That's awesome.
It's how it's supposed to be done.
(01:42):
You know, the goal here is to learn about your childhood, how
you grew up. Give us some contacts and then
take us into the the craziness and how you ended up, you know,
in the gutter basically sure howyou got out.
Yes, man. Like you said, I'm from
Circleville. I was born and raised there
really off and on with my mom and mainly my great grandmother
(02:05):
who raised me. And I never really was around
any of that stuff like the drinking, the drugs, none of
that. We I got into that all myself,
the people I was hanging out with and.
Not a family thing. No, not really.
I mean. Here and there.
Right. Yeah, like the older people.
In our family, like normal drinking or yeah, OK.
(02:28):
Yeah, even then I still really wasn't around it too much.
That would just be something aunts and uncles would do.
But yeah, I didn't really start until.
For me, it was about 12 when I first started experimenting,
started smoking weed cigarettes here and there and it really
wasn't until like 14. That's when I found out that the
(02:53):
great grandmother I was living with who raised me, that's when
I found out she was getting 180 perk or vike fives all the time
like she had them and damn. So at 14, that's when I started
taking those and at first it wasjust to sell them to like my
friend's parents and just to getweed money.
And that's just all it was at 1st.
(03:16):
And then about 1516 when I started getting into more
heavier stuff like acid shrooms,cocaine.
When I was 16, that's when I really found like my first plug
for coke. And that's when I really started
doing it. I would take it to school doing
(03:38):
the bathroom, go back to damn, yeah, I've been high school.
I go to the woods bathroom and we just sitting there in third
period speeding off coke. Small school?
Yeah. Logan on high school.
Did you graduate? I did.
What was your graduating class? How many people?
I'd say no more than 100. OK.
I mean, at most. OK.
(03:59):
Yeah. It wasn't small.
It was real small. Everybody knew everybody.
Oh, yeah. But that's when I started
getting in trouble too. At school they I would because I
would just take cigarettes and drugs at school and I'd always
show up late. Why?
Why I? Don't know at the time it I just
didn't care. I was driving at that time so I
(04:22):
could just sneak out before and after lunch.
Had a cigarette, do a line, go back in and that was when I left
after my sophomore year. Went to vocational school for
game design and the actual course that I took was called
(04:42):
Interactive Digital Arts and that was in at Pickaway Ross.
And at that time when I was there, I really wasn't messing
around too much, but I was stilldoing some drugs.
At Pickaway Ross, there's more people, more connections from
like Chillicothe, Circleville and that's where I I met one of
(05:03):
my buddies who was in the same class.
He was getting DMT and chill coffee and so I'd just go down
there and we would just get highon DMT and what?
Weed. What is that like?
Tell us about DMT. I only did it like a couple of
times, but like I didn't have the breakthrough everybody talks
about, but I had intense, reallyfast visuals.
(05:25):
And I remember he had, it was a little orange powder and we
would put it on top of a bowl and like a weed bowl and barely
hit it with a flame just to get it to smoke.
And it would just be real intense, real fast visuals.
For me, that's all it was was. I mean, I had better trips on
acid. It doesn't last that long.
Does. It not really.
(05:46):
I don't. I mean, I don't even know if it
was from the other experiences that I've heard this we probably
didn't even have real shit, but.I've heard it's orange.
I have heard that, but I never heard you couldn't make
anything. Any color.
So yeah, yeah, I never had anything crazy.
I had more intense trips off like shrooms and acid and but
(06:07):
anyway, so while I'm at PickawayRoss, I'm involved with this
girl I've been with for about 3 years from like 8th grade to
junior year. That was like my first
heartbreak. So I left that.
I didn't finish that. That of course, the game design.
I went back to my home school for my senior year and that's
when it really took off. So like I was 17 when we split
(06:29):
up and then I was really heavy doing the coke every day.
Do you leave the school because of her?
Yeah, I did. And and I just wanted to go back
to my home school, wanted to just get away from all of it and
and plus, that's just where all my friends were.
And so anyway, I, I, my, my use picks up real heavy and, and at
(06:50):
that time, the person I was getting the coke from, he was in
there smoking heroin and he would, he would sell coke and
crack to supply his heroin habit.
OK. And every time I go in there, I
remember it stunk so bad the heroin.
And before I continue with that,I want to talk about too.
Like I, I came up and I think it, I consider like a very
(07:13):
special time as far as drug world because like I've done the
pills and stuff, but that was more of the generation before me
and I went like straight to the heroin.
How old are you? I'm 25, OK, I'll be 26 in
December. And so anyway, like I, I came up
and this time where I got to witness tar, tar heroin
(07:34):
disappear and fentanyl take over.
And I'll get more into that too,though.
But anyway, I go to get this coke one day.
I'm doing it all the time and I noticed I'm just speeding too
much and my anxiety is real high.
I think man, I need something different.
You just slow down. Exactly.
And I remember I go in there, I was like, hey man, does that
(07:55):
shit taste as bad as it smells? And he was like, yeah, man, here
try it. Hit it.
He gave me a hit. He said, here, take another one
so you can feel it. And that was it.
Like I'll, I'll never forget that.
I remember that feeling of the of when the heroin kicked in.
It was just, it was almost I, I kind of compared to like the
(08:15):
first dab, like how intense thatis.
But yeah, it was. And after that, like I also grew
up in the DARE program and they there's just say no.
As did I. Yeah, and they, they're, I
(08:36):
remember them always telling us you, you do drugs once and
you're hooked and you're foreveraddicted.
And I didn't believe them. But now obviously the physical
dependency wasn't there, but themental was.
And after that first hit of thatheroin, that was what I fell in
love with. I felt like I could breathe and
everything I've been looking forwas right there and.
(08:57):
So funny because it's totally the opposite of cocaine, right?
Like, yeah, you're not. When you're doing cocaine,
you're not wrapped in that warm fuzzy blanket.
Like, you know, with heroin it'stotally different.
So that's interesting that you fell in love with that after you
were doing coke like that. It was that was that was my
downfall was taught heroin. And so I was 17 years old the
(09:19):
first time I smoked heroin. By the time I graduated high
school, I was fully addicted to heroin.
I I remember people were coming up to me like that in my
graduating class, asking me. We were there for the the
audition, the practice or whatever, not the.
Audition. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they were coming up to me and asking me like, are you
(09:40):
doing heroin? I'm like, guys, we're fucking
about to graduate. I ain't trying to hear this.
Like, don't ask me that here. And but I was.
And yeah, that's. But by the time a graduation
came around, I wasn't even allowed on the property at
school. And they, yeah, 'cause all those
times I was sneaking out and smoking cigarettes, at that time
(10:00):
I had been doing heroin. So I would go out to my car,
smoke a cigarette, hit a foil, put in my compartments and hit
another cigarette. Well, I'm looking in the
rearview mirror one day and I see the Superintendent walking
back and forth and he's looking for me.
I know he is. Soon as I see him, I hit my
cigarette and swipe it in the carpet and he comes up to my
car. He's like, did I catch you
(10:21):
before or after you had your cigarette?
And I was like, I don't smoke. I don't know what you're talking
about, smelling like a cigarette.
And, and he was like, all right,we'll come with me to my office.
So I, I get out of the car, reach in, grab some Cologne,
spray it on. And he sees in my back pocket I
got a little Mason jar, like themoonshine Mason jars full of
(10:41):
weed. Oh, my God.
He's like, I'll take that and pulls me into my office.
And he's like, yeah, so you're not allowed on the property
anymore. He said if you want to graduate,
you need to take these packets home and do them.
And he said whenever one is done, you need to call us so you
can get another one. If you show up without calling,
you're getting arrested and. When he says packets, what does
(11:03):
that mean? I don't even know what they
were. It was, it was a different
subjects like packets, homework pretty much, but they were kind
of thick. It was like a whole class or a
whole credit worth of a packet. Oh.
OK, I got you. Because I mean, I had gotten
most of my credits up until senior year when I got in
trouble. And these packets, most, they're
(11:24):
looking back on it now, most people have been like, OK, this
is a problem. I, you know, I shouldn't be
getting kicked out of school where they're threatening to
arrest me. But I've seen it as an
opportunity because now I can take these packets home and look
them up on the Internet and still get high.
And that's exactly what I did. And that's I graduated by the
skin of my teeth. Thankfully, they still let me
(11:44):
walk. Did they?
They did, they let me walk and give them my diploma and.
So was there was there any attempt by the school to
intervene other than the the damn packets and letting you?
As far as like drugs? Yeah.
(12:05):
Like, no, they, they knew. Like I don't think they knew the
severity of it, but they knew like all the times I'd show up
late, I'd be smelling like weed,eyes red as fuck, you know what
I mean? They never came at me with that.
Now she mentioned. I've never thought of that.
They never offer me any counselling, any, nothing.
They just didn't want me there. They were.
They were just ready, 'cause you're a senior I let's just get
(12:28):
out of here. Not our problem anymore.
Push him out. Damn, that sucks to hear that
because that's exactly how it was.
Yeah, that's exactly how it was for a long time.
But so after that, I get with this girl and I consider her the
high high school sweetheart, butthis is the one that I took
(12:48):
hostage. And she, she was like varsity
track. She did the whole FFA thing,
like the farmer stuff in school,went to the fairs and showed
pigs and all that. Farmer's daughter kind of girl.
And she didn't really do drugs like that at all.
(13:10):
I mean, she'd smoke weed every now and then.
She was doing normal teenage shit, like maybe a little bit of
coke at parties, but at that time I had already been doing
meth, heroin, and she got involved with it.
And I tried telling her a few times because like, she just
didn't. I don't know what it was, man.
(13:30):
I don't know what made her because there was sometimes
where she was like, I'm going todo it and show you that it's
easy to quit. And yeah, that's what I remember
her. Those were her exact words.
And that was about shooting up because by the time I started
smoking heroin at 17 to two years later, I smoked for two
years. By the time I'm 19, I'm shooting
up. How did that come about?
(13:53):
The person I got it from who introduced me to heroin, I had
been living with him and workingwith him.
We were hanging, siding and doing all kinds of work and we
would just go to work and feed our habit.
Well, I remember driving him home from work one day and I was
so naive to this stuff, man. He was like, Hey, I just, I just
want to tell you, I shoot and I didn't even know what he's
(14:15):
talking about. I said, shot who?
I'm like, what are you, what areyou talking about?
He's like, no, like I shoot dopenow.
And I said, OK, well, keep that shit away from me.
I don't want to do it. And that was, I don't remember
how much longer after that it was until I, I do remember I
wasn't thinking about it. Like I remember telling him that
and that was it. It wasn't like on my mind,
right? And he, I don't know what
(14:39):
happened. I went to his house one day at
night and I remember I was trading him a pair of Jordans I
had for like a 40A dope. And the first person who gave me
that first hit of heroin, he's also the first person who stuck
me with the needle. And I remember he didn't, I
didn't even feel it the first time I shot heroin.
I didn't feel it at all. He gave me like.
(15:00):
Did he miss? No, I it was in there and I was
like, dude, this is fucking junk.
I was like I don't feel this at all.
I said let me get another one and so I bought another one and
he wouldn't. I remember he didn't want to let
me drive because he said I was going to be fucked up and I
drove home. I was fine.
I was a little high after the second one which I don't
understand how that happened. So it must, Yeah, I don't must
(15:23):
have been shit. Well, I mean, it's they had to
have been, but it was my very first time shooting up.
Yeah, it had to have been dog. Shit, maybe he watered it down
so it wouldn't kill me or something, something.
But yeah, I remember I told him,I said this shit's junk.
I don't even feel it. And I got the first few times I
was doing, I couldn't stick myself.
I didn't know how to do it. So I'd have other people do it
(15:47):
and eventually nobody's around. I get sick enough.
Got to figure it out. Yeah.
And I tore myself up doing that,man.
I I could use both hands and just like everybody else and let
me see where am I at? So that goes on for a while and
then I Start learning how to do it myself and I'm still with
(16:08):
that girl. And that's where the whole I'm
going to do it too and show you.Well, the first time she's where
she's driving me to work. I'm working overnights at Royal
King and Circleville. Overnight stock?
The whole store is closed at night time and there's only four
employees stocking the whole store.
OK, so basically you got the whole store to yourself?
No managers there. There's a manager.
Like a night manager. Yeah, but it's she's working
(16:30):
too. So yeah, she's part of the four.
Gotcha. And the only time you really see
each other is when you're going to the back to get more pallets
from the truck. Other than that, you're in your
own section of the store. So I'm in there fucking getting
high, you know, doing whatever Igot to do just to make the time.
Goodbye. But she's taking me to work one
day and this is like 9:00 at night.
(16:52):
When I got to clock in, we're sitting in the parking lot.
She's on her phone. She don't even see me until she
looks over. I'm sitting there trying to draw
up a shot and she just fucking breaks down.
She's like, what are you doing? And I remember thinking to
myself, like, dude, why is she tripping like this?
Doesn't this doesn't concern her?
Like this is what I want to do. And the words that she said to
(17:13):
you, that doesn't match up either.
And doesn't. And then she eventually got
tired of it and wondering why I can't quit because that's the
only way I want to do dope now. Shoot it.
And she's just like, you know what?
I'm going to do it too. And I'm going to show you how
easy it is to quit. And I told her no, don't do it,
don't do it. And still she did anyway.
(17:36):
And. Was there a part of you that was
like any part of you that was like, OK, I'm going to have a
buddy in this now, like. Misery does love company.
It's going to be my girl, and that's going to be kind of cool.
I don't. I was.
Not like cool, but like, you know, I'll have a person, I'll
have someone there with me. I think a part of it was OK,
(17:57):
maybe she'll get off my back, but more of it was she.
I didn't want her to do it because I knew that was going to
happen. And we were so young, dude, we
were only, we weren't even 20 years old.
And I just, I didn't know the severity of what we were getting
into yet. All I knew knew was that I
(18:18):
couldn't stop and I didn't care because I hadn't ruined my life
yet. I hadn't even been to jail yet,
right? That's what I used to use.
That was my benchmark. Anyway, we do that and it's
getting, it's getting bad. And so she would like sleep in
the car overnight while I'm working.
(18:40):
Damn, yeah, waiting for me to get off.
And while she was sleeping in the car, I'd get off work and be
like 6:00 in the morning and I'dcall my dude like, yo, I'd
somehow, I don't know how this, this dude's dead now, but he
would always be awake. Like he wasn't doing that, like
meth or nothing, but he was always up ready to sell some
dope. Every morning after work, I had
(19:01):
to call him. Hell of a dope boy.
Yeah, he would. I'd go pick him up.
She'd be dead asleep in the car,wouldn't even know it.
I'd get home and wake her up, like, hey, we're home, Come on.
And she'd go in there, go back to sleep, and I'd do a shot and
go to bed. Nobody knew.
So I thought, you know what I mean?
But that went on, that we were staying at my grandma's house.
(19:21):
The great grandma raised me, andI didn't even ask if she could
be there. I just moved her in into a 2
bedroom. I just had her in my room and
this 85 year old woman that I'm doing this too and she's not
going to kick me out. She was my biggest enabler.
So I took advantage of it. And eventually it gets to a
(19:42):
point where I get to meet this girl's mom.
And this girl's mom, My nicknamegrowing up in school was Sparky.
And apparently this girl would always talk about me when we
were younger. And her mom finally met me.
She's like, so this is the famous Sparky I've got to meet.
I was like, yeah, you know. And she didn't even know yet at
the time. And I feel really bad because
(20:04):
this woman was introducing me toher friends as her son-in-law.
And she didn't even know at the time what we were going into,
right? But she tells us we can stay at
her trailer to as long as we because she was looking to get
her her first house. OK.
Should you guys can stay here? Just help us move when it's time
(20:24):
to move, and we'll give you thistrailer.
Wow. Yeah.
Her mom looked out tough for us,and we were like, all right, bet
that's exactly what we did. And I remember she was about to
sign the trailer over to us, butthe the girlfriend didn't have
an ID, like a valid ID to sign over to.
All she had to do is go get a valid ID and we could have had
(20:45):
that trailer. I held a huge resentment against
her for that, but looking back on it now, I'm really glad we
didn't because we would have sold it trap or sold it.
We all we did. I turned it to a shooting
gallery for sure and like we'd never pay her stepdad showed me
how the the trailer park companycomes and turns off the water if
you don't pay it. It's just a a valve underneath
(21:07):
the trailer. He showed me exactly where it
was at. So we never paid the water bill.
Every time they come turned off,I'd turn it back on and that's
what I did. So right across the street is
where we both worked. She worked at Pizza Hut.
I worked at a cheap tobacco and I was robbing them blind.
Dude, I would I'd wait till theythey let me train me enough
(21:30):
where I run the store by myself and I'd have my Doughboy come up
like Brog because I knew the discount codes, I could get them
discounts. I'd be like, dude, I'll give you
a fucking 4 packs of cigarettes for $3 if you come through right
now. And they would every time,
really every time really, And I would take money from them.
I was tearing them up and until eventually they fired me.
(21:54):
Did they come? Did they come to you with
evidence or anything they provedor they were just like get the
fuck? Out.
Yeah, they so at first they was like they said, you know, money
keeps coming up short and if it keeps happening, it's coming
coming out of everybody's paycheck.
And then the next time it happened it was supposed to be
the come out of the paycheck time.
No, they just let me go. They were like, you know what
(22:15):
it's only happened on your shift.
Yeah, they just fired me. Did you get fired from that
other job too? The.
Yeah, I, I called off too much and because I, I didn't want to
be at work. That's what I'm using.
I'm like allergic to work and it's ridiculous if I can't have.
(22:37):
Drugs. It is weird, right?
I remember back in the 80 days Iwas like, if I just had 80s all
the time, like I'd be good. But then as soon as I'd fucking
do one, I would not want to go to fucking work at all.
Like at all. So it's allergic to it like you
said. That's terrible.
It's weird. And that's that's I don't
(22:58):
remember when, but like I alwayssay my drug of choice is like
heroin and fentanyl, But like I really did a lot of meth too.
And I didn't really care for theonce I started doing that shit.
I didn't care about the coke, the crack.
I didn't really care for crack at all.
And I definitely didn't care about pills unless I can make
money off of them to get dope. But yeah, did it was it was
(23:23):
pretty wild, man. Like I'd I remember Speaking of
pills, I remember the first timeI seen a 30 at park 30 and I was
this was like 3 years ago. Maybe it was one of the Inbox
30s and my dude had ten of them and I'm fucking sick from Fetty.
Was it real? Were they real 30s or were they
fetty? I don't, I don't think it was.
(23:44):
I don't definitely wasn't Fetty because I was withdrawing from
Fetty and this dude gave me two of them and I shot 1 and snorted
1 and didn't even feel it. I was like, dude, these things
are fucking junk. It's just not enough.
No, it's just not. Enough at all.
Didn't even touch it. But anyway, so the back like the
first time I went to jail, this is this is when the heroin start
(24:07):
to disappear and the fetty took over.
So the the original person when I first got in the game that
introduced me to the heroin, that's the only person I could
get it from. And he always had it, which was
cool. I didn't mind.
But then it got to a point whereI was using so much and I needed
more, where I was hitting him upevery single day and eventually
(24:27):
he's not going to have any either.
What are what are fetty withdrawals like?
Like what's the the length you can go between shots like how?
Cuz I know when I did heroin I could do probably 10 hours 11:50
maybe. I heard Fetty is much less than
that, is that true? For me it was, I mean, dude,
(24:50):
like you said, the heroin, dude,I could do like a good shot,
like some good heroin. I could do one shot and be high
all day, all day long. But the fetty, the the
withdrawals are definitely more severe on heroin withdrawals.
I could eat, but it just needed to be hot for me anyways.
But the fetty, I couldn't eat itall, dude.
Yeah, but like the time between the shots, man, it would, I'd
(25:13):
get like a gram and I, I just, Iwouldn't be, I wouldn't wait
till I'm sick to do more. But you wouldn't be high after
that. Like, you know what I mean?
I just wasn't sick yet. But it would take me probably
about a day, like one day without fatty.
I'm really going through it. Oh yeah.
And I'm scheming. Oh fuck yeah, I'm sweating,
can't sleep. The minimum though, it's
(25:34):
probably. Before you start to feel it.
Before I start to feel it, I start getting nervous.
Probably about about the same asthe heroin.
From 11:50. About 11:50 and it's just much,
it's so much stronger, dude. Like it's, it's wild how strong
that shit is. But so when the heroin was
(25:56):
disappearing, it was 2019-2020. Isn't that crazy?
How? Like I talked about this with
someone else? So the pills in the 80s and the
30s, they were there, then they were gone.
And then heroin just appeared. It's the same shit, dude.
It just appeared out of the fucking thin blue air.
(26:17):
And heroin's here. And then next thing you know,
it's fucking fetty. Yeah, all of a sudden.
Wonder when it's going to be next.
Yeah. Like fentanyl is just here.
Here we go. Yeah, everywhere.
It's crazy. They so when it the person I was
getting it from originally, I stepped on his toe, started
getting it from his plug who came up here The everybody in
(26:40):
most dealers in Circleville are usually women and they come up
here to re up. That's what they do.
Name. Cue ball.
Ring a bell? Cue ball.
No. OK.
I used to pick guy up in Circleville and bring him down
here to Mount Vernon Ave. Really.
And he'd slang on Mount Vernon. Yeah, the only like his nickname
Chubbs as my dude, he'd come up here and re up.
(27:02):
But anyway. So anyway, that person I stepped
on his toes, went to his plug. The chick, I remember hitting
her up and like, hey, I need some, some boy.
And she's like, I don't have that anymore.
I got this and it was it was some white, it was Fetty.
And I told her like, I don't fucking want that.
I want tar. So I guess is all I got.
And I remember, I don't rememberthe first time I did Fetty, but
(27:25):
I remember not wanting it the first time I was offered it
because I didn't know what it was.
I didn't want it. I want tar.
And the first time I overdosed on it, I got it from behind a
gas station. And Circleville rode my bike all
the way from the trailer park tothis gas station.
And I took my needles with me because I don't want to wait to
(27:46):
get home. Yeah.
And I had already built up a tolerance for this stuff, and I
knew they were cutting it. They all do.
And. You have to.
Right. And I go behind this gas
station, get the shit, go in thebathroom and do it all.
It was, it was a tenth. It was just a dime.
OK, I shot it all and I I black out.
(28:06):
I can remember hearing, like, people beating on the door and
I'm yelling at them like, I'm fine, leave me alone.
That's all I can remember. And then next thing I know, I'm
getting pulled out by all these sheriffs.
I'm incoherent. I can just see a little bit.
It's all blurry. And I hadn't been to jail yet.
And I remember them telling me, like, you're either going to
(28:29):
jail or you're going to the hospital.
What's it going to be? I said, well, obviously let me
go to the hospital. So I go to the hospital and I'm
there for like an hour and they let me out Scott free.
Nothing happened. Nothing, nothing.
Wow. And so I go back to doing what
I'm doing and over the next few days there's a sheriff showing
up to my house and I call my cousin.
(28:51):
I'm like, yo, there's a cop. Just like sitting.
No, like showing up, knocking onthe door, and he comes like once
or twice a week. And being the tweaker I was, I'm
not answering the fucking door. And I called my cousin.
I'm like, yo, there's a cop thatkeeps showing up, What do I do?
He said if it's two cops don't answer the door.
He said if it's just one, go ahead.
(29:12):
I was like, OK, that makes sense.
So I answered the door and he hands me some papers.
He's like, you need to go to court over what happened at that
gas station. Oh, he's like, fuck, man.
And that was the first time I get prompt probation,
misdemeanor paraphernalia charge, drug, drug abuse
instruments. OK.
Yep. Yep.
And because I did all the dope, I didn't.
Yeah, I mean, no dope to get up with.
(29:34):
So they hit, they give me like ayear of intense supervised
probation circle Bill. I went, I remember I was
upstairs, go downstairs to sign the papers to get put on
probation and I never came back.It took me 4, four years to
complete one year probation. I just completed recently last
year with the early term. On that misdemeanor.
(29:55):
Yeah, I kept getting extended, catching more charges.
Yep. And they would can be more PVS
on top of PVS extension. It took me a long time to get
off that man and so long that myoriginal first PO actually quit
(30:15):
and went somewhere else and theygave me the chief probation.
That original PO moved to Florida.
Now you got a new PO? Yep.
And just so happened to be the chief probation officer.
Fun. Jason McGowan.
That's fun. Yep.
Just what you wanted. Yep, and I dealt with him for
over the course the next three years and.
Were you catching? Do you ever catch any big boy
(30:36):
charges? Any felonies?
I've been charged with a few andthey've never known them.
Ever convicted. Really.
Yep. I got lucky, dude.
I had. Did you go to trial?
No, I had forgery. They were either dropped or
amended. All of them.
Forgery. Disrupted public services.
B&E felony theft. How's the B&E get dropped?
(30:58):
So because when I went I was originally went with my dude
because he told me he was going to go re up went with him and he
takes me this house. I stay in the van, and I'm
sitting out in this van with some chick for a long time and
so long, a sheriff pulls up and asks us what we're doing.
And we all three had different stories.
(31:18):
And the only thing that saved mewas I got out of the van and
went directly to the cruiser. My fingerprints, footprints are
not around that house at all. I don't do that.
I don't break into houses, Right.
What I do is I like to steal catalytic converters.
That's what I did. And it was easy.
I don't want to risk getting shot or going to prison.
And yeah, so that that didn't stick, the felony theft, just a
(31:46):
bunch, dude. None of them stuck.
Thankfully, I saw. I'm not a felon, I I do have a
shit ton of misdemeanor thefts, drug paraphernalia.
You can get that expunged. That's what I'm working on right
now. I actually, I didn't even out of
all the six years I was out there ripping and running.
I didn't catch a possession until this last time and it was
(32:08):
with a 30th fetty and it was such a little amount.
When I go to jail, they let me out the next day.
I go back to court 2 weeks laterand my public defender, Josh
Hall, he's a beast, dude. He's got mad at all my felonies
as a public defender. Yeah.
And as soon as I walk in there, he's like, all right, I got you.
Attempted possession, 18 months probation or 18 months drug
(32:30):
court. What's your choice?
I said I don't want to do drug court.
I've heard about that. It's I did drug court.
It is, it is You want to talk about intensive?
Yeah, that's whatever. It's intensive.
So I. Was like, let me get that 18
more months probation. And so there it is.
I got attempted possession and got lucky for that.
(32:52):
That was that was the last time I had overdosed was April 3rd of
2023 and I was homeless at that point.
I was staying under a bridge. I was staying in like a way.
I've been homeless for a long time.
Yeah. How long were you homeless for?
At least one to two years, 2 1/2Holy shit, off and on I did 30
(33:18):
days I was home, I was homeless for a long time.
That is a long time. And it was, it would be like
somebody let me stay here one night or a couple nights get
kicked out of there and I'm backon the street or grandma let me
stay one night, but most of the time I'm sleeping outside God.
And so at one time I noticed there I, I had a couple spots I
(33:40):
would stay at and like, I never stayed at tent cities because
cops were always looking over there.
I always had warrants. Plus you got people looking to
steal your shit. I wanted to be alone and in
Circleville right beside the White Castle.
There's a Shell gas station right beside the Shell as a open
(34:00):
lot and people sell sheds there.Like nice sheds with like a
porch and front door. Nice shit.
And I got curious. One day I'll walk into it and I
it's unlocked. I go in there and look, I'm
looking around and screwed into the wall as a set of two keys
for the front door. And I was like fuck yeah.
(34:20):
So I unscrewed it, took the keysand that's where I started
staying at for a couple times for a while.
Was in these sheds and not bad. Yeah, it was.
Not bad. Oh, it was sweet.
As far as homeless goes, you. Have a fucking roof.
And I was right in front of the gas station.
I, it was me. It was, it was all right.
I would that was, I remember at that point I was so depressed
(34:43):
and beaten from being homeless and on drugs.
I hadn't been talking to my mom,but like, I was here and there.
She knew I was struggling, but she she set those.
Boundaries. Was there some sort of like beef
there? Yeah, from way back.
Like what's, what's the beef? When I was the, when I was
growing up, my mom and I always butted heads and we never seen
(35:07):
eye to eye. And I always felt that the
punishment she thought were fit we're not.
And so I, I rebelled. I would run away from home.
I would cuss and fight her. And like I remember we were
living on the hilltop on South Wheatland.
I was like 10 years old and she,we went to the fucking Walmart
(35:28):
on Georgesville and I just ran away from her over there because
we got in a fight at Walmart. I ran away from her and I'm just
walking around the hilltop all by myself and the cops
eventually find me and Take Me Home.
That's another story too. I got to remember to tell you.
But anyway, so there was a lot of beef there.
(35:49):
She would kick me out. I didn't want to be there
because, you know, I just didn'twant to.
We have a great relationship today when I I hadn't talked to
her, but before I went to the House of Hope in 23, before I
went to the House of Hope, I hadn't talked to her in six
years. And I would I would like try to
call her from jail before that six years she would answer every
(36:12):
now and then. But at that point she had
already set to her boundaries and she knew what I was doing
and she. Pretty much it feels like she
picked up the phone just to findout you were alive.
You're alive, OK? Yeah, she, she to this day, just
recently, she told me she she was always relieved when I was
in jail. And she she always apologizes
(36:32):
for that. But I mean, that's just she knew
I was safe. Yeah, but yeah, man, she, I
didn't talk to her for six yearsand we, I just reached out to
her House of Hope. When I was there, I couldn't get
a hold of her because I didn't know how to.
So I reached out to her, her step kids, my step siblings and
(36:57):
which I've had a good relationship with them.
The the man she's been with, he's been with, she's been with
him for 18 years. He was more of a father than my
own father and so he, his kids, we were all really close and
that's who I reached out to. They eventually came and pick me
up for a home pass and I still hadn't talked to my mom yet at
(37:20):
this point. And I just shot her my number,
gave them the kids my number. I say have her call me and that
that's what took it off. Ever since that day, we've
talked almost every day. Wow.
No, she she'll call me now to house sit for whenever she has
something wrong and she needs totalk about she'll call me, which
(37:41):
which is is cool and all it's I mean, I love it.
I mean, yeah, the the really that's my most important part of
my recoveries of relationships that I thought were lost.
And and it goes for like my, thegreat grandma to the, the
enabler, like I did her so dirty, man.
Like, and she would just keep letting me come back.
And she always told me is because she, she feels that I
(38:04):
didn't have anybody else. I mean, I was always I didn't
have nowhere to go, no, nothing.And I'm really thankful for
that. Like she was the one who has
forging her checks and she it was to the point where she
pressed charges and she she was too sick to go to court that
day. I remember I was on the streets
and, you know, it's hard to fight a case from jail,
(38:26):
especially that, and it's almostimpossible, right.
Thankfully, I was out. I was on the streets and I went
to court, fought the case. But anyway, she was sick.
She wasn't able to go to court. So they just had her on the
phone and the I remember the judge asking her, like, Miss
Sparks, do you want to press charges or not?
She said, I want to drop chargesas long as you guys get him
help. And they dropped the charges and
(38:47):
didn't get me help. They just dropped him and sent
me out the door. Yeah.
So that's how that went, that's how I got off those phones.
That is strange. Yeah, I went immediately right
back to doing what I was doing and it went from forgery to just
taking pictures of her card and.So they agreed to drop the
charges and get you help, which in my mind I would think justice
(39:10):
system OK, drug court right? But they didn't.
Nope nothing. Just dropped the charges and
said OK. Leave.
I think they misunderstood what she said.
I mean, they had to have or theyjust didn't care.
Yeah, I mean, there's only two. Options, right yeah, it's either
you did or you didn't yeah and 'cause I, I remember that's
where she said I want charges dropped as long as you get him
(39:31):
help and they, they never did God damn.
But I end up in and out of jail.You know, the cycle.
It's hard to get out of that system when you're in it and.
It becomes so normal when it becomes normal, right?
That's when you know you're you're in deep.
That was the normal, overdosing was the normal.
(39:53):
It was. It was just non-stop dude and I
just didn't care. It was, I mean, oh it's cool.
As long as I'm not going somewhere else it doesn't
matter. Thankfully I've heard stories
about the workhouse and never been there.
The only ones I've been to is Pickaway, Ross and Morrow
County. Let me ask you this.
You said you were homeless for two years, so you got the brunt
(40:14):
of the bad shit that comes with homelessness.
I remember like I said, I was only homeless for a month.
But I remember when that that first night I felt this like
weird like peace or like this like, I don't know, this like
sigh of relief came about me because I had no
responsibilities anymore. I know exactly what you're.
(40:36):
Talking about I had nothing, no,nobody to answer to, no job, no
nothing. It was just get you a little bit
of money to get high. Hopefully someone give you some
food. That's your day, that's it.
Those are my responsibilities and there was some weird like
peace in that at the time for me.
I don't know if you experienced that and then it left after you
(40:57):
know so long. So like for me, I went back to
being homeless because of that feeling.
Like I the first time I was home, like legit homeless,
nowhere to go outside. I was miserable.
I was so depressed. I would just walk around and
fucking cry. I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know how to be homelessyet.
And then I get my shit together,go to treatment and I go back to
(41:20):
ripping and running. I'm homeless again, but this
time it's my choice because I'm,I thought I missed it.
There was that sense of freedom.I didn't, like you said, I
didn't have a job. I didn't have any
responsibility. The only thing, the only
responsibility I had was get my dope and don't fucking die like
I was it. And that's easy to do.
All right, so I'm not crazy. All right, Sweet.
Yeah, man, I. Completely relate.
You're the first person that haslike, I've shared that with and
(41:44):
it's been like, Oh yeah, definitely.
Oh, dude, it's definitely real, dude.
Yeah, The the let's see the sheds, that's where.
Yeah, the sheds. Yeah, I I was on the phone with
my mom one time. I still, I haven't even
confirmed this with her to tell her, but because I denied it
when she told when she asked me,I was still using but I wasn't
(42:08):
trying to kill myself. But I was OK if it did.
And I remember I had some fetty and heroin and I just mixed them
both on a fucking pop can with some Mountain Dew.
I don't have no water. And I had her on the phone and
I'm talking to her and I do a shot.
And like I said, I wasn't tryingto kill myself, but I was OK if
it did passively suicidal, I didn't care.
(42:30):
I was so beaten down. I was like, this is stupid.
It was hot in them sheds in the summertime.
I had nowhere to go. And she was like, all right, I'm
going to get off the phone. I love you.
And then I hang up the phone with her pass out and I wake up
to her calling me and I answeredthe phone.
I don't know how much longer it was after we hung up and she was
(42:52):
like, did you do a drugs on the phone while we were talking?
Because your whole demeanor changed your the way you sounded
and everything. I was like, no, and she's like,
OK, but that's why I hung up. But I I did and I well, I guess
I don't know. She just knew and she didn't
want to hear it, which I don't blame her.
And now that say it out loud, like I couldn't imagine what
(43:16):
that put her through if it did kill me and she knew that.
I've I've spoken to parent groups twice and they're,
they're parents of addicts that are still using, addicts that
are in recovery or addicts that have passed away.
And it is one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever
done because you forget the damage you're doing to all the
(43:39):
people around, your parents, your friends, your family, like
you're destroying their fucking lives and you don't even care or
think twice about. It doesn't even come across the
mind. Like, and I'm listened and they
would, you know, I'd share my lead basically.
And they talk about their kids and how they wanted to get
sober. And I'm like, Oh my God, this is
(44:00):
like I'm nearly crying listeningto them talk to me about it.
And it's just, it's, Oh my God, dude, like.
It's sad. Yeah, it's really sad.
And it's it's terrible, man. But like, I like that last
overdose I was telling you aboutthat was at at the time she was
(44:21):
86 years old, the great grandma,I was homeless and she called
me. I somehow I had managed to put
on my best dope fiend look and got a job and I got a job at
pilot in Circleville. I was, yeah, I was the title was
maintenance, but really it was just clean up trash and clean
showers. And anyway, so she was like,
(44:43):
hey, you can stay here tonight because she lives in the village
right next to the gas station. So you stay here tonight, get
out of the weather, get your shower, go to work and I got you
a little bit of money so you cango get your hotel room after
that. She was looking out heavy and I
was like, all right, bet that night when I get there, she
hands me a $10 roll of quarters.She's like here, this is for
(45:04):
cigarettes. I was like, all right, cool.
I called my cousin and I was like, hey, I got 10 bucks, let
me get some shit. He's and I'll never forget this
man. He was like, if you go get me a
chocolate milkshake from McDonald's and bring it to me, I
will give you some dope. That's the 30th 30 I got caught
with and this shit had no business being in Circleville.
(45:26):
It was way too strong and I had been doing Fetty for quite some
time now, a couple of years, andI was used to it.
I was shooting Fetty every day and the next morning I I was not
sick. I wasn't trying to get high.
I was just trying to get ready for work.
So I go to the bathroom, lock the door, I do a shot.
(45:48):
Last thing I remember is pushingat my arm.
I did like like that much And I woke up to the cops that kicked
in the bathroom door and they'redragging me out and they're
asking me what day it is, if I'mOK.
My great grandmother, she almosthad a heart attack, dude,
because she can't kick open thatdoor.
She was, she told me she was beating on the walls yelling for
(46:09):
the neighbors. And she, she said she heard me
go to the bathroom, lock the door and heard her crash and she
already knew what happened. And that was that was the last
overdose. And and you push the plunger and
that was the last thing you remember.
That shit was strong as. As I don't even know if it broke
off in my arm, I don't know where the needle was.
(46:32):
I just pushed in my arm. Boom I was dead God.
And and like I had a tolerance. I knew I did dude.
It was such a small amount I'm surprised it did that.
And like I said it had no business being in circle bow.
It did not and. That's a good shit.
That's the shit you want though.I.
(46:52):
Want two of them? Yeah.
Yeah, that's crazy. That's the shit you're looking
for? That's the best $10 ever spent,
I'll tell you. That chocolate milkshake.
Yep. But so after that the ambulance
picks me up and I had to go to work.
Dude, I had to be at work at 10:00.
(47:13):
This is like 8:00 in the morningand.
And at a senior citizen apartment complex, ambulance
squad everywhere. Yeah, dude.
And I'm cussing these guys out the whole way to the hospital
because it's cold outside. They took me without my phone,
my coat, nothing. And they took me all the way
across town away from work. They're just trying to save my
(47:35):
life and I'm cussing out the whole way talking shit.
And they didn't think I knew what I was talking about.
Yeah, they didn't think I knew what I was talking about because
they're like, if you don't calm down, you're getting arrested.
I said for what? I'm signing out AMA as soon as I
get there. And they're like, oh, OK, He
he's not even going to come in. So fuck it.
Let's just, we ain't even going to fuck with him.
(47:55):
As soon as they pull up to the to the hospital.
The dude who saved my life gave me a blanket because I was
bitching about it being cold andas soon as I got out of the van
I threw it out him and jumped out of the ambulance.
I was, I was. I need to.
That's one of the amends I need to make.
Yeah, that's pretty dickish. Yeah.
I mean, that's up there pretty high on the scale.
I want to get a hold of. I want to find out who was
(48:17):
working that day and make amendsto him.
I'm sure you could, yeah. I mean.
And but anyway, so I jump out ofthe ambulance, I hurry up and
leave the parking lot and I pullout my wallet.
The police didn't find my dope. They didn't search me.
I still had that fire ass fetty in my wallet.
And the first thing I do is go directly back to my grandma's
(48:37):
and knock on the door. I was like, I need that 100
bucks and my needles. That's the first thing I asked
for. And she said you're not getting
that money and the cops took your needles.
You need to leave. And so I was like, well at least
give me my phone and my fucking coat.
And she gives me that and I leave.
But she called the cops because I came back and I'm walking to
(49:01):
work. I can see it.
I'm maybe 20 minutes away walking.
I call them. I'm like, hey man, I'm I'm going
to be late, but I can see it. I can see work.
I'm almost there like OK, that'scool, we'll see you when you get
here. Not even 5 minutes later I hear
a car put behind me and it was the fucking cops who just kicked
in the door and Get Me Out of there and they searched me, find
(49:21):
my shit and take me to jail. Dude took my shit and I was it.
I got out the next day called pilot and like, Hey, do I stop
my job? Or like, no, we didn't know when
you're getting out, so you're fired.
And that was that was pretty much the end of my run.
And then I got sober. I I count my sobriety day April
(49:41):
19th of 23. So they they charge you what
felony you 5 possession? Yep, for a little bit of a
fetty, like a 30, yeah. And I go back to court on the
17th of April of 23. Excuse me and they get that's
when he told me amended amended to attempted possession either
(50:03):
18 months paper or drug court. I take the drug courts or
probation, sign the papers. Two days later is when I catch
that B and EI was telling you about two days after getting my
probation reinstate. Why do you keep taking this
probation knowing you're going to violate it?
I don't know it's. The exact reason I took drug
court because the judge told me that if I come in front of her
(50:25):
again with the PV she's sending me to prison for the maximum
amount of time possible. I said, well I better get the
fuck out of this because I'm going to definitely going to
violate. It's a good thing you did that.
I knew I was going to violate. I just couldn't stop.
I couldn't stop. Well, I I played a game with
probation man. Like I was always on the run.
I was just telling somebody about this the other day.
I, I can't, I consider I'm two and four with probation before I
(50:48):
quit, I got away 2 times and they won four.
But yeah, man, I I just couldn'tdo it no more.
I couldn't. I was sick and tired of the
running, the being dope sick. They're going to jail.
And it got to a point where whenI did get out after the getting
in trouble again, I was scared to death because I didn't want
(51:09):
to use anymore. But I was back to square one
homeless in Circleville. I didn't know what to do.
So I just put my headphones in and walked.
I walked to a park. I was just outside of town.
And while I'm sitting there waiting, the great grandma calls
me. She's like, hey, your other
grandma who lives in Columbus needs work done at the house or
get you off the street. I said, that's perfect.
(51:31):
I'm I'm going. And as soon as I left, I called
my POI, said, hey, I'm not in Circleville and I'm not coming
back. I'm gone because I'll never come
back to Circleville. And he didn't answer.
They never do. So I just left him messages,
voicemails, every step of the way.
I'm leaving him a message. I'm like, hey, I'm not coming
back. Hey, I'm going to treatment,
I'll see you in six months, blah, blah, blah.
(51:52):
So that's when I went to the house, I hope went there and.
Never left. What?
What was that like? I mean, yeah.
Was it like a relief because youwere so fucking beat up for me
and homeless And like, I have toimagine at first you were like,
oh, bad. Oh yeah.
A pillow dude, when I came in I,I so since I work there now I
(52:13):
have access to everybody who's ever been there.
I have access to their and, and take pictures and I look at mine
and when I came in I was like 160 lbs and my shit was so like
if I had a cigarette my cheeks would touch that's what it
looked like it was terrible. I was bones man and it was
relief man but I had a warrant when I went there a bench
(52:37):
warrant here in Columbus and they you have to actively be
working on your warrants to go there.
You can't just be running from them, right?
And I go to get it resolved. My, the grandma who I'm staying
with in Columbus, she was like, she gave me the 180 bucks to to
get a new court date and lift the warrant.
And I go in there, but I forgot my ID and I couldn't post bail.
(52:59):
But then the lady told me she was like, you can go to this
window over here and get it for free.
I said, why didn't you tell me that on the phone?
They wanted their fucking money.And so I went over there and got
it for free. I went back out there and gave
her every dollar back. I said, hey, they, they gave me
a new court date and that's how done I was.
I was only like a few days cleanand I was, I was like, no.
(53:20):
I'm giving back 180. Bucks, I could have just left.
Yeah, that's. I was like, no, I'm cool.
But once I got there to the House of Hope, man, I've seen
how it was ran and I was like, fuck this dude.
This I was like, this is stupid.I'm gonna help.
I'm gonna have these guys help me get rid of my warrant and I'm
going back out. That's exactly what that was my
plan. But the whole accountability
(53:42):
thing and the whole telling each.
Other the whole, yeah, the wholejust all of it, man.
Like I was this is too much 'cause I just came from a
fucking bridge. Like we're by myself.
I don't want to hang out with you guys.
And but I from from that thoughtof leaving House of Hope after
the warrant between there and then till the time something
(54:04):
clicked and I was like, you knowwhat?
If I do, I'm going back to nothing.
I'm going back to a bridge. That was my higher power
intervening. I think he looked out heavy for
me and I stayed and I haven't left.
I, that was two years ago. This October is when I graduated
and then I went to their sober house.
(54:25):
I was there for about 18 months.That's where.
Smart move. Yeah, smart move.
I met Harry in treatment and Brent, that's we went through.
But Harry, he was, I met him there and then we ended up going
to the same sober house and thenwe got a place together and it's
been smooth, man. Like things have been coming
together. I guess I haven't been to jail
(54:47):
in a very long time now. So I, I worked in, I actually
worked in, I know this is crazy to say, but I worked in
corrections for two years up at CBCF on Elm Creek.
And I remember guys would alwaystalk about what they were going
to do when they got out and it was always about day one.
(55:08):
It was always about day one. It was never day 2, you know,
month one, month two. It was always day one.
It was I'm going to have a steak.
I'm going to smoke a cigarette. I'm going to hit my bitch.
I'm going to fucking do this. I'm going to do that.
Like I have to imagine, did those thoughts run through your
(55:29):
head as you entered House of Hope and you were like, I'm
going to go back to my bridge like were.
You like I'm going to. Go back, get my fetty.
I'm going to. I had, there was thoughts about
seeing the people I used to hangout with, you know, like I
didn't. I mean, I sure I had thoughts
about using, but like, once I worked the steps, dude, that was
(55:50):
it. Yeah, like I I still do have
thoughts about it, but I don't entertain those thoughts
anymore. Well, and you have that that
realization that holy shit, my life is completely fucked up.
Yeah. And one day is not going to fix
it, no. One day it took a long.
Time 2 days, Three days for No, that is not enough.
Six months didn't even fix. No, I had, I mean, it didn't.
(56:12):
I had to go through the whole, it took about two years to get
to where obviously two years to get where I'm at today.
But like, 'cause the 18 months in the paper and the sober house
and then, yeah, six months over there took a long time, but it
flew by. Yeah, it seems like it flew by.
It does not seem like it's been that long since I was there.
(56:33):
When you get sober and things are going well and you have a
goal, you have goals again, timedoes seem to fly by.
It definitely does. I would say that that's that's
there's two things people don't tell you about recovery and that
is how fast the time goes and how much weight you gain.
That's. I can't relate to the weight.
(56:53):
Unfortunately, I can't gain a pound to save my life, but maybe
one day, maybe one day. If you had a message for you or
anybody who went through anything like what you did, what
would it be? It would be from.
(57:16):
For me, the hardest thing to getthrough all that was getting out
of my own way and thinking that I.
You seem stubborn as fuck. Do I?
You kind of come off as like, just like a stubborn guy.
Yeah, like hard. I mean a lot now I'm no, I
wouldn't control some moldable and you're now I'm more
reasonable yeah, I'm more humblelike I don't know.
(57:38):
I don't know shit dude. And.
That's what I always say. I know nothing.
Right. And it was that that's, that
would be my message getting get out of your own way and start
taking suggestions because obviously if you're going
anything like me, what you're doing isn't working.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's pretty much it for that our answers.
(57:59):
Never worked. They never really worked.
And then as soon as I stopped using my answers or ran out of
them and started taking suggestions from people who knew
better than me, my life got better pretty pretty quick.
And that was a hard thing to do for me because of my ego.
Like I didn't want to admit thatI didn't know what to do.
(58:20):
I can't control this. I don't know what I'm doing as a
grown ass man like. Fuck that.
I know what's best for me, but obviously I don't.
I've been to jail 30 times in a year.
Like I'm cool. I don't want to do that shit,
no. More Yeah, I always think about
normal people, like whenever I go to, you know, when I work at
jobs or whatever and I see people and how like normal they
(58:44):
are and I'm like, there's no waythat that dude could possibly go
through what I fucking went through.
There's no, but he could, yeah, pick up that needle, pick up
that fucking syringe, load it upwith some Fetty or some heroin
and he could end up in the same exact spot we did.
Like, it's, it's I've met peopleout there just like me, if not
(59:08):
worse. Yeah.
Like doing the same shit I was doing, hanging out under
bridges, getting high, ruining their life.
Yeah, it's. Wild, man.
Well, listen, I appreciate you coming on.
Absolutely. Thanks for having this story
dude. It's a good one.
It's a good one. You went through a lot.
Thank you bro, A lot of shit. It was an honor to finally get
here, man. Yeah, and I'm, I'm proud of you
(59:29):
for what you're doing today. You and Harry make a good combo.
I think just, you know, remember, don't take each other
back out. Yeah, absolutely.
Be safe. Yes, Sir.
Be safe. Yep.
You got it. That's it.
And I'll never forget this man. He was like, if you go get me a
chocolate milkshake from McDonald's and bring it to me, I
will give you some dope. That's the 30th Fetty I got
caught with. And this shit had no business
being in Circleville. It was way too strong.
And I had been doing Fetty for quite some time now, a couple
years, and I was used to it. I was shooting Fetty every day
(00:24):
and the next morning I I was notsick, I wasn't trying to get
high. I was just trying to get ready
for work. So I go to the bathroom, lock
the door, I do a shot. Last thing I remember is pushing
at my arm. I did like like that much.
And I woke up to the cops that kicked in the bathroom door and
they're dragging me out and they're asking me what day it
(00:45):
is, if I'm OK. My great grandmother, she almost
had a heart attack, dude, because she can't kick open that
door. No, she was.
She told me she was beating on the walls, yelling for the
neighbors. And she she said she heard me go
to the bathroom, lock the door and heard her crash and she
already knew what happened. OK, we are back with another
(01:20):
episode of Gitty Grip Podcast. We have another another one from
the Buckeye State down in Circleville.
Thanks for coming out. We have Bryce Sparks with us
today. Thanks for having me.
Harry, who we interviewed yesterday.
You're his roommate now. So you guys are doing the whole
sober thing together. That's awesome.
It's how it's supposed to be done.
(01:42):
You know, the goal here is to learn about your childhood, how
you grew up. Give us some contacts and then
take us into the the craziness and how you ended up, you know,
in the gutter basically sure howyou got out.
Yes, man. Like you said, I'm from
Circleville. I was born and raised there
really off and on with my mom and mainly my great grandmother
(02:05):
who raised me. And I never really was around
any of that stuff like the drinking, the drugs, none of
that. We I got into that all myself,
the people I was hanging out with and.
Not a family thing. No, not really.
I mean. Here and there.
Right. Yeah, like the older people.
In our family, like normal drinking or yeah, OK.
(02:28):
Yeah, even then I still really wasn't around it too much.
That would just be something aunts and uncles would do.
But yeah, I didn't really start until.
For me, it was about 12 when I first started experimenting,
started smoking weed cigarettes here and there and it really
wasn't until like 14. That's when I found out that the
(02:53):
great grandmother I was living with who raised me, that's when
I found out she was getting 180 perk or vike fives all the time
like she had them and damn. So at 14, that's when I started
taking those and at first it wasjust to sell them to like my
friend's parents and just to getweed money.
And that's just all it was at 1st.
(03:16):
And then about 1516 when I started getting into more
heavier stuff like acid shrooms,cocaine.
When I was 16, that's when I really found like my first plug
for coke. And that's when I really started
doing it. I would take it to school doing
(03:38):
the bathroom, go back to damn, yeah, I've been high school.
I go to the woods bathroom and we just sitting there in third
period speeding off coke. Small school?
Yeah. Logan on high school.
Did you graduate? I did.
What was your graduating class? How many people?
I'd say no more than 100. OK.
I mean, at most. OK.
(03:59):
Yeah. It wasn't small.
It was real small. Everybody knew everybody.
Oh, yeah. But that's when I started
getting in trouble too. At school they I would because I
would just take cigarettes and drugs at school and I'd always
show up late. Why?
Why I? Don't know at the time it I just
didn't care. I was driving at that time so I
(04:22):
could just sneak out before and after lunch.
Had a cigarette, do a line, go back in and that was when I left
after my sophomore year. Went to vocational school for
game design and the actual course that I took was called
(04:42):
Interactive Digital Arts and that was in at Pickaway Ross.
And at that time when I was there, I really wasn't messing
around too much, but I was stilldoing some drugs.
At Pickaway Ross, there's more people, more connections from
like Chillicothe, Circleville and that's where I I met one of
(05:03):
my buddies who was in the same class.
He was getting DMT and chill coffee and so I'd just go down
there and we would just get highon DMT and what?
Weed. What is that like?
Tell us about DMT. I only did it like a couple of
times, but like I didn't have the breakthrough everybody talks
about, but I had intense, reallyfast visuals.
(05:25):
And I remember he had, it was a little orange powder and we
would put it on top of a bowl and like a weed bowl and barely
hit it with a flame just to get it to smoke.
And it would just be real intense, real fast visuals.
For me, that's all it was was. I mean, I had better trips on
acid. It doesn't last that long.
Does. It not really.
(05:46):
I don't. I mean, I don't even know if it
was from the other experiences that I've heard this we probably
didn't even have real shit, but.I've heard it's orange.
I have heard that, but I never heard you couldn't make
anything. Any color.
So yeah, yeah, I never had anything crazy.
I had more intense trips off like shrooms and acid and but
(06:07):
anyway, so while I'm at PickawayRoss, I'm involved with this
girl I've been with for about 3 years from like 8th grade to
junior year. That was like my first
heartbreak. So I left that.
I didn't finish that. That of course, the game design.
I went back to my home school for my senior year and that's
when it really took off. So like I was 17 when we split
(06:29):
up and then I was really heavy doing the coke every day.
Do you leave the school because of her?
Yeah, I did. And and I just wanted to go back
to my home school, wanted to just get away from all of it and
and plus, that's just where all my friends were.
And so anyway, I, I, my, my use picks up real heavy and, and at
(06:50):
that time, the person I was getting the coke from, he was in
there smoking heroin and he would, he would sell coke and
crack to supply his heroin habit.
OK. And every time I go in there, I
remember it stunk so bad the heroin.
And before I continue with that,I want to talk about too.
Like I, I came up and I think it, I consider like a very
(07:13):
special time as far as drug world because like I've done the
pills and stuff, but that was more of the generation before me
and I went like straight to the heroin.
How old are you? I'm 25, OK, I'll be 26 in
December. And so anyway, like I, I came up
and this time where I got to witness tar, tar heroin
(07:34):
disappear and fentanyl take over.
And I'll get more into that too,though.
But anyway, I go to get this coke one day.
I'm doing it all the time and I noticed I'm just speeding too
much and my anxiety is real high.
I think man, I need something different.
You just slow down. Exactly.
And I remember I go in there, I was like, hey man, does that
(07:55):
shit taste as bad as it smells? And he was like, yeah, man, here
try it. Hit it.
He gave me a hit. He said, here, take another one
so you can feel it. And that was it.
Like I'll, I'll never forget that.
I remember that feeling of the of when the heroin kicked in.
It was just, it was almost I, I kind of compared to like the
(08:15):
first dab, like how intense thatis.
But yeah, it was. And after that, like I also grew
up in the DARE program and they there's just say no.
As did I. Yeah, and they, they're, I
(08:36):
remember them always telling us you, you do drugs once and
you're hooked and you're foreveraddicted.
And I didn't believe them. But now obviously the physical
dependency wasn't there, but themental was.
And after that first hit of thatheroin, that was what I fell in
love with. I felt like I could breathe and
everything I've been looking forwas right there and.
(08:57):
So funny because it's totally the opposite of cocaine, right?
Like, yeah, you're not. When you're doing cocaine,
you're not wrapped in that warm fuzzy blanket.
Like, you know, with heroin it'stotally different.
So that's interesting that you fell in love with that after you
were doing coke like that. It was that was that was my
downfall was taught heroin. And so I was 17 years old the
(09:19):
first time I smoked heroin. By the time I graduated high
school, I was fully addicted to heroin.
I I remember people were coming up to me like that in my
graduating class, asking me. We were there for the the
audition, the practice or whatever, not the.
Audition. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they were coming up to me and asking me like, are you
(09:40):
doing heroin? I'm like, guys, we're fucking
about to graduate. I ain't trying to hear this.
Like, don't ask me that here. And but I was.
And yeah, that's. But by the time a graduation
came around, I wasn't even allowed on the property at
school. And they, yeah, 'cause all those
times I was sneaking out and smoking cigarettes, at that time
(10:00):
I had been doing heroin. So I would go out to my car,
smoke a cigarette, hit a foil, put in my compartments and hit
another cigarette. Well, I'm looking in the
rearview mirror one day and I see the Superintendent walking
back and forth and he's looking for me.
I know he is. Soon as I see him, I hit my
cigarette and swipe it in the carpet and he comes up to my
car. He's like, did I catch you
(10:21):
before or after you had your cigarette?
And I was like, I don't smoke. I don't know what you're talking
about, smelling like a cigarette.
And, and he was like, all right,we'll come with me to my office.
So I, I get out of the car, reach in, grab some Cologne,
spray it on. And he sees in my back pocket I
got a little Mason jar, like themoonshine Mason jars full of
(10:41):
weed. Oh, my God.
He's like, I'll take that and pulls me into my office.
And he's like, yeah, so you're not allowed on the property
anymore. He said if you want to graduate,
you need to take these packets home and do them.
And he said whenever one is done, you need to call us so you
can get another one. If you show up without calling,
you're getting arrested and. When he says packets, what does
(11:03):
that mean? I don't even know what they
were. It was, it was a different
subjects like packets, homework pretty much, but they were kind
of thick. It was like a whole class or a
whole credit worth of a packet. Oh.
OK, I got you. Because I mean, I had gotten
most of my credits up until senior year when I got in
trouble. And these packets, most, they're
(11:24):
looking back on it now, most people have been like, OK, this
is a problem. I, you know, I shouldn't be
getting kicked out of school where they're threatening to
arrest me. But I've seen it as an
opportunity because now I can take these packets home and look
them up on the Internet and still get high.
And that's exactly what I did. And that's I graduated by the
skin of my teeth. Thankfully, they still let me
(11:44):
walk. Did they?
They did, they let me walk and give them my diploma and.
So was there was there any attempt by the school to
intervene other than the the damn packets and letting you?
As far as like drugs? Yeah.
(12:05):
Like, no, they, they knew. Like I don't think they knew the
severity of it, but they knew like all the times I'd show up
late, I'd be smelling like weed,eyes red as fuck, you know what
I mean? They never came at me with that.
Now she mentioned. I've never thought of that.
They never offer me any counselling, any, nothing.
They just didn't want me there. They were.
They were just ready, 'cause you're a senior I let's just get
(12:28):
out of here. Not our problem anymore.
Push him out. Damn, that sucks to hear that
because that's exactly how it was.
Yeah, that's exactly how it was for a long time.
But so after that, I get with this girl and I consider her the
high high school sweetheart, butthis is the one that I took
(12:48):
hostage. And she, she was like varsity
track. She did the whole FFA thing,
like the farmer stuff in school,went to the fairs and showed
pigs and all that. Farmer's daughter kind of girl.
And she didn't really do drugs like that at all.
(13:10):
I mean, she'd smoke weed every now and then.
She was doing normal teenage shit, like maybe a little bit of
coke at parties, but at that time I had already been doing
meth, heroin, and she got involved with it.
And I tried telling her a few times because like, she just
didn't. I don't know what it was, man.
(13:30):
I don't know what made her because there was sometimes
where she was like, I'm going todo it and show you that it's
easy to quit. And yeah, that's what I remember
her. Those were her exact words.
And that was about shooting up because by the time I started
smoking heroin at 17 to two years later, I smoked for two
years. By the time I'm 19, I'm shooting
up. How did that come about?
(13:53):
The person I got it from who introduced me to heroin, I had
been living with him and workingwith him.
We were hanging, siding and doing all kinds of work and we
would just go to work and feed our habit.
Well, I remember driving him home from work one day and I was
so naive to this stuff, man. He was like, Hey, I just, I just
want to tell you, I shoot and I didn't even know what he's
(14:15):
talking about. I said, shot who?
I'm like, what are you, what areyou talking about?
He's like, no, like I shoot dopenow.
And I said, OK, well, keep that shit away from me.
I don't want to do it. And that was, I don't remember
how much longer after that it was until I, I do remember I
wasn't thinking about it. Like I remember telling him that
and that was it. It wasn't like on my mind,
right? And he, I don't know what
(14:39):
happened. I went to his house one day at
night and I remember I was trading him a pair of Jordans I
had for like a 40A dope. And the first person who gave me
that first hit of heroin, he's also the first person who stuck
me with the needle. And I remember he didn't, I
didn't even feel it the first time I shot heroin.
I didn't feel it at all. He gave me like.
(15:00):
Did he miss? No, I it was in there and I was
like, dude, this is fucking junk.
I was like I don't feel this at all.
I said let me get another one and so I bought another one and
he wouldn't. I remember he didn't want to let
me drive because he said I was going to be fucked up and I
drove home. I was fine.
I was a little high after the second one which I don't
understand how that happened. So it must, Yeah, I don't must
(15:23):
have been shit. Well, I mean, it's they had to
have been, but it was my very first time shooting up.
Yeah, it had to have been dog. Shit, maybe he watered it down
so it wouldn't kill me or something, something.
But yeah, I remember I told him,I said this shit's junk.
I don't even feel it. And I got the first few times I
was doing, I couldn't stick myself.
I didn't know how to do it. So I'd have other people do it
(15:47):
and eventually nobody's around. I get sick enough.
Got to figure it out. Yeah.
And I tore myself up doing that,man.
I I could use both hands and just like everybody else and let
me see where am I at? So that goes on for a while and
then I Start learning how to do it myself and I'm still with
(16:08):
that girl. And that's where the whole I'm
going to do it too and show you.Well, the first time she's where
she's driving me to work. I'm working overnights at Royal
King and Circleville. Overnight stock?
The whole store is closed at night time and there's only four
employees stocking the whole store.
OK, so basically you got the whole store to yourself?
No managers there. There's a manager.
Like a night manager. Yeah, but it's she's working
(16:30):
too. So yeah, she's part of the four.
Gotcha. And the only time you really see
each other is when you're going to the back to get more pallets
from the truck. Other than that, you're in your
own section of the store. So I'm in there fucking getting
high, you know, doing whatever Igot to do just to make the time.
Goodbye. But she's taking me to work one
day and this is like 9:00 at night.
(16:52):
When I got to clock in, we're sitting in the parking lot.
She's on her phone. She don't even see me until she
looks over. I'm sitting there trying to draw
up a shot and she just fucking breaks down.
She's like, what are you doing? And I remember thinking to
myself, like, dude, why is she tripping like this?
Doesn't this doesn't concern her?
Like this is what I want to do. And the words that she said to
(17:13):
you, that doesn't match up either.
And doesn't. And then she eventually got
tired of it and wondering why I can't quit because that's the
only way I want to do dope now. Shoot it.
And she's just like, you know what?
I'm going to do it too. And I'm going to show you how
easy it is to quit. And I told her no, don't do it,
don't do it. And still she did anyway.
(17:36):
And. Was there a part of you that was
like any part of you that was like, OK, I'm going to have a
buddy in this now, like. Misery does love company.
It's going to be my girl, and that's going to be kind of cool.
I don't. I was.
Not like cool, but like, you know, I'll have a person, I'll
have someone there with me. I think a part of it was OK,
(17:57):
maybe she'll get off my back, but more of it was she.
I didn't want her to do it because I knew that was going to
happen. And we were so young, dude, we
were only, we weren't even 20 years old.
And I just, I didn't know the severity of what we were getting
into yet. All I knew knew was that I
(18:18):
couldn't stop and I didn't care because I hadn't ruined my life
yet. I hadn't even been to jail yet,
right? That's what I used to use.
That was my benchmark. Anyway, we do that and it's
getting, it's getting bad. And so she would like sleep in
the car overnight while I'm working.
(18:40):
Damn, yeah, waiting for me to get off.
And while she was sleeping in the car, I'd get off work and be
like 6:00 in the morning and I'dcall my dude like, yo, I'd
somehow, I don't know how this, this dude's dead now, but he
would always be awake. Like he wasn't doing that, like
meth or nothing, but he was always up ready to sell some
dope. Every morning after work, I had
(19:01):
to call him. Hell of a dope boy.
Yeah, he would. I'd go pick him up.
She'd be dead asleep in the car,wouldn't even know it.
I'd get home and wake her up, like, hey, we're home, Come on.
And she'd go in there, go back to sleep, and I'd do a shot and
go to bed. Nobody knew.
So I thought, you know what I mean?
But that went on, that we were staying at my grandma's house.
(19:21):
The great grandma raised me, andI didn't even ask if she could
be there. I just moved her in into a 2
bedroom. I just had her in my room and
this 85 year old woman that I'm doing this too and she's not
going to kick me out. She was my biggest enabler.
So I took advantage of it. And eventually it gets to a
(19:42):
point where I get to meet this girl's mom.
And this girl's mom, My nicknamegrowing up in school was Sparky.
And apparently this girl would always talk about me when we
were younger. And her mom finally met me.
She's like, so this is the famous Sparky I've got to meet.
I was like, yeah, you know. And she didn't even know yet at
the time. And I feel really bad because
(20:04):
this woman was introducing me toher friends as her son-in-law.
And she didn't even know at the time what we were going into,
right? But she tells us we can stay at
her trailer to as long as we because she was looking to get
her her first house. OK.
Should you guys can stay here? Just help us move when it's time
(20:24):
to move, and we'll give you thistrailer.
Wow. Yeah.
Her mom looked out tough for us,and we were like, all right, bet
that's exactly what we did. And I remember she was about to
sign the trailer over to us, butthe the girlfriend didn't have
an ID, like a valid ID to sign over to.
All she had to do is go get a valid ID and we could have had
(20:45):
that trailer. I held a huge resentment against
her for that, but looking back on it now, I'm really glad we
didn't because we would have sold it trap or sold it.
We all we did. I turned it to a shooting
gallery for sure and like we'd never pay her stepdad showed me
how the the trailer park companycomes and turns off the water if
you don't pay it. It's just a a valve underneath
(21:07):
the trailer. He showed me exactly where it
was at. So we never paid the water bill.
Every time they come turned off,I'd turn it back on and that's
what I did. So right across the street is
where we both worked. She worked at Pizza Hut.
I worked at a cheap tobacco and I was robbing them blind.
Dude, I would I'd wait till theythey let me train me enough
(21:30):
where I run the store by myself and I'd have my Doughboy come up
like Brog because I knew the discount codes, I could get them
discounts. I'd be like, dude, I'll give you
a fucking 4 packs of cigarettes for $3 if you come through right
now. And they would every time,
really every time really, And I would take money from them.
I was tearing them up and until eventually they fired me.
(21:54):
Did they come? Did they come to you with
evidence or anything they provedor they were just like get the
fuck? Out.
Yeah, they so at first they was like they said, you know, money
keeps coming up short and if it keeps happening, it's coming
coming out of everybody's paycheck.
And then the next time it happened it was supposed to be
the come out of the paycheck time.
No, they just let me go. They were like, you know what
(22:15):
it's only happened on your shift.
Yeah, they just fired me. Did you get fired from that
other job too? The.
Yeah, I, I called off too much and because I, I didn't want to
be at work. That's what I'm using.
I'm like allergic to work and it's ridiculous if I can't have.
(22:37):
Drugs. It is weird, right?
I remember back in the 80 days Iwas like, if I just had 80s all
the time, like I'd be good. But then as soon as I'd fucking
do one, I would not want to go to fucking work at all.
Like at all. So it's allergic to it like you
said. That's terrible.
It's weird. And that's that's I don't
(22:58):
remember when, but like I alwayssay my drug of choice is like
heroin and fentanyl, But like I really did a lot of meth too.
And I didn't really care for theonce I started doing that shit.
I didn't care about the coke, the crack.
I didn't really care for crack at all.
And I definitely didn't care about pills unless I can make
money off of them to get dope. But yeah, did it was it was
(23:23):
pretty wild, man. Like I'd I remember Speaking of
pills, I remember the first timeI seen a 30 at park 30 and I was
this was like 3 years ago. Maybe it was one of the Inbox
30s and my dude had ten of them and I'm fucking sick from Fetty.
Was it real? Were they real 30s or were they
fetty? I don't, I don't think it was.
(23:44):
I don't definitely wasn't Fetty because I was withdrawing from
Fetty and this dude gave me two of them and I shot 1 and snorted
1 and didn't even feel it. I was like, dude, these things
are fucking junk. It's just not enough.
No, it's just not. Enough at all.
Didn't even touch it. But anyway, so the back like the
first time I went to jail, this is this is when the heroin start
(24:07):
to disappear and the fetty took over.
So the the original person when I first got in the game that
introduced me to the heroin, that's the only person I could
get it from. And he always had it, which was
cool. I didn't mind.
But then it got to a point whereI was using so much and I needed
more, where I was hitting him upevery single day and eventually
(24:27):
he's not going to have any either.
What are what are fetty withdrawals like?
Like what's the the length you can go between shots like how?
Cuz I know when I did heroin I could do probably 10 hours 11:50
maybe. I heard Fetty is much less than
that, is that true? For me it was, I mean, dude,
(24:50):
like you said, the heroin, dude,I could do like a good shot,
like some good heroin. I could do one shot and be high
all day, all day long. But the fetty, the the
withdrawals are definitely more severe on heroin withdrawals.
I could eat, but it just needed to be hot for me anyways.
But the fetty, I couldn't eat itall, dude.
Yeah, but like the time between the shots, man, it would, I'd
(25:13):
get like a gram and I, I just, Iwouldn't be, I wouldn't wait
till I'm sick to do more. But you wouldn't be high after
that. Like, you know what I mean?
I just wasn't sick yet. But it would take me probably
about a day, like one day without fatty.
I'm really going through it. Oh yeah.
And I'm scheming. Oh fuck yeah, I'm sweating,
can't sleep. The minimum though, it's
(25:34):
probably. Before you start to feel it.
Before I start to feel it, I start getting nervous.
Probably about about the same asthe heroin.
From 11:50. About 11:50 and it's just much,
it's so much stronger, dude. Like it's, it's wild how strong
that shit is. But so when the heroin was
(25:56):
disappearing, it was 2019-2020. Isn't that crazy?
How? Like I talked about this with
someone else? So the pills in the 80s and the
30s, they were there, then they were gone.
And then heroin just appeared. It's the same shit, dude.
It just appeared out of the fucking thin blue air.
(26:17):
And heroin's here. And then next thing you know,
it's fucking fetty. Yeah, all of a sudden.
Wonder when it's going to be next.
Yeah. Like fentanyl is just here.
Here we go. Yeah, everywhere.
It's crazy. They so when it the person I was
getting it from originally, I stepped on his toe, started
getting it from his plug who came up here The everybody in
(26:40):
most dealers in Circleville are usually women and they come up
here to re up. That's what they do.
Name. Cue ball.
Ring a bell? Cue ball.
No. OK.
I used to pick guy up in Circleville and bring him down
here to Mount Vernon Ave. Really.
And he'd slang on Mount Vernon. Yeah, the only like his nickname
Chubbs as my dude, he'd come up here and re up.
(27:02):
But anyway. So anyway, that person I stepped
on his toes, went to his plug. The chick, I remember hitting
her up and like, hey, I need some, some boy.
And she's like, I don't have that anymore.
I got this and it was it was some white, it was Fetty.
And I told her like, I don't fucking want that.
I want tar. So I guess is all I got.
And I remember, I don't rememberthe first time I did Fetty, but
(27:25):
I remember not wanting it the first time I was offered it
because I didn't know what it was.
I didn't want it. I want tar.
And the first time I overdosed on it, I got it from behind a
gas station. And Circleville rode my bike all
the way from the trailer park tothis gas station.
And I took my needles with me because I don't want to wait to
(27:46):
get home. Yeah.
And I had already built up a tolerance for this stuff, and I
knew they were cutting it. They all do.
And. You have to.
Right. And I go behind this gas
station, get the shit, go in thebathroom and do it all.
It was, it was a tenth. It was just a dime.
OK, I shot it all and I I black out.
(28:06):
I can remember hearing, like, people beating on the door and
I'm yelling at them like, I'm fine, leave me alone.
That's all I can remember. And then next thing I know, I'm
getting pulled out by all these sheriffs.
I'm incoherent. I can just see a little bit.
It's all blurry. And I hadn't been to jail yet.
And I remember them telling me, like, you're either going to
(28:29):
jail or you're going to the hospital.
What's it going to be? I said, well, obviously let me
go to the hospital. So I go to the hospital and I'm
there for like an hour and they let me out Scott free.
Nothing happened. Nothing, nothing.
Wow. And so I go back to doing what
I'm doing and over the next few days there's a sheriff showing
up to my house and I call my cousin.
(28:51):
I'm like, yo, there's a cop. Just like sitting.
No, like showing up, knocking onthe door, and he comes like once
or twice a week. And being the tweaker I was, I'm
not answering the fucking door. And I called my cousin.
I'm like, yo, there's a cop thatkeeps showing up, What do I do?
He said if it's two cops don't answer the door.
He said if it's just one, go ahead.
(29:12):
I was like, OK, that makes sense.
So I answered the door and he hands me some papers.
He's like, you need to go to court over what happened at that
gas station. Oh, he's like, fuck, man.
And that was the first time I get prompt probation,
misdemeanor paraphernalia charge, drug, drug abuse
instruments. OK.
Yep. Yep.
And because I did all the dope, I didn't.
Yeah, I mean, no dope to get up with.
(29:34):
So they hit, they give me like ayear of intense supervised
probation circle Bill. I went, I remember I was
upstairs, go downstairs to sign the papers to get put on
probation and I never came back.It took me 4, four years to
complete one year probation. I just completed recently last
year with the early term. On that misdemeanor.
(29:55):
Yeah, I kept getting extended, catching more charges.
Yep. And they would can be more PVS
on top of PVS extension. It took me a long time to get
off that man and so long that myoriginal first PO actually quit
(30:15):
and went somewhere else and theygave me the chief probation.
That original PO moved to Florida.
Now you got a new PO? Yep.
And just so happened to be the chief probation officer.
Fun. Jason McGowan.
That's fun. Yep.
Just what you wanted. Yep, and I dealt with him for
over the course the next three years and.
Were you catching? Do you ever catch any big boy
(30:36):
charges? Any felonies?
I've been charged with a few andthey've never known them.
Ever convicted. Really.
Yep. I got lucky, dude.
I had. Did you go to trial?
No, I had forgery. They were either dropped or
amended. All of them.
Forgery. Disrupted public services.
B&E felony theft. How's the B&E get dropped?
(30:58):
So because when I went I was originally went with my dude
because he told me he was going to go re up went with him and he
takes me this house. I stay in the van, and I'm
sitting out in this van with some chick for a long time and
so long, a sheriff pulls up and asks us what we're doing.
And we all three had different stories.
(31:18):
And the only thing that saved mewas I got out of the van and
went directly to the cruiser. My fingerprints, footprints are
not around that house at all. I don't do that.
I don't break into houses, Right.
What I do is I like to steal catalytic converters.
That's what I did. And it was easy.
I don't want to risk getting shot or going to prison.
And yeah, so that that didn't stick, the felony theft, just a
(31:46):
bunch, dude. None of them stuck.
Thankfully, I saw. I'm not a felon, I I do have a
shit ton of misdemeanor thefts, drug paraphernalia.
You can get that expunged. That's what I'm working on right
now. I actually, I didn't even out of
all the six years I was out there ripping and running.
I didn't catch a possession until this last time and it was
(32:08):
with a 30th fetty and it was such a little amount.
When I go to jail, they let me out the next day.
I go back to court 2 weeks laterand my public defender, Josh
Hall, he's a beast, dude. He's got mad at all my felonies
as a public defender. Yeah.
And as soon as I walk in there, he's like, all right, I got you.
Attempted possession, 18 months probation or 18 months drug
(32:30):
court. What's your choice?
I said I don't want to do drug court.
I've heard about that. It's I did drug court.
It is, it is You want to talk about intensive?
Yeah, that's whatever. It's intensive.
So I. Was like, let me get that 18
more months probation. And so there it is.
I got attempted possession and got lucky for that.
(32:52):
That was that was the last time I had overdosed was April 3rd of
2023 and I was homeless at that point.
I was staying under a bridge. I was staying in like a way.
I've been homeless for a long time.
Yeah. How long were you homeless for?
At least one to two years, 2 1/2Holy shit, off and on I did 30
(33:18):
days I was home, I was homeless for a long time.
That is a long time. And it was, it would be like
somebody let me stay here one night or a couple nights get
kicked out of there and I'm backon the street or grandma let me
stay one night, but most of the time I'm sleeping outside God.
And so at one time I noticed there I, I had a couple spots I
(33:40):
would stay at and like, I never stayed at tent cities because
cops were always looking over there.
I always had warrants. Plus you got people looking to
steal your shit. I wanted to be alone and in
Circleville right beside the White Castle.
There's a Shell gas station right beside the Shell as a open
(34:00):
lot and people sell sheds there.Like nice sheds with like a
porch and front door. Nice shit.
And I got curious. One day I'll walk into it and I
it's unlocked. I go in there and look, I'm
looking around and screwed into the wall as a set of two keys
for the front door. And I was like fuck yeah.
(34:20):
So I unscrewed it, took the keysand that's where I started
staying at for a couple times for a while.
Was in these sheds and not bad. Yeah, it was.
Not bad. Oh, it was sweet.
As far as homeless goes, you. Have a fucking roof.
And I was right in front of the gas station.
I, it was me. It was, it was all right.
I would that was, I remember at that point I was so depressed
(34:43):
and beaten from being homeless and on drugs.
I hadn't been talking to my mom,but like, I was here and there.
She knew I was struggling, but she she set those.
Boundaries. Was there some sort of like beef
there? Yeah, from way back.
Like what's, what's the beef? When I was the, when I was
growing up, my mom and I always butted heads and we never seen
(35:07):
eye to eye. And I always felt that the
punishment she thought were fit we're not.
And so I, I rebelled. I would run away from home.
I would cuss and fight her. And like I remember we were
living on the hilltop on South Wheatland.
I was like 10 years old and she,we went to the fucking Walmart
(35:28):
on Georgesville and I just ran away from her over there because
we got in a fight at Walmart. I ran away from her and I'm just
walking around the hilltop all by myself and the cops
eventually find me and Take Me Home.
That's another story too. I got to remember to tell you.
But anyway, so there was a lot of beef there.
(35:49):
She would kick me out. I didn't want to be there
because, you know, I just didn'twant to.
We have a great relationship today when I I hadn't talked to
her, but before I went to the House of Hope in 23, before I
went to the House of Hope, I hadn't talked to her in six
years. And I would I would like try to
call her from jail before that six years she would answer every
(36:12):
now and then. But at that point she had
already set to her boundaries and she knew what I was doing
and she. Pretty much it feels like she
picked up the phone just to findout you were alive.
You're alive, OK? Yeah, she, she to this day, just
recently, she told me she she was always relieved when I was
in jail. And she she always apologizes
(36:32):
for that. But I mean, that's just she knew
I was safe. Yeah, but yeah, man, she, I
didn't talk to her for six yearsand we, I just reached out to
her House of Hope. When I was there, I couldn't get
a hold of her because I didn't know how to.
So I reached out to her, her step kids, my step siblings and
(36:57):
which I've had a good relationship with them.
The the man she's been with, he's been with, she's been with
him for 18 years. He was more of a father than my
own father and so he, his kids, we were all really close and
that's who I reached out to. They eventually came and pick me
up for a home pass and I still hadn't talked to my mom yet at
(37:20):
this point. And I just shot her my number,
gave them the kids my number. I say have her call me and that
that's what took it off. Ever since that day, we've
talked almost every day. Wow.
No, she she'll call me now to house sit for whenever she has
something wrong and she needs totalk about she'll call me, which
(37:41):
which is is cool and all it's I mean, I love it.
I mean, yeah, the the really that's my most important part of
my recoveries of relationships that I thought were lost.
And and it goes for like my, thegreat grandma to the, the
enabler, like I did her so dirty, man.
Like, and she would just keep letting me come back.
And she always told me is because she, she feels that I
(38:04):
didn't have anybody else. I mean, I was always I didn't
have nowhere to go, no, nothing.And I'm really thankful for
that. Like she was the one who has
forging her checks and she it was to the point where she
pressed charges and she she was too sick to go to court that
day. I remember I was on the streets
and, you know, it's hard to fight a case from jail,
(38:26):
especially that, and it's almostimpossible, right.
Thankfully, I was out. I was on the streets and I went
to court, fought the case. But anyway, she was sick.
She wasn't able to go to court. So they just had her on the
phone and the I remember the judge asking her, like, Miss
Sparks, do you want to press charges or not?
She said, I want to drop chargesas long as you guys get him
help. And they dropped the charges and
(38:47):
didn't get me help. They just dropped him and sent
me out the door. Yeah.
So that's how that went, that's how I got off those phones.
That is strange. Yeah, I went immediately right
back to doing what I was doing and it went from forgery to just
taking pictures of her card and.So they agreed to drop the
charges and get you help, which in my mind I would think justice
(39:10):
system OK, drug court right? But they didn't.
Nope nothing. Just dropped the charges and
said OK. Leave.
I think they misunderstood what she said.
I mean, they had to have or theyjust didn't care.
Yeah, I mean, there's only two. Options, right yeah, it's either
you did or you didn't yeah and 'cause I, I remember that's
where she said I want charges dropped as long as you get him
(39:31):
help and they, they never did God damn.
But I end up in and out of jail.You know, the cycle.
It's hard to get out of that system when you're in it and.
It becomes so normal when it becomes normal, right?
That's when you know you're you're in deep.
That was the normal, overdosing was the normal.
(39:53):
It was. It was just non-stop dude and I
just didn't care. It was, I mean, oh it's cool.
As long as I'm not going somewhere else it doesn't
matter. Thankfully I've heard stories
about the workhouse and never been there.
The only ones I've been to is Pickaway, Ross and Morrow
County. Let me ask you this.
You said you were homeless for two years, so you got the brunt
(40:14):
of the bad shit that comes with homelessness.
I remember like I said, I was only homeless for a month.
But I remember when that that first night I felt this like
weird like peace or like this like, I don't know, this like
sigh of relief came about me because I had no
responsibilities anymore. I know exactly what you're.
(40:36):
Talking about I had nothing, no,nobody to answer to, no job, no
nothing. It was just get you a little bit
of money to get high. Hopefully someone give you some
food. That's your day, that's it.
Those are my responsibilities and there was some weird like
peace in that at the time for me.
I don't know if you experienced that and then it left after you
(40:57):
know so long. So like for me, I went back to
being homeless because of that feeling.
Like I the first time I was home, like legit homeless,
nowhere to go outside. I was miserable.
I was so depressed. I would just walk around and
fucking cry. I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know how to be homelessyet.
And then I get my shit together,go to treatment and I go back to
(41:20):
ripping and running. I'm homeless again, but this
time it's my choice because I'm,I thought I missed it.
There was that sense of freedom.I didn't, like you said, I
didn't have a job. I didn't have any
responsibility. The only thing, the only
responsibility I had was get my dope and don't fucking die like
I was it. And that's easy to do.
All right, so I'm not crazy. All right, Sweet.
Yeah, man, I. Completely relate.
You're the first person that haslike, I've shared that with and
(41:44):
it's been like, Oh yeah, definitely.
Oh, dude, it's definitely real, dude.
Yeah, The the let's see the sheds, that's where.
Yeah, the sheds. Yeah, I I was on the phone with
my mom one time. I still, I haven't even
confirmed this with her to tell her, but because I denied it
when she told when she asked me,I was still using but I wasn't
(42:08):
trying to kill myself. But I was OK if it did.
And I remember I had some fetty and heroin and I just mixed them
both on a fucking pop can with some Mountain Dew.
I don't have no water. And I had her on the phone and
I'm talking to her and I do a shot.
And like I said, I wasn't tryingto kill myself, but I was OK if
it did passively suicidal, I didn't care.
(42:30):
I was so beaten down. I was like, this is stupid.
It was hot in them sheds in the summertime.
I had nowhere to go. And she was like, all right, I'm
going to get off the phone. I love you.
And then I hang up the phone with her pass out and I wake up
to her calling me and I answeredthe phone.
I don't know how much longer it was after we hung up and she was
(42:52):
like, did you do a drugs on the phone while we were talking?
Because your whole demeanor changed your the way you sounded
and everything. I was like, no, and she's like,
OK, but that's why I hung up. But I I did and I well, I guess
I don't know. She just knew and she didn't
want to hear it, which I don't blame her.
And now that say it out loud, like I couldn't imagine what
(43:16):
that put her through if it did kill me and she knew that.
I've I've spoken to parent groups twice and they're,
they're parents of addicts that are still using, addicts that
are in recovery or addicts that have passed away.
And it is one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever
done because you forget the damage you're doing to all the
(43:39):
people around, your parents, your friends, your family, like
you're destroying their fucking lives and you don't even care or
think twice about. It doesn't even come across the
mind. Like, and I'm listened and they
would, you know, I'd share my lead basically.
And they talk about their kids and how they wanted to get
sober. And I'm like, Oh my God, this is
(44:00):
like I'm nearly crying listeningto them talk to me about it.
And it's just, it's, Oh my God, dude, like.
It's sad. Yeah, it's really sad.
And it's it's terrible, man. But like, I like that last
overdose I was telling you aboutthat was at at the time she was
(44:21):
86 years old, the great grandma,I was homeless and she called
me. I somehow I had managed to put
on my best dope fiend look and got a job and I got a job at
pilot in Circleville. I was, yeah, I was the title was
maintenance, but really it was just clean up trash and clean
showers. And anyway, so she was like,
(44:43):
hey, you can stay here tonight because she lives in the village
right next to the gas station. So you stay here tonight, get
out of the weather, get your shower, go to work and I got you
a little bit of money so you cango get your hotel room after
that. She was looking out heavy and I
was like, all right, bet that night when I get there, she
hands me a $10 roll of quarters.She's like here, this is for
(45:04):
cigarettes. I was like, all right, cool.
I called my cousin and I was like, hey, I got 10 bucks, let
me get some shit. He's and I'll never forget this
man. He was like, if you go get me a
chocolate milkshake from McDonald's and bring it to me, I
will give you some dope. That's the 30th 30 I got caught
with and this shit had no business being in Circleville.
(45:26):
It was way too strong and I had been doing Fetty for quite some
time now, a couple of years, andI was used to it.
I was shooting Fetty every day and the next morning I I was not
sick. I wasn't trying to get high.
I was just trying to get ready for work.
So I go to the bathroom, lock the door, I do a shot.
(45:48):
Last thing I remember is pushingat my arm.
I did like like that much And I woke up to the cops that kicked
in the bathroom door and they'redragging me out and they're
asking me what day it is, if I'mOK.
My great grandmother, she almosthad a heart attack, dude,
because she can't kick open thatdoor.
She was, she told me she was beating on the walls yelling for
(46:09):
the neighbors. And she, she said she heard me
go to the bathroom, lock the door and heard her crash and she
already knew what happened. And that was that was the last
overdose. And and you push the plunger and
that was the last thing you remember.
That shit was strong as. As I don't even know if it broke
off in my arm, I don't know where the needle was.
(46:32):
I just pushed in my arm. Boom I was dead God.
And and like I had a tolerance. I knew I did dude.
It was such a small amount I'm surprised it did that.
And like I said it had no business being in circle bow.
It did not and. That's a good shit.
That's the shit you want though.I.
(46:52):
Want two of them? Yeah.
Yeah, that's crazy. That's the shit you're looking
for? That's the best $10 ever spent,
I'll tell you. That chocolate milkshake.
Yep. But so after that the ambulance
picks me up and I had to go to work.
Dude, I had to be at work at 10:00.
(47:13):
This is like 8:00 in the morningand.
And at a senior citizen apartment complex, ambulance
squad everywhere. Yeah, dude.
And I'm cussing these guys out the whole way to the hospital
because it's cold outside. They took me without my phone,
my coat, nothing. And they took me all the way
across town away from work. They're just trying to save my
(47:35):
life and I'm cussing out the whole way talking shit.
And they didn't think I knew what I was talking about.
Yeah, they didn't think I knew what I was talking about because
they're like, if you don't calm down, you're getting arrested.
I said for what? I'm signing out AMA as soon as I
get there. And they're like, oh, OK, He
he's not even going to come in. So fuck it.
Let's just, we ain't even going to fuck with him.
(47:55):
As soon as they pull up to the to the hospital.
The dude who saved my life gave me a blanket because I was
bitching about it being cold andas soon as I got out of the van
I threw it out him and jumped out of the ambulance.
I was, I was. I need to.
That's one of the amends I need to make.
Yeah, that's pretty dickish. Yeah.
I mean, that's up there pretty high on the scale.
I want to get a hold of. I want to find out who was
(48:17):
working that day and make amendsto him.
I'm sure you could, yeah. I mean.
And but anyway, so I jump out ofthe ambulance, I hurry up and
leave the parking lot and I pullout my wallet.
The police didn't find my dope. They didn't search me.
I still had that fire ass fetty in my wallet.
And the first thing I do is go directly back to my grandma's
(48:37):
and knock on the door. I was like, I need that 100
bucks and my needles. That's the first thing I asked
for. And she said you're not getting
that money and the cops took your needles.
You need to leave. And so I was like, well at least
give me my phone and my fucking coat.
And she gives me that and I leave.
But she called the cops because I came back and I'm walking to
(49:01):
work. I can see it.
I'm maybe 20 minutes away walking.
I call them. I'm like, hey man, I'm I'm going
to be late, but I can see it. I can see work.
I'm almost there like OK, that'scool, we'll see you when you get
here. Not even 5 minutes later I hear
a car put behind me and it was the fucking cops who just kicked
in the door and Get Me Out of there and they searched me, find
(49:21):
my shit and take me to jail. Dude took my shit and I was it.
I got out the next day called pilot and like, Hey, do I stop
my job? Or like, no, we didn't know when
you're getting out, so you're fired.
And that was that was pretty much the end of my run.
And then I got sober. I I count my sobriety day April
(49:41):
19th of 23. So they they charge you what
felony you 5 possession? Yep, for a little bit of a
fetty, like a 30, yeah. And I go back to court on the
17th of April of 23. Excuse me and they get that's
when he told me amended amended to attempted possession either
(50:03):
18 months paper or drug court. I take the drug courts or
probation, sign the papers. Two days later is when I catch
that B and EI was telling you about two days after getting my
probation reinstate. Why do you keep taking this
probation knowing you're going to violate it?
I don't know it's. The exact reason I took drug
court because the judge told me that if I come in front of her
(50:25):
again with the PV she's sending me to prison for the maximum
amount of time possible. I said, well I better get the
fuck out of this because I'm going to definitely going to
violate. It's a good thing you did that.
I knew I was going to violate. I just couldn't stop.
I couldn't stop. Well, I I played a game with
probation man. Like I was always on the run.
I was just telling somebody about this the other day.
I, I can't, I consider I'm two and four with probation before I
(50:48):
quit, I got away 2 times and they won four.
But yeah, man, I I just couldn'tdo it no more.
I couldn't. I was sick and tired of the
running, the being dope sick. They're going to jail.
And it got to a point where whenI did get out after the getting
in trouble again, I was scared to death because I didn't want
(51:09):
to use anymore. But I was back to square one
homeless in Circleville. I didn't know what to do.
So I just put my headphones in and walked.
I walked to a park. I was just outside of town.
And while I'm sitting there waiting, the great grandma calls
me. She's like, hey, your other
grandma who lives in Columbus needs work done at the house or
get you off the street. I said, that's perfect.
(51:31):
I'm I'm going. And as soon as I left, I called
my POI, said, hey, I'm not in Circleville and I'm not coming
back. I'm gone because I'll never come
back to Circleville. And he didn't answer.
They never do. So I just left him messages,
voicemails, every step of the way.
I'm leaving him a message. I'm like, hey, I'm not coming
back. Hey, I'm going to treatment,
I'll see you in six months, blah, blah, blah.
(51:52):
So that's when I went to the house, I hope went there and.
Never left. What?
What was that like? I mean, yeah.
Was it like a relief because youwere so fucking beat up for me
and homeless And like, I have toimagine at first you were like,
oh, bad. Oh yeah.
A pillow dude, when I came in I,I so since I work there now I
(52:13):
have access to everybody who's ever been there.
I have access to their and, and take pictures and I look at mine
and when I came in I was like 160 lbs and my shit was so like
if I had a cigarette my cheeks would touch that's what it
looked like it was terrible. I was bones man and it was
relief man but I had a warrant when I went there a bench
(52:37):
warrant here in Columbus and they you have to actively be
working on your warrants to go there.
You can't just be running from them, right?
And I go to get it resolved. My, the grandma who I'm staying
with in Columbus, she was like, she gave me the 180 bucks to to
get a new court date and lift the warrant.
And I go in there, but I forgot my ID and I couldn't post bail.
(52:59):
But then the lady told me she was like, you can go to this
window over here and get it for free.
I said, why didn't you tell me that on the phone?
They wanted their fucking money.And so I went over there and got
it for free. I went back out there and gave
her every dollar back. I said, hey, they, they gave me
a new court date and that's how done I was.
I was only like a few days cleanand I was, I was like, no.
(53:20):
I'm giving back 180. Bucks, I could have just left.
Yeah, that's. I was like, no, I'm cool.
But once I got there to the House of Hope, man, I've seen
how it was ran and I was like, fuck this dude.
This I was like, this is stupid.I'm gonna help.
I'm gonna have these guys help me get rid of my warrant and I'm
going back out. That's exactly what that was my
plan. But the whole accountability
(53:42):
thing and the whole telling each.
Other the whole, yeah, the wholejust all of it, man.
Like I was this is too much 'cause I just came from a
fucking bridge. Like we're by myself.
I don't want to hang out with you guys.
And but I from from that thoughtof leaving House of Hope after
the warrant between there and then till the time something
(54:04):
clicked and I was like, you knowwhat?
If I do, I'm going back to nothing.
I'm going back to a bridge. That was my higher power
intervening. I think he looked out heavy for
me and I stayed and I haven't left.
I, that was two years ago. This October is when I graduated
and then I went to their sober house.
(54:25):
I was there for about 18 months.That's where.
Smart move. Yeah, smart move.
I met Harry in treatment and Brent, that's we went through.
But Harry, he was, I met him there and then we ended up going
to the same sober house and thenwe got a place together and it's
been smooth, man. Like things have been coming
together. I guess I haven't been to jail
(54:47):
in a very long time now. So I, I worked in, I actually
worked in, I know this is crazy to say, but I worked in
corrections for two years up at CBCF on Elm Creek.
And I remember guys would alwaystalk about what they were going
to do when they got out and it was always about day one.
(55:08):
It was always about day one. It was never day 2, you know,
month one, month two. It was always day one.
It was I'm going to have a steak.
I'm going to smoke a cigarette. I'm going to hit my bitch.
I'm going to fucking do this. I'm going to do that.
Like I have to imagine, did those thoughts run through your
(55:29):
head as you entered House of Hope and you were like, I'm
going to go back to my bridge like were.
You like I'm going to. Go back, get my fetty.
I'm going to. I had, there was thoughts about
seeing the people I used to hangout with, you know, like I
didn't. I mean, I sure I had thoughts
about using, but like, once I worked the steps, dude, that was
(55:50):
it. Yeah, like I I still do have
thoughts about it, but I don't entertain those thoughts
anymore. Well, and you have that that
realization that holy shit, my life is completely fucked up.
Yeah. And one day is not going to fix
it, no. One day it took a long.
Time 2 days, Three days for No, that is not enough.
Six months didn't even fix. No, I had, I mean, it didn't.
(56:12):
I had to go through the whole, it took about two years to get
to where obviously two years to get where I'm at today.
But like, 'cause the 18 months in the paper and the sober house
and then, yeah, six months over there took a long time, but it
flew by. Yeah, it seems like it flew by.
It does not seem like it's been that long since I was there.
(56:33):
When you get sober and things are going well and you have a
goal, you have goals again, timedoes seem to fly by.
It definitely does. I would say that that's that's
there's two things people don't tell you about recovery and that
is how fast the time goes and how much weight you gain.
That's. I can't relate to the weight.
(56:53):
Unfortunately, I can't gain a pound to save my life, but maybe
one day, maybe one day. If you had a message for you or
anybody who went through anything like what you did, what
would it be? It would be from.
(57:16):
For me, the hardest thing to getthrough all that was getting out
of my own way and thinking that I.
You seem stubborn as fuck. Do I?
You kind of come off as like, just like a stubborn guy.
Yeah, like hard. I mean a lot now I'm no, I
wouldn't control some moldable and you're now I'm more
reasonable yeah, I'm more humblelike I don't know.
(57:38):
I don't know shit dude. And.
That's what I always say. I know nothing.
Right. And it was that that's, that
would be my message getting get out of your own way and start
taking suggestions because obviously if you're going
anything like me, what you're doing isn't working.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's pretty much it for that our answers.
(57:59):
Never worked. They never really worked.
And then as soon as I stopped using my answers or ran out of
them and started taking suggestions from people who knew
better than me, my life got better pretty pretty quick.
And that was a hard thing to do for me because of my ego.
Like I didn't want to admit thatI didn't know what to do.
(58:20):
I can't control this. I don't know what I'm doing as a
grown ass man like. Fuck that.
I know what's best for me, but obviously I don't.
I've been to jail 30 times in a year.
Like I'm cool. I don't want to do that shit,
no. More Yeah, I always think about
normal people, like whenever I go to, you know, when I work at
jobs or whatever and I see people and how like normal they
(58:44):
are and I'm like, there's no waythat that dude could possibly go
through what I fucking went through.
There's no, but he could, yeah, pick up that needle, pick up
that fucking syringe, load it upwith some Fetty or some heroin
and he could end up in the same exact spot we did.
Like, it's, it's I've met peopleout there just like me, if not
(59:08):
worse. Yeah.
Like doing the same shit I was doing, hanging out under
bridges, getting high, ruining their life.
Yeah, it's. Wild, man.
Well, listen, I appreciate you coming on.
Absolutely. Thanks for having this story
dude. It's a good one.
It's a good one. You went through a lot.
Thank you bro, A lot of shit. It was an honor to finally get
here, man. Yeah, and I'm, I'm proud of you
(59:29):
for what you're doing today. You and Harry make a good combo.
I think just, you know, remember, don't take each other
back out. Yeah, absolutely.
Be safe. Yes, Sir.
Be safe. Yep.
You got it. That's it.
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