I Was Raised by a Cr4ck Addict After My Dad Disappeared | Ep 85

In this gripping episode, hosts Louis and Aaron sit down with Jamey Snodgrass, whose life story sounds almost unbelievable—yet every detail is real.Jamey’s childhood unraveled the day his father said he was stepping out for milk and never came back. That single moment of abandonment set the stage for years of hardship. His mother, lost to crack addiction, could offer no safety net, leaving Jamey to raise himself on the streets.It didn’t take long for the chaos around him to pull him in. Addiction followed quickly, and with it came stints in jails and institutions, each one darker than the last. The danger was relentless: Jamey survived two separate house fires, one of which cost him part of his ear. Every time it seemed life couldn’t throw more at him, it did.Yet against all odds, Jamey is still here. Alive. Sober. Rebuilding. His story isn’t just about surviving addiction—it’s about surviving life itself. From the heartbreak of a vanished father to the terror of flames and the grip of drugs, Jamey’s journey shows the strength it takes to keep moving forward when the world keeps trying to take you down.This conversation is raw, unfiltered, and unforgettable. Jamey opens up about abandonment, addiction, the fires that nearly killed him, and the hard-won sobriety that finally gave him a second chance.Today, Jamey stands as living proof that miracles are real and that no matter how many times life tries to break you, it’s always possible to rise again.🔥 Expect emotion. Expect truth. Expect hope.🔔 Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more powerful stories on addiction, recovery, and resilience.Get a Grip Podcast Social Media: Find our TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeart Radio links, a more on our Link Tree below!Get a Grip Social Media Links: ⁠https://linktr.ee/officialgetagrippodcast⁠👇 Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Going on, I see this brown bottle, it looks like maybe a
ash cigarette in it. I'm like, oh, that's cool,
that's cool. I'll just take that.
It was lamp oil, dude. I drawed that shit up with my, I
drawed it up with my, my, my bath salt, shot it and was like,
and he's like, did you just shoot that?
I'm like, yeah, it totally did. He goes, Oh my God, dude, that

(00:21):
was lamp oil. It was watered down lamp oil.
All right, we are back with another episode of Get a Grip
podcast. Yes, we are.

(00:42):
Aaron is back with us today. Very excited about that.
Always excited about that. I'm so bored sometimes.
So bored. I miss like the insanity here.
I know. Yeah, I know.
Well, we have Jamie Snodgrass. Yes, we.
Do that's right, baby. Thank you.
Thank you for coming out. We met you at an event for which
the Hope Resource Center. Hope Resource Center.
That's right, the fundraiser. And you work there.

(01:04):
Yes, I'm a peer supporter there.Right on.
Good for you. Used to be a former client
there, went in there and everybody knows from the West
side. So when I got clean it was like,
you know, it was a calling. I felt like I could go back here
and save lives, so here I am. I love experience, yeah.
The greatest tool, Everybody that sees me there, like wait a

(01:25):
minute, I just seen you in a trap like 2 years ago.
What's up man? If you can do it, I can do it.
Period. Exactly.
That's what I tell everybody. Exactly.
So it's a great opportunity for me to be here to experience and
people that know me on the West Side.
It's just a phenomenal. Yeah, set an example.
It's weird how that works out, isn't it?
It is, yeah. It's a couple years ago you were
trapping, now here you are pulling him out the trap.

(01:47):
Exactly. Yeah, it's wild.
Definitely. Tell us about young Jamie and
how he grew up. OK.
I always grew up in like, you know, predominant black
neighborhood, started out on Greenbrier.

(02:08):
We go to school there at BradleyElementary.
My dad said he went to go get milk and never came back.
That actually happened. That that actually.
Didn't really have that. Damn, I said where'd dad go?
She said she went to get milk and eggs and never came back.
And that's the truth. Damn, so sorry.
I'm not laughing. No, no, it's funny.
It's funny. I could be all the time.

(02:28):
People say it all the time. Never.
Came back. I've never heard a case of it
actually being happening. Yeah.
So the father was never there. My mom was my ride or die.
That was my mom. She's my dad and mom, you know,
and every place that we moved tois to try to get us somewhere
better every year. So every year, like I, I was
sitting Greenbrier for like 8 months.

(02:49):
Then we moved, it was like we was moving every year and every,
every time that we moved, it waslike a worst neighborhood.
So then, then we moved to Olympic City Lane and I'm like,
OK, so I just kind of had to like adapt to where I was living
at, you know what I'm saying? Of course I got picked on
because I was the only white kidin class.
What's that look like? It's hard.

(03:10):
It's hard. You're you're going.
Like what are they saying to you?
Just just racial comments, like,you go play football, they all
like destroy you, jump you. It's just hard to even pay
attention to class. So if anything, I wasn't paying
attention to class. It was like trying to be like,
accepted. Does that make sense?
So it was just hard living in those neighborhoods.

(03:31):
And it was just like, really, really hard.
And then like a year later, I ammoving again.
Moving again and then finally, once I got to high school, I
finally made it to Whitehall andthere was like a mixture of 50
and 50. So then I started like, you
know, lately, like want to know what's going on with school?
But then it wasn't a cool thing.And then.

(03:52):
How old were you when you got toWhitehall?
About 1615, OK. How old are you?
How old are you now? I am 41 let.
Me find out we went to school together.
Might be. Yeah, I went to Whitehall.
Corey Leggett, Josh bowling, allof them.
Yep. So I live right there at 849 S
yearling. It's right there at yearling and

(04:12):
main house right there. Start dimmling XA lot X pills.
Wait, you just started with ecstasy?
Well, I mean, I was smoking weed, partying.
I was about. I skipped the scene there,
didn't I? So I started smoking weed,
drinking and then started getting into ecstasy a lot

(04:33):
because I was like dill man, youknow, getting dolphins double
stacks. That was just a thing to do and
started getting like really highon those.
I mean like I would snort one crush 1.
You know, everything I could do I was eating like 3.
Like literally high as high as a.
Kite, you were doing 3 at a timedog.

(04:55):
Shit, it was bad like. And then we were going.
We went. To rolling multiple days in a
row, yes, you're not supposed todo.
That I know. And I did.
This is the worst thing. Yeah, right.
So town. And syndrome, my friend.
Yeah, I know, right. Yeah.
So then like we all decided one night when we was high on X,
we're going to go jump off the bridge at Alum Creek like a a 90
foot drop. Oh fuck yeah, it's all.

(05:16):
Regretted. Yeah, yeah, hell yeah.
So we went and did that. I swear I was in the air for
like 20 minutes. If I like my dude hit so hard
that he like ripped his shorts cleaning off of him.
But yeah, so to get into the X kept doing the X and then, you
know, it was 911 and I'm rollingballs.

(05:41):
Plane tick. I'm thinking it's a it's a
fucking joke. I mean, literally, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to cuss. I might let it.
Go Yeah, yeah, you guys. OK, cool.
So I'm just like laughing. I'm like there's no fucking way
that this plane is in the building.
And then I'm sitting there watching it and then I see the
other plane hit and I'm like, Ohmy God, are you at school?
I was no, I was at home rolling wall.
Yep. And I'm just not believing this.

(06:02):
This couldn't be true. And then I see the other plane
smash the building and I was like, Oh my God, this is
ridiculous. So we're just all high as shit
and I'm just like, wow, what thefuck is this?
So the next day I wake up, I'm like, did that really happen?
911? Are you serious?
And then, like, everybody's like, yeah, it really happened.

(06:23):
I'm just like, completely dysbogulated.
Like, Oh my God, what the hell? So let's see.
Then my mom kicked me out of thehouse.
I was having, like 18 people over rave parties in your house,
In my house in the basement. Mom's upstairs.
Mom would come down and party sometimes.

(06:44):
You never knew what mom was doing.
My mom's a crack addict, smokes weed, drinks, does it all.
She. Hikes, like your whole life?
Yeah, whole life. Crack addict as we speak right
now, she's still getting. Still using?
Yeah. But she's my rock, though she
kept a place over my head, so I'm respected for that.
You still talk to her? Yes.

(07:05):
Any talks of detox or rehab? I've tried.
I've tried SO. Hard.
But what what she seems to tell me every time she calls me, she
says first thing she says to me is go son, you know it's junk
out here. It's junk.
I'm like, you got to tell me this every time that you called
me. Like how you doing?
No, it's just junk every time. And it's just like, wow.

(07:28):
So. What's she kick you out for?
I had too many people in the basement.
Just too many raves. Police calls Whitehall police
were coming. Blowing the spot up.
Yeah, it got to a point to whereWhitehall police were just
walking in my basement, like, Jamie, get the fuck out.
So then I decided, like, you know, well, I got kicked out.
She didn't officially like kicked me.
She kicked me out of the house. So then I moved to the garage.

(07:49):
OK. Yeah, and it got even earlier,
like I'm like went from 18 people to like 50 people.
Golly, bud. And you like pop in the garage
door and shit? And had a trampoline.
We were jumping off the trees off the we had like a like a,
what would they call it, a tree house jumping off the tree
house, the roof. I mean, we were going hand man.

(08:11):
I mean, it was. And was mom cool with the
garage? Like being in the garage.
As long as we left her alone, she didn't really mind.
But when the cops started comingin and open our garage door and
just start popping up on us, shegoes, this is this is ridiculous
because she had her own thing going on.
Yeah, blow her, Right. So we're in there doing X.
She's in there smoking crack. I mean, I love her to death, but
still. I mean, like, she respected the

(08:32):
privacy. So it was like, wow.
And yeah, man really went hardcore for a long time on X
and then. That was just kind of your
thing. That was my thing, bro.
I loved it. And it was like when it was like
$20 a pill. Loved them.
And I would get the VIX paper rub.
Yeah. The whole, I would set the whole
tone. I was addicted to the process,

(08:54):
man. Yeah, yeah.
You know, everybody having a good time.
If someone comes over, like, acting weird, I'm like kicking
them out. Like, bro, we're not doing that.
We're having a good time. Are you still going to school?
Who, me? Yeah.
Like, while. No, I was skipping the hell of
school, I was skipping hell of school.
And I lived like you could throwa football.
Yeah, your link's not that far. Right.
And then I was like showing up, like on some days where I didn't

(09:16):
fill and then truancy started kicking in.
And then I'd be like, you know, I just gave up with it.
So you drop out. Yeah, I dropped out.
Biggest, biggest decision I everregret in my.
Life When did you drop out? 11th grade.
Damn. It was hard man.
I regret that to this day. Did you ever get your GED?
I'm working on it right now, right?
On there you go. Yep.

(09:37):
So yeah, I do definitely regret that.
But it was just like, you know, I'm not blaming anybody.
I take responsibility. I did what I did.
So, you know, start, you know, obviously messing with a lot of
girls, a lot of women sexually, I never had a problem.
I was having sex with a different girl every night,
every night. It was my my place to go to at

(09:59):
lunchtime when the girls were coming, you know, for lunch
break. I only lived like literally 5
houses down from the high school.
They would come to my house and,you know, we'd screw in the
rush. Yeah, it was great in the
garage. So what else?
OK, so then my mom started getting domestic violence calls,

(10:23):
and I'll go back a little bit. I never knew what it was going
to be like coming home. I never knew.
Like there's been times my mom, she literally was riding in the
truck drunk with my uncle and was riding in the truck and all
of a sudden he looked over and said, Robin, where'd you go?
And she flew out on the freeway on 70.
She jumped out. No, she fell out.

(10:43):
The door never shut, so she justfell out.
And thank God she was on Xanax because if she would have tensed
up she would have broke everyonein her body.
She dropped out the car on the freeway.
He reversed on 70, went back, picked her up.
Holy shit. Right.
So I never knew, like, you know,always was like kind of scared
to go home, man, like. Literally, you don't know.

(11:05):
I don't know what's going to happen.
You know moms going to flip out.She had boyfriends coming to the
house too, like. Weird dudes, Yeah.
You ever? Get any fights with boyfriends.
No, she had one guy that he was solid.
He just had his drinkings that night.
He got me into football and I really appreciate him for that.
Like he was a great guy in the day.
Then after at night time you would get drunk and wake me up

(11:28):
and be like getting your stance,boy.
Getting your stance. What?
Yeah, like he was like all in. Wake you up.
Wake me up in the middle of the night.
To practice your football stance, yeah.
So I mean, what? Yeah.
Yeah. So that was like, ridiculous.
Yeah, that's like psychotic shit.
Right. But it made me channel a lot of

(11:50):
my anger. I mean, I, I couldn't stand that
part. But I love the fact that when I
was playing football, I was ableto take it out on the field.
I love that. And I became like one of the
best defensive ends in Whitehall, like period.
Like it was great for me to channel that anger.
But then in the end, I end up leaving the team because I was

(12:10):
getting high and I didn't know where to put that anger.
So of course, I had to keep up with my habit doing X.
You know, I don't have no money coming in.
One of this party is expensive. You know, the pills are $20 a
pill. So I decided to right across

(12:30):
from Whitehall, you know, it's Columbus.
I started robbing a bunch of houses.
Oh boy. It's.
A hell of a jump from. Yeah, yeah, me and my buddy was
like one day we was laying there.
He was like, hey, man, you want to rob a house?
And I'm like, let's do it. I mean, because you got to have
the money to get the shit, you know?

(12:51):
So it started off with us takinglittle things and then it just
got worse and worse and worse. And then at this point I'm
kicking doors in. Like just kicking doors in with
the mentality thinking you. Guys got a gun.
No. No.
What about are you canvassing the neighborhood first?
Yeah. So we lived in Yearling right
there across from Maine Yearling.
So I made sure I did not go to Whitehall.

(13:11):
So I would go to that Columbus area, towards Livingston, that
neighborhood right there. And I was breaking in multiple
stuff. And then my sister had a car, so
I'm like, you know, hey, sis, let me borrow your car.
She's like, no, no, you're not doing that.
She knows. Yeah, she's getting high with
me. Yeah, she's doing X2.
Here we go. So you know, she's like, I can't
do it, I can't do it. So I decided to steal the car.

(13:33):
We. Stole the sister's car.
Or stole the sister's car. And then like, I knew that she'd
be one of the party. So I would take the car.
It'd be real early in the morning.
I'd knock on the door because I figured everybody's working 9:00
to 5:00, you know, knock on the door.
Nobody answers. I'd go and get my goods, load
the. I mean, I pull up in the garage,
shut the garage, load the whole car up, bring it back and be

(13:56):
like, I brought the car back. Don't get mad, it's Christmas,
I'm going. To buy you a pill.
Buy you got all kinds of shit. Yeah, you're good.
I'm good so that that's what started it all.
What's what's 1 of the better looks you had doing that?
I hit a lick for $5000. Cash, Cash.
Where was that at? My cousin was going on a trip in

(14:19):
South Carolina and I broke the ultimate rule.
Let's not go in Whitehall. It was a last minute thing.
We had a couple of hours, I was rolling and we were going out of
state and with his mom, his mom's like, no, they live in the
River City. I'm like, I want to go there
with some money and I hit this house in Whitehall and any.
Reason in particular, you pickedthat house.
No, I just was walking by. There was a little dog in there

(14:41):
I gave him. I went straight to the fridge,
gave him a big ass piece of meatand was like, dude, he went, he
went to town. So I'm just grabbing stuff like
usual, stuffed upon. I see a digital camera, I see a
PlayStation, you know, And thereas I'm walking out, but in the
well in the basement, there's like 6 computers in a circle
with credit card sliding machines.

(15:02):
Oh my. I'm like, something's going on
here, you feel me? Some skimming.
Yeah, credit. Card skimming.
Yeah. So I'm like, there's got to be
something here. Well, then like, I'm like, you
know, I would leave within like 20 minutes.
I would never stay at the house.So I got a couple of odds and
ends. I'm walking out the back door
and I shit you not, all 20s stacked up right on the counter

(15:23):
right by the back door. I look at it, swear to God, I
look at it and I'm like, wow, isthat real?
I'd say, yeah, I would be like, Nah, I can't be.
Real, right? So after you see the credit card
scammers, you're like, this got to be fake.
Oh well, I'm taking it. I put it in my bag and I, you
know, drove the sister's car back to the house.
God. And I'm like, count it, my

(15:45):
cousin, I woke him up. I threw all the money all over.
I'm like, we got money to go now.
And he's like 1000, 2003 thousand, 4005.
Wow, Hallelujah. So again I hit it in Whitehall.
And they can't, they can't call the cops, right, 'cause they got
that illegal fucking whatever the fuck they're doing
downstairs. Exactly.

(16:05):
So I'm like, perfect, perfect thing.
I get to leave state, you know, all the heat's off on me, I'm
good to go. Yep.
So we went out of state. My aunt's like, where'd you get
that money at? And then I was out there for
like 2 weeks and went back to Whitehall and people were like,
yeah man, that shit was in the paper.

(16:27):
I'm like, really? Yeah, but I mean, didn't say who
I was. Yeah, but like the.
Yeah, the robbery itself, correct.
So, you know, I'm like sitting there and then all of a sudden,
like, you know, at this time, I've robbed over about 90
houses. And.
My mom knew because she's seen the stuff in my basement.

(16:48):
When you went downstairs with a pawn shop and it came to a point
to where they didn't want to come in the basement.
They won't be no part of it. So detectives start calling.
I wasn't saying I was there. My nickname was Jay.
If you called for Jay, then thatmeant that you wanted some
stuff. You called for Jamie.
I am not here. Not home, not home, brother.

(17:09):
So then I get a subpoena in the mail and I'm like, and why I'm
thinking don't let this be the 5000.
Don't let this be the 5000. Well, it was a 5000.
Damn. How?
How so? I got nervous.
I was in Whitehall. I always wore gloves.
But this particular moment, I swear I show you not this window

(17:32):
sill was like so high that I hadto like grab, but I'm on the
outside. So when I grabbed it to jump in,
that's where they got my. Finger prints.
Yes, Sir. Damn.
So and then two other ones came back.
So they did fucking report it. They did call the cops.
Right, right. So I'm like, oh, I can't wait to

(17:54):
go to court, you know, so I'm in.
So then like it's like literallymy court date, I'm out and I
just got subpoenaed and I remember like it was like
yesterday we were partying in Grove City and I was eating
hella X and I'm like, I'm going to court in the morning.
I I blacked out. I woke up, I got a big ass van.
It's dead on E I like man, I gotto get to court.

(18:16):
I drive back to my mom, she gives me gas.
She's cussing me out the whole time.
I'm like, man, and I finally made it there.
I get to court. I got my cigarettes.
Not in my mind. I wouldn't think I was going to
jail. And they said take everything
out of your pockets. Juvenile court, we're
recommending you to DYS for juvenile life.

(18:37):
You got 3F2 burglaries. Damn, buddy.
And at the time I'm thinking, you know, I've robbed over 90.
Yeah, I'm going to be in here forever.
So I had to keep my mouth shut and then like 8 months in there
and then got sent to Marian. Do you go to?
Court like do you have a hearing?
Or anything or anything. I was fighting the case in jail.
What they sentence you to? They sent me to juvenile life.

(18:59):
So that's so. Yep, but it was a new law until
25. Oh shit.
So I went to Marion and that's it was it was crazy there.
Let me ask you this so you see 90 houses right?
90 What's the like psychology behind what's the most like?
Where do you go first? Like the all houses you robbed

(19:20):
have common like hiding areas orit's just random?
It's just random like I was. I was hitting early.
Are you asking the timing or the?
Place no like where's the most common place?
Like people hide shit. I would say in their bedroom, in
the bedroom, I've found guns, I found jewelry.

(19:41):
And of course I would never, ever pawn anything myself
because I was underage. Yeah, yeah.
So I'd be like, here, I'll give you half.
You pawn it, boom, boom, boom, boom.
But that end up coming back on me too.
So I would go to court. My best friend that's been
getting high with me the whole time is on the stand.
And he's like, yeah, he bought acar because I bought a car.

(20:01):
Rims and all that, he goes. He spent all that money on this.
My best friend, I watched him just.
Just ride you out right in frontof.
You because he got caught caughtpawning something that was
involved with that same out, so that was heart wrenching.
So here I am and dys it's time to be a man now.

(20:22):
Now, as soon as I get there, there's fighting everywhere,
fighting crazy. That's what we hear.
DYS is fucking crazier than hell.
Yeah, it's ridiculous, man. Like I would say that I haven't
been to prison yet, adult prison, but I've been to Jackson
Pike and it's more fighting in that dys than anything.
That's crazy because they're young.

(20:42):
They have no they. Don't give a fuck.
Don't give a fuck and they don'thave their parents.
It's just the outcasts of society just stuck in this one
area and it's just ridiculous. So you're getting fights in
there? Oh yeah, yeah.
Every day. Every day for real.
Every day, just over. What?
Just whatever. Some of them, like at one time

(21:04):
I'll I'll explain to you one particular story.
So like when you get there, you have to sit in a white jumpsuit
for 30 days and just watch and see how the pod goes while I'm
sitting there. I'm the new guy.
Of course they love the new guy.They just start randomly choking
people out just like sneaking upright behind them and just
choking them out. And I'm like, man, I know I'm
coming. And dudes that goes to choke me

(21:25):
out and I slammed him up off me.He said well we're going to
fight into the cell because thatwas the thing.
You go back into the cell and people would 65 for you and
watch and you'd be in there hitting in the dark and you just
come out like 10 minutes later. Bloody as fuck.
It's ridiculous, man. Is there nothing like the CS
don't give a shit? Well, no, you got people
watching like everything's cool and you're back there hitting in

(21:46):
the bathroom with. No cameras.
No cameras. It's ridiculous.
So I end up doing 5 or I end up doing 18 months.
I was a model inmate. I made it.
I made it like the highest record of reading the. 18 months
of DYS Yep. I got out early, God damn.
And I was a model inmate. I don't know how I did it, but I

(22:10):
just, I worked, I went to school, I was in a band.
They have. A band.
They had a band. I was a man.
I played the bass damn bud but Imean like it was something to
get my mind off the time 18. Months is a long time.
For a kid, man, it is. It was.
And then we live way out in Marion.
So, I mean, we were out in Marion, so my mom couldn't come
see me. Yeah, it was hard.

(22:31):
You got people with their families coming to see him.
Yeah. So I get out, I'm on parole and
I, I get with this woman and we have a kid together.
I get an apartment, I'm doing great.
I'm working out of car wash. You sober yes so you're.
What, 18? Freshly 18.

(22:52):
Sober, everything's going good. But then like she got pregnant
and then like I was left with everything.
I was doing everything on my own, everything, paying all the
bills, young guy, you know. So I was just trying to make
ends meet. Correct.
And I was making good money. I was making tips.
I was bringing home like $500 a.Day a day, a day.

(23:14):
Yeah, shit. I mean, like, I'd go to work
scrubbing 2, I mean, rubbing 2 pennies together and leave the
job at like 300 and tips. I was detailing and watching
cars. It was like, clean the car
downtown. You ever heard of it?
Yeah, yeah, that's where it was.I'll be damned.
So let's see, She got pregnant. And then I started doing all,
all, all that and I started dipping back into X, started

(23:37):
doing X again. It wasn't half as good as it was
before. It sucked.
Things have changed. Things have changed, things get
worse. That's how all the drugs are.
Yeah, they get stepped on, they get.
Stepped on shitty SO. Shalking nothingness in your
fucking pill, yeah? I mean I.
Flintstone Vitamin. Yeah, there you go.
Exactly. I'm taking like 7, like, what

(23:58):
the hell? And you know, they're $7.00.
They were $20 when I was out before.
Oh man, yeah. Yeah, so I knew something was
up. So I tried to kick that for a
minute and just totally did not like, didn't like it at all.
And then I started shooting motley.
How do you make that jump? Never.
Have you ever used the needle prior to that?
Yes. OK.

(24:19):
Well, no, I'm, I'm getting into that later.
OK, OK, so then I started doing Molly, snorting Molly.
It was like kind of just like X,but just not as much as.
Was it? Was it actually Molly?
Yeah, it was brown glass. Or it wasn't bath salts.
Molly it. Was it was just like, no, I got
in there. Molly's like pure MDMA.
Yeah, but I like when. MDMA mixed with other.

(24:40):
Shit, when a dude showed me it, to me it looked like tar heroin
but it was glass. And I'm like bro, I'm not buying
that, he said. Just try a little bit.
And bro, it was like, wow. When you were shooting it, I can
only imagine. Yeah.
What does that feel like? It's undescribable.
It's one of those things I neverdid.
So it's undescribable. I mean, it's just like, it's

(25:02):
just like X without a body buzz.It just hits you fucking, you're
just boom rolling. How's that conversation come up
to shoot it? How's that conversation come up
like? Because I've been a snorter,
I've been a parachuter. I've done all this.
So in my mind I'm thinking everything's shitty, you know
what I'm saying? So then my buddy's like, you

(25:23):
ever shot it before and I'm like, no, let me try it, let's
do it, let's go. He hit me.
I couldn't hit myself with nothing.
So he hit me and I loved it, man, Loved it.
And then that went away and thenhere I am strung out.
I got a kid. She so let me get back to the
apartment. So got tired of paying the

(25:46):
bills? Start partying.
You got tired of paying them? Is that what you just said?
OK, like tired on that. I need, I needed the help, you
know, and I was, I felt like I almost needed a night out once
in a while and she would trip out over that.
So I, I end up telling the truth.
So I, I, my baby's mom brought my other kid over.

(26:07):
I had another kid with another baby mom when I was younger in
high school. So I was seeing her like
frequently. And then she decides that she
want to come from Bucyrus to my house with my other baby mom
that I'm in the house with that I'm not going to be getting
kicked out of. She shows up randomly with my
kids. She goes, I thought you wanted

(26:28):
to see your kid and I'm like, wow, OK, you just bring it to
the door. But of course her intentions was
more than that, to have sex. And I did, in the same room with
a baby mom. As your boy, yeah.
Wow. So you had sex with one baby mom
while the other baby moms in theroom?
No, not in the. Room, Oh, in the house.

(26:48):
In the house, how do you pull? That off bro.
She came with intentions, man. But how's the other baby mom?
Not hip to what's going on? This only happened once so.
She must have kept quiet. Yeah, so in my mind, I'm
thinking, you know, whatever they don't know ain't going to
hurt them, you know what I'm saying?
But I just started feeling this odd tug at me like, man, I'm
going to go pick her up. So she left and I'm going to go

(27:11):
pick my baby. Mom's up that lives in the
apartment with me. And I'm like, man, I got to tell
her, man, I got to tell her. I don't know what it was.
I don't know if it was me being a man.
I don't know if I I had some what kind of love for her.
I was just, I just had to be honest for once in my life.
And she gets in the car and I said I made a mistake.
And she goes, please don't tell me it was the other baby mom,

(27:33):
please, in my bedroom. And I said yes, I did that.
So she played it like it was cool.
And three days later I came homefrom work and everything was
gone. And she packed everything up.
Yeah, gone. We're like gone or like on the
porch. Gone everything, gone everything
that was hers. Wow.
So I got a car, my mom lives across the street and the other

(27:56):
apartments on refugee road. And wow, that was hard.
So from that point on, I moved back in with my mom.
Of course, mom always took me in, but back in my same old
ways. So I continue to reach out for
my kids, you know, And then at this time, I'm behind on child

(28:18):
support. And that's where a lot of my
time comes with me running and getting high.
Because every day that passed, Iwas like Morgan in the hole,
getting in the hole, getting in the hole.
Every day that passed, I knew I owe money.
I tried to run forever from it. Timer's ticking.
So I just thought I can, you know, just get high and forget

(28:39):
about it. It was constantly in my mind.
So yeah, at that point I was just kind of done with women.
I knew I had to get off the drugs and but never would.
Never. Would is it still just Molly or
are you messing around with other things?
Yeah. Did you ever do cocaine?
Heroin. Yes, yes, so, so, so I went from

(29:01):
Molly that ran out because then there was other Molly that was
shitty. Completely shitty and salts.
Probably. And then I'm with the bath salt.
Oh, you did go to bath salts. OK Yep, started getting that
bath salt man and that tranquility and start snorting
that being up for days. I remember one time pacifically,

(29:22):
I'm at my buddy's house and it'sa abandoned house with no water.
And I'm sitting there and you got, you know, the chicks
everywhere. People are begging for water,
little caplets and shit. And I'm like, what the fuck?
I need some water because I'm actually buying some for
somebody else. So I need to get my own before I
go back because I pinched her back, obviously.

(29:44):
OK, so my dude's on the phone. I didn't want to interrupt.
There's a lot of things going on.
I see this brown bottle. It looks like maybe a ash
cigarette in it. I'm like, oh, that's cool,
that's cool. I'll just take that.
It was fucking lamp oil, dude. I drawed that shit up with my, I
drawed it up with my, my, my bath salt, shot it and was like,

(30:05):
and he's like, did you just shoot that?
I'm like, yeah, I totally did. He goes, Oh my God, dude, that
was lamp oil. It was watered down lamp oil.
What did that feel? Did it burn like a motherfucker?
It didn't burn, but like I started filling the bath salt
and then was like I got on my bike and it felt like my bike
was going like it was ridiculously crazy.
I I barely made it back and I thought I was going to die and I

(30:28):
end up having to tell the peoplebro I just shot lamp oil.
I can't believe. That and like my first question
is like why does he have a bottle of lamp oil?
Right, Right. I mean, you know how you throw a
cigarette in a yeah, it looks a little brown.
I mean, it was watered down, butit was like, Oh my God, dude.
Like, wow. So I had to be, I had to go back

(30:48):
and tell the people I bought this shit off or they gave me
the money for. I said, look, man, I shot lamp
oil. I took a little bit of dope off
top. And they're like, you're all
right, man. You're all right.
So yeah, that was ridiculous. Wow.
Yeah. Fucking.
Lamp oil, Yeah. So I didn't go back to that
house ever again. I don't blame you one bit.
Like people were fighting, people were fighting over water
there like a 20 ounce of water, you know, it only lasts and

(31:10):
there's like fucking 15 people in there.
Shouldn't dope. I mean.
Can you do people can't get why the fuck go to the cornerstone,
buy a bottle of fucking water ora puddle or toilet water.
It was dry and it went. It was dry so nobody wanted to
leave because they had all theirshit.
But I mean, every time someone brought some of the water and it
was just like hounded. Like what the fuck it?

(31:33):
Was ridiculous. I don't know why.
So started doing bath salts and then let's see, I moved to the
West side and that's when I moved to the West side.
We got kicked out out east. I was standing with my mom.
We were ripping around and we were all getting high.
We all became homeless. I remember on Elaine, the last

(31:56):
day when we was on Elaine beforewe moved out West, My my
stepfather got an inheritance. And like a dumbass, he's going
around to tell everybody, I'm about to get some money, I'm
about to get some money. I'm about to get some money.
I'm like, dude, you should have never said.
That how much he getting. He was getting like 20,000, but

(32:18):
he told everybody in the neighborhood that he thought was
cool and his friend and what hadhappened.
And that was when Fort Rapids was open.
So we got an insider on the House.
I think I know who did it. That was hanging with us all the
time. so-called his buddy knew exactly what day because of the
lot. When he got the money, we were
all set to go to Fort Rapids. So we all go to Fort Rapids and

(32:42):
that guy's not there. And then my sister is like, you
know, I'm calling my sister like, hey, we're here because I
got to stop by the house on Elaine to get my bathing suit.
Well, she calls me. I hear her frantically in the
background and I hear, give me the shit, give me the shit, give
me the money. And I can, I can hear her

(33:03):
tongue. I know she's in trouble.
And I get there. They shot her boyfriend in the
leg. The whole scene was taped off.
Of course. I thought she got shot.
But yeah, you you got there after the police.
Correct. And then after that situation
that some people started following us to Fort Rapids,

(33:25):
then we got in a car chase to Fort Rapids and they're trying
to come in the hotel. It was just.
Over the money. Over the money, and they wanted
the money because. His dumb ass walked around and
said I'm getting. 2020 Rapids exactly.
So we're like we need to get offthe West side or the east side.
Sorry, got confused. So we moved to the West side.
We have nowhere to go. We saved my brother's girlfriend

(33:47):
and we moved to Vanderburg. Them apartments right there
behind the IGA says. You, your mom, stepped.
In my mom. Moving in with your brother?
Yes. Man, you know how that goes.
Poor bastard. Yeah, right.
So then like I moved out West and start what was I do we start
calling in start calling in Viking in 10's and zany bars or

(34:12):
no blue zanies. So at one time my girlfriend.
The footballs. Yeah, because it's the highest
that you can call in. My girl used to be a nurse.
I met her in Whitehall. Her name, I can't give her a
name. So we start calling in pills.
How does that work? You just you can just call and.
So what you do is you go to the hospital and of course you know,

(34:33):
that was my thing. If I didn't have shit, I'm going
to the hospital to give me 20 bikes so I can make some money
and get up some perks or something and sell them.
OK, that was the thing. Check in.
That was that was a go to every time like.
What's your go to injury? How do you what do you go in
there? Toothache, backache.
And then like, you know, after awhile they started building a
profile on. You they gave you shit for

(34:54):
toothaches? Bro I went to the fucking urgent
care not that long ago. My face was like this and they
gave me nothing. You're not getting shit
nowadays. Nowadays, you're lucky.
Nothing. Wow.
Probably. A little What year was it?
Probably 2012, 2013. God damn.
Yeah, so, So what you do is my girl was hitting me, she said.

(35:17):
What you do is you get that script regardless of what they
give you. They give you nothing.
There's a MIMP number on there and that number is approved for
that doctor. So what you do is you take that
that script of whatever it is hegot the IMP number and then you,
what you do is look up his practice and then you call CVS

(35:40):
and that she would act like a nurse.
She knew exactly what to say. Take three times a day Da da da
da da da da. The oh, my hard part was as you
go there, you don't know what they're calling the cops on you
or not. So I'm going up to the calendar
and my heart's pounding. Fingers crossed, bro.
Like so like we got it off a couple times.
I. Can't imagine you looked that

(36:01):
great. Either no, you probably looked
like dog shit. Exactly.
You know it, you know it, you know, red flags popping up
everywhere. So yeah, man started calling in
them scripts, and then that was before all the database and CVS
and all of us linked together, you know what I'm saying?
So we pop one here, we pop one there, and then like we start

(36:23):
calling them all in at CVS on Hague and we're like, oh, that
was just a dumb idea. Cops every time.
So then like I remember this, the detective called me and by
now this, my whole family has got this charge.
She's called deception to obtaina dangerous drug and your.
Entire family. My entire family.

(36:43):
Did they get the description? They all got the what the cop
would do was talk to them because they didn't have a
charge for it at one time and they've talked to him and tell
him what happened. And then like he was building
the case. Well, me, I'm like, look,
finally gets to me. I'm like, all right, cool.
I'll tell you what's going on, how we did it.
He takes me to jail like everybody else didn't get a good
job because I'm indicted. Your whole family.

(37:05):
And he called us on Thanksgivingand he said you guys having a
Turkey stuff with Percocets? What a fucking job man.
Yeah. So I got indicted on that.
What's that look like? What's that charge look like?
F. Five.
And then the pins, criminal tools.

(37:26):
What's the criminal tools? The pin.
The fucking pen. The.
Pen is mightier. I guess, but not not to forget
that at 1:00. Stretch.
At one time we were calling him in with with the paying for
ourself with cash, but we reallycould have got in trouble
because then we've had people come to our door crazy with

(37:46):
Medicaid and it was free. So it could have went federal
for real. You feel me?
So in the same mind, I was like,I'm just kind of thinking that's
fraud. Exactly.
Then you got and then you got the word gets out and you got
people coming to your door. Call me in the St. bro.
Come on, man. I'll give you half whatever.
So I'm glad I got kind of bustedon that because it could have

(38:10):
got real serious. Are you eating them at all or
are you eating them OK? I was getting prescribed per 30s
from a free clinic. Yeah, it was it was crazy.
That's when everybody was going to Florida.
So then after that little pill deal, my girl, she went to Mary
Haven, got cleaned off the Fettyor China way at the time.

(38:35):
We were shooting that every day.She used to go and what's your
price? And we made we made so much
money off them. Bro, what's that?
It's it's like a like a Backpageso, but it's more professional
like it's like you got. To put a resume.
OK, so you get a dinner date, You call and you get a dinner
date. You set a profile and it's

(38:56):
strictly dinner. You don't discuss anything.
So they take you out to dinner. And then like, you know, as
they're sitting there at the dinner, they pull a couple, you
know, hundreds out, depend on what you say.
And if you say yeah, and then you talk that afterwards and
then you meet up with them. So we're talking about I'm
letting my girl have sex with dudes for like 2 grand.

(39:17):
Damn. And I'm in the I'm, I'm like
literally downstairs plugging myears like, Oh my God, what am I
doing? Shit, you hear me?
Wow, yeah. Great woman, great woman.
I just, yeah, it was hard. I'm letting these guys in
because the money was good, The money was good, the drug was
good and we both were stuck, man.

(39:39):
And it was just the money was coming in and then like she
would get good at like knowing the people that would wire money
after the case, you know, MoneyGram.
And then like she would be like having money every day.
I got money wire, got money wiremoney wire money Graham every
day. So I mean, I respect that woman,
that woman. Make sure I never was sick.
So you guys are full-fledged? Full-fledged, blown out, like

(40:01):
I've never seen that much money.Coming are you doing?
You're just doing heroin. Yeah, tar heroin.
And then we got to China White. And then, like, I was with her
for, like, 10 years. And she just.
It's like, you know, And I told her that I would never
disrespect you. You actually kept me well, but
it took a toll on me as a man. It did.
Yeah, I bet. And then, like, she's like, you

(40:22):
think we could work this out? In my mind I'm thinking this
ain't gonna work. Deep down, deep down.
Of course, and I let this go on and that's the hardest thing to
do as a man, to let a man come in and screw your.
Woman. Yeah, I.
Mean yeah, dude, that's. And I know I loved her.
She was a great woman. She was, but we were losing
control. That's what the drug does, man.

(40:42):
And that was one of the hardest things.
But I still got respect for thatgirl to this day.
I never run her name in a mud because she took care of me
well. But so I went to Mary Haven, got
out, I did like a 30 day detox and then I got on Suboxone and I
came back and she was still at my mom's house getting high and

(41:06):
like I'm done, I'm done. Can't do it.
Either get off the ship or I gotto leave you.
We was together 10 years. Damn. 10 years, she won't get
off the ship. So I'm sitting at the house or a
little bit before that. Let me go back because I am
skipping scenes. Let me go back a little bit
before I went to Mary Haven. So we're sitting there, you

(41:29):
know, she pulls up 50 units and I always get 25.
What am I high period? You know what I'm saying?
Well, she pulls up 50 units and I'm like, how much did you put
in there? And she didn't tell me and it
was way too much IoD and we I because she shot me and I shot

(41:52):
her. I can I was one of those people
that couldn't shoot myself, but I was a full mod in this with
everybody else. I hit you right now that.
Crazy. It's crazy.
I'd be in the bathroom. Was it your?
Veins. Yeah, they just, no, it was just
like, I just, I couldn't stand the prick.
I just couldn't do it. So mano imano.
But so then IoD and I'm out. I'm out.

(42:15):
Like my sister walked to the store and bought a pack of
cigarettes and I'm dead. Damn.
And then they had the the like the thing they squeeze and
stuff, they got it on me and I wake up man, I'm from that OD.
They narcaned me and shit and I'm like, Oh my God, my mom's
hair, she's like tripping. I was blue.
I was so cold from my body beingcold that I do like I was cold

(42:39):
for hours. Hours.
Freezing. Freezing like it like I'll do it
was the most horrible experienceI've.
Ever. Plus they Narcan use.
You're right. With sickest, yeah.
So are you withdrawing immediately?
Immediately. Oh buddy, are you pissed when
you wake? Up pissed.
So I'm at the hospital, I know that we got this money coming in
and then React comes and talks to me and they're like, you

(43:02):
know, do you want to go to Mary Haven?
I'm calling my mom and I'm like,listen, mom, you think I should
get clean? And of course she's on the phone
and my mom's separate her because she's like, tell me I
want to talk to her and tell you, no, you're not talking to
me right now, you know, because I made a wide decision.
I'm going to go to Mary Haven. So she stays there.
And then that's when I got out and she was still doing this
shit and I broke it off. So then after that I was on

(43:28):
Oakley, I got clean, I was on Suboxone, Oakley and Broad was
on Suboxone doing very well. And then I heard about meth and
I was the type of dude that was addicted to the process, as I
found out later when I got my Suboxones, I would love to sell

(43:49):
them, loved it, love to sell them.
That was my thing when doctor came over that day that I was
like, man, I'm selling. So what I end up doing is
selling so many that I started weaning myself off.
Yeah. And then as I would take one and
make me sick and then I just kept kick the Suboxone and start
doing hell of meth and then was doing meth.

(44:13):
So I've been methed out. Makes sense?
Yeah, methed up and I'm on that house at Oakley and Broad and of
course I got 18 people, 20 people there getting high and
I'm letting some friends stay with me and that's how I lost my
ear. Yeah, this is what I I remember

(44:34):
you talking about this vaguely and I was like, oh, I got to
hear this. OK, so we're all.
Camera can you turn your head? Sure can.
Yeah. OK.
That's what makes me today. Tell us about it.
I mean, it took me a year to lose to get sober.
I did some shit. That's some shit.
I was the one that they always said that man, you would never
get cleaned. Yeah, I was that guy, you know

(44:56):
what I'm saying? Never.
So I got some friends staying there and you know, I'm cleaning
this house and I'm remodeling this house for this guy.
He's letting me stay that rent free.
And they actually tore down now.So we're out there watching a
movie, kicking it me and this girl.
And they come and tell me late. They come up there and said, hey

(45:18):
man, the whole basement's on fire.
What do you mean? Like, I mean, could you have
come up and told me that it was on like smoke was coming?
Yeah, right, right. I mean, like, no, no, the whole
basement's in golf, bro. And I'm like, what?
We got to get out. OK.
So I'm just boggled by what he'stelling me.
I'm like, OK, dude. So at this time, I'm grabbing my

(45:41):
dog, I'm grabbing my girl. We're all outside.
And then like, in your mind, you're like, man, I just, I'm
going to grab my, my things. I mean, it's crazy.
I thought I'm I'm got to go in and get my things.
I get that. Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
That's all I got. You know, that's all I got.
It's freezing cold outside, so I'm running back and forth
grabbing things and I'm like, Ohmy God, what are you doing?

(46:03):
I'm just grabbing stuff, you know?
It's just your instinct. To go how big is the fire
getting at this point? At this point, the 2nd floor is.
The house is. On fire on fire, but like there
was hot spots in different places and you know I know this
apartment like the back of my hand OK, like I know it all
right so then like I'm grabbing this TV and I almost got like

(46:27):
the majority of things I went out some clothes.
I know it sounds crazy but I'm high too.
It's. It's really not that crazy.
It's not, it's not. But like, you know, 'cause I, I,
I see people in treatment today and said before I send them, I
got to get my clothes, man. I got to get my clothes.
I get your shit. Yeah, It's all you got.
It's all you got. So I'm, I'm going back and forth

(46:48):
and then they're like, dude, it's getting too late.
It's getting too late. And I hear the fire that's
coming. And then I go into the kitchen
to grab something else. I forget what I was trying to
grab and there was a beam that had fell.
And like I said, I know this place like the back of my what?
What fell? A beam A.
Beam. A beam like that was in like by

(47:08):
the stairs had fell like in a like a like in a diagonal
direction, and when I went to goback out, I hit the end of that
beam, fell forward, smacked my face right on the beam and it
melted my ear. Wow, it's that hot.
And you can see see where it like kind of laid.

(47:31):
Yeah. So not to mention like, OK,
cool. That fucking hurt.
I was screaming for hours. The Red Cross came and
everything and I got felony warrants.
And what do we all do? Listen to our dumb ass friends.
Dude, they're going to take you to jail if you go to the
hospital. And I listen to that.

(47:53):
That's what you get for listen to people.
So here I am on the West side, freezing my balls off, nowhere
to go, bandage on my face, half my ears gone, and then it starts
scabbing up. Then like one day I would go to
reach at it and it crumbles, crumbles off my own ear.

(48:16):
And then not to mention all the anxiety, everybody kept looking
at it. Like, I mean, I get it now.
I mean, I it's what I am today. You know, I've overcame a lot
with it. OK.
But dude, I was trying to cover up this massive fucking
situation. Open wound, right?
And I got felony warrants. I'm not even hanging out with

(48:36):
people. I'm like, I need drugs ASAP.
I need dope. I'm like in this whole
depressed. Everybody's asking me crazy ass
questions. I get tired everywhere I go.
I got to tell the story that that's annoying.
Yeah, bro, Bro, what happened toyour ear, man?
Right. You got to go relive it.
Again. And then I'm going to like feed
my sheep. And it was like a fucking a, a

(48:58):
show. Like there's a dude with the
tape face. You know, I would, I would yell
at my girl Amanda, the one I'm with now I can say her name
because she's doing good. And I told her I was.
And I'd always yell at her, like, if I ain't got a Band-Aid,
I am not going outside today. I need one of those, you know,
the big face Band-Aid. Yeah.

(49:20):
So for a long time, everybody knew me as this guy walking
around the West Side with big face, man, you know, on my face.
And I would show up. And yeah, man, I was.
I was fucked up, man. That shit hurt me, depressed me,
didn't have a way out. I felt like so bad for losing my

(49:40):
ear like what the fuck was I thinking?
So then a year goes by and me ripping and running.
I go to the hospital and I'm going to get it checked out.
A year later. A year later.
Jeez brother, what's it looking like at this point?
At this point, or I'm putting it's hilling up, it's like what
it is now. But yeah, this was like way out
here. What was the Burn?

(50:02):
The burn was way out here, OK, And the ear was at sometimes it
was like at one point it was dangling golly, and then at one
point I had to take RIP it off. Does it hurt still?
No, can't. It's dead.
It's dead. So I go there, I get to the ER
and I'm lying to him because I feel so embarrassed.

(50:24):
I'm like, I am not going to tellthem that I was in a fire.
What's your cover? Yeah, right, right.
So here's my cover story. I'm like listen, I got bit by a
dog. You guys, this is funny.
You ready for? That it's already good.
All right, so I get a fucking raby shot for no reason.
For no reason at all, they. Gave you vitamy shot and I'm

(50:46):
sitting there like Oh my God, I got to tell the truth.
I'm going to die for some odd reason.
I'm just freaking out like I just took a raby shot for no
reason, for no reason, for no reason.
And every time I tell my girl she fucking laughs her it's.
Pretty good. That's pretty bad at this point.
I took a raby shot and I'm like,dude, you're a dumb ass.
Tell the truth. And then I told the doctor I was
like, look, man, I had felony warrants.
I didn't want to get this taken care of.

(51:08):
And he just like this happy doctor and he's like, man, it
looks great, man. I can't believe you kept it this
well, man, You just should have kept it real.
You wouldn't have to get a rabies shot and we wouldn't have
took you to jail. I'm like, Oh my God.
Couldn't they tell like as a medical professional just by
looking? At well, like at first they were
like, this is a this is meth. You got burnt.

(51:30):
You were cooking meth because that's what Amanda said when she
first see me. Everybody that knew me with two
years was like, yeah, yeah, dude, you were cooking some
meth, bro, you know, and I'm like, and then it blew up,
right? Right.
And she goes, I never asked. And some people were scared to
ask. And then like I, I was, I told
Amanda, I said one time I told her, I said, you know what?
I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to fuck with some people.

(51:52):
I said, you know, I told him, I said I want you to tell that guy
over there. I want you to tell him you know
the next person to ask me what'swrong with my ear out because I
want to make a joke about. You're creative, yeah.
Yeah, I love that. Tell him I took the dope boy
shit and he cut my fucking hair.Off, yeah.
So she told this guy and he justlike, what the fuck, tripping
out. So yeah, I, I just told that
story a couple times just to fuck with him.

(52:14):
But yeah, man, that's what happened, man.
God damn that's pretty good. I've done that with my, I have a
giant score on my left arm. And then you just get tired of
people asking, tell the same story.
So I was, I just started saying like it was 911.
I was in 9/11, right? Just to see how, just to see if
I could get it off. And then like I, yeah, one guy
in treatment was like, man, you were there that day.
I was like, yeah bro, I was fucked up.

(52:35):
Yeah, I was there. Yeah, yeah.
And then I thought I was like, bro, bro, that was not 911, man.
Of course, because you, I mean, I, I get what you're saying
because you don't want to be honest about it.
You don't want everybody to think what a dipshit you know I.
Didn't care at that point, I just got tired of telling like.
Exactly. It gets exhausting.
It's like here I got to go tell the story everywhere I go no

(52:56):
matter what I do and it's just fucking it.
It sucks bro, it sucks. I didn't lose an ear or
anything, but for some reason I had this like these three months
where my right eye was red. It was, I don't know why, it was
just fucking red. So I'd go to work and every day
why is your eye red? Why is your eye red?
Why is your? It was the most annoying shit
ever. Like stop fucking asking me

(53:17):
about my eye. I don't know.
Exactly. I don't know why it's.
Red, right? Like yeah, I get it.
It's frustrating. It is frustrating.
So it didn't break your ear. You can still hear out of the.
Ear I can still hear out of it. I can still, you know, but I'll
be fucking with people like, youknow, hey, that's so good.
We're going to play it by ear. You know what I'm saying?
So like now that now that I'm sober, people ask me and I just

(53:42):
tell them what it is. I was in a fire straight the
fuck up. Yeah, it it makes me what I am
today. How long do you think you were
laying on that beam? Did you just like you hit and
then get off? Or are you on their hitting
instantly got off but it was like they were shitted, stuck
and. Still, was that hot?
Yeah, it was like before I even screamed, I was just like
brother bro. And it just wouldn't.
Metal, metal, steel bro wood would really would.

(54:06):
That's crazy. Just like the.
Fire your own flesh cooking. That's yeah of.
Course, everybody's like, Oh my.God, so was that, was that like,
is that your sobriety date? No, no.
Oh. There's more, There's more.
OK, great. So then like I was homeless and

(54:28):
it was me and my girl and we gotto my we lived on the West side,
right there on Wheatland, Wheatland Ave.
My mom got a place and of course, 18 people in the
backyard, bikes everywhere. People getting high thought I
was going to be the biggest dopeman out there.
Well, I wasn't the biggest dope man out there.

(54:48):
I was the kind of guy that got hell of cells but did most of my
dope. But if you owe me $5 and I was
mad at you for that $5.00. But really, I have myself 100,
so I'm checking it out on you, period.
That makes sense. So I'm not admitting that, you
know, I'm doing most of the dope.
Yeah. I'm blaming it on you.
Yeah, you owe me $5. I'm gonna fuck you up.

(55:10):
Yeah. If you paid me, I wouldn't be in
this position. Exactly.
There it is. Yeah, so but then start getting
good. I got a good connect, start
getting good prices and started realizing I can buy zips for a
cheap price and I. Yeah, meth, right?
Yeah, yeah. And we were making re up
constantly. We were doing well, my girls.

(55:31):
We had like the the backyard. She had like the the setup
perfect. Like you open the slide window,
she was bagging it up. Boom.
Had a good set up there, had some of you running the door and
then we got to keep you out of there.
Then I went to a garage right behind the Family Dollar.
You love garages? Love garages?
Who's? Garage.
It was a. Random Bando.

(55:51):
But then like we were different.Like I would go meet the
neighbors, I would cut their grass.
So you're just. Like, hey, I'm going to watch
over your place. Yeah, yeah.
And the neighbors love me. I made sure I showed all kinds
of respect and was like very respectful.
Kind of brilliant that's. Smart.
Yeah, like, hi, I'm Jamie. I'll cut your grass for free.
We're in a temporary renovation over here, cleaning it up.

(56:13):
Renovation. Yeah.
Yeah. So, you know, and then and then
then you got the traffic coming.What do you say about that?
And then you're exposed. And then at that point you're
like in and out trying to duck and dodge.
So then of course I love fires. I'm sitting there and I've

(56:39):
decided that, you know, because I was like on this last RE up
and I needed like my last re up and I'm I'm the kind of guy.
I mean, I gave everybody something to get well, you hear
me? Like if you were, If you were.
That's so rare, I've never met that guy.
I I had a good system, man. Like I never expected in return,
but I wouldn't give you enough to where it would make me short.
Yeah, but at this last moment I made myself short and I said, oh

(57:04):
shit, now we're screwed because that's what we survived on.
So I locked all my doors and, and, and you know, I got mad
people. I got like, I would say at least
100 people coming today. Damn, just hanging out too,
getting high. Me and my girl getting high and
all this getting high. Hot as fuck.
Yeah, batteries in the garage, bikes fucking just to hang out.

(57:27):
No electric. Yeah, Jordan's crossing.
Going there to eat. Get my my little propane tank.
You know I'm good to go. Got my that.
I'm good to go. Then I decided to lock the doors
and said I'm not giving out shitto nobody and woke up and the
whole motherfucker was inflamed.Hang on.

(57:49):
Shut the fuck. Up and golf bro.
Someone tried to burn us alive brother.
Wow. I don't know if they this is.
The middle of the night when youguys are sleeping in.
There, yes, yes. They lit your.
The whole. Thing Bando on fire the.
Garage right behind the family. Garage.
I'm sorry, the garage. Yeah, the abandoned garage and.
Then I had people trapping out of the house too.
That was connected to it buddy. One of my buddies I still see to

(58:11):
this day. You woke up to the fire.
To the fire. We were and our beds in the
corner. Every single wall was engulfed.
Oh my God. Not again.
Yeah, so here I am in a situation about fire.
And of course, at this time I really don't like fires Bro I.
Don't. Yeah, I bet I can see why.

(58:32):
Sense. Buddy, bro.
And I'm like, we're with you man.
Yeah, so just something with me on fires, man.
I'm going to lose another year. Wow, right?
Even it out. Right, exactly.
I always tell the Barber to do that.
Go ahead and cut that other one off so we can make it even.
It's out the year. Yeah, but so after that, I'm not

(58:53):
out. I've made it out.
So not to mention all the batteries every every day on a a
regular day in that, in that garage, I would knock my foot
over something and trip. But it was amazing.
It has to be God because dude, Itell you, I shit you not.
Everything was burning on fire and I walked out of there
without tripping over anything. Made it out.

(59:15):
First time ever. First time ever and it was in
golf. Wow, buddy.
Yeah, and then we had nowhere togo and we were watching it burn.
Bro, it blew up Transformers. It melted the Family Dollar in
the back. It melted.
Down. Bro, it was serious.
We were out there on Higgins Hall at the bus stop watching it

(59:35):
burn and I'm like, Oh my God, wegot to get out of here.
Cops start showing up. What time of day is this?
This was like 3:00 in the morning.
Damn, that's the middle of the night.
Yep. So I had one buddy, I went to
his garage, you know, I love garages.
We had no shoes on, no clothes. I had clothes.
I had shorts. Sorry, I had shorts on.
She had a like a gown and we're like, dude, we need to crash for

(59:57):
the night and. So the next morning, well, in
this whole mist of me being in the garage, I was going to the
Hope Center to get our food. You got to have this food.
You, I mean my day consists of going to get us food, make sure
that we have something to eat and getting high.
So this is one of those places that just like, gives meals out

(01:00:19):
to the community. And they offer three times a
week, yes, OK. And and they would always ask me
if I want to go to treat me. I'm like hell no, Hell no, hell
no. I'm not the one get.
My food please. Yeah, Can I get my food?
Are you serious? Never really dawned on me, but,
you know, after a while I started getting like, you know,

(01:00:40):
trusted, take the trash out. Felt like someone gave me
respect again. You know, the guy that runs the
place. Good guy, Solid.
He actually let me come to his house while we're in active
addiction to clean his house. And I have so much respect for
that. Like, you know, I told him, like

(01:01:00):
when I got a car, I said, hey man, you'd be surprised when you
give somebody a chance to not fuck something up and they
won't. I mean, I was just that kind of
guy, you know what I'm saying? Especially me robbing all the
houses, you know what I'm saying?
I just wasn't in the mind frame.I just respected him for that,
for giving me a chance to make some money to get high.
But he didn't know that. I didn't tell him that of course

(01:01:20):
I'm going to go get this money and I'm.
Going to get my birth certificate that's.
Right. But yeah, man, so that's when I
decided to go to treatment. Oh shit.
And we had nothing. And I knew where to go because
they would always like, hey, maybe we're to go to treatment.
Hell no. Today I was.
What about your lady? Was she ready too?
Yes. So we called and they got her to

(01:01:43):
Hope Valley and then I I got cold feet.
I got cold feet. And as the weekend went by,
because I had to feel that I loved her more so.
She went. She went, I bawled my eyes out,
watched her go, and I got this whole weekend to decide if I
want to go or not. So I'm still getting high and

(01:02:03):
I'm like, do I really love this woman?
Do I really want to do this? And I have no other option.
And I just knew I lost in the year I've been in these fires,
I'm getting high, so let's do it.
So that Monday they sent me to recovery works.
And then after recovery works, Iwent to the lighthouse and I

(01:02:25):
still haven't seen her. I haven't seen her for like 45
days. And she's like, well, I'm going
to go to the lighthouse and I didn't know, so she showed up
there. Wow.
And any like real desire to likewant to get clean right now,
like when you're in treatment. What when I was in detox?
Yeah, when you first went again the last time.

(01:02:45):
When I first went. Yeah.
Do you believe like, oh, maybe I?
Can but your final trip to detox?
Did you want to do it? Yes, I did.
I've been through too much. I've been through too much, man.
Yeah, it's. Time.
It's time I lost an ear. I I've just.
What happened with the felonies?Oh, OK.
The felonies, I did time. I did nine months.

(01:03:08):
And Workhouse. Yeah, Workhouse.
Well, that's a. Yeah.
And then after that, I, I would always go on PVS 90 days.
Every trip, every VANDU I got caught at, they'd be like,
everybody's going home with me. What's the job for?
Child support went there for like 60 days.
So yeah, yeah, man, I there had to be.

(01:03:32):
Success was my only option, Brother.
I have tried everything in my agenda.
Everything that I control goes to shit, period.
And a lot of me was a lot of young minded because I've never
had a father, never had a guidance.
I mean, all I knew was Dad went to go get milk and eggs, bro.

(01:03:53):
Yeah, You know, So I never really had someone tell me I was
doing the wrong thing. Mom was doing it, Family was
doing it. Who?
Who's to say doing it is wrong and the entire family was doing
it? And then my brother, God bless
him, you know, he has schizophrenia.
And when he does meth, it entices it really, really badly.

(01:04:16):
And I love him to death, you know, And I've tried to get him
in treatment, but it didn't workout.
So like you know, eventually. Don't.
Don't kill yourself trying to save everyone.
Man, right, right. Because.
You can't. I can't.
It sucks. So at this point, they're still
getting high, but I love them ata distance.
I had to create. I had to create a family within

(01:04:38):
a family, a sober family. And what better yet is the Hope
Dealer community? That's where I'm at.
That's my family. But every time I call my mom to
say I was doing, she goes junk, junk every time.
I always wanted to tell me that.But then like we've gotten
better because of course, when Ileft her, you left me.
You left me because that was allI had.

(01:04:59):
And that was the most hardest thing in my life to have to do
is leave what I knew. You know, that was really hard
and I didn't know anything else.I was so I was on my on my own
lonely. When I when I did detox, I
wanted to leave every day. I did.
But I knew there was something better on the other side.
Because in my mind, I'm thinkingwhat?

(01:05:20):
What what am I going to go back out here, wash my clothes in the
Creek? And then me and her I I did skip
apart. I got ADHD.
Yeah. You're fine.
I'll go back and forth. You're fine.
So we were living in Rhodes Park.
Me and Amanda, we were living inRhodes Park.
We lived outside for two years. I mean, this woman was washing

(01:05:40):
our clothes in the Creek. Man, washing our clothes in the
Creek, I put it through a lot, but in the in my mind, I was
going to get food, bringing it back and then I'd be gone all
day trying to get something to bring back.
And it creates separation. And when I brought it back, I
never did win because it was like he was gone all day.

(01:06:03):
I was here, I was scared, I get it.
And I thought I was doing the mainly thing because I was
bringing back a meal and some drug, right?
So that's all I knew. But today, yeah, we lived out
there for two years, man, tryingto manage it, It just didn't
work. That's wild.
And that's crazy, man. So like, we're talking about

(01:06:23):
earlier, like, yeah, how do you even know if you like someone
when they're clean? Like, we have a common bond of
getting high, but after that, like, what do we got?
So for it to still work out and you're still with her to this
day, you're going to be getting married.
Yes. That's that's insane.
Yeah, because the odds are 0. Yeah, they really are.

(01:06:43):
I mean. They really are pretty much, and
a lot of people in the communitythat know us, they're like, I
want what you guys have, you know, and it's hard to set a
it's, it's hard to set an example like that.
You know what I'm saying? It's pressure.
It's pressure and, and you know,not everybody's going to have
that. We just constantly have hard
conversations. We talk about what we want, you

(01:07:04):
know, I talk about I'm availablethere anytime I'm able to have
any conversation with her, how she's doing.
I'm there when she makes a phonecall.
I just try to be there in the present the most I can.
That make sense? So yeah, it's hard to set that
example, but I continue to do itdaily because I know the result.

(01:07:24):
I love where I'm working at because where I worked at, where
I'm working at was the same place I got, you know, sober at.
And a lot of people know me, man.
And they're like, man, how did you do it, man?
I just wanted a better life, a better life, you know?
What? What would you tell somebody

(01:07:45):
that's still out there sick and suffering where you were when
you furnish your ear per SE? What would you say to them about
getting clean? Man, do not give up.
There's always a time to start over, man.
There's completely so much help out there man.
You're not alone. People go through this and what

(01:08:06):
you share, what you've been through, it gets it off your
chest and you're able to succeedand be what you want to be.
And don't give up man cuz there's a way better life.
I never thought I would have thelife that I have now.
I got an apartment, I got 2 cars.
I'm a peer supporter for the Hope Dealer community.
I continue to save lives in my community.
To help the community, The same community I help destroy, I'm

(01:08:29):
helping saving lives. It's like an it's.
Like an amends. I love that, right, right.
So every day that I touched downthere, it's like man.
And I got to be consistent. You got to be consistent in what
you're doing. It's not a part time thing.
It's a full time go, you know. So I'm glad to be part of that.
I stay humble. I'm nobody better than anybody.

(01:08:49):
I'm just like anybody in the room.
I am solid. I will do things for you, but
you got to be willing to help yourself.
Yep. So anybody struggling out there,
there's tremendous help. There's people that will help
you and you're not going throughit alone at all.
Perfect. Yep.
Wow, brother. Dude, hell of a story.
It's. A wild one, man.

(01:09:10):
That is a wild one. We appreciate you taking the
time to come out, man. Thank you.
So I mean, that was intense. Was amazing.
Yeah, intense. Keep saving the lives, brother.
All right, Thank you. Thank you.
All right, man.