She Was Smoking Cr4ck & F3tty While Working as a Drug Counselor At A Recovery Center | Ep 80 - Get a Grip Podcast

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
So I'd had a dealer had reached out to me who had went to went
to prison or whatever and was like, Hey, just letting you
know, I'm good now. And I was like, oh, you know,
I'm, I'm sober. I'm not doing anything.
So I'm good. I have.
So I have one bad day and I'm calling them and I'm like, you
still got that stuff. I find the pipe at my brother's
house. So I spend the entire week in
smoke and crack. Call my counselor who got me the
job at at the sober living placethat I was working at.

(00:23):
And I tell her what happened. And my brother's like, listen, I
told you if you used, you can't be in my house.
And I'm like, found the pipe in your house.
You're fucking pipe. I'm like.
It was, I mean, it was clean, itwasn't a used pipe, but still
like, why do you have it if you know you're not doing something?
So my brother kicks me out. The counselor lets me come and
stay with her. Mind you, she was just my
counselor six months before that.
So it's an ethical thing that she's letting me stay with her.

(00:46):
So I go and I stay there, and I'm is.
She get in trouble for that. Well, we're yeah, we'll get
there. So you know, I stay with her
maybe 3 weeks. I'm smoking crack in her house.
My son is with. Me.
In her house, yeah. We're back from the episode of

(01:14):
Get a Grip podcast. We have Ashley Eric with us, who
I met at a community event the other night surrounding
recovery, which was wonderful. And I'll let you tell them about
that. But I asked her if she would
come on and without question, she said yes.
And so here you are. Thank you for coming.
Of course, much appreciated. You want to tell our viewers

(01:35):
what you do and kind of what your organization does, just so
they're aware. So I work for the Hope dealer
community, the Hope Resource Center.
We have two locations. It's a drop in Center for people
that are still actively using homeless to do their addiction.
We provide hot meals, sack lunches, Narcan, fentanyl test
strips. We have free medical care.

(01:58):
We have connections with the public defender's office for
people that are in the justice system, if they have warrants
are able to help hold those for us.
We have the legal aid comes out,job and Family Services comes
out. So kind of like any kind of
resources that you may need. Our biggest thing is our
connections to treatment the same day, access to detox to
sober living on the hilltops, kind of like the place to go if

(02:20):
you if you're ready to get sober, people know, come to the
hope Resource Center and and we're going to get you in
somewhere. What's a little bit different
about us is that we stay connected to people the entire
time. Like I know when I was on the
streets, like I got to the pointwhere my family didn't want
anything to do with me. Nobody wanted to help me.
No, I've burned every bridge. And so we stay connected to

(02:41):
people. The facilities that we work
with, like for detox, because wedon't have our own, it's just a
nonprofit organization, We stay in contact with them.
We have one of our detox facilities that actually bring
people to our weekly Wednesday night meeting.
But I am in contact with anybodythat's in detox every week
asking them like, do you need anything?
Like, how can we help support you?

(03:03):
We help with like hygiene items.We were helping with cigarettes
as well. And then once they get to sober
living, we want to invite everybody back to our meetings.
So we have an, a, a meeting, an NA meeting and then our
Wednesday night hope gathering meeting.
Just a few weeks ago, we had over 200 people there.
We provide transportation. Yeah, three vans.

(03:24):
We have a women's step group that meets on Zoom on Saturdays.
There's a Sunday morning church service.
We do a hangout event once a month.
Last Saturday we just did for overdose awareness.
We had a cookout at Rhodes Park,release balloons for people.
We've lost an addiction. So it's just.
These are boots on the ground, yeah?
Straight up, yeah. Like.
Right in the middle of it, yeah.It's awesome and you were born

(03:46):
and raised here in Columbus. Yep, on the West side.
So let's start at childhood. How was your upbringing?
How did that mold you into the human you are today?
Well, all the way up through elementary school, like life was
good. I have an older brother.
My parents, as far as I knew, they didn't really fight.

(04:09):
They didn't really have any kindof issues in the house.
Like, later on, I, like, realized that, like, my brother
had protected me from a lot of things, like if mom and dad were
fighting, like, he was taking meupstairs to my room to, you
know, go play with my dollhouse.Yeah.
So my brother protected me from a lot of things growing up.
My grandparents, my grandpa was a preacher, so I was, you know,

(04:31):
we went to church every Sunday. I was always a family event
every week at my dad's mom's house when I was nine years old.
I remember my mom asking me to help pack up my dad's clothes.
My dad had went to stay at his mom's house and I didn't, I
didn't have any idea what was going on.
I thought dad was just, you know, going to help grandma and

(04:52):
grandpa. So she had me help pack up my
dad's clothes. We went over and dropped him off
on the front porch of my grandma's house.
We were supposed to go to Florida.
My grandparents went to Florida for six months out of the year
when they got older. And so we were supposed to go to
Florida. The whole family and my mom
decided not to go. There was a a guy that was

(05:13):
staying in the house. She told me it was her
neighbor's brother that didn't have a place to stay.
And so I'm nine years old and like me and my dad and my
brother fly down to Florida withmy grandparents and they stay in
like, you know, retirement park.It's, you know, trailer park.
And my brother runs away from the grocery store that we go to.

(05:33):
And so when he finally comes back, I'm like, why did you run
away? And he's like, I don't want to
be here. He's like, mom and dad are
getting divorced and I'm like, you don't know what you're
talking about. And he's like, yeah, that guy at
the house, that's mom's boyfriend.
And I'm like, no, that's, you know, Julie's brother.
He's just staying there because you don't have a place to stay.
And I was like so oblivious that.
I was afraid of that. Yeah, anything, anything was

(05:54):
ever wrong. But I mean, he was right.
So when I got home, my mom had told me they were filing for
divorce and then my dad wasn't going to be coming back.
So my first stepdad, Dave, that's who was at the house.
He he, when I had already moved in, I found out later, like my
mom and him and I had an affair like years before that.

(06:17):
So this was like an ongoing thing for like, some time.
Yeah. My dad had, he's manic bipolar.
So you go through real, real high ups and downs.
When my parents first got divorced, like my dad did
everything he could to, you know, try to see his kids.
My brother and my dad always hadlike, some estranged

(06:37):
relationship. They didn't really talk.
They didn't really get along much.
You know, I remember my dad picking me up and taking me to
Wyandotte Lake, you know, every every other weekend.
And I would go stay with him at my grandma's house.
That only lasted for not even a year.
Me and my dad fell into deep depression, raised in church,

(06:59):
you know, he's like, you know, my wife left me and family fell
apart. So, yeah, thought he was going,
you know, against God because hewasn't able to make the, the
marriage work. So I didn't, I didn't see much
of my dad. Like he was kind of like in and
out of my life. Like when he would be OK, you
know, he'd call, we'd hang out and went to New Hampshire for a

(07:22):
couple weeks with him, some random lady he met on the
Internet. And he was like, I'm going to
marry her and we're going to go up here and we're going to stay
here. So we weren't really, we weren't
really in contact all that much.Like I can't really explain.
Like that's really kind of like with the trauma that that
started. Like I felt like I was outside

(07:46):
of myself, like all this was going on and I had no idea.
Yeah. I was going to ask the effect
that that had on you moving forward, I assume it had a major
part in it. It sounds like it did, at least.
Yeah, You know, I had friends, like we didn't really do

(08:06):
anything. I didn't try drugs or any of
that stuff. Like while I was in school, I
was, you know, still a good kid,still got good grades.
My mom used to run like baby a daycare in her home.
So like she would. This is my mom.
When she got together with my stepdad, that's when she started
drinking. So like, there's a lot that I

(08:27):
don't remember about childhood. Some of the stuff that I do
remember is like, I'd have to watch the kids for my mom
because, you know, she wanted togo to the store or she wanted to
be in A room. I remember, like, being upstairs
in my room and playing with my dollhouse, and like, every 10
minutes, somebody's telling for me to go get them a beer.

(08:47):
My stepdad was an alcoholic. He ended up getting in cirrhosis
of the liver. Yeah.
How? Old was he when that happened?
38 holy shit. He didn't have.
They didn't give him much time. He died at 39.
Oh my God. Yeah, so it was a lot of, you
know, trips to the hospital. So young.

(09:09):
Yeah, my, I was. I was about to turn 16 when he
died. We had gotten close, like we
used to go, you know, camping. And I just thought, you know,
drinking was the thing to do when you were an adult.
They'd have friends over, and everybody's drinking and playing
cards. And, yeah, it's what we do.

(09:29):
And like I said, I don't have much contact with my dad.
It's just very sporadic. So he passed away.
I remember he was in a coma for,like, I don't know, a week.
He had woke up. We went to the hospital to visit
him, and I remember him telling me like, I need you to come back

(09:52):
later so I can tell you something.
At the time, I had a boyfriend who was, you know, I was 15.
I had a boyfriend that was living in the same house as us,
and I was more concerned about staying home and being with a
guy. I think in my journey through
recovery, being able to look back at it, it's like I have a
codependency issue. Like my family split apart, me

(10:14):
and my brother whenever close because, you know, he's four
years older than me. And at that point, when you're a
kid, four years is a big difference.
But I leaned on the relationships that I had.
Like, it's almost like what I kind of took from my mom was
like everything else kind of gets put to the back burner.
What's most important is your relationship that you have.

(10:38):
And I carry that all all throughmy life.
I think the relationship that I'm in now is the most healthy
relationship that I've ever beenin, probably the only healthy
relationship that I've ever beenin.
So first step dad, I'm, you know, busy at the house and I
don't want to go see what he hasto say.

(10:59):
I hadn't been to school for a week.
This was my junior, junior year of high school.
And then I remember going to school the next morning.
I was there for maybe one or twoperiods and I got a phone call
down at the office and the sheriff took me over to the
hospital and they said that he had had a cardiac arrest and
that he wasn't going to make it through the day.
And he ended up passing later that night.

(11:21):
God, my mom just oh. My God.
Fell apart. Yeah.
She didn't. She want to leave the house.
She was, you know, crying for days.
So I ended up deciding that I didn't want to go to school
anymore. I was like, well, there was so
much that was going on. My mom had a a friend who had a
son that had gotten in trouble multiple times and they had a
recommended he go to life Skills.

(11:44):
That's the one that I went to was only open for one year.
It was like a alternative schoolwhere you go, you do all your
work on the computers. It's like 3 hours if you work.
So I started working full time. I got a job at Tim horton's and
I worked full time. I went to I went to classes from
started in November and I finished my credits in February

(12:06):
and so up until June, I just hadto turn a paycheck.
So I'm saying that I was still working.
So I was able to graduate. I actually ended up graduating
from high school a year early and then I I worked when same
boyfriend that I was with when my stepdad passed away, I gotten

(12:27):
into I wanted I wanted to go to the club.
So you know, all my friends wereturning 18.
They all. Wanted to go to the club.
You haven't had a drink or a drug yet?
Nope. Nothing.
Wow, through all of that. I think I had a sip of my mom's
beer on accident when I was like8 years old because I thought it
was tea and I was like, this is disgusting.
So like, but no, so I was, I wasdetermined like when my stepdad

(12:52):
died from cirrhosis, I was like,well, I'm never going to drink.
I'm never going to drink. I don't want to be like that.
I don't want that to happen to me.
And so, like when other kids were out drinking, I just, it
was always in my mind like what happened to him?
So there was not, I didn't have a desire then to drink.
But, you know, yeah, I get a little older.
So I'm going to the club from, you know, 18 to, you know, when

(13:15):
I first turned 19, I'm like, well, I want to see what
everybody else is doing. Like I felt like I just didn't
fit in and like everybody was drinking.
So I felt like I was the one like off in the corner that.
You miss. You're missing something.
Yeah, something else is going on.
I want to be the life of the party too.
I want to go out and dance and have the courage to do that.
So I did. I started drinking at 19 and it,

(13:36):
it was off to the races then. Like I didn't know that, you
know, some people tell you that if you black out that you're an
alcoholic. I, I don't remember a time that
I didn't black out like when I drank, even when I first
started, like I drank to get drunk.
Like I want to know what this feeling is like.
Give me a double shot and a double of whatever you're
drinking, drinking. Like I, I want to, I'm going

(13:56):
full-fledged. I want to do it all the way for.
The effect that alcohol produces, that's what we want.
It doesn't taste good. Yeah, At least not to me.
No, it's not. It's terrible.
So I started drinking at 19 and you know, I, I moved out of my
mom's house. I got a place.
I lived on campus for a year andI just that's what we did every
single night. I went to the bar every single

(14:17):
night, I went to a club and I was just living life.
I don't can't even really tell you much about what happened
during that time period because you were.
So. I was so drunk all the time.
I was working a really good job at Discover Card and I could not
like I didn't have to be at workuntil 2:30 in the afternoon and
I still couldn't make it to workon time.

(14:39):
So like it got to the point where it was either I was going
to quit or I was going to get fired.
And so I went ahead and quit. And since then it's been like
back and forth like I, I moved back in with my mom wasn't able
able to, to keep a place of my own.
So when I turned 21, no, I'm sorry, when I turned 20, I got

(15:03):
pregnant with my first daughter and I quit drinking.
So this, you know, my partying every night of the week went on
for a year or two. And then when I got pregnant
with her, I just, I quit drinking.
I was like, well, I'm just, I thought I was just going to
build my own family and it was going to be a good family.
And you know, me and her dad was, yeah, me and her dad was

(15:25):
going to be together forever. White picket fence and the whole
9 I was. Sadly mistaken had found out
that he had been cheating on me.Yeah.
And so, I mean, we were broke up, you know, a couple months
into pregnancy, but I was one ofthe girls that, like, would
still hold on. So like he would call for.

(15:45):
Well, but shouldn't he still be holding on like the child on the
way and whatnot? So.
Right, you think? I guess there's nowhere, nowhere
publicly that says who her father is.
I don't mind sharing this, but he told me in the very
beginning, he said either I willpay child support or I will be
in her life. Those were my, those were my

(16:05):
options. So up until the time, so I
didn't drink or anything until she was, she was two years old
when I used my first pain pill. So you know, lived at home with
my mom. I worked a job, took care of my
daughter. Her dad would come get her every
other weekend when she was aboutthat age.

(16:28):
Well she was about two when he would start coming to get her
every other weekend. So I think it's just like he's
like, I don't know what to do with a baby.
Found out later. It's like he didn't even tell
his mom. His mom didn't find out about my
daughter until she was 8 years old.
What? Yeah, we'll get there.

(16:50):
So I was working and finally able to get my own place.
Like it was me and my daughter, you know, my brother, my brother
is in recovery as well. We didn't know, we didn't
really, I didn't really know anything about pain pills.
I didn't know anything about, you know, doctors prescribing

(17:11):
them, any of that stuff. My mom is diabetic.
So at one point she was had surgery on her foot.
She almost lost it. So like the doctor was giving
her pain pills. My brother came to stay with me
and he's he like he had lived with me a couple of times
before, but he came to stay withme.
And I remember I just like I wasn't feeling good one day and

(17:34):
I just felt like I had so much stuff to do at the house.
And he gave me my first Vicodin and I was like, this is amazing.
Like there is, you know, it's, it was kind of like the feeling
that I had from alcohol, but like with like, I felt like
there was control there. Like, you know, I drink too much
alcohol. I'm out of control.
I don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happening.

(17:54):
So I didn't feel that way. And so, you know, first one I
was like, that's great. So the next day I was like, hey,
you got any more of those? Like whatever you gave me
yesterday, like that was that was great.
And so I don't know, it's maybe a week of, you know, him, him
giving me, you know, a couple pain pills, couple Vicodin here
and there and he ended up staying with me.

(18:15):
We went through this whole thingwhere he was like, listen, I
know this guy that we can buy these pills from and we can sell
them and make money. So just give me the rent money
that you have and I'm going to pay it back and I'll play pay
next month's rent. Really.
He was just getting me, you know, I don't think that was
ever really his intention. But I like, you know, have you
haven't gone through it now? Like I understand, you know what

(18:36):
happened, but I was convinced. I was like, I was like, people
are people pay for these. Like you can sell these and make
money. And so I did.
I gave him my rent money. Which you can.
Yeah, yeah. I just, I didn't know that then.
So I mean, this was almost 40, so almost 17 years ago.

(18:57):
And so I did. I gave it to him and like, he
kept me with a, you know, current supply of, you know,
whenever I wasn't feeling good, he would just give me one.
He wasn't being enough pay rent,none of that stuff.
So his dealer ended up moving ina couple of doors down from
where I lived in the townhouse and I became friends with his

(19:17):
girlfriend. And then I realized that that's
what they did for a living was sell pain pills.
And it just like progressed fromthere.
It was like, oh, we're going to play cards.
Sure. Can I have half of that Percocet
that you're taking? They're like, oh, you know, try
this, try snorting it. So just kind of like, I stayed
at home, you know what I mean? And I and I still took care of

(19:38):
my daughter like she had three kids, but it was, I was getting
high the whole time. I remember the first time that I
was sick, I didn't know that that's what it was from.
Like I felt like I had the flu, like it was terrible.
No one warned you that physical dependency was a part of.
This now and I remember calling my mom on the phone and I was

(19:58):
like, I am so sick like I got the flu like I need to go to the
hospital and my mom brought me aPercocet and I was like, well
maybe this will make you feel better.
But my mom didn't know. Like my mom's not.
Like my mom has been able to just stop taking pain pills like
she was prescribed them for years for pain.
Like she was able to just stop taking them and be OK.
She's not full blown addict likeI am who will who will send

(20:21):
myself to to prison eventually. So she came over, she gave me
the the Percocet and I was like,man, I just feel completely
better. So then I was like, well, I just
need to have these these pain pills all the time, all the
time. So then there was is.
That not an overwhelming feelingthere.
I mean, that's. So I, it never, it wasn't like

(20:43):
so terrible because like I said,I had an endless supply like my,
my brother was, you know, who knows how much he was actually
doing at the time, But I didn't have to pay for them.
I wasn't having to go out and doanything like somebody was just
there or my neighbors. Like I said, they were just
there and they would give them to me.
And so I didn't really think it was like any kind of big deal.

(21:03):
So a friend of the family was getting oxy 80s and perc 30s and
was like, hey, I heard that you can sell these perc 30s and make
money. So he was selling to selling
them to me at the time for $10. Now, I know nobody in the drug
world except for my neighbors and his girlfriend who I hang

(21:25):
out with. So I'm like, hey, could you
maybe sell these like and he's just, he would give me 80 of
them at a time and I didn't haveto pay for.
Them $10 a pop. $10 a pop and I didn't even have to pay for them
up front. He would just give me 80 of them
and just, I would call him when I had $800.00 for him to come to
come and get it. And so I just asked my
neighbors, I'm like, hey, would would you be willing to sell

(21:45):
these? And he's like, you could sell
these for 20 bucks a piece. And I'm like.
Shit 25 fuck. Well, at the time there were
still places I could still buy them for like 17 like later on.
So it wasn't, we weren't quite, weren't quite there yet, but I
made an agreement with them. I was like, can you just give me
$5 and you keep $5 and then we'll pay back the $10 that, you
know, we have to pay for it. And that quickly became within a

(22:07):
few months where I was eating through more of my profit.
Then I'm like, OK, well, you're not getting this money to sell
because I was eating them. Ended up having to leave my
apartment, move back home with mom.
So maybe, maybe a year later, I caught my first, my first

(22:30):
criminal charge. I had a dealer, so cousin of the
best friend, the the lady that lived on the street, the
dealer's girlfriend, her cousin I had bought pills from, you
know, multiple times. And she was like, Hey, this is
what's going on. We have this doctor that writes

(22:51):
these prescriptions and all I need you to do is to just go
cash the prescription at the pharmacy and we'll give you
this. Is locally.
Well, this is what she told, this is what she told me.
She told me that it was a doctor, that it was locally,
that it was a doctor's office and a pharmacy all in one, and
that it's going to be real quick, like 15 minutes.
Long story short, that's not what it was.

(23:13):
But I was so sick the day that we were supposed to go do this
that I didn't even care. We actually got in the car and
drove 2 1/2 hours to do you knowwhere Portage County is?
Do you know where Akron is to about 20 minutes north of Akron.
Real teeny tiny town. That was the story that they
told me to get in the car, but then they were like, OK, listen,

(23:34):
so they're from a doctor's office in Columbus, but we have
to come out here for the prescriptions.
And I'm like, I'm like, OK, so I'm not thinking anything of it.
I'm like they're. Still coming back here.
Yeah, she's like, they give me cash to pay for the
prescription. And I was like, well, why do I
need cash? I mean, I got Medicaid.
Why? Why do I need, why do I need the

(23:55):
cash to pay for it? But they didn't, they didn't
want me. They're telling me they're like,
well, if you want to use your insurance, and that's up to you.
And I'm like, OK, I'm like, well, if I get to keep the
money, then yeah, I'm going to keep the money and I'm going to
get paying pills and I'm going to use my insurance.
They're going to fill my prescription.
And like I said, it's a real tiny town.
So there were five of us that went on this trip.
It was the girl who was the cousin of my friend, her

(24:18):
boyfriend. They're the girl's cousin.
And then me and my brother's girlfriend, baby's mom.
So there were five of us. And so two of us go into the
same tiny pharmacy to get our prescriptions filled and they're
like, yeah, sure, just sit down and wait 20 minutes and then
come the police. And I'm like, what's happening?
Oh my God, I don't understand. I'm so naive 'cause I'm not in

(24:40):
this like, drug world. I'm not like, out, like buying
pills from people on the streets.
Like this is a, you know, like one family.
Like they've introduced me to a couple of people that were like,
in their family that we're selling.
So like, I'm like, what do you mean?
Like, what's the cops here for? And so I get arrested.
I was charged with a felony 2, felony 3, and a felony 4.
Holy shit. Yeah, so the sheriff's on the

(25:03):
phone telling my mom I'm spending ten years in prison and
she's freaking out. I've never been to jail before.
So I caught I had a prescriptionfor the PERC 30s was the the
second degree felony, the PERC fifteens was a third degree
felony, and the Xanax bars was afourth degree felony because
it's like over bulk amount something or other.

(25:24):
So I sat in jail for 40 days. This is my very first time ever
being in trouble, first time I ever went to jail.
Like, it was just just beyond me.
I'm calling my mom, and I'm like, why can't you just bail me
out? Like, you know how many times my
brother's been to jail and mom'sbailed him out?
I'm like, why can't you bail himout?
My turn. Yeah.
So they'd set my bond at like $40,000 or something.

(25:46):
When I got indicted like a week later, I went back to court and
they dropped my bond to down to $10,000.
So I was telling my mom like, it's only $1000 now.
Like you can Get Me Out, right? Sell my car, like just Get Me
Out like 2 1/2 hours from home. In the meantime.
So my mom is taking care of, youknow, my, my 2-3 year old
daughter. And I'm so sorry.

(26:09):
That's her. She's, you know, first day of
college and she's the only one that gets to get through the,
the do not disturb mode, No. You're fine.
So my brother's at home still using, so he's staying at my
mom's. My mom, my brother and my
daughter get in a car accident. My mom when my stepdad died got,
you know, $100,000 life insurance policy.

(26:29):
So went out, bought herself, youknow, at the time brand new
Monte Carlo Super sport gets in a car accident.
So she gets this payoff for her car because her car was already
paid in full. My brother who's still using
convinces my mom. So I had I'm sorry, I skipped
over this part of the story. One of the other cousins from my

(26:50):
friend, I was working at Walmartat one point and I let her come
through my line and I like didn't ring up half of her
stuff. And so eventually when I went
back in to get my paycheck afterI quit, they were like, what's
this? So I had a misdemeanor theft
charge and they were like, you'll have to go to court.
So I had that outstanding warrant that I had never taken
care of. So while I'm in Portage County
jail, my brother's like they gettheir, their check or whatever

(27:13):
from their accident. And my, my brother tells my mom
like, well, Franklin County is going to hold Ashley because she
has a warrant. So there's no point in US paying
the bond to get her out because they're just going to keep
they're going to keep her in Franklin and move her to
Franklin County for this misdemeanor theft warrant.
And. You'd probably get AR.
Well I'm trying to tell my mom so I'm outside of county range
for them to come pick me up for a misdemeanor.

(27:34):
I'm like they're not going to drive 2 1/2 hours to pick me up
for a misdemeanor theft charge. And even if I did, it was my
first offense, you know what I mean?
I so I wasn't. They're going to waste resources
on. That right so but my mom
listened. My mom listened to him.
My mom, no, my mom told him to go ahead and bail me out.

(27:55):
So she gave my brother $2000. He came up, he bailed his baby's
mom out. They have a kid and they get
Social Security because he was born 3 months prematurely.
So my brother couldn't cash those security checks without
her because they came in her name.
So my brother was like, got the $2000 for my mom, came up,
bailed her out, told my mom thathe bailed me out and that

(28:15):
Franklin County was just holdingme.
So he kept the other $1000 to goget high with.
Wow, yeah. That's some real life dirt bag
shit that. Is me and my brother's been
through been through some things.
So she got out. I mean, the other girls, their
grandma had come and bonded themout, you know, in the first week
that we were there. So I think it's like third week

(28:36):
that we're there, she gets out and so I'm there by myself an
accounting. I don't know anybody.
And so I don't know what to do. So I write the judge a letter
and I'm like, you know, I've gota daughter at home.
Never been in trouble before. Like can you reduce my bond?
So they end up taking me to court and they let me out on an
OR bond so long as I had a landline phone that they could
reach me at. And I was like, all right,

(28:56):
great. My mom's got one, no problem.
So I get back to the jail, I call my mom and I'm like, can
you come get me? They're releasing me.
And she's like, no. And I'm like 2 and 2 1/2 hours
from home and I have to have somebody there to pick me up
because I'm so far. And that's like part of my
condition of my getting releasedon my own recognizance.
And she wouldn't come get me. Did she not question?

(29:18):
She thought you were already outthough.
She thought that she had paid the bond.
And then she's. Still.
Insisting I'm not coming to get.You, my brother, is still
insisting that Franklin County is coming to get me.
And I'm like Franklin County is not coming to get me.
Like I need you to come pick me up.
Long story short, I was with my middle daughter.
I was with her dad at the time and I called him and I was like,

(29:40):
is there any way your mom would come pick me up?
I'm like, I got released. So like the whole time I'm in
jail, I didn't have withdrawals.Like, and I don't know if it's
like it's been like this kind ofevery time I've been to jail.
Like it's never really been bad.And I think it's like a mindset
and like I didn't feel like super sick or anything.
But that first night when I got home, like I couldn't wait for
her to get back home because I knew that my mom and my brother

(30:01):
had pain pills. And as soon as I got home,
that's exactly what I was doing.No matter the fact that I just
got arrested for trying to get like, I still didn't understand
like how serious it was. Well, when you're in jail, it's
different. It's easier to detox because you
have no choice. There's no option.
When you're out here, your fucking brain just keeps going

(30:23):
and going and going and going until you've come up with the
money to. Get Yeah.
So you have some kind of plan. So while I was in jail, my mom's
house had got foreclosed on. She's married to the the guy
that I was with when my first stepdad died is now actually my

(30:44):
stepbrother. So like my mom, when my first
stepdad died, was only single for about a month, was dating a
bunch of random guys. And I was like over at my
boyfriend's house one day and told my boyfriend's dad, I'm
like, hey, you should take my mom on a date.
And he did. And they've been together ever
since. Yeah.
So we were my, my mom and him, my stepdad.

(31:07):
My second stepdad, Henry, had bought a house.
They were in foreclosure when I was in jail.
This is during like, the 2008 nine mortgage crash, all that
stuff. Yeah.
So. So they lost their house.
So in the meantime, my stepdad was like, I'm tired of dealing
with you and your kids. And this is just craziness
because my brother has had his own run of strings with, you

(31:29):
know, family and his addiction. And so my stepdad left my mom
and my mom, my brother convincedmy mom to move out.
So while I'm in jail, they move out of the house that we were
living in. We're all living together, got a
half, a double somewhere. So when I get out of jail, I get
back. Nobody's at the house.
Nobody tells me that they've moved.
I can't get in the house. I'm like, what is happening?

(31:51):
So then my brother tells me I'm not allowed to come and move in
with them. And I'm like, what is happening?
Like I had no idea. I'm like, I don't, I don't know.
It's like my. Why is the turn on you so much
I? Don't I think it was like he was
so stuck in his addiction, like he could convince my mom to like
she's got, she's got some disabilities.
So like he could convince her tohand over money or like, oh, I'm

(32:14):
going to pay rent or I'm going to do this.
And like mom would give him the money, but I'm like, no, he's
not like, no, he's not. Don't give him the money.
And so I think it was just easier for him to manipulate mom
if I wasn't there. So I ended up living, ended up
getting in one of the windows and lived in the house that they
foreclosed on for months, months.
Yeah. I got to the point where they

(32:35):
when they would turn off the electric and I would go turn it
back on, turn off the water. I had a friend that had a key
that was we were able to turn the water back on.
So like it was. Yeah.
So we stayed there. And then my brother eventually
ruined some things with my mom. My mom was looking to get a
place and get out. So me and my mom and my second
daughter's dad, Sean, the one that his mom had picked me up

(32:58):
from jail. We went and got a place out in
the old Shannon Way. I don't, I don't even know what
it's called now off the West side.
It was like always a like a terrible neighborhood.
It used to be called Shannon Way, but that was like 2 decades
ago over off by Georgesville Rd.like kind of by the casino.
So we moved over there. Yeah.
I. Know what you're talking about?

(33:19):
Yeah, so like at this point, like I'm, I'm doing pain pills
like all the time. And like I I RIP my mom off like
I would take money out of her bank account.
Are you snorting them? Are you?
I was shooting them. Are you?
I was snorting them. I ran into an issue one night
where I was at home by myself and I couldn't find anybody that

(33:40):
had pain pills. I ended up getting a hold of one
of my brother's old friends was an addict as well.
And I was like, do you know anywhere I can go buy some?
And this is like after they, youknow, shut down Florida.
So it was a really hard time. Couldn't.
Find any? It was a mess, yeah.
And so he was like, well, look, I can't find any pain pills.

(34:01):
He was like, but there's this other stuff.
And it was like, and it doesn't cost as much money.
And that was the first time thatI tried heroin.
Fight a dollar for every time I heard that sentence.
Somebody sitting in that chair, I swear.
So first time so smoking heroin and I was like, well, yeah, this
is great and so much cheaper. So that's when I started smoking

(34:24):
it. I smoked for several years.
So it's really just my life is kind of a blur at that point.
Like I just remember like I wasn't like I would have off and
on jobs, but still never know real serious consequences.
Like the the charges that I ended up getting, I ended up
getting probation for. They dropped, they dropped the

(34:45):
F2 and the F3I pled guilty to anF4I had three years of
probation. So I was still using when I
found out I was pregnant with mysecond daughter.
I end up getting arrested I think it was for the misdemeanor
theft charge and I had not therewas AI had to do.

(35:08):
They told me I had to have an assessment done for my felonies.
They told me I'd have an assessment done and I had to
complete whatever they had told me that I had to do.
So at the time, like my assessment said, I just had to
take this like it was like an 8 week course or something like
that. Kind of like IOP.
I did that, never sent the information to probation.
And so when I got picked up on my misdemeanor, I had a felony

(35:30):
warrant for probation violation outside back in Portage County.
So go to jail, find out I'm pregnant with my daughter.
I get extradited up to Portage County, so they keep me in jail.
I was six months pregnant. So they ended up sending me.
They tried to send me to him. They're like CBCF program, but

(35:52):
they wouldn't take me because ofhow far along I was in my
pregnancy. So I got to go to it was called
the Horizon House. So this court ordered to be
there for three months. I left the week before my
daughter was born and I came back and I did outpatient at.
You completed though successfully.
Yeah. Well, so it's up to a year
program that they had, but they told me like I was only court

(36:15):
ordered to be there 90 days and they try to convince me to stay
there and that I could have the baby there.
And I was like, Nope, I want to go home.
So yeah, that was completed. So I was off probation up there.
So it was just no big deal. I came back.
It didn't take long for I was using again after I had my
daughter. I remember breaking up with her,

(36:36):
with her dad in the hospital because he was doing heroin in
the bathroom while, you know, right after I gave birth to her.
And then he's like, you know, I got to go outside.
I'll be back in just a minute and then be gone for hours at a
time. So like I was, you know.
Yeah, pissed. Fed up.
Yeah. So so we broke up.
But then, you know, it didn't take long.
My mom, my step dad had got backtogether.

(36:57):
He had they had moved into an apartment and I didn't have
anywhere to go. So I was like, can I come back?
And they've always let me come back like my mom, my stepdad,
they, I don't think they did it intentionally, but always
enabled me. I, they gave me money for a
really long time and like I'm really good at, I was really
good at manipulating them. And so anytime that I didn't

(37:20):
have money, like it wasn't ever really a big deal.
And like my mom, my stepdad bothgot pain pills for a long time.
And I was able to convince them to like if they didn't have
money, they would give me their pain pills.
I would take the pain pills and get traded for heroin.
So. Yeah, 'cause now those pills
aren't going to do shit. Right, so still just smoking it

(37:42):
my my daughter's dad. So you know, I'm back to use.
And so we're talking. He steals some jewelry from his
aunt's house and I happily go upon it with the intention that
we're going to get it back out and she's never going to know
all she did know, and she calledand she filed a police report.
So two more felony 5. Two's names on it.

(38:03):
Me two more felony 5 receiving receiving stolen properties here
in Franklin County. Went to court, got probation
again. They dropped it down so I only
had I plead guilty to 1 because he didn't have any charges.
They said once the restitution was paid off that they would
knock his down to a misdemeanor.So I was the one who ended up

(38:24):
paying all of the restitution because he was out using.
Did his gets dropped? His got dropped to a misdemeanor
because I had a felony prior to that, I had a felony conviction.
They wouldn't drop mine down to a misdemeanor.
So because I had the felony fromPortage County, that was
considered my second felony. Well, I was technically my
second set of felonies. Yeah.

(38:46):
They wouldn't drop mine down. So.
So then I had AF5 on my record as well.
I mean, we didn't stay together long after that.
So we broke up. I got with the next guy, which
is my son's dad who I ended up marrying.
How increasingly difficult does life become once you have these

(39:07):
felonies? I couldn't get AI, couldn't get
a decent job anywhere. You know, prior to this, like I
said, I worked at Discover Card.I had offers to go work at like
Chase Bank, like I was very goodat customer service.
And then like, you know, Amazon won't hire you to sort packages.
So I mean, I worked at Walmart, I worked at Tim horton's, but I

(39:30):
didn't have like any education outside of my high school
diploma either. So just I wanted at one point to
be an accountant because I like numbers, but really when you
have like, you know, receiving stolen property deception to
obtain a dangerous drug on your record, you're kind of screwed.
So, so let's see. So get with Chad who ends up I

(39:58):
end up marrying, I start workingat all while so me and him get
together. He ends up getting in trouble.
He had a probation violation. He had to go do like 70 days in
jail. So he goes to jail and I'm at my
mom's house and my oldest daughter's five.
It's summer, it's right before school starts.
Savannah's only one. And I get into an argument with

(40:22):
my stepdad over like my oldest daughter, her dad was paying
child support. Like at that point, like I had
got cash assistance so that you don't have a choice.
You have to file for child support if you get cash
assistance. So I don't the argument was so
stupid and I was like trying to give him my child's support card
and like he was upset with me. Long story short we ended up

(40:42):
getting into an argument in the kitchen and he dumped a bottle
of water on me and I fell and hehit me and so I hit him back.
Now my mom is in the living roomcan't see any of this and she
later tells me my stepdad tells her either you're going to tell
the cops that she hit me or you can get out too.
And so I left. I was all upset and left.

(41:02):
I'm crying. I call the cops and I'm like, he
hit me like freaking out. So I, the cop comes and meet me
just right, right outside the apartment complex brings me, you
know, has me come back over to the house and they're like,
well, your mom and your stepdad are both saying that they didn't
touch you and that he hit you orthat you hit him.
So you're going to jail for domestic violence.
And so I go to jail for domesticviolence.

(41:22):
He comes to court for my hearing.
He asked for a restraining orderagainst me and I'll granted they
have my 5 year old, my one year old daughter.
You know, I'm, I'm the drug addict.
I'm a, you know, I'm the drug addict.
So they grant the restraining order.
I think I did. They ended up dropping it down
to a disorderly conduct. I got released from jail in like

(41:45):
10 days, but I wasn't allowed togo back home and I had nowhere
to go. And I'm like my kids, my mom's
like, well, we'll take care of your kids for you.
It's fine. So I go stay in this house with
this lady. My boyfriend, like I said, was
in jail at the time. So he meets some guy in jail
whose wife has a house and she'slike, she can come stay with me.
That lasted for all of a few weeks before things got bad

(42:06):
between her and I, but my mom had offered to she's like, you
know, Sierra starting school soon.
You should, you should let me have custody or let me, you
know, sign over this information, you know, sign
over. Basically I signed over my
rights. Like I didn't really like think
all of it through, but I was also still using.
But like, basically I signed over custody so that she could
get my daughter enrolled in school.
Just like, you know, when you get your stuff back together,

(42:28):
get a place, we'll give them back to you.
No problem. I'm like, OK, so get into it
with this lady that I'm staying at her house.
So I end up homeless. So I call boyfriend who's in
jail's mom and I'm like, hey, I don't have anywhere to go.
She's living with her husband and his mom who has dementia.
And she's like, I can't let you in the house because you know,
she has dementia. Don't want to freak her out.
She's like, but you can sleep inmy truck.

(42:48):
So sleep in her truck in the driveway.
And I started working for a labor ready because you get paid
the same day. So like his mom kind kind of
helped me out. They let me sleep in their truck
for, I don't know, like four or five nights.
And then we ended up going and paying for a week's rent or a
week's stay at the 40H. I lived at the 40H.
It's the one on Broad Street, Holy.

(43:10):
Shit so I lived there for like 2months.
It's like the biggest piece of shit hotel in town.
It's. So terrible.
And it was like $350.00 a week. And so I was literally working,
I was working at labor ready going to the egg farm out in
Johnstown. So like I would pay whoever the
driver was that day, would go out there and work for, you
know, 10-12 hours and then come back.
We got paid same day. And so I just got into this

(43:32):
habit where I was just paying for every week, but I was still
doing heroin. I was still smoking.
My husband gets out of jail. Well, he's my boyfriend at the
time. He gets, excuse me, out of jail.
So then he starts going to work with me.
So we go to both go to Johnstown.
We're both working at the egg farm.
We both end up getting hired on.He got promoted to go.

(43:55):
Yeah, full time. It was like a 13 bucks an hour,
50 hours a week. When we got hired on full time,
his dad let us come stay with him out in Grove City so that we
weren't staying in a hotel in like case you got your money.
He took us to make sure that both of us had our driver's
license. He was letting me use his truck.
His dad has COPCOPD real bad. I got hired on full time at the

(44:20):
egg farm. Like my boyfriend didn't want
anything to do with drugs. Like he has an older brother
who's actually doing life for killing a couple people out West
some years back. So he doesn't want anything to
do with drugs. So like occasionally I can, my
mom's talking to me on the side,like behind my stepdad's back.
So occasionally I can get some pain pills for my mom or for my
brother, but I'm not really using anything.

(44:42):
It's just I just kind of stop and I'm just kind of miserable.
But my boyfriend was OK with drinking.
So we went back to drinking and it was the bars every weekend.
Isn't it funny how that seems like lesser of the two evils
somehow? Or like.
It's like, oh, it's accepted, it's OK, you can go out and just
buy this in the store and it's fine.
And but like I said, I mean, I don't think I've ever had a time

(45:07):
where I drank and I didn't blackout.
So I mean, I act a full 1 and I get very emotional.
I'm a crying drunk. So, you know, I start talking
about all these things that happened in childhood.
And so he we ended up moving to Johnstown.
So like I was a processing manager out there.
I got AI got a promotion. He was not happy about that.

(45:29):
He's very jealous guy. So I was like, you know, you're
beautiful, but only to me like very verbally abusive,
physically abusive. So his dad.
What didn't he like That you made more money than him?
Well, I wasn't allowed to talk to anybody.
So there was another processing supervisor that worked with me
that was a guy. And he was like, I seen you 2
talking and like, you know, I don't know.
He thought something was going on.
He was very insecure, ended up causing a lot of problems at

(45:53):
work where they had to move facilities.
So like I worked at one, there was like 4 sites up there.
I worked at one and he had to work at a different one because
like he, he came in like I did reviews for everybody and I had
this like folder that I kept everything in and he would like
come in the office and take my stuff and take it to the trash
and just really immature. But I'm like, oh, but he loves
me so. Yeah, that's true.

(46:15):
That's yeah way to show someone you love him.
Yeah, well, like I said, I mean,I've not had great examples in
my life thus far of like what a good healthy relationship is,
you know, didn't really still talk to my dad.
Like I had a during this time when I was working at the egg
farm, my brother was staying with his baby's mom.
She had got a brand new car for Christmas.

(46:36):
Like her family comes from money.
So you had my nephew and niece in the back seat, was doing
heroin and Xanax and went left to center, nodded out and went
left to center and hit somebody head on like 65, both going like
65 miles an hour. Like my brother broke everything
on the left side of his body. Like this was like one of the
times that I got to see my dad because my brother was in the
hospital and my dad's like, well, who's making medical

(46:58):
decisions, which I ended up having to be the one to make
medical decisions because he wasstrange for my dad.
My mom couldn't get up and come to the hospital, but so he
lived. I lived in Johnstown.
I'm like visiting with my brother.
My, my boyfriend gets fired and then I get fired.
And so we're still living out there.

(47:19):
So he's like trying to make money.
So like what he's done, you know, all his life is he was
stealing shit. And so he, him and a friend went
out and tried to steal 3-4 Wheelers in Lincoln County.
What? Yep, broke into somebody's
garage, got busted so that he, so he went to jail.
I went and started staying with my brother's baby mom.

(47:42):
My brother is like in rehab. He was in the rehab over there
by Mount, where Mount Cromwell used to be, I don't know, three
or four months because he couldn't walk.
He had to have like a hip replacement, knee replacement,
spleen removed and like, yeah, he was bad.
So I'm staying out there. He goes to jail and I've, I take
out a credit card in my mom's name because they're like, oh,

(48:04):
you can get approved for this much.
And I was like, oh, maybe I can bond them out.
So, you know, I'm identity theft.
Like I'm still on my mom's identity.
I open a credit card and I call a bondsman.
So they approved the credit cardfor like $3500 and his bond was
2500 or something to get him out.
And I, I wasn't working and he kept always asking like, when
are you going to Get Me Out? And I'm like, I don't know, I'm
not working. I can't.

(48:25):
So I open this credit card, I gomeet the lady at the at the jail
to bail him out. And he she doesn't swipe the
credit card. She's like something about like
the courthouse. It was like right before they
close. So she just like wrote down the
credit card number instead of like swiping on something like

(48:46):
bail bondsman or whatever. So she ends up not charging the
credit card. So like he gets out.
I'm like, this is great. Like, let's go.
You know, we're just, we're justgoing to go, we're going to
spend the money. It's whatever.
I go back to my brother's girlfriend.
'S. Man went back to brother's
girlfriend's house, get drunk one night and he decides like

(49:08):
let's go out and steal a four Wheeler.
So then I go with him and I'm drunk and I remember going in
the barn with him and I rememberhelping him push the four
Wheeler out and the he's like trying to get, they couldn't get
the four Wheeler started. So he's trying to put it in the
back of our flatbed truck and he's like, he's trying to tell
me I have to help him pick up this four Wheeler, which I
can't. Like I'm I'm drunk.
Like I like everything is just funny at this point.

(49:30):
I just think this is hilarious that this is what we're even
doing. And the cops pull up and they're
like, do you guys need help? And we're like, yeah.
And he's like, oh, I just boughtthis four Wheeler.
He was like, he's like, I just bought this four Wheeler.
He was like, it stopped running on me.
And granted, it's like 5:00 in the morning, so he was like,
well, do one of you have your, Ican help you get it loaded.
Do one of you have your driver'slicense?

(49:51):
So I can just, you know, clear you guys to, to leave or
whatever. And obviously I'm drunk, so I'm
not handing over anything like I'm driving a car.
So he gives them the driver's license.
The cop goes and runs the name. And because it's Licking County
again, they're like, wait, you're helping him do what?
And he was like, yeah, he's like, I'm gonna help him load
this four Wheeler. I just need to make sure that,
you know, there's nothing on hislicense.

(50:11):
They're like, we just released him from jail.
Like it was like 2 weeks before that.
We just released him from jail for trying to steal, you know,
3-4 Wheelers. So then they see the, the house
right down the street from wherewe're at.
And so they knock on those people's doors.
I mean, we sat out there for probably 2-3 hours.
I ended up falling asleep in theback of the cruiser.
So go to jail. So I'm get to jail and I call my

(50:33):
mom and I'm like, hey, I'm just letting you know I was out with
Chad last night, stole a four Wheeler.
I was like, so I don't know whenI'm going to be home.
And that's what they used to indict me.
What'd they charge you with? Grand Theft.
Theft of a motor vehicle, possession of criminal, trolls
breaking and entering SO3 felonies.
So he had went and told the detectives the next morning.

(50:55):
I didn't have anything to do with it so they let me out.
So I didn't know what was going on.
I just got released the next morning.
They ended up later indicting mebecause I made that phone call
to my mom, like, hey, 'cause youknow, I don't, yeah, I'm drunk.
And I was like, yeah, I don't clearly didn't think any of
that. Through four Wheeler.
So a few weeks later, like he has to go to court for the first

(51:16):
one. So they ended up putting all of
the charges together. So he has, you know, the first
set of 3/4 Wheelers that he steals and we go spend a week in
a hotel, we get married. I got pregnant four days later.
He got sentenced to 4 1/2 years.So then he, you know, it was
bad. So he tried to control my life

(51:36):
from prison, told me I was goingto have an abortion.
And then once I got to the pointwhere I was too far along, he's
like, OK, well, he's like, you're going to give the kid up
for adoption. So like, I'm lying to him the
whole nine months. And I'm like, yeah, I'm picking
out of the family to, you know, to adopt him out too.
And I'm, I'm, I'm lying the whole time.
So finally, like, after I have my son, I'm like, listen, I, I
can't give him up. Like I'm not going to.

(51:59):
And so he was threatening me. So I ended up leaving him and I
was like, OK, I was like, well, then we can't be together,
'cause you know, I'm not giving him up.
So true. That is when I started shooting
heroin, went down to the dope dealer's house and was like just
having a time. And I'm like, you know what, I

(52:19):
want to know what everybody elseis talking about, 'cause
everybody comes in here and everybody talks about how good
they feel. And this is what I want to do.
That's what I did. And I was like, this is amazing
and like. When you shot heroin for the
first time to do it yourself, someone help you.
Nope. So one of my brother's old
friends that I ended up dating later, he shot me up for the

(52:39):
first time and he was always like I, I couldn't do it.
I didn't know how to do it. So like anytime I would go buy
stuff, I'm just like, hey, can you hit me real quick before I
leave? So that started that.
So my son was I ended up starting to date that guy.
So like left my husband and then, you know, my dealer became

(53:00):
my boyfriend got all methadone went to when I went to when I
had went to court for these felonies that I had for the
receiving or not. I'm sorry for the breaking and
entering, theft of a motor vehicle and possession of

(53:21):
criminal tools. They gave me probation again.
So my third time I get probation, I'm on.
But I was also, you know, I was pregnant, you know, my stepdad
got up in the court and was like, she's really trying to do
better. You know, she's, she's taking
her medication. Like I was on methadone so I was
still high all the time. Yeah, what?

(53:42):
What inspired the methadone, theswap?
The methadone. So the guy that I started seeing
was like, well, if you're pregnant, you really shouldn't
just come off of heroin. You should go to methadone
'cause he was on methadone. So then I just started going to
the methadone clinic. So did that when I when my son

(54:02):
was born, I was there by myself.Nobody was there with me.
Not one person. Not one person, which sucked.
Damn, Yeah. Nobody even came to visit him in
the hospital. So he's coming off of methadone.
I was on 80 milligrams, you know, the whole time I'm
pregnant, so he was in the hospital for 17 days.

(54:24):
Detoxing. Yeah.
He was on morphine to detox. So what I was doing was at the
time when he, like right after he was first born, like I was
just using methadone. So like I would get up in the, I
would be up in the mornings, like get my daughter's off to
school because I'm back staying at home with my mom again.
I would get them to school, sleep during the day, and then I

(54:46):
would go back and I'd spend the nights with him at the hospital.
But nobody, nobody came up to the hospital at all to see him
until the day he got picked up my mom and then brought me up
there to pick him up so that I didn't have to take the bus with
him home. So my mom has custody of my
daughter's throughout all this from the original charge that I

(55:08):
got into with my stepdad. I'm my son's five months old.
He's three months old. He's three months old.
I got a probation and at this point, like I started using
again. So I'm using methadone and I'm
using heroin. And my probation officer's like

(55:29):
we've had it like you, you continuously keep dropping dirty
like something's going to happen.
So one of the times that I went in to see her, she was like, all
right, we're going to treatment.I'm like, I can't go to
treatment. I'm like, I have a baby, like,
and I have two kids at home. And she's like, I'm going to
send you to treatment where you can take your son.
So she sends me to this place down in Ironton.
I am there for not even a week, so nothing to come off the

(55:51):
methadone. So I'm on 80 milligrams, nothing
for it. Nothing.
Nothing. I'm in a room with.
Some ibuprofen or something? I mean, I probably could have
ibuprofen, but I'm saying like there's there was no withdrawal
anything. They wouldn't dose me down like
none of that stuff. It was just like, Nope, you
can't have it no more. So there's like 10 ladies in the
room. We're all on bunk beds.

(56:12):
It's like this great big house. My son's in a pack N play, you
know, in the room. So I'm on a top bunk 8 days in
to to my withdrawal. That's when I like, that's
really when I started getting sick was like 8 days in because,
you know, I've been on it for solong, it takes a while.
So then I'm like, I can't get upin the middle of the night and
take care of my son. And then I remember that I had
set an appointment for my son toget his shots.

(56:33):
And so we weren't allowed to usethe phone there, but I was like,
listen, my son has a doctor's appointment and he has his shots
and I've got to go, you know, take him to the doctor.
So I call my boyfriend and I'm like you know, it's my dealer
boyfriend and I'm like hey, can you check my phone and tell me
what day Alex's doctor's appointment is?
So he like it's on my phone and he tells me what day it is and
it's like 2 days later and they're like well, we'll just
schedule him a doctor's appointment down here.

(56:54):
And I'm like, no, this is his doctor, you can't make me, you
know, go to a different doctor. Like he's gets his shots.
Like I don't want to have to go all over Ohio to get his shot
records when he goes to school. So convinced them to take me to
the doctor's appointment and my boyfriend's not stupid.
I'm like OK, they're going to bring me.
So he shows up and he has, he gives me money and phone and

(57:15):
he's like, do you want to sneak these back?
And I was like, no, I'm sick. Like I want to leave.
So that day I left the doctor's office with my son, left
treatment. So I had a warrant out for my
arrest and like hid for two months. the US Marshals found
me. So my son was five months old,

(57:39):
US Marshals busting the door or saying with a dude that my guy
sells dope to. So then I have, they started
with, you know, like child endangerment charges 'cause I
have, you know, we use in the house, we have a milk jug that
we keep using needles in. And so they're like, yeah, child
and child endangerment. None of that ended up sticking

(58:00):
though. So I went to jail.
My boyfriend bailed me out. They gave me $100,000 bond.
So my boyfriend bailed me out, made a deal with like Woody Fox
and was like I'll give you $4000right now.
I'll make payments on the other six.
So he gets me out. He had a, oh what's it called, a
timeshare thing where he that hehad purchased out in Las Vegas.

(58:22):
So my brother offers to watch myson, me and him go on a trip to
Las Vegas. We take an ounce of heroin with
us, use all of it. We're buying from people on the
strip. Yes, with.
You. Yes.
How did the hell do you take? You drove.
We drove, yeah 'cause I had a warrant, so I was like, I'm not
getting on a plane. So we drove out there, the rest
of the airport. So we're out there for like 2
weeks. That was fun.

(58:42):
You know, walking around there'slike this homeless camp on part
of the strip and it's just like walking around trying to find
people that you know, you can, you can walk down the street and
know where to get stuff from. So we're like walking up to
people like, hey, I'm trying to get some heroin.
Like, you know, got ripped off acouple of times, but was able to
continue to supply or have it. When we went to Las Vegas, I

(59:03):
remember we were so sick on the way home, like we didn't even
stop on the way home. We just back and forth would
would switch off just to get home because we were sick and we
didn't have anything. So get back from Las Vegas.
My bail bondsman finds me. So because obviously, yeah, it's
$100,000 bond that I just skipped out on.
So my bail bondsman finds me, I go to jail.

(59:25):
My probation officer comes in and gives me a drug test.
And she's like, yeah, she just lit up the panel, didn't you?
And I'm like, yeah, well, whatever.
Like, I just didn't care. Like I apparently tested
positive for everything when I thought, you know, at the time I
was shooting heroin. And every once in a while we
were doing cocaine. I remember the first time doing
cocaine. I was, it was Christmas Day.
I was over at my dealer's house.This is like, this is before the

(59:48):
Vegas trip and right before I went to that rehab that my
probation officer sent me to because she sent me in January.
So in December was the first time I'd ever tried cocaine.
They were smoking crack and I was like, I like couldn't figure
out how to hit it or whatever because I was like not getting
anything off. I'm like, this is stupid.
Like I don't even know why you waste your money on this.
You guys all talk about smoking crack and all, how it's great,

(01:00:10):
whatever. And he's like, yeah, I got
something for you. So you guys get some vinegar and
breaks it down and shoots me up and I'm like.
That was my favorite feeling ever.
I was like, I'm like, do you hear that?
Like, do you hear it? Like I thought the train was
coming through the walls, like the bells.
Yes. And I man, was like, I was
fucked up. When you shoot cocaine, it is a
completely different drug. Oh, yeah.

(01:00:31):
Oh, yeah. It was serious.
And I, that would have became mydrug of choice at the time had I
not ended up, you know, subsequently going to jail and
then to prison. So right before.
They finally it had enough. Yeah.
They were like, OK. Right.
Yeah, right before, like the week before my bail bondsman
found me, I overdosed 3 times. So this is the time when like

(01:00:56):
fentanyl is really just came out.
Starting to hit the streets. And I remember like my, my
boyfriend told me, he was like, no, he's like you, you can't
shoot this. Like you just have to smoke
this. Like you can't shoot this, like
you'll, you'll probably die 'cause people had overdosed or
whatever. So then we got to the point
where I would take and he'd beendoing this for 20 plus years.

(01:01:16):
I was taking the rinse off of his spoon that he was shooting
up on and I overdosed 3 times onthe rinse of what he was using.
Oh my God. So I think the last time we were
like at a Burger King or something and he like shot me up
in the parking lot and we get out to go in and get breakfast
and I didn't even make it out ofthe car.
He was like you literally stood up and fell this face purse on
the concrete. I've never heard of somebody

(01:01:38):
overdosing on a rinse. That's the first time I've heard
that. Three times.
Well, I wasn't so I was only smoking, you know, tar heroin.
And then so like this is like something brand new.
That's. Yeah.
And like I said, he'd, he'd beenusing for a really long time.
So I mean, he could do a lot andit, you know, just be well.
So I end up going to jail, go toprison.

(01:02:03):
Like I, I go, I go in front of the judge and they're like,
we're going to give you the 18 months you have on the shelf.
And I'm like, are you serious? Because I have gotten away with
it so many times like this. You know, I, my third set of
felonies and I've never even hadto do jail time over other than
you know what, I, the little bitof time that I served like the
first time. And I'm like, what do you mean
prison? Like I like, it was so surreal

(01:02:25):
to me. I'm like, he's full of shit.
That's not really what's happened.
I'm not really going to prison. And then I did.
I spent like 2 months in the county jail.
And your heart sink, sink to your stomach when you sentenced
you, I mean, or do you really believe like?
I think I was it was just like really in shock and I was like,
I'm not really going to prison like this is a joke.

(01:02:47):
This is a scare tactic. You're just telling me this or
whatever. And then I went to Marysville
and admissions sucks. Nobody's nobody's classified
like their their level yet. So you don't know what their
security risk is. Like, you know, you don't.
And the girls are just they're immature.
They're pretending like they're driving a car to the corner

(01:03:09):
store around the bunk beds and, you know, lights are on all the
time and it's loud all the time.So you don't get out of the
admissions building until you get like classified or whatever
as what level security you are. And so I was level 1 security
because I had, you know, this ismy first time in prison.
Like I, you know, I have family or whatever, like all the
questions they ask. So I'm in admissions for like 40

(01:03:33):
days and then I pop out to the general admission, I'm there for
two weeks and they, I get a letter saying they're going to
send me to Cleveland, to the Northeast Reintegration Center,
which is like the level 1 security prison.
And I was so pissed because I was like, nobody's going to come
visit me. You know, like Marysville is not
far from home. Like if I go all the way to
Cleveland? No one's coming.

(01:03:54):
Yeah, so I get to Cleveland on aFriday and that same day that I
get there on commissary there you can order sheets and pillows
and they have a concert going onin the yard.
And I'm like, what is this is? This is.
Yeah, it was prison was a joke. It was like, it was like a

(01:04:15):
sorority. It was, you know, just there
wasn't a whole lot of drugs up there, but like you had so much
freedom to do whatever up there.I like, I mean, I went to like
NA meetings, but like even stillthen I'm still like, I don't
know that I really, I don't think that I'm an addict.
Like I never get to the point where I think like I'm an addict
and I, I like need help. I started working the steps like

(01:04:39):
with a sponsor through the mail,got through like Step 5 and like
that was it. When I got released, I got sent
back to transitional controls. I went to the Alvis house for
the 4 1/2 months of the remainder of my sentence.
While I was there, boyfriend, drug addict, boyfriend was still
using. I was like, you know, I'm trying
to stay sober. Like I don't think that being
around somebody that's using is probably a good idea.

(01:05:00):
So I'm like just trying to like,I want to get my kids back.
I want to do the right thing. And it wasn't so much that I
thought that I needed any kind of treatment.
I was just like, I'm just not going to.
And so we ended up breaking up. He ended up catching multiple
charges and ended up doing over five years in prison for it.
One which could have been me, like there was a something that

(01:05:24):
he got charged with that I was there for.
They asked him who was in the car, but he wouldn't tell him
who it was. And so like, I could have, you
know, and I had something to do with a gun, so.
Yeah, certainly you would have been there.
Yeah, I would have. I would have gone down for that.
So, you know, he took that. So I was in the Alvis house for
4 1/2 months and I was just like, I went to all my groups

(01:05:45):
that I was supposed to go to. I went to the required meetings
that I was told to go. To all of us normally pretty
riddled with drugs and. There were a couple girls that
had overdosed while I was there,plenty that got kicked out for
using drugs. But I think I was just like, I
had this mindset, like, all right, I want to be there for my
kids. I'm going to like do the right
thing. But like I said, I don't think
that I need treatment and I don't really have like, I never

(01:06:08):
really had like community, not really people that I talked to
that were healthy or that were like really focused on recovery
really. Hard to find in places like
that. Believe it or not, I got a job
at Chipotle out in Reynoldsburg.I worked there for over a year.
I got a second job at B Dubs as a server and so I worked full

(01:06:30):
time at Chipotle. I worked part time at B Dubs,
did my 4 1/2 months in the Alvishouse, had got back in contact
with my dad like the last month or so that I was in prison.
We had talked a few times and hehad offered like, hey, when you
get out, if you need a place to stay, like you can come stay
with me. And so like, he was really kind
of going through one of the spells when I got to Alvis.

(01:06:52):
Like he would sit on the phone and talk to me for hours and it
would just be like rambling and it would sound crazy.
And he's like, God showed me my third wife and I've never even
been married twice and like delusional.
And so I'm like, OK, I'm like, you know, I'm just, it was nice
to talk to him. Still untreated?
No. He never, never treated my

(01:07:15):
grandma before she passed, didn't leave the house for 10
years. You know, we grew up where you
don't tell people your business like what goes on?
Like I found out later, like my,my dad and my mom were physical
with each other. And like my mom would tell my
grandma, my grandma's like you don't tell anybody else that
stays in the house. Like we'll deal with this like
his family, whatever. So start talking to my dad right

(01:07:39):
before I get out of the Alva's house and I go inside, I'm going
to go stay with him. So my grandma's in a nursing
home had Fellenberger hip and had been there ever since.
Because of my dad's mental health, my uncle was able to get
like legal like guardianship type deal over my grandma.
So my dad was not even allowed to go visit her in the nursing

(01:07:59):
home anymore. So I went and stay with my dad
not even a month, the first weekthat I was there, the electric
was turned off and I'm like, howmuch do you owe?
And so like my dad was telling me like, hey, if you pay $500 a
month, like you can stay here. Whatever.
My dad the the mortgage was $140monthly payment and like he was

(01:08:21):
just so far behind from where hedidn't work 100.
And 40 for the mortgage. So my grandma had taken out my
grandpa built the house back in the 50s.
And so like the house was already paid off when my mom, my
dad split, my mom got to the point where or my dad, they took
his driver's license for not having paying his child support.
So my grandma took out a loan onthe House, paid off the Child
Support so that he didn't have to worry about that.

(01:08:43):
So that's all it was for. So electric gets turned off,
it's like 600 bucks. And so I give him the money to
pay it and then the gas gets turned off and I'm like, I'm
trying to save to get my own place to get my kids back.
I'm like, if I, if I pay this and like this is like me paying
next month's rent, then what areyou going to do next month when
the bills are due and you can't pay them?

(01:09:04):
Quit his job that he had, He worked, he got a job, started
working for a week, quit his job.
And so I was like, I just don't think that this is a healthy
environment for me to be in. So like when the electric's off,
the, it's a property that has a well, it's an electric well.
So then there's no water if there's no electric.
So I was telling my my boss at Chipotle, young lady, she was
21. She was a general manager there.

(01:09:25):
She's like, you can come stay with me.
So I'm like, OK, so I go and I stay with her.
She only charged me $200 a monthfor rent.
I'm able to save up money, get my own place and like my kids
are coming over. Ex husbands getting ready to get
out of prison at this time. So he's getting out of prison
and he's calling or whatever, and he's like sending me these
letters and he's like telling mehow good he's doing and how

(01:09:48):
sorry he is for everything that he put me through and how he's
sorry for putting his hands on me and all this or whatever.
And I took these domestic violence classes and like, I
went to college and got a degreeand I did all these things and
I'm like, OK, so I'm like, I'm going to give it another shot
because, you know, you're my son's father.
It's still legally my husband. So I'm like, we're going to give
this a shot. And I was like, but if you ever
put your hands on me again, likeI'm leaving, he's out at the out

(01:10:10):
of his house for two weeks, getsupset with me and like pulls me
by my hair, jerks the steering wheel like so I almost wrecked
the car with our son in the back.
Yes, I was driving. And so after that I was like,
all right, like I'm done. Like I, I'm not going back
through this with you. So brand new apartment that I
have end up moving out of that because he won't give me the

(01:10:32):
keys to it. So he has a copy of the key and
I'm it's a whole thing with my landlord.
So she ends up letting me out ofthe lease.
So then I start dating the next guy and these what's funny is
like most of the guys that I have dated.
Finding these dudes. That's this one.
We started talking on Facebook. My ex-husband, we started
talking on Facebook. The funny thing is like so
Savannah, her dad Sean, I've known since we were kids.

(01:10:55):
We all grew up in Cherry Creek together.
Chad, the one that I married, I,I knew since I was a kid, we
grew up, he grew up in the same neighborhood, the drug dealer
that was a boyfriend, like same,same thing.
They we all grew up in the same neighborhood.
So this new boyfriend, same neighborhood, known him since I
was a kid, start dating him and and I'm back to drinking.

(01:11:16):
It's so like I did good for a little while, but never with any
kind of support. Like when I got out of the
Alva's house, I only took two months and my boss was like,
Hey, you want to have a drink? It's your birthday and I don't
tell anybody that I'm an addict because I don't believe that I'm
an addict. So I'm like sure.
So then, you know, I start drinking and then that continued
for years. It's it's always gone back to

(01:11:39):
alcohol. Like anytime that anytime that
I've like been able to put anything down, I always start
with alcohol. Like it's always been like that.
So with this new guy, you know, a couple years raising his three
kids, finally get my mom had my son while I was in prison.
So I finally get, you know, physical custody of him back

(01:12:00):
even though she never had like actual custody of him.
I'm going to court and trying tofight her to get my girls back.
And this has happened like multiple times throughout my
journey where like I'll get sober and I'll try to get my
kids back and my mom will tell me no.
And so then I have to go to court and I have to fight her
for it. And then I have to go to court.
This last time I had to go to court and fight because the
original papers that I signed when they were five and one said

(01:12:21):
that they would have supervised visitations with me one time a
week. And that was what the court was
trying to uphold. When my mom said no, you can't
have them. So I had to go to court so that
I could get visitation set up. So then I would have them
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday andevery other weekend.
So living with this new guy drinking all the time and then I

(01:12:42):
find crack. And it was that old friend that
lived in that apartment complex that my brother, her boyfriend
was the dealer, you know, way back in the very beginning from
pain pills. Yeah.
So I'm so I'm in there and I'm and I'm smoking started out with
fentanyl. I was smoking fentanyl and she

(01:13:02):
gave me crack. Tried that.
So I was doing both fentanyl andcrack.
Boyfriend kind of gave me an ultimatum and was like, you
know, after it went on for months, he's like, you need
help. And so I went and checked myself
into recovery works and was there for their 28 day program,
stayed for their PHP program foranother 28 days.
Did their IOP program afterwards, stayed sober for

(01:13:25):
like 6/6 to 8 months. Was so excited, got my CDCA
'cause I was like, this is what I want to do.
I'm like, OK, I understand I have a problem.
I want to help other people who have a problem.
So I I go and I get my CDCA license and to celebrate I go to
Key West by myself and I think that I'm going to go down and

(01:13:48):
enjoy the beach. Not until I know that Key West
is not a beach town, it's a party town.
So go down there. Bars.
Yeah, and and go on, you know, like an all day excursion where
you get to go like parasailing and jet skiing and go
snorkeling. And at the end of it, on the
boat ride back, it's free drinks.
And I'm like, I don't really like, you know, I don't really

(01:14:10):
drink beer. So she's like, I'll make you
this drink with this tequila andthen start it again.
So then I'm drinking every nightthe rest of my trip come back
and we're right back to where wewere.
So I had this counselor when I worked at recovery works that I
got really close to who I had a hard time like in the household
that I grew up with, with my, mygrandpa being a preacher.

(01:14:31):
Like I don't know how to separate the word God from
Jesus. So like all these, like I've
done different treatment programs and so, you know, it's
always go to a a but I had a really hard time with the God
part. God being whatever my
understanding of God is like when they're like the doorknob
can be your higher power. I'm like, that's stupid.
You don't know what you're talking about.
This program is a waste of my time because I didn't

(01:14:52):
understand, nor was I open minded enough to even attempt to
listen to it. So she starts talking about like
the universe and frequency and sound healing and and meditation
and like so I get into all this and I think this is great.
So she ends up getting me a job at a sober living facility when
I have six months clean as a counselor.
And so I'm going in and I'm counseling people.

(01:15:15):
Mind you, I've already started drinking and it gets to the
point. So I work there for like 3 or 4
months and it gets to the point where me and my boyfriend get
into it again because I'm hidingmy drinking.
I'm, you know, buying the littleshots of fireball and I'm hiding
them in the trash can in the basement because I'm the only
one who like who does laundry. So nobody's going to come down
and find them. So he ends up telling me, you

(01:15:38):
know, I got to go back to treatment, I got to go do
something else, 'cause like he'slike, I can't have this around
the kids. Like I need you to get yourself
straight. And so I go and stay at my
brother's house, my brother who I think's been sober and I go in
his house and I'm nosy and I'm going through his stuff and I
find a crack pipe and I'm like, now about a month before this,
there was an old dealer who had reached out to me and for a long

(01:15:59):
time I refused to change my phone number.
I'd had the same phone number for, you know, 10 years.
I was like not changing my phonenumber.
So I'd had a dealer had reached out to me who had went to, went
to prison or whatever and was like, Hey, just letting you
know, I'm good now. And I was like, oh, you know,
I'm, I'm sober, I'm not doing anything.
So I'm good. I have so I have one bad day and
I'm calling him and I'm like, you still got that stuff.

(01:16:20):
I find the pipe at my brother's house.
So I spend the entire week in smoking crack.
Call my counselor who got me thejob at at the sober living place
that I was working at. And I tell her what happened.
And my brother's like, listen, Itold you if you used you can't
be in my house. And I'm like, found the pipe in
your house. You're fucking.
Pipe I'm like. It was, I mean, it was clean, it
wasn't a used pipe, but still, like, why do you have it if you

(01:16:41):
know you're not doing something?So my brother kicks me out.
The counselor lets me come and stay with her.
Now mind you, she was just my counselor six months before
that, so it's an ethical thing that she's letting me stay with
her. So I go and I stay there, and
I'm is. She get in trouble for that.
Well, we're, yeah, we'll get there.
So, you know, I stay with her maybe 3 weeks.
I'm smoking crack in her house. My son is with me in her house.

(01:17:04):
Yeah. So she, she, she suggests that
harm reduction she gives me, shetakes Adderall and she had some
Vyvanse that was leftover. So she gives me some of those.
And it's like, well, you know, maybe, maybe if we just curb
that and we, you know, you get on a.
Medication. So that I'm able to know what I
need to tell a doctor to get me to prescribe them for me.

(01:17:26):
So a doctor that our sober living facility used to
prescribe certain medications. I went to her and was like, Oh
yeah. And I just, I haven't had time
to get my prescription. And, and she was like, OK, well
I need you to take a drug test. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's
fine. Like, do I have to come in and
do it today? Like, can you just call this
prescription in for me over the phone?
So she does so without even evereven seeing this doctor, no drug
tests, nothing. I was able to get them to

(01:17:47):
prescribe these to me. So then I'm using that and it
doesn't matter, 'cause then I feel like I'm up all the time.
So then I'm, I'm back to smokingfentanyl in my office at work,
at a recovery center. And so the counselor that helped
me, that had let me stay with her was working for them as
well. And so she's trying to hide it.
She's trying to give me a chanceto not completely screw up

(01:18:09):
everything I had. To help you out.
Yeah, so we get to the .1 night.I don't know, I'm like so high
and she calls me and she's like,where's your son?
I'm like, is that my mom's? And she's like telling me that
she's going to call Children Services on me.
How? I've had Children services come
out multiple times. They've never opened a case,
like not even when they found myson.
You know, when Marshalls found me, they never, they never took

(01:18:33):
my son. They never opened a case.
And so I was like, do you think that you're helping?
Do you think that calling Children Services is helping?
Yeah, Wasn't she the film that was trying to give you shit to
get off crack and whatnot, and you want to be holier than now?
So she's like, you're out of control and I don't know what to
do. And so like the first real
therapist that I'd ever talked to was the, at the, at the time

(01:18:55):
was the clinical director at recovery works.
So she reached out to him like she no longer works there.
But she knows that I have this relationship where I have talked
to him and told him, you know, about trauma, the trauma and
stuff that had happened in my life.
And he'd been like the first real person I'd opened up to
about these things. And so she calls him and then he
calls me and he's like, I'm justletting you know, I'm going to
be here today if you want to stop in and talk to me.

(01:19:15):
And so I don't know, like the next day or whatever, I go into
work and I'm like, hey, I'm like, you know, is Ryan here?
Can I talk to him? So I go in and I talk to him and
I tell him everything. I tell him about how, you know,
this counselor has given me, this is what she was giving me
these meds. She's doing shrooms.
We're talking about micro dosing.
I started micro dosing and then as well, 'cause like it's really
easy to buy micro dosing PS online.

(01:19:39):
And I'm like, do you think I need rehab?
And he was like, I can't tell you if you need rehab or not.
And he was like, if you can put it down and not pick it back up,
then he was like, do I think that you could like go back and
get on with your life and like continue doing what you're
doing? Yes.
He was like, but if you can't, then yes, I would tell you to
come into impatient. And so I'm stubborn and I'm
like, I don't need help. I'll, I'll just do it myself.

(01:20:01):
And but what she had done with giving me the meds that she'd
given me, the fact that she'd let me come and live with.
Her he was like, I'm telling youright now, he was like, because
of this information, he's like, I am calling the board.
He's like, because that's a violation.
She should have never done any of those things.
So she so I only I only lived with her for a few weeks.

(01:20:22):
I end up getting my own place and I just, it was even more
worse and I spiraled even more out of control.
That's all I did all day long with smoke crack.
And then when I run out of crack, then I make sure I have
enough fentanyl to like pass outfor the night.
So I mean, I would go for days at a time.
So it wasn't even at that point,like my addiction had become
crack. It wasn't about fentanyl
anymore. And I don't know why.

(01:20:45):
I think it's just 'cause I thinkthat I'm in control when I'm
awake, you know what I mean? And I'm not like nodded out.
So like, I think I'm in control.So like, this is the better drug
to use. I just, I didn't know how to
cope with anything that was going on in my life.
So ex-boyfriend that I had been with that had told me to leave.

(01:21:06):
I end up getting into an argument with him on the phone
'cause he shows up at my house and I was passed out and my son
didn't go to school. And so my son let him in the
door and he come upstairs. I remember like arguing and
fighting with him. I was so upset 'cause I had
crack and a half fentanyl in separate bags and he found my
crack and I was so upset. I was like trying to trade him.

(01:21:27):
I'm like, please, I'm like, giveme that back.
Like take this. Like I was trying to convince
him to give me the crack back. And he's like, no, he's I'm not
giving it to you. And then I was like, I'm going
to get help. Like, I just need it.
So I ended up calling the clinical director back.
And I was like, and I did it almost out of like a move of
defiance because he was like, you're not going to get help.
He's like this. You're just going to continue to

(01:21:48):
do this until you die. And so I called the clinical
director and I'm like, do you have a bed available for a
female? And he's like, yeah, for who?
And I was like, for me, he was like, yeah, he's like, I can get
you in a day. And so I'm back to treatment
that day while I was in rehab, met another guy did.
You get your crack. No, he didn't give it back to
me. I smoked the funnel before I
went though. So I went back to to rehab.

(01:22:12):
The guy that I'm with now I met the second time that I went to
recovery works. He was just a friend.
He was somebody to talk to when I got out when I was like, all
right, let's let's be serious like this is this is really
what's going on in my life. And it was.
I needed to go to treatment. I need to continue treatment
like I am an addict. I don't know how to stop on my

(01:22:33):
own. Like I've tried plenty of times
to just put it down but it doesn't work.
What Amethyst? Amethyst coming to the scene at
all? No SO.
They're like super long and theytake kids and the whole 9.
When I was at the Elvis house before I like I left and I moved
in with my dad, they had told melike I had a family.

(01:22:56):
It's like a family and children's program that they
have there. And they had tried to convince
me to go to to him with this. And I was like, can't work for a
year. I don't think so.
So yeah, it wasn't really like it was my second round of
recovery works. And like it was within a year of
each other. Like that clinical director had

(01:23:16):
made me understand like what actually happens to our brain
like during addiction. And it's like that there really
is something like your pleasure since there is messed up and
like once you've raised the bar so high, like it's really hard
to get to come back down, especially like even when you
first stop using like it takes time for that to go back down
for you to even feel pleasure with life or whatever.
So like I understood it more after the first bout.

(01:23:41):
Like I try to do like meditation.
I'm like OK the universe is my higher power because I didn't
want to hear anything about God but ended up leaving that the
other boyfriend that I was with the.
Good one. No, the one that will the one
that I mean, he's the one that got me to go back to treatment.
So but I ended up staying with the the guy that I met in

(01:24:01):
treatment. His name is Scott.
Like I said, we're still together now been to, we've had
our moments, but it's been abouttwo years when we got out, like,
I don't, I don't know, like we would go out and try like new
medians together, started going to church and I wasn't really

(01:24:23):
still sure how I felt about any of that.
Like four months into the relationship, we relapsed
together. He's working.
I had a friend that had let me borrow a car.
So I was driving him back and forth to work.
He was working at a Country Club.
And you know, we're not, we're not driving nice cars, driving
into, you know, a Country Club that you're manager of or

(01:24:46):
whatever. It's just like a series of
things happened and he was like,I just want to get high and I'm
like, yeah, let's do it. No question whatsoever.
That quick. Yeah, I was, I told you it's a
codependency issue. And so I was like, yeah, let's
do it. And he was like, but he was

(01:25:07):
like, but like just for the weekend.
And so we get high, he actually stops and I'm like, no, I'm not.
I'm not done. And and so this continues on for
like a few weeks where he's like, no, he's like, I don't
want to, but I'm still like, no,I'm not done getting high yet.

(01:25:27):
Like now you done started it like now, now it's going to be a
minute. So Long story short, like he
would, he went to rehab a coupletimes.
Like he went to rehab, like he'dgo to detox and he would try to
convince me to go with him and Iwould tell him no.
Then he would, you know, spend aweek, two weeks or whatever,
he'd come back out and he'd be like, Are you ready to go?
And I'm like, Nope. He'd get high with me, can try
to convince me to go to treatment.

(01:25:49):
And that happened a couple timeslast time.
And he was like, look, he's like, I, I'm not, I can't keep
doing this. And so he went to rehab and he
went to the cyber living afterwards and I still ran for
another six months. I tore down my life the fastest
in this last six months before stopping that than I ever had.
It went so quickly downhill, burned so many bridges.

(01:26:16):
I was I got on all the gambling apps.
I would go to the trap houses and I'm like, I will pay you
like we're going to set up a chime account for you.
Like I would do all the betting and like we're just going to
split this money and like that'sit was it was insane.
I don't know. So this I, I went to treatment.

(01:26:37):
So from February to April of 2024, I was treating like 4
separate times. Now that first four months that
him and I were sober when we first met each other, like I got
enrolled in school, I went back,I was going to college for the
first time. I was on the Dean's list.
I made the National Honor Society.
Like I was like, I'm going to bea social worker.

(01:26:58):
This is what I'm going to do. So after I'm still using, you
know, school money's nice. So you get loans and grants, you
take that out. It's a nice little chunk of
change. So was still going to school
while I was in active addiction.So the two months before I
actually got clean, I went to rehab like 4 times and I would
go for three days and I'm like, hey, I'm like, I got to go.
Like I got papers that are due, like I'm good.

(01:27:20):
And like I left three treatment facilities telling them like,
no, look, it's finals week. I got to go.
Like I, I have to leave because I have to do this school stuff.
But like still clearly not in myright mind.
So my boyfriend at the time was volunteering at the Hope
Resource Center. He was in sober living and he
would go there and pick up trashand make peanut butter and Jelly

(01:27:41):
sandwiches and sack lunches. Batteries.
So Scott's volunteering at the Hope Resource Center.
Now, we're still talking like hedoesn't give me money or
anything like that. Like while I'm getting high,
he's, you know, but he's always still checking on me, making
sure I'm OK. But he's also distanced himself
at this point because I'm still running, getting high.

(01:28:03):
And, you know, he's trying to besober.
So he develops relationships with the people that are at the
Hope Resource Center that are working there.
But he makes me call this this girl named Brittany.
And he's like, look, she's goingto school to be a social worker
just like you. And like, you know, she's been
sober for a couple years. And I'm like, stop trying to
make friends for me. So I like, I like call her.

(01:28:25):
And I'm like, I'm only calling you because he told me to call
you. And so like, we talked for a few
minutes or whatever. And then he maybe like a week
later, so he invites me to come to, they have a meeting called
the Hope gathering. And so I go and I'm high and I'm
smoking crack in the bathroom and, and I brought Suboxone with

(01:28:47):
me because I'm like, I can't have my pupils be, you know, as
big as my eyeballs. So I'm like, I need something to
like even them out. So that's how I'm thinking like
I'm going to take some Suboxonesthat would make them real small,
but still smoke my crack. And then I'm nodding out and
then I'm wired. So I'm like all over the place
during this meeting. And I remember afterwards they
used to have this like small group group discussion.

(01:29:08):
So the lady that I ended up asking to like be my sponsor,
who's she's actually now the associate director of the hope
dealer community. I remember going up to her and
I'm talking to her and I'm like,you have any good book
recommendations? And I'm like, so high and they
all know that I'm so high and they're like, just keep coming
back. And she talks to me about what
good books that she thinks that would, would be good for me to

(01:29:30):
read. And so I go, I go to that
meeting twice. And you know, Scott's like still
and try to encourage me to like get out and be around community
and like try different things. So he's still taking me to
church. We were going to Rock City
Church and I can remember there was a sermon about about
wrestling with God and about toxic relationships.

(01:29:52):
And I'm like half knotted out inthe back of the sanctuary.
And I'm like, he's talking aboutme.
I'm the dead weight and this is a toxic relationship and I'm the
dead weight and he's telling youto leave me.
And he's like, that's not what he's saying.
So he still continues to try. He's still going to be to go to
these meetings with them. And, and he, we go to church one

(01:30:14):
Sunday and like, I remember likegoing in and like we're doing
worship and they're singing the song, the blessing.
And I just felt like this weightlifted off of me and I just like
started bawling and I, and I waslike, if I could just sleep in
the back of the sanctuary, like I'll be OK.
Like, I'll stay here and I'll stay sober and, and I'll be
good. I won't need to go to treatment

(01:30:35):
all this and I remember one out after service and I met a lady
that was out there on the prayerteam and I like told her I just
got saved and like I was struggling with drugs and
alcohol and she prayed for me. And I remember her telling me
that like as she was praying shewas like and just remind her
that if she does fall that you're still going to be here
God to pick her up. And it was almost like it was a

(01:30:57):
scape for me. I saw crack at home.
So I went home and still smoked crack.
Never. I got saved, but I couldn't get
high. And so for two weeks, for two
weeks I tried to get high and I couldn't.
And I was finally like, all right, maybe.
This is why do you think I thinkthat was intervention.

(01:31:18):
I think that was God doing something for me, because maybe
I was going to still keep going.There was a point in time, like
after I'd met Scott when we wereclean and then I and then we
relapsed. I overdosed like I this the last
couple years is like crack was my drug of choice.
So I hadn't used fentanyl since that time that we went to

(01:31:40):
recovery works. And I remember like I went to my
dealer's house and like sometimes he'd let me clean or
take the dogs out or whatever, like if I didn't have money.
So he's like, oh, your stuff's like bring me my scales and
stuff and I'll get your, you know, get your stuff for you or
whatever. So I bring him his scales that
are closed and I put them on thetable and I give him the crack
and he weighs it out for me. So I'm getting ready to leave
and he's like, stuff's on the scales.
So I'm like, OK, so I brought the scales, they were closed and

(01:32:02):
I gave them to him. So in the lid there's a little
tiny piece. So I just assumed that it's
crack. And so I'm like, oh, that's mine
too. So, you know, dump in the bag.
It was fentanyl and I had overdosed, so I was staying at
my mom's at the time. Oh my God.
My daughter that was she was 12 at the time.
They never came downstairs like my mom knew what I was doing.
So my mom would be like just leave your mom alone.

(01:32:23):
So did. You load this piece into a
fucking crack pipe and RIP it. Yep.
And I remember like as soon as Igot unhit and I was like, oh
shit, that's not crack. And I knew right away what
happened. And so like I sat down and then
I was like, no, I can't sit downbecause nobody ever comes
downstairs. So I like, I tried to get up and
I fell face down. I woke up to six paramedics.

(01:32:45):
That had been a lot of fetty. Yeah, my daughter, my daughter's
the one that found me. So my mom has sent her
downstairs in the basement to get me because for whatever
reason, this God doing this God saving my life because they
never came down there, you know?So she's got a lot of trauma to
work through that I have caused.Woke up to six paramedics and

(01:33:06):
I'm like, what happened? And they're like, ma'am, you
overdosed. And I'm like, on what?
I was smoking crack, Like what did I overdose on?
And it was crazy because that night I had two bags.
And I always usually keep myselfin separate bags.
Like if I get something from oneperson and get something else
from a different person. There was like a bunch of crap
that was going around the time. So I had two different kinds.
And I remember when the paramedics left, they asked me

(01:33:27):
if I want to go to, they were like, listen, they're like, we
don't know how much fentanyl that you've ingested.
You know, once an arcane wears off, it's possible you could re
overdose. Like you should come to the
hospital and be monitored. I'm like, I'm not going to the
hospital. And I'm like, tell my mom I
don't want, I don't want anything to do with any of it
anymore. And then I'm like, where's my
crack pipe that was downstairs? Where's my stuff that was down
there? And they're like, oh, it's

(01:33:47):
behind the washer. My stepdad hit it because he
didn't want to get arrested because I had drugs in the
house. And so they gave it right back
to me. And that same night I got a new
pipe, but I smoked the same fucking crack because for
whatever reason I had cut the like the corners off of both of
the bags. And so they both look the same.
So I thought I was smoking the other stuff, but I wasn't.

(01:34:07):
I turn around and smoke the samestuff I had just OD on.
So I, this is, I think it's really like God was doing for
me. And like when I couldn't get
high for those two weeks, like he was saving me.
So yeah, so I tried for two weeks after I got saved and I
was like, all right, I'm done. Just got no D out of it.

(01:34:28):
Yeah, I, I remember saying, like, so I'm familiar with a lot
of treatment facilities. Like I know where I can go and
make phone calls and where I could go and have visits or
whatever. And I was like, you know what,
like instead of me trying to manipulate the situation, I'm
like, I'm just going to let you send me wherever you want to
send me. And so I called Brittany, that
girl that he had made me talk toyou from the Hope Resource

(01:34:49):
Center. And I was like, I'm ready to go
to treatment. And she's like, great, I can
have a van or I can have a car there for you in 10 minutes.
And I was like, whoa, not that ready.
Like, hold on. Like so this is a Saturday and
I'm like, I want to talk like I had just.
Made like made. Made the decision I'm going I'm
like, I want to talk to Scott who was at work and I was like,
I need time. And so she was like, well call

(01:35:09):
me back when you're ready and sowe ended up scheduling the ride
for like 8:00 that night so I take a bus down I go see Scott
he was working at the Home Depotat the time and I'm like, hey,
I'm like, I think I'm ready to go to treatment.
I'm like, I want to know how youfeel about this like, are you
are you going to still talk to me or are you going to still be
here to support me And and he agreed and I was like, you know
I was like, I really, I really want to go to church tomorrow

(01:35:32):
and I was like, I know I scheduled this ride for tonight
but I like I really want to go to church tomorrow like maybe I
said something wrong in that prayer two weeks ago.
Like I want to like recommit myself to you know, because
whatever just happened, like, you know something happened God
did something because I couldn'tget high.
So I was like, he did something,I'm like, I really want to go to
church. And so like Scott and Brittany

(01:35:53):
were talking and they were making jokes about how it
doesn't count because I wasn't actually in the car yet.
And now I'm just saying next day.
But you know, now that I work for the Hope Resource Center, I
understand that because so many people are like, I'll go
tomorrow, I'll go tomorrow, tomorrow's the day.
And so I got the next morning and I went to church and I
called and I scheduled, I said I'll take the first available
time that you guys can come pickme up.
So they scheduled it for like itwas like 230 or something.

(01:36:15):
I got up, I went to church, I recommitted myself and I went to
treatment and I got to Landmark in Cleveland and I was like,
this is worse than prison. Like it's a it's a Medicaid
facility. It's not the nicest.
And you know, people, people is the people is the problem.

(01:36:37):
That's what I was. Going to say I had to be the
people. And so it was funny, 'cause
there was a couple of girls thatI didn't get along with, but
man, I seen God work so much andI was only there for 20-3 days
because they did end up letting me out because it was finals
week. I was trying to actually work
something out with my professorswhere I could withdraw or
something from class so that I wasn't completely screwed on my
grades, which didn't end up happening.

(01:36:59):
But I met at the time, there wasprobably 6 or 7 girls that were
there that when they asked me, like who sent you to treatment,
like did you just call here? Because, you know, I'm from
Columbus, we're all the way in Cleveland and couple of the
girls are, my roommates were like the Hope Resource Center
sent me and I was like, yeah, that's who sent me too.
And I'm like, I had never had anexperience like at the drop in

(01:37:20):
center, any of that stuff. I just talked to this girl on
the phone and met them at this meeting that they have.
But I ended up becoming like really good friends with one of
the girls that was from the dropin Center that used to frequent
it, you know, Monday, Wednesday,Friday when they were open.
And we still talk to this day. She's got four days more sober
than I do. She just had a baby.
She stayed in Cleveland because she's like, I just got to get, I

(01:37:43):
got to stay away from Columbus. And so I was only there 23 days,
came back home, went back to my mom's house.
I was like insistent that I didn't need a program.
I didn't need anything. Well, I had traumatized my
oldest daughter so much with what happened with the overdose
and me relapsing that I had blamed it on Scott, the guy that

(01:38:06):
I was with. And so my daughter was like, I
don't want nothing to do with him.
I don't want to see him. You know, she's, she just turned
18. So then she was 17 and she's
like, I don't want him around here.
And I had snuck him in the house.
My mom's and my daughter came downstairs in the basement and
seen us. So was really upset.
My mom threw me out of the houseand I had a month and a half
sober, nowhere to go. And I remember we were walking

(01:38:28):
to the, to the bus stop, 'cause like I'd upset my daughter
again. And like, you know, I'm sober.
Like I wanted to be different. I'm walking to the bus stop.
I got a, an e-mail from the Columbus Dream Center, which is
where Rock City's Short North Campus is.
I got an e-mail asking for volunteers for that night.
There were shorthanded volunteers.

(01:38:48):
And I was like, I guess this is where I'm going because I didn't
have anywhere to go. So I went down and volunteered
for their dinner shift that theyhad.
Scott ended up putting me in a hotel for about a week.
I reached out to there was a girl when I was in treatment
that had said something about freedom recovery.
And so I reached out to them to see if they had housing with

(01:39:10):
their treatment programs and they didn't.
But they said that they could help me find a place like a
sober living place, like a maybelike a pay to stay place that I
could stay in and still come to groups there because I was
interested in the fact that it was, it was Christian based.
Even though this was like all sobrand new to me.
I was just like all in full-fledged like, OK, well,
whatever you did got OK, this isthe path that I need to go on.

(01:39:34):
And so stayed in the hotel, wentto a birthday party that Alyssa,
who's the associate director now, and Scott Sanders, the
executive director for Hobbilerswas there.
And I was talking to them about,you know, I have this
appointment at Freedom Recovery.I want to find a pay to stay
place. They were able to get me into a
pay to stay sober living that night.

(01:39:54):
So was able to get out of the hotel, went to Freedom Recovery
and stayed there and did IOP through them.
And at this point you're taking everything seriously, I assume.
Like you're soaking up as much as you can.
I am. I feel like I'm trying to stay
in the moment as much as I can because I feel like God has had
so many opportunities for me andbecause I didn't know what to do

(01:40:16):
with my time. And I was only in Group three
days a week. Like I was volunteering at the
Hope Resource Center and I wouldgo in and I would listen to
sermons in the backroom and I would make peanut butter Jelly
sandwiches and put together sacklunches.
It had been suggested many timesfor me to get a sponsor.
And so I asked Alyssa to be my sponsor.
I was going to Celebrate Recovery meetings and I worked

(01:40:37):
the 12 steps through Celebrate Recovery.
I built a community of people around me and like the people at
the Hope Resource Center, even the ones that were using, you
know, we don't want to live in this lifestyle.
Like it sucks, but some of them it's, it's hard for them to see
a way out. So like even be in there and
just, you know, being that person that'll come up and give

(01:41:00):
you a hug, like, you know, we know you haven't showered in two
weeks and we know that like you're dope sick right now and
you feel terrible. But like being around people
like that, it's like it's a realeasy reminder of where I came
from, where I could go back to that.
It only takes, you know, once and it's and it took me a long
time to understand that meant one drink too.
I didn't know Celebrate Recoverydid a 12 step program.

(01:41:23):
Yeah. Is it just particular ones or is
it across the board? Oh Celebrate Recovery is the 12
step program. OK, I didn't know that.
So it's like the way that I would introduce myself there is
like, my name is Ashley and I'm a believer in Jesus.
I've been to 1 and I went. I've been to 1.
My neighbor was Christian and I was still getting high.

(01:41:45):
And she was like, you got to come to this thing.
Yeah, and I was like, God fucking damn it, I want to go to
this stupid bullshit, 'cause I didn't believe in God at all.
In fact, I hated God just cause.And so I went to this thing and
I remember I argued with the entire group about how I don't
need Jesus for my recovery period.
Fuck you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, for like the entire

(01:42:07):
hour, like just just, it was allcentered around me, 'cause I was
still fucked. I think it's all, you know what
I mean? And that was my only experience
with Celebrate Recovery. So glad it worked for you.
Yeah, well, I had so freedom Recovery, like their first
group, like their first night group every month like they go
to a Celebrate Recovery meeting.And so I was like, all right,

(01:42:30):
well let me try that. And I went to one up at Cyprus
before too. And I think that like when I had
that, that experience with God, like it was a a whole different
shift in perspective. And it was like, I want to be
deeper in this because like the Celebrate Recovery 12 steps, are
they asked to go a little bit deeper?

(01:42:51):
It's a, it's a different kind ofworking the steps.
They're like 4 workbooks that come with it.
And so like I'm going back now and working the 12 steps with a
A because like I said, for a long time it was like drinking
is not a problem for me. I can put drinking down.
Like, yeah, I could put drinkingdown, but I pick up crack or I
pick up but it's just. It's just one solution for the

(01:43:14):
same disease. It's the same thing, yeah.
So I don't, I don't know, like Celebrate Recovery kind of hit
home. It was I was trying to build
like I felt like I was telling me that I needed like a network
of people. Like when I was a counselor
before in this ever living facility, like I didn't have a
group of people. I didn't go to meetings.

(01:43:35):
I didn't you're. Also were smoking crack in the
bathroom. Well, for the, the, the little
bit of time that I was clean, but I like, I, I didn't really
have community. I didn't really have a place
that I felt like I belonged. Church was one of those places
that I, that I felt like I belong.
Like I look forward. Yeah, I look forward to going to
church. I just joined the mom's small

(01:43:57):
group that's going to meet, you know, twice a month.
My kids are involved in it. Like my boyfriend and I got
baptized shortly after I got home from rehab.
I went and got baptized together.
My youngest daughter has since been baptized.
My son, I don't think he's quitethere yet, but he wants to be
baptized. But it's a build a community of

(01:44:17):
people like in Celebrate Recovery.
And then like at the Hope Dealers and in the different
meetings that I'm going to. We just started a, a new group
called Hope Inside. So we're going inside the jails
now kind of like sharing our story.
And it's like talking to people about like, I never really paid
any kind of attention to anybodyin jail.

(01:44:37):
Never really went to groups. Like I didn't want to hear what
anybody else had to say. Like I thought I knew what the
solution was. But maybe if somebody had been
there and been like, I've been in your shoes and I know what
it's like. And if you go back out and you
go back to the same neighborhood, no matter how good
your intention is, you're probably going to fail if you
don't do something different. And so like to offer them

(01:44:58):
community when they get out or if they need a program, like to
help get them connected to a program when they get out.
I very much take what I have nowseriously because life is so
much better. Even on the hard days, life is
so much better than it ever was using.
I'm grateful I get to be a part of so many different things,

(01:45:19):
like the Hope Dealer community is an amazing recovery
community. My church gets to do amazing
things that I get to go out and do with them.
I just dropped my oldest daughter off at college today.
It's her first day of college classes.
And so like, I'm really, truly blessed and like I owe that all
to God. And I'm like, OK, so I didn't
just go through 20 years of craziness and drug addiction and

(01:45:43):
not to do something with it. And so I feel like where I fit
in best is talking to other people who are on that journey
who are trying to get out of it,like, OK, this is what works for
me and how can I support you in whatever way works for you it.
Keeps you sober at the same time.
Yeah, absolutely. There's a level of
accountability that I have. Like I do the transportation for

(01:46:05):
our Hope gathering meeting, which is like 70 people on my
list that I try to arrange transportation to get there.
You got to have nights where you're like, I don't want to do
this, please, not tonight. But then you do it and you feel
better. Yeah, it's, it gets like that
sometimes. I'm actually getting to a point
where been able to free up some time in my schedule.

(01:46:25):
And now like today was an amazing day.
Like this is the first time likeI got to drop both my kids off
at school, all three of my kids off at school.
So I dropped my my young or my middle daughter off 1st at the
Columbus Gifted Academy. And then I dropped my son off at
Westbright Elementary and then to drop my daughter off in
college. And I have the free time to come
here and sit and talk to you today because like my job allows

(01:46:46):
me to do those things and they let me take things that are
important to me and like, I havetime to be able to work around
what I need to do for work. Like I'm very grateful for the
opportunity that I was given there.
You know, I just, I just went onvacation multiple times this
year, like went to Charleston inApril and St.
Joyce. Meyers, I went to Charleston.

(01:47:07):
It might have been in April, actually as well.
Charleston's awesome. Yeah.
And that feel crazy, like being able to take a vacation.
I took. Yeah, I, I have moments when I
mostly when I travel or I'm going to do something that I
have no business doing, you know, 'cause I should be dead.

(01:47:29):
Where I'll just be sitting thereand I'll look down to my feet
and I'll just be like, how the fuck are your feet there?
Like, why are they on this airplane?
How is that possible? Like, yeah, it's unbelievable.
It's unbelievable. I had my daughter turned 18 in
July and I wanted to take her togo do something because couple
years prior to that when I was using, I was getting school

(01:47:51):
money. I was like, Oh yeah, I'm going
to take you to New York for yourbirthday.
But you know when you're using. Yeah, all that money was gone
real quick, real quick. So we made plans to go to
Virginia Beach because she had never been there.
So we made plans to go to Virginia Beach for her birthday
the week after. So her birthday was July 18th.
We were going to go the following weekend.
And then we had a girls trip. There's a few of us that that

(01:48:16):
work together, like Mary works for the Hope Resource Center,
Alyssa, me, and then Destiny andDestiny and Christina decide
we're going to go on a girls trip.
And we had somebody offer to us use their house.
I was one of Alyssa's friends, offered to let us use their
house to have a vacation. And it's like 30 minutes South
of Myrtle Beach. And so the plan was to go in

(01:48:38):
August, but then last minute we had to change the plans because
somebody else like their son or somebody was using the house.
And so I literally went to Virginia Beach, left it on
Thursday, came back Monday night, turn around and left
again on Thursday to go to Pawleys Island in South
Carolina. Like so I was like back-to-back
vacation, but I'm like, how is this, this is so crazy that I

(01:48:59):
get to do this. How do I even have the money to
do this? Like this is so insane that I
get to do something like this. And it's just, but those are
things like God keeps doing amazing things in my life and
I'm so grateful. So I just try to follow whatever
it is that he tells me to do. The prison thing you're doing,
first time doing prisons or institutions or have you done

(01:49:22):
them in the past? Nope, it's first time.
So it's the the new Franklin County Jail.
Oh. Yeah, it's actually really nice
there. Yeah, so.
Resource Center, like when you walk out the doors, look at you,
look at you, a cab to go wherever you want to go.
Now I'm like what? It's like, really.
Yeah, I know the lady that's overhead of both of that one and
the one at the Pike. They'll help people get right

(01:49:43):
into treatment. Get on the Vivitrol shot before
you leave jail. It's like.
My favorite thing to do is to gointo institutions and speak.
I've done pick away and then CBCFI did for eight years.
Every Tuesday I'd go in there. The guy missed a couple of days
here and there until the end when we started doing this, and
then I had to drop it off. And I do this now.

(01:50:06):
But God, I love going into institutions and speaking to
guys who were inmates just like me and trying to tell them like,
guys, there's a different way. I know you think you're fucked.
I know you do because I know I thought I was fucked, but you're
not. I promise like you're not.
And to deliver that message is you're going to love it.
It. It's so fun.

(01:50:27):
It's so much fun. I just had my first week last
Thursday, so I'm going in every Thursday, meet with the same
group of ladies for four weeks and then rotate it.
That's awesome. Yeah, it's.
Exciting if you had a message that you could deliver to
somebody still struggling or on the brink or thinking about it
or what would it be for our viewers?

(01:50:51):
There's hope, there's community,people love you, all right.
Yeah, Well, thank you so much for coming out.
Thanks for means a lot. Seriously, and have a good rest
of your day. You as well.
Thank you. Thank you.

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She Was Smoking Cr4ck & F3tty While Working as a Drug Counselor At A Recovery Center | Ep 80

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}She Was Smoking Cr4ck & F3tty While Working as a Drug Counselor At A Recovery Center | Ep 80