June 26, 2020 • 28 mins
“Be educated about sources of information, because knowledge is power and then live within your means. That to me, goes hand in hand.” - Donna Bandelloni
In this episode of GET READY!, I spoke with Donna Bandelloni, who is an authority on Planned Giving. Donna and I discussed the value of having a family financial meeting and the importance of communication. We also covered the importance of introducing money issues to children along with the concept of philanthropy.
Bio: Donna’s super powers are communication and connecting people. Donna is a leader in the planned giving community and a frequent speaker on national planned giving webinars and at planned giving conferences across the country. Donna has just founded her new venture Genuine Giving. Donna is also a Senior Consultant at the Heaton Smith Group. Donna has served as a director of gift planning for leading healthcare organizations and senior director of charitable gifts for world-leading financial institutions for more than 25 years. Her capacity to lead and execute produced significant growth in gift planning programs for large healthcare foundations located in Northern California - the Lucille Packard Foundation for Children’s Health and the California Pacific Medical Center Foundation. In addition, Donna held director positions at large financial institutions such as Merrill Lynch Trust, Wells Fargo Charitable Management, and Mellon Financial, and successfully expanded their charitable services to the nonprofit sector.
The Get Ready Money Podcast and its guests do not provide investment advice. All content is for educational purposes. Guest opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Get Ready Money Podcast and Tony Steuer.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Welcome to the get ready with Tony Stewart podcast.
Today.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm excited to be joined by Donna van baloney,
somebody who I've known for along time.
Donna.
Good morning.
Thank you for joining me.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Thank you, Tony.
I'm delighted to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
It's great to have you.
Um, so just a couple of notes,uh, for our listeners to get
ready.
Podcast format is changing, uh,to cover each month, get ready
financial calendar item, whichis designed to help you stay
financially prepared.
Uh, this month action item isabout having a family financial
(00:48):
meeting.
In other words, communicatingwith your spouse, significant
other in your children, whetherthey're kids in your home or
adults out on their own, um,communication is so important
and that's why I'm so happy tohave Donna on today.
Let me tell you a little bitabout Donna Donna super powers
(01:08):
are communication and connectingpeople.
And that's where I met.
Donna is with her connectingpeople.
Um, Don is a leader in theplanned giving community and a
frequent speaker at, uh, manynational plan giving webinars
and planned giving conferences,um, across the country assuming
we have in person conferences.
(01:32):
Um, so a couple more thingsabout Donna.
Uh, Donna has just founded hernew venture, genuine giving.
Uh, Donna also is serving as asenior consultant at the Hedon
Smith group in Atlanta.
Uh, Donna has served as thedirector of planned giving for
leading healthcare organizationsand senior director of
(01:54):
charitable gifts forworld-leading financial
institutions for more than 25years, her capacity to lead and
execute produced significantgrowth and gift planning
programs for large healthcarefoundations located Northern
California and the LucilePackard foundation for
children's health and theCalifornia Pacific medical
(02:15):
center foundation.
In addition, Donna held directorpositions at large financial
institutions, such as MerrillLynch, trust Wells Fargo,
charitable management, andMellon financial, and is
successfully expanded theircharitable services to the
nonprofit center.
Sadhana is a planned givingpowerhouse Donna and so great to
(02:37):
have you.
I'm so honored to have you on,you've been a great friend and a
mentor, uh, and uh, just learnedso much.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I'm doing great.
Tony.
I just want to say I've learnedso much from you as well.
So I feel honored to be asked tobe here and I hope that I have
something to share to youraudience.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
You shared you.
Um, so can you tell us just alittle bit about what you do and
your journey so far?
Speaker 1 (03:04):
So you've already given a great background of
information to our audience, but, um, really what I've done is
I've taken a look at all thevaried experiences that led me
to this role as a consultant, tobe able to refine for our
clients.
And those clients would benon-profit entities, large and
(03:26):
small, who are looking at, uh,increasing their planned gifts
for those institutions in avariety of ways.
And since I've led gift planningprograms, I have a particular
insight in how to grow anddevelop them and to work with
donors in building lastingrelationships for institutions.
Um, but in, in my earliercareer, working with financial
(03:49):
institutions, it was reallyimportant for me to understand
how best to serve clientsindividually with their
financial planning, charitablegift planning and overall
personal wealth management.
Um, and so it is a pleasure nowto be able to have conversations
that are not just about finance,but what matters most to the
(04:13):
individual donors and clientrelationships to these
institutions.
And that has to do with threeparts that I focus on family
financial and philanthropicvalues.
Um, and I think it'sparticularly appropriate for
your topic on family meetings.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, well that, that's so important, um, to have
that conversation with familymembers and to hit on that.
And it's, it's about so muchmore, um, than finances.
So many of us in the financialservices area tend to focus on
the financial service aspectrather than on the client and,
(04:53):
um, what's important to them andwhat they want to achieve.
Um, so why, why is it important?
Why do you feel it's importantfor family members to
communicate with each otherabout their financial affairs?
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Oh, I think, I think it's really important to provide
education and support and a safeplace to have conversations
around topics that may sometimesfor each one of us have its own
sensitivities and in building,uh, a relationship with family
members to feel safe andcomfortable and uh, show their
(05:29):
vulnerabilities and knowledgeand understanding of these
topics is really critical tothis success.
Um, and starting in a familywith children.
I think the earlier you canstart in having very basic
conversations, um, that it willprovide an openness and a
(05:50):
gradual education based on theirmaturity and understanding of
topics as well as anunderstanding of how parents can
do their best to impart valuesas well as prepare their family
members for the future, uh, interms of financial management.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Well, that's great.
So, uh, you know, I think youhit on an important point is
people often think that, youknow, kids are not ready to
learn about money or they oftendon't talk to kids about money.
Um, you know, when would you sayis a good time to start talking
to children about money?
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Well, I think if you keep it simple and not discuss,
you know, the actual dollars andcents of the family situation,
but really focus on simpleconcepts, think about it.
I think I, you know, personallylearned as a child, uh,
elementary school, you know, Iremember a couple of important
things.
One, we used to have banking onenvelopes, nickels, dimes
(06:50):
quarters that we would on aweekly basis, have a banking
envelope filled up with changethat I would save from little
tasks around the house or justasking my parents for a nickel
or a quarter.
And those envelopes would getbanked in our local Waterbury
savings bank.
So there were two things, therewas banking on the Lopes and
(07:13):
there was milk money.
And I remember learning aboutmaking change and, and having
change available to me for thosepurposes.
Um, and I think basic conceptsthat children can relate to make
it easier for them to start tohave a knowledge and
understanding of concepts suchas spending, you know, mom and
(07:36):
dad may give you a quarter andof that quarter, maybe it's a
dollar today, but in my agegroup, it was a quarter which
was a lot of money at the time,25, 50 cents, and a dollar was a
big deal, but a part of eachdollar that parents might give
you that there is an option ofeither learning about best ways
to spend, you know, what doesthat money go for?
(07:59):
Uh, save maybe a portion of it.
We want to save in this case,the banking envelopes was that
example that I remember, andthen also to think about giving
and donating and, and teachingchildren a little bit more about
if we have enough for ourselves,what about others and how can we
make a difference with ourdollars and cents?
(08:22):
Um, but there are, you know,basic concepts you can start
with that have more to do aboutyour own family, it's heritage
it's, uh, knowledge of, of whatthey've learned from their
parents and grandparents.
Um, and sometimes thosetraditions that are passed on
are a great way to startconversations.
But in answer to your question,I think the sooner, the better,
(08:44):
uh, it doesn't have to be veryinvolved conversations, but
we're doing it in ways that aremeaningful to the children based
on their age.
Um, and certainly at elementary,from age five to 18, you have a
lot of maturity andunderstanding and growth in the,
in the individual familymembers.
But you want to look at thedynamics at the time, the health
(09:06):
and ability to understandconcepts and to build on that
information as you share, butjust those basic saved spend and
give are really important.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Definitely.
I would agree.
I remember that as a kid,getting money for comic book
and, you know, you know,thinking about what I want to
do, do I want to save my money?
Do I want to, uh, go all in andbuy a candy bar or the comic
book?
You know, how do I spend themoney, you know, with it, but it
(09:42):
was with a little bit ofguidance, um, from my parents.
And I think that's the missingpiece oftentimes is that we
think, um, the kids are going toget financially educated
somewhere.
Uh, but it does start within thefamily, uh, financial education
and, uh, you know, otherwiseit's not going to happen.
(10:06):
Uh, so unfortunately financialliteracy is not a mandated part
of our educational system.
Um, I think that would make adifference, but that's a whole
other subject.
Um, so you know, one of thethings you hit on is that the
conversation changes as the kidsgrow older.
Um, what do you see as some ofthe, you know, rough benchmarks,
(10:28):
uh, where that happens and howdoes that happen?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Well, I think, you know, in college years,
especially I think about howyoung adults are bombarded with
information, you know, they goto college and, and they're hit
by all the financialinstitutions who offer credit
cards, uh, easily.
And I have heard from manyparents and in discussions with
clients, as well as the realityof family members, I've observed
(10:54):
a great deal over these years.
And I've found thatunderstanding, you know, assets
and liabilities as concepts, aswell as, um, you know, living
within our means and, uh,realizing credit cards and debt
and the ability to, um, toreally understand budgeting and
(11:17):
saving, uh, as well as, youknow, this money doesn't come
from free on a credit card, andit's not, you know, an automatic
ATM that's endless, but ratherit has its limitations and its
expectations that if it'sparents contributing to this
money while they're in school, Ithink there needs to be a shared
(11:38):
responsibility andaccountability for how the funds
are spent and saved.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Definitely.
I would agree.
I know I got into a little bitof trouble with a credit card,
you know, in college is Ithought this is great.
I've got all this money.
I'm really rich.
You know, I take my friends outto dinner, you know, and
everything, you know,fortunately the credit limit was
really, you know, so I was ableto manage the payments and
eventually pay it off.
(12:04):
And I got my first job, butyeah, you know, you're in
college and you're not reallythinking, you know, at that age,
you're not thinking aboutlong-term consequences.
And I think that's a big part ofit is, um, communicating with
your college students said, uh,you know, you have to think
beyond four years or five years,um, at that age
Speaker 1 (12:27):
I was just going to say, I think the other thing is
really helping these youngadults understand the
institutions that are part ofthe process from banking and
savings, credit, establishingcredit in the best possible ways
as they are young adults, um,many college students like you
and I am sure had part-timejobs.
(12:49):
You know, I started at 15 whileI was still in high school
working on weekends and, youknow, family run or, or whatever
catering businesses that my dadintroduced me to.
But that money, when I broughtit home, I had to start thinking
about, okay, what am I going todo with it?
How will it help support andsave for school, uh, education,
(13:11):
if parents can't a hundredpercent fund your college
education, then you need tothink about taking
responsibility for learning howbest to save and invest to, to
achieve your goals.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Yeah, definitely.
Well, and even budgeting, I knowwhen I went to college is that,
um, you know, even though Ireceived, uh, you know, my
parents paid for tuition and, uh, the house saying is that
everything else, you know, I hadto budget for, I had to make
sure I had food.
Um, um, you know, so somemonths, you know, until I really
(13:47):
got the hang of it, you know, atthe end of the month, there,
there wasn't much T you know,typical college student and top
ramen.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Exactly.
Yeah.
You have to really manage theebb and flow of how the finances
come in and you start tounderstand, um, but it's
limited, right?
And I guess parents guidance andconversations about, you know,
you've heard from your parentsmoney, doesn't grow on trees.
Um, and I think, you know, thoseare our opportunities for family
(14:17):
meetings to sit down and talkabout, you know, here's what
we're going to deposit into thisaccount.
It will serve you X number ofmonths or, or a year, and you
need to manage it accordinglyand start to look at where does,
where does the money go?
Right.
I'm sure you've told people orheard people who once they, uh,
have a large amount of debt thatthey have to analyze exactly how
(14:42):
much am I spending on each item.
Then when you start to look atthe receipts and it up, you
start to make changes in your,in your spending habits.
Um, so I think it's a, it's areal gradual learning and
experience both positive andsometimes setbacks for
individuals, uh, until they geta hang.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Oh yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
Well, let's segue a little bitinto, um, adult children, um,
which is where I think you'vespent, you know, a lot of your
time is, um, how do you knowadult children and parents start
to have the financialconversation about, you know,
(15:24):
the parents planning?
How, how did they structuretheir communications and
conversation?
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Well, I think, you know, first I'll start by saying
most adult parents, andespecially as they get closer to
retirement years or after thechildren's education is somewhat
paid for, or they're helpingmaybe with graduate school or
what have you, but overall, theystart to think about retirement
savings for themselves, and theywant their kids to become more
(15:52):
and more independent.
Um, and it's an importantconversation if in fact, these
family members have a familybusiness, or they have a
conversation regarding, youknow, what is meaningful to you.
Each child may have a wholedifferent set of goals and
objectives, personalities,management, ideas of how they
(16:16):
want to live their life, uh, howthey want to work, uh, and so
forth.
So I think parents typicallywant to make sure as part of
their goals on the financialside and family, you know, what
will be, what will be theirfinancial responsibility as
these young adults get off intotheir world, where they marry
have a two family income.
(16:38):
Um, they want the best for theirchildren is my experience
overall, but many people,especially today, um, people
don't want their kids to havetoo much either.
So that there's some limits setand conversations about it is
your responsibility to takeover, you know, for your own
(16:59):
individual family goals, foryour desire to, um, pursue your
career, as well as keep theresponsibilities and learn more
about savings, investing thewhole concepts of owning a piece
of real estate, you know,sharing more education is what I
find, um, especially when itcomes to debt, family,
(17:20):
businesses, assets, um, versusjust the ebb and flow of cash.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Definitely.
Yeah, well that, that's a greatpoint because the whole nature
of the conversation does shiftabout what the emphasis is on
towards assets rather thansavings.
Um, and then I think the otherbig question too, is where you,
I, I think where you're focusedon a lot is, you know, as you
(17:51):
mentioned, parents are concernedabout passing on too much money
to their children and thatplanning.
So when parents start doing, youknow, they're sophisticated or
any estate planning is, youknow, how do they bring the kids
into the conversation?
And conversely, how do adultchildren start to bring up the
(18:16):
conversation with their parentswho are, you know, in their
seventies and eighties, so thatboth generations understand find
a wishes, adult children canstart helping their parents to
be on the lookout for elderfinancial abuse.
I mean, how do you get into thatconversation?
(18:37):
Because there's, there'sdefinitely a generation where
they don't talk about money,
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Right?
And the generation that I, youknow, my parents didn't talk a
lot about money that reallypushed me out to learn on my
own.
And actually part of my careertransition, why I initially got
into financial services wasreally to learn how to be
financially independent myself.
And as a woman, I realized thatit was even more important for
(19:05):
me, um, to be able to beresponsible for myself to pursue
career options that I couldafford to invest in myself as
well as my education and thatthe more independent that I
could be, the more successful inmy mind that was my mind.
Uh, not everybody thinks thatway, but I think it's important
(19:26):
as, um, families are becomingmore senior as to analyze, you
know, how does this family wantto be remembered, have that
conversation with theirchildren?
Uh, what did, what are thetakeaways that it's not about
the dollars and cents it'sreally about the Valley and
children learn very early onfrom their parents about their
(19:48):
values, you know, where they puttheir emphasis on whether it's
education, charitable giving,uh, an understanding of
independence, family, business,leadership, mentoring, you know,
there's just a whole wide arrayof various values, uh, to give
back to society, you know,social capital versus just
(20:09):
focusing on the individual, theme generation, right?
But it's, uh, it's reallyimportant that children
understand their parents to havegoals as they prepare for
retirement, that they want tomaximize all the, all that
they've done through theirworking years and career
opportunities.
Not only to make their childrenindependent and educated, to
(20:30):
survive the best that they can,but also to take care of
themselves in retirement and,um, really make the most of what
their assets are as they age,while engaging their children in
conversations about what, whatdoes this family stand for?
How we want to be known?
I think that's a really goodquestion and it takes different
(20:51):
kinds of activities comingtogether, whether it's at
holidays, such as Thanksgivinghas been used as an example for
many families of, of wealth, aswell as just normal families
coming together over holidays,because kids are so transient
these days with their careerscross country.
I'm an example of that leavingConnecticut in my thirties and,
(21:14):
and really having to beresponsible later in life for my
mom's healthcare.
I mean, these are things Iwould've never thought about, uh
, but it forced me to reallybecome knowledgeable about how
to take care of myself, but alsoto take care of my parents when
they were really leaning on mefor that guidance and direction.
Um, especially, um, with healthconsiderations, I think health
(21:38):
is a big segment of whatdetermines some of the
conversations for family memberseven early on, um, how to take
care of each other as well asthemselves.
So,
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Well, that's great.
Well, you know, let me ask youone more question on that is,
you know, how could adultchildren approach it with a
parent?
You know, who's a little bitreticent, um, to have that
conversation, um, you know,where, you know, realistically,
if that parent's approaching 90is a, may need some help with
(22:14):
their financial affairs, um, tomake sure they're not a target
of elder financial abuse or tounderstand their healthcare
directors, or just to know wheretheir will and trusts are so
that they know what to do.
Um, how do you approach that?
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Well, a lot of parents there's, there are two
sides of the coin.
A lot of parents want to preparetheir kids to understand if
something happens to your fatheror I, here is what we know to be
true here, where the documentsare here, you know, leaving that
roadmap of information becausethey realize more and more
they're facing their mortality.
(22:53):
And so it's important.
Some parents want to not be aburden to their children, want
them to be independent enough toenjoy life, to the best of their
ability, as well as know howbest to use the information
they've prepared to makedecisions regarding their health
and wellbeing, as well as their,you know, their environment,
(23:13):
their housing needs, et cetera.
I mean, those there's so manyquestions.
We could talk a whole podcast onjust that, but, um, then there
are other parents who aredependent on their children, uh,
for their every move.
Uh, and so it's a give and takedepending on family dynamics and
circumstances.
But I would say my parents,especially my dad when he was
(23:36):
ill, uh, really came to me andasked me to sit down with him to
talk about and presented me alot of information that I hadn't
seen so that I could help, notonly him and my mom, um, but
things like inheritances fromfamily members, how to prepare
with, uh, medical and healthinformation, insurances, estate
(23:58):
planning, wills, and trusts, youknow, and insurance, you know,
looking at all these elements,what do we save and keep for
later years?
Or what do we remove now that wedon't have the risk associated
with these types of assets?
Um, so there's lots ofconversation.
And if your parents are willingenough to share that, um, you're
(24:20):
, you know, that's wonderful,not every family has that
dynamic.
Others might lean to corporatetrustees and other types of
family, office, or other typesof structures, depending on the
wealth to provide aninfrastructure for those
children to either be involvedearly on and continue to take on
more and more responsibility.
(24:41):
Uh, it all depends.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Yeah.
Well, I guess, you know, I thinkthe minimum that parents can do
or children can ask for it'sjust to know where documents
are.
Um, yeah, if the parents don'twant to have the conversation
and it is a rebellious, right.
Um, you know, people havedifferent levels of comfort
about how much they want toshare even with their children
(25:08):
for a whole variety of reasons.
And as you mentioned, we coulddefinitely spend a whole hour
talking about family psychologyaround money.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
It's very complex.
Yeah.
Very complex, but very importantto start early on, um, to create
an environment that welcomesthese conversations.
And that's not always so easy,so you have to keep it more
conceptual, uh, with activitiesthat help define these concepts,
(25:35):
uh, not specific to dollars andcents, but when it's time,
parents will reveal those, uh,assets and liabilities so that
their children have a betterunderstanding of what their
family goals are and how best tomaximize the situation.
Yeah,
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Definitely.
Well, um, so what's your, uh,this is a question I ask all my
guests, uh, what's your numberone tip on being financially
prepared,
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Be educated about that.
Be educated about sources ofinformation, because knowledge
is power and then live withinyour means though.
That, to me goes hand in hand.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
That's so simple.
And I that's, that's why Ialways tell people knowledge is
power.
I mean, that's just soimportant.
Um, that's great.
Thank you so much, um, forsharing this information, um,
and your thoughts on familycommunication has been
wonderful.
So where can people learn moreabout you and what you're up to?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Well, thank you for asking that question.
It's still evolving Tony.
Um, right now I'm building, uh,my own, uh, consulting practice
apart from heat and Smith.
So I'm not ready to launch thatyet.
However, I have, uh, alignedwith Heaton Smith because it is
the closest way that I'veidentified my values match with
(27:04):
an organization that puts itsclients first that understands
family financial andphilanthropic values.
And that's what guides me.
So Heaton Smith group is thewebsite or www dot Hayden Smith
group.
And if anyone wanted to email meon donna@andsmithgroup.com and,
(27:27):
uh, I look forward to anyquestions or ways in which I can
continue to be a resource to youand to get ready.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Fantastic.
Well, thank you, Donna.
And, um, for our listeners, um,the, all those URLs and
everything will be in the shownotes along with, uh, Donna's,
uh, LinkedIn, uh, profile, uh,link.
So if you want to connect andreach out to Donna or just
follow her and see where Donna'sis speaking next step, I didn't
(27:55):
carry to, to, uh, you know, to,uh, connect and, uh, follow
Donna.
So Donna, thank you very muchagain,
Speaker 1 (28:04):
It's been my pleasure for sure.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Yeah.
And thank you again foreverybody, for listening to the,
get ready with Tony Stewartpodcast.
Uh, please remember to subscribeuntil next time.
Welcome to the get ready with Tony Stewart podcast.
Today.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I'm excited to be joined by Donna van baloney,
somebody who I've known for along time.
Donna.
Good morning.
Thank you for joining me.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Thank you, Tony.
I'm delighted to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
It's great to have you.
Um, so just a couple of notes,uh, for our listeners to get
ready.
Podcast format is changing, uh,to cover each month, get ready
financial calendar item, whichis designed to help you stay
financially prepared.
Uh, this month action item isabout having a family financial
(00:48):
meeting.
In other words, communicatingwith your spouse, significant
other in your children, whetherthey're kids in your home or
adults out on their own, um,communication is so important
and that's why I'm so happy tohave Donna on today.
Let me tell you a little bitabout Donna Donna super powers
(01:08):
are communication and connectingpeople.
And that's where I met.
Donna is with her connectingpeople.
Um, Don is a leader in theplanned giving community and a
frequent speaker at, uh, manynational plan giving webinars
and planned giving conferences,um, across the country assuming
we have in person conferences.
(01:32):
Um, so a couple more thingsabout Donna.
Uh, Donna has just founded hernew venture, genuine giving.
Uh, Donna also is serving as asenior consultant at the Hedon
Smith group in Atlanta.
Uh, Donna has served as thedirector of planned giving for
leading healthcare organizationsand senior director of
(01:54):
charitable gifts forworld-leading financial
institutions for more than 25years, her capacity to lead and
execute produced significantgrowth and gift planning
programs for large healthcarefoundations located Northern
California and the LucilePackard foundation for
children's health and theCalifornia Pacific medical
(02:15):
center foundation.
In addition, Donna held directorpositions at large financial
institutions, such as MerrillLynch, trust Wells Fargo,
charitable management, andMellon financial, and is
successfully expanded theircharitable services to the
nonprofit center.
Sadhana is a planned givingpowerhouse Donna and so great to
(02:37):
have you.
I'm so honored to have you on,you've been a great friend and a
mentor, uh, and uh, just learnedso much.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I'm doing great.
Tony.
I just want to say I've learnedso much from you as well.
So I feel honored to be asked tobe here and I hope that I have
something to share to youraudience.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
You shared you.
Um, so can you tell us just alittle bit about what you do and
your journey so far?
Speaker 1 (03:04):
So you've already given a great background of
information to our audience, but, um, really what I've done is
I've taken a look at all thevaried experiences that led me
to this role as a consultant, tobe able to refine for our
clients.
And those clients would benon-profit entities, large and
(03:26):
small, who are looking at, uh,increasing their planned gifts
for those institutions in avariety of ways.
And since I've led gift planningprograms, I have a particular
insight in how to grow anddevelop them and to work with
donors in building lastingrelationships for institutions.
Um, but in, in my earliercareer, working with financial
(03:49):
institutions, it was reallyimportant for me to understand
how best to serve clientsindividually with their
financial planning, charitablegift planning and overall
personal wealth management.
Um, and so it is a pleasure nowto be able to have conversations
that are not just about finance,but what matters most to the
(04:13):
individual donors and clientrelationships to these
institutions.
And that has to do with threeparts that I focus on family
financial and philanthropicvalues.
Um, and I think it'sparticularly appropriate for
your topic on family meetings.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, well that, that's so important, um, to have
that conversation with familymembers and to hit on that.
And it's, it's about so muchmore, um, than finances.
So many of us in the financialservices area tend to focus on
the financial service aspectrather than on the client and,
(04:53):
um, what's important to them andwhat they want to achieve.
Um, so why, why is it important?
Why do you feel it's importantfor family members to
communicate with each otherabout their financial affairs?
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Oh, I think, I think it's really important to provide
education and support and a safeplace to have conversations
around topics that may sometimesfor each one of us have its own
sensitivities and in building,uh, a relationship with family
members to feel safe andcomfortable and uh, show their
(05:29):
vulnerabilities and knowledgeand understanding of these
topics is really critical tothis success.
Um, and starting in a familywith children.
I think the earlier you canstart in having very basic
conversations, um, that it willprovide an openness and a
(05:50):
gradual education based on theirmaturity and understanding of
topics as well as anunderstanding of how parents can
do their best to impart valuesas well as prepare their family
members for the future, uh, interms of financial management.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Well, that's great.
So, uh, you know, I think youhit on an important point is
people often think that, youknow, kids are not ready to
learn about money or they oftendon't talk to kids about money.
Um, you know, when would you sayis a good time to start talking
to children about money?
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Well, I think if you keep it simple and not discuss,
you know, the actual dollars andcents of the family situation,
but really focus on simpleconcepts, think about it.
I think I, you know, personallylearned as a child, uh,
elementary school, you know, Iremember a couple of important
things.
One, we used to have banking onenvelopes, nickels, dimes
(06:50):
quarters that we would on aweekly basis, have a banking
envelope filled up with changethat I would save from little
tasks around the house or justasking my parents for a nickel
or a quarter.
And those envelopes would getbanked in our local Waterbury
savings bank.
So there were two things, therewas banking on the Lopes and
(07:13):
there was milk money.
And I remember learning aboutmaking change and, and having
change available to me for thosepurposes.
Um, and I think basic conceptsthat children can relate to make
it easier for them to start tohave a knowledge and
understanding of concepts suchas spending, you know, mom and
(07:36):
dad may give you a quarter andof that quarter, maybe it's a
dollar today, but in my agegroup, it was a quarter which
was a lot of money at the time,25, 50 cents, and a dollar was a
big deal, but a part of eachdollar that parents might give
you that there is an option ofeither learning about best ways
to spend, you know, what doesthat money go for?
(07:59):
Uh, save maybe a portion of it.
We want to save in this case,the banking envelopes was that
example that I remember, andthen also to think about giving
and donating and, and teachingchildren a little bit more about
if we have enough for ourselves,what about others and how can we
make a difference with ourdollars and cents?
(08:22):
Um, but there are, you know,basic concepts you can start
with that have more to do aboutyour own family, it's heritage
it's, uh, knowledge of, of whatthey've learned from their
parents and grandparents.
Um, and sometimes thosetraditions that are passed on
are a great way to startconversations.
But in answer to your question,I think the sooner, the better,
(08:44):
uh, it doesn't have to be veryinvolved conversations, but
we're doing it in ways that aremeaningful to the children based
on their age.
Um, and certainly at elementary,from age five to 18, you have a
lot of maturity andunderstanding and growth in the,
in the individual familymembers.
But you want to look at thedynamics at the time, the health
(09:06):
and ability to understandconcepts and to build on that
information as you share, butjust those basic saved spend and
give are really important.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Definitely.
I would agree.
I remember that as a kid,getting money for comic book
and, you know, you know,thinking about what I want to
do, do I want to save my money?
Do I want to, uh, go all in andbuy a candy bar or the comic
book?
You know, how do I spend themoney, you know, with it, but it
(09:42):
was with a little bit ofguidance, um, from my parents.
And I think that's the missingpiece oftentimes is that we
think, um, the kids are going toget financially educated
somewhere.
Uh, but it does start within thefamily, uh, financial education
and, uh, you know, otherwiseit's not going to happen.
(10:06):
Uh, so unfortunately financialliteracy is not a mandated part
of our educational system.
Um, I think that would make adifference, but that's a whole
other subject.
Um, so you know, one of thethings you hit on is that the
conversation changes as the kidsgrow older.
Um, what do you see as some ofthe, you know, rough benchmarks,
(10:28):
uh, where that happens and howdoes that happen?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Well, I think, you know, in college years,
especially I think about howyoung adults are bombarded with
information, you know, they goto college and, and they're hit
by all the financialinstitutions who offer credit
cards, uh, easily.
And I have heard from manyparents and in discussions with
clients, as well as the realityof family members, I've observed
(10:54):
a great deal over these years.
And I've found thatunderstanding, you know, assets
and liabilities as concepts, aswell as, um, you know, living
within our means and, uh,realizing credit cards and debt
and the ability to, um, toreally understand budgeting and
(11:17):
saving, uh, as well as, youknow, this money doesn't come
from free on a credit card, andit's not, you know, an automatic
ATM that's endless, but ratherit has its limitations and its
expectations that if it'sparents contributing to this
money while they're in school, Ithink there needs to be a shared
(11:38):
responsibility andaccountability for how the funds
are spent and saved.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Definitely.
I would agree.
I know I got into a little bitof trouble with a credit card,
you know, in college is Ithought this is great.
I've got all this money.
I'm really rich.
You know, I take my friends outto dinner, you know, and
everything, you know,fortunately the credit limit was
really, you know, so I was ableto manage the payments and
eventually pay it off.
(12:04):
And I got my first job, butyeah, you know, you're in
college and you're not reallythinking, you know, at that age,
you're not thinking aboutlong-term consequences.
And I think that's a big part ofit is, um, communicating with
your college students said, uh,you know, you have to think
beyond four years or five years,um, at that age
Speaker 1 (12:27):
I was just going to say, I think the other thing is
really helping these youngadults understand the
institutions that are part ofthe process from banking and
savings, credit, establishingcredit in the best possible ways
as they are young adults, um,many college students like you
and I am sure had part-timejobs.
(12:49):
You know, I started at 15 whileI was still in high school
working on weekends and, youknow, family run or, or whatever
catering businesses that my dadintroduced me to.
But that money, when I broughtit home, I had to start thinking
about, okay, what am I going todo with it?
How will it help support andsave for school, uh, education,
(13:11):
if parents can't a hundredpercent fund your college
education, then you need tothink about taking
responsibility for learning howbest to save and invest to, to
achieve your goals.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Yeah, definitely.
Well, and even budgeting, I knowwhen I went to college is that,
um, you know, even though Ireceived, uh, you know, my
parents paid for tuition and, uh, the house saying is that
everything else, you know, I hadto budget for, I had to make
sure I had food.
Um, um, you know, so somemonths, you know, until I really
(13:47):
got the hang of it, you know, atthe end of the month, there,
there wasn't much T you know,typical college student and top
ramen.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Exactly.
Yeah.
You have to really manage theebb and flow of how the finances
come in and you start tounderstand, um, but it's
limited, right?
And I guess parents guidance andconversations about, you know,
you've heard from your parentsmoney, doesn't grow on trees.
Um, and I think, you know, thoseare our opportunities for family
(14:17):
meetings to sit down and talkabout, you know, here's what
we're going to deposit into thisaccount.
It will serve you X number ofmonths or, or a year, and you
need to manage it accordinglyand start to look at where does,
where does the money go?
Right.
I'm sure you've told people orheard people who once they, uh,
have a large amount of debt thatthey have to analyze exactly how
(14:42):
much am I spending on each item.
Then when you start to look atthe receipts and it up, you
start to make changes in your,in your spending habits.
Um, so I think it's a, it's areal gradual learning and
experience both positive andsometimes setbacks for
individuals, uh, until they geta hang.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Oh yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
Well, let's segue a little bitinto, um, adult children, um,
which is where I think you'vespent, you know, a lot of your
time is, um, how do you knowadult children and parents start
to have the financialconversation about, you know,
(15:24):
the parents planning?
How, how did they structuretheir communications and
conversation?
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Well, I think, you know, first I'll start by saying
most adult parents, andespecially as they get closer to
retirement years or after thechildren's education is somewhat
paid for, or they're helpingmaybe with graduate school or
what have you, but overall, theystart to think about retirement
savings for themselves, and theywant their kids to become more
(15:52):
and more independent.
Um, and it's an importantconversation if in fact, these
family members have a familybusiness, or they have a
conversation regarding, youknow, what is meaningful to you.
Each child may have a wholedifferent set of goals and
objectives, personalities,management, ideas of how they
(16:16):
want to live their life, uh, howthey want to work, uh, and so
forth.
So I think parents typicallywant to make sure as part of
their goals on the financialside and family, you know, what
will be, what will be theirfinancial responsibility as
these young adults get off intotheir world, where they marry
have a two family income.
(16:38):
Um, they want the best for theirchildren is my experience
overall, but many people,especially today, um, people
don't want their kids to havetoo much either.
So that there's some limits setand conversations about it is
your responsibility to takeover, you know, for your own
(16:59):
individual family goals, foryour desire to, um, pursue your
career, as well as keep theresponsibilities and learn more
about savings, investing thewhole concepts of owning a piece
of real estate, you know,sharing more education is what I
find, um, especially when itcomes to debt, family,
(17:20):
businesses, assets, um, versusjust the ebb and flow of cash.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Definitely.
Yeah, well that, that's a greatpoint because the whole nature
of the conversation does shiftabout what the emphasis is on
towards assets rather thansavings.
Um, and then I think the otherbig question too, is where you,
I, I think where you're focusedon a lot is, you know, as you
(17:51):
mentioned, parents are concernedabout passing on too much money
to their children and thatplanning.
So when parents start doing, youknow, they're sophisticated or
any estate planning is, youknow, how do they bring the kids
into the conversation?
And conversely, how do adultchildren start to bring up the
(18:16):
conversation with their parentswho are, you know, in their
seventies and eighties, so thatboth generations understand find
a wishes, adult children canstart helping their parents to
be on the lookout for elderfinancial abuse.
I mean, how do you get into thatconversation?
(18:37):
Because there's, there'sdefinitely a generation where
they don't talk about money,
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Right?
And the generation that I, youknow, my parents didn't talk a
lot about money that reallypushed me out to learn on my
own.
And actually part of my careertransition, why I initially got
into financial services wasreally to learn how to be
financially independent myself.
And as a woman, I realized thatit was even more important for
(19:05):
me, um, to be able to beresponsible for myself to pursue
career options that I couldafford to invest in myself as
well as my education and thatthe more independent that I
could be, the more successful inmy mind that was my mind.
Uh, not everybody thinks thatway, but I think it's important
(19:26):
as, um, families are becomingmore senior as to analyze, you
know, how does this family wantto be remembered, have that
conversation with theirchildren?
Uh, what did, what are thetakeaways that it's not about
the dollars and cents it'sreally about the Valley and
children learn very early onfrom their parents about their
(19:48):
values, you know, where they puttheir emphasis on whether it's
education, charitable giving,uh, an understanding of
independence, family, business,leadership, mentoring, you know,
there's just a whole wide arrayof various values, uh, to give
back to society, you know,social capital versus just
(20:09):
focusing on the individual, theme generation, right?
But it's, uh, it's reallyimportant that children
understand their parents to havegoals as they prepare for
retirement, that they want tomaximize all the, all that
they've done through theirworking years and career
opportunities.
Not only to make their childrenindependent and educated, to
(20:30):
survive the best that they can,but also to take care of
themselves in retirement and,um, really make the most of what
their assets are as they age,while engaging their children in
conversations about what, whatdoes this family stand for?
How we want to be known?
I think that's a really goodquestion and it takes different
(20:51):
kinds of activities comingtogether, whether it's at
holidays, such as Thanksgivinghas been used as an example for
many families of, of wealth, aswell as just normal families
coming together over holidays,because kids are so transient
these days with their careerscross country.
I'm an example of that leavingConnecticut in my thirties and,
(21:14):
and really having to beresponsible later in life for my
mom's healthcare.
I mean, these are things Iwould've never thought about, uh
, but it forced me to reallybecome knowledgeable about how
to take care of myself, but alsoto take care of my parents when
they were really leaning on mefor that guidance and direction.
Um, especially, um, with healthconsiderations, I think health
(21:38):
is a big segment of whatdetermines some of the
conversations for family memberseven early on, um, how to take
care of each other as well asthemselves.
So,
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Well, that's great.
Well, you know, let me ask youone more question on that is,
you know, how could adultchildren approach it with a
parent?
You know, who's a little bitreticent, um, to have that
conversation, um, you know,where, you know, realistically,
if that parent's approaching 90is a, may need some help with
(22:14):
their financial affairs, um, tomake sure they're not a target
of elder financial abuse or tounderstand their healthcare
directors, or just to know wheretheir will and trusts are so
that they know what to do.
Um, how do you approach that?
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Well, a lot of parents there's, there are two
sides of the coin.
A lot of parents want to preparetheir kids to understand if
something happens to your fatheror I, here is what we know to be
true here, where the documentsare here, you know, leaving that
roadmap of information becausethey realize more and more
they're facing their mortality.
(22:53):
And so it's important.
Some parents want to not be aburden to their children, want
them to be independent enough toenjoy life, to the best of their
ability, as well as know howbest to use the information
they've prepared to makedecisions regarding their health
and wellbeing, as well as their,you know, their environment,
(23:13):
their housing needs, et cetera.
I mean, those there's so manyquestions.
We could talk a whole podcast onjust that, but, um, then there
are other parents who aredependent on their children, uh,
for their every move.
Uh, and so it's a give and takedepending on family dynamics and
circumstances.
But I would say my parents,especially my dad when he was
(23:36):
ill, uh, really came to me andasked me to sit down with him to
talk about and presented me alot of information that I hadn't
seen so that I could help, notonly him and my mom, um, but
things like inheritances fromfamily members, how to prepare
with, uh, medical and healthinformation, insurances, estate
(23:58):
planning, wills, and trusts, youknow, and insurance, you know,
looking at all these elements,what do we save and keep for
later years?
Or what do we remove now that wedon't have the risk associated
with these types of assets?
Um, so there's lots ofconversation.
And if your parents are willingenough to share that, um, you're
(24:20):
, you know, that's wonderful,not every family has that
dynamic.
Others might lean to corporatetrustees and other types of
family, office, or other typesof structures, depending on the
wealth to provide aninfrastructure for those
children to either be involvedearly on and continue to take on
more and more responsibility.
(24:41):
Uh, it all depends.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Yeah.
Well, I guess, you know, I thinkthe minimum that parents can do
or children can ask for it'sjust to know where documents
are.
Um, yeah, if the parents don'twant to have the conversation
and it is a rebellious, right.
Um, you know, people havedifferent levels of comfort
about how much they want toshare even with their children
(25:08):
for a whole variety of reasons.
And as you mentioned, we coulddefinitely spend a whole hour
talking about family psychologyaround money.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
It's very complex.
Yeah.
Very complex, but very importantto start early on, um, to create
an environment that welcomesthese conversations.
And that's not always so easy,so you have to keep it more
conceptual, uh, with activitiesthat help define these concepts,
(25:35):
uh, not specific to dollars andcents, but when it's time,
parents will reveal those, uh,assets and liabilities so that
their children have a betterunderstanding of what their
family goals are and how best tomaximize the situation.
Yeah,
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Definitely.
Well, um, so what's your, uh,this is a question I ask all my
guests, uh, what's your numberone tip on being financially
prepared,
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Be educated about that.
Be educated about sources ofinformation, because knowledge
is power and then live withinyour means though.
That, to me goes hand in hand.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
That's so simple.
And I that's, that's why Ialways tell people knowledge is
power.
I mean, that's just soimportant.
Um, that's great.
Thank you so much, um, forsharing this information, um,
and your thoughts on familycommunication has been
wonderful.
So where can people learn moreabout you and what you're up to?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Well, thank you for asking that question.
It's still evolving Tony.
Um, right now I'm building, uh,my own, uh, consulting practice
apart from heat and Smith.
So I'm not ready to launch thatyet.
However, I have, uh, alignedwith Heaton Smith because it is
the closest way that I'veidentified my values match with
(27:04):
an organization that puts itsclients first that understands
family financial andphilanthropic values.
And that's what guides me.
So Heaton Smith group is thewebsite or www dot Hayden Smith
group.
And if anyone wanted to email meon donna@andsmithgroup.com and,
(27:27):
uh, I look forward to anyquestions or ways in which I can
continue to be a resource to youand to get ready.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Fantastic.
Well, thank you, Donna.
And, um, for our listeners, um,the, all those URLs and
everything will be in the shownotes along with, uh, Donna's,
uh, LinkedIn, uh, profile, uh,link.
So if you want to connect andreach out to Donna or just
follow her and see where Donna'sis speaking next step, I didn't
(27:55):
carry to, to, uh, you know, to,uh, connect and, uh, follow
Donna.
So Donna, thank you very muchagain,
Speaker 1 (28:04):
It's been my pleasure for sure.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Yeah.
And thank you again foreverybody, for listening to the,
get ready with Tony Stewartpodcast.
Uh, please remember to subscribeuntil next time.
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