It Was Never About the Rule

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It started in an airport bathroom line.

A kind gesture turned into a full-blown meltdown — and a masterclass in how people use “rules” to feel in control. 

In this episode of Get Unruly, Kim Bolourtchi breaks down why people cling to rules, how they mistake predictability for morality, and why challenging those invisible limits is often the most human thing you can do. 

You’ll hear what happens when a small act of kindness collides with someone else’s need for control — and how to recognize when the rules you’re following don’t actually make sense for you anymore. 

Because being unruly isn’t about rebellion.

 It’s about discernment — the clarity to know which rules create order, and which ones just keep you small. 

🎧 Listen now to “It Was Never About the Rule.”
Stay kind. Stay awake. Stay unruly.

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Episode Transcript

Kim Bolourtchi (00:00):
You're listening to get unruly, the podcast where
we smash the rules that keep yousmall and build what's next with
radical clarity and boldconfidence. I'm Kim Bolourtchi.
Let's get unruly. Yesterday, Iwas flying home and found myself
in one of those painfully longairport bathroom lines, you
know, the kind 10 people deep,everyone pretending to be

(00:22):
patient, but silentlycalculating how long they can
hold it. A few spots behind me,I noticed an airport worker. She
looked anxious, shifting herweight, checking her watch,
clearly needing to get back towork. So when it was my turn, I
looked back and I said, Hey, areyou in a hurry? You want to go
ahead of me. Her face lit up.
Bless you. Thank you so much,she said. And rushed into the

(00:45):
stall, and then the woman behindme absolutely lost it. You can't
do that. She yelled at me. Iturn around a little stunned. Do
what? Just let someone cut theline. We've all been waiting.
And I said, Okay, I get it, butshe's working, and she looked a

(01:05):
little stressed. It's not thatbig of a deal. And she goes
totally serious. That's not howlines work. And I'm standing
there thinking, Oh my God, weare really here enforcing
bathroom line law, like it's amatter of national security, but
wait, it gets even better. Soliterally, like 30 seconds

(01:27):
later, another stall opens, andI turned to that same woman and
said, Would you like to go aheadof me, too? And I'm thinking, if
this is really about the rule,she's going to say no, but she
doesn't say no. She says, Oh,sure, and steps right in. So
clearly, it was never about therule. It was about her. That

(01:48):
moment stuck with me, notbecause I care about bathroom
lines, but because it showedsomething we all do. We use
rules to create control. Wepretend that it's about fairness
or principle, but most of thetime it's about power, even if
it's small, unconscious ordesigned as the right thing to

(02:09):
do. Rules make people feel safeuntil they're inconvenient, and
then suddenly the same peopledefending the rules are the
first one to break them. Andlook, that's not unique to
bathrooms. It's how rules areborn. If you've ever played a
board game with a six year old,you'll know exactly what I'm
talking about. They'll changethe rules every two minutes so

(02:32):
that they can win. And it'sadorable, right? We've all
laughed and seen this happenwith a little kid, but that's
exactly how rules come to be.
And look, I'm not saying theintention is bad. Most of the
time. It's Hey. This works forme, and it makes sense to me, so

(02:54):
I think everyone should do itthis way, but the rule was born
through that person's lens,through that person's
experience, and it's for theircomfort and their benefit. It
doesn't represent anyone beyondthem, and yet, the rest of us,
we get convinced that we need tofollow it blindly, without ever
asking if it was made for us. Sothat's why I'm hell bent on

(03:17):
challenging rules. They're sooften not what they claim to be.
They sound like logic, butthey're really just someone's
preference dressed up as truth,and when you follow them without
question, you end up doing a lotof stupid shit that doesn't
actually serve you or anyoneelse. So what does this have to
do with you, your leadership,your willingness to embrace

(03:40):
change or finally do the thingyou've always dreamed of doing
well everything, because thatsame pattern shows up
everywhere. We inherit rulesfrom our industries, our bosses,
our families, even from oldversions of ourselves, and we
follow them like gospel, neverrealizing that they were written

(04:02):
by someone who is just trying tomake sense of their world, not
yours. So when you start tochallenge those rules, when you
lead differently, you thinkdifferently, live differently.
Some people, in fact, a lot ofpeople, are going to get really
uncomfortable, not becauseyou're wrong, but because your
freedom makes them questiontheir own and that's okay,

(04:26):
because not all rules makesense, and even the ones that
usually do, can have exceptions,especially when breaking them
helps someone or createsomething better. Being unruly
is not about rebellion, it'sabout discernment, the clarity
to see which rules protect orderand which ones protect ego. We

(04:47):
need to get better at noticingwhen the rules are just
inherited habits that benefitthe loudest voice, because
that's how systems and peopleget really, really stuck every
single. Meaningful changestarted with someone who was
willing to ask, wait, who madethis rule and does it actually
make sense that moment in theairport was not about courtesy

(05:11):
or bathrooms or lines, it wasabout the quiet power of
questioning what everyone elsejust accepts. So here's your
unruly move this week, payattention to the rules that you
follow automatically, the onesthat make you hesitate before
doing what's clearly right ortrue for you, and ask yourself,

(05:34):
Does this still make sense? Doesit still serve the moment that
I'm in? And if the answer is no,that is your cue to challenge
it, because the truth is, mostof the limits holding us back
aren't real. They're just rulesthat someone else wrote, and we
never stopped to ask why. Somaybe this week, it's not about

(05:55):
breaking every rule. It's justabout noticing which ones don't
fit anymore and giving yourselfpermission to stop following
them, because that's how itstarts, not with grand
rebellion, but with one smallconscious moment of awareness.
That's what it means to live andlead strategically unruly as

(06:16):
always. Friends stay kind, stayawake and stay unruly. This is
Kim Bolourtchi, and you've beenlistening to get unruly until
next time. Have an amazing week.
And if this podcast resonateswith you, please share it with a
friend and leave us a quickreview so other bold leaders can
find the show.