The Most Dangerous Failure Is Playing It Safe

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In this episode, Kim Bolourtchi gets real about the fear of failure as she launches her most personal project yet. You’ll see why shrinking to avoid failure is just a slow-motion collapse—and how flipping failure into feedback is the only way to set yourself free. 

If you’re ready to stop buffering, go all in, and smash the rules holding you back, this one’s for you. Plus: your Unruly Move of the week.

Curious what unwelcome rule is running your leadership? Take the 90 second quiz

Save the date: Kim's upcoming book, Strategic Unruliness™ , launches October 21st!!! Get on the launch list

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Episode Transcript

Kim Bolourtchi (00:00):
Kim, you're listening to get unruly, where
we smash the rules that keepleaders stuck and build what's
next with clarity andconfidence. I'm Kim bolourchi.
Let's get unruly. All right,let's get into it today. We're
talking about a rule that hasbeen running way too many lives,
and I've been staring it downmyself these past few weeks.

(00:23):
It's this failure should beavoided at all costs. Now it
sounds smart, right? I mean, whowants to fail, but when you buy
into this rule, it doessomething sneaky. It keeps you
from ever going all in. So mybook strategic unruliness is

(00:44):
about to launch. And listen, Ihave been freaking out. Not
nervous, butterflies freakingout. I'm talking 3am wide awake,
stomach and knots, sweatingthrough my clothes, kind of
fear, because this isn't just aproject. This book is me. It's
the realest thing I've ever putinto the world. And what I'm

(01:07):
realizing, as I'm reallystressing out about it, is that
failing when you only halfwayshow up is not really as scary
you can tell yourself. Well, Ididn't, I didn't really go all
in, right? That kind of failurewill sting, but you can buffer
it. You can kind of protect yourego if it doesn't go the way you

(01:29):
want it to, by sort of saying, Ididn't give it everything. There
were still parts of me that Iheld back, but failing when you
put it all out there and there'sno buffer, no softer version of
yourself to hide behind. Well,that's terrifying, and that's
kind of what I'm confrontingright now. And I'll be honest
with you, my brain is doing tome what happens to everyone in

(01:52):
this situation, which is, ittries to bargain with you. It
says, just shrink, just alittle. Play it safe, right?
Like, don't risk the pain ifthis flops or if this doesn't go
well, and that's what this ruledoes. It tells us that if we
avoid failing, that we will beprotected, right? So if we don't

(02:16):
ever put ourselves in a positionwhere we could fail in a big
way, we will be safe. That isthe rule. But the truth is that
shrinking is just a slow motionkind of failure. And I really
want to let that sink in for asecond, because I feel like
maybe you felt this too before abig presentation or a pitch, a

(02:39):
conversation, you knew thatcould change everything for you.
You have this thought it creepsin. If I give it everything and
it fails, then I have failed me.
So you pull back, you stay at 70or 80% right? You sand the ideas
down so your your boldest ideasare not quite as bold. I know

(03:02):
I've done it, you've probablydone it, but the truth is, it's
not safety that's just shrinkingto not risk something bad
happening. Here's the truth, theone I know, the one I teach, the
one I'm practicing in real timeright now. Failure is not a

(03:23):
verdict. It does not define yourworth. It does not mean you're
not capable. Instead ofthinking, failure is the worst
thing in the world, and weshould avoid it at all costs. We
need to think of failure asinformation, and that's it. It
tells you what's working. Ittells you what isn't, what needs

(03:43):
to shift, what needs to beredirected. We're the ones who
make it mean more than it does,which means we can also choose
to make it mean less, and thatshift from failure is the end to
failure is feedback. That'swhere freedom lives. Because
here's the deal, if you live bythe rule that failure should be

(04:09):
avoided, you will never go allin, you'll always shrink, you'll
always buffer, and thatguarantees failure by
definition. But when you'rewilling to risk failing
spectacularly. That's the onlyway you give yourself a shot at
succeeding spectacularly, andthat is literally the whole
point, to show up so fully that,yes, you might fail, but you

(04:33):
also give yourself the chance tochange everything. And my
argument to you is that it'sworth sweating in the middle of
the night. It's worth beingnervous. It's worth putting
yourself out there for thepossibility that you get to do
the thing in the biggest waypossible that you're really
meant to do. So here's yourunruly move this week, I want

(04:56):
you to ask yourself, how. Wheream I holding back right now
because I'm trying to avoidfailure. Write it down, be so
freaking real about it, and thenreframe it. Call it what it is,
information you haven't gottenyet. And ask, what would it be
like to strip away the bufferand go all in anyway? Thanks for

(05:18):
listening to get unruly. If thishit home, it would mean the
world if you left a quickreview. It helps other bold
leaders find the show. And ifyou want to go deeper, you'll
find two links in the shownotes, the radical clarity quiz
to uncover the unwelcome rulerunning your leadership and

(05:39):
early access to my book,strategic unruliness out October
21 that's where I take this workeven further until next time.
Stay unruly.
This has been, get unruly, staybold. Stay clear. And above all,
stay unruly.