November 3, 2025 • 7 mins
Kim Bolourtchi thought she’d built the perfect version of success—until one moment in the Missouri Supreme Court exposed the rule that had quietly been running her life: Be exactly who they expect you to be… and if you’re anything different than that, hide it.
In this first episode of Season 6: Get Unruly, Kim shares the real story behind her new book, Strategic Unruliness™—and the moment everything changed. She explores how the rules that once kept us safe eventually start keeping us small, and what it takes to finally break them.
🎙️ Unruly Move of the Week: Notice one place you’re still being exactly who they expect you to be—and ask yourself what would happen if you showed a little more of the real you.
💥 Subscribe for new episodes every week, and grab your copy of Strategic Unruliness™ on Amazon to dive deeper into the framework.
Get Strategic Unruliness on Amazon
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kim Bolourtchi (00:02):
Kim. This is Kim bolourchi, and you're listening
to get unruly, short, honestconversations about what it
really takes to live and leadwith clarity, courage and your
whole self. As many of you know,last week, I released my new
book strategic unruliness. It'sall about how we identify and
break the rules that keep usplaying small so we can truly
(00:26):
live and lead in the biggest waypossible and build the life we
really want to live. And peoplehave been asking me, Where did
this come from? So that's whereI want to start this week. Years
ago, I was standing in theMissouri Supreme Court about to
argue the most importantargument of my entire legal
(00:47):
career. I had spent yearscultivating and curating this
very professional image, superbuttoned up. I looked the part I
played the part, totallypolished. Every detail was in
place to prove that I belongedthere. And then my law partner
(01:09):
gets up to introduce me. Nowhe's my husband, and so it
should have been a no brainer.
It should have been easy, butthat's not what happened. He
gets up and he says, this isKim. She's an amazing attorney.
All of that's well and good, andthen he adds this one little
detail, she's also an incrediblyaccomplished ballroom dancer.
And in that moment, I froze. Nowyou might not think that's a big
(01:33):
deal, but in that instant, hehad broken the one rule that had
quietly been running in my life,and that rule was be exactly who
they expect you to be, and ifyou're anything different than
that, you need to hide it. Andthat's exactly what I'd been
doing. I had been competing as anationally ranked Latin dancer
(01:54):
for years and years, but I wasdoing it in secret, and in that
moment, I was completelyexposed. I felt like every ounce
of credibility that I had builtmight evaporate and that my
career was probably over. So Igot through the argument. I
don't even know how. I don'tremember what I said, but I did.
I sweat through all my clothes.
(02:16):
My legs were shaking, and whenit was done, I ran to the
bathroom before I lost itcompletely, because where else
can you go to completely fallapart? Right? And I'm gripping
the sink, staring at myreflection in the mirror in this
very contemplative stare likenow, what am I going to do,
since my life is over and thedoor opens and in walks one of
(02:37):
the Supreme Court justices whohad just heard my argument, and
she sees me, and I'm thinkingshe's gonna say like, oh my god,
you're so unprofessional. Andinstead she starts to yell, oh
my God, you're in here. I'm soexcited, because I'm dying to
talk to you. Tell me everythingabout your dancing. It is the
coolest thing in the entireworld. I have wanted something
(02:59):
for myself, and I want to knowwhere I can take lessons like,
tell me it all. And I rememberblinking at her in absolute
disbelief, thinking, Wait, whatis happening right now? Because
the thing that I thought wouldmake me less credible, the thing
that I thought was a dealbreaker for my career, was
actually the thing she foundmost fascinating, the part of me
(03:21):
I'd been hiding, like reallyworking hard to hide, was the
part of me that completely lither up. And that moment changed
everything. It made me realizethat the rules we think keep us
safe are often the very thingsthat keep us small. And I
started noticing themeverywhere, things like, Don't
(03:41):
rock the boat, earn it beforeyou ask for it, prove your
worth. Be grateful even whenyou're miserable, tone it down.
So they'll take you seriously.
These are just a few, butthey're quiet and they run
really, really deep. And thething is, they work for a while,
right? They get you thestability they get you the
respect they get you somebody'sdefinition of success. But
(04:04):
eventually they stop protectingyou, and they start containing
you, and that's where this ideaof strategic unruliness was
really born. Because truthfully,if it had only been my
experience, I don't think Iwould have written a book. But
what I found was it wasn't justme, it's actually a lot of
people who are living versionsof themselves that are so much
(04:27):
smaller than they know ispossible. There's so many
amazing people out there walkingaround who know there is more
for them, who have this feelingthat they're wondering, is this
it is? Is this really like allthat my life is meant to be? And
they feel so guilty aboutacknowledging that right?
Because they're supposed to begrateful, they're supposed to be
(04:49):
happy. They have all the thingspeople say they're supposed to
want, and they can't imagineactually voicing that they want
more. But the reality is, if youwant it, it's because it's meant
for you, and. And so as Istarted paying attention to how
the rules are limiting us, Irealized this is something that
affects so so many people, andas we begin to challenge them
(05:10):
and break the ones that don'twork for us, we open up space
for possibility, for things yourwildest imagination is yearning
to build and create in yourlife, in your businesses. And I
started doing this work withwith clients, and watching their
results exponentially grow,watching people build things
they dreamed of but didn't thinkthey could actually do, because
(05:33):
they didn't think it wasavailable to them. And so I
wrote the book because Irealized so many of us are
walking around constricted wheneverything we want is on the
other side of the rules that arekeeping us small. And by the
way, it's not about breakingeverything. This isn't just get
unruly and tear it all down. Imean, you might have to tear it
(05:56):
all down, but it's unusual thatyou would have to do that. This
is about being really, reallystrategic, and walking through a
process that helps you do thatmakes it more complicated than
if you just, you know, rebelledand burned it to the ground, but
it's really where the magic is,because not every rule that
you're following is bad. Some ofthem are helping you, but a lot
(06:17):
of them aren't. And so that'swhat I really love about the
idea of strategic unruliness, isthat it empowers you to break
the rules that are keeping yousmall while building upon what
is still working for you. So Itruly believe the next chapter
doesn't come from doing more. Itjust it comes from doing things
differently. When I finallystopped trying to be who they
(06:40):
expected, everything shifted. Myleadership got clearer, my work
got braver, and people couldfinally feel me like not the
version I built for approval,but the one that was real, and
I'm still working on that. It'san ongoing thing, because this
isn't what we're taught to do.
So here's your unruly move thisweek, I want you to notice one
(07:03):
place where you're still beingexactly who they expect you to
be. Maybe it's how you lead,maybe it's how you speak up,
maybe it's what you hide. I wantyou to just notice it and then
ask yourself, what would happen?
What would happen if I just leta little more of the real me
show up this week. That's how itstarts, one small, unruly move
at a time. Thank you forlistening. I'm Kim bolourchi.
(07:27):
We're going to be tackling therules that hold us back every
single week. If this resonates,subscribe, pass it on to someone
who needs to hear this, and ifyou want the full foundation and
all the strategies behind howyou break the rules, grab my new
book, strategic unruliness. It'savailable on Amazon until next
week. Friends, stay unruly. You.
Kim. This is Kim bolourchi, and you're listening
to get unruly, short, honestconversations about what it
really takes to live and leadwith clarity, courage and your
whole self. As many of you know,last week, I released my new
book strategic unruliness. It'sall about how we identify and
break the rules that keep usplaying small so we can truly
(00:26):
live and lead in the biggest waypossible and build the life we
really want to live. And peoplehave been asking me, Where did
this come from? So that's whereI want to start this week. Years
ago, I was standing in theMissouri Supreme Court about to
argue the most importantargument of my entire legal
(00:47):
career. I had spent yearscultivating and curating this
very professional image, superbuttoned up. I looked the part I
played the part, totallypolished. Every detail was in
place to prove that I belongedthere. And then my law partner
(01:09):
gets up to introduce me. Nowhe's my husband, and so it
should have been a no brainer.
It should have been easy, butthat's not what happened. He
gets up and he says, this isKim. She's an amazing attorney.
All of that's well and good, andthen he adds this one little
detail, she's also an incrediblyaccomplished ballroom dancer.
And in that moment, I froze. Nowyou might not think that's a big
(01:33):
deal, but in that instant, hehad broken the one rule that had
quietly been running in my life,and that rule was be exactly who
they expect you to be, and ifyou're anything different than
that, you need to hide it. Andthat's exactly what I'd been
doing. I had been competing as anationally ranked Latin dancer
(01:54):
for years and years, but I wasdoing it in secret, and in that
moment, I was completelyexposed. I felt like every ounce
of credibility that I had builtmight evaporate and that my
career was probably over. So Igot through the argument. I
don't even know how. I don'tremember what I said, but I did.
I sweat through all my clothes.
(02:16):
My legs were shaking, and whenit was done, I ran to the
bathroom before I lost itcompletely, because where else
can you go to completely fallapart? Right? And I'm gripping
the sink, staring at myreflection in the mirror in this
very contemplative stare likenow, what am I going to do,
since my life is over and thedoor opens and in walks one of
(02:37):
the Supreme Court justices whohad just heard my argument, and
she sees me, and I'm thinkingshe's gonna say like, oh my god,
you're so unprofessional. Andinstead she starts to yell, oh
my God, you're in here. I'm soexcited, because I'm dying to
talk to you. Tell me everythingabout your dancing. It is the
coolest thing in the entireworld. I have wanted something
(02:59):
for myself, and I want to knowwhere I can take lessons like,
tell me it all. And I rememberblinking at her in absolute
disbelief, thinking, Wait, whatis happening right now? Because
the thing that I thought wouldmake me less credible, the thing
that I thought was a dealbreaker for my career, was
actually the thing she foundmost fascinating, the part of me
(03:21):
I'd been hiding, like reallyworking hard to hide, was the
part of me that completely lither up. And that moment changed
everything. It made me realizethat the rules we think keep us
safe are often the very thingsthat keep us small. And I
started noticing themeverywhere, things like, Don't
(03:41):
rock the boat, earn it beforeyou ask for it, prove your
worth. Be grateful even whenyou're miserable, tone it down.
So they'll take you seriously.
These are just a few, butthey're quiet and they run
really, really deep. And thething is, they work for a while,
right? They get you thestability they get you the
respect they get you somebody'sdefinition of success. But
(04:04):
eventually they stop protectingyou, and they start containing
you, and that's where this ideaof strategic unruliness was
really born. Because truthfully,if it had only been my
experience, I don't think Iwould have written a book. But
what I found was it wasn't justme, it's actually a lot of
people who are living versionsof themselves that are so much
(04:27):
smaller than they know ispossible. There's so many
amazing people out there walkingaround who know there is more
for them, who have this feelingthat they're wondering, is this
it is? Is this really like allthat my life is meant to be? And
they feel so guilty aboutacknowledging that right?
Because they're supposed to begrateful, they're supposed to be
(04:49):
happy. They have all the thingspeople say they're supposed to
want, and they can't imagineactually voicing that they want
more. But the reality is, if youwant it, it's because it's meant
for you, and. And so as Istarted paying attention to how
the rules are limiting us, Irealized this is something that
affects so so many people, andas we begin to challenge them
(05:10):
and break the ones that don'twork for us, we open up space
for possibility, for things yourwildest imagination is yearning
to build and create in yourlife, in your businesses. And I
started doing this work withwith clients, and watching their
results exponentially grow,watching people build things
they dreamed of but didn't thinkthey could actually do, because
(05:33):
they didn't think it wasavailable to them. And so I
wrote the book because Irealized so many of us are
walking around constricted wheneverything we want is on the
other side of the rules that arekeeping us small. And by the
way, it's not about breakingeverything. This isn't just get
unruly and tear it all down. Imean, you might have to tear it
(05:56):
all down, but it's unusual thatyou would have to do that. This
is about being really, reallystrategic, and walking through a
process that helps you do thatmakes it more complicated than
if you just, you know, rebelledand burned it to the ground, but
it's really where the magic is,because not every rule that
you're following is bad. Some ofthem are helping you, but a lot
(06:17):
of them aren't. And so that'swhat I really love about the
idea of strategic unruliness, isthat it empowers you to break
the rules that are keeping yousmall while building upon what
is still working for you. So Itruly believe the next chapter
doesn't come from doing more. Itjust it comes from doing things
differently. When I finallystopped trying to be who they
(06:40):
expected, everything shifted. Myleadership got clearer, my work
got braver, and people couldfinally feel me like not the
version I built for approval,but the one that was real, and
I'm still working on that. It'san ongoing thing, because this
isn't what we're taught to do.
So here's your unruly move thisweek, I want you to notice one
(07:03):
place where you're still beingexactly who they expect you to
be. Maybe it's how you lead,maybe it's how you speak up,
maybe it's what you hide. I wantyou to just notice it and then
ask yourself, what would happen?
What would happen if I just leta little more of the real me
show up this week. That's how itstarts, one small, unruly move
at a time. Thank you forlistening. I'm Kim bolourchi.
(07:27):
We're going to be tackling therules that hold us back every
single week. If this resonates,subscribe, pass it on to someone
who needs to hear this, and ifyou want the full foundation and
all the strategies behind howyou break the rules, grab my new
book, strategic unruliness. It'savailable on Amazon until next
week. Friends, stay unruly. You.
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