August 21, 2023 • 47 mins
Ever reevaluated your life at a milestone age and realized something had to change? Shelley Marenka did just that, and her story is one you don't want to miss. After ending a two-decade-long marriage at the age of 50, Shelley faced a period of grieving before she discovered a newfound passion for physical activities. This was more than just a hobby. It was a form of self-expression that led her on a path of self-discovery and personal growth.
Join us as we unpack Shelley's transformative journey, from living a life driven by external self-care to embracing a path of spiritual connection and self-love. As a result of her coaching work, Shelley sheds light on how to navigate the tumultuous waves of change and cultivate a deep sense of self-love. Her insights on internal self-care, self-worth and mindfulness will leave you pondering long after the episode ends.
In the final part of our conversation, Shelley explores the power of seeking support amidst life's challenges. She candidly shares her experience in finding mentors to bridge the gap between her true self and her limiting beliefs. Her deeply personal experience with grief and loss brings an enlightening perspective on mourning. Tune in for this inspiring and empowering episode with Shelley Marenka and prepare to be transformed.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to.
So you Want to Move to theCountry and Raise Goats?
This is a podcast about change.
Change is all around us andsometimes we're ready for it and
sometimes we're not.
When it overwhelms us, well, wejust want to move to the
country and raise goats.
This podcast features storiesfrom people who have gone
(00:20):
through change.
We hope that their insightswill help you better understand
and deal with the changes inyour life.
I'm Peggy Kanick and, alongwith my co-host, katherine
Greiba, we chat with insightfulpeople with interesting change
stories.
We hope you enjoy our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Jelly Marenka is our guest today and she joins us
from Sierra California.
She's a leading expert in thefield of transformation and
empowerment.
Shelly's a force today, but ithas been through trials, errors
and lots of hard work on herself.
A turning point for Shelly waswhen she was at age 50, she
(01:04):
realized that her marriagewasn't working and her life
wasn't what she wanted.
She decided to end her 20-yearmarriage.
Her children at that point wereold enough that she found
herself in the proverbial emptynest and shortly after that,
three members of her closefamily passed away.
Shelly describes how she learnedhow to grieve, let go and look
(01:26):
for possibilities through theopening of small doors.
Looking after herself wasalways low on her priority list.
She looked after others first,and while she was always into
physical fitness, she needed todig deeper.
She began to journal.
Journaling gives us anopportunity to have a
conversation with ourselves.
We begin to understand who weare and the questions we have
(01:50):
for ourselves, and thus beganher transformational journey.
And today Shelly is the ownerof Inspired Living, where she is
a personal life-changing coach,gives workshops and coaching on
wellness, nutrition andinspires others to change their
lives for the better.
You won't want to miss thisstory and you are sure to be
(02:11):
inspired by Shelly.
Our guest today is ShellyMarenka, and Shelly is the owner
and founder of Inspired Living,and Shelly joins us from the
mountains in Sierra California.
Welcome Shelly.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Hey, thank you so much, Catherine and Peggy.
I've really been lookingforward to having a conversation
with you both about change.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
And we've been looking forward to this with you
also.
You know, I just went on toyour website and did a little
bit of reading about you and afabulous website, by the way.
It's so inspiring.
You're a leading expert in thefield of transformation and
empowerment.
You do what I picked up fromyour website and, just in
(03:04):
talking briefly to you, itsounds like you've been really
committed to yoga and meditationand self-love and spiritual
rituals looking after yourself.
I'm curious though, shelly haveyou always practiced this
(03:24):
self-care, this self-love, andhow did you get to where you are
today?
Because I know you have not hadan easy journey through life.
So how did you get to yourbusiness today, and has it
always been kind of part of youthat's looking after yourself?
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Those are great questions, thank you, and I see
them as two different ones.
One that has always been a partof me, the self-care thing and
that's an absolute no.
That, I have learned, is partof my soul's journey, and not
(04:05):
unlike many other women.
Right, ladies, we do a fabulousjob caring for others, but when
it comes to caring forourselves, we're often low on
the list.
And I learned at an early agethat there wasn't a lot of care
(04:28):
in my home growing up and I wasgoing to have to take care of
myself.
But I found ways to do thatthat really kind of blocked my
emotional field.
So I got really good at takingcare of myself and I chose the
(04:50):
physical method.
I chose that outlet to be ableto have self-expression, because
my emotional field had beenshut down at such a young age I
didn't know how to communicatemy emotions and therefore our
(05:12):
emotional state is everything todo with self-care and self-love
.
So I took the physical aspectfrom a young age into some
sports and high school and thenstudied health and nutrition and
fitness and exercise physiologyand I became an athlete.
(05:33):
The reason I'm telling you thisis because that was my
self-care, that was my outlet,that was my counseling and my
therapy.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
During that time, Shelley, did you feel that you
were doing a good job of takingcare of yourself.
Just from that one dimensiondid you say I'm doing well, I
feel good, I'm taking care ofmyself.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Yeah, that's a good question, Peggy.
Yes, I did.
I felt like I didn't have anyidea for decades about going
internal for that self-care.
So externally, I looked forways to feed myself and be seen
(06:20):
and that was through competition.
Right With sports, that wasthrough excelling and raising
the standards to a higher leveland compete and win.
That gave myself value.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
What triggered you, then, to shift and take a more
holistic approach?
That couldn't have justhappened overnight, because you
know, when we're looking afterourselves physically, we do feel
good.
We those, you know thosechemicals released in our body
that help us to feel good, andthe endorphins are running
(06:56):
through us, so we do get thatinternal self-care feeling, I
think.
So what triggered you to domore?
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Yeah, I love that part about physiologically
speaking, you know, biologically, because the dopamine, the
serotonin, the endorphins waswhat I lived off of and thank
God it was a healthy choice,right.
I mean, I had siblings, myfamily, that took the opposite
direction because of theirunhappiness and lack of
self-love and they went the drugroute and the other addiction.
(07:29):
But literally I was addicted toexercise and it fed me and gave
me what I needed.
And what changed all of thattruly was my divorce.
I'm asking myself, did thathappen when I had children?
And of course, that time ofhaving children I was still on
(07:54):
the bottom of the list, right.
But the opportunity to care forsomeone and really have a
beautiful expression of lovethat I had never known and
provide that for my children wasreally beautiful and that kind
of started my spiritual walk ona little bit more deeper level.
Like, I was raised as aCatholic and raised with
(08:17):
religion, but it never resonatedwith me.
I knew the God who was the onepointing the fingers, but so,
anyway, I grew up with religionbut I didn't know what it was
until in my late 20s when Idecided to explore my faith
(08:37):
again and then found a reallydeep, profound faith in God.
So that's really what startedthe spiritual journey and change
, and then raising my children,but still the self-care issue
was not alive or even available.
I didn't know what it lookedlike and I think I felt guilty
(09:01):
even asking for it, and so, no,I wasn't taking care of myself.
Again, though, through exercise,I became a personal trainer.
I was a trainer to the stars.
I was still an athlete incompeting and running and
lifting and cycling and doingall those kinds of things, and
that was truly the ultimateself-care, because I didn't even
(09:23):
know how to tap into a potpsychology, mental, emotional
level because it was verypainful.
I remember trying at one pointin my late 20s.
It was so painful I closed thebook.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
So, Shelly, you talk about you were starting down the
path of more internal awareness, spiritual awareness through
your children and through anewfound love of God and
religion.
But what really turned youcompletely around?
(10:07):
Was there an incident?
Was there an event, Didsomething happen that eventually
moved you more into?
I need to take care of myself.
Self-care is the only way I'mgoing to move forward.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Yeah, and that piece, actually, peggy was the
realization that my marriagewasn't working, that my life was
not what I wanted it to be, andI was so incredibly unhappy and
(10:50):
suffering inside that that wasthe turning point.
And once I decided that I wasgoing to have to end this
20-year marriage with twobeautiful children, at a time
when, ideally, it's not anoptimal time to get a divorce
not that there ever is but I wasgoing through menopause and
(11:17):
both of my kids in junior highand high school and I just it
was so difficult to make thatdecision, but I'll never forget
it and I was on the floorsobbing and nobody was home and
it was like spirit justprofoundly dropped in and said
you have got to do this becauseI have greater plans for you and
they cannot be fulfilled whenyou stay in this marriage.
(11:40):
And, like ladies, I wentthrough seven to 10 years of
counseling with my husband andwe just never got anywhere, and
so that was really the profoundconnection to spirit.
And after that it was like thedecision was made and then the
obstacles and the challenges toeven get through that it was
(12:03):
still crashing for about fiveyears to get out of the marriage
and the divorce.
So that was the point, peggy,yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
You know, it's interesting to me, shelley, how
very often we I mean maybe Ishouldn't be using the royal we,
but it was that very often wehave an idea in our head of what
is the perfect life, what makesus happy whether we're into
physical fitness, you knowwhether are we doing all the
(12:34):
right things and we reallyhesitate to go down deep.
Now, I think a lot of peopleare like that, that they really
hesitate to look inside, andperhaps some people never do so.
For you, it really was, as yousay, a soul crushing event that
(12:54):
really moved you forward to getto that place, which, at the end
, is a good place to be, to lookinside, right, yes, yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
And Peggy, I think that's a really good point that
you know change is inevitable,right?
It's happening every moment,every day, right before us,
because it's the law.
And the thing is is, if we'reonly living in the past and not
changing, we're not growing andwe're also not creating a future
(13:31):
for ourselves.
But change is also really scaryand I think at a young age I
just began to learn how to rollwith change because that's just
what life was throwing at me,and you know, I've coached women
.
I'm going to talk about thisparticular Facebook group that I
(13:54):
had, where I had 1,700 women inthere, and I coached in that
group for about I don't know 18months and I realized that the
majority of the women were soafraid to make a change.
They were so afraid to make achange because they didn't want
to be alone, they didn't knowhow they were going to take care
of themselves, they were goingthrough an identity crisis.
(14:16):
I mean, there were all thesedifferent reasons to not change
and to hold on really tightly totry to control what they could,
and then essentially justworking on controlling
everything around them, and thatdoesn't work.
My point is is that change iscritical in order for us to live
.
You know, a beautiful full life.
You've got to change so ourfuture can be.
(14:40):
You know, a beautifulexpression of our lives and it
begins with changing ourattitude and it does take
strength and it does takecourage.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
You know, shelley, that's so well said, and so you
chose this change to end themarriage, and I understand that
well.
No surprise, where childrenwere in high school, so they
would be leaving the home withina few short years.
(15:12):
So again, not a changenecessarily would have I mean,
that just happens right, butit's something to get used to.
And I also understand that youlost some close family members
and experienced really asignificant health challenge and
(15:33):
so shortly relatively shortlyafter making a change that you
pursued, you had three bigthings thrown at you.
Tell us a little bit about howyou managed to keep yourself
care and looking after Shelleythrough all of that.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Yeah, yeah, it's a good question, thank you for
that.
And once I got through mydivorce and that mess, that
second shift was empty nesty andit's tagged as empty nest
syndrome and I don't likesyndromes nor I believe in
labels, but empty nest really isa real thing and that, to me,
(16:17):
is an opportunity for change.
Yeah, that's an opportunity foran awakening to who we are and,
at the same time, many of us gothrough an identity crisis.
And I'll never forget you guys,when I dropped my son off at
college, tear streaming down myface and knowing that he was
(16:37):
never going to come home again,that was huge and that's just a
that really opened up my heartto learn to like.
I was on my knees at an earlyage with my children, giving
them back to God, because somewhy so?
At one point had said these arenot your children, these are
gifts to you, but they don'tbelong to you and it's a good
(17:01):
idea to start releasing themfrom the moment.
They're born right.
And so I had that heart set torelease my children.
But and then, when my daughterwent off to college my son's
still gone and I was vacuumingin my living room and I had, we
had.
I had the family dog Lacey, andshe was like 14.
And I looked at her and she wassleeping in her bed and I said
(17:23):
don't you even think about it.
You guys are what I'm talkingabout.
Yes, it's like don't leave me,don't leave me, you're all I've
got right now.
And I just I was going throughthese thoughts in my head as I
was vacuuming and releasing mydaughter, releasing the
(17:44):
attachment, releasing the ties,and there's a grieving process.
So, to ask your question, Ithink a grieving process has to
happen when we're going throughchange.
It depends on the kind ofchange, but I'm talking about
deep change here, right?
So there's a grieving processand that's how I coped with it.
I learned how to grieve, Ilearned how to let go and in
(18:08):
those spaces there was smallwindows and doors opening for,
like, what could my life looklike?
So I was looking atpossibilities and not I really
wasn't.
What's the right word be Ican't think of the right word be
(18:33):
laboring, anyway, the fact thatthey were gone, because, guess
what, they were gone.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I think that's so important because through the
grieving process, it's lettinggo.
But I think sometimes, when wegrieve, all we think about is
how do we get it back, whateverit is the situation a family
member and it sounds like youwere really, as you say, looking
(18:59):
for those possibilities.
Your heart and your mind wasopen to what's next as you
release the way your life wasbefore.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Yeah, yeah, I truly believe in humanity and have, I
think, my whole life, and evenwhen I was in sports, I remember
writing this prose about thepotential that humanity has, and
if we all really owned ourpotential and knew what our
(19:30):
possibilities were, that theywere limitless, that we could do
anything.
So I've always believed thatlife is for living.
Though.
I've always believed that lifeis for living and I think it's
part of my DNA, it's part of myastrological sign, Emilio, it's
part of my mindset as anarchetype, as someone who likes
(19:55):
adventure and novelty, and soI'm not one to belabor something
that has happened and wantingto stay in that and change it
and go back to it, because Ithink staying the same is more
painful.
It's like there's a quote, likewhen the pain of staying the
(20:17):
same becomes greater than thepain of change, then we will
change right.
And so I'm not saying to bypass, that it's really important,
but to really acknowledge ourloss, what we're losing, feel it
and let that energy movethrough us because, again,
change is inevitable and JohnMaxwell said it really
(20:37):
eloquently growth is optional.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yeah, it almost seems to me, though, that, as we try
to hold on or we try to keepthings the way they are or were
which we never can it's almostlike a really intentional
awareness that one has to pullup to start thinking about the
(21:02):
change that's coming at them andhow to open up to listen to
things that are going on aroundyou, because I think my first
reaction always is, oh, I don'twant things to change, let's
hold on to the way it is, and Ithink we really have to be
intentional.
(21:23):
There has to be an intentionalawareness of what's happening
and what's required, and itseems to me that those are some
of the tools that you used asyou moved through change.
It was very intentionalawareness.
Now, maybe I'm making that up,shelley, that's what I'm hearing
(21:43):
from you, peggy, thank you.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
That's a beautiful segue into the tools of
self-love and self-careExcellent, excellent and
self-worth.
Because if we don't have those,that's what keeps us stuck,
because we don't have enoughbelief in ourselves.
And growing up and then throughall of the decades, I had a
(22:07):
certain level of what I wouldsay confidence and a positive
self-image, but deep insidethere was a part of me that was
totally crashed and I didn't letthat be seen.
But what you just said is socritical, peggy, because that is
the turning point that allowsus to shift to the greater
(22:29):
opportunities and possibilities.
And what's coming back to me isall those voices of the women
that were in my group that I hadcalled at the time women
wanting more.
It was like they just didn't.
They were too scared, theydidn't have enough self-worth,
self-image, belief in themselves, they doubted themselves, they
(22:49):
couldn't trust their decisions.
And it all really boils down toand because of my experiential
changes drew the deep awakeningand search for my own self-love
that started after my divorce.
That was definitely my soul'scalling.
I know that to learn whatself-love is, get connected to
(23:13):
it and then teach it.
And without that foundation wecan't live a fully alive, fully
fulfilled life because at somepoint along the line we're going
to go sideways, because we'remissing that self-worth, that
self-value, that trust, thefaith we have in ourselves, the
(23:34):
belief in order to move on.
Those are the tools that weneed.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Yeah, it does.
It really does, shelley.
So if you were to give someadvice to our listeners about,
you know somebody's listeningthinking I just how do I start
with this journey?
How do I get unstuck so that Istart with the self-love?
What does that look like?
(24:01):
How do I do that?
Where do I even start?
Speaker 3 (24:07):
Well, I know I love that question and for me that
was a deep well, catherine,really a really deep well.
But so the surface answer is tobegin to journal.
(24:28):
That was life changing for me,and I started journaling I think
shortly after my divorce,because journaling gives us an
opportunity to have aconversation with ourself, but
it's not a conversation that wemay not have with anybody, but
(24:51):
we can have it with ourself andthen we get to understand who we
are a little bit by writingwords down and actually by
journaling we're also movingenergy through us because of our
thoughts and then we can comeup with questions for ourself
(25:16):
like and start thisself-exploration that eventually
gets to excavation, thateventually gets to
self-discovery and thenself-awakening.
There's a lot of steps on thisladder.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Now.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
I have a free download on my website called
Three Habits that Keep you Stuck.
I would recommend that everyonegoes there and gets that and
it's free, and I'm in theprocess of creating a new free
download every month and it'sall about personal growth,
development and self-love.
But I talk about the ThreeHabits that Keep you Stuck.
So in order for us, catherine,to move forward, we need to know
(25:59):
what's keeping us stuck firstand that creates that.
That requires awareness.
That requires consciousawareness, instead of bypassing
everything and livingunconsciously and, I might add,
pointing the finger outwards,like this is happening because
(26:22):
of that.
This is happening because of myboss, this is happening because
my husband's an XYZ, and it'sthe external trap that we get
trapped in, as well as thecomparison trap that says, oh
yeah, they can do it, but that'snot meant for me.
I can't do that.
It's this negative self-talk.
So that's the other thing, too,is start listening to how we're
(26:45):
speaking to ourselves.
You want to speak to yourselfas if you're your best friend
and notice how you speak toyourself and ask yourself would
I speak to anybody that I lovedthat way?
Would I judge anybody that Ilove that way, the way that we
judge ourselves?
Speaker 1 (27:10):
I think that is a very deep well.
It is a deep well and so how doyou measure progress when
you're doing that?
Or do you measure progress Likehis measurement not even,
shouldn't even be part of theconversation?
I mean it's because the well isdeep.
(27:30):
There's so many layers, thereare so many complexities around
who we are, who you know that'sself and why we're not loving
ourselves Like there.
There are lots of barriers tothat.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Yeah, there are, and so what was the question again?
Speaker 1 (27:50):
How do you know you're making progress?
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, one of the I think thenumber one thing would be to ask
yourself how happy are you?
Happiness and peace are at thetop of my list.
Well, peace is number one, andhappiness comes when you have
peace.
So many other things come whenwe have peace, right.
(28:15):
And so, yes, I do think thattracking is really important,
like anything else, but moreintentional, about what we're
setting out to do, and my selflove journey was kind of it's
like once you take the firststep, the other steps just
continue to come and open up,and I unraveled and unfolded
(28:40):
different aspects of who I wasthat needed revisiting, for
example, like I needed toreclaim my voice, I needed to
take my power back, I needed toacknowledge the beautiful parts
(29:02):
of me and what was great aboutShelley.
And we all can do these things,and they're very simplistic
things, you know, going back toself evaluation, asking
ourselves questions, and youwill notice progress because you
will feel better, you'll havemore peace, you'll be happier,
(29:24):
you'll have more energy, andit's not just on one level,
catherine and Peggy, it's on alllevels, like we've heard.
You know the term mind, body,spirit for quite some time now,
right, and so now it may justsound like it's just this
colloquial phrase, but the truthis it's not just about the
(29:46):
physical right Like I was livingin the physical and operating
in that for like five decadesbut there comes a time when we
have to realize that our mind isconnected to our spirit,
spirits connected to our body.
You know, these are alldifferent levels of emotional,
physical, mental and spiritual,and we're all connected.
(30:07):
It's the separation that keepsus set apart from ourselves and
the rest of the world and thatcauses grave unhappiness.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
You know, what I love about what you're saying,
shelley, is that it's notcomplicated to do the work, but
we have to do the work.
We start by journaling andhaving the conversation, and
really we all know how to dothat, but we have to do the work
in order to see the results.
(30:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Peggy, yeah, were you .
Did you do all this work byyourself, or did you have a
community of people that youworked with, or did you seek
professional assistance as youwork through this?
Or was this a solo endeavor?
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Great question.
So I'm going to answer it bybreaking down the different
shifts and sharing with you whatwas most helpful for me, and
what I want to preface that with, is the fact that we are not
designed to do life alone.
We think we are sometimes and Iam so guilty of that Like how
(31:39):
many times have we I'm going tosay, as women but I know it's
prevalent in men too that we'veneeded help, but we've been
unable to ask for help, or wejust don't ask for help, and
that was me like for so manydecades.
But so it's really important toknow that we're not supposed to
do life alone.
(31:59):
And then, in order to find outwhat you need to get through the
next step or season of yourlife, you already know.
So I invite our listeners totake a moment after this
conversation, perhaps, and justsit with yourself and ask
(32:21):
yourself what do I need?
What is my first step, and showme what I need to be able to
get there.
And you know the answers Itruly believe are within us.
And so for me, when I was goingthrough my divorce, I totally
had a therapist.
(32:41):
I had a therapist.
I mean, I was raising a femaleteenager and my son felt
abandoned and I was questioninglike if I was doing anything in
life right, and so we needsomeone who has our back.
(33:02):
So, whether it's someone fromthe church, whether it's a
therapist, a counselor, whetherit's a life coach, and again, I
think you guys, it's veryspecific to what you're going
through, yeah, yeah.
And so if you're going throughsome deep spiritual things, I
(33:22):
would recommend finding aspiritual mentor If you're
working through childhood trauma, relationship trauma,
relationship issues, a therapist, a psychologist, so it just
depends.
And again, ask your body, askyour body and ask your spirit to
tell you.
So I went with a therapist forlike 10 years going through my
(33:43):
divorce and that really helpedme because I felt like I was
being supported.
I had someone who had my backand actually my divorce attorney
was amazing.
He became my best friend and hehad my back and because he was
a man, because he was of themasculine, it was really helpful
for me because I felt supportfrom the masculine.
And then my therapist was afemale and I felt support from
(34:04):
her as a woman.
And then when I went into emptynesting, I was still working
with a different counselorbecause I was moving around a
lot, but then I got intocoaching.
I hired a personal developmentcoach and then I ended up
(34:27):
getting a team of coachesbecause the program that I went
with that was life changing.
That was life changing on thebeginning of this incredible
journey that I was about toembark on after my divorce,
experiencing empty nesting andwondering what's next and how do
I find what's next and how do Ilove myself?
(34:47):
How the heck do I love myselfso that I can believe in myself,
so I can move forward.
Because I had this part of methat totally believed in Shelley
and the other part was guesswhat?
The self-limiting beliefs thatkept making me small.
So I had to bridge the margin.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Well, what I love about your journey, shelley, is
you didn't just wait for thingsto happen to you.
You set about and you were verydeliberate about I need a coach
.
I need a team of coaches.
I am going to make this happen.
It sounded like you had yourmind set.
Maybe you didn't know where youwere going to end up, but you
were going to be in a betterplace than you were when you
(35:29):
started.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
Absolutely, yeah, yeah.
So the third shift was when Ilost all my family members my
sister, who was my best friend,and then my mom, who was my
other best friend in life and inthe world, and then another
sister who I was somewhat closeto, and that was like the second
dark night of the soul that Iexperienced.
(35:51):
Going through that was a solojourney.
It was a solo journey becausewhat I learned is that no one
mourns like we do.
It's a very personal, sacredexperience If we choose to go
there and embrace it.
It's a very sacred, personalexperience and for me I just
(36:16):
knew, even though I kept callingon God like, just bring me
someone.
I don't want to go through thisalone.
This is really hard, this isreally hard.
And I lost my two best friendsin there and, having this Like
whoa, I wanted someone physicalto hold me and no one was there.
And I remember calling mygirlfriend who had lost her
(36:36):
daughter Our lives haveparalleled a lot and I said
sometimes I get envious becauseyou had your husband to go
through your grief and I feellike I really want someone to
help me go through my grief.
And she said, well, and thenshe gave me a piece of what her
(36:56):
experience was and it's like itdidn't mean that her grief was
any easier.
And as a matter of fact, itgoes back to what I said
initially everyone grievesdifferently, so actually she
didn't oftentimes feel held inher space.
And so there's times in ourlife where we're going through
changes, where we're called tocome home to ourselves, we're
(37:19):
called to go within, becausewe're whole and we're complete.
You guys, we have everything weneed and sometimes in those
times we have to go to thoseplaces so that we can find our
anchor, because we come into theworld alone and we leave the
world alone, and sometimes wehave to anchor into who we are,
(37:42):
to get through this world alone.
And the foreshift was also adeep journey within and alone.
And that's when all my healerscame in, going through the
(38:03):
debilitating disease with themedical mystery and yeah, so
that nine months wasexcruciating physically as my
body was falling apart.
But I called in all the healersand we all worked together and
I say all, but like some of themwere spiritual, like in the
other realms, you know, forexample, I had a, I had an
(38:29):
energy healer who was a psychicmedium, medical medium.
I had a doctor of chiropracticmedicine who really didn't touch
me the way other chiropractorsdo with adjustment.
He touched me emotionally andenergetically.
(38:51):
There's a it's called NSAnervous system analysis I think
is the right word completelydifferent type of training for
chiropractic healing and hehelped me heal my emotional body
and my physical body.
And then I had an acupuncturistwho also helped me on the level
(39:19):
of my nervous system.
And then I studied AnthonyWilliams, who's a medicine
medical mystery guy, and Istarted doing all these things
and I'll give you a few bulletsto be helpful for people to heal
my own body.
I tried Western medicine.
Nothing worked and although Iwanted answers, I didn't get
(39:43):
them and I just felt reallystrongly that God didn't want me
to put a label on anything Iwas experiencing and that I had
a choice to come out of it ornot.
But so I used acupuncture,emotional healing.
I had a trauma therapist I'dbeen working through and with I
(40:07):
had powerful supplementation.
I incorporated my mind, body,spirit with meditation.
I did mind and brain work withJoe Dispenza.
I did my own healing work withGod and having faith, hope and
trust and loving myself with allthe self-care that I needed and
(40:32):
reading books that were reallypowerful to help me heal myself
and integrate everything that Iwas learning, to really truly
believe that the power that mademe had the power to heal me and
eventually heal myself withthese powerful support systems.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
So we talked earlier and I think you used the word
purpose.
I'm not sure that your purposeis to teach people about
self-love.
Yeah, did I hear that?
Okay, you did.
I say that you have learnedeverything.
It's all experiential.
You've learned everything thatyou can teach to others through
(41:22):
your own experience and it is adeep well Like.
It's pretty expansive.
So I think that when you have apurpose like that, shelley, I
mean, where are you at now?
Are you feeling that you haveeverything you need to move
(41:45):
forward to help other peoplelearn about self-love and how
important that is?
Speaker 3 (41:52):
Yes, I do, because I'm connected to spirit and I'm
no longer separate.
I'm no longer separate from God.
So when I do my work I lovethat question, peggy I believe
that the work that we're calledto do, that God will equip us.
There's some quote that iscoming to mind, but I can't
(42:12):
think of it right now.
But basically, when we'recalled, he will equip us.
And I know I'm not doing thiswork alone, I'm doing it with
spirit and, yes, I do have allthat I need to coach and mentor
others into their own personaltransformation, to learn how to
(42:37):
love themselves and truly, Ibelieve, to live out our fullest
potential, connecting to spirit, connecting to our source, our
life force, whatever you wannacall it is crucial to be able to
truly live the life we're beingcalled to live.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
Yeah, I really, really like that Connecting to
the source.
I think that's very compellingand right on the money.
Right on the money, connectingto the source, and I think your
story is very inspirational andI think our listeners are really
going to learn a lot from whatyou've gone through in your
(43:27):
experiences and what yourlearnings are about self-love.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
Thank you, and I do wanna mention Peggy, if people
want to dive in on their ownLouise Hayes Love, she helped me
heal.
She's got a book that says youcan heal yourself.
And again, I'm Catherine, asyou had mentioned before, if
you're willing to do the work.
I mean there are tools outthere.
(43:54):
And at the same time I wannasay we can read all of these
books, but I really think havinga soul to soul, a heart to
heart mentor, will make all thedifference in the world, because
there's something about sharing, there's something about
speaking the truth, moving theenergy through as getting it out
(44:14):
there that helps us transcendand transform.
And so Louise Hayes' bookLearning to you know you can
heal your body there.
This book by Donald Epstein it'scalled Healing Myths, healing
(44:35):
Magic, and this is so important.
This is the chiropractor thathelped me heal my emotional body
.
Epstein was one of his.
You know teachers, and sothat's really important.
And then I've read so manyother books too.
The one that I read that gaveme courage and strength to
(44:59):
actually ask for my divorce wascalled Broken Open.
It's just a huge, powerful bookcalled Broken Open, which I did
.
And so, anyway, there is a listof books and if anybody wants
them, I actually created aGoogle document for my clients
and I categorized them intodifferent things.
(45:20):
If anybody would want that,they could reach out to me.
But again, books are veryhelpful and it's the ones that
offer teaching tools, but alsohaving real, present, alive
human who can love you so muchor any.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Well, shelley, thank you so much.
This has, as Peggy said, hasbeen so inspirational and you've
thank you for sharing yourstory and your things.
That have worked for you, andit's just been an absolute
pleasure to meet you, so thankyou very much.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
Hmm, thank you, catherine, thank you Peggy.
It's been a pleasure to meetboth of you and I look forward
to staying connected with you.
I love what you're doing, theservice and gifts that you're
giving to the world to giveother people hope out there and,
yeah, I hope that we canconnect again.
I'd love to come back on yourshow and we can continue to grow
(46:18):
together.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Thank you, shelley.
Thank you, Shelley.
If you've learned just onething about change while
listening to this podcast,please subscribe on Apple or
Spotify and share with a friendthis episode recorded via Zoom
Audio.
Producers Peggy Kinnick andCatherine Greiber.
Executive producer, kinnickLeadership Advisory.
(46:41):
Theme music La Pompée, writtenby Chris Harrington, music
publisher in Vato Market.
For information on this podcastand to purchase some fabulous
goat merchandise, please visitwwwgetyourgoatca.
Welcome to.
So you Want to Move to theCountry and Raise Goats?
This is a podcast about change.
Change is all around us andsometimes we're ready for it and
sometimes we're not.
When it overwhelms us, well, wejust want to move to the
country and raise goats.
This podcast features storiesfrom people who have gone
(00:20):
through change.
We hope that their insightswill help you better understand
and deal with the changes inyour life.
I'm Peggy Kanick and, alongwith my co-host, katherine
Greiba, we chat with insightfulpeople with interesting change
stories.
We hope you enjoy our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Jelly Marenka is our guest today and she joins us
from Sierra California.
She's a leading expert in thefield of transformation and
empowerment.
Shelly's a force today, but ithas been through trials, errors
and lots of hard work on herself.
A turning point for Shelly waswhen she was at age 50, she
(01:04):
realized that her marriagewasn't working and her life
wasn't what she wanted.
She decided to end her 20-yearmarriage.
Her children at that point wereold enough that she found
herself in the proverbial emptynest and shortly after that,
three members of her closefamily passed away.
Shelly describes how she learnedhow to grieve, let go and look
(01:26):
for possibilities through theopening of small doors.
Looking after herself wasalways low on her priority list.
She looked after others first,and while she was always into
physical fitness, she needed todig deeper.
She began to journal.
Journaling gives us anopportunity to have a
conversation with ourselves.
We begin to understand who weare and the questions we have
(01:50):
for ourselves, and thus beganher transformational journey.
And today Shelly is the ownerof Inspired Living, where she is
a personal life-changing coach,gives workshops and coaching on
wellness, nutrition andinspires others to change their
lives for the better.
You won't want to miss thisstory and you are sure to be
(02:11):
inspired by Shelly.
Our guest today is ShellyMarenka, and Shelly is the owner
and founder of Inspired Living,and Shelly joins us from the
mountains in Sierra California.
Welcome Shelly.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Hey, thank you so much, Catherine and Peggy.
I've really been lookingforward to having a conversation
with you both about change.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
And we've been looking forward to this with you
also.
You know, I just went on toyour website and did a little
bit of reading about you and afabulous website, by the way.
It's so inspiring.
You're a leading expert in thefield of transformation and
empowerment.
You do what I picked up fromyour website and, just in
(03:04):
talking briefly to you, itsounds like you've been really
committed to yoga and meditationand self-love and spiritual
rituals looking after yourself.
I'm curious though, shelly haveyou always practiced this
(03:24):
self-care, this self-love, andhow did you get to where you are
today?
Because I know you have not hadan easy journey through life.
So how did you get to yourbusiness today, and has it
always been kind of part of youthat's looking after yourself?
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Those are great questions, thank you, and I see
them as two different ones.
One that has always been a partof me, the self-care thing and
that's an absolute no.
That, I have learned, is partof my soul's journey, and not
(04:05):
unlike many other women.
Right, ladies, we do a fabulousjob caring for others, but when
it comes to caring forourselves, we're often low on
the list.
And I learned at an early agethat there wasn't a lot of care
(04:28):
in my home growing up and I wasgoing to have to take care of
myself.
But I found ways to do thatthat really kind of blocked my
emotional field.
So I got really good at takingcare of myself and I chose the
(04:50):
physical method.
I chose that outlet to be ableto have self-expression, because
my emotional field had beenshut down at such a young age I
didn't know how to communicatemy emotions and therefore our
(05:12):
emotional state is everything todo with self-care and self-love
.
So I took the physical aspectfrom a young age into some
sports and high school and thenstudied health and nutrition and
fitness and exercise physiologyand I became an athlete.
(05:33):
The reason I'm telling you thisis because that was my
self-care, that was my outlet,that was my counseling and my
therapy.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
During that time, Shelley, did you feel that you
were doing a good job of takingcare of yourself.
Just from that one dimensiondid you say I'm doing well, I
feel good, I'm taking care ofmyself.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Yeah, that's a good question, Peggy.
Yes, I did.
I felt like I didn't have anyidea for decades about going
internal for that self-care.
So externally, I looked forways to feed myself and be seen
(06:20):
and that was through competition.
Right With sports, that wasthrough excelling and raising
the standards to a higher leveland compete and win.
That gave myself value.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
What triggered you, then, to shift and take a more
holistic approach?
That couldn't have justhappened overnight, because you
know, when we're looking afterourselves physically, we do feel
good.
We those, you know thosechemicals released in our body
that help us to feel good, andthe endorphins are running
(06:56):
through us, so we do get thatinternal self-care feeling, I
think.
So what triggered you to domore?
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Yeah, I love that part about physiologically
speaking, you know, biologically, because the dopamine, the
serotonin, the endorphins waswhat I lived off of and thank
God it was a healthy choice,right.
I mean, I had siblings, myfamily, that took the opposite
direction because of theirunhappiness and lack of
self-love and they went the drugroute and the other addiction.
(07:29):
But literally I was addicted toexercise and it fed me and gave
me what I needed.
And what changed all of thattruly was my divorce.
I'm asking myself, did thathappen when I had children?
And of course, that time ofhaving children I was still on
(07:54):
the bottom of the list, right.
But the opportunity to care forsomeone and really have a
beautiful expression of lovethat I had never known and
provide that for my children wasreally beautiful and that kind
of started my spiritual walk ona little bit more deeper level.
Like, I was raised as aCatholic and raised with
(08:17):
religion, but it never resonatedwith me.
I knew the God who was the onepointing the fingers, but so,
anyway, I grew up with religionbut I didn't know what it was
until in my late 20s when Idecided to explore my faith
(08:37):
again and then found a reallydeep, profound faith in God.
So that's really what startedthe spiritual journey and change
, and then raising my children,but still the self-care issue
was not alive or even available.
I didn't know what it lookedlike and I think I felt guilty
(09:01):
even asking for it, and so, no,I wasn't taking care of myself.
Again, though, through exercise,I became a personal trainer.
I was a trainer to the stars.
I was still an athlete incompeting and running and
lifting and cycling and doingall those kinds of things, and
that was truly the ultimateself-care, because I didn't even
(09:23):
know how to tap into a potpsychology, mental, emotional
level because it was verypainful.
I remember trying at one pointin my late 20s.
It was so painful I closed thebook.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
So, Shelly, you talk about you were starting down the
path of more internal awareness, spiritual awareness through
your children and through anewfound love of God and
religion.
But what really turned youcompletely around?
(10:07):
Was there an incident?
Was there an event, Didsomething happen that eventually
moved you more into?
I need to take care of myself.
Self-care is the only way I'mgoing to move forward.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Yeah, and that piece, actually, peggy was the
realization that my marriagewasn't working, that my life was
not what I wanted it to be, andI was so incredibly unhappy and
(10:50):
suffering inside that that wasthe turning point.
And once I decided that I wasgoing to have to end this
20-year marriage with twobeautiful children, at a time
when, ideally, it's not anoptimal time to get a divorce
not that there ever is but I wasgoing through menopause and
(11:17):
both of my kids in junior highand high school and I just it
was so difficult to make thatdecision, but I'll never forget
it and I was on the floorsobbing and nobody was home and
it was like spirit justprofoundly dropped in and said
you have got to do this becauseI have greater plans for you and
they cannot be fulfilled whenyou stay in this marriage.
(11:40):
And, like ladies, I wentthrough seven to 10 years of
counseling with my husband andwe just never got anywhere, and
so that was really the profoundconnection to spirit.
And after that it was like thedecision was made and then the
obstacles and the challenges toeven get through that it was
(12:03):
still crashing for about fiveyears to get out of the marriage
and the divorce.
So that was the point, peggy,yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
You know, it's interesting to me, shelley, how
very often we I mean maybe Ishouldn't be using the royal we,
but it was that very often wehave an idea in our head of what
is the perfect life, what makesus happy whether we're into
physical fitness, you knowwhether are we doing all the
(12:34):
right things and we reallyhesitate to go down deep.
Now, I think a lot of peopleare like that, that they really
hesitate to look inside, andperhaps some people never do so.
For you, it really was, as yousay, a soul crushing event that
(12:54):
really moved you forward to getto that place, which, at the end
, is a good place to be, to lookinside, right, yes, yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
And Peggy, I think that's a really good point that
you know change is inevitable,right?
It's happening every moment,every day, right before us,
because it's the law.
And the thing is is, if we'reonly living in the past and not
changing, we're not growing andwe're also not creating a future
(13:31):
for ourselves.
But change is also really scaryand I think at a young age I
just began to learn how to rollwith change because that's just
what life was throwing at me,and you know, I've coached women
.
I'm going to talk about thisparticular Facebook group that I
(13:54):
had, where I had 1,700 women inthere, and I coached in that
group for about I don't know 18months and I realized that the
majority of the women were soafraid to make a change.
They were so afraid to make achange because they didn't want
to be alone, they didn't knowhow they were going to take care
of themselves, they were goingthrough an identity crisis.
(14:16):
I mean, there were all thesedifferent reasons to not change
and to hold on really tightly totry to control what they could,
and then essentially justworking on controlling
everything around them, and thatdoesn't work.
My point is is that change iscritical in order for us to live
.
You know, a beautiful full life.
You've got to change so ourfuture can be.
(14:40):
You know, a beautifulexpression of our lives and it
begins with changing ourattitude and it does take
strength and it does takecourage.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
You know, shelley, that's so well said, and so you
chose this change to end themarriage, and I understand that
well.
No surprise, where childrenwere in high school, so they
would be leaving the home withina few short years.
(15:12):
So again, not a changenecessarily would have I mean,
that just happens right, butit's something to get used to.
And I also understand that youlost some close family members
and experienced really asignificant health challenge and
(15:33):
so shortly relatively shortlyafter making a change that you
pursued, you had three bigthings thrown at you.
Tell us a little bit about howyou managed to keep yourself
care and looking after Shelleythrough all of that.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Yeah, yeah, it's a good question, thank you for
that.
And once I got through mydivorce and that mess, that
second shift was empty nesty andit's tagged as empty nest
syndrome and I don't likesyndromes nor I believe in
labels, but empty nest really isa real thing and that, to me,
(16:17):
is an opportunity for change.
Yeah, that's an opportunity foran awakening to who we are and,
at the same time, many of us gothrough an identity crisis.
And I'll never forget you guys,when I dropped my son off at
college, tear streaming down myface and knowing that he was
(16:37):
never going to come home again,that was huge and that's just a
that really opened up my heartto learn to like.
I was on my knees at an earlyage with my children, giving
them back to God, because somewhy so?
At one point had said these arenot your children, these are
gifts to you, but they don'tbelong to you and it's a good
(17:01):
idea to start releasing themfrom the moment.
They're born right.
And so I had that heart set torelease my children.
But and then, when my daughterwent off to college my son's
still gone and I was vacuumingin my living room and I had, we
had.
I had the family dog Lacey, andshe was like 14.
And I looked at her and she wassleeping in her bed and I said
(17:23):
don't you even think about it.
You guys are what I'm talkingabout.
Yes, it's like don't leave me,don't leave me, you're all I've
got right now.
And I just I was going throughthese thoughts in my head as I
was vacuuming and releasing mydaughter, releasing the
(17:44):
attachment, releasing the ties,and there's a grieving process.
So, to ask your question, Ithink a grieving process has to
happen when we're going throughchange.
It depends on the kind ofchange, but I'm talking about
deep change here, right?
So there's a grieving processand that's how I coped with it.
I learned how to grieve, Ilearned how to let go and in
(18:08):
those spaces there was smallwindows and doors opening for,
like, what could my life looklike?
So I was looking atpossibilities and not I really
wasn't.
What's the right word be Ican't think of the right word be
(18:33):
laboring, anyway, the fact thatthey were gone, because, guess
what, they were gone.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I think that's so important because through the
grieving process, it's lettinggo.
But I think sometimes, when wegrieve, all we think about is
how do we get it back, whateverit is the situation a family
member and it sounds like youwere really, as you say, looking
(18:59):
for those possibilities.
Your heart and your mind wasopen to what's next as you
release the way your life wasbefore.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Yeah, yeah, I truly believe in humanity and have, I
think, my whole life, and evenwhen I was in sports, I remember
writing this prose about thepotential that humanity has, and
if we all really owned ourpotential and knew what our
(19:30):
possibilities were, that theywere limitless, that we could do
anything.
So I've always believed thatlife is for living.
Though.
I've always believed that lifeis for living and I think it's
part of my DNA, it's part of myastrological sign, Emilio, it's
part of my mindset as anarchetype, as someone who likes
(19:55):
adventure and novelty, and soI'm not one to belabor something
that has happened and wantingto stay in that and change it
and go back to it, because Ithink staying the same is more
painful.
It's like there's a quote, likewhen the pain of staying the
(20:17):
same becomes greater than thepain of change, then we will
change right.
And so I'm not saying to bypass, that it's really important,
but to really acknowledge ourloss, what we're losing, feel it
and let that energy movethrough us because, again,
change is inevitable and JohnMaxwell said it really
(20:37):
eloquently growth is optional.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yeah, it almost seems to me, though, that, as we try
to hold on or we try to keepthings the way they are or were
which we never can it's almostlike a really intentional
awareness that one has to pullup to start thinking about the
(21:02):
change that's coming at them andhow to open up to listen to
things that are going on aroundyou, because I think my first
reaction always is, oh, I don'twant things to change, let's
hold on to the way it is, and Ithink we really have to be
intentional.
(21:23):
There has to be an intentionalawareness of what's happening
and what's required, and itseems to me that those are some
of the tools that you used asyou moved through change.
It was very intentionalawareness.
Now, maybe I'm making that up,shelley, that's what I'm hearing
(21:43):
from you, peggy, thank you.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
That's a beautiful segue into the tools of
self-love and self-careExcellent, excellent and
self-worth.
Because if we don't have those,that's what keeps us stuck,
because we don't have enoughbelief in ourselves.
And growing up and then throughall of the decades, I had a
(22:07):
certain level of what I wouldsay confidence and a positive
self-image, but deep insidethere was a part of me that was
totally crashed and I didn't letthat be seen.
But what you just said is socritical, peggy, because that is
the turning point that allowsus to shift to the greater
(22:29):
opportunities and possibilities.
And what's coming back to me isall those voices of the women
that were in my group that I hadcalled at the time women
wanting more.
It was like they just didn't.
They were too scared, theydidn't have enough self-worth,
self-image, belief in themselves, they doubted themselves, they
(22:49):
couldn't trust their decisions.
And it all really boils down toand because of my experiential
changes drew the deep awakeningand search for my own self-love
that started after my divorce.
That was definitely my soul'scalling.
I know that to learn whatself-love is, get connected to
(23:13):
it and then teach it.
And without that foundation wecan't live a fully alive, fully
fulfilled life because at somepoint along the line we're going
to go sideways, because we'remissing that self-worth, that
self-value, that trust, thefaith we have in ourselves, the
(23:34):
belief in order to move on.
Those are the tools that weneed.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Yeah, it does.
It really does, shelley.
So if you were to give someadvice to our listeners about,
you know somebody's listeningthinking I just how do I start
with this journey?
How do I get unstuck so that Istart with the self-love?
What does that look like?
(24:01):
How do I do that?
Where do I even start?
Speaker 3 (24:07):
Well, I know I love that question and for me that
was a deep well, catherine,really a really deep well.
But so the surface answer is tobegin to journal.
(24:28):
That was life changing for me,and I started journaling I think
shortly after my divorce,because journaling gives us an
opportunity to have aconversation with ourself, but
it's not a conversation that wemay not have with anybody, but
(24:51):
we can have it with ourself andthen we get to understand who we
are a little bit by writingwords down and actually by
journaling we're also movingenergy through us because of our
thoughts and then we can comeup with questions for ourself
(25:16):
like and start thisself-exploration that eventually
gets to excavation, thateventually gets to
self-discovery and thenself-awakening.
There's a lot of steps on thisladder.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Now.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
I have a free download on my website called
Three Habits that Keep you Stuck.
I would recommend that everyonegoes there and gets that and
it's free, and I'm in theprocess of creating a new free
download every month and it'sall about personal growth,
development and self-love.
But I talk about the ThreeHabits that Keep you Stuck.
So in order for us, catherine,to move forward, we need to know
(25:59):
what's keeping us stuck firstand that creates that.
That requires awareness.
That requires consciousawareness, instead of bypassing
everything and livingunconsciously and, I might add,
pointing the finger outwards,like this is happening because
(26:22):
of that.
This is happening because of myboss, this is happening because
my husband's an XYZ, and it'sthe external trap that we get
trapped in, as well as thecomparison trap that says, oh
yeah, they can do it, but that'snot meant for me.
I can't do that.
It's this negative self-talk.
So that's the other thing, too,is start listening to how we're
(26:45):
speaking to ourselves.
You want to speak to yourselfas if you're your best friend
and notice how you speak toyourself and ask yourself would
I speak to anybody that I lovedthat way?
Would I judge anybody that Ilove that way, the way that we
judge ourselves?
Speaker 1 (27:10):
I think that is a very deep well.
It is a deep well and so how doyou measure progress when
you're doing that?
Or do you measure progress Likehis measurement not even,
shouldn't even be part of theconversation?
I mean it's because the well isdeep.
(27:30):
There's so many layers, thereare so many complexities around
who we are, who you know that'sself and why we're not loving
ourselves Like there.
There are lots of barriers tothat.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Yeah, there are, and so what was the question again?
Speaker 1 (27:50):
How do you know you're making progress?
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, one of the I think thenumber one thing would be to ask
yourself how happy are you?
Happiness and peace are at thetop of my list.
Well, peace is number one, andhappiness comes when you have
peace.
So many other things come whenwe have peace, right.
(28:15):
And so, yes, I do think thattracking is really important,
like anything else, but moreintentional, about what we're
setting out to do, and my selflove journey was kind of it's
like once you take the firststep, the other steps just
continue to come and open up,and I unraveled and unfolded
(28:40):
different aspects of who I wasthat needed revisiting, for
example, like I needed toreclaim my voice, I needed to
take my power back, I needed toacknowledge the beautiful parts
(29:02):
of me and what was great aboutShelley.
And we all can do these things,and they're very simplistic
things, you know, going back toself evaluation, asking
ourselves questions, and youwill notice progress because you
will feel better, you'll havemore peace, you'll be happier,
(29:24):
you'll have more energy, andit's not just on one level,
catherine and Peggy, it's on alllevels, like we've heard.
You know the term mind, body,spirit for quite some time now,
right, and so now it may justsound like it's just this
colloquial phrase, but the truthis it's not just about the
(29:46):
physical right Like I was livingin the physical and operating
in that for like five decadesbut there comes a time when we
have to realize that our mind isconnected to our spirit,
spirits connected to our body.
You know, these are alldifferent levels of emotional,
physical, mental and spiritual,and we're all connected.
(30:07):
It's the separation that keepsus set apart from ourselves and
the rest of the world and thatcauses grave unhappiness.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
You know, what I love about what you're saying,
shelley, is that it's notcomplicated to do the work, but
we have to do the work.
We start by journaling andhaving the conversation, and
really we all know how to dothat, but we have to do the work
in order to see the results.
(30:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Peggy, yeah, were you .
Did you do all this work byyourself, or did you have a
community of people that youworked with, or did you seek
professional assistance as youwork through this?
Or was this a solo endeavor?
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Great question.
So I'm going to answer it bybreaking down the different
shifts and sharing with you whatwas most helpful for me, and
what I want to preface that with, is the fact that we are not
designed to do life alone.
We think we are sometimes and Iam so guilty of that Like how
(31:39):
many times have we I'm going tosay, as women but I know it's
prevalent in men too that we'veneeded help, but we've been
unable to ask for help, or wejust don't ask for help, and
that was me like for so manydecades.
But so it's really important toknow that we're not supposed to
do life alone.
(31:59):
And then, in order to find outwhat you need to get through the
next step or season of yourlife, you already know.
So I invite our listeners totake a moment after this
conversation, perhaps, and justsit with yourself and ask
(32:21):
yourself what do I need?
What is my first step, and showme what I need to be able to
get there.
And you know the answers Itruly believe are within us.
And so for me, when I was goingthrough my divorce, I totally
had a therapist.
(32:41):
I had a therapist.
I mean, I was raising a femaleteenager and my son felt
abandoned and I was questioninglike if I was doing anything in
life right, and so we needsomeone who has our back.
(33:02):
So, whether it's someone fromthe church, whether it's a
therapist, a counselor, whetherit's a life coach, and again, I
think you guys, it's veryspecific to what you're going
through, yeah, yeah.
And so if you're going throughsome deep spiritual things, I
(33:22):
would recommend finding aspiritual mentor If you're
working through childhood trauma, relationship trauma,
relationship issues, a therapist, a psychologist, so it just
depends.
And again, ask your body, askyour body and ask your spirit to
tell you.
So I went with a therapist forlike 10 years going through my
(33:43):
divorce and that really helpedme because I felt like I was
being supported.
I had someone who had my backand actually my divorce attorney
was amazing.
He became my best friend and hehad my back and because he was
a man, because he was of themasculine, it was really helpful
for me because I felt supportfrom the masculine.
And then my therapist was afemale and I felt support from
(34:04):
her as a woman.
And then when I went into emptynesting, I was still working
with a different counselorbecause I was moving around a
lot, but then I got intocoaching.
I hired a personal developmentcoach and then I ended up
(34:27):
getting a team of coachesbecause the program that I went
with that was life changing.
That was life changing on thebeginning of this incredible
journey that I was about toembark on after my divorce,
experiencing empty nesting andwondering what's next and how do
I find what's next and how do Ilove myself?
(34:47):
How the heck do I love myselfso that I can believe in myself,
so I can move forward.
Because I had this part of methat totally believed in Shelley
and the other part was guesswhat?
The self-limiting beliefs thatkept making me small.
So I had to bridge the margin.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Well, what I love about your journey, shelley, is
you didn't just wait for thingsto happen to you.
You set about and you were verydeliberate about I need a coach
.
I need a team of coaches.
I am going to make this happen.
It sounded like you had yourmind set.
Maybe you didn't know where youwere going to end up, but you
were going to be in a betterplace than you were when you
(35:29):
started.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
Absolutely, yeah, yeah.
So the third shift was when Ilost all my family members my
sister, who was my best friend,and then my mom, who was my
other best friend in life and inthe world, and then another
sister who I was somewhat closeto, and that was like the second
dark night of the soul that Iexperienced.
(35:51):
Going through that was a solojourney.
It was a solo journey becausewhat I learned is that no one
mourns like we do.
It's a very personal, sacredexperience If we choose to go
there and embrace it.
It's a very sacred, personalexperience and for me I just
(36:16):
knew, even though I kept callingon God like, just bring me
someone.
I don't want to go through thisalone.
This is really hard, this isreally hard.
And I lost my two best friendsin there and, having this Like
whoa, I wanted someone physicalto hold me and no one was there.
And I remember calling mygirlfriend who had lost her
(36:36):
daughter Our lives haveparalleled a lot and I said
sometimes I get envious becauseyou had your husband to go
through your grief and I feellike I really want someone to
help me go through my grief.
And she said, well, and thenshe gave me a piece of what her
(36:56):
experience was and it's like itdidn't mean that her grief was
any easier.
And as a matter of fact, itgoes back to what I said
initially everyone grievesdifferently, so actually she
didn't oftentimes feel held inher space.
And so there's times in ourlife where we're going through
changes, where we're called tocome home to ourselves, we're
(37:19):
called to go within, becausewe're whole and we're complete.
You guys, we have everything weneed and sometimes in those
times we have to go to thoseplaces so that we can find our
anchor, because we come into theworld alone and we leave the
world alone, and sometimes wehave to anchor into who we are,
(37:42):
to get through this world alone.
And the foreshift was also adeep journey within and alone.
And that's when all my healerscame in, going through the
(38:03):
debilitating disease with themedical mystery and yeah, so
that nine months wasexcruciating physically as my
body was falling apart.
But I called in all the healersand we all worked together and
I say all, but like some of themwere spiritual, like in the
other realms, you know, forexample, I had a, I had an
(38:29):
energy healer who was a psychicmedium, medical medium.
I had a doctor of chiropracticmedicine who really didn't touch
me the way other chiropractorsdo with adjustment.
He touched me emotionally andenergetically.
(38:51):
There's a it's called NSAnervous system analysis I think
is the right word completelydifferent type of training for
chiropractic healing and hehelped me heal my emotional body
and my physical body.
And then I had an acupuncturistwho also helped me on the level
(39:19):
of my nervous system.
And then I studied AnthonyWilliams, who's a medicine
medical mystery guy, and Istarted doing all these things
and I'll give you a few bulletsto be helpful for people to heal
my own body.
I tried Western medicine.
Nothing worked and although Iwanted answers, I didn't get
(39:43):
them and I just felt reallystrongly that God didn't want me
to put a label on anything Iwas experiencing and that I had
a choice to come out of it ornot.
But so I used acupuncture,emotional healing.
I had a trauma therapist I'dbeen working through and with I
(40:07):
had powerful supplementation.
I incorporated my mind, body,spirit with meditation.
I did mind and brain work withJoe Dispenza.
I did my own healing work withGod and having faith, hope and
trust and loving myself with allthe self-care that I needed and
(40:32):
reading books that were reallypowerful to help me heal myself
and integrate everything that Iwas learning, to really truly
believe that the power that mademe had the power to heal me and
eventually heal myself withthese powerful support systems.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
So we talked earlier and I think you used the word
purpose.
I'm not sure that your purposeis to teach people about
self-love.
Yeah, did I hear that?
Okay, you did.
I say that you have learnedeverything.
It's all experiential.
You've learned everything thatyou can teach to others through
(41:22):
your own experience and it is adeep well Like.
It's pretty expansive.
So I think that when you have apurpose like that, shelley, I
mean, where are you at now?
Are you feeling that you haveeverything you need to move
(41:45):
forward to help other peoplelearn about self-love and how
important that is?
Speaker 3 (41:52):
Yes, I do, because I'm connected to spirit and I'm
no longer separate.
I'm no longer separate from God.
So when I do my work I lovethat question, peggy I believe
that the work that we're calledto do, that God will equip us.
There's some quote that iscoming to mind, but I can't
(42:12):
think of it right now.
But basically, when we'recalled, he will equip us.
And I know I'm not doing thiswork alone, I'm doing it with
spirit and, yes, I do have allthat I need to coach and mentor
others into their own personaltransformation, to learn how to
(42:37):
love themselves and truly, Ibelieve, to live out our fullest
potential, connecting to spirit, connecting to our source, our
life force, whatever you wannacall it is crucial to be able to
truly live the life we're beingcalled to live.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
Yeah, I really, really like that Connecting to
the source.
I think that's very compellingand right on the money.
Right on the money, connectingto the source, and I think your
story is very inspirational andI think our listeners are really
going to learn a lot from whatyou've gone through in your
(43:27):
experiences and what yourlearnings are about self-love.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
Thank you, and I do wanna mention Peggy, if people
want to dive in on their ownLouise Hayes Love, she helped me
heal.
She's got a book that says youcan heal yourself.
And again, I'm Catherine, asyou had mentioned before, if
you're willing to do the work.
I mean there are tools outthere.
(43:54):
And at the same time I wannasay we can read all of these
books, but I really think havinga soul to soul, a heart to
heart mentor, will make all thedifference in the world, because
there's something about sharing, there's something about
speaking the truth, moving theenergy through as getting it out
(44:14):
there that helps us transcendand transform.
And so Louise Hayes' bookLearning to you know you can
heal your body there.
This book by Donald Epstein it'scalled Healing Myths, healing
(44:35):
Magic, and this is so important.
This is the chiropractor thathelped me heal my emotional body
.
Epstein was one of his.
You know teachers, and sothat's really important.
And then I've read so manyother books too.
The one that I read that gaveme courage and strength to
(44:59):
actually ask for my divorce wascalled Broken Open.
It's just a huge, powerful bookcalled Broken Open, which I did
.
And so, anyway, there is a listof books and if anybody wants
them, I actually created aGoogle document for my clients
and I categorized them intodifferent things.
(45:20):
If anybody would want that,they could reach out to me.
But again, books are veryhelpful and it's the ones that
offer teaching tools, but alsohaving real, present, alive
human who can love you so muchor any.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
Well, shelley, thank you so much.
This has, as Peggy said, hasbeen so inspirational and you've
thank you for sharing yourstory and your things.
That have worked for you, andit's just been an absolute
pleasure to meet you, so thankyou very much.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
Hmm, thank you, catherine, thank you Peggy.
It's been a pleasure to meetboth of you and I look forward
to staying connected with you.
I love what you're doing, theservice and gifts that you're
giving to the world to giveother people hope out there and,
yeah, I hope that we canconnect again.
I'd love to come back on yourshow and we can continue to grow
(46:18):
together.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Thank you, shelley.
Thank you, Shelley.
If you've learned just onething about change while
listening to this podcast,please subscribe on Apple or
Spotify and share with a friendthis episode recorded via Zoom
Audio.
Producers Peggy Kinnick andCatherine Greiber.
Executive producer, kinnickLeadership Advisory.
(46:41):
Theme music La Pompée, writtenby Chris Harrington, music
publisher in Vato Market.
For information on this podcastand to purchase some fabulous
goat merchandise, please visitwwwgetyourgoatca.
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