April 18, 2025 • 29 mins
Welcome back to the Getting After It podcast. In today’s episode, I break down a concept that’s reshaped how I view everything—from daily routines to long-term goals: “Life is what you think of it.”
Inspired by a raw, honest TikTok video, I unpack what it really means when we say “the way you see yourself is how the world reflects you back.” This episode is all about reframing your mindset, confronting that harsh inner critic, and taking back control of your responses—especially when life doesn’t go your way.
We dive into Stoic wisdom from Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus, discuss the power of journaling, and talk through practical tools for silencing negative self-talk and turning thought into action. I’ll also share how I reframed a “missed workout” into one of the most meaningful days I’ve had in a while—and how you can do the same.
Whether you’re feeling stuck, doubting yourself, or just trying to gain momentum again, this episode will help you rewire your perspective, build evidence over affirmation, and take the next small, honest step forward.
Key Learnings from This Episode:
- You become how you talk to yourself.
The world reflects back the version of yourself you believe in. Speak like someone worth becoming. - Pause. Reflect. Reframe. Respond.
When things don’t go your way, use the 3 R’s to regain control and act with clarity—not emotion. - Self-confidence isn’t built on hype—it’s built on proof.
You don’t need more affirmations; you need evidence. Stack small wins. Show yourself who you are. - There are two voices in your head.
One wants comfort. One wants greatness. The one you feed is the one that leads. - You are not your missed workouts.
You are not your fatigue. You are your response to those moments. That’s where identity is formed. - Your story becomes your behavior.
And your behaviors, when repeated, become your habits. Reframe your story and your life will follow.
🎧 If this episode helped you reframe your thinking or silence a negative voice in your head—share it with someone you care about. Leave a rating or drop a comment. It goes a long way.
And as always, until next time…
Keep Getting After It.
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I hope today’s episode sparked something within you to pursue your dreams and unlock your true potential. If you found value in it, consider sharing it with someone who might need that same push.
This podcast is built for you—the dreamers and the doers. My goal is to provide a space where you can find inspiration, learn from others, and feel empowered to chase what matters most to you.
Your dreams are within your grasp. All you need is the commitment to Get After It.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Brett (00:00):
Welcome back to the Getting After it podcast.
Everybody Excited to have youhere today.
I'm going to be talking aboutsomething that kind of reshaped
how I think about reality andlife in general.
And it turns out it's all howyou think about things.
Life is what you think about it, and we'll get into that a
little bit more.
But without further ado, let'sget after it.
(00:35):
Tiktok a useless, weird socialmedia platform that has no
quality, right wrong.
No, that's actually where thisentire episode came from was
TikTok.
I was scrolling the other day,uh, just sitting there and went
through a few videos, and Ifound this one where it was this
38 year old man and he was justout in like in front of his
yard and he was just talkingabout things that he he's
learned through his 38 years ofexperience and it's the kind of
(00:57):
stuff that's learned throughbumps and bruises and not books
and it's life experience and itwas interesting because you
could tell it was very honest,it was very raw and the main
message he was trying to getacross to the entire audience he
was trying to reach was the wayyou truly see yourself is how
(01:20):
the world will reflect it back.
I'm going to repeat that,because that's the cornerstone
of our topic today.
The way you truly see yourselfis how the world will reflect it
back.
What does that mean?
It sounds like a big self-helpjargon, right Like something
Tony Robbins would say at hisconferences.
(01:42):
But when we break it down, whenwe dig into what that actually
means, there's a lot of truthbehind what that is Like.
Yes, if you see yourself as asad, weak, unproductive human
being, guess what the world'sgoing to say that it's going to
reflect that same thing back toyou.
But if you think you're aconfident person who's amped up
(02:03):
when challenges arises, becauseit's an opportunity for you to
learn, for you to grow, and whenthings don't go your way, you
realize, hey, you know what?
Life is unpredictable.
I can't control everything thathappens to me, but I can
control how I respond.
Now it hit me because for thelast few years I've been on this
quiet mission, not to dominatethe world but to master myself.
(02:27):
And it's not glamorous, it isslow and repetitive and it's
unseen work.
And the older I get, the more Irealize that the hardest battle
isn't outside, it's not fromexternal challenges that are
imposed upon us.
Usually it's internal.
And of course there's somecaveats to that, like sickness
(02:51):
or a loved one dies, somethinglike that.
That's not necessarily imposedupon you or anything like that,
but something you have to dealwith, and it's something that's
very difficult.
But the battle that I'm talkingabout is what goes on inside
your head every single day, howyou talk to yourself, how you
treat yourself, and it mightsound weird, like I don't really
(03:11):
feel, like like I don't want toset, I don't want to be a
self-help person, but this kindof topic is one that it would be
covered by many self-help gurusquote unquote, and I'm not one
of them.
I'm just speaking fromexperience here and from
learning about what I've takenfrom other people, and that's
what we're going to be gettinginto today.
(03:33):
Now, one of my favorite Stoics,marcus Aurelius.
He says this you have powerover your mind and not outside
events.
Realize this and you will findstrength.
How do you find strength whenyou realize that you don't know
what the world's going to throwat you?
You don't know how life isgoing to go, and the only thing
(03:53):
that you can control is how yourespond to them.
And so, in my eyes, that doesgive you a lot of power, because
you are in control of your ownresponses.
If things don't go your way,you don't have to get pissed off
.
You don't have to throw a ballat the wall and get pissed Like
if someone cuts you off intraffic.
Don't get mad.
(04:15):
There's no reason to get mad.
There's no reason to let thatevent ruin your day.
And when you understand thatyou can't control other people,
you can only control yourself.
I think that's where a lot ofgrowth happens, a lot of self
growth.
This is one that's kind ofdifficult to master and it's one
I'm not perfect at I'll behonest here.
But the Stokes weren't either,because they were human beings.
(04:38):
We all feel emotions, andemotions are little things that
our body are trying to tell usthat something's either wrong or
something is new, and we're notused to it.
But they're not negative.
Yes, there's sadness.
Yes, there's hate.
Yes, there's anger.
Do you have to listen to thosevoices?
No, we're going to get intothat.
(04:58):
But I want to talk about for asecond the illusion of control.
We grow up believing thatcontrol means changing what's
around us.
Right, control is hey, I havecontrol over this person.
If I like you, tell yourself ifI can just tweak my job a
little bit, or if I can get thisperson to act differently.
If I can get one more thingdone, then I'll be okay, then
(05:20):
I'll be all right, I can take abreak.
But the Stoics, my favoritepeople, some of them, I think
probably my wife and my familyare my favorite people.
But the Stoics are up there.
They knew better.
You cannot control the world.
You can only control yourresponse to the world.
And I'll give you a very simpleexample, because this happened
(05:43):
actually Monday of this week.
Gave you a very simple examplebecause this happened actually
Monday of this week and I misseda workout.
Whoop-de-doo, right.
Oh, brett missed a workout,great, I did.
I woke up late.
I had to go to work.
I went to go visit my grandmaafter work, who's in a
retirement home.
I took my wife out to dinner,and so I just I didn't have time
to work out my wife out todinner, and so I just I didn't
(06:09):
have time to work out.
Um, and that used to make meabsolutely spiral into negative
self-talk and telling myself I'mworthless.
Like that voice inside my headwould say things like man,
you're lazy, you're starting toslip, you're a real fat ass, you
are really not who you say youare huh, that voice.
It gets cruel in my head.
But when I took a step back andI looked at what actually
(06:32):
happened that day, I stayed inbed and I cuddled with my wife,
because we're doing distancesomewhat now and then and it's
an opportunity that we don't geta lot and so I stayed in bed
and cuddled my wife.
I had a great day at work.
I crushed it at work.
I went to go visit my grandmain her retirement home and spend
some quality time with her,listen about her experiences
(06:54):
living in California and justshowing her that she's loved and
her showing me love back.
And then I took my wife out todinner who's my favorite person
in the world and the person whoI love the most and shared a
very heartfelt meal with her.
You look me in the eyes and tellme what part of that day seems
like a failure.
Yes, I missed a workout and Icould have let that completely
(07:17):
ruin my day which it has in thepast, I'm ashamed to say.
But today, like that day, I wasnot gonna let that happen.
Yes, things happen, workoutsare missed, meals are slipped up
on, but it's not the end of theworld.
You control how you respond towhen things go wrong, and I
wasn't going to let that hold medown.
I was going to take theopposite approach and say, okay,
(07:39):
how can I make this day better?
Because, like I said,historically I would have been
mad, pissed off and angry atmyself the entire day.
But it's a lesson that my wifehas helped me learn is, yeah,
things happen and your missedworkout is not who you are.
So if I was to give a tip onthis, I would say create some
(08:02):
kind of response ritual that youhave Like next time something
goes off track.
Here's what I want you to do.
I want you to pause for threeminutes.
It doesn't even have to bethree minutes, it could be 30
seconds, but I want you to pause.
I want you to reflect, reframeand then respond accordingly.
You can call it the three R'sreflect, reframe and respond but
(08:24):
just take some time to sit withthose thoughts.
It's something that we don't doa lot now is taking time to
pause, to slow down, to letthings sit, because only then
you can understand how you feelabout them.
It's not from going and tryingto learn from other people about
yourself.
No, the only person that'sgoing to teach you about
(08:45):
yourself is you.
You have to believe that andyou have to know that that's
true.
So try doing that.
Just pause and then reflect,reframe and respond to it.
Now let's get back to the voicein the head, because it is
something that needs to beaddressed and we need to talk
about it If you are going to begoing down this path of
(09:07):
self-development and growth andyou building the person that you
want to become.
The voice in your head has alot of power, and usually
there's two voices in your head.
There's one that is the naturalman right, the person who wants
(09:28):
to be lazy, who wants to sitaround, who wants to eat that
junk food, who wants things easy, like given to them.
Everyone has that in them.
Then there's the other voice.
You know the voice that is yourtrue self, who you know wants
to do these things like work out, be great, do really well at
work, be a great husband, be agreat wife, a great parent,
(09:51):
whatever your story is, and allthose things I just just
mentioned.
They all take incredible effort, and so most people don't fail
because outside circumstances.
They fail because of the voiceinside their head.
They're listening to the wrongone.
That voice.
If left unchecked, it becomes afilter, like you look for what's
(10:12):
broken and ignore what'sactually working and then you
call it reality, like go back tomy workout example.
You know what?
I missed it.
But if I kept ruminating onthat thought all day long and
telling myself that I wasworthless, telling myself that I
Might be slipping up and thatI'm not who I am, I'm not who I
(10:32):
say I am, that would have ruinedeverything.
And let me be blunt, and thatI'm not who I am, I'm not who I
say I am that would have ruinedeverything.
And let me be blunt If yourinner voice is a bully, you're
training yourself to lose.
If you're bullying yourself,you're not going to get anywhere
.
And let me explain.
(10:53):
David Senra, who's the host ofthe Founders Podcast he's the
person that introduced to me theconcept of belief comes before
ability, pretty much saying thatin order to achieve great goals
, you need to first believe thatit's even achievable in the
first place.
You need to first know thatyou're willing to put in the
work and then do it Now.
(11:21):
Yes, you have to believe inyourself and you have to also be
honest with who you are andwhere you're at, because the job
or like the fix, isn't going tobe pretending that everything's
great.
The fix is noticing what'sactually real.
Your job is to silence thatnegative voice and your job is
to train a better one.
And when you recognize thatinner voice in your head, that's
(11:45):
that's telling you that youcan't do something, that's
shooting you down, not believingin you, you need to recognize
that and put a stop to itimmediately and you need to let
that other voice take over.
I love Joe Rogan has a conceptthat he talks about a lot and he
says that there's two voices inhis head.
One is the inner bitch and theother is the general.
(12:08):
The inner bitch wants him to beweak, he wants him to be soft,
wants him to take it easy, andwhen he's in the gym and he's
feeling that pressure from hisworkout and that difficulty of
breathing a little extra harder,he wants to listen to that
voice.
But then the general comes inand says nope, get it done.
Go, pick up that kettlebell,swing it around a little bit.
(12:29):
We're not done here, go backand do the work.
That's the general.
There's these conflicting voicesin our head all the time and
you give power to the one thatyou listen to the most, like,
for example, if I wake up and Ihave a good workout, like I'm
(12:50):
feeling good throughout the day,but then something bad happens
to me at work, like, maybe acall a sales call I have goes
really bad.
And I tell myself, man, maybeI'm not good at sales, maybe I
need to go find something elseto do because this is not the
right career for me.
And then I listened to thatvoice and another failure
(13:10):
happens and it's like man, therewe go.
There's another sign I'm justnot good at it, when in reality
it's like that should be asignal for your other voice, for
the general, to take over andsay man, that did not go well.
This is what I learned from itand here's how I'm going to
attack moving forward.
This is what I'm going to bedoing in my life, moving forward
because I learned some valuablelessons during that time.
(13:33):
In that voice, you have to trainyourself to listen to the right
one.
You don't want to listen to theone that's negative.
You don't want to listen to theone that's telling you that you
can't do something that youwant to because you're afraid,
or that you're not even anexpert yet, that you're just
beginning.
The beginning is always thehardest part and being
consistent is equally aschallenging.
(13:54):
But I think at the beginning ofanything new that you do,
there's a lot of self-doubt.
And let me tell you, self-doubtis real.
But it's not real unless youlisten to it.
When you tell yourself, man, Iam not good at sales, and you
listen to that voice, then itbecomes truth.
But if you listen to yourselfsaying, man, that was a rough
(14:15):
call, here's what I'm going todo differently next time, that
voice gives you power.
That voice gives you a progressplan and then you can move
forward with confidence thatyou're going to get better in
the future.
And this might sound cheesy, butI told my brother to do this
because we hold each otheraccountable with our goals and
all these things.
(14:35):
So we focus on fitness becauseI, we, we hold each other
accountable with our goals andall these things.
So we, we focus on fitness,spiritual goals, financial goals
and then personal goals.
And we always have a weeklycall where we, where we talk
about these things together.
And I was telling him how muchI love journaling and journaling
.
The best way I can explain it,for me at least, is that it
helps me understand how I thinkabout things, situations, my
days, certain topics, like whenI want to learn more about
(15:00):
stoicism.
I'll learn it and then try andunderstand myself how I think
about that thing.
And so I was telling Drew thisand he's like I don't really
journal, that's not for me.
And so I told him I was likethat's fine, just write down
things that went well for theday.
Just write down a few things.
Doesn't have to be that many,doesn't have to be anything
super complex or really thoughtout.
(15:23):
Just write a few things thatwent well that day, because this
is going to help your braintrain itself to see wins and not
just problems.
The problems will still bethere, but doing this exercise
will help you understand thatthere are solutions to those
problems.
Try it out.
I guarantee you you will seesome kind of benefit from doing
(15:45):
a little exercise like this.
It doesn't take a lot of time.
It could take five minutes, itcould take 30 seconds.
You could pull out your phone,do a little audio message, be
like hey, this is what went wellfor the day.
I saved a bunny from a window.
Well, which actually I did.
That that was a really coolexperience.
I'll tell that after I do thisexample, I saved a bunny from a
(16:05):
window.
Well, I went and helped myfriend who was moving his house
and he was really thankful forit.
I wrote down a few pages for mybook that I'm writing had a
great cause at work.
I give me something simple asthat.
Or you could be like hey, youknow what?
(16:27):
I went to go see my son playhis first t-ball game and he hit
that ball and he didn't get out.
That's a win.
If you're a dad, that's a win.
I'm not a dad, but I canunderstand that that would be
sick.
Yeah, so I did save a bunnyfrom a window.
Well, really quickly.
I was in Utah and I heardsomething like tapping on my
window and I was like what theheck was that?
So I look in there and there'sthis little tiny bunny.
And so I went inside the window.
(16:48):
Well, I picked him up with myhand and then put him out there,
saved the bunny.
I just hope he comes back to mywindow.
Well, um, getting back to thetopic, we don't need to talk
about bunnies, although it isEaster, so happy Easter everyone
.
Um, it's in a couple of days.
Let's talk about evidence overaffirmation.
(17:09):
I've talked about this before.
I've done the Alex Hormozyquote.
You know you don't buildself-confidence from shouting
affirmations in the mirror.
You build them by building anundeniable stack of proof that
you are who you say you are.
Didn't get that quote perfect,but it goes something along
those lines.
But it is true.
You do not build self-belief bywhispering these affirmations
(17:30):
into the mirror.
You build it by doing the work,especially when you do not feel
like it.
A lot of people ask me why I run.
I do enjoy it.
I think it's a great challenge.
It's a great way for me to stayfit, but I think at the end of
the day, I hate to run.
It's difficult every singletime.
(17:52):
But that's why I run, because Iknow that if I can conquer that
, if I can conquer that voiceinside my head, that's like no,
not today.
You just ran 10 miles yesterday.
Why do you have to run againtoday?
Your body hurts.
That ankle's been bothering youfor a few days.
Take it easy.
I can't listen to that, becauseif I want to build confidence in
(18:15):
myself that I can show up evenwhen I don't want to, even when
I'm tired, even when I'm sore,then that'll tell me a little
bit more about myself and I'llhave more confidence going
forward that I can do the thingsthat are in front of me even
when I don't want to.
It's also why I write, so Ihave clear thoughts, so I
understand how I think and so Iunderstand who I am as a person.
(18:36):
That's why I do this podcast.
One, so I can get better.
Two, so hopefully you can learnsomething from it and we can
build each other up through this.
And three, because, one, it'ssomething that is difficult to
do All the work that goes intopreparing these podcasts, the
(18:56):
research, the writing, thestudying and then the actual
editing and talking andeverything.
It's a lot of work and there aredays when I'm like, man, you
know what, I just want to relaxtoday, but I got to do this
podcast.
One, I really appreciate allyou guys listening.
That's the biggest reason I goand I keep doing this.
(19:17):
And two, again, I want to proveto myself that I can push past
that motivation lack and rely onmy discipline.
Instead, when you don't want todo something but you know you
can you have to lean into thatresistance and get it done.
Motivation is a mood anddiscipline is a system.
(19:38):
So lean more into thatdiscipline because, again, it's
going to help you calm thatterrible voice in your head.
You're not going to listen toit as much because when you are
tired and you push through, thatvoice is going to get very,
very quiet and you're not goingto listen to it anymore.
Now how do you change thenarrative?
Well, I think perspective is ahuge benefit in this situation,
(20:02):
in this circumstance.
Perspective does help reframehow you think about things.
It's not fluff, it really isfuel, and you have to look at
the big picture.
You can't look day to day Likeobviously you want to be present
during the day and do the bestthat you can with what's in
front of you, but think aboutthe big picture.
(20:24):
You could look at your day andsee failure, or you could see it
full of life.
Going back to that workoutexample, I could have seen my
days of failure because Iusually start my days with a
workout and if I didn't get thatin, I could just be like you
know what, today sucks, I'm done, I'm not going to try.
Today I failed.
Or you could say you know what?
(20:46):
I didn't get my workout in, butI'm not going to let that ruin
my day.
I'm going to make the most outof it.
The story you tell yourself.
It does matter because thatstory is the script for your
behavior, and behaviors becomehabit and habit becomes identity
.
There's this quote fromEpictetus where he says man is
(21:07):
not worried by real problems somuch as by his imagined
anxieties about real problems.
So we don't actually feel allthese worries from the problems
that are in front of us.
We worry about them and thatmakes us anxious and that makes
those problems seem way biggerthan they actually are.
And that makes those problemsseem way bigger than they
(21:30):
actually are.
Break it down, and I'm nottrying to say be delusional, but
I do believe that choosing acertain frame gives it power.
And so I would again say pausewhen things don't go your way.
Pause and see if you canreframe it, see if you can take
a different perspective andthink of the long game.
(21:50):
Again, this podcast.
If I look at the day-to-daygrowth, it's not much, but over
two and a half years it's gottensignificantly better.
Not trying to brag about this,but it's because of that
consistency, it's because I'veshowed up on days that I don't
want to do it, it's because I'velearned to stay disciplined
(22:12):
rather than motivated, and youcan do the same Even if it's
just working on whatever thingis in front of you for 10
minutes a day.
As small as it is, thoseactions compound over time and
it becomes who you are.
Like I said, your habits becomeyour identity.
(22:33):
And so here's a reframepractice I want you to try.
You can write down onereoccurring negative thought and
then write an honest take on it.
That's a different perspective.
For example, you could thinkthat you're behind in life when
in reality, you could say youknow what I'm learning at my own
pace and I'm still showing up,and that is something you could
be proud of.
It's a lot more difficult to beproud of man.
(22:56):
I'm falling behind in life.
Instead, you could tellyourself you know what I'm
learning at my own pace and,most importantly, I'm showing up
.
I'm still in the game.
Do you see how powerful that is?
Again, it's not about delusion.
Just figure out how you canreframe and take a different
(23:16):
perspective.
Now, like I said in thebeginning, I think starting
something is always thedifficult part If that's
starting a new habit, a new job,a new relationship, whatever it
is.
The start is usually thehardest, and whenever I coach
(23:36):
runners and they always ask melike okay, what should I be
doing?
Like I want to get so good sofast, I tell them to master the
fundamentals, to get reallycomfortable with running and
understanding how you feel on arun and being in zone two a lot
of the times, just because Ithink if you overdo it, you will
(24:08):
shoot yourself in the foot,you'll lose motivation fast and
it's going to be much harder tolisten to that disciplined voice
when your body's screaming andyou overdid it in the beginning.
So I would say, just startwhere you are.
We wait for the perfect moment,for the perfect plan, the
perfect time and maybe even theperfect mindset.
Let me give you a little tip.
Life is not a dress.
Rehearsal this is it, this isall we have.
And rehearsal this is it.
This is all we have, and ourtime here is finite.
(24:31):
Why do you think the Stoics alltalked about memento mori?
It wasn't so.
They were morbid all the timeand they're like you know what?
I'm going to die someday.
I'm already decaying, my body'sdecaying, I'm going to die.
No, that's not what theythought about memento mori.
They used it as a frame torealize that they had limited
time on this earth and that,because of that, they should be
(24:54):
doing the things that they love,that they enjoy.
And obviously you need to make aliving and you need to be smart
with your decisions, but don'tfor one second think that you
have all the time in the worldand if you feel like there's
something that you've wanted tostart for a long time but just
haven't had the chance to do it,start now.
No matter how scary it mightseem, no matter how difficult
(25:16):
the road ahead of you might be,you don't have time.
Get it done now, becauseeventually and you might not
think this is even possible, butyou will be on your deathbed
and you will have a life to lookat of either regret or you can
be proud of who you became, whoyou were, who you showed up as
(25:41):
it's all things that you havethe power of.
So start where you are, withwhat you have on the path that
you're currently on.
Ask yourself something rightnow.
I want you to pause this podcastafter I ask this question and
think about it for a second.
What is one small thing I cando today to align more closely
(26:05):
with the person I want to become?
I can do today to align moreclosely with the person I want
to become.
I hope you paused.
Now go and do it, becausethat's how momentum starts One
honest moment at a time, and youhave to be honest, and it's
okay to be honest with yourself.
(26:26):
No one's going to judge you.
The reality is that people don'tthink about you as much as you
do yourself.
So who cares?
In a hundred years, they won'teven remember you.
No one will.
I don't know who my great greatgrandpa was.
I probably should learn abouthim, because we have a pretty
cool family history, but I don'tknow him, and so that shouldn't
(26:50):
be something morbid.
It should be freeing, like thefact that you don't have to live
up to other people'sexpectations, only your own.
That should give you power tosay I don't want to spend my
time doing this.
I want to focus more on thisbecause my time on earth is
finite and I need to make themost of it.
I need to spend it with thepeople that I love.
I need to make memories withthem.
Do not be a victim of yourcircumstances.
(27:13):
Reframe it and figure out whatyou can do to get out of it
Again.
That's how momentum starts.
Let's bring it on home.
Like I said, you are not yourmissed workouts, you are not
your bad days, you are not yourfear or your fatigue.
What you are is your responsesto all of it.
(27:35):
And that response, thatresponsibility, lies on your
shoulders.
You have the power to choose.
You have the power to take whatlife gives you, and sometimes
life is very unfair.
It doesn't deal everyone agreat hand, I understand that,
but you always have the power tochoose.
(27:56):
First, say to yourself that youwould be, and then do what you
have to do.
Another quote from Epictetus.
I want to leave you all with achallenge, because what's all
this without action?
All this is nice, it soundsgreat to hear, but without
(28:19):
actions it's worthless.
So here's your challenge In thenext 24 hours, catch one
negative thought, reframe it.
Then take one small action toprove to yourself that you're
still in the game, because youare.
And I'm right here next to you.
I'm fighting the same battles.
You are Maybe not the samebattles, but I'm fighting the
(28:41):
same inner voice that tells me Ican't do things.
I'm fighting the same innervoice that tells me I'm a piece
of crap, that I'm slipping, thatI'm not who I say I am, but you
know what's the difference?
I don't listen to that voice.
It's taken years to get to thatpoint, so I'm not saying it's
going to happen to you overnight, but if you're committed to the
(29:02):
goal, you will recognizechanges in yourself that you
never thought were possible tobegin with.
So if this helped you at all, Iwould appreciate it.
If you would rate the show,share it with a friend who might
be in the same boat, leave acomment I love to hear from you
guys and, no matter what, stayin the game, show up when you
(29:22):
don't want to and be the personwho you always thought you could
become Until next episode.
Everyone keep getting after it.
Thanks, guys.
Welcome back to the Getting After it podcast.
Everybody Excited to have youhere today.
I'm going to be talking aboutsomething that kind of reshaped
how I think about reality andlife in general.
And it turns out it's all howyou think about things.
Life is what you think about it, and we'll get into that a
little bit more.
But without further ado, let'sget after it.
(00:35):
Tiktok a useless, weird socialmedia platform that has no
quality, right wrong.
No, that's actually where thisentire episode came from was
TikTok.
I was scrolling the other day,uh, just sitting there and went
through a few videos, and Ifound this one where it was this
38 year old man and he was justout in like in front of his
yard and he was just talkingabout things that he he's
learned through his 38 years ofexperience and it's the kind of
(00:57):
stuff that's learned throughbumps and bruises and not books
and it's life experience and itwas interesting because you
could tell it was very honest,it was very raw and the main
message he was trying to getacross to the entire audience he
was trying to reach was the wayyou truly see yourself is how
(01:20):
the world will reflect it back.
I'm going to repeat that,because that's the cornerstone
of our topic today.
The way you truly see yourselfis how the world will reflect it
back.
What does that mean?
It sounds like a big self-helpjargon, right Like something
Tony Robbins would say at hisconferences.
(01:42):
But when we break it down, whenwe dig into what that actually
means, there's a lot of truthbehind what that is Like.
Yes, if you see yourself as asad, weak, unproductive human
being, guess what the world'sgoing to say that it's going to
reflect that same thing back toyou.
But if you think you're aconfident person who's amped up
(02:03):
when challenges arises, becauseit's an opportunity for you to
learn, for you to grow, and whenthings don't go your way, you
realize, hey, you know what?
Life is unpredictable.
I can't control everything thathappens to me, but I can
control how I respond.
Now it hit me because for thelast few years I've been on this
quiet mission, not to dominatethe world but to master myself.
(02:27):
And it's not glamorous, it isslow and repetitive and it's
unseen work.
And the older I get, the more Irealize that the hardest battle
isn't outside, it's not fromexternal challenges that are
imposed upon us.
Usually it's internal.
And of course there's somecaveats to that, like sickness
(02:51):
or a loved one dies, somethinglike that.
That's not necessarily imposedupon you or anything like that,
but something you have to dealwith, and it's something that's
very difficult.
But the battle that I'm talkingabout is what goes on inside
your head every single day, howyou talk to yourself, how you
treat yourself, and it mightsound weird, like I don't really
(03:11):
feel, like like I don't want toset, I don't want to be a
self-help person, but this kindof topic is one that it would be
covered by many self-help gurusquote unquote, and I'm not one
of them.
I'm just speaking fromexperience here and from
learning about what I've takenfrom other people, and that's
what we're going to be gettinginto today.
(03:33):
Now, one of my favorite Stoics,marcus Aurelius.
He says this you have powerover your mind and not outside
events.
Realize this and you will findstrength.
How do you find strength whenyou realize that you don't know
what the world's going to throwat you?
You don't know how life isgoing to go, and the only thing
(03:53):
that you can control is how yourespond to them.
And so, in my eyes, that doesgive you a lot of power, because
you are in control of your ownresponses.
If things don't go your way,you don't have to get pissed off
.
You don't have to throw a ballat the wall and get pissed Like
if someone cuts you off intraffic.
Don't get mad.
(04:15):
There's no reason to get mad.
There's no reason to let thatevent ruin your day.
And when you understand thatyou can't control other people,
you can only control yourself.
I think that's where a lot ofgrowth happens, a lot of self
growth.
This is one that's kind ofdifficult to master and it's one
I'm not perfect at I'll behonest here.
But the Stokes weren't either,because they were human beings.
(04:38):
We all feel emotions, andemotions are little things that
our body are trying to tell usthat something's either wrong or
something is new, and we're notused to it.
But they're not negative.
Yes, there's sadness.
Yes, there's hate.
Yes, there's anger.
Do you have to listen to thosevoices?
No, we're going to get intothat.
(04:58):
But I want to talk about for asecond the illusion of control.
We grow up believing thatcontrol means changing what's
around us.
Right, control is hey, I havecontrol over this person.
If I like you, tell yourself ifI can just tweak my job a
little bit, or if I can get thisperson to act differently.
If I can get one more thingdone, then I'll be okay, then
(05:20):
I'll be all right, I can take abreak.
But the Stoics, my favoritepeople, some of them, I think
probably my wife and my familyare my favorite people.
But the Stoics are up there.
They knew better.
You cannot control the world.
You can only control yourresponse to the world.
And I'll give you a very simpleexample, because this happened
(05:43):
actually Monday of this week.
Gave you a very simple examplebecause this happened actually
Monday of this week and I misseda workout.
Whoop-de-doo, right.
Oh, brett missed a workout,great, I did.
I woke up late.
I had to go to work.
I went to go visit my grandmaafter work, who's in a
retirement home.
I took my wife out to dinner,and so I just I didn't have time
to work out my wife out todinner, and so I just I didn't
(06:09):
have time to work out.
Um, and that used to make meabsolutely spiral into negative
self-talk and telling myself I'mworthless.
Like that voice inside my headwould say things like man,
you're lazy, you're starting toslip, you're a real fat ass, you
are really not who you say youare huh, that voice.
It gets cruel in my head.
But when I took a step back andI looked at what actually
(06:32):
happened that day, I stayed inbed and I cuddled with my wife,
because we're doing distancesomewhat now and then and it's
an opportunity that we don't geta lot and so I stayed in bed
and cuddled my wife.
I had a great day at work.
I crushed it at work.
I went to go visit my grandmain her retirement home and spend
some quality time with her,listen about her experiences
(06:54):
living in California and justshowing her that she's loved and
her showing me love back.
And then I took my wife out todinner who's my favorite person
in the world and the person whoI love the most and shared a
very heartfelt meal with her.
You look me in the eyes and tellme what part of that day seems
like a failure.
Yes, I missed a workout and Icould have let that completely
(07:17):
ruin my day which it has in thepast, I'm ashamed to say.
But today, like that day, I wasnot gonna let that happen.
Yes, things happen, workoutsare missed, meals are slipped up
on, but it's not the end of theworld.
You control how you respond towhen things go wrong, and I
wasn't going to let that hold medown.
I was going to take theopposite approach and say, okay,
(07:39):
how can I make this day better?
Because, like I said,historically I would have been
mad, pissed off and angry atmyself the entire day.
But it's a lesson that my wifehas helped me learn is, yeah,
things happen and your missedworkout is not who you are.
So if I was to give a tip onthis, I would say create some
(08:02):
kind of response ritual that youhave Like next time something
goes off track.
Here's what I want you to do.
I want you to pause for threeminutes.
It doesn't even have to bethree minutes, it could be 30
seconds, but I want you to pause.
I want you to reflect, reframeand then respond accordingly.
You can call it the three R'sreflect, reframe and respond but
(08:24):
just take some time to sit withthose thoughts.
It's something that we don't doa lot now is taking time to
pause, to slow down, to letthings sit, because only then
you can understand how you feelabout them.
It's not from going and tryingto learn from other people about
yourself.
No, the only person that'sgoing to teach you about
(08:45):
yourself is you.
You have to believe that andyou have to know that that's
true.
So try doing that.
Just pause and then reflect,reframe and respond to it.
Now let's get back to the voicein the head, because it is
something that needs to beaddressed and we need to talk
about it If you are going to begoing down this path of
(09:07):
self-development and growth andyou building the person that you
want to become.
The voice in your head has alot of power, and usually
there's two voices in your head.
There's one that is the naturalman right, the person who wants
(09:28):
to be lazy, who wants to sitaround, who wants to eat that
junk food, who wants things easy, like given to them.
Everyone has that in them.
Then there's the other voice.
You know the voice that is yourtrue self, who you know wants
to do these things like work out, be great, do really well at
work, be a great husband, be agreat wife, a great parent,
(09:51):
whatever your story is, and allthose things I just just
mentioned.
They all take incredible effort, and so most people don't fail
because outside circumstances.
They fail because of the voiceinside their head.
They're listening to the wrongone.
That voice.
If left unchecked, it becomes afilter, like you look for what's
(10:12):
broken and ignore what'sactually working and then you
call it reality, like go back tomy workout example.
You know what?
I missed it.
But if I kept ruminating onthat thought all day long and
telling myself that I wasworthless, telling myself that I
Might be slipping up and thatI'm not who I am, I'm not who I
(10:32):
say I am, that would have ruinedeverything.
And let me be blunt, and thatI'm not who I am, I'm not who I
say I am that would have ruinedeverything.
And let me be blunt If yourinner voice is a bully, you're
training yourself to lose.
If you're bullying yourself,you're not going to get anywhere
.
And let me explain.
(10:53):
David Senra, who's the host ofthe Founders Podcast he's the
person that introduced to me theconcept of belief comes before
ability, pretty much saying thatin order to achieve great goals
, you need to first believe thatit's even achievable in the
first place.
You need to first know thatyou're willing to put in the
work and then do it Now.
(11:21):
Yes, you have to believe inyourself and you have to also be
honest with who you are andwhere you're at, because the job
or like the fix, isn't going tobe pretending that everything's
great.
The fix is noticing what'sactually real.
Your job is to silence thatnegative voice and your job is
to train a better one.
And when you recognize thatinner voice in your head, that's
(11:45):
that's telling you that youcan't do something, that's
shooting you down, not believingin you, you need to recognize
that and put a stop to itimmediately and you need to let
that other voice take over.
I love Joe Rogan has a conceptthat he talks about a lot and he
says that there's two voices inhis head.
One is the inner bitch and theother is the general.
(12:08):
The inner bitch wants him to beweak, he wants him to be soft,
wants him to take it easy, andwhen he's in the gym and he's
feeling that pressure from hisworkout and that difficulty of
breathing a little extra harder,he wants to listen to that
voice.
But then the general comes inand says nope, get it done.
Go, pick up that kettlebell,swing it around a little bit.
(12:29):
We're not done here, go backand do the work.
That's the general.
There's these conflicting voicesin our head all the time and
you give power to the one thatyou listen to the most, like,
for example, if I wake up and Ihave a good workout, like I'm
(12:50):
feeling good throughout the day,but then something bad happens
to me at work, like, maybe acall a sales call I have goes
really bad.
And I tell myself, man, maybeI'm not good at sales, maybe I
need to go find something elseto do because this is not the
right career for me.
And then I listened to thatvoice and another failure
(13:10):
happens and it's like man, therewe go.
There's another sign I'm justnot good at it, when in reality
it's like that should be asignal for your other voice, for
the general, to take over andsay man, that did not go well.
This is what I learned from itand here's how I'm going to
attack moving forward.
This is what I'm going to bedoing in my life, moving forward
because I learned some valuablelessons during that time.
(13:33):
In that voice, you have to trainyourself to listen to the right
one.
You don't want to listen to theone that's negative.
You don't want to listen to theone that's telling you that you
can't do something that youwant to because you're afraid,
or that you're not even anexpert yet, that you're just
beginning.
The beginning is always thehardest part and being
consistent is equally aschallenging.
(13:54):
But I think at the beginning ofanything new that you do,
there's a lot of self-doubt.
And let me tell you, self-doubtis real.
But it's not real unless youlisten to it.
When you tell yourself, man, Iam not good at sales, and you
listen to that voice, then itbecomes truth.
But if you listen to yourselfsaying, man, that was a rough
(14:15):
call, here's what I'm going todo differently next time, that
voice gives you power.
That voice gives you a progressplan and then you can move
forward with confidence thatyou're going to get better in
the future.
And this might sound cheesy, butI told my brother to do this
because we hold each otheraccountable with our goals and
all these things.
(14:35):
So we focus on fitness becauseI, we, we hold each other
accountable with our goals andall these things.
So we, we focus on fitness,spiritual goals, financial goals
and then personal goals.
And we always have a weeklycall where we, where we talk
about these things together.
And I was telling him how muchI love journaling and journaling
.
The best way I can explain it,for me at least, is that it
helps me understand how I thinkabout things, situations, my
days, certain topics, like whenI want to learn more about
(15:00):
stoicism.
I'll learn it and then try andunderstand myself how I think
about that thing.
And so I was telling Drew thisand he's like I don't really
journal, that's not for me.
And so I told him I was likethat's fine, just write down
things that went well for theday.
Just write down a few things.
Doesn't have to be that many,doesn't have to be anything
super complex or really thoughtout.
(15:23):
Just write a few things thatwent well that day, because this
is going to help your braintrain itself to see wins and not
just problems.
The problems will still bethere, but doing this exercise
will help you understand thatthere are solutions to those
problems.
Try it out.
I guarantee you you will seesome kind of benefit from doing
(15:45):
a little exercise like this.
It doesn't take a lot of time.
It could take five minutes, itcould take 30 seconds.
You could pull out your phone,do a little audio message, be
like hey, this is what went wellfor the day.
I saved a bunny from a window.
Well, which actually I did.
That that was a really coolexperience.
I'll tell that after I do thisexample, I saved a bunny from a
(16:05):
window.
Well, I went and helped myfriend who was moving his house
and he was really thankful forit.
I wrote down a few pages for mybook that I'm writing had a
great cause at work.
I give me something simple asthat.
Or you could be like hey, youknow what?
(16:27):
I went to go see my son playhis first t-ball game and he hit
that ball and he didn't get out.
That's a win.
If you're a dad, that's a win.
I'm not a dad, but I canunderstand that that would be
sick.
Yeah, so I did save a bunnyfrom a window.
Well, really quickly.
I was in Utah and I heardsomething like tapping on my
window and I was like what theheck was that?
So I look in there and there'sthis little tiny bunny.
And so I went inside the window.
(16:48):
Well, I picked him up with myhand and then put him out there,
saved the bunny.
I just hope he comes back to mywindow.
Well, um, getting back to thetopic, we don't need to talk
about bunnies, although it isEaster, so happy Easter everyone
.
Um, it's in a couple of days.
Let's talk about evidence overaffirmation.
(17:09):
I've talked about this before.
I've done the Alex Hormozyquote.
You know you don't buildself-confidence from shouting
affirmations in the mirror.
You build them by building anundeniable stack of proof that
you are who you say you are.
Didn't get that quote perfect,but it goes something along
those lines.
But it is true.
You do not build self-belief bywhispering these affirmations
(17:30):
into the mirror.
You build it by doing the work,especially when you do not feel
like it.
A lot of people ask me why I run.
I do enjoy it.
I think it's a great challenge.
It's a great way for me to stayfit, but I think at the end of
the day, I hate to run.
It's difficult every singletime.
(17:52):
But that's why I run, because Iknow that if I can conquer that
, if I can conquer that voiceinside my head, that's like no,
not today.
You just ran 10 miles yesterday.
Why do you have to run againtoday?
Your body hurts.
That ankle's been bothering youfor a few days.
Take it easy.
I can't listen to that, becauseif I want to build confidence in
(18:15):
myself that I can show up evenwhen I don't want to, even when
I'm tired, even when I'm sore,then that'll tell me a little
bit more about myself and I'llhave more confidence going
forward that I can do the thingsthat are in front of me even
when I don't want to.
It's also why I write, so Ihave clear thoughts, so I
understand how I think and so Iunderstand who I am as a person.
(18:36):
That's why I do this podcast.
One, so I can get better.
Two, so hopefully you can learnsomething from it and we can
build each other up through this.
And three, because, one, it'ssomething that is difficult to
do All the work that goes intopreparing these podcasts, the
(18:56):
research, the writing, thestudying and then the actual
editing and talking andeverything.
It's a lot of work and there aredays when I'm like, man, you
know what, I just want to relaxtoday, but I got to do this
podcast.
One, I really appreciate allyou guys listening.
That's the biggest reason I goand I keep doing this.
(19:17):
And two, again, I want to proveto myself that I can push past
that motivation lack and rely onmy discipline.
Instead, when you don't want todo something but you know you
can you have to lean into thatresistance and get it done.
Motivation is a mood anddiscipline is a system.
(19:38):
So lean more into thatdiscipline because, again, it's
going to help you calm thatterrible voice in your head.
You're not going to listen toit as much because when you are
tired and you push through, thatvoice is going to get very,
very quiet and you're not goingto listen to it anymore.
Now how do you change thenarrative?
Well, I think perspective is ahuge benefit in this situation,
(20:02):
in this circumstance.
Perspective does help reframehow you think about things.
It's not fluff, it really isfuel, and you have to look at
the big picture.
You can't look day to day Likeobviously you want to be present
during the day and do the bestthat you can with what's in
front of you, but think aboutthe big picture.
(20:24):
You could look at your day andsee failure, or you could see it
full of life.
Going back to that workoutexample, I could have seen my
days of failure because Iusually start my days with a
workout and if I didn't get thatin, I could just be like you
know what, today sucks, I'm done, I'm not going to try.
Today I failed.
Or you could say you know what?
(20:46):
I didn't get my workout in, butI'm not going to let that ruin
my day.
I'm going to make the most outof it.
The story you tell yourself.
It does matter because thatstory is the script for your
behavior, and behaviors becomehabit and habit becomes identity
.
There's this quote fromEpictetus where he says man is
(21:07):
not worried by real problems somuch as by his imagined
anxieties about real problems.
So we don't actually feel allthese worries from the problems
that are in front of us.
We worry about them and thatmakes us anxious and that makes
those problems seem way biggerthan they actually are.
And that makes those problemsseem way bigger than they
(21:30):
actually are.
Break it down, and I'm nottrying to say be delusional, but
I do believe that choosing acertain frame gives it power.
And so I would again say pausewhen things don't go your way.
Pause and see if you canreframe it, see if you can take
a different perspective andthink of the long game.
(21:50):
Again, this podcast.
If I look at the day-to-daygrowth, it's not much, but over
two and a half years it's gottensignificantly better.
Not trying to brag about this,but it's because of that
consistency, it's because I'veshowed up on days that I don't
want to do it, it's because I'velearned to stay disciplined
(22:12):
rather than motivated, and youcan do the same Even if it's
just working on whatever thingis in front of you for 10
minutes a day.
As small as it is, thoseactions compound over time and
it becomes who you are.
Like I said, your habits becomeyour identity.
(22:33):
And so here's a reframepractice I want you to try.
You can write down onereoccurring negative thought and
then write an honest take on it.
That's a different perspective.
For example, you could thinkthat you're behind in life when
in reality, you could say youknow what I'm learning at my own
pace and I'm still showing up,and that is something you could
be proud of.
It's a lot more difficult to beproud of man.
(22:56):
I'm falling behind in life.
Instead, you could tellyourself you know what I'm
learning at my own pace and,most importantly, I'm showing up
.
I'm still in the game.
Do you see how powerful that is?
Again, it's not about delusion.
Just figure out how you canreframe and take a different
(23:16):
perspective.
Now, like I said in thebeginning, I think starting
something is always thedifficult part If that's
starting a new habit, a new job,a new relationship, whatever it
is.
The start is usually thehardest, and whenever I coach
(23:36):
runners and they always ask melike okay, what should I be
doing?
Like I want to get so good sofast, I tell them to master the
fundamentals, to get reallycomfortable with running and
understanding how you feel on arun and being in zone two a lot
of the times, just because Ithink if you overdo it, you will
(24:08):
shoot yourself in the foot,you'll lose motivation fast and
it's going to be much harder tolisten to that disciplined voice
when your body's screaming andyou overdid it in the beginning.
So I would say, just startwhere you are.
We wait for the perfect moment,for the perfect plan, the
perfect time and maybe even theperfect mindset.
Let me give you a little tip.
Life is not a dress.
Rehearsal this is it, this isall we have.
And rehearsal this is it.
This is all we have, and ourtime here is finite.
(24:31):
Why do you think the Stoics alltalked about memento mori?
It wasn't so.
They were morbid all the timeand they're like you know what?
I'm going to die someday.
I'm already decaying, my body'sdecaying, I'm going to die.
No, that's not what theythought about memento mori.
They used it as a frame torealize that they had limited
time on this earth and that,because of that, they should be
(24:54):
doing the things that they love,that they enjoy.
And obviously you need to make aliving and you need to be smart
with your decisions, but don'tfor one second think that you
have all the time in the worldand if you feel like there's
something that you've wanted tostart for a long time but just
haven't had the chance to do it,start now.
No matter how scary it mightseem, no matter how difficult
(25:16):
the road ahead of you might be,you don't have time.
Get it done now, becauseeventually and you might not
think this is even possible, butyou will be on your deathbed
and you will have a life to lookat of either regret or you can
be proud of who you became, whoyou were, who you showed up as
(25:41):
it's all things that you havethe power of.
So start where you are, withwhat you have on the path that
you're currently on.
Ask yourself something rightnow.
I want you to pause this podcastafter I ask this question and
think about it for a second.
What is one small thing I cando today to align more closely
(26:05):
with the person I want to become?
I can do today to align moreclosely with the person I want
to become.
I hope you paused.
Now go and do it, becausethat's how momentum starts One
honest moment at a time, and youhave to be honest, and it's
okay to be honest with yourself.
(26:26):
No one's going to judge you.
The reality is that people don'tthink about you as much as you
do yourself.
So who cares?
In a hundred years, they won'teven remember you.
No one will.
I don't know who my great greatgrandpa was.
I probably should learn abouthim, because we have a pretty
cool family history, but I don'tknow him, and so that shouldn't
(26:50):
be something morbid.
It should be freeing, like thefact that you don't have to live
up to other people'sexpectations, only your own.
That should give you power tosay I don't want to spend my
time doing this.
I want to focus more on thisbecause my time on earth is
finite and I need to make themost of it.
I need to spend it with thepeople that I love.
I need to make memories withthem.
Do not be a victim of yourcircumstances.
(27:13):
Reframe it and figure out whatyou can do to get out of it
Again.
That's how momentum starts.
Let's bring it on home.
Like I said, you are not yourmissed workouts, you are not
your bad days, you are not yourfear or your fatigue.
What you are is your responsesto all of it.
(27:35):
And that response, thatresponsibility, lies on your
shoulders.
You have the power to choose.
You have the power to take whatlife gives you, and sometimes
life is very unfair.
It doesn't deal everyone agreat hand, I understand that,
but you always have the power tochoose.
(27:56):
First, say to yourself that youwould be, and then do what you
have to do.
Another quote from Epictetus.
I want to leave you all with achallenge, because what's all
this without action?
All this is nice, it soundsgreat to hear, but without
(28:19):
actions it's worthless.
So here's your challenge In thenext 24 hours, catch one
negative thought, reframe it.
Then take one small action toprove to yourself that you're
still in the game, because youare.
And I'm right here next to you.
I'm fighting the same battles.
You are Maybe not the samebattles, but I'm fighting the
(28:41):
same inner voice that tells me Ican't do things.
I'm fighting the same innervoice that tells me I'm a piece
of crap, that I'm slipping, thatI'm not who I say I am, but you
know what's the difference?
I don't listen to that voice.
It's taken years to get to thatpoint, so I'm not saying it's
going to happen to you overnight, but if you're committed to the
(29:02):
goal, you will recognizechanges in yourself that you
never thought were possible tobegin with.
So if this helped you at all, Iwould appreciate it.
If you would rate the show,share it with a friend who might
be in the same boat, leave acomment I love to hear from you
guys and, no matter what, stayin the game, show up when you
(29:22):
don't want to and be the personwho you always thought you could
become Until next episode.
Everyone keep getting after it.
Thanks, guys.
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