November 7, 2025 • 47 mins
Infertility is one of the hardest things to go through. It’s isolating, unpredictable, and often filled with grief that no one else sees.
In this episode, I sit down with my sister-in-law Emeli for a raw, honest conversation about her multi-year journey with infertility—five miscarriages, misdiagnosis, failed treatments, and the heartbreak of being told to “just try again.”
We talk through the emotional weight of loss, how it impacted her marriage to Drew, and the moments she felt broken, ashamed, or abandoned. We also talk about what helped her keep going—faith, vulnerability, medical answers, and showing up for herself one day at a time.
This episode isn’t about advice or answers. It’s about listening. It’s about naming what hurts. And it’s about remembering that no matter what you’re facing, you don’t have to face it alone.
Here are the main takeaways:
- You are not broken. Infertility doesn’t define your worth or your identity.
- Listening is more powerful than advice. People going through loss need space, not solutions.
- Faith and support systems matter. Whether it's God, your partner, or a friend, healing starts with connection.
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I hope today’s episode sparked something within you to pursue your dreams and unlock your true potential. If you found value in it, consider sharing it with someone who might need that same push.
Getting After It is for those who. want to silence their self-doubt. Refuse to be owned by comfort. Understand their limits are man-made and breakable. We live in a time of constant comparison. Social media drowns us in highlight reels and overnight success stories. But what most people don’t see is the grit behind it all. The reps. The quiet mornings. The sacrifices. The failures.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Okay.
Emily, welcome to the GettingAfter It Podcast.
SPEAKER_00 (00:03):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (00:04):
It's about time.
SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
It's been we've been talking about this for a long
time.
SPEAKER_01 (00:07):
I know, and I feel really bad.
I do that to so many people.
And if I have done that to youand you're listening to this, I
apologize.
Reach back out.
But um I'm really excited totalk to you today.
Uh for many reasons.
But I mean, before we go intoall that stuff that I sent you,
um information on or whatever,but um I would love to just have
(00:30):
you introduce yourself, howyou're in the family, all that
stuff, and then we can kind ofjump into some of this stuff.
SPEAKER_00 (00:36):
Okay.
Well, hello.
I am Emily.
I am Brett's sister-in-law.
Um Drew's sister now, really.
Yeah, pretty much.
SPEAKER_01 (00:49):
Yeah, same thing.
SPEAKER_00 (00:50):
I'm Drew's wife.
He's been on here quite a fewtimes.
I know.
SPEAKER_01 (00:53):
Yeah, which is a little jealous, but that's okay.
It feels even worse because he'sbeen on, I think, like seven
times, but anyway.
SPEAKER_00 (01:00):
Seven times?
Really?
SPEAKER_01 (01:01):
I think so, yeah.
Wow.
He's like the number one mostreturned guest besides Allie.
SPEAKER_00 (01:05):
Oh wow.
SPEAKER_01 (01:05):
Can't really count Allie because she lives with me.
SPEAKER_00 (01:07):
So she doesn't count.
SPEAKER_01 (01:08):
Yeah, she doesn't count.
Yeah.
But um, yeah, so you marriedinto the family and almost ten
years ago.
That's insane.
SPEAKER_00 (01:16):
Next summer it'll be ten years.
SPEAKER_01 (01:17):
That really is wild.
Yeah.
Doesn't feel that long though.
SPEAKER_00 (01:19):
So, like, what was that?
Your senior year?
I was there when you graduatedafter your graduation.
SPEAKER_01 (01:24):
It was, that was nuts.
And then, like, as soon as um Igraduated, I went on the mission
and all that stuff.
But um yeah, I mean, it's prettypretty cool, like just having
another sister, really.
Like, that it's it's coolbecause I feel that way about
Jen too.
Um, but like having you in thefamily makes it like complete,
(01:47):
and it's pretty cool to seethat.
So thanks.
Um, but I wanted to have you ontoday because there is something
I've talked a lot about on thepodcast um that I know you've
dealt with too.
Um, but it's infertility, and itcan be an uncomfortable thing to
talk about.
Um, but I've like after dealingit with myself and Allie, like
(02:10):
she's not the one that hasissues.
Surprisingly, it's me.
SPEAKER_00 (02:13):
Um surprisingly.
SPEAKER_01 (02:14):
I mean, that's the thing is everyone like uh always
blames the woman, right?
It's like, oh man, you know,they can't have kids because you
know the woman might have someissues, but it's me this time,
like I'm the issue.
But not saying like that's it'san it's an issue.
Um, I should rephrase that.
It's not an issue.
I just you know everyone'sdifferent, everyone has
problems.
Um, and it's been a really hardthing.
(02:38):
Like, it sucks.
Um like Allie and I we talkabout it all the time, like, oh
yeah, we're gonna have kids, butyou know, there's no there's no
uh I guess end in sight.
SPEAKER_00 (02:48):
There's no when.
SPEAKER_01 (02:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (02:50):
I mean, like, yeah, there's no date.
There's no you don't know if itcould happen next year or five
years.
SPEAKER_01 (02:56):
And there's so much unknown too.
Um, and so it's it's kind of a Iwouldn't say scary because no
one's like in danger, but it'sit's a hard thing to go through.
Like just getting, you know,hey, we'll see what happens in
the next appointment.
Like every single time we go seethe doctor.
And um we have a big test comingup uh uh I guess at the end of
this month.
It's gonna be pretty tellingwhether or not like we can have
(03:18):
kids um based on the medicinewe've been taking and all that.
But um long way of meintroducing what we're talking
about today.
But I know you know you'veyou've dealt with it and you've
been pretty open about it, whichI respect um because it's hard
to be.
And um I would love to just hearyou walk us through your
(03:39):
journey.
Yeah, um, you know, what it waslike to um you know you felt
something was off or somethinghappened, and then your
diagnosis, and then just maybego into it just a little bit
there.
SPEAKER_00 (03:50):
Yeah.
So I feel like we should startoff by saying everyone goes
through their own journey,right?
And yeah, and what worked for meto, you know, get through it
might be different than whatwill work for you.
And our although we are both weI went through and you are going
through infertility, they arestill like separate stories,
(04:14):
right?
Like, so I mean, people you guysare going through worse than
what we feel like.
I felt I do you feel that way?
No, I feel like what you guysare going through is worse than
what we went through.
SPEAKER_01 (04:27):
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I don't know, maybe it'sjust perspective, but like it
sucks.
But I I don't know.
You'll I'm sure we'll get intosome of the stuff, but I don't
wanna Yeah, I just I don't wannaI don't wanna downplay everyone
goes through the their ownstuff.
SPEAKER_00 (04:41):
That's that and yeah, but um so about maybe a
little over a year after beingmarried, um, we came down here
for a friend, my best friend'swedding.
Um, and it was here we found outwe were pregnant for the first
time.
I hadn't been on like birthcontrol or anything like that
(05:02):
pretty much our entire marriage.
I also didn't know anythingabout like trying for a baby.
It was just kind of like, hey,we're pregnant.
Like we weren't trying.
SPEAKER_02 (05:11):
What happened?
SPEAKER_00 (05:11):
Um, and so I remember like driving home back
to Rexburg.
It's when we were living inIdaho.
Um, we're driving home and wewere talking about like all the
baby names and all the newstuff, and we were looking at
like baby outfits on Amazon andlike adding things to like a
cart, you know.
We were just like so, soexcited.
(05:32):
Um, about a week later, we had amiscarriage.
Um, I think I was probablyaround five weeks long.
Man, um, went to the doctor, hesaid, like, oh, it can be kind
of common.
Yeah, so we were like, Okay,well, whatever.
All of my sisters have had noproblem getting pregnant,
really, no problem havingbabies.
And so I didn't think likeanything would be wrong.
SPEAKER_03 (05:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (05:56):
Um, and then three months later, the same thing
happened.
We found out we were pregnant,and then we had a miscarriage
like a week after finding out.
SPEAKER_01 (06:04):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:05):
Doctor said the same thing.
Like, we can't do anything untilyou have three or more.
SPEAKER_01 (06:10):
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (06:10):
Like, we can't do any tests or anything.
That's what they he told us.
SPEAKER_01 (06:13):
Yeah, that's horrible.
Make people do it.
We were like three.
SPEAKER_00 (06:16):
Yeah.
So three months later, yeah, ithappened again.
Like, had a miscarriage, wentinto the doctor, and he said,
Okay, well, let's do some bloodwork.
Did some blood work.
Everything was generally normal.
There was one test that cameback like slightly positive, but
he was like, It's nothing.
And this is just that like aregular OB, not a fertility
(06:38):
specialist or anything.
SPEAKER_01 (06:39):
Oh, okay.
So just like whoever you saw inRexburg, basically.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (06:42):
Yeah.
And then um, I had a friend whoworked for a fertility
specialist, and uh, actually,maybe we were still in Rexburg
when we had our fourth.
We we went in for an ultrasoundearlier because we had this
history of miscarriages, and wefound out I had an ectopic
pregnancy.
SPEAKER_01 (07:02):
What is that?
SPEAKER_00 (07:03):
Um, it's where the like baby gets stuck in your
fallopian tube instead of goingall the way to your uterus.
SPEAKER_01 (07:11):
I've heard that actually.
SPEAKER_00 (07:12):
Yeah, and if you don't catch it early enough,
like it can be life-threateningand you can have a tube removed
and stuff.
And um luckily for us, we caughtit early enough.
Yeah, um, and they did they gaveme like a shot to help it pass,
and it was very, very vulnerabletime for me because it hurt very
(07:35):
bad.
I think he like compared it tohaving like a shot of chemo,
like what it does to your body,like putting just that much
stress on your body.
SPEAKER_01 (07:42):
Oh geez.
SPEAKER_00 (07:43):
And yeah, it was- I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_01 (07:44):
That's brutal.
SPEAKER_00 (07:45):
It was not fun at all.
And like Drew had to help mewalk and stand and get out of
bed.
And I am not, I hate beingvulnerable around people.
And that, and yeah, and that andwe had only been married for a
year and a half.
No, maybe two years, I guess twoyears at this point.
And I just still wasn't, Ididn't love to be like that.
SPEAKER_01 (08:07):
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, which makes sense.
SPEAKER_00 (08:09):
Um, so we moved back to Arizona, and uh we had I had
a friend who worked for afertility specialist down here,
and so she got us an appointmentfairly quickly, and we went in,
and uh um she was like, Great,like it doesn't seem like
anything is super wrong, buthere let's give you all this.
Like, we can try IUI.
(08:31):
We could we'll maybe we'll makeit to IVF, but what's IUI?
IUI is where they like take thesperm and they insert it in you
instead of like mixing them andthen putting it in.
Um so we did that.
We did like in this likeultrasound thing where they like
put fluid in your uterus to makesure ever nothing is blocked and
(08:53):
anything.
Um we got pregnant like a monthafter doing that, and then like
everything seemed great.
We went in for ultrasound.
We got to see the heartbeat ofthe baby at like six weeks, and
then the day after thatultrasound, after seeing the
heartbeat, we had a miscarriage.
No, and it was very hard becausewe were like we just saw the
(09:15):
heartbeat yesterday.
SPEAKER_01 (09:16):
Like what I didn't do anything in the last day that
could like have done that, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (09:24):
And so yeah, that was our fifth miscarriage, our
loss.
Yeah.
Um, and the specialists we wereseeing was like, okay, well,
let's try IUI next.
Yeah, and we were we weren'treally comfortable with it
because we obviously are nothaving a hard time getting
pregnant.
(09:44):
Yeah, it was just keeping thepregnancies that like wouldn't
stay.
SPEAKER_01 (09:50):
I can't imagine that.
That's just like I can imaginebeing in that situation, uh and
for me, I would feel a lot offear for like just trying again.
Yeah, like I don't I don't knowif like I don't want to go
through that again or put likemy work.
SPEAKER_00 (10:02):
It was hard to get excited, yeah.
Like, and I mean, even when wegot pregnant with Reese and even
Margot, like it's hard to beexcited at first because you're
like, what if it's just anotherand you don't want to hurt, you
don't want to get yourself likehyped up to just be let down
again?
Yeah, it was not fun.
SPEAKER_01 (10:21):
At least with what I'm going through, and um I
don't know, you might have feltthis way too, but like
infertility has brought manyfeelings to me where I just feel
broken, like a lot of the time.
I'm like, what is wrong with me?
Like all these guys out therewho can have kids, like they
have a sperm.
Like, well, how how come Idon't?
Like, so weird.
I mean, obviously I have likehormone issues and a tumor in my
(10:43):
brain, but um, like I justreally when we found out all
this stuff, it was a good liketwo months where I was like, I'm
just broken.
Like, and then I felt like um Ifelt bad for Allie because I was
like, you know, she's expectinga family, I can't give it to
her.
Um, and it was just all theseself-degrading thoughts like
(11:05):
came all the time.
Did you ever deal with anythinglike that?
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
All the time.
SPEAKER_01 (11:09):
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (11:10):
I was always like, I I always apologize to Drew.
Like, I'm sorry you married me.
Yeah, I'm you know, I'm notworthy to be married to you.
Sorry, I'm gonna like starting.
Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01 (11:21):
I mean, it's a hard topic.
SPEAKER_00 (11:22):
Yeah, I thought I wasn't enough.
I was like, I'm a woman, and Ican't even do my like womanhood
duty, like to have babies.
Like how I'm sure I was like,I'm sure Drew hates me because
he expected to get married andhave kids, and here I can't I
am, and I can't have kids.
And I it it was yeah, lots ofhorrible, horrible self-talk.
(11:45):
And and it it was really hard tocome out of that.
SPEAKER_01 (11:49):
Oh, yeah, definitely.
SPEAKER_00 (11:50):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (11:51):
The only reason I think I got through it, and like
we still don't have a solution,but it's because you know, one
Allie helps me, and then two,like I remember I'm a child of
God, which we can get into thatstuff later.
But yeah, um, sorry to interruptyou with your story.
Oh, you were saying you're don'tworry about you know, seeing a
doctor in Arizona and so we hadum someone in your mom's ward
(12:11):
actually saw was seeing adoctor.
I remember this lady, yes.
SPEAKER_00 (12:14):
Yeah, and your mom was like, Hey, you should just
call them.
Yeah, like why not?
And I don't know who the ladywas.
Like maybe I met her once and welike connected that story.
I like, but I had never met herbefore, and I was like, We're
already seeing a fertility, butwhatever.
So we called, um called and gota consultation with a new
(12:36):
fertility doctor, and he didlike a blood panel, and that one
test that was elevated when welived in Rexburg, and the OB
just like sloughed it off.
Yeah, that is what like told ourO or the specialist, like, this
is what's wrong.
He diagnosed me with a um what'sit called?
(13:02):
An autoimmune disease.
SPEAKER_01 (13:03):
Oh, really?
SPEAKER_00 (13:04):
Okay, yes, called antiphospholipid syndrome.
So that's where anytime I gotpregnant, my body was thinking
it was like a foreign object.
SPEAKER_01 (13:15):
Oh, really?
SPEAKER_00 (13:16):
And my blood, yeah, my blood would like thicken up
on all the vessels that weregoing to the baby, it thickened
it up and closed it off so thatthe baby would just That's
crazy.
Yeah.
So um, I guess it's still kindof a newly studied like
autoimmune disease.
I was reading a lot about itwhen I was diagnosed with it,
and it's like um a symptom of itis having miscarriages.
(13:40):
And then, but other than that,like a lot of people don't find
out they have it until later inlife when they have blood clots
or heart attacks because youjust have thicker blood.
Yeah, and so yeah, when when wefound that out, we started on um
blood thinners on Lovinox, andthere are injections that I had
(14:01):
to do twice a day, every singleday throughout my pregnancy,
yeah, both pregnancies and evenfuture pregnancies.
Like, I'll always have to dothis.
Um, and that seemed to like dothe trick.
Yeah, like we have not had anyproblems since being on blood
thinners, and it's amazing.
SPEAKER_01 (14:20):
Yeah, but you find the one thing it is.
SPEAKER_00 (14:22):
Well, and I'm just I'm so grateful for modern
medicine because what about 10years ago, 20 years ago?
SPEAKER_01 (14:28):
Like, oh, it'd be yeah, there's nothing.
It's crazy.
Like we we truly are blessed.
SPEAKER_00 (14:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (14:34):
Um, like it's I feel that same way with all the stuff
that I'm doing too.
Like I take shots every threedays and take some pills.
Um, I think it's N clomopheneand H H H C G.
Wow, can't say it.
Speak.
It's been a long day.
Um, but yeah, so I mean likethat's one way that you know we
potentially might have kids, butit's such a small little thing
(14:56):
that you know my body justdoesn't produce certain
hormones, and those bring themin.
SPEAKER_00 (15:00):
Yeah.
Um, so you got on that prettyquickly, and then yeah, so I got
in, I I got on it and he waslike, wait like two to three
months.
SPEAKER_03 (15:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (15:11):
But we got on it and got pregnant the same month.
It didn't do anything, like itended up being fine, and you
know, now we have Reese, andhe's four and a half years old,
and he is just the sweetestspirit like I've ever met in a
kid.
Maybe I'm biased because he's myown kid.
SPEAKER_01 (15:26):
I don't know, he's a pretty sweet kid.
SPEAKER_00 (15:27):
But yeah, he's so like, yeah, and same with
Margle.
Like, we got on that right awayas soon as I found out I was
pregnant.
Yeah, and it's didn't have anyproblems.
SPEAKER_01 (15:38):
That's amazing.
Yeah, so I mean, like, how longwas that journey from when you
found out in Rexburg for thefirst time to when Reese was
born?
SPEAKER_00 (15:47):
Let's see, uh, I got pregnant with Reese in 2020 and
uh like the middle of 2020, andwe uh had our first miscarriage
in August of 18.
SPEAKER_01 (16:03):
Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00 (16:04):
So yeah.
Four three years?
SPEAKER_01 (16:08):
Yeah, about that.
SPEAKER_00 (16:09):
Or 27.
Let's see.
I guess 2017 was our firstmiscarriage.
SPEAKER_01 (16:14):
2017, yeah.
Yeah, and during that time, um,I have to apologize to you
because I didn't really knowwhat you guys were going
through, and I was like, Drew,come hang out with us all the
time.
SPEAKER_00 (16:23):
Don't even worry about it.
SPEAKER_01 (16:24):
Drew was sad, and he's like, Yeah, that sounds
good.
He'd probably want to get out ofthe house, and then all of a
sudden, you know, you're at homeby yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (16:29):
Okay, because so messed up.
That's how Drew was coping withgrief was you, and so I know
he's always been super gratefulfor you.
Like just to be there.
SPEAKER_01 (16:38):
Like looking back now, I'm like, man, Drew should
have just been with his wife.
Like, what a terrible thing.
That's okay.
SPEAKER_00 (16:44):
I was only slightly depressed.
SPEAKER_01 (16:46):
I was actually that's so sad.
I was talking to Allie aboutthat.
Um, we were driving home fromsomewhere, and I was like, Emily
probably hated me at thebeginning, like when I was up
there, I was just like, so bad,but um, anyways, uh I promise I
didn't.
Uh yeah, well, I appreciatethat.
But I if you hold some hardfeelings, I I totally
(17:08):
understand.
Um, one thing I was reallyinterested to to ask you is is
how going through thatexperience has changed your
parenting style or like how youlook at your kids.
Has anything been different thanI guess?
SPEAKER_00 (17:23):
So yeah, I I get it.
So even though I say this, Idon't want it to come off like
kids are not pure chaos becausethey are, right?
And they test your patience tothe very, very tippy top.
Like, I am not an angry person.
I feel like I'm generally gowith the flow.
And man, my kids they spike mycortisol levels every single
(17:47):
day.
SPEAKER_01 (17:47):
Um, they're so fun though.
SPEAKER_00 (17:49):
But I like to think that like everything we went to
went through has made me a morepatient person.
Um, and I was actually justtalking to Ali about this today
in your kitchen.
Oh really?
Yeah, like it, and I was like,who knows?
Maybe what you guys are goingthrough, maybe that's why.
Maybe you both need to learnsome patience.
(18:11):
Or, you know, we never we neverreally know the lessons that
were being taught through ourchallenges.
SPEAKER_01 (18:16):
That's true.
That's definitely true.
Um, I mean, yeah, we're I feellike we are learning a little
bit of patience too, because youknow, it is, you know, we try
something for three months andthen it's like, okay, well,
let's get another test, and thenwho knows how that goes.
If it goes well, then I'm surethey'll do something different.
Or if it doesn't, you know, itmight be like, hey, let's you
know, get another procedure orwhatever.
(18:38):
I don't know.
Um, but it's hard.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like that same thing, like, evenas hard as it is.
Um it's been interesting for mebecause like I feel like a lot
of the times I actually carry alot of gratitude.
Um, because at the end of theday, like Allie and I talk about
this all the time.
We know I'll have kids, eithernaturally or you know, through a
(18:59):
donor or adoption.
Like there's options out there.
And at the end of the day, I'mjust like, you know what, at
least I have my wife, at leastI'm healthy.
You know, I'm not like I wasback in 2020 when I was a stick.
Um, and you know, things arepretty good.
But yeah, it's interesting whattypes of lessons that you do
(19:19):
learn going through these typesof things.
SPEAKER_00 (19:21):
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (19:22):
It's hard.
SPEAKER_00 (19:23):
I think it also makes you one, just grateful for
the journey that you go through.
Like as sucky and hard as it wasto go through five miscarriages,
yeah.
I'm so grateful for it.
Like, no doubt, I know with allmy heart that challenge was
(19:43):
Heavenly Father, like shaping meinto who I am today.
And so yeah, it sucked.
And I'm I'm like so so sorrythat you guys are going through
it, but I know that you guys aregonna come out stronger on the
end.
SPEAKER_01 (19:57):
Yeah, I I know that too, and I appreciate you saying
that.
It's it's um, you know, Icouldn't go at it alone.
Like, if if I was married toanyone else other than Allie, I
think I'd probably be like,okay, I'm not even trying
anymore.
But Allie's such a good support.
Um, she helps me like on thedays where I'm super low, she
knows how to like pick me up,and um, I'm sure you and Drew
(20:18):
kind of bounced off each otherlike that too.
Um, but how did you guys supporteach other, you know, during
that time?
And uh how'd you guys growcloser to one another?
SPEAKER_00 (20:27):
So I've thought about this question today
because I remember Drew being onhere once and and talking about
this, and he was like, Icompletely forgot about myself,
and I like put all my energytowards Emily.
Like I remember him saying that,or maybe yeah, I'm pretty sure
he has said that on yourpodcast.
And he was like, That's what yougotta do, is you gotta just
(20:50):
forget yourself.
But I do not agree with that.
I think it is very important oneto take time for yourself, yeah,
but like you do have to lean oneach other.
Drew was like, I just wouldn'tlet myself have hard days.
Like, I but it's okay to havehard days.
Yeah, it's okay to be like, youknow, I can only give 20% today.
Yeah, can you help me?
(21:11):
Can you meet me with the other80%?
Like, no doubt because we wentthrough that so early on in our
marriage.
We got married really young.
He was 21.
I was 20 when we got married.
SPEAKER_01 (21:23):
I think I was the oldest of the family.
I was 26.
SPEAKER_00 (21:25):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:26):
Old man.
SPEAKER_00 (21:27):
But I have no doubt because we went through a
challenge like that first thingin our marriage, we are much
closer today.
SPEAKER_04 (21:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (21:34):
Like I think it's important to be there for each
other and to talk to each otheras hard as it is.
I am not an emotional person.
My family was not raised to liketalk, like emotionally, it was
like, oh, if you're feelingsomething, just brush it to the
side.
Like so it push it down.
(21:54):
It was I know Drew gotfrustrated with me all the time
because I wouldn't want to talkabout anything.
Yeah, but I will admit the moreand more you talk about it, the
better it feels.
And when you're when you'rebeing vulnerable with each
other, like you're only gonnagrow closer.
SPEAKER_01 (22:09):
Yeah, that's great advice.
And I feel that I feel that waytoo.
It's like you just gotta get itoff your chest sometimes.
Yeah, it's hard.
This sucks.
It's very hard.
Yeah, absolutely it is, but youfeel better.
SPEAKER_00 (22:20):
It's worth it.
SPEAKER_01 (22:20):
Yeah, like it's it's worth it.
It's um, you know, you have thatone hard conversation and it
literally feels like a breath offresh air.
Um that support piece withpeople who are going through
infertility, I think is a prettytricky one.
Um, and I I may have sent you aquestion regarding this, but um
that's one thing that I don'treally know how to help others
(22:43):
who are going through it.
Um, but after going through itmyself, like I kind of have a
good understanding of like whatyou should say and what you
shouldn't say.
Um but from your experience,like, did you have anyone that
was like, hey, that was a reallynice thing that this person said
or did?
And then like the completeopposite.
Like, are there things that youshould avoid saying to people
(23:03):
who are going through somethinglike this?
SPEAKER_00 (23:05):
Yes.
So would you believe it if Itold you that someone close to
me told me these exact words?
Maybe you just weren't meant tohave kids.
SPEAKER_01 (23:16):
No way.
SPEAKER_00 (23:17):
Do not ever, ever, ever say that to someone.
SPEAKER_01 (23:20):
Do I know them?
SPEAKER_00 (23:21):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (23:23):
All right, but off air, you'll have to tell me.
SPEAKER_00 (23:26):
Yeah, do not ever, ever say anything like that.
Or like that's horrible.
Maybe it's just not in thecards.
Do not ever say that to someonewho's struggling having kids
because it hurt me so bad.
SPEAKER_01 (23:38):
I can imagine.
SPEAKER_00 (23:38):
And Drew wasn't there when they told me that,
and I think I went home and toldDrew.
Maybe he was there.
I don't know.
But Drew was like, I just wantto punch him in the face, you
know.
Sounds about right.
I was like, like, that just hurtso bad.
That's right.
I mean, I still I still rememberit, and that was like five years
ago.
Yeah.
So it has stuck with me.
Avoided anything like that.
(23:59):
It hurt me so bad.
SPEAKER_01 (24:00):
Yeah, that's horrible.
SPEAKER_00 (24:01):
So do not ever ever say that.
As for like what you should sayor you should do, I um, that's
such a good question.
But I always felt better when Italked about it.
I didn't love when people wouldgive me advice, you know, it'll
happen when it happens.
(24:22):
I didn't love that piece ofadvice.
SPEAKER_01 (24:24):
I mean, that's the thing, it's like you don't know
if that's true.
It's like it's like I mean,it'll happen when it happens,
great, but that could be 10years from now.
SPEAKER_00 (24:30):
That's the most generic thing to say.
And it's it's not what I wantedto hear.
Right.
I mean, maybe people aredifferent, I don't know.
But I really loved when peoplewould just listen.
Yeah when they would say, Idon't know what to say right
now, but I'm listening and I'mhere for you.
And that's all I needed to makeme feel better.
SPEAKER_04 (24:51):
And I love that.
SPEAKER_00 (24:53):
And I feel like I didn't get it a ton, maybe a
couple people here and there,but I would have liked to talk
about it more and get it, getjust my feelings more off my
chest versus internalizing them.
SPEAKER_01 (25:06):
Yeah, I mean it it does do something to you.
Like when you're able just tosit there and talk to someone
about it and have them hear you.
Um I totally agree with what yousaid.
Like, sometimes you don't needto offer advice to someone who's
going through it.
It's just like sit there andlisten to them and let them know
that you're there for them andthat you care about them.
(25:28):
Um, I was having thisconversation with someone at
work the other day.
Like, she has um two twins.
She's actually in the same exactsituation you are, but one year
earlier.
She has a three-year-old boy andtwo twin girls.
Um, but I was just talking toher about it, and uh like she
said the same exact thing.
She's like, I don't know what tosay, but like you can tell me
(25:50):
whatever you want.
Yeah, and I was just like, youknow what, that's super nice.
Um, and it's helpful.
Like it doesn't feel likethey're trying to solve all your
problems.
Um it's just like, hey, I I careabout you and I'm listening.
Yeah.
So it's huge.
SPEAKER_00 (26:02):
Well, and what's interesting, well, not really
interesting, but like a lot oftimes I feel like when it comes
to infertility, you can't giveadvice.
Like, because everyone's goingthrough their own thing.
And have you even been throughit?
Like, so like I I don't wantsomeone who never went through
it to come to me and just belike, you just gotta keep
(26:24):
pushing through.
SPEAKER_01 (26:25):
Like see, that's that's a great piece of advice
because there's someone that youand I both know that I'll tell
you afterwards, who gives meadvice and yeah, it's like kids,
it's like it's okay.
SPEAKER_00 (26:35):
Yeah, it's okay.
You have not been through this.
Like it's okay though.
Yeah, like you don't have togive advice.
If you just are loving and youlisten and or if they don't want
to talk about it, some peopledon't like talking about it.
That's okay too.
Like, just let them know thatyou're there for them.
SPEAKER_01 (26:52):
Yeah, I like that.
Yeah, um, I remember you had amommy blog for a while.
I did.
You talked about some of thesethings.
What did you talk about onthose?
SPEAKER_00 (27:00):
Um, so I only I only posted a couple times um because
I think then I had Reese, or youknow, Reese just became so busy,
and then I had Margot prettyquickly afterwards.
And I I I don't know.
I I don't even I should start itback.
SPEAKER_01 (27:16):
Do you remember what it was called?
SPEAKER_00 (27:17):
Yeah, it was called Prickly Pear and Pecker.
SPEAKER_01 (27:20):
Prickly pear and pecker.
SPEAKER_00 (27:21):
Yeah, because it's talking about infertility.
I thought it was so clever totalk about like a pecker.
SPEAKER_01 (27:26):
That's pretty good.
SPEAKER_00 (27:27):
It was so funny, and then prickly pear because we're
there's cactuses in here.
It's Arizona.
Why not?
Yeah, um, yeah, it was calledPrickly Pear and Pecker, and I
had just kind of talked aboutour journey.
And what was actually reallycool about that is that I had
someone in my ward um text meone time and she was like, I
read every blog post because mydaughter is going through it,
(27:51):
and I did not, she did not haveproblems like with fertility.
She had six kids, no issues oranything.
And she said, But reading yourblog has helped me to know how
to help her, interesting, orlike to think about like things
that she is going through.
Yeah, and so that was reallyspecial to me.
(28:12):
And I yeah, I should have keptit going, but I didn't.
SPEAKER_01 (28:15):
You can always start it back up.
That's true.
Hey, getting after it's allabout that.
SPEAKER_00 (28:19):
That's very true.
SPEAKER_01 (28:19):
One time I had a phase of the podcast, it was
between when Allie and I gotengaged to when we got married,
to where I didn't post.
So you can always restart it.
SPEAKER_00 (28:27):
Yeah, I should.
I've talked to Allie about it afew times, like how I've always
wanted to do that, just like tohelp people because infertility
is not talked about very often.
SPEAKER_01 (28:36):
I was I was just about to say, it's like it's
almost taboo to talk about it.
Like people, I think they getnervous addressing the topic,
and they don't one want tooffend people, and two, it's
like it's kind of uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_00 (28:47):
Yeah, it is can't have kids.
It's hard talking about loss andand people's struggles, but
right, yeah, and and maybethat's why I kind of struggled
through it a little bit isbecause no one would talk to me
about it.
And I I thought I was alonebecause I didn't really know
anything about infertility andmiscarriages, and so I was I
yeah, I was going through a alot of it alone, but I think you
(29:10):
should do it because one thingI've learned through going
through it is it's more commonthan you think.
SPEAKER_01 (29:15):
Like I've had multiple friends who have gone
through it, and like I wassurprised, honestly, because I
was like, I I thought it was areally rare thing, but it
happens a lot.
Yeah, so I don't know, peoplejust need to Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (29:28):
I think I read somewhere that like one in four
pregnancies end in miscarriage.
One in four, one in fourpregnancies end in miscarriage.
SPEAKER_01 (29:36):
Terrifying actually, it's kind of scary.
SPEAKER_00 (29:37):
Isn't that like crazy?
SPEAKER_01 (29:39):
Yeah, you got a 75% chance.
SPEAKER_00 (29:40):
Yeah, I mean, majority of it happens like in
the first trimester.
SPEAKER_01 (29:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (29:44):
But yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (29:46):
Man, yeah, that's wild.
SPEAKER_00 (29:47):
One in four twenty five percent chance.
SPEAKER_01 (29:49):
That's crazy.
I'd be yeah.
Well, data sometimes is scary,but yeah.
Um I want to bring back like onething that you talked about.
You talked about you know howheavy.
Heavenly Father has helped youlearn a lot of lessons during
this time.
And I think faith plays such arole in times like this.
Um and relying on God, you know,trying to have that the
(30:13):
communication with Him orwhatever it is, that support.
Um, did you have any practicesor or did you do anything to try
and you know focus on God or oranything like that?
Like how did faith play a rolein in this time in your life?
SPEAKER_00 (30:28):
I will admit that for a long time I was just angry
and hopeless.
And uh Drew and I, um, when wewere in the family ward in
Rexburg, we were called to workwith like sunbeams, which is
that's like the brutal.
But four-year-olds, you know,three-year-olds.
(30:49):
And we hated going to church.
We did not want to like seekids.
It just hurt us really bad tothink that like we're surrounded
by kids.
Yeah, we can't like we we reallystruggled with it, and probably
me more than him.
Yeah, and um, yeah, I had I hadlost a lot of not completely.
(31:10):
I still I knew Heavenly Fatherwas there, but I was mad.
I was really, really mad.
And I actually recent maybe Ishared this with you and Allie,
I don't know, but I um wasreading through my journal
recently of a entry from when wewere going through all that, and
I had said, like, like HeavenlyFather hates me.
(31:31):
Like, why am I going through allof this?
What have I done to deservethis?
Like, he's abandoned me.
I keep praying and praying andpraying, and he's not answering.
And when I read that, I was sohurt because if that girl could
see who I am today, yeah, shewould be so flipping proud that
she has three kids.
(31:51):
Yeah, like and so I will admit II lost a lot of faith and I
really struggled.
And probably if it weren't forDrew, I would be in a I don't
know, different situations Iwould be, yeah, not a good
person.
No, just kidding.
SPEAKER_01 (32:08):
But um Yeah, not for a second.
SPEAKER_00 (32:10):
Yeah, we so we actually when we moved home, we
got a lot better about going tochurch and being together more
and and slowly, slowly hope cameback and it came back and it
came back.
And I think as long as you areputting in that effort, you will
not be abandoned.
Like he will never ever leaveyou.
(32:32):
And I wish I could have toldmyself that then, because when
you're in the thick of it, youdon't want to be told that.
Like I feel like I feel likewhen you are going through it,
your mind automatically justkeeps going down and down and
down and down and down.
Oh, yeah, it's a spiral.
SPEAKER_01 (32:48):
Yeah, you have to catch it, or it's like it's it's
dangerous.
And um that's what I've I'velearned too, like through many
of my trials.
Um, I think when I was sick,that's when I first learned
about like really putting faithin God.
Because there was a time whereit's kind of like you, where I
was mad.
I was like, you know, I used tobe this buff, um, strong athlete
guy in college, and now I'm 135pounds and can't get out of bed.
(33:11):
Like random things, and Iremember just having
conversations like with God.
I was just praying, and um it'slike the time when I couldn't
look at screens or anything, soI just sit in a dark room, and
uh, I was just like, why is thishappening to me?
Like, I'm in the prime of mylife.
I'm supposed to be, you know,dating, going to school, like
doing all these fun things, andlike I can barely get out of
(33:34):
bed.
And I just remember having thoseconversations, and um then I
just remember like that's thebeauty of of knowing Jesus
Christ is he understands youcompletely.
And it was it was like a flipswitched one of the days I was
laying in bed.
Um I wish I wrote it down, butlike I just remember thinking,
like, hey, you know what, thisdoes suck, but I'm not alone.
(33:56):
Like Christ knows exactly howI'm feeling.
And once I understood that, likegoing into like infertility
right now with us, it's thatsame idea.
It's like, you know, this isterrible.
This really is like I would saythere's no positives from going
through this.
Um I'm sure we'll see that, youknow, in hindsight's 2020, but
(34:16):
like I s I just still feel likehey, Christ knows exactly how
you feel, and uh you know, youexperienced infertility
different than I I will, andsame with Allie, and um but you
understand like some of the samethings, but Christ understands
how I feel completely.
So it's kind of just like a coolperspective to me, thinking
(34:37):
like, you know, Jesus Christ, Heunderstands me completely, He
knows how to help me.
And it's like you said, justturning to Him and trying to
have that faith.
Yeah, it's tough though, itreally is.
SPEAKER_00 (34:49):
It is, yeah.
Actually, today I heard a songand it reminded me of when we
were going through all thisstuff was the first time I heard
it back when we were goingthrough all of our infertility.
And it's a song about Jesus, andit's this girl on a ship in the
middle of the ocean, and she'slike, the water's deep, like the
(35:10):
waves are raging.
Why why am I here?
Why did you bring me here?
And Jesus's response is like,Well, what if I didn't bring you
here to drown you, but tocleanse you?
And like, I know the water'sdeep, but if you only knew, like
I'm here for you, you know, andit's such a really beautiful
(35:30):
song, and and it's a greatreminder of like we constantly
through all of our trials,infertility, having kids is a
trial in its own, like you'reconstantly finding or learning
new things, like no matter whatwe're going through, we're being
challenged because we aregrowing.
Yeah, and that's a crazy way tothink.
(35:53):
I mean, that's how I look at mychallenges now, are like this is
so hard, but I'm growing fromthis.
SPEAKER_01 (35:59):
There's a there's a quote I love, it's just growth
isn't meant to be comfortable.
It makes sense, like you'resupposed to get out there and um
build yourself up and you know,going through these experiences
as hard as they are, they doteach you a lot.
Um so yeah, I mean, if you uhlike if there was someone
listening right now that's goingthrough infertility and doesn't
(36:23):
really have any hope or anythinglike that, um I know you talked
about like you know, the advicethat you would like is just to
have people listen, but if youdid have to give one piece of
advice to someone, um, do youhave anything?
SPEAKER_00 (36:37):
Yeah, I would tell them, and I would tell you, you
are not broken.
You are enough.
I know that your body may bestruggling, or whoever's
listening to this, I don't knowyour story, but you might feel
broken, you might feel likenothing's working out, but you
(36:58):
are enough, and you're not goingthrough it alone.
I'm here for you, and yourfamily's here for you.
And if you're watching, you cansend me a message and I'd be
happy to message you.
I had someone do that one time,like random girl messaged me.
SPEAKER_01 (37:12):
I'll put your uh Instagram handle in the bio.
SPEAKER_00 (37:14):
But um, that would be the biggest thing.
It's just like you don't have togo through any of this alone.
SPEAKER_01 (37:21):
Yeah.
No, I I appreciate that.
And then like it really is how Ifeel a lot of the times, is like
I I have those thoughts, like Iam broken, but I know it's just
that's not true.
And um, yeah, it's tough, butyeah, I appreciate that.
That's it's great advice becauseI think that's the biggest thing
that people face when they'regoing through it.
Yeah, obviously there's thegrief piece, but I think if not
(37:45):
if you're not careful with it,that can take you know internal
pretty quick.
SPEAKER_00 (37:48):
Yeah, you've got to find peace where you are.
SPEAKER_01 (37:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (37:52):
Your your path to parenthood, like you'll get
there.
SPEAKER_01 (37:55):
Yeah, I love it.
You have anything else you wantto share?
SPEAKER_00 (38:00):
Um I don't know.
SPEAKER_01 (38:03):
No, nothing you're doing Team Tim?
SPEAKER_00 (38:06):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (38:07):
All right, there we go.
SPEAKER_00 (38:08):
Um, for sure the half marathon.
I'm thinking about doing thefull Yeah, there we go.
SPEAKER_01 (38:13):
Well, actually, I have a story.
SPEAKER_00 (38:15):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (38:16):
So, um, when was the Shamrock run?
SPEAKER_00 (38:19):
So that was when Reese turned a year old.
SPEAKER_01 (38:21):
Okay, so 2021.
SPEAKER_00 (38:23):
Yeah, my first half marathon.
SPEAKER_01 (38:24):
So that's the uh the race that I remember we were
sitting around the table andyou're like, hey guys, I'm doing
a half marathon.
Does anyone want to?
Was it twenty two?
SPEAKER_00 (38:32):
I think it was twenty two, yeah.
Reese was born in twenty-one.
SPEAKER_01 (38:35):
Okay, yeah, because I'm right, you're right.
Or to Utah.
But that was the race that Isigned up for, and the doctors
were like, You can't run it,you're gonna have a heart
attack.
Um, but that's the race that Iattribute getting me into
running.
So Brett, thanks for watching.
SPEAKER_02 (38:55):
That's because of you.
Yeah, I mean very much.
SPEAKER_01 (38:57):
It was like that that race was interesting
because it was like, you know, Ihad to prove to myself that I
could still earn that medal.
Yeah.
And so when I um like they sentthe medal to me because I didn't
go and all that stuff, andDina's like, hey, like, I'm
gonna send it to you.
And I was like, You can't sendit to me unless I run.
SPEAKER_00 (39:12):
Uh, I remember her telling me that like Brett won't
let me give it to him until heruns.
I was like, not a chance.
Well, he's got a point.
I got a point because he didn'tearn it.
SPEAKER_01 (39:20):
Yeah, I don't want just a medal for no reason.
Um, but yeah, that's because ofyou.
So here we are today.
SPEAKER_00 (39:26):
I'm grateful.
I remember your mom and I ran ahalf marathon once.
SPEAKER_01 (39:30):
Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_00 (39:31):
I don't even know like when this was, but you were
totally like our support team.
Like would meet us at differentcheckpoints with Gatorade and
water.
SPEAKER_01 (39:38):
Like I'd have Gatorade for you guys.
I'd be following you in the carsto make sure you guys were safe.
I mean, I was like, what, 20?
I had nothing going on.
I don't know.
It's like random Saturday.
SPEAKER_00 (39:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (39:49):
But hey, you guys did it.
SPEAKER_00 (39:51):
Yeah, we did it.
SPEAKER_01 (39:51):
I mean, you you get after it.
SPEAKER_00 (39:53):
That was the start of running, I would say.
Yeah.
I saw I my goal is to run a atleast a half marathon at like my
year postpartum mark.
SPEAKER_01 (40:04):
Oh, that's awesome.
SPEAKER_00 (40:04):
So I ran one every pregnancy?
Every pregnancy.
So I ran one when Reese turned ayear, and then I got pregnant
pretty much like that same week.
SPEAKER_01 (40:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (40:13):
And then I ran one when Margaret turned a year, and
that's when Allie flew down andran it with me.
SPEAKER_01 (40:18):
I remember that.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (40:19):
She loved that race, actually.
We adopted Ellie, and I countthat, or I count my first team
Tim as like that's her mydedication to her.
That's pretty good.
SPEAKER_01 (40:27):
Yeah, that works.
SPEAKER_00 (40:28):
Was that one?
Yeah.
And then I ran a marathon alittle bit after that.
SPEAKER_01 (40:32):
And yeah.
So why are you deciding betweenthe half and the full?
SPEAKER_00 (40:35):
So I actually trained for a full.
No, I trained for a full thisyear.
Drew and I both trained for thatone in California.
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (40:42):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (40:42):
Um, but but I have a herniated disc and spinal
stenosis.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (40:47):
You had a herniated disc.
SPEAKER_00 (40:49):
Yeah, that's why I was having all those back
problems.
SPEAKER_01 (40:50):
Oh, geez.
SPEAKER_00 (40:51):
So I think the furthest I got last year when I
was training was like 15 miles.
And I like going anything pastthat was just hurting my back so
bad.
SPEAKER_01 (40:58):
That makes sense.
SPEAKER_00 (40:59):
So, and I had been dealing with back pain on and
off for like two years.
SPEAKER_01 (41:04):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (41:05):
And just like a few months ago, went and had like an
x-ray and an MRI, and yeah,found out I had that.
SPEAKER_01 (41:11):
Brutal.
SPEAKER_00 (41:12):
So I've had steroid shots in my back.
SPEAKER_01 (41:14):
You got rooted up.
SPEAKER_00 (41:15):
I'm not painless, but I'm less painful.
So I'm yeah, my goal is to keepgoing as far as I can.
I'm planning, I'm training forthe marathon.
SPEAKER_01 (41:26):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (41:27):
But I will I don't want to kill myself.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (41:30):
That's fair.
Yeah, and back issues you gottabe careful with.
SPEAKER_00 (41:32):
Yeah.
Right now I'm I'm trying to justrun through it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (41:36):
Well, goggins.
You got the goggins in you.
SPEAKER_00 (41:38):
Oh my gosh.
He's intense.
SPEAKER_01 (41:40):
All those guys are just crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (41:42):
Seriously.
SPEAKER_01 (41:43):
Um, but yeah, no, I I I think it's awesome.
And that's one thing like Ireally admire you for, and
really any mom out there who'slike not just training for
things, but like just stayingactive and working out.
Because like I see, I see howdifficult it is with the three
kids.
Um, like there's little time,you know, they're always running
around.
They're, you know, you can'ttake them to the gym.
SPEAKER_00 (42:03):
Drew was telling me you guys, you have a your gym is
a rule of like 30 minutes in theyou so the previous gym I would
go to, yeah, had like you had tolike tie or sign up for like
time slots.
So it was like only there wassomething in their app that was
only letting you sign up for 30minutes at a time.
Like it could never get more.
And I was like, this isabsolutely like who works out
(42:24):
for 30 minutes?
SPEAKER_01 (42:25):
Yeah, and on top of that, so you take them, you get
the 30 minutes starts, then yougotta go stretch, get ready, and
then it's like, okay, theworkout's done.
SPEAKER_00 (42:31):
Yeah.
So now I have two hours though.
Yeah.
In the I can leave them for twohours in the kids' club area.
So yeah, I I think when it comesto like working out in
parenthood, like you just haveto be intentional.
It is very easy to slip intolike that.
I don't want to get them in thecar seats and then go to the
gym.
And then what if I what if theystart crying at the gym, then I
(42:51):
have to leave?
Like that's happened where I'vebeen there for 15 minutes and my
kids won't settle down, and so Ihave to leave.
SPEAKER_04 (42:57):
That's brutal.
SPEAKER_00 (42:58):
And so, yeah, I think the more intentional you
are about it, the easier it canbe.
Like, I'm not saying it it'sever easy, but like I will say
though, the example it sets toyour kids is absolutely
phenomenal.
SPEAKER_04 (43:13):
Like, yeah, when Drew's got so many cool people.
SPEAKER_00 (43:15):
Yeah, Drew and I like we both like to run.
Obviously, Drew's way more intoit than I am currently.
But You better be.
SPEAKER_01 (43:22):
We're running 50 miles in April.
SPEAKER_00 (43:24):
Seriously, you don't think your kids are watching,
but Reese will come up to us andbe like, Hey, can we go for a
run?
Hey, can I go outside and go fora run?
And I'm like, Oh my gosh, that'sso precious.
SPEAKER_01 (43:34):
My favorite was the beginning, like the morning of
our ultra race.
Reese was like, let's go runaround.
It's just like at the startline, it's like 7 a.m.
SPEAKER_00 (43:43):
It's gonna give you a workout before you go run your
reading.
SPEAKER_01 (43:45):
So awesome.
And like I think it's um, youknow, you hear that common
phrase like the best way to tolead is by example.
Yeah, and I think it's awesometo like the fact that you Andrew
are both like avid at you know,making sure that you get
workouts in and taking care ofyour bodies, you know, eating
right, that is gonna, you know,reflect on your kids.
(44:06):
Yeah.
I obviously don't have kids, soI can't say that.
We try.
SPEAKER_00 (44:08):
I mean, it I mean, it is so easy to just have
chicken nuggets and mac andcheese and all those unhealthy
things that we grew up with.
SPEAKER_01 (44:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (44:16):
I was not taught a lot about nutrition growing up.
SPEAKER_01 (44:19):
Like I was not either.
SPEAKER_00 (44:21):
I was in sports, yeah, pretty active, but
nutrition, uh-uh.
SPEAKER_01 (44:25):
I was in sports until I got fat and chubby as a
kid, and then I was like, allright, I'm out.
SPEAKER_00 (44:29):
Yeah, but that's when I was like, and so now as
an adult, it's hard to likerewire your brain of like, oh,
we shouldn't be uh, you know,having lemonade at every single
meal or going to have you knowTaco Bell and McDonald's and all
the good stuff.
I mean it's delicious, but it isdelicious, but yeah, and and I
will say, like, your gut healthand your brain health work hand
(44:53):
in hand because when we areeating like crap like that, I
cannot tolerate my kids.
Like I I have such a hard timebecause I feel I start feeling
bad about myself, and then Idon't want to go work out, and
then my cortisol levels spikebecause I can't, you know, run
out my stress.
And you know, so like all thesethings, it's a domino effect of
(45:14):
like if you're not doing yourbest in one area, all of your
other areas in your life aregonna fail.
SPEAKER_01 (45:20):
Yeah, you gotta.
I mean, it's it's it's hard, butit's like that quote that Jocko
says discipline equals freedom.
If you can be disciplined ineach of those areas, like with
your food, you'll have ahealthier body with your
fitness, you'll feel betterabout yourself and you'll feel
better just overall.
Um, literally everything.
Like you have to have disciplinein, you know, yeah, most of the
the areas of your life, yourfaith.
(45:41):
Um, kids.
I don't know how to disciplinekids, but you know.
SPEAKER_00 (45:44):
I don't know either.
SPEAKER_01 (45:45):
I'm still challenging another thing that's
like hopefully leading byexample works, but I'm sure I'll
figure that out.
SPEAKER_00 (45:51):
Yeah, I mean, we're not perfect.
We uh we yell and we uh Yeah welose it and we eat unhealthy,
and but yeah, I think inparenthood and with your health
and exercising, as long asyou're trying your best and
you're trying to teach your kidsto be good people, then I think
you're doing pretty great.
SPEAKER_01 (46:10):
That's all that matters.
SPEAKER_00 (46:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (46:12):
Well, I think you guys are awesome and um so glad
that you guys are like, youknow, you have the family that
you do, because it's it'sawesome to see you.
Like, because I I remember youguys going through some of that,
and it was it was tough.
Like I know it was tough onDrew.
I can't imagine what it was likefor you.
Um But also like it it alsogives me hope, you know, because
(46:34):
Allie and I are kind of in thesame situation situation, and
like there is hope.
Um so yeah, I know I appreciateyou coming on and and talking
about this.
Um really because it's it'suncomfortable.
Some people don't want to talkabout it.
Um, but really I think mostpeople just don't know what to
do if they are faced with this.
(46:55):
Yeah.
Um, so I I'm I think it's youknow definitely a topic that's
worth bringing up multipletimes.
And um so if you ever want tocome again, you totally can.
But okay.
Um now anything else um beforewrap up?
SPEAKER_00 (47:09):
I don't think so.
SPEAKER_01 (47:09):
Okay, well, yeah, seriously, thank you so much.
And everyone else listening,thank you for taking the time uh
to spend with us today.
And um, if it meant something atall to you or helped out, uh
share it with a friend who mightbe going through something.
And um as always, keep gettingafter it.
Thanks, guys.
Okay.
Emily, welcome to the GettingAfter It Podcast.
SPEAKER_00 (00:03):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (00:04):
It's about time.
SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
It's been we've been talking about this for a long
time.
SPEAKER_01 (00:07):
I know, and I feel really bad.
I do that to so many people.
And if I have done that to youand you're listening to this, I
apologize.
Reach back out.
But um I'm really excited totalk to you today.
Uh for many reasons.
But I mean, before we go intoall that stuff that I sent you,
um information on or whatever,but um I would love to just have
(00:30):
you introduce yourself, howyou're in the family, all that
stuff, and then we can kind ofjump into some of this stuff.
SPEAKER_00 (00:36):
Okay.
Well, hello.
I am Emily.
I am Brett's sister-in-law.
Um Drew's sister now, really.
Yeah, pretty much.
SPEAKER_01 (00:49):
Yeah, same thing.
SPEAKER_00 (00:50):
I'm Drew's wife.
He's been on here quite a fewtimes.
I know.
SPEAKER_01 (00:53):
Yeah, which is a little jealous, but that's okay.
It feels even worse because he'sbeen on, I think, like seven
times, but anyway.
SPEAKER_00 (01:00):
Seven times?
Really?
SPEAKER_01 (01:01):
I think so, yeah.
Wow.
He's like the number one mostreturned guest besides Allie.
SPEAKER_00 (01:05):
Oh wow.
SPEAKER_01 (01:05):
Can't really count Allie because she lives with me.
SPEAKER_00 (01:07):
So she doesn't count.
SPEAKER_01 (01:08):
Yeah, she doesn't count.
Yeah.
But um, yeah, so you marriedinto the family and almost ten
years ago.
That's insane.
SPEAKER_00 (01:16):
Next summer it'll be ten years.
SPEAKER_01 (01:17):
That really is wild.
Yeah.
Doesn't feel that long though.
SPEAKER_00 (01:19):
So, like, what was that?
Your senior year?
I was there when you graduatedafter your graduation.
SPEAKER_01 (01:24):
It was, that was nuts.
And then, like, as soon as um Igraduated, I went on the mission
and all that stuff.
But um yeah, I mean, it's prettypretty cool, like just having
another sister, really.
Like, that it's it's coolbecause I feel that way about
Jen too.
Um, but like having you in thefamily makes it like complete,
(01:47):
and it's pretty cool to seethat.
So thanks.
Um, but I wanted to have you ontoday because there is something
I've talked a lot about on thepodcast um that I know you've
dealt with too.
Um, but it's infertility, and itcan be an uncomfortable thing to
talk about.
Um, but I've like after dealingit with myself and Allie, like
(02:10):
she's not the one that hasissues.
Surprisingly, it's me.
SPEAKER_00 (02:13):
Um surprisingly.
SPEAKER_01 (02:14):
I mean, that's the thing is everyone like uh always
blames the woman, right?
It's like, oh man, you know,they can't have kids because you
know the woman might have someissues, but it's me this time,
like I'm the issue.
But not saying like that's it'san it's an issue.
Um, I should rephrase that.
It's not an issue.
I just you know everyone'sdifferent, everyone has
problems.
Um, and it's been a really hardthing.
(02:38):
Like, it sucks.
Um like Allie and I we talkabout it all the time, like, oh
yeah, we're gonna have kids, butyou know, there's no there's no
uh I guess end in sight.
SPEAKER_00 (02:48):
There's no when.
SPEAKER_01 (02:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (02:50):
I mean, like, yeah, there's no date.
There's no you don't know if itcould happen next year or five
years.
SPEAKER_01 (02:56):
And there's so much unknown too.
Um, and so it's it's kind of a Iwouldn't say scary because no
one's like in danger, but it'sit's a hard thing to go through.
Like just getting, you know,hey, we'll see what happens in
the next appointment.
Like every single time we go seethe doctor.
And um we have a big test comingup uh uh I guess at the end of
this month.
It's gonna be pretty tellingwhether or not like we can have
(03:18):
kids um based on the medicinewe've been taking and all that.
But um long way of meintroducing what we're talking
about today.
But I know you know you'veyou've dealt with it and you've
been pretty open about it, whichI respect um because it's hard
to be.
And um I would love to just hearyou walk us through your
(03:39):
journey.
Yeah, um, you know, what it waslike to um you know you felt
something was off or somethinghappened, and then your
diagnosis, and then just maybego into it just a little bit
there.
SPEAKER_00 (03:50):
Yeah.
So I feel like we should startoff by saying everyone goes
through their own journey,right?
And yeah, and what worked for meto, you know, get through it
might be different than whatwill work for you.
And our although we are both weI went through and you are going
through infertility, they arestill like separate stories,
(04:14):
right?
Like, so I mean, people you guysare going through worse than
what we feel like.
I felt I do you feel that way?
No, I feel like what you guysare going through is worse than
what we went through.
SPEAKER_01 (04:27):
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I don't know, maybe it'sjust perspective, but like it
sucks.
But I I don't know.
You'll I'm sure we'll get intosome of the stuff, but I don't
wanna Yeah, I just I don't wannaI don't wanna downplay everyone
goes through the their ownstuff.
SPEAKER_00 (04:41):
That's that and yeah, but um so about maybe a
little over a year after beingmarried, um, we came down here
for a friend, my best friend'swedding.
Um, and it was here we found outwe were pregnant for the first
time.
I hadn't been on like birthcontrol or anything like that
(05:02):
pretty much our entire marriage.
I also didn't know anythingabout like trying for a baby.
It was just kind of like, hey,we're pregnant.
Like we weren't trying.
SPEAKER_02 (05:11):
What happened?
SPEAKER_00 (05:11):
Um, and so I remember like driving home back
to Rexburg.
It's when we were living inIdaho.
Um, we're driving home and wewere talking about like all the
baby names and all the newstuff, and we were looking at
like baby outfits on Amazon andlike adding things to like a
cart, you know.
We were just like so, soexcited.
(05:32):
Um, about a week later, we had amiscarriage.
Um, I think I was probablyaround five weeks long.
Man, um, went to the doctor, hesaid, like, oh, it can be kind
of common.
Yeah, so we were like, Okay,well, whatever.
All of my sisters have had noproblem getting pregnant,
really, no problem havingbabies.
And so I didn't think likeanything would be wrong.
SPEAKER_03 (05:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (05:56):
Um, and then three months later, the same thing
happened.
We found out we were pregnant,and then we had a miscarriage
like a week after finding out.
SPEAKER_01 (06:04):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:05):
Doctor said the same thing.
Like, we can't do anything untilyou have three or more.
SPEAKER_01 (06:10):
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (06:10):
Like, we can't do any tests or anything.
That's what they he told us.
SPEAKER_01 (06:13):
Yeah, that's horrible.
Make people do it.
We were like three.
SPEAKER_00 (06:16):
Yeah.
So three months later, yeah, ithappened again.
Like, had a miscarriage, wentinto the doctor, and he said,
Okay, well, let's do some bloodwork.
Did some blood work.
Everything was generally normal.
There was one test that cameback like slightly positive, but
he was like, It's nothing.
And this is just that like aregular OB, not a fertility
(06:38):
specialist or anything.
SPEAKER_01 (06:39):
Oh, okay.
So just like whoever you saw inRexburg, basically.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (06:42):
Yeah.
And then um, I had a friend whoworked for a fertility
specialist, and uh, actually,maybe we were still in Rexburg
when we had our fourth.
We we went in for an ultrasoundearlier because we had this
history of miscarriages, and wefound out I had an ectopic
pregnancy.
SPEAKER_01 (07:02):
What is that?
SPEAKER_00 (07:03):
Um, it's where the like baby gets stuck in your
fallopian tube instead of goingall the way to your uterus.
SPEAKER_01 (07:11):
I've heard that actually.
SPEAKER_00 (07:12):
Yeah, and if you don't catch it early enough,
like it can be life-threateningand you can have a tube removed
and stuff.
And um luckily for us, we caughtit early enough.
Yeah, um, and they did they gaveme like a shot to help it pass,
and it was very, very vulnerabletime for me because it hurt very
(07:35):
bad.
I think he like compared it tohaving like a shot of chemo,
like what it does to your body,like putting just that much
stress on your body.
SPEAKER_01 (07:42):
Oh geez.
SPEAKER_00 (07:43):
And yeah, it was- I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_01 (07:44):
That's brutal.
SPEAKER_00 (07:45):
It was not fun at all.
And like Drew had to help mewalk and stand and get out of
bed.
And I am not, I hate beingvulnerable around people.
And that, and yeah, and that andwe had only been married for a
year and a half.
No, maybe two years, I guess twoyears at this point.
And I just still wasn't, Ididn't love to be like that.
SPEAKER_01 (08:07):
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, which makes sense.
SPEAKER_00 (08:09):
Um, so we moved back to Arizona, and uh we had I had
a friend who worked for afertility specialist down here,
and so she got us an appointmentfairly quickly, and we went in,
and uh um she was like, Great,like it doesn't seem like
anything is super wrong, buthere let's give you all this.
Like, we can try IUI.
(08:31):
We could we'll maybe we'll makeit to IVF, but what's IUI?
IUI is where they like take thesperm and they insert it in you
instead of like mixing them andthen putting it in.
Um so we did that.
We did like in this likeultrasound thing where they like
put fluid in your uterus to makesure ever nothing is blocked and
(08:53):
anything.
Um we got pregnant like a monthafter doing that, and then like
everything seemed great.
We went in for ultrasound.
We got to see the heartbeat ofthe baby at like six weeks, and
then the day after thatultrasound, after seeing the
heartbeat, we had a miscarriage.
No, and it was very hard becausewe were like we just saw the
(09:15):
heartbeat yesterday.
SPEAKER_01 (09:16):
Like what I didn't do anything in the last day that
could like have done that, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (09:24):
And so yeah, that was our fifth miscarriage, our
loss.
Yeah.
Um, and the specialists we wereseeing was like, okay, well,
let's try IUI next.
Yeah, and we were we weren'treally comfortable with it
because we obviously are nothaving a hard time getting
pregnant.
(09:44):
Yeah, it was just keeping thepregnancies that like wouldn't
stay.
SPEAKER_01 (09:50):
I can't imagine that.
That's just like I can imaginebeing in that situation, uh and
for me, I would feel a lot offear for like just trying again.
Yeah, like I don't I don't knowif like I don't want to go
through that again or put likemy work.
SPEAKER_00 (10:02):
It was hard to get excited, yeah.
Like, and I mean, even when wegot pregnant with Reese and even
Margot, like it's hard to beexcited at first because you're
like, what if it's just anotherand you don't want to hurt, you
don't want to get yourself likehyped up to just be let down
again?
Yeah, it was not fun.
SPEAKER_01 (10:21):
At least with what I'm going through, and um I
don't know, you might have feltthis way too, but like
infertility has brought manyfeelings to me where I just feel
broken, like a lot of the time.
I'm like, what is wrong with me?
Like all these guys out therewho can have kids, like they
have a sperm.
Like, well, how how come Idon't?
Like, so weird.
I mean, obviously I have likehormone issues and a tumor in my
(10:43):
brain, but um, like I justreally when we found out all
this stuff, it was a good liketwo months where I was like, I'm
just broken.
Like, and then I felt like um Ifelt bad for Allie because I was
like, you know, she's expectinga family, I can't give it to
her.
Um, and it was just all theseself-degrading thoughts like
(11:05):
came all the time.
Did you ever deal with anythinglike that?
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
All the time.
SPEAKER_01 (11:09):
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (11:10):
I was always like, I I always apologize to Drew.
Like, I'm sorry you married me.
Yeah, I'm you know, I'm notworthy to be married to you.
Sorry, I'm gonna like starting.
Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01 (11:21):
I mean, it's a hard topic.
SPEAKER_00 (11:22):
Yeah, I thought I wasn't enough.
I was like, I'm a woman, and Ican't even do my like womanhood
duty, like to have babies.
Like how I'm sure I was like,I'm sure Drew hates me because
he expected to get married andhave kids, and here I can't I
am, and I can't have kids.
And I it it was yeah, lots ofhorrible, horrible self-talk.
(11:45):
And and it it was really hard tocome out of that.
SPEAKER_01 (11:49):
Oh, yeah, definitely.
SPEAKER_00 (11:50):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (11:51):
The only reason I think I got through it, and like
we still don't have a solution,but it's because you know, one
Allie helps me, and then two,like I remember I'm a child of
God, which we can get into thatstuff later.
But yeah, um, sorry to interruptyou with your story.
Oh, you were saying you're don'tworry about you know, seeing a
doctor in Arizona and so we hadum someone in your mom's ward
(12:11):
actually saw was seeing adoctor.
I remember this lady, yes.
SPEAKER_00 (12:14):
Yeah, and your mom was like, Hey, you should just
call them.
Yeah, like why not?
And I don't know who the ladywas.
Like maybe I met her once and welike connected that story.
I like, but I had never met herbefore, and I was like, We're
already seeing a fertility, butwhatever.
So we called, um called and gota consultation with a new
(12:36):
fertility doctor, and he didlike a blood panel, and that one
test that was elevated when welived in Rexburg, and the OB
just like sloughed it off.
Yeah, that is what like told ourO or the specialist, like, this
is what's wrong.
He diagnosed me with a um what'sit called?
(13:02):
An autoimmune disease.
SPEAKER_01 (13:03):
Oh, really?
SPEAKER_00 (13:04):
Okay, yes, called antiphospholipid syndrome.
So that's where anytime I gotpregnant, my body was thinking
it was like a foreign object.
SPEAKER_01 (13:15):
Oh, really?
SPEAKER_00 (13:16):
And my blood, yeah, my blood would like thicken up
on all the vessels that weregoing to the baby, it thickened
it up and closed it off so thatthe baby would just That's
crazy.
Yeah.
So um, I guess it's still kindof a newly studied like
autoimmune disease.
I was reading a lot about itwhen I was diagnosed with it,
and it's like um a symptom of itis having miscarriages.
(13:40):
And then, but other than that,like a lot of people don't find
out they have it until later inlife when they have blood clots
or heart attacks because youjust have thicker blood.
Yeah, and so yeah, when when wefound that out, we started on um
blood thinners on Lovinox, andthere are injections that I had
(14:01):
to do twice a day, every singleday throughout my pregnancy,
yeah, both pregnancies and evenfuture pregnancies.
Like, I'll always have to dothis.
Um, and that seemed to like dothe trick.
Yeah, like we have not had anyproblems since being on blood
thinners, and it's amazing.
SPEAKER_01 (14:20):
Yeah, but you find the one thing it is.
SPEAKER_00 (14:22):
Well, and I'm just I'm so grateful for modern
medicine because what about 10years ago, 20 years ago?
SPEAKER_01 (14:28):
Like, oh, it'd be yeah, there's nothing.
It's crazy.
Like we we truly are blessed.
SPEAKER_00 (14:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (14:34):
Um, like it's I feel that same way with all the stuff
that I'm doing too.
Like I take shots every threedays and take some pills.
Um, I think it's N clomopheneand H H H C G.
Wow, can't say it.
Speak.
It's been a long day.
Um, but yeah, so I mean likethat's one way that you know we
potentially might have kids, butit's such a small little thing
(14:56):
that you know my body justdoesn't produce certain
hormones, and those bring themin.
SPEAKER_00 (15:00):
Yeah.
Um, so you got on that prettyquickly, and then yeah, so I got
in, I I got on it and he waslike, wait like two to three
months.
SPEAKER_03 (15:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (15:11):
But we got on it and got pregnant the same month.
It didn't do anything, like itended up being fine, and you
know, now we have Reese, andhe's four and a half years old,
and he is just the sweetestspirit like I've ever met in a
kid.
Maybe I'm biased because he's myown kid.
SPEAKER_01 (15:26):
I don't know, he's a pretty sweet kid.
SPEAKER_00 (15:27):
But yeah, he's so like, yeah, and same with
Margle.
Like, we got on that right awayas soon as I found out I was
pregnant.
Yeah, and it's didn't have anyproblems.
SPEAKER_01 (15:38):
That's amazing.
Yeah, so I mean, like, how longwas that journey from when you
found out in Rexburg for thefirst time to when Reese was
born?
SPEAKER_00 (15:47):
Let's see, uh, I got pregnant with Reese in 2020 and
uh like the middle of 2020, andwe uh had our first miscarriage
in August of 18.
SPEAKER_01 (16:03):
Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00 (16:04):
So yeah.
Four three years?
SPEAKER_01 (16:08):
Yeah, about that.
SPEAKER_00 (16:09):
Or 27.
Let's see.
I guess 2017 was our firstmiscarriage.
SPEAKER_01 (16:14):
2017, yeah.
Yeah, and during that time, um,I have to apologize to you
because I didn't really knowwhat you guys were going
through, and I was like, Drew,come hang out with us all the
time.
SPEAKER_00 (16:23):
Don't even worry about it.
SPEAKER_01 (16:24):
Drew was sad, and he's like, Yeah, that sounds
good.
He'd probably want to get out ofthe house, and then all of a
sudden, you know, you're at homeby yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (16:29):
Okay, because so messed up.
That's how Drew was coping withgrief was you, and so I know
he's always been super gratefulfor you.
Like just to be there.
SPEAKER_01 (16:38):
Like looking back now, I'm like, man, Drew should
have just been with his wife.
Like, what a terrible thing.
That's okay.
SPEAKER_00 (16:44):
I was only slightly depressed.
SPEAKER_01 (16:46):
I was actually that's so sad.
I was talking to Allie aboutthat.
Um, we were driving home fromsomewhere, and I was like, Emily
probably hated me at thebeginning, like when I was up
there, I was just like, so bad,but um, anyways, uh I promise I
didn't.
Uh yeah, well, I appreciatethat.
But I if you hold some hardfeelings, I I totally
(17:08):
understand.
Um, one thing I was reallyinterested to to ask you is is
how going through thatexperience has changed your
parenting style or like how youlook at your kids.
Has anything been different thanI guess?
SPEAKER_00 (17:23):
So yeah, I I get it.
So even though I say this, Idon't want it to come off like
kids are not pure chaos becausethey are, right?
And they test your patience tothe very, very tippy top.
Like, I am not an angry person.
I feel like I'm generally gowith the flow.
And man, my kids they spike mycortisol levels every single
(17:47):
day.
SPEAKER_01 (17:47):
Um, they're so fun though.
SPEAKER_00 (17:49):
But I like to think that like everything we went to
went through has made me a morepatient person.
Um, and I was actually justtalking to Ali about this today
in your kitchen.
Oh really?
Yeah, like it, and I was like,who knows?
Maybe what you guys are goingthrough, maybe that's why.
Maybe you both need to learnsome patience.
(18:11):
Or, you know, we never we neverreally know the lessons that
were being taught through ourchallenges.
SPEAKER_01 (18:16):
That's true.
That's definitely true.
Um, I mean, yeah, we're I feellike we are learning a little
bit of patience too, because youknow, it is, you know, we try
something for three months andthen it's like, okay, well,
let's get another test, and thenwho knows how that goes.
If it goes well, then I'm surethey'll do something different.
Or if it doesn't, you know, itmight be like, hey, let's you
know, get another procedure orwhatever.
(18:38):
I don't know.
Um, but it's hard.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like that same thing, like, evenas hard as it is.
Um it's been interesting for mebecause like I feel like a lot
of the times I actually carry alot of gratitude.
Um, because at the end of theday, like Allie and I talk about
this all the time.
We know I'll have kids, eithernaturally or you know, through a
(18:59):
donor or adoption.
Like there's options out there.
And at the end of the day, I'mjust like, you know what, at
least I have my wife, at leastI'm healthy.
You know, I'm not like I wasback in 2020 when I was a stick.
Um, and you know, things arepretty good.
But yeah, it's interesting whattypes of lessons that you do
(19:19):
learn going through these typesof things.
SPEAKER_00 (19:21):
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (19:22):
It's hard.
SPEAKER_00 (19:23):
I think it also makes you one, just grateful for
the journey that you go through.
Like as sucky and hard as it wasto go through five miscarriages,
yeah.
I'm so grateful for it.
Like, no doubt, I know with allmy heart that challenge was
(19:43):
Heavenly Father, like shaping meinto who I am today.
And so yeah, it sucked.
And I'm I'm like so so sorrythat you guys are going through
it, but I know that you guys aregonna come out stronger on the
end.
SPEAKER_01 (19:57):
Yeah, I I know that too, and I appreciate you saying
that.
It's it's um, you know, Icouldn't go at it alone.
Like, if if I was married toanyone else other than Allie, I
think I'd probably be like,okay, I'm not even trying
anymore.
But Allie's such a good support.
Um, she helps me like on thedays where I'm super low, she
knows how to like pick me up,and um, I'm sure you and Drew
(20:18):
kind of bounced off each otherlike that too.
Um, but how did you guys supporteach other, you know, during
that time?
And uh how'd you guys growcloser to one another?
SPEAKER_00 (20:27):
So I've thought about this question today
because I remember Drew being onhere once and and talking about
this, and he was like, Icompletely forgot about myself,
and I like put all my energytowards Emily.
Like I remember him saying that,or maybe yeah, I'm pretty sure
he has said that on yourpodcast.
And he was like, That's what yougotta do, is you gotta just
(20:50):
forget yourself.
But I do not agree with that.
I think it is very important oneto take time for yourself, yeah,
but like you do have to lean oneach other.
Drew was like, I just wouldn'tlet myself have hard days.
Like, I but it's okay to havehard days.
Yeah, it's okay to be like, youknow, I can only give 20% today.
Yeah, can you help me?
(21:11):
Can you meet me with the other80%?
Like, no doubt because we wentthrough that so early on in our
marriage.
We got married really young.
He was 21.
I was 20 when we got married.
SPEAKER_01 (21:23):
I think I was the oldest of the family.
I was 26.
SPEAKER_00 (21:25):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:26):
Old man.
SPEAKER_00 (21:27):
But I have no doubt because we went through a
challenge like that first thingin our marriage, we are much
closer today.
SPEAKER_04 (21:33):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (21:34):
Like I think it's important to be there for each
other and to talk to each otheras hard as it is.
I am not an emotional person.
My family was not raised to liketalk, like emotionally, it was
like, oh, if you're feelingsomething, just brush it to the
side.
Like so it push it down.
(21:54):
It was I know Drew gotfrustrated with me all the time
because I wouldn't want to talkabout anything.
Yeah, but I will admit the moreand more you talk about it, the
better it feels.
And when you're when you'rebeing vulnerable with each
other, like you're only gonnagrow closer.
SPEAKER_01 (22:09):
Yeah, that's great advice.
And I feel that I feel that waytoo.
It's like you just gotta get itoff your chest sometimes.
Yeah, it's hard.
This sucks.
It's very hard.
Yeah, absolutely it is, but youfeel better.
SPEAKER_00 (22:20):
It's worth it.
SPEAKER_01 (22:20):
Yeah, like it's it's worth it.
It's um, you know, you have thatone hard conversation and it
literally feels like a breath offresh air.
Um that support piece withpeople who are going through
infertility, I think is a prettytricky one.
Um, and I I may have sent you aquestion regarding this, but um
that's one thing that I don'treally know how to help others
(22:43):
who are going through it.
Um, but after going through itmyself, like I kind of have a
good understanding of like whatyou should say and what you
shouldn't say.
Um but from your experience,like, did you have anyone that
was like, hey, that was a reallynice thing that this person said
or did?
And then like the completeopposite.
Like, are there things that youshould avoid saying to people
(23:03):
who are going through somethinglike this?
SPEAKER_00 (23:05):
Yes.
So would you believe it if Itold you that someone close to
me told me these exact words?
Maybe you just weren't meant tohave kids.
SPEAKER_01 (23:16):
No way.
SPEAKER_00 (23:17):
Do not ever, ever, ever say that to someone.
SPEAKER_01 (23:20):
Do I know them?
SPEAKER_00 (23:21):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (23:23):
All right, but off air, you'll have to tell me.
SPEAKER_00 (23:26):
Yeah, do not ever, ever say anything like that.
Or like that's horrible.
Maybe it's just not in thecards.
Do not ever say that to someonewho's struggling having kids
because it hurt me so bad.
SPEAKER_01 (23:38):
I can imagine.
SPEAKER_00 (23:38):
And Drew wasn't there when they told me that,
and I think I went home and toldDrew.
Maybe he was there.
I don't know.
But Drew was like, I just wantto punch him in the face, you
know.
Sounds about right.
I was like, like, that just hurtso bad.
That's right.
I mean, I still I still rememberit, and that was like five years
ago.
Yeah.
So it has stuck with me.
Avoided anything like that.
(23:59):
It hurt me so bad.
SPEAKER_01 (24:00):
Yeah, that's horrible.
SPEAKER_00 (24:01):
So do not ever ever say that.
As for like what you should sayor you should do, I um, that's
such a good question.
But I always felt better when Italked about it.
I didn't love when people wouldgive me advice, you know, it'll
happen when it happens.
(24:22):
I didn't love that piece ofadvice.
SPEAKER_01 (24:24):
I mean, that's the thing, it's like you don't know
if that's true.
It's like it's like I mean,it'll happen when it happens,
great, but that could be 10years from now.
SPEAKER_00 (24:30):
That's the most generic thing to say.
And it's it's not what I wantedto hear.
Right.
I mean, maybe people aredifferent, I don't know.
But I really loved when peoplewould just listen.
Yeah when they would say, Idon't know what to say right
now, but I'm listening and I'mhere for you.
And that's all I needed to makeme feel better.
SPEAKER_04 (24:51):
And I love that.
SPEAKER_00 (24:53):
And I feel like I didn't get it a ton, maybe a
couple people here and there,but I would have liked to talk
about it more and get it, getjust my feelings more off my
chest versus internalizing them.
SPEAKER_01 (25:06):
Yeah, I mean it it does do something to you.
Like when you're able just tosit there and talk to someone
about it and have them hear you.
Um I totally agree with what yousaid.
Like, sometimes you don't needto offer advice to someone who's
going through it.
It's just like sit there andlisten to them and let them know
that you're there for them andthat you care about them.
(25:28):
Um, I was having thisconversation with someone at
work the other day.
Like, she has um two twins.
She's actually in the same exactsituation you are, but one year
earlier.
She has a three-year-old boy andtwo twin girls.
Um, but I was just talking toher about it, and uh like she
said the same exact thing.
She's like, I don't know what tosay, but like you can tell me
(25:50):
whatever you want.
Yeah, and I was just like, youknow what, that's super nice.
Um, and it's helpful.
Like it doesn't feel likethey're trying to solve all your
problems.
Um it's just like, hey, I I careabout you and I'm listening.
Yeah.
So it's huge.
SPEAKER_00 (26:02):
Well, and what's interesting, well, not really
interesting, but like a lot oftimes I feel like when it comes
to infertility, you can't giveadvice.
Like, because everyone's goingthrough their own thing.
And have you even been throughit?
Like, so like I I don't wantsomeone who never went through
it to come to me and just belike, you just gotta keep
(26:24):
pushing through.
SPEAKER_01 (26:25):
Like see, that's that's a great piece of advice
because there's someone that youand I both know that I'll tell
you afterwards, who gives meadvice and yeah, it's like kids,
it's like it's okay.
SPEAKER_00 (26:35):
Yeah, it's okay.
You have not been through this.
Like it's okay though.
Yeah, like you don't have togive advice.
If you just are loving and youlisten and or if they don't want
to talk about it, some peopledon't like talking about it.
That's okay too.
Like, just let them know thatyou're there for them.
SPEAKER_01 (26:52):
Yeah, I like that.
Yeah, um, I remember you had amommy blog for a while.
I did.
You talked about some of thesethings.
What did you talk about onthose?
SPEAKER_00 (27:00):
Um, so I only I only posted a couple times um because
I think then I had Reese, or youknow, Reese just became so busy,
and then I had Margot prettyquickly afterwards.
And I I I don't know.
I I don't even I should start itback.
SPEAKER_01 (27:16):
Do you remember what it was called?
SPEAKER_00 (27:17):
Yeah, it was called Prickly Pear and Pecker.
SPEAKER_01 (27:20):
Prickly pear and pecker.
SPEAKER_00 (27:21):
Yeah, because it's talking about infertility.
I thought it was so clever totalk about like a pecker.
SPEAKER_01 (27:26):
That's pretty good.
SPEAKER_00 (27:27):
It was so funny, and then prickly pear because we're
there's cactuses in here.
It's Arizona.
Why not?
Yeah, um, yeah, it was calledPrickly Pear and Pecker, and I
had just kind of talked aboutour journey.
And what was actually reallycool about that is that I had
someone in my ward um text meone time and she was like, I
read every blog post because mydaughter is going through it,
(27:51):
and I did not, she did not haveproblems like with fertility.
She had six kids, no issues oranything.
And she said, But reading yourblog has helped me to know how
to help her, interesting, orlike to think about like things
that she is going through.
Yeah, and so that was reallyspecial to me.
(28:12):
And I yeah, I should have keptit going, but I didn't.
SPEAKER_01 (28:15):
You can always start it back up.
That's true.
Hey, getting after it's allabout that.
SPEAKER_00 (28:19):
That's very true.
SPEAKER_01 (28:19):
One time I had a phase of the podcast, it was
between when Allie and I gotengaged to when we got married,
to where I didn't post.
So you can always restart it.
SPEAKER_00 (28:27):
Yeah, I should.
I've talked to Allie about it afew times, like how I've always
wanted to do that, just like tohelp people because infertility
is not talked about very often.
SPEAKER_01 (28:36):
I was I was just about to say, it's like it's
almost taboo to talk about it.
Like people, I think they getnervous addressing the topic,
and they don't one want tooffend people, and two, it's
like it's kind of uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_00 (28:47):
Yeah, it is can't have kids.
It's hard talking about loss andand people's struggles, but
right, yeah, and and maybethat's why I kind of struggled
through it a little bit isbecause no one would talk to me
about it.
And I I thought I was alonebecause I didn't really know
anything about infertility andmiscarriages, and so I was I
yeah, I was going through a alot of it alone, but I think you
(29:10):
should do it because one thingI've learned through going
through it is it's more commonthan you think.
SPEAKER_01 (29:15):
Like I've had multiple friends who have gone
through it, and like I wassurprised, honestly, because I
was like, I I thought it was areally rare thing, but it
happens a lot.
Yeah, so I don't know, peoplejust need to Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (29:28):
I think I read somewhere that like one in four
pregnancies end in miscarriage.
One in four, one in fourpregnancies end in miscarriage.
SPEAKER_01 (29:36):
Terrifying actually, it's kind of scary.
SPEAKER_00 (29:37):
Isn't that like crazy?
SPEAKER_01 (29:39):
Yeah, you got a 75% chance.
SPEAKER_00 (29:40):
Yeah, I mean, majority of it happens like in
the first trimester.
SPEAKER_01 (29:43):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (29:44):
But yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (29:46):
Man, yeah, that's wild.
SPEAKER_00 (29:47):
One in four twenty five percent chance.
SPEAKER_01 (29:49):
That's crazy.
I'd be yeah.
Well, data sometimes is scary,but yeah.
Um I want to bring back like onething that you talked about.
You talked about you know howheavy.
Heavenly Father has helped youlearn a lot of lessons during
this time.
And I think faith plays such arole in times like this.
Um and relying on God, you know,trying to have that the
(30:13):
communication with Him orwhatever it is, that support.
Um, did you have any practicesor or did you do anything to try
and you know focus on God or oranything like that?
Like how did faith play a rolein in this time in your life?
SPEAKER_00 (30:28):
I will admit that for a long time I was just angry
and hopeless.
And uh Drew and I, um, when wewere in the family ward in
Rexburg, we were called to workwith like sunbeams, which is
that's like the brutal.
But four-year-olds, you know,three-year-olds.
(30:49):
And we hated going to church.
We did not want to like seekids.
It just hurt us really bad tothink that like we're surrounded
by kids.
Yeah, we can't like we we reallystruggled with it, and probably
me more than him.
Yeah, and um, yeah, I had I hadlost a lot of not completely.
(31:10):
I still I knew Heavenly Fatherwas there, but I was mad.
I was really, really mad.
And I actually recent maybe Ishared this with you and Allie,
I don't know, but I um wasreading through my journal
recently of a entry from when wewere going through all that, and
I had said, like, like HeavenlyFather hates me.
(31:31):
Like, why am I going through allof this?
What have I done to deservethis?
Like, he's abandoned me.
I keep praying and praying andpraying, and he's not answering.
And when I read that, I was sohurt because if that girl could
see who I am today, yeah, shewould be so flipping proud that
she has three kids.
(31:51):
Yeah, like and so I will admit II lost a lot of faith and I
really struggled.
And probably if it weren't forDrew, I would be in a I don't
know, different situations Iwould be, yeah, not a good
person.
No, just kidding.
SPEAKER_01 (32:08):
But um Yeah, not for a second.
SPEAKER_00 (32:10):
Yeah, we so we actually when we moved home, we
got a lot better about going tochurch and being together more
and and slowly, slowly hope cameback and it came back and it
came back.
And I think as long as you areputting in that effort, you will
not be abandoned.
Like he will never ever leaveyou.
(32:32):
And I wish I could have toldmyself that then, because when
you're in the thick of it, youdon't want to be told that.
Like I feel like I feel likewhen you are going through it,
your mind automatically justkeeps going down and down and
down and down and down.
Oh, yeah, it's a spiral.
SPEAKER_01 (32:48):
Yeah, you have to catch it, or it's like it's it's
dangerous.
And um that's what I've I'velearned too, like through many
of my trials.
Um, I think when I was sick,that's when I first learned
about like really putting faithin God.
Because there was a time whereit's kind of like you, where I
was mad.
I was like, you know, I used tobe this buff, um, strong athlete
guy in college, and now I'm 135pounds and can't get out of bed.
(33:11):
Like random things, and Iremember just having
conversations like with God.
I was just praying, and um it'slike the time when I couldn't
look at screens or anything, soI just sit in a dark room, and
uh, I was just like, why is thishappening to me?
Like, I'm in the prime of mylife.
I'm supposed to be, you know,dating, going to school, like
doing all these fun things, andlike I can barely get out of
(33:34):
bed.
And I just remember having thoseconversations, and um then I
just remember like that's thebeauty of of knowing Jesus
Christ is he understands youcompletely.
And it was it was like a flipswitched one of the days I was
laying in bed.
Um I wish I wrote it down, butlike I just remember thinking,
like, hey, you know what, thisdoes suck, but I'm not alone.
(33:56):
Like Christ knows exactly howI'm feeling.
And once I understood that, likegoing into like infertility
right now with us, it's thatsame idea.
It's like, you know, this isterrible.
This really is like I would saythere's no positives from going
through this.
Um I'm sure we'll see that, youknow, in hindsight's 2020, but
(34:16):
like I s I just still feel likehey, Christ knows exactly how
you feel, and uh you know, youexperienced infertility
different than I I will, andsame with Allie, and um but you
understand like some of the samethings, but Christ understands
how I feel completely.
So it's kind of just like a coolperspective to me, thinking
(34:37):
like, you know, Jesus Christ, Heunderstands me completely, He
knows how to help me.
And it's like you said, justturning to Him and trying to
have that faith.
Yeah, it's tough though, itreally is.
SPEAKER_00 (34:49):
It is, yeah.
Actually, today I heard a songand it reminded me of when we
were going through all thisstuff was the first time I heard
it back when we were goingthrough all of our infertility.
And it's a song about Jesus, andit's this girl on a ship in the
middle of the ocean, and she'slike, the water's deep, like the
(35:10):
waves are raging.
Why why am I here?
Why did you bring me here?
And Jesus's response is like,Well, what if I didn't bring you
here to drown you, but tocleanse you?
And like, I know the water'sdeep, but if you only knew, like
I'm here for you, you know, andit's such a really beautiful
(35:30):
song, and and it's a greatreminder of like we constantly
through all of our trials,infertility, having kids is a
trial in its own, like you'reconstantly finding or learning
new things, like no matter whatwe're going through, we're being
challenged because we aregrowing.
Yeah, and that's a crazy way tothink.
(35:53):
I mean, that's how I look at mychallenges now, are like this is
so hard, but I'm growing fromthis.
SPEAKER_01 (35:59):
There's a there's a quote I love, it's just growth
isn't meant to be comfortable.
It makes sense, like you'resupposed to get out there and um
build yourself up and you know,going through these experiences
as hard as they are, they doteach you a lot.
Um so yeah, I mean, if you uhlike if there was someone
listening right now that's goingthrough infertility and doesn't
(36:23):
really have any hope or anythinglike that, um I know you talked
about like you know, the advicethat you would like is just to
have people listen, but if youdid have to give one piece of
advice to someone, um, do youhave anything?
SPEAKER_00 (36:37):
Yeah, I would tell them, and I would tell you, you
are not broken.
You are enough.
I know that your body may bestruggling, or whoever's
listening to this, I don't knowyour story, but you might feel
broken, you might feel likenothing's working out, but you
(36:58):
are enough, and you're not goingthrough it alone.
I'm here for you, and yourfamily's here for you.
And if you're watching, you cansend me a message and I'd be
happy to message you.
I had someone do that one time,like random girl messaged me.
SPEAKER_01 (37:12):
I'll put your uh Instagram handle in the bio.
SPEAKER_00 (37:14):
But um, that would be the biggest thing.
It's just like you don't have togo through any of this alone.
SPEAKER_01 (37:21):
Yeah.
No, I I appreciate that.
And then like it really is how Ifeel a lot of the times, is like
I I have those thoughts, like Iam broken, but I know it's just
that's not true.
And um, yeah, it's tough, butyeah, I appreciate that.
That's it's great advice becauseI think that's the biggest thing
that people face when they'regoing through it.
Yeah, obviously there's thegrief piece, but I think if not
(37:45):
if you're not careful with it,that can take you know internal
pretty quick.
SPEAKER_00 (37:48):
Yeah, you've got to find peace where you are.
SPEAKER_01 (37:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (37:52):
Your your path to parenthood, like you'll get
there.
SPEAKER_01 (37:55):
Yeah, I love it.
You have anything else you wantto share?
SPEAKER_00 (38:00):
Um I don't know.
SPEAKER_01 (38:03):
No, nothing you're doing Team Tim?
SPEAKER_00 (38:06):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (38:07):
All right, there we go.
SPEAKER_00 (38:08):
Um, for sure the half marathon.
I'm thinking about doing thefull Yeah, there we go.
SPEAKER_01 (38:13):
Well, actually, I have a story.
SPEAKER_00 (38:15):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (38:16):
So, um, when was the Shamrock run?
SPEAKER_00 (38:19):
So that was when Reese turned a year old.
SPEAKER_01 (38:21):
Okay, so 2021.
SPEAKER_00 (38:23):
Yeah, my first half marathon.
SPEAKER_01 (38:24):
So that's the uh the race that I remember we were
sitting around the table andyou're like, hey guys, I'm doing
a half marathon.
Does anyone want to?
Was it twenty two?
SPEAKER_00 (38:32):
I think it was twenty two, yeah.
Reese was born in twenty-one.
SPEAKER_01 (38:35):
Okay, yeah, because I'm right, you're right.
Or to Utah.
But that was the race that Isigned up for, and the doctors
were like, You can't run it,you're gonna have a heart
attack.
Um, but that's the race that Iattribute getting me into
running.
So Brett, thanks for watching.
SPEAKER_02 (38:55):
That's because of you.
Yeah, I mean very much.
SPEAKER_01 (38:57):
It was like that that race was interesting
because it was like, you know, Ihad to prove to myself that I
could still earn that medal.
Yeah.
And so when I um like they sentthe medal to me because I didn't
go and all that stuff, andDina's like, hey, like, I'm
gonna send it to you.
And I was like, You can't sendit to me unless I run.
SPEAKER_00 (39:12):
Uh, I remember her telling me that like Brett won't
let me give it to him until heruns.
I was like, not a chance.
Well, he's got a point.
I got a point because he didn'tearn it.
SPEAKER_01 (39:20):
Yeah, I don't want just a medal for no reason.
Um, but yeah, that's because ofyou.
So here we are today.
SPEAKER_00 (39:26):
I'm grateful.
I remember your mom and I ran ahalf marathon once.
SPEAKER_01 (39:30):
Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_00 (39:31):
I don't even know like when this was, but you were
totally like our support team.
Like would meet us at differentcheckpoints with Gatorade and
water.
SPEAKER_01 (39:38):
Like I'd have Gatorade for you guys.
I'd be following you in the carsto make sure you guys were safe.
I mean, I was like, what, 20?
I had nothing going on.
I don't know.
It's like random Saturday.
SPEAKER_00 (39:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (39:49):
But hey, you guys did it.
SPEAKER_00 (39:51):
Yeah, we did it.
SPEAKER_01 (39:51):
I mean, you you get after it.
SPEAKER_00 (39:53):
That was the start of running, I would say.
Yeah.
I saw I my goal is to run a atleast a half marathon at like my
year postpartum mark.
SPEAKER_01 (40:04):
Oh, that's awesome.
SPEAKER_00 (40:04):
So I ran one every pregnancy?
Every pregnancy.
So I ran one when Reese turned ayear, and then I got pregnant
pretty much like that same week.
SPEAKER_01 (40:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (40:13):
And then I ran one when Margaret turned a year, and
that's when Allie flew down andran it with me.
SPEAKER_01 (40:18):
I remember that.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (40:19):
She loved that race, actually.
We adopted Ellie, and I countthat, or I count my first team
Tim as like that's her mydedication to her.
That's pretty good.
SPEAKER_01 (40:27):
Yeah, that works.
SPEAKER_00 (40:28):
Was that one?
Yeah.
And then I ran a marathon alittle bit after that.
SPEAKER_01 (40:32):
And yeah.
So why are you deciding betweenthe half and the full?
SPEAKER_00 (40:35):
So I actually trained for a full.
No, I trained for a full thisyear.
Drew and I both trained for thatone in California.
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (40:42):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (40:42):
Um, but but I have a herniated disc and spinal
stenosis.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (40:47):
You had a herniated disc.
SPEAKER_00 (40:49):
Yeah, that's why I was having all those back
problems.
SPEAKER_01 (40:50):
Oh, geez.
SPEAKER_00 (40:51):
So I think the furthest I got last year when I
was training was like 15 miles.
And I like going anything pastthat was just hurting my back so
bad.
SPEAKER_01 (40:58):
That makes sense.
SPEAKER_00 (40:59):
So, and I had been dealing with back pain on and
off for like two years.
SPEAKER_01 (41:04):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (41:05):
And just like a few months ago, went and had like an
x-ray and an MRI, and yeah,found out I had that.
SPEAKER_01 (41:11):
Brutal.
SPEAKER_00 (41:12):
So I've had steroid shots in my back.
SPEAKER_01 (41:14):
You got rooted up.
SPEAKER_00 (41:15):
I'm not painless, but I'm less painful.
So I'm yeah, my goal is to keepgoing as far as I can.
I'm planning, I'm training forthe marathon.
SPEAKER_01 (41:26):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (41:27):
But I will I don't want to kill myself.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (41:30):
That's fair.
Yeah, and back issues you gottabe careful with.
SPEAKER_00 (41:32):
Yeah.
Right now I'm I'm trying to justrun through it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (41:36):
Well, goggins.
You got the goggins in you.
SPEAKER_00 (41:38):
Oh my gosh.
He's intense.
SPEAKER_01 (41:40):
All those guys are just crazy.
SPEAKER_00 (41:42):
Seriously.
SPEAKER_01 (41:43):
Um, but yeah, no, I I I think it's awesome.
And that's one thing like Ireally admire you for, and
really any mom out there who'slike not just training for
things, but like just stayingactive and working out.
Because like I see, I see howdifficult it is with the three
kids.
Um, like there's little time,you know, they're always running
around.
They're, you know, you can'ttake them to the gym.
SPEAKER_00 (42:03):
Drew was telling me you guys, you have a your gym is
a rule of like 30 minutes in theyou so the previous gym I would
go to, yeah, had like you had tolike tie or sign up for like
time slots.
So it was like only there wassomething in their app that was
only letting you sign up for 30minutes at a time.
Like it could never get more.
And I was like, this isabsolutely like who works out
(42:24):
for 30 minutes?
SPEAKER_01 (42:25):
Yeah, and on top of that, so you take them, you get
the 30 minutes starts, then yougotta go stretch, get ready, and
then it's like, okay, theworkout's done.
SPEAKER_00 (42:31):
Yeah.
So now I have two hours though.
Yeah.
In the I can leave them for twohours in the kids' club area.
So yeah, I I think when it comesto like working out in
parenthood, like you just haveto be intentional.
It is very easy to slip intolike that.
I don't want to get them in thecar seats and then go to the
gym.
And then what if I what if theystart crying at the gym, then I
(42:51):
have to leave?
Like that's happened where I'vebeen there for 15 minutes and my
kids won't settle down, and so Ihave to leave.
SPEAKER_04 (42:57):
That's brutal.
SPEAKER_00 (42:58):
And so, yeah, I think the more intentional you
are about it, the easier it canbe.
Like, I'm not saying it it'sever easy, but like I will say
though, the example it sets toyour kids is absolutely
phenomenal.
SPEAKER_04 (43:13):
Like, yeah, when Drew's got so many cool people.
SPEAKER_00 (43:15):
Yeah, Drew and I like we both like to run.
Obviously, Drew's way more intoit than I am currently.
But You better be.
SPEAKER_01 (43:22):
We're running 50 miles in April.
SPEAKER_00 (43:24):
Seriously, you don't think your kids are watching,
but Reese will come up to us andbe like, Hey, can we go for a
run?
Hey, can I go outside and go fora run?
And I'm like, Oh my gosh, that'sso precious.
SPEAKER_01 (43:34):
My favorite was the beginning, like the morning of
our ultra race.
Reese was like, let's go runaround.
It's just like at the startline, it's like 7 a.m.
SPEAKER_00 (43:43):
It's gonna give you a workout before you go run your
reading.
SPEAKER_01 (43:45):
So awesome.
And like I think it's um, youknow, you hear that common
phrase like the best way to tolead is by example.
Yeah, and I think it's awesometo like the fact that you Andrew
are both like avid at you know,making sure that you get
workouts in and taking care ofyour bodies, you know, eating
right, that is gonna, you know,reflect on your kids.
(44:06):
Yeah.
I obviously don't have kids, soI can't say that.
We try.
SPEAKER_00 (44:08):
I mean, it I mean, it is so easy to just have
chicken nuggets and mac andcheese and all those unhealthy
things that we grew up with.
SPEAKER_01 (44:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (44:16):
I was not taught a lot about nutrition growing up.
SPEAKER_01 (44:19):
Like I was not either.
SPEAKER_00 (44:21):
I was in sports, yeah, pretty active, but
nutrition, uh-uh.
SPEAKER_01 (44:25):
I was in sports until I got fat and chubby as a
kid, and then I was like, allright, I'm out.
SPEAKER_00 (44:29):
Yeah, but that's when I was like, and so now as
an adult, it's hard to likerewire your brain of like, oh,
we shouldn't be uh, you know,having lemonade at every single
meal or going to have you knowTaco Bell and McDonald's and all
the good stuff.
I mean it's delicious, but it isdelicious, but yeah, and and I
will say, like, your gut healthand your brain health work hand
(44:53):
in hand because when we areeating like crap like that, I
cannot tolerate my kids.
Like I I have such a hard timebecause I feel I start feeling
bad about myself, and then Idon't want to go work out, and
then my cortisol levels spikebecause I can't, you know, run
out my stress.
And you know, so like all thesethings, it's a domino effect of
(45:14):
like if you're not doing yourbest in one area, all of your
other areas in your life aregonna fail.
SPEAKER_01 (45:20):
Yeah, you gotta.
I mean, it's it's it's hard, butit's like that quote that Jocko
says discipline equals freedom.
If you can be disciplined ineach of those areas, like with
your food, you'll have ahealthier body with your
fitness, you'll feel betterabout yourself and you'll feel
better just overall.
Um, literally everything.
Like you have to have disciplinein, you know, yeah, most of the
the areas of your life, yourfaith.
(45:41):
Um, kids.
I don't know how to disciplinekids, but you know.
SPEAKER_00 (45:44):
I don't know either.
SPEAKER_01 (45:45):
I'm still challenging another thing that's
like hopefully leading byexample works, but I'm sure I'll
figure that out.
SPEAKER_00 (45:51):
Yeah, I mean, we're not perfect.
We uh we yell and we uh Yeah welose it and we eat unhealthy,
and but yeah, I think inparenthood and with your health
and exercising, as long asyou're trying your best and
you're trying to teach your kidsto be good people, then I think
you're doing pretty great.
SPEAKER_01 (46:10):
That's all that matters.
SPEAKER_00 (46:12):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (46:12):
Well, I think you guys are awesome and um so glad
that you guys are like, youknow, you have the family that
you do, because it's it'sawesome to see you.
Like, because I I remember youguys going through some of that,
and it was it was tough.
Like I know it was tough onDrew.
I can't imagine what it was likefor you.
Um But also like it it alsogives me hope, you know, because
(46:34):
Allie and I are kind of in thesame situation situation, and
like there is hope.
Um so yeah, I know I appreciateyou coming on and and talking
about this.
Um really because it's it'suncomfortable.
Some people don't want to talkabout it.
Um, but really I think mostpeople just don't know what to
do if they are faced with this.
(46:55):
Yeah.
Um, so I I'm I think it's youknow definitely a topic that's
worth bringing up multipletimes.
And um so if you ever want tocome again, you totally can.
But okay.
Um now anything else um beforewrap up?
SPEAKER_00 (47:09):
I don't think so.
SPEAKER_01 (47:09):
Okay, well, yeah, seriously, thank you so much.
And everyone else listening,thank you for taking the time uh
to spend with us today.
And um, if it meant something atall to you or helped out, uh
share it with a friend who mightbe going through something.
And um as always, keep gettingafter it.
Thanks, guys.
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