September 4, 2024 • 36 mins
It is true that pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice? If it is, how do we actually choose not to suffer?
Whether you deal with chronic pain, mental health issues, or are just having a rough time, here are helpful mindsets and tips to have a good time even when you're feeling bad.
You might be surprised how gratitude and grief go hand and hand, and how they help me break it down on the dancefloor...
sending you my love - sav
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I'm Savannah Harding and this is Getting Better.
(00:16):
Hey, welcome back to Getting Better.
I'm Savannah Harding and today we are going to talk about how to feel bad and have a good
time.
I haven't shared much of my eye history here, but if you follow me on social media or have
seen me in the past three years, you know that I've been struggling with eye surgeries,
chronic pain, and have been going through some compounding traumas and personal grief,
(00:41):
you know not to brag.
I lost myself in the darkness and in the pain and depression and though I have done the
everyday work of finding myself again and reconnecting to my hopes, joys, and dreams,
I'm still going through chronic pain and what I consider a dynamic disability, which we
(01:04):
can go into later because that word is an important, weighted word that I take very
seriously.
So this episode has been truly inspired by the last few years because when going through
a hardship, even if it's a short period or your recovery is easy, it's normal to take
a hiatus or break.
(01:25):
You can isolate, recover, bounce back, and return to a sense of normalcy.
But when you're dealing with a heavier loss, a permanent grievance, chronic pain and illness
or difficult physical and mental hardships, bouncing back isn't always an option.
Grief is permanent and sometimes sickness isn't temporary.
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And so if you're dealing with that, every day is recovering and isolating.
And so this episode is more geared towards that kind of feeling bad, though it truly
can be applied in everyday life throughout your whole life of how to have a good time,
even if you're feeling bad.
This episode was more recently inspired by my engagement in April.
(02:08):
Now I have been asking my then boyfriend to, you know, just wait till I'm better, wait
till I recover, let me get some life in my face and some something on my bones.
Let me just feel a little bit better, you know, because the past few years I've just
been so hard physically and mentally and I've been in so much pain.
(02:29):
I wanted something to be good.
You know, I wanted that pearl, that little pearl like in the mud.
Some people, you know, they would even tell me like you can't always plan to feel great,
which is true, but you definitely know when you feel like complete utter rubble.
And when every day has been a struggle, it's okay to want something to look forward to.
(02:55):
You deserve to feel good.
So after waiting for me to recover, the irony was the day that I got engaged, I was sick
as a dog.
I couldn't think straight or even hear well because I was so stuffy, the pressure in my
head was pounding, not to mention I had by far, by far the most painful blister on my
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cornea that day.
Yes, you can get blisters on your actual eyeball, they're excruciatingly painful.
But if you struggle with this personally, contact lens bandages have helped me so much
if you have dry eye or if you also struggle with blisters on your cornea, contact bandages.
So the irony was that even though I planned to feel good and waited years for that moment,
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I felt so sick and truly the worst part was I couldn't feel present in the moment.
The words that came to mind were unfair, disappointed, bummer, woof.
But it reminds me that our commitment to each other is in sickness and in health.
And as bummed as I was, it didn't take away from the huge joy, elation, and overwhelming
(04:11):
love I felt and still feel to be betrothed to my true love.
I'm in love so sue me.
But as I sat with a swollen and snotty face, sweating my fever out in the most gorgeous
bathtub with my sweet fiance in the other room, I was struggling with the difference of this
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feeling.
This is how I'm supposed to feel, how I wanted to feel, versus how I was actually feeling
and that reality.
I was asking, God, why am I feeling so miserable during one of the happiest moments of my
life?
But no matter how much I tried to be present and feel better, I was still sitting in this
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feeling of disappointment.
I even asked my fiance if we could celebrate again when I felt better, which he said yes
to even though he spent a decent amount literally showering me all weekend.
What a guy.
So as I sat in my third bath of the day, trying to be so grateful but still so disappointed,
(05:15):
I thought about the Buddhist proverb that says, pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice.
Now I don't just think of Buddhist proverbs randomly.
I've read the book of joy about the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, highly recommend
that book, I read it at least once a year now.
So the question I posed to myself then and to you today is, how do you actually not choose
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suffering when you're in pain?
AKA, what does it look like to practice feeling bad but having a good time?
Now this shouldn't just be applied when you're sick, but when you're grieving, recovering
from injury, experiencing pain or heart ache, heartbreak, or other hard and negative emotions.
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So this can look like still dancing at someone's wedding after a heartbreak up, enjoying your
friend's birthday dinner during a migraine, or still participating in creative and fun
outlets even if you have a broken arm, or celebrating a family member's success even
if you've just totaled your car.
For me it looks like going out and socializing with the goal of dancing by the end of the
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night.
Even though I'm in constant pain that grows more and more intense as the night progresses,
if I waited to have a good time only when I felt good, I would still be waiting and
no one would get to witness my sick dance moves.
Before I share the real time tips to practice when you're in the moment, there are three
top mindsets that will change your healing, your emotional intelligence, your tolerance,
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your mental health, and your happiness.
So let's chatcha.
The absolute number one thing that will help you feel bad and have a good time is gratitude.
Now just listen because it's number one for a reason.
I believe that besides some choice drugs, not one thing can take you from feeling so
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down in the dumps depressed to riding high, smiling, and carrying on your merry way, then
feeling grateful for what you have for your body, your brain, your voice, hearing, your
sight, that one's a little personal, the ability to choose what to do next, gratitude for your
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freedom, for love, your family, the sky, the earth, water, you name it, the list can literally
go on forever.
Gratitude is what will get you through the darkness, and if you practice it enough,
I truly believe it can help keep that light on even when you face those dark times.
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Now I have three different practices for you to really step into gratitude and let's just
be a part of having a good time.
The first is to prime your mind before you go to bed.
So you're going to be thinking back on all the small, beautiful gifts that happen during
in your day or that you thought of in your day.
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You're going to think about it right before you go to bed.
You do this because then you're not distracted by things and it's just you and your mind
and your body.
And so if you do this, if you think about the small, little, sweet things that happen in
your day, like two butterflies chasing each other or a really nice mailman or a really
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yummy coffee, it can be that tiny or it can be that you talked with a parent or a family
member and just felt so comforted and loved or you did really well in work and you feel
confidence and pride in yourself.
If you think about these things before you go to sleep, if you ruminate on them, your
brain will look for the beautiful things the next day and it will be primed to find them
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for you, to seek them out before you yourself have to be mindful about it.
So tonight before you go to bed, I want you to think of just even three small things or
big things that you're grateful for that happened in your day, whether that's you hitting all
the green lights on your way to work or you made a really good dessert or you had a funny
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joke at work and laughed with your friends, whatever it is.
I want you to just prime your mind and the next day do the same thing.
Really work on that gratitude and graining it into your mind and practicing it every
day.
The next step is sitting in the feeling of gratitude, not just thinking about it, but
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putting it on as a white, warm robe, basking in it so you can carry the warm and bright
energy of gratitude wherever you go, not just writing it down but meditating on it, embodying
the feeling of gratitude.
In some meditations, I practice my gratitude by praying and thanking God for the things
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that I can claim grateful for that day, but really just sit with yourself and see what
comes up when you're in that gratitude.
Do you feel a warmth in your heart?
Has your stomach relaxed?
Has your heart rate gone up or has it calmed down?
Do you have a smile on your face that just kind of came up?
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Really just sit in that feeling of gratitude and let that energy just flow in you and out
of you.
First, we're going to prime our brain and then we're going to put on that gratitude
and let it become a part of us.
The third tip for being grateful that doesn't take a lot of energy is looking back at old
photos.
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Usually I will do this on my phone, but you can find any way to open an old photo album.
This tip is to look back at old photos on your phone because usually when you take a
photo it's of something that you thought worthy of remembering or encapsulating that
energy or that moment, that memory.
So looking back at those can help elicit some of that joy and the feeling you had in
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that moment.
And if you listened to episode one about crying, you'll know that I take photos when I'm
really sad.
Really like snotty crying selfies.
And even though I was so sad in that moment, I can look back at those photos and it elicits
this compassion for myself and a sense of progress and hope because, oh, look where
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I was then and look how I'm doing right now.
That's the third step is looking back at old photos to really get you going in that gratitude.
Now, gratitude is number one because it then gives you space for your feelings and emotions.
It takes you out of being so overwhelmed or sad or in the sorrow or pain and it gets you
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into a higher, better state to then look back and assess where you are right now.
The second step to feeling bad and having a good time is to affirm your feelings.
So this step is usually what I like to look over or at least do super fast and not do
it fully.
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And then I ask surprise like why am I not feeling better?
Because in order to feel better, you have to allow yourself to actually feel bad or
sad, disappointed or the pain.
I would rationalize the feeling of sadness.
You know, I'd be like, oh, this is why I'm sad.
Okay.
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Yeah, that makes sense.
But I wouldn't actually let myself feel the sadness and that might be a practice I picked
up when I couldn't physically cry and risk of damaging my eye.
But this can also become a habit when you've gone past your window of tolerance or you're
so spent and in survival mode that even the thought of letting yourself break down cannot
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stand in your mind without you breaking down.
But I'm telling you from experience, letting the faucet of like your tears or your emotions
open even for moments at a time is the best way to process.
Avoiding and numbing can help you get to a safe place.
But sometimes we think, oh, I'm not safe to cry here.
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Sometimes when you're in your car, like you shouldn't be crying because then you can't
really see.
But you know, if you're at work, you're like, oh, it's not safe to cry here.
Go to a bathroom.
Sometimes we don't even trust how safe it might be to let our emotions out and let this
be a reminder that crying doesn't make you unsafe.
It's healthy.
It's healing.
And it's one of the best practices for life that is better learned earlier than later.
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Trust me.
So affirming your feelings looks like naming them, you know, and if you can't actually
put a name to the feeling, I want you to describe what it's like in your body.
If you have anxiety about something, you can call it anxiety, but then say, where is that?
What does that want from me?
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You know, does it want my attention?
Does it want me to take action?
Does it want to be comforted?
So then you can ask yourself, okay, this is what I'm feeling.
This is what's happening in my body so that later on when you feel that again, you can
recognize usually what the cause is of that emotion or at least not be so scared and feel
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out of control when you do feel your body or a brain reacting in a way that's unusual
or uncomfortable.
So to affirm your feelings, first you have to name them and face them.
The second thing is to let yourself take the time to cry or grieve or scream.
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Let yourself grieve what you've lost or just what you expected.
It's really uncomfortable and hard to sit in those emotions, but you're the only one
who can give time and attention to those things that you're feeling.
We don't want to take the time.
We feel like it's a waste of time and it's not fun.
We want to have fun and that's what this whole episode is about, is feeling bad but then
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having a good time.
In order to do that, you have to affirm your feelings and give yourself that time.
The third thing for affirming your feelings is to give yourself the grace and ability,
permission, allowance to hold the sadness and the joy.
As uncomfortable as it can seem and despite the dichotomy of good feelings and bad feelings,
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we are meant to hold so many emotions at the same time because if we could only hold one
emotion that would be the death of us.
That would be the end of us.
We have to have room for the good and the hope and the joy because that's what we'll
help us hold the pain and the grief and the sorrow and the anger.
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I once heard, anger is love disappointed.
Whether that's you being disappointed in someone so you're angry at them or you're disappointed
in what you thought you deserved so then you're angry you didn't get it or you're disappointed
in not getting what you wanted so you're angry about your expectations not being met.
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It's okay to feel those emotions and that disappointment and anger, grief, sorrow, joy
but it's what we do with them that really matters.
So name your emotions, let yourself take the time to be in them and then let yourself hold
those and the good and the joy and the greatness.
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So that was step two, affirming your feelings.
So we're going to be grateful, we're going to affirm and then we're going to accept.
Accepting isn't agreeing and accepting isn't admitting defeat to your situation.
So what I mean by this is accepting the reality doesn't mean you agree with it.
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There can be this huge distance between what you're feeling and what you think you're
supposed to feel whether that's expectations from society or your own desires which can
be valid but also can be unrealistic but even if they're realistic they won't always come
to be in the same way you imagine.
Now this isn't to discourage you from hoping for the best or imagining your wildest dreams
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but it's to find a way to bridge the gap between expectations and your reality.
Some people might just say life is unfair, suck it up and move on.
But how do you move on when those feelings are real and valid and must be felt before
being dealt with?
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So you accept your reality even though you might not agree with it.
I still struggle with the concepts and practice of acceptance.
It feels like I'm admitting defeat because I don't want to accept my current limitations
and pain as forever but I know that accepting you have to go to war doesn't mean you're
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going to give up and admit defeat.
It just means that you will enter that war and do whatever you can to survive and make
it to the other side.
Like my mom says, if you're walking through hell, don't stop walking.
So the third step after gratitude and affirming your emotions is to accept your reality.
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And that doesn't mean you're setting it in stone to be like this for the rest of your
life.
In fact, your life is always going to change.
For better or for worse, it's changing and that's just a fact.
And so once you can accept that this is your reality even for this moment, then you can
go through and process your emotions and get on with your life.
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And have fun.
Have a good time.
Now I want to talk about grief just for a little bit.
It's going to be a little heavier of a conversation but it's something that I think is really
important to touch on as we're talking about feeling our emotions and feeling bad but then
also having a good time and hang on for this simile, this metaphor.
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So grief as much as I wish it could be worked on and ticked off like an item on a to-do
list is never ending.
And that's not to say it won't overwhelm you forever but it doesn't go away.
And I don't think it should.
I believe grief is the gratitude that you cannot have in the present.
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Loss means you don't have it.
Whatever you lost is not in your life.
So grief is our connection to that thing, that person, that time, that ability, that
dream.
And I think those connections are important to being a human who cherishes those connections.
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Grief is important.
Here's where the metaphor and simile come into play.
Grief is like a wave, an ocean of waves sometimes that can freaking pummel you and pummel you
to a point where it's hard to catch a breath and you think you'll drown and die.
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It's dramatic, yes, and tragic, yes.
And here stands the importance of life preservers.
Those are your people and those are your practices and your life.
So grief, those waves can calm down and you can still be swimming in grief, surrounded,
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and feeling lost but now you're breathing and staying afloat.
Grief can be small waves, taking a bit to reach you at the shore but often reminding
you of that loss but it might not be taking you away and out to sea.
And you can stay dry for a long time on the beach and forget about the sea but the ocean
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isn't gone and the waves haven't stopped.
Heck, sometimes you might have the urge to just go wait in the water to feel connected
again.
And now I think that maybe instead of wanting to be dry on the beach, being connected in
grief should mean that you swim beyond the huge waves where it becomes more calm but
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there it's also more vast and more scary.
But I think if you can learn and practice living in grief, holding the big grief at
the same time as holding the immense joy won't have to be so hard.
It allows you to stay connected and still experience all the great joys of life.
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And you know I'm going to pause right here because I don't know where you are right
now in your life.
I don't know if you're writing high doing well just looking to improve your health and
have a good time and keep these in mind or in your back pocket for when you're having
a bad day, when you're having a bad time, or you might be going through some really
heavy loss and really deep, painful, debilitating grief.
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And I just want to say that you're going to be okay and that you can allow the waves
to pummel you and pummel you as hard and long and often as you want.
But I would encourage you to let yourself feel it and move through the grief, whatever
it is.
If you feel it, it's not going to go away.
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You're going to have chances to stay connected to that person or that ability or that dream
or that time.
I really hope that today you just feel comforted knowing that people go through different types
of grief and you're not alone in that.
And this community, this Getting Better community is here for people going through the middle
of hardship or the other side or the beginning of it.
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And I just want to encourage you to keep compassion for yourself in this time and to just keep
making those baby steps for yourself and through that grief and with that grief so that you
can practice holding the hardship and the happiness.
So wherever you are in the beach, in the ocean, swimming, you know, I just want to come for
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you today and hopefully help you out somehow.
Yeah, I just hope that wherever you are listening that you don't feel as alone today because
you don't have to be alone in this.
And so we have these mindsets and practices and reminders to help you feel bad and have
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a good time.
So far we have switching on your gratitude brain, put on that gratitude mindset and don
the energy of gratitude, put on that robe and just sit in it.
That will allow you some emotional and mental peace and space to then move on to affirming
your feelings.
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Feel the hard ones, even if for a bit put on a sad song and have a good cry or events
to a confidant, vent to your recording app or on your phone or video yourself explaining
why you're sad and delete it if you want.
Follow it up by compassion for yourself and then accept that this is your life for the
moment.
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But this is your life and you get to respond and take whatever action next.
Buy yourself a treat, go on a walk, ground your feet, tell yourself that you have some
awesome stuff to look forward to.
See that a weekend with no responsibilities or engagements, time with friends, a hot bath,
a walk in the sunshine.
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Remind yourself that in your life you can bring yourself good things.
And that doesn't mean that there isn't bad happening, but you're adding more goodness
in.
So now that we've gone over those three mindsets of gratitude, affirming and accepting, I want
to give you some practical tips and advice for when you're feeling physically or mentally
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bad and you're wanting to have a good time.
And so the first tip that I have for you that usually is for people with physical issues
is drugs.
Drugs give us the room to feel like we can make good decisions and actions towards what
will build upon feeling better.
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I mean to keep your necessary and emergency prescriptions on hand at all time.
In your car, in your purse, in your bra, in your pocket, you know, you can have over-the-counter
painkillers and things that work well for you.
And even just knowing you have them at your disposal can usually help take a lot of that
stress, anxiety, and worry off of the moment and help you feel better.
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So if you have panic attacks, just have your anxiety meds nearby.
If you have tons of pain, have those painkillers nearby.
You know, just having a backup plan or just your set normal prescriptions ready for you,
that will help you break away sometimes from the fog and the upset or, you know, disability
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pain or issue that you might go through.
I want you to be aware of the risks of NSAIDs and painkillers.
And NSAID is a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug, so that's Tylenol, ibuprofen, acetaminophen,
Advil.
I think I named a lot of them.
Those are usually like the same thing, but do not drink on them.
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Do not drink on painkillers.
It's bad for your kidney, your liver.
It's not good for your stomach as well.
And that leads me to the second tip.
Don't drink when you feel physically bad.
This is my rule and you can't convince me that alcohol is good for your health.
Don't let drinking become a default when you feel bad.
I don't think I have to go into detail.
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Find something else to sip on.
Even caffeine can help give some more energy and boost your mood a little.
That also helps with my migraines.
But if caffeine makes you feel worse or more anxious, know what can be a better alternative
for you.
Drink a drink or a snack that uplifts your mood even if for a little bit.
If that looks like having 2D fruity gum on hand or M&Ms or a protein bar, whatever it
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is, try to have that on hand just to take your mind off of putting your mouth on a straw
and drinking something with alcohol.
Like I said, that's my rule.
It's my tip.
Do with it as you will.
The third step after drugs and drinking is take a break and practice not letting yourself
feel guilty or bad about feeling bad.
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You can have those feelings and even pity yourself for a bit.
I'm like all for a pity party.
But you gotta let yourself sit for a second and take a breather.
Take a break because you're gonna regret the opposite more.
Being yourself into the ground will not help you enjoy the good times more.
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The fourth part is to find someone who can vouch for you and accompany you for a moment.
Isolation is real and the loneliness of feeling bad when everyone else is having a grand time
can make you feel like it would be better to stay at home alone.
So find someone who will sit with you even if for one song and you can invite them into
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the truth of how you're feeling or you can just say, hey I'm a little tired, do you mind
sitting with me for a moment?
I have friends who know what's up with my pain and they check in with me.
Like I said, they're friends, they're good friends.
But I had to and have to practice telling them how I feel in real time, which was really
difficult in the beginning because like I said, I didn't even want to accept how I was
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feeling but got easier with time and now it makes going out so much better because it's
both myself and other people, my friends affirming and supporting me and my feelings.
People are everything.
Don't lose out on the opportunities of joy just because you haven't asked for help.
And to those friends, know that we don't want to be in pain.
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We're sad about it, we're disappointed, we're doing what we can and we can have a good time
while feeling bad.
It doesn't mean that the value of the good time is gone.
But friends, be with us in the joy by being with us in the pain.
Ask us questions before assuming and offer that help even if it feels uncomfortable.
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So if you can, find someone who can sit with you and take that break with you or just be
like, hey, you want to go grab a water together?
That's a way to kind of cool down and then you can chat with a friend, feel less isolated
in your pain.
The next step is for when you're going through kind of a longer hard time.
So whether you're going through grief or a hardship or a heartbreak or that pain, you're
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going to be low on energy, you're going to be high and stress.
And so you need to have more active rest than you think.
Whether this looks like scheduling in a nap or scheduling in a walk to the end of your
street, you need to fulfill that rest even if it's 10 minutes, even if it's five minutes.
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Rest and recovery can add up and it will lower your stress and your pain levels.
So if you can try to schedule it in or if you have some extra time, really just lean into
that rest, put your phone away, rotting and scrolling on your phone is different than rest.
We got to let our mind and body and soul take a breather here.
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So have active rest time more than you think you need because you won't regret that.
Now these next three tips for feeling bad and having a good time.
I think is helpful for anyone, whether or not you're going through a hard time or you're
doing just fine.
The first is to meditate or put yourself in a good place before stepping through the
door.
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Sit with yourself and just ground and center yourself before stepping through because
you're going to get hit with a lot of different energies, a lot of different opinions and
behaviors and people and just personalities.
This also is kind of setting the expectation for the event or interaction because usually
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when you're feeling low, you're more sensitive to the types of interactions that you have.
If there's someone that you know you're going to see or interact with that drains you or
that makes you feel bad, have low expectations for that interaction.
Don't say, oh, I hope that they changed.
I'm going to try to talk to them again because I really want to feel good about this person
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because then you might just feel even worse and have those disappointing feelings when
you're already feeling bad or poor and hold that energy for yourself.
Stay firm in who you are and the energy that you're bringing and have the expectation for
the night that you're just going to go for what you came for, whether that's good food,
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good people, good dancing, set out for those things but set your expectations before stepping
through that door.
Because the last thing we want is to have regret or resent towards going out and initiating
and being intentional with friendships and connection because if we're running ourselves
down into the ground, if we're burning the candles on both ends, we're going to regret
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the decisions that we're making but then we will be reinforced in our mindset of, no,
I shouldn't go out.
I should just stay home because we do need those connections.
They're so good for us.
The next tip is to have an exit plan.
If you know that you're low on energy, have a time that you're like, okay, I'm leaving
at 11pm or I'm leaving right after dinner.
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I'm not going to stay for dessert because then when it comes to that and you do feel
bad, you already had this plan made and so it's no surprise to you.
It's not taking away what you thought you were going to have because you already set
that expectation and sometimes you can even say, okay, at 10pm, I'm going to check in
with myself and if I'm at this level of energy or I'm thinking these thoughts already like,
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oh man, my feet really hurt.
Whatever it is, say, okay, at 10pm, I'm going to check in with myself and then make a decision
for plan A, plan B, plan C.
With that exit plan, I also want you to think of two ways on how you're going to get home.
Whether you drove or you're waiting on a friend to take you back home, that friend could want
to stay out so then you got a plan for an Uber or for another friend.
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It takes that extra thought and that's one of the bummers that comes with feeling bad
or having chronic pain or going through hardship, but do that for yourself.
That's investing time and intention for yourself so that you feel better and that you can enjoy
the time you have because you already made the plan.
So then you're not thinking about it and getting anxious.
A pro tip for this is if you know that you're going to go home at like 10pm, even though
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your friends are going to stay out till like midnight or one o'clock, have a nighttime
routine that you can look forward to or something that will be waiting for you.
If that's like a chocolate or a little tree or FaceTiming a friend who's also home at
the same time, this can help you not feel like you're leaving something and just losing
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time.
It helps you look forward to taking care of yourself and having something set up for you.
This is self care.
The last part here to feeling bad and having a good time is make the moments count.
Take pictures of the good memories.
I only regret pictures I haven't taken.
Tell people that you're so happy to be there.
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Thank you for the invite.
Tell people that you're happy that they're also there.
That the group finally made it out of the group chat.
Get off your phone and talk to people.
Make those human connections.
You know, practice having fun even when you're in pain, even when you're feeling grief or
sorrow or feeling overwhelmed.
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Now I do want to say that you should pressure yourself to go out when you're really feeling
down or if you think that you need a night in.
Practice discerning what you actually want and what will really make you feel better.
Not just in the long run or in the short run but in the genuinely good run.
Like sometimes you know that you should put in the effort and see that friend.
Other times you better stay in or you could end up presenting your decisions or the people
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you see.
And so I want you to have the good times.
Except the bad times.
Let them co-exist.
And the only thing that can help overcome that darkness and that pain is the light.
So I want you to have those good times.
Sometimes the pain and the grief is so loud that you can't stop yourself from suffering.
If we go back to that question of pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice.
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But I think the choice isn't whether to suffer or not.
It's the choices we make for ourselves in the suffering that help us live in the pain.
That help us feel bad and have a good time.
Truly the takeaways I want you to have, if not for everything, is that you be kind to
yourself while feeling those emotions.
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And that you get your people.
Because the people will be high on your list of gratitude.
And sometimes even the thought of them will be your life float when you're in the waves.
So here's to feeling bad.
Here's to having good times.
And here's to getting better.
I'm Savannah Harding and this is Getting Better.
(00:16):
Hey, welcome back to Getting Better.
I'm Savannah Harding and today we are going to talk about how to feel bad and have a good
time.
I haven't shared much of my eye history here, but if you follow me on social media or have
seen me in the past three years, you know that I've been struggling with eye surgeries,
chronic pain, and have been going through some compounding traumas and personal grief,
(00:41):
you know not to brag.
I lost myself in the darkness and in the pain and depression and though I have done the
everyday work of finding myself again and reconnecting to my hopes, joys, and dreams,
I'm still going through chronic pain and what I consider a dynamic disability, which we
(01:04):
can go into later because that word is an important, weighted word that I take very
seriously.
So this episode has been truly inspired by the last few years because when going through
a hardship, even if it's a short period or your recovery is easy, it's normal to take
a hiatus or break.
(01:25):
You can isolate, recover, bounce back, and return to a sense of normalcy.
But when you're dealing with a heavier loss, a permanent grievance, chronic pain and illness
or difficult physical and mental hardships, bouncing back isn't always an option.
Grief is permanent and sometimes sickness isn't temporary.
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And so if you're dealing with that, every day is recovering and isolating.
And so this episode is more geared towards that kind of feeling bad, though it truly
can be applied in everyday life throughout your whole life of how to have a good time,
even if you're feeling bad.
This episode was more recently inspired by my engagement in April.
(02:08):
Now I have been asking my then boyfriend to, you know, just wait till I'm better, wait
till I recover, let me get some life in my face and some something on my bones.
Let me just feel a little bit better, you know, because the past few years I've just
been so hard physically and mentally and I've been in so much pain.
(02:29):
I wanted something to be good.
You know, I wanted that pearl, that little pearl like in the mud.
Some people, you know, they would even tell me like you can't always plan to feel great,
which is true, but you definitely know when you feel like complete utter rubble.
And when every day has been a struggle, it's okay to want something to look forward to.
(02:55):
You deserve to feel good.
So after waiting for me to recover, the irony was the day that I got engaged, I was sick
as a dog.
I couldn't think straight or even hear well because I was so stuffy, the pressure in my
head was pounding, not to mention I had by far, by far the most painful blister on my
(03:21):
cornea that day.
Yes, you can get blisters on your actual eyeball, they're excruciatingly painful.
But if you struggle with this personally, contact lens bandages have helped me so much
if you have dry eye or if you also struggle with blisters on your cornea, contact bandages.
So the irony was that even though I planned to feel good and waited years for that moment,
(03:45):
I felt so sick and truly the worst part was I couldn't feel present in the moment.
The words that came to mind were unfair, disappointed, bummer, woof.
But it reminds me that our commitment to each other is in sickness and in health.
And as bummed as I was, it didn't take away from the huge joy, elation, and overwhelming
(04:11):
love I felt and still feel to be betrothed to my true love.
I'm in love so sue me.
But as I sat with a swollen and snotty face, sweating my fever out in the most gorgeous
bathtub with my sweet fiance in the other room, I was struggling with the difference of this
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feeling.
This is how I'm supposed to feel, how I wanted to feel, versus how I was actually feeling
and that reality.
I was asking, God, why am I feeling so miserable during one of the happiest moments of my
life?
But no matter how much I tried to be present and feel better, I was still sitting in this
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feeling of disappointment.
I even asked my fiance if we could celebrate again when I felt better, which he said yes
to even though he spent a decent amount literally showering me all weekend.
What a guy.
So as I sat in my third bath of the day, trying to be so grateful but still so disappointed,
(05:15):
I thought about the Buddhist proverb that says, pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice.
Now I don't just think of Buddhist proverbs randomly.
I've read the book of joy about the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, highly recommend
that book, I read it at least once a year now.
So the question I posed to myself then and to you today is, how do you actually not choose
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suffering when you're in pain?
AKA, what does it look like to practice feeling bad but having a good time?
Now this shouldn't just be applied when you're sick, but when you're grieving, recovering
from injury, experiencing pain or heart ache, heartbreak, or other hard and negative emotions.
(06:01):
So this can look like still dancing at someone's wedding after a heartbreak up, enjoying your
friend's birthday dinner during a migraine, or still participating in creative and fun
outlets even if you have a broken arm, or celebrating a family member's success even
if you've just totaled your car.
For me it looks like going out and socializing with the goal of dancing by the end of the
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night.
Even though I'm in constant pain that grows more and more intense as the night progresses,
if I waited to have a good time only when I felt good, I would still be waiting and
no one would get to witness my sick dance moves.
Before I share the real time tips to practice when you're in the moment, there are three
top mindsets that will change your healing, your emotional intelligence, your tolerance,
(06:50):
your mental health, and your happiness.
So let's chatcha.
The absolute number one thing that will help you feel bad and have a good time is gratitude.
Now just listen because it's number one for a reason.
I believe that besides some choice drugs, not one thing can take you from feeling so
(07:13):
down in the dumps depressed to riding high, smiling, and carrying on your merry way, then
feeling grateful for what you have for your body, your brain, your voice, hearing, your
sight, that one's a little personal, the ability to choose what to do next, gratitude for your
(07:34):
freedom, for love, your family, the sky, the earth, water, you name it, the list can literally
go on forever.
Gratitude is what will get you through the darkness, and if you practice it enough,
I truly believe it can help keep that light on even when you face those dark times.
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Now I have three different practices for you to really step into gratitude and let's just
be a part of having a good time.
The first is to prime your mind before you go to bed.
So you're going to be thinking back on all the small, beautiful gifts that happen during
in your day or that you thought of in your day.
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You're going to think about it right before you go to bed.
You do this because then you're not distracted by things and it's just you and your mind
and your body.
And so if you do this, if you think about the small, little, sweet things that happen in
your day, like two butterflies chasing each other or a really nice mailman or a really
(08:35):
yummy coffee, it can be that tiny or it can be that you talked with a parent or a family
member and just felt so comforted and loved or you did really well in work and you feel
confidence and pride in yourself.
If you think about these things before you go to sleep, if you ruminate on them, your
brain will look for the beautiful things the next day and it will be primed to find them
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for you, to seek them out before you yourself have to be mindful about it.
So tonight before you go to bed, I want you to think of just even three small things or
big things that you're grateful for that happened in your day, whether that's you hitting all
the green lights on your way to work or you made a really good dessert or you had a funny
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joke at work and laughed with your friends, whatever it is.
I want you to just prime your mind and the next day do the same thing.
Really work on that gratitude and graining it into your mind and practicing it every
day.
The next step is sitting in the feeling of gratitude, not just thinking about it, but
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putting it on as a white, warm robe, basking in it so you can carry the warm and bright
energy of gratitude wherever you go, not just writing it down but meditating on it, embodying
the feeling of gratitude.
In some meditations, I practice my gratitude by praying and thanking God for the things
(10:04):
that I can claim grateful for that day, but really just sit with yourself and see what
comes up when you're in that gratitude.
Do you feel a warmth in your heart?
Has your stomach relaxed?
Has your heart rate gone up or has it calmed down?
Do you have a smile on your face that just kind of came up?
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Really just sit in that feeling of gratitude and let that energy just flow in you and out
of you.
First, we're going to prime our brain and then we're going to put on that gratitude
and let it become a part of us.
The third tip for being grateful that doesn't take a lot of energy is looking back at old
photos.
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Usually I will do this on my phone, but you can find any way to open an old photo album.
This tip is to look back at old photos on your phone because usually when you take a
photo it's of something that you thought worthy of remembering or encapsulating that
energy or that moment, that memory.
So looking back at those can help elicit some of that joy and the feeling you had in
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that moment.
And if you listened to episode one about crying, you'll know that I take photos when I'm
really sad.
Really like snotty crying selfies.
And even though I was so sad in that moment, I can look back at those photos and it elicits
this compassion for myself and a sense of progress and hope because, oh, look where
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I was then and look how I'm doing right now.
That's the third step is looking back at old photos to really get you going in that gratitude.
Now, gratitude is number one because it then gives you space for your feelings and emotions.
It takes you out of being so overwhelmed or sad or in the sorrow or pain and it gets you
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into a higher, better state to then look back and assess where you are right now.
The second step to feeling bad and having a good time is to affirm your feelings.
So this step is usually what I like to look over or at least do super fast and not do
it fully.
(12:13):
And then I ask surprise like why am I not feeling better?
Because in order to feel better, you have to allow yourself to actually feel bad or
sad, disappointed or the pain.
I would rationalize the feeling of sadness.
You know, I'd be like, oh, this is why I'm sad.
Okay.
(12:33):
Yeah, that makes sense.
But I wouldn't actually let myself feel the sadness and that might be a practice I picked
up when I couldn't physically cry and risk of damaging my eye.
But this can also become a habit when you've gone past your window of tolerance or you're
so spent and in survival mode that even the thought of letting yourself break down cannot
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stand in your mind without you breaking down.
But I'm telling you from experience, letting the faucet of like your tears or your emotions
open even for moments at a time is the best way to process.
Avoiding and numbing can help you get to a safe place.
But sometimes we think, oh, I'm not safe to cry here.
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Sometimes when you're in your car, like you shouldn't be crying because then you can't
really see.
But you know, if you're at work, you're like, oh, it's not safe to cry here.
Go to a bathroom.
Sometimes we don't even trust how safe it might be to let our emotions out and let this
be a reminder that crying doesn't make you unsafe.
It's healthy.
It's healing.
And it's one of the best practices for life that is better learned earlier than later.
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Trust me.
So affirming your feelings looks like naming them, you know, and if you can't actually
put a name to the feeling, I want you to describe what it's like in your body.
If you have anxiety about something, you can call it anxiety, but then say, where is that?
What does that want from me?
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You know, does it want my attention?
Does it want me to take action?
Does it want to be comforted?
So then you can ask yourself, okay, this is what I'm feeling.
This is what's happening in my body so that later on when you feel that again, you can
recognize usually what the cause is of that emotion or at least not be so scared and feel
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out of control when you do feel your body or a brain reacting in a way that's unusual
or uncomfortable.
So to affirm your feelings, first you have to name them and face them.
The second thing is to let yourself take the time to cry or grieve or scream.
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Let yourself grieve what you've lost or just what you expected.
It's really uncomfortable and hard to sit in those emotions, but you're the only one
who can give time and attention to those things that you're feeling.
We don't want to take the time.
We feel like it's a waste of time and it's not fun.
We want to have fun and that's what this whole episode is about, is feeling bad but then
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having a good time.
In order to do that, you have to affirm your feelings and give yourself that time.
The third thing for affirming your feelings is to give yourself the grace and ability,
permission, allowance to hold the sadness and the joy.
As uncomfortable as it can seem and despite the dichotomy of good feelings and bad feelings,
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we are meant to hold so many emotions at the same time because if we could only hold one
emotion that would be the death of us.
That would be the end of us.
We have to have room for the good and the hope and the joy because that's what we'll
help us hold the pain and the grief and the sorrow and the anger.
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I once heard, anger is love disappointed.
Whether that's you being disappointed in someone so you're angry at them or you're disappointed
in what you thought you deserved so then you're angry you didn't get it or you're disappointed
in not getting what you wanted so you're angry about your expectations not being met.
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It's okay to feel those emotions and that disappointment and anger, grief, sorrow, joy
but it's what we do with them that really matters.
So name your emotions, let yourself take the time to be in them and then let yourself hold
those and the good and the joy and the greatness.
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So that was step two, affirming your feelings.
So we're going to be grateful, we're going to affirm and then we're going to accept.
Accepting isn't agreeing and accepting isn't admitting defeat to your situation.
So what I mean by this is accepting the reality doesn't mean you agree with it.
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There can be this huge distance between what you're feeling and what you think you're
supposed to feel whether that's expectations from society or your own desires which can
be valid but also can be unrealistic but even if they're realistic they won't always come
to be in the same way you imagine.
Now this isn't to discourage you from hoping for the best or imagining your wildest dreams
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but it's to find a way to bridge the gap between expectations and your reality.
Some people might just say life is unfair, suck it up and move on.
But how do you move on when those feelings are real and valid and must be felt before
being dealt with?
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So you accept your reality even though you might not agree with it.
I still struggle with the concepts and practice of acceptance.
It feels like I'm admitting defeat because I don't want to accept my current limitations
and pain as forever but I know that accepting you have to go to war doesn't mean you're
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going to give up and admit defeat.
It just means that you will enter that war and do whatever you can to survive and make
it to the other side.
Like my mom says, if you're walking through hell, don't stop walking.
So the third step after gratitude and affirming your emotions is to accept your reality.
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And that doesn't mean you're setting it in stone to be like this for the rest of your
life.
In fact, your life is always going to change.
For better or for worse, it's changing and that's just a fact.
And so once you can accept that this is your reality even for this moment, then you can
go through and process your emotions and get on with your life.
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And have fun.
Have a good time.
Now I want to talk about grief just for a little bit.
It's going to be a little heavier of a conversation but it's something that I think is really
important to touch on as we're talking about feeling our emotions and feeling bad but then
also having a good time and hang on for this simile, this metaphor.
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So grief as much as I wish it could be worked on and ticked off like an item on a to-do
list is never ending.
And that's not to say it won't overwhelm you forever but it doesn't go away.
And I don't think it should.
I believe grief is the gratitude that you cannot have in the present.
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Loss means you don't have it.
Whatever you lost is not in your life.
So grief is our connection to that thing, that person, that time, that ability, that
dream.
And I think those connections are important to being a human who cherishes those connections.
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Grief is important.
Here's where the metaphor and simile come into play.
Grief is like a wave, an ocean of waves sometimes that can freaking pummel you and pummel you
to a point where it's hard to catch a breath and you think you'll drown and die.
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It's dramatic, yes, and tragic, yes.
And here stands the importance of life preservers.
Those are your people and those are your practices and your life.
So grief, those waves can calm down and you can still be swimming in grief, surrounded,
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and feeling lost but now you're breathing and staying afloat.
Grief can be small waves, taking a bit to reach you at the shore but often reminding
you of that loss but it might not be taking you away and out to sea.
And you can stay dry for a long time on the beach and forget about the sea but the ocean
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isn't gone and the waves haven't stopped.
Heck, sometimes you might have the urge to just go wait in the water to feel connected
again.
And now I think that maybe instead of wanting to be dry on the beach, being connected in
grief should mean that you swim beyond the huge waves where it becomes more calm but
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there it's also more vast and more scary.
But I think if you can learn and practice living in grief, holding the big grief at
the same time as holding the immense joy won't have to be so hard.
It allows you to stay connected and still experience all the great joys of life.
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And you know I'm going to pause right here because I don't know where you are right
now in your life.
I don't know if you're writing high doing well just looking to improve your health and
have a good time and keep these in mind or in your back pocket for when you're having
a bad day, when you're having a bad time, or you might be going through some really
heavy loss and really deep, painful, debilitating grief.
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And I just want to say that you're going to be okay and that you can allow the waves
to pummel you and pummel you as hard and long and often as you want.
But I would encourage you to let yourself feel it and move through the grief, whatever
it is.
If you feel it, it's not going to go away.
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You're going to have chances to stay connected to that person or that ability or that dream
or that time.
I really hope that today you just feel comforted knowing that people go through different types
of grief and you're not alone in that.
And this community, this Getting Better community is here for people going through the middle
of hardship or the other side or the beginning of it.
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And I just want to encourage you to keep compassion for yourself in this time and to just keep
making those baby steps for yourself and through that grief and with that grief so that you
can practice holding the hardship and the happiness.
So wherever you are in the beach, in the ocean, swimming, you know, I just want to come for
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you today and hopefully help you out somehow.
Yeah, I just hope that wherever you are listening that you don't feel as alone today because
you don't have to be alone in this.
And so we have these mindsets and practices and reminders to help you feel bad and have
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a good time.
So far we have switching on your gratitude brain, put on that gratitude mindset and don
the energy of gratitude, put on that robe and just sit in it.
That will allow you some emotional and mental peace and space to then move on to affirming
your feelings.
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Feel the hard ones, even if for a bit put on a sad song and have a good cry or events
to a confidant, vent to your recording app or on your phone or video yourself explaining
why you're sad and delete it if you want.
Follow it up by compassion for yourself and then accept that this is your life for the
moment.
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But this is your life and you get to respond and take whatever action next.
Buy yourself a treat, go on a walk, ground your feet, tell yourself that you have some
awesome stuff to look forward to.
See that a weekend with no responsibilities or engagements, time with friends, a hot bath,
a walk in the sunshine.
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Remind yourself that in your life you can bring yourself good things.
And that doesn't mean that there isn't bad happening, but you're adding more goodness
in.
So now that we've gone over those three mindsets of gratitude, affirming and accepting, I want
to give you some practical tips and advice for when you're feeling physically or mentally
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bad and you're wanting to have a good time.
And so the first tip that I have for you that usually is for people with physical issues
is drugs.
Drugs give us the room to feel like we can make good decisions and actions towards what
will build upon feeling better.
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I mean to keep your necessary and emergency prescriptions on hand at all time.
In your car, in your purse, in your bra, in your pocket, you know, you can have over-the-counter
painkillers and things that work well for you.
And even just knowing you have them at your disposal can usually help take a lot of that
stress, anxiety, and worry off of the moment and help you feel better.
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So if you have panic attacks, just have your anxiety meds nearby.
If you have tons of pain, have those painkillers nearby.
You know, just having a backup plan or just your set normal prescriptions ready for you,
that will help you break away sometimes from the fog and the upset or, you know, disability
(26:30):
pain or issue that you might go through.
I want you to be aware of the risks of NSAIDs and painkillers.
And NSAID is a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug, so that's Tylenol, ibuprofen, acetaminophen,
Advil.
I think I named a lot of them.
Those are usually like the same thing, but do not drink on them.
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Do not drink on painkillers.
It's bad for your kidney, your liver.
It's not good for your stomach as well.
And that leads me to the second tip.
Don't drink when you feel physically bad.
This is my rule and you can't convince me that alcohol is good for your health.
Don't let drinking become a default when you feel bad.
I don't think I have to go into detail.
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Find something else to sip on.
Even caffeine can help give some more energy and boost your mood a little.
That also helps with my migraines.
But if caffeine makes you feel worse or more anxious, know what can be a better alternative
for you.
Drink a drink or a snack that uplifts your mood even if for a little bit.
If that looks like having 2D fruity gum on hand or M&Ms or a protein bar, whatever it
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is, try to have that on hand just to take your mind off of putting your mouth on a straw
and drinking something with alcohol.
Like I said, that's my rule.
It's my tip.
Do with it as you will.
The third step after drugs and drinking is take a break and practice not letting yourself
feel guilty or bad about feeling bad.
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You can have those feelings and even pity yourself for a bit.
I'm like all for a pity party.
But you gotta let yourself sit for a second and take a breather.
Take a break because you're gonna regret the opposite more.
Being yourself into the ground will not help you enjoy the good times more.
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The fourth part is to find someone who can vouch for you and accompany you for a moment.
Isolation is real and the loneliness of feeling bad when everyone else is having a grand time
can make you feel like it would be better to stay at home alone.
So find someone who will sit with you even if for one song and you can invite them into
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the truth of how you're feeling or you can just say, hey I'm a little tired, do you mind
sitting with me for a moment?
I have friends who know what's up with my pain and they check in with me.
Like I said, they're friends, they're good friends.
But I had to and have to practice telling them how I feel in real time, which was really
difficult in the beginning because like I said, I didn't even want to accept how I was
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feeling but got easier with time and now it makes going out so much better because it's
both myself and other people, my friends affirming and supporting me and my feelings.
People are everything.
Don't lose out on the opportunities of joy just because you haven't asked for help.
And to those friends, know that we don't want to be in pain.
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We're sad about it, we're disappointed, we're doing what we can and we can have a good time
while feeling bad.
It doesn't mean that the value of the good time is gone.
But friends, be with us in the joy by being with us in the pain.
Ask us questions before assuming and offer that help even if it feels uncomfortable.
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So if you can, find someone who can sit with you and take that break with you or just be
like, hey, you want to go grab a water together?
That's a way to kind of cool down and then you can chat with a friend, feel less isolated
in your pain.
The next step is for when you're going through kind of a longer hard time.
So whether you're going through grief or a hardship or a heartbreak or that pain, you're
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going to be low on energy, you're going to be high and stress.
And so you need to have more active rest than you think.
Whether this looks like scheduling in a nap or scheduling in a walk to the end of your
street, you need to fulfill that rest even if it's 10 minutes, even if it's five minutes.
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Rest and recovery can add up and it will lower your stress and your pain levels.
So if you can try to schedule it in or if you have some extra time, really just lean into
that rest, put your phone away, rotting and scrolling on your phone is different than rest.
We got to let our mind and body and soul take a breather here.
(30:58):
So have active rest time more than you think you need because you won't regret that.
Now these next three tips for feeling bad and having a good time.
I think is helpful for anyone, whether or not you're going through a hard time or you're
doing just fine.
The first is to meditate or put yourself in a good place before stepping through the
door.
(31:18):
Sit with yourself and just ground and center yourself before stepping through because
you're going to get hit with a lot of different energies, a lot of different opinions and
behaviors and people and just personalities.
This also is kind of setting the expectation for the event or interaction because usually
(31:40):
when you're feeling low, you're more sensitive to the types of interactions that you have.
If there's someone that you know you're going to see or interact with that drains you or
that makes you feel bad, have low expectations for that interaction.
Don't say, oh, I hope that they changed.
I'm going to try to talk to them again because I really want to feel good about this person
(32:00):
because then you might just feel even worse and have those disappointing feelings when
you're already feeling bad or poor and hold that energy for yourself.
Stay firm in who you are and the energy that you're bringing and have the expectation for
the night that you're just going to go for what you came for, whether that's good food,
(32:21):
good people, good dancing, set out for those things but set your expectations before stepping
through that door.
Because the last thing we want is to have regret or resent towards going out and initiating
and being intentional with friendships and connection because if we're running ourselves
down into the ground, if we're burning the candles on both ends, we're going to regret
(32:45):
the decisions that we're making but then we will be reinforced in our mindset of, no,
I shouldn't go out.
I should just stay home because we do need those connections.
They're so good for us.
The next tip is to have an exit plan.
If you know that you're low on energy, have a time that you're like, okay, I'm leaving
at 11pm or I'm leaving right after dinner.
(33:05):
I'm not going to stay for dessert because then when it comes to that and you do feel
bad, you already had this plan made and so it's no surprise to you.
It's not taking away what you thought you were going to have because you already set
that expectation and sometimes you can even say, okay, at 10pm, I'm going to check in
with myself and if I'm at this level of energy or I'm thinking these thoughts already like,
(33:27):
oh man, my feet really hurt.
Whatever it is, say, okay, at 10pm, I'm going to check in with myself and then make a decision
for plan A, plan B, plan C.
With that exit plan, I also want you to think of two ways on how you're going to get home.
Whether you drove or you're waiting on a friend to take you back home, that friend could want
to stay out so then you got a plan for an Uber or for another friend.
(33:50):
It takes that extra thought and that's one of the bummers that comes with feeling bad
or having chronic pain or going through hardship, but do that for yourself.
That's investing time and intention for yourself so that you feel better and that you can enjoy
the time you have because you already made the plan.
So then you're not thinking about it and getting anxious.
A pro tip for this is if you know that you're going to go home at like 10pm, even though
(34:14):
your friends are going to stay out till like midnight or one o'clock, have a nighttime
routine that you can look forward to or something that will be waiting for you.
If that's like a chocolate or a little tree or FaceTiming a friend who's also home at
the same time, this can help you not feel like you're leaving something and just losing
(34:37):
time.
It helps you look forward to taking care of yourself and having something set up for you.
This is self care.
The last part here to feeling bad and having a good time is make the moments count.
Take pictures of the good memories.
I only regret pictures I haven't taken.
Tell people that you're so happy to be there.
(35:00):
Thank you for the invite.
Tell people that you're happy that they're also there.
That the group finally made it out of the group chat.
Get off your phone and talk to people.
Make those human connections.
You know, practice having fun even when you're in pain, even when you're feeling grief or
sorrow or feeling overwhelmed.
(35:20):
Now I do want to say that you should pressure yourself to go out when you're really feeling
down or if you think that you need a night in.
Practice discerning what you actually want and what will really make you feel better.
Not just in the long run or in the short run but in the genuinely good run.
Like sometimes you know that you should put in the effort and see that friend.
Other times you better stay in or you could end up presenting your decisions or the people
(35:45):
you see.
And so I want you to have the good times.
Except the bad times.
Let them co-exist.
And the only thing that can help overcome that darkness and that pain is the light.
So I want you to have those good times.
Sometimes the pain and the grief is so loud that you can't stop yourself from suffering.
If we go back to that question of pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice.
(36:10):
But I think the choice isn't whether to suffer or not.
It's the choices we make for ourselves in the suffering that help us live in the pain.
That help us feel bad and have a good time.
Truly the takeaways I want you to have, if not for everything, is that you be kind to
yourself while feeling those emotions.
(36:30):
And that you get your people.
Because the people will be high on your list of gratitude.
And sometimes even the thought of them will be your life float when you're in the waves.
So here's to feeling bad.
Here's to having good times.
And here's to getting better.
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