September 15, 2024 • 34 mins
If you are looking for a sign to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol…THIS IS IT
WARNING: blissful ignorance won’t exist after you listen, and I’m not being sarcastic
In this episode I share how to navigate being ‘pseudo sober’ in your 20s, the shocking health risks of alcohol, and the incredible benefits of limiting (or stopping) drinking.
There is no judgment nor shaming here, but information and encouragement to make informed and intentional decisions with confidence.
This episode is not about less, it’s about BETTER.
GIVEAWAY: 2 winners will win a bottle of Drømme’s Awake or Calm, beautiful and beneficial nonalcoholic blends! Just leave a comment on this episode with your name and look for the winners to be announced on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/getting.better.pod/
https://drinkdromme.com/ code: gettingbetter
cheers!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I'm Savannah Harding and this is Getting Better.
(00:17):
Hi and welcome back to Getting Better, a podcast about health and healing.
I'm your host, Savannah Harding, and today we are talking about what it's like to be
pseudo sober and what it has looked like to not drink in my 20s.
Now the fact that you clicked on this could mean one of three things.
(00:37):
One that you're curious about what pseudo sober means or what it can be like not drinking,
especially in your 20s.
Two that you are wanting to or already are limiting your alcohol intake.
Or three, you might have a hit play with some firm thoughts that no matter what I say, you
will never stop drinking.
And no matter why you're listening today, it's extremely important that you hear me
(01:01):
say this.
This is not an episode to shame drinking, judge anyone who chooses to drink or scare
you into abstaining from alcohol.
The purpose of this episode is to share some reasons that I don't drink and share what
my experience has been like not drinking for most of my 20s, a time where people expect
you to drink and encourage you to let go, party while you're young and stay out late
(01:24):
making memories and mistakes.
Again, I'm not here to scare or shame anyone to stop drinking.
I am giving you important information about the effects of alcohol so when you make a
decision to drink or not to drink, you will be making an informed decision so you can
go forward with confidence and intentional action.
(01:45):
I'm going to share some benefits you receive when you limit or stop alcohol intake and
the impacts that alcohol has on your physical and mental well-being.
Some tips about how to begin limiting alcohol, answering questions like, how do you have fun
going out sober if everyone else is drunk?
What do you do with your hands if you don't have a drink?
(02:05):
Because it's a real feeling.
And how do you deal with the loneliness if you can't partake in the social aspects of
drinking?
And before we start, I'd like to pose a question to you.
The interactive portion of this episode, the question is, why do you drink?
Or better yet, why do you choose to drink?
Sit for a second and think of one or two main reasons.
(02:29):
Okay.
I'm guessing that your main reasons weren't that you're thirsty or that you own a winery
and your livelihood depends on drinking.
For me, I love the taste of alcohol.
A good red wine, salted tequila, and a floral gin.
Drinking is fun.
It's delicious.
Alcohol is historic, artistic.
(02:51):
It influences our world and inspires crazy memories and stands as a symbol of celebration
and community and communion at that.
Jesus drank wine.
He made it himself as a wedding party gift.
So there are many valid reasons for liking to drink.
Like I said, I'm not here to push you to stop drinking.
(03:12):
I'm here to share reasons as to how you can feel better if you limit your drinking.
So for all of those who are sober or pseudo-sober curious, let me set the scene first for why
I am pseudo-sober.
And pseudo-sober for me means that I do not completely abstain from alcohol, but I no
longer order full cocktails.
(03:34):
It looks like taking sips of my friends or a fiance's drink just to get a taste.
Now for those of you who knew me in college, you know I haven't always lived like this.
I did not drink in high school.
If you knew my high school, that would not surprise you.
I went to a tiny, tiny, tiny high school and a very large SEC university where drinking
(03:56):
was a part of the experience, the ambiance, and it was work hard, play hard.
I would drink Skoll vodka straight with no mixer, no ice.
I would down up to 11 tequila shots in one night and wake up the next morning, peachy keen,
ready for breakfast burrito.
Now I'm not a 200 pound guy with a strong gut, but my tolerance in college was college
(04:20):
level and I have no idea how I survived like that because if I drink that much now, after
shot five, I would most definitely be hospitalized.
And this is all to say that I have had my fair share of drinking and I really enjoy the taste
of most drinks.
I've had a blackout or two, I've thrown up, I've had well boozy nights that paired with
(04:41):
hilarious and precious memories and I don't regret much of the drinking that I've done
and I do miss a lot of it, but I do not think I will ever go back to drinking regularly.
Being apart from alcohol has shown me the incredible benefits of not drinking and my
health and wallet have benefited from the decision.
And how the departure happened isn't a crazy story.
(05:04):
In fact, I consider myself really lucky that I had health issues, which is funny to say
because that slowly distanced me from alcohol.
I was on Accutane my senior year of college, had the most painful copper IUD put in for
it as a woman you need to be on birth control when you take Accutane.
And I do not recommend either Accutane or the copper IUD, ParaGard to anyone.
(05:29):
People have had success stories, but I personally think the skin benefits of Accutane are greatly
outweighed by the harsh side effects on the rest of your body.
But that's another story.
But you can't drink on Accutane, and I stuck by that.
I would have sips of alcohol like I do now, and if I ever went over a few sips, it was
like my tolerance was non-existent.
(05:49):
I would feel the effects only after like three sips.
And it wasn't long until I finished Accutane that I began having cornea issues in my bad
eye, and the cloudiness would get way worse in my eye if I drank, among other health issues.
My eye and my body became hypersensitive, and this is a common issue in dealing with
traumas and intense health challenges, but this is when I really noticed that the morning
(06:11):
after drinking my bad eye would be way more swollen and cloudier than usual.
I had heard that alcohol could cause inflammation, and so I did some digging.
And what I found is a bummer if you like to drink.
So let me give you some pros and cons of being pseudo sober.
I would say of alcohol, but spoiler alert, there are no pros to drinking alcohol when
(06:37):
it comes to your health.
The first fact is that alcohol causes inflammation, inflammation of your skin, eyes, liver, gut,
lungs, and your precious brain, just to name a few vital organs.
But the issue isn't just that alcohol causes inflammation, it dysregulates your whole immune
(06:58):
system.
Small science segment here.
We have two kinds of immunity, innate immunity and adaptive.
Innate immunity is what we are born with.
It's the general response.
Our adaptive or acquired immune system is called so because your cells get a taste of
an intruder, a pathogen like a virus or bacteria, antigen, and your body attacks.
(07:21):
So the next time it tastes that intruder again, it is ready to attack as it has adapted to
the intruder's taste or scent.
Inflammation can be good and can be bad.
When you get a big boo boo, your body sends all of these soldiers and your blood to go
tend to the wound.
White blood cells are one of the popular ones.
And since your blood and cells are all meeting at the boo boo, it's been swollen.
(07:45):
It's inflamed.
The cells fight off the bad guys and heal the wound.
And then they say bye-bye and chill till the alarms are sounded again.
And they know it's time to go bye-bye because there are specific cells that tap the little
helper cells on their shoulder and say, you did it.
It's time to go home because imagine if your wound was permanently swollen, the helper
(08:06):
cells would be working overtime and might not have the power to tend to other areas.
So in this way, there are pro-inflammatory cells, the one's going to help, and the anti-inflammatory
cells, the one saying when to stop helping.
So pro and anti-inflammatory cell.
But what if that alarm was sounded with no boo boo in sight?
(08:26):
That's what alcohol does.
Every single episode of binge drinking induces this pro-inflammatory effect, calling in the
helper cells with no boo boo to use scientific terms.
So the cells start to inflame things like your liver, your gut, skin, your lungs, and
your brain.
(08:47):
Again, all very vital organs.
And this is all within 20 minutes after alcohol ingestion.
And then for two to five hours after, alcohol then impairs your adaptive immune system.
So the helpers that would normally come to rescue you when the alarms sound, they're
sleeping, they're impaired, leaving you more susceptible to viruses and bacteria.
(09:10):
And what's really wicked is that not only are you less protected from new infections
and diseases, but any existing issues can now become more severe with accelerating disease
progression.
This dysregulation leads to conditions like liver disease, pancreatitis, gut issues, neuro
inflammation of the brain, and cancer.
(09:33):
And now when you hear neuro inflammation of the brain, think of your brain being swollen.
It's not a good thing.
Neuro inflammation of the brain leads to cognitive issues like brain fog, slower mental speed,
slower recall, and difficulty concentrating.
Like I said, this first part's a bummer.
(09:54):
But you tell a kid that driving a car is dangerous because if you don't, they're more likely
to be reckless.
So I share this because once you know what is in your cup, you have the choice of how
reckless you want to be.
And we drive every day knowing the risk.
In this way, we may drink all the time, but we must know the risk.
(10:17):
And though this immune dysregulation applies to normal alcohol consumption, I want to specify
binge drinking and heavy alcohol use.
But before I do, I want you to take a second and try to count how many drinks you have
on a normal night and then on a bender night when you're drinking a little bit more than
just a simple night out.
(10:40):
Okay, got your number.
Binge drinking is defined by a percentage of alcohol to blood in your system, which is
0.08%, the illegal drunk driving limit.
And for men, binge drinking is having five or more drinks in two hours.
For women, it's having four or more drinks in two hours.
(11:01):
But the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration considers it binge
drinking if you've had four drinks for girls, five drinks for guys, and just one event in
a day in the last month.
And to take that further, heavy alcohol use is defined as men having five or more drinks
on one day or 15 or more drinks per week, which is a little over two drinks in a day.
(11:26):
And for women, heavy alcohol use is defined as four or more drinks on any day or eight
or more drinks per week, which is a little more than just one drink per day for women.
By this point, a few of you may be surprised that your regular drinking classifies you as
a binge drinker.
I definitely was for a good amount of my life by these numbers.
(11:49):
And it sounds a little dramatic, right?
Especially in our society, but it's not surprising that binge drinking and heavy alcohol use
is defined by four and five drinks once you hear this next fact.
And if you're like me, once you hear it, it's really hard to forget it.
So if you're wanting to drink and blissful ignorance, here's your chance to exit.
(12:12):
And listen to episode one, crying with confidence, because I think you'll like it.
Okay, so the big bummer fact, numero dos is that alcohol is a group one carcinogen,
the highest risk group, along with tobacco, radiation, and asbestos.
Crazy.
(12:32):
Carcinogens are what mutate your DNA, causing cancer.
Crazy.
And there was a study that related the toxicity carcinogenic effect of drinking to smoking,
and it showed that after one drink, each drink is equivalent to smoking one cigarette, 0.8
of a cigarette for females, which was surprising to me.
(12:54):
But still, they said one drink is the same as smoking half a cigarette, if that's where
you end.
So if you're judging smoking, but blinding yourself when drinking, I hate to break it
to you, but closing your eyes does not make the carcinogens disappear.
I wish it did.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Don't be mad at me yet.
(13:15):
We have only talked about two reasons why alcohol is not your friend.
And hear me out for the third.
And then you can be mad at me, even though alcohol should be your enemy.
I'm the messenger.
But I'm willing to take the heat because that means you listened.
The last big bummer fact is this.
Alcohol ingestion worsens mental health issues like OCD, anxiety, and depression.
(13:38):
There is a belief that alcohol can help dampen your anxiety as it helps to loosen your inhibitions.
But there is scientific evidence that alcohol intake, especially moderate to heavy alcohol
use or risky alcohol intake, actually makes obsessive behaviors worse.
So if you have OCD, social anxiety, regular anxiety, or depression, your intrusive thoughts
(14:02):
and compulsions will actually be heightened.
And this probably isn't a surprise to you if you've experienced what we now call hang
anxiety, which is a hangover with anxiety.
So if you're someone who experiences symptoms of OCD, anxiety, agoraphobia, or depression,
drinking can be making your symptoms even worse.
(14:23):
And the heart palpitations from alcohol's effects on our bodies can lead to panic attacks
and lead to even more detrimental mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
So even limiting your alcohol or decreasing the intake can help with things like panic
attacks or OCD behavior.
And if you're like, I don't struggle with those mental health DSM-5 diagnoses, you
(14:45):
may still struggle with negative self-talk or bad habits and might not even realize that
alcohol is heightening your chances of those intrusive thoughts and behaviors.
So now that you've heard a lot of cons about drinking, I want to share some pros about
not drinking.
Okay, wait, I forgot.
Before I do, I want to be fair and mention that there is some debate on the benefit of
(15:09):
drinking alcohol pertaining to the effects of alcohol and cardiovascular disease.
Some studies have said that a light intake of alcohol can decrease the incident of cardiovascular
diseases.
Think strokes, artery diseases, coronary heart disease, and this only shows for people
in this study over the age of 40 and without more than two comorbidities.
(15:34):
Think hypertension, diabetes, lung disease, obesity, depression, those are all comorbidities.
And I have to mention that when they said a light intake of alcohol, it was one-fifth
of a shot.
So if someone's saying that alcohol is good for your heart, let them know how much alcohol
was actually shown.
(15:55):
And that again was for people over the age of 40 without obesity, depression, diabetes,
etc.
And opposing this, there are countless studies showing that alcohol increases your chance
of cardiovascular diseases, which are the number one reason of death in the US and in
the whole world.
So now we have four reasons not to drink.
(16:17):
Sorry, I kind of canceled itself out there.
But on to the good news and benefits of limiting your alcohol intake.
Here are the top reasons to explore being sober or pseudo sober.
The first is that you'll save money, kinda.
Some cocktails are the same price as a cocktail, which is ridiculous when it's just sugar and
(16:37):
water and garnish.
But where I live, there's a liquor tax on top of state tax.
So by not drinking, you're definitely helping your finances out.
Another reason is that you'll sleep better.
Alcohol disrupts your sleep cycle.
So not only will you feel more rested, but if you're like me, you'll probably head
home earlier.
And even going to bed at 1am versus 3am will give you more sleep and better sleep.
(17:02):
You'll make deeper connections.
Especially because the time spent with people will become memories, not blackouts.
And without the haze of alcohol, you'll form more genuine memories and deeper bonds.
Piggybacking on that, you'll have clearer memories, no more browning or blacking out.
It's also easier to notice if someone has spiked your drink.
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And when you're out and about, you have a better awareness and therefore better safety
than if you're drinking.
By doing what you set out to do, you will also be building confidence.
Even if you try being pseudo sober temporarily.
Also, once you land a great joke sober or dance without liquid courage, you'll feel
a greater sense of confidence and self-esteem.
(17:44):
Without drinking, even if temporarily, you'll discover for better or for worse, but still
for the better in the long run, who you actually like hanging out with sober.
And what is actually fun or funny to you?
It also reveals who likes being around you sober.
Do you even like being around you sober?
That's a huge question for some people and one we will get into.
(18:06):
And what's really cool is that if you are pseudo sober or sober curious and limit your
alcohol intake, you will gain a finer appreciation for specific drinks.
You get to enjoy the taste and see it as a special spirit, something to be grateful for
rather than just another way to get drunk.
So those are just some of the few benefits you'll get when you start to limit or stop
(18:33):
your alcohol intake.
Another reason to stop drinking is that if you have any scarring in your liver, a lot
of that scarring can be healed and go away once you stop drinking.
If you have more serious scarring, which is like cirrhosis, unfortunately that won't go
away, but again, it's better to stop rather than to make matters worse than they already
(18:58):
are.
So let's get back to that first question I asked you.
Why do you choose to drink?
Has your answer changed?
If you can't come up with a reason that is good enough for your personal standards, think
about not drinking for a week.
Sit with that as a possible reality and envision what that would look like.
Acknowledge the feelings or worries that arise.
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Are you nervous about what people will think?
Are you feeling insecure wondering if you'll be as fun or feel as fun as when you get liquid
courage?
Are you feeling judgment from others or from yourself?
Or are you anxious separating from something you've relied on for years or someone you
are when you drink?
(19:41):
I implore you to get curious about these feelings.
See if they connect to a deeper worry or a sneaky wound that needs tending to.
Choosing to change or break a habit is really difficult.
They say it takes 21 times to break or start a habit, so that's 21 opportunities to drink
(20:01):
that you change up your habit.
It takes some time, but even having one less drink will help you break away from the habit
of non-stop drinking.
So if you are sober curious, here are some tips to be pseudo-sober or fully sober.
The first is to let your first drink be non-alcoholic.
If you want to down that really fast so you can get to the alcohol, that's fine.
(20:24):
But whether you just get water with lime or soda, you will get used to having something
in your hands that's not alcoholic.
And you will probably think twice of paying for extra drinks if you don't just get water.
And it will buy you some time feeling out what it will look like if you continue with
alcohol-free options.
The second tip is that when the waiter or friend asks you what you want to drink, say
(20:47):
you're still deciding on something.
Because you can feel pressure to get something, but practicing this will give you time to
rethink your alcohol or sober options and will get you into the habit of questioning
your order, switching up the habit of ordering alcohol right off the bat.
Thirdly, if you want to look or feel like you're drinking, just order water or soda
(21:09):
with a lime.
Put any type of garnish in it, and people will assume it's a drink.
Plus, water with lemon is good for you and your gut health.
And to start off, try drinking something without alcohol in between alcoholic drinks, even
if that's water.
In fact, that's a great idea to do even if you want to drink anyway.
Hydration is health.
(21:29):
I repeat, drink some water.
And if you don't know what to do with your hands, because I feel like that's still to
this day, try making them an expressive part of storytelling or active listening.
Incorporate some sign language with your bestie to save her from the creeps in the club or
to just communicate over the loud music.
Either way, Ozark, no one is thinking about your hands.
(21:53):
Now learning sign language won't help break the habit of drinking, so I have two tips
that make the difference in making or breaking a habit.
The first is that in order to stop a habit, find something to fill that space.
This helps get rid of the feeling that you've lost something.
So instead of drinking alcohol, you drink water.
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But to make this change really work, make the filler something better for you.
Because the whole point of this episode of not drinking isn't to have less, it's to
feel better.
It's not about stopping alcohol, it's about starting to get better.
Getting better.
Okay.
Finding better alternatives can be hard and cost money.
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In the last few years or so, I've tried hundreds of mocktails and non-alcoholic options.
But even though more drinks and mixes are coming out, a lot of mocktail options turn
out to just be sugary drinks with a garnish, which is still better than alcohol, but a
ginger beer with 24 grams of sugar is not helping your health.
(23:00):
And this Christmas, my sister's girlfriend gifted me with a non-alcoholic bottle from
Dromme, D-R-O-M-M-E.
And I finished it in a week.
It was so good.
Dromme is a non-alcoholic blend of botanicals, adaptogens, new tropics, which help your
brain function.
So instead of just finding something sugary to sip on, this brand Dromme filled that space
(23:24):
with beneficial ingredients.
And like I said, I finished their wake bottle in one week.
And that flavor, a wake is a warm berry mix with pomegranate, hibiscus, and it has a
little kick to it.
And it reminds me of my favorite kombucha with some spice.
And they have a calm mix that is a ginger, melon, and maple flavor, which is so lovely
(23:45):
for a nightcap or like a cozy cocktail as fall is coming around the corner.
And though it's so good on its own, Dromme's blend pairs so well with alcohol.
If you want to make a cocktail out of it too, my friends tried the awake with tequila and
then with gin and it was so good.
But I prefer my mocktails and I've partnered with Dromme because I am that in love with
(24:06):
their drinks.
So use the code gettingbetter for free shipping at drinkdromme.com D-R-O-M-M-E.
And I know how annoying it can be to invest money in a new product.
But let me take the investment and guesswork out for you as my treat to you, two random
positive comments on this episode will win a bottle of awake or calm, your choice.
(24:29):
Just leave a name in your comment and I will announce the two winners in the next episode
and on Instagram at gettingbetterpod.
So make sure to follow the account if you want to win a bottle.
And whether it's a bottle of Dromme's awake or calm or just soda, water, and lime, try
finding a better alternative to fill your cup, to fill the space that alcohol once took.
(24:50):
Again, the first tip is to fill the space with something better.
Think not less, but better.
The second tip is something I've already prompted you to do.
I asked you to sit and think about why you decide to drink.
Because when making or breaking a habit, your intentional introspection or mindfulness will
reinforce your practices.
(25:11):
Like how doom scrolling can make you feel bad and fatigued.
You don't change that habit until you realize how your actions are affecting your mood and
behavior.
If you're feeling bad and fatigued, try stopping doom scrolling.
A little tip.
Just so when you start working out or eating well, you feel good, or at least better.
And consciously reflecting on the habits that make you feel good will positively reinforce
(25:35):
you to want to do them again.
We get positive and negative feedback all the time, but we really notice it with new
or novel events.
Because when we're used to the action of set habits and behaviors, the consequences become
unnoticeable because they're like muscle memory.
So by being mindful, we are reevaluating our decisions and asking ourselves what makes
(25:58):
us feel bad and what makes us feel better.
So if you are sober curious or wanting to take the leap of being sober, I really encourage
you to find something to take the place of alcohol.
And it doesn't have to be a liquid.
It can be a new hobby or a fun conversation starter or dance move.
Whatever you want.
For me, I get my good fill by having intentional conversation or sharing silly stories.
(26:23):
And then I have to dance.
Could be in a club or even just back home when I'm getting ready for bed.
Inside story, since I wear sunglasses, I was in the club one night.
That sounds so funny to say.
But I was in a dance club one night and there were four different people that came up to
me asking for drugs because wearing sunglasses and drinking water was apparently the universal
(26:46):
sign that you're either on drugs or dealing drugs.
And just to set the story straight, I do not sell nor do I do drugs.
Besides my plethora of prescription medications, I digress.
So find something better and think about your decisions.
I'd say simple as that, but refraining from drinking is not easy and can be more difficult
(27:08):
for some.
I have huge admiration for those who struggle with addiction or genetic predisposition to
addiction.
It's a beast.
And though we are not touching on that in this episode, I recognize that alcohol can
be a very sensitive topic.
And so go forward with respect for the struggles and self-discipline the others practice in
(27:29):
their own life decisions.
And if others aren't showing you due respect, I have some comebacks.
If people are being little bullies or being passive aggressive about you not drinking.
So if they are being little bullies, you can say, I can make a big enough fool of myself
sober and all my friends will back me up on that.
Or I cannot afford to dampen my senses any more than they already are.
(27:52):
Oh, I sign an NDA about that.
And if you're a guy, you can rub your belly and say, I'm expecting.
Some more sassy options are, are you trying to inhibit my abilities for some reason tonight?
If you're drunk, I'll still be funny.
Don't worry.
Alcohol doesn't mix well with the hard drugs I'm on.
Oh, sorry, but that's none of your business.
(28:13):
Are you a cop?
Or it's kind of weird that you care so much.
And what always helps if someone is being rude or uncool, make them repeat what they
had just said as if you couldn't hear.
And if they have to say it again, if they're smart, they will realize the rudeness and
keep quiet.
And if you just want to respond in a normal way, or honestly, you can say, I'm DD.
(28:35):
It's a personal choice.
You're trying something new.
It's better for your health.
Even if you want to say just for the moment, alcohol doesn't agree with me or that you're
just taking a break.
And for any response, you could just say for this moment right now tonight or this week.
Honestly, you don't have to respond.
I'll leave that to your discretion.
Now, I had good excuses in the beginning.
(28:58):
Being a health reason, it didn't feel embarrassing or strange or like I was casting judgment.
And that allowed me to feel confident with my answers, which gave me good practice for
then sharing that my reason is just my choice alone backed by other health reasons.
And the easiest part of not drinking was definitely saving my money and not being hung over.
(29:22):
But I did learn that a lot of my hangovers were just exhaustion from staying out late
and exhaustion from dancing till 3am.
And now to be real with you, the hardest part was feeling lonely as I already felt so lonely
when I had to go home early or not show up at all due to the chronic pain I experienced.
(29:44):
But I learned that when you are sober and someone is drunk, you are not experiencing
reality in the same way, in the same field.
In this way, if there's a funny joke, it will be perceived on different levels.
And you might even dampen your own reaction because it seems so different, so low compared
to a buzzed or drunk person's reaction.
(30:05):
So it's not just feeling annoyed if you have to baby you or take care of someone that's
wasted or being annoyed when they're drunk.
It's the sense of isolation being the only one sober.
But I realized a lot of my sober reactions were illusory mindsets that were getting in
my own way of enjoying a good time being sober.
(30:27):
And I learned that it's better to stick with your decision because sometimes you can't
change the reason behind it, be that health, drugs, or addiction.
So don't be hard on yourself for saying no to a drink.
I also learned that it's either funny or not funny, fun or not fun.
And if it's funny, let yourself laugh.
If it's fun, let yourself enjoy it.
(30:48):
It's easy to hear a drunk person cackling so loud and think it's not that funny.
Or find someone dancing like they don't care and judge them a little bit.
But then you're diminishing the amount of fun to be had if you're comparing realities.
Because no two realities are exactly the same anyway.
And just think of how much more confidence you'll have in yourself when you have a good
(31:09):
time sober or deliver a great joke sober.
I promise you'll learn to have more fun sober than when you're drinking and you'll remember
it.
This is a practical tip that I learned the hard way.
It's how to split the bill when you're not drinking and others are.
And you might think this is nitpicky, but if you're at dinner with five other people
(31:31):
and everyone gets two drinks, that's 10 drinks.
And at $12 a drink, which is cheap these days, that will equal you paying $20 plus a tip for
not drinking yourself.
And if you're feeling generous, go you.
But paying for other people's drinks every time adds up.
So if you are splitting the bill with everyone, ask for a separated drink bill and then you
(31:54):
can Venmo someone your part separately.
Or pay for the whole thing yourself and take the time to Venmo request everyone separately.
You can ask the waiter for your part of the check separately and you can do this privately
if you want to.
Instead of time just ask your friends if you can pay separately since you're not drinking.
Or if you want, you can do the math then and there and handle money after, but that can
(32:16):
feel tedious and a little nitpicky in itself.
Like I said, you can pay for other people's drinks if you want, but I'm not in the business
of doing that anymore.
So now you have a choice.
For me, stepping away from regular drinking wasn't a hard and fast decision.
It was gradual.
But the benefits have been undeniable.
My health, mental clarity, wallet, and even my relationships have all improved.
(32:41):
And if you're listening to this wondering if cutting back could be worth it, take it
from me.
It does not mean missing out.
It means showing up fully for yourself and your decisions.
I'll say it again.
I'm not sharing all of this to judge you or bum you out.
This podcast isn't about stopping drinking.
It's about getting better.
(33:02):
And honestly, it feels weird to list off the cons of drinking and not have any pros to
it.
It feels unbalanced and unfair, but the fact of the matter is that if you're wanting to
upgrade your health, less alcohol is better, but no alcohol is best.
Taking a break if not becoming sober can be difficult.
Changing habits is hard, but your health is worth it and your finances, health, relationships,
(33:28):
and life will benefit.
So thank your immune system, appreciate the taste of alcohol, and be confident in your
decision when it comes to drinking.
For some people, it's easier than for others, and everyone's journey looks different.
But let this be encouragement to make a change.
You can do it.
(33:49):
And I would love to hear your thoughts, questions, funny anecdotes about not drinking.
Reach out at gettingbetterpod.com or gettingbetterpod on Instagram.
Thank you for listening today.
I'm really loving this podcast journey.
Here's to making decisions for ourselves and for our future.
(34:10):
Here's to getting better.
Cheers.
I'm Savannah Harding and this is Getting Better.
(00:17):
Hi and welcome back to Getting Better, a podcast about health and healing.
I'm your host, Savannah Harding, and today we are talking about what it's like to be
pseudo sober and what it has looked like to not drink in my 20s.
Now the fact that you clicked on this could mean one of three things.
(00:37):
One that you're curious about what pseudo sober means or what it can be like not drinking,
especially in your 20s.
Two that you are wanting to or already are limiting your alcohol intake.
Or three, you might have a hit play with some firm thoughts that no matter what I say, you
will never stop drinking.
And no matter why you're listening today, it's extremely important that you hear me
(01:01):
say this.
This is not an episode to shame drinking, judge anyone who chooses to drink or scare
you into abstaining from alcohol.
The purpose of this episode is to share some reasons that I don't drink and share what
my experience has been like not drinking for most of my 20s, a time where people expect
you to drink and encourage you to let go, party while you're young and stay out late
(01:24):
making memories and mistakes.
Again, I'm not here to scare or shame anyone to stop drinking.
I am giving you important information about the effects of alcohol so when you make a
decision to drink or not to drink, you will be making an informed decision so you can
go forward with confidence and intentional action.
(01:45):
I'm going to share some benefits you receive when you limit or stop alcohol intake and
the impacts that alcohol has on your physical and mental well-being.
Some tips about how to begin limiting alcohol, answering questions like, how do you have fun
going out sober if everyone else is drunk?
What do you do with your hands if you don't have a drink?
(02:05):
Because it's a real feeling.
And how do you deal with the loneliness if you can't partake in the social aspects of
drinking?
And before we start, I'd like to pose a question to you.
The interactive portion of this episode, the question is, why do you drink?
Or better yet, why do you choose to drink?
Sit for a second and think of one or two main reasons.
(02:29):
Okay.
I'm guessing that your main reasons weren't that you're thirsty or that you own a winery
and your livelihood depends on drinking.
For me, I love the taste of alcohol.
A good red wine, salted tequila, and a floral gin.
Drinking is fun.
It's delicious.
Alcohol is historic, artistic.
(02:51):
It influences our world and inspires crazy memories and stands as a symbol of celebration
and community and communion at that.
Jesus drank wine.
He made it himself as a wedding party gift.
So there are many valid reasons for liking to drink.
Like I said, I'm not here to push you to stop drinking.
(03:12):
I'm here to share reasons as to how you can feel better if you limit your drinking.
So for all of those who are sober or pseudo-sober curious, let me set the scene first for why
I am pseudo-sober.
And pseudo-sober for me means that I do not completely abstain from alcohol, but I no
longer order full cocktails.
(03:34):
It looks like taking sips of my friends or a fiance's drink just to get a taste.
Now for those of you who knew me in college, you know I haven't always lived like this.
I did not drink in high school.
If you knew my high school, that would not surprise you.
I went to a tiny, tiny, tiny high school and a very large SEC university where drinking
(03:56):
was a part of the experience, the ambiance, and it was work hard, play hard.
I would drink Skoll vodka straight with no mixer, no ice.
I would down up to 11 tequila shots in one night and wake up the next morning, peachy keen,
ready for breakfast burrito.
Now I'm not a 200 pound guy with a strong gut, but my tolerance in college was college
(04:20):
level and I have no idea how I survived like that because if I drink that much now, after
shot five, I would most definitely be hospitalized.
And this is all to say that I have had my fair share of drinking and I really enjoy the taste
of most drinks.
I've had a blackout or two, I've thrown up, I've had well boozy nights that paired with
(04:41):
hilarious and precious memories and I don't regret much of the drinking that I've done
and I do miss a lot of it, but I do not think I will ever go back to drinking regularly.
Being apart from alcohol has shown me the incredible benefits of not drinking and my
health and wallet have benefited from the decision.
And how the departure happened isn't a crazy story.
(05:04):
In fact, I consider myself really lucky that I had health issues, which is funny to say
because that slowly distanced me from alcohol.
I was on Accutane my senior year of college, had the most painful copper IUD put in for
it as a woman you need to be on birth control when you take Accutane.
And I do not recommend either Accutane or the copper IUD, ParaGard to anyone.
(05:29):
People have had success stories, but I personally think the skin benefits of Accutane are greatly
outweighed by the harsh side effects on the rest of your body.
But that's another story.
But you can't drink on Accutane, and I stuck by that.
I would have sips of alcohol like I do now, and if I ever went over a few sips, it was
like my tolerance was non-existent.
(05:49):
I would feel the effects only after like three sips.
And it wasn't long until I finished Accutane that I began having cornea issues in my bad
eye, and the cloudiness would get way worse in my eye if I drank, among other health issues.
My eye and my body became hypersensitive, and this is a common issue in dealing with
traumas and intense health challenges, but this is when I really noticed that the morning
(06:11):
after drinking my bad eye would be way more swollen and cloudier than usual.
I had heard that alcohol could cause inflammation, and so I did some digging.
And what I found is a bummer if you like to drink.
So let me give you some pros and cons of being pseudo sober.
I would say of alcohol, but spoiler alert, there are no pros to drinking alcohol when
(06:37):
it comes to your health.
The first fact is that alcohol causes inflammation, inflammation of your skin, eyes, liver, gut,
lungs, and your precious brain, just to name a few vital organs.
But the issue isn't just that alcohol causes inflammation, it dysregulates your whole immune
(06:58):
system.
Small science segment here.
We have two kinds of immunity, innate immunity and adaptive.
Innate immunity is what we are born with.
It's the general response.
Our adaptive or acquired immune system is called so because your cells get a taste of
an intruder, a pathogen like a virus or bacteria, antigen, and your body attacks.
(07:21):
So the next time it tastes that intruder again, it is ready to attack as it has adapted to
the intruder's taste or scent.
Inflammation can be good and can be bad.
When you get a big boo boo, your body sends all of these soldiers and your blood to go
tend to the wound.
White blood cells are one of the popular ones.
And since your blood and cells are all meeting at the boo boo, it's been swollen.
(07:45):
It's inflamed.
The cells fight off the bad guys and heal the wound.
And then they say bye-bye and chill till the alarms are sounded again.
And they know it's time to go bye-bye because there are specific cells that tap the little
helper cells on their shoulder and say, you did it.
It's time to go home because imagine if your wound was permanently swollen, the helper
(08:06):
cells would be working overtime and might not have the power to tend to other areas.
So in this way, there are pro-inflammatory cells, the one's going to help, and the anti-inflammatory
cells, the one saying when to stop helping.
So pro and anti-inflammatory cell.
But what if that alarm was sounded with no boo boo in sight?
(08:26):
That's what alcohol does.
Every single episode of binge drinking induces this pro-inflammatory effect, calling in the
helper cells with no boo boo to use scientific terms.
So the cells start to inflame things like your liver, your gut, skin, your lungs, and
your brain.
(08:47):
Again, all very vital organs.
And this is all within 20 minutes after alcohol ingestion.
And then for two to five hours after, alcohol then impairs your adaptive immune system.
So the helpers that would normally come to rescue you when the alarms sound, they're
sleeping, they're impaired, leaving you more susceptible to viruses and bacteria.
(09:10):
And what's really wicked is that not only are you less protected from new infections
and diseases, but any existing issues can now become more severe with accelerating disease
progression.
This dysregulation leads to conditions like liver disease, pancreatitis, gut issues, neuro
inflammation of the brain, and cancer.
(09:33):
And now when you hear neuro inflammation of the brain, think of your brain being swollen.
It's not a good thing.
Neuro inflammation of the brain leads to cognitive issues like brain fog, slower mental speed,
slower recall, and difficulty concentrating.
Like I said, this first part's a bummer.
(09:54):
But you tell a kid that driving a car is dangerous because if you don't, they're more likely
to be reckless.
So I share this because once you know what is in your cup, you have the choice of how
reckless you want to be.
And we drive every day knowing the risk.
In this way, we may drink all the time, but we must know the risk.
(10:17):
And though this immune dysregulation applies to normal alcohol consumption, I want to specify
binge drinking and heavy alcohol use.
But before I do, I want you to take a second and try to count how many drinks you have
on a normal night and then on a bender night when you're drinking a little bit more than
just a simple night out.
(10:40):
Okay, got your number.
Binge drinking is defined by a percentage of alcohol to blood in your system, which is
0.08%, the illegal drunk driving limit.
And for men, binge drinking is having five or more drinks in two hours.
For women, it's having four or more drinks in two hours.
(11:01):
But the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration considers it binge
drinking if you've had four drinks for girls, five drinks for guys, and just one event in
a day in the last month.
And to take that further, heavy alcohol use is defined as men having five or more drinks
on one day or 15 or more drinks per week, which is a little over two drinks in a day.
(11:26):
And for women, heavy alcohol use is defined as four or more drinks on any day or eight
or more drinks per week, which is a little more than just one drink per day for women.
By this point, a few of you may be surprised that your regular drinking classifies you as
a binge drinker.
I definitely was for a good amount of my life by these numbers.
(11:49):
And it sounds a little dramatic, right?
Especially in our society, but it's not surprising that binge drinking and heavy alcohol use
is defined by four and five drinks once you hear this next fact.
And if you're like me, once you hear it, it's really hard to forget it.
So if you're wanting to drink and blissful ignorance, here's your chance to exit.
(12:12):
And listen to episode one, crying with confidence, because I think you'll like it.
Okay, so the big bummer fact, numero dos is that alcohol is a group one carcinogen,
the highest risk group, along with tobacco, radiation, and asbestos.
Crazy.
(12:32):
Carcinogens are what mutate your DNA, causing cancer.
Crazy.
And there was a study that related the toxicity carcinogenic effect of drinking to smoking,
and it showed that after one drink, each drink is equivalent to smoking one cigarette, 0.8
of a cigarette for females, which was surprising to me.
(12:54):
But still, they said one drink is the same as smoking half a cigarette, if that's where
you end.
So if you're judging smoking, but blinding yourself when drinking, I hate to break it
to you, but closing your eyes does not make the carcinogens disappear.
I wish it did.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Don't be mad at me yet.
(13:15):
We have only talked about two reasons why alcohol is not your friend.
And hear me out for the third.
And then you can be mad at me, even though alcohol should be your enemy.
I'm the messenger.
But I'm willing to take the heat because that means you listened.
The last big bummer fact is this.
Alcohol ingestion worsens mental health issues like OCD, anxiety, and depression.
(13:38):
There is a belief that alcohol can help dampen your anxiety as it helps to loosen your inhibitions.
But there is scientific evidence that alcohol intake, especially moderate to heavy alcohol
use or risky alcohol intake, actually makes obsessive behaviors worse.
So if you have OCD, social anxiety, regular anxiety, or depression, your intrusive thoughts
(14:02):
and compulsions will actually be heightened.
And this probably isn't a surprise to you if you've experienced what we now call hang
anxiety, which is a hangover with anxiety.
So if you're someone who experiences symptoms of OCD, anxiety, agoraphobia, or depression,
drinking can be making your symptoms even worse.
(14:23):
And the heart palpitations from alcohol's effects on our bodies can lead to panic attacks
and lead to even more detrimental mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
So even limiting your alcohol or decreasing the intake can help with things like panic
attacks or OCD behavior.
And if you're like, I don't struggle with those mental health DSM-5 diagnoses, you
(14:45):
may still struggle with negative self-talk or bad habits and might not even realize that
alcohol is heightening your chances of those intrusive thoughts and behaviors.
So now that you've heard a lot of cons about drinking, I want to share some pros about
not drinking.
Okay, wait, I forgot.
Before I do, I want to be fair and mention that there is some debate on the benefit of
(15:09):
drinking alcohol pertaining to the effects of alcohol and cardiovascular disease.
Some studies have said that a light intake of alcohol can decrease the incident of cardiovascular
diseases.
Think strokes, artery diseases, coronary heart disease, and this only shows for people
in this study over the age of 40 and without more than two comorbidities.
(15:34):
Think hypertension, diabetes, lung disease, obesity, depression, those are all comorbidities.
And I have to mention that when they said a light intake of alcohol, it was one-fifth
of a shot.
So if someone's saying that alcohol is good for your heart, let them know how much alcohol
was actually shown.
(15:55):
And that again was for people over the age of 40 without obesity, depression, diabetes,
etc.
And opposing this, there are countless studies showing that alcohol increases your chance
of cardiovascular diseases, which are the number one reason of death in the US and in
the whole world.
So now we have four reasons not to drink.
(16:17):
Sorry, I kind of canceled itself out there.
But on to the good news and benefits of limiting your alcohol intake.
Here are the top reasons to explore being sober or pseudo sober.
The first is that you'll save money, kinda.
Some cocktails are the same price as a cocktail, which is ridiculous when it's just sugar and
(16:37):
water and garnish.
But where I live, there's a liquor tax on top of state tax.
So by not drinking, you're definitely helping your finances out.
Another reason is that you'll sleep better.
Alcohol disrupts your sleep cycle.
So not only will you feel more rested, but if you're like me, you'll probably head
home earlier.
And even going to bed at 1am versus 3am will give you more sleep and better sleep.
(17:02):
You'll make deeper connections.
Especially because the time spent with people will become memories, not blackouts.
And without the haze of alcohol, you'll form more genuine memories and deeper bonds.
Piggybacking on that, you'll have clearer memories, no more browning or blacking out.
It's also easier to notice if someone has spiked your drink.
(17:22):
And when you're out and about, you have a better awareness and therefore better safety
than if you're drinking.
By doing what you set out to do, you will also be building confidence.
Even if you try being pseudo sober temporarily.
Also, once you land a great joke sober or dance without liquid courage, you'll feel
a greater sense of confidence and self-esteem.
(17:44):
Without drinking, even if temporarily, you'll discover for better or for worse, but still
for the better in the long run, who you actually like hanging out with sober.
And what is actually fun or funny to you?
It also reveals who likes being around you sober.
Do you even like being around you sober?
That's a huge question for some people and one we will get into.
(18:06):
And what's really cool is that if you are pseudo sober or sober curious and limit your
alcohol intake, you will gain a finer appreciation for specific drinks.
You get to enjoy the taste and see it as a special spirit, something to be grateful for
rather than just another way to get drunk.
So those are just some of the few benefits you'll get when you start to limit or stop
(18:33):
your alcohol intake.
Another reason to stop drinking is that if you have any scarring in your liver, a lot
of that scarring can be healed and go away once you stop drinking.
If you have more serious scarring, which is like cirrhosis, unfortunately that won't go
away, but again, it's better to stop rather than to make matters worse than they already
(18:58):
are.
So let's get back to that first question I asked you.
Why do you choose to drink?
Has your answer changed?
If you can't come up with a reason that is good enough for your personal standards, think
about not drinking for a week.
Sit with that as a possible reality and envision what that would look like.
Acknowledge the feelings or worries that arise.
(19:20):
Are you nervous about what people will think?
Are you feeling insecure wondering if you'll be as fun or feel as fun as when you get liquid
courage?
Are you feeling judgment from others or from yourself?
Or are you anxious separating from something you've relied on for years or someone you
are when you drink?
(19:41):
I implore you to get curious about these feelings.
See if they connect to a deeper worry or a sneaky wound that needs tending to.
Choosing to change or break a habit is really difficult.
They say it takes 21 times to break or start a habit, so that's 21 opportunities to drink
(20:01):
that you change up your habit.
It takes some time, but even having one less drink will help you break away from the habit
of non-stop drinking.
So if you are sober curious, here are some tips to be pseudo-sober or fully sober.
The first is to let your first drink be non-alcoholic.
If you want to down that really fast so you can get to the alcohol, that's fine.
(20:24):
But whether you just get water with lime or soda, you will get used to having something
in your hands that's not alcoholic.
And you will probably think twice of paying for extra drinks if you don't just get water.
And it will buy you some time feeling out what it will look like if you continue with
alcohol-free options.
The second tip is that when the waiter or friend asks you what you want to drink, say
(20:47):
you're still deciding on something.
Because you can feel pressure to get something, but practicing this will give you time to
rethink your alcohol or sober options and will get you into the habit of questioning
your order, switching up the habit of ordering alcohol right off the bat.
Thirdly, if you want to look or feel like you're drinking, just order water or soda
(21:09):
with a lime.
Put any type of garnish in it, and people will assume it's a drink.
Plus, water with lemon is good for you and your gut health.
And to start off, try drinking something without alcohol in between alcoholic drinks, even
if that's water.
In fact, that's a great idea to do even if you want to drink anyway.
Hydration is health.
(21:29):
I repeat, drink some water.
And if you don't know what to do with your hands, because I feel like that's still to
this day, try making them an expressive part of storytelling or active listening.
Incorporate some sign language with your bestie to save her from the creeps in the club or
to just communicate over the loud music.
Either way, Ozark, no one is thinking about your hands.
(21:53):
Now learning sign language won't help break the habit of drinking, so I have two tips
that make the difference in making or breaking a habit.
The first is that in order to stop a habit, find something to fill that space.
This helps get rid of the feeling that you've lost something.
So instead of drinking alcohol, you drink water.
(22:14):
But to make this change really work, make the filler something better for you.
Because the whole point of this episode of not drinking isn't to have less, it's to
feel better.
It's not about stopping alcohol, it's about starting to get better.
Getting better.
Okay.
Finding better alternatives can be hard and cost money.
(22:39):
In the last few years or so, I've tried hundreds of mocktails and non-alcoholic options.
But even though more drinks and mixes are coming out, a lot of mocktail options turn
out to just be sugary drinks with a garnish, which is still better than alcohol, but a
ginger beer with 24 grams of sugar is not helping your health.
(23:00):
And this Christmas, my sister's girlfriend gifted me with a non-alcoholic bottle from
Dromme, D-R-O-M-M-E.
And I finished it in a week.
It was so good.
Dromme is a non-alcoholic blend of botanicals, adaptogens, new tropics, which help your
brain function.
So instead of just finding something sugary to sip on, this brand Dromme filled that space
(23:24):
with beneficial ingredients.
And like I said, I finished their wake bottle in one week.
And that flavor, a wake is a warm berry mix with pomegranate, hibiscus, and it has a
little kick to it.
And it reminds me of my favorite kombucha with some spice.
And they have a calm mix that is a ginger, melon, and maple flavor, which is so lovely
(23:45):
for a nightcap or like a cozy cocktail as fall is coming around the corner.
And though it's so good on its own, Dromme's blend pairs so well with alcohol.
If you want to make a cocktail out of it too, my friends tried the awake with tequila and
then with gin and it was so good.
But I prefer my mocktails and I've partnered with Dromme because I am that in love with
(24:06):
their drinks.
So use the code gettingbetter for free shipping at drinkdromme.com D-R-O-M-M-E.
And I know how annoying it can be to invest money in a new product.
But let me take the investment and guesswork out for you as my treat to you, two random
positive comments on this episode will win a bottle of awake or calm, your choice.
(24:29):
Just leave a name in your comment and I will announce the two winners in the next episode
and on Instagram at gettingbetterpod.
So make sure to follow the account if you want to win a bottle.
And whether it's a bottle of Dromme's awake or calm or just soda, water, and lime, try
finding a better alternative to fill your cup, to fill the space that alcohol once took.
(24:50):
Again, the first tip is to fill the space with something better.
Think not less, but better.
The second tip is something I've already prompted you to do.
I asked you to sit and think about why you decide to drink.
Because when making or breaking a habit, your intentional introspection or mindfulness will
reinforce your practices.
(25:11):
Like how doom scrolling can make you feel bad and fatigued.
You don't change that habit until you realize how your actions are affecting your mood and
behavior.
If you're feeling bad and fatigued, try stopping doom scrolling.
A little tip.
Just so when you start working out or eating well, you feel good, or at least better.
And consciously reflecting on the habits that make you feel good will positively reinforce
(25:35):
you to want to do them again.
We get positive and negative feedback all the time, but we really notice it with new
or novel events.
Because when we're used to the action of set habits and behaviors, the consequences become
unnoticeable because they're like muscle memory.
So by being mindful, we are reevaluating our decisions and asking ourselves what makes
(25:58):
us feel bad and what makes us feel better.
So if you are sober curious or wanting to take the leap of being sober, I really encourage
you to find something to take the place of alcohol.
And it doesn't have to be a liquid.
It can be a new hobby or a fun conversation starter or dance move.
Whatever you want.
For me, I get my good fill by having intentional conversation or sharing silly stories.
(26:23):
And then I have to dance.
Could be in a club or even just back home when I'm getting ready for bed.
Inside story, since I wear sunglasses, I was in the club one night.
That sounds so funny to say.
But I was in a dance club one night and there were four different people that came up to
me asking for drugs because wearing sunglasses and drinking water was apparently the universal
(26:46):
sign that you're either on drugs or dealing drugs.
And just to set the story straight, I do not sell nor do I do drugs.
Besides my plethora of prescription medications, I digress.
So find something better and think about your decisions.
I'd say simple as that, but refraining from drinking is not easy and can be more difficult
(27:08):
for some.
I have huge admiration for those who struggle with addiction or genetic predisposition to
addiction.
It's a beast.
And though we are not touching on that in this episode, I recognize that alcohol can
be a very sensitive topic.
And so go forward with respect for the struggles and self-discipline the others practice in
(27:29):
their own life decisions.
And if others aren't showing you due respect, I have some comebacks.
If people are being little bullies or being passive aggressive about you not drinking.
So if they are being little bullies, you can say, I can make a big enough fool of myself
sober and all my friends will back me up on that.
Or I cannot afford to dampen my senses any more than they already are.
(27:52):
Oh, I sign an NDA about that.
And if you're a guy, you can rub your belly and say, I'm expecting.
Some more sassy options are, are you trying to inhibit my abilities for some reason tonight?
If you're drunk, I'll still be funny.
Don't worry.
Alcohol doesn't mix well with the hard drugs I'm on.
Oh, sorry, but that's none of your business.
(28:13):
Are you a cop?
Or it's kind of weird that you care so much.
And what always helps if someone is being rude or uncool, make them repeat what they
had just said as if you couldn't hear.
And if they have to say it again, if they're smart, they will realize the rudeness and
keep quiet.
And if you just want to respond in a normal way, or honestly, you can say, I'm DD.
(28:35):
It's a personal choice.
You're trying something new.
It's better for your health.
Even if you want to say just for the moment, alcohol doesn't agree with me or that you're
just taking a break.
And for any response, you could just say for this moment right now tonight or this week.
Honestly, you don't have to respond.
I'll leave that to your discretion.
Now, I had good excuses in the beginning.
(28:58):
Being a health reason, it didn't feel embarrassing or strange or like I was casting judgment.
And that allowed me to feel confident with my answers, which gave me good practice for
then sharing that my reason is just my choice alone backed by other health reasons.
And the easiest part of not drinking was definitely saving my money and not being hung over.
(29:22):
But I did learn that a lot of my hangovers were just exhaustion from staying out late
and exhaustion from dancing till 3am.
And now to be real with you, the hardest part was feeling lonely as I already felt so lonely
when I had to go home early or not show up at all due to the chronic pain I experienced.
(29:44):
But I learned that when you are sober and someone is drunk, you are not experiencing
reality in the same way, in the same field.
In this way, if there's a funny joke, it will be perceived on different levels.
And you might even dampen your own reaction because it seems so different, so low compared
to a buzzed or drunk person's reaction.
(30:05):
So it's not just feeling annoyed if you have to baby you or take care of someone that's
wasted or being annoyed when they're drunk.
It's the sense of isolation being the only one sober.
But I realized a lot of my sober reactions were illusory mindsets that were getting in
my own way of enjoying a good time being sober.
(30:27):
And I learned that it's better to stick with your decision because sometimes you can't
change the reason behind it, be that health, drugs, or addiction.
So don't be hard on yourself for saying no to a drink.
I also learned that it's either funny or not funny, fun or not fun.
And if it's funny, let yourself laugh.
If it's fun, let yourself enjoy it.
(30:48):
It's easy to hear a drunk person cackling so loud and think it's not that funny.
Or find someone dancing like they don't care and judge them a little bit.
But then you're diminishing the amount of fun to be had if you're comparing realities.
Because no two realities are exactly the same anyway.
And just think of how much more confidence you'll have in yourself when you have a good
(31:09):
time sober or deliver a great joke sober.
I promise you'll learn to have more fun sober than when you're drinking and you'll remember
it.
This is a practical tip that I learned the hard way.
It's how to split the bill when you're not drinking and others are.
And you might think this is nitpicky, but if you're at dinner with five other people
(31:31):
and everyone gets two drinks, that's 10 drinks.
And at $12 a drink, which is cheap these days, that will equal you paying $20 plus a tip for
not drinking yourself.
And if you're feeling generous, go you.
But paying for other people's drinks every time adds up.
So if you are splitting the bill with everyone, ask for a separated drink bill and then you
(31:54):
can Venmo someone your part separately.
Or pay for the whole thing yourself and take the time to Venmo request everyone separately.
You can ask the waiter for your part of the check separately and you can do this privately
if you want to.
Instead of time just ask your friends if you can pay separately since you're not drinking.
Or if you want, you can do the math then and there and handle money after, but that can
(32:16):
feel tedious and a little nitpicky in itself.
Like I said, you can pay for other people's drinks if you want, but I'm not in the business
of doing that anymore.
So now you have a choice.
For me, stepping away from regular drinking wasn't a hard and fast decision.
It was gradual.
But the benefits have been undeniable.
My health, mental clarity, wallet, and even my relationships have all improved.
(32:41):
And if you're listening to this wondering if cutting back could be worth it, take it
from me.
It does not mean missing out.
It means showing up fully for yourself and your decisions.
I'll say it again.
I'm not sharing all of this to judge you or bum you out.
This podcast isn't about stopping drinking.
It's about getting better.
(33:02):
And honestly, it feels weird to list off the cons of drinking and not have any pros to
it.
It feels unbalanced and unfair, but the fact of the matter is that if you're wanting to
upgrade your health, less alcohol is better, but no alcohol is best.
Taking a break if not becoming sober can be difficult.
Changing habits is hard, but your health is worth it and your finances, health, relationships,
(33:28):
and life will benefit.
So thank your immune system, appreciate the taste of alcohol, and be confident in your
decision when it comes to drinking.
For some people, it's easier than for others, and everyone's journey looks different.
But let this be encouragement to make a change.
You can do it.
(33:49):
And I would love to hear your thoughts, questions, funny anecdotes about not drinking.
Reach out at gettingbetterpod.com or gettingbetterpod on Instagram.
Thank you for listening today.
I'm really loving this podcast journey.
Here's to making decisions for ourselves and for our future.
(34:10):
Here's to getting better.
Cheers.
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