Telling Your ADHD Partner “You’re Hurting Me” —Doesn't Work!

This episode is the audio version of my blog post on a sensitive but essential topic for ADHD-challenged relationships:

Why the common advice to “just express your feelings” often backfires—especially when ADHD is in the mix.

📝 Read the full post here:
 Why Telling Your ADHD Partner “You’re Hurting Me” Isn’t Helping
https://adhdrollercoaster.org/tools-and-strategies/why-telling-your-adhd-partner-youre-hurting-me-isnt-helping/

We’re told that honesty and vulnerability improve relationships. But when your ADHD partner is struggling with poor self-regulation and self-awareness, your heartfelt message may not land the way you hope. It might even make things worse—for both of you.

In this episode, I unpack:

• Why “you hurt me” may feel accusatory—even if it’s meant to be vulnerable
• How shame, ADHD-related defensiveness, and poor memory processing can sabotage communication
• The problem with therapy that leans too heavily on expressing hurt, without understanding ADHD dynamics
• More productive, empathy-building approaches that support real change

These aren’t just opinions—they’re insights drawn from years of working with couples affected by ADHD, plus deep dives into clinical evidence.

Send Gina a text!

READY TO GO DEEPER — AND ACTUALLY MAKE PROGRESS?

💬 I love helping you better understand the complexity of ADHD as it applies to you, not a stereotype!

My online training program walks you through everything step-by-step:

Solving Your Adult ADHD Puzzle
For adults with ADHD and their partners. Includes expert video lessons and optional peer Q&A Zooms.

Learn more: https://ginapera.adhdsuccesstraining.com/

Podcast listener discount: Use code POD15 at checkout for 15% off any course.

Thanks for listening!
—Gina Pera

🔗 About My Work: https://adhdrollercoaster.org/about-gina-pera/