The Fantasy of Marriage

Valentine’s day is here and for some it’s an exciting weekend, but for others it’s a regular day. Regardless of whether you’re celebrating or not, you know that V’Day is a super commercial holiday with a lot of hype around it. It’s one that perpetuates the fantasy and romanticizing of love and relationships— impacting how we all think about love and what we should be doing in relationships.

In this episode we’re putting the fairytale of love and relationships aside and talking about the unglamorous side of love. Love and relationships are not always pretty or fun— they require work. Twice divorced, Pops knows this well. In episode 1 he talked about his second marriage and in this episode he’ll share the story around his short lived first marriage, what he’s learned and what he regrets.

Brittney was very young when Pops first got married so this is the first time she’s asking about it. From her POV, given how short the marriage was, it couldn't have been the fairytale love story that we sometimes romanticize about. This episode was also recorded over video so check out Instagram to see parts of the discussion irl— you’re in for a treat!

We hope you enjoy what you hear today. If you do, let other people know by sharing GTWP with a friend and by writing us a review and rating our podcast five starts on Apple. And if you haven’t already, don’t forget to hit the subscribe button so you won’t miss an episode!

In this episode:

[05:04] - Pops doesn’t typically discuss his first marriage, but is willing to be transparent and talks about giving his ex-wife a heads up.

[06:57] - He was 22 when he got married and was looking for something he thought would complete him, but he wasn’t marriage material.

[08:22] - In retrospect, he’s sure he caused her a lot of pain and regrets putting her and her family through that. 

[09:17] - You have to be in a place to make yourself better. You have to be happy with yourself in order to be happy in a marriage or with anybody else. 

[10:38] - This is an example of the selfishness that Pops has mentioned in past episodes. He admits to being an asshole to women in his past and would hate for his daughters to be treated like that.

[12:51] - Pops understands that he’s hurt women's’ feelings. There were women that expected to be with him and he didn’t share that expectation. He hopes that he is forgiven.

[15:34] - Brittney agrees that a relationship or love won’t make you a better person-- it will only show you more of your self, you have to decide how and if you want to change. 

[17:20] - Pops explains his interactions with his ex-wife’s father, the expectations her father set, and how he missed those expectations and failed her father.

[20:02] - What led Pops to asking for her hand in marriage? It takes a lot to say “I want to marry you” and actually do it.

[21:17] - Pops was intrigued by her expressive and loving family structure. 

[23:32] - Was it premature to ask her to marry him? Of course Pops thinks it was premature now.

[25:17] - Pops acknowledges that he treated her more like a girlfriend than a wife.

[25:47] - In Brittney’s reading about marriage she believes it requires you to shed your former self in order to create something new.

Links and Resources:

@GirlTalkWithPops on Instagram

GTWP website

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GTWP on Apple