April 16, 2024 • 39 mins
In our latest episode, 🔊 “Pick a Date...Red Lobster or Food Lion and Chill” 🔊Melissa Ann debates with the Boyz about crazy sh*t we've heard on the internet:
- Women complaining about date spots 🧐
- Toxic relationships lead to toxic outcomes 😒
- The first person you meet on a first date is...🤥
- Playing your position 🤐
Join us as we huddle up about these topics and see who agrees that most women are spoiled.
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#firstdate #lobster #fastfood #girtawk #podcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
when people say they have thesetoxic relationships and all
(00:02):
this other stuff, if you justsat down and spoke with this
person and not been blindedby the nice restaurant, nice
cars, all this other stuff,and got to know what type of
person this is, you might notbe in a toxic relationship.
Welcome to girl talk with theboys and we are back again
this session where we aretalking about crazy shit that
(00:26):
we heard on the internet.
So crazy shit that weheard on the internet
related to relationships.
But before we dive in thecrazy shit number one and
crazy shit number two, come onboys and introduce yourselves
starting with what's higherthan number one, baby.
(00:47):
Kai Carbaby, AKA Kaizu,reporting for duty.
Ow.
Straight out of Durham,Bull City, baby.
Okay.
All right.
I didn't know y'alldid that up there.
Okay.
that before.
I don't know what it means.
Is it nothing special.
I'm good.
(01:07):
Is it Bull City?
This guy, man.
Don't know how to have fun.
Grumpy Smurf, man.
week been before wedive in what's the
week been like for youMy week has been a week
of peace and balance.
good well, I just celebrateda birthday, so my
birthday was on Monday.
(01:28):
happy birthday Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
So I had a good time.
Well, for me, the week'sgoing really well.
Always a constantgrind, but that's good.
I'm always moving ina positive direction.
I got a couple more days left.
I'm going to take a weekoff and go to Mexico, and
then I'm going to come backand start grinding again.
(01:50):
Mm you know, some of the Thetopics that we've seen and
had discussions about oursurrounding relationships,
which is what we talkabout mostly here anyway.
But the 1st, 1, Chi, you kind ofdug up and thought it would be
a good topic for us to discuss.
(02:11):
I thought so too.
So you want to talk about it.
I absolutely do.
So there's this new thinggoing around where women don't
want to be taken to certainrestaurant destinations.
And so I actually heard twoschools of thought about it
from two different women.
And one woman's like, uh,don't invite me to Cracker
(02:34):
Barrel for breakfast.
And then the other one waslike, Hey, if I asked you to
go to Cracker Barrel, wouldyou, would that offend you?
Would you say no?
And she was like, no,we'll go to Cracker Barrel.
She's like, but just, youknow, don't let it fall down
to McDonald's, you know,because I don't eat McDonald's.
I was like, I don't either.
(02:54):
So you don't haveto worry about that.
With my waffle house.
She said she wentto Waffle House All right,
on a date, on a date,at Waffle House.
So it's like, you know,when I grew up, Sizzla
was, you know, was, was,you know, was the shit.
Red Lobster was the shitman red lobster.
It was almost likeyou have money
(03:14):
Right, you're right.
Sizzla, Red Lobster.
thing about it is don't don'tdon't don't laugh about that
because my every time I go homeI always tell my mom and say hey
mom I'm gonna take you someplacenice where you want to go for
some reason She always saysred lobster and i'm like, oh my
You cannotCause that's what we write.
but but it's back then thatOh, so that would be a
note for you then today.
(03:36):
If somebody said, if, ifsomebody was like, hey Melissa,
I'd like to take you out.
And you're like, oh,what you have in mind?
I was thinking of Red Lobster.
What would youthat'd be a negative ghost
writer, I mean they're dirtyWell, you know what?
I honestly think that womenshould focus more on the time
they're going to spend withthe person across the table
with them, instead of wherethey're going to be eating.
Because that's the mostimportant portion of the date
(03:57):
Because the date is for youto get to know the person.
If I'm not taking you toa five star room, I mean,
granted, if I can affordto take you to a five star
restaurant, that's fantastic.
But if I can't, and I canonly take you twos and threes,
you should be focusing onthe guy across the table.
Yeah, you got to pick anothertwo or three because i'm
not going to red lobsterred lobster is dirty.
They just had um, um, Uh for avideo those jokers the rats was
(04:23):
running all through the joint.
No, thank you Yeah.
Yeah.
There's certain places.
There's certain placesI'm not even going, so,
Yeah, I mean, Imean, you can pick a nice place.
That's clean and cleanliness.
It doesn't have to be redlobster per se, but it
could be like a two orthree star restaurant.
And you know,What about Cheesecake
Factory, Melissa?
That was, that's a bigone on the internet.
(04:43):
I like the Cheesecake Factory.
I think it's anice establishment.
I think the food is great.
Um, but that was a big one.
I was on the internet where agirl cut the date off because
she didn't want to go to,um, the Cheesecake Factory.
I think it was more so becausethey were supposed to go
somewhere else prior to goingto the Cheesecake Factory.
(05:04):
And then when she showed up,she was like, Whoa, this is not
where you supposed to be takingme or something like that.
fake news.
to piggyback on some ofthe stuff you guys were
talking about as faras dirty restaurants.
I don't know if you knowhalf of the ones in D.
C.
are pretty dirty, and they'reconsidered five star, right?
So I don't know if youguys have ever been to D.
(05:25):
C.
and seen those ratsrunning around, but they're
all throughout thoserestaurants regardless of
if you see them or not.
So well, they're not atrestaurant Shea Melissa and
that's where I typically go.
I mean, but there's, there'salso videos of guys who make
really nice dinners for a girlat their house and they're
not appreciative of that.
I mean, if a guy sits there andhe makes a meal for you, I mean,
(05:48):
you gotta understand if someonefeeds you, that's a big deal.
I mean, when you sit in there,you gotta understand what
the whole symbolic meaning ofbreaking bread with somebody,
believe it or not, you havewars decided over dinner,
um, peace conferences decidedover dinner, a lot can be
done over dinner where, andthen you think about it.
I'm going to talk to you.
We're going to be shared.
We're going to be sharing food.
We're going to be,um, we're going to be,
(06:09):
um, drinking together.
It's, that is youropportunity to get to find
out who this person is.
If he's a jerk and he's takingyou to five star restaurants,
I mean, you're going toget lost in the restaurant.
Then you're going to find out,you know, you wake up next to
the morning and you're next tothis guy and you're like, man,
I don't even like this person.
I mean, that's a valid point.
Like, I don't know.
(06:30):
Um, I haven't beenon a dating scene.
So is that somethingthat men are doing now
is cooking for women.
I cook.
You know, I'm avery good cook, so.
Most times it's probablybetter to stay at the
crib with me and just eat.
I'm not, you know, I'm notpulling out frozen fish sticks.
(06:52):
You know what Kanyesaid, fish stick, but
I'm eating that lobster.
You know what I mean?
So you eating lobster tail,you know, filet mignon, ribeye.
You know, Doc Nellycame through one day.
I was like, hey, he waslike, hey, what's that smell?
I was like, it's some, youknow, Chilean sea bass.
(07:13):
I'm not, I'm not goingto say what I said,
It ain't no fried whiting, youknow, no fried falafel, you
know, it's, you know, we eatI mean, if you really want to
impress a young lady and youwant to have a nice dinner,
um, it's, it's cheaper tohave a private chef come in
and cook the food for youright in right in your house.
And, you know, they give youdrinks, you chill, you relax,
(07:34):
have your drinks, you walk over,you have a three or five course
meal, and you're ready to roll,and you're paying the same
amount of money as you wouldif you had um, uh, you went to
like a Ruth Chris or something.
to cook yourself.
don't think it's as cheapas Ruth Chris, bruh.
Come on now, I thinkyou, eh, you might take
it up a little bit.
what do you mean, theprivate chef?
(07:55):
Yeah, I know.
Ruth Chris is like,that's, that's like
McDonald's to us now, man.
ComeWell, you know what I mean, most
people, see, I'm not, I'm notsaying it to us, I'm saying it
for everyone to understand, RuthChris is like a pinnacle place.
Ruth Chris is overrated anyway.
I would, I wouldn't say Mmm.
I disagree with that.
I disagree with that.
I don't care where yougo in America, it's
(08:17):
gonna be a consistent,good meal.
a, like, overrated.
I've been to bettersteakhouses than Ruth Chris,
Oh, I'm, I'm notsaying I'm not better.
No, I'm not, I wouldn't,yeah, I'm not gonna
I'm not, I'm not, saying it'sthe best, but I'm definitely
not saying it's the worst.
I said it's overrated.
I wouldn't go that far.
why we all have ourown opinions, but I think
(08:38):
Right, I was about to say, yeah,yeah, we got our own opinions.
If she thinks it's overrated,it's overrated to her.
I'd liketo know from your generation.
Does your generationcook for assistance?
can't speak for everybody, so,uh, but, but I like to grill,
so, I mean, especially duringthe summertime and spring, I
learned from Kai, you know, anddoing my own thing on the side,
(09:01):
but, um, I like to grill, so.
Either I'm doing that orI might cook, you know,
for whomever I'm dating.
That's cool.
We all grill.
I mean, I love going to Costcoor I like getting some aged
beef, getting a big, thick cut.
And then you go in thereand you, and you fry it
up on a, you go there andgrill it up on the grill.
But the problem is a lotof women don't like a big
thick cut of steak like that.
(09:22):
what if you'reballing on a budget?
Like, everybody can'tafford these meals.
You talk about steak and filetmignon and, um, filet mignon
and lobster and big ribeye.
you can afford that stuff.
'cause you think aboutit, you get lobster tails.
They're not that expensive.
They're 10 bucks a tail.
You don't have to, youdon't get the huge ones,
but you get 10 bucks a tail.
(09:43):
You go down, you go toFood Line or, or Harris
Teeter or whatever.
You go a nice ribeye,you get rib eye.
hey, I know what boiling on abudget is, because, you know,
when I was in college, I hadmy own place, and when I would
cook, you know, I would whipup some, like, a box of mac and
cheese, then I would take someturkey meat, brown it and season
it up, and throw it in thereand mix it up with some spinach,
(10:04):
and now we got like a gourmetI'm not knocking Food Lion.
What I'm knocking isthere are certain things
that you do and you don'tbuy from certain stores.
So, I wouldn't buymeat from Walmart.
Just like I wouldn't buy alobster from Food Lion or a
lobster tail from Food Lion.
(10:25):
some guys, somepeople don't know.
So when you understand, theyknow lobster is something fancy.
Sometimes you can buyit at Food Lion, you can
buy it at Fresh Market.
You can buy it at allthese different places.
You can buy it from Whole Foods.
I mean, if you don'tknow, you don't know.
It depends on whoyou're dating, right?
So she already knows, or shealready had lobster tail.
You can't fool her, right?
So like, what is this?
(10:46):
Is this crawfish?
This ain't lobsters.
What is this?
Yeah.
Personally, it iswhat is what it is.
I mean, everyone can sit hereand say this, that, and the
other thing, but, you know,until you know, you don't know.
Like, sometimes you canbuy a thick steak and think
(11:07):
you're gonna save somemoney by cutting it in half.
Or you know, I mean,it's not racist.
It's not it's notthat you don't know.
It's just that you think that'swhat it's what you're supposed
to do You know, not everyone'sgonna get like like, you know
The good thing is I can like wecan afford now To go to costco
and buy a whole prime pieceof big prime rib and have a
(11:28):
butcher cut it up for us Youknow, we can buy flank steak.
We know different cuts of steak,Yeah, but if we go back
to our original statement,what Kai said was the
young lady would not go toCheats Food Factory
or Cracker Barrel.
So do you think thatshe's gonna eat a lobster
(11:50):
from, um, Lion, Food Lion?
I don't thinkI'm going to take you to Cracker
Barrel and they're like, Idon't like Cracker Barrel.
All right, we'llgo to this place.
Oh no, I don't like this place.
If I don't like this,I don't like this.
Um, first off I would packher stuff up and shoo her
out the door because someonelike that is just, um, that's
(12:12):
not the person you want.
Because you, you need someonewho's going to be with you
when you're down and whenyou're going to be up.
here's what I think.
I think that as like right now,you know, me and doc, we used to
go to Ruth Chris all the time.
First of all, westarted out at Longhorn.
You know what I mean?
What's the other one?
Outback, Longhorn.
We were Outback andLonghorn brothers.
(12:33):
Then we graduated to Ruth Chris.
Then it was Morton's.
Then it was Flanagan'sor Fleming's.
And then now wecan go to Rathburn.
Now we can go to wherever.
We can get 180 cuts ofWagyu beef if we wanted to.
So, so think about women whohave kind of their, their
head is not on crack about,so you got to know that.
(12:56):
Listen, I'm finished.
Now you have to knowthe class of women.
You're dating.
If you're going, look, ifyou're dating women who are VPs.
Don't go to them withcrack about that's you
a dummy for doing that.
That's like, Hey, I'm goingto go a race, but you coming
up there in a beetle andeverybody else is driving.
Come on, son.
(13:17):
You got to comein with a Bugatti.
Now, if the woman is a differenttype of one where they like,
that's what they expect.
And they come into the table.
I used to, you know, every,you got to know that I'm
not, you know, I'm not withthat, but you know, the way
I roll, I'm not, I'm nottaking you to crack about it.
I'm not taking youto Chick fil a.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm not taking you to RubyTuesdays and Applebee's.
(13:38):
That's college day shit.
Yes.
And no, I think, I think,I think it depends on
where she's humble too.
So, I mean, if she's willing, ifshe's a VP for instance, right.
And she doesn't reallyexpect you to do the
extraordinary, that's fine.
I mean, you don't have to takesomebody else, you don't have to
take no girl out, you know, onthe first date somewhere, fancy.
(14:02):
You can go in between andthen you gradually take her
there just to see how shereacts to certain things.
That's, that's my opinion.
That's what I would do.
but you're, you're not goingto Cracker Barrel either.
Let's be real about it.
know, man, it a cracker barrel,I've done crack about
No, I'm not.
Well, I'm not.
Well, I know you've doneit, but now you're in a
(14:23):
position where your firstthought probably isn't
going to be, you know what?
I'm going to wake up and takemy baby to Cracker Barrel.
think it goes back to what hesaid, which, which date is it?
I think along the lines of,you know, when we were talking
in the chat, I think coffeeis fine for a first date.
It doesn't have to besomething extravagant,
(14:44):
There are coffeeshops that are better.
You spin.
Cracker Barrel.
Now, you can go tohere in Atlanta.
You got Cafe Intimezzo.
You got little French spots youcan go to that are nice, upscale
coffee shops with nice pastries.
So, that's differentthan Cracker Barrel.
That's true.
but I'm still going tostand on the point that.
It doesn't matter whereyou go with the person,
(15:05):
um, CEO, you know, the frygirl at McDonald's, you
want to know what kind ofperson you're dealing with.
And, you know, and that's why,that's why I think a coffee,
coffee shop date is fine.
You just wantto sit there and talk,
but you do, you just want to sitthere and talk to the person and
find out where their head's at.
Because, you know, And thefunny thing about it is if
(15:26):
you can take a girl to CrackerBarrel and she appreciates
you buying her and takingher to Cracker Barrel, great.
If you don't think, if she'snot going to appreciate Cracker
Barrel, and oh, this is notgood enough for me, this
is not this, you know what?
That might not be a personwho's only interested
in materialistic things.
Because the thing, just likeeverything else, materialistic
(15:47):
things, exterior features,um, I always tell people, you
can be good looking now, youcan be good looking ten years
from now, but guess what?
Good looks fade.
Because as you get older,we don't get better looking.
I mean, you can still staygood looking, but after
a while, you want to beinvolved with somebody who
has a lot more to offer youthan just a pretty face.
You want a great personality.
(16:07):
You want her tobe able to laugh.
You want her to be able tohelp you out with problems.
So my whole thing is, you'renot going to find that out,
um, if you're eating a 300meal and you can barely
talk and you got to whisper.
You know, you might want tofind out, does she cut up?
You know, she can write, shecan say jokes and she can
(16:28):
laugh and she ain't going tobe upset when you make jokes
about it and that stuff.
You know, you do, you wantto be able to find that out.
So that's what Ithink the meal is for.
I mean, I think we'vepersonally, I think we're
focusing on the meal itself.
Yeah.
You're not focused on the personacross the table from you.
Not that, Mean, that's reallya valid statement.
Like people arefocused on the what.
(16:49):
You know, andwhere you're going versus
how is this person goingto add value to my life?
Do I really like this person?
Are they worth the second dateversus where you're going?
That's very valid.
And there is a lotof emphasis on that.
I agree.
(17:10):
I hate to say it.
We're more interested insomeone who's wearing Louis
Vuitton, doing this, doingthat Dior, this thing,
that thing, that thing.
And on the, and on theinside, you know, they're
a horrible person.
They're a horribleperson, you know?
And then you believe it ornot, the person who's wearing
like, I don't know, TommyHilfiger, I mean, something
(17:33):
wearing something normal,Tell me if it ain't normal.
You're gonna have to goon down to Walmart, like.
faded, faded glory, man.
But the thing is though,at the end of the day,
you wanna, you wanna bewith somebody who's real.
Hey, we, we, look, we all havebeen there and have elevated.
And as you elevate thecircles, you date and
should be elevated as well.
(17:54):
So as youmove up, let me finish, doc.
So as you move up, so inthe past, you know, I didn't
wear Gucci and Prada and allthat, you know, Bulbarian,
but I wear that shit.
The Yeezys, you know, causeI, you know, I like my stuff.
I can afford it.
I'm not robbingPeter to pay Paul.
So, and so with that comesthe different, you know,
I'm not running in circleswith women that, you
(18:15):
know, can't do the same.
Youum, I might have to leave your
circle cause I shop at Shein.
that.
a personal choice.
Yes.
a personal choice.
It's not that youcan't afford it.
It's a personal choice.
Yes, and, you know what though?
But that should be just fine.
For some guys, that'd belike, I can be, I
can be like this.
You know what?
I can be like, you know what?
(18:35):
That's the kind of girl I like.
She ain't she's not caughtup in all the superficiality.
She's just basic and real.
Boom.
If she likes to wear whateverthis, that, and that.
If she looks good init, god bless her.
I think, you know, people lookphenomenal in those clothes,
but like you said, it's just,uh, um, a personal choice
(18:57):
It's a personal choice.
And at the end of the day,it's all vanity anyway.
And I've realized that,you know what I'm saying?
I used to be a high W andthat's expensive stuff.
Yeah.
That was back when Icouldn't afford it.
You know what I mean?
I mean, I can afford it.
So, But you work like,let me finish in that part.
Thank you.
I put in the work, but Idon't want to sound like.
(19:19):
But, you know, I'm this highminded guy, of course, you know,
I've dated women that don'tmake as much as me, but they
brought more things to the tablethan just the financial side.
So, I think the important pieceis, yes, you know, there are
certain things you get to knowthe person and you're like, ah,
this person is materialisticand not really just, you know,
(19:39):
like to enjoy the spice of lifebased on where you are, you
know, there's a difference youcan, and you should be able
to tell that and pick that upthat a materialistic person
is not a materialistic person.
It's different for somebodywho's like, okay, they're
not materialistic, but theyjust like to enjoy life
and not afraid to spend,spend now to enjoy it.
but I think everyonechooses what they want
to spend their money on.
(20:01):
Like, I may have a differentadvice than buying name
brand things, but I mightlike to do something else.
Um, it might be a differentway that I spend my money.
But you can like go on Facebooknow and, and get some of that
stuff, but it, to me, it's stilllike, it's a lot of money for
a purse where Louis Vuittonis really not even leather.
(20:23):
It's vinyl.
The last topic that we haveIs the video that I sent
in the chat where the younglady was saying that she's
not going back to like youbreak up with someone and
then they want to come back.
Well, women are thinkingthat because you're coming
(20:45):
back, it means that theythink you're a dummy and they
could continue to play you.
know what?
I'll be quite honest with you.
Some of the, some of the peoplewho get on the internet, and I
don't know why you do this, butit just, it's just a bad look.
I mean, some people break upwith other people and they
say, Hey, you know what?
I realized what I had andI want to go back to it.
(21:06):
And you know, every,I mean, that's, that's
just facts of life.
No one thinks you're a dummy.
I mean, that's, that's not,that's just not realistic.
I I thought that was stupid.
you're gonna have arguments.
Me and Kai have had arguments.
I'm not gonna, I'm like, oh, I'mnot gonna talk to Kai no more.
no, it's not, notwhere it's platonic.
(21:26):
It's a man and a womanstill a relationship.
And at the end of the day,if you have a relationship
with somebody, and thingsdon't go back, I mean, you
can get mad at somebody.
You can walk away andtake a break, and then
say, you know what?
I don't want, I don'twant there to be so much
separation between us.
I want to be with this person.
I mean, I get it.
But the funny thing is,is just that you have to
(21:46):
understand dating is likeyou, you have to develop,
there's, there's peaks andvalleys in every relationship.
And unfortunately, you'regonna go through a valley
and you're gonna realize,Hey, you know what?
I made a mistake, and Imissed this person, and I want
this person back in my life.
And that's what you're doing.
All this other stuff, Oh, theythink I'm a dummy, they do that,
I think they're doing that justthink it could be if, if
(22:07):
the relationship was toxic.
right.
Exactly.
So if the relationshipShe didn't give she didn't
give any context on howthe relationship was.
She's just coming out.
Like, she's the authorityon breakups and to make up.
All right.
Well, there's this, there's,you know, you have the worst
case scenario and then youhave the best case scenario.
(22:29):
Doc's talking best case wheretwo people can be adult,
mature, mature adults who areself aware and understand that
sometimes shit doesn't workand then you got over here.
If you go back tosomebody, you're done.
And then in betweenthose extremes, you
got every iteration andyou know what?
can exist at the same time.
And you know whatthe funny thing is?
(22:50):
If we go back to the lastconversation and apply the
last conversation in thisconversation, when people
say they have these toxicrelationships and all this
other stuff, if you justsat down and spoke with this
person and not been blindedby the nice restaurant, nice
cars, all this other stuff,and got to know what type of
person this is, you might notbe in a toxic relationship.
You know, you might findif you sat down and talk to
(23:11):
this guy, you might find out,hey, this guy is, he's got an
unnecessarily angry temper.
Because, um, I could be inthe coffee shop and a person
makes my order badly andI'm yelling at the girl,
I'm slamming stuff down.
Your thought processhas got to be, Hey, this
might not be the guy.
But if you take it to a nicerestaurant, um, you don't get
to, you don't get to interactwith me in a meaningful way that
(23:33):
a lot of stuff gets overlookedbecause you're looking at
the presentation of the food.
You're looking atthe presentation.
That's why a lot of businesslunches don't, they don't have
business lunches anymore becausepeople lose concentration and
focus while they're eating.
And there's always aninterruption so that you
cannot keep on the business.
So when you, so what they dois they have lunch, but they
(23:55):
order it in so you can be ata table and you can be doing
work and you can focus onthe work and eat in between.
It depends on the woman, youknow, I just, here's the deal.
If that's a woman's411 or her M.
O.
That's just going tobe her 4 1 1 and her M.
O.
until she decidesto get out the game.
You know, you got pimpsand you got playettes.
(24:17):
And that's just thereality of life.
And then you just got toknow who you're messing with.
Trust me, you'll know,like I said earlier.
If you are a self aware,observant, You know, value
based, principle based,behavior based individual.
You'll be able to tell thedifference between a woman
who's that type of play yetversus someone, all right.
They just like to enjoy thespice of life because we have
(24:39):
balance in our relationship.
Sometimes they want to go toMarcel's or, you know, Rathburn
steakhouse, or they're goodwith just chilling at the
crib cooking steak or stir frysome, you know, take tips and
some fried rice at the crib.
And if you're not, if it'slike that, then we cool.
But if it's always, you know,We got to always dip, dip, dip.
And I'm not, you know,I'm not with that.
No, I was going tosay, I agree with that.
(25:00):
You can definitely tell, um,uh, unscrupulous, you know,
behavior or whatnot, becauseit's going to show probably
within the next, well, withinthe next five minutes or
so of your interaction withthat person, you can kind of
get a gauge of how they are.
Right.
So then it also, it also boilsdown to how people communicate
because once again, peopledon't know how to communicate.
(25:23):
Right.
There, there's a gap into howpeople interact with certain
people because of, could itbe their environment and how
they saw other people act?
And so they act the same way.
So people just don't know howto communicate in general.
They don't know how toexpress their feelings
because you know what?
That was a clip I saw the otherday where that said he doesn't
express how he feels or hedoesn't vent to a woman because.
(25:47):
They're going to use itagainst them that goes how,
you know, how we communicateand how, you know, certain
relationships are with certainpeople, but it's just crazy
how you meet certain peoplewho just don't know how to
either vent or just communicatein general and to express
how they feel about somebody.
That is powerful.
(26:09):
Um, and we talked aboutthat in our last episode.
But I was also gonna saythere's layers to what doc
said Like, you know, you havethat one meeting, but we all
know When you first go out withsomeone for the first three
to six months, you're you'retalking to the impersonator So
they're gonna hide everythingFor the most part until
(26:32):
stuff starts to creep out.
You're not gonna see it onthe first date most instances
So superficial.
And then I, on good behavioryeah.
And then I, I'll add to yours.
We, I think there's anelement of selfishness.
It's about me, me, me, me, me,what I feel, what I want to do
versus how do we walk together?
(26:54):
What do I do tocompliment value?
Do I bring to that person?
And what value do theybring back to me is it
can't just be one And Ithe thing you have to understand
when you're with somebody andthen, and it's tough for me to
do and it's tough for a lot ofpeople to do, um, is that you
have to understand and you gotto walk in that person's shoes.
You got to understand theirposition, but on the, on the,
(27:14):
on the flip side too, youknow, they have to understand
your position and you can say,Hey, I understand your, what
you're in, but you, but yougot to see the position I'm in.
And if they never see theposition you're in, you're
going to always feel slighted.
Yeah.
then some people are.
over.
That's game over for me.
Yeah.
And, and some people,some people label that
narcissistic, oh, you'renarcissistic, you're narcissist.
(27:37):
No, you gotta think,you gotta understand.
I'm going through some real lifeshit and you know, I understand
the position you're in, but I'min, but I'm in the weeds too.
You know?
I mean, I mean, youare in the weeds.
I'm in the weeds.
I got an idea.
Let's get together, be a team,and we probably might be able to
knock these weeds down together.
But if you're, you're, ifyou're, if you're stuck in
your head about your problemsand you're not even remotely
(28:00):
gonna listen, you're not evenremotely interested in what
I'm, my, my problems are.
I got going on, then it makesit real tough because you're the
mismatch.
Two are better than one.
How always.
together?
Unless they agree.
People are forgetting that, youknow, it's not like, you know,
you know, everyone's thinking.
Yeah, it's it's us against theworld But there's going to be
some points where I carry youand the funny thing about it
(28:22):
Is is that you don't realizethat because I remember um,
the funny thing about it Is Iwas watching one of my college
football tapes I said, you know,I saw one I popped that thing
in the dvd player and i'm likeman Let me see just relive my
glory years and i'm watchingit and there was a play Where
the, um, where the tackle goesdown and I come in behind him.
(28:42):
And the thing that I, thething I recognized is that
the guy, the tackle in frontof me, he would literally
grab the opposing player andpull him so I could run by.
And the thing that I, and thefunny thing is, I never realized
that he was giving himself upso I could make the big play.
So the thing about it is, isthat here is this guy, he's,
(29:04):
he's pretty much pullingeveryone on top of himself.
So you don't even see who he is.
And then I run up andI make the, I make the
tackle, I make the sack.
And, and I'm like standingthere, my arms up in the air.
But the reality is, I neverwould have been in that position
if I didn't have the help.
So that's it's called the team.
in buying me and whereI eat and everything.
(29:39):
Cause you gotta understand, ifI take you to Cracker Barrel,
and you're having a big fitabout me taking you to Cracker
Barrel, I'm not gonna wanna takeyou to um, a fancy restaurant.
Because I know, when thethings are down, this
is how you're gonna act.
Everyone is greatwhen you're up.
Everyone's happy when you're up.
I mean, it's great to bearound me when we're up.
(30:00):
But I'm telling you what, backwhen Cracker Barrel was the,
I mean, that was the jointto go to, you know, you had,
you had your nose turned up.
So I mean, for themost part, that's why
I do the coffee dates.
That's why I would do a coffeedate, simply for the fact that,
you know, if you're, if you're,if you're, if I don't like you,
I don't like your energy, Idon't like what you're bringing
to the table, it only costsme what, five dollars for a
(30:22):
high priced thing of coffee.
It's true.
I have a book that isavailable on um, Amazon
and Barnes and Nobles.
Volume 1, The Ragdoll Diaries,Pink Panties on the Floor.
Wanted to read a excerptfrom the book, um, just
(30:46):
to correlate, um, what wewere talking about today.
And get your, your finalthoughts from there.
So, um, just to, to give thereaders a synopsis of Shay
is the main character, she'sdating Andre, but She knows
(31:07):
that she is one of his women,but she feels like, you know,
she wants him to get it allout of his system and she's
going to be the main chick.
And then the other chickis going to be nothing.
So, um, but herbubble was busted.
So she says, reality isI'm not sure what men are
thinking where they pull onthe heartstrings of women.
(31:29):
In some instances, we allowit because a man will only
do What you allow them todo, but in some instances, I
believe greed gets the bestof them One dude told me he
was just selfish selfish.
Nah, you're greedy, bitchWalking around here sticking
anything with the pulse thatsays hello Men need to stop for
(31:49):
a moment and realize that theirdaughters or granddaughters may
go through the same experiences.
They may perhaps find menjust like them and it is
then I hope they stop fora moment and remember all
of the women whom theyvictimized through the years.
Women are not dogs or puppies,whichever one you want to use.
Women are not pawns.
Women are feeling peoplewith real emotions and
(32:11):
men must realize that theycannot just pick us up and
throw us away like old ragswhenever they feel like it.
I know that I am worthy ofsomeone who's going to love me
and only me But I cannot seeit right now standing on the
inside So I will continue toplay this game until I crap out
(32:32):
I think who she's dealingwith and where she's
getting these people from.
Number one, So if you'reconstantly going to the same
well to get these people,then you need to change
your, well, you need tochange your environment.
Number two, I mean, youneed to look at yourself and
analyze yourself and, youknow, try to figure out why am
I dealing with these people?
(32:52):
Expect more for yourself.
How to blame somebody else.
She had a little selfesteem By the way, I agree.
That's what it sounds like.
And then that might comefrom, uh, you know, maybe
like I said earlier, theenvironment or parental trauma.
Some kind of traumathat caused that.
So, you know, even kids, right?
(33:12):
Kids are very brutal growing up.
talks about that inthe in in the book.
So the reason why kids areso brutal is no one's
taught them how to lie.
Well, I don'tso when you when you ask,
when you ask a three or fouryear old, um, hey, am I fat?
And they say, yeah, you're fat.
It's not thatthey're being mean.
It's just that no one'staught them to embellish.
(33:33):
No one's taught them to lie.
So you're getting the truth andsometimes believe it or not.
We need to we actually needto tell the truth I mean the
funny thing is you're talkingabout that woman having low
self esteem that guy might havelow self esteem Because the
thing is though he's trying tofind himself in One two, three,
four, five, six, seven womenand the thing is you gotta
(33:55):
understand if he's sleeping withfive or three Four women at a
time and he still feels empty.
It's not the womenwho are the problem.
He might be the problemOkay, all right.
Let me, let me, letme counteract that.
What have you alreadytold me that I don't know?
I don't, I never read thebook, but what have you
already told him what he wants?
You know what?
That's the same thing.
(34:16):
I don't care if he tells themThe problem you gotta understand
is, if you're, the whole goalis, if you're gonna try to
find a mate, you're gonna tryto find your soulmate, you're
gonna try to find your partner,but what if, they
don't want that?
you know what, if they don'twant that, that's fine, then
he's gonna keep looking.
But the funny thing is, ifyou're looking for one person,
and you wanna be with that oneperson, you're not gonna sleep
(34:36):
with five or six different womenright, that's if
you're looking forIf that's you're looking
if you're if you're lookingfor your person You're not
going to sleep with fiveor six different women
Well, that's the big if ifi'm looking for one person.
Sometimes you're lookingfor multiple people to
make a whole person.
And you know what that might bethe case But at the end of the
day if you're that narcissisticthat you're looking for this
(34:58):
person this you're this you'rethis you're this You got to find
out all people aren't perfect.
And you pick whatever longperson that you want to be with.
Because like you say, everybodydoes, everybody's not perfect.
So you pick their imperfectionsand you say, well, this
time I can deal withfor the rest of my life.
And if it is, thenyou stick with them.
If not, you go onabout your business.
yeah, you know what?
(35:18):
I'm a hardcore guy.
I'm this way or that way.
If you can't, if you can'ttake my personality, I'm
cool with taking my, youcan't take my personality.
That's cool.
You don't have tohang out with me.
that's what the girl was saying.
What we said is that personwas already playing with you.
And then you went back tothat joker knowing that he was
(35:40):
playing with you, but he's notgoing to stop playing with you.
He thinks you're dumb enough tocome back when he was playing
with you, but it doesn'tapply to every relationship.
It applies to theones where they were
playing around with you.
Well, you gotta understand too,that guy, that guy, that guy
could be, he could be reallygood at playing her heart.
And he could be, you know, hecould say the right things and
(36:01):
do the right things where hecould say, Hey, this is a, I
mean, I think you're special.
I think you're this,you're this, but you keep
sleeping with other people.
I think I got to step away.
All right.
You step away, but you startmissing that person and you
think he's going to change.
It doesn't mean you're aYou miss that person and you
miss what they do to you.
Sometimes you got to becommitted to the breakup period.
(36:21):
We know, we know there'scertain, you know, if we know
how to break up went down,it wasn't like if it wasn't
a mutual head, let's justtake a break and we'll come
back and see how this goes.
If it was one of those breakupswhere it's like, yeah, we
need to stay broken up.
And you get those urgesto go back, you have to be
committed to the breakup,just like you tried to be
(36:41):
committed to that relationship.
Yep.
That's the tough damn part.
and that's wherethe pain comes in.
It's a grieving processthat takes place when you
break up with somebody.
Look, I always saidthis, once the heart
gets involved, game over.
When you break up withthat person and the
heart is tangled up, ahealing, there's a grieving
process that takes place.
(37:03):
is, sometimes it never heals.
And that's the thingyou got to understand.
That's the thingyou got to take.
And it's horrible.
This is a good show.
I really enjoyed it.
Any last thoughts?
Let's start with Lee.
He was quiet.
don't have anylast thoughts, man.
I don't, I can't thinkof anything right now.
Um, but I definitelyenjoyed the conversation.
Um, everybody'sdifferent perspectives.
(37:25):
Yeah, I accepteverybody's opinion.
Yeah, I like it.
We that's what we talkedabout diversity of thought.
We don't all have to agree, butI think we all have different
perspectives and it works.
Yeah, my parting last words.
You know, enjoy thebeauty of being human.
(37:47):
No, stop, stop.
We are not AI.
We are not machines.
Learn to give yourself grace.
We make mistakes.
No one's perfect.
And sometimes we're good.
Look, sometimes we've gota lot of rods in the fire.
We're juggling a lot ofballs and sometimes you're
going to drop a ball andyou might, you know, Rob,
one ride might get too high.
We need to drop that shit.
It's okay.
It's part of being human.
So accept your humanity.
(38:08):
That's what I'm saying.
Reverend Roosevelt,Didn't he go to sleep?
like he froze.
He froze on us.
He went to sleep.
sleep doing church.
No, the image is frozen.
Nobody to nudge him.
the church mother atwhen you need her?
(38:29):
Where the church mother at?
Wake up, boy.
yo.
Oh! You've been listening togirl talk with the boys.
We hope that you enjoyedthis episode Please follow
us on youtube like and shareum, and as always We see
you because we are you we'llsee you next time on girl.
(38:52):
Talk with the boys
when people say they have thesetoxic relationships and all
(00:02):
this other stuff, if you justsat down and spoke with this
person and not been blindedby the nice restaurant, nice
cars, all this other stuff,and got to know what type of
person this is, you might notbe in a toxic relationship.
Welcome to girl talk with theboys and we are back again
this session where we aretalking about crazy shit that
(00:26):
we heard on the internet.
So crazy shit that weheard on the internet
related to relationships.
But before we dive in thecrazy shit number one and
crazy shit number two, come onboys and introduce yourselves
starting with what's higherthan number one, baby.
(00:47):
Kai Carbaby, AKA Kaizu,reporting for duty.
Ow.
Straight out of Durham,Bull City, baby.
Okay.
All right.
I didn't know y'alldid that up there.
Okay.
that before.
I don't know what it means.
Is it nothing special.
I'm good.
(01:07):
Is it Bull City?
This guy, man.
Don't know how to have fun.
Grumpy Smurf, man.
week been before wedive in what's the
week been like for youMy week has been a week
of peace and balance.
good well, I just celebrateda birthday, so my
birthday was on Monday.
(01:28):
happy birthday Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
So I had a good time.
Well, for me, the week'sgoing really well.
Always a constantgrind, but that's good.
I'm always moving ina positive direction.
I got a couple more days left.
I'm going to take a weekoff and go to Mexico, and
then I'm going to come backand start grinding again.
(01:50):
Mm you know, some of the Thetopics that we've seen and
had discussions about oursurrounding relationships,
which is what we talkabout mostly here anyway.
But the 1st, 1, Chi, you kind ofdug up and thought it would be
a good topic for us to discuss.
(02:11):
I thought so too.
So you want to talk about it.
I absolutely do.
So there's this new thinggoing around where women don't
want to be taken to certainrestaurant destinations.
And so I actually heard twoschools of thought about it
from two different women.
And one woman's like, uh,don't invite me to Cracker
(02:34):
Barrel for breakfast.
And then the other one waslike, Hey, if I asked you to
go to Cracker Barrel, wouldyou, would that offend you?
Would you say no?
And she was like, no,we'll go to Cracker Barrel.
She's like, but just, youknow, don't let it fall down
to McDonald's, you know,because I don't eat McDonald's.
I was like, I don't either.
(02:54):
So you don't haveto worry about that.
With my waffle house.
She said she wentto Waffle House All right,
on a date, on a date,at Waffle House.
So it's like, you know,when I grew up, Sizzla
was, you know, was, was,you know, was the shit.
Red Lobster was the shitman red lobster.
It was almost likeyou have money
(03:14):
Right, you're right.
Sizzla, Red Lobster.
thing about it is don't don'tdon't don't laugh about that
because my every time I go homeI always tell my mom and say hey
mom I'm gonna take you someplacenice where you want to go for
some reason She always saysred lobster and i'm like, oh my
You cannotCause that's what we write.
but but it's back then thatOh, so that would be a
note for you then today.
(03:36):
If somebody said, if, ifsomebody was like, hey Melissa,
I'd like to take you out.
And you're like, oh,what you have in mind?
I was thinking of Red Lobster.
What would youthat'd be a negative ghost
writer, I mean they're dirtyWell, you know what?
I honestly think that womenshould focus more on the time
they're going to spend withthe person across the table
with them, instead of wherethey're going to be eating.
Because that's the mostimportant portion of the date
(03:57):
Because the date is for youto get to know the person.
If I'm not taking you toa five star room, I mean,
granted, if I can affordto take you to a five star
restaurant, that's fantastic.
But if I can't, and I canonly take you twos and threes,
you should be focusing onthe guy across the table.
Yeah, you got to pick anothertwo or three because i'm
not going to red lobsterred lobster is dirty.
They just had um, um, Uh for avideo those jokers the rats was
(04:23):
running all through the joint.
No, thank you Yeah.
Yeah.
There's certain places.
There's certain placesI'm not even going, so,
Yeah, I mean, Imean, you can pick a nice place.
That's clean and cleanliness.
It doesn't have to be redlobster per se, but it
could be like a two orthree star restaurant.
And you know,What about Cheesecake
Factory, Melissa?
That was, that's a bigone on the internet.
(04:43):
I like the Cheesecake Factory.
I think it's anice establishment.
I think the food is great.
Um, but that was a big one.
I was on the internet where agirl cut the date off because
she didn't want to go to,um, the Cheesecake Factory.
I think it was more so becausethey were supposed to go
somewhere else prior to goingto the Cheesecake Factory.
(05:04):
And then when she showed up,she was like, Whoa, this is not
where you supposed to be takingme or something like that.
fake news.
to piggyback on some ofthe stuff you guys were
talking about as faras dirty restaurants.
I don't know if you knowhalf of the ones in D.
C.
are pretty dirty, and they'reconsidered five star, right?
So I don't know if youguys have ever been to D.
(05:25):
C.
and seen those ratsrunning around, but they're
all throughout thoserestaurants regardless of
if you see them or not.
So well, they're not atrestaurant Shea Melissa and
that's where I typically go.
I mean, but there's, there'salso videos of guys who make
really nice dinners for a girlat their house and they're
not appreciative of that.
I mean, if a guy sits there andhe makes a meal for you, I mean,
(05:48):
you gotta understand if someonefeeds you, that's a big deal.
I mean, when you sit in there,you gotta understand what
the whole symbolic meaning ofbreaking bread with somebody,
believe it or not, you havewars decided over dinner,
um, peace conferences decidedover dinner, a lot can be
done over dinner where, andthen you think about it.
I'm going to talk to you.
We're going to be shared.
We're going to be sharing food.
We're going to be,um, we're going to be,
(06:09):
um, drinking together.
It's, that is youropportunity to get to find
out who this person is.
If he's a jerk and he's takingyou to five star restaurants,
I mean, you're going toget lost in the restaurant.
Then you're going to find out,you know, you wake up next to
the morning and you're next tothis guy and you're like, man,
I don't even like this person.
I mean, that's a valid point.
Like, I don't know.
(06:30):
Um, I haven't beenon a dating scene.
So is that somethingthat men are doing now
is cooking for women.
I cook.
You know, I'm avery good cook, so.
Most times it's probablybetter to stay at the
crib with me and just eat.
I'm not, you know, I'm notpulling out frozen fish sticks.
(06:52):
You know what Kanyesaid, fish stick, but
I'm eating that lobster.
You know what I mean?
So you eating lobster tail,you know, filet mignon, ribeye.
You know, Doc Nellycame through one day.
I was like, hey, he waslike, hey, what's that smell?
I was like, it's some, youknow, Chilean sea bass.
(07:13):
I'm not, I'm not goingto say what I said,
It ain't no fried whiting, youknow, no fried falafel, you
know, it's, you know, we eatI mean, if you really want to
impress a young lady and youwant to have a nice dinner,
um, it's, it's cheaper tohave a private chef come in
and cook the food for youright in right in your house.
And, you know, they give youdrinks, you chill, you relax,
(07:34):
have your drinks, you walk over,you have a three or five course
meal, and you're ready to roll,and you're paying the same
amount of money as you wouldif you had um, uh, you went to
like a Ruth Chris or something.
to cook yourself.
don't think it's as cheapas Ruth Chris, bruh.
Come on now, I thinkyou, eh, you might take
it up a little bit.
what do you mean, theprivate chef?
(07:55):
Yeah, I know.
Ruth Chris is like,that's, that's like
McDonald's to us now, man.
ComeWell, you know what I mean, most
people, see, I'm not, I'm notsaying it to us, I'm saying it
for everyone to understand, RuthChris is like a pinnacle place.
Ruth Chris is overrated anyway.
I would, I wouldn't say Mmm.
I disagree with that.
I disagree with that.
I don't care where yougo in America, it's
(08:17):
gonna be a consistent,good meal.
a, like, overrated.
I've been to bettersteakhouses than Ruth Chris,
Oh, I'm, I'm notsaying I'm not better.
No, I'm not, I wouldn't,yeah, I'm not gonna
I'm not, I'm not, saying it'sthe best, but I'm definitely
not saying it's the worst.
I said it's overrated.
I wouldn't go that far.
why we all have ourown opinions, but I think
(08:38):
Right, I was about to say, yeah,yeah, we got our own opinions.
If she thinks it's overrated,it's overrated to her.
I'd liketo know from your generation.
Does your generationcook for assistance?
can't speak for everybody, so,uh, but, but I like to grill,
so, I mean, especially duringthe summertime and spring, I
learned from Kai, you know, anddoing my own thing on the side,
(09:01):
but, um, I like to grill, so.
Either I'm doing that orI might cook, you know,
for whomever I'm dating.
That's cool.
We all grill.
I mean, I love going to Costcoor I like getting some aged
beef, getting a big, thick cut.
And then you go in thereand you, and you fry it
up on a, you go there andgrill it up on the grill.
But the problem is a lotof women don't like a big
thick cut of steak like that.
(09:22):
what if you'reballing on a budget?
Like, everybody can'tafford these meals.
You talk about steak and filetmignon and, um, filet mignon
and lobster and big ribeye.
you can afford that stuff.
'cause you think aboutit, you get lobster tails.
They're not that expensive.
They're 10 bucks a tail.
You don't have to, youdon't get the huge ones,
but you get 10 bucks a tail.
(09:43):
You go down, you go toFood Line or, or Harris
Teeter or whatever.
You go a nice ribeye,you get rib eye.
hey, I know what boiling on abudget is, because, you know,
when I was in college, I hadmy own place, and when I would
cook, you know, I would whipup some, like, a box of mac and
cheese, then I would take someturkey meat, brown it and season
it up, and throw it in thereand mix it up with some spinach,
(10:04):
and now we got like a gourmetI'm not knocking Food Lion.
What I'm knocking isthere are certain things
that you do and you don'tbuy from certain stores.
So, I wouldn't buymeat from Walmart.
Just like I wouldn't buy alobster from Food Lion or a
lobster tail from Food Lion.
(10:25):
some guys, somepeople don't know.
So when you understand, theyknow lobster is something fancy.
Sometimes you can buyit at Food Lion, you can
buy it at Fresh Market.
You can buy it at allthese different places.
You can buy it from Whole Foods.
I mean, if you don'tknow, you don't know.
It depends on whoyou're dating, right?
So she already knows, or shealready had lobster tail.
You can't fool her, right?
So like, what is this?
(10:46):
Is this crawfish?
This ain't lobsters.
What is this?
Yeah.
Personally, it iswhat is what it is.
I mean, everyone can sit hereand say this, that, and the
other thing, but, you know,until you know, you don't know.
Like, sometimes you canbuy a thick steak and think
(11:07):
you're gonna save somemoney by cutting it in half.
Or you know, I mean,it's not racist.
It's not it's notthat you don't know.
It's just that you think that'swhat it's what you're supposed
to do You know, not everyone'sgonna get like like, you know
The good thing is I can like wecan afford now To go to costco
and buy a whole prime pieceof big prime rib and have a
(11:28):
butcher cut it up for us Youknow, we can buy flank steak.
We know different cuts of steak,Yeah, but if we go back
to our original statement,what Kai said was the
young lady would not go toCheats Food Factory
or Cracker Barrel.
So do you think thatshe's gonna eat a lobster
(11:50):
from, um, Lion, Food Lion?
I don't thinkI'm going to take you to Cracker
Barrel and they're like, Idon't like Cracker Barrel.
All right, we'llgo to this place.
Oh no, I don't like this place.
If I don't like this,I don't like this.
Um, first off I would packher stuff up and shoo her
out the door because someonelike that is just, um, that's
(12:12):
not the person you want.
Because you, you need someonewho's going to be with you
when you're down and whenyou're going to be up.
here's what I think.
I think that as like right now,you know, me and doc, we used to
go to Ruth Chris all the time.
First of all, westarted out at Longhorn.
You know what I mean?
What's the other one?
Outback, Longhorn.
We were Outback andLonghorn brothers.
(12:33):
Then we graduated to Ruth Chris.
Then it was Morton's.
Then it was Flanagan'sor Fleming's.
And then now wecan go to Rathburn.
Now we can go to wherever.
We can get 180 cuts ofWagyu beef if we wanted to.
So, so think about women whohave kind of their, their
head is not on crack about,so you got to know that.
(12:56):
Listen, I'm finished.
Now you have to knowthe class of women.
You're dating.
If you're going, look, ifyou're dating women who are VPs.
Don't go to them withcrack about that's you
a dummy for doing that.
That's like, Hey, I'm goingto go a race, but you coming
up there in a beetle andeverybody else is driving.
Come on, son.
(13:17):
You got to comein with a Bugatti.
Now, if the woman is a differenttype of one where they like,
that's what they expect.
And they come into the table.
I used to, you know, every,you got to know that I'm
not, you know, I'm not withthat, but you know, the way
I roll, I'm not, I'm nottaking you to crack about it.
I'm not taking youto Chick fil a.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm not taking you to RubyTuesdays and Applebee's.
(13:38):
That's college day shit.
Yes.
And no, I think, I think,I think it depends on
where she's humble too.
So, I mean, if she's willing, ifshe's a VP for instance, right.
And she doesn't reallyexpect you to do the
extraordinary, that's fine.
I mean, you don't have to takesomebody else, you don't have to
take no girl out, you know, onthe first date somewhere, fancy.
(14:02):
You can go in between andthen you gradually take her
there just to see how shereacts to certain things.
That's, that's my opinion.
That's what I would do.
but you're, you're not goingto Cracker Barrel either.
Let's be real about it.
know, man, it a cracker barrel,I've done crack about
No, I'm not.
Well, I'm not.
Well, I know you've doneit, but now you're in a
(14:23):
position where your firstthought probably isn't
going to be, you know what?
I'm going to wake up and takemy baby to Cracker Barrel.
think it goes back to what hesaid, which, which date is it?
I think along the lines of,you know, when we were talking
in the chat, I think coffeeis fine for a first date.
It doesn't have to besomething extravagant,
(14:44):
There are coffeeshops that are better.
You spin.
Cracker Barrel.
Now, you can go tohere in Atlanta.
You got Cafe Intimezzo.
You got little French spots youcan go to that are nice, upscale
coffee shops with nice pastries.
So, that's differentthan Cracker Barrel.
That's true.
but I'm still going tostand on the point that.
It doesn't matter whereyou go with the person,
(15:05):
um, CEO, you know, the frygirl at McDonald's, you
want to know what kind ofperson you're dealing with.
And, you know, and that's why,that's why I think a coffee,
coffee shop date is fine.
You just wantto sit there and talk,
but you do, you just want to sitthere and talk to the person and
find out where their head's at.
Because, you know, And thefunny thing about it is if
(15:26):
you can take a girl to CrackerBarrel and she appreciates
you buying her and takingher to Cracker Barrel, great.
If you don't think, if she'snot going to appreciate Cracker
Barrel, and oh, this is notgood enough for me, this
is not this, you know what?
That might not be a personwho's only interested
in materialistic things.
Because the thing, just likeeverything else, materialistic
(15:47):
things, exterior features,um, I always tell people, you
can be good looking now, youcan be good looking ten years
from now, but guess what?
Good looks fade.
Because as you get older,we don't get better looking.
I mean, you can still staygood looking, but after
a while, you want to beinvolved with somebody who
has a lot more to offer youthan just a pretty face.
You want a great personality.
(16:07):
You want her tobe able to laugh.
You want her to be able tohelp you out with problems.
So my whole thing is, you'renot going to find that out,
um, if you're eating a 300meal and you can barely
talk and you got to whisper.
You know, you might want tofind out, does she cut up?
You know, she can write, shecan say jokes and she can
(16:28):
laugh and she ain't going tobe upset when you make jokes
about it and that stuff.
You know, you do, you wantto be able to find that out.
So that's what Ithink the meal is for.
I mean, I think we'vepersonally, I think we're
focusing on the meal itself.
Yeah.
You're not focused on the personacross the table from you.
Not that, Mean, that's reallya valid statement.
Like people arefocused on the what.
(16:49):
You know, andwhere you're going versus
how is this person goingto add value to my life?
Do I really like this person?
Are they worth the second dateversus where you're going?
That's very valid.
And there is a lotof emphasis on that.
I agree.
(17:10):
I hate to say it.
We're more interested insomeone who's wearing Louis
Vuitton, doing this, doingthat Dior, this thing,
that thing, that thing.
And on the, and on theinside, you know, they're
a horrible person.
They're a horribleperson, you know?
And then you believe it ornot, the person who's wearing
like, I don't know, TommyHilfiger, I mean, something
(17:33):
wearing something normal,Tell me if it ain't normal.
You're gonna have to goon down to Walmart, like.
faded, faded glory, man.
But the thing is though,at the end of the day,
you wanna, you wanna bewith somebody who's real.
Hey, we, we, look, we all havebeen there and have elevated.
And as you elevate thecircles, you date and
should be elevated as well.
(17:54):
So as youmove up, let me finish, doc.
So as you move up, so inthe past, you know, I didn't
wear Gucci and Prada and allthat, you know, Bulbarian,
but I wear that shit.
The Yeezys, you know, causeI, you know, I like my stuff.
I can afford it.
I'm not robbingPeter to pay Paul.
So, and so with that comesthe different, you know,
I'm not running in circleswith women that, you
(18:15):
know, can't do the same.
Youum, I might have to leave your
circle cause I shop at Shein.
that.
a personal choice.
Yes.
a personal choice.
It's not that youcan't afford it.
It's a personal choice.
Yes, and, you know what though?
But that should be just fine.
For some guys, that'd belike, I can be, I
can be like this.
You know what?
I can be like, you know what?
(18:35):
That's the kind of girl I like.
She ain't she's not caughtup in all the superficiality.
She's just basic and real.
Boom.
If she likes to wear whateverthis, that, and that.
If she looks good init, god bless her.
I think, you know, people lookphenomenal in those clothes,
but like you said, it's just,uh, um, a personal choice
(18:57):
It's a personal choice.
And at the end of the day,it's all vanity anyway.
And I've realized that,you know what I'm saying?
I used to be a high W andthat's expensive stuff.
Yeah.
That was back when Icouldn't afford it.
You know what I mean?
I mean, I can afford it.
So, But you work like,let me finish in that part.
Thank you.
I put in the work, but Idon't want to sound like.
(19:19):
But, you know, I'm this highminded guy, of course, you know,
I've dated women that don'tmake as much as me, but they
brought more things to the tablethan just the financial side.
So, I think the important pieceis, yes, you know, there are
certain things you get to knowthe person and you're like, ah,
this person is materialisticand not really just, you know,
(19:39):
like to enjoy the spice of lifebased on where you are, you
know, there's a difference youcan, and you should be able
to tell that and pick that upthat a materialistic person
is not a materialistic person.
It's different for somebodywho's like, okay, they're
not materialistic, but theyjust like to enjoy life
and not afraid to spend,spend now to enjoy it.
but I think everyonechooses what they want
to spend their money on.
(20:01):
Like, I may have a differentadvice than buying name
brand things, but I mightlike to do something else.
Um, it might be a differentway that I spend my money.
But you can like go on Facebooknow and, and get some of that
stuff, but it, to me, it's stilllike, it's a lot of money for
a purse where Louis Vuittonis really not even leather.
(20:23):
It's vinyl.
The last topic that we haveIs the video that I sent
in the chat where the younglady was saying that she's
not going back to like youbreak up with someone and
then they want to come back.
Well, women are thinkingthat because you're coming
(20:45):
back, it means that theythink you're a dummy and they
could continue to play you.
know what?
I'll be quite honest with you.
Some of the, some of the peoplewho get on the internet, and I
don't know why you do this, butit just, it's just a bad look.
I mean, some people break upwith other people and they
say, Hey, you know what?
I realized what I had andI want to go back to it.
(21:06):
And you know, every,I mean, that's, that's
just facts of life.
No one thinks you're a dummy.
I mean, that's, that's not,that's just not realistic.
I I thought that was stupid.
you're gonna have arguments.
Me and Kai have had arguments.
I'm not gonna, I'm like, oh, I'mnot gonna talk to Kai no more.
no, it's not, notwhere it's platonic.
(21:26):
It's a man and a womanstill a relationship.
And at the end of the day,if you have a relationship
with somebody, and thingsdon't go back, I mean, you
can get mad at somebody.
You can walk away andtake a break, and then
say, you know what?
I don't want, I don'twant there to be so much
separation between us.
I want to be with this person.
I mean, I get it.
But the funny thing is,is just that you have to
(21:46):
understand dating is likeyou, you have to develop,
there's, there's peaks andvalleys in every relationship.
And unfortunately, you'regonna go through a valley
and you're gonna realize,Hey, you know what?
I made a mistake, and Imissed this person, and I want
this person back in my life.
And that's what you're doing.
All this other stuff, Oh, theythink I'm a dummy, they do that,
I think they're doing that justthink it could be if, if
(22:07):
the relationship was toxic.
right.
Exactly.
So if the relationshipShe didn't give she didn't
give any context on howthe relationship was.
She's just coming out.
Like, she's the authorityon breakups and to make up.
All right.
Well, there's this, there's,you know, you have the worst
case scenario and then youhave the best case scenario.
(22:29):
Doc's talking best case wheretwo people can be adult,
mature, mature adults who areself aware and understand that
sometimes shit doesn't workand then you got over here.
If you go back tosomebody, you're done.
And then in betweenthose extremes, you
got every iteration andyou know what?
can exist at the same time.
And you know whatthe funny thing is?
(22:50):
If we go back to the lastconversation and apply the
last conversation in thisconversation, when people
say they have these toxicrelationships and all this
other stuff, if you justsat down and spoke with this
person and not been blindedby the nice restaurant, nice
cars, all this other stuff,and got to know what type of
person this is, you might notbe in a toxic relationship.
You know, you might findif you sat down and talk to
(23:11):
this guy, you might find out,hey, this guy is, he's got an
unnecessarily angry temper.
Because, um, I could be inthe coffee shop and a person
makes my order badly andI'm yelling at the girl,
I'm slamming stuff down.
Your thought processhas got to be, Hey, this
might not be the guy.
But if you take it to a nicerestaurant, um, you don't get
to, you don't get to interactwith me in a meaningful way that
(23:33):
a lot of stuff gets overlookedbecause you're looking at
the presentation of the food.
You're looking atthe presentation.
That's why a lot of businesslunches don't, they don't have
business lunches anymore becausepeople lose concentration and
focus while they're eating.
And there's always aninterruption so that you
cannot keep on the business.
So when you, so what they dois they have lunch, but they
(23:55):
order it in so you can be ata table and you can be doing
work and you can focus onthe work and eat in between.
It depends on the woman, youknow, I just, here's the deal.
If that's a woman's411 or her M.
O.
That's just going tobe her 4 1 1 and her M.
O.
until she decidesto get out the game.
You know, you got pimpsand you got playettes.
(24:17):
And that's just thereality of life.
And then you just got toknow who you're messing with.
Trust me, you'll know,like I said earlier.
If you are a self aware,observant, You know, value
based, principle based,behavior based individual.
You'll be able to tell thedifference between a woman
who's that type of play yetversus someone, all right.
They just like to enjoy thespice of life because we have
(24:39):
balance in our relationship.
Sometimes they want to go toMarcel's or, you know, Rathburn
steakhouse, or they're goodwith just chilling at the
crib cooking steak or stir frysome, you know, take tips and
some fried rice at the crib.
And if you're not, if it'slike that, then we cool.
But if it's always, you know,We got to always dip, dip, dip.
And I'm not, you know,I'm not with that.
No, I was going tosay, I agree with that.
(25:00):
You can definitely tell, um,uh, unscrupulous, you know,
behavior or whatnot, becauseit's going to show probably
within the next, well, withinthe next five minutes or
so of your interaction withthat person, you can kind of
get a gauge of how they are.
Right.
So then it also, it also boilsdown to how people communicate
because once again, peopledon't know how to communicate.
(25:23):
Right.
There, there's a gap into howpeople interact with certain
people because of, could itbe their environment and how
they saw other people act?
And so they act the same way.
So people just don't know howto communicate in general.
They don't know how toexpress their feelings
because you know what?
That was a clip I saw the otherday where that said he doesn't
express how he feels or hedoesn't vent to a woman because.
(25:47):
They're going to use itagainst them that goes how,
you know, how we communicateand how, you know, certain
relationships are with certainpeople, but it's just crazy
how you meet certain peoplewho just don't know how to
either vent or just communicatein general and to express
how they feel about somebody.
That is powerful.
(26:09):
Um, and we talked aboutthat in our last episode.
But I was also gonna saythere's layers to what doc
said Like, you know, you havethat one meeting, but we all
know When you first go out withsomeone for the first three
to six months, you're you'retalking to the impersonator So
they're gonna hide everythingFor the most part until
(26:32):
stuff starts to creep out.
You're not gonna see it onthe first date most instances
So superficial.
And then I, on good behavioryeah.
And then I, I'll add to yours.
We, I think there's anelement of selfishness.
It's about me, me, me, me, me,what I feel, what I want to do
versus how do we walk together?
(26:54):
What do I do tocompliment value?
Do I bring to that person?
And what value do theybring back to me is it
can't just be one And Ithe thing you have to understand
when you're with somebody andthen, and it's tough for me to
do and it's tough for a lot ofpeople to do, um, is that you
have to understand and you gotto walk in that person's shoes.
You got to understand theirposition, but on the, on the,
(27:14):
on the flip side too, youknow, they have to understand
your position and you can say,Hey, I understand your, what
you're in, but you, but yougot to see the position I'm in.
And if they never see theposition you're in, you're
going to always feel slighted.
Yeah.
then some people are.
over.
That's game over for me.
Yeah.
And, and some people,some people label that
narcissistic, oh, you'renarcissistic, you're narcissist.
(27:37):
No, you gotta think,you gotta understand.
I'm going through some real lifeshit and you know, I understand
the position you're in, but I'min, but I'm in the weeds too.
You know?
I mean, I mean, youare in the weeds.
I'm in the weeds.
I got an idea.
Let's get together, be a team,and we probably might be able to
knock these weeds down together.
But if you're, you're, ifyou're, if you're stuck in
your head about your problemsand you're not even remotely
(28:00):
gonna listen, you're not evenremotely interested in what
I'm, my, my problems are.
I got going on, then it makesit real tough because you're the
mismatch.
Two are better than one.
How always.
together?
Unless they agree.
People are forgetting that, youknow, it's not like, you know,
you know, everyone's thinking.
Yeah, it's it's us against theworld But there's going to be
some points where I carry youand the funny thing about it
(28:22):
Is is that you don't realizethat because I remember um,
the funny thing about it Is Iwas watching one of my college
football tapes I said, you know,I saw one I popped that thing
in the dvd player and i'm likeman Let me see just relive my
glory years and i'm watchingit and there was a play Where
the, um, where the tackle goesdown and I come in behind him.
(28:42):
And the thing that I, thething I recognized is that
the guy, the tackle in frontof me, he would literally
grab the opposing player andpull him so I could run by.
And the thing that I, and thefunny thing is, I never realized
that he was giving himself upso I could make the big play.
So the thing about it is, isthat here is this guy, he's,
(29:04):
he's pretty much pullingeveryone on top of himself.
So you don't even see who he is.
And then I run up andI make the, I make the
tackle, I make the sack.
And, and I'm like standingthere, my arms up in the air.
But the reality is, I neverwould have been in that position
if I didn't have the help.
So that's it's called the team.
in buying me and whereI eat and everything.
(29:39):
Cause you gotta understand, ifI take you to Cracker Barrel,
and you're having a big fitabout me taking you to Cracker
Barrel, I'm not gonna wanna takeyou to um, a fancy restaurant.
Because I know, when thethings are down, this
is how you're gonna act.
Everyone is greatwhen you're up.
Everyone's happy when you're up.
I mean, it's great to bearound me when we're up.
(30:00):
But I'm telling you what, backwhen Cracker Barrel was the,
I mean, that was the jointto go to, you know, you had,
you had your nose turned up.
So I mean, for themost part, that's why
I do the coffee dates.
That's why I would do a coffeedate, simply for the fact that,
you know, if you're, if you're,if you're, if I don't like you,
I don't like your energy, Idon't like what you're bringing
to the table, it only costsme what, five dollars for a
(30:22):
high priced thing of coffee.
It's true.
I have a book that isavailable on um, Amazon
and Barnes and Nobles.
Volume 1, The Ragdoll Diaries,Pink Panties on the Floor.
Wanted to read a excerptfrom the book, um, just
(30:46):
to correlate, um, what wewere talking about today.
And get your, your finalthoughts from there.
So, um, just to, to give thereaders a synopsis of Shay
is the main character, she'sdating Andre, but She knows
(31:07):
that she is one of his women,but she feels like, you know,
she wants him to get it allout of his system and she's
going to be the main chick.
And then the other chickis going to be nothing.
So, um, but herbubble was busted.
So she says, reality isI'm not sure what men are
thinking where they pull onthe heartstrings of women.
(31:29):
In some instances, we allowit because a man will only
do What you allow them todo, but in some instances, I
believe greed gets the bestof them One dude told me he
was just selfish selfish.
Nah, you're greedy, bitchWalking around here sticking
anything with the pulse thatsays hello Men need to stop for
(31:49):
a moment and realize that theirdaughters or granddaughters may
go through the same experiences.
They may perhaps find menjust like them and it is
then I hope they stop fora moment and remember all
of the women whom theyvictimized through the years.
Women are not dogs or puppies,whichever one you want to use.
Women are not pawns.
Women are feeling peoplewith real emotions and
(32:11):
men must realize that theycannot just pick us up and
throw us away like old ragswhenever they feel like it.
I know that I am worthy ofsomeone who's going to love me
and only me But I cannot seeit right now standing on the
inside So I will continue toplay this game until I crap out
(32:32):
I think who she's dealingwith and where she's
getting these people from.
Number one, So if you'reconstantly going to the same
well to get these people,then you need to change
your, well, you need tochange your environment.
Number two, I mean, youneed to look at yourself and
analyze yourself and, youknow, try to figure out why am
I dealing with these people?
(32:52):
Expect more for yourself.
How to blame somebody else.
She had a little selfesteem By the way, I agree.
That's what it sounds like.
And then that might comefrom, uh, you know, maybe
like I said earlier, theenvironment or parental trauma.
Some kind of traumathat caused that.
So, you know, even kids, right?
(33:12):
Kids are very brutal growing up.
talks about that inthe in in the book.
So the reason why kids areso brutal is no one's
taught them how to lie.
Well, I don'tso when you when you ask,
when you ask a three or fouryear old, um, hey, am I fat?
And they say, yeah, you're fat.
It's not thatthey're being mean.
It's just that no one'staught them to embellish.
(33:33):
No one's taught them to lie.
So you're getting the truth andsometimes believe it or not.
We need to we actually needto tell the truth I mean the
funny thing is you're talkingabout that woman having low
self esteem that guy might havelow self esteem Because the
thing is though he's trying tofind himself in One two, three,
four, five, six, seven womenand the thing is you gotta
(33:55):
understand if he's sleeping withfive or three Four women at a
time and he still feels empty.
It's not the womenwho are the problem.
He might be the problemOkay, all right.
Let me, let me, letme counteract that.
What have you alreadytold me that I don't know?
I don't, I never read thebook, but what have you
already told him what he wants?
You know what?
That's the same thing.
(34:16):
I don't care if he tells themThe problem you gotta understand
is, if you're, the whole goalis, if you're gonna try to
find a mate, you're gonna tryto find your soulmate, you're
gonna try to find your partner,but what if, they
don't want that?
you know what, if they don'twant that, that's fine, then
he's gonna keep looking.
But the funny thing is, ifyou're looking for one person,
and you wanna be with that oneperson, you're not gonna sleep
(34:36):
with five or six different womenright, that's if
you're looking forIf that's you're looking
if you're if you're lookingfor your person You're not
going to sleep with fiveor six different women
Well, that's the big if ifi'm looking for one person.
Sometimes you're lookingfor multiple people to
make a whole person.
And you know what that might bethe case But at the end of the
day if you're that narcissisticthat you're looking for this
(34:58):
person this you're this you'rethis you're this You got to find
out all people aren't perfect.
And you pick whatever longperson that you want to be with.
Because like you say, everybodydoes, everybody's not perfect.
So you pick their imperfectionsand you say, well, this
time I can deal withfor the rest of my life.
And if it is, thenyou stick with them.
If not, you go onabout your business.
yeah, you know what?
(35:18):
I'm a hardcore guy.
I'm this way or that way.
If you can't, if you can'ttake my personality, I'm
cool with taking my, youcan't take my personality.
That's cool.
You don't have tohang out with me.
that's what the girl was saying.
What we said is that personwas already playing with you.
And then you went back tothat joker knowing that he was
(35:40):
playing with you, but he's notgoing to stop playing with you.
He thinks you're dumb enough tocome back when he was playing
with you, but it doesn'tapply to every relationship.
It applies to theones where they were
playing around with you.
Well, you gotta understand too,that guy, that guy, that guy
could be, he could be reallygood at playing her heart.
And he could be, you know, hecould say the right things and
(36:01):
do the right things where hecould say, Hey, this is a, I
mean, I think you're special.
I think you're this,you're this, but you keep
sleeping with other people.
I think I got to step away.
All right.
You step away, but you startmissing that person and you
think he's going to change.
It doesn't mean you're aYou miss that person and you
miss what they do to you.
Sometimes you got to becommitted to the breakup period.
(36:21):
We know, we know there'scertain, you know, if we know
how to break up went down,it wasn't like if it wasn't
a mutual head, let's justtake a break and we'll come
back and see how this goes.
If it was one of those breakupswhere it's like, yeah, we
need to stay broken up.
And you get those urgesto go back, you have to be
committed to the breakup,just like you tried to be
(36:41):
committed to that relationship.
Yep.
That's the tough damn part.
and that's wherethe pain comes in.
It's a grieving processthat takes place when you
break up with somebody.
Look, I always saidthis, once the heart
gets involved, game over.
When you break up withthat person and the
heart is tangled up, ahealing, there's a grieving
process that takes place.
(37:03):
is, sometimes it never heals.
And that's the thingyou got to understand.
That's the thingyou got to take.
And it's horrible.
This is a good show.
I really enjoyed it.
Any last thoughts?
Let's start with Lee.
He was quiet.
don't have anylast thoughts, man.
I don't, I can't thinkof anything right now.
Um, but I definitelyenjoyed the conversation.
Um, everybody'sdifferent perspectives.
(37:25):
Yeah, I accepteverybody's opinion.
Yeah, I like it.
We that's what we talkedabout diversity of thought.
We don't all have to agree, butI think we all have different
perspectives and it works.
Yeah, my parting last words.
You know, enjoy thebeauty of being human.
(37:47):
No, stop, stop.
We are not AI.
We are not machines.
Learn to give yourself grace.
We make mistakes.
No one's perfect.
And sometimes we're good.
Look, sometimes we've gota lot of rods in the fire.
We're juggling a lot ofballs and sometimes you're
going to drop a ball andyou might, you know, Rob,
one ride might get too high.
We need to drop that shit.
It's okay.
It's part of being human.
So accept your humanity.
(38:08):
That's what I'm saying.
Reverend Roosevelt,Didn't he go to sleep?
like he froze.
He froze on us.
He went to sleep.
sleep doing church.
No, the image is frozen.
Nobody to nudge him.
the church mother atwhen you need her?
(38:29):
Where the church mother at?
Wake up, boy.
yo.
Oh! You've been listening togirl talk with the boys.
We hope that you enjoyedthis episode Please follow
us on youtube like and shareum, and as always We see
you because we are you we'llsee you next time on girl.
(38:52):
Talk with the boys
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