July 16, 2024 • 45 mins
On this episode of Girl Tawk! Social Media Influencer Emonie joins Melissa Ann for an in-depth conversation on the complexities of dating, self-identity, and living authentically.
This thought-provoking episode discusses societal judgments, the importance of self-love, and how to live unapologetically and freely in today's world.
Emonie also shares his experiences navigating the dating scene as a gender-bender, emphasizing the significance of self-care and authentic expression.
Throughout this engaging dialogue, Melissa Ann and Emonie reflect on:
- Overcoming insecurities
- Societal prejudice within and outside the LGBTQ+ community
- Finding confidence when it's difficult
This episode is rich with personal anecdotes, advice on self-discovery, and the importance of remaining true to oneself.
00:00 Introduction to Girl Talk with Melissa
01:52 Meet Emonie's: Living Free and Authentic
03:30 Navigating the Dating World
04:57 Emonie's Weight Loss Journey and Self-Love
12:34 Challenges in the Gay Community
21:27 Confidence and Pretty Privilege
23:16 Facing Insecurities and Self-Reflection
25:19 Manifestation and Personal Growth
26:44 Struggles with Body Image and Self-Worth
28:01 Navigating Relationships and Self-Respect
32:54 Overcoming Self-Medication and Embracing Life
36:06 Living Authentically and Helping Others
38:41 Challenges of Body Image in Society
41:35 Promoting Self-Love and Acceptance
44:56 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
👉 Listen now: www.youtube.com/@GirlTawk
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Connect with Melissa Ann on Social Media.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I think in all aspects ofdating, whether you're straight
(00:04):
gay or, or bi, um, or whatever,you have to always make sure
that, you know, if a person isinterested, Really trying to get
to know you as an individual orif they are really infatuated
with the thought of you And sothat is something that on my
journey right now I'm learningof me first in order to see The
difference between somebody thathas a fetish for me and someone
(00:27):
that truly wants to love meWelcome to Girl Talk
with your girl Melissa.
And I am so excited today tohave in the studio with me.
Imani, we're going to havean awesome conversation.
I'm excited to meetwith Ani today.
I follow money on Instagram,love his posts, love,
(00:48):
love, love, love his post.
And so I'm excited tohave him on with me today.
We're going to talk aboutliving in your experience
without being prejudged.
Right.
That could mean reallya lot of things.
We in a we're in a societywhere everyone is judging
everything about everything.
You eat cornbread.
Why you got to eat cornbread?
That got that got allthese chemicals in it.
(01:10):
You don't eat cornbread.
You should eat cornbread.
You know, it's justeveryone is judging a
person on who they are.
And one of the things when Imaniand I were having a conversation
that he said is, you neverjudge a book by its cover.
And while that is an oldmantra, it is not, it's so
(01:31):
true today that we are ina society or we're in an
element where people are justjudging a book by its cover,
don't even know the person.
So we're going to dive intothat conversation Love having
a conversation with Imani justin the short period of time
that we've known each otherbecause of his free spirit.
(01:52):
And so without further ado, I'dlove Imani to introduce himself
and talk a little bit about,you know, how do you live free?
Well, thank you.
First of all, Melissa,for having me.
I'm so excited to beon girl talk, honey.
Um, it is such an honor.
Um, I would have to say whatit means for me to live out
(02:14):
loud and proud and myself andjust being me, um, and don't
judge a book by its cover.
It's just honestly beingauthentic, um, in this,
you know, world that wecall like today's society.
I think a lot of people are in aplace now where you can be more
free And open with who you are.
And so in my, in my, like.
(02:36):
I call growing pains.
Um, the dating world is, it'scrazy because now, um, it used
to be taboo for you to be, um,as I would call a gender bender
or someone that is, um, what'sthe word that I'm looking for?
Androgynous.
Um, so sometimes peopledon't know where to put you.
(02:58):
So they put you in acategory where they're
like, well, are you trans?
And you're like, no.
And they're like, what are you?
And you're like, I'm just me.
And so I have.
Learn to maneuver in in thissociety where people put
labels on everything andit's if it's red, it's red
If it's green, it's green.
If it's blue, it's blue.
That's what we've been trainedto think But I living out loud
(03:19):
and proud and in your truthin your authenticity What it
is now we're in a place wherepeople can be themselves and
you don't have to put a labelon it And it's a beautiful time.
Um My dating life rightnow is so much fun.
Um, I meet a lot of peoplethat are, I would say a lot
of men that are like, well, Imean, you are just stunning.
(03:41):
Like you're beautiful.
Like you, you, you like,what have you done?
And I'm like, nothing.
And they're like, well, I'venever been attracted to a guy.
And I'm like, okay, well,it's a first for everything.
And I'll be honest, it's weirdbecause sometimes people think
in the dating world, when youare a individual that people
think, You're pretty that thingscome easy as far as you know
(04:04):
Relationships and you knowdating but it's not easy because
a lot of times you get weirdWeirdos, let's be honest, like,
so it's weird.
Cause sometimes I'm like,all right, is this a
fetish or are you reallytrying to get to know me?
(04:25):
And so I think in all aspects ofdating, whether you're straight
gay or, or bi, um, or whatever,you have to always make sure
that, you know, if a person isinterested, Really trying to get
to know you as an individual orif they are really infatuated
with the thought of you And sothat is something that on my
journey right now I'm learningof me first in order to see The
(04:49):
difference between somebody thathas a fetish for me and someone
that truly wants to love meYou had to start somewhere
to get to this journey.
So, you know, what was yourstarting point to get you to
where you feel this confidencenow and this freedom?
Um, I would say probably likewhen I was about, 33, 34.
(05:15):
Like I went on a health journey.
Um, um, I, like I, we talkedpreviously, um, for anybody
that knows me or that followsme, I used to be 389 pounds.
And so my biggestinsecurity was my weight.
And so I always heard in theworld in general, like, Oh,
(05:36):
you're beautiful for a plus sizeperson, or you're beautiful.
And I used to be like,well, damn, like that's
a backhanded compliment.
Why can't I just be pretty?
Like, yeah, pretty face.
Like the rest ofyou is effed up.
And that's how itfelt like I was just a bitch.
And like, you know, Iwas like, what is it?
Am I just a tire?
So I learned once I workedon me because sometimes we
(06:00):
look for other people to putthe work in for us on us.
And what we really need todo is put the work in on
ourselves before we go outto look for someone to love
on us the way that we shouldbe leveling on ourselves.
Because if you love yourselfaccordingly, Then that love that
you're meant to have will showitself and it won't be a secret.
(06:21):
It won't be a, um, asecond thought when people
genuinely see your, yourlight shine and your energy
is exactly what you need.
Zooing out of you.
It draws people to you.
Sometimes it draws the wrong.
Okay.
Sometimes baby.
It's like, it's like lies baby.
Like, all right, let me, okay.
(06:46):
every in a while you finda couple of princes, um,
in that, in that bunch.
So I am learning to sift.
The bull.
Um, but I'm havingfun while doing it.
I'm in a place nowwhere dating is fun.
Um, I don't look at it assomething serious starting off.
And so that's somethingthat I had to learn.
'cause I've all, I'ma Capricorn, I'm a
hopeless romantic.
(07:07):
To me, if you look at meand wink your eye and say
you like me, we go together.
Okay.
I have to work on that.
So, um, I had to realize that itdid not mean that I had to
give that personal, likepart of myself to everybody.
(07:30):
As far as if someone showsyou some bit of affection
or some, some gesture ofkindness, it does not mean.
they're the one.
A lot of people like youhere, you catch more flies
with honey than bull.
Yeah.
If it's sweet, if it's, ifit's, if that's sweet, you're
naturally going to be willing tolisten to what they have to say.
(07:54):
And they're going to drawyou in compared to somebody
like, let's be real.
We've all had somebody, Hey,yo mom, get away from me.
Yeah.
That's a, Yeah, like, oh,and that's my God.
I don't even turn around.
The grocery store and a guy,he walked down three at like,
(08:16):
the first time he walked pastme, I was like, All right, I
already know what's going on.
Because he was checking me out.
But he was kind of liketrying to figure it like shit.
I'm trying to figure, like, isthis a girl or is this a boy?
And I'm like, baby,I already know, like,
baby, I already know.
Once you lock eyes with me, andyou look at me more than one
time, and then you, you kindalike, what's the, I'm like,
yeah, nah, it's not for me.
So I keep going.
(08:37):
I get down the next aisle.
Who's on the otherend of the aisle?
The same dude.
And I'm like, alright,you know what?
Just to have fun with this,I'mma turn my cart around and
go the opposite way and go downan aisle that I know I don't
have nothing that I want on it,just to see if he gonna follow.
Who was behind me?
That same gentleman.
And the first moment hehad a chance when our
(08:58):
carts passed each other,he said, You smell good.
I said, Thank you.
He was like, You're welcome.
What your name is?
First of all, honey, everythingelse went out the window.
I felt like Olivia Popetrying to find out a case.
And where are you from?
And so I'm at a place nowwhere I sift out the bull.
(09:20):
If I don't feel like inthat first initial greeting,
if something does not seemright, if something does not
seem like, I hate to say it.
I'm at a point in my lifewhere I'm not trying to
teach you how to love.
And I'm not trying tolike everybody, we all
have to teach each other.
I love language when you getto know a person, but I can
(09:41):
just tell when someone's rougharound the edges and I'm like,
Ooh, honey, you, I couldn'tbring you around my family.
You forget that, you know, some,especially when you're younger,
you're not thinking about,you know, all of the things
like, okay, I got to bring,I could potentially have
a child with this person,or, you know, am I going to
(10:01):
be able to raise a family?
Um, will my parents,when you're, when you're
younger, you're not thinkingabout all those things.
When you're older, you havea little different, um,
line of sight where you arethinking about those things.
And I think some people arestuck in the younger phase,
even when they're older, andthey, they forget about that.
(10:23):
But you talked about, which isquite important, is eluding,
um, exuding confidence.
So exuding this confidence,um, which draws people to
you, How do you do that?
Like, you know, you're obviouslybeautiful, but how do you,
how did you get to that pointonce you lost the weight?
(10:46):
Was it just something thatcame naturally or was it
always, always in you?
It's just that you were heldback because of that one factor.
I think that it wasalways because I always
had the ability to flirt.
One thing I was, Iwas always a tease.
I would talk a good gamebaby and then run off.
Like, Cinderella when the clockstruck 12, baby, listen, I'm
(11:08):
gonna paint you a picture.
Oh, baby And I'm gonna see youtonight and dada, baby, and I
was gone with the wind fabulousgone, baby when I tell you
I was like, okay, I'll meetyou And I would never show
up because My my downfall inmy mind was always my weight.
I always Because I wasn'tcomfortable with my skin.
(11:31):
I just didn't understandthat there's still people
out here that can loveyou for who you are and no
matter what size you are.
But if you're not confident inwho you are and where you're at
starting off, there's nothinganyone else around you can
say to you to get you to, youknow, just connect with them
on a level of understanding.
(11:53):
And so I knew from just gettingto know, um, Someone outside
of my personal life, it wouldtake a lot because I was
scared to let my wall down.
Cause I'm like, Oh gosh,if we do go to the next
level and we get intimate,I gotta take my clothes off
in front of this person.
Do I feel like I'm going to beable to do that comfortably and
(12:14):
not feel like I'm being judged?
Like all the things thatmost people, I think we all
think of certain things.
Like everybody has an insecurityon them somewhere, but I
figured it was just one ofthose things where I was like,
Oh gosh, I don't find myself.
attractive without clothes on.
So who's going to find meattractive without clothes on?
(12:34):
Or, I'll be honest with you,in the gay scene, um, sometimes
in the black gay scene, it'skind of hard because we're so
judgmental towards each other.
Really?
Like, let's just say thegay scene in general.
Like you have the gay scene andthen you have the white gays and
then you have the black gays.
(12:55):
And so in the black gayscene, we're very catty.
We're very, Ooh, girl,uh uh, look, look, girl.
Ooh, look, look whatshe got on, child.
Look at, Ooh, girl, uh uh, look.
She ain't got no butt.
Girl, girl, shelooks sloppy in it.
Like we're very catty.
And so you get, The girls, whichare the boys that we call butch
queens, they're very much intothe Girl, look at her girl.
(13:17):
She thinks she cute girl.
Uh uh girl and they docatty things like oh girl
Okay, we see you we see you.
Okay And then talk about you.
Yes, and then in the whitescene if you are a gay black
that happens to be hanging outin a Quote unquote white gay
area you're usually stereotypedas either the oreo the token
(13:42):
black or You are put in a in aposition where they are always
questioning like well We needyour card to put it on file.
If you're going to get drinksat the bar, cause we just, you
know, we've had people leaveand you're like, wait, what?
You got to deal with prejudice.
Oh, absolutely.
And it's sadin that, um, even in
the gay community.
(14:05):
So there's prejudice withinthe gay community, but then
prejudice outside of that gaycommunity from those who aren't.
Correct.
Correct.
And it's scary because, youknow, The older you get as a,
the older I get as a black gay,what I have learned is, you
(14:28):
have to walk in a place head,head first, and you have to walk
with your head up, no matterwhat you might think in your
mind, you have to come with aconfidence and an energy that
outmatches the room, becausewhen you walk in a room with
that type of energy, like,keep in mind, my weight loss
journey, I stayed away from theclub for three months, And so
(14:51):
when I finally came back on thescene, it was a drastic change.
Like people were like,Hmm, you all correct.
Yeah.
You said you are, you wantto crack, you know, package
you and you andthe gay community.
So they immediately like,no, you know, no, she
got that package, baby.
And you're like, ah, no,uh, I have a Christianist.
(15:13):
I'm working out.
Like I got the sleeve, but.
We just immediatelythink the worst.
So a lot of times I thinkin those kind of spaces
it's hard to sometimesdate and find your tribe.
And so that's why a lot ofsuccessful gay black people
tend to date outside theirrace because they feel like
they're not able to find theirown soulmate in their own race.
(15:38):
Which for me, I'll be honesthoney, I love chocolate.
It's just I'm thatgirl like baby.
I'm a hopeless romantic.
I'm gonna find my princecharming and he's going to be
Baby if if he could beblack as midnight, baby
That would be my yeah, thatwould be my king but if he
(15:59):
can't He can be caramel.
He can be light skinned.
I guess.
I'm not knocking it, butlike, I'm just upset.
Like, I've always beenattracted to darker men.
Um, and so.
Now somewould say that's prejudice
within it, within its own.
And it, it's a preference.
Like, I don't discriminate.
I will date any colortone of black men.
(16:23):
But my preference, like, whatmakes my knees weak, baby?
Is a chocolate man.
He does not have to benecessarily tall, but if
he's chocolate and he'ssolid like nicely built
and he got a beard baby.
Listen, I don't hear nothing.
I hear You are in Atlanta.
Yeah.
And so obviously, youknow, everyone has
(16:46):
always said Atlanta isChocolate City is the, the,
the, the metropolitan for,um, the LGBTQ plus community.
Correct.
Do you find that it's truth?
(17:07):
Um, I find that it's some truth,but the issue with it is, again,
the category that I fall infor majority of my life, like,
especially now that I have,um, more feminine features,
I get a lot of straight guys,bisexual guys, or guys that
(17:30):
don't even know what they like.
They just think they like femme.
So they're like, are you trans?
Cause I like trans women.
I'm like, I'm not trans.
And they're like,you're not trans.
And I'm like, no.
And they're like,but you got shape.
Okay.
I don't know what to tell you.
It's just a mental thing thatI think in the black community,
(17:52):
it's I've learned in the gayblack community, it's something
about, and even not gay, butjust in the black community
when it comes to men, menimmediately look at shape.
If you have somewhat of ashape, they're going to look.
Then they're like, oh, okay.
I'm kind of with that.
Like, okay, I like what I see.
But the problem is theydon't know, because of
(18:15):
society, how to react to it.
Like, I'm not gonnalie, I've met a lot of
guys now that are bold.
Like, they just walk up to me.
Can I get your number?
I think you're very attractive.
And I'm like, okay, well, I'ma dude and you're like, okay.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
Like, cause you need to say thatbecause I'll be honest.
(18:37):
I definitely, because likeI said, I'm a gender bender.
So a lot of times I might havea Bob, I might have curly hair.
Like you follow my page.
So you see, I'm,I'm, I'm always done.
I'm a doll at all times,even without hair, baby.
They're like, ma'am, I'mlike, thank you so much.
I don't, I don't stand and golike, no, don't call me that.
(19:00):
I'm okay with it.
But I like anybody that findsme attractive, if they are
trying to pursue me, it'smy job to let them know what
is going on because I wouldnever want the, the, the,
the mistake of someone tryingto say they tried to kill me
because I was, fooling people.
And that's the problemwith today's society.
(19:22):
A lot of the younger youthand people that were in my age
group that I know like are gonenow because not necessarily
they fool people, but becausethey were messing with someone
that was down low and Whenthat person, people started
to catch on to like, Hey, youmessing with such and such,
you know that's a man, right?
So you gay?
They ended up hurting themand some of them died,
(19:44):
lost their lives behind it.
So for me, um, eventhough I don't, I live
my life truly on my page.
I say my pronouns, he, him,she, her, doesn't matter.
But I let people know what Iam born biologically because
at the end of the day, peopletry to make excuses for
anything, but I will tellyou, If it walks like a duck
and it quacks like duck baby.
(20:05):
Yeah.
It goes back to what wetalking about, like living
in your existence, livingfree in your existence.
If those individualswho are on the down
low, can't, they haven'taccepted being free, right?
And living in their existence.
They feel like they're goingto be judged for whatever
(20:28):
reason and probably because oftheir jobs or whatever it is.
So that to me is a them problem.
It's not a you problem.
I agree.
I just always like to be safein those places because a
lot of People don't reallygive you the opportunity to
just be honest with them.
Um, and tell them likeupfront, like, Hey, I, you
(20:50):
know, this, that, and thethird, like, like I said, a
lot of times I, and everywhereI go, I get missed, man.
Can I get that at all?
And I laugh sometimescause I'm like, babe,
my, my voice is deep.
And what?
It's a lot of girlswith deep voices.
And I was like, Idon't know, sis.
I feel like myvoice is real deep.
She's like, no, you just soundlike you might smoke a little.
And I was like, Smoke Newport.
(21:18):
You just sound likeyou smoke a little.
Like I'm thankful that I,I, I say pretty privilege
is real and it is.
And I'm thankful that I am oneof those that I, I walk anywhere
amongst any group of people.
(21:39):
Um, I traveled the countrylike for work and I've
never been disrespected.
I've never been tried.
And I'm thankful.
Yeah.
People stare cause they'relike, and I had to get used
to the staring thing becauseat first I would get like,
Yeah, they stand there.
What's the problem?
And one of my friendswas like, you're pretty,
(22:00):
you're very pretty.
Like, I don't think youunderstand people are staring
at you because they're like,that's a beautiful individual.
But when you're not used to thatstaring, like when I was bigger,
I blocked a lot of shit out.
So, like, if people cameacross me and they looked
at me, I would look down.
I would try to actlike I was in my phone.
I would do anything.
(22:21):
Yeah.
Not to catch that attentionbecause I wasn't sure they
were looking at me becausethey were like, he's too big
to be wearing makeup or same.
Yeah.
I've always been a big girl.
So even In my 20s, I willwalk because first of all,
as a bigger person that Idon't know if you experienced
this, but you're teasedthroughout your childhood.
(22:44):
Yes.
So your esteem is all jacked up.
So when you get older, you know,you don't know why somebody,
are they staring at you?
Cause they, they're pickingon you or they're, they're
about to, So I used to walkwith my head down, like
literally walk with my headdown because of the lack of
(23:05):
confidence.
And if you heard someonelaugh or anybody make a
gesture, you immediatelythought it was to you.
So then youhave a defense mechanism.
Yeah.
And then you looking atpeople, they stay in there.
Why they keep staring at me?
Like I was that person.
And then I became the personthat would try to like make a
joke, like, child, you know, mybig ass chair, you know, I need
(23:27):
to get up off this floor and godown and I would try to throw a
joke in there and pick on myselfbefore someone else would,
it got to the point where youdon't realize that people see
your insecurities immediatelywhen you do those things.
But like looking back, whenI talked to my friends and
(23:47):
family and I'm like, You know,I used to feel very like they,
when I started to really comeout of my shell after like
three years, three years fromtoday, my sister looked at me
and she was like, you know,something I was like, well,
she was like, it is refreshingto see you're able to stand
(24:09):
in places and take up spaceand know that you are enough
and you are meant to be there.
And it made me tear upbecause I realized, damn,
you think you're hiding.
The feelings that you havenot realizing everybody around
you can see the pain and hurt.
But you don't think thatthey can see it because
(24:29):
you think that you're doinga good job reflecting or
deflecting off those thingsbecause you're like, well,
they can't tell us it's hard.
You gotta be the jokester, youknow, to feel your worth or
the person, like for me, itwas, you know, I was a person
like, I ain't taking no junk.
You say something to me, I'msaying right back to you.
(24:50):
You know, that was the way I do.
I think too, you know, you haveto, people will say, Oh wow,
Imani, that's a beautiful blousethat you have on your outfits.
Well put together.
You look gorgeous.
I got this fromthe dollar store.
Correct.
Like you play you down, play it,play it down instead of
(25:11):
taking the confidant.
Yes.
Yeah.
And it was a long timewhere it took me a minute.
I don't think until somebodylike my, my, my clients start
to shrink and lose weightthrough the process after
I had gotten a surgery.
And they were alllike, Oh my gosh, you.
(25:32):
I mean, you've alwaysbeen beautiful, but
wow, like, look at you.
You really, you,you, you're doing it.
You said you're gonnalose the weight.
You said you canget your teeth done.
You said you're going tolike, you know, everything
I manifested has happened.
Even to the place where I'msitting right now, this place
was I walked in here andI was like, this is mine.
This is mine And I canremember my real estate
(25:54):
agent saying Okay, thisyou you sure you don't want
to look at anything else?
I had already gotten approvedfor three other like places
and they were like we wantyou to purchase it This is it.
This is it and I was like, uhI want to see, I saw
a place online thatI really want to see.
And I told my real estate agent,you showed me this place online.
(26:15):
I want to at least see it.
I've always said, I wantto expose brick wall.
I want to live in theheart of the city.
And so when I finally got it,it was another moment where
I sat in it and I, I justcried because I was like,
wow, manifestation is real.
And so I tell anyone itgoes back to You gotta
love yourself first.
(26:35):
I learned before gettingto the point where I was
taking care of myself healthwise, I was working in a
strip club doing makeup.
I was making anywhere froma thousand to anywhere,
almost to 2, 500 a night justmaking money.
And sometimes if it wasn'ta night, I might've made
(26:56):
like 2, 500 to 3000 a week.
But my thought wasYou making money.
You ain't gotta, you ain'tgotta listen to what nobody
else says and you ain'tgotta look this certain
way Cuz you making money.
You can buy labels now.
You can throw something on you.
But the problem was nowI'm making the money, but
I can't fit those clothes.
They don't make clothespast certain size.
So like, now that I'mover here like, well shit,
(27:17):
I can get the glasses.
I can get the bag, baby.
I might be able tosquoze my foot in a shoe.
But those thingswere uncomfortable.
Like, you know, I'm, I'm inthe club with some red bottoms
on and my feet are about toexplode and well, and I'm
uncomfortable and I'm still inthe corner feeling like I'm not
worth that moment or I'm notworthy of being amongst people.
(27:40):
And when I would see a group ofindividuals that I thought was
beautiful to the eye or to me,what I identified as beauty.
At that moment was someonethat was ideal shaped like the
skin, like, Oh, they're skinny.
They got a cute shade.
That's how I should look like.
That's going to be me one day.
(28:01):
And I realized I had to stoplooking at everybody else
and trying to identify what Ithought was pretty because what
I thought was pretty, or thatwas Appealing was something
that I was trying to obtainbecause that was in my mind.
Oh, if I have a cute shapeI'm gonna get attention.
(28:22):
Yeah, I'm be honest now thatI am Smaller I get a lot of
attention, but it's crazybecause the attention I get now
It's still bullshit sometimeslike you literally have to
just no matter what size youare You have to love yourself
so that you know not to fallfor the okie doke because
people would try they'll try totell you Yeah, you look good.
(28:43):
He like, thank you.
And then you kind of like,well, okay, you said I was cute.
But then right along withthat, they think you're cute.
Then they like, so I'msaying, can we, can we, you
know, can we hook up later?
Can we, what do Ilike a prostitute?
You man, I'm clutchingmy, but I'm like, well, we
didn't have to come home.
Like when you put on a dateand you already trying to
(29:05):
get in my pants like this.
That is the Atlanta,that's the Atlanta mindset.
Um, Because, you know, thereare some that will do it.
So they expect thateveryone's going to do it.
This is the wrongbus to go around.
You're going to be mad at me.
Cause baby, every time you comeover here, I'm gonna look at
you and go kitchen clothes.
(29:28):
No, thank you.
Um, I have enough respectfor myself to know
that if I do decide to.
Cause I'm an adult.
If I do decide that I want totake that next level and I want
to be grown, I'm still not goingto choose that individual that
is infatuated with me becauseI know it's just, you're trying
to put a number count to whatyou, Oh, I had this person.
(29:49):
I had that person.
I'm just, no, I'm okaywith being single.
Like until the rightperson comes along.
You know, that is definitelya separate conversation.
I'd love to have with a groupof individuals because just
listening and to even Theyounger generation, their
(30:09):
20s that they said, that'spretty much the mindset of
the men that they're datingis we want to bed you down.
That's it.
That's because we have all theseartists out here like Sexy Red.
Mm hmm.
I hate to say it, you got, youknow, what, Sexy Red, Megan
Thee Stallion, you got Glorilla,you got, like, I hate to say
(30:32):
it, a lot of artists that Talkabout getting disrespected and
beat up in the bedroom and thentreat it like you're nothing.
And this new age or noteven this new age, cause
I'm being real with you.
I'm 41.
It's some fools out here thatliterally come at you sideways,
out the side of their neck.
(30:52):
And you just haveto go, are you dumb?
Are you slow?
Are you stupid?
Cause I know you didn'tjust say that to me.
And I say that to guys,cause you're not going
to ever disrespect me andthink that I'm going to be.
Flattered or, Oh my God, he, he,he's looking at my direction.
No, sir.
That's embarrassing.
When someone feels thatthey can ask you a question
outright, just a questionthat you would be like, and
(31:16):
do you feel like that wouldbe appropriate to ask anybody?
And they kind of look at youlike, what'd I say wrong?
You just disrespected me.
And they like, I didn'tthink it was disrespect.
I'm just, it's crazy.
It is absolutely nuts.
It's sad.
It makes you look atthem differently and you
(31:36):
realize that ain't for me.
That ain't for me.
If that's how you look at me,we don't need to go no further.
You don't even have to wasteyour time trying to call,
don't call my name, baby.
Cause I'm definitelya prostitute.
I'm not a hoe.
So, so you don't getyour feelings hurt.
And so that we're notlooking stupid together.
(31:57):
Gone.
What advice would you giveindividuals who You know, want
to live free in an existencewith just loving themselves.
I would tell them that the firstthing they need to do is get a
journal and write down all ofthe things that have hurt you.
(32:19):
Wow.
And work on thosethings one at a time.
Um, that is the key to success.
Um, I've had to sit in silence.
And literally rip bandaids off of wounds that
I thought were healed.
And you cry because you'relike, damn, I didn't realize
(32:39):
this still affected me orthis bothered me so much.
And you have to sit init and it's not a, okay,
well, I've done that.
I'm good now.
No, you got to sit in itand you got to understand
it's okay to sit in it, butwe don't like to do that
because it's uncomfortable.
Yep.
It's very, you know, some peoplechoose to self medicate.
(32:59):
That's another thing.
I tell anybody and everybody,like, I'm not gonna lie.
I used to be one of the, like,before I got my job that I
work at now, before that threeyears ago, well, actually,
yeah, three years ago, I usedto be a weed smoker, baby.
When I tell you anytime, everytime, like I would just smoke.
And then I started to realizeevery time you getting
(33:23):
ready to go out or everytime you're about to, You
know, go hang with friends.
Why is it that you feel likeyou have to roll up a blunt
and smoke a whole bluntor half a blunt to be numb
to hang out with people?
Either one, these are notyour friends or two, you
don't know what it means toactually enjoy life because
you wouldn't be enjoyinglife if you're always high.
Right.
(33:44):
The high is gone so now you'rejust smoking to look stupid
because you're sitting in acorner somewhere looking like
a zombie with black lips.
I'll pass. No, thank you,. That doesn't seem fun to me.
Mm-Hmm.
And I kid you not, thisis the beautiful thing
(34:05):
that I'm experiencing inthis chapter of my life.
The best thing I get everyday, and I mean literally,
if I could just walk witha camera crew around.
At least every couple of hourssomebody walks up to me and
goes excuse me I I just lovesuch and such on you or you
are so beautiful or excuseme I love your haircut or I
(34:28):
just what are you wearing?
That smells so good It's crazyhow energy attracts energy and
a lot of times I'm just in myown zone, but I've learned to
like detach from the world andenjoy the moment that you're in.
And I mean, when I say detachedfrom the world, I mean, not in
my phone, not, you know, focusedon, you know, social media.
(34:52):
Like now that I'm living whereI live every day, I'm off.
I have vowed to at least ifit's not raining outside,
I'm going to get a 30to 45 minute walk in.
And so far this week, Ihave done that every day.
And soself care is important and
it makes a difference.
And then I just had formy, um, dietician, um,
(35:15):
nutritionist, I'm sorry.
And she, um, you know, shewas showing me my blood
work and she was like, can Ijust say, she was like, um,
your cholesterol is amazing.
She was like, yourblood works great.
She's like, youreyes a little low.
She was like, but other thanthat, everything is perfect.
She was like, I don'tknow what you're doing,
but continue to do it.
She was like, it'sworking for you.
Um, She's like, I thinkit's safe to say you have
(35:38):
found a formula for life.
She was like, and soit's refreshing to see
someone that is choosinglife over food, weeds.
You know, um,unhealthy habits like,
yeah, it takes disciplineit does and it's hard.
Yeah You got add somebeats to your diet.
(36:00):
Yeah, I love me That's increaseyour iron So as we close, I
just want to ask you if youhad to redefine, don't judge
a book by its cover, whatwould your new definition be?
(36:21):
At the end of every chapter,a new beginning waits.
And that's, that's the bestway I could say it because you
really don't know the story.
We get to make up our own story.
So you can't, just becauseyou read Little Red Riding
Hood a thousand times.
Who's to say that that newversion might be different than
(36:42):
the old version that you read?
There's no rules to life,and there's no guide.
We are out here leaving carboncopies whenever we get a
chance, and we're blessed tolike, touch people's lives.
And so I would say,live your life, baby.
Live it to the fullest andalways remember you probably are
beating yourself up more thansomeone outside of your, your,
(37:06):
your perception of yourself is.
I had to learn that becausethe way I see myself some
days, I'm reminded whenpeople say, you are such a
beautiful individual, right?
Damn.
Okay.
Come on out.
Come on out.
You gotta, you hearwhat they just said.
So I don't know what you seewhen you look in the mirror,
but you gotta put it on, putit on for the grand baby,
put it on for the world.
(37:27):
So.
Yeah, I think too, you know,I've heard people say
you are someone's dream.
Yes.
You know, you're doingthings that someone else
wished they could do, andyou're taking it for granted.
That's pretty powerful.
Ooh, and that'll make yousit in your shit and go,
(37:47):
Okay, let me, let me startappreciating where I'm at.
Cause, like we, as weknow, we only get one life.
One.
A sad story behind or you canleave an adventure behind and
I'm going to live in adventure,baby I'm going to be able
to say I walked fearlesslythrough this chapter of my
life because I know what it'slike to be on the opposite
(38:09):
side of being feared and beingscared and It's feeling like
you know, you're timid andyou can't show up to places
real quick before we go That'ssomething I would tell people
stop doubting yourself becausefear You will scare yourself
out of every opportunity theworld has to offer you because
you are just in your head.
(38:31):
Live fearlessly.
And that means in every aspect,little things like I used to
be scared to walk downstairs togo like grab something to eat.
Because when I was bigger,I'd be like, well, shit, I got
to find something I can puton where I feel like people
are not going to look at melike, look at your big ass.
Why you walk?
It's sad.
But we really get in thesemindsets where we beat ourselves
(38:52):
up because we see ourselvesin a mindset, which people
don't even, they not evenlooking at you like that.
Well, I will say, you know, inthis society, if you big, you
getting the business like you,you read some of these posts,
like with the comments in there,big people get the business.
(39:13):
And it's crazy you saidthat because somebody
I told and they did notbelieve me when I said this.
There's a difference thatpeople treat you differently
when you are bigger.
Because when I was bigger,I got, Ooh, the one thing
that used to piss me off.
Hey, big dog.
Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, big dog.
Hey, big fella.
And I used to be like,Ooh, now, honey, listen.
(39:34):
What rude is that?
But you know, people do thingslike that because they're
trying to get a rise out ofyou or they're trying to make
you feel less than becausethey're like, Oh, you know what?
Just in case nobody tellsyou that you are big as hell.
But what I've learned isthat now that I'm on the
smaller side of things,like I wear size 12, not the
smallest, but I'm smaller.
(39:56):
I will tell you it's crazy howpeople do not treat me the same.
I still wear the same makeup.
I still wear the same wigs,but because people think.
Aesthetically pleasing.
I look to them now.
They're like, oh yeah,you're trying to get it.
You're like, they'llopen the door for you.
They'll hold the door.
(40:17):
It's like being fat is taboo.
Like that, uh, on the viewsaid, nobody wants to be fat.
Joy, joy, joy.
But they're joy said thatbecause they were talking
about Ozempic or somethingand she was like, well,
nobody wants to be fatand I'll be
(40:42):
like, you know, you don'tknow someone's story of
why, why they're big.
It could be health reasons.
It could be.
Psychologically, you don't know,but to bully people and call
them all kinds of names or evenbe prejudiced against them.
Like you said, people do treatyou differently and that's even
(41:02):
in a corporate environment.
They treat you differentlybecause of your size.
It's just not right.
And it's sad because it isvery, very sad and it's
very, very hurtful to people.
And so when you You talk about,you know, your self esteem and,
you know, coming out of thatsociety makes it tough because
(41:23):
if you on the internet and youreading people talking about how
fat is ugly and this and thisand this and that, it is not
always, you know, delightful.
And especially when people justare just hateful and they, you
know, I, being that I've beenon the both sides of the world,
like as far as being big andbeing small, That's why whenever
(41:46):
I come in contact with peoplethat are plus size and I know
what it's like, and then peoplemaking, looking, like looking
in the door, I go out my wayas a flight attendant to give
them the most love and the mostrespect because I was there.
I know what it's like to haveto use a seatbelt extension
and the person you're sittingbeside, they want to be rude.
And they went, youhave another seat.
(42:08):
They just pointover into my seat.
And I'm like, how dare you?
How dare you think thatit's okay for you to make
somebody feel less thanbecause you're small.
Baby, you're not that cute.
Right.
There's a girl on Instagramwhere she, she documents
something about her recovery,binge eating recovery and the
(42:29):
comments are just horrendous.
Horrendous.
Why don't you do, you should,you need, you need to mind
your damn business and let thatgirl do what she want to do.
Those are usually thoseare the people that are
doing the most bullying.
They do the bullyingbecause they don't know
how to, they're scared.
They're not going face, but theyget on the internet and they
(42:51):
can, they can say whatever theywant to say on the internet.
And that's something thatI always tell people,
baby, my mouth is slick.
You come to my pageacting ignorant.
I'm going to actignorant with you, baby.
I know.
I've seen you goand go in on people.
You will be the donkeyof the day on my page.
Imani, where can people find youand what services do you offer?
(43:12):
So you can actually findme on Instagram, face
the beat underscore.
Um, and so my specialties, um,for those that are in this area
or outside of this area, um, myspecialties is micro shading.
Um, as well as lash extensionsand makeup application services.
Um, I am, um,available for travel.
(43:34):
I do private, um, services.
So if you need my services, um,I can definitely, you know, you
can find all of my informationthere on face the beat.
Underscore on IG.
Um, and of course mypage is nothing but.
Fun, laughter and knowledge.
I like to introducepeople into the gay world.
Um, um, the ballroomscene, et cetera, and teach
(43:56):
knowledge because healthand knowledge as well.
And so a lot of people thatare not necessarily in a gay
lifestyle or in the gay scenethat are trying to understand,
well, what does this mean?
And what does that mean?
My page is there to educateso that you're not scared
because a lot of people arescared of the unknown when they
don't understand something.
They tend to be moreaccepting because they're
(44:18):
like, okay, I can acceptthat because now I get it.
And then a lot of timespeople come into contact
with me and they're like,you nodded on what I thought.
And I'm like, what do you think?
What did you think I was?
And they're like, I don't know.
You wear lashes.
You got makeup on.
I don't know.
I just figured you might bea little, you know, and I'm
like, a little what, gay?
(44:38):
So it's important to liketeach people and to show
up in places where peopledon't think you exist.
Just to show them thatwe're, we're the same.
You put your pants onjust like everybody else.
Yeah.
Everybody else.
Yep.
So, I really enjoyedthe conversation.
I hope you did as well.
(45:00):
I enjoyed it.
I hope this will not bethe last time I'm ever
asked to come on Girl Tawk! No!No! Of course not.
We will have youback again and again.
I think I want to dealwith a group of people too.
Love that.
We needto have you back for sure.
Um, I really enjoyed itand I thank you very, very
much, um, for your time.
(45:20):
I enjoyed it.
And as always, I seeyou because I am you.
I think in all aspects ofdating, whether you're straight
(00:04):
gay or, or bi, um, or whatever,you have to always make sure
that, you know, if a person isinterested, Really trying to get
to know you as an individual orif they are really infatuated
with the thought of you And sothat is something that on my
journey right now I'm learningof me first in order to see The
difference between somebody thathas a fetish for me and someone
(00:27):
that truly wants to love meWelcome to Girl Talk
with your girl Melissa.
And I am so excited today tohave in the studio with me.
Imani, we're going to havean awesome conversation.
I'm excited to meetwith Ani today.
I follow money on Instagram,love his posts, love,
(00:48):
love, love, love his post.
And so I'm excited tohave him on with me today.
We're going to talk aboutliving in your experience
without being prejudged.
Right.
That could mean reallya lot of things.
We in a we're in a societywhere everyone is judging
everything about everything.
You eat cornbread.
Why you got to eat cornbread?
That got that got allthese chemicals in it.
(01:10):
You don't eat cornbread.
You should eat cornbread.
You know, it's justeveryone is judging a
person on who they are.
And one of the things when Imaniand I were having a conversation
that he said is, you neverjudge a book by its cover.
And while that is an oldmantra, it is not, it's so
(01:31):
true today that we are ina society or we're in an
element where people are justjudging a book by its cover,
don't even know the person.
So we're going to dive intothat conversation Love having
a conversation with Imani justin the short period of time
that we've known each otherbecause of his free spirit.
(01:52):
And so without further ado, I'dlove Imani to introduce himself
and talk a little bit about,you know, how do you live free?
Well, thank you.
First of all, Melissa,for having me.
I'm so excited to beon girl talk, honey.
Um, it is such an honor.
Um, I would have to say whatit means for me to live out
(02:14):
loud and proud and myself andjust being me, um, and don't
judge a book by its cover.
It's just honestly beingauthentic, um, in this,
you know, world that wecall like today's society.
I think a lot of people are in aplace now where you can be more
free And open with who you are.
And so in my, in my, like.
(02:36):
I call growing pains.
Um, the dating world is, it'scrazy because now, um, it used
to be taboo for you to be, um,as I would call a gender bender
or someone that is, um, what'sthe word that I'm looking for?
Androgynous.
Um, so sometimes peopledon't know where to put you.
(02:58):
So they put you in acategory where they're
like, well, are you trans?
And you're like, no.
And they're like, what are you?
And you're like, I'm just me.
And so I have.
Learn to maneuver in in thissociety where people put
labels on everything andit's if it's red, it's red
If it's green, it's green.
If it's blue, it's blue.
That's what we've been trainedto think But I living out loud
(03:19):
and proud and in your truthin your authenticity What it
is now we're in a place wherepeople can be themselves and
you don't have to put a labelon it And it's a beautiful time.
Um My dating life rightnow is so much fun.
Um, I meet a lot of peoplethat are, I would say a lot
of men that are like, well, Imean, you are just stunning.
(03:41):
Like you're beautiful.
Like you, you, you like,what have you done?
And I'm like, nothing.
And they're like, well, I'venever been attracted to a guy.
And I'm like, okay, well,it's a first for everything.
And I'll be honest, it's weirdbecause sometimes people think
in the dating world, when youare a individual that people
think, You're pretty that thingscome easy as far as you know
(04:04):
Relationships and you knowdating but it's not easy because
a lot of times you get weirdWeirdos, let's be honest, like,
so it's weird.
Cause sometimes I'm like,all right, is this a
fetish or are you reallytrying to get to know me?
(04:25):
And so I think in all aspects ofdating, whether you're straight
gay or, or bi, um, or whatever,you have to always make sure
that, you know, if a person isinterested, Really trying to get
to know you as an individual orif they are really infatuated
with the thought of you And sothat is something that on my
journey right now I'm learningof me first in order to see The
(04:49):
difference between somebody thathas a fetish for me and someone
that truly wants to love meYou had to start somewhere
to get to this journey.
So, you know, what was yourstarting point to get you to
where you feel this confidencenow and this freedom?
Um, I would say probably likewhen I was about, 33, 34.
(05:15):
Like I went on a health journey.
Um, um, I, like I, we talkedpreviously, um, for anybody
that knows me or that followsme, I used to be 389 pounds.
And so my biggestinsecurity was my weight.
And so I always heard in theworld in general, like, Oh,
(05:36):
you're beautiful for a plus sizeperson, or you're beautiful.
And I used to be like,well, damn, like that's
a backhanded compliment.
Why can't I just be pretty?
Like, yeah, pretty face.
Like the rest ofyou is effed up.
And that's how itfelt like I was just a bitch.
And like, you know, Iwas like, what is it?
Am I just a tire?
So I learned once I workedon me because sometimes we
(06:00):
look for other people to putthe work in for us on us.
And what we really need todo is put the work in on
ourselves before we go outto look for someone to love
on us the way that we shouldbe leveling on ourselves.
Because if you love yourselfaccordingly, Then that love that
you're meant to have will showitself and it won't be a secret.
(06:21):
It won't be a, um, asecond thought when people
genuinely see your, yourlight shine and your energy
is exactly what you need.
Zooing out of you.
It draws people to you.
Sometimes it draws the wrong.
Okay.
Sometimes baby.
It's like, it's like lies baby.
Like, all right, let me, okay.
(06:46):
every in a while you finda couple of princes, um,
in that, in that bunch.
So I am learning to sift.
The bull.
Um, but I'm havingfun while doing it.
I'm in a place nowwhere dating is fun.
Um, I don't look at it assomething serious starting off.
And so that's somethingthat I had to learn.
'cause I've all, I'ma Capricorn, I'm a
hopeless romantic.
(07:07):
To me, if you look at meand wink your eye and say
you like me, we go together.
Okay.
I have to work on that.
So, um, I had to realize that itdid not mean that I had to
give that personal, likepart of myself to everybody.
(07:30):
As far as if someone showsyou some bit of affection
or some, some gesture ofkindness, it does not mean.
they're the one.
A lot of people like youhere, you catch more flies
with honey than bull.
Yeah.
If it's sweet, if it's, ifit's, if that's sweet, you're
naturally going to be willing tolisten to what they have to say.
(07:54):
And they're going to drawyou in compared to somebody
like, let's be real.
We've all had somebody, Hey,yo mom, get away from me.
Yeah.
That's a, Yeah, like, oh,and that's my God.
I don't even turn around.
The grocery store and a guy,he walked down three at like,
(08:16):
the first time he walked pastme, I was like, All right, I
already know what's going on.
Because he was checking me out.
But he was kind of liketrying to figure it like shit.
I'm trying to figure, like, isthis a girl or is this a boy?
And I'm like, baby,I already know, like,
baby, I already know.
Once you lock eyes with me, andyou look at me more than one
time, and then you, you kindalike, what's the, I'm like,
yeah, nah, it's not for me.
So I keep going.
(08:37):
I get down the next aisle.
Who's on the otherend of the aisle?
The same dude.
And I'm like, alright,you know what?
Just to have fun with this,I'mma turn my cart around and
go the opposite way and go downan aisle that I know I don't
have nothing that I want on it,just to see if he gonna follow.
Who was behind me?
That same gentleman.
And the first moment hehad a chance when our
(08:58):
carts passed each other,he said, You smell good.
I said, Thank you.
He was like, You're welcome.
What your name is?
First of all, honey, everythingelse went out the window.
I felt like Olivia Popetrying to find out a case.
And where are you from?
And so I'm at a place nowwhere I sift out the bull.
(09:20):
If I don't feel like inthat first initial greeting,
if something does not seemright, if something does not
seem like, I hate to say it.
I'm at a point in my lifewhere I'm not trying to
teach you how to love.
And I'm not trying tolike everybody, we all
have to teach each other.
I love language when you getto know a person, but I can
(09:41):
just tell when someone's rougharound the edges and I'm like,
Ooh, honey, you, I couldn'tbring you around my family.
You forget that, you know, some,especially when you're younger,
you're not thinking about,you know, all of the things
like, okay, I got to bring,I could potentially have
a child with this person,or, you know, am I going to
(10:01):
be able to raise a family?
Um, will my parents,when you're, when you're
younger, you're not thinkingabout all those things.
When you're older, you havea little different, um,
line of sight where you arethinking about those things.
And I think some people arestuck in the younger phase,
even when they're older, andthey, they forget about that.
(10:23):
But you talked about, which isquite important, is eluding,
um, exuding confidence.
So exuding this confidence,um, which draws people to
you, How do you do that?
Like, you know, you're obviouslybeautiful, but how do you,
how did you get to that pointonce you lost the weight?
(10:46):
Was it just something thatcame naturally or was it
always, always in you?
It's just that you were heldback because of that one factor.
I think that it wasalways because I always
had the ability to flirt.
One thing I was, Iwas always a tease.
I would talk a good gamebaby and then run off.
Like, Cinderella when the clockstruck 12, baby, listen, I'm
(11:08):
gonna paint you a picture.
Oh, baby And I'm gonna see youtonight and dada, baby, and I
was gone with the wind fabulousgone, baby when I tell you
I was like, okay, I'll meetyou And I would never show
up because My my downfall inmy mind was always my weight.
I always Because I wasn'tcomfortable with my skin.
(11:31):
I just didn't understandthat there's still people
out here that can loveyou for who you are and no
matter what size you are.
But if you're not confident inwho you are and where you're at
starting off, there's nothinganyone else around you can
say to you to get you to, youknow, just connect with them
on a level of understanding.
(11:53):
And so I knew from just gettingto know, um, Someone outside
of my personal life, it wouldtake a lot because I was
scared to let my wall down.
Cause I'm like, Oh gosh,if we do go to the next
level and we get intimate,I gotta take my clothes off
in front of this person.
Do I feel like I'm going to beable to do that comfortably and
(12:14):
not feel like I'm being judged?
Like all the things thatmost people, I think we all
think of certain things.
Like everybody has an insecurityon them somewhere, but I
figured it was just one ofthose things where I was like,
Oh gosh, I don't find myself.
attractive without clothes on.
So who's going to find meattractive without clothes on?
(12:34):
Or, I'll be honest with you,in the gay scene, um, sometimes
in the black gay scene, it'skind of hard because we're so
judgmental towards each other.
Really?
Like, let's just say thegay scene in general.
Like you have the gay scene andthen you have the white gays and
then you have the black gays.
(12:55):
And so in the black gayscene, we're very catty.
We're very, Ooh, girl,uh uh, look, look, girl.
Ooh, look, look whatshe got on, child.
Look at, Ooh, girl, uh uh, look.
She ain't got no butt.
Girl, girl, shelooks sloppy in it.
Like we're very catty.
And so you get, The girls, whichare the boys that we call butch
queens, they're very much intothe Girl, look at her girl.
(13:17):
She thinks she cute girl.
Uh uh girl and they docatty things like oh girl
Okay, we see you we see you.
Okay And then talk about you.
Yes, and then in the whitescene if you are a gay black
that happens to be hanging outin a Quote unquote white gay
area you're usually stereotypedas either the oreo the token
(13:42):
black or You are put in a in aposition where they are always
questioning like well We needyour card to put it on file.
If you're going to get drinksat the bar, cause we just, you
know, we've had people leaveand you're like, wait, what?
You got to deal with prejudice.
Oh, absolutely.
And it's sadin that, um, even in
the gay community.
(14:05):
So there's prejudice withinthe gay community, but then
prejudice outside of that gaycommunity from those who aren't.
Correct.
Correct.
And it's scary because, youknow, The older you get as a,
the older I get as a black gay,what I have learned is, you
(14:28):
have to walk in a place head,head first, and you have to walk
with your head up, no matterwhat you might think in your
mind, you have to come with aconfidence and an energy that
outmatches the room, becausewhen you walk in a room with
that type of energy, like,keep in mind, my weight loss
journey, I stayed away from theclub for three months, And so
(14:51):
when I finally came back on thescene, it was a drastic change.
Like people were like,Hmm, you all correct.
Yeah.
You said you are, you wantto crack, you know, package
you and you andthe gay community.
So they immediately like,no, you know, no, she
got that package, baby.
And you're like, ah, no,uh, I have a Christianist.
(15:13):
I'm working out.
Like I got the sleeve, but.
We just immediatelythink the worst.
So a lot of times I thinkin those kind of spaces
it's hard to sometimesdate and find your tribe.
And so that's why a lot ofsuccessful gay black people
tend to date outside theirrace because they feel like
they're not able to find theirown soulmate in their own race.
(15:38):
Which for me, I'll be honesthoney, I love chocolate.
It's just I'm thatgirl like baby.
I'm a hopeless romantic.
I'm gonna find my princecharming and he's going to be
Baby if if he could beblack as midnight, baby
That would be my yeah, thatwould be my king but if he
(15:59):
can't He can be caramel.
He can be light skinned.
I guess.
I'm not knocking it, butlike, I'm just upset.
Like, I've always beenattracted to darker men.
Um, and so.
Now somewould say that's prejudice
within it, within its own.
And it, it's a preference.
Like, I don't discriminate.
I will date any colortone of black men.
(16:23):
But my preference, like, whatmakes my knees weak, baby?
Is a chocolate man.
He does not have to benecessarily tall, but if
he's chocolate and he'ssolid like nicely built
and he got a beard baby.
Listen, I don't hear nothing.
I hear You are in Atlanta.
Yeah.
And so obviously, youknow, everyone has
(16:46):
always said Atlanta isChocolate City is the, the,
the, the metropolitan for,um, the LGBTQ plus community.
Correct.
Do you find that it's truth?
(17:07):
Um, I find that it's some truth,but the issue with it is, again,
the category that I fall infor majority of my life, like,
especially now that I have,um, more feminine features,
I get a lot of straight guys,bisexual guys, or guys that
(17:30):
don't even know what they like.
They just think they like femme.
So they're like, are you trans?
Cause I like trans women.
I'm like, I'm not trans.
And they're like,you're not trans.
And I'm like, no.
And they're like,but you got shape.
Okay.
I don't know what to tell you.
It's just a mental thing thatI think in the black community,
(17:52):
it's I've learned in the gayblack community, it's something
about, and even not gay, butjust in the black community
when it comes to men, menimmediately look at shape.
If you have somewhat of ashape, they're going to look.
Then they're like, oh, okay.
I'm kind of with that.
Like, okay, I like what I see.
But the problem is theydon't know, because of
(18:15):
society, how to react to it.
Like, I'm not gonnalie, I've met a lot of
guys now that are bold.
Like, they just walk up to me.
Can I get your number?
I think you're very attractive.
And I'm like, okay, well, I'ma dude and you're like, okay.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
Like, cause you need to say thatbecause I'll be honest.
(18:37):
I definitely, because likeI said, I'm a gender bender.
So a lot of times I might havea Bob, I might have curly hair.
Like you follow my page.
So you see, I'm,I'm, I'm always done.
I'm a doll at all times,even without hair, baby.
They're like, ma'am, I'mlike, thank you so much.
I don't, I don't stand and golike, no, don't call me that.
(19:00):
I'm okay with it.
But I like anybody that findsme attractive, if they are
trying to pursue me, it'smy job to let them know what
is going on because I wouldnever want the, the, the,
the mistake of someone tryingto say they tried to kill me
because I was, fooling people.
And that's the problemwith today's society.
(19:22):
A lot of the younger youthand people that were in my age
group that I know like are gonenow because not necessarily
they fool people, but becausethey were messing with someone
that was down low and Whenthat person, people started
to catch on to like, Hey, youmessing with such and such,
you know that's a man, right?
So you gay?
They ended up hurting themand some of them died,
(19:44):
lost their lives behind it.
So for me, um, eventhough I don't, I live
my life truly on my page.
I say my pronouns, he, him,she, her, doesn't matter.
But I let people know what Iam born biologically because
at the end of the day, peopletry to make excuses for
anything, but I will tellyou, If it walks like a duck
and it quacks like duck baby.
(20:05):
Yeah.
It goes back to what wetalking about, like living
in your existence, livingfree in your existence.
If those individualswho are on the down
low, can't, they haven'taccepted being free, right?
And living in their existence.
They feel like they're goingto be judged for whatever
(20:28):
reason and probably because oftheir jobs or whatever it is.
So that to me is a them problem.
It's not a you problem.
I agree.
I just always like to be safein those places because a
lot of People don't reallygive you the opportunity to
just be honest with them.
Um, and tell them likeupfront, like, Hey, I, you
(20:50):
know, this, that, and thethird, like, like I said, a
lot of times I, and everywhereI go, I get missed, man.
Can I get that at all?
And I laugh sometimescause I'm like, babe,
my, my voice is deep.
And what?
It's a lot of girlswith deep voices.
And I was like, Idon't know, sis.
I feel like myvoice is real deep.
She's like, no, you just soundlike you might smoke a little.
And I was like, Smoke Newport.
(21:18):
You just sound likeyou smoke a little.
Like I'm thankful that I,I, I say pretty privilege
is real and it is.
And I'm thankful that I am oneof those that I, I walk anywhere
amongst any group of people.
(21:39):
Um, I traveled the countrylike for work and I've
never been disrespected.
I've never been tried.
And I'm thankful.
Yeah.
People stare cause they'relike, and I had to get used
to the staring thing becauseat first I would get like,
Yeah, they stand there.
What's the problem?
And one of my friendswas like, you're pretty,
(22:00):
you're very pretty.
Like, I don't think youunderstand people are staring
at you because they're like,that's a beautiful individual.
But when you're not used to thatstaring, like when I was bigger,
I blocked a lot of shit out.
So, like, if people cameacross me and they looked
at me, I would look down.
I would try to actlike I was in my phone.
I would do anything.
(22:21):
Yeah.
Not to catch that attentionbecause I wasn't sure they
were looking at me becausethey were like, he's too big
to be wearing makeup or same.
Yeah.
I've always been a big girl.
So even In my 20s, I willwalk because first of all,
as a bigger person that Idon't know if you experienced
this, but you're teasedthroughout your childhood.
(22:44):
Yes.
So your esteem is all jacked up.
So when you get older, you know,you don't know why somebody,
are they staring at you?
Cause they, they're pickingon you or they're, they're
about to, So I used to walkwith my head down, like
literally walk with my headdown because of the lack of
(23:05):
confidence.
And if you heard someonelaugh or anybody make a
gesture, you immediatelythought it was to you.
So then youhave a defense mechanism.
Yeah.
And then you looking atpeople, they stay in there.
Why they keep staring at me?
Like I was that person.
And then I became the personthat would try to like make a
joke, like, child, you know, mybig ass chair, you know, I need
(23:27):
to get up off this floor and godown and I would try to throw a
joke in there and pick on myselfbefore someone else would,
it got to the point where youdon't realize that people see
your insecurities immediatelywhen you do those things.
But like looking back, whenI talked to my friends and
(23:47):
family and I'm like, You know,I used to feel very like they,
when I started to really comeout of my shell after like
three years, three years fromtoday, my sister looked at me
and she was like, you know,something I was like, well,
she was like, it is refreshingto see you're able to stand
(24:09):
in places and take up spaceand know that you are enough
and you are meant to be there.
And it made me tear upbecause I realized, damn,
you think you're hiding.
The feelings that you havenot realizing everybody around
you can see the pain and hurt.
But you don't think thatthey can see it because
(24:29):
you think that you're doinga good job reflecting or
deflecting off those thingsbecause you're like, well,
they can't tell us it's hard.
You gotta be the jokester, youknow, to feel your worth or
the person, like for me, itwas, you know, I was a person
like, I ain't taking no junk.
You say something to me, I'msaying right back to you.
(24:50):
You know, that was the way I do.
I think too, you know, you haveto, people will say, Oh wow,
Imani, that's a beautiful blousethat you have on your outfits.
Well put together.
You look gorgeous.
I got this fromthe dollar store.
Correct.
Like you play you down, play it,play it down instead of
(25:11):
taking the confidant.
Yes.
Yeah.
And it was a long timewhere it took me a minute.
I don't think until somebodylike my, my, my clients start
to shrink and lose weightthrough the process after
I had gotten a surgery.
And they were alllike, Oh my gosh, you.
(25:32):
I mean, you've alwaysbeen beautiful, but
wow, like, look at you.
You really, you,you, you're doing it.
You said you're gonnalose the weight.
You said you canget your teeth done.
You said you're going tolike, you know, everything
I manifested has happened.
Even to the place where I'msitting right now, this place
was I walked in here andI was like, this is mine.
This is mine And I canremember my real estate
(25:54):
agent saying Okay, thisyou you sure you don't want
to look at anything else?
I had already gotten approvedfor three other like places
and they were like we wantyou to purchase it This is it.
This is it and I was like, uhI want to see, I saw
a place online thatI really want to see.
And I told my real estate agent,you showed me this place online.
(26:15):
I want to at least see it.
I've always said, I wantto expose brick wall.
I want to live in theheart of the city.
And so when I finally got it,it was another moment where
I sat in it and I, I justcried because I was like,
wow, manifestation is real.
And so I tell anyone itgoes back to You gotta
love yourself first.
(26:35):
I learned before gettingto the point where I was
taking care of myself healthwise, I was working in a
strip club doing makeup.
I was making anywhere froma thousand to anywhere,
almost to 2, 500 a night justmaking money.
And sometimes if it wasn'ta night, I might've made
(26:56):
like 2, 500 to 3000 a week.
But my thought wasYou making money.
You ain't gotta, you ain'tgotta listen to what nobody
else says and you ain'tgotta look this certain
way Cuz you making money.
You can buy labels now.
You can throw something on you.
But the problem was nowI'm making the money, but
I can't fit those clothes.
They don't make clothespast certain size.
So like, now that I'mover here like, well shit,
(27:17):
I can get the glasses.
I can get the bag, baby.
I might be able tosquoze my foot in a shoe.
But those thingswere uncomfortable.
Like, you know, I'm, I'm inthe club with some red bottoms
on and my feet are about toexplode and well, and I'm
uncomfortable and I'm still inthe corner feeling like I'm not
worth that moment or I'm notworthy of being amongst people.
(27:40):
And when I would see a group ofindividuals that I thought was
beautiful to the eye or to me,what I identified as beauty.
At that moment was someonethat was ideal shaped like the
skin, like, Oh, they're skinny.
They got a cute shade.
That's how I should look like.
That's going to be me one day.
(28:01):
And I realized I had to stoplooking at everybody else
and trying to identify what Ithought was pretty because what
I thought was pretty, or thatwas Appealing was something
that I was trying to obtainbecause that was in my mind.
Oh, if I have a cute shapeI'm gonna get attention.
(28:22):
Yeah, I'm be honest now thatI am Smaller I get a lot of
attention, but it's crazybecause the attention I get now
It's still bullshit sometimeslike you literally have to
just no matter what size youare You have to love yourself
so that you know not to fallfor the okie doke because
people would try they'll try totell you Yeah, you look good.
(28:43):
He like, thank you.
And then you kind of like,well, okay, you said I was cute.
But then right along withthat, they think you're cute.
Then they like, so I'msaying, can we, can we, you
know, can we hook up later?
Can we, what do Ilike a prostitute?
You man, I'm clutchingmy, but I'm like, well, we
didn't have to come home.
Like when you put on a dateand you already trying to
(29:05):
get in my pants like this.
That is the Atlanta,that's the Atlanta mindset.
Um, Because, you know, thereare some that will do it.
So they expect thateveryone's going to do it.
This is the wrongbus to go around.
You're going to be mad at me.
Cause baby, every time you comeover here, I'm gonna look at
you and go kitchen clothes.
(29:28):
No, thank you.
Um, I have enough respectfor myself to know
that if I do decide to.
Cause I'm an adult.
If I do decide that I want totake that next level and I want
to be grown, I'm still not goingto choose that individual that
is infatuated with me becauseI know it's just, you're trying
to put a number count to whatyou, Oh, I had this person.
(29:49):
I had that person.
I'm just, no, I'm okaywith being single.
Like until the rightperson comes along.
You know, that is definitelya separate conversation.
I'd love to have with a groupof individuals because just
listening and to even Theyounger generation, their
(30:09):
20s that they said, that'spretty much the mindset of
the men that they're datingis we want to bed you down.
That's it.
That's because we have all theseartists out here like Sexy Red.
Mm hmm.
I hate to say it, you got, youknow, what, Sexy Red, Megan
Thee Stallion, you got Glorilla,you got, like, I hate to say
(30:32):
it, a lot of artists that Talkabout getting disrespected and
beat up in the bedroom and thentreat it like you're nothing.
And this new age or noteven this new age, cause
I'm being real with you.
I'm 41.
It's some fools out here thatliterally come at you sideways,
out the side of their neck.
(30:52):
And you just haveto go, are you dumb?
Are you slow?
Are you stupid?
Cause I know you didn'tjust say that to me.
And I say that to guys,cause you're not going
to ever disrespect me andthink that I'm going to be.
Flattered or, Oh my God, he, he,he's looking at my direction.
No, sir.
That's embarrassing.
When someone feels thatthey can ask you a question
outright, just a questionthat you would be like, and
(31:16):
do you feel like that wouldbe appropriate to ask anybody?
And they kind of look at youlike, what'd I say wrong?
You just disrespected me.
And they like, I didn'tthink it was disrespect.
I'm just, it's crazy.
It is absolutely nuts.
It's sad.
It makes you look atthem differently and you
(31:36):
realize that ain't for me.
That ain't for me.
If that's how you look at me,we don't need to go no further.
You don't even have to wasteyour time trying to call,
don't call my name, baby.
Cause I'm definitelya prostitute.
I'm not a hoe.
So, so you don't getyour feelings hurt.
And so that we're notlooking stupid together.
(31:57):
Gone.
What advice would you giveindividuals who You know, want
to live free in an existencewith just loving themselves.
I would tell them that the firstthing they need to do is get a
journal and write down all ofthe things that have hurt you.
(32:19):
Wow.
And work on thosethings one at a time.
Um, that is the key to success.
Um, I've had to sit in silence.
And literally rip bandaids off of wounds that
I thought were healed.
And you cry because you'relike, damn, I didn't realize
(32:39):
this still affected me orthis bothered me so much.
And you have to sit init and it's not a, okay,
well, I've done that.
I'm good now.
No, you got to sit in itand you got to understand
it's okay to sit in it, butwe don't like to do that
because it's uncomfortable.
Yep.
It's very, you know, some peoplechoose to self medicate.
(32:59):
That's another thing.
I tell anybody and everybody,like, I'm not gonna lie.
I used to be one of the, like,before I got my job that I
work at now, before that threeyears ago, well, actually,
yeah, three years ago, I usedto be a weed smoker, baby.
When I tell you anytime, everytime, like I would just smoke.
And then I started to realizeevery time you getting
(33:23):
ready to go out or everytime you're about to, You
know, go hang with friends.
Why is it that you feel likeyou have to roll up a blunt
and smoke a whole bluntor half a blunt to be numb
to hang out with people?
Either one, these are notyour friends or two, you
don't know what it means toactually enjoy life because
you wouldn't be enjoyinglife if you're always high.
Right.
(33:44):
The high is gone so now you'rejust smoking to look stupid
because you're sitting in acorner somewhere looking like
a zombie with black lips.
I'll pass. No, thank you,. That doesn't seem fun to me.
Mm-Hmm.
And I kid you not, thisis the beautiful thing
(34:05):
that I'm experiencing inthis chapter of my life.
The best thing I get everyday, and I mean literally,
if I could just walk witha camera crew around.
At least every couple of hourssomebody walks up to me and
goes excuse me I I just lovesuch and such on you or you
are so beautiful or excuseme I love your haircut or I
(34:28):
just what are you wearing?
That smells so good It's crazyhow energy attracts energy and
a lot of times I'm just in myown zone, but I've learned to
like detach from the world andenjoy the moment that you're in.
And I mean, when I say detachedfrom the world, I mean, not in
my phone, not, you know, focusedon, you know, social media.
(34:52):
Like now that I'm living whereI live every day, I'm off.
I have vowed to at least ifit's not raining outside,
I'm going to get a 30to 45 minute walk in.
And so far this week, Ihave done that every day.
And soself care is important and
it makes a difference.
And then I just had formy, um, dietician, um,
(35:15):
nutritionist, I'm sorry.
And she, um, you know, shewas showing me my blood
work and she was like, can Ijust say, she was like, um,
your cholesterol is amazing.
She was like, yourblood works great.
She's like, youreyes a little low.
She was like, but other thanthat, everything is perfect.
She was like, I don'tknow what you're doing,
but continue to do it.
She was like, it'sworking for you.
Um, She's like, I thinkit's safe to say you have
(35:38):
found a formula for life.
She was like, and soit's refreshing to see
someone that is choosinglife over food, weeds.
You know, um,unhealthy habits like,
yeah, it takes disciplineit does and it's hard.
Yeah You got add somebeats to your diet.
(36:00):
Yeah, I love me That's increaseyour iron So as we close, I
just want to ask you if youhad to redefine, don't judge
a book by its cover, whatwould your new definition be?
(36:21):
At the end of every chapter,a new beginning waits.
And that's, that's the bestway I could say it because you
really don't know the story.
We get to make up our own story.
So you can't, just becauseyou read Little Red Riding
Hood a thousand times.
Who's to say that that newversion might be different than
(36:42):
the old version that you read?
There's no rules to life,and there's no guide.
We are out here leaving carboncopies whenever we get a
chance, and we're blessed tolike, touch people's lives.
And so I would say,live your life, baby.
Live it to the fullest andalways remember you probably are
beating yourself up more thansomeone outside of your, your,
(37:06):
your perception of yourself is.
I had to learn that becausethe way I see myself some
days, I'm reminded whenpeople say, you are such a
beautiful individual, right?
Damn.
Okay.
Come on out.
Come on out.
You gotta, you hearwhat they just said.
So I don't know what you seewhen you look in the mirror,
but you gotta put it on, putit on for the grand baby,
put it on for the world.
(37:27):
So.
Yeah, I think too, you know,I've heard people say
you are someone's dream.
Yes.
You know, you're doingthings that someone else
wished they could do, andyou're taking it for granted.
That's pretty powerful.
Ooh, and that'll make yousit in your shit and go,
(37:47):
Okay, let me, let me startappreciating where I'm at.
Cause, like we, as weknow, we only get one life.
One.
A sad story behind or you canleave an adventure behind and
I'm going to live in adventure,baby I'm going to be able
to say I walked fearlesslythrough this chapter of my
life because I know what it'slike to be on the opposite
(38:09):
side of being feared and beingscared and It's feeling like
you know, you're timid andyou can't show up to places
real quick before we go That'ssomething I would tell people
stop doubting yourself becausefear You will scare yourself
out of every opportunity theworld has to offer you because
you are just in your head.
(38:31):
Live fearlessly.
And that means in every aspect,little things like I used to
be scared to walk downstairs togo like grab something to eat.
Because when I was bigger,I'd be like, well, shit, I got
to find something I can puton where I feel like people
are not going to look at melike, look at your big ass.
Why you walk?
It's sad.
But we really get in thesemindsets where we beat ourselves
(38:52):
up because we see ourselvesin a mindset, which people
don't even, they not evenlooking at you like that.
Well, I will say, you know, inthis society, if you big, you
getting the business like you,you read some of these posts,
like with the comments in there,big people get the business.
(39:13):
And it's crazy you saidthat because somebody
I told and they did notbelieve me when I said this.
There's a difference thatpeople treat you differently
when you are bigger.
Because when I was bigger,I got, Ooh, the one thing
that used to piss me off.
Hey, big dog.
Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, big dog.
Hey, big fella.
And I used to be like,Ooh, now, honey, listen.
(39:34):
What rude is that?
But you know, people do thingslike that because they're
trying to get a rise out ofyou or they're trying to make
you feel less than becausethey're like, Oh, you know what?
Just in case nobody tellsyou that you are big as hell.
But what I've learned isthat now that I'm on the
smaller side of things,like I wear size 12, not the
smallest, but I'm smaller.
(39:56):
I will tell you it's crazy howpeople do not treat me the same.
I still wear the same makeup.
I still wear the same wigs,but because people think.
Aesthetically pleasing.
I look to them now.
They're like, oh yeah,you're trying to get it.
You're like, they'llopen the door for you.
They'll hold the door.
(40:17):
It's like being fat is taboo.
Like that, uh, on the viewsaid, nobody wants to be fat.
Joy, joy, joy.
But they're joy said thatbecause they were talking
about Ozempic or somethingand she was like, well,
nobody wants to be fatand I'll be
(40:42):
like, you know, you don'tknow someone's story of
why, why they're big.
It could be health reasons.
It could be.
Psychologically, you don't know,but to bully people and call
them all kinds of names or evenbe prejudiced against them.
Like you said, people do treatyou differently and that's even
(41:02):
in a corporate environment.
They treat you differentlybecause of your size.
It's just not right.
And it's sad because it isvery, very sad and it's
very, very hurtful to people.
And so when you You talk about,you know, your self esteem and,
you know, coming out of thatsociety makes it tough because
(41:23):
if you on the internet and youreading people talking about how
fat is ugly and this and thisand this and that, it is not
always, you know, delightful.
And especially when people justare just hateful and they, you
know, I, being that I've beenon the both sides of the world,
like as far as being big andbeing small, That's why whenever
(41:46):
I come in contact with peoplethat are plus size and I know
what it's like, and then peoplemaking, looking, like looking
in the door, I go out my wayas a flight attendant to give
them the most love and the mostrespect because I was there.
I know what it's like to haveto use a seatbelt extension
and the person you're sittingbeside, they want to be rude.
And they went, youhave another seat.
(42:08):
They just pointover into my seat.
And I'm like, how dare you?
How dare you think thatit's okay for you to make
somebody feel less thanbecause you're small.
Baby, you're not that cute.
Right.
There's a girl on Instagramwhere she, she documents
something about her recovery,binge eating recovery and the
(42:29):
comments are just horrendous.
Horrendous.
Why don't you do, you should,you need, you need to mind
your damn business and let thatgirl do what she want to do.
Those are usually thoseare the people that are
doing the most bullying.
They do the bullyingbecause they don't know
how to, they're scared.
They're not going face, but theyget on the internet and they
(42:51):
can, they can say whatever theywant to say on the internet.
And that's something thatI always tell people,
baby, my mouth is slick.
You come to my pageacting ignorant.
I'm going to actignorant with you, baby.
I know.
I've seen you goand go in on people.
You will be the donkeyof the day on my page.
Imani, where can people find youand what services do you offer?
(43:12):
So you can actually findme on Instagram, face
the beat underscore.
Um, and so my specialties, um,for those that are in this area
or outside of this area, um, myspecialties is micro shading.
Um, as well as lash extensionsand makeup application services.
Um, I am, um,available for travel.
(43:34):
I do private, um, services.
So if you need my services, um,I can definitely, you know, you
can find all of my informationthere on face the beat.
Underscore on IG.
Um, and of course mypage is nothing but.
Fun, laughter and knowledge.
I like to introducepeople into the gay world.
Um, um, the ballroomscene, et cetera, and teach
(43:56):
knowledge because healthand knowledge as well.
And so a lot of people thatare not necessarily in a gay
lifestyle or in the gay scenethat are trying to understand,
well, what does this mean?
And what does that mean?
My page is there to educateso that you're not scared
because a lot of people arescared of the unknown when they
don't understand something.
They tend to be moreaccepting because they're
(44:18):
like, okay, I can acceptthat because now I get it.
And then a lot of timespeople come into contact
with me and they're like,you nodded on what I thought.
And I'm like, what do you think?
What did you think I was?
And they're like, I don't know.
You wear lashes.
You got makeup on.
I don't know.
I just figured you might bea little, you know, and I'm
like, a little what, gay?
(44:38):
So it's important to liketeach people and to show
up in places where peopledon't think you exist.
Just to show them thatwe're, we're the same.
You put your pants onjust like everybody else.
Yeah.
Everybody else.
Yep.
So, I really enjoyedthe conversation.
I hope you did as well.
(45:00):
I enjoyed it.
I hope this will not bethe last time I'm ever
asked to come on Girl Tawk! No!No! Of course not.
We will have youback again and again.
I think I want to dealwith a group of people too.
Love that.
We needto have you back for sure.
Um, I really enjoyed itand I thank you very, very
much, um, for your time.
(45:20):
I enjoyed it.
And as always, I seeyou because I am you.
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