Stephanie and Zach share the transformative power of confronting friends with love and courage. Zach, always the advocate for transparency, recounts the vital lessons learned from friends who once held their tongues when guidance was most needed. Together, we dissect the delicate art of understanding intentions behind advice, and how this molds our personal growth and spiritual paths.
It's an episode that transcends the boundaries of faith, challenging all listeners to reflect on the courage it takes to forge a life surrounded by meaningful connections.
Connect with Zach:
Zach's website here
Get a free resource: End Calorie Counting Toolkit here
Follow Zach on IG: @zachlloydcoaching
Connect with Stephanie:
Get a free resource The 4G Method Journal here.
Shop Stephanie's books here.
Follow me on IG: @Giving_Gal or FB/GivingGal
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey friends, it's Stephanie here with Giving your
Best Life.
Podcast and my friend.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Zach.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Lloyd, Sustainable Anti-Diet Coach Wonderful.
We're back for another topictoday, and Zach and I, first of
all, if you have topics, sendthem to us.
We want to hear from you A lotof times we're building off of
what we talked about the lasttime, and today I had something
that like popped up in my mind.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Let's say maybe it was the holy spirit, and so I
asked zach.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I said can we talk about this?
Because I don't think we'veever had a conversation, and
what better like way to justlike converse with all of you to
see it.
So do you want to start liketelling the story or do you want
?
Speaker 2 (00:43):
me to.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I think you should I wasn't impacted in the same way
you were, I know.
So Zach and I attended an eventand at the event we got our
food and we're just sitting onthe side and we're chatting and
Zach and I go to the same church, but I had not become a member,
I had not been involved.
(01:04):
But I had not become a member,I had not been involved.
I my church attendance, wassneaking in the back, sitting in
the back row and leaving beforeanybody could talk to me, and
I've been doing that forprobably eight plus years and
(01:26):
one reason like this isn't anexcuse.
But as a police wife wife we canget in the habit of doing that
because a lot of times ourspouses work weekends, work
Sundays um, I just even saw thisin a police wife group where
she was like feeling guilty notgoing to church.
But it is this whole thing thatyou deal with at church of
people like where's your husbandor they start wondering like I
don't know, you start to playmind games.
So that had been my church lifeof going in and not
(01:47):
participating at the church, notreally doing anything outside
of the church.
And so Zach confronted me anddo you want to like, maybe share
what you confronted me about?
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, I basically just said.
You know why not try themembership class?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
right yeah, because that's kind of how it started.
Yeah, he was asking me why Iwasn't a member and why I wasn't
involved, and I didn't have agood reason.
My reason was I was still amember of the church that I
attended when I was a child.
Oh right, yeah, yeah, we weretalking about that, yes, yes,
and that church like my parents,my family left that church when
(02:27):
I was in junior high, so itwasn't even a church that my
parents still go to, but I havesuch an emotional tie to that
church.
That's where I accepted Christ,like I really learned how to
study the Bible, like I was justholding on to like that is my
church.
I was just holding on to likethat is my church, and so you
confronted me about like justeven going to the membership
(02:49):
class and I said I will prayabout it.
And I think that's one thing ofwhen somebody confronts you
about it.
I don't think I got defensive.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
No, not at all.
If anything, I think youdeserve the most credit out of
the whole thing because you tookit really well.
I don't even remember it beingsomething I thought too much
about, other than the fact thatI knew I had to say something.
I wouldn't consider myself yourfriend if I didn't say
something at that point.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Oh, that's important.
So let's dive a little bitdeeper into that is because,
like to you, you didn't see itas a big deal for me when you
told me I was like I'm gonnahave to really pray and think
about one.
Why was I holding on tosomething from my childhood,
which we can tend to do, thathold on to the past but then
(03:37):
like, why wouldn't I just takethe step to going to a
membership class?
like I wasn't having to make acommitment, but I, but I even
was like I need to pray aboutthat.
And I think, when peopleconfront us with stuff is we
don't have to take on what theysay.
We can pray about it but alsobe receiving, because, if you're
, I think the other thing too isI received it well, because I
(03:59):
know Zach's heart and I think somany times when people confront
us with something, we don'tstop to think about, like what
is that person's heart?
Like, does that person?
Are they a good friend of mine?
Is it somebody that I trust?
Um, and maybe that's why Ididn't respond like negatively
or get defensive because I'mlike Zach's not going to tell me
(04:20):
anything.
That's going to hurt me.
Um, but let's jump into into.
You said you felt like you hadto tell me because you wouldn't
be a good friend if you didn'ttell me.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Explain that a little bit Part of that is historical
for me too.
I just feel like I've had, youknow, long periods of times
where I thought to myself whywas I doing that?
For so long, and why did nobodysay anything?
to me oh wow, and that reallybothered me and it made me
question the friendships.
It made me question basicallyeverything surface was like, at
(04:53):
all surface level.
And so at some point as I wasbecoming an adult, I was like
I'm going to bias, towardsabrasiveness for lack of a
better word and I'm okay withtelling somebody the straight
truth and telling them in love,but also like I rather side on
that than the other side of nottelling them, because I never
(05:16):
want to be responsible for notultimately saying something that
God puts on my heart to tellsomebody I know whether they're
a friend or not, right, um, andit's not because I want to be
abrasive, if anything it's.
I don't want to do that.
I still have that friction ofnot wanting to say something I
think we all do right.
I just with that historicalcontext, I know that I'd rather
(05:39):
be wrong on that end than theother end and be too passive.
And then I I just know myself Iwill I will take some fault in
that if somebody is in this case.
It's not a good example ofmisstepping.
I don't miss stepping at all,but like I think we all have
friends there, it's like they'reclearly doing things that are
not in their best interest.
It's like if you go out andhave drinks every once in a
while, cool, but if it starts tobecome like monday, wednesday
(06:02):
and friday and then the weekendit's like oh like that might be
a conversation to have withsomebody.
That's another example, and foryou it was just more of like hey
, like you're clearly showing upregularly, you like the church,
like why not find out moreabout it and see where it goes?
Speaker 1 (06:16):
you know what I mean yeah, a couple of things that
you talked on.
Just on that last point, and Ijust want to say is it's it is a
gift what Zach gave to me thatday and I think sometimes we
don't think about that Likeyou're thinking of, like I got
to get it out, it might beabrasive, I see something, but
it's been such a gift becausenot only did I listen to him and
(06:39):
I prayed about it, I attendedthe membership class.
I learned so much about thechurch that I didn't know.
There's a lot that I learnedthat I love, like I didn't know
our church, like I don't know.
And then I got to have aconversation with the pastor,
which is great.
So it just grew a relationshipwith one of the pastors.
They got to know me, which thenthey connected me to like
(07:01):
here's ways that you can servein the church.
Now I serve on coffee bar.
It's like one of my favoritethings that I get to do, which
then has led to new friendships,new relationships.
There's a lady that I met atthe coffee bar that then I
attended a worship night that Ihadn't and I just felt led to.
I didn't really even know her.
We served one time at thecoffee bar and I felt led to go
(07:24):
sit by her and I ended up beingable to pray for her Like her
heart was a breaking, somethingthat had just happened.
But it's like this rippleeffect I'm on the prayer team
now, which I love the prayerteam Like there's just all these
ripple effects, but it's likeif Zach doesn't have the courage
and put yourself in thisposition.
(07:47):
And I think pray too, like ifGod's really laying on your
heart, like I really need tospeak to a friend about this Is
like pray about it and then havethe courage.
Pray about it and then have thecourage.
Yesterday at church they weresaying like, have conviction,
courage and compassion.
Yeah, I love that Because wecan maybe be a part of
(08:16):
somebody's path that God isleading them on to do and God's
going to use you and then youjust stop it.
So that's good, I think.
The other thing too sorry, Ifeel like I'm talking a lot but
like you just said a bunch ofgreat things is why didn't
someone tell me Like can youdive in?
Because that really hit me tothink of, like wow, how often
(08:40):
are we doing that when we'reseeing people like In your case,
do you want to talk a littlebit about like destructive
things that you are doing?
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah, yeah.
So the drinking analogy is oneof them.
Yeah, oh my gosh, what a wasteof time and money for that.
And calories, yes, oh gosh thecalories.
Yes, sorry, I didn't know that,that's for sure.
That's one of the biggestthings that sticks out
historically.
Yeah, it's also too.
(09:11):
It's like I said, like I stillthink about this today, like
what does a true friendship looklike and how do you like test
that?
Because I know of people thatconsider themselves best friends
and have known each other for avery long time, but they
haven't challenged each other onthings that me, looking from
the outside, looking in, it'slike why don't you?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I'm not the right person to have the conversation,
but your best friend is likewhy?
Speaker 2 (09:34):
isn't.
They said anything to you and Iknow for a fact that they have
it and they haven't had thoseconversations and for me it's
like I don't consider you a bestfriend or a friend at that
point, like that's the wholereason we have, like that's one
of the biggest reasons we havefriends, if if it's not that
it's like you're kind of usingeach other to like you know, uh,
whatever, like have a good timeor go do things together so
(09:56):
you're not alone, but likeultimately like a friendship
should become kind of more rawand real over time right and
then, like sometimes, friendsmove away or you know you're not
interested in the same things.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
It's like you're still friends.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
But you, you move apart and that's natural too.
But like, what does afriendship really like, look
like it mean to you and for me?
I'm just obsessed with time.
I do not want to waste time.
And one thing I've gotten olderis like better at is saying no
to things, but also saying no topeople.
And just and also just likesetting expectations too, know,
like setting expectations with afriend.
(10:29):
It's like, hey, this is what Iexpect of you.
And one more thing on theexpectation thing.
It reminded me so with my smallgroup at the same church very
early on in the small group Iwanted nothing to do with small
groups.
I was very personally againstit and I just said, all right,
god, I'm against this.
But I know this is good for me,because the church teaches us
(10:50):
this, the Bible teaches us this.
Community is important.
So I'm gonna try, I'm gonnakeep trying and I'm open my
heart to this.
But one of the biggest things Isaid was literally at the first
or second meeting with thesmall group of it was young
married couples at the time is,and I said it to everyone.
I said I just need like a coupleminutes to talk real quick.
Did they know you?
(11:10):
Allison rolled her eyes, likehere we go, my wife Allison,
just like, oh boy, did thesepeople know you?
Not really, okay, yeah, but itjust like I was not going to
waste my time unless I was goingto get something out of it,
right, and I just told them realand I was like, hey, I kind of
explained what a small grouplooked like to me and these were
(11:30):
my expectations and not thatI'm right, but is there any
reason for us not to all agreeto these things?
Um, and then I kind of threwsomething out there as well
which I think is helpful in this.
Like friendship that we'retalking about is like throw out
a bone first and so I just gaveout my entire testimony.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Yeah, and so that was a.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
That was me being real and wrong it was.
It was obvious.
It's my testimony.
There's a lot of tears, a lotof things going on, but like
that showed them that I waswilling to actually follow
through with the expectations Ihad.
And I mean it's been a thrivinggroup ever since and I'm not
saying it's thriving because ofme, but that helped me right dig
in deeper to that group whichis what I think God had for me
(12:10):
and for everybody.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Yeah, you hit on.
Something which we talk a lotabout, I think, and we will
continue, is expectations.
So you set an expectation forthat group, which my guess too
is you probably said somethingthat maybe other people wanted
to say but nobody had thecourage to say it, something
that maybe other people wantedto say but nobody had the
courage to say it.
(12:31):
And I think that's what happensin our friendships is we're
more scared of losing a friendor hurting their feelings or
fill in the blank than havingthe courage to confront them
about something that may makethem uncomfortable.
If they don't receive it well,may make them defensive.
If they don't receive it well,may make them defensive.
(12:52):
Um, and I think too, it is howyou one react.
So if somebody's telling yousomething is how you react.
Ask yourself why you'rereacting that way.
But also it goes back to whenpeople tell you something, and
I've learned this, like the goodand the hard way over the past
couple or past year is like youtold me that I received it well,
but I went to prayer, I startedtaking steps.
(13:13):
I didn't just take it as thegospel.
I've had other people who toldme this something and they felt
like it was adamant I need totake action now.
And it caused me confusion, itcaused me worry, like a lot of
stress, and I was taking that toprayer.
I talked to a pastor, and notthat I thought they were wrong,
(13:35):
but what I realized and you hadeven told me this is like God is
not the God of confusion, thedevil is of a confusion, and so
I think that's where you can useyour faith is, if a friend
tells you something, take it in,pray about it.
If you have to fast, um, talkto somebody about it, go into
scripture and if it's, if itlines up, you're like wow, or
(13:59):
lord, convict me if I'm behavingthis way, like lord, if I need
help, open the door or show mewho I'm supposed to have a
conversation with.
But I like I mean, yeah,there's a lot of good things
there that you said.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Yeah, and to wrap up too, to the person that's
listening, that's not in thatfaithful place yet or doesn't
really know God yet, I would sayI've been there completely
against religion, completelyagainst faith, but don't
overlook what we talked to today.
Like to be like, oh, that's aChristian thing, or blah, blah,
blah.
Like just think about yourfriend group and think about
(14:34):
your expectations that you guysall have, and whether you're in
like you're clearly not in asmall group, right so, but think
of your friends as this smallgroup of friends that is your
community.
And what do you kind of expectout of your community?
Because ultimately, it's notlike just to go have a beer with
somebody, Like there should bea deeper community and
relationship happening there,and if you're not getting that,
(14:55):
maybe it's time to looksomewhere else.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Yeah, Find a new friend group?
Yeah, and make sure too.
I think is you're surroundingyourself and this is like maybe
to the younger population ormaybe the older population, I
don't know.
But maybe to the youngerpopulation or maybe the older
population, I don't know.
But if you're surroundingyourself with people who are
bringing you down, are takingyou into those situations and
you're feeling convicted aboutit, I think that's the other
time is sometimes you mightthink well, I'm not going to
(15:18):
find anybody else, these peopleare better than nothing.
Well, maybe not you know like Idon't know, so I think that's
important to really evaluate.
I don't know, so I think that'simportant to really evaluate,
and I know both of us, over time, have had people in our lives
that they were good people.
It's not that they were badpeople, but it was just like we
don't have time for this.
(15:39):
We need people that are goingto help us grow, challenge us,
make us stronger, make us better, and I think I'll wrap up with
like these are all things Greatfriendships are ways to get to
giving your best side.
Hey friends, it's Stephanie here with Giving your
Best Life.
Podcast and my friend.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Zach.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Lloyd, Sustainable Anti-Diet Coach Wonderful.
We're back for another topictoday, and Zach and I, first of
all, if you have topics, sendthem to us.
We want to hear from you A lotof times we're building off of
what we talked about the lasttime, and today I had something
that like popped up in my mind.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Let's say maybe it was the holy spirit, and so I
asked zach.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I said can we talk about this?
Because I don't think we'veever had a conversation, and
what better like way to justlike converse with all of you to
see it.
So do you want to start liketelling the story or do you want
?
Speaker 2 (00:43):
me to.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I think you should I wasn't impacted in the same way
you were, I know.
So Zach and I attended an eventand at the event we got our
food and we're just sitting onthe side and we're chatting and
Zach and I go to the same church, but I had not become a member,
I had not been involved.
(01:04):
But I had not become a member,I had not been involved.
I my church attendance, wassneaking in the back, sitting in
the back row and leaving beforeanybody could talk to me, and
I've been doing that forprobably eight plus years and
(01:26):
one reason like this isn't anexcuse.
But as a police wife wife we canget in the habit of doing that
because a lot of times ourspouses work weekends, work
Sundays um, I just even saw thisin a police wife group where
she was like feeling guilty notgoing to church.
But it is this whole thing thatyou deal with at church of
people like where's your husbandor they start wondering like I
don't know, you start to playmind games.
So that had been my church lifeof going in and not
(01:47):
participating at the church, notreally doing anything outside
of the church.
And so Zach confronted me anddo you want to like, maybe share
what you confronted me about?
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, I basically just said.
You know why not try themembership class?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
right yeah, because that's kind of how it started.
Yeah, he was asking me why Iwasn't a member and why I wasn't
involved, and I didn't have agood reason.
My reason was I was still amember of the church that I
attended when I was a child.
Oh right, yeah, yeah, we weretalking about that, yes, yes,
and that church like my parents,my family left that church when
(02:27):
I was in junior high, so itwasn't even a church that my
parents still go to, but I havesuch an emotional tie to that
church.
That's where I accepted Christ,like I really learned how to
study the Bible, like I was justholding on to like that is my
church.
I was just holding on to likethat is my church, and so you
confronted me about like justeven going to the membership
(02:49):
class and I said I will prayabout it.
And I think that's one thing ofwhen somebody confronts you
about it.
I don't think I got defensive.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
No, not at all.
If anything, I think youdeserve the most credit out of
the whole thing because you tookit really well.
I don't even remember it beingsomething I thought too much
about, other than the fact thatI knew I had to say something.
I wouldn't consider myself yourfriend if I didn't say
something at that point.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Oh, that's important.
So let's dive a little bitdeeper into that is because,
like to you, you didn't see itas a big deal for me when you
told me I was like I'm gonnahave to really pray and think
about one.
Why was I holding on tosomething from my childhood,
which we can tend to do, thathold on to the past but then
(03:37):
like, why wouldn't I just takethe step to going to a
membership class?
like I wasn't having to make acommitment, but I, but I even
was like I need to pray aboutthat.
And I think, when peopleconfront us with stuff is we
don't have to take on what theysay.
We can pray about it but alsobe receiving, because, if you're
, I think the other thing too isI received it well, because I
(03:59):
know Zach's heart and I think somany times when people confront
us with something, we don'tstop to think about, like what
is that person's heart?
Like, does that person?
Are they a good friend of mine?
Is it somebody that I trust?
Um, and maybe that's why Ididn't respond like negatively
or get defensive because I'mlike Zach's not going to tell me
(04:20):
anything.
That's going to hurt me.
Um, but let's jump into into.
You said you felt like you hadto tell me because you wouldn't
be a good friend if you didn'ttell me.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Explain that a little bit Part of that is historical
for me too.
I just feel like I've had, youknow, long periods of times
where I thought to myself whywas I doing that?
For so long, and why did nobodysay anything?
to me oh wow, and that reallybothered me and it made me
question the friendships.
It made me question basicallyeverything surface was like, at
(04:53):
all surface level.
And so at some point as I wasbecoming an adult, I was like
I'm going to bias, towardsabrasiveness for lack of a
better word and I'm okay withtelling somebody the straight
truth and telling them in love,but also like I rather side on
that than the other side of nottelling them, because I never
(05:16):
want to be responsible for notultimately saying something that
God puts on my heart to tellsomebody I know whether they're
a friend or not, right, um, andit's not because I want to be
abrasive, if anything it's.
I don't want to do that.
I still have that friction ofnot wanting to say something I
think we all do right.
I just with that historicalcontext, I know that I'd rather
(05:39):
be wrong on that end than theother end and be too passive.
And then I I just know myself Iwill I will take some fault in
that if somebody is in this case.
It's not a good example ofmisstepping.
I don't miss stepping at all,but like I think we all have
friends there, it's like they'reclearly doing things that are
not in their best interest.
It's like if you go out andhave drinks every once in a
while, cool, but if it starts tobecome like monday, wednesday
(06:02):
and friday and then the weekendit's like oh like that might be
a conversation to have withsomebody.
That's another example, and foryou it was just more of like hey
, like you're clearly showing upregularly, you like the church,
like why not find out moreabout it and see where it goes?
Speaker 1 (06:16):
you know what I mean yeah, a couple of things that
you talked on.
Just on that last point, and Ijust want to say is it's it is a
gift what Zach gave to me thatday and I think sometimes we
don't think about that Likeyou're thinking of, like I got
to get it out, it might beabrasive, I see something, but
it's been such a gift becausenot only did I listen to him and
(06:39):
I prayed about it, I attendedthe membership class.
I learned so much about thechurch that I didn't know.
There's a lot that I learnedthat I love, like I didn't know
our church, like I don't know.
And then I got to have aconversation with the pastor,
which is great.
So it just grew a relationshipwith one of the pastors.
They got to know me, which thenthey connected me to like
(07:01):
here's ways that you can servein the church.
Now I serve on coffee bar.
It's like one of my favoritethings that I get to do, which
then has led to new friendships,new relationships.
There's a lady that I met atthe coffee bar that then I
attended a worship night that Ihadn't and I just felt led to.
I didn't really even know her.
We served one time at thecoffee bar and I felt led to go
(07:24):
sit by her and I ended up beingable to pray for her Like her
heart was a breaking, somethingthat had just happened.
But it's like this rippleeffect I'm on the prayer team
now, which I love the prayerteam Like there's just all these
ripple effects, but it's likeif Zach doesn't have the courage
and put yourself in thisposition.
(07:47):
And I think pray too, like ifGod's really laying on your
heart, like I really need tospeak to a friend about this Is
like pray about it and then havethe courage.
Pray about it and then have thecourage.
Yesterday at church they weresaying like, have conviction,
courage and compassion.
Yeah, I love that Because wecan maybe be a part of
(08:16):
somebody's path that God isleading them on to do and God's
going to use you and then youjust stop it.
So that's good, I think.
The other thing too sorry, Ifeel like I'm talking a lot but
like you just said a bunch ofgreat things is why didn't
someone tell me Like can youdive in?
Because that really hit me tothink of, like wow, how often
(08:40):
are we doing that when we'reseeing people like In your case,
do you want to talk a littlebit about like destructive
things that you are doing?
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah, yeah.
So the drinking analogy is oneof them.
Yeah, oh my gosh, what a wasteof time and money for that.
And calories, yes, oh gosh thecalories.
Yes, sorry, I didn't know that,that's for sure.
That's one of the biggestthings that sticks out
historically.
Yeah, it's also too.
(09:11):
It's like I said, like I stillthink about this today, like
what does a true friendship looklike and how do you like test
that?
Because I know of people thatconsider themselves best friends
and have known each other for avery long time, but they
haven't challenged each other onthings that me, looking from
the outside, looking in, it'slike why don't you?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I'm not the right person to have the conversation,
but your best friend is likewhy?
Speaker 2 (09:34):
isn't.
They said anything to you and Iknow for a fact that they have
it and they haven't had thoseconversations and for me it's
like I don't consider you a bestfriend or a friend at that
point, like that's the wholereason we have, like that's one
of the biggest reasons we havefriends, if if it's not that
it's like you're kind of usingeach other to like you know, uh,
whatever, like have a good timeor go do things together so
(09:56):
you're not alone, but likeultimately like a friendship
should become kind of more rawand real over time right and
then, like sometimes, friendsmove away or you know you're not
interested in the same things.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
It's like you're still friends.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
But you, you move apart and that's natural too.
But like, what does afriendship really like, look
like it mean to you and for me?
I'm just obsessed with time.
I do not want to waste time.
And one thing I've gotten olderis like better at is saying no
to things, but also saying no topeople.
And just and also just likesetting expectations too, know,
like setting expectations with afriend.
(10:29):
It's like, hey, this is what Iexpect of you.
And one more thing on theexpectation thing.
It reminded me so with my smallgroup at the same church very
early on in the small group Iwanted nothing to do with small
groups.
I was very personally againstit and I just said, all right,
god, I'm against this.
But I know this is good for me,because the church teaches us
(10:50):
this, the Bible teaches us this.
Community is important.
So I'm gonna try, I'm gonnakeep trying and I'm open my
heart to this.
But one of the biggest things Isaid was literally at the first
or second meeting with thesmall group of it was young
married couples at the time is,and I said it to everyone.
I said I just need like a coupleminutes to talk real quick.
Did they know you?
(11:10):
Allison rolled her eyes, likehere we go, my wife Allison,
just like, oh boy, did thesepeople know you?
Not really, okay, yeah, but itjust like I was not going to
waste my time unless I was goingto get something out of it,
right, and I just told them realand I was like, hey, I kind of
explained what a small grouplooked like to me and these were
(11:30):
my expectations and not thatI'm right, but is there any
reason for us not to all agreeto these things?
Um, and then I kind of threwsomething out there as well
which I think is helpful in this.
Like friendship that we'retalking about is like throw out
a bone first and so I just gaveout my entire testimony.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Yeah, and so that was a.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
That was me being real and wrong it was.
It was obvious.
It's my testimony.
There's a lot of tears, a lotof things going on, but like
that showed them that I waswilling to actually follow
through with the expectations Ihad.
And I mean it's been a thrivinggroup ever since and I'm not
saying it's thriving because ofme, but that helped me right dig
in deeper to that group whichis what I think God had for me
(12:10):
and for everybody.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Yeah, you hit on.
Something which we talk a lotabout, I think, and we will
continue, is expectations.
So you set an expectation forthat group, which my guess too
is you probably said somethingthat maybe other people wanted
to say but nobody had thecourage to say it, something
that maybe other people wantedto say but nobody had the
courage to say it.
(12:31):
And I think that's what happensin our friendships is we're
more scared of losing a friendor hurting their feelings or
fill in the blank than havingthe courage to confront them
about something that may makethem uncomfortable.
If they don't receive it well,may make them defensive.
If they don't receive it well,may make them defensive.
(12:52):
Um, and I think too, it is howyou one react.
So if somebody's telling yousomething is how you react.
Ask yourself why you'rereacting that way.
But also it goes back to whenpeople tell you something, and
I've learned this, like the goodand the hard way over the past
couple or past year is like youtold me that I received it well,
but I went to prayer, I startedtaking steps.
(13:13):
I didn't just take it as thegospel.
I've had other people who toldme this something and they felt
like it was adamant I need totake action now.
And it caused me confusion, itcaused me worry, like a lot of
stress, and I was taking that toprayer.
I talked to a pastor, and notthat I thought they were wrong,
(13:35):
but what I realized and you hadeven told me this is like God is
not the God of confusion, thedevil is of a confusion, and so
I think that's where you can useyour faith is, if a friend
tells you something, take it in,pray about it.
If you have to fast, um, talkto somebody about it, go into
scripture and if it's, if itlines up, you're like wow, or
(13:59):
lord, convict me if I'm behavingthis way, like lord, if I need
help, open the door or show mewho I'm supposed to have a
conversation with.
But I like I mean, yeah,there's a lot of good things
there that you said.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Yeah, and to wrap up too, to the person that's
listening, that's not in thatfaithful place yet or doesn't
really know God yet, I would sayI've been there completely
against religion, completelyagainst faith, but don't
overlook what we talked to today.
Like to be like, oh, that's aChristian thing, or blah, blah,
blah.
Like just think about yourfriend group and think about
(14:34):
your expectations that you guysall have, and whether you're in
like you're clearly not in asmall group, right so, but think
of your friends as this smallgroup of friends that is your
community.
And what do you kind of expectout of your community?
Because ultimately, it's notlike just to go have a beer with
somebody, Like there should bea deeper community and
relationship happening there,and if you're not getting that,
(14:55):
maybe it's time to looksomewhere else.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Yeah, Find a new friend group?
Yeah, and make sure too.
I think is you're surroundingyourself and this is like maybe
to the younger population ormaybe the older population, I
don't know.
But maybe to the youngerpopulation or maybe the older
population, I don't know.
But if you're surroundingyourself with people who are
bringing you down, are takingyou into those situations and
you're feeling convicted aboutit, I think that's the other
time is sometimes you mightthink well, I'm not going to
(15:18):
find anybody else, these peopleare better than nothing.
Well, maybe not you know like Idon't know, so I think that's
important to really evaluate.
I don't know, so I think that'simportant to really evaluate,
and I know both of us, over time, have had people in our lives
that they were good people.
It's not that they were badpeople, but it was just like we
don't have time for this.
(15:39):
We need people that are goingto help us grow, challenge us,
make us stronger, make us better, and I think I'll wrap up with
like these are all things Greatfriendships are ways to get to
giving your best side.
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