Rebecca Shellito stepped into the spotlight, as she accepted an honor that many would covet - yet for her, it was a mountain of anxiety to climb. Our heart-to-heart conversation reveals Rebecca's raw battle with the glare of recognition while juggling life as a caregiver for her child with autism. As I walk her through her trepidation and strategize ways to navigate this prestigious event, we uncover the universal stress of public accolades and the underestimated impact of seeking support. It's a compelling lesson in valuing our personal victories, even as we shoulder the weight of our day-to-day lives.
The conversation then takes a lighter turn as we swap stories of unexpected joy, like the time an employer-sponsored getaway offered much more than just a break from the office. Together, we celebrate the simple yet powerful act of fun and self-care and how it can rekindle our spirits and transform our relationships. We laugh over the familiar pangs of 'mom guilt' and debunk those self-imposed narratives that hold us back from embracing life's playful moments. It's a candid exchange with Rebecca about the friendships that see us through our highs and lows, emphasizing the beauty of honesty, intention, and the little efforts that keep our bonds strong. Join us for a heartfelt journey through the transformative power of honoring our achievements, seizing joy, and cherishing the friendships that light up our lives.
Connect with Stephanie:
Get a free resource The 4G Method Journal here.
Shop Stephanie's books here.
Follow me on IG: @Giving_Gal or FB/GivingGal
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey friends, this is Stephanie here with Giving your
Best Life podcast, and today Ihave a special guest, my good
friend, rebecca Shalito, and shewas actually on one of the top
download episodes, episodenumber 55, where we talked about
autism, grief and the greatestgift.
(00:24):
So, rebecca welcome.
Thank you about autism, griefand the greatest gift, so
Rebecca welcome thank you hello,friend, so excited to have you
back.
We've actually been trying to dothis for probably a couple of
months, yes, but somethinghappened a couple of months ago
and I told Becca I was like weshould talk about this on the
(00:45):
podcast.
And then something elsehappened and I said let's add
that to the discussion.
So do you want to start withlike that initial thing that
happened in your life?
You reached out to me and thenyou know we kind of yeah had a
friend coaching session did.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
I called you and said I need, I need some.
I need to talk this through.
Because I was being recognizedat work for being an outstanding
leader and I just feltuncomfortable with it because I
felt like I was just doing myjob and the way that I was being
recognized was in such anoutward way and for somebody
(01:23):
like myself who doesn'tnecessarily love the spotlight,
I just felt like it was notsomething that I wanted to do.
So I was being recognized on astage for a company that I work
for.
I had to get on a plane and flyto Texas and, as much as it
(01:47):
sounded fun to a lot of mycoworkers, for me it was going
to be a lot of work.
It was going to be.
It was during the week, so I hadto figure out childcare, my
husband needed to take some timeoff work, let alone get a suit
and get fitted for a suit, andthere was just all these little
pieces that in my mind I keptthinking like is it worth it?
(02:09):
Do I have to go?
And ultimately came down tojust the attention and I didn't
feel I don't say I didn't feeldeserving of the attention, but
I didn't necessarily want thatspotlight.
So I called you and was likelet's talk me through this,
because I I didn't.
I'm not, um, I was very honored, but I just uh, yeah, I wasn't
(02:35):
loving the idea of it all right,and so that's one thing I want
to say there.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
one thank you for like sharing that on the podcast
is like sometimes we do have Idon't want to say our
insecurities, but you know that,yeah, I'm doing my job.
Somebody recognized me.
Okay, I just want to keep doingmy job.
I don't want to.
And this recognition was reallybig.
It wasn't like, hey, we'regoing to go to a dinner at local
(03:01):
.
It was like you said get on aplane.
You know, get a fancy dress, beaway.
And so I think one thing that Iwant to point out is I love that
you just didn't keep it in toyourself and make a quick
decision.
I think there's so many timeswhere you know, fill in the
(03:24):
blank, whatever a situation isfor yourself is we're just like,
okay, we're not going to do it,we're going to rule it out.
I think you had some fear whenwe started talking that crep up.
We started doing these what ifs, talking it through with
somebody that we trust maybetheir insight or their
(03:48):
questioning.
You know to work through that,so I want to give you kudos for
like having the courage to textto say, hey, can we talk this
through?
So I know I put my coaching haton.
Sometimes you have to do yourfriend.
Sometimes you put your coachinghat on.
Coaching is asking thoughtfulquestions, so do you want to
(04:08):
dive into, just maybe, if youcan remember like some of the
questions or some of the thingsthat we talked through and then
like what decision that youended up making?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Yeah, so I wanted to pick your brain about it because
it seemed more of like acorporate, business world
recognition activity, I guess,whereas I'm more used to I'm a
nurse, so I'm used to you know.
We caught you doing a goodthing here's a postcard or
(04:42):
here's a pizza party.
You know what I mean good thing, here's a postcard or here's a
pizza party.
You know, yeah, like post-covid, we're happy you showed up to
work here's.
You know, right, your pat onthe back, whereas, you know, in
the corporate world is a littlebit different mindset, and so
that was part of the reason Iwas coming to, because I felt
like it was such a corporateworld, um, way to recognize.
(05:03):
I just wasn't comfortable withthat.
But really I came to you withall of my quote unquote excuses
of why it wasn't going to work.
Yes, the biggest reason was itwas during the week.
I have a child who has specialneeds, who needed transportation
to and from school and to andfrom all of his different
(05:26):
therapies, and that's a lot toask of someone.
You know, I have a supportivefamily, mother and sister and
family but it's just a hugeresponsibility that I didn't
want to hand off to somebodyelse.
And so what we decided.
You know, talking with you, itwas like what if I went with a
(05:49):
friend, you know, can I pausethere for a second?
Because?
Speaker 1 (05:52):
that was your.
One of your things was is yourhusband?
Like the original plan was andsometimes we can do this is
we're presented with option Aand we only see option A, and so
your option A was you and yourhusband going, and so it was
both of you going to be gone,both of you traveling, both of
like him having to buy a suit,like all this other stuff.
(06:16):
So that was like where you camein is both of you having to go
leave, that sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
And with both of us being gone, my biggest, my
biggest thought and worry was mychild, right, my son who, um,
how am I gonna relax knowingthat, you know, neither of us
are there caring for him, right?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
yeah, um.
So I think I wanted to pointthat out because sometimes we
can, we you get so deep intowhatever you're dealing with,
which is always good to have,like somebody outside to go.
Well, what about this?
So I think that's one thing islike, well, what if your husband
doesn't go, yeah, and a friendgoes with you, right, um, and so
(06:59):
maybe talk through about evenjust changing one thing in the
scenario, how it helped you yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
So then I thought, what if I took a friend from
work and that way freed myhusband up to stay here with our
child?
And that would be the biggestum mental block.
The biggest reason that Ididn't want to go was leaving
him and all the needs that comewith that.
So that in itself, just likewas a weight lifted off my
(07:27):
shoulders, right like knowingthat someone would be here to
take care of him.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Yeah, um, I think the other thing too was like oh my
gosh, the travel like there was.
Just there was a lot that wasgoing into it, and so that was
another thing that I think, if Iremember correctly as you were
struggling with, of like, okay,even just being gone and the
travel, and like all this stufffor one night, right to be
(07:52):
recognized, right for one awardthat I don't even feel like I
need yeah exactly like is itworth it for me to do it so?
and we haven't even talked aboutthis, so we haven't got to talk
about it.
So let me ask you one did youend up going?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I know the answer to this, but yes, okay.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
So you ended up going , which I was so proud of you
for making that decision.
But then two did you.
Were you grateful?
Like were you glad you went,like, share with us.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Yes, I was very glad I went.
I was so glad I ended up going.
Yeah, I ended up taking afriend and had more fun than I
thought we would.
Right that we thought evenpossible.
It was really good for my soulto get away to just put Any
worry concern.
(08:45):
The way that my employer hadthis set up was so nice.
I hope that I get invited nextyear.
I love it.
It was amazing, my friend and I, we did not worry about a thing
.
Everything was set up in thishotel and I said we don't even
have to worry about taking ourpurses, everything was paid for.
(09:06):
I mean it don't even have toworry about taking our purses,
everything was paid for.
I mean it was literallycarefree.
There was not one thing weworried about.
We slept as late as we wantedto sleep, we ate whatever.
I mean everything was rightthere at the hotel.
We were able to leave if wewanted to.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
We did.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
We checked out some things outside of the hotel.
It I walked away feelingrenewed, rejuvenated and I
couldn't put my finger on it.
I kept saying it feels like anatural high, like what is this?
And somebody said you forgotwhat it was like to have fun.
Oh wow.
And that was a huge light bulbmoment because I'm like you are
(09:44):
right I forgot what it's like tolive in a world where I'm not
worried and stressed and likeliterally like let things,
everything go and just had funfor the moment.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
It was so much fun well one.
I'm proud of you that you endedup going and uh, but you said a
couple of things that I thinkare important.
Is, you know, all the thingsthat you worried about never
came true, right, like even withthe travel and being gone
(10:17):
during the week and obviouslyyour husband stayed home, but
still, like all those things,even once you even had that
figured out, going there is.
And two like the rest, andrejuvenation and I think I'm not
a mom, but I know a lot of momsis like you almost feel like
you don't deserve that right, oh, mom guilt for sure.
(10:40):
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, 100, butdon't you think that you, coming
back from that, you taking sometime for yourself, like better
mom, better?
Speaker 2 (10:50):
wife yes, better mood overall.
Like I said, like a naturalhigh, it was just like like you
like life again.
Right, like the sun is shining.
You know, you just it.
Yeah, it made a huge, hugeimpact.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yeah, and part of giving your best life is like
how do you give to yourself?
Yeah, um, and that's really onething that I encourage you like
, hey, take this moment you'rebeing honored to give to
yourself and to do this, takethis and take it in, um, but
have you thought about, like,okay, now that I've done this,
like how do I incorporate funand giving to myself in my life
(11:32):
now that I'm back?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yes, definitely so.
I've made a priority and acommitment to both my husband
and some just friends just toset time aside to do those
things, and it's so funnybecause, so, so, going forward,
my husband and I have a day dateset aside.
It's on the calendar.
I love this because we get asitter.
(11:54):
Because we can't it's available, we can, there's no excuse not
to and just put aside anyworries.
Any adult, you knowconversations and it's just,
we're just gonna have fun, andso it's.
The running joke, though, isit's like, well, yeah, that was
fun, but was it Texas fun, whichis where the convention was at,
(12:14):
where the award ceremony was at?
It's like, well, it's fun, butdid it live up to Texas?
Like, you know, but a littlejoke that we have, but no, it's
been good.
We've had a couple of reallygood dates throughout throughout
the last couple months, and itwas it's.
It's good for us and I have, um, an outing coming up in May
with some girlfriends.
We're going to a winery yeah, acouple hours away.
(12:38):
So just it's good to like putthings on the calendar, have
something to look forward to,something to some fun to plan
for.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Um, it's so important and it's just something that I
hadn't done for a long time, youknow you mentioned a couple of
things is one I want to go backto Texas, because that's one
thing.
When we were discussing it, youhad told me, like I'm not gonna
have fun right, like.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
I don't want to dress up, I'm not gonna have fun.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I don't like these dress up, I'm not going to have
fun, I don't like these things.
And then I hear you like thejoy of like I had fun.
And now it's even become thisthing of like is it Texas fun?
And so that's another thing.
Women, is I want to challengeyou is we can get in these
mindsets, we can stop ourselvesfrom doing fill in the blank.
(13:25):
Before we get there, before weexperience it, we tell ourselves
a lie when we have nothing tobase it on.
You had never been to thisevent, you had never been to
Texas.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Never been to.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Texas.
Everything's bigger and betterin Texas.
So I think that's one thinginteresting is, you went in
saying I don't want to gobecause I'm not going to have
fun.
That was a lie, that you'retelling yourself and we tend to
do that in life Like we tellourselves these lies to get us
out of doing things that aregoing to make us, at the end of
(13:56):
the day, uncomfortable.
That's why you didn't want togo.
That is so right and that isone of my big things.
It's like we have to getourselves out of our comfortable
lifestyles to experience thingsthat we haven't experienced
before, Because then one weusually learn something which
what I love about you is it canbe transformative.
(14:19):
And I look at you, which I'm soproud of you of stepping
outside your comfort zone, goingand doing this.
But it's had this ripple effectin your life now oh sorry,
Becca's going to start crying,maybe here, friend, you can't
see us.
But seriously, having a fundate day and if you knew her
husband, he is a ball of fun.
(14:41):
I love him, he's one of myfavorite people.
But you know the ripple effectof that in your marriage, your
life.
But you know, like the rippleeffect of that in your marriage,
your life, your mental healthwith your girlfriends, and my
guess is, maybe before.
Let me ask you this Did youtell yourself the lie of I don't
have time to do this.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Yeah, or it's not worth the effort that goes into
it you know what I mean.
Like it's more work preparingfor this than it will actually
be worth, right, yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Is that true?
Speaker 2 (15:09):
No, not at all.
You know, looking back, maybeseveral years ago, maybe because
life was really really hardRight.
When my son was much younger,with his needs.
But at this point, no, it'shard to say back then, right.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, but now totally worth the effort, yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Yeah, and I encourage people.
I wish I had a Kleenex righthere we're like recording this.
I'm fine To go back and listento 55, because episode 55 with
Rebecca because that's you didtalk about like those hard times
.
You did talk about like thosehard times, and so I do want to
(15:50):
make sure that I'm cognizant ofis.
You might be in that seasonwhere it is hard and you can't
make the decision to do theuncomfortable thing or go to
Texas, like several years ago.
Maybe you couldn't do that andthat was your truth, right.
So I do think that you have toget good, or have somebody in
your life, or a coach, whateverit is that can almost challenge
(16:15):
you, or you learn how tochallenge yourself of what is
real and what is the lie thatI'm telling myself, because
several years ago that wouldhave been real.
This time it was a lie you weretelling yourself because you
didn't want to be uncomfortable.
And so, people, if you've beenlistening to me for a while,
(16:35):
there's always two questions Isay to ask yourself is is that
true?
And who told me Because a lotof times we can make excuses of,
well, I'm not going to have funIs that true.
Right, like who told you youwere going to fun?
Have you experienced it?
You know, like you can quicklykind of check yourself.
So I do want to like say thatis like if you truly are in a
(16:57):
season not to push yourself outof the comfort zone or go have
fun or whatever, um, that is thecase sometimes.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
There was a time I don't know if you remember, it
was several years ago you guysstill had your lake house and
you had, and you had invited usto come out and visit you know
I'm talking.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember this um becca'sgonna cry again.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
I'm just saying this because we're not on video and
um, you had talked aboutspending most of the day on the
boat and I wanted to come so bad.
But I knew that there was noway that my kid would stay on a
boat, right, and that was howyou guys had spent the majority
of your time.
(17:42):
And so I was really upsetbecause I felt like I missed out
, you know, and because becauseof that season that we were in
Right, but I think it's soimportant to remember that
seasons are just that.
You know we would be, we'd beOK on a boat.
Now, Right.
We're OK to get on a plane to.
Texas.
Yeah, but a couple of years ago.
(18:04):
There's no there.
Just it would not have beensafe for anybody to have him on
a boat.
So, yeah, I think that it isimportant to remember that your
seasons seasons aren't.
They don't have to last, theydon't always last, you're not.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
I think that's a good point, and I'm glad you brought
it up, because my guess is,though, when you're in that
season, it feels like you maynever get out of that season.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yes, yes, like is this my life Right?
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, yeah, um, and you guys have done a lot of hard
work, you know to to get whereyou are now.
Um, I want to switch gears realquick.
Um, to something else that wehad pop up, and becca and I are
great friends, and so I thinkyou can kind of gauge your
friendship by how honestsometimes you can be with your
(18:53):
friends.
Yeah is, uh, we've been tryingto set this up for like a couple
of months now to have thisconversation and, um, we had a
friday, late friday afternoon Ithink it was like three o'clock
that we had scheduled, and doyou want to talk about like that
?
Speaker 2 (19:10):
yeah, that day, that afternoon, it was something I've
really been looking forward tobecause I hadn't talked to you
since I got back from texas.
Yes, so I'd seen you before Iwent on my trip and I wanted to
tell you about it.
We were like, no, let's save itfor the podcast.
And then just the way ourschedules lined up had been a
couple weeks out.
So I was looking forward to it,but that week in particular had
(19:32):
just been a tough week, hadbeen a tough week at work, I
think, just not sleeping.
I wasn't sleeping well at nightand I was like man, I'm just
tired, yeah, but I knew I wantedto do this podcast, I wanted to
fill you in on everything and Ithought, if I can just sit here
in the sun, it was really sunnyout when I left work and I
thought I just need like 10minutes.
(19:54):
I hadn't eaten that day.
I was like I need to grabsomething to eat, I need to just
sit in the sun, rejuvenate, andI will be good to go.
And I was leaving work late, soI was already late.
So I texted you and said, hey,I know I'm supposed to be there
in like 20 minutes.
I haven't left work yet and Icommute an hour.
Um, can we put you know, areyou okay if I come a little
(20:15):
later tonight?
And you had said yeah, you saidwell you want me to go, I'll go
.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
So one I just I wanted, becca, to bring this up,
because one I think as women issometimes we have those weeks,
or maybe often we have thoseweeks where we're go, go, go, go
go.
We don't have good sleep.
It's been a stressful week.
We have plans with somebody andwe go ahead and we suck it up
and we do it Right.
(20:45):
And you very much could havejust done that Like, oh, I made
this commitment and I'm big oncommitment.
So I'm not saying like, flakeon your commitments.
But again, going back to youknow, know yourself, you know
what's going on, and so I wasproud when I I felt proud for
you, I was proud of you when Igot that text, because I was
like I knew it took courage todo that, um, to say like, hey, I
(21:11):
just need some space.
Yeah, I need a couple of, youknow, a couple extra hours.
It's been a hard week, like Ithink that so many times is.
If we look at social media,everybody looks like their
life's great, everything's puttogether.
It's like, no, a couple ofextra hours.
It's been a hard week, like Ithink that so many times is.
If we look at social media,everybody looks like their
life's great, everything's puttogether and it's like.
No, a lot of people arestruggling, we're all struggling
.
We struggle with sleep and foryou to be honest.
So I just wanted to pause andsay that Now I can't remember if
(21:31):
I had told Becca is I had to beup the next morning, I think
around 3 or 4 am because I had aspeaking engagement.
I think it was like an hour anda half away, it was a different
time zone, so I was losing anhour.
I hadn't prepared, I hadn'tpacked my car, or I had prepared
but I hadn't packed my car.
I always do my talks, likemultiple times, and so the
(21:55):
two-hour bump like pushed meinto a difficult decision.
I always say old Stephaniewould have said sure, come on
over, I didn't want to, I'm apeople pleaser, I didn't want to
let you down.
And I basically was honest andwas like that's not going to
(22:16):
work for me because I still haveall this work that I have to do
.
Plus, I knew, and so I wasproud of myself for being honest
with you.
But I think the important thingin friendships is one honesty
Like we both know each other'shearts.
We weren't just thinking, but Ithink it's also showing each
(22:37):
other grace.
Yeah, like I showed you grace,you immediately showed me grace
back, and we knew that we would.
I think the other thing, too,though, is being intentional of
one scheduling time with yourfriends, and we were intentional
of like hey, we're going tomake this work, and here we are
today to make this work, andhere we are today.
(23:00):
So any other like follow-upcomments of you know when I
message you back, or like youjust being able to have, then
that whole evening to yourself,which I think I even said
something to that like.
Hey, like, maybe you shouldjust have your whole.
So, um, any other finalthoughts?
Speaker 2 (23:13):
no, just give yourself some grace, give your
friends grace and step out ofyour comfort zone.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
you, you might have fun, you might have some Texas
fun, or it might not be likeTexas fun.
So I think we'll wrap up there,friends, and this is just
another example of how you getto giving your best life.
Thank you so much, rebecca, forbeing on the call.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Bye.
Hey friends, this is Stephanie here with Giving your
Best Life podcast, and today Ihave a special guest, my good
friend, rebecca Shalito, and shewas actually on one of the top
download episodes, episodenumber 55, where we talked about
autism, grief and the greatestgift.
(00:24):
So, rebecca welcome.
Thank you about autism, griefand the greatest gift, so
Rebecca welcome thank you hello,friend, so excited to have you
back.
We've actually been trying to dothis for probably a couple of
months, yes, but somethinghappened a couple of months ago
and I told Becca I was like weshould talk about this on the
(00:45):
podcast.
And then something elsehappened and I said let's add
that to the discussion.
So do you want to start withlike that initial thing that
happened in your life?
You reached out to me and thenyou know we kind of yeah had a
friend coaching session did.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
I called you and said I need, I need some.
I need to talk this through.
Because I was being recognizedat work for being an outstanding
leader and I just feltuncomfortable with it because I
felt like I was just doing myjob and the way that I was being
recognized was in such anoutward way and for somebody
(01:23):
like myself who doesn'tnecessarily love the spotlight,
I just felt like it was notsomething that I wanted to do.
So I was being recognized on astage for a company that I work
for.
I had to get on a plane and flyto Texas and, as much as it
(01:47):
sounded fun to a lot of mycoworkers, for me it was going
to be a lot of work.
It was going to be.
It was during the week, so I hadto figure out childcare, my
husband needed to take some timeoff work, let alone get a suit
and get fitted for a suit, andthere was just all these little
pieces that in my mind I keptthinking like is it worth it?
(02:09):
Do I have to go?
And ultimately came down tojust the attention and I didn't
feel I don't say I didn't feeldeserving of the attention, but
I didn't necessarily want thatspotlight.
So I called you and was likelet's talk me through this,
because I I didn't.
I'm not, um, I was very honored, but I just uh, yeah, I wasn't
(02:35):
loving the idea of it all right,and so that's one thing I want
to say there.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
one thank you for like sharing that on the podcast
is like sometimes we do have Idon't want to say our
insecurities, but you know that,yeah, I'm doing my job.
Somebody recognized me.
Okay, I just want to keep doingmy job.
I don't want to.
And this recognition was reallybig.
It wasn't like, hey, we'regoing to go to a dinner at local
(03:01):
.
It was like you said get on aplane.
You know, get a fancy dress, beaway.
And so I think one thing that Iwant to point out is I love that
you just didn't keep it in toyourself and make a quick
decision.
I think there's so many timeswhere you know, fill in the
(03:24):
blank, whatever a situation isfor yourself is we're just like,
okay, we're not going to do it,we're going to rule it out.
I think you had some fear whenwe started talking that crep up.
We started doing these what ifs, talking it through with
somebody that we trust maybetheir insight or their
(03:48):
questioning.
You know to work through that,so I want to give you kudos for
like having the courage to textto say, hey, can we talk this
through?
So I know I put my coaching haton.
Sometimes you have to do yourfriend.
Sometimes you put your coachinghat on.
Coaching is asking thoughtfulquestions, so do you want to
(04:08):
dive into, just maybe, if youcan remember like some of the
questions or some of the thingsthat we talked through and then
like what decision that youended up making?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Yeah, so I wanted to pick your brain about it because
it seemed more of like acorporate, business world
recognition activity, I guess,whereas I'm more used to I'm a
nurse, so I'm used to you know.
We caught you doing a goodthing here's a postcard or
(04:42):
here's a pizza party.
You know what I mean good thing, here's a postcard or here's a
pizza party.
You know, yeah, like post-covid, we're happy you showed up to
work here's.
You know, right, your pat onthe back, whereas, you know, in
the corporate world is a littlebit different mindset, and so
that was part of the reason Iwas coming to, because I felt
like it was such a corporateworld, um, way to recognize.
(05:03):
I just wasn't comfortable withthat.
But really I came to you withall of my quote unquote excuses
of why it wasn't going to work.
Yes, the biggest reason was itwas during the week.
I have a child who has specialneeds, who needed transportation
to and from school and to andfrom all of his different
(05:26):
therapies, and that's a lot toask of someone.
You know, I have a supportivefamily, mother and sister and
family but it's just a hugeresponsibility that I didn't
want to hand off to somebodyelse.
And so what we decided.
You know, talking with you, itwas like what if I went with a
(05:49):
friend, you know, can I pausethere for a second?
Because?
Speaker 1 (05:52):
that was your.
One of your things was is yourhusband?
Like the original plan was andsometimes we can do this is
we're presented with option Aand we only see option A, and so
your option A was you and yourhusband going, and so it was
both of you going to be gone,both of you traveling, both of
like him having to buy a suit,like all this other stuff.
(06:16):
So that was like where you camein is both of you having to go
leave, that sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
And with both of us being gone, my biggest, my
biggest thought and worry was mychild, right, my son who, um,
how am I gonna relax knowingthat, you know, neither of us
are there caring for him, right?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
yeah, um.
So I think I wanted to pointthat out because sometimes we
can, we you get so deep intowhatever you're dealing with,
which is always good to have,like somebody outside to go.
Well, what about this?
So I think that's one thing islike, well, what if your husband
doesn't go, yeah, and a friendgoes with you, right, um, and so
(06:59):
maybe talk through about evenjust changing one thing in the
scenario, how it helped you yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
So then I thought, what if I took a friend from
work and that way freed myhusband up to stay here with our
child?
And that would be the biggestum mental block.
The biggest reason that Ididn't want to go was leaving
him and all the needs that comewith that.
So that in itself, just likewas a weight lifted off my
(07:27):
shoulders, right like knowingthat someone would be here to
take care of him.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Yeah, um, I think the other thing too was like oh my
gosh, the travel like there was.
Just there was a lot that wasgoing into it, and so that was
another thing that I think, if Iremember correctly as you were
struggling with, of like, okay,even just being gone and the
travel, and like all this stufffor one night, right to be
(07:52):
recognized, right for one awardthat I don't even feel like I
need yeah exactly like is itworth it for me to do it so?
and we haven't even talked aboutthis, so we haven't got to talk
about it.
So let me ask you one did youend up going?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I know the answer to this, but yes, okay.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
So you ended up going , which I was so proud of you
for making that decision.
But then two did you.
Were you grateful?
Like were you glad you went,like, share with us.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Yes, I was very glad I went.
I was so glad I ended up going.
Yeah, I ended up taking afriend and had more fun than I
thought we would.
Right that we thought evenpossible.
It was really good for my soulto get away to just put Any
worry concern.
(08:45):
The way that my employer hadthis set up was so nice.
I hope that I get invited nextyear.
I love it.
It was amazing, my friend and I, we did not worry about a thing
.
Everything was set up in thishotel and I said we don't even
have to worry about taking ourpurses, everything was paid for.
(09:06):
I mean it don't even have toworry about taking our purses,
everything was paid for.
I mean it was literallycarefree.
There was not one thing weworried about.
We slept as late as we wantedto sleep, we ate whatever.
I mean everything was rightthere at the hotel.
We were able to leave if wewanted to.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
We did.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
We checked out some things outside of the hotel.
It I walked away feelingrenewed, rejuvenated and I
couldn't put my finger on it.
I kept saying it feels like anatural high, like what is this?
And somebody said you forgotwhat it was like to have fun.
Oh wow.
And that was a huge light bulbmoment because I'm like you are
(09:44):
right I forgot what it's like tolive in a world where I'm not
worried and stressed and likeliterally like let things,
everything go and just had funfor the moment.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
It was so much fun well one.
I'm proud of you that you endedup going and uh, but you said a
couple of things that I thinkare important.
Is, you know, all the thingsthat you worried about never
came true, right, like even withthe travel and being gone
(10:17):
during the week and obviouslyyour husband stayed home, but
still, like all those things,even once you even had that
figured out, going there is.
And two like the rest, andrejuvenation and I think I'm not
a mom, but I know a lot of momsis like you almost feel like
you don't deserve that right, oh, mom guilt for sure.
(10:40):
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, 100, butdon't you think that you, coming
back from that, you taking sometime for yourself, like better
mom, better?
Speaker 2 (10:50):
wife yes, better mood overall.
Like I said, like a naturalhigh, it was just like like you
like life again.
Right, like the sun is shining.
You know, you just it.
Yeah, it made a huge, hugeimpact.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yeah, and part of giving your best life is like
how do you give to yourself?
Yeah, um, and that's really onething that I encourage you like
, hey, take this moment you'rebeing honored to give to
yourself and to do this, takethis and take it in, um, but
have you thought about, like,okay, now that I've done this,
like how do I incorporate funand giving to myself in my life
(11:32):
now that I'm back?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yes, definitely so.
I've made a priority and acommitment to both my husband
and some just friends just toset time aside to do those
things, and it's so funnybecause, so, so, going forward,
my husband and I have a day dateset aside.
It's on the calendar.
I love this because we get asitter.
(11:54):
Because we can't it's available, we can, there's no excuse not
to and just put aside anyworries.
Any adult, you knowconversations and it's just,
we're just gonna have fun, andso it's.
The running joke, though, isit's like, well, yeah, that was
fun, but was it Texas fun, whichis where the convention was at,
(12:14):
where the award ceremony was at?
It's like, well, it's fun, butdid it live up to Texas?
Like, you know, but a littlejoke that we have, but no, it's
been good.
We've had a couple of reallygood dates throughout throughout
the last couple months, and itwas it's.
It's good for us and I have, um, an outing coming up in May
with some girlfriends.
We're going to a winery yeah, acouple hours away.
(12:38):
So just it's good to like putthings on the calendar, have
something to look forward to,something to some fun to plan
for.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Um, it's so important and it's just something that I
hadn't done for a long time, youknow you mentioned a couple of
things is one I want to go backto Texas, because that's one
thing.
When we were discussing it, youhad told me, like I'm not gonna
have fun right, like.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
I don't want to dress up, I'm not gonna have fun.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I don't like these dress up, I'm not going to have
fun, I don't like these things.
And then I hear you like thejoy of like I had fun.
And now it's even become thisthing of like is it Texas fun?
And so that's another thing.
Women, is I want to challengeyou is we can get in these
mindsets, we can stop ourselvesfrom doing fill in the blank.
(13:25):
Before we get there, before weexperience it, we tell ourselves
a lie when we have nothing tobase it on.
You had never been to thisevent, you had never been to
Texas.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Never been to.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Texas.
Everything's bigger and betterin Texas.
So I think that's one thinginteresting is, you went in
saying I don't want to gobecause I'm not going to have
fun.
That was a lie, that you'retelling yourself and we tend to
do that in life Like we tellourselves these lies to get us
out of doing things that aregoing to make us, at the end of
(13:56):
the day, uncomfortable.
That's why you didn't want togo.
That is so right and that isone of my big things.
It's like we have to getourselves out of our comfortable
lifestyles to experience thingsthat we haven't experienced
before, Because then one weusually learn something which
what I love about you is it canbe transformative.
(14:19):
And I look at you, which I'm soproud of you of stepping
outside your comfort zone, goingand doing this.
But it's had this ripple effectin your life now oh sorry,
Becca's going to start crying,maybe here, friend, you can't
see us.
But seriously, having a fundate day and if you knew her
husband, he is a ball of fun.
(14:41):
I love him, he's one of myfavorite people.
But you know the ripple effectof that in your marriage, your
life.
But you know, like the rippleeffect of that in your marriage,
your life, your mental healthwith your girlfriends, and my
guess is, maybe before.
Let me ask you this Did youtell yourself the lie of I don't
have time to do this.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Yeah, or it's not worth the effort that goes into
it you know what I mean.
Like it's more work preparingfor this than it will actually
be worth, right, yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Is that true?
Speaker 2 (15:09):
No, not at all.
You know, looking back, maybeseveral years ago, maybe because
life was really really hardRight.
When my son was much younger,with his needs.
But at this point, no, it'shard to say back then, right.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, but now totally worth the effort, yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Yeah, and I encourage people.
I wish I had a Kleenex righthere we're like recording this.
I'm fine To go back and listento 55, because episode 55 with
Rebecca because that's you didtalk about like those hard times
.
You did talk about like thosehard times, and so I do want to
(15:50):
make sure that I'm cognizant ofis.
You might be in that seasonwhere it is hard and you can't
make the decision to do theuncomfortable thing or go to
Texas, like several years ago.
Maybe you couldn't do that andthat was your truth, right.
So I do think that you have toget good, or have somebody in
your life, or a coach, whateverit is that can almost challenge
(16:15):
you, or you learn how tochallenge yourself of what is
real and what is the lie thatI'm telling myself, because
several years ago that wouldhave been real.
This time it was a lie you weretelling yourself because you
didn't want to be uncomfortable.
And so, people, if you've beenlistening to me for a while,
(16:35):
there's always two questions Isay to ask yourself is is that
true?
And who told me Because a lotof times we can make excuses of,
well, I'm not going to have funIs that true.
Right, like who told you youwere going to fun?
Have you experienced it?
You know, like you can quicklykind of check yourself.
So I do want to like say thatis like if you truly are in a
(16:57):
season not to push yourself outof the comfort zone or go have
fun or whatever, um, that is thecase sometimes.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
There was a time I don't know if you remember, it
was several years ago you guysstill had your lake house and
you had, and you had invited usto come out and visit you know
I'm talking.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember this um becca'sgonna cry again.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
I'm just saying this because we're not on video and
um, you had talked aboutspending most of the day on the
boat and I wanted to come so bad.
But I knew that there was noway that my kid would stay on a
boat, right, and that was howyou guys had spent the majority
of your time.
(17:42):
And so I was really upsetbecause I felt like I missed out
, you know, and because becauseof that season that we were in
Right, but I think it's soimportant to remember that
seasons are just that.
You know we would be, we'd beOK on a boat.
Now, Right.
We're OK to get on a plane to.
Texas.
Yeah, but a couple of years ago.
(18:04):
There's no there.
Just it would not have beensafe for anybody to have him on
a boat.
So, yeah, I think that it isimportant to remember that your
seasons seasons aren't.
They don't have to last, theydon't always last, you're not.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
I think that's a good point, and I'm glad you brought
it up, because my guess is,though, when you're in that
season, it feels like you maynever get out of that season.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yes, yes, like is this my life Right?
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, yeah, um, and you guys have done a lot of hard
work, you know to to get whereyou are now.
Um, I want to switch gears realquick.
Um, to something else that wehad pop up, and becca and I are
great friends, and so I thinkyou can kind of gauge your
friendship by how honestsometimes you can be with your
(18:53):
friends.
Yeah is, uh, we've been tryingto set this up for like a couple
of months now to have thisconversation and, um, we had a
friday, late friday afternoon Ithink it was like three o'clock
that we had scheduled, and doyou want to talk about like that
?
Speaker 2 (19:10):
yeah, that day, that afternoon, it was something I've
really been looking forward tobecause I hadn't talked to you
since I got back from texas.
Yes, so I'd seen you before Iwent on my trip and I wanted to
tell you about it.
We were like, no, let's save itfor the podcast.
And then just the way ourschedules lined up had been a
couple weeks out.
So I was looking forward to it,but that week in particular had
(19:32):
just been a tough week, hadbeen a tough week at work, I
think, just not sleeping.
I wasn't sleeping well at nightand I was like man, I'm just
tired, yeah, but I knew I wantedto do this podcast, I wanted to
fill you in on everything and Ithought, if I can just sit here
in the sun, it was really sunnyout when I left work and I
thought I just need like 10minutes.
(19:54):
I hadn't eaten that day.
I was like I need to grabsomething to eat, I need to just
sit in the sun, rejuvenate, andI will be good to go.
And I was leaving work late, soI was already late.
So I texted you and said, hey,I know I'm supposed to be there
in like 20 minutes.
I haven't left work yet and Icommute an hour.
Um, can we put you know, areyou okay if I come a little
(20:15):
later tonight?
And you had said yeah, you saidwell you want me to go, I'll go
.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
So one I just I wanted, becca, to bring this up,
because one I think as women issometimes we have those weeks,
or maybe often we have thoseweeks where we're go, go, go, go
go.
We don't have good sleep.
It's been a stressful week.
We have plans with somebody andwe go ahead and we suck it up
and we do it Right.
(20:45):
And you very much could havejust done that Like, oh, I made
this commitment and I'm big oncommitment.
So I'm not saying like, flakeon your commitments.
But again, going back to youknow, know yourself, you know
what's going on, and so I wasproud when I I felt proud for
you, I was proud of you when Igot that text, because I was
like I knew it took courage todo that, um, to say like, hey, I
(21:11):
just need some space.
Yeah, I need a couple of, youknow, a couple extra hours.
It's been a hard week, like Ithink that so many times is.
If we look at social media,everybody looks like their
life's great, everything's puttogether.
It's like, no, a couple ofextra hours.
It's been a hard week, like Ithink that so many times is.
If we look at social media,everybody looks like their
life's great, everything's puttogether and it's like.
No, a lot of people arestruggling, we're all struggling
.
We struggle with sleep and foryou to be honest.
So I just wanted to pause andsay that Now I can't remember if
(21:31):
I had told Becca is I had to beup the next morning, I think
around 3 or 4 am because I had aspeaking engagement.
I think it was like an hour anda half away, it was a different
time zone, so I was losing anhour.
I hadn't prepared, I hadn'tpacked my car, or I had prepared
but I hadn't packed my car.
I always do my talks, likemultiple times, and so the
(21:55):
two-hour bump like pushed meinto a difficult decision.
I always say old Stephaniewould have said sure, come on
over, I didn't want to, I'm apeople pleaser, I didn't want to
let you down.
And I basically was honest andwas like that's not going to
(22:16):
work for me because I still haveall this work that I have to do
.
Plus, I knew, and so I wasproud of myself for being honest
with you.
But I think the important thingin friendships is one honesty
Like we both know each other'shearts.
We weren't just thinking, but Ithink it's also showing each
(22:37):
other grace.
Yeah, like I showed you grace,you immediately showed me grace
back, and we knew that we would.
I think the other thing, too,though, is being intentional of
one scheduling time with yourfriends, and we were intentional
of like hey, we're going tomake this work, and here we are
today to make this work, andhere we are today.
(23:00):
So any other like follow-upcomments of you know when I
message you back, or like youjust being able to have, then
that whole evening to yourself,which I think I even said
something to that like.
Hey, like, maybe you shouldjust have your whole.
So, um, any other finalthoughts?
Speaker 2 (23:13):
no, just give yourself some grace, give your
friends grace and step out ofyour comfort zone.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
you, you might have fun, you might have some Texas
fun, or it might not be likeTexas fun.
So I think we'll wrap up there,friends, and this is just
another example of how you getto giving your best life.
Thank you so much, rebecca, forbeing on the call.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Bye.
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