May 7, 2025 • 45 mins
Drawing from 2 Timothy 2:20-21, we challenge the common criticism that godly parenting is "keeping kids from the world" – when in reality, we're keeping them for God's purposes. The conversation walks through what we call "the parenting funnel" – a framework showing how parenting transitions from establishing authority with young children to building deep relationships with teenagers. During those formative years (ages 0-5), we discuss why consistent discipline establishes security, not harm. Like a shepherd's rod and staff from Psalm 23, discipline serves as both protection and guidance – a rescue mission to save children from destructive paths. For elementary-aged children, we explore shifting focus from external behavior to heart formation, while teenage years require less control and more coaching.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
And we'll pray.
Heavenly Father, we love youand we honor you.
We're here because we want tohave godliness in our life,
godliness in our family,godliness in our marriage.
And, Holy Spirit, we justinvite you to be part of this
conversation tonight.
We ask you to guide everyconversation, every word that's
spoken.
Let it be edifying, let it beencouraging to each one who
(00:22):
hears it.
Be encouraging to each one whohears it.
Holy Spirit, I pray thatwhatever is spoken, that those
who hear will hear preciselywhat they need to hear.
And, heavenly Father, we giveyou all the praise and honor and
glory for the fruit thatabounds in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Well, thank you to our livestream audience for watching
with us tonight.
We've got people here in thechurch with us tonight.
(00:47):
We've got people here in thechurch.
We're going to break out intogroups a little bit later and
have a time of discussion, andso, live stream audience, if you
want to be part of thesediscussions, you're just going
to have to come next time, butlet us know you're coming and
register before so we can havethe materials and the food for
you.
But with that, let's getstarted.
Yes we're going to start off,claire's going to begin talking
(01:08):
about vessels of honor.
So with that, claire, take itaway.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Yes, I just thought I'd paint one more picture of a
good overview.
And you know how many of youknow that sometimes, as a good,
godly parent, other familiesmight look at your family and
say, wow, you guys are strict,man, you don't let your kids.
So I just wanted to read to you2 Timothy 2, 20 and 21.
(01:36):
But in a great house there arenot only vessels of gold and
silver, but also of wood andclay, some for honor and some
for dishonor.
Therefore, if anyone cleanseshimself from the latter and
those are things that works ofthe flesh that it previously
mentioned if you cleanseyourself, you'll be a vessel of
honor, sanctified and useful forthe master and prepared for
every good work.
(01:57):
How many of you want to have afamily full of kids who are
prepared for every good work?
And that's our job as parentsis to prepare them.
And what are we preparing themfor?
You know I have a dog bowl onthe floor of my house.
I would never, ever said itbefore my honored guests.
It's a dog bowl.
There's a toilet bowl.
It's made of porcelain but it'sa toilet.
(02:18):
And so you know there arevessels of honor and there are
vessels of not honor.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
And that sounds like something that I would say.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
That is what my husband it's, because I've been
married to him that I would sayanything like that.
That is so vulgar.
But our kids, man, we'rekeeping our kids.
I think, overall, other peoplecan look from the outside and
say, you are so strict, you'rekeeping your kids from the real
(02:47):
world, you're keeping your kidsfrom from from all of these good
things.
And I would say, no, I'mkeeping them for the word of God
, I'm keeping them there.
That's what sanctification is.
It means that they're set apartand there are certain things
they'll never be used by thedevil.
They're going to be used by Godand they're going to be a
vessel of honor.
So you can say that over yourkids, and I just want to
(03:08):
encourage you.
I mean, your kids are calledfrom for a purpose.
They're called from the womb ofthe mother.
You think about how they, howJohn the Baptist, when he was
still inside his mother,elizabeth, and Elizabeth came
near her cousin, Mary, who wasalso pregnant with Jesus, and
John the Baptist was a, he wasin utero and he leapt for joy in
(03:29):
his mother's womb.
He could feel the presence ofGod.
So kids have a calling from thetime they're in the womb and,
and so it's our job to keep themfor the presence of God, to
keep them as a vessel of honor,them as a vessel of honor.
And then I just want to justgive an overview of kind of the
atmosphere of the entire familythroughout your time is, you
(03:52):
know, people have a lot ofdifferent views of family time.
Oh, it's family movie night,it's we bowl, we fish as a
family, we this or we that, andthose are really good things.
But I just want to, as a memberof the local church, as a local
church girl, as a person whospent my entire childhood, from
the time my parents got savedwhen I was seven years old, we
(04:16):
lived in the church.
When the church was open, evenif it was 28 miles from our door
, we still were there every timethe doors were open, if it was
Monday, tuesday, wednesday,thursday, friday, saturday and
all day, sunday.
And that's what we were inchurch all the time.
And as a family we all serve.
(04:36):
We found a way to be useful andeven little kids can find a way
to serve with their parents Ifthey're ushers, if they're
greeters.
I mean, how awesome would it beto show your kids early?
So to me, serving God togetherwas our ultimate family time,
and if you look at my family,it's still what we do together.
My kids are all here tonight.
They're serving I've got Annaserving in children's ministry,
(04:59):
and so we know all the samefamilies, we know all the same
people.
It is a basis of richfellowship in our lives.
So I would, I would encourageyou to get involved in your
local church and we can havegenerational impact.
Look at the Dyer family.
The Dyer family I knew when,when we were going to church.
All that time we knew them andand then now they have a
generational impact in ourchurch Three generations of Dyer
(05:21):
serving in church together,loving the Lord together, and we
all benefit from that.
And so, anyway, vessels of honor.
So let's talk about honor justfor a minute.
Honor is what we're trying tohelp instill in our kids through
all of these methods we'reabout to talk about.
Honor is the thing.
And because if your child doesnot honor you as a parent and he
(05:44):
can see you, she can see yourface but she does not honor you
then how is she going to honorGod, whom she cannot see?
And so, as a parent, it is sovital that we teach our kids not
just to obey but to truly intheir heart to honor us as
parents, because we, as wetalked about last week, we
really do represent theauthority of God almighty to our
(06:05):
kids.
We're the face of God to themin this time in their lives.
And so you know, remember thatscripture that Jesus could there
do no mighty work but in hishometown he could.
There do, could do no mightywork in his own hometown because
the people did not honor him.
He wanted to do something goodfor them but he could not
(06:28):
because they did not honor.
And, as a parent, how many ofyou have wanted?
There have been times in yourlife that you have wanted to do
something really good for yourkid, but they were not acting
with honor that day, and so youhad to delay that blessing for
them, didn't you?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
And so that's kind of a principle with our kids
Things will go well with themwhen they learn honor, and so,
and then, just as anotherpicture of the home James has, a
thought yeah, so Proverbs 22,six and this is a theme that
runs through here all the waythrough Train up a child in the
way they should go, and whenthey're old, they'll not depart
from it.
And again, every time you hearthe word train, I want you to
(07:10):
think that is not telling them,that is not repeating the
statement over and over.
This is a repetitive trainingto get somebody into.
This is who they are and thisis what they do because they've
been trained.
It's a trained response.
As parents, you are shepherdingthese kids and, in particular,
as parents, you are shepherdingthese kids and, in particular,
the father of the home is ashepherd in the lead role.
(07:30):
Jesus is our chief shepherd,but we're underling shepherds,
and so, in our home, we're theshepherd.
We're charged to lead, to feedand to guard these kids that
we've been charged to train up.
And so, as a shepherd, I wantyou to look at Psalm 23, verse 1
.
It says the Lord is my shepherd.
I shall not want, I shall notlack or decrease or fail.
(07:53):
He makes me to lie down ingreen pastures and leads me
beside the still waters.
He restores my soul for hisnamesake, yea, though I walk
through the valley of the shadowof death, I'll fear no evil,
for you are with me, your rodand your staff.
They comfort me, and so we'regoing to talk about the rod and
the staff tonight.
(08:14):
The rod is a symbol and animplement of discipline and it's
also one of protection.
And so you know, you can beatthe devil off of your kids, you
can beat the threat off of yourkids and away from your home and
you should, but for yourchildren it's a corrective tool.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Maybe not a literal stick.
We'll talk about that later.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
It can be a literal stick, but it doesn't have to be
a stick in every case literalstick, but it doesn't have to be
a stick in every case.
When you apply the rod, thecorrective tool and the
protection, the discipline here,I want you to see yourselves on
a rescue mission.
Your kids are in imminentdanger.
There is somebody coming forthem, there is something coming
(09:00):
for them.
They're on the edge ofsomething that can go
desperately wrong for them, andso, as somebody who guards,
you're something that can godesperately wrong for them.
And so, as somebody who guards,you're there to guard your
children from that danger.
And so what do you use?
You use the rod to beat thedanger off of them.
And so that's the context here.
Proverbs 23, 13 says do notwithhold correction from a child
, for if you beat him with a rodhe will not die.
(09:22):
I mean, if you beat him hardenough he will.
But that's not the kind ofbeating that we're talking here.
That is not our goal, you shallbeat him with a rod and deliver
his soul from hell.
This is a rescue mission tosave them from hell.
And so, yes, you can beat thehell out of your kids, and I'm
not cussing here, I'm sayingyou're driving that out of them.
But we I'm saying you'redriving that out of them, but we
(09:43):
are not abusing and causingharm to our kids.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
It is a rescue mission for your kids.
It is a loving tool.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Proverbs, a couple of scriptures here.
I'll run through these quick.
Proverbs 22, 15.
Foolishness is bound in theheart of a child, but the rod of
correction will drive it farfrom them.
Proverbs 29, verse 15 and 17.
So 15 says the rod.
Let me flip over that onebecause I don't have that one
(10:12):
written down in my notes.
Proverbs 29 15, and I should goquicker.
I should have written that onedown, my apologies.
Proverbs 29 15 the rod andrebuke give wisdom, but the
child left to himself bringsshame to his mother.
(10:35):
So when you think about a childleft to himself, I want you to
think about free-range parenting.
You know how many parents justlet their kids off to themselves
to do whatever and wherever andwith whoever.
That brings shame, shame.
Verse 17 says correct your sonand he will give you rest.
They won't wear you out whenyou are training them in the way
(10:55):
they should go.
When you've corrected them,they're going to give you rest
because then you won't becorrecting them as much.
If you get this stuff done earlyin life, remember the concept
of pouring concrete in a set offorms.
When those forms are in theright place and you're pouring
concrete, you know that's goingto begin to set up and that's
going to yield the result ofwhat it is.
(11:15):
You had in design in your mind.
You're shaping them, but if itgets outside of those forms now
you've got a chip, you've got asaw cut, you've got a drill,
you've got a cord.
It's a mess and it's a lot oftrouble to get it back on track.
And so we're building afoundation here and we've got to
make sure that we get it rightat the front end of this.
(11:36):
And then you know your rod andyour staff.
The staff provides guidance.
You know, I want you to thinkabout a shepherd with a staff.
That's he's not beating thesheep, he's guiding the sheep.
It's got a little crook on theend.
You might hook the neck of oneand pull them back in line over
here.
You might pat one on the sideover here.
It's a tool of guidance and soyou're guiding here with your
(11:58):
words.
You got to have goodcommunication with your kids.
The second Timothy, chapter four, verse two, talks about
preaching, convincing, rebuking,exhorting, with all
long-suffering and teaching.
A good way to lead your kids isthrough lines of questioning,
and that'll be a theme all theway through here.
That can start very young, assoon as they can begin to
(12:19):
understand the language, you canstart asking them questions and
you're leading them to aparticular answer.
You ask smart questions.
That gets the truth of God'sword to come out of their mouth.
And when it comes out of theirmouth, now they're accountable
for it.
You didn't tell them, you ledthem with questioning, and so
that's a picture of the staffright there.
(12:41):
And then, when you get later inlife, your communications with
your kids, your teenagers,becomes much more meaningful.
You're an adult, you can startrelating to them that way, but
you don't stop guiding them withyour words and with your
questioning.
You can begin to entreat yourkids and plead with them to
(13:01):
honor your father and yourmother.
This is not something I'm doingbecause I need the honor or
your mother needs the honor.
I'm pleading with you to dothis because I want it to go
well with you.
And so there's blessing and Idon't want you to be outside of
that blessing.
And so you begin to entreatthem and plead with them as they
get to be older in age.
But all of that the rod and thecorrection that's a rescue
(13:25):
mission, and the staff is yourwords of guidance.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Awesome.
All right, we're going to moveon to our parenting within the
funnel, and I passed this outlast week and it's in tonight's
notes too.
It looks like this it's on pagenine of tonight's notes, and I
love it because you kind ofstart at the bottom and you can
kind of see that eventuallywe're leading to a place where
our kids are grown and we can befriends with them.
We have raised people that welike, hallelujah.
(13:52):
We have raised people thatshare our, our values and our
and.
And yet they're on the planthat God has for them and we can
be so proud.
But that's not when they'rezero to five we're going to
cover.
Well, how, how do you get theresomeday?
Well, you start when they'rezero to five.
You've got to establishauthority.
(14:12):
If you start with friendshipwith your little one, then they
are not equipped to be yourfriend and they will not respect
you and they will not honor you, and so they have to learn that
honor by you being a strong andawesome parent.
Some people say God, help mewith this child, send somebody
(14:34):
to help me.
Well, he sent you to them.
You are their parent, you haveauthority, and so never, never
share that with your kidsbecause then they feel insecure.
They feel like something in theheart of a child knows that he
is not equipped to be in charge,and there's nothing more
(14:55):
stressful for a child to knowthat then he is in charge.
He might look like he wants tobe, but he does not want to be
in charge.
You need to be in charge, so,um.
So we're always stimulatingthem in a particular direction.
I just want to say we are alwayseither accidentally or on
purpose.
We are training our childrenall the time and when they're in
(15:19):
this, this age group right now,think about how sweet and
innocent and gullible this childis.
They will believe anything thatyou say, just because you say
it, and they'll also believeanything the next door neighbor
says and anything, any voicethat you allow into their life.
They're like a little spongeand they will not only hear it
(15:40):
and think it's right, but itwill start to form in their
heart and it will start to takeroot.
And it's very hard anythingthat's sewn into them when
they're a child.
That's very hard to let thatout.
And there's redemption andhealing if you had things sewn
in you at that time, but it'ssuch a tender time.
So I just want to encourage youdo everything, but it's not
forever, it's only just thatlittle window that you have.
(16:02):
So I want you to see it.
If you just sat down and think,how many days do I have with my
child when they're a toddler?
How many times?
So this is the time to put theword of God.
Every little input matters somuch, and so in their spirit and
their soul and their body,we're gonna break that out real
quick.
In their spirit, what are wedoing to speak the word of God
(16:24):
over them?
And when you sit, well, we readin Deuteronomy.
When you walk in the way, whenyou lay down at night, when you
wake up in the morning, when youwalk down the road, whatever
you're doing, you're speakingthe word of God over them.
It's all 71, 17,.
God, you've taught me sincechildhood.
(16:46):
What are we putting in our kids?
Are we, are we?
Are we emphasizing with themthat that Jesus loves them?
Do they have a special?
Do we talk about the Lord inour home?
Do we model how much we lovehim?
Did the kids see us praying?
Do they see us reading theBible?
You know, even if they can'tread yet, do we read with them
(17:09):
at night, even before they cantalk.
Do we read?
Do they have a littlechildren's Bible that we read to
them?
Do they have?
You know, when my kids couldbarely say a word, they could
say little parts of Psalm one.
I would rock Ben with his fatcheeks and um, and I would say
blessed has been who walks notin the council of the, and he'd
(17:29):
say on god we nor stands in theway of sinners.
So he would like we would tracethe scripture together and um,
and he would know that he wouldknow it and he can say psalm one
today um, not that that's theimportant thing, because you
know that like that's a notch onhis belt or whatever, but he
(17:49):
has some tools and equipment nowbecause we put them in there
when he was young.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
My sheep know my voice and another.
They will not follow.
So that's a voice.
You've got to have the strongvoice when they're that age.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
And their spirits are so open.
And let's go to their soul.
That's their mind, their will,their intellect.
What are we doing to stimulatethem emotionally in a good way?
So kids need a lot of mentalstimulation and they are capable
of so much more than we everever dream.
(18:24):
On Friday night's event wepassed out a New England primer,
which was like a little bookthat people used to learn.
That was for first graders.
It was for and we're talkingabout a little bit younger than
that, but by first gradechildren could often recite
large passages of scripture.
And again it is.
What do we do?
(18:45):
How do we spend our daily timewith our kids during that time?
Because we can spend it likelike just plop them on the couch
and we're in the kitchen doingother stuff.
We're surfing the internet,we're on Facebook.
The kids are on the couch,they're watching their screen,
we're watching our screen, we'reseparate.
They're doing that thing, butwe're missing a big, big chance
to pour something really goodinto them.
(19:09):
And I know one child that hasreal, is really interested in
dinosaurs and he can cite every.
He knows more about dinosaursand lizards than you.
I don't.
I didn't know there were thatmany classifications of that I
have a video we can play later,just while we're walking through
.
But there's a child who I thinkhe was about five years old but
(19:30):
he knew all of the thyroidgland, that's the pituitary,
whatever.
He knew all of the parts of thebody and there was like a
little cartoon picture of a bodypart and he knew all of the
muscles and organs.
I mean, this kid could havepassed a biology lab practical,
but he was joyful to share andthat's the thing right now.
(19:50):
They're little and they'rejoyful to please you.
They want.
So, whatever you encourage andpraise them to do, they will
love that.
They will.
That will be something thatthey love.
So do do take advantage.
Limit the media, turn off thescreens, especially if they're
under two.
They do not need to be watchinga screen at all, especially not
a personal screen.
(20:11):
When my kids were two, we had,you know, we had the big TV and
we had some Christian musicvideos that were ridiculous and
if I sang the song today, y'allwould be like that is mind
numbing, claire, stop it.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
And we could sing the songs today because we listened
to them so many times over andover.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
But the kids loved them and they were scriptural
based, many of them, or justsilly, and they were fun and
some of them were veggie tales,but I don't recommend them today
, sadly, anyway.
If you're, if they're watchingthe screen make sure it's not an
(20:49):
activity by themselves.
They need to do this stufftogether.
It's together time, and we'lltalk about media next week.
But I want to especially hitthat they're before five years
old.
They have a part of their brainthat's called their language
center, their language processor, their language center is still
open.
That's why a kid you know theydo hilarious things with
language.
They'll pick up the rules ofEnglish and they won't know the
(21:09):
things that are irregular orregular or whatever.
I bring my cat to this.
I bring my cat.
Well, they learned the rulethat ed is how you make a past
tense.
They didn't know that broughtwas the whatever.
But they're learning languagecrazy learning at that time.
Every day they're learningstuff you don't even know the
(21:30):
connections they're making intheir brain.
Um, so, if now is the time, ifyou would like to download one
of those apps where they'relearning a different language
maybe you are Hispanic and youwant them to learn, get, get
mama over there, get grandmaover there, abuela, abuelita,
let her come and speak Spanishto them so they can learn that
(21:53):
if they hear it before theirlanguage centers close, they'll
be so much more likely to pickit up later.
And it's such a great time forthem.
Same with music.
Music is a language.
So I remember I just barelycaught this boat when they were
five.
It was summertime.
I was like we are going to usethis summer what do y'all want
to play?
And Ben picked guitar, guitar,I guess.
(22:14):
No, wasn't excited about it.
And Thea picked piano and wesaid okay, and we signed them up
for lessons and y'all can bothsee them now.
And then I tried that with Annaand I stuck with it for a year
but I gave up.
She was not into it.
But I'm just saying that thereis a time of language learning
and it adds so much to theirlife.
Put a skill into them at thistime is so, so good.
(22:35):
Skill into them at this time isso, so good.
And then when they ask why, howmany of y'all the children ask
why every day, mommy, why?
Why?
Well, the sky is blue, why?
And it is really deep andexistential.
It makes you kind of question,it makes you very philosophical.
And how would I answer that?
(22:56):
And I just want to encourageyou, enjoy that time, follow
their curiosity, um, and thenI'm going to move on to body.
Really quickly.
Um, just make sure that you aredoing activities with them that
keep them moving.
They are not just a little blobof flesh.
Let's set some muscle memory.
On inaction, amen, says the PEteacher.
(23:18):
But let's get them moving,let's get them playing outside,
and especially on nutrition, manman, there are so many kids
with such picky food things.
Oh, I won't eat this, I onlyeat chicken nuggets.
I won't eat meat, I don't eat,I only eat crackers or whatever,
whatever.
And I just want to encourageyou I only eat crackers or
(23:39):
whatever, whatever.
And I just want to encourageyou if you introduce stuff to
them that is healthy and good,and only put that in front of
them and don't let them have thecheesecake when they're eight
months old.
Don't ever introduce them,because once they have that,
they might not.
If they have cheesecake beforethey have carrots, they might
not ever like a carrot.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Remember you're training them in what they
should grow into and whatthey'll like it's all about
appetites.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
You know, selena said no, you know, our kids are not
going to have soda when they'relittle.
And then she delayed it untilthey were about seven and by
that time they were like I don'teven like soda.
It was great.
So you can delay a lot ofthings.
You might not say, hey, we'llnever have chocolate, but I mean
, I personally, as a chocoholic,I kind of wish I wouldn't have
had it younger, you know.
(24:24):
So I'm just thinking like whatare things that you crave in
your life that you might be ableto head that off as a kid by
just delaying it or introducingthe other foods first?
Amen.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
So we've got about 10 minutes left and there's a lot
more material to go, so I'mgoing to.
I've got some sections thatI've highlighted here.
Claire does too.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
We're not going to hit everything in your notes,
you're going to have to go backthrough this and pick some of
this stuff up.
You get to go back because wereally put a lot of good stuff
in here.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
So the next section that I'm going to cover is
obedience and that being acircle of safety.
And so on page three, you'vegot a little diagram there that
shows a boy standing therewithin the circle.
At the top is honor, at thebottom it says obey, and left
says go well and right says longlife.
That is the circle of safety.
When they honor their motherand their father, then it can go
(25:17):
well with them, then they canhave long life.
And so you've got two goalsright here, with the honor
Number one being that theysubmit to authority.
Your children must be trainedto submit to authority.
Remember, foolishness is boundin the heart of a child.
The rod of correction willdrive it far from them.
They are not automatic.
They don't come out littlerobots of obedience.
(25:39):
In fact, they can be verydefiant even before they can
talk, walk or crawl.
They can defy what you say.
And the rod of correction iswhat?
The tool that you use to trainthem and get them back into a
repeating behavior where theysubmit to authority.
Always win the fight.
You don't have to choose everyfight with your kids, but when
(26:03):
you do choose it, win the fight.
Don't ever lose to your kids.
If you lose to them, you havenow trained them.
So the typical thing is andrequiring the obedience
immediately is another pointthere.
So when you start doing thecountdown, I'm going to count to
three what have you done?
You've trained them that theydo not have to obey until you
get to two and a half, two andseven-eighths three.
(26:26):
You have trained them to delaythe response.
What you're doing is immediatesubmission to authority.
Goal number two is to honorauthority.
Goal number two is to honor.
You can require honor of yourkids.
What is the feedback thatyou're getting back from your
(26:46):
kids?
Your kids cannot talk back toyou.
They cannot argue with you.
They cannot give you directivesor commands when they speak to
you.
They need to speak in arespectful manner so you can go
back and engage whether yourkids are honoring you with the
way that they're speaking andwhen they're not honoring.
You must train that out of themand that requires correction,
(27:09):
and correction can be hard forthe moment, but it is critical
and it is love when youadminister this correction,
getting into In our house therod was we had the spoon, the
wooden spoon, the spanking spoon.
I had a spoon in my office.
We had spoons all over thehouse.
They were handy.
You could just reach up justabout anywhere, grab a spoon and
(27:30):
on the spot.
I don't advise that you do thiskind of correction the spanking
in a public place.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
No.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
It needs to be private.
You need to tell your childwhat this is for, what went
wrong, why they're getting this.
They need to understand theconsequences that when they do
this again, this will be theresult.
When you treat me this wayagain, when you talk to me this
way, when you defy me, when youdisobey, this is what is going
to happen, and on my side, Ihave to do this as a parent.
(28:01):
I promise you that when youdon't do right, I won't let you
keep going down that wrong road.
That road is one that leads todestruction, a short life and
misery.
I love you too much to let yougo down that road.
I love you enough to correctyou and bring you over here.
And so when you do this, myside, as a parent, I'm committed
to do this Not out of anger,never out of anger.
(28:23):
In fact you got to get the angeroff of you before you
administer this.
The goal here is to break theirwill and sometimes you know,
with a little baby, a little, alittle one, it doesn't take much
.
It's in fact, it's not even thefeeling, it's just the action.
You give them a little pop onthe diaper and they didn't feel
(28:43):
it, there was no feeling.
But, man, they fall apart.
They recognize that rod ofcorrection and they fall apart
and you've broken their will.
Now you have to bring somethingback.
You have to instill the good onthat side.
You have to instill the good onthat side.
You have to love them and fillin the gap.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
I like the wooden spoon and not the hand.
The hand is an implement oflove and the rod is an implement
of love, but it's not the same.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
So let me fast forward a little bit in the
notes here.
If you're not consistent inthis, if you haven't done well
and I'm going to give an exampleof our own life and Thea I
don't mean to embarrass you, butshe had a very strong will as a
baby, as a child growing up.
She was very strong willed andyou can't negotiate with them,
you can't try to win them overto this, because there's just a
(29:30):
will and you're there to breakthat will and then fill in.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
The selfish will.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Yes, it's the selfish side, you're, but breaking
their personality.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
You're breaking the spirit of selfishness and
foolishness.
It's bound up in the heart ofall of us, every child.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
And so there was a point I think she was probably
about five years old Uh, thespankings were not as effective
as they had been before, and shewas just to a point where I
felt like and we both felt likewe're starting to lose her
because the spankings aren'tworking.
What do we do?
And she's going down this roadof defiance and we love her too
much to let her go down thatroad.
(30:06):
I remember one particular nightI went in her room and took
everything out.
She was left with a bed and asheet, no pillow, no blanket, no
nightstand, no lamp, no booksno stuffed animals.
I want y'all to know there wasnothing left in the room, just a
bed and a sheet, and that'swhat she was allowed to have.
(30:27):
Everything else and it took alot of trips and I've moved it
all into a guest bedroom.
And then we told her Thea, youcan now earn this stuff back
when you get something right.
When I see that your attitudeis right, I'm going to let you
go into this room and picksomething out.
And so she did.
She picked something out, andsometimes I just loved her too
much.
And why don't you just get twothings out of here?
(30:49):
And you know, it wasn't eventwo weeks.
And finally, at the end of thattime, why don't you just get
the rest of it and I'll help you?
We'll move it back in, we'llget your room set up the way it
needs to be and it totallychanged her.
She was so much easier to talkto so you could correct with
words now because that defiantwill was broken in that moment.
(31:12):
So there are some creativepunishments.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
You as a parent are going to have to figure out what
those are If a child is defiantand a train is coming and they
don't listen to you, as a parent, you're going to have to figure
out what those are.
And if a child is defiant and atrain is coming and they don't
listen to you on the first timeyou know what I'm saying it can
be dangerous.
So you do, you want to havethat in its training.
Training is not nagging orcajoling or lecturing.
None of that is training.
And you can look that back upin the Bible.
Eli had the priest, had twosons and he was always telling
(31:35):
he was a priest.
He was telling them all thestuff to do but they were awful.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Three minutes.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
Telling is not enough .
Time out is not a substitute.
Has to be, especially whenthey're young.
It has to be that rod ofcorrection.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
There's no substitute for the rod of correction.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
It is love to do it.
Okay, so we have in here awhole appeal process, because
sometimes you tell the child goto bed and he might say, but
there's a snake in my bed orwhatever.
There are things we don't knowwhen we issue an edict sometimes
.
So there's an appeal processthat we have down there.
And then, james, how old does achild have to be before they
(32:19):
can have a little pop on thediaper?
What is that?
How, what does that look like?
Speaker 1 (32:25):
I wouldn't say a newborn no, not a newborn, but
foolishness is bound in theheart of a child and they're
born with that, and so at anypoint in time that you see the
defiant behavior, you can haveyour child crawling across the
floor and they know what theword no means pretty quick.
When you start telling them noand they look over their
shoulder and they kind of smileat you and then they crawl even
(32:46):
faster to the thing that youtold them not to go to, maybe,
and they kind of smile at youand then they crawl even faster
to the thing that you told themnot to go to, maybe.
It's a dangerous condition.
That's as soon as they exhibitthat defiant behavior is the
appropriate time to beginadministering with erotic
erection and doing it in love.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yeah, we did not put child locks on our cabinets.
We just trained the kids thatthey were not to open that
cabinet that has poison in theiryuck.
And we just trained them not todo that.
And they, they didn't.
Uh, because that way we, whenwe took them to other people's
houses, they didn't dig throughthe cabinets there and nobody
ever got poisoned and nobodycalled CPS.
(33:20):
Amen, all right, um, uh, it'snever too late, but, man, we
want to get it down when they're, when they're early.
Okay, so, moving on to trainingthe heart, this is now the.
Now the kid is maybe six to 12years old.
Now they're kind of anelementary schooler and we have
to use more.
(33:40):
We have less physical powerover the child.
We can't just put the pick themup and put them in the right
place.
We can't make them obey us.
Now we have to use moreinfluence and less authority.
So that's what that littlegraph is in there.
Our influence has to grow.
They have to be able to listento and trust us, whereas our
authority has to, kind of asthey turn 18, man, we're not
(34:05):
using any authority anymore.
We're not spanking them whenthey're 18.
18, man, we're not, we're notusing any authority anymore,
we're not spanking them whenthey're 18.
And, um, all right, so, anyway,and and overall, uh, we're
looking at their heart.
What's going on in their heart?
Be nice, be nice.
Well, that's not a parentingstrategy.
Um, the thing about you know,they can be acting nice.
(34:26):
They might be, uh, we might beable to bribe them, we might be
able to, uh, you know, evenreward them, or they're working.
Because they said, mom, could,we'll take us to pizza at the
end of the week.
If we always say please, well,that's good, okay.
So we got him to say please,that is yay, good job.
We got him to be mannerly.
But, um, what's in their heart?
(34:51):
Did they want to honor you bysaying please and thank you?
Did they want to say yes, ma'am, and no, ma'am, because they
honor that adult in their life?
Did they want to do that?
What was in their heart?
And so it matters, because wedon't want to raise a Pharisee
who looks great on the outsidebut on the inside they're
fighting you or they're just init for the money, or they're
just in it.
You know, we don't want toraise that.
So we're looking at charactertraits and you can you just want
(35:13):
to evaluate your kid overall?
If you have a house plant andit's wilty over there in the
corner, you see, okay, it needswater.
So just pay attention to yourkids at least as much as you do
your house plants.
Pay attention to them.
Evaluatevaluate.
What do they talk about?
Evaluate their spirit, evaluate.
Are they talking about God?
(35:33):
Did they ever talk about God?
You know, I walked in recently.
I found my son late at night hewas reading his Bible.
I thought, praise God, I didnot have to nag him or he was
reading his Bible.
But but are they talking about?
Is God a big part of their lifeor is God just kind of
secondary?
And it's really about what theywant to do.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
By their fruit you will know them and so your kids
are bearing fruit and you, andit's good to reward or reinforce
that.
When you see them doing thegood thing, it's it's not just
the action but it's the heartbehind the action.
That's really when you want tocome in and recognize hey, you
were really generous here, youwere showing kindness to this
one over here.
I know it was hard to tell mewhat you just told me, but it
(36:16):
was honest and I appreciate thehonesty that just came out.
So on page 11 and 12 herethere's a handout here godly
character traits and those arereally just a measuring stick
for where your kids are at andhow they're doing.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
You're always looking .
You know the eyes of Lord lookto and fro to see if there's
anybody who does good on theearth.
And your eyes are looking toand fro on these character
traits for your kids.
Do you see them in them?
And every time you see himyou're going to jump on that and
praise that, praise that to thesky.
Oh, you were acting with suchpeace.
Look at the service that youshowed your family today when
(36:54):
you washed your dish out afterdinner and you put it in the
dishwasher.
Thank you for that.
And notice.
Notice when they do those goodthings.
Obviously we have to disciplinewhen they do the bad things,
but we're noticing.
We want the overall view of ourhome, the feeling of our home,
to be peaceful streams, quietwaters, from Psalm 23.
I mean, it's the place ofcomfort, it's the place of joy
(37:15):
where they can find refuge fromall the crazy out there in the
world.
Our home is that.
Uh, that's what we say, amen,that's what we want.
So we want those godlycharacter traits in our kids.
We want them to chooseactivities that that do.
You can read that later.
I encourage you becauseactivities are a big part of
your child's life, especially inthis, in this age group.
(37:37):
So choose them wisely.
And we put a few little thingsin there about that, but we get,
we got to get on to teenagers,so we don't miss the boat.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
All right.
So the next section herebuilding relationship.
So in the parenting funnel youstart out with discipline, from
zero to five, the training sixto 12.
And now you get to a pointwhere you can coach the teens.
It's less punishing phase andmore of a coaching and
conversational phase.
(38:06):
Not that you can't punish theteens, but the stick, the rod of
correction is not the toolanymore at that point.
And so number one on here fearof the Lord.
The fear of the Lord is thebeginning of wisdom.
You don't even become eligibleto have heaven's wisdom until
you first fear God.
And it's not being afraid ofGod, it's caring more about what
(38:27):
God thinks than what anyoneelse thinks of you.
And so training the child,training your teen to care,
that's hard for a teenager whocares about what his peers think
.
The peer pressure is enormous.
And so this goes back to thefoundation.
If you've built the foundationright, they love God.
You're doing things that pointto God.
You've got a son that reads theBible when nobody's looking.
(38:50):
You're building somebody atthis point where they care about
what God thinks about them.
You know the wristbands thatpeople used to wear.
What would Jesus do?
You know that was to get peopleto be God conscious.
I don't know how effectivethose were, because people don't
really seem to know what Jesuswould do in these situations,
(39:13):
but you want them to be Godconscious.
Fear the Lord.
That's the beginning of wisdom.
The book of Proverbs is full ofwisdom.
My mom made me read a proverbevery day for the month, and so
by the end of the month I hadfinished Proverbs and had to
start back over the next month.
Getting that in them will helpinstill that.
And it matters who your kidsare hanging out with the
(39:38):
associates.
But number two, let's talk aboutmistakes for a minute.
We've lived a life and none ofus are perfect, and we've all
made mistakes in life.
Now I don't advise sharing allof your mistakes with your kids.
You know, some of those thingsjust need to be buried and left
for dead.
But there are things in yourlife that you can relate to your
(40:00):
kids and and they can knowabout.
Just because you've made thatmistake doesn't disqualify you
from training your kids to notmake that same mistake.
In fact, it makes you morequalified.
You've made that mistake.
You've experienced troublebecause of that mistake.
Hopefully you've learned fromthat and now you're speaking
from firsthand experience tokeep your kids out of that
(40:20):
trouble that you found.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
And so it's a guiding force Treat, exhort child, do
not.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
Do you want to talk about associations?
Speaker 2 (40:31):
I do, because friends and peer groups is such an
important part of, uh, yourteen's life.
They will become.
The people that they're hangingout with are who they will
become and uh, so we want them,first of all, to like hanging
out with us.
And there's an example in thisbook where, uh, the family, they
, they wanted the family to belike the gang, you know, because
the gang recruits, the gang hasthis mystique about it.
(40:53):
The gang has a reputation.
What is your family?
So they're like trying to buildthat.
Hey, you know, our family isgoing to do a bike trip and
everybody's going to help planit for the next two years and
we're going to do this 60 milething.
And, man, it's cool to be in myfamily because we did this,
that or we 60 mile thing, andman, it's cool to be in my
family because we did this there, we, we're the family that does
that, or or whatever.
So that's great, but but yourkids do need friends outside the
(41:14):
home and uh, so make sure thatthey are choosing friends who
honor God, and if they don'thave any right now, it is worth
holding out.
It is not worth having a anungodly friend just because
that's the only option out there.
It is actually worth having anungodly friend just because
that's the only option out there.
It is actually better for themjust to hang out with mom and
dad until you pray in theirgodly friends.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
And you've got to think about what pool you put
them into.
Did you put them into a pool ofungodly people?
And then you wonder why theydon't have any godly friends.
Maybe you need to switch poolsand plant your kids in a
different place.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
We did that and it paid off.
It paid off for us and our kidsthanked us.
They still thank us.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
So, on the procedures here, I'm not going to go
through all of these, but ifyou've walked through these
steps, you've got a teenagerthat you can relate to, that you
can talk to.
You're not giving them commands, you're not issuing edicts at
that point.
You're having conversationswith them, and if you've done
this well, you've guided withquestions along the way.
You're getting them toreproduce God's truth out of
(42:21):
their mouth.
Now they're accountable for it.
It came from them and not fromyou.
It came from what you put inthem and out of the abundance of
the heart.
Let the mouth speak, and soyou'll end up with somebody who
you've been entreating, but nowthey're asking questions of you.
They're going to you for advice.
You become the person that theycome back to when they have
(42:42):
questions along the way, and sothat's all I'm going to say
about the procedures tonight.
The final thing that I want tohit on right here is follow the
Holy Spirit.
Each one of you is the templeof the Holy Spirit.
You carry the Holy Spiritwherever you go.
You are led by the inwardwitness.
There are times when you knowour kids were going someplace or
(43:03):
about to go someplace, and itdidn't happen very often, but
there was a time or two when Ilost peace about it, or Claire
lost peace about it, and we justhad to say no.
You just had to put say no, Ican't let you go.
I'm sorry.
The Holy ghost warned me aboutsomething the kids are going to
want to know what it is at ayoung age.
They're going to want to knowall the reasons why they're not
entitled to, the reasons whybecome.
(43:24):
Because I said so is enough foryour kids when they're young.
Later you're going to have toexplain to them, because the
Holy spirit warned me and hedidn't tell me everything about
it, but I have a warning aboutit and I can't let you go, and
it'll save your, your kid's,life, and so, um, and, and they
have to be, they have to learnto follow that, that spirit as
well.
Uh, you'll have peace in adirection.
(43:46):
You'll never have peace to goin the wrong direction.
So final example here andyou're training somebody who can
follow the Holy Ghost.
You want them to learn tofollow this.
Along the way, thea, on her wayhome from school, had a feeling
that she was you know what if Igot into a car accident, and she
prayed and asked God forprotection and the feeling
didn't go away and so she put onher praise and worship music
(44:09):
and she felt a little bit better, but it still didn't go away.
And the end result was sheended up turning across traffic
at a point where there were carscoming that she couldn't see.
She got broadsided by a truckgoing 50 miles an hour plus.
She was found unconscious atthe scene On her side.
She went through the gate andinto our neighborhood.
Her memory was that I saw thetruck coming, but I passed
(44:30):
through and was in ourneighborhood and I was fine.
Then I wake up and all thesepeople were messing with me.
She got life flighted to ahospital downtown to a level one
trauma unit.
She had every sign and symptomof traumatic brain injury at the
scene, but by the time shelanded at the hospital she was
completely fine and five hourslater she walked out of there.
The inward witness, and shelearned from that.
You know she could havefollowed that through to the end
(44:51):
and avoided the accidentcompletely, but the inward
witness protected her, and solearn to follow that inward
witness.
I could give you examples of mylife time and again, but as a
parent, follow the inwardwitness.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
And my parents did this so well.
Speaker 1 (45:05):
And the peace.
If you feel turmoil on theinside about something, you can
always stop.
You can always turn around andgo the other direction.
It's always an option.
Don't let other people pressureyou into letting your kids go
somewhere when you don't havepeace about it.
And we'll pray.
Heavenly Father, we love youand we honor you.
We're here because we want tohave godliness in our life,
godliness in our family,godliness in our marriage.
And, Holy Spirit, we justinvite you to be part of this
conversation tonight.
We ask you to guide everyconversation, every word that's
spoken.
Let it be edifying, let it beencouraging to each one who
(00:22):
hears it.
Be encouraging to each one whohears it.
Holy Spirit, I pray thatwhatever is spoken, that those
who hear will hear preciselywhat they need to hear.
And, heavenly Father, we giveyou all the praise and honor and
glory for the fruit thatabounds in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Well, thank you to our livestream audience for watching
with us tonight.
We've got people here in thechurch with us tonight.
(00:47):
We've got people here in thechurch.
We're going to break out intogroups a little bit later and
have a time of discussion, andso, live stream audience, if you
want to be part of thesediscussions, you're just going
to have to come next time, butlet us know you're coming and
register before so we can havethe materials and the food for
you.
But with that, let's getstarted.
Yes we're going to start off,claire's going to begin talking
(01:08):
about vessels of honor.
So with that, claire, take itaway.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Yes, I just thought I'd paint one more picture of a
good overview.
And you know how many of youknow that sometimes, as a good,
godly parent, other familiesmight look at your family and
say, wow, you guys are strict,man, you don't let your kids.
So I just wanted to read to you2 Timothy 2, 20 and 21.
(01:36):
But in a great house there arenot only vessels of gold and
silver, but also of wood andclay, some for honor and some
for dishonor.
Therefore, if anyone cleanseshimself from the latter and
those are things that works ofthe flesh that it previously
mentioned if you cleanseyourself, you'll be a vessel of
honor, sanctified and useful forthe master and prepared for
every good work.
(01:57):
How many of you want to have afamily full of kids who are
prepared for every good work?
And that's our job as parentsis to prepare them.
And what are we preparing themfor?
You know I have a dog bowl onthe floor of my house.
I would never, ever said itbefore my honored guests.
It's a dog bowl.
There's a toilet bowl.
It's made of porcelain but it'sa toilet.
(02:18):
And so you know there arevessels of honor and there are
vessels of not honor.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
And that sounds like something that I would say.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
That is what my husband it's, because I've been
married to him that I would sayanything like that.
That is so vulgar.
But our kids, man, we'rekeeping our kids.
I think, overall, other peoplecan look from the outside and
say, you are so strict, you'rekeeping your kids from the real
(02:47):
world, you're keeping your kidsfrom from from all of these good
things.
And I would say, no, I'mkeeping them for the word of God
, I'm keeping them there.
That's what sanctification is.
It means that they're set apartand there are certain things
they'll never be used by thedevil.
They're going to be used by Godand they're going to be a
vessel of honor.
So you can say that over yourkids, and I just want to
(03:08):
encourage you.
I mean, your kids are calledfrom for a purpose.
They're called from the womb ofthe mother.
You think about how they, howJohn the Baptist, when he was
still inside his mother,elizabeth, and Elizabeth came
near her cousin, Mary, who wasalso pregnant with Jesus, and
John the Baptist was a, he wasin utero and he leapt for joy in
(03:29):
his mother's womb.
He could feel the presence ofGod.
So kids have a calling from thetime they're in the womb and,
and so it's our job to keep themfor the presence of God, to
keep them as a vessel of honor,them as a vessel of honor.
And then I just want to justgive an overview of kind of the
atmosphere of the entire familythroughout your time is, you
(03:52):
know, people have a lot ofdifferent views of family time.
Oh, it's family movie night,it's we bowl, we fish as a
family, we this or we that, andthose are really good things.
But I just want to, as a memberof the local church, as a local
church girl, as a person whospent my entire childhood, from
the time my parents got savedwhen I was seven years old, we
(04:16):
lived in the church.
When the church was open, evenif it was 28 miles from our door
, we still were there every timethe doors were open, if it was
Monday, tuesday, wednesday,thursday, friday, saturday and
all day, sunday.
And that's what we were inchurch all the time.
And as a family we all serve.
(04:36):
We found a way to be useful andeven little kids can find a way
to serve with their parents Ifthey're ushers, if they're
greeters.
I mean, how awesome would it beto show your kids early?
So to me, serving God togetherwas our ultimate family time,
and if you look at my family,it's still what we do together.
My kids are all here tonight.
They're serving I've got Annaserving in children's ministry,
(04:59):
and so we know all the samefamilies, we know all the same
people.
It is a basis of richfellowship in our lives.
So I would, I would encourageyou to get involved in your
local church and we can havegenerational impact.
Look at the Dyer family.
The Dyer family I knew when,when we were going to church.
All that time we knew them andand then now they have a
generational impact in ourchurch Three generations of Dyer
(05:21):
serving in church together,loving the Lord together, and we
all benefit from that.
And so, anyway, vessels of honor.
So let's talk about honor justfor a minute.
Honor is what we're trying tohelp instill in our kids through
all of these methods we'reabout to talk about.
Honor is the thing.
And because if your child doesnot honor you as a parent and he
(05:44):
can see you, she can see yourface but she does not honor you
then how is she going to honorGod, whom she cannot see?
And so, as a parent, it is sovital that we teach our kids not
just to obey but to truly intheir heart to honor us as
parents, because we, as wetalked about last week, we
really do represent theauthority of God almighty to our
(06:05):
kids.
We're the face of God to themin this time in their lives.
And so you know, remember thatscripture that Jesus could there
do no mighty work but in hishometown he could.
There do, could do no mightywork in his own hometown because
the people did not honor him.
He wanted to do something goodfor them but he could not
(06:28):
because they did not honor.
And, as a parent, how many ofyou have wanted?
There have been times in yourlife that you have wanted to do
something really good for yourkid, but they were not acting
with honor that day, and so youhad to delay that blessing for
them, didn't you?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
And so that's kind of a principle with our kids
Things will go well with themwhen they learn honor, and so,
and then, just as anotherpicture of the home James has, a
thought yeah, so Proverbs 22,six and this is a theme that
runs through here all the waythrough Train up a child in the
way they should go, and whenthey're old, they'll not depart
from it.
And again, every time you hearthe word train, I want you to
(07:10):
think that is not telling them,that is not repeating the
statement over and over.
This is a repetitive trainingto get somebody into.
This is who they are and thisis what they do because they've
been trained.
It's a trained response.
As parents, you are shepherdingthese kids and, in particular,
as parents, you are shepherdingthese kids and, in particular,
the father of the home is ashepherd in the lead role.
(07:30):
Jesus is our chief shepherd,but we're underling shepherds,
and so, in our home, we're theshepherd.
We're charged to lead, to feedand to guard these kids that
we've been charged to train up.
And so, as a shepherd, I wantyou to look at Psalm 23, verse 1
.
It says the Lord is my shepherd.
I shall not want, I shall notlack or decrease or fail.
(07:53):
He makes me to lie down ingreen pastures and leads me
beside the still waters.
He restores my soul for hisnamesake, yea, though I walk
through the valley of the shadowof death, I'll fear no evil,
for you are with me, your rodand your staff.
They comfort me, and so we'regoing to talk about the rod and
the staff tonight.
(08:14):
The rod is a symbol and animplement of discipline and it's
also one of protection.
And so you know, you can beatthe devil off of your kids, you
can beat the threat off of yourkids and away from your home and
you should, but for yourchildren it's a corrective tool.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Maybe not a literal stick.
We'll talk about that later.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
It can be a literal stick, but it doesn't have to be
a stick in every case literalstick, but it doesn't have to be
a stick in every case.
When you apply the rod, thecorrective tool and the
protection, the discipline here,I want you to see yourselves on
a rescue mission.
Your kids are in imminentdanger.
There is somebody coming forthem, there is something coming
(09:00):
for them.
They're on the edge ofsomething that can go
desperately wrong for them, andso, as somebody who guards,
you're something that can godesperately wrong for them.
And so, as somebody who guards,you're there to guard your
children from that danger.
And so what do you use?
You use the rod to beat thedanger off of them.
And so that's the context here.
Proverbs 23, 13 says do notwithhold correction from a child
, for if you beat him with a rodhe will not die.
(09:22):
I mean, if you beat him hardenough he will.
But that's not the kind ofbeating that we're talking here.
That is not our goal, you shallbeat him with a rod and deliver
his soul from hell.
This is a rescue mission tosave them from hell.
And so, yes, you can beat thehell out of your kids, and I'm
not cussing here, I'm sayingyou're driving that out of them.
But we I'm saying you'redriving that out of them, but we
(09:43):
are not abusing and causingharm to our kids.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
It is a rescue mission for your kids.
It is a loving tool.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Proverbs, a couple of scriptures here.
I'll run through these quick.
Proverbs 22, 15.
Foolishness is bound in theheart of a child, but the rod of
correction will drive it farfrom them.
Proverbs 29, verse 15 and 17.
So 15 says the rod.
Let me flip over that onebecause I don't have that one
(10:12):
written down in my notes.
Proverbs 29 15, and I should goquicker.
I should have written that onedown, my apologies.
Proverbs 29 15 the rod andrebuke give wisdom, but the
child left to himself bringsshame to his mother.
(10:35):
So when you think about a childleft to himself, I want you to
think about free-range parenting.
You know how many parents justlet their kids off to themselves
to do whatever and wherever andwith whoever.
That brings shame, shame.
Verse 17 says correct your sonand he will give you rest.
They won't wear you out whenyou are training them in the way
(10:55):
they should go.
When you've corrected them,they're going to give you rest
because then you won't becorrecting them as much.
If you get this stuff done earlyin life, remember the concept
of pouring concrete in a set offorms.
When those forms are in theright place and you're pouring
concrete, you know that's goingto begin to set up and that's
going to yield the result ofwhat it is.
(11:15):
You had in design in your mind.
You're shaping them, but if itgets outside of those forms now
you've got a chip, you've got asaw cut, you've got a drill,
you've got a cord.
It's a mess and it's a lot oftrouble to get it back on track.
And so we're building afoundation here and we've got to
make sure that we get it rightat the front end of this.
(11:36):
And then you know your rod andyour staff.
The staff provides guidance.
You know, I want you to thinkabout a shepherd with a staff.
That's he's not beating thesheep, he's guiding the sheep.
It's got a little crook on theend.
You might hook the neck of oneand pull them back in line over
here.
You might pat one on the sideover here.
It's a tool of guidance and soyou're guiding here with your
(11:58):
words.
You got to have goodcommunication with your kids.
The second Timothy, chapter four, verse two, talks about
preaching, convincing, rebuking,exhorting, with all
long-suffering and teaching.
A good way to lead your kids isthrough lines of questioning,
and that'll be a theme all theway through here.
That can start very young, assoon as they can begin to
(12:19):
understand the language, you canstart asking them questions and
you're leading them to aparticular answer.
You ask smart questions.
That gets the truth of God'sword to come out of their mouth.
And when it comes out of theirmouth, now they're accountable
for it.
You didn't tell them, you ledthem with questioning, and so
that's a picture of the staffright there.
(12:41):
And then, when you get later inlife, your communications with
your kids, your teenagers,becomes much more meaningful.
You're an adult, you can startrelating to them that way, but
you don't stop guiding them withyour words and with your
questioning.
You can begin to entreat yourkids and plead with them to
(13:01):
honor your father and yourmother.
This is not something I'm doingbecause I need the honor or
your mother needs the honor.
I'm pleading with you to dothis because I want it to go
well with you.
And so there's blessing and Idon't want you to be outside of
that blessing.
And so you begin to entreatthem and plead with them as they
get to be older in age.
But all of that the rod and thecorrection that's a rescue
(13:25):
mission, and the staff is yourwords of guidance.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Awesome.
All right, we're going to moveon to our parenting within the
funnel, and I passed this outlast week and it's in tonight's
notes too.
It looks like this it's on pagenine of tonight's notes, and I
love it because you kind ofstart at the bottom and you can
kind of see that eventuallywe're leading to a place where
our kids are grown and we can befriends with them.
We have raised people that welike, hallelujah.
(13:52):
We have raised people thatshare our, our values and our
and.
And yet they're on the planthat God has for them and we can
be so proud.
But that's not when they'rezero to five we're going to
cover.
Well, how, how do you get theresomeday?
Well, you start when they'rezero to five.
You've got to establishauthority.
(14:12):
If you start with friendshipwith your little one, then they
are not equipped to be yourfriend and they will not respect
you and they will not honor you, and so they have to learn that
honor by you being a strong andawesome parent.
Some people say God, help mewith this child, send somebody
(14:34):
to help me.
Well, he sent you to them.
You are their parent, you haveauthority, and so never, never
share that with your kidsbecause then they feel insecure.
They feel like something in theheart of a child knows that he
is not equipped to be in charge,and there's nothing more
(14:55):
stressful for a child to knowthat then he is in charge.
He might look like he wants tobe, but he does not want to be
in charge.
You need to be in charge, so,um.
So we're always stimulatingthem in a particular direction.
I just want to say we are alwayseither accidentally or on
purpose.
We are training our childrenall the time and when they're in
(15:19):
this, this age group right now,think about how sweet and
innocent and gullible this childis.
They will believe anything thatyou say, just because you say
it, and they'll also believeanything the next door neighbor
says and anything, any voicethat you allow into their life.
They're like a little spongeand they will not only hear it
(15:40):
and think it's right, but itwill start to form in their
heart and it will start to takeroot.
And it's very hard anythingthat's sewn into them when
they're a child.
That's very hard to let thatout.
And there's redemption andhealing if you had things sewn
in you at that time, but it'ssuch a tender time.
So I just want to encourage youdo everything, but it's not
forever, it's only just thatlittle window that you have.
(16:02):
So I want you to see it.
If you just sat down and think,how many days do I have with my
child when they're a toddler?
How many times?
So this is the time to put theword of God.
Every little input matters somuch, and so in their spirit and
their soul and their body,we're gonna break that out real
quick.
In their spirit, what are wedoing to speak the word of God
(16:24):
over them?
And when you sit, well, we readin Deuteronomy.
When you walk in the way, whenyou lay down at night, when you
wake up in the morning, when youwalk down the road, whatever
you're doing, you're speakingthe word of God over them.
It's all 71, 17,.
God, you've taught me sincechildhood.
(16:46):
What are we putting in our kids?
Are we, are we?
Are we emphasizing with themthat that Jesus loves them?
Do they have a special?
Do we talk about the Lord inour home?
Do we model how much we lovehim?
Did the kids see us praying?
Do they see us reading theBible?
You know, even if they can'tread yet, do we read with them
(17:09):
at night, even before they cantalk.
Do we read?
Do they have a littlechildren's Bible that we read to
them?
Do they have?
You know, when my kids couldbarely say a word, they could
say little parts of Psalm one.
I would rock Ben with his fatcheeks and um, and I would say
blessed has been who walks notin the council of the, and he'd
(17:29):
say on god we nor stands in theway of sinners.
So he would like we would tracethe scripture together and um,
and he would know that he wouldknow it and he can say psalm one
today um, not that that's theimportant thing, because you
know that like that's a notch onhis belt or whatever, but he
(17:49):
has some tools and equipment nowbecause we put them in there
when he was young.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
My sheep know my voice and another.
They will not follow.
So that's a voice.
You've got to have the strongvoice when they're that age.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
And their spirits are so open.
And let's go to their soul.
That's their mind, their will,their intellect.
What are we doing to stimulatethem emotionally in a good way?
So kids need a lot of mentalstimulation and they are capable
of so much more than we everever dream.
(18:24):
On Friday night's event wepassed out a New England primer,
which was like a little bookthat people used to learn.
That was for first graders.
It was for and we're talkingabout a little bit younger than
that, but by first gradechildren could often recite
large passages of scripture.
And again it is.
What do we do?
(18:45):
How do we spend our daily timewith our kids during that time?
Because we can spend it likelike just plop them on the couch
and we're in the kitchen doingother stuff.
We're surfing the internet,we're on Facebook.
The kids are on the couch,they're watching their screen,
we're watching our screen, we'reseparate.
They're doing that thing, butwe're missing a big, big chance
to pour something really goodinto them.
(19:09):
And I know one child that hasreal, is really interested in
dinosaurs and he can cite every.
He knows more about dinosaursand lizards than you.
I don't.
I didn't know there were thatmany classifications of that I
have a video we can play later,just while we're walking through
.
But there's a child who I thinkhe was about five years old but
(19:30):
he knew all of the thyroidgland, that's the pituitary,
whatever.
He knew all of the parts of thebody and there was like a
little cartoon picture of a bodypart and he knew all of the
muscles and organs.
I mean, this kid could havepassed a biology lab practical,
but he was joyful to share andthat's the thing right now.
(19:50):
They're little and they'rejoyful to please you.
They want.
So, whatever you encourage andpraise them to do, they will
love that.
They will.
That will be something thatthey love.
So do do take advantage.
Limit the media, turn off thescreens, especially if they're
under two.
They do not need to be watchinga screen at all, especially not
a personal screen.
(20:11):
When my kids were two, we had,you know, we had the big TV and
we had some Christian musicvideos that were ridiculous and
if I sang the song today, y'allwould be like that is mind
numbing, claire, stop it.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
And we could sing the songs today because we listened
to them so many times over andover.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
But the kids loved them and they were scriptural
based, many of them, or justsilly, and they were fun and
some of them were veggie tales,but I don't recommend them today
, sadly, anyway.
If you're, if they're watchingthe screen make sure it's not an
(20:49):
activity by themselves.
They need to do this stufftogether.
It's together time, and we'lltalk about media next week.
But I want to especially hitthat they're before five years
old.
They have a part of their brainthat's called their language
center, their language processor, their language center is still
open.
That's why a kid you know theydo hilarious things with
language.
They'll pick up the rules ofEnglish and they won't know the
(21:09):
things that are irregular orregular or whatever.
I bring my cat to this.
I bring my cat.
Well, they learned the rulethat ed is how you make a past
tense.
They didn't know that broughtwas the whatever.
But they're learning languagecrazy learning at that time.
Every day they're learningstuff you don't even know the
(21:30):
connections they're making intheir brain.
Um, so, if now is the time, ifyou would like to download one
of those apps where they'relearning a different language
maybe you are Hispanic and youwant them to learn, get, get
mama over there, get grandmaover there, abuela, abuelita,
let her come and speak Spanishto them so they can learn that
(21:53):
if they hear it before theirlanguage centers close, they'll
be so much more likely to pickit up later.
And it's such a great time forthem.
Same with music.
Music is a language.
So I remember I just barelycaught this boat when they were
five.
It was summertime.
I was like we are going to usethis summer what do y'all want
to play?
And Ben picked guitar, guitar,I guess.
(22:14):
No, wasn't excited about it.
And Thea picked piano and wesaid okay, and we signed them up
for lessons and y'all can bothsee them now.
And then I tried that with Annaand I stuck with it for a year
but I gave up.
She was not into it.
But I'm just saying that thereis a time of language learning
and it adds so much to theirlife.
Put a skill into them at thistime is so, so good.
(22:35):
Skill into them at this time isso, so good.
And then when they ask why, howmany of y'all the children ask
why every day, mommy, why?
Why?
Well, the sky is blue, why?
And it is really deep andexistential.
It makes you kind of question,it makes you very philosophical.
And how would I answer that?
(22:56):
And I just want to encourageyou, enjoy that time, follow
their curiosity, um, and thenI'm going to move on to body.
Really quickly.
Um, just make sure that you aredoing activities with them that
keep them moving.
They are not just a little blobof flesh.
Let's set some muscle memory.
On inaction, amen, says the PEteacher.
(23:18):
But let's get them moving,let's get them playing outside,
and especially on nutrition, manman, there are so many kids
with such picky food things.
Oh, I won't eat this, I onlyeat chicken nuggets.
I won't eat meat, I don't eat,I only eat crackers or whatever,
whatever.
And I just want to encourageyou I only eat crackers or
(23:39):
whatever, whatever.
And I just want to encourageyou if you introduce stuff to
them that is healthy and good,and only put that in front of
them and don't let them have thecheesecake when they're eight
months old.
Don't ever introduce them,because once they have that,
they might not.
If they have cheesecake beforethey have carrots, they might
not ever like a carrot.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Remember you're training them in what they
should grow into and whatthey'll like it's all about
appetites.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
You know, selena said no, you know, our kids are not
going to have soda when they'relittle.
And then she delayed it untilthey were about seven and by
that time they were like I don'teven like soda.
It was great.
So you can delay a lot ofthings.
You might not say, hey, we'llnever have chocolate, but I mean
, I personally, as a chocoholic,I kind of wish I wouldn't have
had it younger, you know.
(24:24):
So I'm just thinking like whatare things that you crave in
your life that you might be ableto head that off as a kid by
just delaying it or introducingthe other foods first?
Amen.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
So we've got about 10 minutes left and there's a lot
more material to go, so I'mgoing to.
I've got some sections thatI've highlighted here.
Claire does too.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
We're not going to hit everything in your notes,
you're going to have to go backthrough this and pick some of
this stuff up.
You get to go back because wereally put a lot of good stuff
in here.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
So the next section that I'm going to cover is
obedience and that being acircle of safety.
And so on page three, you'vegot a little diagram there that
shows a boy standing therewithin the circle.
At the top is honor, at thebottom it says obey, and left
says go well and right says longlife.
That is the circle of safety.
When they honor their motherand their father, then it can go
(25:17):
well with them, then they canhave long life.
And so you've got two goalsright here, with the honor
Number one being that theysubmit to authority.
Your children must be trainedto submit to authority.
Remember, foolishness is boundin the heart of a child.
The rod of correction willdrive it far from them.
They are not automatic.
They don't come out littlerobots of obedience.
(25:39):
In fact, they can be verydefiant even before they can
talk, walk or crawl.
They can defy what you say.
And the rod of correction iswhat?
The tool that you use to trainthem and get them back into a
repeating behavior where theysubmit to authority.
Always win the fight.
You don't have to choose everyfight with your kids, but when
(26:03):
you do choose it, win the fight.
Don't ever lose to your kids.
If you lose to them, you havenow trained them.
So the typical thing is andrequiring the obedience
immediately is another pointthere.
So when you start doing thecountdown, I'm going to count to
three what have you done?
You've trained them that theydo not have to obey until you
get to two and a half, two andseven-eighths three.
(26:26):
You have trained them to delaythe response.
What you're doing is immediatesubmission to authority.
Goal number two is to honorauthority.
Goal number two is to honor.
You can require honor of yourkids.
What is the feedback thatyou're getting back from your
(26:46):
kids?
Your kids cannot talk back toyou.
They cannot argue with you.
They cannot give you directivesor commands when they speak to
you.
They need to speak in arespectful manner so you can go
back and engage whether yourkids are honoring you with the
way that they're speaking andwhen they're not honoring.
You must train that out of themand that requires correction,
(27:09):
and correction can be hard forthe moment, but it is critical
and it is love when youadminister this correction,
getting into In our house therod was we had the spoon, the
wooden spoon, the spanking spoon.
I had a spoon in my office.
We had spoons all over thehouse.
They were handy.
You could just reach up justabout anywhere, grab a spoon and
(27:30):
on the spot.
I don't advise that you do thiskind of correction the spanking
in a public place.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
No.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
It needs to be private.
You need to tell your childwhat this is for, what went
wrong, why they're getting this.
They need to understand theconsequences that when they do
this again, this will be theresult.
When you treat me this wayagain, when you talk to me this
way, when you defy me, when youdisobey, this is what is going
to happen, and on my side, Ihave to do this as a parent.
(28:01):
I promise you that when youdon't do right, I won't let you
keep going down that wrong road.
That road is one that leads todestruction, a short life and
misery.
I love you too much to let yougo down that road.
I love you enough to correctyou and bring you over here.
And so when you do this, myside, as a parent, I'm committed
to do this Not out of anger,never out of anger.
(28:23):
In fact you got to get the angeroff of you before you
administer this.
The goal here is to break theirwill and sometimes you know,
with a little baby, a little, alittle one, it doesn't take much
.
It's in fact, it's not even thefeeling, it's just the action.
You give them a little pop onthe diaper and they didn't feel
(28:43):
it, there was no feeling.
But, man, they fall apart.
They recognize that rod ofcorrection and they fall apart
and you've broken their will.
Now you have to bring somethingback.
You have to instill the good onthat side.
You have to instill the good onthat side.
You have to love them and fillin the gap.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
I like the wooden spoon and not the hand.
The hand is an implement oflove and the rod is an implement
of love, but it's not the same.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
So let me fast forward a little bit in the
notes here.
If you're not consistent inthis, if you haven't done well
and I'm going to give an exampleof our own life and Thea I
don't mean to embarrass you, butshe had a very strong will as a
baby, as a child growing up.
She was very strong willed andyou can't negotiate with them,
you can't try to win them overto this, because there's just a
(29:30):
will and you're there to breakthat will and then fill in.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
The selfish will.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Yes, it's the selfish side, you're, but breaking
their personality.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
You're breaking the spirit of selfishness and
foolishness.
It's bound up in the heart ofall of us, every child.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
And so there was a point I think she was probably
about five years old Uh, thespankings were not as effective
as they had been before, and shewas just to a point where I
felt like and we both felt likewe're starting to lose her
because the spankings aren'tworking.
What do we do?
And she's going down this roadof defiance and we love her too
much to let her go down thatroad.
(30:06):
I remember one particular nightI went in her room and took
everything out.
She was left with a bed and asheet, no pillow, no blanket, no
nightstand, no lamp, no booksno stuffed animals.
I want y'all to know there wasnothing left in the room, just a
bed and a sheet, and that'swhat she was allowed to have.
(30:27):
Everything else and it took alot of trips and I've moved it
all into a guest bedroom.
And then we told her Thea, youcan now earn this stuff back
when you get something right.
When I see that your attitudeis right, I'm going to let you
go into this room and picksomething out.
And so she did.
She picked something out, andsometimes I just loved her too
much.
And why don't you just get twothings out of here?
(30:49):
And you know, it wasn't eventwo weeks.
And finally, at the end of thattime, why don't you just get
the rest of it and I'll help you?
We'll move it back in, we'llget your room set up the way it
needs to be and it totallychanged her.
She was so much easier to talkto so you could correct with
words now because that defiantwill was broken in that moment.
(31:12):
So there are some creativepunishments.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
You as a parent are going to have to figure out what
those are If a child is defiantand a train is coming and they
don't listen to you, as a parent, you're going to have to figure
out what those are.
And if a child is defiant and atrain is coming and they don't
listen to you on the first timeyou know what I'm saying it can
be dangerous.
So you do, you want to havethat in its training.
Training is not nagging orcajoling or lecturing.
None of that is training.
And you can look that back upin the Bible.
Eli had the priest, had twosons and he was always telling
(31:35):
he was a priest.
He was telling them all thestuff to do but they were awful.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Three minutes.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
Telling is not enough .
Time out is not a substitute.
Has to be, especially whenthey're young.
It has to be that rod ofcorrection.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
There's no substitute for the rod of correction.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
It is love to do it.
Okay, so we have in here awhole appeal process, because
sometimes you tell the child goto bed and he might say, but
there's a snake in my bed orwhatever.
There are things we don't knowwhen we issue an edict sometimes
.
So there's an appeal processthat we have down there.
And then, james, how old does achild have to be before they
(32:19):
can have a little pop on thediaper?
What is that?
How, what does that look like?
Speaker 1 (32:25):
I wouldn't say a newborn no, not a newborn, but
foolishness is bound in theheart of a child and they're
born with that, and so at anypoint in time that you see the
defiant behavior, you can haveyour child crawling across the
floor and they know what theword no means pretty quick.
When you start telling them noand they look over their
shoulder and they kind of smileat you and then they crawl even
(32:46):
faster to the thing that youtold them not to go to, maybe,
and they kind of smile at youand then they crawl even faster
to the thing that you told themnot to go to, maybe.
It's a dangerous condition.
That's as soon as they exhibitthat defiant behavior is the
appropriate time to beginadministering with erotic
erection and doing it in love.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yeah, we did not put child locks on our cabinets.
We just trained the kids thatthey were not to open that
cabinet that has poison in theiryuck.
And we just trained them not todo that.
And they, they didn't.
Uh, because that way we, whenwe took them to other people's
houses, they didn't dig throughthe cabinets there and nobody
ever got poisoned and nobodycalled CPS.
(33:20):
Amen, all right, um, uh, it'snever too late, but, man, we
want to get it down when they're, when they're early.
Okay, so, moving on to trainingthe heart, this is now the.
Now the kid is maybe six to 12years old.
Now they're kind of anelementary schooler and we have
to use more.
(33:40):
We have less physical powerover the child.
We can't just put the pick themup and put them in the right
place.
We can't make them obey us.
Now we have to use moreinfluence and less authority.
So that's what that littlegraph is in there.
Our influence has to grow.
They have to be able to listento and trust us, whereas our
authority has to, kind of asthey turn 18, man, we're not
(34:05):
using any authority anymore.
We're not spanking them whenthey're 18.
18, man, we're not, we're notusing any authority anymore,
we're not spanking them whenthey're 18.
And, um, all right, so, anyway,and and overall, uh, we're
looking at their heart.
What's going on in their heart?
Be nice, be nice.
Well, that's not a parentingstrategy.
Um, the thing about you know,they can be acting nice.
(34:26):
They might be, uh, we might beable to bribe them, we might be
able to, uh, you know, evenreward them, or they're working.
Because they said, mom, could,we'll take us to pizza at the
end of the week.
If we always say please, well,that's good, okay.
So we got him to say please,that is yay, good job.
We got him to be mannerly.
But, um, what's in their heart?
(34:51):
Did they want to honor you bysaying please and thank you?
Did they want to say yes, ma'am, and no, ma'am, because they
honor that adult in their life?
Did they want to do that?
What was in their heart?
And so it matters, because wedon't want to raise a Pharisee
who looks great on the outsidebut on the inside they're
fighting you or they're just init for the money, or they're
just in it.
You know, we don't want toraise that.
So we're looking at charactertraits and you can you just want
(35:13):
to evaluate your kid overall?
If you have a house plant andit's wilty over there in the
corner, you see, okay, it needswater.
So just pay attention to yourkids at least as much as you do
your house plants.
Pay attention to them.
Evaluatevaluate.
What do they talk about?
Evaluate their spirit, evaluate.
Are they talking about God?
(35:33):
Did they ever talk about God?
You know, I walked in recently.
I found my son late at night hewas reading his Bible.
I thought, praise God, I didnot have to nag him or he was
reading his Bible.
But but are they talking about?
Is God a big part of their lifeor is God just kind of
secondary?
And it's really about what theywant to do.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
By their fruit you will know them and so your kids
are bearing fruit and you, andit's good to reward or reinforce
that.
When you see them doing thegood thing, it's it's not just
the action but it's the heartbehind the action.
That's really when you want tocome in and recognize hey, you
were really generous here, youwere showing kindness to this
one over here.
I know it was hard to tell mewhat you just told me, but it
(36:16):
was honest and I appreciate thehonesty that just came out.
So on page 11 and 12 herethere's a handout here godly
character traits and those arereally just a measuring stick
for where your kids are at andhow they're doing.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
You're always looking .
You know the eyes of Lord lookto and fro to see if there's
anybody who does good on theearth.
And your eyes are looking toand fro on these character
traits for your kids.
Do you see them in them?
And every time you see himyou're going to jump on that and
praise that, praise that to thesky.
Oh, you were acting with suchpeace.
Look at the service that youshowed your family today when
(36:54):
you washed your dish out afterdinner and you put it in the
dishwasher.
Thank you for that.
And notice.
Notice when they do those goodthings.
Obviously we have to disciplinewhen they do the bad things,
but we're noticing.
We want the overall view of ourhome, the feeling of our home,
to be peaceful streams, quietwaters, from Psalm 23.
I mean, it's the place ofcomfort, it's the place of joy
(37:15):
where they can find refuge fromall the crazy out there in the
world.
Our home is that.
Uh, that's what we say, amen,that's what we want.
So we want those godlycharacter traits in our kids.
We want them to chooseactivities that that do.
You can read that later.
I encourage you becauseactivities are a big part of
your child's life, especially inthis, in this age group.
(37:37):
So choose them wisely.
And we put a few little thingsin there about that, but we get,
we got to get on to teenagers,so we don't miss the boat.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
All right.
So the next section herebuilding relationship.
So in the parenting funnel youstart out with discipline, from
zero to five, the training sixto 12.
And now you get to a pointwhere you can coach the teens.
It's less punishing phase andmore of a coaching and
conversational phase.
(38:06):
Not that you can't punish theteens, but the stick, the rod of
correction is not the toolanymore at that point.
And so number one on here fearof the Lord.
The fear of the Lord is thebeginning of wisdom.
You don't even become eligibleto have heaven's wisdom until
you first fear God.
And it's not being afraid ofGod, it's caring more about what
(38:27):
God thinks than what anyoneelse thinks of you.
And so training the child,training your teen to care,
that's hard for a teenager whocares about what his peers think
.
The peer pressure is enormous.
And so this goes back to thefoundation.
If you've built the foundationright, they love God.
You're doing things that pointto God.
You've got a son that reads theBible when nobody's looking.
(38:50):
You're building somebody atthis point where they care about
what God thinks about them.
You know the wristbands thatpeople used to wear.
What would Jesus do?
You know that was to get peopleto be God conscious.
I don't know how effectivethose were, because people don't
really seem to know what Jesuswould do in these situations,
(39:13):
but you want them to be Godconscious.
Fear the Lord.
That's the beginning of wisdom.
The book of Proverbs is full ofwisdom.
My mom made me read a proverbevery day for the month, and so
by the end of the month I hadfinished Proverbs and had to
start back over the next month.
Getting that in them will helpinstill that.
And it matters who your kidsare hanging out with the
(39:38):
associates.
But number two, let's talk aboutmistakes for a minute.
We've lived a life and none ofus are perfect, and we've all
made mistakes in life.
Now I don't advise sharing allof your mistakes with your kids.
You know, some of those thingsjust need to be buried and left
for dead.
But there are things in yourlife that you can relate to your
(40:00):
kids and and they can knowabout.
Just because you've made thatmistake doesn't disqualify you
from training your kids to notmake that same mistake.
In fact, it makes you morequalified.
You've made that mistake.
You've experienced troublebecause of that mistake.
Hopefully you've learned fromthat and now you're speaking
from firsthand experience tokeep your kids out of that
(40:20):
trouble that you found.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
And so it's a guiding force Treat, exhort child, do
not.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
Do you want to talk about associations?
Speaker 2 (40:31):
I do, because friends and peer groups is such an
important part of, uh, yourteen's life.
They will become.
The people that they're hangingout with are who they will
become and uh, so we want them,first of all, to like hanging
out with us.
And there's an example in thisbook where, uh, the family, they
, they wanted the family to belike the gang, you know, because
the gang recruits, the gang hasthis mystique about it.
(40:53):
The gang has a reputation.
What is your family?
So they're like trying to buildthat.
Hey, you know, our family isgoing to do a bike trip and
everybody's going to help planit for the next two years and
we're going to do this 60 milething.
And, man, it's cool to be in myfamily because we did this,
that or we 60 mile thing, andman, it's cool to be in my
family because we did this there, we, we're the family that does
that, or or whatever.
So that's great, but but yourkids do need friends outside the
(41:14):
home and uh, so make sure thatthey are choosing friends who
honor God, and if they don'thave any right now, it is worth
holding out.
It is not worth having a anungodly friend just because
that's the only option out there.
It is actually worth having anungodly friend just because
that's the only option out there.
It is actually better for themjust to hang out with mom and
dad until you pray in theirgodly friends.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
And you've got to think about what pool you put
them into.
Did you put them into a pool ofungodly people?
And then you wonder why theydon't have any godly friends.
Maybe you need to switch poolsand plant your kids in a
different place.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
We did that and it paid off.
It paid off for us and our kidsthanked us.
They still thank us.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
So, on the procedures here, I'm not going to go
through all of these, but ifyou've walked through these
steps, you've got a teenagerthat you can relate to, that you
can talk to.
You're not giving them commands, you're not issuing edicts at
that point.
You're having conversationswith them, and if you've done
this well, you've guided withquestions along the way.
You're getting them toreproduce God's truth out of
(42:21):
their mouth.
Now they're accountable for it.
It came from them and not fromyou.
It came from what you put inthem and out of the abundance of
the heart.
Let the mouth speak, and soyou'll end up with somebody who
you've been entreating, but nowthey're asking questions of you.
They're going to you for advice.
You become the person that theycome back to when they have
(42:42):
questions along the way, and sothat's all I'm going to say
about the procedures tonight.
The final thing that I want tohit on right here is follow the
Holy Spirit.
Each one of you is the templeof the Holy Spirit.
You carry the Holy Spiritwherever you go.
You are led by the inwardwitness.
There are times when you knowour kids were going someplace or
(43:03):
about to go someplace, and itdidn't happen very often, but
there was a time or two when Ilost peace about it, or Claire
lost peace about it, and we justhad to say no.
You just had to put say no, Ican't let you go.
I'm sorry.
The Holy ghost warned me aboutsomething the kids are going to
want to know what it is at ayoung age.
They're going to want to knowall the reasons why they're not
entitled to, the reasons whybecome.
(43:24):
Because I said so is enough foryour kids when they're young.
Later you're going to have toexplain to them, because the
Holy spirit warned me and hedidn't tell me everything about
it, but I have a warning aboutit and I can't let you go, and
it'll save your, your kid's,life, and so, um, and, and they
have to be, they have to learnto follow that, that spirit as
well.
Uh, you'll have peace in adirection.
(43:46):
You'll never have peace to goin the wrong direction.
So final example here andyou're training somebody who can
follow the Holy Ghost.
You want them to learn tofollow this.
Along the way, thea, on her wayhome from school, had a feeling
that she was you know what if Igot into a car accident, and she
prayed and asked God forprotection and the feeling
didn't go away and so she put onher praise and worship music
(44:09):
and she felt a little bit better, but it still didn't go away.
And the end result was sheended up turning across traffic
at a point where there were carscoming that she couldn't see.
She got broadsided by a truckgoing 50 miles an hour plus.
She was found unconscious atthe scene On her side.
She went through the gate andinto our neighborhood.
Her memory was that I saw thetruck coming, but I passed
(44:30):
through and was in ourneighborhood and I was fine.
Then I wake up and all thesepeople were messing with me.
She got life flighted to ahospital downtown to a level one
trauma unit.
She had every sign and symptomof traumatic brain injury at the
scene, but by the time shelanded at the hospital she was
completely fine and five hourslater she walked out of there.
The inward witness, and shelearned from that.
You know she could havefollowed that through to the end
(44:51):
and avoided the accidentcompletely, but the inward
witness protected her, and solearn to follow that inward
witness.
I could give you examples of mylife time and again, but as a
parent, follow the inwardwitness.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
And my parents did this so well.
Speaker 1 (45:05):
And the peace.
If you feel turmoil on theinside about something, you can
always stop.
You can always turn around andgo the other direction.
It's always an option.
Don't let other people pressureyou into letting your kids go
somewhere when you don't havepeace about it.
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