February 7, 2024 • 35 mins
Send Me Questions on Attachment
Have you ever found yourself caught in a whirlwind of worry, searching for solace? Embark on a journey with me as I navigate the merging paths of theology and psychology to find a haven from anxiety through God Attachment Healing. In this heartfelt discussion, we unravel the wisdom of Philippians 4:6-7, contrasting the Stoic Greek emphasis on reason with the Apostle Paul's counsel to seek peace in prayer and divine providence. As we face the modern tide of anxiety, we delve into scriptural advice for weathering these inner storms, aiming to offer you insights that resonate with your Christian faith. Whether it's managing your reactions to life's trials or redefining your relationship with God, this episode is your guide to anchoring your heart in the tranquility of His presence.
My conversation travels through the Apostle Paul's own quest for peace amidst adversity, illuminating how his unshakable faith can inspire our own journey toward a serene heart and mind. We look at personal strategies for coping with suffering, emphasizing the transformative power of prayer and gratitude. Discover how fostering a secure attachment to God fortifies us against life's challenges, allowing His peace to guard our hearts and minds. Join me as I explore the intimate dance of managing anxiety and nurturing a steadfast trust in God's goodness—even when the waters around us are anything but still.
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My mission is to help you understand your attachment style to learn how you can heal from the pain you’ve experienced in your relationship with God, the church and yourself.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome back everyone to the God Attachment Healing
Podcast.
I am excited about introducingthis new version or new outline
of how the podcast is going torun.
I showed in the last episodethat I wanted to take a more
biblically integrated approachto how I present and discuss
(00:26):
attachment and specifically withGod Attachment Healing.
So we're going to do that todayand I would really love to hear
your feedback on it so you cancomment on the video.
You can send an email toSLConnect08 at gmailcom or you
can just shoot me a directmessage.
Either one will work.
I just want to hear how youlike the new format and I can
(00:50):
continue doing that.
I think you guys will like it,though as I was preparing for
this, I really enjoy kind of theprocess and what it looks like
and how integrating both thebiblical aspect, theological
aspect and the psychologicalaspect into this episode.
So hope you guys enjoy it.
(01:10):
Remember thank you for tuningin.
I know that if you're listeningnow, you may be a new listener
If you are hit that subscribebutton or follow the podcast,
and I'd greatly appreciate that.
And don't forget to leave areview.
So today we're going to talkabout the anxious attachment
style and specifically dealingwith this theme that we see in
(01:33):
scripture about not beingworrisome.
And we're going to start herewith Philippians, chapter 4,
verses 6 to 7.
It is a passage that many of usmay have been exposed to, maybe
know by heart and maybeencountered some levels of
conflict when trying to applythat verse to daily life.
(01:53):
Because what it's asking us todo is what is counterintuitive
to how we respond to stressfulsituations, which is to become
anxious.
Right, because our body alertsus and tells us that, hey, this
situation that you're about toencounter is unsure, there's a
(02:14):
lot of uncertainty here.
How do you prepare for this?
Are you prepared for it?
So it starts to make your bodyfeel, your mind think different
things as to whether or not youhave the ability to cope with
the stressful situation.
So let's go ahead and read thisverse, or these two verses
Philippians 4, verses 6 to 7, itsays do not be anxious about
(02:37):
anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with
thanksgiving, present yourrequest to God, and the peace of
God, which transcends allunderstanding, will guard your
hearts and your minds in ChristJesus.
So that very first part of theverse, which is the part that I
(03:00):
want to at least introduce thetopic with this aspect of do not
be anxious about anything.
In today's world, where everyperson, it seems like, is
struggling with a level ofanxiety that is unmanageable, we
have to ask ourselves why.
Why are people so anxious today?
(03:21):
What makes them anxious?
Socially anxious people?
There's people who are anxiousabout exams.
There's people who are anxiousabout driving.
There's people who are anxiousabout interacting with their
family.
There's a lot of differentthings that make us anxious Job
security, finances, all of thesedifferent things and yet, when
we come to this passage, ittalks about not being anxious
about anything.
(03:42):
So we're going to explore thisa little bit more.
But first of all, I want to givea background of what is
happening here.
Who is the author and where, orto who are they writing this
letter?
So, obviously, when we talkabout the New Testament, a name
that's always going to come upis Paul.
He's definitely the author ofthis letter and he's writing
(04:02):
this letter as he's imprisonedin Rome.
So that kind of gives us thecontext behind.
Okay, he's telling us not to beanxious.
This guy's in prison, paul isin prison and he's telling the
people.
He's writing this letter to thepeople of Philippi and he's
saying do not be anxious.
And we would think to ourselveswhy aren't you anxious when
(04:23):
you're in prison and don't knowwhen you're going to be let out?
So he's still on this missionof making sure that the people
that he is pastoring receivethese letters.
And again, a big part of thisthat Paul was facing was
persecution and imprisonment.
He faced many challenges andhardships while spreading the
(04:45):
gospel.
So he had reasons we wouldunderstand that for Paul to
experience anxiety.
We'd say, okay, we get it, paul.
That is definitely an anxietyinducing situation.
I don't know how you're tellingus to not be anxious.
I don't know how you're notbeing anxious, but that would
make me anxious.
So we look at Paul's situationand he's facing these hardships
(05:10):
as he's spreading the gospel.
He's carrying out the missionthat Christ has laid before him
and he's telling the people thathe is ministering to not to be
anxious.
So that gives us some contextabout where his mindset is at
and how he's approaching themission that God has placed on
his life.
In regards to the culture, it'sinteresting too, because the
(05:32):
background on Greek culture isthat they emphasize self-control
, reason and individualism.
So the Greeks would probablyemphasize kind of a similar
theme about not letting youranxiety control you.
They would talk a lot aboutthis aspect of self-control and
(05:55):
stoicism, in a sense, and usingyour mind, reason, how can you
make sense of the situation.
That is pretty harsh and it's avery trying time and yet you
have to remain under control.
But again, paul emphasizes theaspect of not being anxious, but
(06:16):
he adds more to it.
He says it's not just do not beanxious about anything.
So he now gives a differentsolution.
He says by prayer and petition.
In Greek culture the emphasiswas on how you think your way
through things.
They really esteemed how peopleare able to articulate ideas
(06:41):
and how people were able tocontrol and manage their
emotions.
I've been doing a lot of Idon't know if I would say
reading, but understanding ortrying to understand the way
that the Stoics would processdifferent events.
We would think that they wouldsay they say don't feel any
(07:02):
emotion.
It wasn't that they had thisreally interesting way of
looking at it where they wouldsay you can feel the emotion,
understand the emotion, identifythe emotion, but don't let it
control you.
Again, this emphasis on youhave the ability to control and
manage that anxiety.
That puts all of theresponsibility, in a sense on
(07:26):
the person, which is a goodthing.
At surface level, we see them.
We say, okay, that's a goodthing that I'm responsible for
how I feel and how I manage myanxiety.
When we go back to verse six,here Paul says but in every
situation, by prayer andpetition, with Thanksgiving,
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present your requests to God.
This is extremely important,again, because you're looking at
a culture that appreciates thisidea of you need to have
everything together.
You need to be able to reasonyour way through this difficult
situation and find peace.
You need to logically workthrough this situation that
(08:16):
you're experiencing.
Paul is giving this otherdirection, where he's saying you
need to depend on God.
You need to pray to God andpetition to him and be thankful
for the things that you have andpresent your requests to God.
He's redirecting theirattention not to self, but to
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God, their Creator, the sourceof peace and comfort.
Again, one of the things thatyou'll often find in at least in
modern culture, with manysupposed pastors is that they
will always have a little bit oftruth mixed in with this idea
of it's all about you.
You're the centerpiece of God'sworld and you are the one who
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needs to carry these things out.
Build yourself up, all of theseself-help ideas.
They sprinkle in dependence onGod, but the emphasis is always
on the building yourself up andbelieving in yourself.
Again, this self-help conceptsPaul avoids that he really does
(09:30):
emphasize for us to fully dependon God during these times of
struggle.
If we look again at thecultural context here, in a
culture that emphasizesself-control, reason,
individualism, we know that theyget a little bit of it.
(09:51):
But they may be questioningthis idea of how do I even trust
God?
Why not just myself?
I have a brain, I'm able tologically think through this
problem, find a solution andmanage my emotions.
Why do I need to depend on God?
That was part of their error,right?
They believed that they wereintelligent enough to not have
(10:13):
to depend on God.
The Roman rule I rememberPhilippi was a Roman colony
under direct rule from Rome.
It operated under Romanauthority, which could have
affected a lot of their beliefsand their practices.
But a lot of things that Paulwas teaching the culture was how
(10:33):
to think opposite to it, to notkeep on thinking the same way
that they've been taught.
If you can imagine what it'slike to change a culture from
the way that they believe theirwhole lives and hear you write a
letter and try to redirect theway that people are thinking.
The benefit here is that whenpeople receive the Lord Jesus
(10:54):
Christ into their heart, is thatnow they're in duels with the
Holy Spirit.
So when Paul presents how tomanage their anxiety, the Holy
Spirit prompts them to move inthat direction.
So that's a big part of this.
Again, this comes back to thishow do we heal in our
relationship with God?
How can I truly trust God whenmost of my relationships have
(11:18):
made me feel insecure, have mademe feel unsafe?
My relationship with my parents, how I grew up, everything was
always questionable.
I'd never felt loved or I feltunvalued or I felt rejected.
Whatever the case is, thosethings lead to an anxious
attachment style.
So it's natural and I mentionedthis in the last podcast
episode it's natural for us toassociate those same feelings
(11:42):
towards God.
How can I trust you, god, whenall of my life here's what I've
experienced?
I can assume in many ways thatthis was difficult for people of
that day.
How can they trust God?
I was thinking about theIsraelites when they were
leaving Egypt.
They were under rule of Pharaoh, who was basically domineering
(12:10):
every area of their lives, butthey had food and they had
resources.
That's the way that theyexplained.
So when Moses takes them out ofthere, they start to complain
and say why do you take us outof a place where we had all of
these other things?
Now we're going to die here inthe desert.
But they forget that they werebeing led by God to the promised
land, that he had somethingbetter for them.
(12:31):
So, again, to change thementality of a culture that has
consumed the beliefs of theauthorities that they were under
, that's difficult, it's verydifficult, but that is exactly
what Paul was aiming for.
So he says to them don't worryor don't be anxious about
(12:54):
anything.
In every situation, my prayerand petition, with Thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
So, lord, here's the concernsthat I have.
Again, when we're talking aboutGod, attachment, healing, this
aspect of prayer has been sopowerful, at least in my life
and I'm sure, in the life ofmany others.
But I think this past year,past two years, this aspect of
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prayer, I think, was one of theweaker areas in my life.
I know key biblical principlesof scripture.
I do emphasize a lot ofcommunity, I enjoy Christian
community, but prayer was hardfor me to understand because and
this is what I realizedafterwards that it put me in a
vulnerable position.
It forced me to depend on God,and in a good way, not like you
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have to do this, but I had noother resource.
I had what I often call a Petermoment, if you remember.
When Jesus was teaching thecrowds, he started getting other
followers and disciples and atsome point they decided to leave
after some of his teachings.
And then he asked the disciplesyou know, will you leave me too
(14:05):
?
And Peter responds Lord, wherewould I go?
Where would we go?
You have the words of eternallife.
So I had one of those momentswhere I've exhausted all of my
resources, all of my strength,all of my knowledge.
I don't know what else to do.
Lord, guide me in this process.
So prayer became such a key partof these last two years where
(14:29):
I'm just depending on God andtrusting that he is working
things out for his good right orfor the good of me.
And that's been a good,powerful lesson to have, because
, as in when you have an anxiousattachment, you question
whether or not God will meetthose promises right, if he's
(14:53):
promising something better andI've never seen something better
.
I'm not saying that I haven't.
I'm saying if that was yourexperience or that's been your
experience, then it's going tobe hard to trust that God has
something better for you andthat, even though a situation is
painful, that you can stillwalk through that pain, trusting
in him.
Right, so presenting all theserequests to God.
(15:15):
But the key thing here again,paul explains what we can do and
then he says what happens.
So very next verse he says andthe peace of God which
transcends all understanding.
Again, think about that whichtranscends all understanding.
I can't make sense of how Ireceive the peace of God.
(15:36):
It's an interesting part ofthis verse to think about.
It transcends all understanding.
Like you could be going throughthe most difficult situation in
your life and yet within thattime, in your dependence on God
and your connection to himthrough prayer, through
community, through his word, youhave this peace.
(15:59):
And it doesn't make sense toother people, specifically
nonbelievers, right?
How do you have this peace whenyou're going through this?
And this is the same questionthat we have, and probably the
people from Philippi had thathow is Paul talking to us about
peace when he's imprisoned andhow is he saying not to be
(16:20):
anxious about anything?
So you can imagine thecognitive dissonance that they'd
experienced, because they'reseeing who's writing to them and
the situation that they're inand they're confused in a way
right, and this is how werespond to it.
When we see someone who's goingthrough something difficult and
they're saying that they'redepending on God and that they
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have this peace, it doesn'tfully make sense to us, but we
know, as Christians, that it isdoable.
It is something that God givesto us as his children, for those
who have accepted Christ, andthe peace of God, which
transcends all understanding andhere's what that does will
guard your hearts and your mindsin Christ Jesus.
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So what does that mean?
So if what he was doing this isPaul, what he was doing was
spreading the gospel, right, itcan be very easy to see all of
these trials, all of thesetribulations, all of these
different difficultcircumstances and make him waver
in his faith and his beliefabout Jesus.
(17:27):
Is it really worth it for me tobe risking my life, to be in
prison, to be beaten, all ofthese things?
Is it really worth it to do allof this?
I mean, that's a question thatwe would even ask in our own
situation, like Lord.
Is it really worth it for me togo through this difficult
situation?
And you're asking me to expressthe fruits of the Spirit.
(17:51):
I know you live in me, but it'sso hard because there's this
war of flesh and the Spirit andsometimes it's hard to develop
these fruits of the Spirit thatyou develop in us.
I don't know if it's worth it,like kind of asking these
questions.
Right, you're asking thesequestions about your faith, but
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this peace that God gives usguards us against believing that
God is not trustworthy.
Right Will guard your heartsand minds in Christ Jesus,
because we're talking aboutevery situation In every
situation.
Do not be anxious, right,because anxiety produces in us
doubts, doubts about the present, doubts about the future.
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And who's in control of thepresent and who's in control of
the future?
God is.
But once we understand that,and even though things look
bleak and dark and impossibleright now, that I trust God's
character, because he is good,that he does have something
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better, and believing in thatright, presenting those concerns
and those requests to God,believing in the character that
he's consistently demonstratedthroughout time, I can trust
that he will be providing.
Whatever it is that I need,right, it may not look the way
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that I want it to look.
I don't think Paul imagined thathe would be writing letters
from jail.
You know, I don't, I don't know, but when you serve Christ, he
was ready to take on whateverwould come his way, because he
also had a past right where hepersecuted Christians.
So, you know, every once in awhile I'll think about and I
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think I've talked about thiswith a couple of friends just
the idea of I wonder if Paulever dealt with shame and guilt
from from his past, becauseobviously he he persecuted
Christians.
And it's just somethinginteresting to think about
because in Romans 8 1 he talksabout there's therefore now no
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condemnation for those who arein Christ Jesus.
So there's this understandingthat he's also gaining, you know
, as he grows closer to Christ.
Yeah, you know this shame thatI've been carrying for all these
years.
Why am I still carrying it whenGod has forgiven me of that
Right and this continualcleansing right?
Where you're you're, you're inthe process of sanctification,
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where God is shaping you andmolding you into Christ's image?
So when we're able to bring ouranxieties and concerns to God,
he is able to work in our livesand and provide a security and a
peace that maybe sometimes wedon't even understand, like how,
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how do I feel this way, thiscalm, in this difficult
situation and it's not alwayslike that, by the way.
You know there's this aspect ofour humanity which speaks to
that.
I can feel peace some days andthen other days I don't feel as
peaceful, but in general I havethis overall peace that God is
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present and that he is good andthat he does have something in
store and better for for us.
When you're going through adifficult situation, there's
this sense of trust that westart to develop in Christ
because we're seeing him act andmove things in a certain
(21:29):
direction and drawing us closerto him, because that's his goal
to draw us closer to him.
Right?
So if you can think about nowthat how different attack and
styles may respond to difficultsituations today we're just
talking about the anxiousattachment style, but a secure
attachment style would look atthe situation and accept it and
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understand it and then start toPour into those three areas that
I've been repeating and I'mgoing to keep on repeating them
right, prayer, god's word,christian community, like those
three things start to give youan overall understanding of how
God relates to us.
Right, there are people in yourlife that God has used to meet
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certain needs that you have, andif you're not Looking for that,
you're gonna miss it.
So when it talks about that thepeace of God you got to be
looking for it.
Where is the peace of God here?
And you have people that aremeeting your needs and you have
people who are checking in onyou, and you have all of these
different things going on inyour life and those are ways in
which God is trying to protectus and is Meeting the needs that
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we actually have, not thethings that we want, though.
He may give us sometimes whatwe want, but he wants to provide
us with things that drawscloser to him, and oftentimes
that is.
Suffering, suffering, pushes usto our comfort zone.
Whatever that is, sometimesit's a good thing.
If it's God, it's a good thing.
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Anything else can be a badthing, and what I mean by that
is that we don't all cope inhealthy ways when we're going
through struggles andtribulations.
So what is that thing for youthink about?
What do you turn to when you'resuffering?
What, what do you get involvedin?
For me, it tends to be just tobe busy, right, and it's not
avoidance.
(23:19):
I think I've processed that toa point where I'm not avoiding
things.
It's just when I do havepre-time, I try to fill it with
something.
Now I'm trying to find times ofrelaxing and then I have to
have my time with the Lord atsome point throughout the day
and I have to find it.
You have to make time for that,wherever that is.
It can be in the morning, canbe a night, in the Middle of the
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day.
For me it's when I can get thatin the day.
Sometimes it is in the morning,sometimes it's at night,
sometimes it's the middle of theday.
Whatever it is, I just knowthat if I don't seek that out,
it's going to affect how I feelin my anxiety, in my
relationship with God, butusually it's more secure,
especially this past year whereit's really been shaping my
(24:04):
trust in God.
So where are you in regards toall of this?
How is your attachment style toGod?
Here are some some tips that Iwant to provide and how you can
manage your anxiety in yourrelationship with God.
So one of them is understandinghow do you relate to God?
Right, how do you relate to God?
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How do you see him?
Do you see him as distance,harsh, uninvolved, not
dependable, like how do you seeGod?
Like, just be really honestabout what it is that you
currently feel, and then you canKind of trace back into your
history why you feel that way.
Right, so you may have ahistory of, you know, uncertain
(24:50):
and Unclear relationships thatyou don't know really where you
stand.
There was always questionsabout, well, am I really wanted,
or not, all of these things?
And then same thing with yourparents, like that, were they
able to meet my needs?
So does that mean is that why Ican't trust God to meet my
needs?
So, explore that, explore thathistory.
Okay, if you're secure, again,what it's gonna look like is
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that you can feel anxious, butyou can have that peace of
understanding.
You know this is not a goodsituation.
I hate that I'm going throughthis, but I know that God is
good and I know that he loves meand I know that he's going to
Shate this out in a way thatbrings honor to him.
All right, so that would bekind of a secure response to
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that, and anxious attachmentstyle will look at a situation.
Say, I got to do.
I got to do something to fixthis, I got to find a way to
make this work.
You know, I need God to becontent with how I Process this
and I need to do it right and Ineed to make sure that it's done
this way, in that way likethere's this overperformance
that kicks into gear so that wecan please God.
(25:51):
And pleasing God is not theissue, it's what is driving that
desire to please God, itsanxiety, right.
So the anxious needs to learnhow to Let go of that control,
right, and kind of just take astep back like I'm trying to
control everything.
How can I just wait and see howGod responds to this?
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Okay, the avoidant is obviouslygonna do things on his own.
He's not even gonna think aboutGod because God is not
dependable.
Again, people in their liveswere not dependable, so I'm
gonna find a way to fix this.
No one's gonna bother me, I'llfind a way.
Right, this, this hyperdependence on self.
So they'll hit something thatwhere they won't be able to
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manage it and maybe that canpush them back in the direction
towards God.
I need God in this moment,right?
So, again, different styles,understanding your attachment
style to God is one, one part ofmanaging your anxiety.
The second thing is to practiceprayer and Thankfulness.
Okay, practice prayer andthankfulness.
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Pray Whenever you have a.
You know, for me I always thinkabout it this way If I'm having
a conversation or if I have aconcern in my mind, I start
talking to God in that moment.
When I'm not engaging withsomeone else, and sometimes even
when I am engaging with someoneelse, I'm processing, I'm
thinking through things in myLord.
You know, give me wisdom here.
How do I discern this?
Is this person being truthful?
How do I manage this situationover here?
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All right, so I'm talking toGod about all of these things.
So that's an aspect of prayer,right, it's communicating with
God, okay, and then allow forGod also to communicate to you
through his word.
So practice prayer, practicethankfulness.
That's been a big one, becauseSometimes I think we look at our
lives and we only look at thethings that are negative and
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it's hard to be thankful forthat.
Right, like, even withsuffering.
I've often thought about it.
Where should I be thankful forsuffering?
Like, should I be thankful thatI'm going through the situation
?
Should you be thankful for thetrials and tribulations that
you're experiencing?
I don't know.
I don't know if you'd be.
Think if you should be thankfulfor that specifically, I Think
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what you end up doing, or whatwe end up doing, is being
thankful that God is still good,like I can be thankful for that
, that God has remained true tohis character.
I can be thankful for that.
I Can be thankful for theblessings that I received in my
life up until that point.
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I Can be thankful for that,because that is life.
Life has its ups, it has itsdowns.
Ups and downs all throughoutlife.
Right it almost for the anxiousattachment purse.
Actually, one of their mainconcerns is that when things are
going good, their body andtheir minds already prepares for
oh, something, something'sgonna happen.
I don't know why, but I'mfeeling like something's gonna
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happen pretty soon.
And then when it happens, kindof like it's almost like a
self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's very interesting.
But this, this idea of when doI, what am I, should I be
thankful for?
I'd be thankful for theblessings that God has provided
for you in your life and lookFrom, put right down a list of
the things that you're gratefulfor, right, and remind yourself
(29:08):
of those things.
I was listening to a man onsocial media speak and he he
gave a really good illustrationwhich I wanted to use and I will
be using Often, but he he'stalking with this guy doing this
interview and he says, okay,look, look around the room and I
want you to find something thatis Red.
(29:29):
So he looks around the room andhe finds, okay, I find a couple
of things that are read, okay.
And then he tells him okay, goahead, close your eyes.
The guy closes his eyes and hesays, tell me what did you find
that was blue.
And he's like he didn't knowwhat to say because he wasn't
looking for blue, right.
And then he said, okay, openyour eyes Now, look for things
(29:52):
that are blue.
And he looks for things thatare blue, right, and he's
looking, okay.
So he finds me.
So, close your eyes, tell mesomething that was yellow.
And the guy couldn't make out,because you're going to find
what you're looking for, right,and in the same way with life,
if you're only looking for thebad things, then that's all
(30:13):
you're going to find.
If you're looking for theblessings and where God has been
present, then those are thethings that you're going to find
.
Focus on it.
So I think that's an aspect ofthankfulness, right, be thankful
for those moments when God hasbeen, has blessed you, right,
and even in that moment ofsuffering, you can be thankful
that God is present there withyou, that God is walking
(30:35):
alongside you as you'resuffering, that he is there with
you.
Sure, that's what the apostlePaul felt, even as he was in
prison that Jesus was with him,right, and he was inspired by
the Holy Spirit to write thisletter to the Christians there
in Philippi.
Right?
Two more things here Honestyand vulnerability.
(30:56):
Okay, this building a deeperrelationship with God through
honesty and vulnerability Likeshare with God how you actually
feel he's able to understandwhat you're going through.
It's not like you're going tosurprise him with what you're
going through.
Like we feel real emotions,real confusion, real anger, real
bitterness, real doubts, likewe experience all that.
(31:20):
Why not share that with God,right?
Well, I don't want God to knowthat he knows those things
already.
You know, it's not somethingthat we're going to really hide
from him and it's very freeing.
You know, lord, I'm justfrustrated.
I just don't get this.
I don't get how this is work.
I don't know what you're doing,but I want to trust you.
Teach me how to trust you,right, so that honesty and
(31:40):
vulnerability with the Lord canmake draws closer to him because
he's willing and able toreceive that and then comfort us
with his word.
And then, lastly, letting go ofpast attachment wounds.
Okay, there are a lot of peopleand oftentimes you know, if
you're a Christian, there aregoing to be people who are
Christian or who call themselvesChristian, who may have hurt
(32:01):
you throughout your life.
And those people who have hurtyou, we may associate that pain
with God, allowing that tohappen or presenting that those
people, in our eyes too, makethat happen, right, and we'll
blame God for those situationsand for those people.
And why did you allow that tohappen?
You know it was really close tothem.
(32:22):
And then they hurt me.
And here's this otherrelationship and that hurt me
and you know, lord, everyonealways hurts me, right?
And when you develop, thisnarrative of everything
associated with God is going tolead to a wound of some sort,
right?
And then, when you're goingthrough suffering, it becomes
even more real.
See, lord, I told you it'sgoing to be.
You know, I told you it's goingto be this another wound just
(32:44):
to add to the list.
But letting go of those pastattachment wounds is key.
Now, remember, this process ofletting go doesn't mean to
forget, it doesn't mean to thatit's just going to happen in one
day, two days a week.
Whatever the case is, it's notgoing to be like letting go of
past attachment.
Past attachment, wounds meansforgiving other people for the
hurt that they've caused.
(33:04):
That's what it means.
And forgiveness one of theprofessors here at Liberty, dr
Kim.
He does a lot of research onforgiveness and he talks about
it as it's not one and done.
It's not like you say I forgivethis person and that's it Right
, because you're still as ahuman, you still have memories,
you still have things thatyou're going to start thinking
(33:25):
about.
You're like, oh, that gives memad, but again, you choose to
forgive.
You choose to forgive and thatis so important as you're trying
to develop a secure attachmentwith God, because those past
wounds, especially if they wereChristian, it's going to
naturally cause you to associatethat to God.
(33:45):
And yet we can also distinguishand separate God's character,
and we should be able todistinguish God's character from
the actions of other people.
God is good.
Everything that he does is good, every intention towards us is
good, even in the midst ofsuffering.
And that is what we learn herefrom Paul when he's talking
(34:09):
about not being anxious aboutanything.
Right, that, that peace thatGod is going to give us as we
pray to him, petition them, bethankful for things in our lives
and make our requests known tohim that he will give us a piece
that will protect ourunderstanding of who Christ is
and our minds, because our mindscan trick us right, Especially
(34:30):
when you have an anxiousattachment like you, can make
you think all sorts of things,but this dependence guards our
hearts against believing theopposite of who God is.
So as we wrap up here and thinkabout you know, how does this
apply to my life?
Again, just choosing theseverses and expanding on what
(34:55):
does it actually mean if we'retrying to heal in our
relationship with God?
And I hope that this new formatthat you liked it again.
If you did like it, please letme know, shoot me an email, a
direct message, comment on thevideo.
I really do want to hear fromyou guys and see how you guys
felt about this new format, andI'm going to continue to do this
(35:16):
.
I think this is episode 76 andall the way up to 100.
We're going to get there andI'm excited about that too.
So hopefully this was ablessing.
Thank you for listening and Iwill see you next week.
Take care, guys.
Welcome back everyone to the God Attachment Healing
Podcast.
I am excited about introducingthis new version or new outline
of how the podcast is going torun.
I showed in the last episodethat I wanted to take a more
biblically integrated approachto how I present and discuss
(00:26):
attachment and specifically withGod Attachment Healing.
So we're going to do that todayand I would really love to hear
your feedback on it so you cancomment on the video.
You can send an email toSLConnect08 at gmailcom or you
can just shoot me a directmessage.
Either one will work.
I just want to hear how youlike the new format and I can
(00:50):
continue doing that.
I think you guys will like it,though as I was preparing for
this, I really enjoy kind of theprocess and what it looks like
and how integrating both thebiblical aspect, theological
aspect and the psychologicalaspect into this episode.
So hope you guys enjoy it.
(01:10):
Remember thank you for tuningin.
I know that if you're listeningnow, you may be a new listener
If you are hit that subscribebutton or follow the podcast,
and I'd greatly appreciate that.
And don't forget to leave areview.
So today we're going to talkabout the anxious attachment
style and specifically dealingwith this theme that we see in
(01:33):
scripture about not beingworrisome.
And we're going to start herewith Philippians, chapter 4,
verses 6 to 7.
It is a passage that many of usmay have been exposed to, maybe
know by heart and maybeencountered some levels of
conflict when trying to applythat verse to daily life.
(01:53):
Because what it's asking us todo is what is counterintuitive
to how we respond to stressfulsituations, which is to become
anxious.
Right, because our body alertsus and tells us that, hey, this
situation that you're about toencounter is unsure, there's a
(02:14):
lot of uncertainty here.
How do you prepare for this?
Are you prepared for it?
So it starts to make your bodyfeel, your mind think different
things as to whether or not youhave the ability to cope with
the stressful situation.
So let's go ahead and read thisverse, or these two verses
Philippians 4, verses 6 to 7, itsays do not be anxious about
(02:37):
anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with
thanksgiving, present yourrequest to God, and the peace of
God, which transcends allunderstanding, will guard your
hearts and your minds in ChristJesus.
So that very first part of theverse, which is the part that I
(03:00):
want to at least introduce thetopic with this aspect of do not
be anxious about anything.
In today's world, where everyperson, it seems like, is
struggling with a level ofanxiety that is unmanageable, we
have to ask ourselves why.
Why are people so anxious today?
(03:21):
What makes them anxious?
Socially anxious people?
There's people who are anxiousabout exams.
There's people who are anxiousabout driving.
There's people who are anxiousabout interacting with their
family.
There's a lot of differentthings that make us anxious Job
security, finances, all of thesedifferent things and yet, when
we come to this passage, ittalks about not being anxious
about anything.
(03:42):
So we're going to explore thisa little bit more.
But first of all, I want to givea background of what is
happening here.
Who is the author and where, orto who are they writing this
letter?
So, obviously, when we talkabout the New Testament, a name
that's always going to come upis Paul.
He's definitely the author ofthis letter and he's writing
(04:02):
this letter as he's imprisonedin Rome.
So that kind of gives us thecontext behind.
Okay, he's telling us not to beanxious.
This guy's in prison, paul isin prison and he's telling the
people.
He's writing this letter to thepeople of Philippi and he's
saying do not be anxious.
And we would think to ourselveswhy aren't you anxious when
(04:23):
you're in prison and don't knowwhen you're going to be let out?
So he's still on this missionof making sure that the people
that he is pastoring receivethese letters.
And again, a big part of thisthat Paul was facing was
persecution and imprisonment.
He faced many challenges andhardships while spreading the
(04:45):
gospel.
So he had reasons we wouldunderstand that for Paul to
experience anxiety.
We'd say, okay, we get it, paul.
That is definitely an anxietyinducing situation.
I don't know how you're tellingus to not be anxious.
I don't know how you're notbeing anxious, but that would
make me anxious.
So we look at Paul's situationand he's facing these hardships
(05:10):
as he's spreading the gospel.
He's carrying out the missionthat Christ has laid before him
and he's telling the people thathe is ministering to not to be
anxious.
So that gives us some contextabout where his mindset is at
and how he's approaching themission that God has placed on
his life.
In regards to the culture, it'sinteresting too, because the
(05:32):
background on Greek culture isthat they emphasize self-control
, reason and individualism.
So the Greeks would probablyemphasize kind of a similar
theme about not letting youranxiety control you.
They would talk a lot aboutthis aspect of self-control and
(05:55):
stoicism, in a sense, and usingyour mind, reason, how can you
make sense of the situation.
That is pretty harsh and it's avery trying time and yet you
have to remain under control.
But again, paul emphasizes theaspect of not being anxious, but
(06:16):
he adds more to it.
He says it's not just do not beanxious about anything.
So he now gives a differentsolution.
He says by prayer and petition.
In Greek culture the emphasiswas on how you think your way
through things.
They really esteemed how peopleare able to articulate ideas
(06:41):
and how people were able tocontrol and manage their
emotions.
I've been doing a lot of Idon't know if I would say
reading, but understanding ortrying to understand the way
that the Stoics would processdifferent events.
We would think that they wouldsay they say don't feel any
(07:02):
emotion.
It wasn't that they had thisreally interesting way of
looking at it where they wouldsay you can feel the emotion,
understand the emotion, identifythe emotion, but don't let it
control you.
Again, this emphasis on youhave the ability to control and
manage that anxiety.
That puts all of theresponsibility, in a sense on
(07:26):
the person, which is a goodthing.
At surface level, we see them.
We say, okay, that's a goodthing that I'm responsible for
how I feel and how I manage myanxiety.
When we go back to verse six,here Paul says but in every
situation, by prayer andpetition, with Thanksgiving,
(07:51):
present your requests to God.
This is extremely important,again, because you're looking at
a culture that appreciates thisidea of you need to have
everything together.
You need to be able to reasonyour way through this difficult
situation and find peace.
You need to logically workthrough this situation that
(08:16):
you're experiencing.
Paul is giving this otherdirection, where he's saying you
need to depend on God.
You need to pray to God andpetition to him and be thankful
for the things that you have andpresent your requests to God.
He's redirecting theirattention not to self, but to
(08:42):
God, their Creator, the sourceof peace and comfort.
Again, one of the things thatyou'll often find in at least in
modern culture, with manysupposed pastors is that they
will always have a little bit oftruth mixed in with this idea
of it's all about you.
You're the centerpiece of God'sworld and you are the one who
(09:06):
needs to carry these things out.
Build yourself up, all of theseself-help ideas.
They sprinkle in dependence onGod, but the emphasis is always
on the building yourself up andbelieving in yourself.
Again, this self-help conceptsPaul avoids that he really does
(09:30):
emphasize for us to fully dependon God during these times of
struggle.
If we look again at thecultural context here, in a
culture that emphasizesself-control, reason,
individualism, we know that theyget a little bit of it.
(09:51):
But they may be questioningthis idea of how do I even trust
God?
Why not just myself?
I have a brain, I'm able tologically think through this
problem, find a solution andmanage my emotions.
Why do I need to depend on God?
That was part of their error,right?
They believed that they wereintelligent enough to not have
(10:13):
to depend on God.
The Roman rule I rememberPhilippi was a Roman colony
under direct rule from Rome.
It operated under Romanauthority, which could have
affected a lot of their beliefsand their practices.
But a lot of things that Paulwas teaching the culture was how
(10:33):
to think opposite to it, to notkeep on thinking the same way
that they've been taught.
If you can imagine what it'slike to change a culture from
the way that they believe theirwhole lives and hear you write a
letter and try to redirect theway that people are thinking.
The benefit here is that whenpeople receive the Lord Jesus
(10:54):
Christ into their heart, is thatnow they're in duels with the
Holy Spirit.
So when Paul presents how tomanage their anxiety, the Holy
Spirit prompts them to move inthat direction.
So that's a big part of this.
Again, this comes back to thishow do we heal in our
relationship with God?
How can I truly trust God whenmost of my relationships have
(11:18):
made me feel insecure, have mademe feel unsafe?
My relationship with my parents, how I grew up, everything was
always questionable.
I'd never felt loved or I feltunvalued or I felt rejected.
Whatever the case is, thosethings lead to an anxious
attachment style.
So it's natural and I mentionedthis in the last podcast
episode it's natural for us toassociate those same feelings
(11:42):
towards God.
How can I trust you, god, whenall of my life here's what I've
experienced?
I can assume in many ways thatthis was difficult for people of
that day.
How can they trust God?
I was thinking about theIsraelites when they were
leaving Egypt.
They were under rule of Pharaoh, who was basically domineering
(12:10):
every area of their lives, butthey had food and they had
resources.
That's the way that theyexplained.
So when Moses takes them out ofthere, they start to complain
and say why do you take us outof a place where we had all of
these other things?
Now we're going to die here inthe desert.
But they forget that they werebeing led by God to the promised
land, that he had somethingbetter for them.
(12:31):
So, again, to change thementality of a culture that has
consumed the beliefs of theauthorities that they were under
, that's difficult, it's verydifficult, but that is exactly
what Paul was aiming for.
So he says to them don't worryor don't be anxious about
(12:54):
anything.
In every situation, my prayerand petition, with Thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
So, lord, here's the concernsthat I have.
Again, when we're talking aboutGod, attachment, healing, this
aspect of prayer has been sopowerful, at least in my life
and I'm sure, in the life ofmany others.
But I think this past year,past two years, this aspect of
(13:17):
prayer, I think, was one of theweaker areas in my life.
I know key biblical principlesof scripture.
I do emphasize a lot ofcommunity, I enjoy Christian
community, but prayer was hardfor me to understand because and
this is what I realizedafterwards that it put me in a
vulnerable position.
It forced me to depend on God,and in a good way, not like you
(13:43):
have to do this, but I had noother resource.
I had what I often call a Petermoment, if you remember.
When Jesus was teaching thecrowds, he started getting other
followers and disciples and atsome point they decided to leave
after some of his teachings.
And then he asked the disciplesyou know, will you leave me too
(14:05):
?
And Peter responds Lord, wherewould I go?
Where would we go?
You have the words of eternallife.
So I had one of those momentswhere I've exhausted all of my
resources, all of my strength,all of my knowledge.
I don't know what else to do.
Lord, guide me in this process.
So prayer became such a key partof these last two years where
(14:29):
I'm just depending on God andtrusting that he is working
things out for his good right orfor the good of me.
And that's been a good,powerful lesson to have, because
, as in when you have an anxiousattachment, you question
whether or not God will meetthose promises right, if he's
(14:53):
promising something better andI've never seen something better
.
I'm not saying that I haven't.
I'm saying if that was yourexperience or that's been your
experience, then it's going tobe hard to trust that God has
something better for you andthat, even though a situation is
painful, that you can stillwalk through that pain, trusting
in him.
Right, so presenting all theserequests to God.
(15:15):
But the key thing here again,paul explains what we can do and
then he says what happens.
So very next verse he says andthe peace of God which
transcends all understanding.
Again, think about that whichtranscends all understanding.
I can't make sense of how Ireceive the peace of God.
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It's an interesting part ofthis verse to think about.
It transcends all understanding.
Like you could be going throughthe most difficult situation in
your life and yet within thattime, in your dependence on God
and your connection to himthrough prayer, through
community, through his word, youhave this peace.
(15:59):
And it doesn't make sense toother people, specifically
nonbelievers, right?
How do you have this peace whenyou're going through this?
And this is the same questionthat we have, and probably the
people from Philippi had thathow is Paul talking to us about
peace when he's imprisoned andhow is he saying not to be
(16:20):
anxious about anything?
So you can imagine thecognitive dissonance that they'd
experienced, because they'reseeing who's writing to them and
the situation that they're inand they're confused in a way
right, and this is how werespond to it.
When we see someone who's goingthrough something difficult and
they're saying that they'redepending on God and that they
(16:42):
have this peace, it doesn'tfully make sense to us, but we
know, as Christians, that it isdoable.
It is something that God givesto us as his children, for those
who have accepted Christ, andthe peace of God, which
transcends all understanding andhere's what that does will
guard your hearts and your mindsin Christ Jesus.
(17:04):
So what does that mean?
So if what he was doing this isPaul, what he was doing was
spreading the gospel, right, itcan be very easy to see all of
these trials, all of thesetribulations, all of these
different difficultcircumstances and make him waver
in his faith and his beliefabout Jesus.
(17:27):
Is it really worth it for me tobe risking my life, to be in
prison, to be beaten, all ofthese things?
Is it really worth it to do allof this?
I mean, that's a question thatwe would even ask in our own
situation, like Lord.
Is it really worth it for me togo through this difficult
situation?
And you're asking me to expressthe fruits of the Spirit.
(17:51):
I know you live in me, but it'sso hard because there's this
war of flesh and the Spirit andsometimes it's hard to develop
these fruits of the Spirit thatyou develop in us.
I don't know if it's worth it,like kind of asking these
questions.
Right, you're asking thesequestions about your faith, but
(18:11):
this peace that God gives usguards us against believing that
God is not trustworthy.
Right Will guard your heartsand minds in Christ Jesus,
because we're talking aboutevery situation In every
situation.
Do not be anxious, right,because anxiety produces in us
doubts, doubts about the present, doubts about the future.
(18:32):
And who's in control of thepresent and who's in control of
the future?
God is.
But once we understand that,and even though things look
bleak and dark and impossibleright now, that I trust God's
character, because he is good,that he does have something
(18:55):
better, and believing in thatright, presenting those concerns
and those requests to God,believing in the character that
he's consistently demonstratedthroughout time, I can trust
that he will be providing.
Whatever it is that I need,right, it may not look the way
(19:15):
that I want it to look.
I don't think Paul imagined thathe would be writing letters
from jail.
You know, I don't, I don't know, but when you serve Christ, he
was ready to take on whateverwould come his way, because he
also had a past right where hepersecuted Christians.
So, you know, every once in awhile I'll think about and I
(19:40):
think I've talked about thiswith a couple of friends just
the idea of I wonder if Paulever dealt with shame and guilt
from from his past, becauseobviously he he persecuted
Christians.
And it's just somethinginteresting to think about
because in Romans 8 1 he talksabout there's therefore now no
(20:02):
condemnation for those who arein Christ Jesus.
So there's this understandingthat he's also gaining, you know
, as he grows closer to Christ.
Yeah, you know this shame thatI've been carrying for all these
years.
Why am I still carrying it whenGod has forgiven me of that
Right and this continualcleansing right?
Where you're you're, you're inthe process of sanctification,
(20:25):
where God is shaping you andmolding you into Christ's image?
So when we're able to bring ouranxieties and concerns to God,
he is able to work in our livesand and provide a security and a
peace that maybe sometimes wedon't even understand, like how,
(20:46):
how do I feel this way, thiscalm, in this difficult
situation and it's not alwayslike that, by the way.
You know there's this aspect ofour humanity which speaks to
that.
I can feel peace some days andthen other days I don't feel as
peaceful, but in general I havethis overall peace that God is
(21:08):
present and that he is good andthat he does have something in
store and better for for us.
When you're going through adifficult situation, there's
this sense of trust that westart to develop in Christ
because we're seeing him act andmove things in a certain
(21:29):
direction and drawing us closerto him, because that's his goal
to draw us closer to him.
Right?
So if you can think about nowthat how different attack and
styles may respond to difficultsituations today we're just
talking about the anxiousattachment style, but a secure
attachment style would look atthe situation and accept it and
(21:52):
understand it and then start toPour into those three areas that
I've been repeating and I'mgoing to keep on repeating them
right, prayer, god's word,christian community, like those
three things start to give youan overall understanding of how
God relates to us.
Right, there are people in yourlife that God has used to meet
(22:14):
certain needs that you have, andif you're not Looking for that,
you're gonna miss it.
So when it talks about that thepeace of God you got to be
looking for it.
Where is the peace of God here?
And you have people that aremeeting your needs and you have
people who are checking in onyou, and you have all of these
different things going on inyour life and those are ways in
which God is trying to protectus and is Meeting the needs that
(22:38):
we actually have, not thethings that we want, though.
He may give us sometimes whatwe want, but he wants to provide
us with things that drawscloser to him, and oftentimes
that is.
Suffering, suffering, pushes usto our comfort zone.
Whatever that is, sometimesit's a good thing.
If it's God, it's a good thing.
(22:58):
Anything else can be a badthing, and what I mean by that
is that we don't all cope inhealthy ways when we're going
through struggles andtribulations.
So what is that thing for youthink about?
What do you turn to when you'resuffering?
What, what do you get involvedin?
For me, it tends to be just tobe busy, right, and it's not
avoidance.
(23:19):
I think I've processed that toa point where I'm not avoiding
things.
It's just when I do havepre-time, I try to fill it with
something.
Now I'm trying to find times ofrelaxing and then I have to
have my time with the Lord atsome point throughout the day
and I have to find it.
You have to make time for that,wherever that is.
It can be in the morning, canbe a night, in the Middle of the
(23:41):
day.
For me it's when I can get thatin the day.
Sometimes it is in the morning,sometimes it's at night,
sometimes it's the middle of theday.
Whatever it is, I just knowthat if I don't seek that out,
it's going to affect how I feelin my anxiety, in my
relationship with God, butusually it's more secure,
especially this past year whereit's really been shaping my
(24:04):
trust in God.
So where are you in regards toall of this?
How is your attachment style toGod?
Here are some some tips that Iwant to provide and how you can
manage your anxiety in yourrelationship with God.
So one of them is understandinghow do you relate to God?
Right, how do you relate to God?
(24:26):
How do you see him?
Do you see him as distance,harsh, uninvolved, not
dependable, like how do you seeGod?
Like, just be really honestabout what it is that you
currently feel, and then you canKind of trace back into your
history why you feel that way.
Right, so you may have ahistory of, you know, uncertain
(24:50):
and Unclear relationships thatyou don't know really where you
stand.
There was always questionsabout, well, am I really wanted,
or not, all of these things?
And then same thing with yourparents, like that, were they
able to meet my needs?
So does that mean is that why Ican't trust God to meet my
needs?
So, explore that, explore thathistory.
Okay, if you're secure, again,what it's gonna look like is
(25:10):
that you can feel anxious, butyou can have that peace of
understanding.
You know this is not a goodsituation.
I hate that I'm going throughthis, but I know that God is
good and I know that he loves meand I know that he's going to
Shate this out in a way thatbrings honor to him.
All right, so that would bekind of a secure response to
(25:31):
that, and anxious attachmentstyle will look at a situation.
Say, I got to do.
I got to do something to fixthis, I got to find a way to
make this work.
You know, I need God to becontent with how I Process this
and I need to do it right and Ineed to make sure that it's done
this way, in that way likethere's this overperformance
that kicks into gear so that wecan please God.
(25:51):
And pleasing God is not theissue, it's what is driving that
desire to please God, itsanxiety, right.
So the anxious needs to learnhow to Let go of that control,
right, and kind of just take astep back like I'm trying to
control everything.
How can I just wait and see howGod responds to this?
(26:14):
Okay, the avoidant is obviouslygonna do things on his own.
He's not even gonna think aboutGod because God is not
dependable.
Again, people in their liveswere not dependable, so I'm
gonna find a way to fix this.
No one's gonna bother me, I'llfind a way.
Right, this, this hyperdependence on self.
So they'll hit something thatwhere they won't be able to
(26:35):
manage it and maybe that canpush them back in the direction
towards God.
I need God in this moment,right?
So, again, different styles,understanding your attachment
style to God is one, one part ofmanaging your anxiety.
The second thing is to practiceprayer and Thankfulness.
Okay, practice prayer andthankfulness.
(26:56):
Pray Whenever you have a.
You know, for me I always thinkabout it this way If I'm having
a conversation or if I have aconcern in my mind, I start
talking to God in that moment.
When I'm not engaging withsomeone else, and sometimes even
when I am engaging with someoneelse, I'm processing, I'm
thinking through things in myLord.
You know, give me wisdom here.
How do I discern this?
Is this person being truthful?
How do I manage this situationover here?
(27:19):
All right, so I'm talking toGod about all of these things.
So that's an aspect of prayer,right, it's communicating with
God, okay, and then allow forGod also to communicate to you
through his word.
So practice prayer, practicethankfulness.
That's been a big one, becauseSometimes I think we look at our
lives and we only look at thethings that are negative and
(27:40):
it's hard to be thankful forthat.
Right, like, even withsuffering.
I've often thought about it.
Where should I be thankful forsuffering?
Like, should I be thankful thatI'm going through the situation
?
Should you be thankful for thetrials and tribulations that
you're experiencing?
I don't know.
I don't know if you'd be.
Think if you should be thankfulfor that specifically, I Think
(28:03):
what you end up doing, or whatwe end up doing, is being
thankful that God is still good,like I can be thankful for that
, that God has remained true tohis character.
I can be thankful for that.
I Can be thankful for theblessings that I received in my
life up until that point.
(28:24):
I Can be thankful for that,because that is life.
Life has its ups, it has itsdowns.
Ups and downs all throughoutlife.
Right it almost for the anxiousattachment purse.
Actually, one of their mainconcerns is that when things are
going good, their body andtheir minds already prepares for
oh, something, something'sgonna happen.
I don't know why, but I'mfeeling like something's gonna
(28:47):
happen pretty soon.
And then when it happens, kindof like it's almost like a
self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's very interesting.
But this, this idea of when doI, what am I, should I be
thankful for?
I'd be thankful for theblessings that God has provided
for you in your life and lookFrom, put right down a list of
the things that you're gratefulfor, right, and remind yourself
(29:08):
of those things.
I was listening to a man onsocial media speak and he he
gave a really good illustrationwhich I wanted to use and I will
be using Often, but he he'stalking with this guy doing this
interview and he says, okay,look, look around the room and I
want you to find something thatis Red.
(29:29):
So he looks around the room andhe finds, okay, I find a couple
of things that are read, okay.
And then he tells him okay, goahead, close your eyes.
The guy closes his eyes and hesays, tell me what did you find
that was blue.
And he's like he didn't knowwhat to say because he wasn't
looking for blue, right.
And then he said, okay, openyour eyes Now, look for things
(29:52):
that are blue.
And he looks for things thatare blue, right, and he's
looking, okay.
So he finds me.
So, close your eyes, tell mesomething that was yellow.
And the guy couldn't make out,because you're going to find
what you're looking for, right,and in the same way with life,
if you're only looking for thebad things, then that's all
(30:13):
you're going to find.
If you're looking for theblessings and where God has been
present, then those are thethings that you're going to find
.
Focus on it.
So I think that's an aspect ofthankfulness, right, be thankful
for those moments when God hasbeen, has blessed you, right,
and even in that moment ofsuffering, you can be thankful
that God is present there withyou, that God is walking
(30:35):
alongside you as you'resuffering, that he is there with
you.
Sure, that's what the apostlePaul felt, even as he was in
prison that Jesus was with him,right, and he was inspired by
the Holy Spirit to write thisletter to the Christians there
in Philippi.
Right?
Two more things here Honestyand vulnerability.
(30:56):
Okay, this building a deeperrelationship with God through
honesty and vulnerability Likeshare with God how you actually
feel he's able to understandwhat you're going through.
It's not like you're going tosurprise him with what you're
going through.
Like we feel real emotions,real confusion, real anger, real
bitterness, real doubts, likewe experience all that.
(31:20):
Why not share that with God,right?
Well, I don't want God to knowthat he knows those things
already.
You know, it's not somethingthat we're going to really hide
from him and it's very freeing.
You know, lord, I'm justfrustrated.
I just don't get this.
I don't get how this is work.
I don't know what you're doing,but I want to trust you.
Teach me how to trust you,right, so that honesty and
(31:40):
vulnerability with the Lord canmake draws closer to him because
he's willing and able toreceive that and then comfort us
with his word.
And then, lastly, letting go ofpast attachment wounds.
Okay, there are a lot of peopleand oftentimes you know, if
you're a Christian, there aregoing to be people who are
Christian or who call themselvesChristian, who may have hurt
(32:01):
you throughout your life.
And those people who have hurtyou, we may associate that pain
with God, allowing that tohappen or presenting that those
people, in our eyes too, makethat happen, right, and we'll
blame God for those situationsand for those people.
And why did you allow that tohappen?
You know it was really close tothem.
(32:22):
And then they hurt me.
And here's this otherrelationship and that hurt me
and you know, lord, everyonealways hurts me, right?
And when you develop, thisnarrative of everything
associated with God is going tolead to a wound of some sort,
right?
And then, when you're goingthrough suffering, it becomes
even more real.
See, lord, I told you it'sgoing to be.
You know, I told you it's goingto be this another wound just
(32:44):
to add to the list.
But letting go of those pastattachment wounds is key.
Now, remember, this process ofletting go doesn't mean to
forget, it doesn't mean to thatit's just going to happen in one
day, two days a week.
Whatever the case is, it's notgoing to be like letting go of
past attachment.
Past attachment, wounds meansforgiving other people for the
hurt that they've caused.
(33:04):
That's what it means.
And forgiveness one of theprofessors here at Liberty, dr
Kim.
He does a lot of research onforgiveness and he talks about
it as it's not one and done.
It's not like you say I forgivethis person and that's it Right
, because you're still as ahuman, you still have memories,
you still have things thatyou're going to start thinking
(33:25):
about.
You're like, oh, that gives memad, but again, you choose to
forgive.
You choose to forgive and thatis so important as you're trying
to develop a secure attachmentwith God, because those past
wounds, especially if they wereChristian, it's going to
naturally cause you to associatethat to God.
(33:45):
And yet we can also distinguishand separate God's character,
and we should be able todistinguish God's character from
the actions of other people.
God is good.
Everything that he does is good, every intention towards us is
good, even in the midst ofsuffering.
And that is what we learn herefrom Paul when he's talking
(34:09):
about not being anxious aboutanything.
Right, that, that peace thatGod is going to give us as we
pray to him, petition them, bethankful for things in our lives
and make our requests known tohim that he will give us a piece
that will protect ourunderstanding of who Christ is
and our minds, because our mindscan trick us right, Especially
(34:30):
when you have an anxiousattachment like you, can make
you think all sorts of things,but this dependence guards our
hearts against believing theopposite of who God is.
So as we wrap up here and thinkabout you know, how does this
apply to my life?
Again, just choosing theseverses and expanding on what
(34:55):
does it actually mean if we'retrying to heal in our
relationship with God?
And I hope that this new formatthat you liked it again.
If you did like it, please letme know, shoot me an email, a
direct message, comment on thevideo.
I really do want to hear fromyou guys and see how you guys
felt about this new format, andI'm going to continue to do this
(35:16):
.
I think this is episode 76 andall the way up to 100.
We're going to get there andI'm excited about that too.
So hopefully this was ablessing.
Thank you for listening and Iwill see you next week.
Take care, guys.
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