March 20, 2024 • 38 mins
Send Me Questions on Attachment
Struggling with the notion of God as a Comforter can leave many of us feeling spiritually adrift, especially when our cultural background clashes with our personal experiences of the Divine. This episode of the God Attachment Healing Podcast peels back the layers of this complex emotion with a blend of heartfelt personal narratives and enlightening research. My colleague, Tim Jantz, joins me to bridge the gap between psychology and theology, offering a perspective that's sure to challenge and deepen your understanding of God's multifaceted character.
There's a profound connection between the way we bond with our parents and how we perceive God, especially during life's trials. I open up about my own parenting journey, reflecting on those critical moments that shaped my children's view of God as a source of comfort. We dissect studies which link the style of parental attachment to one's spiritual and religious struggles, sparking a conversation on the transformative power of a nurturing relationship with our Creator. Listen as we navigate the turbulent waters of anxiety, perfectionism, and the search for an ever-present God in the midst of our imperfections.
As we wrap up, we contemplate the bedrock of a strong spiritual life: prayer, community, and diving into the scriptures. These practices aren't just rituals; they're lifelines that reframe our experience of God's presence in our daily walk. I'm excited to share insights from my upcoming dissertation on attachment and how it's reshaping my understanding of faith. So whether you're wrestling with doubt or searching for spiritual solace, our conversation is a beacon of hope, encouraging you to see God in a light that's both comforting and true to the Christian experience. Join us for this enriching dialogue, and we welcome your questions and topic suggestions to continue this vital discussion.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Alright, everyone, welcome back to the God
Attachment Healing Podcast.
It's been a couple of weekssince the last time that I did
an episode and I'm excited tostart up again.
I've been working on a numberof different projects, and this
project that I've been doing hasbeen with a friend of mine, tim
(00:28):
Jantz.
We're working on a separatepodcast that tackles cultural
issues from a psychological anda theological, ethical
perspective, and it's beenreally fun kind of doing that
together.
So that's taken on my time.
For the last couple of weeks Ihave had a spring break as well,
so I had to enjoy that, justkind of resting and taking care
(00:49):
of some things here and justkind of enjoying the time with
family.
So it's been a good time and Ihave been looking at research
articles, journal articles,talking about the spiritual
struggles that we see with Godas a Comforter.
Why is that a struggle forpeople?
(01:10):
So I will be talking about thattoday the spiritual struggle of
seeing God as a Comforter inthe midst of struggle.
So that is what I'll bediscussing today.
Again, if you're just tuning inhope you're able to subscribe
to the podcast, if you'reenjoying it, please leave a
review, as I always appreciatehearing your feedback and thank
(01:31):
you so much again for tuning in.
So, just jumping into the topic, one of the things that I've
been doing these past couple ofweeks has been looking at a
number of journal articles, andI think this will be beneficial.
I want to have this conversationof how the research speaks to
real situations that Christiansencounter on a day-to-day basis,
(01:55):
and one of them is this aspectof why is it difficult for me to
see God as someone who canprovide comfort, and there are a
number of different issueswhich I'll get into in a little
bit, but one of the ones thatstands out the most is the
cultural component.
What does the culture believeabout God?
And the culture today here inthe US has become much more
(02:19):
atheist, much more free-spirited, in the sense that they are
choosing anything that comes,anything that is spiritual.
It's this type of awakening todifferent religions, and it's a
spiritual buffet, as a friendused to put it, where they just
pick and choose whatever theylike from any religion and they
(02:39):
apply that to their lives.
But that is not the gospel thatwe find in the scriptures, nor
does it have anything to do withthe gospel.
So how is it then that thereare so many people struggling to
see God as a comforter when itseems like we have more access
to whether it be religiousdocuments or beliefs or so on
(03:03):
and so on, and I think a bigpart of why we're having an
issue with that is becausepeople are trying to create a
God of their own.
Either it is a God who providesno comfort at all and is just an
overseer of everything that'sgoing on in the world, or is
pure comfort and peace and lovethat there will be no righteous
(03:23):
judgment when he returns, and,honestly, you need to see both
sides in order to understand thecomfort of God.
This goes back to the questionwhy does God allow suffering?
In order for us to showcompassion, we need to be able
to see suffering in the lives ofothers suffering in the world.
(03:44):
Now, this does not mean that Ienjoy suffering or that we
applaud it when it enters intoour lives.
What I'm saying is that it'shard to provide comfort when you
don't feel the pain and loss oflife experiences.
So comfort can only come, orseems to only come, when there
(04:08):
is a struggle or a shift inone's emotional state, where
they now become either depressedor sad or angry and they need
someone to come alongside themto provide that sense of ease
and comfort.
(04:28):
I mean, that's really what itis that we're looking for here.
But why is it difficult forpeople to see God as a Comforter
, especially in the myths ofstruggle?
Well, we're going to look at acouple of things here, culture
being one of them, but here'ssome research that shows some
(04:50):
frequent backgrounds forreligious and spiritual
struggles.
So here's kind of the thingsthat influence how we view God.
Part of this is theconfrontation with different
worldviews.
So everyone is kind ofdescribing their own God and
they're saying my God is this,my God is that, my God is that.
We as Christians believe thatour God is Jesus Christ, who
(05:14):
came to earth, god in flesh,died for our sins, rose again on
the third day and now is at theright hand of God, the Father,
and we are in dwelt with by theHoly Spirit.
But that is not the God ofother religions.
Most other religions have aworks-based faith or a
(05:35):
works-based belief that if youdo X amount of things, x amount
of good things, then you willget to heaven.
Whatever their description ofthat is, for us as Christians it
is.
We are only saved by gracethrough faith in Jesus Christ
alone, and our reward in heavenis Jesus himself.
(05:57):
That is why we're living thelife that we're living.
So in order to understand God asa comforter, I have to
understand that he is going tocome back one day and he's going
to apply justice.
No, let's think about that fora little bit, because as we talk
more about these differentReasons why it's difficult for
(06:21):
some people to see God as acomforter, we need to understand
who God is, and it's aninteresting, dynamic right,
because we often tend to onlyfocus on the aspect of him that
we can relate to the most.
For example, if you grew up ina home where only discipline,
truth, rules were executed orwere given to you, then it might
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make more sense to you to seeGod only as a lion right, and if
you grew up in a home that wasonly caring and gentle and
Positive, that it makes moresense to you to see Jesus as a
lamb, right.
So we have these two differentviews based on our upbringings,
(07:09):
and how do we find that middleground where we can understand
that God can be both Lion andthe lamb right, because that is
exactly what he is and heapplies those different roles in
different Situations fordifferent people.
For example, as I continue totalk about those who struggle
with Seeing God as a comforter,loss of interpersonal
(07:30):
relationships.
So then they start to questionGod, god, why did you allow this
to happen?
So they start again I can't seeGod as a comforter when he took
something away from me that Ithat I loved, that I wanted
Sexual abuse.
That's a big one.
I work with a lot of clients whohave had that in their past.
The people who are supposed toprotect them are the ones that
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hurt them.
So when you hear that God is acomforter and that he is a
protector, it doesn't make sensefor that person because their
history with that is Is anyonewho's supposed to protect them
did damage to them, hurt them insome way, shape or form.
And the sad thing is that Often, even in Christian circles,
this does happen.
So again, these are these arebarriers to seeing God as a
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comforter the differentexperiences that people have
with their parents, with anyauthority figures, and if
they're negative, they start,especially if their authority
figures within the church.
Their Connection is that maybeGod is like this too right,
because some people will readscripture and they'll see, okay,
I understand that cognitively,that God is just, that he is
(08:41):
merciful, that he's loving, thathe is kind, that he will bring
back Judgment, like weunderstand that at a cognitive
level, but the experientiallevel conflicts with that right
and that's essentially whathappens when you have people who
grew up in the church and havepeople have their parents or
other people in the church orsomething negative happens to
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them and they, because it'sassociated to church, because
it's associated to God, theybegin to believe that God is the
way that those people were whohurt them in the church.
Now I want to make it clear,because I'm not talking about
just, you know, someone didn'tsay hi to you.
I'm not talking about youweren't invited to a specific
event.
(09:23):
I'm not talking about that typeof hurt.
I'm talking about deep, painfulhurt which is often related to
these forms, different forms ofabuse.
I'll talk a little bit moreabout that as we move forward.
But again, a lot of these things, a lot of these factors that
contribute to someone not beingable to see God as a comforter
(09:44):
are also Personality oriented.
For example, those who havehigh neuroticism, the
Inclination to see everything ina negative light if it's high,
they will struggle with seeingGod as a comforter.
Okay, if they have pessimism,if they have an anger trait that
(10:04):
also Influences their view ofGod as a comforter.
If they're narcissistic, ifthey're entitled or if they're
low Unagreeableness, that willalso be a barrier for them to
see God as a comforter.
And the research also showsthat Religion is a source of
stress in young peopleRelatively more often than in
(10:25):
older ones.
Again, that speaks to thecultural shift that we're seeing
is that now there's so muchmore.
There's this religious buffetthat people are choosing from,
to pick and choose whatever itis that they like, and they go
and make their own religionespecially.
So we kind of have a backgroundof the types of people that
will struggle with seeing God asa Comforter.
(10:49):
But why is it that it's only inthis relationship, in seeking
God?
Right, because people providecomfort.
But remember that every singleperson, because we were made in
the image of God, every singleperson desires to connect with
something beyond themselves, andthat is God himself, through
Jesus.
Right, we want to connect withsomething more or outside of
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ourselves, and we see inScripture that we are to seek
out Jesus Christ and him alone,and In that process then we see
the influence of the church.
The church has a huge role inhow we are able to experience
God.
Now, me and my friend Tim,we're gonna do a an episode on
(11:36):
how the church, how they usemusic, emotions or in words to
lure people in and to see afalse version of who God is.
But all that to say is that,you know, we, we go to church.
We get to experience God in acertain way with a community of
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brothers and sisters who alsobelieve that the Bible is true,
and what we, what we find, isthat the reason why it matters.
To a lot of people, religioninvolves seeking comfort,
attachment, finding meaning andcoping with challenges.
So those who have a strongReligious attachment right.
(12:20):
So again, this, this specificresearch article, speaks to
religious attachment in general,so I'm gonna speak in that
regard in that space.
Not all religious thoughtsbring Consolation.
Some individuals direct blameand anger towards God during
difficult times, and we canunderstand that, right.
We can understand that whendifficult times arise, if a
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person doesn't have a strongfaith, they can question God.
But it's also important tounderstand that if someone does
have strong faith, they may havethe freedom, or they will have
the freedom, to question God.
It's never done in a manner ofdisrespect, though.
One of the things that you'llfind with genuine Christians is
that they're willing to askthose questions in a respectful
(13:05):
way, but also in a confused tone, like they don't understand why
God is allowing Something tohappen.
All right, people make choices.
We have sinful Desires, we havesinful Inclinations.
The Bible talks about the fleshbeing at war with the spirit.
With the Holy Spirit livinginside of us.
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We are countering the effectsof sin in our lives, right.
So there's this continual, asthe Bible would call the
sanctification process.
Right, we're looking to besanctified through Jesus.
Other aspects of this.
Research shows that struggleencompasses the stress,
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conflicts related to faith anddifficulties in coping with
stress induced by life events.
So people begin to strugglewith their faith when they
encounter these different areasof life.
And again, there's two parts toour relation with God.
One is the cognitive and one isthe experiential.
In the attachment literature,what you'll find is the
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experience of God is known asthe God image.
How I experience God, how do Ifeel when I think about God.
And again, there's a lot ofconnection between how you feel
when you think about yourparents.
So, for example, if you have astrained relationship with a
parent and you feel tense, youfeel anxious, you feel scared,
all of these things when youthink about God, you might feel
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the same way.
You might feel angry towardsGod, you might feel scared of
God, like he's going to punishme if I do something wrong here,
because that's what it was likewith my parents, right?
So you have kind of thatexperience.
So people struggle with that.
Our parents are our first, and Ithink this is why God designed
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it this way, right, god designedthe family father, mother.
That's the core unit.
And then you have children andthe parents are to model the
relationship that they have withGod To their children, right?
And that's where you see thefruits of the spirit love, joy,
patience, self-control and so on.
So we need to model that.
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The parents need to model thatfor our children, okay so, in
order for our children to seeGod in an accurate light through
his word.
But it's also going to beinformed by how parents relate
to their children.
So, speaking to parents rightnow, if you have young children,
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one of the things that you wantto do is display those fruits
of the spirit very, very earlyon.
One of the things that I didwith all three of my boys.
I would wake up in the middleof the night to tend to the boys
whenever they would cry.
So I would give it maybe 30seconds, tops maybe a minute,
(15:58):
before going into the room andseeing what it is that they
needed, so sometimes justholding them.
Sometimes they were hungry, soI know it was time for them to
be fed, and sometimes it wasjust being there with them,
right?
So, essentially, what youwanted to, or what I wanted to
communicate, was if you have anyneed, I will be here for you,
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right?
And a lot of parentsmisinterpret this and say well,
you're going to get themswallowed, you're going to get
them to fully depend on you.
Yeah, that's exactly what I waswanting to do.
Because they're young, theycan't meet their own needs.
There will come a time wherethey will be able to meet their
needs, but when they encounter amoment of distress or
tribulation or suffering, theywill know, because of their
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experience with me, because oftheir experience with their
mother, that they can depend onus for helping meet their needs.
Right, they will be able to seethat and that will bring a
sense of relief to them.
So, again, if they can do that,when they're going through a
time of struggle as theycontinue to get older, right,
they're going to tell me youknow, they're going to school
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and maybe a kid made fun of them.
Hey, daddy, a kid made fun ofme and I started engaging them.
I talked to them what happened,you know, and I'm there with
them.
They're able to tell me and cometo me and tell me those
stressors and I'm able to justtalk to them about it and ease
their pain and just be there forthem and be a source of comfort
.
If they have multipleexperiences of that with me,
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then they will then associatethat to their relationship with
God.
So we make these naturalconnections between our
relationship with our parentsand our relationship with God.
And if our parents weren'tcomforting during times of
distress, it's going to be veryeasy to see God as someone who's
not able to provide comfort intimes of distress, even when you
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have the theological knowledgeor understanding that he can do
that.
Again, your experience is goingto tell you differently.
We have to tie both thosethings together.
So for parents, it's veryimportant that you're able to
model this for your children,that when they're going through
a time of distress, no matterhow young they are, right, no
matter how young they are, thatthey're able to turn to you
during that time and thetreatment, able to be a calm and
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restful presence for them.
You're helping them regulatetheir emotions.
They don't understand that.
I mean if people, adults losecontrol of their emotions and we
expect for little children tobe able to hold it all together
Now, I do have expectations forhow they need to behave in
certain situations and how theycan control their emotions right
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.
This doesn't mean to remove theexpectations.
It means teach them how canthey regulate those emotions,
because they're going to havebig, big emotions and we need to
teach them how to regulatethose emotions and, again, a big
part of that is how we meetthose needs when they encounter
difficulty.
This study that I was looking atrelates parental attachment
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experiences to religious andspiritual struggles, again
focusing on attachment theory,secure, avoided and anxious
patterns.
This study also explores howinsecure attachment relates to
greater religious and spiritualstruggle, predicting that a
distant or cruel God imagemediates these relationships.
Basically, what's happeninghere is that if a person is
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anxious, they often will see Godas distant or cruel.
If you see God as distant orcruel, it's going to make you
anxious.
It makes sense.
It makes sense.
If God is distant, then hewants nothing to do with me.
If he's cruel, then I'm goingto be misunderstood or I'm going
to be punished for somethingthat I don't even know that I'm
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working through.
You're going to be on edge.
You're going to be anxious.
You're going to be wonderingabout making sure every single
thing that you do is right.
This often leads to this desireor this attempt for
perfectionism in your Christianwalk.
If everything that you did waseither criticized or was
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addressed, even if it could bethe smallest thing, if it was a
mistake and it was highlightedby your parents, then you're
going to be hyperactive.
You're going to be hyper awareof everything that you do.
It will make you anxious inyour relationship with God.
We talk about the God image.
I mentioned how that often isthe experience that one has when
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they think about God.
How do you feel when you thinkabout God?
I grew up in a Southern Baptistchurch.
That was my background.
It influences a lot of the waythat I think about counseling,
the way that I think about humanfunctioning, the way that I
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think about my relationship withGod.
All of those things.
I'm very thankful for theupbringing that I had With that.
There are some things that Iwould learn later on that I
needed to change.
I needed to change how I sawGod from a relational standpoint
.
I knew about God.
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I was taught a lot of greatconcepts and a lot of great
theology and a lot of greatdoctrine about my faith.
I understood at a cognitivelevel what it was to believe in
Jesus Christ, what it was tohave a relationship with Him.
I never experienced what thatactually would look like.
I just didn't know that I wassupposed to feel anything.
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I just knew.
On the other hand, you havepeople who all they have is just
feeling they feel so good aboutGod.
The theological understandingor doctrinal understanding is
limited In deficiency on eitherside.
Right, I needed to experienceGod through his word, through
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community, through prayer, in adifferent way.
I only had a theologicalunderstanding of who he was
Right thinking that because Iknew that I had a relationship
with him.
So a common example of thiscould be.
So I'm a huge Michael Jordan fan.
For those who know me, youprobably have heard me say that
multiple, multiple times, but Iknow a lot about Michael Jordan.
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I have seen his highlights somany times and I still, even
when I see the same clip overand over, I can still like it
because it's shown on different,different pages.
Right, so I can follow him andI can say that I know a lot
about him and it makes me in asense feel close to him.
When I was growing up and I wasplaying basketball, I would
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stick out my tongue and I woulddrive to the basket the same way
that he would.
I mean, practice his moves,practice the fade away,
everything that he did.
I imitated it as perfectly as Icould, right, and that made me
feel as though I was really likeMichael Jordan, even though
obviously I knew that I wasn'tand I'm not right.
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But because I knew so muchabout him and because I saw how
he Played and because I wasinspired by that it, it made me
feel in a sense connected to him.
Right, but I don't know him.
I don't know him personally.
I don't.
One day I would like to, youknow, meet him, but I don't.
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And it's kind of the same way inour relationship with God,
where we read so much trip fromwe know about God, but that
doesn't mean that we actuallyhave a relationship with him,
and this is the.
This is a struggle that peoplewill have is that they know so
much about God, but once theyenter a, you know, difficult
situation, they begin to seetheir faith falter.
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And this is important tounderstand, because that is not
necessarily a sign that youdon't know God, but it is an
indicator of how close you arewith God.
Right, I'm always reminded ofthe Peter moment, when Jesus
followers and his side you knoweveryone was following Jesus.
They wanted to see him domiracles.
They wanted to see what was thenext big thing that he was
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gonna do.
And there was a time where hehe wasn't doing that anymore.
They had to.
They decided to leave and Jesusturns over to his disciples and
he says do you want to leave aswell or will you leave as well?
And Peter turns to him and says, lord, where will we go?
You know you have the words ofeternal life and that's kind of
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the.
The idea here is that when yougo into a spiritual struggle, a
tribulation, a difficulty,suffering of any sort, your
response will be Similar to thatof Peters, like where do I go,
lord?
Do I turn to vices.
Do I turn to Drugs?
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I turn to alcohol, sex.
What do I turn to?
And why would I turn to that?
You know you're the one who haskept me here.
You're the one who's kept myfaith moving forward.
You have the words of eternallife.
There's nowhere else for me togo right.
So a genuine Christian willhave that response.
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They will struggle, they willask questions, they will wonder
why things are happening, butthey will turn and see God for
who he is in that moment and heis going to provide Comfort
because he understands, you knowhe understands those struggles.
I mean, you could think of Job.
His friends, even his close,didn't understand what was what
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he was going through and how doI know that?
Because they started blaminghim for the suffering that was
going on in his life.
You imagine that.
And the Bible says Joe was ajust man.
So things happen to him and theLord, you know, ultimately, you
know, gave him more than hethan he ever had.
But you know, when you hitthose moments, what Job needed
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at that time was comfort fromhis friends, not more advice,
not more talking, not moreAccusations like just presence,
sitting with him providingcomfort.
And when you have multipleexperiences where people did not
provide that comfort.
It can be, especially withinthe church.
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It can be very easy to believethat God is not going to provide
that comfort.
Now there's this other theoryand I've talked about this
before.
It's called the compensationtheory and what this theory
posits is that if you grew upnot in a Christian home and you
come to faith later faith inJesus later in life, you see God
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as someone who replaces orcompensates for everything that
you were lacking when you wereyounger.
So if you had really badparents maybe they were
neglectful, abusive whatever thecase is you come to faith in
Christ later on in life and yousee God start to fill all of
those gaps in your life and youfeel like man.
God has filled all of this inmy life.
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This is incredible.
This is the best relationshipI've ever had.
So he compensates foreverything that was lacking.
For those who grew up in thechurch, every experience that
they've had with people withinthe church, with their reading
of Scripture, that begins tocorrespond with how they begin
to see that God later on intheir lives.
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So, for example, if they grewup with loving, caring parents,
then they will grow up to seeGod as loving and caring If they
grew up with judgmental, harshparents, and they will grow up
to see God as judgmental andharsh, and that's just all they
know.
So it corresponds, theirchildhood corresponds with how
they've you got now in thepresent.
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So there are a number ofdifferent factors and here's the
six domains that are addressedwhen we talk about religious
struggle.
There is the divine struggle,which involves negative emotions
centered on beliefs about Godor in a perceived relationship
with God.
So there's that aspect Negativeemotions centered on beliefs
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about God.
Then there's the demonicstruggle, which involves concern
that the devil or evil spiritsare attacking an individual or
causing negative events.
Then there's the interpersonalstruggle, which is concerned
about negative experiences withreligious people or institutions
.
We have the moral struggle,which involves wrestling with
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attempts to follow moralprinciples and feelings of worry
or guilt about offenses thesubjects perceive themselves to
have committed.
That's a really big one,especially for those who
struggle with anxious attachment.
Then you have the religiousdoubt struggle, which involves
feeling troubled by doubts orquestions about one's religious
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and spiritual beliefs.
This is something that happensvery common with students who
enter college.
So if they grew up in aChristian home, they go into
college and they begin to haveall of these questions because
they begin interacting withpeople who do not believe the
same way that they believe.
So they will often have thesedoubts or questions.
And lastly, there's theultimate meaning struggle, which
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involves concern about notfinding deep meaning in one's
life.
So these are the differentdomains that were assessed in
this study.
It involves 157 adults ages 18to 70, predominantly Roman
Catholic, and it examined therelationship between parental
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attachment, god images andreligious and spiritual
struggles.
So those are the six that Imentioned.
There is this scale that theyuse, which is very important.
I think it's important for youguys to help you understand your
relationship with God.
This is the God image scale.
I've referenced that quite afew times today, but basically
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what it does is it starts with astatement and says I imagine
God as being, and then it'sfollowed by 10 adjectives, which
are divided into thesesubscales the loving subscale I
imagine God as being loving,caring and forgiving.
Then you have the cruelsubscale, which is I imagine God
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as being cruel, unkind andrejecting.
And then you have the last one,the distant subscale, which is
I imagine God as being distant,remote, unavailable and
uninvolved.
So this is probably the lastone, the distant one is most
likely the atheist, when theirexperience of God is that he is
(30:27):
not involved at all in my life,in the lives of anyone in the
world.
He's just not existent, right?
Or you have those who are Idon't know if it's agnostics,
that would be the right word.
I'm gonna have to look it upjust because, making sure, yeah,
(30:58):
so it could be the agnosticswho kind of just feel that
nothing can be known.
God can't be known, so theydon't see him as involved in
their lives.
So these are the things thatare, that are measured or that
were used to measure in thisparticular study.
So if you want to kind of getan idea of where you stand with
(31:21):
this, see which one of thesemade the most sense to you.
I imagine God as being what Outof all those 10 adjectives?
Where do you, how do you seeGod?
And that can speak to howyou're going to experience God.
That's really what it's comingdown to Most people.
If you're listening to thispodcast and you're just
(31:42):
intrigued and maybe you're a newbeliever, maybe a lot of this
is starting to make sense.
Like you know, when I, when Ireceive the Lord, like I saw God
as loving, caring and forgivenbecause he, I lived this life of
sin and I wanted nothing to dowith him and yet he saved me.
I broke down and I justrepented of my sins and the Lord
(32:03):
restored my life.
Right, so that makes a lot ofsense, right, for those of you
who grew up in the church andsaw, maybe grew up in a culture
that was maybe more judgmentaland cruel and demanding, I mean,
it might make sense for you toscore high on the cruel subscale
(32:25):
where you see God as cruel andkind and rejecting.
Right, if you did something bad, you kind of felt that
rejection from your parents orrejection from people at church,
and so, again, that informs howyou experience God.
And if you had people who justwere absent, specifically your
parents, like if they justweren't present in your life, if
they were always doingsomething, maybe even being busy
(32:47):
in the church, like maybe yousee God as distant because you
just never had a relationshipwith your parents, right?
So how could I have arelationship with God when I
can't even have one with myparents, who I see on a regular
basis or don't see on a regularbasis, right?
So these are kind of all of thethings that address this aspect
(33:09):
of why can't I see God as acomforter?
Because there's all thesedifferent elements that play a
role in that.
The best way, or one of theways in which we can see God as
a comforter is if we are able tosee him as loving, caring and
forgiving.
So if that's you right now, whoyou don't feel close to God,
(33:31):
but you want to feel close toGod, I would encourage you to
read passages in scripture thattalk about God's love, care and
forgiveness.
Okay, and then this is theimportant part, because you may,
you may, like Sam, I've beenreading that.
I've read that all my life, allthroughout my life.
My parents taught me that, mypastor taught me that, my
(33:52):
teachers taught me that, likethat, god is loving, caring and
forgiving.
Like I know that, but I haven'texperienced it.
So a big part of that could beyour relationship with your
parents.
Not all the time.
Right, you might say, no, well,my parents were loving and
caring.
I still don't get it.
You know, again, there could beother close relationships.
Any close relationship is goingto activate your attachment
(34:14):
style.
Okay, so it could have been,maybe not your parents, maybe it
was a relationship that you had.
Maybe you dated someone formany years and then you guys
broke up and you know that leftyou hurt and as though that
person didn't love or care foryou, right?
So that might be why you seeGod now as that.
So what I would encourage you todo is, as you read those
(34:36):
passages of scripture, you wantto reinforce that with
relationships with people whoare loving, caring, kind,
forgiving.
Right that they display thosecharacteristics.
They are going to help you seeGod in you, like now.
God uses those people.
Okay, god will use people inyour life to show you the
(34:57):
different facets of who he is,right.
So for me, when I went throughmy own struggles and only
understood truth, I began tothink negatively about God's
kindness and forgiveness becauseI didn't have anyone who was
(35:21):
able to display it to me, right?
But then, in the midst of goingthrough graduate school and
then getting a job, like Godstarted to provide people who
just showed me tremendouskindness, tremendous care,
tremendous love that I hadn'texperienced as much before and
that was very encouraging for me.
So I started to see thisdifferent side of who God was,
(35:41):
even though cognitively I knewthat he was, that I hadn't
experienced that.
So God used these people in mylife to show me this side of him
, the loving side of him.
I already knew the truth, thejustice, the just God right, who
is going to bring judgment onjudgment day.
(36:04):
Like I knew that God and I knewthe righteous God and I knew
the God who would defend us andwould kill all of our enemies.
Like I knew that God right andI knew cognitively the God who
also showed compassion by justhad an experience that.
So God will use differentpeople in your life to show you
different aspects of himself andhopefully shows you someone who
(36:27):
is a comforter right.
To close, I'm going to share twoverses with you guys here.
Psalm 18, verse two.
Again, this is going to speakto the reason why God can
provide comfort is found here inPsalm 18, verse two the Lord is
my rock, my fortress and mydeliverer.
(36:48):
My God is my rock and whom Itake refuge, my shield and the
horn of my salvation, mystronghold Right.
When you know that's the Godthat you serve, you feel
comforted by that right.
You feel as though there'snothing to worry about.
And that is exactly what Goddoes.
(37:09):
He is our rock, our fortress,our deliverer.
Another verse, 2 Corinthians,chapter one, verses three to
four, says praise be to the Godand Father of our Lord Jesus
Christ, the Father of compassionand the God of all comfort, who
comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those
in any trouble with the comfortwe ourselves receive from God.
(37:32):
Right?
So allow for God to comfort youduring this time.
Whatever it is that you'reexperiencing, whatever it is
that you're struggling with,allow for God to comfort you.
He will do it, he will provideand he will provide you with the
people necessary.
Again, I'm going to go back tothe big three, which is prayer,
community, god's word.
(37:53):
If you find a way to integratethat and maybe not integrate,
maybe put that as the foundationof your life then you will
begin to see God in a differentlight, because he will use His
word, he will use your directcommunication with Him through
prayer and he will use yourchurch worship community.
(38:14):
So I hope this was of anencouragement to you.
If you have any questions orwould like to submit any new
topics, feel free to do so.
I will bring back another topicnext week through a different
journal article.
Again, I'm working towardsfinding something for my
dissertation.
Obviously, it's going to beinvolving attachment, and this
(38:36):
also helps me learn andunderstand more about the
difference for those that weencounter as Christians.
So thank you again forlistening, guys.
I will talk to you next week,take care.
Alright, everyone, welcome back to the God
Attachment Healing Podcast.
It's been a couple of weekssince the last time that I did
an episode and I'm excited tostart up again.
I've been working on a numberof different projects, and this
project that I've been doing hasbeen with a friend of mine, tim
(00:28):
Jantz.
We're working on a separatepodcast that tackles cultural
issues from a psychological anda theological, ethical
perspective, and it's beenreally fun kind of doing that
together.
So that's taken on my time.
For the last couple of weeks Ihave had a spring break as well,
so I had to enjoy that, justkind of resting and taking care
(00:49):
of some things here and justkind of enjoying the time with
family.
So it's been a good time and Ihave been looking at research
articles, journal articles,talking about the spiritual
struggles that we see with Godas a Comforter.
Why is that a struggle forpeople?
(01:10):
So I will be talking about thattoday the spiritual struggle of
seeing God as a Comforter inthe midst of struggle.
So that is what I'll bediscussing today.
Again, if you're just tuning inhope you're able to subscribe
to the podcast, if you'reenjoying it, please leave a
review, as I always appreciatehearing your feedback and thank
(01:31):
you so much again for tuning in.
So, just jumping into the topic, one of the things that I've
been doing these past couple ofweeks has been looking at a
number of journal articles, andI think this will be beneficial.
I want to have this conversationof how the research speaks to
real situations that Christiansencounter on a day-to-day basis,
(01:55):
and one of them is this aspectof why is it difficult for me to
see God as someone who canprovide comfort, and there are a
number of different issueswhich I'll get into in a little
bit, but one of the ones thatstands out the most is the
cultural component.
What does the culture believeabout God?
And the culture today here inthe US has become much more
(02:19):
atheist, much more free-spirited, in the sense that they are
choosing anything that comes,anything that is spiritual.
It's this type of awakening todifferent religions, and it's a
spiritual buffet, as a friendused to put it, where they just
pick and choose whatever theylike from any religion and they
(02:39):
apply that to their lives.
But that is not the gospel thatwe find in the scriptures, nor
does it have anything to do withthe gospel.
So how is it then that thereare so many people struggling to
see God as a comforter when itseems like we have more access
to whether it be religiousdocuments or beliefs or so on
(03:03):
and so on, and I think a bigpart of why we're having an
issue with that is becausepeople are trying to create a
God of their own.
Either it is a God who providesno comfort at all and is just an
overseer of everything that'sgoing on in the world, or is
pure comfort and peace and lovethat there will be no righteous
(03:23):
judgment when he returns, and,honestly, you need to see both
sides in order to understand thecomfort of God.
This goes back to the questionwhy does God allow suffering?
In order for us to showcompassion, we need to be able
to see suffering in the lives ofothers suffering in the world.
(03:44):
Now, this does not mean that Ienjoy suffering or that we
applaud it when it enters intoour lives.
What I'm saying is that it'shard to provide comfort when you
don't feel the pain and loss oflife experiences.
So comfort can only come, orseems to only come, when there
(04:08):
is a struggle or a shift inone's emotional state, where
they now become either depressedor sad or angry and they need
someone to come alongside themto provide that sense of ease
and comfort.
(04:28):
I mean, that's really what itis that we're looking for here.
But why is it difficult forpeople to see God as a Comforter
, especially in the myths ofstruggle?
Well, we're going to look at acouple of things here, culture
being one of them, but here'ssome research that shows some
(04:50):
frequent backgrounds forreligious and spiritual
struggles.
So here's kind of the thingsthat influence how we view God.
Part of this is theconfrontation with different
worldviews.
So everyone is kind ofdescribing their own God and
they're saying my God is this,my God is that, my God is that.
We as Christians believe thatour God is Jesus Christ, who
(05:14):
came to earth, god in flesh,died for our sins, rose again on
the third day and now is at theright hand of God, the Father,
and we are in dwelt with by theHoly Spirit.
But that is not the God ofother religions.
Most other religions have aworks-based faith or a
(05:35):
works-based belief that if youdo X amount of things, x amount
of good things, then you willget to heaven.
Whatever their description ofthat is, for us as Christians it
is.
We are only saved by gracethrough faith in Jesus Christ
alone, and our reward in heavenis Jesus himself.
(05:57):
That is why we're living thelife that we're living.
So in order to understand God asa comforter, I have to
understand that he is going tocome back one day and he's going
to apply justice.
No, let's think about that fora little bit, because as we talk
more about these differentReasons why it's difficult for
(06:21):
some people to see God as acomforter, we need to understand
who God is, and it's aninteresting, dynamic right,
because we often tend to onlyfocus on the aspect of him that
we can relate to the most.
For example, if you grew up ina home where only discipline,
truth, rules were executed orwere given to you, then it might
(06:49):
make more sense to you to seeGod only as a lion right, and if
you grew up in a home that wasonly caring and gentle and
Positive, that it makes moresense to you to see Jesus as a
lamb, right.
So we have these two differentviews based on our upbringings,
(07:09):
and how do we find that middleground where we can understand
that God can be both Lion andthe lamb right, because that is
exactly what he is and heapplies those different roles in
different Situations fordifferent people.
For example, as I continue totalk about those who struggle
with Seeing God as a comforter,loss of interpersonal
(07:30):
relationships.
So then they start to questionGod, god, why did you allow this
to happen?
So they start again I can't seeGod as a comforter when he took
something away from me that Ithat I loved, that I wanted
Sexual abuse.
That's a big one.
I work with a lot of clients whohave had that in their past.
The people who are supposed toprotect them are the ones that
(07:54):
hurt them.
So when you hear that God is acomforter and that he is a
protector, it doesn't make sensefor that person because their
history with that is Is anyonewho's supposed to protect them
did damage to them, hurt them insome way, shape or form.
And the sad thing is that Often, even in Christian circles,
this does happen.
So again, these are these arebarriers to seeing God as a
(08:19):
comforter the differentexperiences that people have
with their parents, with anyauthority figures, and if
they're negative, they start,especially if their authority
figures within the church.
Their Connection is that maybeGod is like this too right,
because some people will readscripture and they'll see, okay,
I understand that cognitively,that God is just, that he is
(08:41):
merciful, that he's loving, thathe is kind, that he will bring
back Judgment, like weunderstand that at a cognitive
level, but the experientiallevel conflicts with that right
and that's essentially whathappens when you have people who
grew up in the church and havepeople have their parents or
other people in the church orsomething negative happens to
(09:02):
them and they, because it'sassociated to church, because
it's associated to God, theybegin to believe that God is the
way that those people were whohurt them in the church.
Now I want to make it clear,because I'm not talking about
just, you know, someone didn'tsay hi to you.
I'm not talking about youweren't invited to a specific
event.
(09:23):
I'm not talking about that typeof hurt.
I'm talking about deep, painfulhurt which is often related to
these forms, different forms ofabuse.
I'll talk a little bit moreabout that as we move forward.
But again, a lot of these things, a lot of these factors that
contribute to someone not beingable to see God as a comforter
(09:44):
are also Personality oriented.
For example, those who havehigh neuroticism, the
Inclination to see everything ina negative light if it's high,
they will struggle with seeingGod as a comforter.
Okay, if they have pessimism,if they have an anger trait that
(10:04):
also Influences their view ofGod as a comforter.
If they're narcissistic, ifthey're entitled or if they're
low Unagreeableness, that willalso be a barrier for them to
see God as a comforter.
And the research also showsthat Religion is a source of
stress in young peopleRelatively more often than in
(10:25):
older ones.
Again, that speaks to thecultural shift that we're seeing
is that now there's so muchmore.
There's this religious buffetthat people are choosing from,
to pick and choose whatever itis that they like, and they go
and make their own religionespecially.
So we kind of have a backgroundof the types of people that
will struggle with seeing God asa Comforter.
(10:49):
But why is it that it's only inthis relationship, in seeking
God?
Right, because people providecomfort.
But remember that every singleperson, because we were made in
the image of God, every singleperson desires to connect with
something beyond themselves, andthat is God himself, through
Jesus.
Right, we want to connect withsomething more or outside of
(11:12):
ourselves, and we see inScripture that we are to seek
out Jesus Christ and him alone,and In that process then we see
the influence of the church.
The church has a huge role inhow we are able to experience
God.
Now, me and my friend Tim,we're gonna do a an episode on
(11:36):
how the church, how they usemusic, emotions or in words to
lure people in and to see afalse version of who God is.
But all that to say is that,you know, we, we go to church.
We get to experience God in acertain way with a community of
(11:58):
brothers and sisters who alsobelieve that the Bible is true,
and what we, what we find, isthat the reason why it matters.
To a lot of people, religioninvolves seeking comfort,
attachment, finding meaning andcoping with challenges.
So those who have a strongReligious attachment right.
(12:20):
So again, this, this specificresearch article, speaks to
religious attachment in general,so I'm gonna speak in that
regard in that space.
Not all religious thoughtsbring Consolation.
Some individuals direct blameand anger towards God during
difficult times, and we canunderstand that, right.
We can understand that whendifficult times arise, if a
(12:43):
person doesn't have a strongfaith, they can question God.
But it's also important tounderstand that if someone does
have strong faith, they may havethe freedom, or they will have
the freedom, to question God.
It's never done in a manner ofdisrespect, though.
One of the things that you'llfind with genuine Christians is
that they're willing to askthose questions in a respectful
(13:05):
way, but also in a confused tone, like they don't understand why
God is allowing Something tohappen.
All right, people make choices.
We have sinful Desires, we havesinful Inclinations.
The Bible talks about the fleshbeing at war with the spirit.
With the Holy Spirit livinginside of us.
(13:27):
We are countering the effectsof sin in our lives, right.
So there's this continual, asthe Bible would call the
sanctification process.
Right, we're looking to besanctified through Jesus.
Other aspects of this.
Research shows that struggleencompasses the stress,
(13:47):
conflicts related to faith anddifficulties in coping with
stress induced by life events.
So people begin to strugglewith their faith when they
encounter these different areasof life.
And again, there's two parts toour relation with God.
One is the cognitive and one isthe experiential.
In the attachment literature,what you'll find is the
(14:10):
experience of God is known asthe God image.
How I experience God, how do Ifeel when I think about God.
And again, there's a lot ofconnection between how you feel
when you think about yourparents.
So, for example, if you have astrained relationship with a
parent and you feel tense, youfeel anxious, you feel scared,
all of these things when youthink about God, you might feel
(14:34):
the same way.
You might feel angry towardsGod, you might feel scared of
God, like he's going to punishme if I do something wrong here,
because that's what it was likewith my parents, right?
So you have kind of thatexperience.
So people struggle with that.
Our parents are our first, and Ithink this is why God designed
(14:54):
it this way, right, god designedthe family father, mother.
That's the core unit.
And then you have children andthe parents are to model the
relationship that they have withGod To their children, right?
And that's where you see thefruits of the spirit love, joy,
patience, self-control and so on.
So we need to model that.
(15:15):
The parents need to model thatfor our children, okay so, in
order for our children to seeGod in an accurate light through
his word.
But it's also going to beinformed by how parents relate
to their children.
So, speaking to parents rightnow, if you have young children,
(15:36):
one of the things that you wantto do is display those fruits
of the spirit very, very earlyon.
One of the things that I didwith all three of my boys.
I would wake up in the middleof the night to tend to the boys
whenever they would cry.
So I would give it maybe 30seconds, tops maybe a minute,
(15:58):
before going into the room andseeing what it is that they
needed, so sometimes justholding them.
Sometimes they were hungry, soI know it was time for them to
be fed, and sometimes it wasjust being there with them,
right?
So, essentially, what youwanted to, or what I wanted to
communicate, was if you have anyneed, I will be here for you,
(16:19):
right?
And a lot of parentsmisinterpret this and say well,
you're going to get themswallowed, you're going to get
them to fully depend on you.
Yeah, that's exactly what I waswanting to do.
Because they're young, theycan't meet their own needs.
There will come a time wherethey will be able to meet their
needs, but when they encounter amoment of distress or
tribulation or suffering, theywill know, because of their
(16:41):
experience with me, because oftheir experience with their
mother, that they can depend onus for helping meet their needs.
Right, they will be able to seethat and that will bring a
sense of relief to them.
So, again, if they can do that,when they're going through a
time of struggle as theycontinue to get older, right,
they're going to tell me youknow, they're going to school
(17:02):
and maybe a kid made fun of them.
Hey, daddy, a kid made fun ofme and I started engaging them.
I talked to them what happened,you know, and I'm there with
them.
They're able to tell me and cometo me and tell me those
stressors and I'm able to justtalk to them about it and ease
their pain and just be there forthem and be a source of comfort
.
If they have multipleexperiences of that with me,
(17:24):
then they will then associatethat to their relationship with
God.
So we make these naturalconnections between our
relationship with our parentsand our relationship with God.
And if our parents weren'tcomforting during times of
distress, it's going to be veryeasy to see God as someone who's
not able to provide comfort intimes of distress, even when you
(17:45):
have the theological knowledgeor understanding that he can do
that.
Again, your experience is goingto tell you differently.
We have to tie both thosethings together.
So for parents, it's veryimportant that you're able to
model this for your children,that when they're going through
a time of distress, no matterhow young they are, right, no
matter how young they are, thatthey're able to turn to you
during that time and thetreatment, able to be a calm and
(18:09):
restful presence for them.
You're helping them regulatetheir emotions.
They don't understand that.
I mean if people, adults losecontrol of their emotions and we
expect for little children tobe able to hold it all together
Now, I do have expectations forhow they need to behave in
certain situations and how theycan control their emotions right
(18:32):
.
This doesn't mean to remove theexpectations.
It means teach them how canthey regulate those emotions,
because they're going to havebig, big emotions and we need to
teach them how to regulatethose emotions and, again, a big
part of that is how we meetthose needs when they encounter
difficulty.
This study that I was looking atrelates parental attachment
(18:54):
experiences to religious andspiritual struggles, again
focusing on attachment theory,secure, avoided and anxious
patterns.
This study also explores howinsecure attachment relates to
greater religious and spiritualstruggle, predicting that a
distant or cruel God imagemediates these relationships.
Basically, what's happeninghere is that if a person is
(19:17):
anxious, they often will see Godas distant or cruel.
If you see God as distant orcruel, it's going to make you
anxious.
It makes sense.
It makes sense.
If God is distant, then hewants nothing to do with me.
If he's cruel, then I'm goingto be misunderstood or I'm going
to be punished for somethingthat I don't even know that I'm
(19:38):
working through.
You're going to be on edge.
You're going to be anxious.
You're going to be wonderingabout making sure every single
thing that you do is right.
This often leads to this desireor this attempt for
perfectionism in your Christianwalk.
If everything that you did waseither criticized or was
(19:58):
addressed, even if it could bethe smallest thing, if it was a
mistake and it was highlightedby your parents, then you're
going to be hyperactive.
You're going to be hyper awareof everything that you do.
It will make you anxious inyour relationship with God.
We talk about the God image.
I mentioned how that often isthe experience that one has when
(20:22):
they think about God.
How do you feel when you thinkabout God?
I grew up in a Southern Baptistchurch.
That was my background.
It influences a lot of the waythat I think about counseling,
the way that I think about humanfunctioning, the way that I
(20:42):
think about my relationship withGod.
All of those things.
I'm very thankful for theupbringing that I had With that.
There are some things that Iwould learn later on that I
needed to change.
I needed to change how I sawGod from a relational standpoint
.
I knew about God.
(21:03):
I was taught a lot of greatconcepts and a lot of great
theology and a lot of greatdoctrine about my faith.
I understood at a cognitivelevel what it was to believe in
Jesus Christ, what it was tohave a relationship with Him.
I never experienced what thatactually would look like.
I just didn't know that I wassupposed to feel anything.
(21:25):
I just knew.
On the other hand, you havepeople who all they have is just
feeling they feel so good aboutGod.
The theological understandingor doctrinal understanding is
limited In deficiency on eitherside.
Right, I needed to experienceGod through his word, through
(21:48):
community, through prayer, in adifferent way.
I only had a theologicalunderstanding of who he was
Right thinking that because Iknew that I had a relationship
with him.
So a common example of thiscould be.
So I'm a huge Michael Jordan fan.
For those who know me, youprobably have heard me say that
multiple, multiple times, but Iknow a lot about Michael Jordan.
(22:10):
I have seen his highlights somany times and I still, even
when I see the same clip overand over, I can still like it
because it's shown on different,different pages.
Right, so I can follow him andI can say that I know a lot
about him and it makes me in asense feel close to him.
When I was growing up and I wasplaying basketball, I would
(22:32):
stick out my tongue and I woulddrive to the basket the same way
that he would.
I mean, practice his moves,practice the fade away,
everything that he did.
I imitated it as perfectly as Icould, right, and that made me
feel as though I was really likeMichael Jordan, even though
obviously I knew that I wasn'tand I'm not right.
(22:53):
But because I knew so muchabout him and because I saw how
he Played and because I wasinspired by that it, it made me
feel in a sense connected to him.
Right, but I don't know him.
I don't know him personally.
I don't.
One day I would like to, youknow, meet him, but I don't.
(23:16):
And it's kind of the same way inour relationship with God,
where we read so much trip fromwe know about God, but that
doesn't mean that we actuallyhave a relationship with him,
and this is the.
This is a struggle that peoplewill have is that they know so
much about God, but once theyenter a, you know, difficult
situation, they begin to seetheir faith falter.
(23:38):
And this is important tounderstand, because that is not
necessarily a sign that youdon't know God, but it is an
indicator of how close you arewith God.
Right, I'm always reminded ofthe Peter moment, when Jesus
followers and his side you knoweveryone was following Jesus.
They wanted to see him domiracles.
They wanted to see what was thenext big thing that he was
(24:00):
gonna do.
And there was a time where hehe wasn't doing that anymore.
They had to.
They decided to leave and Jesusturns over to his disciples and
he says do you want to leave aswell or will you leave as well?
And Peter turns to him and says, lord, where will we go?
You know you have the words ofeternal life and that's kind of
(24:21):
the.
The idea here is that when yougo into a spiritual struggle, a
tribulation, a difficulty,suffering of any sort, your
response will be Similar to thatof Peters, like where do I go,
lord?
Do I turn to vices.
Do I turn to Drugs?
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I turn to alcohol, sex.
What do I turn to?
And why would I turn to that?
You know you're the one who haskept me here.
You're the one who's kept myfaith moving forward.
You have the words of eternallife.
There's nowhere else for me togo right.
So a genuine Christian willhave that response.
(25:03):
They will struggle, they willask questions, they will wonder
why things are happening, butthey will turn and see God for
who he is in that moment and heis going to provide Comfort
because he understands, you knowhe understands those struggles.
I mean, you could think of Job.
His friends, even his close,didn't understand what was what
(25:27):
he was going through and how doI know that?
Because they started blaminghim for the suffering that was
going on in his life.
You imagine that.
And the Bible says Joe was ajust man.
So things happen to him and theLord, you know, ultimately, you
know, gave him more than hethan he ever had.
But you know, when you hitthose moments, what Job needed
(25:50):
at that time was comfort fromhis friends, not more advice,
not more talking, not moreAccusations like just presence,
sitting with him providingcomfort.
And when you have multipleexperiences where people did not
provide that comfort.
It can be, especially withinthe church.
(26:10):
It can be very easy to believethat God is not going to provide
that comfort.
Now there's this other theoryand I've talked about this
before.
It's called the compensationtheory and what this theory
posits is that if you grew upnot in a Christian home and you
come to faith later faith inJesus later in life, you see God
(26:32):
as someone who replaces orcompensates for everything that
you were lacking when you wereyounger.
So if you had really badparents maybe they were
neglectful, abusive whatever thecase is you come to faith in
Christ later on in life and yousee God start to fill all of
those gaps in your life and youfeel like man.
God has filled all of this inmy life.
(26:53):
This is incredible.
This is the best relationshipI've ever had.
So he compensates foreverything that was lacking.
For those who grew up in thechurch, every experience that
they've had with people withinthe church, with their reading
of Scripture, that begins tocorrespond with how they begin
to see that God later on intheir lives.
(27:14):
So, for example, if they grewup with loving, caring parents,
then they will grow up to seeGod as loving and caring If they
grew up with judgmental, harshparents, and they will grow up
to see God as judgmental andharsh, and that's just all they
know.
So it corresponds, theirchildhood corresponds with how
they've you got now in thepresent.
(27:34):
So there are a number ofdifferent factors and here's the
six domains that are addressedwhen we talk about religious
struggle.
There is the divine struggle,which involves negative emotions
centered on beliefs about Godor in a perceived relationship
with God.
So there's that aspect Negativeemotions centered on beliefs
(27:55):
about God.
Then there's the demonicstruggle, which involves concern
that the devil or evil spiritsare attacking an individual or
causing negative events.
Then there's the interpersonalstruggle, which is concerned
about negative experiences withreligious people or institutions
.
We have the moral struggle,which involves wrestling with
(28:16):
attempts to follow moralprinciples and feelings of worry
or guilt about offenses thesubjects perceive themselves to
have committed.
That's a really big one,especially for those who
struggle with anxious attachment.
Then you have the religiousdoubt struggle, which involves
feeling troubled by doubts orquestions about one's religious
(28:36):
and spiritual beliefs.
This is something that happensvery common with students who
enter college.
So if they grew up in aChristian home, they go into
college and they begin to haveall of these questions because
they begin interacting withpeople who do not believe the
same way that they believe.
So they will often have thesedoubts or questions.
And lastly, there's theultimate meaning struggle, which
(28:58):
involves concern about notfinding deep meaning in one's
life.
So these are the differentdomains that were assessed in
this study.
It involves 157 adults ages 18to 70, predominantly Roman
Catholic, and it examined therelationship between parental
(29:20):
attachment, god images andreligious and spiritual
struggles.
So those are the six that Imentioned.
There is this scale that theyuse, which is very important.
I think it's important for youguys to help you understand your
relationship with God.
This is the God image scale.
I've referenced that quite afew times today, but basically
(29:40):
what it does is it starts with astatement and says I imagine
God as being, and then it'sfollowed by 10 adjectives, which
are divided into thesesubscales the loving subscale I
imagine God as being loving,caring and forgiving.
Then you have the cruelsubscale, which is I imagine God
(30:05):
as being cruel, unkind andrejecting.
And then you have the last one,the distant subscale, which is
I imagine God as being distant,remote, unavailable and
uninvolved.
So this is probably the lastone, the distant one is most
likely the atheist, when theirexperience of God is that he is
(30:27):
not involved at all in my life,in the lives of anyone in the
world.
He's just not existent, right?
Or you have those who are Idon't know if it's agnostics,
that would be the right word.
I'm gonna have to look it upjust because, making sure, yeah,
(30:58):
so it could be the agnosticswho kind of just feel that
nothing can be known.
God can't be known, so theydon't see him as involved in
their lives.
So these are the things thatare, that are measured or that
were used to measure in thisparticular study.
So if you want to kind of getan idea of where you stand with
(31:21):
this, see which one of thesemade the most sense to you.
I imagine God as being what Outof all those 10 adjectives?
Where do you, how do you seeGod?
And that can speak to howyou're going to experience God.
That's really what it's comingdown to Most people.
If you're listening to thispodcast and you're just
(31:42):
intrigued and maybe you're a newbeliever, maybe a lot of this
is starting to make sense.
Like you know, when I, when Ireceive the Lord, like I saw God
as loving, caring and forgivenbecause he, I lived this life of
sin and I wanted nothing to dowith him and yet he saved me.
I broke down and I justrepented of my sins and the Lord
(32:03):
restored my life.
Right, so that makes a lot ofsense, right, for those of you
who grew up in the church andsaw, maybe grew up in a culture
that was maybe more judgmentaland cruel and demanding, I mean,
it might make sense for you toscore high on the cruel subscale
(32:25):
where you see God as cruel andkind and rejecting.
Right, if you did something bad, you kind of felt that
rejection from your parents orrejection from people at church,
and so, again, that informs howyou experience God.
And if you had people who justwere absent, specifically your
parents, like if they justweren't present in your life, if
they were always doingsomething, maybe even being busy
(32:47):
in the church, like maybe yousee God as distant because you
just never had a relationshipwith your parents, right?
So how could I have arelationship with God when I
can't even have one with myparents, who I see on a regular
basis or don't see on a regularbasis, right?
So these are kind of all of thethings that address this aspect
(33:09):
of why can't I see God as acomforter?
Because there's all thesedifferent elements that play a
role in that.
The best way, or one of theways in which we can see God as
a comforter is if we are able tosee him as loving, caring and
forgiving.
So if that's you right now, whoyou don't feel close to God,
(33:31):
but you want to feel close toGod, I would encourage you to
read passages in scripture thattalk about God's love, care and
forgiveness.
Okay, and then this is theimportant part, because you may,
you may, like Sam, I've beenreading that.
I've read that all my life, allthroughout my life.
My parents taught me that, mypastor taught me that, my
(33:52):
teachers taught me that, likethat, god is loving, caring and
forgiving.
Like I know that, but I haven'texperienced it.
So a big part of that could beyour relationship with your
parents.
Not all the time.
Right, you might say, no, well,my parents were loving and
caring.
I still don't get it.
You know, again, there could beother close relationships.
Any close relationship is goingto activate your attachment
(34:14):
style.
Okay, so it could have been,maybe not your parents, maybe it
was a relationship that you had.
Maybe you dated someone formany years and then you guys
broke up and you know that leftyou hurt and as though that
person didn't love or care foryou, right?
So that might be why you seeGod now as that.
So what I would encourage you todo is, as you read those
(34:36):
passages of scripture, you wantto reinforce that with
relationships with people whoare loving, caring, kind,
forgiving.
Right that they display thosecharacteristics.
They are going to help you seeGod in you, like now.
God uses those people.
Okay, god will use people inyour life to show you the
(34:57):
different facets of who he is,right.
So for me, when I went throughmy own struggles and only
understood truth, I began tothink negatively about God's
kindness and forgiveness becauseI didn't have anyone who was
(35:21):
able to display it to me, right?
But then, in the midst of goingthrough graduate school and
then getting a job, like Godstarted to provide people who
just showed me tremendouskindness, tremendous care,
tremendous love that I hadn'texperienced as much before and
that was very encouraging for me.
So I started to see thisdifferent side of who God was,
(35:41):
even though cognitively I knewthat he was, that I hadn't
experienced that.
So God used these people in mylife to show me this side of him
, the loving side of him.
I already knew the truth, thejustice, the just God right, who
is going to bring judgment onjudgment day.
(36:04):
Like I knew that God and I knewthe righteous God and I knew
the God who would defend us andwould kill all of our enemies.
Like I knew that God right andI knew cognitively the God who
also showed compassion by justhad an experience that.
So God will use differentpeople in your life to show you
different aspects of himself andhopefully shows you someone who
(36:27):
is a comforter right.
To close, I'm going to share twoverses with you guys here.
Psalm 18, verse two.
Again, this is going to speakto the reason why God can
provide comfort is found here inPsalm 18, verse two the Lord is
my rock, my fortress and mydeliverer.
(36:48):
My God is my rock and whom Itake refuge, my shield and the
horn of my salvation, mystronghold Right.
When you know that's the Godthat you serve, you feel
comforted by that right.
You feel as though there'snothing to worry about.
And that is exactly what Goddoes.
(37:09):
He is our rock, our fortress,our deliverer.
Another verse, 2 Corinthians,chapter one, verses three to
four, says praise be to the Godand Father of our Lord Jesus
Christ, the Father of compassionand the God of all comfort, who
comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those
in any trouble with the comfortwe ourselves receive from God.
(37:32):
Right?
So allow for God to comfort youduring this time.
Whatever it is that you'reexperiencing, whatever it is
that you're struggling with,allow for God to comfort you.
He will do it, he will provideand he will provide you with the
people necessary.
Again, I'm going to go back tothe big three, which is prayer,
community, god's word.
(37:53):
If you find a way to integratethat and maybe not integrate,
maybe put that as the foundationof your life then you will
begin to see God in a differentlight, because he will use His
word, he will use your directcommunication with Him through
prayer and he will use yourchurch worship community.
(38:14):
So I hope this was of anencouragement to you.
If you have any questions orwould like to submit any new
topics, feel free to do so.
I will bring back another topicnext week through a different
journal article.
Again, I'm working towardsfinding something for my
dissertation.
Obviously, it's going to beinvolving attachment, and this
(38:36):
also helps me learn andunderstand more about the
difference for those that weencounter as Christians.
So thank you again forlistening, guys.
I will talk to you next week,take care.
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