197. Recovery After spousal Betrayal (with Heather Kolb)

Guest Bio: Heather Kolb is the Associate Director of Product Development and a neuroscience professional for Pure Desire. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, a Master’s degree in Criminal Behavior, and is a certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP) through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP). Heather has been trained in the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM) through The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). She worked several years as a college professor prior to joining Pure Desire. She is also a speaker and contributing author to Digital Natives: Raising an Online Generation, Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships, Betrayal & Beyond, and Authentically You.  

 

Show Summary: When was a moment in your life when you felt betrayed? Heather Kolb was in the thick of parenting young children when she found out her husband was being dishonest with her and battling sexual addictions. Scared and heartbroken, Heather stepped away from the church and managed things on her own until she found Pure Desire Ministries. Join hosts Elisa Morgan and Eryn Eddy Adkins as they hear from Heather about her story and discover how we can recover from patterns of addiction during this God Hears Her conversation. 

 

Notes and Quotes:  

“My life felt out of control, and yet I had been doing all the things that I had been taught to do in the church. I had been praying and reading my Bible and waiting for God to deliver me from this unbearable situation, and [what I had prayed for] happened, but it didn’t happen the way that I prayed for it to.” —Heather Kolb 

 

“There are parts of my story that I wish I had answers to and I don’t have any closure on. But I do know that God held me through—even when making bold decisions that other people disagreed with.” —Eryn Eddy Adkins 

 

“What are those core messages, the negative core beliefs that you have about yourself?” —Heather Kolb 

 

“When discovery or disclosure [of a sexual addiction] happens, you are walking into the middle of a story.” —Heather Kolb 

 

"The best way to find healing for yourself—not even for the marriage, because that decision might come later—is to find safety and stability and reclaim your identity in Christ by joining a group of other women who are walking a similar road of healing.” —Heather Kolb 

 

“I kept silent, I quietly left the church, I didn’t tell anyone. That piece of it really left a hole in my heart for a lot of years because I couldn’t trust anyone.” —Heather Kolb 

 

“[A safe group of women] is going to be the thing that helps you to build safety and stability, not only for your marriage but for you—as a person and as a daughter of Christ—to find who you are in the midst of this messiness.” —Heather Kolb 

 

Related Episodes: 

• GHH Ep 145 – Sitting on the Sidelines with Bethany Toney: https://godhearsher.org/podcast/sitting-on-the-sidelines/ 
• GHH Ep 168 – Walking Through Infidelity with Jami Nato: https://godhearsher.org/podcast/walking-through-infidelity/ 
• GHH Ep 196 – Seeking Pure Desires with Ashley Jameson: https://godhearsher.org/podcast/seeking-pure-desires/ 

 

Links:  

• Pure Desire Ministries Website: https://puredesire.org/ 
• Pure Desire Ministries Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/puredesirepdmi/ 
• Pure Desire Ministries Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PureDesirePDMI/ 
• Unshakable Moxie BOGO Deal: https://go.odb.org/bogo
• God Loves Her Devotional: https://a.co/d/7F8R0qC
• God Hears Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/godhearsher/?hl=en 
• God Hears Her Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GodHearsHer 
• God Hears Her website: https://go.odb.org/ghh191  
• Subscribe to th