March 15, 2025 • 24 mins
This episode is for anyone who has ever felt unworthy, unloved, or alone. Abby felt a calling to speak specifically to you!
Abby’s life had not always been easy. Yet, during a period of profound struggle, hope emerged. Abby, who had often felt unworthy of love, found herself embraced by various people who suddenly came into her life. She didn’t realize that God was showing His love and compassion with each interaction that she had with these grace-filled people. It’s a story of transformation—and it took communities of love for Abby to fully realize her God-given, inherent worthiness.
Grab a cup of coffee, sit back, and listen to how Abby’s relationship with herself healed through communities of love.
Our goal with this episode is to move at least one heart toward God -- is it yours? Let us know! And if you'd like to get involved by becoming a storyteller or donating to the movement, please visit:
Web: godisgoodpodcast.com
Social: www.facebook.com/groups/godisgoodpodcast/
Some of our episodes mention the ACTS Retreat, which is an evangelization retreat from ACTS Missions in San Antonio, TX: www.actsmissions.org.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carol (00:12):
Welcome to the God is Good podcast, where we share
stories of everyday people whohave reignited their faith in
Jesus and experienced remarkablelife transformations.
My name is Carol O'Brien, andI'm your host for this podcast.
Before we begin today's episode,I want to take a quick moment to
say thank you to you, ourlisteners.
(00:33):
We started this mission a fewmonths ago with two storytellers
and the goal of moving one heartat a time toward Jesus.
Our first episodes surprisinglyreached dozens of hearts.
We are so humbled that God keepssending us delightful
storytellers and we are nowbeginning to reach hundreds of
hearts.
God willing, and from what Iunderstand is surpassing the
(00:55):
odds, we are poised to soonreach thousands.
All of this growth has beenorganic because you are sharing
our stories with your friendsand family.
So thank you for helping us moveso many hearts toward Jesus.
Rejoice in the Lord always.
I shall say it again.
Rejoice.
(01:16):
Have no anxiety at all, but ineverything, by prayer and
petition, with thanksgiving,make your requests known to God.
Keep on doing what you havelearned, and received, and
heard, and seen in me.
Then the God of peace will bewith you.
Philippians 4:4-9.
(01:38):
I'm so happy to introduce you toour newest storyteller, Abby.
Hers is a story of finding worthin God's love.
As St.
Teresas of Calcutta said,"Thegreatest suffering is being
lonely, feeling unloved, havingno one.
I have come more and more torealize it is the worst disease
(01:58):
that any human being can everexperience." God saw Abby's
feelings of being unworthy,unloved, and alone with her
decisions.
Without her realizing it, Hesent the people she needed at
the exact right time.
Abby transformed from lukewarmto on fire and recently felt a
strong calling to share herstory.
(02:20):
We are so pleased she's herewith us today.
Welcome, Abby!
Abby (02:25):
Thank you so much for allowing me to share my
testimony.
Carol (02:28):
You have a powerful story, and I love that it is
about a gradual conversionrather than a big Ah Ha moment.
Can you start by telling usabout your childhood?
Abby (02:38):
So growing up, I would say I grew up in a broken home.
Broken, not in the sense of Iwas living between two divorced
parents in different households,but broken in the sense that I
grew up watching my parentsfight all the time.
Just bad fights.
Sometimes they resulted, withviolence.
(03:00):
My dad was also an alcoholic andhe had some drug addiction as
well.
So that also played a part in myupbringing and seeing the
repercussions of that.
That kind of started plantingthe seed of what I thought
relationships were supposed tobe like.
I was also a victim ofmolestation in my childhood.
(03:21):
So that coupled with thefighting and the domestic abuse
that I saw shaped my perceptionof what I thought love looked
like.
Carol (03:31):
Abby, I can't begin to imagine the pain you must have
endured as a child.
I think you're very wise thoughto recognize how it all changed
your perception of love.
Doing this podcast, I'm learningso much about how our childhoods
impact how well we are equippedor not equipped to make adult
decisions.
Before we get there, can youtell us if you had a faith
(03:54):
foundation as a child?
Abby (03:56):
Faith wasn't something that was really focused on in my
family.
We knew about God, we knew wewere Catholic, but I wouldn't
say that we were prayingtogether as a family.
We just checked all the boxes,essentially.
I was a cradle Catholic.
My mom would take me to massregularly up until I made my
(04:16):
confirmation.
So after my confirmation itbecame up to me whether or not I
wanted to go to church.
I was very lukewarm in my faithlife in that I would pray
occasionally.
I prayed when I was in troubleor when I needed something, but
I wasn't praying justconsistently.
Carol (04:36):
I spoke a little bit about making adult decisions
following childhood traumas.
What do you think about that?
How would you describe yourability to make decisions after
everything that you wentthrough?
Abby (04:48):
Growing up a lot of my life was bad.
It was full of very dangerous,risky, and bad decisions.
A lot of it was just throughcircumstance and just a product
of my environment.
Being molested as an example.
It was by somebody in my family.
I didn't at the time sayanything about it.
(05:11):
I actually never said anythingabout it to my mom.
She's now passed away, but I wasat a place in my life where I
just thought it would be myfault.
I thought that I wouldn't bebelieved or I thought that it
would be justified in some way.
Looking back, I would say Iprobably felt like I wasn't
loved and nurtured So bringingthis extra problem to my mom's
(05:35):
plate, on top of all the otherproblems I had seen her and
witnessed her experiencing, Ijust felt like this was
something I should just keep tomyself.
Carol (05:43):
It sounds like you didn't have anyone you could turn to,
which must have been reallyhard.
Let's transition from childhoodto young adulthood.
Can you tell us about that timeof your life?
Abby (05:54):
Growing up in this home where I just witnessed this
unhealthy type of relationshipand then also being a victim of
molestation, it all put togetherthis thought in my head of what
I thought love was.
And so I think for me, I wasjust trying to cling on to
anything that felt like love.
I found myself in a high schoolrelationship with this boy and I
(06:15):
just thought it was the bestthing ever.
I thought it was the best thingin the world.
I had somebody that would listento me and that would talk to me
and that would hear all myproblems.
And everything just seemedgreat, while ignoring all the
other red flags.
If maybe I had seen somethingdifferent, I would have
realized.
Being in this relationship thatwas unhealthy, although maybe I
(06:38):
didn't realize that at the time,resulted in me having a
pregnancy.
That pregnancy resulted in anabortion.
And after that, not only did Istay in the relationship, but it
also produced two other childrenout of wedlock.
Carol (06:57):
Were you still afraid to talk to your family about what
was happening in your life atthis point?
Abby (07:03):
Oh yeah, this relationship that I was in was definitely not
one that my parents approved of,at all.
So I kept doing it.
That was probably out of spite.
That was out of rebellion.
And even after I had terminateda pregnancy, I still stayed in
that relationship.
I still chose to be in thatunhealthy situation and part of
(07:23):
it was probably pride.
Also in having to have to go tomy mom and admit failure, admit
that I was in this relationshipthat I probably never should
have been in.
And so I didn't say anything.
I just kept my mouth shut and Ijust endured it all.
I remember I was four monthspregnant with my second child
with this person.
(07:44):
And I didn't want to sayanything.
I didn't want to say anything toanybody.
I was in denial.
I didn't want to do this.
We were supposed to be gettingmarried because I thought that
was going to be the fix.
Right?
Like, Oh, get married.
And that's going to changeeverything.
And so here I was, now I foundmyself in my second pregnancy, I
was supposed to be gettingmarried.
My mom had been on me.
(08:05):
She was saying, you need to planthe wedding and do all these
things.
And why haven't you done it yet?
And I just, I couldn't.
I just didn't feel themotivation.
So I went to my priest and Isaid, I know this isn't what I'm
supposed to be doing.
I can't marry this person andthis is why.
And thankfully, he said,"Well,then don't.
Don't marry this person.
Marrying this person is notgoing to be the best thing for
(08:27):
you." And so we prayed about ittogether.
Then I went home and I told mymom everything.
I faced with the fact that Imight be a single mom of two
very small boys.
Carol (08:41):
It's an incredible testimony that God put this
priest into your life.
And also, that you were finallyable to tell your mom what you
were really feeling.
Did you feel like this was aturning point for you?
Abby (08:53):
I never got this like big booming voice from God where I
just was like, Oh, okay, I getit.
It was very gradual.
I feel like I knew God is there.
He never left me, but maybe Ididn't feel like He was
listening or he was reaching outto me.
Or I wasn't reaching out to himrather.
God's love was there through allof this messiness in my life,
(09:16):
right?
Through the childhood andthrough the relationship and
then even after the fact withfacing that I might be a single
mom of two boys and this mightnot work out.
Just looking back in some of thechoices that I made, there were
so many times where I put myselfin so many dangerous situations;
(09:36):
I put my life at risk by justdoing all of these crazy things.
I acted out in so many differentways.
I could have been arrested.
I could have really been hurt.
It's only by the grace of Godthat I wasn't.
Carol (09:49):
So how did your life look different at this point?
What changes, even gradual ones,were happening?
Abby (09:55):
I would still say I wasn't at the point where I felt like I
had had my quote unquoteconversion.
I was just going to church,because I had one boy and
pregnant with another.
And it was important for me forthem to grow up in our faith.
I met this wonderful woman andshe invited me into the Ladies
Altar Society, and it was thiswonderful ministry where I just
(10:17):
met these amazing ladies andthey were just so filled with
God's grace and His love.
He really was working throughthese women.
I just remember being aroundthem thinking they have
something that I wanted reallybad and I couldn't tell what it
was.
They all took me under theirwing and they were there for me.
That was the very first steps Istarted taking into having a
(10:42):
deeper faith life.
I started going to Massregularly.
And it made it a little bit moreeasy to face the fact that all
of the decisions that I had madewere probably not the best
decisions, that this isn't whatGod's plan was for me.
So, fast forward.
(11:04):
I have the second baby.
He's days old.
And, that individual comes homeand he starts packing up all of
his stuff.
I knew I wanted this, but nowit's actually happening and I'm
freaking out.
I thought it was going to be onmy terms.
It's not.
He's doing it.
He's getting all of his stuff.
I'm just like, don't leave.
What are we going to do withoutyou?
(11:25):
We have a small baby, you can'tleave.
Obviously that doesn't work out,and he leaves, and I remember
being on the floor sobbing.
I started praying and I justprayed for God to be there with
me.
I got on the phone after thatand I called some of those
people from the Ladies AltarSociety and I told them what had
(11:47):
happened.
They said, well come to thechurch tomorrow at 10 and we'll
talk.
So I show up at the church andone of the members is there.
And she has these gift cards.
And then another person shows upand they have diapers.
And somebody else has wipes andall these necessities.
And they were just there, andthey prayed with me and they
(12:08):
prayed for me.
It was this overwhelming floodof love.
It's kind of funny because mylife was so messy.
And God was just giving himselfto me through these ladies,
showing me all of these parts ofGod through kindness and mercy.
There was no judgment; it wasjust God's love working through
(12:32):
these wonderful women.
And I think if I had to pin iton anything-- that was my
moment.
That was my conversion where Iknew that God was there.
God had always been there.
He was meeting me where I wasat, and that was enough for Him.
I wasn't going to church all thetime.
I wasn't praying all the time.
(12:53):
I wasn't partaking insacraments.
I wasn't going to Adoration.
But I was enough for God.
I felt in that moment that Godhad left the 99 to come back for
the one.
I felt like I was that one sheepand God came back for me and he
had been there the whole time.
He had never left.
So, that gave me the courage tosay, Okay.
(13:15):
You know, this is my life now.
I'm officially a single mom oftwo very small boys.
And so it was hard but thesewomen made it less hard.
I think I finally realized itwas community that I had needed
and that I had been longing for.
God sent me these people to showme that he's there and he's
(13:37):
working through the hearts ofothers right through their hands
and through their feet.
Carol (13:42):
Oh, I so love the contrast of your story.
Your family community, whichshould have been your strength,
wasn't.
So God sent you an unexpectedcommunity of love.
He was subtly moving your heartthrough these ladies.
It couldn't have been easy foryou though, being a single
mother of two.
(14:02):
How did this bring you to thenext part of your story?
Abby (14:05):
So I guess fast forward about two years later.
I just put down two veryrambunctious toddlers for bed.
And I was very tired.
I was finishing up my lastsemester of college.
And I felt this overwhelmingneed to pray for a future
spouse.
I thought, that's weird.
(14:26):
So I said,"Okay, Lord, if youwant me to be single the rest of
my life, that's okay.
Totally okay with me.
I accept that as your will.
But if you do have somebody inmind for me, I want him to be a
godly man.
I want him to love you aboveanything else.
The way I love you aboveanything else.
(14:46):
Second, I want him to love mychildren as if they were his
own.
And I want him to be smart and Iwant him to be funny..." and I'm
just going through this bucketlist of things.
I didn't even finish it.
I just fell asleep.
And so the next day, I'm goingto the church again with my LAS
ladies and we are going to frostcakes for a big fundraiser we do
(15:08):
for Mother's Day.
Little did I know, our priest atthe time was already working on
getting me set up with-- spoileralert my husband.
Our priest had called my husbandand he said,"Hey, there's this
girl at church.
She's really sweet.
Why don't you come over to theoffice?
She's going to be frosting cakestomorrow and you can tell me if
(15:29):
you'd be interested in datingher.
Long story short, I connectedwith my husband on the phone
that night and we went on ourfirst date two days later, and
the rest is history.
We got married about a year anda half after we had met.
It's really funny because whenwe were dating, I was very
(15:49):
intimidated by him.
I thought, oh my gosh, Is helike too religious for me?
I have all this baggage and Ijust don't know if this is
really gonna work out.
I think it was like our secondor third date he said, hey let's
go get some kolaches and go toconfession.
And I thought, oh no, I don'twant to do that at all.
(16:12):
I had not gone to confessionsince my first confession as a
second grader.
I said okay, hoping he'd forgetabout the confession part, but
he didn't.
So I'm going to my secondconfession ever.
It was the most wonderful,beautiful, powerful confession I
ever had.
I fumbled through it-- I justlet it all out.
(16:32):
I confessed everything to thispriest.
I think my husband was worriedbecause I was taking so long.
I come out of the confessionaland I'm just like bawling and
the look on his face.
He's like, shock, concern,confusion, right?
And I told him everything.
This is my story.
This is me.
And I even ended with thecaveat, you can just drop me off
(16:54):
home and we will just pretendlike this never happened and
it'll be okay.
But he didn't and so I alwaystell people when I meet them, my
husband saved my life.
He is helping to make me holyevery single day.
Carol (17:09):
So again, God was quietly working in your life, even if
you didn't realize it at thetime.
How did this man, whom wouldbecome your husband, save your
life?
Abby (17:19):
It's through God, but my husband really truly did save my
life by taking me to confessionthat day.
To everything else that happenedin my life, he surrounded me
with all of these people that hewas friends with again, just a
church community, right?
He was a youth minister and hehad all these friends and had
this huge community of people.
(17:40):
They were so nice.
Nobody was judging me that hereI am this single mom with two
kids They were just sowelcoming.
And you would think that wouldbe amazing, but it really
freaked me out.
I got really in my head, becauseI just thought to myself this
isn't genuine.
They're only doing this becausethey're his friends, and because
they have to, but they don'treally care about me, they don't
(18:02):
care about the kids.
There it is again-- rejectingGod's love.
But here God is giving me all ofthese blessings through more
people.
All of these friends throughthis wonderful man I just met.
So I remember we were engaged atthis point and an ACTS retreat
is coming up and he says, Ithink it'd be really cool if you
(18:22):
go on this ACTS retreat.
A lot of the girls from ourfriend circle-- they're going to
be there.
I don't want to go to a retreat,but I feel like I have to now.
So the whole time during thisretreat, I'm just talking to
God, I'm praying and saying God,what do you want?
I'm not getting anything out ofthis retreat.
So it's the last day of theretreat and they're giving a
talk about community.
(18:43):
And the person that's giving thetalk is my husband's best
friend.
She's amazing.
She was one of the nicest onesin that whole group and also the
one I was the most standoffishbecause I was in disbelief that
somebody could be this kind andloving.
So she's giving the talk aboutcommunity and she talks about
meeting me and about communityand how it's affected her life.
(19:04):
That's when it just hit me overthe head and I was just like,
okay, God, I get it.
I realize that all of thesepeople that God was sending me--
this man, his friend circle, theladies altar society, my church
community, the priest that hadhelped me get through
everything.
That was God sending me all ofthese things through these
(19:25):
people who were there to help medeepen my faith.
I had to realize that God cameback for me, that he left the 99
to come back for me.
I was worthy of his love,regardless of my upbringing,
regardless of the decisions thatI made, regardless of where I
was in my faith at that time.
God had never left me.
I had always been worthy of hislove, and he was showing that to
(19:49):
me through these wonderfulpeople.
Carol (19:51):
So God used this faith community to show you your worth
and confirm his love for you.
What does your life look likenow?
How has God called you to goforth from here?
Abby (20:02):
The challenges are still there, right?
But they're just different typesof challenges than what I
experienced, 15, 20 years ago.
It's different now.
Me and my husband got married.
We have five children now.
We're involved in our parishcommunity.
We've both had our own sets ofchallenges individually and as a
(20:25):
husband and wife.
Both of our moms passed awaywithin a year of each other.
That was something that wereally had to lean on our faith
and lean on each other as amarried couple.
Also just the day to day life ofus both working, having five
children, and trying to squeezeeverything else in, but always
ensuring that we're keeping Godcenter.
(20:49):
So I think today things look alittle different for us.
I feel God's called me to sharemy story, to tell other people
that God loves you.
He loves you even when you feellike you're unlovable.
He loves you when you fall.
He loves you when you makemistakes.
He loves you when you're prayingall the time.
He loves you when you don't prayat all.
(21:10):
God is there.
He's present.
And if you just have a littlebit of hope and a little bit of
faith, that's all you need.
You might leave God, you mightwant to turn away from him, but
he'll never leave you and he'llnever turn away from you.
Carol (21:25):
So your favorite scripture is the one we opened
with.
Philippians 4.
I'll read just a few of theverses again.
Rejoice in the Lord always.
I shall say it again.
Rejoice.
Have no anxiety at all, but ineverything, by prayer and
petition, with thanksgiving,make your requests known to God.
(21:48):
Keep on doing what you havelearned, and received, and
heard, and seen in me.
Then the God of peace will bewith you.
It's such a beautiful and richscripture.
Abby (22:01):
It is.
Even just verse four, right?
Rejoice in the Lord always, Ishould say it again, rejoice.
And even in those moments whereyou think, Why should I be
rejoicing at, this awful thingthat happened?" It's just all of
those moments where I just feltlike I needed help and I didn't
know what to do and just havingthat little bit of faith that
(22:24):
God would hear me in that timeof need.
And he did And my life is somuch greater.
And, it's all because of Him.
I'm just so thankful.
Thankful for Him, and for justeven the crosses that I've
bared.
Because it just has shown me howgood He is.
Carol (22:42):
Thank you again, Abby.
I love your story because Ithink that so many of us feel
unworthy and unloved atdifferent points in our lives.
And through your communities,you truly found the peace of
God.
I'm also moved by the people whocame into your life.
We may never even realize how asmall gesture of kindness and
(23:03):
love can so dramatically changesomeone else's life.
It may cost us very little, butit can be worth more than gold
to someone who is desperate forcompassion and love.
Abby, I know your story is goingto move at least one heart
towards Jesus and I'm sure it'sgoing to impact many more hearts
than that.
Abby (23:22):
Thank you so much for allowing me to share God's love
through these words.
Carol (23:26):
Of course! And we welcome everyone who would like to
become involved in this movementof moving hearts toward Jesus.
We'd love for you to become oneof our storytellers and share
your own story.
You can also get involvedthrough a much appreciated
donation to help produce theepisodes and fund retreat
scholarships.
Go togodisgoodpodcast.com/joinus for
(23:52):
more information and until nexttime friends.
Remember God is good.
Abby (23:59):
All the time.
Carol (24:00):
Amen.
Abby (24:01):
Amen.
Welcome to the God is Good podcast, where we share
stories of everyday people whohave reignited their faith in
Jesus and experienced remarkablelife transformations.
My name is Carol O'Brien, andI'm your host for this podcast.
Before we begin today's episode,I want to take a quick moment to
say thank you to you, ourlisteners.
(00:33):
We started this mission a fewmonths ago with two storytellers
and the goal of moving one heartat a time toward Jesus.
Our first episodes surprisinglyreached dozens of hearts.
We are so humbled that God keepssending us delightful
storytellers and we are nowbeginning to reach hundreds of
hearts.
God willing, and from what Iunderstand is surpassing the
(00:55):
odds, we are poised to soonreach thousands.
All of this growth has beenorganic because you are sharing
our stories with your friendsand family.
So thank you for helping us moveso many hearts toward Jesus.
Rejoice in the Lord always.
I shall say it again.
Rejoice.
(01:16):
Have no anxiety at all, but ineverything, by prayer and
petition, with thanksgiving,make your requests known to God.
Keep on doing what you havelearned, and received, and
heard, and seen in me.
Then the God of peace will bewith you.
Philippians 4:4-9.
(01:38):
I'm so happy to introduce you toour newest storyteller, Abby.
Hers is a story of finding worthin God's love.
As St.
Teresas of Calcutta said,"Thegreatest suffering is being
lonely, feeling unloved, havingno one.
I have come more and more torealize it is the worst disease
(01:58):
that any human being can everexperience." God saw Abby's
feelings of being unworthy,unloved, and alone with her
decisions.
Without her realizing it, Hesent the people she needed at
the exact right time.
Abby transformed from lukewarmto on fire and recently felt a
strong calling to share herstory.
(02:20):
We are so pleased she's herewith us today.
Welcome, Abby!
Abby (02:25):
Thank you so much for allowing me to share my
testimony.
Carol (02:28):
You have a powerful story, and I love that it is
about a gradual conversionrather than a big Ah Ha moment.
Can you start by telling usabout your childhood?
Abby (02:38):
So growing up, I would say I grew up in a broken home.
Broken, not in the sense of Iwas living between two divorced
parents in different households,but broken in the sense that I
grew up watching my parentsfight all the time.
Just bad fights.
Sometimes they resulted, withviolence.
(03:00):
My dad was also an alcoholic andhe had some drug addiction as
well.
So that also played a part in myupbringing and seeing the
repercussions of that.
That kind of started plantingthe seed of what I thought
relationships were supposed tobe like.
I was also a victim ofmolestation in my childhood.
(03:21):
So that coupled with thefighting and the domestic abuse
that I saw shaped my perceptionof what I thought love looked
like.
Carol (03:31):
Abby, I can't begin to imagine the pain you must have
endured as a child.
I think you're very wise thoughto recognize how it all changed
your perception of love.
Doing this podcast, I'm learningso much about how our childhoods
impact how well we are equippedor not equipped to make adult
decisions.
Before we get there, can youtell us if you had a faith
(03:54):
foundation as a child?
Abby (03:56):
Faith wasn't something that was really focused on in my
family.
We knew about God, we knew wewere Catholic, but I wouldn't
say that we were prayingtogether as a family.
We just checked all the boxes,essentially.
I was a cradle Catholic.
My mom would take me to massregularly up until I made my
(04:16):
confirmation.
So after my confirmation itbecame up to me whether or not I
wanted to go to church.
I was very lukewarm in my faithlife in that I would pray
occasionally.
I prayed when I was in troubleor when I needed something, but
I wasn't praying justconsistently.
Carol (04:36):
I spoke a little bit about making adult decisions
following childhood traumas.
What do you think about that?
How would you describe yourability to make decisions after
everything that you wentthrough?
Abby (04:48):
Growing up a lot of my life was bad.
It was full of very dangerous,risky, and bad decisions.
A lot of it was just throughcircumstance and just a product
of my environment.
Being molested as an example.
It was by somebody in my family.
I didn't at the time sayanything about it.
(05:11):
I actually never said anythingabout it to my mom.
She's now passed away, but I wasat a place in my life where I
just thought it would be myfault.
I thought that I wouldn't bebelieved or I thought that it
would be justified in some way.
Looking back, I would say Iprobably felt like I wasn't
loved and nurtured So bringingthis extra problem to my mom's
(05:35):
plate, on top of all the otherproblems I had seen her and
witnessed her experiencing, Ijust felt like this was
something I should just keep tomyself.
Carol (05:43):
It sounds like you didn't have anyone you could turn to,
which must have been reallyhard.
Let's transition from childhoodto young adulthood.
Can you tell us about that timeof your life?
Abby (05:54):
Growing up in this home where I just witnessed this
unhealthy type of relationshipand then also being a victim of
molestation, it all put togetherthis thought in my head of what
I thought love was.
And so I think for me, I wasjust trying to cling on to
anything that felt like love.
I found myself in a high schoolrelationship with this boy and I
(06:15):
just thought it was the bestthing ever.
I thought it was the best thingin the world.
I had somebody that would listento me and that would talk to me
and that would hear all myproblems.
And everything just seemedgreat, while ignoring all the
other red flags.
If maybe I had seen somethingdifferent, I would have
realized.
Being in this relationship thatwas unhealthy, although maybe I
(06:38):
didn't realize that at the time,resulted in me having a
pregnancy.
That pregnancy resulted in anabortion.
And after that, not only did Istay in the relationship, but it
also produced two other childrenout of wedlock.
Carol (06:57):
Were you still afraid to talk to your family about what
was happening in your life atthis point?
Abby (07:03):
Oh yeah, this relationship that I was in was definitely not
one that my parents approved of,at all.
So I kept doing it.
That was probably out of spite.
That was out of rebellion.
And even after I had terminateda pregnancy, I still stayed in
that relationship.
I still chose to be in thatunhealthy situation and part of
(07:23):
it was probably pride.
Also in having to have to go tomy mom and admit failure, admit
that I was in this relationshipthat I probably never should
have been in.
And so I didn't say anything.
I just kept my mouth shut and Ijust endured it all.
I remember I was four monthspregnant with my second child
with this person.
(07:44):
And I didn't want to sayanything.
I didn't want to say anything toanybody.
I was in denial.
I didn't want to do this.
We were supposed to be gettingmarried because I thought that
was going to be the fix.
Right?
Like, Oh, get married.
And that's going to changeeverything.
And so here I was, now I foundmyself in my second pregnancy, I
was supposed to be gettingmarried.
My mom had been on me.
(08:05):
She was saying, you need to planthe wedding and do all these
things.
And why haven't you done it yet?
And I just, I couldn't.
I just didn't feel themotivation.
So I went to my priest and Isaid, I know this isn't what I'm
supposed to be doing.
I can't marry this person andthis is why.
And thankfully, he said,"Well,then don't.
Don't marry this person.
Marrying this person is notgoing to be the best thing for
(08:27):
you." And so we prayed about ittogether.
Then I went home and I told mymom everything.
I faced with the fact that Imight be a single mom of two
very small boys.
Carol (08:41):
It's an incredible testimony that God put this
priest into your life.
And also, that you were finallyable to tell your mom what you
were really feeling.
Did you feel like this was aturning point for you?
Abby (08:53):
I never got this like big booming voice from God where I
just was like, Oh, okay, I getit.
It was very gradual.
I feel like I knew God is there.
He never left me, but maybe Ididn't feel like He was
listening or he was reaching outto me.
Or I wasn't reaching out to himrather.
God's love was there through allof this messiness in my life,
(09:16):
right?
Through the childhood andthrough the relationship and
then even after the fact withfacing that I might be a single
mom of two boys and this mightnot work out.
Just looking back in some of thechoices that I made, there were
so many times where I put myselfin so many dangerous situations;
(09:36):
I put my life at risk by justdoing all of these crazy things.
I acted out in so many differentways.
I could have been arrested.
I could have really been hurt.
It's only by the grace of Godthat I wasn't.
Carol (09:49):
So how did your life look different at this point?
What changes, even gradual ones,were happening?
Abby (09:55):
I would still say I wasn't at the point where I felt like I
had had my quote unquoteconversion.
I was just going to church,because I had one boy and
pregnant with another.
And it was important for me forthem to grow up in our faith.
I met this wonderful woman andshe invited me into the Ladies
Altar Society, and it was thiswonderful ministry where I just
(10:17):
met these amazing ladies andthey were just so filled with
God's grace and His love.
He really was working throughthese women.
I just remember being aroundthem thinking they have
something that I wanted reallybad and I couldn't tell what it
was.
They all took me under theirwing and they were there for me.
That was the very first steps Istarted taking into having a
(10:42):
deeper faith life.
I started going to Massregularly.
And it made it a little bit moreeasy to face the fact that all
of the decisions that I had madewere probably not the best
decisions, that this isn't whatGod's plan was for me.
So, fast forward.
(11:04):
I have the second baby.
He's days old.
And, that individual comes homeand he starts packing up all of
his stuff.
I knew I wanted this, but nowit's actually happening and I'm
freaking out.
I thought it was going to be onmy terms.
It's not.
He's doing it.
He's getting all of his stuff.
I'm just like, don't leave.
What are we going to do withoutyou?
(11:25):
We have a small baby, you can'tleave.
Obviously that doesn't work out,and he leaves, and I remember
being on the floor sobbing.
I started praying and I justprayed for God to be there with
me.
I got on the phone after thatand I called some of those
people from the Ladies AltarSociety and I told them what had
(11:47):
happened.
They said, well come to thechurch tomorrow at 10 and we'll
talk.
So I show up at the church andone of the members is there.
And she has these gift cards.
And then another person shows upand they have diapers.
And somebody else has wipes andall these necessities.
And they were just there, andthey prayed with me and they
(12:08):
prayed for me.
It was this overwhelming floodof love.
It's kind of funny because mylife was so messy.
And God was just giving himselfto me through these ladies,
showing me all of these parts ofGod through kindness and mercy.
There was no judgment; it wasjust God's love working through
(12:32):
these wonderful women.
And I think if I had to pin iton anything-- that was my
moment.
That was my conversion where Iknew that God was there.
God had always been there.
He was meeting me where I wasat, and that was enough for Him.
I wasn't going to church all thetime.
I wasn't praying all the time.
(12:53):
I wasn't partaking insacraments.
I wasn't going to Adoration.
But I was enough for God.
I felt in that moment that Godhad left the 99 to come back for
the one.
I felt like I was that one sheepand God came back for me and he
had been there the whole time.
He had never left.
So, that gave me the courage tosay, Okay.
(13:15):
You know, this is my life now.
I'm officially a single mom oftwo very small boys.
And so it was hard but thesewomen made it less hard.
I think I finally realized itwas community that I had needed
and that I had been longing for.
God sent me these people to showme that he's there and he's
(13:37):
working through the hearts ofothers right through their hands
and through their feet.
Carol (13:42):
Oh, I so love the contrast of your story.
Your family community, whichshould have been your strength,
wasn't.
So God sent you an unexpectedcommunity of love.
He was subtly moving your heartthrough these ladies.
It couldn't have been easy foryou though, being a single
mother of two.
(14:02):
How did this bring you to thenext part of your story?
Abby (14:05):
So I guess fast forward about two years later.
I just put down two veryrambunctious toddlers for bed.
And I was very tired.
I was finishing up my lastsemester of college.
And I felt this overwhelmingneed to pray for a future
spouse.
I thought, that's weird.
(14:26):
So I said,"Okay, Lord, if youwant me to be single the rest of
my life, that's okay.
Totally okay with me.
I accept that as your will.
But if you do have somebody inmind for me, I want him to be a
godly man.
I want him to love you aboveanything else.
The way I love you aboveanything else.
(14:46):
Second, I want him to love mychildren as if they were his
own.
And I want him to be smart and Iwant him to be funny..." and I'm
just going through this bucketlist of things.
I didn't even finish it.
I just fell asleep.
And so the next day, I'm goingto the church again with my LAS
ladies and we are going to frostcakes for a big fundraiser we do
(15:08):
for Mother's Day.
Little did I know, our priest atthe time was already working on
getting me set up with-- spoileralert my husband.
Our priest had called my husbandand he said,"Hey, there's this
girl at church.
She's really sweet.
Why don't you come over to theoffice?
She's going to be frosting cakestomorrow and you can tell me if
(15:29):
you'd be interested in datingher.
Long story short, I connectedwith my husband on the phone
that night and we went on ourfirst date two days later, and
the rest is history.
We got married about a year anda half after we had met.
It's really funny because whenwe were dating, I was very
(15:49):
intimidated by him.
I thought, oh my gosh, Is helike too religious for me?
I have all this baggage and Ijust don't know if this is
really gonna work out.
I think it was like our secondor third date he said, hey let's
go get some kolaches and go toconfession.
And I thought, oh no, I don'twant to do that at all.
(16:12):
I had not gone to confessionsince my first confession as a
second grader.
I said okay, hoping he'd forgetabout the confession part, but
he didn't.
So I'm going to my secondconfession ever.
It was the most wonderful,beautiful, powerful confession I
ever had.
I fumbled through it-- I justlet it all out.
(16:32):
I confessed everything to thispriest.
I think my husband was worriedbecause I was taking so long.
I come out of the confessionaland I'm just like bawling and
the look on his face.
He's like, shock, concern,confusion, right?
And I told him everything.
This is my story.
This is me.
And I even ended with thecaveat, you can just drop me off
(16:54):
home and we will just pretendlike this never happened and
it'll be okay.
But he didn't and so I alwaystell people when I meet them, my
husband saved my life.
He is helping to make me holyevery single day.
Carol (17:09):
So again, God was quietly working in your life, even if
you didn't realize it at thetime.
How did this man, whom wouldbecome your husband, save your
life?
Abby (17:19):
It's through God, but my husband really truly did save my
life by taking me to confessionthat day.
To everything else that happenedin my life, he surrounded me
with all of these people that hewas friends with again, just a
church community, right?
He was a youth minister and hehad all these friends and had
this huge community of people.
(17:40):
They were so nice.
Nobody was judging me that hereI am this single mom with two
kids They were just sowelcoming.
And you would think that wouldbe amazing, but it really
freaked me out.
I got really in my head, becauseI just thought to myself this
isn't genuine.
They're only doing this becausethey're his friends, and because
they have to, but they don'treally care about me, they don't
(18:02):
care about the kids.
There it is again-- rejectingGod's love.
But here God is giving me all ofthese blessings through more
people.
All of these friends throughthis wonderful man I just met.
So I remember we were engaged atthis point and an ACTS retreat
is coming up and he says, Ithink it'd be really cool if you
(18:22):
go on this ACTS retreat.
A lot of the girls from ourfriend circle-- they're going to
be there.
I don't want to go to a retreat,but I feel like I have to now.
So the whole time during thisretreat, I'm just talking to
God, I'm praying and saying God,what do you want?
I'm not getting anything out ofthis retreat.
So it's the last day of theretreat and they're giving a
talk about community.
(18:43):
And the person that's giving thetalk is my husband's best
friend.
She's amazing.
She was one of the nicest onesin that whole group and also the
one I was the most standoffishbecause I was in disbelief that
somebody could be this kind andloving.
So she's giving the talk aboutcommunity and she talks about
meeting me and about communityand how it's affected her life.
(19:04):
That's when it just hit me overthe head and I was just like,
okay, God, I get it.
I realize that all of thesepeople that God was sending me--
this man, his friend circle, theladies altar society, my church
community, the priest that hadhelped me get through
everything.
That was God sending me all ofthese things through these
(19:25):
people who were there to help medeepen my faith.
I had to realize that God cameback for me, that he left the 99
to come back for me.
I was worthy of his love,regardless of my upbringing,
regardless of the decisions thatI made, regardless of where I
was in my faith at that time.
God had never left me.
I had always been worthy of hislove, and he was showing that to
(19:49):
me through these wonderfulpeople.
Carol (19:51):
So God used this faith community to show you your worth
and confirm his love for you.
What does your life look likenow?
How has God called you to goforth from here?
Abby (20:02):
The challenges are still there, right?
But they're just different typesof challenges than what I
experienced, 15, 20 years ago.
It's different now.
Me and my husband got married.
We have five children now.
We're involved in our parishcommunity.
We've both had our own sets ofchallenges individually and as a
(20:25):
husband and wife.
Both of our moms passed awaywithin a year of each other.
That was something that wereally had to lean on our faith
and lean on each other as amarried couple.
Also just the day to day life ofus both working, having five
children, and trying to squeezeeverything else in, but always
ensuring that we're keeping Godcenter.
(20:49):
So I think today things look alittle different for us.
I feel God's called me to sharemy story, to tell other people
that God loves you.
He loves you even when you feellike you're unlovable.
He loves you when you fall.
He loves you when you makemistakes.
He loves you when you're prayingall the time.
He loves you when you don't prayat all.
(21:10):
God is there.
He's present.
And if you just have a littlebit of hope and a little bit of
faith, that's all you need.
You might leave God, you mightwant to turn away from him, but
he'll never leave you and he'llnever turn away from you.
Carol (21:25):
So your favorite scripture is the one we opened
with.
Philippians 4.
I'll read just a few of theverses again.
Rejoice in the Lord always.
I shall say it again.
Rejoice.
Have no anxiety at all, but ineverything, by prayer and
petition, with thanksgiving,make your requests known to God.
(21:48):
Keep on doing what you havelearned, and received, and
heard, and seen in me.
Then the God of peace will bewith you.
It's such a beautiful and richscripture.
Abby (22:01):
It is.
Even just verse four, right?
Rejoice in the Lord always, Ishould say it again, rejoice.
And even in those moments whereyou think, Why should I be
rejoicing at, this awful thingthat happened?" It's just all of
those moments where I just feltlike I needed help and I didn't
know what to do and just havingthat little bit of faith that
(22:24):
God would hear me in that timeof need.
And he did And my life is somuch greater.
And, it's all because of Him.
I'm just so thankful.
Thankful for Him, and for justeven the crosses that I've
bared.
Because it just has shown me howgood He is.
Carol (22:42):
Thank you again, Abby.
I love your story because Ithink that so many of us feel
unworthy and unloved atdifferent points in our lives.
And through your communities,you truly found the peace of
God.
I'm also moved by the people whocame into your life.
We may never even realize how asmall gesture of kindness and
(23:03):
love can so dramatically changesomeone else's life.
It may cost us very little, butit can be worth more than gold
to someone who is desperate forcompassion and love.
Abby, I know your story is goingto move at least one heart
towards Jesus and I'm sure it'sgoing to impact many more hearts
than that.
Abby (23:22):
Thank you so much for allowing me to share God's love
through these words.
Carol (23:26):
Of course! And we welcome everyone who would like to
become involved in this movementof moving hearts toward Jesus.
We'd love for you to become oneof our storytellers and share
your own story.
You can also get involvedthrough a much appreciated
donation to help produce theepisodes and fund retreat
scholarships.
Go togodisgoodpodcast.com/joinus for
(23:52):
more information and until nexttime friends.
Remember God is good.
Abby (23:59):
All the time.
Carol (24:00):
Amen.
Abby (24:01):
Amen.
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