February 15, 2025 • 20 mins
Jacy's life began in a world where love and tenderness were often overshadowed by chaos and pain. Her early years were marked with glimpses of love followed by dramatic episodes that pulled her out of security and left her feeling like a “ping pong ball.”
As Jacy grew older, the weight of her past began to take its toll. She made decisions out of desperation and stayed in untenable situations because she was desperately seeking love.
During a retreat, Jacy had two life-changing encounters – one that caused her momentary devastation and one that filled her soul with peace.
Her transformation enabled her to address difficult decisions she had made in the past and build a life centered on serving Jesus.
Join us as we celebrate Jacy's remarkable journey and the profound impact of her encounter with Jesus. Her story is not just one of personal transformation, but a beacon of hope for all who seek to find their way out of darkness and into the light. May her journey inspire you to embrace your own path, to find solace in your faith, and to believe in the possibility of a brighter future.
Our goal with this episode is to move at least one heart toward God -- is it yours? Let us know! And if you'd like to get involved by becoming a storyteller or donating to the movement, please visit:
Web: godisgoodpodcast.com
Social: www.facebook.com/groups/godisgoodpodcast/
Some of our episodes mention the ACTS Retreat, which is an evangelization retreat from ACTS Missions in San Antonio, TX: www.actsmissions.org.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carol (00:13):
Welcome to the God is Good podcast, where we share
stories of those who havereignited their faith in Jesus
and experienced remarkable lifetransformations.
My name is Carol O'Brien, andI'm your host for this podcast.
If our episodes touch yourheart, and you would like to get
involved and help us on ourmission of moving hearts toward
(00:33):
Jesus, please listen to the endof this episode to learn how.
Jesus said to them, peace bewith you.
As the Father has sent me, so Isend you.
And when he had said this, hebreathed on them, and said to
them, Receive the Holy Spirit,whose sins you forgive are
(00:56):
forgiven, and whose sins youretain are retained." John 20,
verses 21 through 23.
Hello Friends in Christ.
Welcome to this episode.
I'm pleased to introduce you toour next storyteller and my
friend, Jacy.
Jacy's journey is a testament toresilience and faith, marked by
(01:18):
dramatic childhood experiencesand a series of difficult
decisions in adulthood.
Her story, though filled withtrials, is ultimately one of
profound transformation andunwavering faith.
When a friend urged Jacy to goon a spiritual retreat she
really didn't want to go.
(01:38):
Once there, she decided it wastime to cleanse her soul of the
bad decisions she had made as anadult.
The initial outcome was not whatshe had hoped for, leaving her
completely devastated until shehad a life changing encounter
with Jesus.
This encounter marked a turningpoint, igniting a profound
spiritual transformation andrenewal within her.
(02:01):
Let me stop here and tell you alittle bit about Jacy.
She is blessed with a wonderful,supportive husband who has been
a steadfast partner through hertrials and triumphs.
Together, they have two amazingsons.
Health challenges have neverslowed her down, and she very
tirelessly serves her churchcommunity with love and grace.
(02:24):
Without further delay, let'shear from Jacy.
Hi, lovely.
Welcome to the podcast.
Jacy (02:29):
Hey, Carol.
Thanks.
I'm happy to be here, and thankyou for giving me an opportunity
to share my story.
Carol (02:36):
Well, we're excited to hear your transformation, so
let's get right into it.
It's one that really touches medeeply, having known you as a
friend, but not knowing thedepths of your story.
Can you share your early lifewith us?
Jacy (02:50):
Yeah, my childhood was rough.
I mean, there was a lot ofabuse.
It's almost too much when youlook at where I am now and
realize all of the things thathappened to me.
Let me start at the beginning.
I was unplanned, and my parentsdid wind up getting married, but
that was really not the bestthing, because my father was
(03:12):
very abusive.
By the time I was a few yearsold, my mom had had enough, as
she should.
But he was a very persistent,very bad, bad person.
He would force his way into herapartment and he made sure I was
in the room every time he wouldforce his way in to beat her up.
It was horrible.
I think about that what wouldthat have done to a child to see
(03:36):
that?
So she feared for her life andhe took me and dumped me at my
grandparents house, which ispretty much what she thought
would happen.
She knew that he didn't reallywant me.
I was just a pawn in the wholecontrol thing that he had.
So I lived with my grandparentsfor a while and then they sent
me to live with an aunt anduncle in Puerto Rico.
(03:58):
And I lived there for a fewyears.
My life was pretty easy andpretty calm.
My aunt was very strict.
But she was also very loving.
I knew that I was loved and thatwas a really good place to be
after some of the stuff I hadgone through.
Well, in the meantime, my fatherwound up getting remarried.
He tricked my aunt into flyingus back to New York for a visit.
(04:24):
That was when he told my auntthat"No, Jacy will not be going
back to Puerto Rico with you.
And no, you cannot say goodbye."So you can imagine at six years
old, this is pretty devastating.
Carol (04:35):
Everything you knew, your whole life, it suddenly changed.
I imagine that had a dramaticeffect on your life.
Jacy (04:43):
Exactly.
So when my mom found out that myfather had me again, she tried
to file for custody with thecourt.
And she was actually grantedcustody and she brought me to
live with her at her parents'house.
My father appealed to the court.
On paper, it looked like myfather was the better choice
steady job and a new wife and ahouse on Long Island and a baby,
(05:08):
all kinds of stability.
They didn't realize that he wasabusive.
My mom at the time took care ofelderly relatives So she didn't
have a job, but her job withinthe family was to take care of
these two elderly women who werefamily members.
And it was the seventies.
It was a time where dad's rightswere this new found thing.
(05:31):
And so, my mom got word that shewas about to lose custody of me.
So, she did the only thing thatshe could think to do.
She and her parents arranged forher to take a trip with me to
Southern Illinois, where herbrother lived with his family.
And we would essentially hide.
(05:51):
Well, live there for a fewmonths I was enrolled in a
Catholic school.
And my father figured out whereI was through various means,
both legal and illegal.
He and my uncle went and got awhole tour of the school.
It just so happened that gymclass was letting out at that
time And I saw my father and myuncle as we were starting to
(06:11):
come down the stairs as a class.
I freaked out and I ran up thestairs crying at my gym teacher
because I knew he wasn'tsupposed to be there.
Something was wrong.
My gym teacher didn't know thatthese men were here pretending
to be something that theyweren't.
Next thing I know, he's puttingme in the car and we start
(06:33):
driving.
So here's my father drivingthrough this parking lot like a
madman, nuns chasing after him,me crying hysterically.
He found this narrow gap thathappened to be in between two
buildings and made his escape.
It was just horrible.
Can you imagine being sevenyears old and going through all
this?
During this entire time of mylife, I feel like a ping pong
(06:55):
ball.
I have no control.
I'm being bounced aroundeverywhere.
Ping pong ball.
That was who I believed myselfto be.
Carol (07:02):
Oh my goodness, it was one traumatic experience after
another.
I know you were young, but doyou remember God being in your
life?
Do you remember having afoundation of any kind of faith?
Jacy (07:14):
Not really.
I vaguely knew that I wasCatholic because that's what I
was told.
I went to that Catholic schoolfor that very brief time and I
remember being really excitedthat I would be making my first
communion.
I was in second grade and thenthe whole kidnapping thing
happened and it didn't happen.
Carol (07:34):
So let me understand, because of the court order, your
father legally had custody ofyou at that time.
Jacy (07:40):
He did.
And because my mother had takenme out of state, she lost all
right to appeal and fight this.
So, after I came back to NewYork, my father managed to
convince a local Catholic schoolI needed to be there to keep me
safe from my mother kidnappingme.
How ironic is that?
(08:00):
But those three years of my lifewere honestly the best years of
my childhood.
Even though I was dealing withabuse at home, at school, it was
safe.
I had a fourth grade teacher whowas a nun and that's where I
learned the rosary.
I actively wanted to go to Mass.
I thought that that would be agreat place to be and I believed
(08:23):
in God and wanted to be thereand I started going with a
friend.
Then my father forbid me fromgoing, so that didn't last very
long.
But I knew God was there.
I prayed in my own way.
Whenever I was in trouble, Iwould pray.
But it was rough, God was there,but I didn't really feel Him I
never stopped believing, but Ididn't really necessarily feel
(08:46):
His presence.
Carol (08:48):
So let's talk about when you were a young adult.
How would you describe yourfaith at that point?
Were you passionate about God?
Were you indifferent?
Jacy (08:57):
I was pretty far away from faith.
I mean, I always knew God wassort of there, but I had been
let down so many times by somany people in my life.
I didn't trust anybody.
And I certainly didn't trustGod.
Why would he let me go throughall this stuff?
I made my escape when I was 19.
(09:18):
I moved across the country withmy then boyfriend.
It was legitimately just anescape from the abusive
household that I was in.
It was not a good marriage.
He did not support me in any ofthe things that I wanted to do.
But somehow in all of thisweirdness of my childhood, I
(09:38):
didn't want to be that personwho gets a divorce.
So I did whatever I had to do tostay in that marriage.
I made some really bad choices.
And I was so far from thechurch.
I had given up by that point onasking God for help.
I was just really trying to staymarried.
(09:58):
I mean, it sounds ridiculous nowbecause he was so bad for me.
Carol (10:03):
But you were just trying to survive.
I've been talking with a numberof people through this podcast
and I'm finding story afterstory of how if we don't have
love and stability in ourchildhood, we grow to a point
where we're just trying to findsomething to fill those holes in
our hearts.
Jacy (10:23):
Exactly.
I just wanted to be loved.
And I followed this man toNorthern California for his
career.
I followed this man to Austin,Texas for his career.
I kept putting myself dead lastin all of it.
And then, when I was 26 yearsold, I became disabled.
Within a year of that, he dumpedme.
(10:44):
I was no longer useful to him.
Carol (10:47):
That must have been so hard.
What happened then?
Jacy (10:50):
I moved to Illinois when I was dumped and I met the man who
would become my husband.
I met the right person at theworst time.
My divorce wasn't even final atthat point.
Although I will tell you we'vebeen married at this point for
25 and a half years.
So it was obviously the rightdecision.
(11:10):
When I was pregnant, I startedto feel a longing for God.
My husband had been raisedmarginally Lutheran so I got my
boys baptized in a Lutheranchurch thinking I'm trying to
move toward faith.
Every once in a while, I wouldbe drawn to the Catholic church.
As my kids were going throughtheir early childhood years,
(11:31):
every once in a while, I'd wakeup on a Sunday and say, Hmm, I'm
going to go to church today.
And I would go, and I don't knowhow God did this, but every time
the priest would be up there inthe homily, talking directly to
me telling me exactly what Ineeded to hear in that moment,
and it was incredible.
That same year, my good friendwent on a Cursio retreat.
(11:53):
And she came back from thatretreat on fire.
She said,"Jacy, you need to goon this retreat." So I went
several months later.
And that first night I was soout of place.
I didn't want to be there.
I'm looking around going, allthese people are going to be
talking about God all weekendlong.
(12:13):
This is going to be ridiculous.
But I didn't have a car, and Ididn't even have my phone, so it
wasn't as though I could justget up and leave.
So I'm like, alright, I'm justgonna do this.
I had a lot of time to thinkabout why am I here, what am I
doing, what am I going to getout of this.
So I waited in the line and Iwent to confession for all those
(12:35):
bad decisions I made, especiallyin my first marriage.
And I spilled the beans.
Everything that I had done.
And I was ready for what youexpect when you go to
confession-- you expectabsolution.
It's not what I got.
He told me there would be noabsolution unless I made
(12:56):
monumental changes to my life.
Changes that seemed impossible.
I never got my first marriageannulled.
I was in a civil marriage.
Well, there's no absolution ifyou're living in that situation.
I was devastated at that point.
Here I was laying it all out,laying my soul out to God at
(13:17):
this point.
And he didn't give me what Ineeded.
Carol (13:20):
I can't imagine what you were feeling in that moment.
You were prepared to receivethat cleansing of your soul and
it didn't happen.
Jacy (13:28):
Yeah, exactly.
It was absolutely devastating.
How could I even be hereanymore?
How could I continue?
And I actively started trying tofigure out how to escape.
Carol (13:40):
Now, isn't that interesting?
You used the same word, escape,when you talked about wanting to
get out of an abusive house.
And then fast forward, you're inan environment where you thought
was going to be loving andprotective, and maybe it was,
but you couldn't see it at thatpoint, and the first thing you
needed to do was"escape."
Jacy (14:00):
Right.
And I wanted not just out of theretreat, I wanted out of my life
because what's the point anymoreif I can't be forgiven?
I went to bed that night, justcrying and crying.
The next day I thought tomyself, okay, well, I must have
misunderstood.
I knew my faith well enough toknow that that's not how this is
(14:20):
supposed to work, or so Ithought.
And I sought out the priestagain.
And he spent another long periodof time with me.
And I was still devastated, buthe said,"Jacy, I'm going to help
you through this.
I'm going to help you getthrough the annulment.
You just have to trust, but I'mgoing to help you." Well, I was
still pretty devastated.
(14:40):
I was still on the retreat, butI was going through the motions.
We were in a room with theexposed Blessed Sacrament and we
were praying the rosary.
In the same room, there was aportrait of Jesus.
I was sitting there, with myrosary beads, when all of a
sudden out of the corner of myeye, I noticed something odd.
The portrait of Jesus wasbreathing.
(15:02):
Like when you're outside on acold day and you see the breath.
That's exactly what I wasseeing.
I'm looking around like, wait,is anybody else seeing this?
Because this was weird.
And this just didn't make anysense.
Somebody else has got to beseeing this if this is
happening.
And every time I looked aroundto see what other people would
(15:22):
be seeing, nobody else wasnoticing this.
And every time I looked back atthe portrait, his face was
becoming more and morephysically there.
So he went from being a flatportrait with a breath coming
out of him to a threedimensional person in the
portrait, breathing.
Carol (15:44):
What a monumental experience.
It must have been life changing.
Jacy (15:48):
It was.
When I looked back at him inthis three dimensional being, I
realized that he was theresomehow for me and a peace just
washed over me.
It was a peace that I didn'tfully understand.
Like I didn't really evenunderstand the implications of
it yet.
I just knew somehow Jesus wasthere.
(16:11):
He stayed with me for theentirety of that rosary.
And then as we closed theprayers.
I looked back and He was gone.
But it changed me.
I went from being at the lowestpoint in my life to realizing
that no matter what this processis going to look like, it's
going to be okay.
Carol (16:31):
I love that.
What I see is that the healingyou were seeking began.
It didn't come in the form youexpected, but God was working
for your good.
Jacy (16:41):
Exactly.
And then here's the reallyinteresting thing about all of
that.
I was enrolled in classes to getconfirmed.
We were talking about thesacrament of reconciliation and
the part in the Bible whereJesus breathed on his disciples.
And I just started bawlingbecause up until that point, I
(17:04):
hadn't quite realized the exactsignificance of the breath.
Carol (17:09):
Let me read the scripture again.
John 20, verses 21 through 23.
"Jesus said to them, Peace bewith you.
As the father has sent me.
So I send you and when he saidthis he breathed on them and
said to them, Receive the HolySpirit whose sins you forgive
(17:30):
are forgiven and whose sins youretain are retained." As we're
wrapping up, is there anythingelse you want to share about
your story?
Jacy (17:39):
Yeah, I wound up meeting with the priest who had been on
the retreat, and he started meon the paperwork for my
annulment.
He drove almost an hour one way,just to get to my house to do
the Pre-Cana classes with myhusband and myself.
The annulment went through andmy husband and I married in
church on our 12th anniversary,which was really special.
Carol (18:01):
You're so right.
That's very special andbeautiful.
Jacy, you've clearly beentouched by the peace of Jesus.
Thank you so much for sharing.
I hope our listeners areinspired by your story.
Many of us have wounds fromchildhood that directly impact
the decisions we make as adults.
Your story of love and peace isa reminder that God has a plan
(18:24):
for us that is good.
It may take us a while to followGod's will, but it's never too
late to literally orfiguratively feel his loving
breath on us.
Jacy (18:35):
Thank you, Carol.
My hope for anyone hearing thisis that people will realize
God's there.
Even when you think He's givenup on you.
He doesn't, He doesn't ever giveup on you.
And that is what has gotten methrough some very difficult
times in my life.
Carol (18:54):
Thanks again, Jacy.
We welcome everyone who wouldlike to become involved in this
movement.
We're moving hearts towardsJesus, and there are really
great ways for you to getinvolved.
One way is by becoming astoryteller and sharing your
story.
And second, we humbly ask you toconsider donating to the podcast
(19:15):
via a small one time or monthlydonation.
The funds will help us producethe podcast and even allow us to
offer some spiritual retreatscholarships.
You can do both of these thingsat GodIsGoodPodcast.com/joinus.
All of your support, whetherit's a donation, a like, a
(19:35):
follow, or even sharing thepodcast with a friend, is so
appreciated.
It really helps us move as manyhearts as possible toward Jesus.
Until next time, friends,remember, God is good.
Jacy (19:49):
All the time.
Carol (19:50):
Amen.
Jacy (19:51):
Amen.
Welcome to the God is Good podcast, where we share
stories of those who havereignited their faith in Jesus
and experienced remarkable lifetransformations.
My name is Carol O'Brien, andI'm your host for this podcast.
If our episodes touch yourheart, and you would like to get
involved and help us on ourmission of moving hearts toward
(00:33):
Jesus, please listen to the endof this episode to learn how.
Jesus said to them, peace bewith you.
As the Father has sent me, so Isend you.
And when he had said this, hebreathed on them, and said to
them, Receive the Holy Spirit,whose sins you forgive are
(00:56):
forgiven, and whose sins youretain are retained." John 20,
verses 21 through 23.
Hello Friends in Christ.
Welcome to this episode.
I'm pleased to introduce you toour next storyteller and my
friend, Jacy.
Jacy's journey is a testament toresilience and faith, marked by
(01:18):
dramatic childhood experiencesand a series of difficult
decisions in adulthood.
Her story, though filled withtrials, is ultimately one of
profound transformation andunwavering faith.
When a friend urged Jacy to goon a spiritual retreat she
really didn't want to go.
(01:38):
Once there, she decided it wastime to cleanse her soul of the
bad decisions she had made as anadult.
The initial outcome was not whatshe had hoped for, leaving her
completely devastated until shehad a life changing encounter
with Jesus.
This encounter marked a turningpoint, igniting a profound
spiritual transformation andrenewal within her.
(02:01):
Let me stop here and tell you alittle bit about Jacy.
She is blessed with a wonderful,supportive husband who has been
a steadfast partner through hertrials and triumphs.
Together, they have two amazingsons.
Health challenges have neverslowed her down, and she very
tirelessly serves her churchcommunity with love and grace.
(02:24):
Without further delay, let'shear from Jacy.
Hi, lovely.
Welcome to the podcast.
Jacy (02:29):
Hey, Carol.
Thanks.
I'm happy to be here, and thankyou for giving me an opportunity
to share my story.
Carol (02:36):
Well, we're excited to hear your transformation, so
let's get right into it.
It's one that really touches medeeply, having known you as a
friend, but not knowing thedepths of your story.
Can you share your early lifewith us?
Jacy (02:50):
Yeah, my childhood was rough.
I mean, there was a lot ofabuse.
It's almost too much when youlook at where I am now and
realize all of the things thathappened to me.
Let me start at the beginning.
I was unplanned, and my parentsdid wind up getting married, but
that was really not the bestthing, because my father was
(03:12):
very abusive.
By the time I was a few yearsold, my mom had had enough, as
she should.
But he was a very persistent,very bad, bad person.
He would force his way into herapartment and he made sure I was
in the room every time he wouldforce his way in to beat her up.
It was horrible.
I think about that what wouldthat have done to a child to see
(03:36):
that?
So she feared for her life andhe took me and dumped me at my
grandparents house, which ispretty much what she thought
would happen.
She knew that he didn't reallywant me.
I was just a pawn in the wholecontrol thing that he had.
So I lived with my grandparentsfor a while and then they sent
me to live with an aunt anduncle in Puerto Rico.
(03:58):
And I lived there for a fewyears.
My life was pretty easy andpretty calm.
My aunt was very strict.
But she was also very loving.
I knew that I was loved and thatwas a really good place to be
after some of the stuff I hadgone through.
Well, in the meantime, my fatherwound up getting remarried.
He tricked my aunt into flyingus back to New York for a visit.
(04:24):
That was when he told my auntthat"No, Jacy will not be going
back to Puerto Rico with you.
And no, you cannot say goodbye."So you can imagine at six years
old, this is pretty devastating.
Carol (04:35):
Everything you knew, your whole life, it suddenly changed.
I imagine that had a dramaticeffect on your life.
Jacy (04:43):
Exactly.
So when my mom found out that myfather had me again, she tried
to file for custody with thecourt.
And she was actually grantedcustody and she brought me to
live with her at her parents'house.
My father appealed to the court.
On paper, it looked like myfather was the better choice
steady job and a new wife and ahouse on Long Island and a baby,
(05:08):
all kinds of stability.
They didn't realize that he wasabusive.
My mom at the time took care ofelderly relatives So she didn't
have a job, but her job withinthe family was to take care of
these two elderly women who werefamily members.
And it was the seventies.
It was a time where dad's rightswere this new found thing.
(05:31):
And so, my mom got word that shewas about to lose custody of me.
So, she did the only thing thatshe could think to do.
She and her parents arranged forher to take a trip with me to
Southern Illinois, where herbrother lived with his family.
And we would essentially hide.
(05:51):
Well, live there for a fewmonths I was enrolled in a
Catholic school.
And my father figured out whereI was through various means,
both legal and illegal.
He and my uncle went and got awhole tour of the school.
It just so happened that gymclass was letting out at that
time And I saw my father and myuncle as we were starting to
(06:11):
come down the stairs as a class.
I freaked out and I ran up thestairs crying at my gym teacher
because I knew he wasn'tsupposed to be there.
Something was wrong.
My gym teacher didn't know thatthese men were here pretending
to be something that theyweren't.
Next thing I know, he's puttingme in the car and we start
(06:33):
driving.
So here's my father drivingthrough this parking lot like a
madman, nuns chasing after him,me crying hysterically.
He found this narrow gap thathappened to be in between two
buildings and made his escape.
It was just horrible.
Can you imagine being sevenyears old and going through all
this?
During this entire time of mylife, I feel like a ping pong
(06:55):
ball.
I have no control.
I'm being bounced aroundeverywhere.
Ping pong ball.
That was who I believed myselfto be.
Carol (07:02):
Oh my goodness, it was one traumatic experience after
another.
I know you were young, but doyou remember God being in your
life?
Do you remember having afoundation of any kind of faith?
Jacy (07:14):
Not really.
I vaguely knew that I wasCatholic because that's what I
was told.
I went to that Catholic schoolfor that very brief time and I
remember being really excitedthat I would be making my first
communion.
I was in second grade and thenthe whole kidnapping thing
happened and it didn't happen.
Carol (07:34):
So let me understand, because of the court order, your
father legally had custody ofyou at that time.
Jacy (07:40):
He did.
And because my mother had takenme out of state, she lost all
right to appeal and fight this.
So, after I came back to NewYork, my father managed to
convince a local Catholic schoolI needed to be there to keep me
safe from my mother kidnappingme.
How ironic is that?
(08:00):
But those three years of my lifewere honestly the best years of
my childhood.
Even though I was dealing withabuse at home, at school, it was
safe.
I had a fourth grade teacher whowas a nun and that's where I
learned the rosary.
I actively wanted to go to Mass.
I thought that that would be agreat place to be and I believed
(08:23):
in God and wanted to be thereand I started going with a
friend.
Then my father forbid me fromgoing, so that didn't last very
long.
But I knew God was there.
I prayed in my own way.
Whenever I was in trouble, Iwould pray.
But it was rough, God was there,but I didn't really feel Him I
never stopped believing, but Ididn't really necessarily feel
(08:46):
His presence.
Carol (08:48):
So let's talk about when you were a young adult.
How would you describe yourfaith at that point?
Were you passionate about God?
Were you indifferent?
Jacy (08:57):
I was pretty far away from faith.
I mean, I always knew God wassort of there, but I had been
let down so many times by somany people in my life.
I didn't trust anybody.
And I certainly didn't trustGod.
Why would he let me go throughall this stuff?
I made my escape when I was 19.
(09:18):
I moved across the country withmy then boyfriend.
It was legitimately just anescape from the abusive
household that I was in.
It was not a good marriage.
He did not support me in any ofthe things that I wanted to do.
But somehow in all of thisweirdness of my childhood, I
(09:38):
didn't want to be that personwho gets a divorce.
So I did whatever I had to do tostay in that marriage.
I made some really bad choices.
And I was so far from thechurch.
I had given up by that point onasking God for help.
I was just really trying to staymarried.
(09:58):
I mean, it sounds ridiculous nowbecause he was so bad for me.
Carol (10:03):
But you were just trying to survive.
I've been talking with a numberof people through this podcast
and I'm finding story afterstory of how if we don't have
love and stability in ourchildhood, we grow to a point
where we're just trying to findsomething to fill those holes in
our hearts.
Jacy (10:23):
Exactly.
I just wanted to be loved.
And I followed this man toNorthern California for his
career.
I followed this man to Austin,Texas for his career.
I kept putting myself dead lastin all of it.
And then, when I was 26 yearsold, I became disabled.
Within a year of that, he dumpedme.
(10:44):
I was no longer useful to him.
Carol (10:47):
That must have been so hard.
What happened then?
Jacy (10:50):
I moved to Illinois when I was dumped and I met the man who
would become my husband.
I met the right person at theworst time.
My divorce wasn't even final atthat point.
Although I will tell you we'vebeen married at this point for
25 and a half years.
So it was obviously the rightdecision.
(11:10):
When I was pregnant, I startedto feel a longing for God.
My husband had been raisedmarginally Lutheran so I got my
boys baptized in a Lutheranchurch thinking I'm trying to
move toward faith.
Every once in a while, I wouldbe drawn to the Catholic church.
As my kids were going throughtheir early childhood years,
(11:31):
every once in a while, I'd wakeup on a Sunday and say, Hmm, I'm
going to go to church today.
And I would go, and I don't knowhow God did this, but every time
the priest would be up there inthe homily, talking directly to
me telling me exactly what Ineeded to hear in that moment,
and it was incredible.
That same year, my good friendwent on a Cursio retreat.
(11:53):
And she came back from thatretreat on fire.
She said,"Jacy, you need to goon this retreat." So I went
several months later.
And that first night I was soout of place.
I didn't want to be there.
I'm looking around going, allthese people are going to be
talking about God all weekendlong.
(12:13):
This is going to be ridiculous.
But I didn't have a car, and Ididn't even have my phone, so it
wasn't as though I could justget up and leave.
So I'm like, alright, I'm justgonna do this.
I had a lot of time to thinkabout why am I here, what am I
doing, what am I going to getout of this.
So I waited in the line and Iwent to confession for all those
(12:35):
bad decisions I made, especiallyin my first marriage.
And I spilled the beans.
Everything that I had done.
And I was ready for what youexpect when you go to
confession-- you expectabsolution.
It's not what I got.
He told me there would be noabsolution unless I made
(12:56):
monumental changes to my life.
Changes that seemed impossible.
I never got my first marriageannulled.
I was in a civil marriage.
Well, there's no absolution ifyou're living in that situation.
I was devastated at that point.
Here I was laying it all out,laying my soul out to God at
(13:17):
this point.
And he didn't give me what Ineeded.
Carol (13:20):
I can't imagine what you were feeling in that moment.
You were prepared to receivethat cleansing of your soul and
it didn't happen.
Jacy (13:28):
Yeah, exactly.
It was absolutely devastating.
How could I even be hereanymore?
How could I continue?
And I actively started trying tofigure out how to escape.
Carol (13:40):
Now, isn't that interesting?
You used the same word, escape,when you talked about wanting to
get out of an abusive house.
And then fast forward, you're inan environment where you thought
was going to be loving andprotective, and maybe it was,
but you couldn't see it at thatpoint, and the first thing you
needed to do was"escape."
Jacy (14:00):
Right.
And I wanted not just out of theretreat, I wanted out of my life
because what's the point anymoreif I can't be forgiven?
I went to bed that night, justcrying and crying.
The next day I thought tomyself, okay, well, I must have
misunderstood.
I knew my faith well enough toknow that that's not how this is
(14:20):
supposed to work, or so Ithought.
And I sought out the priestagain.
And he spent another long periodof time with me.
And I was still devastated, buthe said,"Jacy, I'm going to help
you through this.
I'm going to help you getthrough the annulment.
You just have to trust, but I'mgoing to help you." Well, I was
still pretty devastated.
(14:40):
I was still on the retreat, butI was going through the motions.
We were in a room with theexposed Blessed Sacrament and we
were praying the rosary.
In the same room, there was aportrait of Jesus.
I was sitting there, with myrosary beads, when all of a
sudden out of the corner of myeye, I noticed something odd.
The portrait of Jesus wasbreathing.
(15:02):
Like when you're outside on acold day and you see the breath.
That's exactly what I wasseeing.
I'm looking around like, wait,is anybody else seeing this?
Because this was weird.
And this just didn't make anysense.
Somebody else has got to beseeing this if this is
happening.
And every time I looked aroundto see what other people would
(15:22):
be seeing, nobody else wasnoticing this.
And every time I looked back atthe portrait, his face was
becoming more and morephysically there.
So he went from being a flatportrait with a breath coming
out of him to a threedimensional person in the
portrait, breathing.
Carol (15:44):
What a monumental experience.
It must have been life changing.
Jacy (15:48):
It was.
When I looked back at him inthis three dimensional being, I
realized that he was theresomehow for me and a peace just
washed over me.
It was a peace that I didn'tfully understand.
Like I didn't really evenunderstand the implications of
it yet.
I just knew somehow Jesus wasthere.
(16:11):
He stayed with me for theentirety of that rosary.
And then as we closed theprayers.
I looked back and He was gone.
But it changed me.
I went from being at the lowestpoint in my life to realizing
that no matter what this processis going to look like, it's
going to be okay.
Carol (16:31):
I love that.
What I see is that the healingyou were seeking began.
It didn't come in the form youexpected, but God was working
for your good.
Jacy (16:41):
Exactly.
And then here's the reallyinteresting thing about all of
that.
I was enrolled in classes to getconfirmed.
We were talking about thesacrament of reconciliation and
the part in the Bible whereJesus breathed on his disciples.
And I just started bawlingbecause up until that point, I
(17:04):
hadn't quite realized the exactsignificance of the breath.
Carol (17:09):
Let me read the scripture again.
John 20, verses 21 through 23.
"Jesus said to them, Peace bewith you.
As the father has sent me.
So I send you and when he saidthis he breathed on them and
said to them, Receive the HolySpirit whose sins you forgive
(17:30):
are forgiven and whose sins youretain are retained." As we're
wrapping up, is there anythingelse you want to share about
your story?
Jacy (17:39):
Yeah, I wound up meeting with the priest who had been on
the retreat, and he started meon the paperwork for my
annulment.
He drove almost an hour one way,just to get to my house to do
the Pre-Cana classes with myhusband and myself.
The annulment went through andmy husband and I married in
church on our 12th anniversary,which was really special.
Carol (18:01):
You're so right.
That's very special andbeautiful.
Jacy, you've clearly beentouched by the peace of Jesus.
Thank you so much for sharing.
I hope our listeners areinspired by your story.
Many of us have wounds fromchildhood that directly impact
the decisions we make as adults.
Your story of love and peace isa reminder that God has a plan
(18:24):
for us that is good.
It may take us a while to followGod's will, but it's never too
late to literally orfiguratively feel his loving
breath on us.
Jacy (18:35):
Thank you, Carol.
My hope for anyone hearing thisis that people will realize
God's there.
Even when you think He's givenup on you.
He doesn't, He doesn't ever giveup on you.
And that is what has gotten methrough some very difficult
times in my life.
Carol (18:54):
Thanks again, Jacy.
We welcome everyone who wouldlike to become involved in this
movement.
We're moving hearts towardsJesus, and there are really
great ways for you to getinvolved.
One way is by becoming astoryteller and sharing your
story.
And second, we humbly ask you toconsider donating to the podcast
(19:15):
via a small one time or monthlydonation.
The funds will help us producethe podcast and even allow us to
offer some spiritual retreatscholarships.
You can do both of these thingsat GodIsGoodPodcast.com/joinus.
All of your support, whetherit's a donation, a like, a
(19:35):
follow, or even sharing thepodcast with a friend, is so
appreciated.
It really helps us move as manyhearts as possible toward Jesus.
Until next time, friends,remember, God is good.
Jacy (19:49):
All the time.
Carol (19:50):
Amen.
Jacy (19:51):
Amen.
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