October 4, 2024 • 31 mins
What happens when a professional therapist faces the unimaginable loss that she often helps others navigate? Meet Bridget Dunbar, a licensed marriage and family therapist who opens up about her heartfelt journey through the devastating loss of two children, including a stillbirth. Bridget's candid account reveals the stark contrast between her professional training and the raw reality of personal tragedy. She shares the emotional turmoil, including moments of questioning her faith, and how her relationship with God became a foundation of resilience and growth.
Grief isn't confined to the loss of a loved one—it can manifest in countless ways, leading us to profound introspection and transformation. This episode explores the complex emotions of grief and depression, emphasizing the importance of managing these feelings constructively. Bridget offers valuable insights into how grief, while harrowing, can be navigated with faith and intention, allowing for personal and spiritual growth. Listen to her discuss the power of choosing hope over hopelessness and inviting God's healing presence into the grieving process.
Finally, we delve into the power of community and the dangers of isolation during grief. Bridget shares wisdom from her book, available as a free download, which provides guidance on processing grief and integrating God's presence into one's healing journey. Her personal journey reinforces the necessity of connection and overcoming the fear that often accompanies loss. Bridget's story is a testament to the transformative power of divine love and serves as a source of hope and encouragement for anyone on a similar path.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and hello and welcome back God's diamonds in
the rough.
We are so glad to be before youone more time.
We hope all is well where youare.
I am your host, catherine.
Amen.
Michael is not here, but I dohave somebody who's hosting with
me, amen, and her name isBridget.
Bridget Dunbar.
(00:21):
She is a woman of God, amen,and ready to share her story,
amen, and we hope that you areready to hear it.
Amen.
So, before we get into it,y'all know we got to pray, but,
bridget, would you mind sayinghello to everyone?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Yes, hello, hello.
I'm so, so grateful to be here.
Thank you so much.
I cannot wait to get into itand just see what the Lord has
for today's podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Amen, amen.
Me as well.
I'm excited about it, so I hopey'all are.
Let's go ahead and pray.
Father, we thank you so muchfor your grace and your mercy.
Thank you, god, for justallowing us this opportunity.
God, this time with one another,this time with the diamonds,
(01:09):
god, but this time with you.
We pray, god, that you wouldspeak in a way that we can hear
what it is you have to say, forwe realize that everything that
is said is not for everyone, butthere is something here for
each and every one of us, and wejust pray, god, that you would
speak loud and clear, that wewill not miss it.
I pray, god, the blessings ofthe Lord will be upon your
people.
We pray a special prayer forthis young lady, amen, her
(01:31):
family, her ministry, for thosewho have experienced any type of
loss in that life.
God, which is all of us, and wejust pray, god, that you would
give us the words of life thatwould allow us to continue to
move forward.
God, we bless your name, webless your people, say thank you
.
We praise you in Jesus Christname.
(01:53):
We do pray amen, amen, amen,hallelujah, amen.
So, bridget, would you pleasetell us just a bit about
yourself and exactly what it isthat you do, because once you do
that, that's going to that'sgoing to kind of put our topic
in perspective, really bringinghome just a general idea of you
(02:18):
know, what God has for you toshare with us has for you to
share with us.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yes, yes, thank you.
Well, so, first and foremost,I'm a wife, but I'm also a
mother of two angel babies, so Idid have a early term
miscarriage.
I also had a son who I gavebirth to, and he was still born
at birth, and so I went throughquite a bit in my process of
just grieving those losses in mylife.
(02:46):
And, you know, in the midst ofthat as well, I've been a
licensed marriage and familytherapist for over a decade.
I've been helping people walkthrough grief as well, and I
also coach with my husbandcurrently.
So you know, it's been quite ajourney, but I'm now so blessed
to also be helping othersnavigate this journey of grief
(03:10):
and loss.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Amen.
So I'm sure you woulddefinitely agree with me when I
say that it's much differentwhen you walk through it
yourself versus doing it basedoff a degree.
Would you agree with that?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yes, 100%.
You know you can prepare allday long for whatever is going
to come your way and you canhave all the education in the
world.
But once you actually walkthrough tragedy, loss, it's a
completely, completely it hitsyou differently.
You know when tragedy hits yourhome it hits differently yes, I
(03:50):
mean I.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
I'm a firm believer that you know, you can.
You might have an idea of whatI've been through, but until you
put on my shoes you reallydon't know what I'm, what I've
been through, amen, you know.
Uh, what did recovery look likefor you?
After you say you lost, youlost?
You said you lost a child andyou had a child stillborn, or is
(04:13):
this the same child we'retalking about?
So you had two.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
No, so I had a.
I have had two child losses,yes, and my second one was was
um, he almost a full term, had a, had gave birth to him but they
lost his heartbeat during laborand he was born stillborn.
So, yeah, that was.
It was such a shock because youknow you go into the hospital
(04:39):
expecting to give birth and itbeing the most joyous
celebration of your life, andyou leave empty handed and, you
know, heartbroken, not expectingthat your child was not going
to go home with you, and so youknow that that process was
definitely difficult for me.
It took me off guard and ithonestly it changed my life.
(05:03):
You know I was.
I was working in my church atthe time.
I was unable to continueministry after that, I was
unable to even work and seeclients after that for a period
of time.
So I really, you know, I tooktime to grieve and grieve deeply
with the Lord, and so it was.
It was a long process and yetthere's also so much that I
(05:27):
discovered in that about myself,about God, about even what I'm
capable of, what God created meto be capable of in the midst of
tragedy and loss like that.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
So during this, during your journey, did like
when you first happened, andwere you ever, you ever feel
like, were you like angry at God?
You know what I mean, because Iknow some people experience
that with such a loss.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Yeah, yeah, I think it's really natural to
experience that.
You know, I read a bookactually entitled Grief Loss and
the Goodness of God.
I read a book actually entitledGrief Loss and the Goodness of
God and in that I talk about myjourney through even my wrestle
with God, because I remember Igave the second, I gave birth.
(06:14):
Those in the room actuallyremember me saying, wow, god is
so good.
And so even in that moment, Ithink that my spirit just said
God, you're good.
Even still in the midst of this, I think that my spirit just
said God, you're good, evenstill in the midst of this.
And yet, as I began walking itout, part of my grief was really
beginning to question, like God, are you still good, how could
this happen?
(06:35):
And what is this?
Even you know, like, why doesthese things happen?
And so I did, I questionedeverything I knew.
I really you know, I think thatwhat it's very natural process
(06:57):
to question even the goodness ofGod and really search out, like
, where are you in this God andhow could you allow this to
happen, and all of those things.
And so for me personally, eventhough I did, I absolutely
wrestled with the Lord.
Even though I did, I absolutelywrestled with the Lord I chose
to really lean into Him and findthose questions answered
through my relationship with God.
And so, even in the midst of mequestioning all of that, I
(07:17):
really had to discover formyself who is God, in the midst
of my pain, in the midst of mytragedy.
And so, yeah, those questionswere absolutely present
throughout my grief and I got toactually experience the side of
God that I otherwise would nothave experienced before.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Right, and you know.
So you know, with all of thatsaid, it's definitely a thing
you know, you gotta.
It's like you remember a storyin the Bible where, um David, he
had that affair with Bathsheba,um, and got her pregnant and,
um, when his child was, you know, he was he, he had died and he
(07:57):
was, oh no, he.
What was it?
Was he about to die or had hedied already?
Speaker 2 (08:03):
He was yeah to die, or had he died already?
He was yeah, his child was was.
Are you talking about his child?
You know?
Um, I can't remember yeah, hischild was taken from him.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Yeah and for a lot.
For a while he was, he wentthrough that period of mourning
and then he just it was likethat was that time before god
where it was just like I can'tbelieve you know why did this
have to happen?
And you know, and all of that,and I said all of that to say
that that is normal.
(08:32):
You know, I think that asbelievers, we tend to think
we're supposed to have it alltogether and that you know,
we're not supposed to experiencethat period of mourning, that
period of anger, whatever haveyou.
And I think that I think thatthat's a misconception that the
world and decided oh well,you're you, y'all are supposed
(08:52):
to be this, that and the other,and but the reality is, even
Jesus wept, emotionally, evenJesus wept.
So why shouldn't?
Speaker 2 (09:03):
we.
You know, Well, and God, yeah,and you know, and God does not
promise that we would not, youknow, escape hardship, he, you
know, there there will betribulation and trials of of all
kinds, and yet his promise inthat is that he'll be there with
us.
And so you know, I think that isthe promise that I held on to,
(09:24):
even in just the depth of mydespair and the darkness that I
felt at the time was justsearching out, like God, where
are you in this?
And instead of for me trying tocast blame on God for the
trials and the tribulation andreally everything the enemy took
from me it was the enemy whostole, who killed in my life,
(09:46):
and in the midst of that I hadto really seek out, lord, where
are you in all of this?
And the gift, honestly, that Ibelieve that my grief and loss
brought me was discovering Godin the depths of my soul, in the
depths of just my agony is thathe is there with you and all
(10:07):
you need to do is really searchhim out and invite him into that
place that is so painful,because he absolutely is there
and he promises to be there evenin the depths of where we find
ourselves.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Girl, you said a whole lot.
I say that you said a whole lotbecause a lot of people,
unfortunately, they're notgetting it, they don't
understand that any relationshiphas its ups and downs.
And you know, despite how wefeel in that moment he is there,
(10:43):
absolutely feel in that momenthe is there, absolutely.
So you know, um, can you kindof paint a picture of of of like
, since you are a, you sayyou're a coach and a therapist,
correct?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
yes, you say yeah, I do quite a bit of things right.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
So what is it?
What does?
How would you if you had todefine grief?
Because I'm asking you thisquestion?
Because some people don'trealize that they're grieving or
mourning.
They don't.
(11:26):
They don whether or not they'regrieving or mourning and
experiencing you know, the sideeffects of the loss.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Well, I think with grief comes a lot of complex
emotions, complexity even injust the things that we're
thinking about wrestling with.
You know, in grief we begin tostart asking ourselves questions
that maybe we wouldn't askourselves regularly, like the
meaning of our life, or what'sthe point of existing, or you
(12:00):
know.
And then grief can also justlook like deep badness, deep
anguish of what maybe has beenlost in your life.
You know, grief obviously comesafter the loss of a significant
other, a death obviously, butpeople grieve in losses of all
kinds, and so you know, thattype of grief is really it's, I
(12:25):
say, you know, grief is actuallythe discovery of yourself.
And so you know when you'regrieving, you're actually
discovering depths of yourself,of your soul, of your emotions,
of your thoughts that youotherwise don't normally
consider or think about or go tooften.
And so you know, those who aregrieving are asking themselves
(12:48):
or thinking or feeling stuffthat they don't normally explore
.
And so I always say you know,grief is a gift.
There's so much about griefthat it's a gift that when you
experience grief of any kind,it's actually the Lord's
invitation for you to discovernot only yourself but Him,
(13:10):
deeper than you normally can ona regular daily basis.
And so grief, there's so manygifts of grief that I discovered
.
Now you know, obviously thosewho are grieving probably would
say it doesn't feel good, Idon't like it, Get me out as
soon as possible.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
But when you are, walking through it, if you can
remain in it, you can actuallydiscover depths of yourself and
of God that you otherwise, maybenormally, wouldn't consider.
Wow, I'm just like I'm kind ofblown away myself.
So, okay, let me take you, letme ask you this, okay.
Typically, people woulddescribe that type of sadness
(14:03):
and they would say, oh, I'mdepressed, or I got depressed,
I'm experiencing depression.
Would you say that grief andmourning grief slash, mourning
is the same as depressed ordepression?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, actually, you know, I actually go into this in
a whole chapter entitled Sad inmy book, and it talks about the
difference between what sadnesslooks like in normal grief and
what it turns into when itbecomes complicated grief or
grief that you remain stuck inand you can't get out of.
And I think that depression Imean you have feelings of
(14:37):
depression Depression is whenyou're just feeling so
hopelessly sad that you knowjust what used to be enjoyable
or meaningful no longer is, andso you know you get to a place
of just what is the meaning oflife.
That is completely normal ingrief to feel the depth of
sadness in that way.
(14:58):
What happens is that those whodwell there for long, extended
periods of time and don't knowhow to get themselves out of
that rut, it can turn intodepression or you know a longer
stage of sadness that actually Ibelieve the Lord never intended
(15:22):
for you to experience.
So you know, I do think thatthere is a level of sadness that
grief comes with, that we'reintended to feel and experience,
and then there's a part whereyou can become stuck in that and
you begin to lose hope in themidst of of that, where you just
(15:43):
you no longer see um a futurehope.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
That god.
Really, it boils down to choice.
That's what it sounds like.
It boils down to whether I'mgoing to turn to God or turn
away.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, it's really about what do you do with your
sadness.
It's not about escaping sadness.
Sadness is going to come deep,what I guess most people would
describe as depression, like thefeelings that come with
depression come with grief, andso those deep depressive
feelings, even thoughts, arenormal part of grief.
(16:35):
However, it's what do you dowith them that matters.
And so, you know, those whohave adopted an identity of
depression over them haveadopted beliefs that come with
hopelessness, that come with,you know, helplessness, and you
know, I believe, that the Lorddid not create us to leave us
(16:56):
there.
He actually gave us a way toturn, to give our hopelessness
and our helplessness to him andto receive something in exchange
that's so much better, right,like he, he transforms our ashes
into beauty, he gives us oil of, of gladness, you know, for for
all of the feelings that we'reexperiencing, and so it really
comes down to it's not aboutescaping those feelings, it's
(17:20):
about giving.
It's about turning them over tothe Lord and and letting him
heal those parts of your heartand your mind that need to be
transformed in order to moveforward.
And the only one who cantransform us, as we know, is the
Lord himself, and so he has tobe a part of that process
Otherwise, and so he has to be apart of that process.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Otherwise, this is where people get stuck in their
grief.
Yeah, so what, bridget and Iare really speaking to you,
diamond is you know that theLord understands what you're
going through right now and but,at the same time, gotta look
(18:09):
for god.
You gotta look for god, yougotta look for the light.
It's like you know you, it'slike it's a light there.
You know that it's there.
Mentally, you know it's thereand you gotta choose to walk
toward the light, because themore you walk toward the light,
the more you'll be able to see.
Because, but because the longeryou stay in darkness, even when
you come into the light, youwon't be able to see, cannot
stay in darkness.
(18:29):
God wants you to come into thelight and so, bridget, can you
please share with us about yourbook?
You said you wrote a book.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I wrote a book that actually helps
people do that.
So there's all you know there'smany that when I was grieving,
I was looking for resources justto help even educate me on,
like, what am I experiencing?
Is this normal?
Is this not normal?
Like, where's the are reallylooking for a path to healing
(19:03):
after the death of either achild, like I experienced, or of
a loved one.
And so I wrote it in such a waythat it doesn't matter who you
lost, but if you experiencedsignificant loss or death of a
loved one, how do you navigatethat toward healing and also,
you know, begin to invite theLord in that process.
(19:24):
And so my book is is reallyfull of just kind of topical
stuff that comes up naturally ingrief you know sadness, the
questioning of like what if?
what if?
Well, what if I did thisdifferently?
Or what if?
That you know, like just all ofthe natural things that, the
feelings that we have, thethoughts we have, and then you
(19:44):
know it takes you through just asoul searching journey of
inviting God into that processwith you.
And so there's questions,there's prompts, there's things
to do as well for those who feellike they have the energy to
really explore some of those,feel like they have the energy
(20:08):
to really explore some of those.
But I wanted to give a resourceto those who felt like they
were really just stuck in theirgrief and didn't have a clear
path forward or even know how tobegin to process or invite the
Lord into that process with them.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Okay, so where do we go to find that resource, madam?
Speaker 2 (20:26):
yeah, you can visit my website, bridgettenbarcom
forward slash grief and, forthose who are listening, I'm
also just giving a free downloadof my book, like I really just
want people it to be in people'shands and for them to find
healing and restoration of theirsoul with the Lord and in this
(20:46):
process, I don't believe we weremeant to walk in grief in a
sense of mourning forever, andso you know there's an
opportunity to download my bookfor free.
I also have a course availablefor those who prefer going
through kind of more educationor more in-depth.
(21:10):
So I'm creating resources forpeople to help them really
journey through grief well andto fully embrace really what
they're going through and findthe maximum healing that's
available to them that isawesome.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
That is awesome, um, because we live in a world where
you know people.
Uh, they really need help.
They really need and I'm sure apandemic was.
It was a terrible time for you.
I bet.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
It was a very busy time.
I played it a lot yeah yeahyeah, definitely.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
That's another question.
Why is it that we isolate whenwe're going through that grief
or loss?
Speaker 2 (21:54):
yeah, why is it that that seems to be the answer
isolation yeah, you know, it'sso funny because I, the very top
quote on my, on my book in theback, is grief is an individual,
is a deeply individual journey,but that's never to be traveled
alone.
And that's because you knowmost who do grief feel so alone,
(22:18):
like they feel like they're the.
You know, feel like they're the.
You know your, your whole worldbecomes your loss, and so you
know it's, it feels like there'sno one, there's nothing else in
the world that that you can see, other than that loss that is
right in front of you.
And so you know, with that, Ithink, that the enemy honestly
(22:41):
brings, uses that as opportunityto bring about, um, this lies
to our mind, you know, shamethat no one's going to
understand you.
Or, you know, whatever it isthat you're experiencing, I
think with guilt, or sorry, withwith grief also, like guilt can
arise, uh, in various forms.
You know, whether it'ssurvivor's guilt, whether it's
(23:03):
guilt of the what if?
You know, what if I didsomething differently?
Or you know, I this, these weremy last words, my last one,
whatever it was like.
There's so many differentelements that we experience in
grief and I think oftentimes wedon't know how to really share
that with others, we feel alonein it, and so it just naturally
causes us to isolate.
(23:24):
And I would say, you know, mycommunity was what got me
through, honestly, and I had toalmost throw myself at people
intentionally, because I justknew I needed others.
And yet I almost felt morecomfortable just being alone in
my bed and behind closed doorsbecause that was, I didn't have
(23:45):
anything to give to people, andso for me I felt like, how do I
show up?
I have nothing to give, so whywould anyone want to be around
me?
And, and it was just easier forme, I was able to reserve
energy more when I was alone andI just knew at some point that
just was not helpful or healingfor me, and so I had to learn to
(24:06):
let people love me, to letpeople to let love in, and I
(24:26):
think that oftentimes you knowwhen we're alone, that's when
the enemy can come after us andsay you know who are you to
whatever, receive this type oflove, attention, care, when you
have nothing to give back.
And so so you know learning to,to forgive too, to, to forgive
whatever it is in the process,yourself, others, and just be
able to and God as well and umand learn to love and receive
love again is an important partin that.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Amen.
What about fear?
Fear is a factor, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah, fear is huge.
I mean fear.
Yeah, fear is huge.
I mean, in a lot of ways, youknow, people fear death even.
In a lot of ways, people feardeath even.
And so, when it comes knockingat your door, all of your fears
that you once had become real,the fear of losing loved ones,
(25:27):
the fear of illness, the fear ofbad things happening right
around every corner, so itbecomes almost something that I
remember, actually a moment inmy grief journey where I had
fear come on me so much that Ifeared my life was going to
remain like this forever, likeit was never going to go back to
normal and I was never going tofeel like myself again, I was
never going to have any sort ofnormalcy.
And that fear was so strongthat what I had to do?
In that moment I woke up, Ilike shot out of bed, I'm like I
(25:49):
will not let fear hold me here.
And so I turn on worship musicand I just started marching
around the room and justshouting, like you know, praise
to the Lord, because I had totell my soul that you were going
to be okay and that this is notwhere your story ends and this
is not where God is going toleave you, and so I think fear
(26:09):
can come on to people.
When we have this, you knowexperience of loss and tragedy,
so with it comes fear and thespirit of fear, and so
recognizing that that is not,that is not a spirit, that is
not something that the Lord hasgiven us, it's actually, you
(26:30):
know, if anything, he's given usthe spirit of truth.
And to overcome fear, and sobeing able to recognize when
you're living in fear and knowthat that is not the Lord, and
knowing how to combat that isreally important, especially
when you're in such a vulnerablestate of grief.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Ooh, that was good.
I mean absolutely.
I mean you're just preachingand teaching truth, because that
is the truth.
You know, um, yeah, I mean Idon't know what else I can add
to that outside of you know, um,because I mean that's that's,
that's just the truth of it.
I mean I don't know what else Ican add to that outside of you
know, because I mean that's justthe truth of it.
I mean fear.
I mean, excuse me, grief andloss, and you know everything
(27:13):
that comes with it.
It is something that we allexperience in some facet of life
.
Whether it's a person, a home,something that was really
important to you, you lose it.
It's like you go through thatperiod of grieving and you gotta
allow yourself to grieve.
It's okay to grieve um becausethe the the the sooner you
(27:37):
grieve the loss, the sooneryou're able to heal and see god
in the midst, even in the themidst of whatever is going on
and what has happened.
So we just pray that thatencouraged you.
Don't forget to go to herwebsite, which is Bridget.
Bridget B-R-I-D-G-E-T-T Dunbar,d-u-n-b-a-r dot com backslash
(28:05):
grief, and she has a freeForward slash grief.
Oh, forward slash.
Did I say it wrong?
Oh, sorry, you're good.
She has a free resource Herbook.
You can get it.
It's a free download, and shealso has some course resources
available too.
So I would definitely gofurther and check this young
(28:26):
lady out.
Amen, bridget, would you do mea favor, would you please pray
us out of our conversation?
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yes, lord, I thank you so much for these listeners,
God, who I just pray right nowthat everyone who comes across
this podcast would just feelyour presence with them, that
they would feel your nearness,god, that they would experience
your love in ways that theytangibly have never felt before,
would hear just a message ofhope, that your voice would
(29:08):
speak to them and remind them ofwho you are and the hope you
have for them and the brightfuture that is still theirs and
promised, awaiting for them.
And so even now, lord, wouldyou just comfort those who are
mourning and provide for thosewho just feel lost, and so that
I just pray, also blessing onthis podcast.
Thank you for inviting me heretoday.
I just bless every listener inJesus name.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Amen, Amen.
Thank you so much, Bridget.
Did you have a final word forthe, for our before our diamonds
, before we get out of here?
Speaker 2 (29:51):
to hear the Lord is near, is nearer than you think,
and you're so loved and you'refound so precious in the sight
of God, and so thank you so muchfor having me here today.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
God bless you, amen.
All right, y'all.
Y'all know what time it is.
Remember until the next timetime you are a diamond in the
rough, amen, amen.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Amen Thank you.
Hello and hello and welcome back God's diamonds in
the rough.
We are so glad to be before youone more time.
We hope all is well where youare.
I am your host, catherine.
Amen.
Michael is not here, but I dohave somebody who's hosting with
me, amen, and her name isBridget.
Bridget Dunbar.
(00:21):
She is a woman of God, amen,and ready to share her story,
amen, and we hope that you areready to hear it.
Amen.
So, before we get into it,y'all know we got to pray, but,
bridget, would you mind sayinghello to everyone?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Yes, hello, hello.
I'm so, so grateful to be here.
Thank you so much.
I cannot wait to get into itand just see what the Lord has
for today's podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Amen, amen.
Me as well.
I'm excited about it, so I hopey'all are.
Let's go ahead and pray.
Father, we thank you so muchfor your grace and your mercy.
Thank you, god, for justallowing us this opportunity.
God, this time with one another,this time with the diamonds,
(01:09):
god, but this time with you.
We pray, god, that you wouldspeak in a way that we can hear
what it is you have to say, forwe realize that everything that
is said is not for everyone, butthere is something here for
each and every one of us, and wejust pray, god, that you would
speak loud and clear, that wewill not miss it.
I pray, god, the blessings ofthe Lord will be upon your
people.
We pray a special prayer forthis young lady, amen, her
(01:31):
family, her ministry, for thosewho have experienced any type of
loss in that life.
God, which is all of us, and wejust pray, god, that you would
give us the words of life thatwould allow us to continue to
move forward.
God, we bless your name, webless your people, say thank you
.
We praise you in Jesus Christname.
(01:53):
We do pray amen, amen, amen,hallelujah, amen.
So, bridget, would you pleasetell us just a bit about
yourself and exactly what it isthat you do, because once you do
that, that's going to that'sgoing to kind of put our topic
in perspective, really bringinghome just a general idea of you
(02:18):
know, what God has for you toshare with us has for you to
share with us.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yes, yes, thank you.
Well, so, first and foremost,I'm a wife, but I'm also a
mother of two angel babies, so Idid have a early term
miscarriage.
I also had a son who I gavebirth to, and he was still born
at birth, and so I went throughquite a bit in my process of
just grieving those losses in mylife.
(02:46):
And, you know, in the midst ofthat as well, I've been a
licensed marriage and familytherapist for over a decade.
I've been helping people walkthrough grief as well, and I
also coach with my husbandcurrently.
So you know, it's been quite ajourney, but I'm now so blessed
to also be helping othersnavigate this journey of grief
(03:10):
and loss.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Amen.
So I'm sure you woulddefinitely agree with me when I
say that it's much differentwhen you walk through it
yourself versus doing it basedoff a degree.
Would you agree with that?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yes, 100%.
You know you can prepare allday long for whatever is going
to come your way and you canhave all the education in the
world.
But once you actually walkthrough tragedy, loss, it's a
completely, completely it hitsyou differently.
You know when tragedy hits yourhome it hits differently yes, I
(03:50):
mean I.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
I'm a firm believer that you know, you can.
You might have an idea of whatI've been through, but until you
put on my shoes you reallydon't know what I'm, what I've
been through, amen, you know.
Uh, what did recovery look likefor you?
After you say you lost, youlost?
You said you lost a child andyou had a child stillborn, or is
(04:13):
this the same child we'retalking about?
So you had two.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
No, so I had a.
I have had two child losses,yes, and my second one was was
um, he almost a full term, had a, had gave birth to him but they
lost his heartbeat during laborand he was born stillborn.
So, yeah, that was.
It was such a shock because youknow you go into the hospital
(04:39):
expecting to give birth and itbeing the most joyous
celebration of your life, andyou leave empty handed and, you
know, heartbroken, not expectingthat your child was not going
to go home with you, and so youknow that that process was
definitely difficult for me.
It took me off guard and ithonestly it changed my life.
(05:03):
You know I was.
I was working in my church atthe time.
I was unable to continueministry after that, I was
unable to even work and seeclients after that for a period
of time.
So I really, you know, I tooktime to grieve and grieve deeply
with the Lord, and so it was.
It was a long process and yetthere's also so much that I
(05:27):
discovered in that about myself,about God, about even what I'm
capable of, what God created meto be capable of in the midst of
tragedy and loss like that.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
So during this, during your journey, did like
when you first happened, andwere you ever, you ever feel
like, were you like angry at God?
You know what I mean, because Iknow some people experience
that with such a loss.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Yeah, yeah, I think it's really natural to
experience that.
You know, I read a bookactually entitled Grief Loss and
the Goodness of God.
I read a book actually entitledGrief Loss and the Goodness of
God and in that I talk about myjourney through even my wrestle
with God, because I remember Igave the second, I gave birth.
(06:14):
Those in the room actuallyremember me saying, wow, god is
so good.
And so even in that moment, Ithink that my spirit just said
God, you're good.
Even still in the midst of this, I think that my spirit just
said God, you're good, evenstill in the midst of this.
And yet, as I began walking itout, part of my grief was really
beginning to question, like God, are you still good, how could
this happen?
(06:35):
And what is this?
Even you know, like, why doesthese things happen?
And so I did, I questionedeverything I knew.
I really you know, I think thatwhat it's very natural process
(06:57):
to question even the goodness ofGod and really search out, like
, where are you in this God andhow could you allow this to
happen, and all of those things.
And so for me personally, eventhough I did, I absolutely
wrestled with the Lord.
Even though I did, I absolutelywrestled with the Lord I chose
to really lean into Him and findthose questions answered
through my relationship with God.
And so, even in the midst of mequestioning all of that, I
(07:17):
really had to discover formyself who is God, in the midst
of my pain, in the midst of mytragedy.
And so, yeah, those questionswere absolutely present
throughout my grief and I got toactually experience the side of
God that I otherwise would nothave experienced before.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Right, and you know.
So you know, with all of thatsaid, it's definitely a thing
you know, you gotta.
It's like you remember a storyin the Bible where, um David, he
had that affair with Bathsheba,um, and got her pregnant and,
um, when his child was, you know, he was he, he had died and he
(07:57):
was, oh no, he.
What was it?
Was he about to die or had hedied already?
Speaker 2 (08:03):
He was yeah to die, or had he died already?
He was yeah, his child was was.
Are you talking about his child?
You know?
Um, I can't remember yeah, hischild was taken from him.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Yeah and for a lot.
For a while he was, he wentthrough that period of mourning
and then he just it was likethat was that time before god
where it was just like I can'tbelieve you know why did this
have to happen?
And you know, and all of that,and I said all of that to say
that that is normal.
(08:32):
You know, I think that asbelievers, we tend to think
we're supposed to have it alltogether and that you know,
we're not supposed to experiencethat period of mourning, that
period of anger, whatever haveyou.
And I think that I think thatthat's a misconception that the
world and decided oh well,you're you, y'all are supposed
(08:52):
to be this, that and the other,and but the reality is, even
Jesus wept, emotionally, evenJesus wept.
So why shouldn't?
Speaker 2 (09:03):
we.
You know, Well, and God, yeah,and you know, and God does not
promise that we would not, youknow, escape hardship, he, you
know, there there will betribulation and trials of of all
kinds, and yet his promise inthat is that he'll be there with
us.
And so you know, I think that isthe promise that I held on to,
(09:24):
even in just the depth of mydespair and the darkness that I
felt at the time was justsearching out, like God, where
are you in this?
And instead of for me trying tocast blame on God for the
trials and the tribulation andreally everything the enemy took
from me it was the enemy whostole, who killed in my life,
(09:46):
and in the midst of that I hadto really seek out, lord, where
are you in all of this?
And the gift, honestly, that Ibelieve that my grief and loss
brought me was discovering Godin the depths of my soul, in the
depths of just my agony is thathe is there with you and all
(10:07):
you need to do is really searchhim out and invite him into that
place that is so painful,because he absolutely is there
and he promises to be there evenin the depths of where we find
ourselves.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Girl, you said a whole lot.
I say that you said a whole lotbecause a lot of people,
unfortunately, they're notgetting it, they don't
understand that any relationshiphas its ups and downs.
And you know, despite how wefeel in that moment he is there,
(10:43):
absolutely feel in that momenthe is there, absolutely.
So you know, um, can you kindof paint a picture of of of like
, since you are a, you sayyou're a coach and a therapist,
correct?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
yes, you say yeah, I do quite a bit of things right.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
So what is it?
What does?
How would you if you had todefine grief?
Because I'm asking you thisquestion?
Because some people don'trealize that they're grieving or
mourning.
They don't.
(11:26):
They don whether or not they'regrieving or mourning and
experiencing you know, the sideeffects of the loss.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Well, I think with grief comes a lot of complex
emotions, complexity even injust the things that we're
thinking about wrestling with.
You know, in grief we begin tostart asking ourselves questions
that maybe we wouldn't askourselves regularly, like the
meaning of our life, or what'sthe point of existing, or you
(12:00):
know.
And then grief can also justlook like deep badness, deep
anguish of what maybe has beenlost in your life.
You know, grief obviously comesafter the loss of a significant
other, a death obviously, butpeople grieve in losses of all
kinds, and so you know, thattype of grief is really it's, I
(12:25):
say, you know, grief is actuallythe discovery of yourself.
And so you know when you'regrieving, you're actually
discovering depths of yourself,of your soul, of your emotions,
of your thoughts that youotherwise don't normally
consider or think about or go tooften.
And so you know, those who aregrieving are asking themselves
(12:48):
or thinking or feeling stuffthat they don't normally explore
.
And so I always say you know,grief is a gift.
There's so much about griefthat it's a gift that when you
experience grief of any kind,it's actually the Lord's
invitation for you to discovernot only yourself but Him,
(13:10):
deeper than you normally can ona regular daily basis.
And so grief, there's so manygifts of grief that I discovered
.
Now you know, obviously thosewho are grieving probably would
say it doesn't feel good, Idon't like it, Get me out as
soon as possible.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
But when you are, walking through it, if you can
remain in it, you can actuallydiscover depths of yourself and
of God that you otherwise, maybenormally, wouldn't consider.
Wow, I'm just like I'm kind ofblown away myself.
So, okay, let me take you, letme ask you this, okay.
Typically, people woulddescribe that type of sadness
(14:03):
and they would say, oh, I'mdepressed, or I got depressed,
I'm experiencing depression.
Would you say that grief andmourning grief slash, mourning
is the same as depressed ordepression?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, actually, you know, I actually go into this in
a whole chapter entitled Sad inmy book, and it talks about the
difference between what sadnesslooks like in normal grief and
what it turns into when itbecomes complicated grief or
grief that you remain stuck inand you can't get out of.
And I think that depression Imean you have feelings of
(14:37):
depression Depression is whenyou're just feeling so
hopelessly sad that you knowjust what used to be enjoyable
or meaningful no longer is, andso you know you get to a place
of just what is the meaning oflife.
That is completely normal ingrief to feel the depth of
sadness in that way.
(14:58):
What happens is that those whodwell there for long, extended
periods of time and don't knowhow to get themselves out of
that rut, it can turn intodepression or you know a longer
stage of sadness that actually Ibelieve the Lord never intended
(15:22):
for you to experience.
So you know, I do think thatthere is a level of sadness that
grief comes with, that we'reintended to feel and experience,
and then there's a part whereyou can become stuck in that and
you begin to lose hope in themidst of of that, where you just
(15:43):
you no longer see um a futurehope.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
That god.
Really, it boils down to choice.
That's what it sounds like.
It boils down to whether I'mgoing to turn to God or turn
away.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, it's really about what do you do with your
sadness.
It's not about escaping sadness.
Sadness is going to come deep,what I guess most people would
describe as depression, like thefeelings that come with
depression come with grief, andso those deep depressive
feelings, even thoughts, arenormal part of grief.
(16:35):
However, it's what do you dowith them that matters.
And so, you know, those whohave adopted an identity of
depression over them haveadopted beliefs that come with
hopelessness, that come with,you know, helplessness, and you
know, I believe, that the Lorddid not create us to leave us
(16:56):
there.
He actually gave us a way toturn, to give our hopelessness
and our helplessness to him andto receive something in exchange
that's so much better, right,like he, he transforms our ashes
into beauty, he gives us oil of, of gladness, you know, for for
all of the feelings that we'reexperiencing, and so it really
comes down to it's not aboutescaping those feelings, it's
(17:20):
about giving.
It's about turning them over tothe Lord and and letting him
heal those parts of your heartand your mind that need to be
transformed in order to moveforward.
And the only one who cantransform us, as we know, is the
Lord himself, and so he has tobe a part of that process
Otherwise, and so he has to be apart of that process.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Otherwise, this is where people get stuck in their
grief.
Yeah, so what, bridget and Iare really speaking to you,
diamond is you know that theLord understands what you're
going through right now and but,at the same time, gotta look
(18:09):
for god.
You gotta look for god, yougotta look for the light.
It's like you know you, it'slike it's a light there.
You know that it's there.
Mentally, you know it's thereand you gotta choose to walk
toward the light, because themore you walk toward the light,
the more you'll be able to see.
Because, but because the longeryou stay in darkness, even when
you come into the light, youwon't be able to see, cannot
stay in darkness.
(18:29):
God wants you to come into thelight and so, bridget, can you
please share with us about yourbook?
You said you wrote a book.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I wrote a book that actually helps
people do that.
So there's all you know there'smany that when I was grieving,
I was looking for resources justto help even educate me on,
like, what am I experiencing?
Is this normal?
Is this not normal?
Like, where's the are reallylooking for a path to healing
(19:03):
after the death of either achild, like I experienced, or of
a loved one.
And so I wrote it in such a waythat it doesn't matter who you
lost, but if you experiencedsignificant loss or death of a
loved one, how do you navigatethat toward healing and also,
you know, begin to invite theLord in that process.
(19:24):
And so my book is is reallyfull of just kind of topical
stuff that comes up naturally ingrief you know sadness, the
questioning of like what if?
what if?
Well, what if I did thisdifferently?
Or what if?
That you know, like just all ofthe natural things that, the
feelings that we have, thethoughts we have, and then you
(19:44):
know it takes you through just asoul searching journey of
inviting God into that processwith you.
And so there's questions,there's prompts, there's things
to do as well for those who feellike they have the energy to
really explore some of those,feel like they have the energy
(20:08):
to really explore some of those.
But I wanted to give a resourceto those who felt like they
were really just stuck in theirgrief and didn't have a clear
path forward or even know how tobegin to process or invite the
Lord into that process with them.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Okay, so where do we go to find that resource, madam?
Speaker 2 (20:26):
yeah, you can visit my website, bridgettenbarcom
forward slash grief and, forthose who are listening, I'm
also just giving a free downloadof my book, like I really just
want people it to be in people'shands and for them to find
healing and restoration of theirsoul with the Lord and in this
(20:46):
process, I don't believe we weremeant to walk in grief in a
sense of mourning forever, andso you know there's an
opportunity to download my bookfor free.
I also have a course availablefor those who prefer going
through kind of more educationor more in-depth.
(21:10):
So I'm creating resources forpeople to help them really
journey through grief well andto fully embrace really what
they're going through and findthe maximum healing that's
available to them that isawesome.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
That is awesome, um, because we live in a world where
you know people.
Uh, they really need help.
They really need and I'm sure apandemic was.
It was a terrible time for you.
I bet.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
It was a very busy time.
I played it a lot yeah yeahyeah, definitely.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
That's another question.
Why is it that we isolate whenwe're going through that grief
or loss?
Speaker 2 (21:54):
yeah, why is it that that seems to be the answer
isolation yeah, you know, it'sso funny because I, the very top
quote on my, on my book in theback, is grief is an individual,
is a deeply individual journey,but that's never to be traveled
alone.
And that's because you knowmost who do grief feel so alone,
(22:18):
like they feel like they're the.
You know, feel like they're the.
You know your, your whole worldbecomes your loss, and so you
know it's, it feels like there'sno one, there's nothing else in
the world that that you can see, other than that loss that is
right in front of you.
And so you know, with that, Ithink, that the enemy honestly
(22:41):
brings, uses that as opportunityto bring about, um, this lies
to our mind, you know, shamethat no one's going to
understand you.
Or, you know, whatever it isthat you're experiencing, I
think with guilt, or sorry, withwith grief also, like guilt can
arise, uh, in various forms.
You know, whether it'ssurvivor's guilt, whether it's
(23:03):
guilt of the what if?
You know, what if I didsomething differently?
Or you know, I this, these weremy last words, my last one,
whatever it was like.
There's so many differentelements that we experience in
grief and I think oftentimes wedon't know how to really share
that with others, we feel alonein it, and so it just naturally
causes us to isolate.
(23:24):
And I would say, you know, mycommunity was what got me
through, honestly, and I had toalmost throw myself at people
intentionally, because I justknew I needed others.
And yet I almost felt morecomfortable just being alone in
my bed and behind closed doorsbecause that was, I didn't have
(23:45):
anything to give to people, andso for me I felt like, how do I
show up?
I have nothing to give, so whywould anyone want to be around
me?
And, and it was just easier forme, I was able to reserve
energy more when I was alone andI just knew at some point that
just was not helpful or healingfor me, and so I had to learn to
(24:06):
let people love me, to letpeople to let love in, and I
(24:26):
think that oftentimes you knowwhen we're alone, that's when
the enemy can come after us andsay you know who are you to
whatever, receive this type oflove, attention, care, when you
have nothing to give back.
And so so you know learning to,to forgive too, to, to forgive
whatever it is in the process,yourself, others, and just be
able to and God as well and umand learn to love and receive
love again is an important partin that.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Amen.
What about fear?
Fear is a factor, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah, fear is huge.
I mean fear.
Yeah, fear is huge.
I mean, in a lot of ways, youknow, people fear death even.
In a lot of ways, people feardeath even.
And so, when it comes knockingat your door, all of your fears
that you once had become real,the fear of losing loved ones,
(25:27):
the fear of illness, the fear ofbad things happening right
around every corner, so itbecomes almost something that I
remember, actually a moment inmy grief journey where I had
fear come on me so much that Ifeared my life was going to
remain like this forever, likeit was never going to go back to
normal and I was never going tofeel like myself again, I was
never going to have any sort ofnormalcy.
And that fear was so strongthat what I had to do?
In that moment I woke up, Ilike shot out of bed, I'm like I
(25:49):
will not let fear hold me here.
And so I turn on worship musicand I just started marching
around the room and justshouting, like you know, praise
to the Lord, because I had totell my soul that you were going
to be okay and that this is notwhere your story ends and this
is not where God is going toleave you, and so I think fear
(26:09):
can come on to people.
When we have this, you knowexperience of loss and tragedy,
so with it comes fear and thespirit of fear, and so
recognizing that that is not,that is not a spirit, that is
not something that the Lord hasgiven us, it's actually, you
(26:30):
know, if anything, he's given usthe spirit of truth.
And to overcome fear, and sobeing able to recognize when
you're living in fear and knowthat that is not the Lord, and
knowing how to combat that isreally important, especially
when you're in such a vulnerablestate of grief.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Ooh, that was good.
I mean absolutely.
I mean you're just preachingand teaching truth, because that
is the truth.
You know, um, yeah, I mean Idon't know what else I can add
to that outside of you know, um,because I mean that's that's,
that's just the truth of it.
I mean I don't know what else Ican add to that outside of you
know, because I mean that's justthe truth of it.
I mean fear.
I mean, excuse me, grief andloss, and you know everything
(27:13):
that comes with it.
It is something that we allexperience in some facet of life
.
Whether it's a person, a home,something that was really
important to you, you lose it.
It's like you go through thatperiod of grieving and you gotta
allow yourself to grieve.
It's okay to grieve um becausethe the the the sooner you
(27:37):
grieve the loss, the sooneryou're able to heal and see god
in the midst, even in the themidst of whatever is going on
and what has happened.
So we just pray that thatencouraged you.
Don't forget to go to herwebsite, which is Bridget.
Bridget B-R-I-D-G-E-T-T Dunbar,d-u-n-b-a-r dot com backslash
(28:05):
grief, and she has a freeForward slash grief.
Oh, forward slash.
Did I say it wrong?
Oh, sorry, you're good.
She has a free resource Herbook.
You can get it.
It's a free download, and shealso has some course resources
available too.
So I would definitely gofurther and check this young
(28:26):
lady out.
Amen, bridget, would you do mea favor, would you please pray
us out of our conversation?
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yes, lord, I thank you so much for these listeners,
God, who I just pray right nowthat everyone who comes across
this podcast would just feelyour presence with them, that
they would feel your nearness,god, that they would experience
your love in ways that theytangibly have never felt before,
would hear just a message ofhope, that your voice would
(29:08):
speak to them and remind them ofwho you are and the hope you
have for them and the brightfuture that is still theirs and
promised, awaiting for them.
And so even now, lord, wouldyou just comfort those who are
mourning and provide for thosewho just feel lost, and so that
I just pray, also blessing onthis podcast.
Thank you for inviting me heretoday.
I just bless every listener inJesus name.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Amen, Amen.
Thank you so much, Bridget.
Did you have a final word forthe, for our before our diamonds
, before we get out of here?
Speaker 2 (29:51):
to hear the Lord is near, is nearer than you think,
and you're so loved and you'refound so precious in the sight
of God, and so thank you so muchfor having me here today.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
God bless you, amen.
All right, y'all.
Y'all know what time it is.
Remember until the next timetime you are a diamond in the
rough, amen, amen.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Amen Thank you.
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