February 18, 2025 • 40 mins
Have you ever felt like God was distant—even when you believed He was real? Brooke Varghese knows that struggle all too well. Raised in a Christian home, she never stopped believing in God, but she did stop believing in His love. That doubt led her down an unexpected path—one filled with loss, searching, and a powerful rediscovery of faith.
In this deeply moving episode, Brooke shares how God recaptured her heart, walking with her through childhood cancer, miscarriage, and grief. She opens up about wrestling with God after her adopted brother’s suicide, her years of wandering, and the moment she realized that He had been chasing her all along. Now a children’s book author and mom of two, Brooke reveals how parenthood became an unexpected illustration of God’s love—and how stepping into obedience, even when afraid, brought unshakable joy.
This episode is for anyone who’s ever doubted God’s goodness, questioned their purpose, or needed a reminder that He is faithful—even in the hardest seasons.
🎧 Don’t just listen—experience the journey. Follow the podcast, share this episode with someone who needs hope, and join the conversation about God’s relentless love.
Here's the link to Brooke's books if you're interested in checking out these resources:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the God's goodness podcast where our mission is to encourage and highlight God's
(00:11):
goodness and modern-day miracles. We are your hosts, Josh and Shelley Hinkins. Today we have
with us a special guest but let me first start by thanking you for joining us today. We want to
thank our long-time listeners and even the first-time listeners. We know your time is valuable
and I think God has something to say to everybody in every episode. So let's see what he has to say
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to you today and if this encourages you we ask that you pass it along to a friend or family member
to encourage them as well. And today we have with us a special guest. Her name is Brooke Varghese
and what makes Brooke so special to us is her husband actually helped us start the podcast.
He was the one who advised us on what microphones to get. Let us borrow microphones to get started
(00:57):
until we could have our own and then Paul Briggs with Briggs Electric and Bridgeville Pennsylvania,
he even donated us the money to get most of the microphones. So like it's just a whole local
community bringing this to life and God had me ask Brooke at our Christmas party for work
(01:17):
to be on the podcast. So she said yes and she's here to share some of God's goodness and modern
day miracles perhaps and we'll have her start us off with an opening prayer and then we'll get into it.
Yes thank you. Heavenly Father God thank you so much for this opportunity today to speak to whoever
might be listening. I pray that the words that we speak might bring your life and your truth
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to whoever may be listening and God that you might just guide this conversation. Holy Spirit that
your presence might be in this room as we speak and that whoever needs to hear whatever we have to
say may hear it and it might fall on fertile fertile ground. In Jesus's name amen. Amen.
So where would you like to start? Wow where would I like to start? As you asked me to speak on this
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podcast I felt very humbled and I was you know listening to a couple episodes and there was
a little whisper of doubt in my mind that was saying oh you don't really have that much to share
but I saw this quote by Corrie Ten Boom who was a she helped hide Jews during Nazi Germany and
because of those efforts was sent to Ravensbruck but what's most remarkable about her story is that
(02:30):
afterwards she preached on forgiveness and God's love even after everything she experienced. Anyway
she has a good quote that God doesn't need your instructions he just wants you to report for duty
so I thought okay here I am reporting for duty. Awesome. And that kind of has been my mantra I
guess just trying to be obedient to God's word over the past few years ever since he I guess I
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would say recaptured my heart. I love that. I love that. I love that whole quote. I love that whole
story behind it. Love it. Thank you yeah because I grew up in a Christian home and I always knew
that I believed in God. I went to church, did the youth group, everything like that but I at a point
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in my life fell away from God. It's not necessarily I didn't ever I stopped believing in him but I
stopped believing in his love and it took me a while to find my way back and I guess that's part
of my story so now I feel like I'm gonna probably tell you my life story and that's okay. We're here
for it we have tissues. Yeah no but I'll go to the beginning but I know that one of the things
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to talk about today was I in the past couple months released a couple children's stories,
bitty Bible stories that I had felt God was pushing me to write. I've always loved writing and I
knew that I wanted to write something but since becoming a mom and having a kid and reading a
lot of Bible stories I realized that there was kind of a lack of stories about the Bible stories
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told in a child-friendly way like for especially for toddlers because their attention spans are
short and they need big colorful pictures and a lot of the resources out there are great but they
are Bible book like a book of Bible stories where each page is a different story and so each
story gets just like a little paragraph which doesn't really get into the richness of the Bible
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story so I felt yeah called to say yes and to to write that yeah so that's awesome because we are
made in Christ image and he's pretty creative being the creator of everything and so he's
being creative through you so that's awesome I hope so yeah okay in a million years did you ever
see yourself doing this when you were 13 years old you were like hmm one day I'm gonna write some
(04:56):
children's books for God because he's gonna call me to do it that it would have even considered it
I don't think so I always struggled imagining the future to be honest with you and that might be
part of when I was younger I was diagnosed with cancer so I had childhood leukemia twice
and the I know it always it's that sounds like a really heavy thing it's just part of my story
(05:20):
and I grew up saying that and always knowing that yeah for whatever reason I've never really
imagined my future and I wonder if it's maybe because of that like just absolutely every day
by day or whatever absolutely that's everything to do with that of course it does you know it does
I'm like as I'm older I'm realizing more and more how even though I grew up like saying that I
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didn't realize the effect that that might have had on me until you know once you become a parent
you start to like really look in depth into why do I do this this way but do I want my child to
be behaving that way okay well if not then I guess I need to address my own behavior yeah I will be
many years exactly I think God really uses the journey of parenthood to illustrate his own
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love for us and his own forgiveness on the nose he absolutely does he's learned so many lessons oh
my goodness God I learned things the hard way all the time and the easiest things that I've learned
have been what he's shown me through our kids oh so much easier than me learning it the hard way
it is literally inspirational when you have kids and the things that he calls to your mind about
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taking care of them and how he takes care of us it is it is so it's like comparing day in day so
so light it's amazing I absolutely love it I love hearing about it I love what you're doing with the
books to help enrich the experience for the child so it's not just a cursory knowledge right it's
(06:47):
something that literally tells them the actual story without just saying this is what happened
known or done right there's so much more to it yeah exactly that was kind of what like yeah again
I have a daughter who's two now and I now have a son praise God and actually him being here is also
part of this testimony I know I'm kind of I guess jumping around in my chronological timeline a bit
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but yeah with the stories I really wanted to tell more in depth like so for example when God says go
the battle of Jericho it's really hard to find resources on the battle of Jericho for toddlers
and I know this because I also work part-time doing the children's ministry at our church so
I have been tasked with you know writing the curriculum and finding resources for a nursery we
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kind of just play songs and play with the babies and create a welcoming environment and the preschoolers
and the elementary kids and we found a lot some really good stuff for elementary age but preschools
always been kind of lacking and I love that age because they were just so sweet and so innocent
and the stuff that comes out of their mouths is just so pure but their hearts are so pure for God
like you know if you they're open for it they're open for it they want to you know they want to
(08:00):
learn more about him and so I wanted to yeah create some resources that parents or churches or whoever
really could get and then if you want to have a month-long lesson on the battle of Jericho you
have a story that it rhymes and has colorful pictures and you can read it as well so that's
how I guess that was one of the big desires to do that and I was very fortunate to find someone
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at the church who helped me in the preschool room who is actually a very talented illustrator and
when I approached her about the idea she was like um I don't know like okay like I'll draw some pictures
and you can tell me if you like it and it was it was helpful having someone that I knew and
was comfortable with because maybe she would send me something and that would spark an idea like oh I
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that didn't really look like how I thought I wanted it to look so maybe let's try this or try this and
we could just kind of collaborate and that collaboration yeah made it fun and made it I think a better
book in the end because it we were able to like go back and forth without being worried about
I don't know like oh this professional doesn't think that my ideas were good so I guess I won't
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share them or you know it's funny that you say it because you know I asked you before the podcast
started if you had hired a professional because they're really well done thank you and so your
friend should you know hold her her head up high for it and your collaboration to get the effect
that you're looking for which it looks tremendous it's you know I would have never guessed obviously
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you you were there when I asked yeah exactly I think it's awesome then you know especially for
young childhood that colorful pictures are really important when you're telling a story and trying
to keep their attention I don't know if you're aware of this but that's the same for me I feel
like if we called that as a toddler like six times already you would enjoy this too and a prime so
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I love a good one too we do story does it have the rhythm as well yes yes well I try that was
something I reached out to my sister who is she majored in linguistics and she speaks at least
three languages if you count Latin maybe four she's very very bright I love you Amy and she would
(10:17):
look at the stories with me and count out the syllables to make sure that they matched because
like the syllable and the cadence of it is what helps make this make a flow go so she kind of
helped me realize that yeah and now with those stories when you ask me like did you ever think
you would do this when I had my my daughter and we started reading together and you know with the
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more that she became verbal she would ask for the same stories over and over and over again
and I very quickly realized which stories I could read over and over and over again which
ones I was like please not that one that was just not fun to read or whatever I had in the back of
my head like oh I could I could do this you know I think so I think I could write a story and I
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work at the church and I have a degree in early childhood education and experience teaching but
it wasn't I often in my life need God to tell me something many times before I obey
and also sometimes I need a push you're looking at Josh yeah it's like a right
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it's her it's he has to tell her many times and it's like she says like a nagging after a while
it's like an itch can't scratch until you're like all right all right it's easier to just go with it
it's just like okay let me get the confirmation and then we'll move on yeah because on the
it's like a little kid like there's a little fear but on the other side of obedience there is joy
yeah you just have to get over that hurdle and so it was when we were trying to grow our family
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and I don't know if you know this Shelly I think TJ may have shared at work or whatever we weren't
having the easiest time and I ended up having two miscarriages oh wow I knew about one yes the the
second one was bad because it was further along and we ended up in the emergency room
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but praise god I didn't need surgery they were able to manually I don't know what the word is
without surgery remove what remained of the baby so that was a really dark well that was a difficult
time however I realized that I had a choice I could either grieve with God or grieve without him and
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there was a point in my life where we lost somebody that I loved and I grieved without him
and that led to many years of just being lost and it wasn't until God found me again and I met a true
loving God that I realized you know that I needed to heal from those wounds but so anyway with this
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second miscarriage especially because the first one I kind of like it was early enough that I didn't
I don't know I could I just kept going I guess and then with the second one it was like oh okay
especially like being in the emergency room it was easier not to think of it until it was
big enough to think about it yeah like the first time I think it was five weeks you know just
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taking the test second time 10 weeks so we were starting to tell people and tentatively like
getting we had scheduled our ultrasound and you know a couple things where it feels more
that's probably the one I know about yeah I think so because I think I needed TJ home for a little
bit to just like help when and we have a great boss that lets us do yes yes yes so props to Jeff
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props to Jeff great boss so when that happened I chose to grieve with God rather than without him
and I just felt you know it's like that hunger but the bible talks about like he is the bread of life
like I was just hungry like God what is happening what is the future am I done is this our family is
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this am I broken like you know all those questions that many women experience and it turns out it's
a very common thing and I want to talk about it because I know that it happens to a lot of women
I mean I'm sure it's paramount like you know like this it's way more common than people talk about
but it's it's still just because it's common doesn't mean it's not difficult and so turning
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to God especially if nobody talks about it nobody knows there's a resource with each other right
right right so if God has us go through things that we can comfort one another but we don't tell
somebody what we're going through how am I going to comfort you yeah so you're absolutely you know
you've hit the nail on the head absolutely and it's like that that verse actually like I think
about a lot where it's like the god of all comfort who comforts you and it just gives you that comfort
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so that you can go and comfort other people I mean that's how I want this to be because
it's like obviously it's still a painful thing but I'm on the other side of it now praise God we
have a son and that after the second miscarriage was like six months later so I do praise that
the Lord did bless us with another child but it was a big baby he is he was almost 12 pounds so he
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was a very big boy that's two nathans by the way and then something I know he was the biggest
baby in the hospital but praise God he's healthy and just adorable jolly little little thing but it
was during that time of seeking when I didn't know that he was waiting on the other side you
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know I didn't know that God would bless us with more children but it was like okay God whether
you bless us or not like here I am like yet I will still praise you you know actually the book of
Hosea really spoke to me or not Hosea Habakkuk Habakkuk Habakkuk Habakkuk Habakkuk Habakkuk
Habakkuk is how I would how I say yeah there's for whatever reason that prophets the book of
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Habakkuk really spoke to me during that time but during that time you know God is telling
the Israelites like things are going to get worse like you guys it's not blessings on the way it's
bad times and then send the Assyrians to come and take over and Habakkuk is saying you know though
the land dries up and the there's famine in the land yet I will still praise the Lord so that
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really got me through like it doesn't matter whether you are barren or not or whatever I think
it's so incredible that that is what got you through it and then while you were leaning into him
the holy god right God all right you were leaning into him through this whole experience
it's when you get through it you have this boy that is clearly in abundance of a child
it's such a like he didn't just he blessed you with more of a child that could like a giant
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healthy child right as only God could do like he didn't just he like he like he's like like that
image with the little kid with this stuffed animal and he's got the giant one behind his back like
he just wanted you to give you his hurt right give me my give me your hurt and then he had this boom
this giant baby for you yeah like I think that's so incredible like I think like to me it is to me
like I was blown in my mind the abundance part of it like he just like he he he did allow you to go
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through something but then he blessed you with more and not instead of two kids at once like just
yeah like that's an amazing baby he is he really is and his name is Boaz so sweet sweet so we like
that because it meant strength and Hebrew and God is our strength but it was during that time where
I was searching before we knew we were pregnant with Bo that God just kept saying just right just
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right and writing has always been my outlet like I've always been a journaler I've always liked the
idea of writing stories but maybe not always had the discipline to finish them or see them through
but that combined with you know I'm still have to be a mom so I have to show up and read stories
to my daughter and wanting to read Bible stories because I need God you know in this time and I
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don't want her to see mommy crying or whatever and not really finding stuff there and then also
still showing up at church and trying to show up for the kids there and also trying to find resources
for them and God just kept pushing like just right just right so I just started writing little like
little rhymes for the Bible stories like especially Adam and Eve and Daniel on the line stand those are
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the three that have Adam and Eve and Daniel on the line stand in the battle of Jericho but I'm
working on Shadrach Meshach and a Bendigo so I think I got some good rhymes for that one
oh yeah hopefully but and then having the courage to not just leave it in a journal which is what
I've always done with my writings but to actually like reach out to somebody who was a friend who
and you could draw and just kind of like float the idea to her and hear her kind of like
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hesitant enthusiasm and then we just were working on these books for over a year you know we both
ended up getting pregnant praise God like she was pregnant at the same time I was pregnant so we
both are like growing babies and writing books at the same time and then right after I had my son
and right before she had her son we released the books on Amazon and just has been really cool to
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see within our little community who has so far you know read them the enthusiasm from the parents
and the kids too you know a couple parents have told me that their kids love the stories which
just you know that is also an example to me of God blessing you know just saying yes putting
putting out there what he has put in your heart and like you Shelly and Josh with this podcast you
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know if God puts in your heart and you do it mostly hurt like when God puts it in your heart and you
just show up for duty you know you're just I'm here I don't know what what this will do but I'm
trusting you you know through all of this so it's been really amazing to see so far the connections
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are amazing it's indescribable and that's seen a lot you mentioned a lot of things that you were
going through while raising your daughter still and trying to keep it together and go to church and
trying to keep it together how exhausting was that it was exhausting but I was choosing deliberately
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to see God through it and I had an example in my life of a time when I didn't and I knew I didn't
want to do it that way again so my options are either you can turn to the what the world offers
for solace which is distraction or anibriation or numbing you know really pretty much it's
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distraction or numbness right that's what the world can offer in terms of healing or
it's like lidocaine it's just a surface it's topical it doesn't really get to the issue but
you just kind of numbs the surface exactly yes exactly and it just prolongs the pain because
you never deal with the issue or I could grieve with God and I could cry with him and tell him I
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was angry and tell him I didn't understand and the more I told him I don't understand it God would
use a podcast that a friend sent me a youtube video that another friend sent me and then a sermon
that one of the pastors preached and again and again I heard I trust you with this I trust you
with this so okay I don't know exactly what that means but if you trust me I trust you and I will
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here we are now over a year later with I have a beautiful family a beautiful baby boy I have books
that I only wrote because I was leaning into him and I think I have hopefully a stronger faith
that to weather whatever storms are still on the horizon you know when you first started writing
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when you first not ever but for the books when when you first heated God's call to start writing
did you find any peace in that moment is that when you started finding the peace yeah yeah because
I believe the stories but to to take you know the first chapter of Genesis and try to distill it down
into a 10 page children's story that rhymes you know I really had to sit with the text and learn
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more about him okay what is God actually what's actually happening here you know what is God actually
can tell us through this story if I'm telling this to a child what do I want them key takeaways key
takeaways and everything so it actually helps yeah it would definitely was a healing process and I've
always found writing to be a healing process for me because it helps me find the words when I might
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otherwise struggle or to express emotions in a in a different way I love that God knows that's a
healing process for you I love that he knows that I love that he's using that and I love that he's
getting glory from that I love all of that I love your obedience to it well thank you it couldn't
have been easy especially with what you had on your heart yes it's true but like I said I have
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an example of when I was disobedient and I did not want to go back to that because so to go back
to my life story I grew up you know I shared that like from the ages of like two to seven battling
cancer and everything and I think that kind of always made me feel a little bit of like an outsider
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like one of my earliest childhood memories is being bald and at a McDonald's playpen and a
little boy coming up to me like are you a boy or a girl because I didn't have any hair and being
just like distraught fortunately I have two big brothers who you know defended me and taught the
other boy a lesson I don't think physically but they definitely laid into him and comforted their
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little sister but you know just always kind of feeling like a little bit of an outsider and then
fast forward to when I was 15 we adopted my brother who he you know coming into our family he was
the same age as me and we were in the same grade and everything and we became really close and
kind of grew up together in high school and everything unfortunately he committed suicide
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right before my 21st birthday and I'm sorry to hear that yeah I'm sure there's lots of people who
have had to experience with losing a loved one and to lose one in that way adds extra layers of
anger I guess and so even though I had grown up in a Christian home and like I remember my brother
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and I would be like at youth group and stuff together like we I thought I was I was a Christian I
believed in God but my faith wasn't deep you know it's like the parable of the sowers my faith
grew up but the soil was rocky and so as soon as there was some as soon as that happened I lost it
or was it a lot to do with it because as you were growing up you were believing God on your
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parents faith and you never really established faith for your own and then as you went to go
seek out for it you just like couldn't get your legs under you yes yeah I think that's I never
I never really question I never asked the questions that I needed to ask it was just like oh this is
what I believe because everybody around me believes this but I didn't actually like wrestle with faith
you know wrestle with God until this time and you know I was doing a Bible study recently and
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they were talking about the story when the John the Baptist is in prison and Jesus is doing his
ministry and John the Baptist sends his disciples to Jesus and says are you the one to or is there
another one to come after you like John knew that Jesus was the one but he's sitting in prison and
Jesus's response is you know tell him that the blind see the lame are healed the dead are raised to
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life and blessed is he who is not offended by me and the commentary on that was Jesus is doing all
these wonderful miracles for other people but John is still in prison and he's going to die there
he's going to be beheaded because of a teenager who knows how to shake her hips you know that's
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offensive you know like why heal them and not heal me and I definitely wrestled with that I was
offended why might let my family go through this pain why let him why let my brother die when others
have true like had you know when I would get angry if someone like if I heard a story about someone who
who unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide because it's like well why did they get a second chance
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and not him you know like I really could not see God's goodness through that for a long time and that
sure that I mean yeah there's there's there's spiritually awake walking Christians that
are aware of their background that would have a hard time wrapping their mind around that
right and and you weren't you weren't you were in that juxtaposition between transferring for my
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parents faith and establishing my own faith and this happens what were you gonna do I mean I walked
away I walked away and I I didn't ever get to the point where I was like there is no God but I
lived a life where it's like God might be there but he's not he's not good he's not for me I mean
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how could a good God let this bad thing happen how could a good God you know all of the it's a
it's a common argument that the enemy plants you know like oh if God is good why would he let all
the Muslims in the world you know like why would he let so many other good people suffer why do good
people suffer if God is good you know it's an age old theological question that we all need to
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it's one of their favorite questions and favorite theirs I mean atheists and and things and I believe
that and I honestly believe this that most atheists I don't know percentage I can't I'm not gonna lie
are believers and they're mad at God because of something because of something they don't understand
because of something can't wrap their mind around and they know that he is not good they don't know
(28:26):
the truth but in their minds they know he is not good they know he's not for them they're offended
by him right they're absolutely they don't want anything to do with him but I got news for them
that when they gave their life to Christ he took it seriously and you got called back right you
walked away sure but you got called back he's kind of come back for you well yeah you know you can't
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make a promise that he doesn't break covenant you do right right and he leaves in 99 to chase after
you which you know and I feel like when I look back I see I saw how he was chasing after me and I
when like I threw myself into okay well I don't believe that God is good I don't believe that
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Christianity has the answer I don't know what I believe but you know maybe there's a God maybe
there's not like let me just let me just live my life the best that I want to live it so I'm
gonna go travel the world so that's pretty much what I did for quite a few years until it was
actually when I was living in the Middle East you know where religion was dominant but it was the
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religion of Allah and Islam that I started to question well okay so I don't believe in the
prophet Muhammad but what do I believe because Islam has Jesus too but they don't think he was
he was the son of God they think he was just a prophet and that he could do all these miracles
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like they acknowledge the miracles but he never died and rose again like everything like they
believe Jesus did that's nuts because the rest of the book is true why not that part they believe
that Jesus took like the path of Enoch or you know that he just got whisked away and then he gets
come back and and he and he humbles himself before the seventh imam you know and and I was like well
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hold on you know but you know one day they're gonna find out right well so what I was actually in a
relationship with a Muslim man at the time and thinking that we were like we were gonna get married
and you know like that was gonna be my life and I was surrounded by a lot of friends who were
married to or dating Muslim men like in the Middle East at the time so it didn't seem like anything
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unusual I guess to me but it was you know and I give a lot of credit to my ex he really pushed me
to know what I believed because he wanted to convince me of the truth of Islam and I the more
he told me about it the more I recoiled from that because I was like that is not the truth
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well that's not the truth but I didn't know what the truth was at the time like I thought I didn't
I thought there was God and maybe it was a God of the Bible but I didn't know God of the Bible I
didn't have a relationship with the God of the Bible so when he's telling me oh this is what the
Bible says I would say I don't think that's right but I guess I have to go and read the Bible to
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know if what you're saying is right or not like it's like someone telling me oh I heard this person
say this well okay well I can just go to that person and ask them whether they said it or not
like I don't have to take your word for it I've got the book you know so it was through the conversations
with him that I started to read the Bible again and the more I read it the more like Jesus is just
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like there's no other religion who has a God that came to this earth and suffered and was humiliated
and lived a human like a lowly human experience to die for us and it says he died for you and he
loves you that is not in Islam that is not in Buddhism that is not in Hinduism like in the
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other world religions so the more I read the Bible the more I just felt like yeah this is it like
this this is what I believe like this is what I grew up on I still don't know why bad things happen
but bad things are happening to these guys and they still like in the book of Acts and they
still believed you know so like ridiculously so like the book of Acts is about ridiculous belief
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oh I'm getting stoned no problem Jesus I love you right I don't know if that I'm in my response
you know fetal position maybe yeah but like that that idea and that's one of the arguments in Islam
is like oh it was corrupted by his followers I was like these followers were dying for him and you
don't die for a lie you die for something you believe right you believe with your whole heart
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and they claim to have witnessed firsthand so yeah I mean you know in the Quran it talks about how
you're to look at the gospel and the Torah as reference and they also talks about how Allah
never makes mistakes he's omniscient he knows everything is all powerful right so if he knows
everything his word can't be corrupted but he said go look at these books and now you're saying those
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books are corrupted yeah it's there's a lot of there's a problem with that like right away for me
and I was like hold up so you looked into Islam too at some point no I looked at it as uh I mean
I wasn't looking for it as a religion I was looking at it as I was interested in what they actually
believed right and so if if I'm gonna it's right after 9 11 if I wanted to I joined the military
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shortly after that I wanted to know like Sun Zuh to yet to know your enemy have to love your enemy
so I have to learn who these people are and I can't learn who they are with with a bias and so
there was a lot of questions I wasn't even a Christian at the time when I discovered that hey
you this doesn't make sense this doesn't add up it's just not yeah and I think what really turned
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me away the strongest I mean obviously there's a lot about the inferiority of women that isn't great
in the Quran but it was that you have to earn heaven you have to earn it it's all about at the end
of your life your good deeds will be weighed against your bad deeds and whichever way the scale
falls and and the fuel breakers too like if you ever touch pork yeah like ever you're done that's it
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the ride is over for you it doesn't matter how many if you did 100% good deeds and 0% bad deeds
but someone slapped you with a piece of bacon you are done or if you are a woman and it's your time
and you try to pray that you're not allowed to fast if it's your time you're not allowed to come to
God because you're unclean and I think about that story of the woman who bled for 12 years that you
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touched Jesus's coat and then even in Judaism like that would have been forbidden but like God
doesn't hold that against you because it's not like you chose to be made that way that's just
I'm so glad you said that because he has laid that on my heart before that the things that that we
suffer from it's not our fault right the things that we choose to walk in to sin with is our fault
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but the things that the the way we behave our actions as a result of how we were raised as a
result of the things that happen to us he doesn't blame us right he doesn't blame us off white calls
us as sinners to him because he knows that we're not perfect right you know I say Lord please forgive
me for I'm evil and stupid and he says I know I love you exactly and he uses what you know what
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we are weaknesses we can be made strong in him so like the fact that we struggle with speaking or
whatever then when we do speak well all glory to God you know or you struggle with anger but if you
do manage to restrain yourself and people see oh there's a difference in them it's because of God
you know like that's how our weakness can be made like can be made into strengths by him and I just
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I mean I couldn't see why I wouldn't follow the God of the Bible like there's just no other
options that I want and I didn't want to keep living this maybe there's someone out there maybe
not I don't know and once he captured my heart I just said okay God yes I get a question mark like
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let's see where this goes and he led me to end that relationship which you know praise God because
I wouldn't have met TJ you know my husband and it was because of God just transforming me that he
was preparing me to be the wife that I needed to be like I would not have been able to meet
meet my husband if you know I still stayed in the sins that I was living in and the you know the
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lifestyle and just all the things that now I look back on like what was I doing at the time I was
like this is what you do you know as a 20-something year old single woman whatever so yeah I just
really felt that I when God called me back I have tried to live my life where I just say
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yes and obedience to what he asks me and so when it came to time to grieve again I knew that this
time I was gonna grieve with him rather than run after whatever else the world had to offer
I love that I love I honestly I haven't had a lot of tragedy in my life to grieve with him
so I love that because I love to learn from other peoples too I you know my dad got yelled at
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enough I put the lid down I've never had to yell that and so I like to learn from other people
and I love that you're bringing this to light I hope other people like me learn from other people
doing it wrong to say hey maybe I don't want to try it that way first maybe I want to try it with
God first yeah and and you know I don't know what that looks like because I've never had to go through
it so keep out keeping open mind yeah before that well I mean it looks like don't just try to get
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drunk enough that you don't remember don't just don't keep trying to watch enough binge enough
shows that you forget the time it means going to your Bible and just sitting with your feelings
sitting with God and telling God I'm sad I'm angry I don't know what but like Job cry cry it out to
God and he's he's there but the worst thing to do is to just ignore him or ignore the feelings you
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know because they don't go away they just fester and come out yeah they will get stuck and then
you'll need some spongebob to release them okay yeah no I mean I guess it's just yeah when I look back
at at my life and everything and just again the genesis of these these humble little children's
stories that I wrote it's just me trying to do like it says in Micah you know to love justice
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do mercy and walk humbly with God maybe it's do justice love mercy but either way walk humbly with
God for sure show up and he will show up too love it I love it I love what the end product is I
don't love the beginning where you know that led to the end products I'm so glad that you've worked
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through it I'm so glad that God has been there for you through it all I'm so glad that you chose
to lean into him I actually want I'm very curious about the books to actually read them so we'll
definitely look into that or I will anyway I just love to have you on the show thank you so much
thank you guys yeah you did great thank you you're all worried praise God we got through it yay
(39:36):
well at this episode has been a blessing to you we ask that you pass it along
and if you could do us a solid if you could rate the podcast in Spotify or iTunes and let people
know that you're loving it it would be helpful and let the algorithm know that people are loving it
and then it'll push it up more people and then more people can be encouraged and also we have a
(39:57):
fundraising campaign that helps us with the audio expenses and other things that we have coming down
the pipe we're actually going we're working on a kingdom conference my first conference and God's
leading me to all of these people that previously put on a conference before so I don't know what
it's going to be like but God's going to be showing up so stay tuned for that pray over that for us
(40:21):
and with that we'll talk to you next time
Welcome to the God's goodness podcast where our mission is to encourage and highlight God's
(00:11):
goodness and modern-day miracles. We are your hosts, Josh and Shelley Hinkins. Today we have
with us a special guest but let me first start by thanking you for joining us today. We want to
thank our long-time listeners and even the first-time listeners. We know your time is valuable
and I think God has something to say to everybody in every episode. So let's see what he has to say
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to you today and if this encourages you we ask that you pass it along to a friend or family member
to encourage them as well. And today we have with us a special guest. Her name is Brooke Varghese
and what makes Brooke so special to us is her husband actually helped us start the podcast.
He was the one who advised us on what microphones to get. Let us borrow microphones to get started
(00:57):
until we could have our own and then Paul Briggs with Briggs Electric and Bridgeville Pennsylvania,
he even donated us the money to get most of the microphones. So like it's just a whole local
community bringing this to life and God had me ask Brooke at our Christmas party for work
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to be on the podcast. So she said yes and she's here to share some of God's goodness and modern
day miracles perhaps and we'll have her start us off with an opening prayer and then we'll get into it.
Yes thank you. Heavenly Father God thank you so much for this opportunity today to speak to whoever
might be listening. I pray that the words that we speak might bring your life and your truth
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to whoever may be listening and God that you might just guide this conversation. Holy Spirit that
your presence might be in this room as we speak and that whoever needs to hear whatever we have to
say may hear it and it might fall on fertile fertile ground. In Jesus's name amen. Amen.
So where would you like to start? Wow where would I like to start? As you asked me to speak on this
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podcast I felt very humbled and I was you know listening to a couple episodes and there was
a little whisper of doubt in my mind that was saying oh you don't really have that much to share
but I saw this quote by Corrie Ten Boom who was a she helped hide Jews during Nazi Germany and
because of those efforts was sent to Ravensbruck but what's most remarkable about her story is that
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afterwards she preached on forgiveness and God's love even after everything she experienced. Anyway
she has a good quote that God doesn't need your instructions he just wants you to report for duty
so I thought okay here I am reporting for duty. Awesome. And that kind of has been my mantra I
guess just trying to be obedient to God's word over the past few years ever since he I guess I
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would say recaptured my heart. I love that. I love that. I love that whole quote. I love that whole
story behind it. Love it. Thank you yeah because I grew up in a Christian home and I always knew
that I believed in God. I went to church, did the youth group, everything like that but I at a point
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in my life fell away from God. It's not necessarily I didn't ever I stopped believing in him but I
stopped believing in his love and it took me a while to find my way back and I guess that's part
of my story so now I feel like I'm gonna probably tell you my life story and that's okay. We're here
for it we have tissues. Yeah no but I'll go to the beginning but I know that one of the things
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to talk about today was I in the past couple months released a couple children's stories,
bitty Bible stories that I had felt God was pushing me to write. I've always loved writing and I
knew that I wanted to write something but since becoming a mom and having a kid and reading a
lot of Bible stories I realized that there was kind of a lack of stories about the Bible stories
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told in a child-friendly way like for especially for toddlers because their attention spans are
short and they need big colorful pictures and a lot of the resources out there are great but they
are Bible book like a book of Bible stories where each page is a different story and so each
story gets just like a little paragraph which doesn't really get into the richness of the Bible
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story so I felt yeah called to say yes and to to write that yeah so that's awesome because we are
made in Christ image and he's pretty creative being the creator of everything and so he's
being creative through you so that's awesome I hope so yeah okay in a million years did you ever
see yourself doing this when you were 13 years old you were like hmm one day I'm gonna write some
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children's books for God because he's gonna call me to do it that it would have even considered it
I don't think so I always struggled imagining the future to be honest with you and that might be
part of when I was younger I was diagnosed with cancer so I had childhood leukemia twice
and the I know it always it's that sounds like a really heavy thing it's just part of my story
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and I grew up saying that and always knowing that yeah for whatever reason I've never really
imagined my future and I wonder if it's maybe because of that like just absolutely every day
by day or whatever absolutely that's everything to do with that of course it does you know it does
I'm like as I'm older I'm realizing more and more how even though I grew up like saying that I
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didn't realize the effect that that might have had on me until you know once you become a parent
you start to like really look in depth into why do I do this this way but do I want my child to
be behaving that way okay well if not then I guess I need to address my own behavior yeah I will be
many years exactly I think God really uses the journey of parenthood to illustrate his own
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love for us and his own forgiveness on the nose he absolutely does he's learned so many lessons oh
my goodness God I learned things the hard way all the time and the easiest things that I've learned
have been what he's shown me through our kids oh so much easier than me learning it the hard way
it is literally inspirational when you have kids and the things that he calls to your mind about
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taking care of them and how he takes care of us it is it is so it's like comparing day in day so
so light it's amazing I absolutely love it I love hearing about it I love what you're doing with the
books to help enrich the experience for the child so it's not just a cursory knowledge right it's
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something that literally tells them the actual story without just saying this is what happened
known or done right there's so much more to it yeah exactly that was kind of what like yeah again
I have a daughter who's two now and I now have a son praise God and actually him being here is also
part of this testimony I know I'm kind of I guess jumping around in my chronological timeline a bit
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but yeah with the stories I really wanted to tell more in depth like so for example when God says go
the battle of Jericho it's really hard to find resources on the battle of Jericho for toddlers
and I know this because I also work part-time doing the children's ministry at our church so
I have been tasked with you know writing the curriculum and finding resources for a nursery we
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kind of just play songs and play with the babies and create a welcoming environment and the preschoolers
and the elementary kids and we found a lot some really good stuff for elementary age but preschools
always been kind of lacking and I love that age because they were just so sweet and so innocent
and the stuff that comes out of their mouths is just so pure but their hearts are so pure for God
like you know if you they're open for it they're open for it they want to you know they want to
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learn more about him and so I wanted to yeah create some resources that parents or churches or whoever
really could get and then if you want to have a month-long lesson on the battle of Jericho you
have a story that it rhymes and has colorful pictures and you can read it as well so that's
how I guess that was one of the big desires to do that and I was very fortunate to find someone
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at the church who helped me in the preschool room who is actually a very talented illustrator and
when I approached her about the idea she was like um I don't know like okay like I'll draw some pictures
and you can tell me if you like it and it was it was helpful having someone that I knew and
was comfortable with because maybe she would send me something and that would spark an idea like oh I
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that didn't really look like how I thought I wanted it to look so maybe let's try this or try this and
we could just kind of collaborate and that collaboration yeah made it fun and made it I think a better
book in the end because it we were able to like go back and forth without being worried about
I don't know like oh this professional doesn't think that my ideas were good so I guess I won't
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share them or you know it's funny that you say it because you know I asked you before the podcast
started if you had hired a professional because they're really well done thank you and so your
friend should you know hold her her head up high for it and your collaboration to get the effect
that you're looking for which it looks tremendous it's you know I would have never guessed obviously
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you you were there when I asked yeah exactly I think it's awesome then you know especially for
young childhood that colorful pictures are really important when you're telling a story and trying
to keep their attention I don't know if you're aware of this but that's the same for me I feel
like if we called that as a toddler like six times already you would enjoy this too and a prime so
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I love a good one too we do story does it have the rhythm as well yes yes well I try that was
something I reached out to my sister who is she majored in linguistics and she speaks at least
three languages if you count Latin maybe four she's very very bright I love you Amy and she would
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look at the stories with me and count out the syllables to make sure that they matched because
like the syllable and the cadence of it is what helps make this make a flow go so she kind of
helped me realize that yeah and now with those stories when you ask me like did you ever think
you would do this when I had my my daughter and we started reading together and you know with the
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more that she became verbal she would ask for the same stories over and over and over again
and I very quickly realized which stories I could read over and over and over again which
ones I was like please not that one that was just not fun to read or whatever I had in the back of
my head like oh I could I could do this you know I think so I think I could write a story and I
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work at the church and I have a degree in early childhood education and experience teaching but
it wasn't I often in my life need God to tell me something many times before I obey
and also sometimes I need a push you're looking at Josh yeah it's like a right
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it's her it's he has to tell her many times and it's like she says like a nagging after a while
it's like an itch can't scratch until you're like all right all right it's easier to just go with it
it's just like okay let me get the confirmation and then we'll move on yeah because on the
it's like a little kid like there's a little fear but on the other side of obedience there is joy
yeah you just have to get over that hurdle and so it was when we were trying to grow our family
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and I don't know if you know this Shelly I think TJ may have shared at work or whatever we weren't
having the easiest time and I ended up having two miscarriages oh wow I knew about one yes the the
second one was bad because it was further along and we ended up in the emergency room
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but praise god I didn't need surgery they were able to manually I don't know what the word is
without surgery remove what remained of the baby so that was a really dark well that was a difficult
time however I realized that I had a choice I could either grieve with God or grieve without him and
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there was a point in my life where we lost somebody that I loved and I grieved without him
and that led to many years of just being lost and it wasn't until God found me again and I met a true
loving God that I realized you know that I needed to heal from those wounds but so anyway with this
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second miscarriage especially because the first one I kind of like it was early enough that I didn't
I don't know I could I just kept going I guess and then with the second one it was like oh okay
especially like being in the emergency room it was easier not to think of it until it was
big enough to think about it yeah like the first time I think it was five weeks you know just
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taking the test second time 10 weeks so we were starting to tell people and tentatively like
getting we had scheduled our ultrasound and you know a couple things where it feels more
that's probably the one I know about yeah I think so because I think I needed TJ home for a little
bit to just like help when and we have a great boss that lets us do yes yes yes so props to Jeff
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props to Jeff great boss so when that happened I chose to grieve with God rather than without him
and I just felt you know it's like that hunger but the bible talks about like he is the bread of life
like I was just hungry like God what is happening what is the future am I done is this our family is
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this am I broken like you know all those questions that many women experience and it turns out it's
a very common thing and I want to talk about it because I know that it happens to a lot of women
I mean I'm sure it's paramount like you know like this it's way more common than people talk about
but it's it's still just because it's common doesn't mean it's not difficult and so turning
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to God especially if nobody talks about it nobody knows there's a resource with each other right
right right so if God has us go through things that we can comfort one another but we don't tell
somebody what we're going through how am I going to comfort you yeah so you're absolutely you know
you've hit the nail on the head absolutely and it's like that that verse actually like I think
about a lot where it's like the god of all comfort who comforts you and it just gives you that comfort
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so that you can go and comfort other people I mean that's how I want this to be because
it's like obviously it's still a painful thing but I'm on the other side of it now praise God we
have a son and that after the second miscarriage was like six months later so I do praise that
the Lord did bless us with another child but it was a big baby he is he was almost 12 pounds so he
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was a very big boy that's two nathans by the way and then something I know he was the biggest
baby in the hospital but praise God he's healthy and just adorable jolly little little thing but it
was during that time of seeking when I didn't know that he was waiting on the other side you
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know I didn't know that God would bless us with more children but it was like okay God whether
you bless us or not like here I am like yet I will still praise you you know actually the book of
Hosea really spoke to me or not Hosea Habakkuk Habakkuk Habakkuk Habakkuk Habakkuk Habakkuk
Habakkuk is how I would how I say yeah there's for whatever reason that prophets the book of
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Habakkuk really spoke to me during that time but during that time you know God is telling
the Israelites like things are going to get worse like you guys it's not blessings on the way it's
bad times and then send the Assyrians to come and take over and Habakkuk is saying you know though
the land dries up and the there's famine in the land yet I will still praise the Lord so that
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really got me through like it doesn't matter whether you are barren or not or whatever I think
it's so incredible that that is what got you through it and then while you were leaning into him
the holy god right God all right you were leaning into him through this whole experience
it's when you get through it you have this boy that is clearly in abundance of a child
it's such a like he didn't just he blessed you with more of a child that could like a giant
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healthy child right as only God could do like he didn't just he like he like he's like like that
image with the little kid with this stuffed animal and he's got the giant one behind his back like
he just wanted you to give you his hurt right give me my give me your hurt and then he had this boom
this giant baby for you yeah like I think that's so incredible like I think like to me it is to me
like I was blown in my mind the abundance part of it like he just like he he he did allow you to go
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through something but then he blessed you with more and not instead of two kids at once like just
yeah like that's an amazing baby he is he really is and his name is Boaz so sweet sweet so we like
that because it meant strength and Hebrew and God is our strength but it was during that time where
I was searching before we knew we were pregnant with Bo that God just kept saying just right just
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right and writing has always been my outlet like I've always been a journaler I've always liked the
idea of writing stories but maybe not always had the discipline to finish them or see them through
but that combined with you know I'm still have to be a mom so I have to show up and read stories
to my daughter and wanting to read Bible stories because I need God you know in this time and I
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don't want her to see mommy crying or whatever and not really finding stuff there and then also
still showing up at church and trying to show up for the kids there and also trying to find resources
for them and God just kept pushing like just right just right so I just started writing little like
little rhymes for the Bible stories like especially Adam and Eve and Daniel on the line stand those are
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the three that have Adam and Eve and Daniel on the line stand in the battle of Jericho but I'm
working on Shadrach Meshach and a Bendigo so I think I got some good rhymes for that one
oh yeah hopefully but and then having the courage to not just leave it in a journal which is what
I've always done with my writings but to actually like reach out to somebody who was a friend who
and you could draw and just kind of like float the idea to her and hear her kind of like
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hesitant enthusiasm and then we just were working on these books for over a year you know we both
ended up getting pregnant praise God like she was pregnant at the same time I was pregnant so we
both are like growing babies and writing books at the same time and then right after I had my son
and right before she had her son we released the books on Amazon and just has been really cool to
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see within our little community who has so far you know read them the enthusiasm from the parents
and the kids too you know a couple parents have told me that their kids love the stories which
just you know that is also an example to me of God blessing you know just saying yes putting
putting out there what he has put in your heart and like you Shelly and Josh with this podcast you
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know if God puts in your heart and you do it mostly hurt like when God puts it in your heart and you
just show up for duty you know you're just I'm here I don't know what what this will do but I'm
trusting you you know through all of this so it's been really amazing to see so far the connections
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are amazing it's indescribable and that's seen a lot you mentioned a lot of things that you were
going through while raising your daughter still and trying to keep it together and go to church and
trying to keep it together how exhausting was that it was exhausting but I was choosing deliberately
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to see God through it and I had an example in my life of a time when I didn't and I knew I didn't
want to do it that way again so my options are either you can turn to the what the world offers
for solace which is distraction or anibriation or numbing you know really pretty much it's
(21:00):
distraction or numbness right that's what the world can offer in terms of healing or
it's like lidocaine it's just a surface it's topical it doesn't really get to the issue but
you just kind of numbs the surface exactly yes exactly and it just prolongs the pain because
you never deal with the issue or I could grieve with God and I could cry with him and tell him I
(21:23):
was angry and tell him I didn't understand and the more I told him I don't understand it God would
use a podcast that a friend sent me a youtube video that another friend sent me and then a sermon
that one of the pastors preached and again and again I heard I trust you with this I trust you
with this so okay I don't know exactly what that means but if you trust me I trust you and I will
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here we are now over a year later with I have a beautiful family a beautiful baby boy I have books
that I only wrote because I was leaning into him and I think I have hopefully a stronger faith
that to weather whatever storms are still on the horizon you know when you first started writing
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when you first not ever but for the books when when you first heated God's call to start writing
did you find any peace in that moment is that when you started finding the peace yeah yeah because
I believe the stories but to to take you know the first chapter of Genesis and try to distill it down
into a 10 page children's story that rhymes you know I really had to sit with the text and learn
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more about him okay what is God actually what's actually happening here you know what is God actually
can tell us through this story if I'm telling this to a child what do I want them key takeaways key
takeaways and everything so it actually helps yeah it would definitely was a healing process and I've
always found writing to be a healing process for me because it helps me find the words when I might
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otherwise struggle or to express emotions in a in a different way I love that God knows that's a
healing process for you I love that he knows that I love that he's using that and I love that he's
getting glory from that I love all of that I love your obedience to it well thank you it couldn't
have been easy especially with what you had on your heart yes it's true but like I said I have
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an example of when I was disobedient and I did not want to go back to that because so to go back
to my life story I grew up you know I shared that like from the ages of like two to seven battling
cancer and everything and I think that kind of always made me feel a little bit of like an outsider
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like one of my earliest childhood memories is being bald and at a McDonald's playpen and a
little boy coming up to me like are you a boy or a girl because I didn't have any hair and being
just like distraught fortunately I have two big brothers who you know defended me and taught the
other boy a lesson I don't think physically but they definitely laid into him and comforted their
(24:08):
little sister but you know just always kind of feeling like a little bit of an outsider and then
fast forward to when I was 15 we adopted my brother who he you know coming into our family he was
the same age as me and we were in the same grade and everything and we became really close and
kind of grew up together in high school and everything unfortunately he committed suicide
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right before my 21st birthday and I'm sorry to hear that yeah I'm sure there's lots of people who
have had to experience with losing a loved one and to lose one in that way adds extra layers of
anger I guess and so even though I had grown up in a Christian home and like I remember my brother
(24:54):
and I would be like at youth group and stuff together like we I thought I was I was a Christian I
believed in God but my faith wasn't deep you know it's like the parable of the sowers my faith
grew up but the soil was rocky and so as soon as there was some as soon as that happened I lost it
or was it a lot to do with it because as you were growing up you were believing God on your
(25:19):
parents faith and you never really established faith for your own and then as you went to go
seek out for it you just like couldn't get your legs under you yes yeah I think that's I never
I never really question I never asked the questions that I needed to ask it was just like oh this is
what I believe because everybody around me believes this but I didn't actually like wrestle with faith
you know wrestle with God until this time and you know I was doing a Bible study recently and
(25:45):
they were talking about the story when the John the Baptist is in prison and Jesus is doing his
ministry and John the Baptist sends his disciples to Jesus and says are you the one to or is there
another one to come after you like John knew that Jesus was the one but he's sitting in prison and
Jesus's response is you know tell him that the blind see the lame are healed the dead are raised to
(26:10):
life and blessed is he who is not offended by me and the commentary on that was Jesus is doing all
these wonderful miracles for other people but John is still in prison and he's going to die there
he's going to be beheaded because of a teenager who knows how to shake her hips you know that's
(26:30):
offensive you know like why heal them and not heal me and I definitely wrestled with that I was
offended why might let my family go through this pain why let him why let my brother die when others
have true like had you know when I would get angry if someone like if I heard a story about someone who
who unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide because it's like well why did they get a second chance
(26:56):
and not him you know like I really could not see God's goodness through that for a long time and that
sure that I mean yeah there's there's there's spiritually awake walking Christians that
are aware of their background that would have a hard time wrapping their mind around that
right and and you weren't you weren't you were in that juxtaposition between transferring for my
(27:20):
parents faith and establishing my own faith and this happens what were you gonna do I mean I walked
away I walked away and I I didn't ever get to the point where I was like there is no God but I
lived a life where it's like God might be there but he's not he's not good he's not for me I mean
(27:41):
how could a good God let this bad thing happen how could a good God you know all of the it's a
it's a common argument that the enemy plants you know like oh if God is good why would he let all
the Muslims in the world you know like why would he let so many other good people suffer why do good
people suffer if God is good you know it's an age old theological question that we all need to
(28:04):
it's one of their favorite questions and favorite theirs I mean atheists and and things and I believe
that and I honestly believe this that most atheists I don't know percentage I can't I'm not gonna lie
are believers and they're mad at God because of something because of something they don't understand
because of something can't wrap their mind around and they know that he is not good they don't know
(28:26):
the truth but in their minds they know he is not good they know he's not for them they're offended
by him right they're absolutely they don't want anything to do with him but I got news for them
that when they gave their life to Christ he took it seriously and you got called back right you
walked away sure but you got called back he's kind of come back for you well yeah you know you can't
(28:47):
make a promise that he doesn't break covenant you do right right and he leaves in 99 to chase after
you which you know and I feel like when I look back I see I saw how he was chasing after me and I
when like I threw myself into okay well I don't believe that God is good I don't believe that
(29:08):
Christianity has the answer I don't know what I believe but you know maybe there's a God maybe
there's not like let me just let me just live my life the best that I want to live it so I'm
gonna go travel the world so that's pretty much what I did for quite a few years until it was
actually when I was living in the Middle East you know where religion was dominant but it was the
(29:31):
religion of Allah and Islam that I started to question well okay so I don't believe in the
prophet Muhammad but what do I believe because Islam has Jesus too but they don't think he was
he was the son of God they think he was just a prophet and that he could do all these miracles
(29:56):
like they acknowledge the miracles but he never died and rose again like everything like they
believe Jesus did that's nuts because the rest of the book is true why not that part they believe
that Jesus took like the path of Enoch or you know that he just got whisked away and then he gets
come back and and he and he humbles himself before the seventh imam you know and and I was like well
(30:17):
hold on you know but you know one day they're gonna find out right well so what I was actually in a
relationship with a Muslim man at the time and thinking that we were like we were gonna get married
and you know like that was gonna be my life and I was surrounded by a lot of friends who were
married to or dating Muslim men like in the Middle East at the time so it didn't seem like anything
(30:42):
unusual I guess to me but it was you know and I give a lot of credit to my ex he really pushed me
to know what I believed because he wanted to convince me of the truth of Islam and I the more
he told me about it the more I recoiled from that because I was like that is not the truth
(31:03):
well that's not the truth but I didn't know what the truth was at the time like I thought I didn't
I thought there was God and maybe it was a God of the Bible but I didn't know God of the Bible I
didn't have a relationship with the God of the Bible so when he's telling me oh this is what the
Bible says I would say I don't think that's right but I guess I have to go and read the Bible to
(31:24):
know if what you're saying is right or not like it's like someone telling me oh I heard this person
say this well okay well I can just go to that person and ask them whether they said it or not
like I don't have to take your word for it I've got the book you know so it was through the conversations
with him that I started to read the Bible again and the more I read it the more like Jesus is just
(31:46):
like there's no other religion who has a God that came to this earth and suffered and was humiliated
and lived a human like a lowly human experience to die for us and it says he died for you and he
loves you that is not in Islam that is not in Buddhism that is not in Hinduism like in the
(32:10):
other world religions so the more I read the Bible the more I just felt like yeah this is it like
this this is what I believe like this is what I grew up on I still don't know why bad things happen
but bad things are happening to these guys and they still like in the book of Acts and they
still believed you know so like ridiculously so like the book of Acts is about ridiculous belief
(32:36):
oh I'm getting stoned no problem Jesus I love you right I don't know if that I'm in my response
you know fetal position maybe yeah but like that that idea and that's one of the arguments in Islam
is like oh it was corrupted by his followers I was like these followers were dying for him and you
don't die for a lie you die for something you believe right you believe with your whole heart
(32:59):
and they claim to have witnessed firsthand so yeah I mean you know in the Quran it talks about how
you're to look at the gospel and the Torah as reference and they also talks about how Allah
never makes mistakes he's omniscient he knows everything is all powerful right so if he knows
everything his word can't be corrupted but he said go look at these books and now you're saying those
(33:21):
books are corrupted yeah it's there's a lot of there's a problem with that like right away for me
and I was like hold up so you looked into Islam too at some point no I looked at it as uh I mean
I wasn't looking for it as a religion I was looking at it as I was interested in what they actually
believed right and so if if I'm gonna it's right after 9 11 if I wanted to I joined the military
(33:46):
shortly after that I wanted to know like Sun Zuh to yet to know your enemy have to love your enemy
so I have to learn who these people are and I can't learn who they are with with a bias and so
there was a lot of questions I wasn't even a Christian at the time when I discovered that hey
you this doesn't make sense this doesn't add up it's just not yeah and I think what really turned
(34:07):
me away the strongest I mean obviously there's a lot about the inferiority of women that isn't great
in the Quran but it was that you have to earn heaven you have to earn it it's all about at the end
of your life your good deeds will be weighed against your bad deeds and whichever way the scale
falls and and the fuel breakers too like if you ever touch pork yeah like ever you're done that's it
(34:32):
the ride is over for you it doesn't matter how many if you did 100% good deeds and 0% bad deeds
but someone slapped you with a piece of bacon you are done or if you are a woman and it's your time
and you try to pray that you're not allowed to fast if it's your time you're not allowed to come to
God because you're unclean and I think about that story of the woman who bled for 12 years that you
(34:52):
touched Jesus's coat and then even in Judaism like that would have been forbidden but like God
doesn't hold that against you because it's not like you chose to be made that way that's just
I'm so glad you said that because he has laid that on my heart before that the things that that we
suffer from it's not our fault right the things that we choose to walk in to sin with is our fault
(35:15):
but the things that the the way we behave our actions as a result of how we were raised as a
result of the things that happen to us he doesn't blame us right he doesn't blame us off white calls
us as sinners to him because he knows that we're not perfect right you know I say Lord please forgive
me for I'm evil and stupid and he says I know I love you exactly and he uses what you know what
(35:36):
we are weaknesses we can be made strong in him so like the fact that we struggle with speaking or
whatever then when we do speak well all glory to God you know or you struggle with anger but if you
do manage to restrain yourself and people see oh there's a difference in them it's because of God
you know like that's how our weakness can be made like can be made into strengths by him and I just
(35:59):
I mean I couldn't see why I wouldn't follow the God of the Bible like there's just no other
options that I want and I didn't want to keep living this maybe there's someone out there maybe
not I don't know and once he captured my heart I just said okay God yes I get a question mark like
(36:19):
let's see where this goes and he led me to end that relationship which you know praise God because
I wouldn't have met TJ you know my husband and it was because of God just transforming me that he
was preparing me to be the wife that I needed to be like I would not have been able to meet
meet my husband if you know I still stayed in the sins that I was living in and the you know the
(36:44):
lifestyle and just all the things that now I look back on like what was I doing at the time I was
like this is what you do you know as a 20-something year old single woman whatever so yeah I just
really felt that I when God called me back I have tried to live my life where I just say
(37:08):
yes and obedience to what he asks me and so when it came to time to grieve again I knew that this
time I was gonna grieve with him rather than run after whatever else the world had to offer
I love that I love I honestly I haven't had a lot of tragedy in my life to grieve with him
so I love that because I love to learn from other peoples too I you know my dad got yelled at
(37:33):
enough I put the lid down I've never had to yell that and so I like to learn from other people
and I love that you're bringing this to light I hope other people like me learn from other people
doing it wrong to say hey maybe I don't want to try it that way first maybe I want to try it with
God first yeah and and you know I don't know what that looks like because I've never had to go through
it so keep out keeping open mind yeah before that well I mean it looks like don't just try to get
(37:58):
drunk enough that you don't remember don't just don't keep trying to watch enough binge enough
shows that you forget the time it means going to your Bible and just sitting with your feelings
sitting with God and telling God I'm sad I'm angry I don't know what but like Job cry cry it out to
God and he's he's there but the worst thing to do is to just ignore him or ignore the feelings you
(38:24):
know because they don't go away they just fester and come out yeah they will get stuck and then
you'll need some spongebob to release them okay yeah no I mean I guess it's just yeah when I look back
at at my life and everything and just again the genesis of these these humble little children's
stories that I wrote it's just me trying to do like it says in Micah you know to love justice
(38:50):
do mercy and walk humbly with God maybe it's do justice love mercy but either way walk humbly with
God for sure show up and he will show up too love it I love it I love what the end product is I
don't love the beginning where you know that led to the end products I'm so glad that you've worked
(39:12):
through it I'm so glad that God has been there for you through it all I'm so glad that you chose
to lean into him I actually want I'm very curious about the books to actually read them so we'll
definitely look into that or I will anyway I just love to have you on the show thank you so much
thank you guys yeah you did great thank you you're all worried praise God we got through it yay
(39:36):
well at this episode has been a blessing to you we ask that you pass it along
and if you could do us a solid if you could rate the podcast in Spotify or iTunes and let people
know that you're loving it it would be helpful and let the algorithm know that people are loving it
and then it'll push it up more people and then more people can be encouraged and also we have a
(39:57):
fundraising campaign that helps us with the audio expenses and other things that we have coming down
the pipe we're actually going we're working on a kingdom conference my first conference and God's
leading me to all of these people that previously put on a conference before so I don't know what
it's going to be like but God's going to be showing up so stay tuned for that pray over that for us
(40:21):
and with that we'll talk to you next time
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