On Edge

You are not reading the post I had prepared for today.

The hot vomit of my pain Attacking the confusion this old gay man feels in the Rainbow tribe of 2025.

Written in blind fury.Staggeringly numb. On edge, teetering on the precipice of oblivionUnaware of its grip on my heart.

This heart, clenched. These guts, a slithering knot. My presence in this moment; Impossible.

The venomous edge stalks like a desperate lover. Full of blame, attack, defiance, rage…

He’s a gaslighting lover.

Insisting my existence is at risk while this body swallows freshly cooked organic food in my cozy condo…

He pretends not to be here. Invisibility clever, Void of reflection, Death without renewal.

Insisting I am separate from the tribe, From the tribe of humans…

Better than, smarter than, Wiser, kinder, gentler…

A poisonous muse.

Words flew with vigor from my fingertipsCharged with venomRipping open the fear in my soul Spilling blame on those closest to me…

For who else can withhold the sustenance I need?

I’m on edge.

But with eyes open, With heart open,I reluctantly acknowledge This reality is not mine alone.

We are ALL on edge.

Who in this moment has not been abandoned by their people? Rainbow lovers eating their own, A country no longer protected by law, Workers unable to breath free, Elders forgotten and discarded, Children entering a planet on fire.

Today, I will not add more faggots to fuel of the pyre of fear and seperatrion,

With embarrassed reluctance, I reach out. Acknowledge the shared pain.

I bow to my ancestors, Placed in front of me through the prayers of chosen family.

Thank you, father.Thank you, Bill Gerle. “If it’s not about love and kindness, it’s not a conversation worth having.”

I just want to cry. The tears have been many,So many, Each one a blessing. Allowing me to fall apart in the fertile strength of known wisdom.

Only love. Only love. Only love.

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