We’re a Coalition, Not a Community

Categorizing LGBTQ+ people as a single community, rather than a broad coalition of diverse groups, is paralyzing the advancement of services, spaces, and political outcomes most of us want.

Recognizing our coalition-ness would allow for a greater diversity of thought and, more importantly, more resources for the goals we all agree on.

This gay man would rather defeat MAGA authoritarianism and celebrate gay male culture than land a painful blow to any of the other letters in the rainbow alphabet coalition, but the TQ+ letters of our coalition are making that difficult.

So, I’m writing this essay.

Little, if anything, is being done within the LGBTQ+ Community to further the development of gay culture. Bringing that up is one of the many things that’s unpopular within the current rainbow alphabet zeitgeist..

Differences of thought are simply not allowed. The rainbow alphabet is “all in” on the needs of TQ+. The rest of you need to not only chip in and help, but you also need to accept LGB invisibility. We’re all Queer now. End of story.

Only a heretic would share any comment on “gender affirming care” or "puberty blockers” outside of the approved ideological orthodoxy, which is “I agree with anything and everything the TQ+ activists say.”

As an LGBTQ+ “Community,” currently dominated by the TQ+s, we are forming circular firing squads, performing purity tests, and then eliminating people, their talent, and their resources rather than building things.

We Need To Talk

After my last Substack post, "On Edge" (a poem about my political angst), a friend who has always been real with me texted to see if I was okay. I told him about sitting on an essay instead of publishing it because I didn’t want to add more heft to our frighteningly polarized, burn-it-all-down community conversation. But I had to say something, so I wrote the poem.

He replied, “I am frustrated with the politics of our community as well. Not sure what the answers are, and it is hard to discuss.”

It really is hard to discuss.

My friend and I saw each other at two parties soon after that. We didn’t discuss it. The gays I tried to bring it up with quickly changed the subject or excused themselves from my presence.

The meta‑message: Only one sanctioned script is safe. Say it wrong, and you’re out!

Having any opinion other than “Anything the TQ+s want is what I want” is queer heresy.

We Can Share

There are enough resources for each letter of the rainbow alphabet coalition to focus on the needs of its own group and then bring those needs to the community conversation.

A coalition allows each group (L, G, B, T, Q+, etc.) to:

* Identify its own authentic specific needs without apology.

* Build its own cultural confidence, spaces, and support structures.

* Bring clarified priorities to a central table, like delegations to the UN, where we can collaborate on overlapping agendas.

That’s the work our modern LGBT Centers (and allied institutions) need to lean into: conveners, translators, mediators. NOT enforcers of a single orthodoxy.

Let’s work together on the things we agree on and let people have diverse opinions.

All of us working together on the goals we honestly believe in will result in things being created rather than watching things fall apart as we entertain endless “ouch” sessions that go nowhere.

Disagreement ≠ disloyalty.

Debate ≠ bigotry.

Silence out of fear ≠ solidarity.

Need permission?

Hey gay!

Yeah, I’m talking to you; you have a difficult time asking for anything gay.

I understand.

During the short time I ran for a seat on the West Hollywood City Council, I quickly learned (in a city that is 40% gay men) that gays don’t give themselves permission to talk about or prioritize gay stuff.

Don’t worry, we can do gay stuff while simultaneously working on broader, alphabet coalition stuff as well.

Consider this your permission slip!

You have permission to use your agency to advocate for your gay self.

Let’s Do It!

Let’s celebrate the freedoms our hard-won civil rights victories afford us.

* Let’s build physical spaces for gay men to drop into and discuss the realities of being homos.

* Let’s work towards opening European-style bathhouses.

* Let’s host annual gay men’s conferences to develop strategies on everything from coming out to dying with dignity.

* Let’s change the laws that make that possible.

Currently, we are not working towards ANY of those goals.

Just Gays and LGBs are Talking<