Ep #183: The Cost of Being Who You Think They Want

Are you performing your life—or truly living it?

In this episode, the conversation explores the tension between performing for acceptance and the deep human desire for belonging. Many of us learn early on to shape-shift, hide parts of ourselves, or show up as who we think we should be—especially in relationships, careers, or community. But this constant performance comes at a cost: disconnection, anxiety, and a loss of authenticity.

The episode dives into the neuroscience behind people-pleasing and masking, linking it to survival responses like fawning and dissociation. Drawing from yogic wisdom and somatic awareness, it invites listeners to notice where they feel safe to be real—and where they don’t.

You’ll hear personal stories, reflection prompts, and key insights on how to shift from performing to belonging—through courage, boundaries, nervous system regulation, and community.

💭 Because real belonging doesn’t ask you to shrink. It asks you to show up, messy and whole.

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Episode Chapters:

00:00:00 Introduction

00:03:16 Performing vs. Belonging

00:06:27 People-pleasing & masking

00:09:44 The fawn response explained

00:12:36 Emotional masking in childhood

00:15:02 The nervous system and identity

00:17:55 Belonging vs. fitting in (Brené Brown)

00:20:41 When authenticity feels dangerous

00:24:08 Somatic cues for safety

00:26:33 Real belonging through truth

00:29:17 Boundaries and nervous system repair

00:31:54 Letting go of performance

00:33:48 Closing meditation & reflection

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📚 Mentions & Resources:

• Brené Brown: Belonging vs. fitting in

• Polyvagal theory: Fawn response, nervous system safety

• Concepts: Masking, emotional safety, dissociation, somatic awareness

• Practices: Grounding, reflection, inner child awareness
  

• Michael Henri’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michaelyoga.pt/ 

• Going Pro Yoga’s Instagram: https://www.instagram/com/goingproyoga/

  
  

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Tags: authenticity, people-pleasing, fawn response, nervous system, belonging vs fitting in, performance, self-worth, trauma healing, yoga and emotions, somatic healing, identity, boundaries