Bullying Part 1

I will say that my audience research has just been feedback from one person. He suggested that I talk about subject of Bullying. I can tell you I can say a lot and this will probably be in three parts. Part one is about bullying in general and some things you can do when your child is being bullied. Part two is going to be about workplace bullying. Part three will be about some emotional intelligence strategies in coping with what appears to be bullying and responding to it. As a mental health therapist, I have had patients who have been bullied in various ways and I have done family work and I have done community presentations about it. Of course, I have read about it. Bullying is complex and the recommendations may be complicated because they are not easy. To me Bullying is a type of abuse and harassment of a target. I find bullying to be highly existential. Sometimes it is obvious that it is happening. On the other hand, the bullying can be so sophisticated that only the bully and the target have a transaction that no one else can see. Bullying happens where there is a power and control differential. The power can be formal, emotional, and physical. When bullying happens, the target or the person being bullied has emotional pain and often physical pain. Bullying can evolve into brainwashing where the gaslighting actually becomes what the victim believes. The stress from the bullying can evolve into physical symptoms from panic attacks and in some cases suicidal ideation, suicide attempts and completed suicides. Bullying can become so intense and extreme that a bully can tell the target victim to kill themselves and it happens. There have been news stories of suicides due to bullying. The less extreme emotional consequences of bullying include depression, anxiety and avoidance. Bullying can disrupt a child’s school work or an adult’s job. Where does bullying happen? Anywhere. It happens in schools, workplaces, churches, families, any situation where there is two or more people. Who gets bullied? Anyone. From the child on the playground to the physician, the college student in the dorm, to the physician. The elderly person living in the ghetto. Yes, there is no emotional utopia, even doctors will bully other doctors . . . actually a bully who happens to be a medical doctors can bully anyone if that is their habit. Who does the bullying? A lot of people. Sometimes one person. Sometimes a group targeting one person. Yes, a group can gang up and bully one person. The analysis of who are serial bullies can include deprivation and abuse: the abused become the abusers, but I think that it is not that simple. The difference between a bully and a merely annoying person is the power differential in the interaction. The impact that bullying or attempted bullying has is based on the self-esteem or strength of the intended victim. The flip side is that in my business, I have seen many who claim to be bullied who those who like to play victims, but bullying is serious and probably all of us could see ourselves as both bullies and bullied. I want to say this at one point there are some occasions where the person claiming bullying cries wolf. However, I think that bullying can underly a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. The childhood bullying can affect adults. I am still mindful that a 70-something man in the Midwest went and shot the guy who bullied him in high school. Bullying can stick with a person all their life. Some bullies have no insight as to what they are doing. Some know exactly what they are doing. Some bullies are unintentionally bullying. Some bullies in their pathological fear and paranoia bully out of their entitlement and perception of self-preservation. Some bullies are in total denial that they are doing anything wrong if you were even going to get them to talk about what they are doing. People interested in bullying, tend to feel that they are on the target or victim