Bullying part three: Emotional Intelligence to prevent getting bullied.

Let’s start with a story with dramatic tones of voice and blurring of pronouns. So the patient raised their hand in a therapy group. The patient asked a question on something rather specific about drug rehab. As a group therapist I threw it to the group: “Anyone have an answer for that?” “I asked you.” It’s group, someone might have a better answer. The patient stormed out, “You’re a terrible therapist.” I went to the nursing station after group and apprised the charge nurse of the outburst by said patient. I didn’t see the patient behind a station partition and the patient had heard my conversation with the nurse. The patient then followed me down the hall saying that I was a bad therapist repeatedly. Why was this feeling like junior high all over again? I decided to stop and say, “You know that’s not mature behavior?” The patient continued to say it. Light on: as a middle schooler/junior higher, the patient would have been a bully picking on the weaker, sensitive kid. What changed? Time, my growing up, and my persistence in improving emotional intelligence. Many people with impulsive angry outbursts directed at whomever is in front of them can present as workplace bullies. They blame others for why they are angry and they take no responsibility for managing their own feelings. They evolve into being workplace bullies. Bullies also have poor boundaries. They try to control situations that they have no formal authority. They try and tell people what to do. They might win the moment because others simply want to maintain the peace by giving in. Workplace arguments can eventually ensue when someone who is not a pushover draws a line in the sand. In a podcast like this, going into emotional intelligence can be complicated, but I when it comes to beginning to deal with the bullying types of individuals it involves slowing down your thinking and being mindful of the following questions: 1) Do grown, mature adults act that way? 2) How are grown mature adults supposed to act? 3) Do I really have to respond to this person? 4) Do they really have any authority over me that I must say something? 5) Am I really losing anything by ignoring that person and saying nothing? Emotional intelligence is in large part being aware of what you are thinking about and manage your feelings. Most of the time we react to the adult with an angry outburst. As I will repeat throughout these podcasts, anger is “danger” without the “d” on the front of it. We naturally react when someone makes an angry gesture or speaks in an angry manner. If all we do is react we are only thinking with our emotions and we will stay in our emotions. We will stay scared of angry people regardless of our rights and the nature of the situation. The difference with emotional intelligence is that we are practicing a mindset that helps us slow down and make better choices. As I said in a previous episode, the difference between a bully and a merely annoying person is how you look at it. Not everyone gets mad for good reasons. People who have little to no self-control will have anger outbursts over the stupidest issues, because they have little to no self-control, frustration tolerance, and delayed gratification ability. It can be very regressive—almost like an emotional two year-old if you can sit back and observe—do it at least form a distance. People under the influence of drugs and alcohol also can emotionally regress because of the effect on the brain. A drunk person or a person under the influence of drugs tends to be highly impulsive. They can act like an aggressive child. A bullying person might have what you call codependent tendencies when they angrily tell a stranger to stop doing something that is not against the law. The person who is confronted out of embarrassment and a light degree of shock may stop depending on the situation. If you are feeling courageous enough, you can test the situation by asking: Sir/Ma’am, your name is? Yo