Domestic Violence

We vary in how much we talk about it.  Domestic violence happens none the less.  I looked briefly at prevalence.   About 20 people every minute are suffering domestic violence. About one in four women will suffer it in their lifetime and one in nine men will be the victim of domestic violence in their lifetimes.  It like the other abuses is not specific to nation, culture, or socioeconomic status.

Well, if you are currently going through domestic violence you are brave to be listening to this right now, especially if your significant other has the habit of going through your phone or search history.

If you are going through domestic violence, you may be numbly surviving it. There is a chance you feel like you have no options but to endure.  Your partner may control all your resources and you may have little to no ability to talk to anyone, especially if your partner goes through your phone and interrogates you about what numbers are on your phone. 

Domestically violent partners are paranoid and have anger problems, which are the two engines of their behaviors. Some of those behaviors include the head game of gaslighting and control.  They blame the one they abuse as the reason for their angers and paranoia.

I have one other comment about some domestically violent males.  They may have what is called Borderline Personality, Narcissistic Personality, or even Anti-social Personality.  They have wiring problems. The borderline is one who says, I will kill myself if you leave me . . . or maybe first, If you try to leave me, I will kill you and then kill me.  The narcissist does not believe they are doing anything wrong. The anti-social personality may not believe in rules and may deliberately hit with intention in the name of power.   They all believe their feelings and needs are more important that the victim’s.

Moving on, if you are someone going through domestic violence, your self-esteem may be pretty low. You may believe that you are incapable of getting away from the abuse . . . that people will help you . . . and that you can be safe.   First, no one deserves to be hit. Abuse is never okay.  

 

Domestic violence is the infliction of abuse, injury and trauma.  It does indeed affect mental health in multiple ways.

You may need to be thinking about your safety plan.  You may have to plan for how you and your children will be safe.  You may have to think about how to get your money and your legal documents. Domestic abusers can be relentless in their search for their partners and it can be daunting to think about your options.

 If you are needing help to get away and be safe, you generally have a couple options in the United States. If you are in a metropolitan area or an urban county, there is typically a domestic violence service agency that you can look up or call your United Way to find.  Otherwise, if you are in a rural area, you can call 800-799-SAFE, that’s 800-799-7233.

If you are watching a loved one, family member or a friend, go through domestic violence it can be very frustrating and scary.  Like Narjan found in the episode of 911 Lonestar, the victim may have the belief that no one is going to help them or believe them.  You may even be mad at them for not leaving.   It is their choice.  Getting mad at them and yelling at them to get away, ironically tends to make them avoid you.  You are another one yelling at them.    Offer to help them when they are ready to leave, it is the greatest the respect you can offer them . . . they’ve got to be allowed to make the choice.