July 27, 2024

In pondering the matter of dealing with suffering, I think that one of the fears and pitfalls is the fear of judgment or the appearance of judgment.  Judgment of suffering usually comes in the form of well-meaning but nauseating statements “It’s not so bad,” or it could be worse.”  To me when I have been on the receiving end of those comments was telling me how to feel and it was equal to telling me “you are not really suffering.”   Positive intent of what a person says does not absolve them of the stupidity of their statement. Their comment about it could be worse does not help relieve suffering—it adds to the pain.

Otherwise, I recognize that suffering dominates by the energy and resources it consumes. It takes away focus and attention from what would otherwise be normal functioning, ambitions and pursuits.  A person who is suffering tends to be behind some sense of a wall.  They are not like other people because of what is going on.  Others cannot necessarily relate to what the suffering person is dealing with.  

There are support groups for various kinds of suffering so that the members can relate and help each other. Maybe they help . . . maybe they don’t.   Suffering can be very lonely, which adds to the pain.

I think that in dealing with suffering in terms of good mental health, the healthier person looks for and decides on how they are going to move forward.  This includes how they going to order or structure their life given the challenges of the suffering or sufferings that they are enduring.   There are priorities and then there is the self-care that must be done to maintain handling the priorities.   We call this ability to withstand resiliency.

As part of resiliency, there are times when suffering that the emotions are strong.  Maybe there is a need to cry.  Maybe there are times when the frustration or other kinds of anger dominate thoughts about what could have been, what should have been, and the unfairness of the moment.  Emotional steam valves can be journaling, talking to a friend who knows how to keep their mouth shut and just listen or even reaching out to a support group may be what is needed.  Or even reaching out for a therapist whose job it is to listen to you and keep your business private.   Of course, there may need to be various types of self-care that include the nice brand-name shirt, the TV show on DVR, or the hobby that gives you a sense of pleasure or accomplishment.   We often have to do things and have habits and practices to be resilient and withstand our suffering.