Just Perfect.

Some of the drive, stress and pain of the holiday is wanting everything just perfect.  People will spend a lot of time and money looking for the gifts and decorations that are just perfect. Others will try to make things and do everything possible that are and is just perfect.

Just perfect. That just sounded sarcastic. Didn’t it.  Tone of voice can very much change the meaning when you say it.

However, many people at the time of the holiday season are in the deep end of the pool when it comes to making everything just perfect at Christmas. In the end it can be disappointing, dismaying, and depressing,

 

The pursuit of the just perfect takes blood, sweat and tears.  People will go into debt and wear themselves out for the pursuit of getting everything just perfect.

Did we do the traditions just right? Did we get everything people wanted? Are others going to be happy with this?

 I am showing my age, but during my college years in 1983 it was news that mothers were fighting over Cabbage Patch Dolls in stores. From time to time, people are competing and wrestling for the hottest holiday item.  Grown adults acting like children and losing their composure all for getting everything “just perfect.”

That’s where family conflict during the holidays comes in.  Families get together and will ruin Christmas by fighting and arguing.  Many hate the holidays or avoid gathering because of the judgments and criticisms.  The family conflict is very emblematic of “I’m going to say what I am going to say, I don’t care how you feel about it, because as a family member you should listen to me and do what I say.”

 Family conflict at Christmas is like a long novel where the next holiday is the next chapter.

 Family members take turns being the villains, victims, and the self-styled heroes. However, the family conflict can be about some real hurt and pain like the niece and the favorite uncle who will not show up at the same holiday because the favorite uncle really is a pervert who sexually abused the niece and everyone else who gathers knows the cues to keep the family secret a secret and not talk about it because it is too embarrassing.

 

If you are going to a family gathering, you are probably in suspense as to who is going to throw a tantrum or who is going to make the first snide comment. Who is going to ruin Christmas for you?

 Oh yeah, this episode was supposed to be about stress over getting everything perfect at the holidays.  Well, if the rabbit hole about family dysfunction at Christmas is you, trying to get everything perfect at Christmas is definitely a futile pursuit.

 Despite being futile, we are still saturated with advertising in all shapes and forms persuading us that we are supposed to buy and do things to make the holiday season perfect.  The commercials portraying ideal Christmas mornings are especially, potentially depressing for the person who knows that their Christmas is not going to be a time where everything is just perfect.

 I have very few easy thoughts about coping through all this, but I think that good mental health in the holiday season for many is to practice emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence basically means being able to manage your feelings and manage your relationships.

The first is that the holiday season is an emotional time.  It is all about “merry” and “happy” and given that they are really feelings, they rise and fall.  

Second, you give up saying to others, “You make me feel feelings,” especially the phrase “you make me mad.”  

Third, it can be helpful to examine the phrases “getting everything just perfect” or “everything just right.”     Getting “everything just perfect” is rationally impossible.   In the end, a good time does not mean a perfect time.